Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Time For a Coffee Break! => Topic started by: Suze on November 28, 2010, 10:19:41 AM

Title: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on November 28, 2010, 10:19:41 AM
In order not to compleatly derail the Special Snowflake stories - how about a now topic?


We had a neighbor once (many many years ago) who was a know it all about plants and shrubs.....

of course he called the many Mulberry trees in the nighborhood "Box Elderberrys"

and no one could convince him otherwise.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Lady Macbeth on November 28, 2010, 10:43:54 AM
My uncle is one of these. No matter what you are discussing, he knows more about it than you do. But he no longer engages my husband and I in conversation.  This is why...

A couple years ago, we were at a family event. Husband is a biochemist. Uncle learned this and went into a long tirade about how all the good American scientists were defecting to China or Southeast Asian countries, because there were too many limits on research in the U.S...

And then Husband very earnestly explained at length and in great detail why that was incorrect, using many examples of people he knew personally, particularly things his Chinese scientist friends had told him about the state of science in their country (which, to be fair, is not general knowledge). My mother was laughing behind her hand at finally seeing Uncle put in his place, after years of him bulldozing conversations. My technique was always to tune him out; Husband is an excellent debater and has a wide range of knowledge to back up his opinions. He doesn't do it in a nasty way; he just wants to correct false information (if he doesn't know much about a subject he will say so).

As he puts it, he didn't spend more than a decade in school to have someone with no clue tell him about his job.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 28, 2010, 11:02:52 AM
I have one from a long time ago....I was dating a guy who used to make fun of my shoe collection...which really wasn't all that extensive, but I guess to someone who had maybe 2 pairs, it was a lot. 

This was during the 1980's, during which time Imelda Marcos came under fire for HER shoe collection, and all the money she and her husband spent on themselves, as President and First lady of the Philippines.  My ex BF used to joke and tell me I was just like her, but he INSISTED her name was Amelia, not Imelda, and nothing I could say would convince him otherwise.  Too bad it was pre-Internet, or I would have just googled it to prove him wrong!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kherbert05 on November 28, 2010, 11:30:43 AM
The two teachers that insisted that AD stands for After Death. So Finally I asked them what we call the aprox 32 years between the birth of Christ and the Crucifixion of Christ. I wouldn't have gotten into the argument except they were TEACHING this nonsense to kids.

I have had similar arguments about whether Thomas Jefferson wrote the Constitution for the same reason. Thank God for smart phones. I pull up a LOC article about the topic now and hand it to them. 



Thanksgiving one of my Cousins was claiming that Opie called Andy Paul no Pa on the Andy Griffith show. After 5 or so rounds of this I finally said someone look up tv.com's trivia page on the show. That settled that argument.

Usually I just walk away shaking my head.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Bellantara on November 28, 2010, 11:38:15 AM
My uncle, who while my grandfather (his father) was dying, insisted, loudly and repeatedly, to my poor grandmother that grandfather's living will was not valid and that the medical people would just do whatever they wanted.  He just would. not. shut. up. about it, and was adamant that he knew what he was talking about. I snatched the living will off the refrigerator and went off to read it, then came back and told him that (1) it was perfectly valid, and (2) even if it wasn't, grandmother's wishes would prevail. (I'm a paralegal, uncle is an electronics tech.)  He didn't have too much to say after that, but really! Who brings their mother to tears like that at her husband's deathbed?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Cellardoor14 on November 28, 2010, 11:42:36 AM
My MIL is an expert on... well.... all things really.

But recently she argued with me in one set of circumstances that 7 pounds is a very HEAVY birth weight for a baby, but then in another conversation in the same week, 7 pounds was a very LOW birth weight.  ::)


She also fancies herself a medical expert though she has no training or even higher education in the matter, Mr Cellardoor and I like to say she got her PHD from the esteemed institutions of ER re-runs, and the You (a general women's magazine in South Africa.)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Clara Bow on November 28, 2010, 11:44:34 AM
We had two HUGE ones in nursing school. There are myriad stories. My favorite though was the day the Joe started arguing about the answer to a test question. He got the question right, but felt that it was too vaguely worded for the "other students" (read: us poor dumba**es) even though it was NOT. He kept saying that there were two correct answers to the question and went on for almost fifteen minutes with the entire class trying to shut him down. When Mischa read him the answer almost verbatim out of the book he STILL insisted that he was right.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on November 28, 2010, 11:48:50 AM
The two teachers that insisted that AD stands for After Death. So Finally I asked them what we call the aprox 32 years between the birth of Christ and the Crucifixion of Christ. I wouldn't have gotten into the argument except they were TEACHING this nonsense to kids.

The kids I teach still think this despite me explaining over and over. It's like the thought gets stuck in their heads and won't come out. On the other thread we discussed this on, there were members of this forum (I don't know who and I am not trying to embarrass anybody) who had no idea it stands for "Anno Domini" either.

What really grills my cheese is when a person will insist something they say is correct, but when you contradict them they say, "I want EVIDENCE!! Where is your EVIDENCE!!!" like you're supposed to whip out a book containing that info right there and then and show them.

One teacher at my school (the principal's husband; he also teaches English like I do) wrote a comment on a child's report that used a really weird, grammatically incorrect construction. I said, "You need to fix this comment; it's grammatically incorrect." Of course, it was like the Monty Python sketch. "No, it isn't." "Yes, it is." He finally said, "Show me a grammar book that says it's wrong and I'll fix it." A grammar book isn't going to show the exact construction that it should be. I said, "I don't need to. It's wrong." "Well, unless you can provide EVIDENCE, I'm not changing it." I took my red pen and crossed out the comment and said, "Well, now you have to." So he used a different comment altogether. It's like admitting I was right was beyond him.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 28, 2010, 12:00:26 PM
SO (Max) does this to some extent, not so much about what he knows**, but what he can do. Really, it is to laugh. According to him, he is a better driver than Mario Andretti, a better skier than Jean Claude Killy, a better gymnast than Olga Korbut (I'm using old examples here, cuz we're old :P). If there is anything he hasn't done, it's only because he doesn't want to, but with a bit of training, no doubt he could be at the top of the game in golf, bowling, tennis, whatever ::)

Don't get him started on writers. Stephen King? Horrible writer. JK Rowling? A hack. CS Lewis? A christian apologist and a one-trick pony. And so on, often without having read a single book by whatever author he is ripping to shreds. Really, if he weren't so charming I would have throttled him in his sleep years ago.

**He seriously knows a lot. Genius IQ and fairly well read, he has an engaging, enquiring mind, and 9 times out of ten, he turns out right in our arguments. It's interesting that he is far more modest about his real gifts than his imagined ones :D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kaora on November 28, 2010, 12:16:37 PM
My dad, who will bulldoze about any conversation and get into why *this current president* (changes with the era) is ruining the country and how it's going to be the end of the US.  ::)

Also once tried to have a topic on Old English with me.  I study a lot of older languages, specifically Old and Middle English and cousins and variants (Scots, Yole, Frisian family, etc. I've considered joining the SCA just to talk to the Master in town).

We're having a nice discussion and dad decides to start off a lecture about said OE.  He tells me people often think it has little or no Celtic influence, and I replied with it does have some grammatically.  He then starts giving me the history of Old English after that sentence, starting with "It was a Celtic language which Germanic only influenced after the invasion of Normandy..."

Hope no one blames me for holding back giggles and letting him tell me the pseudo-history of our speech.  ;D Just smile and nod, smile and nod I say!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: JoanOfArc on November 28, 2010, 12:27:44 PM
My favorite know-it-alls are the ones who try to tell me that my learning disabilities are due to red food coloring or sugar.  Because sugar makes me reverse letters and numbers and red food dye is responsible for bad handwriting.  When I ask for sources, I get referred to sketchy websites.  When I try to explain about genetics (two uncles and one aunt possibly have LDs), I am ignored.  I now know to bean-dip. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: jpcher on November 28, 2010, 12:28:11 PM
On the other end of the spectrum . . . when you're the one that's right and nobody believes you. How far do you go to convince them? Or do you just let it drop?

We took a trip to Sturgis. The next day plans were to go see Mt. Rushmore. Four of us sitting around the campfire . . . We figured out Jefferson, Washington, Roosevelt and I said Lincoln.

Oh, my goodness! For the next two hours the argument about it not being Lincoln and the other 3 people throwing out other president's names and making me feel about || this big and stupid . . . Even the next morning! "I don't know who it is, but it is NOT Lincoln!" comments flew. I just kept my mouth shut, put a smug little grin on my face and thought "just wait."


When we finally got to the mountain, I just shrugged and grinned. I do wish I had a camera ready when I saw the look on their faces . . . and I didn't have to buy myself a beer all day long.  ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on November 28, 2010, 12:29:30 PM
My mother's way of doing this was to question everything anyone ever said.  If I said that Beethoven composed 9 symphonies she would say "Oh, yeah?" in that tone of voice that indicated You Know Nothing About Anything.  If I ever talked about work she would say things like "You don't call your boss that."

She had never worked in an office in her life.  Her idea of proper office behavior must have come from Eve Arden movies from the 40s.  And she later wondered why I stopped talking about work altogether.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Sirius on November 28, 2010, 01:13:57 PM
I managed to date two of these years before I met Mr. Sirius.  One charmer told me astronomy was the same as astrology and if I didn't believe that I was deluding myself.  I wasn't the one who was deluding myself, dude. 

The other told me that he'd been a college student (believable) and a college teacher (likely baloney) and so he was always right (definite baloney.)  Once I figured out that this one was a pathological liar he got the boot.     
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Wavicle on November 28, 2010, 02:20:14 PM
What really grills my cheese is when a person will insist something they say is correct, but when you contradict them they say, "I want EVIDENCE!! Where is your EVIDENCE!!!" like you're supposed to whip out a book containing that info right there and then and show them.

My FBIL (the communications major) did that to me (the natural science major) talking about science once. He said that scientists put too much stock in these theories and they just don't make sense to him. I said something along the lines of "Science isn't about thinking of something and seeing if it makes sense after the fact. You look at the evidence you have, form a hypothesis, test it, and then it is evaluated by other scientists. That gets repeated over and over. It is a cycle that builds on itself and corrects itself." He stood up staigher and said "Cite your source" like he thought I made it up.

Me in my head: ??? You want me to cite the entire foundation of my field? I guess every valid science book or journal article ever??  In reality I realized it was going norwhere and just changed the subject. It was too painful.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: MizB on November 28, 2010, 02:32:46 PM
I think everyone has their moments when they can be like that honestly, not that some people aren't like this all the time.

My dad is like this and I've resorted to always having something to prove him wrong with. The funny thing is when I start digging for the evidence he always wants to drop the subject. I won't because I know we'll get into the same you're right, I'm wrong argument at another point and I want to be done with it for good.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 28, 2010, 02:35:21 PM
I almost forgot about this one!  I have a friend, who is a former neighbor, but we've remained friends after I moved.  She has a habit of researching things to the nth degree, but then taking what's she's learned, and somehow twisting it to suit her beliefs.  I really have to scratch my head sometimes with the stuff that comes out of her mouth!

So at one point, she was really trying to change the way she ate, i.e. more fruits and veggies and cutting out more unhealthy choices.  we also have very different taste in food and will make fun of each others choices like 5 year olds, as in "ewwww....you had THAT for dinner?  GROSS!"  All in fun of course.

So one day we are chatting on the phone, and she mentions she just had this yummy bran muffin she had made.  I of course started in with "yuck, bran is nasty" as we always do and she said oh no, these are good, and besides bran is good for you.  It's in all fruits and vegetables!!!!!!  I said um, I think you're mistaken, while there is fiber in fruits and veggies, it isn't bran, bran is a grain....nope.  Nothing I said could convince her otherwise...and couldn't get it that there are different types of fiber, and the fiber in bran is not the same as the fiber in fruits and veggies!!!!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: geordicat on November 28, 2010, 02:42:59 PM
My mother's boyfriend.  No matter what you are talking about, he knows more.  Granted, the man is smart, and knows quite a bit about a lot of things, but it's so boring to listen to HIM pontificate about whatever subject.  He'll ask you a question only to gauge your knowledge so he can start talking about what he knows.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 28, 2010, 02:56:46 PM
My mother's boyfriend.  No matter what you are talking about, he knows more.  Granted, the man is smart, and knows quite a bit about a lot of things, but it's so boring to listen to HIM pontificate about whatever subject.  He'll ask you a question only to gauge your knowledge so he can start talking about what he knows.

People like that make my brain hurt. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Daffydilly on November 28, 2010, 03:02:44 PM
My Dear Dad has that type of mindset and gives you a confused look or gets angry if you point out a fact or another point of view. Years ago, when the fourth Harry Potter book came out, he did his research. "Harry Potter is witchcraft and I won't have it in my house." When I asked about how the books were, he proudly told me he had never touched them.

But all the online sites he visited had more than enough informed opinions. And some of them had "quotes" I was never able to locate in the books. So I just let my dad think whatever he wanted to and took it with a grain of salt. I've read the books and made my own conclusion over them. Seriously, if you want to spout off about a book, at least try to read a bit of it. ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on November 28, 2010, 03:11:41 PM
People used to do that with anything about Dungeons and Dragons games too

it is ebil and nasty and the work of the debil.....

and had never read a book or touched a game module.   (just seen all the "oh my goodness this is bad" articals and movies (Mazes and Monsters anyone?)

had one woman I work with wanted me to go to a "head shrinker" (her words not mine) and get "fixed"  Oh and she prayed over me at work.....that didn't last long -- I went straight to the plant boss. (never got an appology, but at least she quit praying out loud with my name in it)

I was waiting for her to throw holy water at me (really she was just ... strange)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: missmolly on November 28, 2010, 03:14:17 PM
I once had a substitute teacher that told us very enthusiastically about the history of the wars of the Roses. He put up all sorts of dates, people involved in the battle of Bosworth field, members of the York and Lancaster families, etc. It all sounded very knowledgeable. Had I not done a little of my own history work, I would have been very impressed. Except that, according to him, the wars came about because Elizabeth I died without an heir.  ???

I didn't bother to point out to him that the eventual victor of the wars was Henry VII, Elizabeth's grandfather. I just muttered it to one of my friends later.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Coruscation on November 28, 2010, 03:27:22 PM
I may have posted this before. Some guy at college was hitting on me and trying to impress me via complaining about the difficult exam he had coming up. The hard part was going to be the bit on menstruation. I made a remark about having a gender advantage on that subject and he looked confused, until I explained. Then he patiently explained to the dim-witted blond that menstruation was a subject involving geometric measurement and that women suffered from mensuration each month. I argued with him for a few minutes and he became more and more patronising, so I left, hoping fervently that the exam question was worded "Describe mensuration, in detail".
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on November 28, 2010, 04:08:53 PM
I may have posted this before. Some guy at college was hitting on me and trying to impress me via complaining about the difficult exam he had coming up. The hard part was going to be the bit on menstruation. I made a remark about having a gender advantage on that subject and he looked confused, until I explained. Then he patiently explained to the dim-witted blond that menstruation was a subject involving geometric measurement and that women suffered from mensuration each month. I argued with him for a few minutes and he became more and more patronising, so I left, hoping fervently that the exam question was worded "Describe mensuration, in detail".

Stop.  Full stop, right there.  You're joking.  This is so incredible, so deliciously awesome, you just short-circuited my humor-center.  I can't laugh anymore, because you gave me so much hysterical funniness all at once, it just tripped my breaker.  I bow down to this moment, and to you for not having a stroke right at that very moment.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: whiterose on November 28, 2010, 04:23:48 PM
Once, someone called from my service fraternity, which is called Alpha Phi Omega. My father starts talking to the person saying "Alpha is the first letter of the Greek alphabet, and Omega is the last one" (ie- showing off his knowledge). Yet he manages to copy the number down wrong, so I am not able to get a hold of the person easily. While writing numbers down wrong happens, it seems like he was more concerned with showing off how intelligent and knowledgeable he is than with making sure he got the number right.

My parents have gotten lost TWICE coming to visit me because of taking 275 instead of 75. Never mind I have told them to STAY on 75 and do NOT take 275. But why did  they take 275 instead of following 75 till they got the right exit? The 275 exit sign says "Guava" while the one that indicates 75 says "Pizza". And according to my mother (who cannot read maps and hardly ever drives out of her small city of Pigsburg), "common sense tells you that the one that says Guava is the right one if you are going to visit someone in Guava" and that "you should have told me it is the one saying Pizza". I told her to look for numbers and not worry about city names listed- not always reliable. She said "what does one see first?" referring to the city names. My uncle confirmed that the directions I gave were completely right- but the city names threw my mother off, and she kept insisting SHE was right because of what "common sense" says.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: baglady on November 28, 2010, 04:24:16 PM
Quote
Except that, according to him, the wars came about because Elizabeth I died without an heir.

I think I need new contacts, because I just read that as "because Elizabeth I dyed her hair."  ;D

Gonna bring up political stuff here, but strictly for background, so let's be good e-hellions and not turn this into a political debate:

Remember when we Americans were supposed to be mad at the French because they didn't support the war in Iraq? It went so far as people renaming a certain popular side dish "Freedom Fries."

A co-worker of Bagman's went on a mini-rant about the fact that Target was banning the Salvation Army from doing its kettle drives outside their stores. And what did you expect? "They're a French company!"

No amount of argument could convince this guy that:

1. Target's decision was to ban *all* charities from soliciting outside their stores, because shoppers disliked it.

2. Target Corp. gives generously to a variety of charities.

3. When people pronounce Target "Tar-ZHAY," it's. a. joke. As in, "I'm going to pretend that I got this at a fancy French store, when I really got it at a mass-market discount chain. I realize I'm not fooling anyone, and we're all in on the joke, but it's still fun to say." (I've also heard people call JC Penney "Jacques Penet" for the same reason. Also Sal's Boutique (Salvation Army)).

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: geordicat on November 28, 2010, 04:24:34 PM
I may have posted this before. Some guy at college was hitting on me and trying to impress me via complaining about the difficult exam he had coming up. The hard part was going to be the bit on menstruation. I made a remark about having a gender advantage on that subject and he looked confused, until I explained. Then he patiently explained to the dim-witted blond that menstruation was a subject involving geometric measurement and that women suffered from mensuration each month. I argued with him for a few minutes and he became more and more patronising, so I left, hoping fervently that the exam question was worded "Describe mensuration, in detail".

I do believe you win!  :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on November 28, 2010, 04:31:27 PM
I may have posted this before. Some guy at college was hitting on me and trying to impress me via complaining about the difficult exam he had coming up. The hard part was going to be the bit on menstruation. I made a remark about having a gender advantage on that subject and he looked confused, until I explained. Then he patiently explained to the dim-witted blond that menstruation was a subject involving geometric measurement and that women suffered from mensuration each month. I argued with him for a few minutes and he became more and more patronising, so I left, hoping fervently that the exam question was worded "Describe mensuration, in detail".

And then you proceeded to date him for many month's worth of stories to share on eHell??  >:D

When my siblings and I were kids, we were out shopping as a family.  We passed a chain restaurant called Black Angus, but the "g" on the sign had burnt out, so the whole family kind of starts snickering about not wanting to eat there.
Bro (~9 y/o) to Sis (~4 y/o): Why are YOU laughing, YOU don't even know what that is.
Sis: I'm laughing becuase you guys are laughing!
Dad, to Bro: Well, son, do you know what is is?
And Bro, puffing up his chest and sitting tall in his moment of superior knowledge, says, in a stage whisper: It's a lady's privates!

Dad had to pull over as he, my mom & I were laughing so hard that we were crying.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 28, 2010, 05:07:19 PM
I may have posted this before. Some guy at college was hitting on me and trying to impress me via complaining about the difficult exam he had coming up. The hard part was going to be the bit on menstruation. I made a remark about having a gender advantage on that subject and he looked confused, until I explained. Then he patiently explained to the dim-witted blond that menstruation was a subject involving geometric measurement and that women suffered from mensuration each month. I argued with him for a few minutes and he became more and more patronising, so I left, hoping fervently that the exam question was worded "Describe mensuration, in detail".

And then you proceeded to date him for many month's worth of stories to share on eHell??  >:D

When my siblings and I were kids, we were out shopping as a family.  We passed a chain restaurant called Black Angus, but the "g" on the sign had burnt out, so the whole family kind of starts snickering about not wanting to eat there.
Bro (~9 y/o) to Sis (~4 y/o): Why are YOU laughing, YOU don't even know what that is.
Sis: I'm laughing becuase you guys are laughing!
Dad, to Bro: Well, son, do you know what is is?
And Bro, puffing up his chest and sitting tall in his moment of superior knowledge, says, in a stage whisper: It's a lady's privates!

Dad had to pull over as he, my mom & I were laughing so hard that we were crying.

That is PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: pixel dust on November 28, 2010, 05:29:15 PM
My future MIL is like this. According to her, she not only knows everything, but she's also the funniest woman on the planet! Every story from her ends with everyone around her in hysterics because of her funny (but most of the time off-kilter and a little gross) jokes. And if you disagree with her, she closes her eyes and shakes her head from side to side saying, "Nu-uh, no, no, no!" like a child. This is truly one of the only problems I have with her, for the most part she's a good woman who means well, but it really gets annoying when trying to have a conversation with her.

One time, FMIL was talking about something silly/stupid her sister did, then said, "Well, what do you expect, she's blonde!"

I turned to her and said, "Hey, hey, hey, not all blonde's are stupid, I'm blonde!" (A darker blonde, but still blonde. Her sister is actually a dyed blonde, whereas I am a natural blonde.)

FMIL then said that I wasn't in fact blonde, but my hair was reddish in color!

A little bit of background: I temporarily dyed my hair a brownish-red three years ago, it lasted, all in all, about 6 months but the red quickly faded from it and was basically just a brown. Fiance and I have been together for a total of 6 years at the time of this conversation.

I tried to tell her that I was in fact blonde and had been blonde for my entire 25 years of existence (minus 6 months three years ago), but for some reason she refused to believe it! Fiance finally just stopped me by saying his mother is color-blind (which I don't think is true), but I'm still mystified as to why she refused to believe me when I tried to tell her what color my hair is!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on November 28, 2010, 05:37:22 PM
I just want updates.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: MinAvi on November 28, 2010, 06:47:22 PM
Me 2 :D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hermanne on November 28, 2010, 08:06:27 PM
Me 3. ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Everlee on November 28, 2010, 09:12:47 PM
Quote
Except that, according to him, the wars came about because Elizabeth I died without an heir.

I think I need new contacts, because I just read that as "because Elizabeth I dyed her hair."  ;D

Gonna bring up political stuff here, but strictly for background, so let's be good e-hellions and not turn this into a political debate:

Remember when we Americans were supposed to be mad at the French because they didn't support the war in Iraq? It went so far as people renaming a certain popular side dish "Freedom Fries."



I worked at a fast food restaurant when the whole 'freedom fries' thing was going on and people would chew me up one way and down the other when I called them french fries.
I had one guy that made me go get a manager b/c when I read his order back to him I called them their real name.   ::)  I wanted to tell him that America was the last country to join most fights, but no one ever says anything about that.

My Captain Know It All story was from high school history class.  We were learning about all the different types of governments and was on Communism.  My teacher kept interchanging Communism and Anarchy and when I corrected him, he blew his top on me and tried to tell me that they were the same thing.  I disagreed with him and even pointed to several examples in our textbook, but he refused to let me speak.  In another class he kept calling Karl Marx an anarchist and when I responded, "But didn't he write The Communist Manifesto?"  I seriously thought he was going to kick me out of class.  "They're the same thing!"  Even the other students were laughing at me and telling me how wrong I was.
I get that they're similar, but they are NOT the same thing!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kaora on November 28, 2010, 10:03:03 PM
I'm wondering if this counts.  In his defense, it might've been a little rude of the three of us, but still, this guy was out there.

We, my BF, sissie, and I, sat down with one of my acquittance at McDonald's some many moons ago.  We're not the best of friends, but we both showed up at the restaurant and it would've been awkward to act like he wasn't there, so we just ate together.

This guy is a self-proclaimed survivor type thinker.  He got onto a discussion of if the nearby military base, and asked all of us what would happen if a mutagen escaped the Base and entered town and made us into Zombies.

Yes, I know, this might be an interesting topic to some.  However, the way he told it, he sounded dead serious.  I mean, not theory, dead frikkin serious.  We tried to talk him into saying that the Base doesn't handle bio weapons (they are not classed to), but he said that's what the government wants us to think.

So the guy spends most of the conversation trying to talk us into how to survive a zombie invasion and what if the entire town were infected by whatever the Base has, and he wants evidence that they don't have it.

Maybe we were rude by not playing along, but he caught us so off guard it was... huh.  Not normal, by any means!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: iridaceae on November 29, 2010, 01:37:04 AM

This guy is a self-proclaimed survivor type thinker.  He got onto a discussion of if the nearby military base, and asked all of us what would happen if a mutagen escaped the Base and entered town and made us into Zombies.


He's a conspiracy theorist. You can't reason with them at all, because whatever facts you have Are Wrong and The Government is Surpressing The Truth.   Even if you're correcting their knowledge on something you'd consider trivial, such as telling them that potatoes originated in the Andes, not Ireland, well, That's What They Want You to Think!  Yes, I have worked with more than a few.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Baxter on November 29, 2010, 01:58:35 AM
My MILs partner is the worst kind of know-it-all.  If someone else is telling a tale he will sit and nod vigorously, saying uh-huh and yes, loudly through-out, with an "I've heard this before" air. 

He cannot tolerate stories that are about the times we had before he was on the scene (you know those family stories that go round every time the family gets together), so to deal with this, he tells the story first and as though he were there himself.

If we discuss any current issues that require acquired knowledge, he says "yes thats right" loudly and firmly as a response and will look around the table for people to acknowledge him as the "knower of all things".
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on November 29, 2010, 02:16:05 AM
She also fancies herself a medical expert though she has no training or even higher education in the matter, Mr Cellardoor and I like to say she got her PHD from the esteemed institutions of ER re-runs, and the You (a general women's magazine in South Africa.)
Argh. I hate it when YOU (the magazine) run any kind of "medical" or "scientific" article. Odds are they're going to get something wrong. <bangs head against wall>
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on November 29, 2010, 02:23:35 AM
My favorite know-it-alls are the ones who try to tell me that my learning disabilities are due to red food coloring or sugar.  Because sugar makes me reverse letters and numbers and red food dye is responsible for bad handwriting.  When I ask for sources, I get referred to sketchy websites.  When I try to explain about genetics (two uncles and one aunt possibly have LDs), I am ignored.  I now know to bean-dip. 
That reminds me of someone who claimed to be an expert in child education and learning difficulties who ran afoul of my mum when I was about 6. ChildExpert told my mum that she was treating a five year oldchild who had difficulty reading apparently because the child hadn't crawled enough when she was a baby. ChildExpert had the child crawl around the table at home repeatedly and apparently this helped her reading skills  ???. My mum piped up that I had never crawled as a child, just sort of gone from sitting to walking in a very short period.

Aha! ChildExpert leapt onto this and said "Oh, she must be a terrible reader then!". My mum politely pointed out that actually I had the highest reading age of all the children in my class and was reading several years above my actual age. ChildExpert was rather put out by that, and insisted I must have some reading problems that my mum was unaware of.

I should mention I was sitting between the two of them during this conversation, merrily reading a Hardy Boys book with no obvious trouble.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on November 29, 2010, 03:59:16 AM
WolfWench --

don't you know you were just sitting there turning the pages "pretending" to read.... >snicker<

Cause the "expert" is never wrong

::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: faithlessone on November 29, 2010, 04:33:27 AM
Hehe, these stories reminded me of one from my own childhood.

I was about eight (almost nine), and I was playing Mary in my school nativity. A couple of the mums (not mine) were in charge of costuming. Usually this was a very simple 'cut up sheets/pillowcases, tie them with cord or ribbon' job. One of the mums was determined to make it a bit more professional that year. She got all these patterns and made robes for all the shepherds and kings, dresses for the angels, that sort of thing.

Then it came to my costume. For some reason I didn't understand, she insisted that, despite the fact that Mary is wearing blue in pretty much every painting/film ever, I would be wearing pink. With a yellow cloak. And a gold head band.

When the other mum complained, saying that no one would know who I was meant to be if I wasn't in blue, she argued that all these sources had it wrong, and in the bible, Mary wore pink and yellow. If I remember correctly though, she started to backpedal when the other mum asked her to prove it.

I ended up in a pink dress with a blue cloak, as a compromise.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on November 29, 2010, 06:15:40 AM
What really grills my cheese is when a person will insist something they say is correct, but when you contradict them they say, "I want EVIDENCE!! Where is your EVIDENCE!!!" like you're supposed to whip out a book containing that info right there and then and show them.

My FBIL (the communications major) did that to me (the natural science major) talking about science once. He said that scientists put too much stock in these theories and they just don't make sense to him. I said something along the lines of "Science isn't about thinking of something and seeing if it makes sense after the fact. You look at the evidence you have, form a hypothesis, test it, and then it is evaluated by other scientists. That gets repeated over and over. It is a cycle that builds on itself and corrects itself." He stood up staigher and said "Cite your source" like he thought I made it up.

Me in my head: ??? You want me to cite the entire foundation of my field? I guess every valid science book or journal article ever??  In reality I realized it was going norwhere and just changed the subject. It was too painful.

How about every single introduction to science book ever produced?

That is just too incredibly stupid to be indulged.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: happygrrl on November 29, 2010, 06:28:48 AM
Quote
My MIL is an expert on... well.... all things really.

She also fancies herself a medical expert though she has no training or even higher education in the matter, Mr Cellardoor and I like to say she got her PHD from the esteemed institutions of ER re-runs, and the You (a general women's magazine in South Africa.)

Awesome! We have the same MIL!  ;D It's gotten so bad that I've (secretly) threatened to buy her a new copy of Physician's Desk Reference just so she can learn new symptoms. (We're getting tired of the same old ones.)  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: MissRose on November 29, 2010, 06:45:17 AM
My mother likes to act like she is a parenting expert and also a doctor.  But she is not either, and the only post high education she has was a bookkeeping certificate then later some training as a hospital ward clerk in the late 1960's/early 1970's. 

She is one of those types who believes most anything she sees on tv shows like Supernanny, Nanny 911, and Dr Phil for the parenting.  For the medical things, anything she reads in the newspaper, a magazine or sees on a tv show like the Doctors or Dr. Oz, or the medical segments on morning tv shows like Good Morning America.

I am running out of bean dip with her as she tries to act like a doctor regarding my weight issues.   As soon as she sees something on tv or reads about it, I get a call or even a note thing.

I am sure she does the same with my sister with how she raises her kids.  I haven't heard all that much from my sister, but I do know from my sister's past complaints where my mother has resorted to writing 4 page notes on both sides of the paper criticizing her habits.   My mother is no mother of the year, she wasn't abusive physically but her words stung as bad growing up.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Clara Bow on November 29, 2010, 07:39:12 AM
I may have posted this before. Some guy at college was hitting on me and trying to impress me via complaining about the difficult exam he had coming up. The hard part was going to be the bit on menstruation. I made a remark about having a gender advantage on that subject and he looked confused, until I explained. Then he patiently explained to the dim-witted blond that menstruation was a subject involving geometric measurement and that women suffered from mensuration each month. I argued with him for a few minutes and he became more and more patronising, so I left, hoping fervently that the exam question was worded "Describe mensuration, in detail".

To be fair, he makes a point...though not quite correctly. Menstruation is about physics, aerodynamics and geometry. As is "How much force will it take for me the throw this man through that wall and leave his femurs bent into obtuse angles?"

Then topography enters the subject, as in "What's the shortest distance between me and the nearest pint of Ben and Jerry's?"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: girlysprite on November 29, 2010, 07:46:42 AM
When it comes to 'how does science work' and how to deflect heaping hunk of hooey, I recommend the book 'Bad Science'. It's one of the best books I ever read, and helps people to see what is real science and what's heaping hunk of hooey with a science-y wrapper around it.

As for Captain known it all: My DH ran into one when he was on high school - His English teacher. English is not the native language where we come from (Netherlands), but my DH had been playing point&click adventures on the computer since he was six, in English (there games weren't published in Dutch). He started translating word by word with a dictionary, but got really good at English at the age of 13. Now at the age of 15 he was required to reach English literature. My DH picked the lord of the rings trilogy, and had no trouble reading it.
He got an F, because his teacher REFUSED to believe that he read it on his own. She believed that he had just ripped a summary from the library and was pretending that he had read this. My DH could never change his mind. And mind you, his teacher must have known he was good at English because he was pretty much a straight A student in the subject.


But my DH is also boneheaded at some times. He once claimed that the square of any number what the same as number x 2. No no, not number x number, but number x 2. Even when I made him calculate some examples to prove him wrong, he just shifted to 'well, it works for MOST numbers!'. I just told him 'look, I am better at math then you are, you know that. Can't you just take my word for it?' After a lot of bickering I gave him the silent treatment. It took him a long while to say 'well yeah, you're probably right'.
He also has this irritating tendency of, when a discussion starts to turn against his opinion, he shuts it down with 'never mind' and refuses to talk about it again. Once in my life, when he had been grating on my nerves for days with that kind of behavior, I cast myself in ehell and slapped him. While I have been baking in the 9th layer of ehell for that, it was a wakeup call for him.

Nowadays, when he has these moment again I just lock myself in the bathroom so that I won't be tempted to engage him. It helps.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Cellardoor14 on November 29, 2010, 08:32:23 AM
Quote
Except that, according to him, the wars came about because Elizabeth I died without an heir.
3. When people pronounce Target "Tar-ZHAY," it's. a. joke. As in, "I'm going to pretend that I got this at a fancy French store, when I really got it at a mass-market discount chain. I realize I'm not fooling anyone, and we're all in on the joke, but it's still fun to say." (I've also heard people call JC Penney "Jacques Penet" for the same reason. Also Sal's Boutique (Salvation Army)).

 ;D

My mom and I both call it "Tar-zhay", then pause a beat, and say very seriously, "It's french, you know."  :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Cellardoor14 on November 29, 2010, 08:36:51 AM
She also fancies herself a medical expert though she has no training or even higher education in the matter, Mr Cellardoor and I like to say she got her PHD from the esteemed institutions of ER re-runs, and the You (a general women's magazine in South Africa.)
Argh. I hate it when YOU (the magazine) run any kind of "medical" or "scientific" article. Odds are they're going to get something wrong. <bangs head against wall>

I know... it drives Mr Cellardoor insane as well. 

It also doesn't help that my MIL also believes every forwarded gurge email, general spam posting on facebook, and friend's story from that starts with "I once a friend who...."
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on November 29, 2010, 09:06:20 AM
That reminds me of someone who claimed to be an expert in child education and learning difficulties who ran afoul of my mum when I was about 6. ChildExpert told my mum that she was treating a five year oldchild who had difficulty reading apparently because the child hadn't crawled enough when she was a baby. ChildExpert had the child crawl around the table at home repeatedly and apparently this helped her reading skills  ???. My mum piped up that I had never crawled as a child, just sort of gone from sitting to walking in a very short period.

I was told that theory in an education course I took during the 60's. I didn't pay any attention to it as I was in secondary ed and wan't going for a reading resource. I'm surprised she didn't say, "See! There's the exception that proves the rule!", whatever that means.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: esteban on November 29, 2010, 09:17:46 AM
My favorite know-it-alls are the ones who try to tell me that my learning disabilities are due to red food coloring or sugar.  Because sugar makes me reverse letters and numbers and red food dye is responsible for bad handwriting.  When I ask for sources, I get referred to sketchy websites.  When I try to explain about genetics (two uncles and one aunt possibly have LDs), I am ignored.  I now know to bean-dip. 
That reminds me of someone who claimed to be an expert in child education and learning difficulties who ran afoul of my mum when I was about 6. ChildExpert told my mum that she was treating a five year oldchild who had difficulty reading apparently because the child hadn't crawled enough when she was a baby. ChildExpert had the child crawl around the table at home repeatedly and apparently this helped her reading skills  ???. My mum piped up that I had never crawled as a child, just sort of gone from sitting to walking in a very short period.

Aha! ChildExpert leapt onto this and said "Oh, she must be a terrible reader then!". My mum politely pointed out that actually I had the highest reading age of all the children in my class and was reading several years above my actual age. ChildExpert was rather put out by that, and insisted I must have some reading problems that my mum was unaware of.

I should mention I was sitting between the two of them during this conversation, merrily reading a Hardy Boys book with no obvious trouble.

Your mother had no idea that you climbed out of your crib at night and crawled all over the place.  Obviously she was not paying close enough attention to see how much you crawled :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Hillia on November 29, 2010, 09:34:26 AM
My former sister in law insisted that chocolate gave dogs worms.  When I asked her how chocolate could spontaneously generate life, she got very angry and refused to talk to me for the rest of the weekend.  Win!

My DS has a friend who is a serious believer in conspiracy theories.  Beyonce talks about an alter ego that (Sasha Fierce) she assumes during performances. this means she is possessed by a demon.  DS and I have used the ASL 'I love you' sign for years when we say goodbye; she insists that ASL was invented by Helen Keller, who was a member of the Illuminati, and the sign is actually a recognition sign for high ranking Satanists (or something, I got lost around this point).  I pointed out that while Helen Keller did use a finger alphabet to communicate with Annie Sullivan and her later companions, she was completely blind, and therefore a visual language like ASL wouldn't have been much use to her.  She refused to believe that HK was blind.

Oh, and Michael Jackson was murdered by the Illuminati because he was going to reveal them in his next concert tour.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: rose red on November 29, 2010, 09:47:47 AM
My former sister in law insisted that chocolate gave dogs worms.  When I asked her how chocolate could spontaneously generate life, she got very angry and refused to talk to me for the rest of the weekend.  Win!

I once went to a wedding where they gave out chocolate as favors.  It was so pretty that I kept it in a little dish.  One day, I picked it up and there were a bunch of little worms(?) underneath  :-X.  A coworker don't eat chocolate but kept gifts on her desk.  One day another coworker asked for one and when it was unwrapped, worms had sprouted.  She no longer keeps chocolate.

Those chocolates were old though and I don't think fresh chocolate can grow worms in a dog's stomach.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 29, 2010, 09:50:08 AM
My former sister in law insisted that chocolate gave dogs worms.  When I asked her how chocolate could spontaneously generate life, she got very angry and refused to talk to me for the rest of the weekend.  Win!

I once went to a wedding where they gave out chocolate as favors.  It was so pretty that I kept it in a little dish.  One day, I picked it up and there were a bunch of little worms(?) underneath  :-X.  A coworker don't eat chocolate but kept gifts on her desk.  One day another coworker asked for one and when it was unwrapped, worms had sprouted.  She no longer keeps chocolate.

Those chocolates were old though and I don't think fresh chocolate can grow worms in a dog's stomach.

Probably larva from a flying insect.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: rose red on November 29, 2010, 10:07:40 AM
Probably larva from a flying insect.

I don't know much about that stuff so couldn't figure out if the worms came or grew.  I thought tightly wrapped candy would be ok and didn't think bugs would be able to get in.  I guess when there's a will, there's a way  :-\.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Spoder on November 29, 2010, 10:23:35 AM
My former sister in law insisted that chocolate gave dogs worms.  When I asked her how chocolate could spontaneously generate life, she got very angry and refused to talk to me for the rest of the weekend.  Win!

CRUD MONKEYS!! I'll have to check that my SIL definitely hasn't been married before! She informed me a couple of weeks ago that Bro got sick because he ate all the cooking chocolate she bought for nephew's birthday cake. Apparently, eating cooking chocolate straight from the packet, in any quantity, will make you sick. This is because it's raw and needs to be cooked before consumption, hence the name.

 ??? ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: mbbored on November 29, 2010, 10:39:04 AM
A sub-category is people who know you better than you know yourself. 

I'm in a group where by coincidence, we all own houses.  Several of us, including me, just bought our first homes and several are renovating, so we end up talking houses a lot.  This one charming woman has decided that since she's "older" (by 2 years,) she has infinite advice for me.  Every time I mention changing something, like painting walls or upgrading my hot water heater, she tells me I'm going to lower my resale value.  And no, I'm not painting things neon pink.  Even if I was, it's my house and that's kind of the point of having my own place! 

Another one was a former coworker who got a stereotype of me as a crazy environmentalist and decided I was hiding my true self.  She would quiz me on things, then when I gave my answer, she would shout "You're lying!"  For example, she asked me what kind of car I would buy if mine broke down today.  I said I'd do some research about used vs new, mileage, maintenance etc.  She yelled "You're lying!  You would buy an electric car!"  Um, ok.  Or a group would be discussing our love of junk food, and she would look at me alone and say "You're lying!  You would never put those chemicals in your body!"  Just me, nobody else.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: CakeBeret on November 29, 2010, 11:19:27 AM
On the other end of the spectrum . . . when you're the one that's right and nobody believes you. How far do you go to convince them? Or do you just let it drop?

This is what really gets me.

My in-laws think I'm nuts. They love me, but they still think I'm crazy. So when we bought our house, the living room had parquet flooring. I mentioned the parquet floors and MIL said, "Parkay? That's butter, not flooring, honey." I had MIL, FIL, SIL, and DH all laughing at how idiotic I was to think that there was such a thing as parquet flooring.

Over a year later, the ILs were shopping for new flooring for their home. The next time I saw them, my very abashed MIL told me, "The salesman showed us parquet flooring...I guess it really does exist." Oh, sweet justice, even if it was a year late in coming.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on November 29, 2010, 11:24:11 AM
My SO. He seems to think that every strategy he has ever used for himself will work for me. For example, he gets too hot while he is sleeping at night, and he uses a strategy he calls "venting a foot". This is fairly obvious, he sticks his foot out from under the covers. When we are snuggling, he tends to get too hot and thinks that I must be the cause, and should therefor vent a foot. He ignores all of the evidence that I have awful circulation, and this strategy just makes my foot REALLY cold. Also, I'm not too hot in the first place, it's just that I'm warmer than the air around me which prevents him from loosing as much heat as he would if he was lying by himself. This leads to the following conversation quite a bit:

SO: You're too hot. Vent a toe.
Me: I'm not too hot, you're too hot. You vent a toe.
SO: NutMeg, trust me. You're overheating. You need to vent your foot.
Me: SO, do you know how infuriating it is to have someone else try to tell you what your own body is feeling? Repeat after me. I. AM. NOT. HOT.
SO: NutMeg, we have this argument a lot. See? You're sweating.
Me: SO, I'm going to kill you soon. The only sweat is where we're touching, the rest of me is fine. Oddly enough, there is sweat all over your body. Now go away and leave me alone. I'm not snuggling with you anymore.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on November 29, 2010, 11:25:54 AM
On the other end of the spectrum . . . when you're the one that's right and nobody believes you. How far do you go to convince them? Or do you just let it drop?

This is what really gets me.

My in-laws think I'm nuts. They love me, but they still think I'm crazy. So when we bought our house, the living room had parquet flooring. I mentioned the parquet floors and MIL said, "Parkay? That's butter, not flooring, honey." I had MIL, FIL, SIL, and DH all laughing at how idiotic I was to think that there was such a thing as parquet flooring.

Over a year later, the ILs were shopping for new flooring for their home. The next time I saw them, my very abashed MIL told me, "The salesman showed us parquet flooring...I guess it really does exist." Oh, sweet justice, even if it was a year late in coming.

And you didn't have a heart to heart with DH????

Emma
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shopaholic on November 29, 2010, 11:56:07 AM
My dad. Thinks his PhD also gives him an MD and a VMD (is that the correct term for a vet's degree?)

For instance, he insists to this day that our deceased dog had diabetes because my grandma used to feed her chocolate treats (this one I just might give him).
We always keep Irish Setters or part Irish Setters. These dogs tend to have eye infections. My dad has been treating our dogs and their offspring with now discontinued human antibiotic ointment for 30 years (to be fair, he also uses it on himself - but from a different tube :)) One time this treatment culminated with my dad and uncle taking a vespa with five puppies in a sack to the vet on a holiday evening (dad driving, uncle holding puppy sack) All puppies were OK.

When I was 15 I had a tonsil abcess which got me hospitalized for 3 days. Since then I've been very wary of pain in that area. One time when my parents were abroad, I had an infection and the pain would not abate so my aunt took me to the ER. My dad couldn't catch me on ICQ, so he called and from Alaska(!!) came up with the diagnosis: "maybe it's a tumor?".
Since then that has been my reply to him every time he complains of pain.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on November 29, 2010, 01:13:31 PM
When I was 15 I had a tonsil abcess which got me hospitalized for 3 days. Since then I've been very wary of pain in that area. One time when my parents were abroad, I had an infection and the pain would not abate so my aunt took me to the ER. My dad couldn't catch me on ICQ, so he called and from Alaska(!!) came up with the diagnosis: "maybe it's a tumor?".
Since then that has been my reply to him every time he complains of pain.


The bolded made me laugh so hard I snorted milk!

"Maybe it's a tumor?" Honestly, who does that?  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 29, 2010, 01:18:41 PM
When I was 15 I had a tonsil abcess which got me hospitalized for 3 days. Since then I've been very wary of pain in that area. One time when my parents were abroad, I had an infection and the pain would not abate so my aunt took me to the ER. My dad couldn't catch me on ICQ, so he called and from Alaska(!!) came up with the diagnosis: "maybe it's a tumor?".
Since then that has been my reply to him every time he complains of pain.


The bolded made me laugh so hard I snorted milk!

"Maybe it's a tumor?" Honestly, who does that?  ::)
This reminds me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding where her father's cure-all for anything and everything was Windex!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Jess13 on November 29, 2010, 01:28:24 PM
VMD (is that the correct term for a vet's degree?)


DVM actually (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine is the proper title of a fully trained Veterinarian)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: phred246 on November 29, 2010, 01:45:59 PM
At the risk of becoming a CKIA, I will state that there is one school that does confer a VMD degree, so our vet referred to himself as a "Very Mad Doctor".
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Karmelita on November 29, 2010, 01:51:38 PM
I may have posted this before. Some guy at college was hitting on me and trying to impress me via complaining about the difficult exam he had coming up. The hard part was going to be the bit on menstruation. I made a remark about having a gender advantage on that subject and he looked confused, until I explained. Then he patiently explained to the dim-witted blond that menstruation was a subject involving geometric measurement and that women suffered from mensuration each month. I argued with him for a few minutes and he became more and more patronising, so I left, hoping fervently that the exam question was worded "Describe mensuration, in detail".

To be fair, he makes a point...though not quite correctly. Menstruation is about physics, aerodynamics and geometry. As is "How much force will it take for me the throw this man through that wall and leave his femurs bent into obtuse angles?"

Then topography enters the subject, as in "What's the shortest distance between me and the nearest pint of Ben and Jerry's?"

Auntie, you just MADE MY DAY.  It was good to laugh after having an abysmal weekend/morning....and luckily I wasn't drinking my coffee at the time ;)

My know-it-all story is about a guy I dated briefly.  He was...special.  You know, the best at everything he did, no one else knew what they were talking about, etc.  He was highly critical and patronizing of everyone around him, including me.  He really thought he was superior to everyone else in every way.  Always used to tell me what a great catch he was and how everyone I knew must tell me how lucky I was all the time.  In reality, he was nothing extraordinary. 

A small example....we were having a conversation and at one point I responded to a statement (don't remember the topic) with "Oh, it's just ignorance, I suppose."  It was meant in the sense of "they are unaware of that particular thing."  He got really snotty and condescending: "I don't think that's what you meant to say.  YOU don't know what that word [ignorance] means."  I said that I do, in fact, know what it means and asked for clarification.  He said "ignorant" means "people who don't act right."  It was obvious that he thought the slang usage was the only correct definition.  We argued back and forth for several minutes about this.  Normally I wouldn't care, but he was so infuriating when he acted that superior (which was almost always, but I digress...)

Dictionary.com is my friend.  He then got really angry at me and yelled that I was SO RUDE for correcting him!  In hindsight, maybe I should have just yelled "Inconceivable!" at him until he piped down ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on November 29, 2010, 02:02:19 PM

This guy is a self-proclaimed survivor type thinker.  He got onto a discussion of if the nearby military base, and asked all of us what would happen if a mutagen escaped the Base and entered town and made us into Zombies.


He's a conspiracy theorist. You can't reason with them at all, because whatever facts you have Are Wrong and The Government is Surpressing The Truth.   Even if you're correcting their knowledge on something you'd consider trivial, such as telling them that potatoes originated in the Andes, not Ireland, well, That's What They Want You to Think!  Yes, I have worked with more than a few.


And for conspiracy theorists, the complete lack of evidence to back up their woo-woo theories is PROOF of how well the government has covered up the fact that all US presidents since JFK have been space aliens.  ("It must be true," my grandmother said.  "I read it in the Weekly World News, and the government wouldn't let them print it if it wasn't true."  OK, granny, whatever.)

I had to haul out the medical encyclopedia with DH one day.  He was insisting men have one less rib than women, which was proof of his own religious belief.  "See the page labeled 'male skeleton' here?  See that all the ribs are paired?  Where is the missing one?"  He then tried to argue that maybe it was one pair less, so I made him count the ribs on the male skeleton and the female skeleton.  I'm fairly certain that it didn't change his views on evolution vs. religion (he tried to argue "But that's just a picture!"), but it did make him much more cautious about disseminating his dogma as 'truth'.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on November 29, 2010, 02:05:08 PM
Ah, I see many of you have met my former roommate. She knew EVERYTHING. I mentioned the Language Debate, but it's worth repeating here. As background, I have bachelor's degrees in French and Spanish language, but wasn't raised speaking either, so I learned both from nothing. Roommate at that time was working towards a bachelor's in biochemistry (and she was quite smart, just not about EVERYTHING) and had taken a grand total of one year of Spanish in college, and no French at all. We once had a conversation that went pretty much like this.

Me: I found French easier to learn really. Spanish and all its darn tenses!
Captain Know-It-All: No, Spanish is easier.
Me: Oh, I know some people think Spanish is easier, but for me French was.
Captain KIA: No. SPANISH is easier.
Me: ...Compared to what? You've never studied any other language.
Captain KIA: Spanish is just easier.
Me:  ::) Okay. ::walks away::

Then there was the time that she insisted that "mountain lions" and "cougars" were two species separate and apart. When I pointed out that they're just two different names for the same animal (having grown up in an area where those critters are still a definite part of the ecosystem, I know a bit about them. Mostly how to avoid them, because they are scary ;) ), she informed me that SHE studied BIOLOGY therefore she KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT. Righty-o, then.

That's not even going into how she used to glare at me and make PA comments whenever I ate meat in her presence. Because she was a vegetarian, therefore she should not be exposed to me eating my pork chop at our shared dining room table.

I am SO thankful for the roommate I have now, who is awesome.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PeasNCues on November 29, 2010, 02:16:59 PM
I had a friend like this, except when she did it, it was because someone had told her something and that someone MUST be right. The way she worded it drive me nuts too. She wouldn't come out and say you were wrong, she'd just be really condescending about it and will not let it go!

Her: So-and-so said that if you tickeled rabbits the right way, they'd grow wings and fly!
Me: Actually, that's not true. Rabbits can't grow wings.
Her: ... So-and-so is a vet tech, so...
Me: So?
Her: Well, it's just this is kind of his field...
Me: Oh, so he specifically studies rabbits? I wonder where he heard that rabbits grow wings, because it says right here in this book by Famous Rabbit Expert that this is simply not true in any way.
Her: Well, he doesn't study rabbits specifically, but he know these kinds of things. So, I believe it.
Me: Okay
Her: Because he wouldn't say it if it weren't true.
Me: Okay, *bean dips*
Her: So maybe you should check your sources.
Me: Famous Rabbit Expert is considered the top in the field in all of the US and most of Europe.
Her: Still... so-and-so knows these things.
Me: *bangs head on table*
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shopaholic on November 29, 2010, 02:25:20 PM
Oh, I love it when people think so-and-so must know something because he is a whatever.

I had one of these a few years back (maybe I mentioned it).
After a very filling dinner, Doctor joked that people should also have five stomaches like cows.
Being a recent biology grad, I piped up "four!".
At which Woman turns to me and says "he's a doctor!" complete with emphasis and pitying look.

(Good thing I heard about jher comment later via BF, because I may have just explained to her that cow physiology is a recommended subject for biologists, but definitely not for doctors. Maybe even with pictures :D)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on November 29, 2010, 02:40:18 PM
I had to haul out the medical encyclopedia with DH one day.  He was insisting men have one less rib than women, which was proof of his own religious belief.  "See the page labeled 'male skeleton' here?  See that all the ribs are paired?  Where is the missing one?"  He then tried to argue that maybe it was one pair less, so I made him count the ribs on the male skeleton and the female skeleton.  I'm fairly certain that it didn't change his views on evolution vs. religion (he tried to argue "But that's just a picture!"), but it did make him much more cautious about disseminating his dogma as 'truth'.

Okay, I've been lurking on this thread for a while but this is the one that made me go "Gaaah!!"

I have had that very same argument - with a fellow scientist no less!  I did an internship in a skeleton lab.  I saw male and female skeletons laid out, side by side.  I counted the ribs myself.  Don't tell me I'm wrong!  *deep breath*

I try really hard not to be a "know-it-all" but when I am right, I have a hard time letting it be.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: girlysprite on November 29, 2010, 02:57:15 PM
Once, a guy on a subforum about science and boogy-science.

There was a woman who had a severly autistic son. The man kept insisting that it was due to heavy metals in his body, and that detox mud would make him normal again. No proof of course, no we just had to believe him because the mud made him feel so good! And then he would continue to berate that woman for not wanting the best for her child, keeping him in that state, and not putting the kid in that magic mud bath.
It was appalling. He ended up getting banned.  

Or people who have this stereotype in their head that all people who shop at a reform food shop (not exactly sure if thats the right word, but it's a shop where people can buy eco-friendly food without artificial additives). My brother is one of these types, who insist that all people who shop there are these vague hippy-like people with too much money.
"But mom shops there"
"But she is a bit vague too, but that's different."
"I shop there."
"But you're an exception."
"But my colleagues shop there."
"well they are different too, I'm talking about those other people."

At that point I just burst out in laughter.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PeasNCues on November 29, 2010, 02:57:39 PM
I try really hard not to be a "know-it-all" but when I am right, I have a hard time letting it be.
I only have problems letting it go when it's about rabbits. I think it's anything someone is passionate about - I can't stand people spreading false information about rabbits and it's hard for me to bite my tongue when I know I am right! lol!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 29, 2010, 03:08:08 PM
Once, a guy on a subforum about science and boogy-science.

There was a woman who had a severly autistic son. The man kept insisting that it was due to heavy metals in his body, and that detox mud would make him normal again. No proof of course, no we just had to believe him because the mud made him feel so good! And then he would continue to berate that woman for not wanting the best for her child, keeping him in that state, and not putting the kid in that magic mud bath.
It was appalling. He ended up getting banned.   

Back a few hundred years ago, before OSHA, there was a basis for 'water treatments' like they used to do with mental patients. Some mental isues were caused heavy metal poisoning, and water helped leach it from the body. They had no idea this was the reason it seemed to work, but it did. It's been suggested that Van Gogh was helped by these treatments.

/tangent


I only have problems letting it go when it's about rabbits. I think it's anything someone is passionate about - I can't stand people spreading false information about rabbits and it's hard for me to bite my tongue when I know I am right! lol!

LOL, I'm picturing people spready nasty gossip about bunnies :D

But I heard that you can make a rabbit 'faint' by flipping it over and stroking it's cheeks. True or hooey?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: lilfox on November 29, 2010, 03:30:40 PM
My dad. Thinks his PhD also gives him an MD and a VMD (is that the correct term for a vet's degree?)

Funny, my mom thinks *my* PhD also gave me an MD and a DVM.   ;D  And because my field is psychology, I must also know clinical psychiatry (really really don't).  So every once in a while she asks me what this or that symptom means, whether it's a person's or cat's problem, or a physical or possibly mental problem.  Lucky for her I read a lot and like to play armchair diagnostician so I enjoy it.  But she doesn't just assume I'm right nor do I ever insist I know for sure!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on November 29, 2010, 03:37:43 PM
I had to haul out the medical encyclopedia with DH one day.  He was insisting men have one less rib than women, which was proof of his own religious belief.  "See the page labeled 'male skeleton' here?  See that all the ribs are paired?  Where is the missing one?"  He then tried to argue that maybe it was one pair less, so I made him count the ribs on the male skeleton and the female skeleton.  I'm fairly certain that it didn't change his views on evolution vs. religion (he tried to argue "But that's just a picture!"), but it did make him much more cautious about disseminating his dogma as 'truth'.

