Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "I'm afraid that won't be possible." => Topic started by: tallone on August 11, 2010, 08:56:29 PM

Title: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: tallone on August 11, 2010, 08:56:29 PM
BG
Tallgirlfriend and I are going on a weekend holiday to celebrate our anniversary. We're taking a flight from Mycity to my Homecity, and from there we'll fly to our destination. However, on the way back there won't be a flight from Homecity to Mycity for three hours. We decided to catch a train to the coach station and take the coach back to Mycity. We'd only save an hour's travelling time but we'd also save three hours hanging around the airport :P

My sister who lives in Homecity has been and will be frequently visiting Mycity over the next few months because she is attending some courses not available in Homecity. My sister hates travelling alone.
End BG

So Tallgirlfriend and I are very excited for our anniversary trip and much gushing of the details of our getaway has been done by both of us. I was discussing aspects of the trip with my Dad after going over our itinerary with him. Dad was kind enough to offer to take us to the airport (at a ridiculously early time Friday morning) and pick us up from the coach station when we were back in Mycity.

My mother entered the conversation and picked up on the date of our return. This will apparently coincide with my sister catching the coach to Mycity to spend the week with us while she attends her course. Here's how that conversation went:

Me (to Dad): "So we'll catch a plane back on the ??th and then get a coach from Homecity to here."
Mum: "The ??th? that's when S will be coming up. She can catch the coach with you! ;D"
Me:  :-\"Doesn't she usually come up on a Tuesday? The ??th is a Sunday."
Mum: "Oh, that's alright. Since she hates travelling alone she can just come a couple days earlier."
Me: "I would prefer if she didn't."
Mum: "Why? You guys can all travel together! It'll be great, Tallgirlfriend and S can finally bond properly."

Note: S hates Tallgirlfriend. S doesn't look at Tallgirlfriend without a sneer, and doesn't speak without an insult.
The last time I made a trip to Homecity, S did tag along for the return trip and it was a nightmare. S did not have enough change for the train ticket so I bought her train ticket.  While waiting for the coach I bought myself lunch, turns out S had no money at all. I bought S lunch to stop her yelling at me in public. S needed a bottle of water. S needed snacks for the trip. My every attempt at no was met with a half yelled "But whyyyy I'm your siiiister, I'm huuuuungry I have no moooooney!" in as petulant a voice as she could muster. I hated it but when she threatens to start screaming and crying she actually means it. Did I mention S is 18 months older than me? So I caved rather than have her cry, nay, shriek all the way home. I hope that puts travelling with S in perspective.

To put the holiday in perspective, Tallgirlfriend booked our dinner reservations for our anniversary dinner six months ago. The restaurant is very posh, very in demand and the head chef is Tallgirlfriend's idol. And that's one activity on one day of the three day trip. Given the time and effort we have invested I am very protective of this trip. We have planned it to the last detail and, given the company, it will be amazing. I literally would be only slightly more excited if I was going to Disneyland.

Me: "Mum, we'll be on the way home from our holiday celebrating our anniversary. I do not want to have to travel with S."
Dad: "We have booked S's coach ticket already for Tuesday as well."
Mum: "We can get it changed! It's two weeks away! I don't get why you're being so selfish Tallone, she's your sister and you know she hates travelling alone! Why can't you just be nice for once?!"
Me: "This is an important occasion and I do not want to end it on a bad note because I have to spend five hours on a coach with S. S and I do not get along. S and Tallgirlfriend do not get along. Tallgirlfriend and I will be travelling alone."
Mum: "I'm not discussing this any more. S is travelling with you and that's final. Tell me what time is your coach leaving."
Me: "No, I won't. I know you would like S to travel with us but I'm afraid that won't be possible."

And I rode off into the sunset! I'm know going to cop PA and probably regular aggressive flak for this for the next couple months but the choice was clear. Leisurely trip home canoodling with my lady love or five hours of putting up with S's entitled, snarky behaviour at every turn? No contest.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: Kimblee on August 11, 2010, 09:02:06 PM
Yay for your backbone!  ;D

Hope you and the Lady Love have an awesome trip, and your sister can go sit on a tack. Traveling alone is the just consequence of being a petulant toddler last time.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: wheeitsme on August 11, 2010, 09:54:02 PM
Good for you.

And me?  I've learned the valuable skill of selective ignoring. I would've let S cry and shriek on that first trip. Then she could've been given the chance to learn a valuble lesson.  ;)
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: gramma dishes on August 11, 2010, 09:58:21 PM
Good for you!  Well done.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: sisbam on August 11, 2010, 10:58:10 PM
Got a written itinerary? Give all that to TallGF. Can anyone other than you find out the details of your trip? Call the airline or whatever and get that changed.

Oh, and you said too much, but you already know that.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: ShadesOfGrey on August 11, 2010, 11:06:04 PM
Um, are there a lot of coaches? Does your dad know what time to pick you up? Because with even just one of those two details, I bet your mum can figure out which coach you're on.

Good for you! You've got a backbone.  Now remember to keep quiet about the timing.  :)
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: tallone on August 12, 2010, 12:45:19 AM
Um, are there a lot of coaches? Does your dad know what time to pick you up? Because with even just one of those two details, I bet your mum can figure out which coach you're on.

Good for you! You've got a backbone.  Now remember to keep quiet about the timing.  :)

This is a worry to be honest. I left the itinerary on the table when I walked away. It was all in a pile, and the coach reciept was in the middle. When I remembered and went back for it everything seemed to be in the same order, thank my lucky stars!

