Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: TheresaJr. on August 02, 2010, 11:37:24 AM

Title: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: TheresaJr. on August 02, 2010, 11:37:24 AM
If so, when?

If not, why?

Can you tell your platonic buddies of the opposite sex that you love them?

Do you expect your friends to reciprocate?

Just wondering; I love the people who have brought happiness and encouragement to my life and I feel like I should let them know.  Before it is too late.

Is telling them that I love being their friend the same as telling them that I love them?
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: hobish on August 02, 2010, 11:43:43 AM
Yes, frequently! I have wondered before if other people do.

My bff and I tell each other “I love you” all the time. My best guy friends I tell it to pretty often, and I kiss them, too. My "adopted" little brother (16, adopted by each other as siblings, not officially) gets head rubs and I love yous because he is adorable and I like mussing his hair.  :)

We're an affectionate bunch, for the most part.

Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Corbin on August 02, 2010, 11:54:09 AM
I didn't used to. I had a friend who told all his friends, male and female, that he loved them. We all picked it up and started saying in back to him, and to each other. He was killed during our deployment in Iraq. I cannot even begin to tell you what a comfort it was to know that he loved us, and that he knew we loved him. Since then, I make a point to tell my friends, male and female, that I love them. It can be awkward at first. Sadly, we don't seem to have a word that would distinguish friendship-love from romantic-love, so you just have to work with what we have.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: MaggieB on August 02, 2010, 11:56:13 AM
I do.  I don't tell them every time we talk, but I say it if we're not going to see each other for a while or I'll write it in their birthday/Christmas cards.  Sometimes I say it just because.

My closest platonic buddies of the opposite sex are married or in serious relationships, so I try to avoid anything that might make their SOs uncomfortable.  When I tell them I love them now, I'm careful to include their whole family (SOs and kids if applicable.)  I did tell them I love them more before they married.

I don't think "I love being your friend" is the same as "I love you," but it is still a nice sentiment if that's what you feel comfortable expressing.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: MariaE on August 02, 2010, 11:59:56 AM
My closest friends and people I know won't take it the wrong way - yes, absolutely and it doesn't matter if they're male or female.

I don't expect them to reciprocate, and don't say it every time we're together, but when it feels appropriate.

I don't think "I love being your friend" is the same as "I love you," but it is still a nice sentiment if that's what you feel comfortable expressing.

Agreed.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: ladiedeathe on August 02, 2010, 12:04:02 PM
I tell female friends I love you all the time, because they are loved and valued. My male friends are typically 1/2 a couple, and I will usually tell them with their wife there "I just love you guys!" to make sure there are no misunderstandings.

Love is too good a thing not to share.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: MissRose on August 02, 2010, 12:13:20 PM
I don't really say to my female friends, there are a few female friends that I will say so as they are like 2nd mothers to me.

I do also say it to my male BFF but I make sure his g/f isnt around as she might take it the wrong way.  He's also like having a brother and refers to me as the older sister he never had.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Just Lori on August 02, 2010, 12:28:30 PM
Nope.  I can write it:  Love, Lori.  I can say things like, "See, that's why I love you so much - you always say what I'm thinking."  But I have always had a heckuva time saying "I love you" straight out.  My parents never used those terms, although there was no doubt in our minds that we were loved and cherished.  I never needed to hear those terms from them, and I grew up without hearing or saying it.

To be honest, I probably make those words more sacred than they should be.  Growing up, "I love you" was reserved for the important moments, like when you left home or going into surgery.  I had a good girlfriend who believed that you don't say those words to a boy until you are in a very serious relationship and meant it from your heart, and I probably picked up on that.  Unfortunately, that led to some serious disappointment when I met boys who didn't place nearly as much importance on the words as I did.

I do tell my spouse and my kids that I love them.  I have no problem saying it to them.  I still have a hard time saying it to my parents or friends.  My in-laws say it to me a lot, and I sometimes question their sincerity.  So once again, the words have a lot of baggage, and I have a hard time using them freely.  Hopefully that will change over time.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: penguinpants on August 02, 2010, 12:28:56 PM
Long-distance friends are told each time that we talk, visit, or exchange letters/emails.  Close-by friends are reminded when they're having a bad day or a good day (i.e., just got a promotion or an award).  I'm able to demonstrate love through regular actions with friends who are immediately near, whereas friends at a distance don't get that regular demonstration, so I make sure they know how I feel.  My husband?  I tell him several times a day!  :D
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Akarui Kibuno on August 02, 2010, 12:37:18 PM
I say it all the time, to the people I love. If I say it to someone who has a partner who might take it the wrong way, I explain things first, and I don't use the term in front of that person if he or she doesn't like it, out of respect for their rel@tionships.

I am lucky enough that I haven't lost someone very very close to me yet (I lost both grandmothers, but as much as I loved them, I saw them less than once a year because of distance) . And I want people to know they're loved. Sometimes I love people I don't know much yet, because their personality just shines through me, but I don't care, I just love people.