Okay, I've been lurking on this thread for a while but this is the one that made me go "Gaaah!!"

I have had that very same argument - with a fellow scientist no less!  I did an internship in a skeleton lab.  I saw male and female skeletons laid out, side by side.  I counted the ribs myself.  Don't tell me I'm wrong!  *deep breath*

I try really hard not to be a "know-it-all" but when I am right, I have a hard time letting it be.

You know...I don't mind someone who truly "knows-it-all" (on any given subject) corrects me.  What does get annoying is when the level of detail is such that only a person studying it in depth would understand.  I usually listen until my brain glazes over and then interject acknowledging the other person's right-ness. 

For example, my friend Amanda has her Master's in political science and knows much more about how politics work than I do.  I once mentioned something (wrong) about the way elections work in the US, and she corrected me.  Which was fine, until she kept going and going and going, talking for nearly an hour before I finally just told her I had to go and ended the call.  I don't remember the exact comment I'd made, but it was cleared up about 2 mins into the conversation.  Enough already.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: lilfox on November 29, 2010, 03:38:09 PM
My SO. He seems to think that every strategy he has ever used for himself will work for me.

My DH is the opposite.  ONLY his strategies will ever work for him and no outside suggestion need apply.  His reasoning is, <DHstrategy> has never failed before and therefore it never will.  So he will continue to say years-expired medicines or canned food is still fine (because he's never gotten sick from it), reuse the same contact lens storage solution (because his eye problems can be blamed on mild cat allergies that he doesn't actually have), and not see a doctor about persistent but low-level health issues (because "it's just stress and all the doctor will say is, be less stressed").

At least with the expired stuff, I got rid of all of it when I moved in.  Sheesh!

BTW, I love the expression "vent a toe" because that absolutely does work for me.   :D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 29, 2010, 03:40:01 PM
My SO. He seems to think that every strategy he has ever used for himself will work for me.

My DH is the opposite.  ONLY his strategies will ever work for him and no outside suggestion need apply.  His reasoning is, <DHstrategy> has never failed before and therefore it never will.  So he will continue to say years-expired medicines or canned food is still fine (because he's never gotten sick from it), reuse the same contact lens storage solution (because his eye problems can be blamed on mild cat allergies that he doesn't actually have), and not see a doctor about persistent but low-level health issues (because "it's just stress and all the doctor will say is, be less stressed").

At least with the expired stuff, I got rid of all of it when I moved in.  Sheesh!

BTW, I love the expression "vent a toe" because that absolutely does work for me.   :D


Works for me too, but the idea of asking someone else to do that is weird.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PeasNCues on November 29, 2010, 03:47:25 PM
But I heard that you can make a rabbit 'faint' by flipping it over and stroking it's cheeks. True or hooey?
Some rabbits will go into what is called a "trance" if you hold them on their backs. Their bodies relax and then seem to be sleeping. The subject is, however, very contentious in the bunny-world because there is a debate as to whether the bunnies are really relaxed or if they are so stressed out that they simply go limp (playing dead type thing). It seems to depend on the bunny. Some go into the trance and enjoy it, other go into the trance because they are panicing.

I've never tried it with any of my bunnies.

I've never heard of stroking their cheeks making them trance. I know my rabbits enjoy that very much and will purr.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 29, 2010, 03:57:33 PM
But I heard that you can make a rabbit 'faint' by flipping it over and stroking it's cheeks. True or hooey?
Some rabbits will go into what is called a "trance" if you hold them on their backs. Their bodies relax and then seem to be sleeping. The subject is, however, very contentious in the bunny-world because there is a debate as to whether the bunnies are really relaxed or if they are so stressed out that they simply go limp (playing dead type thing). It seems to depend on the bunny. Some go into the trance and enjoy it, other go into the trance because they are panicing.

I've never tried it with any of my bunnies.

I've never heard of stroking their cheeks making them trance. I know my rabbits enjoy that very much and will purr.

Thank you! (I also didn't know that rabbits could purr).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Sirius on November 29, 2010, 03:59:25 PM
A sub-category is people who know you better than you know yourself. 

I'm in a group where by coincidence, we all own houses.  Several of us, including me, just bought our first homes and several are renovating, so we end up talking houses a lot.  This one charming woman has decided that since she's "older" (by 2 years,) she has infinite advice for me.  Every time I mention changing something, like painting walls or upgrading my hot water heater, she tells me I'm going to lower my resale value.  And no, I'm not painting things neon pink.  Even if I was, it's my house and that's kind of the point of having my own place! 

<snip>



Because of my sister's health issues she and her husband decided to build their new house so that it would be easily adaptable for someone using a walker or a wheelchair, e.g. wider doorways, grab bars in the bathrooms, etc.  Practically every builder who worked on her house told her she was lowering the resale value on their house by insisting on the innovations to make it easier to adapt.  She didn't fall for it; she got a copy of the Texas state building codes and studied it, to where she knew it as well as the builder, and whenever they'd tell her they couldn't do something by law she'd look it up, and 99% of the time they didn't know what they were talking about.  In fact, aside from the architect (who thought it was an excellent idea) and the person who put in her tile floors (who also thought it was an excellent idea) everyone else gave her a hard time.  Fortunately she's not one to back down, especially when she's done her homework and knows what she's talking about.  She told the person who put in her kitchen cabinets that if he didn't stop giving her a hard time about following the blueprints she'd fire his bu** and get someone else who would do it the right way.  Then the tile guy got after the cabinet guy, because the tile guy had referred him to Sis, and he felt that the tile guy was making him look bad.  He gave her a hard time about wanting the drawer for the knives to be on her left.  She told him, "I'm left-handed.  That's where I want the knife drawer."  Even after she told him why she wanted the knife drawer on the left he put it on the right, and she made him change it and not charge her for it since it was his mistake.  

She also said that she wasn't worried about resale value since, as she told me, "I'm not leaving that house until I'm carried out feet first."  You know, I'd hate to work for my sister.  Then again, maybe not.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on November 29, 2010, 04:01:26 PM
I've seen some bunnys at fiber fairs that their owners will put them on their back to brush their tummys....

most of them start purring

I picked one up from some lady who had just bought it -- she was trying to cuddle it and poor bunny wanted nothing more to do than escape. up and over her sholder

I put it in a baby cradle carry - head under my chin and he just went to sleep all calm and purry.  Wasn't exactly on his back but his feet were sticking out sideways...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PeasNCues on November 29, 2010, 04:05:38 PM
Yeah not all bunnies will trance.  ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Poirot on November 29, 2010, 04:06:13 PM
To be fair, he makes a point...though not quite correctly. Menstruation is about physics, aerodynamics and geometry. As is "How much force will it take for me the throw this man through that wall and leave his femurs bent into obtuse angles?"

Then topography enters the subject, as in "What's the shortest distance between me and the nearest pint of Ben and Jerry's?"
[/quote]

 ;D I love me some Auntie Venom!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on November 29, 2010, 04:06:46 PM
SO (Max) does this to some extent, not so much about what he knows**, but what he can do. Really, it is to laugh. According to him, he is a better driver than Mario Andretti, a better skier than Jean Claude Killy, a better gymnast than Olga Korbut (I'm using old examples here, cuz we're old :P). If there is anything he hasn't done, it's only because he doesn't want to, but with a bit of training, no doubt he could be at the top of the game in golf, bowling, tennis, whatever ::)

Don't get him started on writers. Stephen King? Horrible writer. JK Rowling? A hack. CS Lewis? A christian apologist and a one-trick pony. And so on, often without having read a single book by whatever author he is ripping to shreds. Really, if he weren't so charming I would have throttled him in his sleep years ago.

**He seriously knows a lot. Genius IQ and fairly well read, he has an engaging, enquiring mind, and 9 times out of ten, he turns out right in our arguments. It's interesting that he is far more modest about his real gifts than his imagined ones :D

Uh-oh. I think weíre dating the same guy.

I have mentioned my friend Che before Ė she is a doctor, and bossy, and argumentative, and a know-it-all Ė and to top it off she is also beautiful, so she is a little intimidating, too. I am always glad when she is around so Gish has someone else to argue with. When those two are going at it, even someone with personal and first-hand experience with whatever they are arguing about canít get a word in. He adores her. Mr. Che and I just leave them alone; we go off and have drinks and be silly and leave them to be supercilious together.


...wow, 6 new replies while i was typing!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Stormtreader on November 29, 2010, 04:10:17 PM
And for conspiracy theorists, the complete lack of evidence to back up their woo-woo theories is PROOF of how well the government has covered up the fact that all US presidents since JFK have been space aliens.  ("It must be true," my grandmother said.  "I read it in the Weekly World News, and the government wouldn't let them print it if it wasn't true."  OK, granny, whatever.)

So the government doesnt want you to know about stuff, but will still proofread the leaks to make sure that all that facts theyre revealing are right? :D I love the thought that theres a department somewhere saying "All right, you got us, but for the record there was actually 3 aliens not 4, and they were blue. Ok then, off you go, you make sure its all correct now!"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: EngineerChick on November 29, 2010, 04:10:45 PM
To be fair, he makes a point...though not quite correctly. Menstruation is about physics, aerodynamics and geometry. As is "How much force will it take for me the throw this man through that wall and leave his femurs bent into obtuse angles?"

Then topography enters the subject, as in "What's the shortest distance between me and the nearest pint of Ben and Jerry's?"

Auntie Venom, I love you.  I will have to remember this, and attempt to use it in conversation.   :-*

"Maybe it's a tumor?" Honestly, who does that?  ::)

He may have been trying to be funny and quote from Kindergarten Cop, where a child makes that comment to Arnold Schwartzenegger (sp?) when he mentions he has a headache.  My dad makes that comment to us all the time when we say we have a headache.  Of course, he also says it to his brother, who actually does have a brain tumor.  Both find it quite hilarious.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 29, 2010, 04:12:56 PM
I had to haul out the medical encyclopedia with DH one day.  He was insisting men have one less rib than women, which was proof of his own religious belief.  "See the page labeled 'male skeleton' here?  See that all the ribs are paired?  Where is the missing one?"  He then tried to argue that maybe it was one pair less, so I made him count the ribs on the male skeleton and the female skeleton.  I'm fairly certain that it didn't change his views on evolution vs. religion (he tried to argue "But that's just a picture!"), but it did make him much more cautious about disseminating his dogma as 'truth'.

Okay, I've been lurking on this thread for a while but this is the one that made me go "Gaaah!!"

I have had that very same argument - with a fellow scientist no less!  I did an internship in a skeleton lab.  I saw male and female skeletons laid out, side by side.  I counted the ribs myself.  Don't tell me I'm wrong!  *deep breath*

I try really hard not to be a "know-it-all" but when I am right, I have a hard time letting it be.

My freshman year of high school I had a biology teacher who taught us this.

And speaking of teachers, my dad told me of one nun (he went to Catholic school) who told them that Q is ALWAYS followed by a U, NO exceptions.  Someone raised their hand and said "Isn't there a country whose name ends in Q?"  She said "I'll believe it when I see it!"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Sirius on November 29, 2010, 04:16:18 PM
But I heard that you can make a rabbit 'faint' by flipping it over and stroking it's cheeks. True or hooey?
Some rabbits will go into what is called a "trance" if you hold them on their backs. Their bodies relax and then seem to be sleeping. The subject is, however, very contentious in the bunny-world because there is a debate as to whether the bunnies are really relaxed or if they are so stressed out that they simply go limp (playing dead type thing). It seems to depend on the bunny. Some go into the trance and enjoy it, other go into the trance because they are panicing.

I've never tried it with any of my bunnies.

I've never heard of stroking their cheeks making them trance. I know my rabbits enjoy that very much and will purr.

My dad told me that if you pick up a guinea pig by their tail their eyes will drop out.  At least he was kidding.  (Guinea pigs don't have tails.)  Also, if you rub a guinea pig who's been around people for awhile and isn't afraid of them on the back just right, they make a trilling noise like a purr.  I've done this myself; the guinea pigs we had when I was a teenager liked to be held and petted.  The female guinea pig liked dog biscuits, as I discovered once while passing out dog biscuits while holding her, and finding her munching on the dog biscuits.  We also discovered that guinea pigs have different nutritional requirements than rabbits; they require more Vitamin C.  We found this out because the pet shop owner where we got our male guinea pig (Spot) told us to feed him rabbit pellets, and he got scurvy and his teeth fell out.  My mother took him to the veterinary teaching hospital that was close to where we lived at the time, and apparently they didn't get a lot of guinea pigs because he had quite a crowd.  Mom said they took his blood pressure by wrapping the cuff around his waist (I would have liked to have seen that!) and he wasn't amused when he was given a shot of Vitamin C.  After we started feeding him food specially made for guinea pigs and plenty of vegetables his teeth grew back.  I discovered this when he bit me as I was feeding him some shaved carrot.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on November 29, 2010, 04:29:47 PM
My FIL is one such person.  You cannot talk about anything with him sharing his knowledge about the subject.  For instance, we just had parent-teacher conferences.  The schools here rely heavily on standardized testing to assess how the student is doing.  DD is in kindergarten and had a rough start, so she didn't do great on the first round of tests (she did much better on the second round and we'll see how she does this next month).  But her low score was obviously because the whole thing is a popularity contest.  In spite of the glowing report her teacher gave to us about DD's general demeanor and class seat work.   ::)

Also, I went to Notre Dame.  Even though I didn't.   ::)  ::)  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ceallach on November 29, 2010, 04:42:47 PM
DH.  I was really sad when the second mine explosion at Pike River happened and that there was now no chance that anybody was alive down there.  I said something to DH about it being very sad, and he responded:

DH:  Oh they were all already dead.
Me:  You don't know that for sure.
DH:  Yes, because nobody could survive XYZ... <big long technical explanation about mining and gasses, oxygen etc>. They were already dead, they were just waiting for the right time to break the news to the families.

Now, I'm sure DH's knowledge of science is accurate.  He's a very intelligent man.  But as I explained to him later that day, it's not nice to phrase your theories as absolute verbatim fact - it's kind of a conversation stopper. Plus his theory was also making insinuations on the characters of the rescuers and authorities involved. He realised what I mean.  The thing is, it's great to share a theory or interesting information, but he often makes up his mind about something and refuses to actually discuss it.  To be fair, I'm too far the other way and like to speculate constantly about hypothetical scenarios....

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Everlee on November 29, 2010, 04:48:50 PM

SO: You're too hot. Vent a toe.
Me: I'm not too hot, you're too hot. You vent a toe.
SO: NutMeg, trust me. You're overheating. You need to vent your foot.
Me: SO, do you know how infuriating it is to have someone else try to tell you what your own body is feeling? Repeat after me. I. AM. NOT. HOT.
SO: NutMeg, we have this argument a lot. See? You're sweating.
Me: SO, I'm going to kill you soon. The only sweat is where we're touching, the rest of me is fine. Oddly enough, there is sweat all over your body. Now go away and leave me alone. I'm not snuggling with you anymore.

This conversation had me rolling!  Has he done it?  Does he really think it works?  If my husband kept doing that to me, I would tell him he'll have no problem venting a toe when I cut it off.   >:D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on November 29, 2010, 07:56:02 PM

SO: You're too hot. Vent a toe.
Me: I'm not too hot, you're too hot. You vent a toe.
SO: NutMeg, trust me. You're overheating. You need to vent your foot.
Me: SO, do you know how infuriating it is to have someone else try to tell you what your own body is feeling? Repeat after me. I. AM. NOT. HOT.
SO: NutMeg, we have this argument a lot. See? You're sweating.
Me: SO, I'm going to kill you soon. The only sweat is where we're touching, the rest of me is fine. Oddly enough, there is sweat all over your body. Now go away and leave me alone. I'm not snuggling with you anymore.

This conversation had me rolling!  Has he done it?  Does he really think it works?  If my husband kept doing that to me, I would tell him he'll have no problem venting a toe when I cut it off.   >:D

Oh he always vents a toe. He just thinks that if venting a toe doesn't work, it's clearly because I need to vent a toe as well, not because he has too many blankets on.

I also love the phrase vent a toe. It makes me laugh, which is probably why I haven't killed him yet.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Wavicle on November 29, 2010, 08:00:01 PM

SO: You're too hot. Vent a toe.
Me: I'm not too hot, you're too hot. You vent a toe.
SO: NutMeg, trust me. You're overheating. You need to vent your foot.
Me: SO, do you know how infuriating it is to have someone else try to tell you what your own body is feeling? Repeat after me. I. AM. NOT. HOT.
SO: NutMeg, we have this argument a lot. See? You're sweating.
Me: SO, I'm going to kill you soon. The only sweat is where we're touching, the rest of me is fine. Oddly enough, there is sweat all over your body. Now go away and leave me alone. I'm not snuggling with you anymore.

This conversation had me rolling!  Has he done it?  Does he really think it works?  If my husband kept doing that to me, I would tell him he'll have no problem venting a toe when I cut it off.   >:D

Oh he always vents a toe. He just thinks that if venting a toe doesn't work, it's clearly because I need to vent a toe as well, not because he has too many blankets on.

I also love the phrase vent a toe. It makes me laugh, which is probably why I haven't killed him yet.

Could you steal the blankets and tell him to go ahead and vent the whole body while you subject yourself to hyperthermia (which will strangely look a whole lot like you looking oh so cozy and happy rolled up with all the blankets to yourself)?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on November 29, 2010, 09:51:46 PM

SO: You're too hot. Vent a toe.
Me: I'm not too hot, you're too hot. You vent a toe.
SO: NutMeg, trust me. You're overheating. You need to vent your foot.
Me: SO, do you know how infuriating it is to have someone else try to tell you what your own body is feeling? Repeat after me. I. AM. NOT. HOT.
SO: NutMeg, we have this argument a lot. See? You're sweating.
Me: SO, I'm going to kill you soon. The only sweat is where we're touching, the rest of me is fine. Oddly enough, there is sweat all over your body. Now go away and leave me alone. I'm not snuggling with you anymore.

This conversation had me rolling!  Has he done it?  Does he really think it works?  If my husband kept doing that to me, I would tell him he'll have no problem venting a toe when I cut it off.   >:D

Oh he always vents a toe. He just thinks that if venting a toe doesn't work, it's clearly because I need to vent a toe as well, not because he has too many blankets on.

I also love the phrase vent a toe. It makes me laugh, which is probably why I haven't killed him yet.

Could you steal the blankets and tell him to go ahead and vent the whole body while you subject yourself to hyperthermia (which will strangely look a whole lot like you looking oh so cozy and happy rolled up with all the blankets to yourself)?

I usually do exactly what the conversation ends with. I get grumpy and roll away, and refuse to listen to future admonitions to vent a toe. Or I will stick my (usually freezing cold) toes on him and say something inflammatory like 'I'm too hot, am I? How do you like that??'
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on November 29, 2010, 09:58:33 PM
My DS has a friend who is a serious believer in conspiracy theories.  Beyonce talks about an alter ego that (Sasha Fierce) she assumes during performances. this means she is possessed by a demon.  DS and I have used the ASL 'I love you' sign for years when we say goodbye; she insists that ASL was invented by Helen Keller, who was a member of the Illuminati, and the sign is actually a recognition sign for high ranking Satanists (or something, I got lost around this point).  I pointed out that while Helen Keller did use a finger alphabet to communicate with Annie Sullivan and her later companions, she was completely blind, and therefore a visual language like ASL wouldn't have been much use to her.  She refused to believe that HK was blind.

Oh dear. That sounds like an acquaintance of my best friend. I've never got to meet the person, although I so very much wish I had. Best friend passed along the highlights of her bizarre beliefs, which included a melding of Atlantis, aliens, UFOs, government conspiracies and the strongly held belief that Jesus was both the son of god and half alien. I so wanted to hear more about alien Jesus, but my friend says she got distracted about arguing how a volcano exploding could not possibly have caused Atlantis to sink below the earth's crust.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on November 29, 2010, 10:03:09 PM

Because of my sister's health issues she and her husband decided to build their new house so that it would be easily adaptable for someone using a walker or a wheelchair, e.g. wider doorways, grab bars in the bathrooms, etc.  Practically every builder who worked on her house told her she was lowering the resale value on their house by insisting on the innovations to make it easier to adapt.  She didn't fall for it; she got a copy of the Texas state building codes and studied it, to where she knew it as well as the builder, and whenever they'd tell her they couldn't do something by law she'd look it up, and 99% of the time they didn't know what they were talking about.  In fact, aside from the architect (who thought it was an excellent idea) and the person who put in her tile floors (who also thought it was an excellent idea) everyone else gave her a hard time.  Fortunately she's not one to back down, especially when she's done her homework and knows what she's talking about.  She told the person who put in her kitchen cabinets that if he didn't stop giving her a hard time about following the blueprints she'd fire his bu** and get someone else who would do it the right way.  Then the tile guy got after the cabinet guy, because the tile guy had referred him to Sis, and he felt that the tile guy was making him look bad.  He gave her a hard time about wanting the drawer for the knives to be on her left.  She told him, "I'm left-handed.  That's where I want the knife drawer."  Even after she told him why she wanted the knife drawer on the left he put it on the right, and she made him change it and not charge her for it since it was his mistake.  

She also said that she wasn't worried about resale value since, as she told me, "I'm not leaving that house until I'm carried out feet first."  You know, I'd hate to work for my sister.  Then again, maybe not.

My mom was told the same thing; she moved last spring, into a new house, and as it was under construction, she had them make a number of modifications for her (she is in a wheelchair).  For example, in the master bath, she had them leave out the tub, and make the shower a tad larger.  Instead of the double sink/vanity she has a double vanity, but one sink, and the other side is empty underneath, in effect making a vanity.  she then has an alcove where the tub would have gone, so she had it decked out with storage stuff and shelving.

People told her this would affect the resale value, but a. she said it's MY house now, and I want it so I can live here b. she's in an over 55 community, so chances are, someone else may find her mods just what they need or want!  Your sis sounds like my mom - you don't mess with her and tell her you can't do something :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on November 29, 2010, 10:06:01 PM
My dad. Thinks his PhD also gives him an MD and a VMD (is that the correct term for a vet's degree?)

Funny, my mom thinks *my* PhD also gave me an MD and a DVM.   ;D 

My dad once tried the "My daughter is a doctor!" line on a pharmacist. He neglected to mention my PhD is not medical, it's in genetics.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on November 30, 2010, 06:27:35 AM
Could you steal the blankets and tell him to go ahead and vent the whole body while you subject yourself to hyperthermia (which will strangely look a whole lot like you looking oh so cozy and happy rolled up with all the blankets to yourself)?

I usually do exactly what the conversation ends with. I get grumpy and roll away, and refuse to listen to future admonitions to vent a toe. Or I will stick my (usually freezing cold) toes on him and say something inflammatory like 'I'm too hot, am I? How do you like that??'
[/quote]

Ahhh, marriage...  ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: FlyingBaconMouse on November 30, 2010, 10:52:47 AM
Before Google was commonly available, I dated one of these guys. The only two times I ever managed to prove him wrong (that I can remember anyway)...

1) We got into an argument about the proper name for parts of the female anatomy  ???, an argument that went on for at least twenty minutes before I remembered I had a biology textbook and showed him a diagram. Actually having said parts apparently didn't qualify me to talk about it at all.  ::)

2) There was an argument about whether rabbits are rodents; fortunately, we were at the house of an actual biology major, so I was again able to dig up a book to prove they weren't. At that point (the argument had probably gone on for half an hour or more, and I'm not known for being talkative on social occasions!), I said "You know, just once I'd like to hear three little words from you when you're not right." He looked at me for a long second and said "How 'bout that?"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on November 30, 2010, 11:34:38 AM
Yeah not all bunnies will trance.  ;D

You know, it's funny what you can learn!  I bred rabbits for years, and never had an instance of them trancing or anything.  Then again, the only times they got put on their backs were when they were being shown and I had to s*e*x* them for the judges (4H, anyone?).  They never seemed to really care about it either way, but that's because I was fast because I never felt comfortable displaying their no-nos  :P.  And the PP who mentioned carrying the rabbit with its head tucked into her arm: you got it!  That's how most of them love to be carried, especially the little ones.  They just want to feel secure, and if they can't see whatever's scaring them or might scare them, they do calm down a lot faster.  And now I miss my cuddly bunnies  :-[.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on November 30, 2010, 11:52:16 AM
My dad is one of these sorts of folks.  He is very well-read, and very well-educated, but he does not know everything (although don't you dare try to tell him that, yeesh!).  I used to be like that too, but realized I sounded just as much of a jerk as my dad did when he would pontificate and drone about stuff, so I worked really hard to stop.  It still pops up, but that is rare, and I usually just bean-dip myself to stop  :P. 

The best one I can recall is when Dad actually argued with me over what my job pays.  I refused to tell him, and he kept going on and on until I said, "No, Dad, no one makes that much in this field unless they *own* the friggin' company!  I'm low-man on the totem pole; I only make $$ a year."  He told me I was wrong!  I asked him how he knew, and he claims he spoke to so-and-so, and looked at this site on the internet, and I asked to either hear from so-and-so, or see this site he went to.  Couldn't produce, and it was suddenly unimportant.  How about that?  ::)

We're having to go through the "know-it-all" phase with my Mom, who also is under the impression that she's a doctor >_<.  Ugh.  But she thinks I'm a lawyer too, and has told people that, so why should I be surprised?  Luckily, she's the only one who looks dumb when I say, "Oh no, I do legal work, but I am certainly not a lawyer myself.  Too much stress!" 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: One Goat to Rule Them All on November 30, 2010, 12:52:43 PM
My FIL is also into conspiracy theories big time. The US government is controlling the weather with H.A.A.R.P. is one of his more benign theories.

His latest theory is that Prince William is evil. He's a freemason, and he's going to bring about the one world government after Elizabeth abdicates in 2012, skips Charles, and has William instated on the throne.

I was able to warn my SIL about this latest theory before my FIL visited them recently, and she said she had a heck of a time avoiding engagement stories on the news so he wouldn't get set off (once he starts there's no going back!).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 30, 2010, 01:07:17 PM
SO has a tendency to want to believe in conspiracy theories, mainly cuz he doesn't trust the government, but then has the good sense to ask himself "What are the odds of A) Incompetent goverment actually pulling this off, and B) Everyone involved keeping their mouth shut about it?" ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: marksgirl on November 30, 2010, 02:16:38 PM
My dad belives in conspiracy therioes as well about 9-11. He also belives a certain historical  event didn't happen and its hard to convince him otherwise. My sister and I have been trying for years.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on November 30, 2010, 02:21:08 PM
My dad belives in conspiracy therioes as well about 9-11. He also belives a certain historical  event didn't happen and its hard to convince him otherwise. My sister and I have been trying for years.

Oh, tell me it's not the moonlanding he doubts...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on November 30, 2010, 02:22:46 PM
My dad belives in conspiracy therioes as well about 9-11. He also belives a certain historical  event didn't happen and its hard to convince him otherwise. My sister and I have been trying for years.

Oh, tell me it's not the moonlanding he doubts...

I was thinking another large historic event.  Relative, I HOPE it's just the moonlanding.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: HushHush on November 30, 2010, 03:01:11 PM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on November 30, 2010, 03:03:26 PM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.

Is that similar to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle?  (I try desperately hard to understand this, and I do for about a day, but then . . .)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: mbbored on November 30, 2010, 03:10:21 PM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.

Is that similar to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle?  (I try desperately hard to understand this, and I do for about a day, but then . . .)

Not quite.  Heisenberg is about quantum mechanics: you can either know a particle's location or it's speed.  The more you know about one, the less you know about the other.

It's more like Homer Simpson taking the wine tasting course and forgetting how to drive.  You can know all about the wines in front of you, or you can drive, but not both.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Corbin on November 30, 2010, 03:14:31 PM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.

As a teenager on a sugar high I developed a theory that I was actually a fictional charcter who existed only in the mind of my creator and anyone reading her/his book. Because, you know, if I was fictional, how would I KNOW?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on November 30, 2010, 03:18:47 PM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.

Is that true of the people, too?  I mean, that would seem to indicate that *we* don't really exist.

Though I do understand it as a somewhat response to the vastness of the universe (though perhaps slightly narcissistic).  Occasionally when I'm sitting in traffic I'll think about all the people in the cars and how their lives just go on and never touch mine, and how amazing and also scary that is.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on November 30, 2010, 03:19:31 PM
My dad belives in conspiracy therioes as well about 9-11. He also belives a certain historical  event didn't happen and its hard to convince him otherwise. My sister and I have been trying for years.

Oh, tell me it's not the moonlanding he doubts...

I was thinking another large historic event.  Relative, I HOPE it's just the moonlanding.

Oh, tell me it IS the moonlanding he doubts!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on November 30, 2010, 03:19:44 PM
The younger of Blanche's brothers is a type 2 diabetic and a heavy smoker.  Whenever anyone tries to suggest that he give up smoking for any reason he counters with how smoking is not related to cancer and how if you're going to get cancer you'll get it no matter what you do because cancer is all genetic.  No matter what you tell him about life expectancy after quitting he'll think of something that contradicts it.  He keeps on at this until the other person is weary of the argument.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: One Goat to Rule Them All on November 30, 2010, 03:50:03 PM
A couple of years ago I stumbled across this video on Fail blog. on Fail blog it's called "conspiracy fail", and now whenever my FIL leaves after talking about bizarre conspiracy theories my DH and I make some kind of reference to all the "low-lying rainbows" his dad was talking about ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3qFdbUEq5s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3qFdbUEq5s)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: faithlessone on November 30, 2010, 04:09:24 PM
As a teenager on a sugar high I developed a theory that I was actually a fictional charcter who existed only in the mind of my creator and anyone reading her/his book. Because, you know, if I was fictional, how would I KNOW?

When I'm tired or a bit spaced out, I sometimes imagine that my whole life is just a dream, and one day, I'm going to wake up, and I'll be an entirely different person. Then I get freaked out, and have to do something to take my mind off it.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on November 30, 2010, 04:12:15 PM
The younger of Blanche's brothers is a type 2 diabetic and a heavy smoker.  Whenever anyone tries to suggest that he give up smoking for any reason he counters with how smoking is not related to cancer and how if you're going to get cancer you'll get it no matter what you do because cancer is all genetic.  No matter what you tell him about life expectancy after quitting he'll think of something that contradicts it.  He keeps on at this until the other person is weary of the argument.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Well, to a certain extent, he's right.  All cancer is genetic . . . but it's not always inherited.  Every cancer involves some sort of genetic mutation - caused by random chance, a carcinogen, a virus, etc.  Also, I have heard that all adults have had a cancer but that normally one's body is able to remove the cancerous cell(s) before it's a problem.  However, while some mutations just happen outside of our control, the idea is not to induce as few mutations as possible.  So . . . stop smoking.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kaora on November 30, 2010, 04:22:32 PM
A couple of years ago I stumbled across this video on Fail blog. on Fail blog it's called "conspiracy fail", and now whenever my FIL leaves after talking about bizarre conspiracy theories my DH and I make some kind of reference to all the "low-lying rainbows" his dad was talking about ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3qFdbUEq5s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3qFdbUEq5s)

Oh my deity... XD That shouldn't be funny, but it is!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: The Opinionator on November 30, 2010, 04:51:18 PM
My dad belives in conspiracy therioes as well about 9-11. He also belives a certain historical  event didn't happen and its hard to convince him otherwise. My sister and I have been trying for years.

Oh, tell me it's not the moonlanding he doubts...
My best friend, who is otherwise an extremely intelligent person(probably one of the most intelligent people I have ever met, actually) truly believes that the moon landing was not real. Because, well, see, if they've done it once, why wouldn't they do it again?  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: ica171 on November 30, 2010, 04:58:41 PM
For those of you who know moon landing doubters, there are satellite photos showing the tracks and debris left on the moon by the astronauts. Although it's very possible that the government faked those, too.  :o
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on November 30, 2010, 05:00:21 PM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.

Is that similar to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle?  (I try desperately hard to understand this, and I do for about a day, but then . . .)

It sounds kind of Heinleinish ... hopefully someone else remembers the people i am talking about. It's completely escaping me.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on November 30, 2010, 05:00:59 PM
There were subsequent moon landings, although the media coverage was less each time (as I recall).

Ignorance may be bliss to some, but it's scary to me.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: lilfox on November 30, 2010, 05:03:47 PM
My dad belives in conspiracy therioes as well about 9-11. He also belives a certain historical  event didn't happen and its hard to convince him otherwise. My sister and I have been trying for years.

Oh, tell me it's not the moonlanding he doubts...
My best friend, who is otherwise an extremely intelligent person(probably one of the most intelligent people I have ever met, actually) truly believes that the moon landing was not real. Because, well, see, if they've done it once, why wouldn't they do it again?  ::)

So your friend only doubts the first moon landing, not the next five?  I always wonder that about people who don't believe the moon landing(s) happened.  They only refer to the first one.  The one date I went on with a moon landing debunker, I was so taken aback that I didn't think to ask.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: The Opinionator on November 30, 2010, 05:05:18 PM
Yes, but no manned ones since the 70s! It's clearly because they can't lie to us now, with all the technology we have. *sigh* We have decided to never talk about the subject again, as it infuriates both of us.

Edited to add, since I just saw ica171's post, the photos are clearly faked. And/or natural occurrences that we are misinterpreting as debris/footprints.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 30, 2010, 05:08:05 PM
SO and I have a theory, evolved on a cross-country drive, that every day the sets are built, and then torn down and built again to simulate reality for us. Whenever we saw road crews, we'd say 'Aha! didn't get started early enough!" ;D

Then we met Neil, who was a solid 24k nutter. He believed (among other things) that yes, the moon-landing was faked, and also, that everything in this world as we know it is actually artificially constructed, deep under Antartica. We laughed, but the man paid our rent for two solid years (we were doing flea markets at the time and he would buy anything having to do with the New York Mets, the 65 World's Fair, the Seattle Space Needle, and I forget what else. Oh, and he had a trust fund, and never had to work a day in his life.

He also ran for president in 2000 and 2004, I wish I could find the websites, they were hysterical. Think 'Aliens under Denver International Airport' and you'll have most of his platform.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: ica171 on November 30, 2010, 05:21:21 PM
Aren't there a few Stephen King stories based on that theory, about the world being a set? "The Langoliers" kind of fits that, and there was a show--maybe the '80s version of the Twilight Zone?--that did an episode like that. (I don't think the Twilight Zone was based on a Stephen King story, but I'm not sure.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 30, 2010, 05:28:30 PM
Aren't there a few Stephen King stories based on that theory, about the world being a set? "The Langoliers" kind of fits that, and there was a show--maybe the '80s version of the Twilight Zone?--that did an episode like that. (I don't think the Twilight Zone was based on a Stephen King story, but I'm not sure.

The theme is probably as old as sci fi. The Matrix was cool because of the effects but the idea has been around forever.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on November 30, 2010, 05:30:04 PM
TZ had Sherman Hemsley in it - as one of the "construction workers"

and I think it is a pretty common "theme" for SF stories.  I know I have read it more than once by different authors.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on November 30, 2010, 05:32:46 PM
Aren't there a few Stephen King stories based on that theory, about the world being a set? "The Langoliers" kind of fits that, and there was a show--maybe the '80s version of the Twilight Zone?--that did an episode like that. (I don't think the Twilight Zone was based on a Stephen King story, but I'm not sure.

The theme is probably as old as sci fi. The Matrix was cool because of the effects but the idea has been around forever.

And The Matrix is loosely based on the allegory of the cave from Plato's Republic, if I remember my one and only college philosophy class correctly. So the idea is really, really old.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on November 30, 2010, 05:34:52 PM
For those of you who know moon landing doubters, there are satellite photos showing the tracks and debris left on the moon by the astronauts. Although it's very possible that the government faked those, too.  :o

I don't know if you enjoy podcasts but Stuff You Should Know did a nice one about people who deny the moon landing.  It talks about how ot was shot on a soundstage, how the photos were faked, etc. but in a respectful and informative manner.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 30, 2010, 05:36:03 PM
Aren't there a few Stephen King stories based on that theory, about the world being a set? "The Langoliers" kind of fits that, and there was a show--maybe the '80s version of the Twilight Zone?--that did an episode like that. (I don't think the Twilight Zone was based on a Stephen King story, but I'm not sure.

The theme is probably as old as sci fi. The Matrix was cool because of the effects but the idea has been around forever.

And The Matrix is loosely based on the allegory of the cave from Plato's Republic, if I remember my one and only college philosophy class correctly. So the idea is really, really old.

I didn't know that. My education in the classics is sadly lacking.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Maujer on November 30, 2010, 05:50:41 PM
I shared a room with one of them in the hospital. I was horribly ill after my surgery last year and had to stay longer then expected. They finally moved me out of post-op after like four days and I was thrilled . . . until I met my roommate. Well, I didn't really meet her because she didn't seem to speak to people like me. She seemed very, very well off and I'm guessing the only reason she didn't have a private room was because she was supposed to still be in post-op, but her family hired a private nurse to sit and stare at her through the night so she didn't have to be in there (to be fair it was incredibly noisy).

ANYWAY - the first day, she was taking pills out a little baggie and the nurse freaked out. She kept insisting she could take them because she's a doctor. Later her doctor told her to knock it off because the hospital was supposed to administer all meds and if she was on something, let them know and they'll give it to her. After being stuck in the same room with her for a few days, I noticed she never seemed to understand what the doctors were saying which seemed strange since she was a doctor. Her family came to visit and it came to like that she was a professor at NYU or something like that . . . and not a medical professor.

The instant they told me I could leave, I basically sprinted out the hospital. I had a spinal fluid leak which is like having a horrible migrane and my husband had to ask her repeatedly to turn down her television.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: amyg on November 30, 2010, 05:55:41 PM

It sounds kind of Heinleinish ... hopefully someone else remembers the people i am talking about. It's completely escaping me.


Yep, Heinlein also took a stab at this marvelous old chestnut, about sixty years ago, in a story he simply called "They."

<snip>

The '80s-era TZ episode I remember very well -- it's the one about the blue men, who rebuild your set from minute to minute. Whenever my old roomie would misplace something, she'd blame the blue men for taking it.

Great premise, really.  :)

     - saphie

Heinlein did it a lot, actually; "The Number of the Beast--" and the books that followed after dealt with various types of solipsism, generally that everyone's a character in someone else's book.

Theodore Sturgeon was also very into exploring solipsism; the TZ episode you mention is based on a story he wrote called "Yesterday Was Monday." He also wrote another story about a guy who discovered that every time he decided he didn't believe in something, it blinked out of existence. Polarization in polarized sunglasses? No longer functional. His girlfriend? Poof! Himself? Whoops.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: One Goat to Rule Them All on November 30, 2010, 06:03:54 PM
Philip K wingadingdingy wrote a short story called "Adjustment Team", which is basically a story about how Dogs construct and control our reality. It's bizarre!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: ica171 on November 30, 2010, 06:10:16 PM
Looks like I need to get some Heinlein books.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: jenny_islander on November 30, 2010, 06:15:08 PM
A Coast Guard wife I knew couldn't find a job on our island.  To get to the mainland, you have to either take an overnight ferry trip or pay at least $100 each way on a jet or prop plane.  The plane lands in Anchorage, overflying several other communities; that's just the way it works here.  Her father, who lives in Florida, went on this huge tirade about how she had to be making up excuses to sit around and eat bonbons and watch soaps because any fool could put a ruler on a map and see that it was this tiny little distance from our town to the nearest mainland town and people in Florida commuted that far EVERY DAY.  By plane even.  So there HAD to be a cheap way to get to the next town and find a job.  Her experience, BTW, was all in fast food.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: HushHush on November 30, 2010, 06:21:54 PM
Heinlein sounds familiar.  I know he read it out of a book and was starting to get really into it and the theory.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: One Goat to Rule Them All on November 30, 2010, 06:27:38 PM
Philip K wingadingdingy wrote a short story called "Adjustment Team", which is basically a story about how Dogs construct and control our reality. It's bizarre!

Ok, that's just funny! His name is not "Philip K wingadingdingy". It's Philip K. D*ck.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Paper Roses on November 30, 2010, 06:30:22 PM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.

As a teenager on a sugar high I developed a theory that I was actually a fictional charcter who existed only in the mind of my creator and anyone reading her/his book. Because, you know, if I was fictional, how would I KNOW?

I don't know how old I was when I first came up with it, but I used to wonder if everyone saw and experienced things completely differently than I - I don't mean just their own subjective opinions, I mean COMPLETELY differently.  Like, maybe to someone else, I wasn't the same person I am to me - to me I'm Paper Roses, but maybe to someone else I'm Zha Zha Gabor, or Liberace, or someone else.  Because, as Corbin says, how would anyone know?  

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: baglady on November 30, 2010, 06:38:57 PM
Quote
As a teenager on a sugar high I developed a theory that I was actually a fictional charcter who existed only in the mind of my creator and anyone reading her/his book. Because, you know, if I was fictional, how would I KNOW?

Hmmm... you sure it was just sugar you were high on?  ;D

Quote
Aren't there a few Stephen King stories based on that theory, about the world being a set? "The Langoliers" kind of fits that, and there was a show--maybe the '80s version of the Twilight Zone?--that did an episode like that. (I don't think the Twilight Zone was based on a Stephen King story, but I'm not sure.

There was at least one episode of the 1980s "Twilight Zone" revival that was based on a Stephen King story. But the "We're just characters in someone else's universe/pawns in someone else's game" was a popular "TZ" trope when King was just a tyke. I'm guessing King got his inspiration from "TZ" more than the other way around.

(Also, Kurt Vonnegut's "Sirens of Titan" had a similar theme. It came out in 1959, same year "Twilight Zone" debuted.)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: amyg on November 30, 2010, 06:43:15 PM


I don't know how old I was when I first came up with it, but I used to wonder if everyone saw and experienced things completely differently than I - I don't mean just their own subjective opinions, I mean COMPLETELY differently.  Like, maybe to someone else, I wasn't the same person I am to me - to me I'm Paper Roses, but maybe to someone else I'm Zha Zha Gabor, or Liberace, or someone else.  Because, as Corbin says, how would anyone know?  

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

Yeah, that's a big thing in cognitive science; we have to assume that everyone has the same perceptual universe, more or less, or the whole thing is just futile. The essential perceptual quality of something is known as qualia; we assume that everyone's qualia of red is the same (well, except for colorblind people); but for all we know, when you look at something red, the qualia you experience is the same as what I experience when I see something blue, and vice versa. But we'll never know.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 30, 2010, 06:44:43 PM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.

As a teenager on a sugar high I developed a theory that I was actually a fictional charcter who existed only in the mind of my creator and anyone reading her/his book. Because, you know, if I was fictional, how would I KNOW?

I don't know how old I was when I first came up with it, but I used to wonder if everyone saw and experienced things completely differently than I - I don't mean just their own subjective opinions, I mean COMPLETELY differently.  Like, maybe to someone else, I wasn't the same person I am to me - to me I'm Paper Roses, but maybe to someone else I'm Zha Zha Gabor, or Liberace, or someone else.  Because, as Corbin says, how would anyone know?  

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

Like colorblindness. They way that can even get communicated blows me away. I mean, eventually they figured it out, but ???

I have a blind (from birth) friend, and when asked about her 'color' associations, she sounds like a synaesthete. She'll say 'white is the smell of fresh paint' because her first memory of 'white' is passing a freshly painted wall and asking her mom what color it was. Stuff like that.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Melxb on November 30, 2010, 06:57:14 PM
My mom doesn't think that anyone landed on the moon.  She's really steadfast in her beliefs:

1)  No one landed on the moon.  They were orchestrated by the government as cold war propaganda.

3)  President L.B. Johnson conspired to assassinated President Kennedy.  She bases this on a photograph of LBJ, with Jackie Kennedy standing besides him in her blood stained pink suit, smirking. 

It's not that she's a know-it-all.  My mother is one of the most levelheaded people I've ever known.  The woman has more common sense in her little finger than most people will ever have.  She's just....very skeptical and critical of "government goings-on" as she calls them.  I love her.  ;D

Maybe we should start another thread on conspiracy theories?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: StarFaerie on November 30, 2010, 07:54:21 PM

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

I think I may have misunderstood this. Even number of lenses? I thought humans only had one lens in each eye and that the image on the retina is upside down. But happy to be corrected if I am wrong again.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: SheltieMom on November 30, 2010, 08:08:15 PM
Someone started a conspiracy theory thread, so I'll get us back on track. ;)

In the late 70's, I was a first year teacher in a junior high school, where most of the students were taller than me, and didn't want to take me seriously. I taught 8th grade math. When we reached the unit on prime numbers, I explained what prime numbers are, and had them memorize the prime numbers less than 100. The students informed me that my list was wrong! They insisted that 0 and 1 are prime numbers, and 2 was not. It didn't matter how many books I showed them, they simply did not believe me. When I asked them why, they said, "because Other Teacher said so." Other Teacher was a science teacher, not math. I suppose there might have been something in his curriculum about prime and composite numbers, but I don't think so.
Other Teacher was an older man who dressed like an old time gangster, in a pinstriped suit, with a cigar in his hand and a Bible in his pocket at all times. I don't think he smoked the cigar in class, but I never saw him without it. He also jumped all over another teacher who asked him what version of the Bible would be best for her to read. He whipped out his Bible, opened it to the title page, and literally screamed at her that the King James version was the only AUTHORIZED version. Then he stormed out of the teachers' lounge. I quietly told her that the KJV was authorized by King James, and I wasn't sure she needed to worry about him.

To tell you the truth, I think we all, including the principals, were a little afraid of Other Teacher. I sure wasn't about to cross him. I guess all the students he taught may still believe that 0 & 1 are prime, and 2 isn't, in spite of my best efforts.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Morticia on November 30, 2010, 08:47:45 PM


I don't know how old I was when I first came up with it, but I used to wonder if everyone saw and experienced things completely differently than I - I don't mean just their own subjective opinions, I mean COMPLETELY differently.  Like, maybe to someone else, I wasn't the same person I am to me - to me I'm Paper Roses, but maybe to someone else I'm Zha Zha Gabor, or Liberace, or someone else.  Because, as Corbin says, how would anyone know?  

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

Yeah, that's a big thing in cognitive science; we have to assume that everyone has the same perceptual universe, more or less, or the whole thing is just futile. The essential perceptual quality of something is known as qualia; we assume that everyone's qualia of red is the same (well, except for colorblind people); but for all we know, when you look at something red, the qualia you experience is the same as what I experience when I see something blue, and vice versa. But we'll never know.

I've always wondered this myself. About 26 years ago, I tried to explain this to my personal Captain KIA. He could not grasp the notion. But, then, he also didn't get time as the 4th dimension. I dumped him after he expounded, at length, on my shortcomings (I was stunned speechless during his tirade, when it was over, I told him we should cut our losses since we didn't like each other very much).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Paper Roses on November 30, 2010, 09:03:00 PM

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

I think I may have misunderstood this. Even number of lenses? I thought humans only had one lens in each eye and that the image on the retina is upside down. But happy to be corrected if I am wrong again.

Maybe that's it - the question was what if someone is born without the lens, or maybe with an extra one.  I don't recall exactly.  The point was that there very well could be people walking around seeing everything upside down, but no one would ever know, because to them, upside down would be "normal." 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: JadeGirl on November 30, 2010, 09:29:52 PM
Unfortunately I seem to attract the KIAs in my SO's family.  Apparently some of these people only think I'm acceptable to the family because my education and career offset the fact that I'm of a different race  ::)

I've been told that everything I learned is "just common sense" and I didn't need to get a "fancy degree", just life experience.  

Did you know that:

- plastic-handled metal cutlery harbours germs that cause babies to die
- the only safe way to eat steak is if it is black on the outside and the texture of shoe leather
- niece was born with spine and heart defects because SIL exercised during her pregnancy (with Dr's permission, might I add, but then again, they don't know anything, right?)
- niece has juvenile diabetes because SIL didn't breast feed (not exactly her choice, see item above)
- washing your hair during "that time of the month" will make your lungs rot and you will die
- viruses and bacteria are the same, and Drs who won't give you (government-subsidised) antibiotics for a cold are part of a government conspiracy against older people

I try to keep a straight face, and SO and I usually have a good laugh when we get home.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: CakeBeret on November 30, 2010, 09:40:39 PM
Philip K wingadingdingy

 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on November 30, 2010, 09:44:41 PM

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

I think I may have misunderstood this. Even number of lenses? I thought humans only had one lens in each eye and that the image on the retina is upside down. But happy to be corrected if I am wrong again.

Maybe that's it - the question was what if someone is born without the lens, or maybe with an extra one.  I don't recall exactly.  The point was that there very well could be people walking around seeing everything upside down, but no one would ever know, because to them, upside down would be "normal." 

Yeah, but wouldn't you/they figure it out if you said 'point to the sky' and they pointed at the ground?

Like with colorblindness, show a person flashcards with colors on it and eventually, you will be able to 'map' their color perceptions, even if you can't see it and they can't descibe it.

(I played this game with my colorblind brother ages ago. I'd show him my green shirt and ask him what color it was, etc.)

What we'll never know is if my yellow is your purple, as long as it's absolutely consistant across all colors.

One of my favorite lectures in college was Edwin Land (of Polaroid Land Camera fame) talking about color and pecerption. He projected a prismatic spectrum onto a whiteboard with a bunch of transparent overlays on top and asked people to come up and draw the outline of what they could see, and then put them all together. There was a huge variation in how far people could see into one end of the spectrum or the other. Really remarkable.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: flowersintheattic on November 30, 2010, 09:59:31 PM
My FH's friend drives me crazy with this sort of stuff! We have different political beliefs, and he'll literally corner me and proceed to berate me on my beliefs, telling me exactly why I'm wrong and he's right. Except he usually isn't. He has the habit of only believing and reading things that confirm his own beliefs, so he frequently misses when things get proven wrong or debunked.

I've tested him, and he'll change his argument if I change mine. Meaning if I start out saying X is correct and Y is wrong, and then another day say Y is correct and X is wrong (I've done this to play devil's advocate in discussions with others in his presence, and also a few times specifically to see how he'll react), he'll automatically go opposite. It makes me wonder how much he's really listening to me and how much he's disagreeing with me because he knows we disagree fundamentally.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: suzieQ on November 30, 2010, 10:13:31 PM
I had a friend in high school who believed that the car on the road behind us was going slower than us and the car in front of us was going faster. Didn't matter that the car ahead of us wasn't pulling away from us, or the car behind us wasn't dropping further back. Any car in front of us *must* be going faster than we were, and any car behind us *must* be going slower.
I never could make her understand we could all be going the same speed.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: whylime13 on November 30, 2010, 10:19:01 PM
I've met so so many CKIA's in my time.  

Here is my favorite today:

I worked part time in a department store (shoe department) while working full time in a post-degree mandatory internship at the local hospital in my field, CKIA had been working at the store for 3-4 years and was in school studying theater (I only mention this because I think I received a lot of his KIA lectures because I was the only other part timer not in high school/ younger then him and it bothered him that I already had my degree).  Despite multiple conversations about my studies, he always firmly believed I was a nursing student (I wasn't).  There's nothing wrong with that, but he would often end his 'truthy' lectures on high fashion with "It's ok honey, you're going to be a nurse someday" when I failed to keep up with his made up facts.

He was really notorious for knowing more then anyone about anything sold in the whole store (he had been there since it was built don't you know) badly enough that I mistakenly thought he was a manager my first few months there.  Mostly I humored him and his crazily wrong stories about the history of our store and fashion - one really slow Sunday I got told the entire life story of Coco Channel - totally wrong, but amusing.

Then, one day (either Mardi Gras weekend, or St. Patrick's day) he came back from lunch panicked because two guys at the pizza bar across the plaza were trying to complete the 'world tour of beer' (150 varieties) in one day.  I said "Don't worry about it too much, I don't think it's even possible to consume that high a fluid volume in one day, and I'm sure the bartenders will cut them off if necessary"  and boy do I wish I remember exactly what came next because it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

He started sputtering and getting really worked up "Don't you know that beer is just poison and I KNOW that they ARE going to have 75 each and all that alcohol is going to go straight through the wall of their stomach and overload the liver, and the yeast from the beer is going to be bouncing around in the small intestine where the insulin shoots in and their blood sugars will spike right up and set their body into overdrive just as the alcohol gets into their brain where the nerve cells will eat it up and there will be too much insulin in the brain for it to function....."

I just stood silently by waiting for him to finish his crazy story (and double checking that there were no customers around) thinking that this was just one tirade of falsehood too many.  When he finally finished I said, "Well, that is impossible"  and briefly explained the physiology of how the body processes alcohol.  

When I finished he sort of squinted/glared at me and said "You're in nursing school, aren't you!?" in the most condescending/accusatory tone possible, "well MY grandpa was a DOCTOR and he told me it happens just like I said it does and someday you will have to learn that Doctors just know more about these things"


ETA:  At the time of this conversation it was just another day working with CKIA to me, and I was trying really hard to keep my cool and avoid it becoming one worked up KIA vs another worked up KIA, and I exited pretty quickly to get back to working, so I missed most of his reaction, but my coworkers assured me that the look on his face when I dared question his knowledge was priceless, and "well, that is impossible" became a department catch phrase for a short time afterward
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kaymyth on November 30, 2010, 10:26:39 PM

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

I think I may have misunderstood this. Even number of lenses? I thought humans only had one lens in each eye and that the image on the retina is upside down. But happy to be corrected if I am wrong again.

Maybe that's it - the question was what if someone is born without the lens, or maybe with an extra one.  I don't recall exactly.  The point was that there very well could be people walking around seeing everything upside down, but no one would ever know, because to them, upside down would be "normal." 

Yeah, but wouldn't you/they figure it out if you said 'point to the sky' and they pointed at the ground?

Like with colorblindness, show a person flashcards with colors on it and eventually, you will be able to 'map' their color perceptions, even if you can't see it and they can't descibe it.

(I played this game with my colorblind brother ages ago. I'd show him my green shirt and ask him what color it was, etc.)

What we'll never know is if my yellow is your purple, as long as it's absolutely consistant across all colors.

One of my favorite lectures in college was Edwin Land (of Polaroid Land Camera fame) talking about color and pecerption. He projected a prismatic spectrum onto a whiteboard with a bunch of transparent overlays on top and asked people to come up and draw the outline of what they could see, and then put them all together. There was a huge variation in how far people could see into one end of the spectrum or the other. Really remarkable.

My understanding on the lens bit is that it's projected upside-down on your retina, and the brain automatically flips it over for you.  I seem to recall reading (YEARS ago, so I've got no citations, alas) about studies where they fitted people with glasses that flipped the image rightside-up onto the retina, and the brain went through a period of learning to recompensate the perception.  So, for a while, they all perceived the world as upside-down until their brains figured out what was going on and reoriented.  The brain is awesome, yo.

As for colorblindness, the spectra for all three versions have been worked out.  I'm not sure if it's from study of the cone interactions, empirical studies of colorblind individuals, or a combination of both, but there are very clearly defined color perceptions associated with colorblindness.

I actually did some research on colorblindness a while back, as there's a 25% chance that I'm a carrier.  I learned that there are in fact two different kinds of red-green colorblindness, depending on whether the individual is missing the green or red cones, and that both are gender-linked.  Blue-yellow is rarer and not gender-linked.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: bookworm317 on November 30, 2010, 10:28:24 PM
When I finished he sort of squinted/glared at me and said "You're in nursing school, aren't you!?" in the most condescending/accusatory tone possible, "well MY grandpa was a DOCTOR and he told me it happens just like I said it does and someday you will have to learn that Doctors just know more about these things"
Not necessarily--my oncologist has deferred to the chemo nurse that's in charge of me(several times, in fact!).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on November 30, 2010, 10:47:35 PM
Aren't there a few Stephen King stories based on that theory, about the world being a set? "The Langoliers" kind of fits that, and there was a show--maybe the '80s version of the Twilight Zone?--that did an episode like that. (I don't think the Twilight Zone was based on a Stephen King story, but I'm not sure.

