Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Life...in general => Dating => Topic started by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 11, 2010, 03:56:12 PM

Title: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 11, 2010, 03:56:12 PM
 Ok I have most slid into lurkdom  but I currently have an issue that I need help with  I have been d@ting my current boyfriend for about 7 months now. Before d@ting me my boyfriend had a huge huge HUGE crush on a female friend of his who in my opinion took total advantage of it, some  examples of the thing include borrowing money she is never planning on paying back and always having him come over to fix this and that for her or spend time with her when she is between guys, also early during our rel@tionship cause a lot of problems and some of his friends still do not like me due to lies that she has spread.
. She also has been on what is seem like is a nonstop campaign to break us up even though she doesnít want my BF at all.  I personally think that she just want her do boy back , because the longer that we have been together the less and less he started doing for her until he completely stopped doing anything for her about 5 months ago and completely stopped talking to her 2 months ago . The current issue is that they still have several mutual friend that we socialize with and if she see us at a party she always come over and always PA comment about how I am keeping him from his friends ,how I never let him out to play anymore etc.
   She has also started making BF uncomfortable to the point that he has started to avoid her a party and almost cling to my side if she is there because of the way that she would come on to him.  She in fact tried to play scrabble with him   I am basically fed up and  I have mostly been ignoring her comment and the other issue but I feel that it is very disrespectful that she is trying to sleep with my BF practicality  in my face and I am really sick of her comments and  the last time she made a comment  I total her that his does come out to play he just no longer wants to play with her.  Is there anything else I can say or do because what we have been doing lately is turning down invitation if we know that she is going to be there?  Which make his friend think that I am trying to keep him from them even more and adds fuel to her comments

Shay

 I can provide more examples of her behavior and the lies she has told if needed  
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Corvid on August 11, 2010, 04:27:22 PM
I doubt there's anything you can do or say yourself.  I'm afraid that your boyfriend needs to handle this one.  If he's not willing to tell this girl to knock it off and make it clear to his friends that he doesn't want to hang around if she's going to bug him, you may be stuck.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: missmolly on August 11, 2010, 04:43:46 PM
Has anyone else picked up on her behaviour?
What she's done would be pretty hard to ignore, I'd imagine, yet it seems that none of BF's friends have realised why he is so reluctant to spend any time with her.
Unless they know but are ignoring it for the sake of 'harmony'.

If they aren't yet aware, BF should explain to them exactly why he doesn't want to spend time with her.
You and BF could also host something for his friends only, making sure she doesn't get wind of it.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Shoo on August 11, 2010, 04:45:01 PM
Corvid is right.  This is your boyfriend's battle to fight.  He's got to make it clear to her (and everyone else) that he's done with her, and the reason he doesn't "come out to play" anymore is because of HER and the way she throws herself at him.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 11, 2010, 05:12:53 PM
My BF has been letting his friends know that the reason we aren't coming is due to her behavior and some of his friend if they invite us then they won't invite her.  I think that part of the problem is that they think that i am just uncomfortable around her because she is pretty much behaving as usually toward him .  and He has told her to knock it off


I guess  what i really want to know is if it would be rude to just tell the truth or if it would be dragging the friend in the middle. i would just state the truth in a matter of fact way

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: mich3554 on August 11, 2010, 05:53:52 PM
You don't need to say anything, your b/f is the one that needs to deal with this woman.  Believe me, I know it's hard to keep your mouth shut, but this is a situation that your b/f needs to deal with by himself.  Anything you say will either be misconstrued, or make the situation worse.

Your b/f may have told her to knock it off, but it's likely that she's going to push the issue as far as she can. 
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: hobish on August 11, 2010, 05:59:08 PM
Corvid is right.  This is your boyfriend's battle to fight.  He's got to make it clear to her (and everyone else) that he's done with her, and the reason he doesn't "come out to play" anymore is because of HER and the way she throws herself at him.

Yes, even with the update. He needs to address this.

My BF has been letting his friends know that the reason we aren't coming is due to her behavior and some of his friend if they invite us then they won't invite her. I think that part of the problem is that they think that i am just uncomfortable around her because she is pretty much behaving as usually toward him .  and He has told her to knock it off


I guess  what i really want to know is if it would be rude to just tell the truth or if it would be dragging the friend in the middle. i would just state the truth in a matter of fact way

Shay

Wait ... what? You mean there is something wrong with being uncomfortable around someone who makes PA comments at you then throws herself at your boyfriend. How is that supposed to be ok?


Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 12, 2010, 09:50:42 AM
When i say that he had a Huge crush on her I mean a Huge one to the point that at one time he would only ask out girls that resembled her  and he used to love the fact that she would cuddle up to him at parties.

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: TurtleDove on August 12, 2010, 10:21:26 AM
Did they ever date?  Did they ever kiss or "hook-up?"  Is your BF "over her?"  It is obviously inappropriate for another woman to act as she is around your BF.  I think it is up to your BF to tell her to knock it off.  If he will not do so, that is a problem.  If he asks her to stop and she does not, then she should be cut out of his life.  And if he refuses to do this, then he has chosen to honor her feelings over yours, and you deserve better than that.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Winterlight on August 12, 2010, 10:22:20 AM
He needs to draw the line and hold it, not you.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 12, 2010, 11:42:30 AM
Did they ever date?  Did they ever kiss or "hook-up?"  Is your BF "over her?"  It is obviously inappropriate for another woman to act as she is around your BF.  I think it is up to your BF to tell her to knock it off.  If he will not do so, that is a problem.  If he asks her to stop and she does not, then she should be cut out of his life.  And if he refuses to do this, then he has chosen to honor her feelings over yours, and you deserve better than that.

No they  have never dated or Hooked up  The truth is that she was pretty but just stringing him along until i cane into the picture and he has cut her out  the only time we even see her is at partied of Mutual friends other  than that he doesn't see her a all


Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: humbleonion on August 12, 2010, 04:46:50 PM
Your friends can't be blind to her behavior.  I'm sure they knew that he had feelings for her that went unreciprocated & they notice now that she's trying to manipulate the situation.  It's a big, nasty power play.  Because she won't want to date him if you two do break up.  She just wants her toy back.

I don't think there's anything wrong with his friends being told that her behavior makes the two of you want to stay away, but it should be him doing the talking, not you. 

Quote
if she see us at a party she always come over and always PA comment about how I am keeping him from his friends ,how I never let him out to play anymore etc.

Your response?  "Hmm, he sees his friends quite often.  Have you tried the bean dip?"
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: EmmaJ. on August 14, 2010, 09:39:58 AM
Did you ever hear of the story about the dog in the manger?  It's about a dog who would sleep in the hay-filled manger, preventing the cattle from eating their dinner, even though the dog was unable to eat the hay himself.  The moral is that people spitefully prevent others from enjoying something that they themselves no longer want.

She enjoys the drama.  If you and your boyfriend broke up, I would bet anything she would not continue to act as the wounded ex. 

Kill her with kindness.  It might confuse her enough to stop her antics.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: LifeOnPluto on August 15, 2010, 12:55:32 AM
Evil!Heartstart suggests that next time you and your BF see her at party, you should give your BF a big snog, right in front of her!  >:D

But seriously, PPs are right. It's your BF's duty to send her a clear, firm message that her behaviour is inappropriate.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Danismom on August 15, 2010, 01:22:07 AM
BF needs to tell her clearly and in no uncertain terms that he does not WANT to be around her.  It has nothing to do with your comfort level.  HE doesn't want her company in or out of bed because her behavior is atrocious.  He also does WANT his friends to respect that he's in a wonderful relationship. 

While it may not be ehell approved I suggest BF saying this at that wonderful quiet moment in a party and in a very very loud voice.  Others need to hear what he has to say to her because as long as its keep quiet, she will not stop.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: blarg314 on August 15, 2010, 05:39:35 AM

I think there's a limited amount *you* can do here - it's very easy to come across as the controlling girlfriend.  For most of it, it's up to your boyfriend to both repel this woman, and to explain to his friends what is going on.

One thing you can do that might help is if you can figure out some way of hosting his friends - have a get-together or movie night at your place, but don't invite problem girl. That might make it clear that it's not his friends that are the problem, and that you want to socialize with them, but that's it's the one, particular woman.