There are even E-Hell people I really like without talking to them personally much (or ever, heh) , and while I wouldn't dare telling them "I love youuuuuuuuuuuu" right off the bat, one day I'll tell them :)
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: AdakAK on August 02, 2010, 12:39:18 PM
I do!  I do love them.  I don't say it to more casual friends.  I don't want to be in a position posted above and wonder if they knew how much they meant to me.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: MizB on August 02, 2010, 01:10:46 PM
I say it to my friends. Some friends hear it just like my family every time we hang up or leave each other. Some friends just hear it whenever I feel it needs to be said. Either way they should know.  :D
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 02, 2010, 02:19:58 PM
I don't; I even have trouble saying it to my mom, and to my dad, when he was alive.  We were not a demonstrative family at all, didn't hug or kiss, and never ever said we loved each other.  I think the only time I heard my mom say it to my dad was the day before he died......But that's just the way we are, doesn't mean we don't love each other....

I can write, love, siamesecat in a card or note, but simply can't say it. 
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Animala on August 02, 2010, 02:28:54 PM
I do.  My bff knows I love her.  I probably say it most when she does something crazy and the answer is always "and that's why I love you"
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: happygrrl on August 02, 2010, 02:43:06 PM
Quote
Long-distance friends are told each time that we talk, visit, or exchange letters/emails.  Close-by friends are reminded when they're having a bad day or a good day (i.e., just got a promotion or an award).  I'm able to demonstrate love through regular actions with friends who are immediately near, whereas friends at a distance don't get that regular demonstration, so I make sure they know how I feel.  My husband?  I tell him several times a day! 

This. Exactly.

Life is too short.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: otterwoman on August 02, 2010, 03:46:43 PM
Yes! As often as I can. Same with family. In fact, I end every phone conversation with "I love you". Diety only knows if that is the last time I ever talk to that person. If it is, then I want those to be the last words that person ever heard me say.

Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Fluffy Cat on August 02, 2010, 04:35:15 PM
I don't, but I'm not a very visibly affectionate person with anyone other than close family.  I'm not even really comfortable with greeting hugs, so "I love you" is pretty much out of the question.  Maybe I've come out with a "Love ya" before but thats about it.  Or a joking "Love you too!" when one of my friends kills me on xbox live. 

I don't think I've had any friends say it to me since maybe high school or college either. 
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Arianoor on August 02, 2010, 05:03:23 PM
It's not really something that I do.  But, I do love my close friends and if one of them says it first, I reply in kind with complete honesty.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: jpcher on August 02, 2010, 05:32:06 PM
Not a day goes by when I don't say it to my kids* . . . they do the same to me.

Family members, on the phone, we usually close with "I love you's." Get togethers, there are always hugs and love you's. Both with hello and goodbye.

Close friends? Not so much. If we've had a particularly warm heart-to-heart conversation or someone is going through a tough time or someone does something special for me or even when someone has a great day! Yes, I'll say it freely and really mean it. But it's not habit.

CWs? They have a habit of saying "Love You!" then, in answer "Love You More!" when questions are answered or little favors are done. I have a difficult time with this because it almost seems to belittle the phrase.

Do I love the CWs? Yes, I suppose I do. They are the best CWs in the world. Heck, I've known them all for 15+ years. How can I not love them?



*Sometimes I wonder when I say it to my kids that it is a habit and does it sound trite? Maybe it shouldn't be said so often?
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: hobish on August 02, 2010, 05:34:50 PM

jpcher, I wonder that about Gish sometimes.

“Have I told you I love you?”
“Um, yes, honey … all of 3 minutes ago.”

Sometimes I think it is conversation filler for him; but how can I complain?

Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: JonGirl on August 03, 2010, 05:34:17 AM


No, I don't even tell my DH. He already knows.
I'm not one of those people who can say it. If he says it to me, sometimes I rub my head on him like a cat  :D and he nods knowingly.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Tigger on August 03, 2010, 05:42:39 AM
After losing my Dad when I was 9 years old in a tragic accident I make sure I tell the people I love that I love them!!

My Dad knew but I never had the chance to tell him and I wish I had one more day to tell him all the things I couldn't.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: magician5 on August 03, 2010, 06:14:56 AM
Only if it's true, that they are much more than just an acquaintance. You don't wanna throw it around casually.

I wish I had told one person in my life, though I think he knew it. I got a call that he had suddenly died and it was too darned late. I don't expect to be lucky enough to have that kind of friend a second time in life.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 03, 2010, 07:50:44 AM
With my very close friends, absolutely.   My two best girlfriends are like family.  One's like a sister, the other a mom/big sister so I love them a great deal and let them know!   