The theme is probably as old as sci fi. The Matrix was cool because of the effects but the idea has been around forever.

And The Matrix is loosely based on the allegory of the cave from Plato's Republic, if I remember my one and only college philosophy class correctly. So the idea is really, really old.

I didn't know that. My education in the classics is sadly lacking.

Yeah, so is mine. We had to read a whooooole lot of classical philosophy my freshman year of college, and the Cave is literally the only thing I remember.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Paper Roses on November 30, 2010, 11:22:59 PM
Yeah, but wouldn't you/they figure it out if you said 'point to the sky' and they pointed at the ground?


No, because they wouldn't point to the ground.  They would point to the sky.  They would never know that they had "up" and "down" reversed, because they would have always seen it that way. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 567Kate on November 30, 2010, 11:42:49 PM

My understanding on the lens bit is that it's projected upside-down on your retina, and the brain automatically flips it over for you.  I seem to recall reading (YEARS ago, so I've got no citations, alas) about studies where they fitted people with glasses that flipped the image rightside-up onto the retina, and the brain went through a period of learning to recompensate the perception.  So, for a while, they all perceived the world as upside-down until their brains figured out what was going on and reoriented.  The brain is awesome, yo.


This is correct! For others who are interested, there's a really awesome book called A Natural History of Seeing: The Art and Science of Vision by Simon Ings that discusses this and many other cool vision experiments.

On the original topic, I used to date a guy who would, when he was wrong, start pretending like he'd been arguing the right side to begin with. Example:

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."

It got old pretty fast.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on December 01, 2010, 06:28:20 AM
On the original topic, I used to date a guy who would, when he was wrong, start pretending like he'd been arguing the right side to begin with. Example:

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."

It got old pretty fast.

After he pulled that little stunt a couple of times, I would have had to go all Bugs Bunny on him.

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Me: Wabbit season!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Craftyone on December 01, 2010, 07:12:45 AM
sorry o/t but I just had to comment on Fiver's tag line "If you knit a man a Doctor Who scarf, he'll wear it once or twice. If you teach a man to knit his own damned 12 foot scarf, he'll never take it off!"  I did knit my husband a Dr Who scarf and it's now sitting up the top of the wardrobe because he changed jobs and now drives to work. ::)

now to continue with previous service.....
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: mechtilde on December 01, 2010, 07:35:49 AM
Philip K wingadingdingy

 ;D ;D ;D

The forum filter is always fun- I once gave a recipie in which I told people to wingadingdingy the pastry all over with a fork!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 01, 2010, 08:53:51 AM
I had a few friends in college who were of Rainbow faith, and one especially declared herself the authority on all matters pertaining to being a Rainbow.  Only thing was that everyone else I knew who was of the same faith told me the girl had no idea what she was talking about.

I was (and still am) a lapsed Green, who was raised as a pretty liberal Green at that, and was interested about learning about all different faiths and she was willing to teach...only thing is much of her knowledge about Greens was mistaken and severely outdated.  As in citing examples from things the Green churches did back around the time Martin Luther posted his thesis.   She wasn't the only one though, as another friend's bf also considered himself an authority on the Green church...only much of his information was also outdated.   And when I argued with either of them, they told me I was just sheltered and naive. (I was about 2-3 years younger than most of my friends)

The only thing that annoyed me was that I'm of Irish heritage, and proud of it, and whenever I'd wear the green on St. Patty's Day, she'd give me heck about it because "St. Patrick didn't really drive snakes from Ireland, he drove the Rainbows!  So it's Rainbow Persecution Day and as my friend you SHOULD be wearing BLACK to mourn all the persecuted Rainbows!!!!"   ::)   I told her I wouldn't be wearing black, since it's more about celebrating Irish heritage, at least here in the states, and I'm proud of my Irish ancestry.  
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 567Kate on December 01, 2010, 09:21:14 AM
On the original topic, I used to date a guy who would, when he was wrong, start pretending like he'd been arguing the right side to begin with. Example:

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."

It got old pretty fast.

After he pulled that little stunt a couple of times, I would have had to go all Bugs Bunny on him.

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Me: Wabbit season!

Wha a great response! I wish I'd thought of that at the time.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 01, 2010, 09:57:25 AM
I had a few friends in college who were of Rainbow faith, and one especially declared herself the authority on all matters pertaining to being a Rainbow.  Only thing was that everyone else I knew who was of the same faith told me the girl had no idea what she was talking about.

I was (and still am) a lapsed Green, who was raised as a pretty liberal Green at that, and was interested about learning about all different faiths and she was willing to teach...only thing is much of her knowledge about Greens was mistaken and severely outdated.  As in citing examples from things the Green churches did back around the time Martin Luther posted his thesis.   She wasn't the only one though, as another friend's bf also considered himself an authority on the Green church...only much of his information was also outdated.   And when I argued with either of them, they told me I was just sheltered and naive. (I was about 2-3 years younger than most of my friends)

The only thing that annoyed me was that I'm of Irish heritage, and proud of it, and whenever I'd wear the green on St. Patty's Day, she'd give me heck about it because "St. Patrick didn't really drive snakes from Ireland, he drove the Rainbows!  So it's Rainbow Persecution Day and as my friend you SHOULD be wearing BLACK to mourn all the persecuted Rainbows!!!!"   ::)   I told her I wouldn't be wearing black, since it's more about celebrating Irish heritage, at least here in the states, and I'm proud of my Irish ancestry.  

Not to mention getting all those dingdangity rainbows out of Ireland ;D

OK, I probably wouldn't say that, it just fries my bacon when people expect me to share their moral outrage over something that happened a very long time ago. I often want to take the contrary view, just because.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 01, 2010, 10:05:42 AM
Not to mention that I'm sure there are plenty of Rainbows still on the Emerald Isle, just as there are plenty of Greens, who also faced religious persecution in Ireland, and Diety knows the Rainbows aren't the only religion who has faced religious persecution in history but you couldn't get this girl to admit to it, she always acted like Rainbows received the worst persecution EVER. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: flowersintheattic on December 01, 2010, 10:34:02 AM
Philip K wingadingdingy

 ;D ;D ;D

The forum filter is always fun- I once gave a recipie in which I told people to wingadingdingy the pastry all over with a fork!

Wow...I never realized this was a filter thing. Now I know why people refer to Mr. Van Dyke as "Wingadingdingy Van Dyke." It always makes me laugh!  ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 01, 2010, 10:35:42 AM
My understanding on the lens bit is that it's projected upside-down on your retina, and the brain automatically flips it over for you.  I seem to recall reading (YEARS ago, so I've got no citations, alas) about studies where they fitted people with glasses that flipped the image rightside-up onto the retina, and the brain went through a period of learning to recompensate the perception.  So, for a while, they all perceived the world as upside-down until their brains figured out what was going on and reoriented.  The brain is awesome, yo.

As for colorblindness, the spectra for all three versions have been worked out.  I'm not sure if it's from study of the cone interactions, empirical studies of colorblind individuals, or a combination of both, but there are very clearly defined color perceptions associated with colorblindness.

I actually did some research on colorblindness a while back, as there's a 25% chance that I'm a carrier.  I learned that there are in fact two different kinds of red-green colorblindness, depending on whether the individual is missing the green or red cones, and that both are gender-linked.  Blue-yellow is rarer and not gender-linked.

Yes! I remember that study with the upside down glasses. We watched a thing about it in grade school. It blew my mind. I've always wanted to try it.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: ica171 on December 01, 2010, 10:46:27 AM
Philip K wingadingdingy

 ;D ;D ;D

The forum filter is always fun- I once gave a recipie in which I told people to wingadingdingy the pastry all over with a fork!

Wow...I never realized this was a filter thing. Now I know why people refer to Mr. Van Dyke as "Wingadingdingy Van Dyke." It always makes me laugh!  ;D

It took me a while to realize which things were forum filters and which were just eHell. There are still times when I wonder if people are saying crud monkeys or if it's the filter.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: One Goat to Rule Them All on December 01, 2010, 11:10:52 AM
sorry o/t but I just had to comment on Fiver's tag line "If you knit a man a Doctor Who scarf, he'll wear it once or twice. If you teach a man to knit his own damned 12 foot scarf, he'll never take it off!"  I did knit my husband a Dr Who scarf and it's now sitting up the top of the wardrobe because he changed jobs and now drives to work. ::)

now to continue with previous service.....

Ya see! You've got to make them knit it themselves! My DH wears his all the time. I think he'll stop in the summer, though. It's a hot 12 foot scarf!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Cellardoor14 on December 01, 2010, 11:48:47 AM
Philip K wingadingdingy

 ;D ;D ;D

The forum filter is always fun- I once gave a recipie in which I told people to wingadingdingy the pastry all over with a fork!

Wow...I never realized this was a filter thing. Now I know why people refer to Mr. Van Dyke as "Wingadingdingy Van Dyke." It always makes me laugh!  ;D

It took me a while to realize which things were forum filters and which were just eHell. There are still times when I wonder if people are saying crud monkeys or if it's the filter.

Oh- I now say Crud Monkeys here and in real life  :)

I find anything with primates and monkeys fairly amusing anyway! ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kasia_Kiwi on December 01, 2010, 11:59:38 AM
My father and uncle are both KIA's who know-not-so-much but my dad is the winner. However, get the two of them in the same room and you're in for one loud ride. It is probably important to mention that they are brothers, my father is the younger.

My uncle has been into computers since they were new, my dad still doesn't know how to perform basic functions, let alone write/speak/read English well. Who do you think claims to know more about computers? If you guessed my dad, then you win a cookie. What makes my dad a CKIA is that he will proceed to yell at my uncle/anyone for hours about how he is right and there are no two ways about it. The female portion of the family rolls their eyes and run to the other side of the house (they're so loud you can hear them outside).

He will do this to anyone else he thinks is wrong, including me. And he does not argue, he merely yells the same thing over and over again (wording slightly different). And if you try and leave, he will follow you around, telling you why he is right and you're not. He will dismiss all counter-arguments, proof and reasoning.

Avoidance does not work. He will be silent for a while and then come back to where you are, and start his lecture all over again. I have been wrong/stupid/too young and female to understand for 21 years.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Sirius on December 01, 2010, 12:34:08 PM

<snip>
Yeah, but wouldn't you/they figure it out if you said 'point to the sky' and they pointed at the ground?

Like with colorblindness, show a person flashcards with colors on it and eventually, you will be able to 'map' their color perceptions, even if you can't see it and they can't describe it.

(I played this game with my colorblind brother ages ago. I'd show him my green shirt and ask him what color it was, etc.)

What we'll never know is if my yellow is your purple, as long as it's absolutely consistent across all colors.

One of my favorite lectures in college was Edwin Land (of Polaroid Land Camera fame) talking about color and perception. He projected a prismatic spectrum onto a whiteboard with a bunch of transparent overlays on top and asked people to come up and draw the outline of what they could see, and then put them all together. There was a huge variation in how far people could see into one end of the spectrum or the other. Really remarkable.

When my sis started dating now-BIL, he was in the military.  Nice-looking young man, except that he had the most horrendous taste in colors.  One shirt he wore frequently was chartreuse, but at least he wore it with jeans, so it wasn't too hard to take.  Then he told us he was color-blind, so sis started helping him match colors, and after that he wasn't so jarring to look at.  At least, being in the military, he always looked right for work.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 01, 2010, 01:01:00 PM

<snip>
Yeah, but wouldn't you/they figure it out if you said 'point to the sky' and they pointed at the ground?

Like with colorblindness, show a person flashcards with colors on it and eventually, you will be able to 'map' their color perceptions, even if you can't see it and they can't describe it.

(I played this game with my colorblind brother ages ago. I'd show him my green shirt and ask him what color it was, etc.)

What we'll never know is if my yellow is your purple, as long as it's absolutely consistent across all colors.

One of my favorite lectures in college was Edwin Land (of Polaroid Land Camera fame) talking about color and perception. He projected a prismatic spectrum onto a whiteboard with a bunch of transparent overlays on top and asked people to come up and draw the outline of what they could see, and then put them all together. There was a huge variation in how far people could see into one end of the spectrum or the other. Really remarkable.

When my sis started dating now-BIL, he was in the military.  Nice-looking young man, except that he had the most horrendous taste in colors.  One shirt he wore frequently was chartreuse, but at least he wore it with jeans, so it wasn't too hard to take.  Then he told us he was color-blind, so sis started helping him match colors, and after that he wasn't so jarring to look at.  At least, being in the military, he always looked right for work.

My SIL has color-coded my bro's wardrobe for his professional life. It was one of his most disappointing moments when he realised his red-green colorblindness prevented him from ever becoming an airforce pilot (tho he did get his private pilot's license eventually).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on December 01, 2010, 01:05:23 PM
Hah! I'm wondering if any of you felt the world come to an end last night, because with the conversation SO and I had, nothing else makes sense.

BG: There is a building being constructed across the road from us, and they start at 7:30 every morning.

SO and I are lying in bed falling asleep. Note that before I initiated this conversation I was venting an entire leg and most of my torso.
Me: SO, do you mind if I open the window?
SO, barely conscious: I really don't like waking up to the construction noise.
Me: Well I'm really overheated, it would be nice to have a breeze.
SO: You're only hot because of me.
Me: Oh my god, I think the world just ended. Did we switch roles or something?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 01, 2010, 01:09:45 PM

I am rolling NutMeg!

Please please please tell me you suggested he vent a toe.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: geordicat on December 01, 2010, 01:17:44 PM
I once dated a guy who insisted that 'if you are on a diet, you are supposed to be hungry.'  Also, being on a diet meant you ONLY ate carrots and celery.  Being hungry and cranky and light-headed was a standard normal feeling, and just give it some time, and you'd adjust.  Dieting = pain and discomfort in his world.

He also turned into the Food Police if any female mentioned she was on a diet.  To the point where he would take food out of someone's hand.  Dieting meant you starved yourself.

My ex husband was also a CKIA.  He told me I always overcooked the chicken (until it's not pink) and undercooked the pork (some pink).  See, chicken was supposed to be pink and ham should have none, ever.  The cookbooks are all wrong. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 01, 2010, 01:46:09 PM
As for colorblindness, the spectra for all three versions have been worked out.  I'm not sure if it's from study of the cone interactions, empirical studies of colorblind individuals, or a combination of both, but there are very clearly defined color perceptions associated with colorblindness.

I actually did some research on colorblindness a while back, as there's a 25% chance that I'm a carrier.  I learned that there are in fact two different kinds of red-green colorblindness, depending on whether the individual is missing the green or red cones, and that both are gender-linked.  Blue-yellow is rarer and not gender-linked.
There is also acquired color-blindness resulting from head injury.  SIL had a severe head injury as a young child, and has been gradually losing his ability to see colors ever since.  Yellow went first, blue last, so that he is now monochromatic color-blind.  His eyes can still see them, but his brain can't process them.  It still trips me up on occasion; once I asked him what the different colors on a video game meant.  "The dark ones are X, the light ones are Y, and the bright ones are Z."  Corresponding to black, white, and red. 

It's sad, because he can't play games like Uno. :( 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: magician5 on December 01, 2010, 02:10:30 PM
but my friend says she got distracted about arguing how a volcano exploding could not possibly have caused Atlantis to sink below the earth's crust.


Okay, you are so DUMB! I know a volcano sank Atlantis because I've seen it in movies a zillion times! Don't you know ANYTHING?  ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 01, 2010, 02:44:08 PM
As for colorblindness, the spectra for all three versions have been worked out.  I'm not sure if it's from study of the cone interactions, empirical studies of colorblind individuals, or a combination of both, but there are very clearly defined color perceptions associated with colorblindness.

I actually did some research on colorblindness a while back, as there's a 25% chance that I'm a carrier.  I learned that there are in fact two different kinds of red-green colorblindness, depending on whether the individual is missing the green or red cones, and that both are gender-linked.  Blue-yellow is rarer and not gender-linked.
There is also acquired color-blindness resulting from head injury.  SIL had a severe head injury as a young child, and has been gradually losing his ability to see colors ever since.  Yellow went first, blue last, so that he is now monochromatic color-blind.  His eyes can still see them, but his brain can't process them.  It still trips me up on occasion; once I asked him what the different colors on a video game meant.  "The dark ones are X, the light ones are Y, and the bright ones are Z."  Corresponding to black, white, and red. 

It's sad, because he can't play games like Uno. :( 

Hm, I wonder if this is like what happened to a friend of mine... he told me he had faded to colorblind but "sometimes purple still pops up."

(Cue me trying to puzzle out how to explain boss fights in World of Warcraft without using color (Putricide for those in the know), but we got it sorted).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Poirot on December 01, 2010, 03:48:42 PM
Hah! I'm wondering if any of you felt the world come to an end last night, because with the conversation SO and I had, nothing else makes sense.

BG: There is a building being constructed across the road from us, and they start at 7:30 every morning.

SO and I are lying in bed falling asleep. Note that before I initiated this conversation I was venting an entire leg and most of my torso.
Me: SO, do you mind if I open the window?
SO, barely conscious: I really don't like waking up to the construction noise.
Me: Well I'm really overheated, it would be nice to have a breeze.
SO: You're only hot because of me.
Me: Oh my god, I think the world just ended. Did we switch roles or something?

He just needs to vent a toe!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on December 01, 2010, 05:32:38 PM
I was so flaberghasted that I didn't think of taking the snark to that level. I'm pretty sure he was already venting a toe though. He's pretty consistent about that.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Little Jo on December 01, 2010, 05:49:51 PM

A friend of my brother is the biggest Know it all I know.  It is really funny because no matter what we are talking about he will argue. My Sis in law says he could argue with his toenails!
The one I remember is we were talking about the Norman invasion of Ireland. I have studied the Normans extensively. So he starts into the norman invasion saying that it was 1066!
I say "No they did not come over here until 1169!"
Then he turns and launches in to how I am a nit wit and don't know anything. I wait until he runs out of steam and say "It doesn't change the fact that it was May Day 1169!"
Then he says that William I came over. No it was Henry II and it was to ensure that the Normans were to remain loyal to him.
Well he got it so wrong that Evil Jo broke out of her cage and I know I should have kept my beak buttoned but I did not have E hell then and I was getting fed up.
Him: I find Strongbow facinating
Me What's so facinating about him all he did was bring the potatoes to Ireland
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kaymyth on December 01, 2010, 05:57:30 PM
I had a few friends in college who were of Rainbow faith, and one especially declared herself the authority on all matters pertaining to being a Rainbow.  Only thing was that everyone else I knew who was of the same faith told me the girl had no idea what she was talking about.

I was (and still am) a lapsed Green, who was raised as a pretty liberal Green at that, and was interested about learning about all different faiths and she was willing to teach...only thing is much of her knowledge about Greens was mistaken and severely outdated.  As in citing examples from things the Green churches did back around the time Martin Luther posted his thesis.   She wasn't the only one though, as another friend's bf also considered himself an authority on the Green church...only much of his information was also outdated.   And when I argued with either of them, they told me I was just sheltered and naive. (I was about 2-3 years younger than most of my friends)

The only thing that annoyed me was that I'm of Irish heritage, and proud of it, and whenever I'd wear the green on St. Patty's Day, she'd give me heck about it because "St. Patrick didn't really drive snakes from Ireland, he drove the Rainbows!  So it's Rainbow Persecution Day and as my friend you SHOULD be wearing BLACK to mourn all the persecuted Rainbows!!!!"   ::)   I told her I wouldn't be wearing black, since it's more about celebrating Irish heritage, at least here in the states, and I'm proud of my Irish ancestry.  

Not to mention getting all those dingdangity rainbows out of Ireland ;D

OK, I probably wouldn't say that, it just fries my bacon when people expect me to share their moral outrage over something that happened a very long time ago. I often want to take the contrary view, just because.

Well, I'm sure the leprechauns appreciated it.  It cut down hugely on their pots of gold losses.  :D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kaymyth on December 01, 2010, 06:02:09 PM
As for colorblindness, the spectra for all three versions have been worked out.  I'm not sure if it's from study of the cone interactions, empirical studies of colorblind individuals, or a combination of both, but there are very clearly defined color perceptions associated with colorblindness.

I actually did some research on colorblindness a while back, as there's a 25% chance that I'm a carrier.  I learned that there are in fact two different kinds of red-green colorblindness, depending on whether the individual is missing the green or red cones, and that both are gender-linked.  Blue-yellow is rarer and not gender-linked.
There is also acquired color-blindness resulting from head injury.  SIL had a severe head injury as a young child, and has been gradually losing his ability to see colors ever since.  Yellow went first, blue last, so that he is now monochromatic color-blind.  His eyes can still see them, but his brain can't process them.  It still trips me up on occasion; once I asked him what the different colors on a video game meant.  "The dark ones are X, the light ones are Y, and the bright ones are Z."  Corresponding to black, white, and red. 

It's sad, because he can't play games like Uno. :( 

Hm, I wonder if this is like what happened to a friend of mine... he told me he had faded to colorblind but "sometimes purple still pops up."

(Cue me trying to puzzle out how to explain boss fights in World of Warcraft without using color (Putricide for those in the know), but we got it sorted).

I didn't know about that one specifically, Elfmama.  Brain injuries can do weeeeeird things.

Xallanthia, I have an old college friend who's red-green colorblind, but of the "damaged cone" type.  During an RPG session, he once held up a shiny red 10-sided die and commented, "You know, if I turn this thing in the light just right, I can make it turn from green to red and back again...."
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on December 01, 2010, 07:04:12 PM

Well, I'm sure the leprechauns appreciated it.  It cut down hugely on their pots of gold losses.  :D

Only until they realized that pots of gold aren't worth much after taxes.   ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on December 01, 2010, 07:17:18 PM
I am a real pain in the rear because whenever a KIA says something really wrong. I say something about 'I don't think that is quite right' and look it up on the computer or my innumerable resource books I have around. I win! My friends say, "Uh-oh. Here goes Lucy again." I don't even get offended, because I'm usually correct. I am really awful about forwarding Snopes info to people who send weird misinformation. I am respected sometimes, and sometimes I notice those folks don't send me crap anymore. WIN!

Once I heard something about cashews, I looked it up before I argued, the speaker was correct, so all I to say was, "Gosh, Jim! Thanks." That one stands out. There are of course many other instances like that, because,sadly, I don't know eveything.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on December 01, 2010, 07:28:21 PM
Does this one qualify:

This afternoon I attended a workshop on LinkedIn where I was the youngest person in the room (except for the instructor).  One of the women -- no matter who tried to help her -- kept saying that a certain friend of hers found this difficult and confusing "and if she doesn't get it nobody will.  Absolutely nobody."

I was a hair away from telling her that this was the most presumptuous thing I've heard in a decade, but realized that would not have helped anything.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on December 01, 2010, 07:57:39 PM
Does this one qualify:

This afternoon I attended a workshop on LinkedIn where I was the youngest person in the room (except for the instructor).  One of the women -- no matter who tried to help her -- kept saying that a certain friend of hers found this difficult and confusing "and if she doesn't get it nobody will.  Absolutely nobody."

I was a hair away from telling her that this was the most presumptuous thing I've heard in a decade, but realized that would not have helped anything.

Yup. The fellow classmate was presuming that if her brilliant friend couldn't get it, no one could. She was a CKIA about anyone a good student.

Good thing I didn't do that in school. "If that person can't do it, no one can."

(This ranks up there with the exact opposite, my most hated sentence: "If I can do it, anyone can.")
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: MizB on December 02, 2010, 12:55:03 AM
I know some people don't believe Horrible Historic Event didn't happen and it just makes my mind explode trying to understand the logic of why anyone would make it up.

A family friend has very interesting theories about the exsistence of anything outside of whatever space he's occupying.  Like, he doesn't think anything exsists outside his front door until he opens the door and the space is filled with his own expectations his mind fills in.  Facinating guy to talk to but that was a bizarre topic of conversation.

As a teenager on a sugar high I developed a theory that I was actually a fictional charcter who existed only in the mind of my creator and anyone reading her/his book. Because, you know, if I was fictional, how would I KNOW?

I don't know how old I was when I first came up with it, but I used to wonder if everyone saw and experienced things completely differently than I - I don't mean just their own subjective opinions, I mean COMPLETELY differently.  Like, maybe to someone else, I wasn't the same person I am to me - to me I'm Paper Roses, but maybe to someone else I'm Zha Zha Gabor, or Liberace, or someone else.  Because, as Corbin says, how would anyone know?  

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

OOOH I've wondered that too. Like if the color I see as pink someone else sees it as my green, but to them that color is pink.

Or what if human being looks 100% completely different to someone else than it does to me.

As far as created reality Truman Show sounds like the same thing only its other humans doing the creating.

And last one on the ot subject, I dated a guy who thought the whole world was just a figment of his imagination. Kind of insulting really. lol
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: dman on December 02, 2010, 12:55:37 AM
I always found it quite amusing that I was gifted student & knew everything according to my my mother only IN school, the second I set foot out of the school grounds I didn't know one.single.thing.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: jenny_islander on December 02, 2010, 02:10:55 AM
I once dated a guy who insisted that 'if you are on a diet, you are supposed to be hungry.'  Also, being on a diet meant you ONLY ate carrots and celery.  Being hungry and cranky and light-headed was a standard normal feeling, and just give it some time, and you'd adjust.  Dieting = pain and discomfort in his world.

He also turned into the Food Police if any female mentioned she was on a diet.  To the point where he would take food out of someone's hand.  Dieting meant you starved yourself.

So when was he appointed High Captain and Arbiter of Other People's Choices and Bodies?  If somebody grabbed food out of my hand on the grounds that I was dieting, I would probably end up in EHell.  What, are women all naive children who need to be actively managed for their own safety?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: FlyingBaconMouse on December 02, 2010, 06:48:15 AM
I always found it quite amusing that I was gifted student & knew everything according to my my mother only IN school, the second I set foot out of the school grounds I didn't know one.single.thing.

You too, huh? My parents were always trotting out the tale of [Friend's] relative, who had all sorts of degrees but "literally couldn't cross the street by himself."  ::) I've talked to a lot of other people who were smart kids, and I now suspect Friend's relative at least managed to locate a cloning laboratory, the better to send copies of himself around the country to be used as a cautionary tale for bookish children!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Giggity on December 02, 2010, 07:15:55 AM
sorry o/t but I just had to comment on Fiver's tag line "If you knit a man a Doctor Who scarf, he'll wear it once or twice. If you teach a man to knit his own damned 12 foot scarf, he'll never take it off!"  I did knit my husband a Dr Who scarf and it's now sitting up the top of the wardrobe because he changed jobs and now drives to work. ::)

Ya see! You've got to make them knit it themselves! My DH wears his all the time. I think he'll stop in the summer, though. It's a hot 12 foot scarf!

That may be the only way Gentleman Friend's gets done. I haven't touched it in like two months.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Giggity on December 02, 2010, 07:18:18 AM
I pointed out that one cannot testify in court based on someone else's testimony, because that's called hearsay. He said, "Not if the person who told me was a creditable [sic] witness!  I should know, because I've taken pre-law, and you're just wrong!"

I finished college in 1993. I guess the class offering of "Pre-Law 101" was after that.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: ScubaGirl on December 02, 2010, 08:36:31 AM
A few years ago an ex-coworker would have some of us other women coworkers to her house for dinner.  It was a very nice way to socialize and relax with each other (and this coworker loved to entertain).  Well, one woman brought her husband unexpectedly once.  He was a nice enough guy but no matter what the conversation, eventually it would turn into him giving us a mini-lecture on the topic.  I was so tempted to start up a topic involving something extremely female-centric and maybe even intimate just to see what he would do.  I didn't.  :) 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: blewellyn on December 02, 2010, 08:41:11 AM

Quote

I've never heard of stroking their cheeks making them trance. I know my rabbits enjoy that very much and will purr.

Rabbits purr?  Like cats?  I didn't know that.  Are there other animals besides cats that purr?

B
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PeasNCues on December 02, 2010, 09:22:49 AM
I've never heard of stroking their cheeks making them trance. I know my rabbits enjoy that very much and will purr.

Rabbits purr?  Like cats?  I didn't know that.  Are there other animals besides cats that purr?

B
Rabbits purr with their jaws. When they are happy about something, they sort of grind their teeth together to make a noise that sounds like purring. It isn't exactly like a cat, which, I believe, purrs from their chest (?).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Corbin on December 02, 2010, 09:23:26 AM
I once dated a guy who insisted that 'if you are on a diet, you are supposed to be hungry.'  Also, being on a diet meant you ONLY ate carrots and celery.  Being hungry and cranky and light-headed was a standard normal feeling, and just give it some time, and you'd adjust.  Dieting = pain and discomfort in his world.

He also turned into the Food Police if any female mentioned she was on a diet.  To the point where he would take food out of someone's hand.  Dieting meant you starved yourself.

So when was he appointed High Captain and Arbiter of Other People's Choices and Bodies?  If somebody grabbed food out of my hand on the grounds that I was dieting, I would probably end up in EHell.  What, are women all naive children who need to be actively managed for their own safety?

As a long-term Weight Watcher, I have found that very bad things happen when I let myself get hungry. If he had taken my food he may have found me gnawing on his arm...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 02, 2010, 09:47:29 AM
I've never heard of stroking their cheeks making them trance. I know my rabbits enjoy that very much and will purr.

Rabbits purr?  Like cats?  I didn't know that.  Are there other animals besides cats that purr?

B
Rabbits purr with their jaws. When they are happy about something, they sort of grind their teeth together to make a noise that sounds like purring. It isn't exactly like a cat, which, I believe, purrs from their chest (?).
There's debate about whether it's from the chest or the vocal cords.  I lean towards the vocal cords, based on Willow's disability.  She has some sort of vocal cord problem; she cannot mew properly and basically squeaks instead.  And she cannot sustain a continuous purr.  She purrs only while breathing out, so that she sounds rather like a dove cooing. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 02, 2010, 09:52:09 AM
I am a real pain in the rear because whenever a KIA says something really wrong. I say something about 'I don't think that is quite right' and look it up on the computer or my innumerable resource books I have around. I win! My friends say, "Uh-oh. Here goes Lucy again." I don't even get offended, because I'm usually correct. I am really awful about forwarding Snopes info to people who send weird misinformation. I am respected sometimes, and sometimes I notice those folks don't send me crap anymore. WIN!

Once I heard something about cashews, I looked it up before I argued, the speaker was correct, so all I to say was, "Gosh, Jim! Thanks." That one stands out. There are of course many other instances like that, because,sadly, I don't know eveything.

I'm kind of the same way; I have this compulsion to prove the  CKIA's are wrong.  I dont' know why, but it just irks me when someone spouts off and goes on and on about something I KNOW is incorrect.  I'm working on it though :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 02, 2010, 09:55:38 AM
I always found it quite amusing that I was gifted student & knew everything according to my my mother only IN school, the second I set foot out of the school grounds I didn't know one.single.thing.

You too, huh? My parents were always trotting out the tale of [Friend's] relative, who had all sorts of degrees but "literally couldn't cross the street by himself."  ::) I've talked to a lot of other people who were smart kids, and I now suspect Friend's relative at least managed to locate a cloning laboratory, the better to send copies of himself around the country to be used as a cautionary tale for bookish children!

I'm acquainted with some of these as well.  VERY smart, some brilliant, but I alwasy say couldn't find their way out of a paper bag if their life depended on it. I like to think they are so smart because they spend all their time learning, and not enough on the day to day stuff.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 02, 2010, 10:30:12 AM
I once had an argument about blood types with a co-worker.

I have a negative blood type. DH has a positive blood type. Should we have children, that means I must get one of those rhogam shots to prevent my blood from forming antibodies against an rh+ fetus. I even had pamphlets from my ladybits doctor explaining this in great detail.

My co-worker tried to argue with me that you only needed that shot if the father is of a negative blood type, not the mother. She kept saying "you only need to get that shot if the father has a negative blood type! the mother's blood type doesn't matter at all since a woman's body automatically knows not to harm the baby!" She would not listen to me, even after I handed her the pamphlets from my doctor explaining the blood type factor and who needs to get the shot. She said "No, see, that's wrong..I'll google it and prove it to you!"

so she gets online, googles it..gets very quiet...and says "oh. wikipedia says that you do get the shot if you're the mother and have a negative blood type..so you were right, I guess."

She wouldn't believe medical literature directly from my doctor's office, but wikipedia proves everything.  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: baglady on December 02, 2010, 11:11:04 AM
I pointed out that one cannot testify in court based on someone else's testimony, because that's called hearsay. He said, "Not if the person who told me was a creditable [sic] witness!  I should know, because I've taken pre-law, and you're just wrong!"

I finished college in 1993. I guess the class offering of "Pre-Law 101" was after that.

I was wondering about that myself. Is this fellow from the U.S.? Because there is no "pre-law" course or curriculum. A pre-law student is simply an undergraduate who is planning to go on to law school after getting his/her bachelor's degree.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: RingTailedLemur on December 02, 2010, 11:41:08 AM
Stroking a rabbit's cheeks can indeed help it trance.  Some bunnies hate to be turned on their backs, some will obligingly turn over for you and promptly fall asleep.

I did have a CKIA tell me that it is impossible to litter-train rabbits.  I told him I hoped no-one told my two that - if they found out they didn't have to use their litter trays any more we'd be in a horrible mess.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Jess13 on December 02, 2010, 12:34:03 PM
I pointed out that one cannot testify in court based on someone else's testimony, because that's called hearsay. He said, "Not if the person who told me was a creditable [sic] witness!  I should know, because I've taken pre-law, and you're just wrong!"

I finished college in 1993. I guess the class offering of "Pre-Law 101" was after that.

I was wondering about that myself. Is this fellow from the U.S.? Because there is no "pre-law" course or curriculum. A pre-law student is simply an undergraduate who is planning to go on to law school after getting his/her bachelor's degree.

There was a specific course load to take at my school if you were pre-law, that included some of the Criminal Justice classes I took for my minor, but not as many as if you were majoring in it.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 02, 2010, 12:43:48 PM
Stroking a rabbit's cheeks can indeed help it trance.  Some bunnies hate to be turned on their backs, some will obligingly turn over for you and promptly fall asleep.

I did have a CKIA tell me that it is impossible to litter-train rabbits.  I told him I hoped no-one told my two that - if they found out they didn't have to use their litter trays any more we'd be in a horrible mess.

Hee hee! That's pretty funny!

Ferrets will trance out, too; but you have to be careful doing it. Our old vet showed me how. It makes cutting their nails soooo much easier.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PeasNCues on December 02, 2010, 12:59:52 PM
Stroking a rabbit's cheeks can indeed help it trance. 
Well, I know what I'm doing tonight! Bwahaha!

Quote
I did have a CKIA tell me that it is impossible to litter-train rabbits.  I told him I hoped no-one told my two that - if they found out they didn't have to use their litter trays any more we'd be in a horrible mess.
I had a vet tell me this once. It's how I knew he wasn't going to be my bunnies' vet.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Sirius on December 02, 2010, 01:06:16 PM
As I mentioned earlier, our guinea pigs would make trilling noises when they were being petted, but I wouldn't call it purring.  


This is from Wikipedia:  
Unlike "true" big cats, the cheetah can purr as it inhales, but cannot roar. By contrast, the big cats can roar but cannot purr, except while exhaling. 

I thought this was interesting, as I'd always believed cheetahs didn't purr since they're somewhat atypical members of the cat family.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: faithlessone on December 02, 2010, 01:18:29 PM
I once had an argument about blood types with a co-worker.

I have a negative blood type. DH has a positive blood type. Should we have children, that means I must get one of those rhogam shots to prevent my blood from forming antibodies against an rh+ fetus. I even had pamphlets from my ladybits doctor explaining this in great detail.

My co-worker tried to argue with me that you only needed that shot if the father is of a negative blood type, not the mother. She kept saying "you only need to get that shot if the father has a negative blood type! the mother's blood type doesn't matter at all since a woman's body automatically knows not to harm the baby!" She would not listen to me, even after I handed her the pamphlets from my doctor explaining the blood type factor and who needs to get the shot. She said "No, see, that's wrong..I'll google it and prove it to you!"

so she gets online, googles it..gets very quiet...and says "oh. wikipedia says that you do get the shot if you're the mother and have a negative blood type..so you were right, I guess."

She wouldn't believe medical literature directly from my doctor's office, but wikipedia proves everything.  ::)

I've had that same argument with two separate friends. :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ferrets on December 02, 2010, 02:28:39 PM
Ferrets will trance out, too; but you have to be careful doing it.

So true: I just hate it when people are careless and poke me in the eye... ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on December 02, 2010, 02:49:43 PM
Chickens will go into a trance if you hold them upside down by their feet (which isn't terribly nice, but is an effective way to recapture them if they've escaped their run and are heading for the bear-and-raccoon-infested hills. Yeah, been there). They'll also get kind of hypnotized if you flip them on their backs and stroke them. Usually only works with hand-raised, tame chickens, because ones that aren't used to being handled tend to just freak out.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 02, 2010, 03:08:33 PM
I once had an argument about blood types with a co-worker.

I have a negative blood type. DH has a positive blood type. Should we have children, that means I must get one of those rhogam shots to prevent my blood from forming antibodies against an rh+ fetus. I even had pamphlets from my ladybits doctor explaining this in great detail.

My co-worker tried to argue with me that you only needed that shot if the father is of a negative blood type, not the mother. She kept saying "you only need to get that shot if the father has a negative blood type! the mother's blood type doesn't matter at all since a woman's body automatically knows not to harm the baby!" She would not listen to me, even after I handed her the pamphlets from my doctor explaining the blood type factor and who needs to get the shot. She said "No, see, that's wrong..I'll google it and prove it to you!"

so she gets online, googles it..gets very quiet...and says "oh. wikipedia says that you do get the shot if you're the mother and have a negative blood type..so you were right, I guess."

She wouldn't believe medical literature directly from my doctor's office, but wikipedia proves everything.  ::)

I've had that same argument with two separate friends. :)

It's mind boggling to me that she was willing to argue so much about it. "the mother's body knows not to harm the baby!" yeah, sure..tell that to my great-aunt, who had a negative blood type, and gave birth to a seriously brain damaged baby who didn't survive childhood because the rhogam shot wasn't available yet.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 02, 2010, 03:23:49 PM
Ferrets will trance out, too; but you have to be careful doing it.

So true: I just hate it when people are careless and poke me in the eye... ;)

 :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: #borecore on December 02, 2010, 04:05:33 PM
My favorite know-it-all was my neighbor growing up. He insisted that "based on a true story" meant that the movie was nonfiction ... and that therefore Tom Hanks, star of "Apollo 13" had been in space, to cite one example.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on December 02, 2010, 04:10:44 PM
My favorite know-it-all was my neighbor growing up. He insisted that "based on a true story" meant that the movie was nonfiction ... and that therefore Tom Hanks, star of "Apollo 13" had been in space, to cite one example.

to me "based on a true story" usually means that they got the names right.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 02, 2010, 04:14:27 PM
I remember when the grandmother of a friend, when DS1 was only about a month old, told me that his head was oddly shaped and since he was still young enough, I could rub baby oil over his head and using firm pillows and blankets, shape his head properly.  

Oh and because she was a career nurse, I was to believe that her advice was solid.  Errr..okay.  I never did it, just did the smile and nod thing.   Well that same child is now 9 and a half and his head managed to form itself into a proper shape on its own, thank you!  

Another guy, when I was pregnant with DS1, said we had to get rid of our cats because of that old myth that cats will steal a baby's breath by putting their noses near the baby's face and breathing.   And if we didn't get rid of our cats, we would be horrible parents.   
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Jocelyn on December 02, 2010, 04:26:27 PM
People told her this would affect the resale value, but a. she said it's MY house now, and I want it so I can live here b. she's in an over 55 community, so chances are, someone else may find her mods just what they need or want!  
My parents saw a condo they liked, but it was being built with a tub in each bathroom. Finally, at my urging, they asked the builder if he would consider putting a shower stall in one of the bathrooms, one of the stalls that's the same size as a tub, with shower seat at the far end, because elderly people have less trouble getting into showers than into tub/shower combos. The builder thought it was a great idea, and not only modified the unit under construction where they wanted to live, he modified several other units. The units were built entirely without steps, and he was already thinking they'd appeal to elderly people, but he hadn't really thought about bathrooms. And considering that I've lived in my home 6 years now, and I don't think I've taken a tub bath yet, there's certainly lots of people who wouldn't find having a big shower stall instead of a tub to be a problem.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 02, 2010, 05:16:29 PM
People told her this would affect the resale value, but a. she said it's MY house now, and I want it so I can live here b. she's in an over 55 community, so chances are, someone else may find her mods just what they need or want!  
My parents saw a condo they liked, but it was being built with a tub in each bathroom. Finally, at my urging, they asked the builder if he would consider putting a shower stall in one of the bathrooms, one of the stalls that's the same size as a tub, with shower seat at the far end, because elderly people have less trouble getting into showers than into tub/shower combos. The builder thought it was a great idea, and not only modified the unit under construction where they wanted to live, he modified several other units. The units were built entirely without steps, and he was already thinking they'd appeal to elderly people, but he hadn't really thought about bathrooms. And considering that I've lived in my home 6 years now, and I don't think I've taken a tub bath yet, there's certainly lots of people who wouldn't find having a big shower stall instead of a tub to be a problem.

Having a large shower with a built-in seat is one of my dreams, I can't believe this isn't standard. I don't even have any mobility issues, and it makes so much more sense than perching on the narrow, slippery edge of the tub, getting water on the floor, when you shave your legs.

This is one more thing in my list of "you know they were designed by a man"...

Here's another: Toilets. Seriously, all those curves and nooks underneath and behind? Obviously designed by someone who has never cleaned a toilet in his life ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 02, 2010, 05:20:26 PM
People told her this would affect the resale value, but a. she said it's MY house now, and I want it so I can live here b. she's in an over 55 community, so chances are, someone else may find her mods just what they need or want!  
My parents saw a condo they liked, but it was being built with a tub in each bathroom. Finally, at my urging, they asked the builder if he would consider putting a shower stall in one of the bathrooms, one of the stalls that's the same size as a tub, with shower seat at the far end, because elderly people have less trouble getting into showers than into tub/shower combos. The builder thought it was a great idea, and not only modified the unit under construction where they wanted to live, he modified several other units. The units were built entirely without steps, and he was already thinking they'd appeal to elderly people, but he hadn't really thought about bathrooms. And considering that I've lived in my home 6 years now, and I don't think I've taken a tub bath yet, there's certainly lots of people who wouldn't find having a big shower stall instead of a tub to be a problem.

Having a large shower with a built-in seat is one of my dreams, I can't believe this isn't standard. I don't even have any mobility issues, and it makes so much more sense than perching on the narrow, slippery edge of the tub, getting water on the floor, when you shave your legs.

This is one more thing in my list of "you know they were designed by a man"...

Here's another: Toilets. Seriously, all those curves and nooks underneath and behind? Obviously designed by someone who has never cleaned a toilet in his life ;D

Amen!  When I lived in a dorm that had a handicapped-accessible shower stall (one of three), I would always use the accessible one when it was available and I had to shave.  And ditto on the toilets.  I HATE cleaning toilets.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on December 02, 2010, 05:24:55 PM
Bathroom stalls.  Also designed by men.  Worst architecture design *ever*.

Sure, I can get in past the door (which, 85% of the time, opens inward) and stand on the toilet seat so I can close the door again, no problem.  While dodging the tissue dispenser and the trash box.  


(facepalm)

Emma
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 02, 2010, 05:40:21 PM
Stroking a rabbit's cheeks can indeed help it trance.  Some bunnies hate to be turned on their backs, some will obligingly turn over for you and promptly fall asleep.

I did have a CKIA tell me that it is impossible to litter-train rabbits.  I told him I hoped no-one told my two that - if they found out they didn't have to use their litter trays any more we'd be in a horrible mess.

Hee hee! That's pretty funny!

Ferrets will trance out, too; but you have to be careful doing it. Our old vet showed me how. It makes cutting their nails soooo much easier.
So will canaries, to classical music!  That was how I trimmed my canary's claws, yea many decades ago. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kherbert05 on December 02, 2010, 06:04:50 PM
My favorite know-it-alls are the ones who try to tell me that my learning disabilities are due to red food coloring or sugar.  Because sugar makes me reverse letters and numbers and red food dye is responsible for bad handwriting.  When I ask for sources, I get referred to sketchy websites.  When I try to explain about genetics (two uncles and one aunt possibly have LDs), I am ignored.  I now know to bean-dip. 
That reminds me of someone who claimed to be an expert in child education and learning difficulties who ran afoul of my mum when I was about 6. ChildExpert told my mum that she was treating a five year oldchild who had difficulty reading apparently because the child hadn't crawled enough when she was a baby. ChildExpert had the child crawl around the table at home repeatedly and apparently this helped her reading skills  ???. My mum piped up that I had never crawled as a child, just sort of gone from sitting to walking in a very short period.

Aha! ChildExpert leapt onto this and said "Oh, she must be a terrible reader then!". My mum politely pointed out that actually I had the highest reading age of all the children in my class and was reading several years above my actual age. ChildExpert was rather put out by that, and insisted I must have some reading problems that my mum was unaware of.

I should mention I was sitting between the two of them during this conversation, merrily reading a Hardy Boys book with no obvious trouble.

She was rude, there does seem to be some type of link.

Parents of kids we suspect of being dyslexic/dysgraphic are asked about crawling/not crawling or crab walking instead of crawling. Along with a bunch of other questions about reponses to lighting situations, colors etc.

I have cross over - I'm not left or right sided. One of the early signs was I didn't crawl but crab walked (Moved same side arm and leg with my rear stuck up in the air), and from the time I started walking till I was part of medical study that included PT I walked with the same pattern.

In 7th grade (12 yo), a student doc noticed my awkward movements during an eye exam. I ended up in the medical study, and got PT as part of it. After the study was over, they recommended I do dance or martial arts. We had a dance team at school and I was in the try out class for 2 years. I know it sound strange but the PT that included mostly gross motor but it helped my hand writing some.

Still I wasn't diagnosed during the study. It was years later in University before I got a full diagnoses.

 I wonder if when we learn more about the brain if we will find the Rx dyslexic/Dysgraphic is broadly covering similar symptoms of multiple different causes. My dyslexia and dsygraphia seem to be linked to the whole cross over thing.

My co-worker's daughter's symptoms are more linked to her eye sight and different lighting situations. She doesn't have any cross over symptoms and is actually nationally ranked athlete.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kherbert05 on December 02, 2010, 06:24:16 PM
A sub-category is people who know you better than you know yourself. 

I'm in a group where by coincidence, we all own houses.  Several of us, including me, just bought our first homes and several are renovating, so we end up talking houses a lot.  This one charming woman has decided that since she's "older" (by 2 years,) she has infinite advice for me.  Every time I mention changing something, like painting walls or upgrading my hot water heater, she tells me I'm going to lower my resale value.  And no, I'm not painting things neon pink.  Even if I was, it's my house and that's kind of the point of having my own place! 

<snip>



Because of my sister's health issues she and her husband decided to build their new house so that it would be easily adaptable for someone using a walker or a wheelchair, e.g. wider doorways, grab bars in the bathrooms, etc.  Practically every builder who worked on her house told her she was lowering the resale value on their house by insisting on the innovations to make it easier to adapt.  She didn't fall for it; she got a copy of the Texas state building codes and studied it, to where she knew it as well as the builder, and whenever they'd tell her they couldn't do something by law she'd look it up, and 99% of the time they didn't know what they were talking about.  In fact, aside from the architect (who thought it was an excellent idea) and the person who put in her tile floors (who also thought it was an excellent idea) everyone else gave her a hard time.  Fortunately she's not one to back down, especially when she's done her homework and knows what she's talking about.  She told the person who put in her kitchen cabinets that if he didn't stop giving her a hard time about following the blueprints she'd fire his bu** and get someone else who would do it the right way.  Then the tile guy got after the cabinet guy, because the tile guy had referred him to Sis, and he felt that the tile guy was making him look bad.  He gave her a hard time about wanting the drawer for the knives to be on her left.  She told him, "I'm left-handed.  That's where I want the knife drawer."  Even after she told him why she wanted the knife drawer on the left he put it on the right, and she made him change it and not charge her for it since it was his mistake.  

She also said that she wasn't worried about resale value since, as she told me, "I'm not leaving that house until I'm carried out feet first."  You know, I'd hate to work for my sister.  Then again, maybe not.

The Husband of the couple I purchased my house from knew he might have to use a wheelchair in the future. There are several modifications including wider doors and lower light switches. The Moving guys and later delivery guys love the wider doors. It took me a week to adjust to the lower switches. The ones at work are lower too (ADA after recent remodeling at school).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 02, 2010, 06:26:33 PM
kherbert05, that is fascinating! Thank you for posting that!

ETA: specifially post 225, but all your posts are appreciated  :-*

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kherbert05 on December 02, 2010, 07:06:22 PM

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

I think I may have misunderstood this. Even number of lenses? I thought humans only had one lens in each eye and that the image on the retina is upside down. But happy to be corrected if I am wrong again.

Maybe that's it - the question was what if someone is born without the lens, or maybe with an extra one.  I don't recall exactly.  The point was that there very well could be people walking around seeing everything upside down, but no one would ever know, because to them, upside down would be "normal." 

I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: breny on December 02, 2010, 07:06:58 PM
what would happen if a mutagen escaped the Base and entered town and made us into Zombies.

I answer questions like this with another question, "What if monkeys flew out of my butt?"  
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: GoldenGemini on December 02, 2010, 08:23:46 PM
I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.

Totally agree. I have pretty sucky vision, apparently for most of my life.  I am also hearing-impaired.  The hearing issue they managed to spot fairly quickly, because of non-responsiveness.  The sight I didn't get fixed until I was 16.  I had no idea that you were supposed to be able to see leaves on trees, and read street signs before you were level with them.  No-one told me, and it's not really something you guess.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on December 02, 2010, 08:26:08 PM
I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.

Totally agree. I have pretty sucky vision, apparently for most of my life.  I am also hearing-impaired.  The hearing issue they managed to spot fairly quickly, because of non-responsiveness.  The sight I didn't get fixed until I was 16.  I had no idea that you were supposed to be able to see leaves on trees, and read street signs before you were level with them.  No-one told me, and it's not really something you guess.

Ha, I had the same experience when I got my first pair of glasses at 15!  Fortunately, I don't think my vision starting getting bad until I was in HS.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ms_Shell on December 02, 2010, 08:41:38 PM
DH has a co-worker who insists the Earth is at the center of the solar system, and that the sun revolves around the Earth.  He also believes that it's someone's actual job to shovel fuel into the sun to keep it burning.  Oh, also that the universe can't possibly last for any more than 500 years, since the sun is going to burn out soon. 

DH is an avid backyard astronomer and I wish co-worker were only trying to wind Dh up, but no, he's perfectly serious and of (mostly) sound mind.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Gabrielle on December 02, 2010, 08:49:56 PM
I once had an argument about blood types with a co-worker.

I have a negative blood type. DH has a positive blood type. Should we have children, that means I must get one of those rhogam shots to prevent my blood from forming antibodies against an rh+ fetus. I even had pamphlets from my ladybits doctor explaining this in great detail.

My co-worker tried to argue with me that you only needed that shot if the father is of a negative blood type, not the mother. She kept saying "you only need to get that shot if the father has a negative blood type! the mother's blood type doesn't matter at all since a woman's body automatically knows not to harm the baby!" She would not listen to me, even after I handed her the pamphlets from my doctor explaining the blood type factor and who needs to get the shot. She said "No, see, that's wrong..I'll google it and prove it to you!"

so she gets online, googles it..gets very quiet...and says "oh. wikipedia says that you do get the shot if you're the mother and have a negative blood type..so you were right, I guess."

She wouldn't believe medical literature directly from my doctor's office, but wikipedia proves everything.  ::)

Slightly OT... but I thought this was pretty cool.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1259627/Man-golden-arm-James-Harrison-saves-2million-babies-half-century-donating-rare-blood.html

This one guy is the reason that so many mothers can have healthy kids :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Dazi on December 02, 2010, 08:51:56 PM
Then there was the time that she insisted that "mountain lions" and "cougars" were two species separate and apart. When I pointed out that they're just two different names for the same animal (having grown up in an area where those critters are still a definite part of the ecosystem, I know a bit about them. Mostly how to avoid them, because they are scary ;) ), she informed me that SHE studied BIOLOGY therefore she KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT. Righty-o, then.

That's not even going into how she used to glare at me and make PA comments whenever I ate meat in her presence. Because she was a vegetarian, therefore she should not be exposed to me eating my pork chop at our shared dining room table.

I am SO thankful for the roommate I have now, who is awesome.

This reminds me of the great Puma debate.  I was told by a friend's wife, "Honey, Puma's are shoes and sometimes clothes, not cats".  She refused to believe me even after I pulled out one of her encyclopedias to show her that pumas, panthers, cougars and mountain lions are the same species.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Paper Roses on December 02, 2010, 09:44:39 PM
I had a co-worker start laughing at me when I said something about key limes for key lime pie. 

She then said, "Oh, no.  It's called that because it's originally from the Florida Keys, but there's no such thing as key limes." 

Even when a friend brought me back a container of real key lime juice from Florida, she refused to believe that key limes existed and were different from "regular" limes. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: wolfie on December 02, 2010, 10:02:43 PM
I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.

Totally agree. I have pretty sucky vision, apparently for most of my life.  I am also hearing-impaired.  The hearing issue they managed to spot fairly quickly, because of non-responsiveness.  The sight I didn't get fixed until I was 16.  I had no idea that you were supposed to be able to see leaves on trees, and read street signs before you were level with them.  No-one told me, and it's not really something you guess.

Didn't they do vision exams any time during your checkups or in school? I remember having them in grade school.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Giggity on December 02, 2010, 10:14:01 PM
Bathroom stalls.  Also designed by men.  Worst architecture design *ever*.

Sure, I can get in past the door (which, 85% of the time, opens inward) and stand on the toilet seat so I can close the door again, no problem.  While dodging the tissue dispenser and the trash box.  

(facepalm)

Emma

I've never found a bathroom door I couldn't close while I was in the stall.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: fey01 on December 02, 2010, 10:20:49 PM
DH has a co-worker who insists the Earth is at the center of the solar system, and that the sun revolves around the Earth.  He also believes that it's someone's actual job to shovel fuel into the sun to keep it burning.  Oh, also that the universe can't possibly last for any more than 500 years, since the sun is going to burn out soon. 

DH is an avid backyard astronomer and I wish co-worker were only trying to wind Dh up, but no, he's perfectly serious and of (mostly) sound mind.

It's not just him.  Check out geocentrism.com

I have already decided that I will need to be very aware of my
son's science education once the Texas SBOE gets done with
the Science curriculum.  I'll be filling in the gaps at home.

fey
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: #borecore on December 02, 2010, 10:25:04 PM
I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.

Totally agree. I have pretty sucky vision, apparently for most of my life.  I am also hearing-impaired.  The hearing issue they managed to spot fairly quickly, because of non-responsiveness.  The sight I didn't get fixed until I was 16.  I had no idea that you were supposed to be able to see leaves on trees, and read street signs before you were level with them.  No-one told me, and it's not really something you guess.

Didn't they do vision exams any time during your checkups or in school? I remember having them in grade school.

I have a severe and incredibly rare birth defect in one eye and learned to memorize the vision chart as best I could when I was really young so they wouldn't bug me in school about the one eye (which had been studied by university doctors and many others, but wasn't something school nurses understood, through no fault of their training). I realized in fourth grade when I couldn't cheat by memorizing it using my right eye ahead of time that I needed glasses for that eye.

People more ingenious than me could find ways to cheat the system most of the time, I'd guess!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on December 02, 2010, 10:32:36 PM
I always found it quite amusing that I was gifted student & knew everything according to my my mother only IN school, the second I set foot out of the school grounds I didn't know one.single.thing.

You too, huh? My parents were always trotting out the tale of [Friend's] relative, who had all sorts of degrees but "literally couldn't cross the street by himself."  ::) I've talked to a lot of other people who were smart kids, and I now suspect Friend's relative at least managed to locate a cloning laboratory, the better to send copies of himself around the country to be used as a cautionary tale for bookish children!