And I agree that she wants her toy back.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 17, 2010, 08:22:55 AM
We have decided to take your advice and we are hosting a BBQ  next weekend and we are inviting several of his friends as well as several of mine.  We sent out an Evite this weekend as so far we are getting back several positive responses

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Delia DeLyons on August 17, 2010, 09:54:32 AM
Best wishes Shay! 
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Nora on August 17, 2010, 11:05:11 AM
Good luck! I'm also in the "make/let BF handle it"-camp, btw.  ;)
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Granny Takes a Trip on August 22, 2010, 10:11:56 AM


Good luck! She sounds like a nightmare. She sounds a bit like your other 'friend' Moochzilla-ie a user who constantly uses her looks to sponge off other people. I cannot stand people like that, whether they are men or women (and I have known more that one man like that, it isn't just women by any means)
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 25, 2010, 09:15:36 AM
So the party is this weekend  and I thought I would update with the menu to see if it needs any tweaks

Appetizers
Veggie tray
Chips with salsa and guacamole
Buffalo chicken meatballs
 Lil smokies

Main dishes
Grilled chicken and ribs
Grilled veggie skewers
Hamburgers
Grilled sausage
Spicy rice
Potato salad
Baked beans
Mixed green salad
Cole slaw

Dessert
Banana split cupcakes
Sticky cookies
Fruit salad

Drinks
Beer, soda, juices, wine ,  water, rum, vodka  , party punch 

 Does the menu look ok  or do you think I need to add to it,  no one thatís coming is a vegetarian or have an allergies that they have mentioned

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party menu update pg 2
Post by: Dragonflymom on August 25, 2010, 10:53:04 AM
Looks like a pretty good mix of meat, fruit, veggies, and carbs to me.

As a vegetarian, your menu looks completely fine even if you had some vegetarian guests, there are plenty of veggie options on there. :)
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party menu update pg 2
Post by: ncgal on August 25, 2010, 10:57:32 AM
Sounds great.   What time should we be there?   ;)

Hope everyone has a great time!
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party menu update pg 2
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 30, 2010, 09:41:04 AM
Update

 I thought I would let everyone know that the party was a huge success  I think aboiut 30 of BF friends showed up.  Although we did one almost disaster,  A certain person posted on Facebook about the fact that we were having a party and how I was trying to steal all of her friends, and how dare we not invite her but it didnít matter because she was coming anyway. One of the people invited to the party emailed  us her rant, so BF and I decided  move the party to my house and to email everyone that accepted to let them know of the new location.

 It actual worked out better since  my house is closer to most of his friendís houses than his is and I have a large backyard with a deck, plus I was doing the majority of the  cooking..,  The other funny thing was the new location also helped to clear up some rumors about me that I was unaware of , so that was also a good thing. 

I know that this was evil of me but one of the funniest things that happened was a certain person posted on their wall again the day of the party making jokes about the fact that no one must have come to our party because she drove by and no one was there and how stupid I was to think that I could steal her friends and hw that what we got for not inviting her.  I just laughed to myself >:D.

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Twik on August 30, 2010, 09:45:47 AM
So glad things worked out, shay!
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: pierrotlunaire0 on August 30, 2010, 10:31:15 AM
The FB updates are hilarious.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party menu update pg 2
Post by: NamŠriŽ on August 30, 2010, 10:32:08 AM
I know that this was evil of me but one of the funniest things that happened was a certain person posted on their wall again the day of the party making jokes about the fact that no one must have come to our party because she drove by and no one was there and how stupid I was to think that I could steal her friends and hw that what we got for not inviting her.  I just laughed to myself >:D.


Whoa! That is kind of crazy creepy! How kind of her to display her crazy for everyone to see.

I'm glad your party was such a success!
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 30, 2010, 10:43:00 AM
The FB updates are hilarious.

I was really glad about the first one because it let us know in advance what she was planning to do , though it was a scramble to make sure that everyone knew the new location

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Nora on August 30, 2010, 10:51:15 AM
Hooray for the fun party! Can I ask what rumors the new location cleared up? My mind is going crazy with the location specific possibilities!
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 30, 2010, 11:23:31 AM
Hooray for the fun party! Can I ask what rumors the new location cleared up? My mind is going crazy with the location specific possibilities!

 There were told that i lived in goverment housing on welfare .  They were suprised to find out that it was my house adn even more surprised to find otu that i had lved there for he past 3 years

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Nora on August 30, 2010, 01:20:29 PM
Hooray for the fun party! Can I ask what rumors the new location cleared up? My mind is going crazy with the location specific possibilities!