I'm one who wears her heart on her sleeve so it's not hard for me to say it.  :)
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: LeeLee88 on August 03, 2010, 09:48:11 AM
I say it to a couple of friends who are my very close friends.  I'm afraid of being one of those people who throws it around too much, and people end up thinking she/he is disingenuine when she/he says it.  I got a bit wary of saying it too much in college, when I would see these girls tell each other they loved each other allllll the time, and as soon as they got a chance, they'd be at each others' throats.  It sort of put a damper on my love parade.   What I usually do is tell people how wonderful they are, and tell them specific things I love about them, and how much they mean to me. 
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Ereine on August 04, 2010, 03:10:10 AM
I think that I'm lacking in affection. I don't really have any very close friends and I don't think that I've ever told anyone that I loved them, even though I guess I do (I'm sometimes worry that I don't love enough, I'm too self-contained). Not even my parents or sister or boyfriend. On the other hand nobody has told me that they love me, though I suspect that at least my mother does. My family wasn't at all affectionate when I grew up, my parents disliked each other and never talked to each other and so never told that they loved each other. I felt loved but it was shown by being accepted as I was and being encouraged in my hobbies and not with hugs or words. So I guess it just doesn't feel natural to me.

Also, in Finnish "I love you" is a very awkward phrase, it's long and it doesn't fit well in spoken Finnish (which is rather different from the written language) so I think that generally people say it less here, it's not really in the culture.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Tashigi on August 04, 2010, 01:18:17 PM
There are a handful of friends I say this to and mean it. I hate to confess that I have in fact tossed it around a little lightly with some friends. Like a previous poster, I try to be demonstrative and I try to be specific about what I love about them.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Kimblee on August 04, 2010, 01:21:34 PM
Yup.

I tell my BFF I love her every time we get off the phone, I tell another friend I love her, sometimes I txt her JUST to tell her.

People should know how loved they are.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: afbluebelle on August 04, 2010, 04:40:17 PM
I tell my friends and family... If I feel love for you (in whatever way shape or form) I will let you know that you are loved.  I just have a lot of love for people though.. it is really hard to explain, but I just do.

I only have one friend that I won't say it to, but it is mainly because I don't want to make him uncomfortable.  He knows I care for him, but the word "love" freaks him out.  I just gnaw on his arm instead.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: StarDrifter on August 04, 2010, 09:25:57 PM
When I have IM conversations with my best friend we always sign off with 'love love!', which is sending love to each other.

I end virtually every phone conversation with my friends and family with 'love you!' and 99% of the time I get a 'love you, too!' back.

Within my circle it's less 'I love you!' than 'Love!' as the end of an interaction- at the end of a text conversation we say 'love' instead of 'bye', and even in conversations, when we're saying goodbye it gets replaced with 'love', which I think is a fantastically positive thing to say!
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: whatsanenigma on August 04, 2010, 09:50:18 PM
I was thinking about how to answer the question in the OP and I realized something interesting.

The only one I ever say "I love you" and "I love you too" to is my Mom. I talk with her every night on the phone and we end every conversation this way.

With everybody else, friends of both genders, and family, I say I love them, either to their faces or not, but it's kind of half-joking that isn't really joking. And it's in the sense of prefacing something I don't agree with that they are doing (not big moral issues or anything, just little stuff).

As in, "I love you guys but why on earth were you wearing your winter coats in the yard, it's July for goodness sake"
or, "You guys know I love you but if you seriously think I am eating that with you, you have had too much Mountain Dew". Or even "I love her to pieces, I really do, but when she came to pick me up from work wearing just her pajamas I thought I would fall over."

So, that counts in a way, I guess. Because I really do mean it. But as a PP said, life is too short. Maybe I should make more of an effort.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Kimblee on August 05, 2010, 04:59:59 PM
I tell my friends and family... If I feel love for you (in whatever way shape or form) I will let you know that you are loved.  I just have a lot of love for people though.. it is really hard to explain, but I just do.

I only have one friend that I won't say it to, but it is mainly because I don't want to make him uncomfortable.  He knows I care for him, but the word "love" freaks him out.  I just gnaw on his arm instead.

Funny... that's how my cat tells me he love me. ;)
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Allyson on August 05, 2010, 05:24:18 PM
Nope.  I can write it:  Love, Lori.  I can say things like, "See, that's why I love you so much - you always say what I'm thinking."  But I have always had a heckuva time saying "I love you" straight out.  My parents never used those terms, although there was no doubt in our minds that we were loved and cherished.  I never needed to hear those terms from them, and I grew up without hearing or saying it.

This is me! Though if I wrote 'Love, Lori' people would be confused. I have a really hard time saying the words, for some reason. I can casually joke with my friends and say 'You're coming to pick me up from work? Love!' but it's not a serious 'I love you'.
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: nolechica on August 05, 2010, 05:38:18 PM
I don't say it very often, but I show it.  However, I think part of why this is is due to having a straight male bff who forever has had a gf over the course of 17 years as friends.  He gets hugs from me, not many guys do. 
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: finecabernet on August 05, 2010, 08:35:46 PM
Most definitely yes. Having lost both parents in tragic, unexpected ways, I know how important it is!
Title: Re: Do you tell your friends that you love them?
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 11, 2010, 03:45:25 PM
The whole time my friend was here, I only really said "I love you" in those words once, when I was saying goodbye to her at the airport this morning.   But with us it's more in shows of affection like hugs, shoulder pats, arms around each other, terms of affection, and teasing.