I'm acquainted with some of these as well.  VERY smart, some brilliant, but I alwasy say couldn't find their way out of a paper bag if their life depended on it. I like to think they are so smart because they spend all their time learning, and not enough on the day to day stuff.
Rather like Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory who insists he is "too evolved to drive".  ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on December 02, 2010, 10:37:26 PM
My favorite know-it-all was my neighbor growing up. He insisted that "based on a true story" meant that the movie was nonfiction ... and that therefore Tom Hanks, star of "Apollo 13" had been in space, to cite one example.
Hee hee. The father of a friend of mine insists that Gary Sinise has no lower legs after watching Born on the 4th of July (for those who haven't seen the movie, Gary Sinise plays a character who loses both his lower legs. They accomplish some very impressive shots of him using blue screen techniques where he was wearing blue stockings on his lower legs so they could edit them out of shots to make it look like he genuinely had a double amputation).

He keeps watching CSI:New York and muttering about how it's amazing how that man gets around so well on prosthetics.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on December 02, 2010, 10:43:43 PM
Bathroom stalls.  Also designed by men.  Worst architecture design *ever*.

Sure, I can get in past the door (which, 85% of the time, opens inward) and stand on the toilet seat so I can close the door again, no problem.  While dodging the tissue dispenser and the trash box.  

(facepalm)

Emma

I've never found a bathroom door I couldn't close while I was in the stall.
Lucky you, I've found several this year alone. The most common flaw is that they leave too little space between the toilet bowl and the area where the door sweeps inwards, meaning that once you're inside the toilet, your legs prevent the door from swinging closed again. You either have to stand on the toilet to let the door close, or stand with your legs either side of the toilet.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 02, 2010, 10:46:05 PM
My favorite know-it-all was my neighbor growing up. He insisted that "based on a true story" meant that the movie was nonfiction ... and that therefore Tom Hanks, star of "Apollo 13" had been in space, to cite one example.
Hee hee. The father of a friend of mine insists that Gary Sinise has no lower legs after watching Born on the 4th of July (for those who haven't seen the movie, Gary Sinise plays a character who loses both his lower legs. They accomplish some very impressive shots of him using blue screen techniques where he was wearing blue stockings on his lower legs so they could edit them out of shots to make it look like he genuinely had a double amputation).

He keeps watching CSI:New York and muttering about how it's amazing how that man gets around so well on prosthetics.

Don't forget him as Lt. Dan!!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: GoldenGemini on December 02, 2010, 10:52:03 PM
I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.

Totally agree. I have pretty sucky vision, apparently for most of my life.  I am also hearing-impaired.  The hearing issue they managed to spot fairly quickly, because of non-responsiveness.  The sight I didn't get fixed until I was 16.  I had no idea that you were supposed to be able to see leaves on trees, and read street signs before you were level with them.  No-one told me, and it's not really something you guess.

Didn't they do vision exams any time during your checkups or in school? I remember having them in grade school.

We had one when I started school (age four) when apparently it wasn't as obvious.  The next one wasn't until about Year 8 (age 12), unless parents requested them and I kinda guessed most of it. I had been guessing words for long time by then, and the general shapes of things, and figured that is how it was done. I obviously didn't get to the bottom line, but that wasn't necessary.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on December 02, 2010, 10:54:46 PM
My favorite know-it-all was my neighbor growing up. He insisted that "based on a true story" meant that the movie was nonfiction ... and that therefore Tom Hanks, star of "Apollo 13" had been in space, to cite one example.
Hee hee. The father of a friend of mine insists that Gary Sinise has no lower legs after watching Born on the 4th of July (for those who haven't seen the movie, Gary Sinise plays a character who loses both his lower legs. They accomplish some very impressive shots of him using blue screen techniques where he was wearing blue stockings on his lower legs so they could edit them out of shots to make it look like he genuinely had a double amputation).

He keeps watching CSI:New York and muttering about how it's amazing how that man gets around so well on prosthetics.

Don't forget him as Lt. Dan!!
Erm, maybe I'm not getting the joke, but the character I was talking about was named Lt Dan. Are you referring to another Lt Dan he played somewhere else?  ??? *is confused*
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Clara Bow on December 02, 2010, 10:59:17 PM
My favorite know-it-all was my neighbor growing up. He insisted that "based on a true story" meant that the movie was nonfiction ... and that therefore Tom Hanks, star of "Apollo 13" had been in space, to cite one example.
Hee hee. The father of a friend of mine insists that Gary Sinise has no lower legs after watching Born on the 4th of July (for those who haven't seen the movie, Gary Sinise plays a character who loses both his lower legs. They accomplish some very impressive shots of him using blue screen techniques where he was wearing blue stockings on his lower legs so they could edit them out of shots to make it look like he genuinely had a double amputation).

He keeps watching CSI:New York and muttering about how it's amazing how that man gets around so well on prosthetics.

Don't forget him as Lt. Dan!!
Erm, maybe I'm not getting the joke, but the character I was talking about was named Lt Dan. Are you referring to another Lt Dan he played somewhere else?  ??? *is confused*

You're thinking about "Forrest Gump". Tom Cruise was the amputee in "Born on the Fourth of July".
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Lindee on December 02, 2010, 11:04:49 PM
"Man with the golden arm' saves 2million babies in half a century of donating rare type of blood"

I'd never heard of him before but it appears that I have him to thank that my children were both born healthy. Yeah for anti D even if it did come in enormous needles!

With school eye tests, for some reason they only pulled out glasses wearing students to test. I was always annoyed at this as obviously I had an optician to take care of my vision problems and surely the nurse should be testing the others instead. The best year was when she couldn't work out how I could suddenly see ok, perhaps she hadn't heard of contact lenses as they were reasonably rare in 1966 but I didn't feel like telling her about them.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on December 02, 2010, 11:14:12 PM
My favorite know-it-all was my neighbor growing up. He insisted that "based on a true story" meant that the movie was nonfiction ... and that therefore Tom Hanks, star of "Apollo 13" had been in space, to cite one example.
Hee hee. The father of a friend of mine insists that Gary Sinise has no lower legs after watching Born on the 4th of July (for those who haven't seen the movie, Gary Sinise plays a character who loses both his lower legs. They accomplish some very impressive shots of him using blue screen techniques where he was wearing blue stockings on his lower legs so they could edit them out of shots to make it look like he genuinely had a double amputation).

He keeps watching CSI:New York and muttering about how it's amazing how that man gets around so well on prosthetics.

Don't forget him as Lt. Dan!!
Erm, maybe I'm not getting the joke, but the character I was talking about was named Lt Dan. Are you referring to another Lt Dan he played somewhere else?  ??? *is confused*

You're thinking about "Forrest Gump". Tom Cruise was the amputee in "Born on the Fourth of July".
Ah ha! That would be why I'm so darn confused. I didn't really like either movie, so I seem to have mashed them together in my mind. Sorry about the confusion.  ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on December 02, 2010, 11:25:31 PM


With school eye tests, for some reason they only pulled out glasses wearing students to test. I was always annoyed at this as obviously I had an optician to take care of my vision problems and surely the nurse should be testing the others instead. The best year was when she couldn't work out how I could suddenly see ok, perhaps she hadn't heard of contact lenses as they were reasonably rare in 1966 but I didn't feel like telling her about them.



Where is that "Like" button when I really need it? Oh, here it is:  ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 02, 2010, 11:55:06 PM
I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.

Totally agree. I have pretty sucky vision, apparently for most of my life.  I am also hearing-impaired.  The hearing issue they managed to spot fairly quickly, because of non-responsiveness.  The sight I didn't get fixed until I was 16.  I had no idea that you were supposed to be able to see leaves on trees, and read street signs before you were level with them.  No-one told me, and it's not really something you guess.

Didn't they do vision exams any time during your checkups or in school? I remember having them in grade school.

I have a severe and incredibly rare birth defect in one eye and learned to memorize the vision chart as best I could when I was really young so they wouldn't bug me in school about the one eye (which had been studied by university doctors and many others, but wasn't something school nurses understood, through no fault of their training). I realized in fourth grade when I couldn't cheat by memorizing it using my right eye ahead of time that I needed glasses for that eye.

People more ingenious than me could find ways to cheat the system most of the time, I'd guess!


My husband did a similar thing; his eyes do not work cooperatively (no 3D vision) so all the "red ball is in the house" stuff he would see a red ball and a house, separate.  He's also very smart, so it didn't take long for him to figure out how to mentally superimpose the images even if his eyes couldn't do it.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Amalthea on December 03, 2010, 12:04:18 AM
I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.

Totally agree. I have pretty sucky vision, apparently for most of my life.  I am also hearing-impaired.  The hearing issue they managed to spot fairly quickly, because of non-responsiveness.  The sight I didn't get fixed until I was 16.  I had no idea that you were supposed to be able to see leaves on trees, and read street signs before you were level with them.  No-one told me, and it's not really something you guess.

Didn't they do vision exams any time during your checkups or in school? I remember having them in grade school.

They did this around 5th grade for us.  So many of us failed, they actually wouldn't believe that we weren't failing on purpose to get out of class or something. ::)  There were just a lot of us who needed glasses.

Back on topic, I have a friend who has interesting opinions sometimes.  She freaked out last year about a type of medication I'm on,  because obviously the "call our lawyers now" commercials knew better than my doctor.  Somehow, I've managed not to die, despite being on these pills guaranteed to give me a heart attack/stroke/chestburster alien.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: squeakers on December 03, 2010, 12:20:43 AM
I remember when the grandmother of a friend, when DS1 was only about a month old, told me that his head was oddly shaped and since he was still young enough, I could rub baby oil over his head and using firm pillows and blankets, shape his head properly.   .   

That would actually work.  Some babies are put into teensy little helmets to help their heads be normal looking.  Way back in the day some Native American babies were strapped to cradleboards so the back of their heads would be flat and their backs straight because it was considered aesthetically pleasing. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/healthy-baby/PR00043 and http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Cradle_board

Then you have babies that could have used a helmet or any attention at all: meth head adult niece in law would leave great nephew in his crib 90% of the time.  He had a flat head on the back from lying there (big, big baby but not the slightest bit active, we now think she was cough syrupping him).  He eventually grew out of it but his head is still not as round as it should be.

But at one month his head (your baby's) was still forming, so to speak, and any minor oddness would be passing as you said his did.  Unlike myself, who still has a smashed in side of my forehead due to lying in the canal too long (older mother, 7th child).  It's not as noticeable now at 40+ but as a kid and teen.. it was quite embarrassing.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: iridaceae on December 03, 2010, 02:05:14 AM

Me: I found French easier to learn really. Spanish and all its darn tenses!
Captain Know-It-All: No, Spanish is easier.
Me: Oh, I know some people think Spanish is easier, but for me French was.
Captain KIA: No. SPANISH is easier.
Me: ...Compared to what? You've never studied any other language.
Captain KIA: Spanish is just easier.
Me:  ::) Okay. ::walks away::


I would have made her head explode. I took Spanish from 7th grade through freshman year in college. I got Cs, Ds and Fs.  I took a year of Latin in high school. As and Bs. A year of German in high school?  As and Bs. Four semesters of Turkish in college? As and Bs with a C here or there.  My father keeps insisting Spanish is a piece of cake to learn- and it was, for him; he is basically fluent.  Please. I still can't tell the difference between ser and estar.

I work with a lot of Captain Know-it-alls who just know that I never do any work at night. I think I speak for all night auditors when I tell them "What planet are you from?" 

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on December 03, 2010, 04:52:44 AM
arrgh the "eye test"

I am very nearsighted (glasses in 2nd grad - couldn't see across the room by fourth)

"take off your glasses and tell me what you can see on the chart"
"  what chart?"
"walk closer till you can see the letters"
>crash into desk in the way<
>one foot from the chart<
"I can see the E"

Every YEAR we would repeat the same dance - and it was a small school and the school nurse was a family friend.  (My class was about 60 people)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: iridaceae on December 03, 2010, 05:20:01 AM
arrgh the "eye test"

I am very nearsighted (glasses in 2nd grad - couldn't see across the room by fourth)

"take off your glasses and tell me what you can see on the chart"
"  what chart?"
"walk closer till you can see the letters"
>crash into desk in the way<
>one foot from the chart<
"I can see the E"

Every YEAR we would repeat the same dance - and it was a small school and the school nurse was a family friend.  (My class was about 60 people)

Heh. When I was in the eighth grade or so I went in for my yearly doctor's check-up and for some odd reason the nurses decided they wanted to check my eyesight without my glasses on. Now, I was wearing thick, heavy lenses and, I think, bifocals, so you'd think they'd realize that this meant that my eyesight is bad.  No, take my glasses off.

Me: But I need them to see.
Them: Oh, you'll do fine.
Me: <takes my glasses off>
Them: Can you read the line under the giant E?
Me: What giant E?
Them: Maybe you'd better put your glasses.

Ya think? 

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on December 03, 2010, 06:44:21 AM
arrgh the "eye test"

I am very nearsighted (glasses in 2nd grad - couldn't see across the room by fourth)

"take off your glasses and tell me what you can see on the chart"
"  what chart?"
"walk closer till you can see the letters"
>crash into desk in the way<
>one foot from the chart<
"I can see the E"

Every YEAR we would repeat the same dance - and it was a small school and the school nurse was a family friend.  (My class was about 60 people)

Heh. When I was in the eighth grade or so I went in for my yearly doctor's check-up and for some odd reason the nurses decided they wanted to check my eyesight without my glasses on. Now, I was wearing thick, heavy lenses and, I think, bifocals, so you'd think they'd realize that this meant that my eyesight is bad.  No, take my glasses off.

Me: But I need them to see.
Them: Oh, you'll do fine.
Me: <takes my glasses off>
Them: Can you read the line under the giant E?
Me: What giant E?
Them: Maybe you'd better put your glasses.

Ya think?

The vision test when I got my driver's license was hilarious.
DMV Guy: Okay, take off your glasses and look on that wall.
Me: I can't see without my glasses. At all.
DMV Guy: Well, we need to do it without glasses.
Me: Oooookay... ::)
DMV Guy: Tell me where the little tree is.
Me: Tree?
DMV Guy: Yes, the tree on the board.
Me: Board?
DMV Guy: The board on the wall.
Me: Where now?
DMV Guy: Just put your glasses on.
Me: ::puts glasses on:: Oh! The board over there! With the tree on it!

Really DMV, just believe me when I say that I shouldn't even be walking around without my glasses, much less driving. I have been known to walk into walls without them. Literally.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: iridaceae on December 03, 2010, 07:18:32 AM
arrgh the "eye test"

I am very nearsighted (glasses in 2nd grad - couldn't see across the room by fourth)

"take off your glasses and tell me what you can see on the chart"
"  what chart?"
"walk closer till you can see the letters"
>crash into desk in the way<
>one foot from the chart<
"I can see the E"

Every YEAR we would repeat the same dance - and it was a small school and the school nurse was a family friend.  (My class was about 60 people)

Heh. When I was in the eighth grade or so I went in for my yearly doctor's check-up and for some odd reason the nurses decided they wanted to check my eyesight without my glasses on. Now, I was wearing thick, heavy lenses and, I think, bifocals, so you'd think they'd realize that this meant that my eyesight is bad.  No, take my glasses off.

Me: But I need them to see.
Them: Oh, you'll do fine.
Me: <takes my glasses off>
Them: Can you read the line under the giant E?
Me: What giant E?
Them: Maybe you'd better put your glasses.

Ya think?

The vision test when I got my driver's license was hilarious.
DMV Guy: Okay, take off your glasses and look on that wall.
Me: I can't see without my glasses. At all.
DMV Guy: Well, we need to do it without glasses.
Me: Oooookay... ::)
DMV Guy: Tell me where the little tree is.
Me: Tree?
DMV Guy: Yes, the tree on the board.
Me: Board?
DMV Guy: The board on the wall.
Me: Where now?
DMV Guy: Just put your glasses on.
Me: ::puts glasses on:: Oh! The board over there! With the tree on it!

Really DMV, just believe me when I say that I shouldn't even be walking around without my glasses, much less driving. I have been known to walk into walls without them. Literally.

In Driver's Ed those us us who had to wear glasses/contact lenses to drive were warned never ever to be caught driving without them.  I think somehow we were questioned whether we would ever think of it, or something like that. My response was "I can't ever find the car without my glasses; I'm sure not going to drive without them!"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Corbin on December 03, 2010, 07:56:53 AM
arrgh the "eye test"

I am very nearsighted (glasses in 2nd grad - couldn't see across the room by fourth)

"take off your glasses and tell me what you can see on the chart"
"  what chart?"
"walk closer till you can see the letters"
>crash into desk in the way<
>one foot from the chart<
"I can see the E"

Every YEAR we would repeat the same dance - and it was a small school and the school nurse was a family friend.  (My class was about 60 people)

Heh. When I was in the eighth grade or so I went in for my yearly doctor's check-up and for some odd reason the nurses decided they wanted to check my eyesight without my glasses on. Now, I was wearing thick, heavy lenses and, I think, bifocals, so you'd think they'd realize that this meant that my eyesight is bad.  No, take my glasses off.

Me: But I need them to see.
Them: Oh, you'll do fine.
Me: <takes my glasses off>
Them: Can you read the line under the giant E?
Me: What giant E?
Them: Maybe you'd better put your glasses.

Ya think?

The vision test when I got my driver's license was hilarious.
DMV Guy: Okay, take off your glasses and look on that wall.
Me: I can't see without my glasses. At all.
DMV Guy: Well, we need to do it without glasses.
Me: Oooookay... ::)
DMV Guy: Tell me where the little tree is.
Me: Tree?
DMV Guy: Yes, the tree on the board.
Me: Board?
DMV Guy: The board on the wall.
Me: Where now?
DMV Guy: Just put your glasses on.
Me: ::puts glasses on:: Oh! The board over there! With the tree on it!

Really DMV, just believe me when I say that I shouldn't even be walking around without my glasses, much less driving. I have been known to walk into walls without them. Literally.

In Driver's Ed those us us who had to wear glasses/contact lenses to drive were warned never ever to be caught driving without them.  I think somehow we were questioned whether we would ever think of it, or something like that. My response was "I can't ever find the car without my glasses; I'm sure not going to drive without them!"

I am with you in this boat! I always say "In theory, I know there is a wall down there, and I know it has a poster on it. I know the top of the poster has a really big E. But I have no proof of any of these, as I cannot see them." 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 03, 2010, 08:05:10 AM
Then you have babies that could have used a helmet or any attention at all: meth head adult niece in law would leave great nephew in his crib 90% of the time.  He had a flat head on the back from lying there (big, big baby but not the slightest bit active, we now think she was cough syrupping him).  He eventually grew out of it but his head is still not as round as it should be.

That makes me sad and reminds me of Trainspotting. :(
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 03, 2010, 08:07:10 AM
arrgh the "eye test"

I am very nearsighted (glasses in 2nd grad - couldn't see across the room by fourth)

"take off your glasses and tell me what you can see on the chart"
"  what chart?"
"walk closer till you can see the letters"
>crash into desk in the way<
>one foot from the chart<
"I can see the E"

Every YEAR we would repeat the same dance - and it was a small school and the school nurse was a family friend.  (My class was about 60 people)

Heh. When I was in the eighth grade or so I went in for my yearly doctor's check-up and for some odd reason the nurses decided they wanted to check my eyesight without my glasses on. Now, I was wearing thick, heavy lenses and, I think, bifocals, so you'd think they'd realize that this meant that my eyesight is bad.  No, take my glasses off.

Me: But I need them to see.
Them: Oh, you'll do fine.
Me: <takes my glasses off>
Them: Can you read the line under the giant E?
Me: What giant E?
Them: Maybe you'd better put your glasses.

Ya think? 



I also had bifocals from the time I was five utnil I was about 13 - then graduated to 2 pairs, reading adn distance.  I can still remember, I think in 5th or 6th grade, the teacher asking me to read from a filmstrip she was showing, and I read it as "rolled oats" when in fact the word was railroad.  This after struggling to even see waht the words said, and the teacher's insistence that of course I could see the words, I wasn't sitting THAT far from the screen.  Apparently I was, so she then moved onto someone else.

But seriously, if a child say they can't see, or can't see from wehre they're sitting or without their glasses, PLEASE believe us!  We really aren't trying to get out of doing the work!  I was really embarassed by the filmstrip incident; i was already made fun of for having coke bottle glasses and braces (only kid in my grade), so making us feel stupid because our eyesight stinks really doesn't do much for the self esteem!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 03, 2010, 08:20:38 AM
Not going to quote all the vision posts above, but I was the CKIA in this case:

I've always had excellent vision. So when I got to the point of not being able to read the street signs till I was almost upon them, I took myself in for an eye exam. (This was in Thailand). Looked into the machine, told the technician what I could and couldn't see. Her verdict? 20/20 vision.

And I argued. I was convinced the machine was broken, or she didn't know what she was doing. No way could I be 20/20, as it was better before, and worse now. It took going to a major hospital and a consultation with a doctor to discover that you could have better than 20/20 vision, and mine had degenerated into 'merely' 20/20.  :-[

LOL. And I've since discovered that $30 reading glasses from the drugstore are better than the $1 ones from Target ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: exitzero on December 03, 2010, 08:25:10 AM
Not going to quote all the vision posts above, but I was the CKIA in this case:

I've always had excellent vision. So when I got to the point of not being able to read the street signs till I was almost upon them, I took myself in for an eye exam. (This was in Thailand). Looked into the machine, told the technician what I could and couldn't see. Her verdict? 20/20 vision.

And I argued. I was convinced the machine was broken, or she didn't know what she was doing. No way could I be 20/20, as it was better before, and worse now. It took going to a major hospital and a consultation with a doctor to discover that you could have better than 20/20 vision, and mine had degenerated into 'merely' 20/20.  :-[

LOL. And I've since discovered that $30 reading glasses from the drugstore are better than the $1 ones from Target ::)

That same thing happened to me! Having 20/10 vision most of my life made me feel half blind when it deteriorated to 20/20!

Of course, now what I wouldn't give for 20/20!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: rose red on December 03, 2010, 08:39:57 AM
My friend has better than 20/20 and I have way worse (due to diabetes).  It's amazing what she points out and I'm going "Where? What?"  It's very difficult for her to understand that I really can't see the penny at the end of the block.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on December 03, 2010, 09:44:04 AM
I remember when the grandmother of a friend, when DS1 was only about a month old, told me that his head was oddly shaped and since he was still young enough, I could rub baby oil over his head and using firm pillows and blankets, shape his head properly.  

Oh and because she was a career nurse, I was to believe that her advice was solid.  Errr..okay.  I never did it, just did the smile and nod thing.   Well that same child is now 9 and a half and his head managed to form itself into a proper shape on its own, thank you!  

Another guy, when I was pregnant with DS1, said we had to get rid of our cats because of that old myth that cats will steal a baby's breath by putting their noses near the baby's face and breathing.   And if we didn't get rid of our cats, we would be horrible parents.   

My ILs were aghast that we weren't re-homing our cats when we were starting our family.   ::)

But that reminds me of a story a good friend told me.  She was pregnant with her first and happened to mention during a conversation with coworkers that she was going to stop at the grocery store on the way home.  One of her coworkers launched into a tirade about how she wasn't even to THINK about going near the pet aisle, because she'll inhale cat litter and her baby would DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

I think he might have had a few things mixed up.   ::)  To make it even more amusing, she didn't even own a cat.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on December 03, 2010, 10:32:33 AM
One of her coworkers launched into a tirade about how she wasn't even to THINK about going near the pet aisle, because she'll inhale cat litter and her baby would DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

I think he might have had a few things mixed up.   ::)  To make it even more amusing, she didn't even own a cat.

In the coworkers defense...he/she is obviously amazingly stupid.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on December 03, 2010, 10:42:26 AM
One of her coworkers launched into a tirade about how she wasn't even to THINK about going near the pet aisle, because she'll inhale cat litter and her baby would DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

I think he might have had a few things mixed up.   ::)  To make it even more amusing, she didn't even own a cat.

In the coworkers defense...he/she is obviously amazingly stupid.

 ;D ;D Oh, that's funny.  I'm so using that from now on!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: The Opinionator on December 03, 2010, 10:55:04 AM
Speaking of cats, I once argued with an acquaintance that kept insisting that he had re-homed his cat because his wife was pregnant and getting rid of it was the only way to not get toxoplasmosis. He went on for 30 minutes about how touching the cat would have made his wife miscarry. After five minutes of trying to interject, I gave up. Whatever, CKIA  ::).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 03, 2010, 11:07:10 AM
I heard a lot when I was pregnant with my first child (who doesn't, right?) and one girl got particularly bossy about stuff that was ALL myths.   "Don't you dare carry that gallon of milk! You'll miscarry!  Don't lift your arms above your head, the cord will wrap itself around the baby's head!"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: mechtilde on December 03, 2010, 11:11:25 AM
Yeah- we got cats a couple of days after I got pregnant. The sheer number of people who asked what we were going to "do about the cats" was incredible.

What we did was carry on treating them the same way after DS1 arrived, and we still have cats nine years later. Plus being pregnant was a great way to get my DH to clean out the litter tray!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: wolfie on December 03, 2010, 11:16:46 AM
Speaking of cats, I once argued with an acquaintance that kept insisting that he had re-homed his cat because his wife was pregnant and getting rid of it was the only way to not get toxoplasmosis. He went on for 30 minutes about how touching the cat would have made his wife miscarry. After five minutes of trying to interject, I gave up. Whatever, CKIA  ::).

ugh. Considering you have a greater chance of getting toxoplasmosis from fresh veggies then an indoor cat that is really bad. And there is a test you can have done that lets you know if your cat actually has the disease - it\'s not something inherent in cats.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfqueen13 on December 03, 2010, 11:20:46 AM
Speaking of cats, I once argued with an acquaintance that kept insisting that he had re-homed his cat because his wife was pregnant and getting rid of it was the only way to not get toxoplasmosis. He went on for 30 minutes about how touching the cat would have made his wife miscarry. After five minutes of trying to interject, I gave up. Whatever, CKIA  ::).

ugh. Considering you have a greater chance of getting toxoplasmosis from fresh veggies then an indoor cat that is really bad. And there is a test you can have done that lets you know if your cat actually has the disease - it\'s not something inherent in cats.

I thought it was raw meat?  I had toxoplasmosis a few years ago and I'm pretty sure the doctor said I got it form handling raw meat.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hermanne on December 03, 2010, 11:30:34 AM
Speaking of cats, I once argued with an acquaintance that kept insisting that he had re-homed his cat because his wife was pregnant and getting rid of it was the only way to not get toxoplasmosis. He went on for 30 minutes about how touching the cat would have made his wife miscarry. After five minutes of trying to interject, I gave up. Whatever, CKIA  ::).

ugh. Considering you have a greater chance of getting toxoplasmosis from fresh veggies then an indoor cat that is really bad. And there is a test you can have done that lets you know if your cat actually has the disease - it\'s not something inherent in cats.

Chances are many of us were exposed while growing up and our bodies have already developed antibodies against it, particularly if the family pet was a cat.

I'd still insist someone else take care of the litter box, though.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on December 03, 2010, 12:02:31 PM

I also had bifocals from the time I was five utnil I was about 13 - then graduated to 2 pairs, reading adn distance.  I can still remember, I think in 5th or 6th grade, the teacher asking me to read from a filmstrip she was showing, and I read it as "rolled oats" when in fact the word was railroad.  This after struggling to even see waht the words said, and the teacher's insistence that of course I could see the words, I wasn't sitting THAT far from the screen.  Apparently I was, so she then moved onto someone else.

But seriously, if a child say they can't see, or can't see from wehre they're sitting or without their glasses, PLEASE believe us!  We really aren't trying to get out of doing the work!  I was really embarassed by the filmstrip incident; i was already made fun of for having coke bottle glasses and braces (only kid in my grade), so making us feel stupid because our eyesight stinks really doesn't do much for the self esteem!

My own mother didn't believe me when I started saying (around age 7 or 8 ) that I was having trouble seeing. She says it was because she didn't want to think that I'd inherited the family curse of terrible eyesight, so she just kept saying that she was sure I could see fine. Eventually my aunt told her that I really needed to go to the ophthalmologist, and what do you know, I needed glasses. My mom felt pretty bad, apparently.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on December 03, 2010, 12:10:04 PM
I've had glasses since I was three, eye surgery at five corrected that issue, two new issues came up at seven requiring glasses again. I don't ever forget to put them on in the morning, because one the habit is so ingrained in me (sit up, grab glasses, get out of bed) and two if I forgot bumping into the walls on my way to make coffee would make it pretty obvious.

It's taken SO a long time to understand what it's like to not be able to see. He's recently developed a blurriness in one eye (which is a little worrisome based on the circumstances), but he was trying to demonstrate to me the level of the blurriness. He holds up a piece of paper at about arms length and says "See? The letters get blurry here." I take off my glasses. "What letters?" Heck, half the time I can't even tell that people have eyes from twenty feet away.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Seraphia on December 03, 2010, 12:20:36 PM

It's taken SO a long time to understand what it's like to not be able to see. He's recently developed a blurriness in one eye (which is a little worrisome based on the circumstances), but he was trying to demonstrate to me the level of the blurriness. He holds up a piece of paper at about arms length and says "See? The letters get blurry here." I take off my glasses. "What letters?" Heck, half the time I can't even tell that people have eyes from twenty feet away.

That's actually how I discovered I needed glasses. My best friend and I shared a desk in fifth grade, and my eyesight must have started to go bad about then. The teacher would post the spelling words on a single piece of typing paper on the board, then have us copy them down. One day, I couldn't even see the words on the paper, let alone the individual letters. I nudged my friend: "Can you see the spelling words?" "Yes, why?" "Can I borrow your glasses so I can read them?" We shared her glasses for a couple of weeks until the teacher caught on and notified my folks. :P

Although honestly, walking around without my glasses makes it easier to interact with people. Eye contact is so much less stressful when you can't actually see the other person's expression.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Hushabye on December 03, 2010, 12:24:14 PM
When people start saying that my vision can't possibly be that bad (roughly 20/400 uncorrected -- it's THAT bad), I just take my glasses off and hand them over.  One look is usually all it takes for someone to realize I do, in fact, need visual assistance and cannot, in fact, see the subtitles on the film at the movie theatre without it.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Seraphia on December 03, 2010, 12:33:01 PM
When people start saying that my vision can't possibly be that bad (roughly 20/400 uncorrected -- it's THAT bad), I just take my glasses off and hand them over.  One look is usually all it takes for someone to realize I do, in fact, need visual assistance and cannot, in fact, see the subtitles on the film at the movie theatre without it.

"Oh, your eyes can't possibly be THAT bad...."

"Wow, your eyesight is terrible!" Why thank you Captain, I hadn't noticed. :P

Amiright?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on December 03, 2010, 12:35:42 PM
Although honestly, walking around without my glasses makes it easier to interact with people. Eye contact is so much less stressful when you can't actually see the other person's expression.

Ha!  I'm the same way.  My current glasses tend to slide down so I can look over them fairly easily (but not in a school marm way).  The blurriness makes my conversations much less awkward as I'm not constant looking away.  (I've never been very comfortable with much more than fleeting eye contact).  
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on December 03, 2010, 12:36:11 PM
When people start saying that my vision can't possibly be that bad (roughly 20/400 uncorrected -- it's THAT bad), I just take my glasses off and hand them over.  One look is usually all it takes for someone to realize I do, in fact, need visual assistance and cannot, in fact, see the subtitles on the film at the movie theatre without it.


Heh, I do the same thing! Last time I had an eye exam (about a year ago) my vision was around 20/400 in my right eye and something like 20/550 in my left eye. I probably shouldn't find it as funny as I do when people with good vision or only-need-glasses-to-drive vision try mine on >:D.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Jess13 on December 03, 2010, 12:38:48 PM
When people start saying that my vision can't possibly be that bad (roughly 20/400 uncorrected -- it's THAT bad), I just take my glasses off and hand them over.  One look is usually all it takes for someone to realize I do, in fact, need visual assistance and cannot, in fact, see the subtitles on the film at the movie theatre without it.

I'm 20/450 uncorrected in my good eye. The other one is roughly 20/850!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Seraphia on December 03, 2010, 12:39:19 PM
Although honestly, walking around without my glasses makes it easier to interact with people. Eye contact is so much less stressful when you can't actually see the other person's expression.

Ha!  I'm the same way.  My current glasses tend to slide down so I can look over them fairly easily (but not in a school marm way).  The blurriness makes my conversations much less awkward as I'm not constant looking away.  (I've never been very comfortable with much more than fleeting eye contact).  

Exactly. I get stressed out with constant eye contact. I feel like I should be making expressive faces or being entertaining or something. Staring is rude, but then, so is no eye contact, so it's sort of awkward either way.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Hushabye on December 03, 2010, 12:42:18 PM
When people start saying that my vision can't possibly be that bad (roughly 20/400 uncorrected -- it's THAT bad), I just take my glasses off and hand them over.  One look is usually all it takes for someone to realize I do, in fact, need visual assistance and cannot, in fact, see the subtitles on the film at the movie theatre without it.

"Oh, your eyes can't possibly be THAT bad...."

"Wow, your eyesight is terrible!" Why thank you Captain, I hadn't noticed. :P

Amiright?

Hit the nail on the head.  I'm generally able to suppress my instinct to roll my eyes so hard I fuzzily glimpse the inside of my eye sockets.  Generally.

It's dark back there.

And, Shea, I always get a kick out of the faces they make.   >:D

Also, I'm feeling pretty thankful it's only 20/400 now!  20/850 uncorrected is hard even for me to picture.  I bet you could get people making some GOOD faces looking through your glasses, Jess!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: wolfie on December 03, 2010, 12:47:36 PM
Speaking of cats, I once argued with an acquaintance that kept insisting that he had re-homed his cat because his wife was pregnant and getting rid of it was the only way to not get toxoplasmosis. He went on for 30 minutes about how touching the cat would have made his wife miscarry. After five minutes of trying to interject, I gave up. Whatever, CKIA  ::).

ugh. Considering you have a greater chance of getting toxoplasmosis from fresh veggies then an indoor cat that is really bad. And there is a test you can have done that lets you know if your cat actually has the disease - it\\\'s not something inherent in cats.

I thought it was raw meat?  I had toxoplasmosis a few years ago and I\'m pretty sure the doctor said I got it form handling raw meat.

It\'s both - since it is transmitted through feces if your veggies are in a garden accessible by an animal that has it they could fertilize your veggies and give you a special treat at the same time. If you don\'t handle them properly you can get the disease. It can also in meat so if it isn\'t cooked properly... but the other poster is right - most of us have been exposed to it already and I believe it is just your first exposure that causes the issue:

\"If you are planning on becoming pregnant, you may consider being tested for toxo. If the test is positive, there is no need to worry about passing the infection to your baby (since you should have immunity against the parasite).\"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on December 03, 2010, 01:04:45 PM
I heard a lot when I was pregnant with my first child (who doesn't, right?) and one girl got particularly bossy about stuff that was ALL myths.   "Don't you dare carry that gallon of milk! You'll miscarry!  Don't lift your arms above your head, the cord will wrap itself around the baby's head!"

Now that's one I've never heard.  What's the justification?  Is she one of those people who says you can't wash your hair while your on your period?  Because I'm still trying to work that one out.  (OT: I had a friend who's mom told her she could not shower or wash her hair while on her period.  Friend listened one time before we pulled her aside and informed her that she really, really needed to at least take a "hooker's bath" every day, for obvious reasons.  Friend's mom was a really nice lady, but could be pretty "hurr durr" about some things.)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Micah on December 03, 2010, 01:18:56 PM
My eyesight is bad too, I can't remember exactly what it is but my outstretched hand is blurry without glasses. I had a devil of a time trying to convince my partner that things got blurry after a certain distance. He was convinced that I was surrounded by a little bubble of vision and everything outside that was black, like I was blind outside the bubble. Very frustrating.

He has amazing vision though. With my glasses or contacts I have slightly better than 20/20 vision. He'll point out something tiny in the distance and I'll be like "what? where?"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Sirius on December 03, 2010, 01:24:40 PM
When people start saying that my vision can't possibly be that bad (roughly 20/400 uncorrected -- it's THAT bad), I just take my glasses off and hand them over.  One look is usually all it takes for someone to realize I do, in fact, need visual assistance and cannot, in fact, see the subtitles on the film at the movie theatre without it.

"Oh, your eyes can't possibly be THAT bad...."

"Wow, your eyesight is terrible!" Why thank you Captain, I hadn't noticed. :P

Amiright?

Hit the nail on the head.  I'm generally able to suppress my instinct to roll my eyes so hard I fuzzily glimpse the inside of my eye sockets.  Generally.

It's dark back there.

And, Shea, I always get a kick out of the faces they make.   >:D

Also, I'm feeling pretty thankful it's only 20/400 now!  20/850 uncorrected is hard even for me to picture.  I bet you could get people making some GOOD faces looking through your glasses, Jess!

My eyesight isn't nearly this bad, but although I can drive without my glasses you don't want to be on the road with me since I have no depth perception without my glasses.  Plus, I get nasty headaches from the eyestrain.  

When I was commuting I wore prescription sunglasses.  One day I left my sunglasses at work, so I wore a regular pair that I happened to have handy.  Halfway to work I had to stop and put my glasses on because the eyestrain was so bad.  

Mr. Sirius has a different problem.  He had amblyopia (lazy eye disease) as a child, but even after several surgeries his eyes don't line up.  This can be a little disconcerting, especially if he's tired, because there's no way to tell where he's looking.  I've gotten used to it (I just make sure he's facing me if I have to tell him something) but it does bother some people.  He says that with his glasses he can see just fine, although he doesn't have much binocular vision, and it doesn't interfere with his job since he's always careful to leave plenty of room between his bus and other vehicles.  He said it was hard for him to play baseball, since he never knew where the ball was, and when he had to qualify with firearms while in the military he barely passed.  
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on December 03, 2010, 01:38:05 PM
I tend to forget just how bad my vision is because my glasses are practically part of my face. The first thing I do in the morning, before I'm even properly awake is to put them on, virtually never take them off during the day, and I take them off the second before I turn out the light to go to sleep. On the rare occasions that I actually take them off and look around, I'm shocked at how little I can see. Does anyone else do that?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 03, 2010, 01:38:14 PM
I had a co-worker start laughing at me when I said something about key limes for key lime pie. 

She then said, "Oh, no.  It's called that because it's originally from the Florida Keys, but there's no such thing as key limes." 

Even when a friend brought me back a container of real key lime juice from Florida, she refused to believe that key limes existed and were different from "regular" limes. 

I had no idea there is such a thing as key limes. Neat.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 03, 2010, 01:40:21 PM
I had a co-worker start laughing at me when I said something about key limes for key lime pie. 

She then said, "Oh, no.  It's called that because it's originally from the Florida Keys, but there's no such thing as key limes." 

Even when a friend brought me back a container of real key lime juice from Florida, she refused to believe that key limes existed and were different from "regular" limes. 

I had no idea there is such a thing as key limes. Neat.


I remember being amazed when I discovered 'key limes'. :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on December 03, 2010, 01:43:04 PM
I had no idea there is such a thing as key limes. Neat.

Me neither. I thought it was some kind of Americanism, like you guys call our pies "meat pies" and call fruit pies just "pies" where we'd call a thing with, say, apples, a crumble or a tart or something and call a meat pie just a "pie". (That came out muddled; sorry, I'm very tired.)

What's a key lime?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 03, 2010, 01:43:45 PM
My eyesight is bad too, I can't remember exactly what it is but my outstretched hand is blurry without glasses. I had a devil of a time trying to convince my partner that things got blurry after a certain distance. He was convinced that I was surrounded by a little bubble of vision and everything outside that was black, like I was blind outside the bubble. Very frustrating.

He has amazing vision though. With my glasses or contacts I have slightly better than 20/20 vision. He'll point out something tiny in the distance and I'll be like "what? where?"

I have a friend who had a stroke, she lost an entire quadrant of her vision. It's exactly like that, just kinda blacked out in the top left quadrant.

She managed to retain her licence (in case of emergency; her doc cooporated by not reporting her) but doesn't drive at all since then.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: M-theory on December 03, 2010, 01:44:54 PM
What's a key lime?

An adorable smaller lime with a less sour, more aromatic flavor than the usual Mexican limes. They come from the Florida Keys, which are islands well off the coast of the mainland.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on December 03, 2010, 01:48:55 PM
I had a co-worker start laughing at me when I said something about key limes for key lime pie.  

She then said, "Oh, no.  It's called that because it's originally from the Florida Keys, but there's no such thing as key limes."  

Even when a friend brought me back a container of real key lime juice from Florida, she refused to believe that key limes existed and were different from "regular" limes.  

HAHAHA, I've had someone say the same thing about Key Deer.  Which are also smaller than normal and exist only in the Florida Keys.

OH, and I know someone else who insists on calling them "Key Lime" Deer.  I can't seem to convince him otherwise, but he says he is right.  No, he is not.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Hushabye on December 03, 2010, 01:52:41 PM
I tend to forget just how bad my vision is because my glasses are practically part of my face. The first thing I do in the morning, before I'm even properly awake is to put them on, virtually never take them off during the day, and I take them off the second before I turn out the light to go to sleep. On the rare occasions that I actually take them off and look around, I'm shocked at how little I can see. Does anyone else do that?

I do sometimes.  Just reading this thread prompted me to look over them to see what I could see and if was really as bad as I remembered (why, yes, it was).

I have contacts that I wear occasionally instead of my glasses.  I sometimes forget to take them off at night, then get into bed and wonder for a few minutes why Southern Honey's face is so clear instead of being a flesh-colored blur.  That's generally the point at which I remember to get up and take out my contacts.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 03, 2010, 02:03:35 PM
I tend to forget just how bad my vision is because my glasses are practically part of my face. The first thing I do in the morning, before I'm even properly awake is to put them on, virtually never take them off during the day, and I take them off the second before I turn out the light to go to sleep. On the rare occasions that I actually take them off and look around, I'm shocked at how little I can see. Does anyone else do that?

I do sometimes.  Just reading this thread prompted me to look over them to see what I could see and if was really as bad as I remembered (why, yes, it was).

I have contacts that I wear occasionally instead of my glasses.  I sometimes forget to take them off at night, then get into bed and wonder for a few minutes why Southern Honey's face is so clear instead of being a flesh-colored blur.  That's generally the point at which I remember to get up and take out my contacts.

SO is despreately trying to get used to contacts right now. I say "Millions of people do it every day, how hard can it be?" He says "You try poking yourself in the eye twice a day, see how you like it!"

I see his point :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 03, 2010, 02:07:02 PM

SO is despreately trying to get used to contacts right now. I say "Millions of people do it every day, how hard can it be?" He says "You try poking yourself in the eye twice a day, see how you like it!"

I see his point :)

I saw a comedian once who was talking about how unnatural contacts are. He said "Take your dog. The creature who loves and trusts you more than any other on Earth. Now - try to put your finger in his eye."
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 03, 2010, 02:24:27 PM
I had no idea there is such a thing as key limes. Neat.

Me neither. I thought it was some kind of Americanism, like you guys call our pies "meat pies" and call fruit pies just "pies" where we'd call a thing with, say, apples, a crumble or a tart or something and call a meat pie just a "pie". (That came out muddled; sorry, I'm very tired.)

What's a key lime?

The best what's-the-difference I found:

# Pie: gooey stuff inside, baked crust on bottom or all around.
# Cobbler: gooey stuff inside, baked crust only only top.
# Crumble: gooey stuff inside, crumbly baked crust on top.

there's part... and then pies vs. tarts vs. galettes (http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/best-pie-bakeoff-2008/pie-vs-tart-whats-the-difference-068710).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on December 03, 2010, 02:26:19 PM
SO is despreately trying to get used to contacts right now. I say "Millions of people do it every day, how hard can it be?" He says "You try poking yourself in the eye twice a day, see how you like it!"

I see his point :)

Which is why I will never have contacts.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on December 03, 2010, 02:28:27 PM
I had no idea there is such a thing as key limes. Neat.

Me neither. I thought it was some kind of Americanism, like you guys call our pies "meat pies" and call fruit pies just "pies" where we'd call a thing with, say, apples, a crumble or a tart or something and call a meat pie just a "pie". (That came out muddled; sorry, I'm very tired.)

What's a key lime?

The best what's-the-difference I found:

# Pie: gooey stuff inside, baked crust on bottom or all around.
# Cobbler: gooey stuff inside, baked crust only only top.
# Crumble: gooey stuff inside, crumbly baked crust on top.

there's part... and then pies vs. tarts vs. galettes (http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/best-pie-bakeoff-2008/pie-vs-tart-whats-the-difference-068710).

Except I maintain that a cobbler has a biscuit crust, not a pie-crust type crust on top. :)

A crumble and a cobbler differ in the type of topping, too - a crumble has much flour/grain (i.e., oats, etc.) and a cobbler has enough liquid added to make a biscuit dough rather than a crumble/streusel topping.

 Emma
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 03, 2010, 02:34:59 PM
I had no idea there is such a thing as key limes. Neat.

Me neither. I thought it was some kind of Americanism, like you guys call our pies "meat pies" and call fruit pies just "pies" where we'd call a thing with, say, apples, a crumble or a tart or something and call a meat pie just a "pie". (That came out muddled; sorry, I'm very tired.)

What's a key lime?

The best what's-the-difference I found:

# Pie: gooey stuff inside, baked crust on bottom or all around.
# Cobbler: gooey stuff inside, baked crust only only top.
# Crumble: gooey stuff inside, crumbly baked crust on top.

there's part... and then pies vs. tarts vs. galettes (http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/best-pie-bakeoff-2008/pie-vs-tart-whats-the-difference-068710).

Except I maintain that a cobbler has a biscuit crust, not a pie-crust type crust on top. :)

A crumble and a cobbler differ in the type of topping, too - a crumble has much flour/grain (i.e., oats, etc.) and a cobbler has enough liquid added to make a biscuit dough rather than a crumble/streusel topping.

 Emma

during my search I found some more detailed descriptions too--much like this :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on December 03, 2010, 02:36:30 PM
I had no idea there is such a thing as key limes. Neat.

Me neither. I thought it was some kind of Americanism, like you guys call our pies "meat pies" and call fruit pies just "pies" where we'd call a thing with, say, apples, a crumble or a tart or something and call a meat pie just a "pie". (That came out muddled; sorry, I'm very tired.)

What's a key lime?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Key_lime

They are smaller, rounder, and a little more yellow than the limes I usually see in the store, and they taste a little different to some people.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Julep on December 03, 2010, 02:58:31 PM
My dad's best friend is a supreme CKIA. He spent an entire lunch telling me about ballet technique. At the time I had been taking ballet for sixteen years and was in the process of auditioning for a couple major companies. The extent of his ballet knowledge was from the few productions he'd seen when they swapped out a few of his season tickets for the opera. I was young, 18 or so, and felt a little afraid to be disrespectful, but my dad (whose ballet knowledge only came from my chattiness) said, Friend, can you show me first position? He did some swooping thing with his arms. Dad said, Julep, first position. I got up and demonstrated. He said, Friend, that's the first thing they learn. I think you need to stop arguing with her.

He was like that about everything, and would get louder and louder the more he argued (especially if you seemed confident in your knowledge, in the form of calm and not loud).

Dad got him a tee-shirt that I was going to post a photo of, but can't find it now. It said:

Don't argue with me.
I know what I'm talking about.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Paper Roses on December 03, 2010, 03:37:26 PM
My favorite know-it-all was my neighbor growing up. He insisted that "based on a true story" meant that the movie was nonfiction ... and that therefore Tom Hanks, star of "Apollo 13" had been in space, to cite one example.
Hee hee. The father of a friend of mine insists that Gary Sinise has no lower legs after watching Born on the 4th of July (for those who haven't seen the movie, Gary Sinise plays a character who loses both his lower legs. They accomplish some very impressive shots of him using blue screen techniques where he was wearing blue stockings on his lower legs so they could edit them out of shots to make it look like he genuinely had a double amputation).

He keeps watching CSI:New York and muttering about how it's amazing how that man gets around so well on prosthetics.

Don't forget him as Lt. Dan!!
Erm, maybe I'm not getting the joke, but the character I was talking about was named Lt Dan. Are you referring to another Lt Dan he played somewhere else?  ??? *is confused*

You're thinking about "Forrest Gump". Tom Cruise was the amputee in "Born on the Fourth of July".

In "Born on the Fourth of July," Tom Cruise was a paraplegic, and therefore confined to a wheelchair (similar to Lt. Dan), but he wasn't an amputee.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Clara Bow on December 03, 2010, 05:21:48 PM
You're right...I had to hit a synopsis.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on December 03, 2010, 05:37:17 PM
last time they "rated" my vision was something like 5/1400 (no not a typo)

my clear vision ends before my nose does.  (well almost, maybe an inch beyond)

Yes - license bureu person -- I can SEE without them -- not gonna get in the car without spare pairs all over the place -- yeash
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: wolfie on December 03, 2010, 05:57:00 PM
Anyone else done the "oh my god! Where are my glasses?" panic only to realize the reason the search is so clear is because you are wearing them?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Dazi on December 03, 2010, 05:59:51 PM
I had a co-worker start laughing at me when I said something about key limes for key lime pie.  

She then said, "Oh, no.  It's called that because it's originally from the Florida Keys, but there's no such thing as key limes."  

Even when a friend brought me back a container of real key lime juice from Florida, she refused to believe that key limes existed and were different from "regular" limes.  

HAHAHA, I've had someone say the same thing about Key Deer.  Which are also smaller than normal and exist only in the Florida Keys.

OH, and I know someone else who insists on calling them "Key Lime" Deer.  I can't seem to convince him otherwise, but he says he is right.  No, he is not.
Ah, Key Deer.   They are so freaking cute!

I drove down with a friend to Key West,  she had never been there before.

Friend: Dazi, what's with all the dogs along the side of the road?
Me: Dogs?  What dogs?

Friend:  There <points>  See that? It looked like a Great Dane.
Me: <Laughing> Um, that was a deer.

Friend: That was a dog.  I know what a deer looks like....I am not an idiot.
Me: <still laughing> It is a deer, they are called Key Deer, they are smaller than regular ones.

Friend: Dazi, that was a dog!
Me:  When's the last time you had your eye checked?


We bantered a little while longer.  Then, we stopped on Little Torch Key (I think) to eat lunch at Parrotdise.  She asked the waiter about the dogs/deer.  He thought she was teasing him.  She thought he was teasing her.  I suggested we backtrack a little and visit the Deer and Heron refuge  http://www.fws.gov/nationalkeydeer/ , she thought I was making that one up.

We get to the visitors center.

Friend:  Holy crap, those really are deer.
Me: <face, palm>

I do just love her to pieces...she makes for such fun stories sometimes.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 03, 2010, 06:14:56 PM
Then there was the time that she insisted that "mountain lions" and "cougars" were two species separate and apart. When I pointed out that they're just two different names for the same animal (having grown up in an area where those critters are still a definite part of the ecosystem, I know a bit about them. Mostly how to avoid them, because they are scary ;) ), she informed me that SHE studied BIOLOGY therefore she KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT. Righty-o, then.

That's not even going into how she used to glare at me and make PA comments whenever I ate meat in her presence. Because she was a vegetarian, therefore she should not be exposed to me eating my pork chop at our shared dining room table.

I am SO thankful for the roommate I have now, who is awesome.

This reminds me of the great Puma debate.  I was told by a friend's wife, "Honey, Puma's are shoes and sometimes clothes, not cats".  She refused to believe me even after I pulled out one of her encyclopedias to show her that pumas, panthers, cougars and mountain lions are the same species.



...and Gish could fight any of them. Barehanded. Barechested, even. And win. Possibly even come out unscathed. Ask him. He will tell you so.

 :P I forget when he stated making this claim, but it has been a running joke with our friends probably since i have known him.

I love the man, but he is a little cuckoo sometimes. :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: M-theory on December 03, 2010, 06:43:55 PM
Anyone else done the "oh my god! Where are my glasses?" panic only to realize the reason the search is so clear is because you are wearing them?

1. Put in contacts. Go about my day for several hours.
2. Notice glasses on dresser. Wonder why I'm not wearing said glasses.
3. Put glasses on, wonder why my eyesight suddenly tanked.

I've had my contacts for about a year and five months and still do this frequently.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on December 03, 2010, 07:14:08 PM
One KIA story that's been with me for as long as I remember: I was four years old and in the hospital for a fairly traumatic medical procedure. I cried out "Ow, that hurts!" and the nurse replied "No it doesn't, sweetie, it just tickles." Never gonna forget that one...

An acquaintance of mine, part of BF's family, is renowned for his "theories." Anyone who knows him will either tease him or roll their eyes but I imagine it can be majorly uncomfortable for people who don't know him well. One time I was talking about it with BF's dad (I actually posted about this conversation elsewhere because of a comment BF's dad made). Acquaintance's current favorite theory is that the solution to everything is play. I commented on how uncomfortable it must be for BF's family when Acquaintance brings that up and BF's dad replied "Well, it's a lot less awkward than it used to be...he used to think that the solution to everything was breastfeeding!" ::)

Another time, when I was much younger and in Brownies, we did a tasting experiment to see where on the tongue everyone tasted different types of flavors. I dutifully swabbed my tongue and recorded where I tasted sweet, sour, bitter, etc. Some adult (not the troop leader so probably a helper) came by and told me I was wrong! Right...like you know my tongue better than I do? ???
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Jess13 on December 03, 2010, 07:56:46 PM
Also, I'm feeling pretty thankful it's only 20/400 now!  20/850 uncorrected is hard even for me to picture.  I bet you could get people making some GOOD faces looking through your glasses, Jess!

Oh they peek for a second and then immediately whip their heads away from the glasses as if they've turned into acid and go, "Whoa!"
It's a great reaction.

And btw, 20/850 uncorrect is roughly like trying to see a watercolor picture that's been smeared by a bucket of water splashed on it.

My good eye sees somewhat like a watercolor.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Dazi on December 03, 2010, 08:04:19 PM
Also, I'm feeling pretty thankful it's only 20/400 now!  20/850 uncorrected is hard even for me to picture.  I bet you could get people making some GOOD faces looking through your glasses, Jess!

Oh they peek for a second and then immediately whip their heads away from the glasses as if they've turned into acid and go, "Whoa!"
It's a great reaction.

And btw, 20/850 uncorrect is roughly like trying to see a watercolor picture that's been smeared by a bucket of water splashed on it.

My good eye sees somewhat like a watercolor.

I have a theory about some impressionists artists...the reason some of their work is so blurred is because their eyesight was really just that bad.  Everyone I know thinks it is a most ridiculous theory.  I still think it's the only think that really makes any sense.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Hushabye on December 03, 2010, 08:07:17 PM
Also, I'm feeling pretty thankful it's only 20/400 now!  20/850 uncorrected is hard even for me to picture.  I bet you could get people making some GOOD faces looking through your glasses, Jess!

Oh they peek for a second and then immediately whip their heads away from the glasses as if they've turned into acid and go, "Whoa!"
It's a great reaction.

And btw, 20/850 uncorrect is roughly like trying to see a watercolor picture that's been smeared by a bucket of water splashed on it.

My good eye sees somewhat like a watercolor.

I have a theory about some impressionists artists...the reason some of their work is so blurred is because their eyesight was really just that bad.  Everyone I know thinks it is a most ridiculous theory.  I still think it's the only think that really makes any sense.

No, I would totally buy that.  Some of those paintings do look like what I see without my glasses (although a little clearer).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: #borecore on December 03, 2010, 08:50:50 PM
Re: Impressionists and vision.

I'm a wee bit obsessed with Monet's work, and he was nearly blind by the time of his death (cataracts). You can see how his work changed with his deteriorating vision if you look at it chronologically. He was really into the HUGE canvases and an extreme variety of his pioneering Impressionistic efforts late in life. The water lilies multi-panel piece at the MOMA, one of his last, literally brought me to tears, so it's not as though bad eyesight=poor work! (Though, honestly, the right Monet on the right day'll do that to me every time.)