 There were told that i lived in goverment housing on welfare .  They were suprised to find out that it was my house adn even more surprised to find otu that i had lved there for he past 3 years

Shay

Good for you for showing them then! What interesting assumptions to make!
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 30, 2010, 02:08:37 PM
Hooray for the fun party! Can I ask what rumors the new location cleared up? My mind is going crazy with the location specific possibilities!

 There were told that i lived in goverment housing on welfare .  They were suprised to find out that it was my house adn even more surprised to find otu that i had lved there for he past 3 years

Shay

Good for you for showing them then! What interesting assumptions to make!

 They weren't interesting assumptions they were lies being told about me

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party menu update pg 2
Post by: Judah on August 30, 2010, 04:23:36 PM
How kind of her to display her crazy for everyone to see.

I'm glad your party was such a success!

Seriously!  Now there can be no question about just what kind of crazy she is afflicted with.   :o
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: missmolly on August 31, 2010, 02:48:22 AM
Hooray for the fun party! Can I ask what rumors the new location cleared up? My mind is going crazy with the location specific possibilities!

 There were told that i lived in goverment housing on welfare .  They were suprised to find out that it was my house adn even more surprised to find otu that i had lved there for he past 3 years

Shay

Good for you for showing them then! What interesting assumptions to make!

 They weren't interesting assumptions they were lies being told about me

Shay

Well, from now on they'll know that anything coming out of her mouth concerning you is only fit for manure. That and the fact that she's a crazy female dog who likes to sabotage people's relationships.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Nora on August 31, 2010, 04:42:22 AM
Hooray for the fun party! Can I ask what rumors the new location cleared up? My mind is going crazy with the location specific possibilities!

 There were told that i lived in goverment housing on welfare .  They were suprised to find out that it was my house adn even more surprised to find otu that i had lved there for he past 3 years

Shay

Good for you for showing them then! What interesting assumptions to make!

 They weren't interesting assumptions they were lies being told about me

Shay

That's horrible! I'm sorry that happened to you!
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: bluebirds on August 31, 2010, 05:29:00 AM
Well - looks like Nastygirl shot herself in the foot.
Good job on the great party, and I think an added bonus is that it really cemented your position by hosting at your house.
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Captain Hastings on August 31, 2010, 07:47:23 AM
Did you take pictures at the party? If I were you I'd be more than a little tempted to put them all on Facebook and start tagging the heck out of everyone. ;D
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 31, 2010, 08:26:00 AM
We  and several other people did take pictures at the party and dome of Thom are posted on facebook .  She also now knows that the party did happen because she sent a nasty gram to my BF and his sister which he ignored

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Dragonflymom on August 31, 2010, 09:17:22 AM
Shay it sounds like you threw a great party and this girl really showed her character (or lack thereof!)  Way to go! :)
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 31, 2010, 10:55:51 AM
I'm happy about it but mostly for my BF sake,  the truth is i kind of resented these people for not giving me a chance and just believing what was being told about me without question,  but BF very happy he has been getting as  he calls it positive reviews about me and our party  and some have apologized for not giving me a chance

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Cz. Burrito on August 31, 2010, 11:29:44 AM
Wow, sounds like the party was a bigger success than you could have imagined!  Very happy for you.

As for a certain someone... she sure is a special somethingorother, isn't she?   ::) :P
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: Visiting Crazy Town on August 31, 2010, 11:35:27 AM
I think i have been help along  by the  fact that she apparently constantly rants about me, but i never being her up and i didn't metion her at all at the party not even s the reason that we moved locations . we just told people that we decide that my house was more convenient for the party since it was closer but I'm sure they knew the real reason that we decided to move the party 

Shay
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: evely28 on August 31, 2010, 02:12:01 PM
You sound doubly gracious and I applaud you making some mighty fine lemonade with the lemons. ;)
Title: Re: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
Post by: humbleonion on August 31, 2010, 02:23:18 PM
I'm happy about it but mostly for my BF sake,  the truth is i kind of resented these people for not giving me a chance and just believing what was being told about me without question,  but BF very happy he has been getting as  he calls it positive reviews about me and our party  and some have apologized for not giving me a chance

Shay

Good for you.  Taking the high road is not always an easy thing to do, and the results are rarely immediate.  But because you did, you won, big time.  Your actions speak much louder than her nasty words.  Hold your head high next time you see her, assuming she's ever invited anywhere, ever again.