My Dad does know when my coach is getting in, meaning it would be a simple matter to find out when it leaves and get S on the same one. I think he'll refuse to swap it though, on the grounds they've already paid for the ticket to bring S down on the tuesday. There's a cancellation/swap fee that almost doubles the cost of the seat. It depends how offended my mother is, if she is determined that I will babysit S then S will be there no matter what.

We're saving money taking the coach instead of the plane (and we need to! This trip will cause considerable dents to both our wallets) but maybe Tallgirlfriend and I can consider shuffling our coach trip back an hour if I hear S has been put on the same coach as us. We'll still save cash but we'll arrive the same time as the plane would have.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: Curly Wurly Doggie Breath on August 12, 2010, 01:58:47 AM
So what if she ends up on the same bus/coach.
Say 'hello' as pleasantly as you can muster and then sit well away from her.

Just because she is there doesn't mean you must interact as well.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: Nurvingiel on August 12, 2010, 02:33:10 AM
Why do your parents enable S so much? Sheesh!

Way to be assertive though. :)
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: JacklynHyde on August 12, 2010, 11:38:20 AM
So what if she ends up on the same bus/coach.
Say 'hello' as pleasantly as you can muster and then sit well away from her.

Just because she is there doesn't mean you must interact as well.

Pod, this and YES!  Even if your mother does her best to intervene, stick to your guns.  Hand Tallgirlfriend your wallet if you must in order to honestly say that you have no cash on you.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: LEMon on August 12, 2010, 04:32:51 PM
Tallone, I would rollplay with your tallGF pretending to be S so that next time she pulls one you can handle it.  It can be fun if tallGF can get dream up all sorts of weird and non-wonderful things S might pull. 

I am so glad you two are putting more and more boundaries in place.  You deserve to be happy and non-stressed (and non-manipulated).
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: hobish on August 12, 2010, 04:37:44 PM

Nice job! It sounds like your dad might be a bit on your side and maybe able to calm your mom down about it, too, unless I am reading too much into things.

Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: Lisbeth on August 12, 2010, 04:41:45 PM
Good for you for not caving!

I hope you don't end up having to travel with S, and can find ways to avoid doing that.  Is it possible for you to change your tickets or get other transportation than your father picking you up?
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: FoxPaws on August 12, 2010, 05:24:19 PM
Do your parents know about all the stuff your sister pulled the last time you traveled together? Were you ever paid back for her train fare and food? If not, now might be the time to enlighten your mother.

You may also have an unexpected ally. Mom decided Sis would come two days earlier without consulting her - if she doesn't want to do that, it renders your mother's decision moot. 8)
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: sickgirl13 on August 12, 2010, 05:35:44 PM
It would be great to get an update after your trip!
Hope it works out  :)
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: missmolly on August 12, 2010, 09:20:54 PM
If by some undivine intervention your sister does end up travelling with you, you could always go the way of Jerry Seinfeld in the soup Nazi episode and say: "Do I know you?"
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: Twik on August 14, 2010, 11:13:15 AM
EvilTwik might follow that up with "Conductor! This strange woman is bothering us! Do something!"

Because she is, certainly, strange.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: mariamousie1 on August 18, 2010, 09:11:59 AM
Good for you! I hope you have a fun trip!  ;)
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: TurtleDove on August 18, 2010, 10:13:32 AM
How old is your sister?  This is completely bizarre to me, both the way she is acting and the way your parents are acting.  She is an adult, no?  She does not need a chaperone, right? Are there assigned seats on the train? 
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: Danismom on August 18, 2010, 10:35:34 AM
I suggest that even if they manage to get S on the same coach, you can ignore her antics throughout the trip.  Say hi to her and when she starts misbehaving, you don't know her and you don't want to be around her.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: tallone on August 29, 2010, 10:29:14 PM
As an update,

Trip went beautifully, had the time of my life with my amazing, gorgeous, brilliant girlfriend. After the first argument with Mum I didn't hear anything about S travelling with us but apparently behind the scenes Dad has stood his ground and point blank refused to change S's travel plans so she would be on the coach with us.

I've just had the most romantic, enjoyable, fun, loving weekend possible from the moment we left Mycity to the moment we returned. Not a single thing went wrong! I'm now hearing about Mum's denounciations of my "overspending" on this trip but I honestly would have paid triple what I spent to have such a good time!

Many thanks to eHell of course for helping my spine grow! A year ago I probably would have caved and babysat my older sister for the trip home.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: missmolly on August 29, 2010, 10:42:47 PM
Awww, I'm so glad every thing went well. Sounds like you and tallgirlfriend had a drama-free blast!
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: Lisbeth on August 29, 2010, 10:48:52 PM
I'm glad the trip went well for you and Tallgirlfriend.
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: FoxPaws on August 29, 2010, 11:16:03 PM
Great update! I'm glad y'all had a good time...and GO DAD!! 8)
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: sickgirl13 on September 09, 2010, 06:46:23 PM
Great!
Glad you had a wonderful time.
Kudos to dad! ;)
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: joraemi on September 16, 2010, 07:26:42 AM
YAY!  I was hoping you'd be back for an update before I got to the end of the thread!

Glad you had such a wonderful time.  Dad has big hugs coming his way the next time you see him!!
Title: Re: Enforced travelling companions? Aww helen no!
Post by: Nurvingiel on September 16, 2010, 06:42:56 PM
Awesome update! You and TallGF rock.

And what do you know, your sister made it back safe and sound, all by herself! She is a functioning adult! Take note Helicopter Mom.