A Lancet article about his eyes:
http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736%2805%2960177-8/fulltext
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 03, 2010, 09:24:58 PM
I've loved Monet ever since someone gave me the book "Linnea in Monet's Garden".   And I think the book even shows how, as his vision became worse and worse with cataracts, his paintings did become more and more blurry and he used a lot of red in the painting too. 

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 03, 2010, 10:51:24 PM
Unlike myself, who still has a smashed in side of my forehead due to lying in the canal too long (older mother, 7th child).  It's not as noticeable now at 40+ but as a kid and teen.. it was quite embarrassing.
A friend of mine is a twin, and he has a footprint on his skull, courtesy of his sister.  Because he was born with a full head of hair, nobody realized it until he got a head xray as an adult.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 03, 2010, 10:58:47 PM
Speaking of cats, I once argued with an acquaintance that kept insisting that he had re-homed his cat because his wife was pregnant and getting rid of it was the only way to not get toxoplasmosis. He went on for 30 minutes about how touching the cat would have made his wife miscarry. After five minutes of trying to interject, I gave up. Whatever, CKIA  ::).
My doctor said that if I was going to get toxoplasmosis from my indoor cat, it would have happened shortly after I got her, and that my immune system would have taken care of it at that time.  No worries.  If she was an indoor/outdoor cat that hunted, she might bring it home.  Just have DH clean the litter box.

And you can get toxoplasmosis from raw meat, too, and I never heard any old wives' tale that said "Don't touch raw meat when you are pregnant, or your child will be born with two heads!!!!!!"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 04, 2010, 11:31:41 AM
As my sn indicates, I'm a bit fond of pirates. :)  Specifically of the kohl-eyed, dreadlocked and braided, eccentric kind. :) I also write fanfiction, or I did, I haven't written anything to submit to ff.net in years. 

One year I was writing while at a friend's house with DH (more his friends than mine) and the CKIA informs me that my fic was not very realistic because there were no female pirates because sailors belived women unlucky on ships.   

While I know the latter is true, I had to smirk that he had never heard of Mary Read, Anne Bonney and Grace O'Malley.   
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: bookworm317 on December 04, 2010, 08:53:17 PM
As my sn indicates, I'm a bit fond of pirates. :)  Specifically of the kohl-eyed, dreadlocked and braided, eccentric kind. :) I also write fanfiction, or I did, I haven't written anything to submit to ff.net in years. 

One year I was writing while at a friend's house with DH (more his friends than mine) and the CKIA informs me that my fic was not very realistic because there were no female pirates because sailors belived women unlucky on ships.   

While I know the latter is true, I had to smirk that he had never heard of Mary Read, Anne Bonney and Grace O'Malley.   

And the Asian lady pirate from PoTC: At World's End is based on a REAL Asian lady pirate! I just don't remember her name.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: weeblewobble on December 05, 2010, 05:37:00 PM
On the other end of the spectrum . . . when you're the one that's right and nobody believes you. How far do you go to convince them? Or do you just let it drop?

This is what really gets me.

My in-laws think I'm nuts. They love me, but they still think I'm crazy. So when we bought our house, the living room had parquet flooring. I mentioned the parquet floors and MIL said, "Parkay? That's butter, not flooring, honey." I had MIL, FIL, SIL, and DH all laughing at how idiotic I was to think that there was such a thing as parquet flooring.

Over a year later, the ILs were shopping for new flooring for their home. The next time I saw them, my very abashed MIL told me, "The salesman showed us parquet flooring...I guess it really does exist." Oh, sweet justice, even if it was a year late in coming.

And you didn't have a heart to heart with DH????

Emma


Seriously, I can survive a lot, but not DH joining in laughter with his family about how stupid I am. DH would have walked home.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kherbert05 on December 05, 2010, 06:09:37 PM
I see a variation of this all the time. Kids with very poor eye sight that don't realize it. My Dad didn't realize everyone's heart doesn't beat funny after running till he collapsed during PT and the Marine doctors hit the roof. He had a heart defect that was undiagnosed till that incident.

Totally agree. I have pretty sucky vision, apparently for most of my life.  I am also hearing-impaired.  The hearing issue they managed to spot fairly quickly, because of non-responsiveness.  The sight I didn't get fixed until I was 16.  I had no idea that you were supposed to be able to see leaves on trees, and read street signs before you were level with them.  No-one told me, and it's not really something you guess.

Didn't they do vision exams any time during your checkups or in school? I remember having them in grade school.

The school screenings will pick up near and far sightness once it becomes a problem - but I could pass them if the nurse gave a moment to focus my eyes. My problem is astigmatism. In my case I have also found out that my allergy meds can significantly change the results of an eye test.

I bounced from one prescription to another every couple of years. I was actually "fired" from one doctor for "fooling" around during the test. Another doctor did a couple of tests asked if I was on allergy meds. When I said yes she came back with saline. She flushed my eyes out, did the tests. I got a minor eye glass prescription and was told to make sure I drank extra water when taking my meds and use saline as needed.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: weeblewobble on December 05, 2010, 06:09:54 PM
Oh, I forgot about the CKIA Jerk who insisted that my grandfather couldn't possibly be color-blind because I wasn't color-blind. Nor are my siblings.  It was impossible for a "dominant trait" like color blindness to skip generations, he said. I tried to convince him that color-blindness is not a dominant trait and is actually more common in males than females because most color-vision genes are located on the X chromosome. (I'd always found Papa's condition fascinating and did a little reading on the subject.)


CKIAJ scoffed and said I clearly didn't know what I was talking about, because he learned everything he needed to know from some random magazine article on the subject. And that my grandfather had probably faked color-blindness to get out of serving in WWII. Knowing that my grandfather tried to fake regular vision and skew the entrance tests  so he could serve in WWII in the Navy anyway, I told CKIAJ exactly where he could stick his opinions, and never spoke to him again.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kaymyth on December 05, 2010, 08:19:17 PM
Oh, I forgot about the CKIA Jerk who insisted that my grandfather couldn't possibly be color-blind because I wasn't color-blind. Nor are my siblings.  It was impossible for a "dominant trait" like color blindness to skip generations, he said. I tried to convince him that color-blindness is not a dominant trait and is actually more common in males than females because most color-vision genes are located on the X chromosome. (I'd always found Papa's condition fascinating and did a little reading on the subject.)


CKIAJ scoffed and said I clearly didn't know what I was talking about, because he learned everything he needed to know from some random magazine article on the subject. And that my grandfather had probably faked color-blindness to get out of serving in WWII. Knowing that my grandfather tried to fake regular vision and skew the entrance tests  so he could serve in WWII in the Navy anyway, I told CKIAJ exactly where he could stick his opinions, and never spoke to him again.

You know what's funny is that even if he were right about it being a dominant trait, he'd STILL be wrong, because you could still just as easily have inherited the recessives.  It's as ridiculous as him telling you that your grandfather couldn't have had dark hair because you're a blonde or a redhead.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: CG on December 05, 2010, 08:55:51 PM
HAHAHA, I've had someone say the same thing about Key Deer.  Which are also smaller than normal and exist only in the Florida Keys.

OH, and I know someone else who insists on calling them "Key Lime" Deer.  I can't seem to convince him otherwise, but he says he is right.  No, he is not.

I'm sorry, I can't resist.

Perhaps your acquaintance thinks they all have Lyme disease?

 :P
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: weeblewobble on December 05, 2010, 09:31:43 PM
Oh, I forgot about the CKIA Jerk who insisted that my grandfather couldn't possibly be color-blind because I wasn't color-blind. Nor are my siblings.  It was impossible for a "dominant trait" like color blindness to skip generations, he said. I tried to convince him that color-blindness is not a dominant trait and is actually more common in males than females because most color-vision genes are located on the X chromosome. (I'd always found Papa's condition fascinating and did a little reading on the subject.)


CKIAJ scoffed and said I clearly didn't know what I was talking about, because he learned everything he needed to know from some random magazine article on the subject. And that my grandfather had probably faked color-blindness to get out of serving in WWII. Knowing that my grandfather tried to fake regular vision and skew the entrance tests  so he could serve in WWII in the Navy anyway, I told CKIAJ exactly where he could stick his opinions, and never spoke to him again.

You know what's funny is that even if he were right about it being a dominant trait, he'd STILL be wrong, because you could still just as easily have inherited the recessives.  It's as ridiculous as him telling you that your grandfather couldn't have had dark hair because you're a blonde or a redhead.

Exactly. If there weren't other genes thrown into the mix, he might have an argument. But since my parents, weren't, in fact, siblings, I did have other genetic options.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: aiki on December 05, 2010, 09:50:17 PM

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

I think I may have misunderstood this. Even number of lenses? I thought humans only had one lens in each eye and that the image on the retina is upside down. But happy to be corrected if I am wrong again.

Maybe that's it - the question was what if someone is born without the lens, or maybe with an extra one.  I don't recall exactly.  The point was that there very well could be people walking around seeing everything upside down, but no one would ever know, because to them, upside down would be "normal." 

Thing is, the eye does only have one lens, and the image of the world is projected upside down on the retina. Flipping it up the right way again is done by the image processing capability of the brain.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on December 05, 2010, 11:05:15 PM
I tend to forget just how bad my vision is because my glasses are practically part of my face. The first thing I do in the morning, before I'm even properly awake is to put them on, virtually never take them off during the day, and I take them off the second before I turn out the light to go to sleep. On the rare occasions that I actually take them off and look around, I'm shocked at how little I can see. Does anyone else do that?
Yup. I'm very careful where I put my glasses because I need my glasses to find my glasses. If I took them off, I might forget where I put them, and the odds of me finding them again without glasses (or an able-sighted assistant) is almost null. It took me 30 minutes to find them the last time they fell off the nightstand and bounced under my bed.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: MummyPumpkin83 on December 06, 2010, 12:33:55 AM
I tend to forget just how bad my vision is because my glasses are practically part of my face. The first thing I do in the morning, before I'm even properly awake is to put them on, virtually never take them off during the day, and I take them off the second before I turn out the light to go to sleep. On the rare occasions that I actually take them off and look around, I'm shocked at how little I can see. Does anyone else do that?
Yup. I'm very careful where I put my glasses because I need my glasses to find my glasses. If I took them off, I might forget where I put them, and the odds of me finding them again without glasses (or an able-sighted assistant) is almost null. It took me 30 minutes to find them the last time they fell off the nightstand and bounced under my bed.



I ended up wearing  spare pair (old script) for a couple of days until I found mine the last time they bounced of the bedside table.

slightly OT: in Australia we use a different "script" for eyesight than the 20/20 that the US uses. I am -2.25 in one eye (i think - its been a while) and I am short sighted.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on December 06, 2010, 12:49:45 AM
slightly OT: in Australia we use a different "script" for eyesight than the 20/20 that the US uses. I am -2.25 in one eye (i think - its been a while) and I am short sighted.

I think we use the same thing in the U.S. on contact lens prescriptions (but I'm not positive). My eyesight is terrible! When I was in 3rd grade my mom asked me to tell her the time and I said "I don't know." She was pretty sure I knew how to tell time, so she realized that I must need glasses. I'll never forget the feeling of leaving the eye doctor and looking out the window at individual leaves on the trees!!

Hehe this thread contains information about so many random things I find interesting: vision problems, pirates, Expressionist art, cats...

To keep this slightly on track...I used to be a terrible know-it-all! When I was in elementary school, I'd have my teachers second-guessing their spelling...and I definitely was not always right. :P
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on December 06, 2010, 12:52:36 AM
slightly OT: in Australia we use a different "script" for eyesight than the 20/20 that the US uses. I am -2.25 in one eye (i think - its been a while) and I am short sighted.
In South Africa we use the same sort of notation as Australia. I've no idea what my 20/??? rating is to describe how bad my eyesight is, but I know that I wear something like a -7 in one eye and -7.5 in the other (and I'm badly shortsighted). I know my mum used to be -14 (before her cataract op, now she's got better eyesight than me).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 06, 2010, 01:14:35 AM
Oh, I forgot about the CKIA Jerk who insisted that my grandfather couldn't possibly be color-blind because I wasn't color-blind. Nor are my siblings.  It was impossible for a "dominant trait" like color blindness to skip generations, he said. I tried to convince him that color-blindness is not a dominant trait and is actually more common in males than females because most color-vision genes are located on the X chromosome. (I'd always found Papa's condition fascinating and did a little reading on the subject.)


CKIAJ scoffed and said I clearly didn't know what I was talking about, because he learned everything he needed to know from some random magazine article on the subject. And that my grandfather had probably faked color-blindness to get out of serving in WWII. Knowing that my grandfather tried to fake regular vision and skew the entrance tests  so he could serve in WWII in the Navy anyway, I told CKIAJ exactly where he could stick his opinions, and never spoke to him again.

You know what's funny is that even if he were right about it being a dominant trait, he'd STILL be wrong, because you could still just as easily have inherited the recessives.  It's as ridiculous as him telling you that your grandfather couldn't have had dark hair because you're a blonde or a redhead.

Exactly. If there weren't other genes thrown into the mix, he might have an argument. But since my parents, weren't, in fact, siblings, I did have other genetic options.


Color blindness actually throws another corkscrew into the mix as it is not inherited in a dominant/recessive pattern (at least the common red/green form).  It's all involved in X-inactivation and things, not to mention there are more than just 2 genes (so it's more than just on/off, there are degrees).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on December 06, 2010, 01:16:26 AM
Everyone with terrible eyesight, I have a horrifying story for you.

I was skiing, with my glasses as I didn't have contacts. Someone hit me from behind going a billion miles an hour. We both cartwheeled through the air. My glasses came off as I was cartwheeling. So, I'm half way up a hill, blind as a bat, my glasses are somewhere in the snow above me (in a roughly 25 foot by 6 foot area), and skiers are whizzing down all the time. I nearly cried, but I knew that I had to try to find them before someone skied over them and broke them. Somehow I found them with my hand, as I was crawling up the hill sweeping my hands through the snow.

And the jerk who hit me? He broke his arm. I felt bad, but also vindicated at the same time.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 06, 2010, 01:23:20 AM
Everyone with terrible eyesight, I have a horrifying story for you.

I was skiing, with my glasses as I didn't have contacts. Someone hit me from behind going a billion miles an hour. We both cartwheeled through the air. My glasses came off as I was cartwheeling. So, I'm half way up a hill, blind as a bat, my glasses are somewhere in the snow above me (in a roughly 25 foot by 6 foot area), and skiers are whizzing down all the time. I nearly cried, but I knew that I had to try to find them before someone skied over them and broke them. Somehow I found them with my hand, as I was crawling up the hill sweeping my hands through the snow.

And the jerk who hit me? He broke his arm. I felt bad, but also vindicated at the same time.

I was about to say I would never go skiing without contacts, but then I remembered the time my contact blew out of my eye from the wind.

So...

Yeah...

Glad you were OK!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: blewellyn on December 06, 2010, 01:53:14 AM

I've always had excellent vision. So when I got to the point of not being able to read the street signs till I was almost upon them, I took myself in for an eye exam. (This was in Thailand). Looked into the machine, told the technician what I could and couldn't see. Her verdict? 20/20 vision.

And I argued. I was convinced the machine was broken, or she didn't know what she was doing. No way could I be 20/20, as it was better before, and worse now. It took going to a major hospital and a consultation with a doctor to discover that you could have better than 20/20 vision, and mine had degenerated into 'merely' 20/20.  :-[


CRUD MONKEYS!!  I thought I was the only one who had had this experience.  I was 35 when this happened.  It was so disconcerting to not be able to see as well as I once had.  I mean I couldn't understand how  people could function if they can't read a road sign from a half mile away? 

Now I'm staring 60 in the face and I wish I could go back to 20/20.  I can see well enough to move around the house without my glasses but now I have TRI-focals!!

B
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: iridaceae on December 06, 2010, 02:57:33 AM
I tend to forget just how bad my vision is because my glasses are practically part of my face. The first thing I do in the morning, before I'm even properly awake is to put them on, virtually never take them off during the day, and I take them off the second before I turn out the light to go to sleep. On the rare occasions that I actually take them off and look around, I'm shocked at how little I can see. Does anyone else do that?
Yup. I'm very careful where I put my glasses because I need my glasses to find my glasses. If I took them off, I might forget where I put them, and the odds of me finding them again without glasses (or an able-sighted assistant) is almost null. It took me 30 minutes to find them the last time they fell off the nightstand and bounced under my bed.


My glasses used to go on top of my night stand. Until the time I woke up just in time to squintily and fuzzily see my late kitty Sandstone- who was sitting on the nightstand- curiously swat my glasses with a paw and then rather thoughtfully watch them go flying. My glasses frames are kind of bronze and my carpet is beige. Yes, it took me a while to find them.  That was the last time I put them on the nightstand. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: chibichan on December 06, 2010, 03:52:08 AM
I used to keep my glasses in the living room , by the TV . Not anymore . I keep my them on the nightstand ever since this incident .

I lived alone for years in a ranch style house with no A/C at the end of a secluded street. No neighbors for miles .

One hot summer night , around 2:00 AM , I was awakened by a loud thump on the wall next to the head of bed .

Leaping out of a deep slumber , I peered at the window , which was open but had a screen on it . I was horrified to see the fuzzy dark shape of a head and 2 arms stretched out wide against the screen .

As I blindly leaned in closer , trying to see who was breaking into my house , my panicking , comatose brain was thinking :

" My God !! Someone's trying to get in !!! It's...it's.........a MIDGET. Wha...??? "

It was the cat .

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on December 06, 2010, 04:18:51 AM
:

" My God !! Someone's trying to get in !!! It's...it's.........a MIDGET. Wha...??? "

It was the cat .



That's just fantastic! But if anyone is going to break into my house, I'd rather it was a midget than say, Mike Tyson. 

My brain does that as well. Just inserts random name of anything that fits the blur into my head. I've "seen" amazing things while not wearing glasses. Too much imagination...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: chibichan on December 06, 2010, 04:43:41 AM
So do I !

I was driving at dusk one time and saw what I thought was an animal by the side of the road . I slowed down as I approached and tried to see what it was . As I got closer , and the thing got smaller , my train of thought went like this :

It's a beaver , no - it's a woodchuck . No , it's a rabbit ... a squirrel .....a chipmunk - A HAMSTER !

Yep , a wild New Hampshire Hamster , just waiting to dart out in front of my car .

I wonder about myself sometimes , but it keeps me smiling .
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on December 06, 2010, 06:57:52 AM
Ha! You guys have much better no-glasses stories than I do, Nora and chibichan! I mostly just fail to notice that there's a door there until slightly too late.

Though once, when I was working as a bartender, I had to go to one shift without my glasses, because they were having the lenses changed and the optometrist was late finishing them. I can't see facial features at all without my glasses, just a sort of generalized blur that I will assume is human. I got to work (a friend gave me a ride ;) ) and told my boss, "Anyone and everyone who asks me for drink this evening will be carded, because I can't tell the difference between a 17-year-old trying to slip under the radar and an 83-year-old granny." Boss decided I would be spending my shift doing inventory >:D.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: EngineerChick on December 06, 2010, 09:38:35 AM
I'll never forget the feeling of leaving the eye doctor and looking out the window at individual leaves on the trees!!

I mentioned a similar story to an optometrist one time (while getting my eyes checked), and she mentioned that noticing the leaves on trees, individual blades of grass, or that there are stars in the sky are common things most people who got glasses as children remember most.

The same optometrist remarked that I was a much better patient than most of her engineering/science patients.  Apparently, most of them would tell her that she was doing the exam wrong and that she should listen to them.  None of them had any medical or optometry experience, they just thought they knew how to do her job better than she did.  (She was in her late 20's, so this may have been a contributing factor.) 

She was a great optometrist, but I no longer live there.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 06, 2010, 09:42:11 AM
Hehe - my late kitty used to like to swat my glasses off the nightstand as well, and then I started knocking them off when fumbling for the snooze button...so now I put them in a hard case, and stick it under the pillow on the other side of my bed, that i don't sleep on.  this way they are protected, and i know exactly wehre they are.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 06, 2010, 09:46:28 AM
I'll never forget the feeling of leaving the eye doctor and looking out the window at individual leaves on the trees!!

I mentioned a similar story to an optometrist one time (while getting my eyes checked), and she mentioned that noticing the leaves on trees, individual blades of grass, or that there are stars in the sky are common things most people who got glasses as children remember most.

The same optometrist remarked that I was a much better patient than most of her engineering/science patients.  Apparently, most of them would tell her that she was doing the exam wrong and that she should listen to them.  None of them had any medical or optometry experience, they just thought they knew how to do her job better than she did.  (She was in her late 20's, so this may have been a contributing factor.) 

She was a great optometrist, but I no longer live there.

DH is an optician. He he hates dispensing eyeglasses to anyone who has any kind of medical or scientific background, because they automatically assume they know better than he does about what's wrong with their glasses or if their prescription is right or not. He usually shuts them up by pointing to his certificates (in this state, opticians go through extensive training and have to become certified and fully licensed in order to make and dispense glasses) and informing them that he went through years of training and certification and that means he knows what he's talking about. He's got every license and certification an optician can have short of Master (which he is considering for the future), and is trained in lab work as well, so he is indeed more than qualified to do what he's doing.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 06, 2010, 09:48:02 AM
Hehe - my late kitty used to like to swat my glasses off the nightstand as well, and then I started knocking them off when fumbling for the snooze button...so now I put them in a hard case, and stick it under the pillow on the other side of my bed, that i don't sleep on.  this way they are protected, and i know exactly wehre they are.

My glasses are always in a hard case when not being worn. DH's favorite mantra is "when they're not on your face, they're in a case", because it helps prevent them from being damaged if they fall on the floor. I know it's a lot easier to find a case than it is to find a pair of glasses, since my case is bright blue.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on December 06, 2010, 09:52:39 AM
Luckily, I didn't have to deal with this CKIA for very long, but it was painful nonetheless!  

I have very large eyes.  There is nothing wrong with me, I just have very, very big eyes, as in I get teased for looking like an anime character; that's the sort of "big" we're talking here.  Some people have taken it upon themselves to inform me of the host of medical conditions I obviously must have in order for me to have such "freakishly huge eyes" (a real quote  >:(), but this one woman takes the cake.  

She was brand-new to the company I worked for at the time, and I was going to train her.  She walks up to me, sits, and as I'm organizing her folder and getting ready, she asks if I've ever gotten my thyroid checked.  
Me: "Excuse me?"
CKIA: "Have you ever gotten your thyroid checked?"
Me: "No."
CKIA: "Well, you obviously have a very bad thyroid, your eyes are bulging right out!"
Me: "I'm fine."
CKIA: "No, you're not, you have a bad thyroid."
Me: "Have you ever worked in medicine?"
CKIA: "No, but my uncle had a bad thyroid, and his eyes bugged out too."
Me: "Okay.  Here's your folder, and here's a tablet and pen so you can take notes...."
CKIA: "I'm just concerned that you don't care about your thyroid is all."
Me: "Excuse me, please."
I went over and got my supervisor and told her that I was having a problem with our new-hire commenting on my eyes and health conditions, and would she mind helping me out?  The supervisor goes over to at least get this woman started on the training while I take a break because I was spitting mad.  The CKIA's tone was just dripping with the condescension, like I was sooo ignorant about the true reason for my eyes being so big (hi there, Genetics!), and I had a much shorter fuse back then, so I needed a second to myself.

My supervisor came back a bit later and told me she couldn't get this woman to stop asking about my eyes, and telling my supervisor to make me get my thyroid tested, so my supervisor told her that would be all for today and sent her home.  I have no idea if they flat-out fired that lady, or just moved her to a different department or what, but I never saw her again after that.  I'll tell you what though, that had me all self-conscious for quite a while afterward.  It made me very uncomfortable to think that people were pondering what was wrong with me every time the spoke to me.  I got over it after finally telling myself, "Sc**w 'em", but it was just bizarre.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 06, 2010, 09:56:35 AM
I'll never forget the feeling of leaving the eye doctor and looking out the window at individual leaves on the trees!!

I mentioned a similar story to an optometrist one time (while getting my eyes checked), and she mentioned that noticing the leaves on trees, individual blades of grass, or that there are stars in the sky are common things most people who got glasses as children remember most.

It was leaves on trees for me too!  It was fall and the world suddenly went from "impressionist painting" to "photograph."  I was 8.

DH is an optician. He he hates dispensing eyeglasses to anyone who has any kind of medical or scientific background, because they automatically assume they know better than he does about what's wrong with their glasses or if their prescription is right or not. He usually shuts them up by pointing to his certificates (in this state, opticians go through extensive training and have to become certified and fully licensed in order to make and dispense glasses) and informing them that he went through years of training and certification and that means he knows what he's talking about. He's got every license and certification an optician can have short of Master (which he is considering for the future), and is trained in lab work as well, so he is indeed more than qualified to do what he's doing.

I hope doctors don't think I'm irritating--but I always know if my eyes have changed, and always have.  From the growth spurt at age 11 when they changed three times in one summer, to the last 5 years of a stable prescription (finally!), I'm always right.  I don't try to game the tests or tell them they're doing it wrong, though.  Just "I'm here for a yearly checkup, don't think anything has changed," when they ask what brings me in.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 06, 2010, 10:04:12 AM
I'll never forget the feeling of leaving the eye doctor and looking out the window at individual leaves on the trees!!

I mentioned a similar story to an optometrist one time (while getting my eyes checked), and she mentioned that noticing the leaves on trees, individual blades of grass, or that there are stars in the sky are common things most people who got glasses as children remember most.

It was leaves on trees for me too!  It was fall and the world suddenly went from "impressionist painting" to "photograph."  I was 8.

DH is an optician. He he hates dispensing eyeglasses to anyone who has any kind of medical or scientific background, because they automatically assume they know better than he does about what's wrong with their glasses or if their prescription is right or not. He usually shuts them up by pointing to his certificates (in this state, opticians go through extensive training and have to become certified and fully licensed in order to make and dispense glasses) and informing them that he went through years of training and certification and that means he knows what he's talking about. He's got every license and certification an optician can have short of Master (which he is considering for the future), and is trained in lab work as well, so he is indeed more than qualified to do what he's doing.

I hope doctors don't think I'm irritating--but I always know if my eyes have changed, and always have.  From the growth spurt at age 11 when they changed three times in one summer, to the last 5 years of a stable prescription (finally!), I'm always right.  I don't try to game the tests or tell them they're doing it wrong, though.  Just "I'm here for a yearly checkup, don't think anything has changed," when they ask what brings me in.

I don't think they mind that..I can usually tell when my eyes have changed and when they're about the same, and usually mention it to my eye doctor if I don't think there's been a major change in my prescription (and I've been right every time). I think it's the "I KNOW this is the problem, you don't know what you're talking about" attitude that bothers them if they find an issue or figure out that the "problem" is actually a normal change and not a serious disease. It's like I can tell when my eyes have changed, but I can't figure out if the thinning of my retina has progressed or not..so my eye doctor has to check that out every appointment. I don't try to tell him that he's wrong about the retina, or that there's no change to it, since I won't be able to tell unless it actually becomes detached.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Spoder on December 06, 2010, 10:09:19 AM
LeeLee88, what an incredibly obnoxious woman! Especially as a new hire - who DOES that?!  ???

I've had a similar reaction whenever the subject of my contact lenses comes up.

CKIA: Why are your eyes so red?
Me: Ah, dry contact lenses, they need to come out for the day. No biggie, I'm going home soon.
CKIA: Why don't you put fresh ones in?
Me: Because I don't have fresh ones; these ones are rigid, extended-wear contacts. They cost nearly a thousand bucks. I only have one pair.
CKIA: Why on earth don't you wear soft contacts?! Nobody wears hard contact lenses anymore!
Me: I do, I have to. (*bean-dip attempt)
CKIA: You need laser surgery then!
Me: Had it. It didn't work. That's why I have to wear hard lenses. (*bean dip, bean dip)
CKIA: Oh, but it's BETTER now! They can operate *again*! They have better technology!
Me: Nope, can't be redone. I've checked, many times. (*...more dip)
CKIA: But my cousin had it done, and she has perfect vision now! Honestly, they can do it. You must have had it done the old way. You need to have it redone. Or at least get soft lenses. Then you can throw them away at the end of every day.

Repeat and repeat, ad infinitum.  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 06, 2010, 10:16:47 AM
Luckily, I didn't have to deal with this CKIA for very long, but it was painful nonetheless!  

I have very large eyes.  There is nothing wrong with me, I just have very, very big eyes, as in I get teased for looking like an anime character; that's the sort of "big" we're talking here.  Some people have taken it upon themselves to inform me of the host of medical conditions I obviously must have in order for me to have such "freakishly huge eyes" (a real quote  >:(), but this one woman takes the cake.  

(snip)

Ha, me too. Well, maybe not 'freakishly' huge, but I've been getting the 'big eyes' comments all my life and yeah, they bug a bit. I did have my thyroid checked, on the recommendation of my therapist, it was fine. I've never had anyone as rude as that woman tho!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 06, 2010, 10:21:44 AM
Hehe - my late kitty used to like to swat my glasses off the nightstand as well, and then I started knocking them off when fumbling for the snooze button...so now I put them in a hard case, and stick it under the pillow on the other side of my bed, that i don't sleep on.  this way they are protected, and i know exactly wehre they are.

My glasses are always in a hard case when not being worn. DH's favorite mantra is "when they're not on your face, they're in a case", because it helps prevent them from being damaged if they fall on the floor. I know it's a lot easier to find a case than it is to find a pair of glasses, since my case is bright blue.

I don't wear prescription glasses, but when I bought my first pair of 'good' sunglasses (Revo, $150 way back in the 80s) the person at the store told me "Lace, Case, or Face" (lace being the around-the-neck leash). I had that pair for 15 years until my purse was stolen and never got a scratch on them. My current pair is close to 10 years old and still look like new.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on December 06, 2010, 10:29:17 AM
Spoder - That's exactly what I was thinking!  I mean, c'mon!  I've since rationalized it like this: she was considerably older than me, and did not like having to be trained by someone as young as I was, so she was just trying to force superiority in the situation she was in.  That's the best I can come up with. 

Dangermouth - I don't think we can ever avoid the comments, haha!  I'm glad you haven't encountered anyone like her; the rudeness must be contained to only a tiny fraction of the population!

Also, I've been informed that there is a small town in Mexico where all the women have large eyes like we do.  I say we move there to finally get some peace  :P
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 06, 2010, 10:45:47 AM
LeeLee88, what an incredibly obnoxious woman! Especially as a new hire - who DOES that?!  ???

I've had a similar reaction whenever the subject of my contact lenses comes up.

CKIA: Why are your eyes so red?
Me: Ah, dry contact lenses, they need to come out for the day. No biggie, I'm going home soon.
CKIA: Why don't you put fresh ones in?
Me: Because I don't have fresh ones; these ones are rigid, extended-wear contacts. They cost nearly a thousand bucks. I only have one pair.
CKIA: Why on earth don't you wear soft contacts?! Nobody wears hard contact lenses anymore!
Me: I do, I have to. (*bean-dip attempt)
CKIA: You need laser surgery then!
Me: Had it. It didn't work. That's why I have to wear hard lenses. (*bean dip, bean dip)
CKIA: Oh, but it's BETTER now! They can operate *again*! They have better technology!
Me: Nope, can't be redone. I've checked, many times. (*...more dip)
CKIA: But my cousin had it done, and she has perfect vision now! Honestly, they can do it. You must have had it done the old way. You need to have it redone. Or at least get soft lenses. Then you can throw them away at the end of every day.

Repeat and repeat, ad infinitum.  ::)

I get that all the time as well...Why donít get you laser surgery?  I had it, my mother had it, my (lists anyone and everyone they know had it) and they can see perfectly fine!  And proceed to give me every reason in the book WHY I should have it done.  But Iím a chicken, and from what Iíve read, and I could be wrong, people who have very bad vision, and very dry eyes are sometimes not a good candidate.  I have both.  I also am afraid Iíd be one of those who had complications, and while my vision is bad, I am used to it, and manage.  I also kind of like the way I look in my glasses!  But that doesnít stop people from trying to convince me I absolutely have to have this done, and nothing else will do!  Um, excuse me, but last time I checked, they were MY eyes, and its MY decision what to do with them!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 06, 2010, 10:50:28 AM
I get that all the time as well...Why donít get you laser surgery?  I had it, my mother had it, my (lists anyone and everyone they know had it) and they can see perfectly fine!  And proceed to give me every reason in the book WHY I should have it done.  But Iím a chicken, and from what Iíve read, and I could be wrong, people who have very bad vision, and very dry eyes are sometimes not a good candidate.  I have both.  I also am afraid Iíd be one of those who had complications, and while my vision is bad, I am used to it, and manage.  I also kind of like the way I look in my glasses!  But that doesnít stop people from trying to convince me I absolutely have to have this done, and nothing else will do!  Um, excuse me, but last time I checked, they were MY eyes, and its MY decision what to do with them!

Besides, it's not a 100% thing that your vision will be perfect afterwards. My dad had laser surgery done, and he still has to wear one contact lens in his right eye because it didn't really "take" properly in that eye, and from what the eye doctor said, it never will be fully correctable for him.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 06, 2010, 10:52:04 AM
I get that all the time as well...Why donít get you laser surgery?  I had it, my mother had it, my (lists anyone and everyone they know had it) and they can see perfectly fine!  And proceed to give me every reason in the book WHY I should have it done.  But Iím a chicken, and from what Iíve read, and I could be wrong, people who have very bad vision, and very dry eyes are sometimes not a good candidate.  I have both.  I also am afraid Iíd be one of those who had complications, and while my vision is bad, I am used to it, and manage.  I also kind of like the way I look in my glasses!  But that doesnít stop people from trying to convince me I absolutely have to have this done, and nothing else will do!  Um, excuse me, but last time I checked, they were MY eyes, and its MY decision what to do with them!

Besides, it's not a 100% thing that your vision will be perfect afterwards. My dad had laser surgery done, and he still has to wear one contact lens in his right eye because it didn't really "take" properly in that eye, and from what the eye doctor said, it never will be fully correctable for him.

Yup - that's another reason why I'm hesitent to have the surgery.  there are no guarentees, and as I say, I know my poor vision, and am used to it. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: wolfie on December 06, 2010, 10:58:23 AM
I get that all the time as well...Why donít get you laser surgery?  I had it, my mother had it, my (lists anyone and everyone they know had it) and they can see perfectly fine!  And proceed to give me every reason in the book WHY I should have it done.  But Iím a chicken, and from what Iíve read, and I could be wrong, people who have very bad vision, and very dry eyes are sometimes not a good candidate.  I have both.  I also am afraid Iíd be one of those who had complications, and while my vision is bad, I am used to it, and manage.  I also kind of like the way I look in my glasses!  But that doesnít stop people from trying to convince me I absolutely have to have this done, and nothing else will do!  Um, excuse me, but last time I checked, they were MY eyes, and its MY decision what to do with them!

Besides, it\'s not a 100% thing that your vision will be perfect afterwards. My dad had laser surgery done, and he still has to wear one contact lens in his right eye because it didn\'t really \"take\" properly in that eye, and from what the eye doctor said, it never will be fully correctable for him.

Yup - that\'s another reason why I\'m hesitent to have the surgery.  there are no guarentees, and as I say, I know my poor vision, and am used to it. 

that and it doesn\'t stop your eyes from changing later. I know plenty of people that had it done years ago and now they need glasses again because their eyes changed.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on December 06, 2010, 11:02:58 AM
LeeLee88, what an incredibly obnoxious woman! Especially as a new hire - who DOES that?!  ???

I've had a similar reaction whenever the subject of my contact lenses comes up.

CKIA: Why are your eyes so red?
Me: Ah, dry contact lenses, they need to come out for the day. No biggie, I'm going home soon.
CKIA: Why don't you put fresh ones in?
Me: Because I don't have fresh ones; these ones are rigid, extended-wear contacts. They cost nearly a thousand bucks. I only have one pair.
CKIA: Why on earth don't you wear soft contacts?! Nobody wears hard contact lenses anymore!
Me: I do, I have to. (*bean-dip attempt)
CKIA: You need laser surgery then!
Me: Had it. It didn't work. That's why I have to wear hard lenses. (*bean dip, bean dip)
CKIA: Oh, but it's BETTER now! They can operate *again*! They have better technology!
Me: Nope, can't be redone. I've checked, many times. (*...more dip)
CKIA: But my cousin had it done, and she has perfect vision now! Honestly, they can do it. You must have had it done the old way. You need to have it redone. Or at least get soft lenses. Then you can throw them away at the end of every day.

Repeat and repeat, ad infinitum.  ::)

I get that all the time as well...Why donít get you laser surgery?  I had it, my mother had it, my (lists anyone and everyone they know had it) and they can see perfectly fine!  And proceed to give me every reason in the book WHY I should have it done.  But Iím a chicken, and from what Iíve read, and I could be wrong, people who have very bad vision, and very dry eyes are sometimes not a good candidate.  I have both.  I also am afraid Iíd be one of those who had complications, and while my vision is bad, I am used to it, and manage.  I also kind of like the way I look in my glasses!  But that doesnít stop people from trying to convince me I absolutely have to have this done, and nothing else will do!  Um, excuse me, but last time I checked, they were MY eyes, and its MY decision what to do with them!

I know! I've never been a candidate to have it done, but part of me wants to say, "I'm sorry I'm so hideous to you in my current form  :P"  My favorite is when you say, "I'm not a candidate", and they tell you that that is impossible, everyone's a candidate, there is no reason you can't get it done, so on and so forth.  Again, I ask, "And where did you get your medical degree from?  Oh, you don't have one?  Huh... yeah... how about that?"  Idjyits.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Spoder on December 06, 2010, 11:06:37 AM
Keep ignoring them, siamesecat.

I had very bad vision and astigmatism and had been wearing glasses since I was four years old. I finally had LASIK surgery at 26. Yes, I had perfect vision after it was done, but it didn't last. Ten years later, I'm back to needing visual aids for absolutely everything. (Can't even walk around my house without them, let alone drive).

It just rubs salt in the wound when people say, 'Ah, but I bet you're eyes aren't as bad as before you had it done!' because that totally misses the point. Technically, it's true, my vision is not as bad, although it is deteriorating rapidly. But in reality, my overall situation is much worse, because I can no longer wear soft, cheap, comfortable lenses as they won't stick to the now-uneven surface of my eye. Instead, I am stuck with $450 per lens, custom-made rigid contacts, which are also preventing my cornea bulging out any further. I also will probably never have the option of having surgery again (they lasered so much off my corneas the first time that there's no room left for error; no eye surgeon will touch them). Plus the other lovely complications like extremely dry eyes.

I am now very, very anti-LASIK. As you might imagine.  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 06, 2010, 11:18:48 AM
BFF's sister had laser surgery, and she said it worked really well for her sister, but BFF also wears glasses and has decided to not have laser surgery done on her eyes and doesn't want to wear contacts.   Can't say I blame her either.   If one doesn't mind wearing glasses and/or contact lenses, why undergo surgery? 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 06, 2010, 11:28:42 AM
So do I !

I was driving at dusk one time and saw what I thought was an animal by the side of the road . I slowed down as I approached and tried to see what it was . As I got closer , and the thing got smaller , my train of thought went like this :

It's a beaver , no - it's a woodchuck . No , it's a rabbit ... a squirrel .....a chipmunk - A HAMSTER !

Yep , a wild New Hampshire Hamster , just waiting to dart out in front of my car .

I wonder about myself sometimes , but it keeps me smiling .
I always wear mine (heck, I can't find the bathroom without them, much less drive!) and I still 'see' things.  I can't tell how many times I've braked to avoid squashing the little unidentifiable creatures scuttling across the road, only to realize a microsecond later that they were leaves being blown by a very light wind.   ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 06, 2010, 11:34:18 AM

I don't think they mind that..I can usually tell when my eyes have changed and when they're about the same, and usually mention it to my eye doctor if I don't think there's been a major change in my prescription (and I've been right every time).
Right.  They're YOUR eyes and YOUR vision.  You can tell if things are a bit blurrier than before.

And for me, it wasn't individual leaves (no deciduous trees in my mountain village!) it was individual bricks in the wall.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Seraphia on December 06, 2010, 11:51:05 AM
So do I !

I was driving at dusk one time and saw what I thought was an animal by the side of the road . I slowed down as I approached and tried to see what it was . As I got closer , and the thing got smaller , my train of thought went like this :

It's a beaver , no - it's a woodchuck . No , it's a rabbit ... a squirrel .....a chipmunk - A HAMSTER !

Yep , a wild New Hampshire Hamster , just waiting to dart out in front of my car .

I wonder about myself sometimes , but it keeps me smiling .
I always wear mine (heck, I can't find the bathroom without them, much less drive!) and I still 'see' things.  I can't tell how many times I've braked to avoid squashing the little unidentifiable creatures scuttling across the road, only to realize a microsecond later that they were leaves being blown by a very light wind.   ;D

Yes, the wonderful "THING! STOP FOR THE THING!" reaction.  ;) I always wear my contacts driving, because with my glasses, my peripheral vision undergoes a shift from out-of-focus to in-focus as I move, and my brain interprets it as something popping into view and moving toward me.

Yes brain. We need to be very worried about the plastic bag. And the candy wrapper, and those leaves. I'm sure they will really hurt the thousand pound car a lot.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: geordicat on December 06, 2010, 12:42:00 PM
So do I !

I was driving at dusk one time and saw what I thought was an animal by the side of the road . I slowed down as I approached and tried to see what it was . As I got closer , and the thing got smaller , my train of thought went like this :

It's a beaver , no - it's a woodchuck . No , it's a rabbit ... a squirrel .....a chipmunk - A HAMSTER !

Yep , a wild New Hampshire Hamster , just waiting to dart out in front of my car .

I wonder about myself sometimes , but it keeps me smiling .
I always wear mine (heck, I can't find the bathroom without them, much less drive!) and I still 'see' things.  I can't tell how many times I've braked to avoid squashing the little unidentifiable creatures scuttling across the road, only to realize a microsecond later that they were leaves being blown by a very light wind.   ;D

Yes, the wonderful "THING! STOP FOR THE THING!" reaction.  ;) I always wear my contacts driving, because with my glasses, my peripheral vision undergoes a shift from out-of-focus to in-focus as I move, and my brain interprets it as something popping into view and moving toward me.

Yes brain. We need to be very worried about the plastic bag. And the candy wrapper, and those leaves. I'm sure they will really hurt the thousand pound car a lot.

Don't forget the person who is standing by the side of the road, just waiting for you to get closer so they can dart out in front of you.  Then it turns out to be a mail box or a trash can.   :-[
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 06, 2010, 12:44:13 PM
Keep ignoring them, siamesecat.

I had very bad vision and astigmatism and had been wearing glasses since I was four years old. I finally had LASIK surgery at 26. Yes, I had perfect vision after it was done, but it didn't last. Ten years later, I'm back to needing visual aids for absolutely everything. (Can't even walk around my house without them, let alone drive).

It just rubs salt in the wound when people say, 'Ah, but I bet you're eyes aren't as bad as before you had it done!' because that totally misses the point. Technically, it's true, my vision is not as bad, although it is deteriorating rapidly. But in reality, my overall situation is much worse, because I can no longer wear soft, cheap, comfortable lenses as they won't stick to the now-uneven surface of my eye. Instead, I am stuck with $450 per lens, custom-made rigid contacts, which are also preventing my cornea bulging out any further. I also will probably never have the option of having surgery again (they lasered so much off my corneas the first time that there's no room left for error; no eye surgeon will touch them). Plus the other lovely complications like extremely dry eyes.

I am now very, very anti-LASIK. As you might imagine.  ::)

I plan too!  I'm sorry you had such a hard time of it.  And don't blame you at all for being anti-LASIK. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Sirius on December 06, 2010, 01:34:24 PM
Also, I'm feeling pretty thankful it's only 20/400 now!  20/850 uncorrected is hard even for me to picture.  I bet you could get people making some GOOD faces looking through your glasses, Jess!

Oh they peek for a second and then immediately whip their heads away from the glasses as if they've turned into acid and go, "Whoa!"
It's a great reaction.

And btw, 20/850 uncorrect is roughly like trying to see a watercolor picture that's been smeared by a bucket of water splashed on it.

My good eye sees somewhat like a watercolor.

I have a theory about some impressionists artists...the reason some of their work is so blurred is because their eyesight was really just that bad.  Everyone I know thinks it is a most ridiculous theory.  I still think it's the only think that really makes any sense.

It's true about Monet - he had cataracts.  The book I have of his paintings talks about it, and it's pretty obvious when he repainted something when he was older that he wasn't seeing as well as he had.

An earlier garden painting:
http://www.monetpainting.net/paintings/gardeninflower.php?search_by=garden 


A later garden painting:
http://www.monetpainting.net/paintings/artistgarden.php?search_by=1920
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Everlee on December 06, 2010, 01:53:18 PM
Also, I'm feeling pretty thankful it's only 20/400 now!  20/850 uncorrected is hard even for me to picture.  I bet you could get people making some GOOD faces looking through your glasses, Jess!

Oh they peek for a second and then immediately whip their heads away from the glasses as if they've turned into acid and go, "Whoa!"
It's a great reaction.

And btw, 20/850 uncorrect is roughly like trying to see a watercolor picture that's been smeared by a bucket of water splashed on it.

My good eye sees somewhat like a watercolor.

I have a theory about some impressionists artists...the reason some of their work is so blurred is because their eyesight was really just that bad.  Everyone I know thinks it is a most ridiculous theory.  I still think it's the only think that really makes any sense.

It's true about Monet - he had cataracts.  The book I have of his paintings talks about it, and it's pretty obvious when he repainted something when he was older that he wasn't seeing as well as he had.

An earlier garden painting:
http://www.monetpainting.net/paintings/gardeninflower.php?search_by=garden 


A later garden painting:
http://www.monetpainting.net/paintings/artistgarden.php?search_by=1920


Obviously it's so tragic that such a great artist had eye problems, but I think his later paintings are even more beautiful than his first.  His viewpoint is what makes them so poignant.
I'm the same way about Van Gogh.  Everyone knows he was "off" while living, and I love to look at his paintings and just wonder if that really was the way he saw the world.  All the bright colors and swirls and craziness.  Of course, the Doctor Who episode saying the same thing only reinforced my theory.   ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 06, 2010, 01:57:57 PM
Also, I'm feeling pretty thankful it's only 20/400 now!  20/850 uncorrected is hard even for me to picture.  I bet you could get people making some GOOD faces looking through your glasses, Jess!

Oh they peek for a second and then immediately whip their heads away from the glasses as if they've turned into acid and go, "Whoa!"
It's a great reaction.

And btw, 20/850 uncorrect is roughly like trying to see a watercolor picture that's been smeared by a bucket of water splashed on it.

My good eye sees somewhat like a watercolor.

I have a theory about some impressionists artists...the reason some of their work is so blurred is because their eyesight was really just that bad.  Everyone I know thinks it is a most ridiculous theory.  I still think it's the only think that really makes any sense.

It's true about Monet - he had cataracts.  The book I have of his paintings talks about it, and it's pretty obvious when he repainted something when he was older that he wasn't seeing as well as he had.

An earlier garden painting:
http://www.monetpainting.net/paintings/gardeninflower.php?search_by=garden 


A later garden painting:
http://www.monetpainting.net/paintings/artistgarden.php?search_by=1920


Obviously it's so tragic that such a great artist had eye problems, but I think his later paintings are even more beautiful than his first.  His viewpoint is what makes them so poignant.
I'm the same way about Van Gogh.  Everyone knows he was "off" while living, and I love to look at his paintings and just wonder if that really was the way he saw the world.  All the bright colors and swirls and craziness.  Of course, the Doctor Who episode saying the same thing only reinforced my theory.   ;D

I never got married or birthed a child, and never will, so I guess the high point of my life will always be standing in front of that painting.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on December 06, 2010, 02:02:28 PM
That sounds like an excellent high point to me.

I love that painting.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Everlee on December 06, 2010, 02:58:24 PM
That sounds like an excellent high point to me.

I love that painting.

Starry Night has been my favorite painting since I was in grade school.  It has been one of my life long dreams to see it in person.  I got into Art History solely because of him.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 06, 2010, 03:04:20 PM
So do I !

I was driving at dusk one time and saw what I thought was an animal by the side of the road . I slowed down as I approached and tried to see what it was . As I got closer , and the thing got smaller , my train of thought went like this :

It's a beaver , no - it's a woodchuck . No , it's a rabbit ... a squirrel .....a chipmunk - A HAMSTER !

Yep , a wild New Hampshire Hamster , just waiting to dart out in front of my car .

I wonder about myself sometimes , but it keeps me smiling .
I always wear mine (heck, I can't find the bathroom without them, much less drive!) and I still 'see' things.  I can't tell how many times I've braked to avoid squashing the little unidentifiable creatures scuttling across the road, only to realize a microsecond later that they were leaves being blown by a very light wind.   ;D

Yes, the wonderful "THING! STOP FOR THE THING!" reaction.  ;) I always wear my contacts driving, because with my glasses, my peripheral vision undergoes a shift from out-of-focus to in-focus as I move, and my brain interprets it as something popping into view and moving toward me.

Yes brain. We need to be very worried about the plastic bag. And the candy wrapper, and those leaves. I'm sure they will really hurt the thousand pound car a lot.

Don't forget the person who is standing by the side of the road, just waiting for you to get closer so they can dart out in front of you.  Then it turns out to be a mail box or a trash can.   :-[

Ah, yes. I've done that many times. "Holy crud, PERSON!..no..wait...that's a mailbox. Holy crud, deer! No..wait..that's a bush. Holy crud, person! No..that's a sign post"

I also always mistake skittering leaves in autumn for small animals. So I think "oh no, squirrel!" when in reality it's just a large, curled-up leaf in the road. Of course I am perpetually afraid that one day I'll think "oh, it's just a leaf" when it'll actually be a squirrel.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 06, 2010, 03:09:47 PM
BFF's sister had laser surgery, and she said it worked really well for her sister, but BFF also wears glasses and has decided to not have laser surgery done on her eyes and doesn't want to wear contacts.   Can't say I blame her either.   If one doesn't mind wearing glasses and/or contact lenses, why undergo surgery? 


Exactly. I actually don't mind wearing my glasses anymore. I can't really wear contacts so much these days, since my eyes are pretty dry and if one brand works for my astigmatism, it doesn't work for the dry eye, and vice versa..and I got sick of shelling out hundreds of dollars for things I can only wear for a couple of hours at most. I did find one brand that works pretty well for both problems, but they're really expensive, so I just don't bother anymore. So I wear my glasses all the time.

I can't say that I wouldn't love to wake up tomorrow and have perfect vision, because really, I would. It'd be a dream come true. But I'm not willing to undergo costly and possibly ineffective surgery when I can get around fine with my glasses. Besides, I've grown used to my glasses by this point, and mine are so fancy that they're practically jewelry (currently am wearing Tiffany frames that have real sterling silver accents and swarovski crystals in the temples), so they look nice, too.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 06, 2010, 05:38:03 PM
That sounds like an excellent high point to me.

I love that painting.

Yeah, I could have less, than seeing that in person :)

(Tho SO was pretty much all ??? at my sobbing, but I noticed he had about the same reaction at seeing 'Virgin on the Rocks' at the National Gallery (him being a secular jew and all) Guess we all have things that touch us deeply, for whatever reason)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: whatsanenigma on December 06, 2010, 07:40:11 PM
I can't say that I wouldn't love to wake up tomorrow and have perfect vision, because really, I would. It'd be a dream come true. But I'm not willing to undergo costly and possibly ineffective surgery when I can get around fine with my glasses. Besides, I've grown used to my glasses by this point, and mine are so fancy that they're practically jewelry (currently am wearing Tiffany frames that have real sterling silver accents and swarovski crystals in the temples), so they look nice, too.

I hate it when a CKIA, as we have been calling them in this thread, gets on my case about wearing glasses instead of contacts.

Sure, I love the way I look in contacts, and when I wore them I really had no major problems, except:

1. I had a very very hard time finding  my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night unless I took time to put them in

and

2. I couldn't wear ordinary soft contacts, they had to be the hard "gas permeable" kind. The reason was that I literally could not get the soft ones close enough to my face to see if they were right side up or not before putting them in, and it was always a guessing game, sometimes with me having to take them out and put them back in several times. But the hard ones keep their shape, so I could actually use them.

(I had some specific problems with some CKIAs while I wore contacts, also, because they just didn't believe that the soft kind didn't work for me. Hello, I think I know how my vision works better than you do!)

But oh no, I must have low self esteem or something. I've given up on my appearance and have resigned myself to wearing glasses, when I could get some soft contacts and look so much prettier! Or better yet get that surgery and not have to worry about it at all. That's what *everybody* does nowadays, don't you know?

Sorry, no contacts, and no surgery. I don't judge anyone else's choices about what they do for themselves but I have been a type one diabetic for almost 25 years and my eyes have been messed with enough already, thanks.

I'd like perfect vision too-but I will admit I am also a big fan of the "jewelry" type glasses! Getting a new pair of frames is quite exciting, actually!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: baglady on December 06, 2010, 08:33:42 PM
But oh no, I must have low self esteem or something. I've given up on my appearance and have resigned myself to wearing glasses, when I could get some soft contacts and look so much prettier! Or better yet get that surgery and not have to worry about it at all. That's what *everybody* does nowadays, don't you know?

Two words: Tina. Fey.

We've come a long way from 1970, when girl with glasses = ugly girl who only had to take them off to be transformed into Major Hottie. I always wondered how those glasses-wearing latent hotties got around after getting rid of the specs. Oh, that's right -- once they became glasses-free hotties, they had a bunch of guys lined up to lead them around!

But nowadays, a gal with glasses (see Fey, Tina) can be a hottie! So there.

I'm severely nearsighted from birth, and in my late 20s/early 30s it seemed everyone was pushing me to get radial keratotomy (precursor to LASIK). I said, "No, thanks," because everything I read about that procedure indicated that it would probably *not* correct my vision to 20/20 but I would no longer be able to wear contacts. I liked to be able to choose between contacts and glasses on a given day. I've since heard that LASIK is similar -- if you don't end up with perfect vision, you're stuck with glasses and will not be able to wear contacts again, ever.

As it turned out, I had cataract surgery on one eye at 50. So I've got 20/40-ish vision in that eye, and still need a contact lens in the other, which still is severely nearsighted and may not develop a cataract for another 10 or 20 years.




Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: EveLGenius on December 06, 2010, 08:45:55 PM
When someone starts bugging me about why I don't get Lasik or some other eye surgery, I don't tell them that I'm frankly too scared to risk my eyesight getting worse; and that I know how safe it is; and oh, I dream about having good (or even better) eyesight but that I'm just not convinced that the fail rate is low enough; or even talk about the person I know who went in for Lasik and got a Clostridium difficile infection in his eye (when I saw him 6 months later, he'd lost almost 100 lbs and still could only work 2 hours/day).

I just say, "NASA doesn't accept astronaut applications from anyone who's ever had eye surgery."  Stops 'em every time. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: EveLGenius on December 06, 2010, 08:51:52 PM
My mother's uncle was definitely CKIA.  He loved to argue, and no matter what topic came up, he'd argue about it.  I don't think we ever knew how he truly felt about things, because he'd calmly and thoroughly take the most offensive position on any topic, and either research it until he found information to "prove" his point of view, or make up something that sounded good and shout it until everyone else gave up.

The only time I remember getting the best of him was one time when he noticed my laundry bag.  It had a silkscreen that said, "If this bag moves, shoot it."  He went off on how I shouldn't be carrying that around, because it was illegal to discharge a firearm inside the city limits, and I'd get in trouble (insert another 5-minute rant here).  I just said, "Don't worry, Uncle, I'm on the pistol team at the University.  I'll take it there to shoot it."  I think just the shock of someone standing up to him was what really silenced him.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on December 07, 2010, 02:40:19 AM
That sounds like an excellent high point to me.

I love that painting.

Yeah, I could have less, than seeing that in person :)

(Tho SO was pretty much all ??? at my sobbing, but I noticed he had about the same reaction at seeing 'Virgin on the Rocks' at the National Gallery (him being a secular jew and all) Guess we all have things that touch us deeply, for whatever reason)

DH and I are going to Amsterdam for our 7 year anniversary in a few months. The van Gogh museum is most definitely on the list of places we are going to. I'm very much looking forward to that. I wonder what will get to DH? Maybe van Gogh will turn out not to be his cup of tea, and he will fall all over himself at the Rijksmuseum instead.

Personally I can't wait!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: exitzero on December 07, 2010, 06:37:14 AM
That sounds like an excellent high point to me.

I love that painting.

Yeah, I could have less, than seeing that in person :)

(Tho SO was pretty much all ??? at my sobbing, but I noticed he had about the same reaction at seeing 'Virgin on the Rocks' at the National Gallery (him being a secular jew and all) Guess we all have things that touch us deeply, for whatever reason)


DH and I are going to Amsterdam for our 7 year anniversary in a few months. The van Gogh museum is most definitely on the list of places we are going to. I'm very much looking forward to that. I wonder what will get to DH? Maybe van Gogh will turn out not to be his cup of tea, and he will fall all over himself at the Rijksmuseum instead.

Personally I can't wait!

Starry Night is at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. Right near Dali's Persistence of Memory.

I almost fainted.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: rose red on December 07, 2010, 08:38:33 AM
Perhaps posts about eyesight that don't involved a CKIA can get it's own thread?  :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kymom3 on December 07, 2010, 09:28:12 AM
One of my good friends is married to a man who has always been a CKIA and I usually let it slide because it's not worth it to me to argue with him.  But, they were over for a few minutes on Sunday and I showed them the pics DS2 has posted from Korea, where he is stationed.  I commented that I did not expect Korea to look so much like eastern Kentucky---hilly, trees, etc. CKIA said that he feels the same way---when he's in Canada.  He drives for a major horse transportaton company and takes horses everywhere.  I said, well, Canada is still close by, relatively speaking, I expected more differences from a country that is halfway around the world!   ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on December 07, 2010, 09:42:20 AM
One of my good friends is married to a man who has always been a CKIA and I usually let it slide because it's not worth it to me to argue with him.  But, they were over for a few minutes on Sunday and I showed them the pics DS2 has posted from Korea, where he is stationed.  I commented that I did not expect Korea to look so much like eastern Kentucky---hilly, trees, etc. CKIA said that he feels the same way---when he's in Canada.  He drives for a major horse transportaton company and takes horses everywhere.  I said, well, Canada is still close by, relatively speaking, I expected more differences from a country that is halfway around the world!   ::)

I'm not sure why that's know-it-all...you commented that there are bits of Korea that remind you of Kentucky, he said that there are parts of Canada that remind him of the same. Canada may be on the same continent as Kentucky, but they're not exactly close neighbors.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 07, 2010, 09:45:48 AM
It drives me up the wall when DH will get it into his head that we went to a restaurant or that we've seen a certain movie together when we haven't.  Like once he was convinced I was wrong when I said I've only been to Cactus Joe's once cause he was convinced I'd been there twice.    He finally recalled correctly but it drove me nuts when he kept saying "But I KNOW we were there together, why won't you admit it?"

Um, cause I wasn't there, perhaps?  I think it was cause he remembered someone was there with him, other than the friends he was with.   Then he remembered it was the boys who went with him, not me.

  
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: oogyda on December 07, 2010, 09:50:31 AM
Going by the title alone (didn't read the whole.thread, and not apologizing)....

Any time BIL opens his mouth.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on December 07, 2010, 10:06:59 AM
That sounds like an excellent high point to me.

I love that painting.

Yeah, I could have less, than seeing that in person :)

(Tho SO was pretty much all ??? at my sobbing, but I noticed he had about the same reaction at seeing 'Virgin on the Rocks' at the National Gallery (him being a secular jew and all) Guess we all have things that touch us deeply, for whatever reason)


DH and I are going to Amsterdam for our 7 year anniversary in a few months. The van Gogh museum is most definitely on the list of places we are going to. I'm very much looking forward to that. I wonder what will get to DH? Maybe van Gogh will turn out not to be his cup of tea, and he will fall all over himself at the Rijksmuseum instead.

Personally I can't wait!

Starry Night is at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. Right near Dali's Persistence of Memory.

I almost fainted.

Oh, I'm aware starry night won't be there, but that would seem a strange thing to complain about when he painted so many other great landscapes. I'm mostly looking forward to his paintings of fields, and the yellow house.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: ShieldMaiden on December 07, 2010, 10:15:56 AM
I once had someone try to convince me that JRR Tolkien "ripped off" JK Rowlings Harry Potter series.   ::)

The fact that the Fellowship of the Ring was published in 1954, 11 years before JK Rowling was born did not deter this particular person.

There's just a point in time when you just shake your head in disbelief and move on.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 07, 2010, 10:42:23 AM
I once had someone try to convince me that JRR Tolkien "ripped off" JK Rowlings Harry Potter series.   ::)

The fact that the Fellowship of the Ring was published in 1954, 11 years before JK Rowling was born did not deter this particular person.

There's just a point in time when you just shake your head in disbelief and move on.



Sadly, I've heard people make that argument before. That LOTR was a rip-off of Harry Potter. It gives me a big sad in my Lord of the Rings loving heart.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: whatsanenigma on December 07, 2010, 11:17:33 AM

Sadly, I've heard people make that argument before. That LOTR was a rip-off of Harry Potter. It gives me a big sad in my Lord of the Rings loving heart.

It would be kind of cool if that were true, though.

Because if it's true, then the Potterverse (including time turners) really does exist.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: whatsanenigma on December 07, 2010, 11:20:49 AM
I'm not sure why that's know-it-all...you commented that there are bits of Korea that remind you of Kentucky, he said that there are parts of Canada that remind him of the same. Canada may be on the same continent as Kentucky, but they're not exactly close neighbors.

I don't know if I'd call it "captain know it all" as much as I would call it just having to one-up everything anybody says, which can be equally annoying. The kind of person that if you went to the moon they have been there twice.

I don't know. Does that kind of person count as "captain know it all" also? Or would there be another good way to describe it?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: #borecore on December 07, 2010, 11:23:29 AM
I'm not sure why that's know-it-all...you commented that there are bits of Korea that remind you of Kentucky, he said that there are parts of Canada that remind him of the same. Canada may be on the same continent as Kentucky, but they're not exactly close neighbors.

I don't know if I'd call it "captain know it all" as much as I would call it just having to one-up everything anybody says, which can be equally annoying. The kind of person that if you went to the moon they have been there twice.

I don't know. Does that kind of person count as "captain know it all" also? Or would there be another good way to describe it?

I think of those as one-uppers! (As in people who demonstrate a cartload of one-upmanship.)

Still, not sure saying Canada and Kentucky are similar is trying to be bigger or better. Lots of far apart places on our lovely little planet are eerily similar, I've found.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 07, 2010, 11:26:04 AM
That sounds like an excellent high point to me.

I love that painting.

Yeah, I could have less, than seeing that in person :)

(Tho SO was pretty much all ??? at my sobbing, but I noticed he had about the same reaction at seeing 'Virgin on the Rocks' at the National Gallery (him being a secular jew and all) Guess we all have things that touch us deeply, for whatever reason)


DH and I are going to Amsterdam for our 7 year anniversary in a few months. The van Gogh museum is most definitely on the list of places we are going to. I'm very much looking forward to that. I wonder what will get to DH? Maybe van Gogh will turn out not to be his cup of tea, and he will fall all over himself at the Rijksmuseum instead.

Personally I can't wait!

Starry Night is at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. Right near Dali's Persistence of Memory.

I almost fainted.

Oh, I'm aware starry night won't be there, but that would seem a strange thing to complain about when he painted so many other great landscapes. I'm mostly looking forward to his paintings of fields, and the yellow house.

Total score!- I actually saw Starry Night in Amsterdam, back in 2009. Things do travel, sometimes ;D

But, yeah, I cried at the sunflowers, too. What can I say? I'm a slob ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: whatsanenigma on December 07, 2010, 11:28:50 AM

I think of those as one-uppers! (As in people who demonstrate a cartload of one-upmanship.)

Still, not sure saying Canada and Kentucky are similar is trying to be bigger or better. Lots of far apart places on our lovely little planet are eerily similar, I've found.


Well, out of context I would see no trouble at all, but he only brought it up after the PP mentioned Korea.

So it just gave me the vibe of "I've been to faraway places too!".

It's probably one of those things that's all in the tone.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 07, 2010, 11:31:51 AM
It drives me up the wall when DH will get it into his head that we went to a restaurant or that we've seen a certain movie together when we haven't.  Like once he was convinced I was wrong when I said I've only been to Cactus Joe's once cause he was convinced I'd been there twice.    He finally recalled correctly but it drove me nuts when he kept saying "But I KNOW we were there together, why won't you admit it?"

Um, cause I wasn't there, perhaps?  I think it was cause he remembered someone was there with him, other than the friends he was with.   Then he remembered it was the boys who went with him, not me.

SO, friend and I have a 10-year argument going about a certain incident that happened at the drive-up window at Jack in the Box, either in Reno (if you believe friend and me), or in Atlantic City if you believe SO). Memory can be a funny thing, sometimes.

LOL, sometimes when SO insists we saw a movie together, I'll just say, 'Not me, that must have been your other girlfriend' (After 30+ years off and on, all too possible :D)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Winterlight on December 07, 2010, 11:46:58 AM
Anyone else done the "oh my god! Where are my glasses?" panic only to realize the reason the search is so clear is because you are wearing them?

1. Put in contacts. Go about my day for several hours.
2. Notice glasses on dresser. Wonder why I'm not wearing said glasses.
3. Put glasses on, wonder why my eyesight suddenly tanked.

I've had my contacts for about a year and five months and still do this frequently.

Sadly, I can top this.

1. Put in contacts.
2. Apply mascara.
3. Put on glasses.

Thirty seconds, tops.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: goldilocks on December 07, 2010, 12:25:49 PM
I don't know if this counts as a KIA, but it certainly used to drive me crazy.  My ex-husband would do one of two things:

1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?


2.

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:  No.
Him:  That I used to work with?
ME:  No.
HIM:  You don't remember? Joe Brown, that played on my high school football team?
ME:  No, I don't. 
HIM:  Really, you don't remember?  (In a tone that implies that I DO remember, I'm just lying)
ME:  NO, I DO NOT REMEMEBER EVERY MEETING A JOE BROWN!
HIM:  why are you yelling?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 07, 2010, 12:31:13 PM
I don't know if this counts as a KIA, but it certainly used to drive me crazy.  My ex-husband would do one of two things:

1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?


2.

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:  No.
Him:  That I used to work with?
ME:  No.
HIM:  You don't remember? Joe Brown, that played on my high school football team?
ME:  No, I don't. 
HIM:  Really, you don't remember?  (In a tone that implies that I DO remember, I'm just lying)
ME:  NO, I DO NOT REMEMEBER EVERY MEETING A JOE BROWN!
HIM:  why are you yelling?

LOL, your ex is the lost son of my mother?

I swear, every other conversation we have have ends in her saying 'geesh you're touchy' or some variation :D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on December 07, 2010, 12:40:52 PM
1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?

My BF does exactly this, except with no yelling!  I'm the kind of person who likes to get to the point.  BF will be telling me a story and say, "you remember such-and-such?" and then proceed to tell me all the details of such-and-such whether I remembered or not (even if I didn't remember it will usually only take a tiny prompt to jog my memory).  I find myself saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah" trying to get to the point of the story!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: DangerMouth on December 07, 2010, 12:48:52 PM
It drives me up the wall when DH will get it into his head that we went to a restaurant or that we've seen a certain movie together when we haven't.  Like once he was convinced I was wrong when I said I've only been to Cactus Joe's once cause he was convinced I'd been there twice.    He finally recalled correctly but it drove me nuts when he kept saying "But I KNOW we were there together, why won't you admit it?"

Um, cause I wasn't there, perhaps?  I think it was cause he remembered someone was there with him, other than the friends he was with.   Then he remembered it was the boys who went with him, not me.

SO, friend and I have a 10-year argument going about a certain incident that happened at the drive-up window at Jack in the Box, either in Reno (if you believe friend and me), or in Atlantic City if you believe SO). Memory can be a funny thing, sometimes.
...

I can't believe I never thought of this before, but JITB is a  west-coast thing. The closest JITB is, like, South Carolina, or something.

"Wrong, you're wrong! You lose! Good day, sir!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcJ4HXxZj5E)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on December 07, 2010, 12:49:50 PM
I don't know if this counts as a KIA, but it certainly used to drive me crazy.  My ex-husband would do one of two things:

1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?


2.

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:  No.
Him:  That I used to work with?
ME:  No.
HIM:  You don't remember? Joe Brown, that played on my high school football team?
ME:  No, I don't. 
HIM:  Really, you don't remember?  (In a tone that implies that I DO remember, I'm just lying)
ME:  NO, I DO NOT REMEMEBER EVERY MEETING A JOE BROWN!
HIM:  why are you yelling?

Holy Crud Crackers, that's my Dh's entire family...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on December 07, 2010, 01:09:28 PM
I didn't know you were married to my ex-boyfriend, Goldilocks! 

"What is your POINT?" was such a repeated sentence I should have had it tattooed on me somewhere.  Just tell me the story for the 67,318th time and let's move on, shall we?   >:D

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on December 07, 2010, 01:09:47 PM
My best friend was being one a bit this morning.  I went on a date on Saturday and he's asking me about it.  Now, he's a much more descriptive story teller than I tend to be, so my phrasing of "We went and had pizz and then went to the movies." wasn't working for him.  ::) :P  So then we played 20 questions and he got all the details he wanted and then we had this exchange:
Him: Well, that sounds fun.  Why don't you like him?
Me: What? No, I like him. We're going to play darts when he gets off work tonight.
Him: You're not very excited, though.
Me: Yes, I am.  I'm looking very forward to it.  I'm trying to decide what to wear.
Him: No, because you didn't give details in your story.
Me: There weren't a lot of details!
Him: Yeah, but...blah blah blah.

I know we've been friends for 10 years, but seriously?  I think I have a better handle on my feelings than he does!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 07, 2010, 03:24:59 PM
I just thought of one.   A few years ago I got a book about pirates, just cause I was interested in the true history of pirates.   Most of us were friendly and so many of the coworkers knew that I'm a big fan of the POTC movies. 

One of the medical assistants saw my book and said "Why are you so interested in pirates?  You do know they weren't good people, right?"  ::)  I was so tempted to say "No foolin'?"

It's called being interested in history, folks.   I'd love to have asked her "So does that mean that if someone studies Hitler that they agree with what he did? Couldn't possibly be that they're...interested in history?" 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on December 07, 2010, 03:33:42 PM
I swear, every other conversation we have have ends in her saying 'geesh you're touchy' or some variation :D

Oh god oh god oh god, my mom too! She asks me for help, then refuses to listen to what I'm saying, click on the things I tell her to click on, and then when she accuses ME of "breaking her computer" (from 200 kms away by telepathy or something) I'm touchy for getting frustrated with her!

Goldilocks: I'm glad he's your ex. That would have driven me screaming mad!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on December 07, 2010, 03:43:43 PM
I just thought of one.   A few years ago I got a book about pirates, just cause I was interested in the true history of pirates.   Most of us were friendly and so many of the coworkers knew that I'm a big fan of the POTC movies. 

One of the medical assistants saw my book and said "Why are you so interested in pirates?  You do know they weren't good people, right?"  ::)  I was so tempted to say "No foolin'?"

It's called being interested in history, folks.   I'd love to have asked her "So does that mean that if someone studies Hitler that they agree with what he did? Couldn't possibly be that they're...interested in history?" 

I've actually gotten similar CKIA/Captain Obvious comments because I do have interest in WWII, particularly from the German perspective.  I think it's fascinating to read about the common, non-military people, both who were supporters and who were not.  I'm also fascinated by true crime books & shows.  However, I don't support Hitler's agenda at all, nor do I think it's a good idea to go around killing people.  Yet, it's amazing the amount of people who feel the compulsion to say "But...they were BAD people!" like this is news.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Punky B. on December 07, 2010, 03:51:03 PM
It drives me up the wall when DH will get it into his head that we went to a restaurant or that we've seen a certain movie together when we haven't.  Like once he was convinced I was wrong when I said I've only been to Cactus Joe's once cause he was convinced I'd been there twice.    He finally recalled correctly but it drove me nuts when he kept saying "But I KNOW we were there together, why won't you admit it?"

Um, cause I wasn't there, perhaps?  I think it was cause he remembered someone was there with him, other than the friends he was with.   Then he remembered it was the boys who went with him, not me.
 

ARGH!  Dh does this too and it drives me crazy!  I know I haven't been to the Sunbird for brunch, I would remember that!

It got to the point that I keep a movie journal so I can show him that no, we haven't seen this or that, or that I really did hate such and such movie and never said I liked it.  :P
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Craftyone on December 07, 2010, 04:18:58 PM
On the eye topic.  I've been doing ortho-k (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthokeratology) for around 5 years now. I'm short sighted and normally -3.75 in right eye and -3.5 in left with astigmatisms (don't know the strength).  I got for a routine test every 6 months and yesterday was reading -0.25 in both eyes (at around 8:45 in the morning) and my astigmatisms were around the same.  My lenses have corrections in them so I can get up in the middle of the night and can see.  I can go a day without putting them in and am fine during the day but have a pair of lower prescription glasses for driving at night for when I do this (very rarely, the odd occasion I've got to bed and then realised I didn't put them in and can't be bothered getting back up).  They did take getting used to, I cried the first night or two with frustration of getting them in (and they're hard so much easier than soft) and the discomfort, but it's been worth the perseverance.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: baglady on December 07, 2010, 08:09:03 PM
I think I was the CKIA in this story ... but I was right!

My mom and I took a bus tour of San Francisco. The bus driver/tour guide was a pleasant older gentleman who did *not* have his facts straight. Among other things, he claimed that (a) Harvey Milk was assassinated in 1986, and that (b) the assassin, Dan White, was Milk's spurned lover.

Uh, no. It was 1978, and they were *not* lovers. White was at least partially motivated by homophobia.

I didn't tell the driver this, but I did point out his errors to my mom. Her response was, "Picky, picky, picky!"

I fact-check for a living. I get *paid* to be "picky, picky, picky."

I love my mom, but she tends to bring out my inner ::facepalm::

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 07, 2010, 08:48:31 PM
1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?

My BF does exactly this, except with no yelling!  I'm the kind of person who likes to get to the point.  BF will be telling me a story and say, "you remember such-and-such?" and then proceed to tell me all the details of such-and-such whether I remembered or not (even if I didn't remember it will usually only take a tiny prompt to jog my memory).  I find myself saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah" trying to get to the point of the story!

I hate that going around and around and around and around before arriving at your point.  As my late father used to say, and I apologize as it's not quite polite, "sh$% or get off the pot!"  I work with people like that.  Takes them five minutes to ask a simple 2 sentence question!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Alex the Seal on December 08, 2010, 05:29:22 AM
 I'd love to have asked her "So does that mean that if someone studies Hitler that they agree with what he did? Couldn't possibly be that they're...interested in history?" 

Funny you should choose that example, I actually encountered that attitude in a sales assistant when I was very young and buying a book on Hitler  ::)

She was pretty rude about it, from what I remember, I'm fairly sure I cried when I got home.

Considering the number of historical (and contemporary) people I've read about since, if I agreed with them all I'd be awfully confused  ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on December 08, 2010, 06:37:15 AM
I had a college classmate who minored in philosophy and who took a course called Comparative Religion.  He was of Religion A and had to study Religions B, C, D, and E.  His parents hit the ceiling when they heard this out of fear that studying any alternative religion by reading its sacred literature meant he would convert. 

My mother would have thought the same.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Corbin on December 08, 2010, 08:07:06 AM
I think I was the CKIA in this story ... but I was right!

My mom and I took a bus tour of San Francisco. The bus driver/tour guide was a pleasant older gentleman who did *not* have his facts straight. Among other things, he claimed that (a) Harvey Milk was assassinated in 1986, and that (b) the assassin, Dan White, was Milk's spurned lover.

Uh, no. It was 1978, and they were *not* lovers. White was at least partially motivated by homophobia.

I didn't tell the driver this, but I did point out his errors to my mom. Her response was, "Picky, picky, picky!"

I fact-check for a living. I get *paid* to be "picky, picky, picky."

I love my mom, but she tends to bring out my inner ::facepalm::



I am a huge "Custer-buff". I have read, literally, everything in print about Custer, The Battle of the Little Bighorn, and most things about other major players. I have been obsessed with the battle since I was 14, and spent a summer working out there on the battlefield with a group of anthropologist and archeologists. So, yeah, obsessed.

My guard unit toured a museum where they talked about a specific incident and said that Crazy Horse led the raiding party. To my now-DH, then BF's horror, I said "Thats highly unlikely." The staff member asked me what I was talking about, and I informed her that by historians best (highly educated) guess, Crazy Horse was about 10 years old at the time. While he may have been along, it's pretty improbable that he was leading it. DH kept elbowing me, hissing "Shut up, she is doing her job, be quiet, your books must be wrong, just shut up!!"

It ended up being a very satisfying historical discussion, respectful and productive (and yes, I was right). So this time, the CKIA is me!!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on December 08, 2010, 09:09:18 AM
1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?

My BF does exactly this, except with no yelling!  I'm the kind of person who likes to get to the point.  BF will be telling me a story and say, "you remember such-and-such?" and then proceed to tell me all the details of such-and-such whether I remembered or not (even if I didn't remember it will usually only take a tiny prompt to jog my memory).  I find myself saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah" trying to get to the point of the story!

I hate that going around and around and around and around before arriving at your point.  As my late father used to say, and I apologize as it's not quite polite, "sh$% or get off the pot!"  I work with people like that.  Takes them five minutes to ask a simple 2 sentence question!

Haha I love that phrase, might have to use it sometime...  My BF not only tells me things I already know but will also pause in the middle of sentences, drives me a little bit mad!  He definitely gets it from his parents.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 08, 2010, 10:19:47 AM
1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?

My BF does exactly this, except with no yelling!  I'm the kind of person who likes to get to the point.  BF will be telling me a story and say, "you remember such-and-such?" and then proceed to tell me all the details of such-and-such whether I remembered or not (even if I didn't remember it will usually only take a tiny prompt to jog my memory).  I find myself saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah" trying to get to the point of the story!

I hate that going around and around and around and around before arriving at your point.  As my late father used to say, and I apologize as it's not quite polite, "sh$% or get off the pot!"  I work with people like that.  Takes them five minutes to ask a simple 2 sentence question!

Haha I love that phrase, might have to use it sometime...  My BF not only tells me things I already know but will also pause in the middle of sentences, drives me a little bit mad!  He definitely gets it from his parents.
Or they get hung up on details that have absolutely NO relevance to the story:
"So I went to lunch last Wednesday with Earlene and she told me -- or was it Thursday?  Yes, it must have been Thursday, because we were just leaving the restaurant when Jenny called and wanted me to meet her at the ER, because poor little Jimmy fell down the stairs and split his lip open, poor baby, and Jenny was freaking out because of all of the blood..."  And she may or may not get back to Earlene!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 08, 2010, 10:45:21 AM
Quote
Or they get hung up on details that have absolutely NO relevance to the story:
"So I went to lunch last Wednesday with Earlene and she told me -- or was it Thursday?  Yes, it must have been Thursday, because we were just leaving the restaurant when Jenny called and wanted me to meet her at the ER, because poor little Jimmy fell down the stairs and split his lip open, poor baby, and Jenny was freaking out because of all of the blood..."  And she may or may not get back to Earlene!

That is my former neighbor to a T!  A lovely woman, but a bit socially clueless.  she is lonely, and a talker.  No family, and not many friends.  She'd corner you outside when you were coming in, and start chatting with you about one thing, oh, how are you, how's work, isn't this nce weather, and then something would trigger some other memory, and she'd veer off into stories about people I didn't know, and things that had nothing to do with the initial conversation! 

And it was tough to extricate yourself from the conversation; her entrance was in the back of the house, off the driveway, i parked in the garage, and my entrance was on the other side of the house, so i'd have to walk across the back, and to my entrance.  I'd try and keep moving and talking, but she would FOLLOW you, to a point...i always felt bad not stopping, but I knew if I did, I'd be there at leaset 20 minutes or more.  Sometimes if I had the time, I'd stop and chat for a bit, but many times I just did my talk and run.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 08, 2010, 11:06:16 AM
I always heard "Sh&t or get off the pot" when someone was taking to long to make a decision.   
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Corbin on December 08, 2010, 12:02:04 PM
Quote
Or they get hung up on details that have absolutely NO relevance to the story:
"So I went to lunch last Wednesday with Earlene and she told me -- or was it Thursday?  Yes, it must have been Thursday, because we were just leaving the restaurant when Jenny called and wanted me to meet her at the ER, because poor little Jimmy fell down the stairs and split his lip open, poor baby, and Jenny was freaking out because of all of the blood..."  And she may or may not get back to Earlene!

That is my former neighbor to a T!  A lovely woman, but a bit socially clueless.  she is lonely, and a talker.  No family, and not many friends.  She'd corner you outside when you were coming in, and start chatting with you about one thing, oh, how are you, how's work, isn't this nce weather, and then something would trigger some other memory, and she'd veer off into stories about people I didn't know, and things that had nothing to do with the initial conversation! 

And it was tough to extricate yourself from the conversation; her entrance was in the back of the house, off the driveway, i parked in the garage, and my entrance was on the other side of the house, so i'd have to walk across the back, and to my entrance.  I'd try and keep moving and talking, but she would FOLLOW you, to a point...i always felt bad not stopping, but I knew if I did, I'd be there at leaset 20 minutes or more.  Sometimes if I had the time, I'd stop and chat for a bit, but many times I just did my talk and run.

I have a soldier that does that. And he wants to do it for everything. Even the radio transmissions. Since brevity is kind of a big deal in the Army, I have started giving him his story back to him, in short form. "So, you ran out of gas, your cell phone was dead, and you had to walk 1/2 mile to the next house."
"Yeah."
"OK, so just say that. It doesn't need to take 45 mins to explain."
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on December 08, 2010, 12:55:05 PM
Quote
Or they get hung up on details that have absolutely NO relevance to the story:
"So I went to lunch last Wednesday with Earlene and she told me -- or was it Thursday?  Yes, it must have been Thursday, because we were just leaving the restaurant when Jenny called and wanted me to meet her at the ER, because poor little Jimmy fell down the stairs and split his lip open, poor baby, and Jenny was freaking out because of all of the blood..."  And she may or may not get back to Earlene!

That is my former neighbor to a T!  A lovely woman, but a bit socially clueless.  she is lonely, and a talker.  No family, and not many friends.  She'd corner you outside when you were coming in, and start chatting with you about one thing, oh, how are you, how's work, isn't this nce weather, and then something would trigger some other memory, and she'd veer off into stories about people I didn't know, and things that had nothing to do with the initial conversation! 

And it was tough to extricate yourself from the conversation; her entrance was in the back of the house, off the driveway, i parked in the garage, and my entrance was on the other side of the house, so i'd have to walk across the back, and to my entrance.  I'd try and keep moving and talking, but she would FOLLOW you, to a point...i always felt bad not stopping, but I knew if I did, I'd be there at leaset 20 minutes or more.  Sometimes if I had the time, I'd stop and chat for a bit, but many times I just did my talk and run.

That is my MIL. She does the "random tangent talking" constantly, so it becomes a neverending trap from which you cannot escape. Trying to get out of a conversation with her is like trying to get out of quicksand when you've got concrete shoes on. You keep struggling to extract yourself, but somehow you just keep getting in deeper and deeper while rising panic sets in as you realize that the last thing you ever hear will be her voice, rambling on and on about nothing at all.

I sometimes think that's why DH has ADD..because he had to disengage his attention span in order to not go completely insane while he was growing up.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: FlyingBaconMouse on December 08, 2010, 01:05:32 PM
My ex-MIL didn't go off on tangents, exactly, but she was a master of recursive conversation: When the ex and I were dating, she would call to talk to him, get me, and tell me all sorts of stuff for forty minutes. Eventually, she'd say, "Well, I'll let you go: I was just calling to tell Ex [repeat slightly shorter version of everything she just said]." Then she'd do it again at the end of that version. I don't know why I didn't just tell her the cat was on fire and get off the phone.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 08, 2010, 01:21:11 PM
My husband makes me a little nuts when he'll tell me I'm mistaken...then will rephrase what I said, then he'll split hairs.

Me: Brrr, it's cold!  With the wind chill it's 16 degrees!
Him: No it's not, it's 28, but with the wind it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: That's what I said, pretty much.
Him: No, you said it was 16 degrees, I said it was 28, but with the wind chill it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: And I said, 'with the wind chill, it's 16 degrees'
Him: Exactly, you said it is 16, I said it feels like 16.
Me: Either way, it feels like 16.
Him: *teasing* See? Now you see what I mean!!!

*and Pirate fights the urge to Gibbs slap and loses*
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Winterlight on December 08, 2010, 01:25:34 PM
1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?

My BF does exactly this, except with no yelling!  I'm the kind of person who likes to get to the point.  BF will be telling me a story and say, "you remember such-and-such?" and then proceed to tell me all the details of such-and-such whether I remembered or not (even if I didn't remember it will usually only take a tiny prompt to jog my memory).  I find myself saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah" trying to get to the point of the story!

I hate that going around and around and around and around before arriving at your point.  As my late father used to say, and I apologize as it's not quite polite, "sh$% or get off the pot!"  I work with people like that.  Takes them five minutes to ask a simple 2 sentence question!

Haha I love that phrase, might have to use it sometime...  My BF not only tells me things I already know but will also pause in the middle of sentences, drives me a little bit mad!  He definitely gets it from his parents.
Or they get hung up on details that have absolutely NO relevance to the story:
"So I went to lunch last Wednesday with Earlene and she told me -- or was it Thursday?  Yes, it must have been Thursday, because we were just leaving the restaurant when Jenny called and wanted me to meet her at the ER, because poor little Jimmy fell down the stairs and split his lip open, poor baby, and Jenny was freaking out because of all of the blood..."  And she may or may not get back to Earlene!

I didn't know my friend had another brother! I think of it as the Southern Storytelling Style and try to roll with it unless we're in a hurry.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on December 08, 2010, 01:39:32 PM
My husband makes me a little nuts when he'll tell me I'm mistaken...then will rephrase what I said, then he'll split hairs.

Me: Brrr, it's cold!  With the wind chill it's 16 degrees!
Him: No it's not, it's 28, but with the wind it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: That's what I said, pretty much.
Him: No, you said it was 16 degrees, I said it was 28, but with the wind chill it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: And I said, 'with the wind chill, it's 16 degrees'
Him: Exactly, you said it is 16, I said it feels like 16.
Me: Either way, it feels like 16.
Him: *teasing* See? Now you see what I mean!!!

*and Pirate fights the urge to Gibbs slap and loses*

I hate when people are like that.  They know perfectly well what you mean.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: zyrs on December 08, 2010, 01:41:18 PM
1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?

So I read this to my wife and said; "I talk like this don't I?"
She said; "yes, but you come by it naturally."

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 08, 2010, 01:46:09 PM
My husband makes me a little nuts when he'll tell me I'm mistaken...then will rephrase what I said, then he'll split hairs.

Me: Brrr, it's cold!  With the wind chill it's 16 degrees!
Him: No it's not, it's 28, but with the wind it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: That's what I said, pretty much.
Him: No, you said it was 16 degrees, I said it was 28, but with the wind chill it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: And I said, 'with the wind chill, it's 16 degrees'
Him: Exactly, you said it is 16, I said it feels like 16.
Me: Either way, it feels like 16.
Him: *teasing* See? Now you see what I mean!!!

*and Pirate fights the urge to Gibbs slap and loses*

I hate when people are like that.  They know perfectly well what you mean.

And half the time he's usually teasing me the whole time.  Sometimes he just is in a picky mood and has to get particular about semantics. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Cellardoor14 on December 08, 2010, 03:02:04 PM
I don't know if this counts as a KIA, but it certainly used to drive me crazy.  My ex-husband would do one of two things:

1.  

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us? In the Donaldson's old house?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady, Carol.  Worked with Mary-Claire, who that one-legged iguana.
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog, it bit one of the Potts twins that time?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?


2.

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:  No.
Him:  Yes you do.  That I used to work with? With Christian Plumpton and that James Kein- who was such a pill?
ME:  No.
HIM:  Yes you do.  Remember? Joe Brown, that played on my high school football team? Won that game against Collville that  time with an illegal substitution?
ME:  No, I don't.  
HIM: Yes you do.   Really.  Remember, his sister is Marlene Tonbridge.  His mother, Carmelle, always made that awful fudge cake. (In a tone that implies that I DO remember, I'm just lying)
ME:  NO, I DO NOT REMEMEBER EVERY MEETING A JOE BROWN!
HIM:  why are you yelling?

That's my mom AND my MIL!  (Though my changes are in bold.)

And yes, it does drive both Mr Cellardoor and I nuts.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on December 08, 2010, 03:33:49 PM
1. 

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?

My BF does exactly this, except with no yelling!  I'm the kind of person who likes to get to the point.  BF will be telling me a story and say, "you remember such-and-such?" and then proceed to tell me all the details of such-and-such whether I remembered or not (even if I didn't remember it will usually only take a tiny prompt to jog my memory).  I find myself saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah" trying to get to the point of the story!

I hate that going around and around and around and around before arriving at your point.  As my late father used to say, and I apologize as it's not quite polite, "sh$% or get off the pot!"  I work with people like that.  Takes them five minutes to ask a simple 2 sentence question!

Haha I love that phrase, might have to use it sometime...  My BF not only tells me things I already know but will also pause in the middle of sentences, drives me a little bit mad!  He definitely gets it from his parents.
Or they get hung up on details that have absolutely NO relevance to the story:
"So I went to lunch last Wednesday with Earlene and she told me -- or was it Thursday?  Yes, it must have been Thursday, because we were just leaving the restaurant when Jenny called and wanted me to meet her at the ER, because poor little Jimmy fell down the stairs and split his lip open, poor baby, and Jenny was freaking out because of all of the blood..."  And she may or may not get back to Earlene!

My FIL and dad are both guilty of this.  I feel your pain. 

My mom likes to do the "And so I talked to Jane today.  She's visiting with her grand kids this week.  Oh!  Sally is getting a new car, isn't that nice?  And I heard that Dorothy and Herb are moving to Florida!"

In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out who Jane, Sally, Dorothy and Herb are.  My mom lives in another state and beyond my relatives and friends they've had for years, I don't know these people. (I discover most of them are random neighbors and coworkers.)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: mechtilde on December 08, 2010, 03:38:12 PM
My Granny was like that too. The best one was "Uncle Paddy's had his leg cut off."

I eventually found out the "Uncle Paddy" was a distant cousin of hers. Whom I had never met.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: magician5 on December 08, 2010, 04:32:58 PM
That is my MIL. She does the "random tangent talking" constantly, so it becomes a neverending trap from which you cannot escape. Trying to get out of a conversation with her is like trying to get out of quicksand when you've got concrete shoes on. You keep struggling to extract yourself, but somehow you just keep getting in deeper and deeper while rising panic sets in as you realize that the last thing you ever hear will be her voice, rambling on and on about nothing at all.

One step-of-annoyance further: don't you hate it when you try, as gently as possible, to urge Miss Never-Get-To-The-Point to actually get to the bleedin' point, and she becomes highly offended and launches into a rant about how rude you are that brings the conversation to a complete standstill?

I realize that "FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE GET TO IT!" is certainly impolite, and I realize that many people here would find any such suggestion impolite no matter how diplomatically phrased, but what I really want to say is "Dear, I'm dying to know what finally happened ... darling, I'm on tenterhooks here and I really don't give a hoot where your Aunt Gladys ate lunch that day ... Honey, THE HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN, THE ZOMBIES ARE BREAKING DOWN THE DOOR, AND IF I DON'T HIT THE BATHROOM IN LESS THAN 5 MINUTES WE'LL ALL BE VERY VERY UNHAPPY, SO AT LEAST GET TO A PERIOD IN YOUR SENTENCE!!!"

I'm afraid my older son has to answer any question or comment that involves history with pertinent information, but he then feels compelled to add the full reason the event happened, the Roman general who ignored this principle and lost a big chunk of the empire, what it means for military policies today, how that works out in recent events, why people who disagree are wrong, plus full details of several recent arguments on 'Fratching' where he jolly well set someone straight about this very issue. And he becomes indignant when I try to tell him that the question could have been answered with 'yes' or 'no', and that since he started his response just after Alex Trebek introduced the categories and asked the first question, we have now missed both segments of JEOPARDY including the last endless commercial break and we're now well into the next show.  Gosh-darn-it, I've had enough of that, and next semester he's living on campus if it takes every penny I have. Let him finally find a girlfriend and SHE can make him let people get a word in edgewise, maybe he'll listen to her.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Hillia on December 08, 2010, 04:58:23 PM
I used to work with an overexplainer...we said that if you asked him what time it was, he'd tell you how to build a clock.

I generally don't mind long hyperlinked conversations like that, I love to listen to people go on and on about their area of expertise.  I may not understand much of it (DH and his guns, for example) but I'm usually fascinated.  And I have a magpie mind that loves little shiny bits of trivia to stash away and gloat over later.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: magician5 on December 08, 2010, 05:06:22 PM
I used to work with an overexplainer...we said that if you asked him what time it was, he'd tell you how to build a clock.

I generally don't mind long hyperlinked conversations like that, I love to listen to people go on and on about their area of expertise.  I may not understand much of it (DH and his guns, for example) but I'm usually fascinated.  And I have a magpie mind that loves little shiny bits of trivia to stash away and gloat over later.

Can my son come and live with you?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Seraphia on December 08, 2010, 05:33:52 PM
My husband makes me a little nuts when he'll tell me I'm mistaken...then will rephrase what I said, then he'll split hairs.

Me: Brrr, it's cold!  With the wind chill it's 16 degrees!
Him: No it's not, it's 28, but with the wind it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: That's what I said, pretty much.
Him: No, you said it was 16 degrees, I said it was 28, but with the wind chill it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: And I said, 'with the wind chill, it's 16 degrees'
Him: Exactly, you said it is 16, I said it feels like 16.
Me: Either way, it feels like 16.
Him: *teasing* See? Now you see what I mean!!!

*and Pirate fights the urge to Gibbs slap and loses*

I think we have the same husband. I love him to death, but I have to be quite precise with him sometimes, or the split hairs turn into a perm gone wrong.

I've started just saying "You understood what I meant," over, and over, and over. :P
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Lady Snowdon on December 08, 2010, 06:46:54 PM

I'm afraid my older son has to answer any question or comment that involves history with pertinent information, but he then feels compelled to add the full reason the event happened, the Roman general who ignored this principle and lost a big chunk of the empire, what it means for military policies today, how that works out in recent events, why people who disagree are wrong, plus full details of several recent arguments on 'Fratching' where he jolly well set someone straight about this very issue. And he becomes indignant when I try to tell him that the question could have been answered with 'yes' or 'no', and that since he started his response just after Alex Trebek introduced the categories and asked the first question, we have now missed both segments of JEOPARDY including the last endless commercial break and we're now well into the next show.  Gosh-darn-it, I've had enough of that, and next semester he's living on campus if it takes every penny I have. Let him finally find a girlfriend and SHE can make him let people get a word in edgewise, maybe he'll listen to her.

My DH once spent something like three HOURS explaining the plot of an anime TV show to me, when we first started dating.  When he got to the end, he said something like "What do you think?  Doesn't it sound great?".  My reply was "Sweetheart, I have no interest in seeing this, and I really don't know that I could tell you what you started off talking about.  You were just so excited I didn't have the heart to shut you up." Never happened again.  Now he catches himself about 20 minutes in to ask if I really want to hear about *insert random subject here*.  I'm perfectly willing to have a conversation with him, just not a 3 hour monologue! 

Have hope, magician5...it can be tamed!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Sirius on December 08, 2010, 08:04:26 PM
That is my MIL. She does the "random tangent talking" constantly, so it becomes a neverending trap from which you cannot escape. Trying to get out of a conversation with her is like trying to get out of quicksand when you've got concrete shoes on. You keep struggling to extract yourself, but somehow you just keep getting in deeper and deeper while rising panic sets in as you realize that the last thing you ever hear will be her voice, rambling on and on about nothing at all.

One step-of-annoyance further: don't you hate it when you try, as gently as possible, to urge Miss Never-Get-To-The-Point to actually get to the bleedin' point, and she becomes highly offended and launches into a rant about how rude you are that brings the conversation to a complete standstill?

I realize that "FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE GET TO IT!" is certainly impolite, and I realize that many people here would find any such suggestion impolite no matter how diplomatically phrased, but what I really want to say is "Dear, I'm dying to know what finally happened ... darling, I'm on tenterhooks here and I really don't give a hoot where your Aunt Gladys ate lunch that day ... Honey, THE HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN, THE ZOMBIES ARE BREAKING DOWN THE DOOR, AND IF I DON'T HIT THE BATHROOM IN LESS THAN 5 MINUTES WE'LL ALL BE VERY VERY UNHAPPY, SO AT LEAST GET TO A PERIOD IN YOUR SENTENCE!!!"

I'm afraid my older son has to answer any question or comment that involves history with pertinent information, but he then feels compelled to add the full reason the event happened, the Roman general who ignored this principle and lost a big chunk of the empire, what it means for military policies today, how that works out in recent events, why people who disagree are wrong, plus full details of several recent arguments on 'Fratching' where he jolly well set someone straight about this very issue. And he becomes indignant when I try to tell him that the question could have been answered with 'yes' or 'no', and that since he started his response just after Alex Trebek introduced the categories and asked the first question, we have now missed both segments of JEOPARDY including the last endless commercial break and we're now well into the next show.  Gosh-darn-it, I've had enough of that, and next semester he's living on campus if it takes every penny I have. Let him finally find a girlfriend and SHE can make him let people get a word in edgewise, maybe he'll listen to her.

Grandma!  At least, your older son sounds so much like my dad that they could be the same person.  When we'd play Trivial Pursuit my dad would not only give the answers, he'd explain why they were the answers, then he'd go off on side issues until we felt like telling him, "Dad, wrap it up!"  Dad is a real history buff, so we ought to put Dad and your older son in a room together and let them "history" each other to death.  Dad is also very well versed in military policies, having spent 20 years in the Air Force, so I think they'd get along famously.  (Either that, or end up mortal enemies.)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on December 09, 2010, 05:06:04 AM
Dad is a real history buff, so we ought to put Dad and your older son in a room together and let them "history" each other to death. 

ROFL!!!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 09, 2010, 09:37:37 AM
Dad is a real history buff, so we ought to put Dad and your older son in a room together and let them "history" each other to death. 

ROFL!!!

If my dad were still with us, I'd throw him in as well.  That man could talk the hind leg off a donkey.  He also loved history!  And if you somehow got off track CRIVINS! one of his long-winded stories, as soon as you were done speaking, he'd go right back until he was done telling his!  Drove my mom and I nuts!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 09, 2010, 09:41:57 AM
I had a chemistry teacher in 7th grade who was like this. Mr. P.   He was a fun teacher, one who made a subject I usually struggled in much easier because the stories helped me to remember things.

That is, the part of the story that was revelent to the topic.  At some point it was fun to let him go on and on and on, but after a while even we'd remind him of how much classtime we had left.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on December 09, 2010, 09:51:04 AM
My DH once spent something like three HOURS explaining the plot of an anime TV show to me, when we first started dating. ...I'm perfectly willing to have a conversation with him, just not a 3 hour monologue! 

Have hope, magician5...it can be tamed!

My friend is like this.  I do not engage her in any talk about TV, movies, or books.  Even if I have already seen or read said story, she will tell me the whole story in great detail.  She is also very excited about it and talks about the characters as if they are real:  "You won't believe what Dinah does next!  I was so floored!  No one does stuff like this, but Dinah, she just is so amazing and I can't believe her gall!".

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Corbin on December 09, 2010, 11:59:58 AM
I had a chemistry teacher in 7th grade who was like this. Mr. P.   He was a fun teacher, one who made a subject I usually struggled in much easier because the stories helped me to remember things.

That is, the part of the story that was revelent to the topic.  At some point it was fun to let him go on and on and on, but after a while even we'd remind him of how much classtime we had left.

I had a high school history teacher who was a huge JFK conspiracy theorist. No matter what the subject of the class was, if we could find a way to tie it back to JFK we wouldn't have to do any more work that period. So, let me tell you, we figured that out fast, and got really creative!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Yarnspinner on December 09, 2010, 12:13:27 PM
I had a chemistry teacher in 7th grade who was like this. Mr. P.   He was a fun teacher, one who made a subject I usually struggled in much easier because the stories helped me to remember things.

That is, the part of the story that was revelent to the topic.  At some point it was fun to let him go on and on and on, but after a while even we'd remind him of how much classtime we had left.

I had a high school history teacher who was a huge JFK conspiracy theorist. No matter what the subject of the class was, if we could find a way to tie it back to JFK we wouldn't have to do any more work that period. So, let me tell you, we figured that out fast, and got really creative!

...sigh...this takes me back.  Had an acquaintance who was always having the most exciting adventures.  He was part of World Famous Awards Committee and was making hundreds of thousands of dollars!  Got kicked off because he was too honest to take kickbacks and squealed.  (He's probably working with the wikileaks guy these days.)  His important job with Famous Awards Committee kept him away from home for days at a time as he would have to leave real job with accountant firm to fly away to strange locales at any given moment.  (To this day I choose to believe that a) he was either dealing in something illegal or b) having an affair or c) wasting his money on something else and using this as an excuse as to why he didn't have any and that d) his wife, who was one of my dearest friends, knew what was really going on and enjoyed having him away from home so she didn't have to listen to him spout off about all his adventures).

But my favorite tale was how he personally saved the life of recently deceased, famously clumsy president by pulling him back from the curb and how famously clumsy president and he got together for lunch after that several times and famously clumsy president (who was so stupid according to this guy he couldn't get out of his own way) managed to have acquaintance removed from the list of dangerous suspects and the no fly list.  Why was this man on the no fly list and a dangerous suspect?  Well, it seems that he--and he alone--possessed the truth of JFK's assassination.  His wife told me about it in breathless detail and told me how he had figured out the truth.  And when she was done I'm afraid I may have been rude.  I said something like "Gee, could Mr. Ford arrange to get my father, my brother and my Uncle and me off that list?  Cause we all believe the same thing.  In fact, I think the guy who wrote the book about that theory might like to get off the no fly list as well."

It was mean, I guess, but there's a point where....lack of judgement and kindness trumps the etiquette of a smile and a nod.  At least I didn't say "Oh for crying out loud!  And you BELIEVE him?"
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on December 09, 2010, 12:16:42 PM
There must be pretty colors in his world...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Yarnspinner on December 09, 2010, 12:25:53 PM
Pretty colors, baby unicorns, butterflies and lots of banners with his name waving in the breeze. 

Come to think of it, my own Uncle Liarpants is a bit of a Captain Know It All, as well, in that he steals incidents that happened to others and will cheerfully embellish them so that HE is the hero or main character in the tale.

Once he was regalng my brother, me and our Uncle GooGoo's Kids with a very funny story of how my grandmother was afraid of snakes.  He told how he went down to the stream near their house and found the snakes and then snuck into the house with them and chased my grandmother out the door and down the street and almost into town.

My father was listening to this with a big smile on his face.  He was a lot more polite than I would have been.  He waited until Liarpants went to another room and then said "The singularly amazing part of that story is that when that incident occurred, Uncle Liarpants hadn't been born yet.  Uncle GooGoo was the one who chased your grandmother with the snake--singular, they didn't get anywhere past the driveway and Uncle GooGoo got a spanking and was sent to his room."
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on December 09, 2010, 12:28:38 PM
One of the best years of my life was when I had a personal plumbing issue and when I had use the restroom, it was RIGHT NOW! Every time I got cornered by one of the monologue and always running off into a conversational tangent and real CKIA types mentioned above, it was so easy to just say, "Oops! Excuse me!", and run to the restroom. (Although, one time my BIL tried to follow me in!)  By the time I came out, the speaker was usually off with another victim. Sadly, I had the surgery and all is better now, but I'm thinking of resurrecting the problem just for the convenience of inconvenience.

(Is this too much TIA - do I need to white out anything?)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on December 09, 2010, 12:33:57 PM
(Is this too much TIA - do I need to white out anything?)

I believe you mean TMI (too much information) and no, I don't think it is. :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on December 09, 2010, 12:50:40 PM
(Is this too much TIA - do I need to white out anything?)

I believe you mean TMI (too much information) and no, I don't think it is. :)

I really did have a TIA http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transient_ischemic_attack many years ago. Maybe that's part of the problem!  :D :D

Thanks for the correction! And for the 'it's OK' comment!

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: magician5 on December 09, 2010, 01:17:30 PM
That man could talk the hind leg off a donkey.

Let's not bring animal cruelty into the thread, please!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: lilfox on December 09, 2010, 02:18:14 PM
I used to work with an overexplainer...we said that if you asked him what time it was, he'd tell you how to build a clock.

I LOVE this expression and it totally applies to one of my coworkers.  Man does he know stuff about things and he loves to share the knowledge ad nauseum, but he isn't the slightest bit smug or condescending about it.  He just has a lot to say.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on December 09, 2010, 02:32:49 PM
I used to work with an overexplainer...we said that if you asked him what time it was, he'd tell you how to build a clock.

I LOVE this expression and it totally applies to one of my coworkers.  Man does he know stuff about things and he loves to share the knowledge ad nauseum, but he isn't the slightest bit smug or condescending about it.  He just has a lot to say.

Ha! I was going to swipe that too, it perfectly describes someone I work with.  I ask if her boss is going to be in on a given day and I get a complete itinerary for the next two weeks.  I just needed to know if he was going to be around or not.

My FIL likes to...ahem...embellish things a bit.  He has lots of stories where while he's recalling every minute detail, he's also talking about the time he told (insert politician of your choice) what he really thought of her when he went to vote or about the time he told (insert classic rock star of your choice) his music sucked while he was setting up for a show (FIL did work concessions at a popular local venue ages ago but I doubt he was allowed to hang out for sound checks). 

We do a LOT of smiling and nodding, LOL
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 09, 2010, 02:51:11 PM
Quote
Quote from: lilfox on Today at 04:18:14 PM
Quote from: Hillia on Yesterday at 06:58:23 PM
I used to work with an overexplainer...we said that if you asked him what time it was, he'd tell you how to build a clock.


I LOVE this expression and it totally applies to one of my coworkers.  Man does he know stuff about things and he loves to share the knowledge ad nauseum, but he isn't the slightest bit smug or condescending about it.  He just has a lot to say.

I currently work with one.  In fact, my boss just had me review some procedures we all wrote (each doing our own part) and I am the only one who knows how to do it all from start to finish.  I made some legitimate changes to overtalker's, but was itching to really go at it, as he went on and on and on, and as my boss has no clue how to do this procedure, doesn't realize that what overtalker wrote, could really be cut down by almost half!

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 09, 2010, 04:41:40 PM
My dad would do this.   In fact I remember trying to watch sports games with him and not daring to ask what the orange line was on the football field because he would likely get into a full explanation of the line of scrimmage, the purpose of it, the full list of all the things you wanted to know about the game of football but were afraid to ask for this very reaason. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: #borecore on December 09, 2010, 06:38:21 PM
My paternal grandfather was quite the know-it-all.
Two of my favorite stories, told in succession:
"Well, you know, J, you're related to Genghis Khan. Tell that one to your schoolmates."
"Really, grandpa?"
"You see, waaaay back, he was the king of Mongolia and he was very powerful and we're descended from his son."
"I'm not so sure that's true, but how are we related to him?"
"It's true. And Mongolian and Marvellous (not our last name, but close -- and our real last name is no closer to 'Mongolian') sound really similar. And that's how I know we're related."
"Uh, grandpa, so are we related to all married people, too, because Marvellous and 'marriages' sound similar?"
"That's not what I said."
"And we're not Mongolian."
"You don't know that. We could be."
"I think in order to be related to Genghis Khan,  we'd have to be."
(Grandpa bean-dips) "Oh, well, did you know that you're related to the inventor of the electric streetcar?"
"Nope. Am I?"
"Yes, he was your great-grandpa's cousin. We have a picture of him. He was a very famous man. You should be proud."
"Grandpa, our family wasn't in America when the electric streetcar was invented."
"He was your great-great-great-great-something, and he was a very famous and important man, and (five minutes of streetcar ramblings). Here's the picture."
"Grandpa, this person looks nothing like anyone in our family, and it doesn't prove he was our relative, and it doesn't prove he invented anything."
(Grandpa bean-dips again)"Come look at this thing I invented!"

Afterward, I found out that he'd come up with his Khan (he pronounced it "Chan") theory that week. And that the picture was of some strangers and they'd picked it up at an estate sale. Also, looking into a bit of streetcar history,

My grandpa's invention? A stopper that goes on the end of a cane. He was a failed inventor his whole life, unfortunately. He even came up with some things that were sold to others who got really rich off them, and he was always resentful.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on December 09, 2010, 08:53:15 PM
Blanche is like this.  I am forever telling her to cut to the chase or put it on fast-forward.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on December 09, 2010, 09:04:50 PM
I work with some people who are variations of KIAs:

* I have a colleague who just makes stories up.  Another colleague told me about this but I thought they meant she just exaggerated, until he told me about a "conversation" she and I had supposedly had which had never happened!

* Her boss is a share-all-the-information-about-this-case-whether-you-need-to-know-or-not person.  She loves power so I'm pretty sure she does this as a way of making sure you know she has some level of authority.  I work in her department.  She was on the panel who interviewed me.  I've worked there for six years now.  I'm pretty sure I don't need reminding that she is a senior officer!

* There's another woman in a different department who somehow got a job as a manager despite being less than suitable.  She will name drop constantly and tell the same, very few, stories that involve her having contact with the 'higher ups'.  She's another one who is trying to make her authority known  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kherbert05 on December 09, 2010, 11:12:06 PM
Keep ignoring them, siamesecat.

I had very bad vision and astigmatism and had been wearing glasses since I was four years old. I finally had LASIK surgery at 26. Yes, I had perfect vision after it was done, but it didn't last. Ten years later, I'm back to needing visual aids for absolutely everything. (Can't even walk around my house without them, let alone drive).

It just rubs salt in the wound when people say, 'Ah, but I bet you're eyes aren't as bad as before you had it done!' because that totally misses the point. Technically, it's true, my vision is not as bad, although it is deteriorating rapidly. But in reality, my overall situation is much worse, because I can no longer wear soft, cheap, comfortable lenses as they won't stick to the now-uneven surface of my eye. Instead, I am stuck with $450 per lens, custom-made rigid contacts, which are also preventing my cornea bulging out any further. I also will probably never have the option of having surgery again (they lasered so much off my corneas the first time that there's no room left for error; no eye surgeon will touch them). Plus the other lovely complications like extremely dry eyes.

I am now very, very anti-LASIK. As you might imagine.  ::)

The host of a podcast I listen to has people try to talk him into lasik. It really ticks him off because he lost the sight in one eye due to lasik surgery.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ereine on December 10, 2010, 01:25:13 AM
I had a chemistry teacher in 7th grade who was like this. Mr. P.   He was a fun teacher, one who made a subject I usually struggled in much easier because the stories helped me to remember things.

That is, the part of the story that was revelent to the topic.  At some point it was fun to let him go on and on and on, but after a while even we'd remind him of how much classtime we had left.

I had a high school history teacher who was a huge JFK conspiracy theorist. No matter what the subject of the class was, if we could find a way to tie it back to JFK we wouldn't have to do any more work that period. So, let me tell you, we figured that out fast, and got really creative!

I had a math teacher who was passionate about astronomy. If you could get him talking about black holes (and it didn't take much effort) you didn't have to worry about math.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kherbert05 on December 10, 2010, 05:46:38 AM
I just thought of one.   A few years ago I got a book about pirates, just cause I was interested in the true history of pirates.   Most of us were friendly and so many of the coworkers knew that I'm a big fan of the POTC movies. 

One of the medical assistants saw my book and said "Why are you so interested in pirates?  You do know they weren't good people, right?"  ::)  I was so tempted to say "No foolin'?"

It's called being interested in history, folks.   I'd love to have asked her "So does that mean that if someone studies Hitler that they agree with what he did? Couldn't possibly be that they're...interested in history?" 

I've actually gotten similar CKIA/Captain Obvious comments because I do have interest in WWII, particularly from the German perspective.  I think it's fascinating to read about the common, non-military people, both who were supporters and who were not.  I'm also fascinated by true crime books & shows.  However, I don't support Hitler's agenda at all, nor do I think it's a good idea to go around killing people.  Yet, it's amazing the amount of people who feel the compulsion to say "But...they were BAD people!" like this is news.
I tell them I'm trying to figure out how my classmates and I weren't killed by the resident sociopath. He tortured and killed animals. He knew how to inflict great pain - the kind that hurt so bad you couldn't scream out. Like the one were he grabbed a finger and pressed on the back of your hand - you went down on your knees and saw stars then grey. Then all of a sudden a teacher was yelling at you for fooling around and he was not there, but in his seat.

 I was a favorite target, because of my skin condition the marks weren't visible among the damage done by the condition. My parents threatened legal action against his parents and the school and his parents moved him to a private school.

Still only one teacher really got it. The look of terror in her eyes as the stories poured out of my classmates. She actually locked the classroom door, but he was gone by then. Last I heard he was in jail for r@peing and beating women. Don't know if he had killed yet - Some day I expect him to be ided as a serial killer.

I can't tell you how many CKIA told kid me "oh he just does that because he likes you". According to one family story some busy body said this and I said "So if a guy likes you he beats you up and your supposed to like him back? Does (BB's daughter's boyfriend's name) beat up (BB's daughter's name)?  I don't think I'll ever like anyone if that is how it works." I wasn't being snarky either this was complete deadpan just getting the facts.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 10, 2010, 08:02:50 AM
I tell them I'm trying to figure out how my classmates and I weren't killed by the resident sociopath. He tortured and killed animals. He knew how to inflict great pain - the kind that hurt so bad you couldn't scream out. Like the one were he grabbed a finger and pressed on the back of your hand - you went down on your knees and saw stars then grey. Then all of a sudden a teacher was yelling at you for fooling around and he was not there, but in his seat.

 I was a favorite target, because of my skin condition the marks weren't visible among the damage done by the condition. My parents threatened legal action against his parents and the school and his parents moved him to a private school.

Still only one teacher really got it. The look of terror in her eyes as the stories poured out of my classmates. She actually locked the classroom door, but he was gone by then. Last I heard he was in jail for r@peing and beating women. Don't know if he had killed yet - Some day I expect him to be ided as a serial killer.

I can't tell you how many CKIA told kid me "oh he just does that because he likes you". According to one family story some busy body said this and I said "So if a guy likes you he beats you up and your supposed to like him back? Does (BB's daughter's boyfriend's name) beat up (BB's daughter's name)?  I don't think I'll ever like anyone if that is how it works." I wasn't being snarky either this was complete deadpan just getting the facts.

Holy BUCKETS!!!!   That kid was scary! That sort of thing really makes me wonder just where something went wrong, either genetically or otherwise

And I oft use the bolded argument when people try to claim that someone hitting you/verbally abusing you is their way of saying "I like you".   
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: rose red on December 10, 2010, 09:15:29 AM
Blanche is like this.  I am forever telling her to cut to the chase or put it on fast-forward.

I'm sorry, I keep seeing Blanche's name mentioned, but who is she again?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on December 10, 2010, 10:46:04 AM
I tell them I'm trying to figure out how my classmates and I weren't killed by the resident sociopath. He tortured and killed animals. He knew how to inflict great pain - the kind that hurt so bad you couldn't scream out. Like the one were he grabbed a finger and pressed on the back of your hand - you went down on your knees and saw stars then grey. Then all of a sudden a teacher was yelling at you for fooling around and he was not there, but in his seat.

 I was a favorite target, because of my skin condition the marks weren't visible among the damage done by the condition. My parents threatened legal action against his parents and the school and his parents moved him to a private school.

Still only one teacher really got it. The look of terror in her eyes as the stories poured out of my classmates. She actually locked the classroom door, but he was gone by then. Last I heard he was in jail for r@peing and beating women. Don't know if he had killed yet - Some day I expect him to be ided as a serial killer.

I can't tell you how many CKIA told kid me "oh he just does that because he likes you". According to one family story some busy body said this and I said "So if a guy likes you he beats you up and your supposed to like him back? Does (BB's daughter's boyfriend's name) beat up (BB's daughter's name)?  I don't think I'll ever like anyone if that is how it works." I wasn't being snarky either this was complete deadpan just getting the facts.

Holy BUCKETS!!!!   That kid was scary! That sort of thing really makes me wonder just where something went wrong, either genetically or otherwise

And I oft use the bolded argument when people try to claim that someone hitting you/verbally abusing you is their way of saying "I like you".   

Do people make this argument for adult men & women?  I've only ever seen it applied to young, pre-pubescent children usually in regards to harmless behavior (hair pulling, gentle teasing, whatever).   
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on December 10, 2010, 11:21:40 AM
Do people make this argument for adult men & women?  I've only ever seen it applied to young, pre-pubescent children usually in regards to harmless behavior (hair pulling, gentle teasing, whatever).   

I've only ever seen it for children or adolescents, though perhaps some adults have failed to move past that stage.  I have witnessed instances where "liking" was the source of very mild behavior (like you mention).

(I've always wondered if the guy who would call me names in 7th grade was one of these... I had cultivated a very strong attitude of "people who do this are not worthy of notice" so when he asked me to the dance I said "absolutely not" and walked away.  At the time I thought he wanted me to say "yes" so he could say "just kidding!" and make fun of me, but now I wonder.  I still would have said no, but I wonder :P)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: wolfie on December 10, 2010, 11:34:52 AM

Do people make this argument for adult men & women?  I've only ever seen it applied to young, pre-pubescent children usually in regards to harmless behavior (hair pulling, gentle teasing, whatever).   

I have only heard it made for children, but when you are forming your opinions on what is acceptable behavior and what isn't being told at 8 being hit means he loves you will make it hard to say something when your 24 your old boyfriend hits you - you've already accepted that as loving behavior from long ago. And it is really hard to break childhood patterns.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on December 10, 2010, 12:24:48 PM

Do people make this argument for adult men & women?  I've only ever seen it applied to young, pre-pubescent children usually in regards to harmless behavior (hair pulling, gentle teasing, whatever).   

I have only heard it made for children, but when you are forming your opinions on what is acceptable behavior and what isn't being told at 8 being hit means he loves you will make it hard to say something when your 24 your old boyfriend hits you - you've already accepted that as loving behavior from long ago. And it is really hard to break childhood patterns.
Exactly. Neither hair-pulling nor teasing is harmless.  It took many years for me to get over similar continual harrassment from my "classmates", and I am still wary of new people and situations.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on December 10, 2010, 12:36:47 PM

Do people make this argument for adult men & women?  I've only ever seen it applied to young, pre-pubescent children usually in regards to harmless behavior (hair pulling, gentle teasing, whatever).  

I have only heard it made for children, but when you are forming your opinions on what is acceptable behavior and what isn't being told at 8 being hit means he loves you will make it hard to say something when your 24 your old boyfriend hits you - you've already accepted that as loving behavior from long ago. And it is really hard to break childhood patterns.
Exactly. Neither hair-pulling nor teasing is harmless.  It took many years for me to get over similar continual harrassment from my "classmates", and I am still wary of new people and situations.

I think that's a huge stretch.  I would wager that most people who hear that message (which is probably most) at a young age do not grow up to be abusers, become abused, or have lasting issues.  

If multiple people are harassing you all the time, that's bullying.  If one boy (or girl) is occasionally and gently teasing one girl (or boy), that's probably misguided expression affection; I think it really depends on what's being said/done, how often, and with what intent (like, if the kid on the receiving end ends up crying every day, that's bullying).  However, all kids should be taught as they mature that that's not an appropriate way to show affection.  Both parties should be taught that there are better ways to show affection (like, by actually being nice to the person you like).  
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on December 10, 2010, 08:12:30 PM
Blanche is like this.  I am forever telling her to cut to the chase or put it on fast-forward.

I'm sorry, I keep seeing Blanche's name mentioned, but who is she again?

She is an old friend with more problems than you want to hear about.  I dubbed her "Blanche" for Blanche DuBois of A Streetcar Named Desire who "always depended on the kindness of strangers" because she is often so pathetically helpless when she should be able to help herself.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on December 10, 2010, 09:32:13 PM
I love Blanche. I wish I had a friend as loyal to me as you are to her.

By the way, sometimes I wish I could bap her and make her see the real world. But I love her innocence and feel sad for her just not getting it, sometimes.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Venus193 on December 10, 2010, 10:05:23 PM
For all that she can be a know-it-all and express it to the wrong people.  Her worst is when she gets overdetailed on stuff her listener finds boring or puerile.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Person123 on December 11, 2010, 02:24:47 PM
I have plenty of these from my roommate. For some examples, read this thread http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=87579.msg2097816#msg2097816. (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=87579.msg2097816#msg2097816.)

She argued with me about the size of my high school. When I told her it was annoying because it sometimes took more than the allotted five minutes to get to class, she flatly stated that that was impossible for it to take that long. She has never been to my old school!

Probably the weirdest argument we ever had was when we were talking about surgeries, and I said that I had had my adenoids taken out twice because during the first surgery they had not removed the whole thing, which enabled my adenoids to grow back and get reinfected a few years later.

RM: They didn't grow back, the doctors didn't do it right.
Me: Yeah, they didn't do it right the first time, so the adenoids grew back.
RM: But they didn't grow back, they didn't take them out right the first time!
Me: Yeah, that's why they grew back.
RM: But they didn't grow back, the doctors didn't do it right!
Me: ???????

And of course this is always said while staring at me condescendingly and laughing a little. Fortunately, I think she is moving out soon.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: CakeBeret on December 14, 2010, 04:59:35 PM
On the other end of the spectrum . . . when you're the one that's right and nobody believes you. How far do you go to convince them? Or do you just let it drop?

This is what really gets me.

My in-laws think I'm nuts. They love me, but they still think I'm crazy. So when we bought our house, the living room had parquet flooring. I mentioned the parquet floors and MIL said, "Parkay? That's butter, not flooring, honey." I had MIL, FIL, SIL, and DH all laughing at how idiotic I was to think that there was such a thing as parquet flooring.

Over a year later, the ILs were shopping for new flooring for their home. The next time I saw them, my very abashed MIL told me, "The salesman showed us parquet flooring...I guess it really does exist." Oh, sweet justice, even if it was a year late in coming.

And you didn't have a heart to heart with DH????

Emma


Seriously, I can survive a lot, but not DH joining in laughter with his family about how stupid I am. DH would have walked home.

Oh, believe me, we Had Words later.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Giggity on December 14, 2010, 05:27:48 PM
I hate that going around and around and around and around before arriving at your point.  As my late father used to say, and I apologize as it's not quite polite, "sh$% or get off the pot!"  I work with people like that.  Takes them five minutes to ask a simple 2 sentence question!

Or dealing with our accountants ... I e-mailed one of them a VERY simple question ("Do I need to use a 2011 invoice number, or a 2010 one?") and got back the e-mail: "We'll call you to discuss."

No, you won't! I won't DISCUSS this with you. Answer my question, I'll thank you and go away and do as I'm told, and we're all happy.

STOP DISCUSSING EVERYTHING TO DEATH.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 14, 2010, 06:00:19 PM
That reminds me of an episode of Gilmore Girls when Luke's divorcing his very short-term lawyer wife.   He calls to ask a question and the firm sends a guy to answer it instead of calling him back.   And all he wanted to know was where should he sign. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 14, 2010, 06:16:10 PM
It drives me up the wall when DH will get it into his head that we went to a restaurant or that we've seen a certain movie together when we haven't.  Like once he was convinced I was wrong when I said I've only been to Cactus Joe's once cause he was convinced I'd been there twice.    He finally recalled correctly but it drove me nuts when he kept saying "But I KNOW we were there together, why won't you admit it?"

Um, cause I wasn't there, perhaps?  I think it was cause he remembered someone was there with him, other than the friends he was with.   Then he remembered it was the boys who went with him, not me.

SO, friend and I have a 10-year argument going about a certain incident that happened at the drive-up window at Jack in the Box, either in Reno (if you believe friend and me), or in Atlantic City if you believe SO). Memory can be a funny thing, sometimes.

LOL, sometimes when SO insists we saw a movie together, I'll just say, 'Not me, that must have been your other girlfriend' (After 30+ years off and on, all too possible :D)

Atlantic City, NJ? I don't think we have them here.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on December 14, 2010, 06:17:40 PM
It drives me up the wall when DH will get it into his head that we went to a restaurant or that we've seen a certain movie together when we haven't.  Like once he was convinced I was wrong when I said I've only been to Cactus Joe's once cause he was convinced I'd been there twice.    He finally recalled correctly but it drove me nuts when he kept saying "But I KNOW we were there together, why won't you admit it?"

Um, cause I wasn't there, perhaps?  I think it was cause he remembered someone was there with him, other than the friends he was with.   Then he remembered it was the boys who went with him, not me.

SO, friend and I have a 10-year argument going about a certain incident that happened at the drive-up window at Jack in the Box, either in Reno (if you believe friend and me), or in Atlantic City if you believe SO). Memory can be a funny thing, sometimes.
...

I can't believe I never thought of this before, but JITB is a  west-coast thing. The closest JITB is, like, South Carolina, or something.

"Wrong, you're wrong! You lose! Good day, sir!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcJ4HXxZj5E)

 ;D and that's what i get for not reading all the way through before replying. For shaaaame!

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Craftyone on April 05, 2011, 06:08:13 AM
BG I'm in Australia and was talking to some friends on World of Warcraft (WoW) who live in another country on the other side of the world.  Conversation got to koalas, and I was saying that they're not a bear, not even related to bears and why.  One of the people who was part of this conversation is a early 30's guy who's had a bit of a rough time recently.  So as a nice thing to do my husband (who also plays WoW) and I sent him some candy from Australia that he wouldn't get in his country and some cookies that are shaped like koalas. End of BG.

He received the package and thanked me for it and we again spoke about koalas and them looking like bears but not being bears.  

Cue this week and he called them koala bears.  Conversation goes as such.  Um, we've had this convo more than once, they're not bears.  Yes they are.  What makes you think they're bears.  Science says so.  What science?   Well, they look like bears therefore they must be bears.  Nope.  Yeah, I know I'm being a "I know everything".  Yup  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on April 05, 2011, 07:59:19 AM
'Koala bear' is unfortunately a phrase that has crept into the language and even people who know better just can't help it because they have heard it so often. I've even heard zoologists use it.

Other examples that annoy me no end, just like 'hot water heater'. It's a 'water heater'! 'ATM machine'. It's an 'ATM'! 'RSVP please'. It's just 'RSVP'! 'Zoo-ologist'. It's 'Zo-ologist', by the way. I've even heard Realtors call themselves Real-a-tors, and narrators talk about 'mischiev-i-ous' children. Not to mention an English major who says 'me and Jason went hiking.' Oops! Guess I ought to go to the 'drive you up a wall' thread.

We just have to accept that stuff, not mimic it, and correct our charges when we hear them use them. But I surely feel your pain.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ereine on April 05, 2011, 08:19:17 AM
This relates sort of to language and know-it-alls (I started wondering if they're even called Besserwissers in English, it's used in Finnish even though the word is German, I think that it being in another language gives it something extra, it suits the sort of person who likes to impress with their knowledge and sophistication and language skills).

Finnish doesn't use prepositions, they are suffixes that do the same job. One common mistake is made with the country Thailand, because in Finnish it also contains the word for land but as people just think of it as a name they often use a wrong suffix (it's sort of the equivalent of using into instead of to), which is bad and wrong but it's sometimes very difficult not to do it. I know how it should be but still I've found myself saying it incorrectly, apparently my brain feels that the incorrect form is more logical or something. I used to read a blogger who once wrote a long rant about how people who use it that way are stupid and uneducated and pretty much responsible for everything that's wrong. I'm sure that it causes pain to hear people use wrong words (for some reason one incorrect word that pains me greatly is copywrite when you're not talking about ad agencies) but sometimes it's not really something you can stop, even if you know the right word when your brain tells that you've written or spoken one word and it really was another :) (I'm talking about casual speech and writing only, as was that blogger)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: lipli on April 05, 2011, 09:29:44 AM
I haven't finished reading but had to share.  The story involves politics (and honestly I'm not smart enough to make it vague) but it's so absurd that it's hard to be offended.

I took several economics courses in college.  At my school, we did a lot of graphs.  If you increase spending, this line moves this way.  If you decrease taxes, this line moves that way.  We would also talk about why you would why you would want to do one or the other depending on the situation. Most of the time it was kept very non-political.  Except for one day.

We were discussing the benefits/disadvantages of using increased government spending to spur the economy and in what situations you would want to use gov spending versus tax cuts.  The professor was talking about how in XYZ situation the best thing to do was increase gov spending because line A moves here and line B move here.  If we do tax cuts, they move a different way.  And due to this particular situation, spending is better (if I remember correctly, it's because the parameters of the situation were that if people received any extra income they wouldn't spend it). 

This kid raises his hand and goes on and on about how tax cuts are ALWAYS better and how government spending is ALWAYS worse. As mentioned above, tax cuts would have worked in this situation. Then he went into a minirant about how governments were doing all these awful things (including how spending money on roads was worse than spending money at Target - just bad for the economy and morals - truly bizarre).  For like 15 minutes.  The professor couldn't shut him down. 

Same kid a year later.  We had this senior seminar class where we had to do an economics/statistics project - about anything you wanted just had to use high level statistics.  We had to present our ideas and status updates throughout the semester. And we were to give each other ideas  One girl presented her idea (cannot remember what it was about) and he stated that she should do her project on something else but only vaguely related (like she wants to do it on if safety belts increase fatal car accidents and he thinks she should do it on how importing cars leads to increased fatalities).  She said no I want to do my idea (I can get good data and it's an interesting topic).  He proceeds to argue with her about how his idea was better than hers (and was very rude about it "No my idea is better and you need to do it").  My friend, who obviously doesn't read ehell, just started laughing at him.  That shut him down.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Carnation on April 05, 2011, 11:28:45 AM
BG I'm in Australia and was talking to some friends on World of Warcraft (WoW) who live in another country on the other side of the world.  Conversation got to koalas, and I was saying that they're not a bear, not even related to bears and why.  One of the people who was part of this conversation is a early 30's guy who's had a bit of a rough time recently.  So as a nice thing to do my husband (who also plays WoW) and I sent him some candy from Australia that he wouldn't get in his country and some cookies that are shaped like koalas. End of BG.

He received the package and thanked me for it and we again spoke about koalas and them looking like bears but not being bears.  

Cue this week and he called them koala bears.  Conversation goes as such.  Um, we've had this convo more than once, they're not bears.  Yes they are.  What makes you think they're bears.  Science says so.  What science?   Well, they look like bears therefore they must be bears.  Nope.  Yeah, I know I'm being a "I know everything".  Yup  ::)

Do koala bears eat Swedish ivy?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on April 05, 2011, 01:02:18 PM
'Koala bear' is unfortunately a phrase that has crept into the language and even people who know better just can't help it because they have heard it so often. I've even heard zoologists use it.

"Koala bear" is an old common name; it's how I first learned to refer to them.  I always knew they weren't bears (family Ursidae); I don't ever remember not knowing it.  Just that they sort of looked like them.  I don't see any harm in it as long as the person is not using the fact that "bear" is in the common name to argue that they must be Real Bears (because that is dumb, as any biologist will tell you, common names mean absolutely nothing). 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Craftyone on April 05, 2011, 05:54:50 PM
He admitted it was because they looked like bears that they must be bears.

He had also made a comment about never seeing the candy before in his shops.  After I'd said to him that I'll be sending him candy that he won't be able to get in his country, and him saying he was looking forward to seeing and tasting candy he'd never seen before.

We still luv' 'im!  : ))
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on April 05, 2011, 09:37:26 PM
'Koala bear' is unfortunately a phrase that has crept into the language and even people who know better just can't help it because they have heard it so often. I've even heard zoologists use it.

Other examples that annoy me no end, just like 'hot water heater'. It's a 'water heater'! 'ATM machine'. It's an 'ATM'! 'RSVP please'. It's just 'RSVP'! 'Zoo-ologist'. It's 'Zo-ologist', by the way. I've even heard Realtors call themselves Real-a-tors, and narrators talk about 'mischiev-i-ous' children. Not to mention an English major who says 'me and Jason went hiking.' Oops! Guess I ought to go to the 'drive you up a wall' thread.

We just have to accept that stuff, not mimic it, and correct our charges when we hear them use them. But I surely feel your pain.

ATM machine, PIN number, VIN number, etc...I feel your pain.

The pronunciation of Koala - My first real job was at a textile company, and we printed patterns that were aimed at children's clothing (our company made Sears Toughskins corduroy).  The designer of the kids' line came up with a pattern of koalas, which of course was called Koala Bears.  The print shop supervisor, for some reason, insisted on calling it "Cola Bears" - which finally came to a stop when my husband asked him, "Cola bears?  Do they fizz when you shake them?"

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Animala on April 05, 2011, 11:37:03 PM
My favorite know-it-alls are the ones who try to tell me that my learning disabilities are due to red food coloring or sugar.  Because sugar makes me reverse letters and numbers and red food dye is responsible for bad handwriting.  When I ask for sources, I get referred to sketchy websites.  When I try to explain about genetics (two uncles and one aunt possibly have LDs), I am ignored.  I now know to bean-dip. 
That reminds me of someone who claimed to be an expert in child education and learning difficulties who ran afoul of my mum when I was about 6. ChildExpert told my mum that she was treating a five year oldchild who had difficulty reading apparently because the child hadn't crawled enough when she was a baby. ChildExpert had the child crawl around the table at home repeatedly and apparently this helped her reading skills  ???. My mum piped up that I had never crawled as a child, just sort of gone from sitting to walking in a very short period.

Aha! ChildExpert leapt onto this and said "Oh, she must be a terrible reader then!". My mum politely pointed out that actually I had the highest reading age of all the children in my class and was reading several years above my actual age. ChildExpert was rather put out by that, and insisted I must have some reading problems that my mum was unaware of.

I should mention I was sitting between the two of them during this conversation, merrily reading a Hardy Boys book with no obvious trouble.

This was actually a popular theory for awhile.  It was pretty much if you didn't crawl or crawl long enough then you had ________________.  I had a friend who had a son in therapy for his learning disabilities and they "taught" him how to crawl.  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Information_queen on April 05, 2011, 11:47:34 PM
'Koala bear' is unfortunately a phrase that has crept into the language and even people who know better just can't help it because they have heard it so often. I've even heard zoologists use it.

Other examples that annoy me no end, just like 'hot water heater'. It's a 'water heater'! 'ATM machine'. It's an 'ATM'! 'RSVP please'. It's just 'RSVP'! 'Zoo-ologist'. It's 'Zo-ologist', by the way. I've even heard Realtors call themselves Real-a-tors, and narrators talk about 'mischiev-i-ous' children. Not to mention an English major who says 'me and Jason went hiking.' Oops! Guess I ought to go to the 'drive you up a wall' thread.

We just have to accept that stuff, not mimic it, and correct our charges when we hear them use them. But I surely feel your pain.

Soooooooo guilty of the bolded. I tend to lapse into very bad English when I'm not being forced to think about what I'm saying. And I have an English degree. In casual conversation, when every one around me is using similar grammar and language, I don't really care. When I'm in class or a professional setting, or writing papers, I'm much more careful.

And I just had to add this about over-explainers. My dad's one of them. I refer to it as 'a five minute answer to a thirty second question.' I once got a five minute lecture on the intricacies of washing machine innards when all I wanted to know was something like 'does the spinny thing do X?' I love my dad, honest.

My dad also likes to go on about politics. So does my FIL. At my rehearsal dinner, my mother, MIL, and myself reminded our respective Dads/husbands NO POLITICS. It was our wedding and they didn't need to go around lecturing everybody. They could contain themselves for one whole evening.

An hour later, we look over and they're happily discussing politics. But then we realized that they shared political viewpoints, so there were sitting there agreeing with each other ;D And, as I pointed out, not talking to us! So we let them agree with each other all evening and everyone had a good time. :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on April 06, 2011, 01:43:31 PM
A mix of "Captain Contrary" and "Super Explainer" created a "Captain Know-It-All" that I ran in to the other day.  I don't think she ever actually needed my help or even a sounding board; I think she just wanted to be a twit. 

For one, she was one of those people who keeps asking you for help, only to turn around and first tell you that you're obviously wrong, and then come back later and explain in great detail how she found the answer to her question "all on [her] own (very smugly)", but it was the same exact answer I just gave her, only in ridiculous detail.  So I figure that she's one of those who needs all the detail, so next time she asks, I fall for it, and give her all the detail, only to be told I'm wrong again.  She comes back, tells me she found the answer for herself again, and gives a brief summation of exactly what I'd told her before, but this time, much shorter.  The next couple times she came back, I let her talk at me while I went, "Mmmm... okay, uh-huh...." and continued doing what I was doing. 

She finally seemed like she actually needed my help, and told me what she was having a problem on.  I said that based on what she told me, it sounded like she needed to do {series of steps}.  She smirks at me and says, "Yeah, but I also have [completely random issue that changes everything that she didn't tell me about before]."  It was said in this tone of "Bet you don't have a clue what to do now, do you?"  I didn't bite, but I did direct her to where she could do her own research on how to solve the problem, because I needed to get back to my own project. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: General Jinjur on April 06, 2011, 03:13:44 PM
DH and I had two greyhounds. We were walking them one day when a man complimented us on our "Great Danes". I politely corrected him, that they were actually retired racing greyhounds. He got snippy and said, no, he used to breed Great Danes, and he knows what they look like, by gum! DH smiled and said, he was pretty sure they don't race Great Danes, but perhaps he was right.

I'm pretty sure I know what breed my dogs are....
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on April 06, 2011, 03:17:22 PM
DH and I had two greyhounds. We were walking them one day when a man complimented us on our "Great Danes". I politely corrected him, that they were actually retired racing greyhounds. He got snippy and said, no, he used to breed Great Danes, and he knows what they look like, by gum! DH smiled and said, he was pretty sure they don't race Great Danes, but perhaps he was right.

I'm pretty sure I know what breed my dogs are....

Ha!  I'd want to ask him how long ago it was that he was breeding Great Danes, since he seems to have forgotten what they look like.  :P
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on April 06, 2011, 03:26:48 PM
DH and I had two greyhounds. We were walking them one day when a man complimented us on our "Great Danes". I politely corrected him, that they were actually retired racing greyhounds. He got snippy and said, no, he used to breed Great Danes, and he knows what they look like, by gum! DH smiled and said, he was pretty sure they don't race Great Danes, but perhaps he was right.

I'm pretty sure I know what breed my dogs are....

Ha!  I'd want to ask him how long ago it was that he was breeding Great Danes, since he seems to have forgotten what they look like.  :P

how the eHell can  you confuse a greyhound and a Great Dane?  Maybe he was confusing GDs with horse racing?   :P

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: General Jinjur on April 06, 2011, 03:28:21 PM
DH and I had two greyhounds. We were walking them one day when a man complimented us on our "Great Danes". I politely corrected him, that they were actually retired racing greyhounds. He got snippy and said, no, he used to breed Great Danes, and he knows what they look like, by gum! DH smiled and said, he was pretty sure they don't race Great Danes, but perhaps he was right.

I'm pretty sure I know what breed my dogs are....

Ha!  I'd want to ask him how long ago it was that he was breeding Great Danes, since he seems to have forgotten what they look like.  :P

how the eHell can  you confuse a greyhound and a Great Dane?  Maybe he was confusing GDs with horse racing?   :P



Wellllll they do both have deep chests and narrow waists, and are tall, and...um.....

OK, I have no idea.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on April 06, 2011, 03:32:50 PM
DH and I had two greyhounds. We were walking them one day when a man complimented us on our "Great Danes". I politely corrected him, that they were actually retired racing greyhounds. He got snippy and said, no, he used to breed Great Danes, and he knows what they look like, by gum! DH smiled and said, he was pretty sure they don't race Great Danes, but perhaps he was right.

I'm pretty sure I know what breed my dogs are....

Ha!  I'd want to ask him how long ago it was that he was breeding Great Danes, since he seems to have forgotten what they look like.  :P

how the eHell can  you confuse a greyhound and a Great Dane?  Maybe he was confusing GDs with horse racing?   :P



Wellllll they do both have deep chests and narrow waists, and are tall, and...um.....

OK, I have no idea.

I was trying to rationalize it too!  Oh man, that cracks me up.  You guys handled it really well though, I mean, there's not too much to be done with a person like that. I probably have thought it was a joke and laughed though.  Because I'm slow on the pick-up like that.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: rain on April 06, 2011, 03:42:32 PM
For one, she was one of those people who keeps asking you for help, only to turn around and first tell you that you're obviously wrong, and then come back later and explain in great detail how she found the answer to her question "all on [her] own (very smugly)", but it was the same exact answer I just gave her, only in ridiculous detail.  So I figure that she's one of those who needs all the detail, so next time she asks, I fall for it, and give her all the detail, only to be told I'm wrong again.  She comes back, tells me she found the answer for herself again, and gives a brief summation of exactly what I'd told her before, but this time, much shorter.  The next couple times she came back, I let her talk at me while I went, "Mmmm... okay, uh-huh...." and continued doing what I was doing. 

She finally seemed like she actually needed my help, and told me what she was having a problem on.  I said that based on what she told me, it sounded like she needed to do {series of steps}.  She smirks at me and says, "Yeah, but I also have [completely random issue that changes everything that she didn't tell me about before]."  It was said in this tone of "Bet you don't have a clue what to do now, do you?"  I didn't bite, but I did direct her to where she could do her own research on how to solve the problem, because I needed to get back to my own project. 

My DS (12 yr) does this  ::) - how old is/was she?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on April 06, 2011, 05:00:30 PM
had a friend who had a Great Dane that when he was "growing" (you know the stage - when they lay down they are sort of "flat")

really did look like a greyhound on steroids....

and the term we use for the half hour answer to the yes or no question is "man-splaning" (man - explaning)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: aiki on April 06, 2011, 05:20:37 PM
A mix of "Captain Contrary" and "Super Explainer" created a "Captain Know-It-All" that I ran in to the other day.  I don't think she ever actually needed my help or even a sounding board; I think she just wanted to be a twit. 

For one, she was one of those people who keeps asking you for help, only to turn around and first tell you that you're obviously wrong, and then come back later and explain in great detail how she found the answer to her question "all on [her] own (very smugly)", but it was the same exact answer I just gave her, only in ridiculous detail.  So I figure that she's one of those who needs all the detail, so next time she asks, I fall for it, and give her all the detail, only to be told I'm wrong again.  She comes back, tells me she found the answer for herself again, and gives a brief summation of exactly what I'd told her before, but this time, much shorter.  The next couple times she came back, I let her talk at me while I went, "Mmmm... okay, uh-huh...." and continued doing what I was doing. 

She finally seemed like she actually needed my help, and told me what she was having a problem on.  I said that based on what she told me, it sounded like she needed to do {series of steps}.  She smirks at me and says, "Yeah, but I also have [completely random issue that changes everything that she didn't tell me about before]."  It was said in this tone of "Bet you don't have a clue what to do now, do you?"  I didn't bite, but I did direct her to where she could do her own research on how to solve the problem, because I needed to get back to my own project. 

It would be slghtly amusing to give her a random sequence of actions to do:

"First go and kick the fridge in the lower left hand corner of the door, then power-cycle the colour printer twice. Make a piece of toast and hold it above your head, while turning slowly twice to the left and chanting 'I am a cute little turnip'. If that doesn't work, try it again with fresh toast."

"That's wrong, it can't possibly work."

"Yeah, thats what you always say, but you usually manage to work it out in the end. You could try this useful website (http://lmgtfy.com/)."
 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: eclecticgrrl on April 06, 2011, 05:29:48 PM
Every time I'm on a dive trip, there's someone who I've just started calling "Divemaster Rick".  He's the same guy, but he's sneaky because he keeps changing what he looks like and where he's from and stuff.  I know he's the same guy though, because he tells all the same stories about how he knows every single thing there is to know about scuba diving in general, all scuba equipment in the world and MY equipment in particular.

I bought my Bouyancy Compensator Device (BCD) a really long time ago when there wasn't a lot of equipment on the market that was specifically for women.  For those trying to picture it, it's sort of like a life jacket that you can pump air into with a lot of hooks and things so that I can strap my tanks to it, hang a knife, arrange my air lines, etc.  This is a very basic piece of gear and it's one of the most important so I'm really, really familiar with it.  Mine is a little different because it's so old and it was made for especially busty women - there are straps that criss-cross the chest instead of going straight up and down like suspenders as all men's BCDs do and most women's do today.  I know that it's different, but like I said - it's old, it's clearly well-worn and it looks pretty battered so it's fairly obvious that it's gotten use.

Every single time I'm on a new boat, and I do mean EVERY time, some Divemaster Rick comes up to me and says "Hey, you put your BCD on wrong.  You crossed the straps."  I've gotten resigned to it.  I tell them that it's designed that way and we all move on.  However, I was in the Bahamas diving once and this guy leaned over to tell me that I'd put my BCD on wrong.  Nope, I say, it's just different, and I continue gearing up.  Until he leaned over and UNBUCKLED MY BCD!!!   :o

He's insisting that I'm putting it on wrong and wouldn't let go of me.  I was diving by myself so I didn't even have my usual backup to help me argue.  I backed up to make him let go of my gear and he just moved forward with me, telling me that he's been working in a dive shop for 25 years and he knows better and I just don't know how to put my own gear on and he'll fix it for me.  (Note that this also means he's grabbing me around the area where I'm "busty" because that's where the straps are, so I'm really mad.)  He starts looking at the straps and tells me that I'm going to have to take everything off because it's all backwards - the straps aren't fitting right.  At which point I reiterate that OF COURSE they aren't fitting right in an up and down configuration because that's not how the BCD is designed.  

Finally, one of the dive shop guys noticed what was going on, came over and made Divemaster Rick back off.  He asked me (very quietly and in a corner) if I was sure that the BCD had straps that crossed and when I assured him that I know my gear, he stayed with me until I got in the water to prevent any more helpful gestures.  Geez...

Honestly, I think it's tough because many guys that dive have some macho thing going and they're not used to women who dive alone (as in, not because their male partner made them) so they tend to get all freaky about it.  But that doesn't make it any less annoying.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on April 06, 2011, 05:38:12 PM
For one, she was one of those people who keeps asking you for help, only to turn around and first tell you that you're obviously wrong, and then come back later and explain in great detail how she found the answer to her question "all on [her] own (very smugly)", but it was the same exact answer I just gave her, only in ridiculous detail.  So I figure that she's one of those who needs all the detail, so next time she asks, I fall for it, and give her all the detail, only to be told I'm wrong again.  She comes back, tells me she found the answer for herself again, and gives a brief summation of exactly what I'd told her before, but this time, much shorter.  The next couple times she came back, I let her talk at me while I went, "Mmmm... okay, uh-huh...." and continued doing what I was doing. 

She finally seemed like she actually needed my help, and told me what she was having a problem on.  I said that based on what she told me, it sounded like she needed to do {series of steps}.  She smirks at me and says, "Yeah, but I also have [completely random issue that changes everything that she didn't tell me about before]."  It was said in this tone of "Bet you don't have a clue what to do now, do you?"  I didn't bite, but I did direct her to where she could do her own research on how to solve the problem, because I needed to get back to my own project. 

My DS (12 yr) does this  ::) - how old is/was she?

I'd put her in her late forties, early fifties  :P. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on April 06, 2011, 05:43:48 PM
Every time I'm on a dive trip, there's someone who I've just started calling "Divemaster Rick".  He's the same guy, but he's sneaky because he keeps changing what he looks like and where he's from and stuff.  I know he's the same guy though, because he tells all the same stories about how he knows every single thing there is to know about scuba diving in general, all scuba equipment in the world and MY equipment in particular.

I bought my Bouyancy Compensator Device (BCD) a really long time ago when there wasn't a lot of equipment on the market that was specifically for women.  For those trying to picture it, it's sort of like a life jacket that you can pump air into with a lot of hooks and things so that I can strap my tanks to it, hang a knife, arrange my air lines, etc.  This is a very basic piece of gear and it's one of the most important so I'm really, really familiar with it.  Mine is a little different because it's so old and it was made for especially busty women - there are straps that criss-cross the chest instead of going straight up and down like suspenders as all men's BCDs do and most women's do today.  I know that it's different, but like I said - it's old, it's clearly well-worn and it looks pretty battered so it's fairly obvious that it's gotten use.

Every single time I'm on a new boat, and I do mean EVERY time, some Divemaster Rick comes up to me and says "Hey, you put your BCD on wrong.  You crossed the straps."  I've gotten resigned to it.  I tell them that it's designed that way and we all move on.  However, I was in the Bahamas diving once and this guy leaned over to tell me that I'd put my BCD on wrong.  Nope, I say, it's just different, and I continue gearing up.  Until he leaned over and UNBUCKLED MY BCD!!!   :o

He's insisting that I'm putting it on wrong and wouldn't let go of me.  I was diving by myself so I didn't even have my usual backup to help me argue.  I backed up to make him let go of my gear and he just moved forward with me, telling me that he's been working in a dive shop for 25 years and he knows better and I just don't know how to put my own gear on and he'll fix it for me.  (Note that this also means he's grabbing me around the area where I'm "busty" because that's where the straps are, so I'm really mad.)  He starts looking at the straps and tells me that I'm going to have to take everything off because it's all backwards - the straps aren't fitting right.  At which point I reiterate that OF COURSE they aren't fitting right in an up and down configuration because that's not how the BCD is designed.  

Finally, one of the dive shop guys noticed what was going on, came over and made Divemaster Rick back off.  He asked me (very quietly and in a corner) if I was sure that the BCD had straps that crossed and when I assured him that I know my gear, he stayed with me until I got in the water to prevent any more helpful gestures.  Geez...

Honestly, I think it's tough because many guys that dive have some macho thing going and they're not used to women who dive alone (as in, not because their male partner made them) so they tend to get all freaky about it.  But that doesn't make it any less annoying.

You treated him a lot nicer than I would have, I'll tell you that much.  And I like calling them all "Divemaster Rick", that's fantastic!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Craftyone on April 06, 2011, 05:56:42 PM
My boss.  Great guy but every now and then he'll get in a funny mood and then.... talking about cooking with the guys that sit around me (oh all the testosterone!) who were trying to persuade me to bring them in some baking (I do occasionally).  I said well you buy the eggs and I'll do the baking you want but make sure they are the extra large ones - 59g.  That's when my boss said no they aren't the extra large ones, they're the medium ones, cue me going to google and showing him the website of the local brand.  No,the website is wrong  :o and if you go to the shops you'll see the correct packaging.  I buy eggs all the time and have bought the same size egg for goodness knows how many years.  He on the other hand, doesn't bake and is very health conscious so, from what I know, eggs aren't high on his normal shopping list.

BTW the guys didn't stump for the eggs ergo no baking for them, but they're still hinting  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: supernova on April 06, 2011, 06:36:50 PM


Every single time I'm on a new boat, and I do mean EVERY time, some Divemaster Rick comes up to me and says "Hey, you put your BCD on wrong.  You crossed the straps."  I've gotten resigned to it.  I tell them that it's designed that way and we all move on.  However, I was in the Bahamas diving once and this guy leaned over to tell me that I'd put my BCD on wrong.  Nope, I say, it's just different, and I continue gearing up.  Until he leaned over and UNBUCKLED MY BCD!!!   :o

He's insisting that I'm putting it on wrong and wouldn't let go of me.  I was diving by myself so I didn't even have my usual backup to help me argue.  I backed up to make him let go of my gear and he just moved forward with me, telling me that he's been working in a dive shop for 25 years and he knows better and I just don't know how to put my own gear on and he'll fix it for me.  (Note that this also means he's grabbing me around the area where I'm "busty" because that's where the straps are, so I'm really mad.)  He starts looking at the straps and tells me that I'm going to have to take everything off because it's all backwards - the straps aren't fitting right.  At which point I reiterate that OF COURSE they aren't fitting right in an up and down configuration because that's not how the BCD is designed. 


He did WHAT!?!?  :o  ???

Okay, I don't even dive, and I know better than that. 

I'm actually more mindblown about the "touching your gear" part than the "touching your busty parts" part.  Because even a noob like me knows that messing with someone else's diving gear can kill them.

Good Lord.  I just...  wow.   >:(
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: GoldenGemini on April 06, 2011, 10:57:57 PM
My boss.  Great guy but every now and then he'll get in a funny mood and then.... talking about cooking with the guys that sit around me (oh all the testosterone!) who were trying to persuade me to bring them in some baking (I do occasionally).  I said well you buy the eggs and I'll do the baking you want but make sure they are the extra large ones - 59g.  That's when my boss said no they aren't the extra large ones, they're the medium ones, cue me going to google and showing him the website of the local brand.  No,the website is wrong  :o and if you go to the shops you'll see the correct packaging.  I buy eggs all the time and have bought the same size egg for goodness knows how many years.  He on the other hand, doesn't bake and is very health conscious so, from what I know, eggs aren't high on his normal shopping list.

BTW the guys didn't stump for the eggs ergo no baking for them, but they're still hinting  ::)

Is he from somewhere else originally?  'Cos round here, 59g are not extra large.  Otherwise, he's just odd.  :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Baxter on April 06, 2011, 11:33:55 PM
It would be slghtly amusing to give her a random sequence of actions to do:

"First go and kick the fridge in the lower left hand corner of the door, then power-cycle the colour printer twice. Make a piece of toast and hold it above your head, while turning slowly twice to the left and chanting 'I am a cute little turnip'. If that doesn't work, try it again with fresh toast."


I laughed so hard at this, I particularly liked the try it again with fresh toast part.  I am so gonna use this.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Craftyone on April 07, 2011, 06:47:57 AM
My boss.  Great guy but every now and then he'll get in a funny mood and then.... talking about cooking with the guys that sit around me (oh all the testosterone!) who were trying to persuade me to bring them in some baking (I do occasionally).  I said well you buy the eggs and I'll do the baking you want but make sure they are the extra large ones - 59g.  That's when my boss said no they aren't the extra large ones, they're the medium ones, cue me going to google and showing him the website of the local brand.  No,the website is wrong  :o and if you go to the shops you'll see the correct packaging.  I buy eggs all the time and have bought the same size egg for goodness knows how many years.  He on the other hand, doesn't bake and is very health conscious so, from what I know, eggs aren't high on his normal shopping list.

BTW the guys didn't stump for the eggs ergo no baking for them, but they're still hinting  ::)

Is he from somewhere else originally?  'Cos round here, 59g are not extra large.  Otherwise, he's just odd.  :)

He is fom the other side of Australia but he's lived here for about 2 months shy of 2 years so it was just him being in a funny mood.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Shea on April 07, 2011, 07:59:12 AM
'Koala bear' is unfortunately a phrase that has crept into the language and even people who know better just can't help it because they have heard it so often. I've even heard zoologists use it.

Other examples that annoy me no end, just like 'hot water heater'. It's a 'water heater'! 'ATM machine'. It's an 'ATM'! 'RSVP please'. It's just 'RSVP'! 'Zoo-ologist'. It's 'Zo-ologist', by the way. I've even heard Realtors call themselves Real-a-tors, and narrators talk about 'mischiev-i-ous' children. Not to mention an English major who says 'me and Jason went hiking.' Oops! Guess I ought to go to the 'drive you up a wall' thread.

We just have to accept that stuff, not mimic it, and correct our charges when we hear them use them. But I surely feel your pain.

ATM machine, PIN number, VIN number, etc...I feel your pain.


Argh, that's annoying. I was at tax-doing seminar the other day (figuring out how to do taxes in a new country is fun), and the presenter kept saying "SIN number". SIN=Social Insurance Number  ::).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on April 07, 2011, 10:14:58 AM

ATM machine, PIN number, VIN number, etc...I feel your pain.


Argh, that's annoying. I was at tax-doing seminar the other day (figuring out how to do taxes in a new country is fun), and the presenter kept saying "SIN number". SIN=Social Insurance Number  ::).

Maybe he has a numerical list of deductable sins?? >:D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: eclecticgrrl on April 07, 2011, 11:54:55 AM
Argh, that's annoying. I was at tax-doing seminar the other day (figuring out how to do taxes in a new country is fun), and the presenter kept saying "SIN number". SIN=Social Insurance Number  ::).

Actually, I am your pain!  I've been trying to figure out how to reference a data element because it's continually called an NDC Code.  (National Drug Code...  Code?)  And I hate being that repetitive.  But if you just say "NDC" people get irritated because they think that you've deliberately left something out.  Very annoying.  So I gave up in a recent document and went ahead and just made myself an idiot.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: crs1881 on April 07, 2011, 02:41:50 PM
I wonder what rock "Divemaster Rick" has been hiding under. BCDs designed specifically for women have been around for decades.


Every time I'm on a dive trip, there's someone who I've just started calling "Divemaster Rick".  He's the same guy, but he's sneaky because he keeps changing what he looks like and where he's from and stuff.  I know he's the same guy though, because he tells all the same stories about how he knows every single thing there is to know about scuba diving in general, all scuba equipment in the world and MY equipment in particular.

I bought my Bouyancy Compensator Device (BCD) a really long time ago when there wasn't a lot of equipment on the market that was specifically for women.  For those trying to picture it, it's sort of like a life jacket that you can pump air into with a lot of hooks and things so that I can strap my tanks to it, hang a knife, arrange my air lines, etc.  This is a very basic piece of gear and it's one of the most important so I'm really, really familiar with it.  Mine is a little different because it's so old and it was made for especially busty women - there are straps that criss-cross the chest instead of going straight up and down like suspenders as all men's BCDs do and most women's do today.  I know that it's different, but like I said - it's old, it's clearly well-worn and it looks pretty battered so it's fairly obvious that it's gotten use.

Every single time I'm on a new boat, and I do mean EVERY time, some Divemaster Rick comes up to me and says "Hey, you put your BCD on wrong.  You crossed the straps."  I've gotten resigned to it.  I tell them that it's designed that way and we all move on.  However, I was in the Bahamas diving once and this guy leaned over to tell me that I'd put my BCD on wrong.  Nope, I say, it's just different, and I continue gearing up.  Until he leaned over and UNBUCKLED MY BCD!!!   :o

He's insisting that I'm putting it on wrong and wouldn't let go of me.  I was diving by myself so I didn't even have my usual backup to help me argue.  I backed up to make him let go of my gear and he just moved forward with me, telling me that he's been working in a dive shop for 25 years and he knows better and I just don't know how to put my own gear on and he'll fix it for me.  (Note that this also means he's grabbing me around the area where I'm "busty" because that's where the straps are, so I'm really mad.)  He starts looking at the straps and tells me that I'm going to have to take everything off because it's all backwards - the straps aren't fitting right.  At which point I reiterate that OF COURSE they aren't fitting right in an up and down configuration because that's not how the BCD is designed.  

Finally, one of the dive shop guys noticed what was going on, came over and made Divemaster Rick back off.  He asked me (very quietly and in a corner) if I was sure that the BCD had straps that crossed and when I assured him that I know my gear, he stayed with me until I got in the water to prevent any more helpful gestures.  Geez...

Honestly, I think it's tough because many guys that dive have some macho thing going and they're not used to women who dive alone (as in, not because their male partner made them) so they tend to get all freaky about it.  But that doesn't make it any less annoying.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: eclecticgrrl on April 07, 2011, 04:27:32 PM
I wonder what rock "Divemaster Rick" has been hiding under. BCDs designed specifically for women have been around for decades.

<snarf>  And mine is from the mid-90s so it's been a couple of decades!

Actually, the problem is the criss-cross configuration of the front straps because that was an unusual design feature.  There may have been more out there, but I've only seen my model with that set up and I've never seen anyone else in similar gear. So while I was originally annoyed by having to explain my gear on every single trip I'm on, I finally realized that you get questions if your gear is non-standard.  As long as it's just the initial question and people take my word for it when I let them know that I know what I'm doing, I'm good with it. 

It's when the Divemaster Ricks of the world start arguing with me or, like saphie said, trying to kill me, that I start getting snippy.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on April 08, 2011, 11:14:37 AM
'Koala bear' is unfortunately a phrase that has crept into the language and even people who know better just can't help it because they have heard it so often. I've even heard zoologists use it.

I think it is okay to use a common name such as koala bear. We call Tardigrades "water bears" even though they certainly are not bears.  It is all about the common name denoting that these creatures, koalas and tardigrades, do resemble bears.  

We also have jellyfish and star fish which are not fish (even though many now denote starfish as being "sea stars").  While they do not resemble "fish" many sea creatures get commonly called fish because they are in the water.  A sea onion is not an onion.  A sea anemone is not a flower.  There is a fish sometimes gets the common name of dolphin which is not the same as dolphin the mammal (this made for some angry restaurant customers when served dolphin the fish).  The hedgehog is not a "hog/pig", neither is the Guinea pig.  The t!tmouse is a bird not a rodent.  The prairie dog is not a canine.  The Rodriguez flying fox is a type of bat, not a fox.  The list could go on and on.

So why do people get so upset over using a common name for the koala such as koala bear?  The DO resemble bears and thus the reason why they get this common name.  Yes it confuses some people, but common names are not always based on science and vary depending on your location.  
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: eclecticgrrl on April 08, 2011, 11:21:17 AM
So why do people get so upset over using a common name for the koala such as koala bear?  The DO resemble bears and thus the reason why they get this common name.  Yes it confuses some people, but common names are not always based on science and vary depending on your location.  

Maybe because they're afraid that the koalas will get confused with their larger, carnivorous cousins, the drop bears?

Or are drop bears not really bears either? 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on April 08, 2011, 11:34:26 AM
So why do people get so upset over using a common name for the koala such as koala bear?  The DO resemble bears and thus the reason why they get this common name.  Yes it confuses some people, but common names are not always based on science and vary depending on your location.  

Maybe because they're afraid that the koalas will get confused with their larger, carnivorous cousins, the drop bears?

Or are drop bears not really bears either?  

Hahha!!!  :)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: WolfWay on April 08, 2011, 12:11:41 PM
'Koala bear' is unfortunately a phrase that has crept into the language and even people who know better just can't help it because they have heard it so often. I've even heard zoologists use it.

I think it is okay to use a common name such as koala bear. We call Tardigrades "water bears" even though they certainly are not bears.  It is all about the common name denoting that these creatures, koalas and tardigrades, do resemble bears.  

We also have jellyfish and star fish which are not fish (even though many now denote starfish as being "sea stars").  While they do not resemble "fish" many sea creatures get commonly called fish because they are in the water.  A sea onion is not an onion.  A sea anemone is not a flower.  There is a fish sometimes gets the common name of dolphin which is not the same as dolphin the mammal (this made for some angry restaurant customers when served dolphin the fish).  The hedgehog is not a "hog/pig", neither is the Guinea pig.  The t!tmouse is a bird not a rodent.  The prairie dog is not a canine.  The Rodriguez flying fox is a type of bat, not a fox.  The list could go on and on.

So why do people get so upset over using a common name for the koala such as koala bear?  The DO resemble bears and thus the reason why they get this common name.  Yes it confuses some people, but common names are not always based on science and vary depending on your location.  

Re: fish: Steven Gould pointed out that scientifically and taxonomically, there really isn't anything such as a fish. Hagfish, lungfish, sharks, tuna, they're all called fish but they're not closely related to each other. Just because things swim doesn't mean they're taxonomically related. It's like saying bats, birds and butterflies are all the same thing because they share a mode of transport.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on April 08, 2011, 12:37:22 PM
Re: fish: Steven Gould pointed out that scientifically and taxonomically, there really isn't anything such as a fish. Hagfish, lungfish, sharks, tuna, they're all called fish but they're not closely related to each other. Just because things swim doesn't mean they're taxonomically related. It's like saying bats, birds and butterflies are all the same thing because they share a mode of transport.

Good point and good explanation! 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on April 08, 2011, 12:49:50 PM
Re: fish: Steven Gould pointed out that scientifically and taxonomically, there really isn't anything such as a fish. Hagfish, lungfish, sharks, tuna, they're all called fish but they're not closely related to each other. Just because things swim doesn't mean they're taxonomically related. It's like saying bats, birds and butterflies are all the same thing because they share a mode of transport.

Good point and good explanation!  

Somebody needs to go back in time and explain that to Herman Melville.  If I remember correctly, a lot of ink was wasted in "Moby Richard" explaining that he really couldn't be a mammal because he looked like a fish and lived in the water (or something like that - it's been 41 years since I was forced to read it.   Please feel free to correct me!)

Edited to correct "Moby wingadingdingy".  Although I thought it looked kinda neat.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Animala on April 08, 2011, 12:54:34 PM
You all have met my son!

My husband makes me a little nuts when he'll tell me I'm mistaken...then will rephrase what I said, then he'll split hairs.

Me: Brrr, it's cold!  With the wind chill it's 16 degrees!
Him: No it's not, it's 28, but with the wind it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: That's what I said, pretty much.
Him: No, you said it was 16 degrees, I said it was 28, but with the wind chill it feels like 16 degrees.
Me: And I said, 'with the wind chill, it's 16 degrees'
Him: Exactly, you said it is 16, I said it feels like 16.
Me: Either way, it feels like 16.
Him: *teasing* See? Now you see what I mean!!!

*and Pirate fights the urge to Gibbs slap and loses*

1.  

Him:  Remember Joe Brown?
ME:   Yeah.
HIM:  that used to live next door to us?
ME:  Yeah.
Him:  He was married to that tall lady?
ME:  Yeah.
HIM:  And they had the big dog?
ME  :  YES! I REMEMBER! WHAT IS THE POINT?
Him:  Why are you yelling?

Now in his defense he is autistic so he has legitimate communication problems, but if you wanted to break me to get top secret information either of these would work.  He is learning though.  The other thing he does is restate the same thing multiple times and then he gets upset if he is interrupted because "he's not done yet".  *Headdesk*
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on April 08, 2011, 12:55:01 PM
Re: fish: Steven Gould pointed out that scientifically and taxonomically, there really isn't anything such as a fish. Hagfish, lungfish, sharks, tuna, they're all called fish but they're not closely related to each other. Just because things swim doesn't mean they're taxonomically related. It's like saying bats, birds and butterflies are all the same thing because they share a mode of transport.

Good point and good explanation!  

Somebody needs to go back in time and explain that to Herman Melville.  If I remember correctly, a lot of ink was wasted in "Moby Richard" explaining that he really couldn't be a mammal because he looked like a fish and lived in the water (or something like that - it's been 41 years since I was forced to read it.   Please feel free to correct me!)

Edited to correct "Moby wingadingdingy".  Although I thought it looked kinda neat.

Aw, he was just doing what came naturally to the authors of his time period.  Which would be over-describing/explaining everything to death and dust  ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on April 08, 2011, 01:35:08 PM
Re: fish: Steven Gould pointed out that scientifically and taxonomically, there really isn't anything such as a fish. Hagfish, lungfish, sharks, tuna, they're all called fish but they're not closely related to each other. Just because things swim doesn't mean they're taxonomically related. It's like saying bats, birds and butterflies are all the same thing because they share a mode of transport.

Good point and good explanation!  

Somebody needs to go back in time and explain that to Herman Melville.  If I remember correctly, a lot of ink was wasted in "Moby Richard" explaining that he really couldn't be a mammal because he looked like a fish and lived in the water (or something like that - it's been 41 years since I was forced to read it.   Please feel free to correct me!)

Edited to correct "Moby wingadingdingy".  Although I thought it looked kinda neat.

Aw, he was just doing what came naturally to the authors of his time period.  Which would be over-describing/explaining everything to death and dust  ;)
Remember, Victorian authors were paid by the word, so they never used 2 words when 12 would do.

Re the dolphin fish: I think now on the menus it's called by its Hawaiian name, mahi-mahi.  I see that a lot, but never 'dolphin'.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on April 08, 2011, 02:02:43 PM
Re: fish: Steven Gould pointed out that scientifically and taxonomically, there really isn't anything such as a fish. Hagfish, lungfish, sharks, tuna, they're all called fish but they're not closely related to each other. Just because things swim doesn't mean they're taxonomically related. It's like saying bats, birds and butterflies are all the same thing because they share a mode of transport.

Good point and good explanation!  

Somebody needs to go back in time and explain that to Herman Melville.  If I remember correctly, a lot of ink was wasted in "Moby Richard" explaining that he really couldn't be a mammal because he looked like a fish and lived in the water (or something like that - it's been 41 years since I was forced to read it.   Please feel free to correct me!)

Edited to correct "Moby wingadingdingy".  Although I thought it looked kinda neat.

Aw, he was just doing what came naturally to the authors of his time period.  Which would be over-describing/explaining everything to death and dust  ;)
Remember, Victorian authors were paid by the word, so they never used 2 words when 12 would do.

Re the dolphin fish: I think now on the menus it's called by its Hawaiian name, mahi-mahi.  I see that a lot, but never 'dolphin'.

Herman should have been quite wealthy, then.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on April 08, 2011, 02:09:00 PM
Re: fish: Steven Gould pointed out that scientifically and taxonomically, there really isn't anything such as a fish. Hagfish, lungfish, sharks, tuna, they're all called fish but they're not closely related to each other. Just because things swim doesn't mean they're taxonomically related. It's like saying bats, birds and butterflies are all the same thing because they share a mode of transport.

Good point and good explanation!  

Somebody needs to go back in time and explain that to Herman Melville.  If I remember correctly, a lot of ink was wasted in "Moby Richard" explaining that he really couldn't be a mammal because he looked like a fish and lived in the water (or something like that - it's been 41 years since I was forced to read it.   Please feel free to correct me!)

Edited to correct "Moby wingadingdingy".  Although I thought it looked kinda neat.

Aw, he was just doing what came naturally to the authors of his time period.  Which would be over-describing/explaining everything to death and dust  ;)
Remember, Victorian authors were paid by the word, so they never used 2 words when 12 would do.

Re the dolphin fish: I think now on the menus it's called by its Hawaiian name, mahi-mahi.  I see that a lot, but never 'dolphin'.

I didn't know that!  It makes so much sense now.  I was wondering why Nathaniel Hawthorne needed 20 friggin' pages to describe a *tree* in "The Scarlet Letter".  Good info, thanks!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Morticia on April 08, 2011, 03:15:26 PM
^ see Dickens, Charles.  ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on April 08, 2011, 04:28:08 PM

Remember, Victorian authors were paid by the word, so they never used 2 words when 12 would do.

Re the dolphin fish: I think now on the menus it's called by its Hawaiian name, mahi-mahi.  I see that a lot, but never 'dolphin'.

I saw it listed as dolphin once in Florida.  I remember being horrified when Dh ordered it but then he explained that it was just mahi mahi.  I want to say I've also seen it listed as dorado in Mexico.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: bansidhe on April 10, 2011, 02:31:15 AM
Speaking of fish...  I once found myself at a table full of CKIAs. A couple of jobs ago, my whole department went out to lunch for the holidays or something. There were about 15 of us.

I was perusing the menu when my boss suggested that I get some chicken dish or another. I reminded her that I'm a vegetarian. She said, "Oh yeah. How about the fish tacos, then?" Now, some people eat fish and incorrectly call themselves vegetarians, so I explained, "Thanks, but I'm the type of vegetarian who doesn't eat anything in the animal kingdom."

Cue several people - including my boss - almost simultaneously exclaiming, "Fish aren't in the animal kingdom!" I was stunned into silence for a moment, then attempted to gently correct them. But no...they insisted that fish were not members of the animal kingdom - and others at the table chimed in in agreement and began laughing at me, saying things like, "I can't believe you're so into animals and you don't know that."

It was quite frustrating. I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying, "You people flunked out of biology class, didn't you?" or "What, exactly, do you think fish are? Fungus, perhaps?"

This was in the days before smart phones and widespread internet access in offices, so I didn't have a way to prove them wrong. They probably still believe it.  :-\
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on April 10, 2011, 02:59:07 AM
I would have asked them what they thought fish were then. Plants? Fungus? What??
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Redsoil on April 10, 2011, 06:41:01 AM
Eclecticgrrl - I wonder if you could try thwarting the Divemaster Ricks of the world by having a patch made up and sewn to your vest.  Saying, in essence:

"Yes, I know.  Yes, it IS done up the right way.  Seriously."

And if you wanted to also put "DO NOT TOUCH!"  I suspect no-one here would fault you, after that last episode.

*From the biker girl who started riding long before many women made the transition from pillion to rider.  Who happens to have a patch on her jacket reading "Forget the dog.  Beware of the owner!"   >:D   (Who really dislikes patronising males...)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on April 10, 2011, 08:15:12 AM

Cue several people - including my boss - almost simultaneously exclaiming, "Fish aren't in the animal kingdom!" I was stunned into silence for a moment, then attempted to gently correct them. But no...they insisted that fish were not members of the animal kingdom - and others at the table chimed in in agreement and began laughing at me, saying things like, "I can't believe you're so into animals and you don't know that."

It was quite frustrating. I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying, "You people flunked out of biology class, didn't you?" or "What, exactly, do you think fish are? Fungus, perhaps?"


I have told people in that situation that often mammals are simply called animals but biologically, fish are animals. I don't think I was rude.

 It always confused me that my Catholic friends could eat fish on Friday, but not mammals.

Don't get me started on mass and weight.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on April 10, 2011, 08:20:41 AM
my cousin used to use the phrase -- I don't want to eat anything with a FACE

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 10, 2011, 09:05:07 AM
This was actually a popular theory for awhile.  It was pretty much if you didn't crawl or crawl long enough then you had ________________.  I had a friend who had a son in therapy for his learning disabilities and they "taught" him how to crawl.  ::)

I was told I never learned to crawl.  Anywhere I wanted to go, I just rolled there.  I've never had a problem with reading, though I have been known to want to read some books over and over again.  Think there's a correlation? ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kess on April 10, 2011, 09:08:49 AM
This was actually a popular theory for awhile.  It was pretty much if you didn't crawl or crawl long enough then you had ________________.  I had a friend who had a son in therapy for his learning disabilities and they "taught" him how to crawl.  ::)

I was told I never learned to crawl.  Anywhere I wanted to go, I just rolled there.  I've never had a problem with reading, though I have been known to want to read some books over and over again.  Think there's a correlation? ;)

I also didn't crawl, and was a great reader.  I went from shuffling around on my bottom, to pulling up on furniture, to (at 9 months old exactly) toddling straight across the room.  My Mom was home alone with me and was thinking no-one would believe her...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hermanne on April 10, 2011, 09:33:33 AM

Cue several people - including my boss - almost simultaneously exclaiming, "Fish aren't in the animal kingdom!" I was stunned into silence for a moment, then attempted to gently correct them. But no...they insisted that fish were not members of the animal kingdom - and others at the table chimed in in agreement and began laughing at me, saying things like, "I can't believe you're so into animals and you don't know that."

It was quite frustrating. I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying, "You people flunked out of biology class, didn't you?" or "What, exactly, do you think fish are? Fungus, perhaps?"


I have told people in that situation that often mammals are simply called animals but biologically, fish are animals. I don't think I was rude.

 It always confused me that my Catholic friends could eat fish on Friday, but not mammals.

Don't get me started on mass and weight.

Bolding mine.

In kosher, fish are pareve (spelled right?), nether meat nor dairy. That confused me at first, until I thought, "wait a minute, I eat fish on Fridays..."

Guess the thinking on that goes WAY back.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on April 10, 2011, 10:32:05 AM
Ive also had run ins with people who think fish are not animals.  And others who say humans are not animals.  I try to explain and they create their own classification chart which no real science book would ever support.  Birds too!  There was a 23 year old who argued with me that birds were not animals.  in his "chart" birds, fish, and insects, are not animals. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on April 10, 2011, 10:50:34 AM
Ive also had run ins with people who think fish are not animals.  And others who say humans are not animals.  I try to explain and they create their own classification chart which no real science book would ever support.  Birds too!  There was a 23 year old who argued with me that birds were not animals.  in his "chart" birds, fish, and insects, are not animals. 

My "scream-and-freak-out" instinct swears that insects aren't animals, but I know better.  That's odd though...maybe just ask people "well...let's narrow this down, then.  Is it a noun or a verb? Noun? Good job! Ok...is it a person, place, or thing? Thing? Great! What type of thing, animate or inanimate? No, animate means it moves. It does move? Is it a mineral? No? Vegetable? Huh, really. Not a vegetable?  Then it must be an animal.  We weeded everything else out.  It *does* have organs and everything. Hm. All this thinking has made me hungry.  I think I'll have the salad."
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on April 10, 2011, 11:00:48 AM
When I was a kid, only pregnant women, the very young, the very ill, and the elderly Catholics were allowed to eat meat on Fridays. The tradition still is kept by many, and the church next door to us still has a fish fry every Friday night.

I also read somewhere that in Peru Guinea pigs were counted as not being meat because the priests or the Pope said so. (Yes, I mean the little furry 8 pound beasties we keep as pets.)

Ive also had run ins with people who think fish are not animals.  And others who say humans are not animals.  I try to explain and they create their own classification chart which no real science book would ever support.  Birds too!  There was a 23 year old who argued with me that birds were not animals.  in his "chart" birds, fish, and insects, are not animals.  

I joke when we go to state and naional parks that I am breaking the law by harming native wildlife when I slap a mosquito. A ranger once said he wouldn't report me.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nibsey on April 10, 2011, 11:15:01 AM
When I was a kid, only pregnant women, the very young, the very ill, and the elderly Catholics were allowed to eat meat on Fridays. The tradition still is kept by many, and the church next door to us still has a fish fry every Friday night.

I also read somewhere that in Peru Guinea pigs were counted as not being meat because the priests or the Pope said so. (Yes, I mean the little furry 8 pound beasties we keep as pets.)

Ive also had run ins with people who think fish are not animals.  And others who say humans are not animals.  I try to explain and they create their own classification chart which no real science book would ever support.  Birds too!  There was a 23 year old who argued with me that birds were not animals.  in his "chart" birds, fish, and insects, are not animals.  

I joke when we go to state and naional parks that I am breaking the law by harming native wildlife when I slap a mosquito. A ranger once said he wouldn't report me.

In Ireland you could eat puffin because some people argued they spent so much time in the water they must be half-fish.  :D lol
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on April 10, 2011, 12:16:41 PM
When I was a kid, only pregnant women, the very young, the very ill, and the elderly Catholics were allowed to eat meat on Fridays. The tradition still is kept by many, and the church next door to us still has a fish fry every Friday night.

I also read somewhere that in Peru Guinea pigs were counted as not being meat because the priests or the Pope said so. (Yes, I mean the little furry 8 pound beasties we keep as pets.)

Ive also had run ins with people who think fish are not animals.  And others who say humans are not animals.  I try to explain and they create their own classification chart which no real science book would ever support.  Birds too!  There was a 23 year old who argued with me that birds were not animals.  in his "chart" birds, fish, and insects, are not animals.  

I joke when we go to state and naional parks that I am breaking the law by harming native wildlife when I slap a mosquito. A ranger once said he wouldn't report me.
\

Sometimes harming native wildlife is ok - even encouraged - in national parks.  A few years ago we were having an infestation of Gypsy Moths.  In Shenandoah they had posters up so you would know what they looked like at all stages.  They wanted you to be sure of what you were squashing.

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: happygrrl on April 10, 2011, 01:13:31 PM
To be fair, he makes a point...though not quite correctly. Menstruation is about physics, aerodynamics and geometry. As is "How much force will it take for me the throw this man through that wall and leave his femurs bent into obtuse angles?"

Then topography enters the subject, as in "What's the shortest distance between me and the nearest pint of Ben and Jerry's?"

 ;D I love me some Auntie Venom!
[/quote]

Me, too! LMAO!

And I didn't know that bunnies purred. Does it sound like a cat purring?
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: RingTailedLemur on April 10, 2011, 03:00:48 PM
To be fair, he makes a point...though not quite correctly. Menstruation is about physics, aerodynamics and geometry. As is "How much force will it take for me the throw this man through that wall and leave his femurs bent into obtuse angles?"

Then topography enters the subject, as in "What's the shortest distance between me and the nearest pint of Ben and Jerry's?"

 ;D I love me some Auntie Venom!

Me, too! LMAO!

And I didn't know that bunnies purred. Does it sound like a cat purring?
[/quote]

A little bit, it's more "crunchy" though because they do it by softly grinding their teeth (loud grinding is a bad thing) rather than it being a breathing thing.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Xallanthia on April 10, 2011, 05:27:19 PM
When I was a kid, only pregnant women, the very young, the very ill, and the elderly Catholics were allowed to eat meat on Fridays. The tradition still is kept by many, and the church next door to us still has a fish fry every Friday night.

I also read somewhere that in Peru Guinea pigs were counted as not being meat because the priests or the Pope said so. (Yes, I mean the little furry 8 pound beasties we keep as pets.)

Here's the thing about religious fasting vs. vegetarianism (or other similar diets): it doesn't have to make sense.  You're doing it because the Faith said to, not because it follows some diet that makes biological/phylogenic sense.  Yes I know in some cases (like Jews/pork) there are ways in which the religious diet was probably healthier at the time as well, but even if pork was the most deliciously healthful thing ever in Bible times, Jews would still have abstained because God said to, not because it made (or didn't make) sense.

However, at least as far as Christian diets go, there are two things that influence fish and other meat being considered separately.  One is that land animal meat was frequently sacrificed to idols, but as far as I recall, fish was not; during a fast you were supposed to be more careful to avoid even accidentally eating meat that had been part of a sacrifice.  The bigger part, though, was that the very old-fashioned strict fasting diet (which eliminates meat, fish, dairy, eggs, olive oil, and wine, but *permits shellfish*) was based on the diet common to the poor people of the time.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: bookworm317 on April 10, 2011, 11:33:09 PM
My favorite know-it-alls are the ones who try to tell me that my learning disabilities are due to red food coloring or sugar.  Because sugar makes me reverse letters and numbers and red food dye is responsible for bad handwriting.  When I ask for sources, I get referred to sketchy websites.  When I try to explain about genetics (two uncles and one aunt possibly have LDs), I am ignored.  I now know to bean-dip. 
That reminds me of someone who claimed to be an expert in child education and learning difficulties who ran afoul of my mum when I was about 6. ChildExpert told my mum that she was treating a five year oldchild who had difficulty reading apparently because the child hadn't crawled enough when she was a baby. ChildExpert had the child crawl around the table at home repeatedly and apparently this helped her reading skills  ???. My mum piped up that I had never crawled as a child, just sort of gone from sitting to walking in a very short period.

Aha! ChildExpert leapt onto this and said "Oh, she must be a terrible reader then!". My mum politely pointed out that actually I had the highest reading age of all the children in my class and was reading several years above my actual age. ChildExpert was rather put out by that, and insisted I must have some reading problems that my mum was unaware of.

I should mention I was sitting between the two of them during this conversation, merrily reading a Hardy Boys book with no obvious trouble.

This was actually a popular theory for awhile.  It was pretty much if you didn't crawl or crawl long enough then you had ________________.  I had a friend who had a son in therapy for his learning disabilities and they "taught" him how to crawl.  ::)

Add me to the list of people who didn't crawl as a baby, but has NO PROBLEM whatsoever reading.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Iris on April 11, 2011, 03:05:55 AM
My favorite know-it-alls are the ones who try to tell me that my learning disabilities are due to red food coloring or sugar.  Because sugar makes me reverse letters and numbers and red food dye is responsible for bad handwriting.  When I ask for sources, I get referred to sketchy websites.  When I try to explain about genetics (two uncles and one aunt possibly have LDs), I am ignored.  I now know to bean-dip. 
That reminds me of someone who claimed to be an expert in child education and learning difficulties who ran afoul of my mum when I was about 6. ChildExpert told my mum that she was treating a five year oldchild who had difficulty reading apparently because the child hadn't crawled enough when she was a baby. ChildExpert had the child crawl around the table at home repeatedly and apparently this helped her reading skills  ???. My mum piped up that I had never crawled as a child, just sort of gone from sitting to walking in a very short period.

Aha! ChildExpert leapt onto this and said "Oh, she must be a terrible reader then!". My mum politely pointed out that actually I had the highest reading age of all the children in my class and was reading several years above my actual age. ChildExpert was rather put out by that, and insisted I must have some reading problems that my mum was unaware of.

I should mention I was sitting between the two of them during this conversation, merrily reading a Hardy Boys book with no obvious trouble.

This was actually a popular theory for awhile.  It was pretty much if you didn't crawl or crawl long enough then you had ________________.  I had a friend who had a son in therapy for his learning disabilities and they "taught" him how to crawl.  ::)

Add me to the list of people who didn't crawl as a baby, but has NO PROBLEM whatsoever reading.

I didn't crawl and have NO problem reading, but here's a new one. I am completely uncoordinated and have dreadful spatial awareness skills (can't catch a ball, find it difficult to tell which sized lid goes with which container unless I can see them both at the same time etc). A friend told me that according to her paediatrician uncoordinated people are uncoordinated because they didn't crawl.

Now, there may be a link there, I don't know. But did it never occur to them that perhaps I didn't crawl because I am uncoordinated. *facepalm*

Back on topic - my own personal CKIA is definitely my FIL. He is fond of the phrase "What YOU don't understand is...", closely followed by "What YOU want is..." GAH! Over the years I've realised it just comes from a deep seated need to be the centre of attention. Recently they were showing me and DH their holiday snaps, lovingly scrapbooked and clearly captioned by MIL. And yet with every photo he would tell us where it was taken and what it was. Even though that exact information was written right in front of us. The worst was when we were looking at a statue of a woman walking a dog and he was saying "Yes, that was a statue of a woman. She was walking a dog..." and so on. EvilIris slipped her bounds at that I'm afraid and I started saying "Hmmm, yes, she was wearing a hat. The dog was on a lead"...It amused everyone else, but FIL? Not so much.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on April 11, 2011, 08:17:30 AM
I've posted in this thread before but can't remember what I wrote so sorry if this is a repeat:

1)  A couple of guys on my course at uni.  Both are lovely and they are good friends of mine but are clearly suffering from Mature Student Syndrome (not applicable to all mature students (MS) - I know a lot who don't do this - it seems to be more prevalent the older the student).  IME a lot of MS seem to be quite insecure about the fact that they are in the same position as a bunch of 20 year olds, i.e. embarking on a new career path.  This clearly makes them feel like they have to explain, or justify, what they've been doing with their lives for the last X years, and so constantly tell stories about their life and/or try to impart their wisdom about various things.  This then creates CKIAs.

First guy, almost 60: In pretty much every lecture he will raise his hand to 'ask' a question.  Except, he's not really asking a question, he's trying to show off that he knows stuff by prefacing each 'question' with the phrase 'isn't it true that...'.  He also likes to try and outsmart lecturers.  Don't try and argue with a PhD about the topic which they took said PhD on.  You will lose.

Second guy, just turned 40: Has a story for everything and always knows what you're talking about.  Even when he doesn't.

2)  Another good friend of mine from a while back (how do I attract these types of people?!).  We used to have the most petty quarrels because he would be convinced he was right when I knew he wasn't.  One of these was because he tried telling me how my dad answered the phone, but he was wrong.  My dad would answer, "Hello [firstname] [lastname]." but my friend tried telling me he answered, "[firstname], [firstname] [lastname]." (a bit like how James Bond introduces himself!).  I didn't want to let that one slide!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kitty-cat on April 11, 2011, 10:55:01 AM

Re the dolphin fish: I think now on the menus it's called by its Hawaiian name, mahi-mahi.  I see that a lot, but never 'dolphin'.

At my Uni, when they served it at a tailgate before the big rivalry basketball game it was called "dolphin". But that just mighta been because our cross-town rivals are, you guessed it, The Dolphins.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: GoldenGemini on April 14, 2011, 01:28:40 AM
I think it is okay to use a common name such as koala bear. We call Tardigrades "water bears" even though they certainly are not bears.  It is all about the common name denoting that these creatures, koalas and tardigrades, do resemble bears.  

We also have jellyfish and star fish which are not fish (even though many now denote starfish as being "sea stars").  While they do not resemble "fish" many sea creatures get commonly called fish because they are in the water.  A sea onion is not an onion.  A sea anemone is not a flower.  There is a fish sometimes gets the common name of dolphin which is not the same as dolphin the mammal (this made for some angry restaurant customers when served dolphin the fish).  The hedgehog is not a "hog/pig", neither is the Guinea pig.  The t!tmouse is a bird not a rodent.  The prairie dog is not a canine.  The Rodriguez flying fox is a type of bat, not a fox.  The list could go on and on.

So why do people get so upset over using a common name for the koala such as koala bear?  The DO resemble bears and thus the reason why they get this common name.  Yes it confuses some people, but common names are not always based on science and vary depending on your location.  


Because the sea onion is it's name, the t!tmouse IS it's name, the hedgehog is it's name, etc.  Koala is called koala, NOT koala bear.  It'd be like me suddenly deciding to call a lion "lion bear" because to me they look cuddly like teddy bears.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: wheeitsme on April 14, 2011, 01:23:37 PM
I think it is okay to use a common name such as koala bear. We call Tardigrades "water bears" even though they certainly are not bears.  It is all about the common name denoting that these creatures, koalas and tardigrades, do resemble bears.  

We also have jellyfish and star fish which are not fish (even though many now denote starfish as being "sea stars").  While they do not resemble "fish" many sea creatures get commonly called fish because they are in the water.  A sea onion is not an onion.  A sea anemone is not a flower.  There is a fish sometimes gets the common name of dolphin which is not the same as dolphin the mammal (this made for some angry restaurant customers when served dolphin the fish).  The hedgehog is not a "hog/pig", neither is the Guinea pig.  The t!tmouse is a bird not a rodent.  The prairie dog is not a canine.  The Rodriguez flying fox is a type of bat, not a fox.  The list could go on and on.

So why do people get so upset over using a common name for the koala such as koala bear?  The DO resemble bears and thus the reason why they get this common name.  Yes it confuses some people, but common names are not always based on science and vary depending on your location.  


Because the sea onion is it's name, the t!tmouse IS it's name, the hedgehog is it's name, etc.  Koala is called koala, NOT koala bear.  It'd be like me suddenly deciding to call a lion "lion bear" because to me they look cuddly like teddy bears.

Outside of Australia, they are commonly called Koala Bears, and they have been since the 18th century.  Itís taxonomically wrong, but it is common.  Like the Mountain Lion.  While they are both big cats, a ďMountain LionĒ is not a lion.  But depending on where you live, you might call it a cougar, a puma, a mountain lion, a catamount, or a panther.  All are etymologically correct if taxonomically wrong.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: exitzero on April 14, 2011, 01:45:17 PM
I hate to admit it, but I was a Captian Know-it-all not too long ago.

My boyfriend and I were planning a trip to Canada. He commented that it had been so long since we had been to Canada, he still had some Canadian paper dollars. (They've since switched to dollar coins).

Said I had some, too, and I even had a Canadian half-dollar bill.

He said there was no such thing.

I said there was, I had one.

He said no way.

I argued and argued, not only did I know there was such a thing, I HAD one for Pete's Sake!

Finally, in triumph, I went into my night stand drawer, pulled out the Canadian half-dollar bill and SHOWED him!

Lookee...right here, a half-dollar bill, right with the Queen's picture on it and everything!! See, I was right!! And right across the top there is says "Government of the Bahamas".

Well, crap.  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: hobish on April 14, 2011, 02:13:34 PM
I think it is okay to use a common name such as koala bear. We call Tardigrades "water bears" even though they certainly are not bears.  It is all about the common name denoting that these creatures, koalas and tardigrades, do resemble bears. 

We also have jellyfish and star fish which are not fish (even though many now denote starfish as being "sea stars").  While they do not resemble "fish" many sea creatures get commonly called fish because they are in the water.  A sea onion is not an onion.  A sea anemone is not a flower.  There is a fish sometimes gets the common name of dolphin which is not the same as dolphin the mammal (this made for some angry restaurant customers when served dolphin the fish).  The hedgehog is not a "hog/pig", neither is the Guinea pig.  The t!tmouse is a bird not a rodent.  The prairie dog is not a canine.  The Rodriguez flying fox is a type of bat, not a fox.  The list could go on and on.

So why do people get so upset over using a common name for the koala such as koala bear?  The DO resemble bears and thus the reason why they get this common name.  Yes it confuses some people, but common names are not always based on science and vary depending on your location. 


Because the sea onion is it's name, the t!tmouse IS it's name, the hedgehog is it's name, etc.  Koala is called koala, NOT koala bear.  It'd be like me suddenly deciding to call a lion "lion bear" because to me they look cuddly like teddy bears.

Outside of Australia, they are commonly called Koala Bears, and they have been since the 18th century.  Itís taxonomically wrong, but it is common.  Like the Mountain Lion.  While they are both big cats, a ďMountain LionĒ is not a lion.  But depending on where you live, you might call it a cougar, a puma, a mountain lion, a catamount, or a panther.  All are etymology correct if taxonomically wrong.


Exactly. It's almost one word - koalabear. You'll rarely hear "koala" on its own. That doesn't mean anyone thinks he is a bear any more than the examples above; but koala bear is extremely common.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Fi on April 14, 2011, 02:21:23 PM
In Ireland you could eat puffin because some people argued they spent so much time in the water they must be half-fish.  :D lol

Ireland got a dispensation on the meat thing during the Famine - some Bible societies were running aid to starving people but either evangelising before they fed them or sneaking meat into the soup on Fridays. The Pope at the time issued a blanket dispensation that, IIRC, was never revoked. Most people offering aid were doing their honest best to help starving people - but a few bad apples understandably made people very suspicious.

They still eat puffin in Iceland - my DH has had it (he's very polite and won't reject anything a hostess puts on his plate) and says it tastes like liver and fish.

Beaver was another popular one as again its aquatic nature led people to argue that it should be classed as a fish. And now I look forward to my fellow eHellions blinking politely and pretending their minds aren't in the gutter at all.

The whole history of what you can and can't eat for religious reasons is one that fascinates me.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: kitty-cat on April 14, 2011, 02:46:44 PM
The whole history of what you can and can't eat for religious reasons is one that fascinates me.

Same here- I once overheard some guys in the Honors program talking about how it might have originated from a desire to not die from food poisoning.

Pork- if not cooked correctly it could have killed you
Shellfish- same thing
No meat and dairy together- think about it; dairy in the hot desert and a time before refridgeration.

*none of the above opinions are mine, they belong to two members of my uni's Honors program.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: exitzero on April 14, 2011, 03:04:23 PM
The whole history of what you can and can't eat for religious reasons is one that fascinates me.

Same here- I once overheard some guys in the Honors program talking about how it might have originated from a desire to not die from food poisoning.

Pork- if not cooked correctly it could have killed you
Shellfish- same thing
No meat and dairy together- think about it; dairy in the hot desert and a time before refridgeration.

*none of the above opinions are mine, they belong to two members of my uni's Honors program.

Christopher Hitchens has a theory that the reason so many of the world's religions have prohibitions against eating pork is that pigs are too much like humans.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: leafeater on April 14, 2011, 03:15:16 PM
Heh.  I have a funny story about this phenomenon from childhood.

I was at a slumber party when I was about seven or eight, and for some reason we all started debating whether 12:00 noon was 12 am or 12 pm.  I INSISTED it was am, because after all, it came right after 11 am, and that makes complete sense, right?  All the other girls apparently knew better, but I was obstinate, so eventually they called in the birthday girl's mom to set me straight  :-] After that I knew better than to argue any more, but to this day I sort of think my way makes more sense  :P
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Petticoats on April 14, 2011, 03:27:02 PM

1)  A couple of guys on my course at uni.  Both are lovely and they are good friends of mine but are clearly suffering from Mature Student Syndrome (not applicable to all mature students (MS) - I know a lot who don't do this - it seems to be more prevalent the older the student).  IME a lot of MS seem to be quite insecure about the fact that they are in the same position as a bunch of 20 year olds, i.e. embarking on a new career path.  This clearly makes them feel like they have to explain, or justify, what they've been doing with their lives for the last X years, and so constantly tell stories about their life and/or try to impart their wisdom about various things.  This then creates CKIAs.

First guy, almost 60: In pretty much every lecture he will raise his hand to 'ask' a question.  Except, he's not really asking a question, he's trying to show off that he knows stuff by prefacing each 'question' with the phrase 'isn't it true that...'.  He also likes to try and outsmart lecturers.  Don't try and argue with a PhD about the topic which they took said PhD on.  You will lose.


Ah, peacocking! Ms. Mentor described the phenomenon in a book of advice for women in academia. I've seen this a lot at academic conferences too.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Fi on April 14, 2011, 04:34:44 PM
The whole history of what you can and can't eat for religious reasons is one that fascinates me.

Same here- I once overheard some guys in the Honors program talking about how it might have originated from a desire to not die from food poisoning.

Pork- if not cooked correctly it could have killed you
Shellfish- same thing
No meat and dairy together- think about it; dairy in the hot desert and a time before refridgeration.

*none of the above opinions are mine, they belong to two members of my uni's Honors program.

Also, bleeding meat would help to preserve it, while fresh pork is hard to preserve and they didn't have the facilities for curing bacon.

I have heard that the no meat and dairy thing may come from a human sensitivity - hence "thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk" being expanded to all meat and dairy as a result.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on April 14, 2011, 05:10:12 PM

1)  A couple of guys on my course at uni.  Both are lovely and they are good friends of mine but are clearly suffering from Mature Student Syndrome (not applicable to all mature students (MS) - I know a lot who don't do this - it seems to be more prevalent the older the student).  IME a lot of MS seem to be quite insecure about the fact that they are in the same position as a bunch of 20 year olds, i.e. embarking on a new career path.  This clearly makes them feel like they have to explain, or justify, what they've been doing with their lives for the last X years, and so constantly tell stories about their life and/or try to impart their wisdom about various things.  This then creates CKIAs.

First guy, almost 60: In pretty much every lecture he will raise his hand to 'ask' a question.  Except, he's not really asking a question, he's trying to show off that he knows stuff by prefacing each 'question' with the phrase 'isn't it true that...'.  He also likes to try and outsmart lecturers.  Don't try and argue with a PhD about the topic which they took said PhD on.  You will lose.


Ah, peacocking! Ms. Mentor described the phenomenon in a book of advice for women in academia. I've seen this a lot at academic conferences too.

Ooo I've never heard that phrase!  Thanks :) 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: leafeater on April 14, 2011, 06:24:06 PM
When I was a young child I was absolutely convinced that labradors were called labragates, and that I was right and everyone else was wrong lol.  To be fair, I was about three at the time!

Hilarious!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: VorFemme on April 14, 2011, 06:55:16 PM
The whole history of what you can and can't eat for religious reasons is one that fascinates me.

Same here- I once overheard some guys in the Honors program talking about how it might have originated from a desire to not die from food poisoning.

Pork- if not cooked correctly it could have killed you
Shellfish- same thing
No meat and dairy together- think about it; dairy in the hot desert and a time before refridgeration.

*none of the above opinions are mine, they belong to two members of my uni's Honors program.

Also, bleeding meat would help to preserve it, while fresh pork is hard to preserve and they didn't have the facilities for curing bacon.

I have heard that the no meat and dairy thing may come from a human sensitivity - hence "thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk" being expanded to all meat and dairy as a result.

A "sacrifice" prescribed for a certain god(dess) at the time in that area was a young calf killed and cooked in the milk of it's own mother - so the Hebrew were to avoid any pairing of milk and beef that might even make anyone think that they had sacrificed at that particular temple, using that rite, to that god(dess).  I don't know if kids or lambs were also sacrificed by seething them in the milk of their mother - but it would not surprise me either way...........

The Hebrews decided to avoid having milk and meat served in the same meal - just in case.....
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Fi on April 14, 2011, 06:59:03 PM
Thanks, VorFemme, that's really interesting to know!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Iris on April 14, 2011, 07:07:30 PM
The whole history of what you can and can't eat for religious reasons is one that fascinates me.

Same here- I once overheard some guys in the Honors program talking about how it might have originated from a desire to not die from food poisoning.

Pork- if not cooked correctly it could have killed you
Shellfish- same thing
No meat and dairy together- think about it; dairy in the hot desert and a time before refridgeration.

*none of the above opinions are mine, they belong to two members of my uni's Honors program.

Also, bleeding meat would help to preserve it, while fresh pork is hard to preserve and they didn't have the facilities for curing bacon.

I have heard that the no meat and dairy thing may come from a human sensitivity - hence "thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk" being expanded to all meat and dairy as a result.

A bit off topic, but calcium and iron apparently 'compete' to be absorbed - i.e. you can't absorb them both simultaneously. So actually, you're not supposed to have milk and meat together because you lose the benefits of each. Don't suppose that's the original reason though...

Of course that could just be total rubbish that someone told me...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on April 15, 2011, 09:49:10 AM
Because the sea onion is it's name, the t!tmouse IS it's name, the hedgehog is it's name, etc.  Koala is called koala, NOT koala bear.  It'd be like me suddenly deciding to call a lion "lion bear" because to me they look cuddly like teddy bears.

Depending on where you live there are different common names for the same species.  Only the species name is universal and unique.  Wheeitsme explained it using the Puma/Mt. Lion/Cougar/etc.  Same species, different common names depending where in the Americas you live.  In other countries there are probably a bunch more.  So the common name for the Koala in some areas is the koala bear.

That is the tricky thing about common names.  You can have a hundred different common names for the same thing and sometimes different species happen to have the same common name.   Only the scientific name is its official unique name.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on April 15, 2011, 02:51:21 PM
I think that the Koala got the Bear tacked on to its name BECASE it looks so much like a childs teddy bear

and now the name has "stuck" sort of like brand names that are now the general discription of the product (band aid, klenex, so forth)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Everlee on April 16, 2011, 09:26:39 AM
Just remembered a CKIA story of my brother.  We got in a huuggee argument once when I was in junior high, I think.  He's 3 years older than me so he was in HS.  He believed the days of the week started with Monday.  I said it was Sunday.  He laughed and laughed about how stupid I was.

I'm still annoyed over it to this day.   >:(
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ereine on April 16, 2011, 10:08:33 AM
Just remembered a CKIA story of my brother.  We got in a huuggee argument once when I was in junior high, I think.  He's 3 years older than me so he was in HS.  He believed the days of the week started with Monday.  I said it was Sunday.  He laughed and laughed about how stupid I was.

I'm still annoyed over it to this day.   >:(

I learned a few years ago that weeks can actually start with Mondays in some other countries, they start with Mondays here and thinking about about a week that starts with a Sunday makes my brain hurt :) Wikipedia tells me that because of a European standard SFS-EN 28601 our weeks are that way but for example the US uses an old Roman style week which starts with a Sunday (but why is it weekend then?).
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: faithlessone on April 16, 2011, 10:15:29 AM
I'm in the UK - and our weeks start on Monday. Saturday and Sunday are the weekend - the end of the week!

And as my Mum puts it - God worked six days and rested on Sunday - that must mean that the week starts on a Monday.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: mechtilde on April 16, 2011, 10:17:22 AM
I'm in the UK, and have a US calander (a present from a friend) - I find it really odd to see a calander which starts the week with Sunday, even though I know that in the past people did the same here.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NestHolder on April 16, 2011, 10:41:23 AM
I'm in the UK - and our weeks start on Monday. Saturday and Sunday are the weekend - the end of the week!

And as my Mum puts it - God worked six days and rested on Sunday - that must mean that the week starts on a Monday.

Except that God rested on the Saturday... hence the Jewish Sabbath.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Miss Misery on April 16, 2011, 04:13:37 PM
I can't believe I waited this long to mention this one.

On another message board I belong to, a fellow I will call Steve sent me a PM asking me what I thought about the 2009 Star Trek movie. I answered that I thought it was a decent movie even though I'm not much of a Star Trek fan.

Little did I know what a huge mistake it was answering that message.

For a while things were all hunky-dory--we'd send each other links to funny videos on YouTube and talk about upcoming films and whatnot. Then Steve kept trying to talk to me about comic books even though he knew I couldn't care less about comic books. Then he'd ask who I thought should star in big upcoming potential blockbuster film, and no matter what I said I was wrong and he'd give me a freaking novel-length essay about how my choice was wrong and his choice was right. Um, yeah.....whatever. Then Steve started to try and dictate what I could and couldn't post in my messages, and even tried to tell me how freakin' draw my pictures. Enough was enough. I told him when I wanted his advice, I'd ask for it. Until then he could knock it off already. Hoo boy....he did not like that at all. Basically the tl;dr version of his reply was not only should I accept his brilliant advice whether I wanted it or not, I should be downright grateful that he thought I was special enough to receive his super-duper advice to begin with. I don't think so. I told him goodbye and good riddance and put him on my Ignore List. He still replies to my posts even though (a) he knows he's on my Ignore List, and (b) being on my Ignore List means all his posts are invisible to me.

I guess he thinks I'll magically be able to see his posts again if he keeps replying enough.  ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Everlee on April 16, 2011, 04:21:48 PM
Oh don't get me wrong, I understand if some countries start with Monday.  It makes perfect sense that the week starts on a weekday and ends with the weekend.  I wish we did it here, but in school we learn Sunday through Saturday.  Brother just never cared enough to learn it and thought I was the one who was wrong.

I'm from the US, if that makes a difference. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: RingTailedLemur on April 17, 2011, 03:37:08 PM
I am in the UK an surprised to hear other UK-ers say that the week begins on Monday... I have always thought it began on Sunday.

Monday is the first day of the working week, but Sunday is the first day of the week according to all my calendars and diaries.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on April 17, 2011, 04:06:58 PM
most of my day planners that I have bought have Sat and Sunday on the same block

which annoys me because -- most of what I want to write down is for the weekends and there is never enough room in those little half blocks
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on April 17, 2011, 04:31:31 PM
most of my day planners that I have bought have Sat and Sunday on the same block

which annoys me because -- most of what I want to write down is for the weekends and there is never enough room in those little half blocks

I am extremely particular about my day planners. I know exactly what I am looking for: a page per day, one section for notes and one section with times for appointments. I've been using the same style for two years now, and unless I find something better I will continue to purchase this brand.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: sadiemae on April 17, 2011, 08:18:46 PM

1)  A couple of guys on my course at uni.  Both are lovely and they are good friends of mine but are clearly suffering from Mature Student Syndrome (not applicable to all mature students (MS) - I know a lot who don't do this - it seems to be more prevalent the older the student).  IME a lot of MS seem to be quite insecure about the fact that they are in the same position as a bunch of 20 year olds, i.e. embarking on a new career path.  This clearly makes them feel like they have to explain, or justify, what they've been doing with their lives for the last X years, and so constantly tell stories about their life and/or try to impart their wisdom about various things.  This then creates CKIAs.

First guy, almost 60: In pretty much every lecture he will raise his hand to 'ask' a question.  Except, he's not really asking a question, he's trying to show off that he knows stuff by prefacing each 'question' with the phrase 'isn't it true that...'.  He also likes to try and outsmart lecturers.  Don't try and argue with a PhD about the topic which they took said PhD on.  You will lose.


Ah, peacocking! Ms. Mentor described the phenomenon in a book of advice for women in academia. I've seen this a lot at academic conferences too.

Ooo I've never heard that phrase!  Thanks :) 

Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am monopolizing a class, but it seems that the professors routinely turn to me to answer questions on readings or explain topics or engage in discussion. I asked a couple professors about it in order to make sure I wasn't talking too much, but they assured me that they tend to turn to me because in the words of one "you always read the material when other students don't, so I can rely on you to have an answer and not just stare at me" and in the words of another "adult students usually have valuable insight." So I decided I don't care if I am the class know-it-all. My professors seem to appreciate it and darnit, I'm taking time out of my life to go back to school, so I am going to make the most of it.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on April 17, 2011, 08:58:38 PM

1)  A couple of guys on my course at uni.  Both are lovely and they are good friends of mine but are clearly suffering from Mature Student Syndrome (not applicable to all mature students (MS) - I know a lot who don't do this - it seems to be more prevalent the older the student).  IME a lot of MS seem to be quite insecure about the fact that they are in the same position as a bunch of 20 year olds, i.e. embarking on a new career path.  This clearly makes them feel like they have to explain, or justify, what they've been doing with their lives for the last X years, and so constantly tell stories about their life and/or try to impart their wisdom about various things.  This then creates CKIAs.

First guy, almost 60: In pretty much every lecture he will raise his hand to 'ask' a question.  Except, he's not really asking a question, he's trying to show off that he knows stuff by prefacing each 'question' with the phrase 'isn't it true that...'.  He also likes to try and outsmart lecturers.  Don't try and argue with a PhD about the topic which they took said PhD on.  You will lose.


Ah, peacocking! Ms. Mentor described the phenomenon in a book of advice for women in academia. I've seen this a lot at academic conferences too.

Ooo I've never heard that phrase!  Thanks :)  

Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am monopolizing a class, but it seems that the professors routinely turn to me to answer questions on readings or explain topics or engage in discussion. I asked a couple professors about it in order to make sure I wasn't talking too much, but they assured me that they tend to turn to me because in the words of one "you always read the material when other students don't, so I can rely on you to have an answer and not just stare at me" and in the words of another "adult students usually have valuable insight." So I decided I don't care if I am the class know-it-all. My professors seem to appreciate it and darnit, I'm taking time out of my life to go back to school, so I am going to make the most of it.

That's different though.  They're turning to you because you do the work (which isn't specific to mature students); you're not dominating a class discussion by talking about anything - relevant or not - just to show off that you know stuff!  

As an example of what I was talking about: in a lecture last year on memory our lecturer said something about us not being able to recite the Prime Minister's phone number because it had no meaning to us.  The answer was not relevant at all (it was a reciprocal question simply said to illustrate a point) yet MS#1 shouted it out.  There was no need!

Another example: MS#2 came and sat with me and some others in the common room last week and every single thing he said (which was about 90% of the overall conversation) was about his life pre-uni, again, whether it was relevant or not.

I just want to make it clear that I'm not criticising all MS - I'm one, as are all my friends.  But there is definitely an irritating tendency for some to try to prove that they've done something with their lives before coming to uni and it's just not necessary because no one is bothered by the fact that they're older except them.  I thought age would be an issue when I started, because I was 23 and most of the others were 19, but after about a week I realised that the only person who cared about my age was me.  
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Gabrielle on April 17, 2011, 09:00:47 PM

1)  A couple of guys on my course at uni.  Both are lovely and they are good friends of mine but are clearly suffering from Mature Student Syndrome (not applicable to all mature students (MS) - I know a lot who don't do this - it seems to be more prevalent the older the student).  IME a lot of MS seem to be quite insecure about the fact that they are in the same position as a bunch of 20 year olds, i.e. embarking on a new career path.  This clearly makes them feel like they have to explain, or justify, what they've been doing with their lives for the last X years, and so constantly tell stories about their life and/or try to impart their wisdom about various things.  This then creates CKIAs.

First guy, almost 60: In pretty much every lecture he will raise his hand to 'ask' a question.  Except, he's not really asking a question, he's trying to show off that he knows stuff by prefacing each 'question' with the phrase 'isn't it true that...'.  He also likes to try and outsmart lecturers.  Don't try and argue with a PhD about the topic which they took said PhD on.  You will lose.


Ah, peacocking! Ms. Mentor described the phenomenon in a book of advice for women in academia. I've seen this a lot at academic conferences too.

Ooo I've never heard that phrase!  Thanks :) 

Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am monopolizing a class, but it seems that the professors routinely turn to me to answer questions on readings or explain topics or engage in discussion. I asked a couple professors about it in order to make sure I wasn't talking too much, but they assured me that they tend to turn to me because in the words of one "you always read the material when other students don't, so I can rely on you to have an answer and not just stare at me" and in the words of another "adult students usually have valuable insight." So I decided I don't care if I am the class know-it-all. My professors seem to appreciate it and darnit, I'm taking time out of my life to go back to school, so I am going to make the most of it.

I think the very fact that you are worried about it means that you are ok! Mostly when i've observed this phenomenon it is with older men who have come from being quite high up in a company - they don't seem to grasp the fact that they are now on equal standing with a bunch of 19 year olds and so go out of their way to prove "this class is beneath me and I am clearly the smartest one here!"

I have had SO MANY classes drag on because of ONE guy who insisted that he was right and the lecturer wasn't. In a math class. One of the beautiful things about the type of maths i do is that there is only one right answer. No arguing about it because you're either right or wrong. Old guy seemed to think that the square root of 40 was a topic that was subject to debate!

Again, the fact that you are worried about it means that you are definitely not the problem!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Iris on April 17, 2011, 09:32:16 PM
Old guy seemed to think that the square root of 40 was a topic that was subject to debate!


My (not very) inner maths nerd is ROFLing at this. Since the square root of 40 is irrational (a decimal that goes on literally forever for the non maths nerds out there) I'm imagining a debate about the value of the first decimal place, then the second, then the third....

"I'm sorry, but the square root of 40 is 6.334556, not 6.334555... I used to be the Vice President in charge of flim flams at the WishyWashy company, don't you know"...
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nibsey on April 18, 2011, 07:30:53 AM

1)  A couple of guys on my course at uni.  Both are lovely and they are good friends of mine but are clearly suffering from Mature Student Syndrome (not applicable to all mature students (MS) - I know a lot who don't do this - it seems to be more prevalent the older the student).  IME a lot of MS seem to be quite insecure about the fact that they are in the same position as a bunch of 20 year olds, i.e. embarking on a new career path.  This clearly makes them feel like they have to explain, or justify, what they've been doing with their lives for the last X years, and so constantly tell stories about their life and/or try to impart their wisdom about various things.  This then creates CKIAs.

First guy, almost 60: In pretty much every lecture he will raise his hand to 'ask' a question.  Except, he's not really asking a question, he's trying to show off that he knows stuff by prefacing each 'question' with the phrase 'isn't it true that...'.  He also likes to try and outsmart lecturers.  Don't try and argue with a PhD about the topic which they took said PhD on.  You will lose.


Ah, peacocking! Ms. Mentor described the phenomenon in a book of advice for women in academia. I've seen this a lot at academic conferences too.

Ooo I've never heard that phrase!  Thanks :) 

Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am monopolizing a class, but it seems that the professors routinely turn to me to answer questions on readings or explain topics or engage in discussion. I asked a couple professors about it in order to make sure I wasn't talking too much, but they assured me that they tend to turn to me because in the words of one "you always read the material when other students don't, so I can rely on you to have an answer and not just stare at me" and in the words of another "adult students usually have valuable insight." So I decided I don't care if I am the class know-it-all. My professors seem to appreciate it and darnit, I'm taking time out of my life to go back to school, so I am going to make the most of it.

I think the very fact that you are worried about it means that you are ok! Mostly when i've observed this phenomenon it is with older men who have come from being quite high up in a company - they don't seem to grasp the fact that they are now on equal standing with a bunch of 19 year olds and so go out of their way to prove "this class is beneath me and I am clearly the smartest one here!"

I have had SO MANY classes drag on because of ONE guy who insisted that he was right and the lecturer wasn't. In a math class. One of the beautiful things about the type of maths i do is that there is only one right answer. No arguing about it because you're either right or wrong. Old guy seemed to think that the square root of 40 was a topic that was subject to debate!

Again, the fact that you are worried about it means that you are definitely not the problem!

I've certain observed this on more than one occassion, when I was teaching I prefered the mature students because even if they were finding something difficult they were still really enthusiastic. But there was always one who had to show he was smarter than you and point out if you ever made a mistake, loudly in front of the class, even if he turned out to be wrong!!! But it's not just men, at the moment the 'problem' mature student is a woman who use to be in the military. She doesn't seem to understand that the general manager of the school isn't in her word 'just a secretary who has to do what she says'.

When I was an undergrad a male mature student started bullying one of the lecturers because he didn't like her lecturering style. He use to gasp and bang the desk and shout cmon' whenever she said something he didn't like, like a joke. Then he wrote an article about how bad at lecturering she was for the college newspaper. Funny that she was the only young female lecturer in the department, who happened to be one of the most well regarded lecturers.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on April 18, 2011, 07:44:45 AM
Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am
When I was an undergrad a male mature student started bullying one of the lecturers because he didn't like her lecturering style. He use to gasp and bang the desk and shout cmon' whenever she said something he didn't like, like a joke. Then he wrote an article about how bad at lecturering she was for the college newspaper. Funny that she was the only young female lecturer in the department, who happened to be one of the most well regarded lecturers.

Why was this tolerated? He would have been quietly reprimanded, then strongly encouraged to drop the course and then kicked out, no refund, where and when I went to college. He is detracting from the other students' learning experience if nothing else. Even with an auditorium 100 level course, there were have been a proctor after a couple of lectures and singled out. Students aren't as anonymous in those situations as they may like to think they are.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nibsey on April 18, 2011, 08:07:11 AM
Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am
When I was an undergrad a male mature student started bullying one of the lecturers because he didn't like her lecturering style. He use to gasp and bang the desk and shout cmon' whenever she said something he didn't like, like a joke. Then he wrote an article about how bad at lecturering she was for the college newspaper. Funny that she was the only young female lecturer in the department, who happened to be one of the most well regarded lecturers.

Why was this tolerated? He would have been quietly reprimanded, then strongly encouraged to drop the course and then kicked out, no refund, where and when I went to college. He is detracting from the other students' learning experience if nothing else. Even with an auditorium 100 level course, there were have been a proctor after a couple of lectures and singled out. Students aren't as anonymous in those situations as they may like to think they are.

Oh everyone knew it was him as he sat front and centre for every lecture. I asked the lecturer years later why she didn't do anything and she said he had got a petition together about her to put in a complaint, however no one from the class except him was on the petition. Everyone on it was from completely different area, like science. So she decided to let him dig his own grave.

She decided to kill it by being super professional, a year later he took one of her more in depth courses and wasn't doing particularly well. He went to the head of department who explained that she was being too generous, that he would have given him a much lower mark. I think someone very gently explained to him that if he wanted to go anywhere further in academia especially in his area of interest it might be best not to make enemies with the top academic in the world in that field. Something he apparently hadn't thought to check.

After that she got an apology for the whole fiasco. He's still in the department, just finished his PhD but not in the area he had a interest in because none of the lecturers in that area would take him on.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on April 18, 2011, 08:14:20 AM
Very classy! Thanks for the update. That was one time patience did have its rewards.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: JadeAngel on April 18, 2011, 08:21:19 AM
Ah we have one of these who recently started turning up to our regular trivia nights - I don't think he'll be doing it for much longer though, he's been making himself very unpopular.

We don't take trivia seriously, it's a social event. Not that we muck around, but answering a question wrong is not grounds for exclusion or derision and we have fun and laugh alot and cheer each other on. Except for Captain Know it All.

He likes the sound of his own voice, he's an expert on pretty much everything and he likes to hold forth incessantly on his favorite subject of all, which I'm sure it won't surprise anyone to know is himself. He has issues with women (he only seems to like the ones who sit at his feet and gaze at him adoringly) and he does not like being told he's wrong, we actually got penalized points a few weeks ago because he continuously kept arguing with the emcee when he was told his answers were wrong and worth no points.

The funniest part was that on the very first night that I met him, he was bignoting himself to everyone about how he worked in the film industry and was a big cheese on the scene, worked as a writer on all these high end productions etc etc. Someone happened to mention that he 'should talk to Jade' because I work for a film distributor and all of a sudden he became very quiet and quite intent on staying a long way away from me. Something tells me that he might have been stretching the truth a wee bit and was fearful of being exposed... ;D
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ms_Cellany on April 18, 2011, 09:36:36 AM
Because the sea onion is it's name, the t!tmouse IS it's name, the hedgehog is it's name, etc.  Koala is called koala, NOT koala bear.  It'd be like me suddenly deciding to call a lion "lion bear" because to me they look cuddly like teddy bears.

Depending on where you live there are different common names for the same species.  Only the species name is universal and unique.  Wheeitsme explained it using the Puma/Mt. Lion/Cougar/etc.  Same species, different common names depending where in the Americas you live.  In other countries there are probably a bunch more.  So the common name for the Koala in some areas is the koala bear.

That is the tricky thing about common names.  You can have a hundred different common names for the same thing and sometimes different species happen to have the same common name.   Only the scientific name is its official unique name.
From Wiki, the T!tmouse got its name from t!t, meaning "small," as in t!tbit or tidbit, and "mouse" is a corruption of the root word that also leads to "maison" or "mansion."

So the bird's name means "little house bird."
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Amalthea on August 05, 2011, 12:42:32 PM
Reviving this thread because my friend shared a funny story with me recently.

My friend was dating this guy who was one of those "nice" guys that is actually pretty condescending in a "I know better than you and your silly girl brain" kind of way.  They didn't date very long because of this, but she still talks to him every now and then.  I somehow came up in their conversation, and Friend mentioned something about my boyfriend.  Some important background is that my boyfriend is Japanese, and I try to pronounce his name as close to how he says it as I can, which is a little different than how an English speaker looking at the name would normally try to pronounce it, if that makes any sense.  Friend mimics how I say his name.  So he comes up in the conversation and "Nice" Guy interrupts her and the result is something like this:

"Nice" Guy:  Oh, honey, I don't think that's how you say his name.
Friend:  ???  That's how Amalthea says it.  I think she would know.
"Nice" Guy:  No, she's saying it wrong too.  It's [Americanized pronunciation].
Friend:  Do you speak Japanese?
"Nice" Guy:  Huh?  No.  Why? ???
Friend:  She does.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on August 05, 2011, 02:48:33 PM
(snip)

Friend mimics how I say his name.  So he comes up in the conversation and "Nice" Guy interrupts her and the result is something like this:

"Nice" Guy:  Oh, honey, I don't think that's how you say his name.
Friend:  ???  That's how Amalthea says it.  I think she would know.
"Nice" Guy:  No, she's saying it wrong too.  It's [Americanized pronunciation].
Friend:  Do you speak Japanese?
"Nice" Guy:  Huh?  No.  Why? ???
Friend:  She does.

Even better.  My friend is a moderately famous comic book artist.  She is at a comics convention, looking at prints available. 

Fan:  You like (mispronounced name)'s work?"

Friend:  "Actually, it's (proper pronunciation)"

Fan: "No, it isn't."

Friend:  "Yes, it is.  I pronounce *my* name (pronunciation)."

My friend was relating this to me, unfortunately, so I cannot comment on the fan's reaction.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 05, 2011, 03:28:31 PM
I can't help it! I can't help it!

"Captain" is misspelled in this thread's title!

Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on August 05, 2011, 04:27:03 PM
I can't help it! I can't help it!

"Captain" is misspelled in this thread's title!

Why did you say that?! I hadn't noticed, and now it will drive me nuts!
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Fleur-de-Lis on August 05, 2011, 04:28:16 PM
I can't help it! I can't help it!

"Captain" is misspelled in this thread's title!

Why did you say that?! I hadn't noticed, and now it will drive me nuts!

I've given up on thread titles.  Most of them are misspelled. 
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 05, 2011, 05:12:31 PM
I can't help it! I can't help it!

"Captain" is misspelled in this thread's title!

Why did you say that?! I hadn't noticed, and now it will drive me nuts!

I said it because I'm a Captain Know-it-all!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on August 05, 2011, 06:28:46 PM
Thanks Suze for fixing it! :)
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on August 05, 2011, 07:37:16 PM
Thanks Suze for fixing it! :)

so I can't spell --- somehow all the letters get "mixed up"
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: NutMeg on August 05, 2011, 07:52:15 PM
Hey, don't feel bad that it happened to be in a thread title. The rest of us can be smug and pretend that it never happens to us... :P
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Coruscation on August 05, 2011, 11:48:41 PM
My hubby and his sister are both slightly CKIA. He is usually saved by actually knowing a lot.

On one memorable occasion he did get carried away and argue with his sister about which was more painful, a colonoscopy or natural childbirth. They'd both recently had a colonoscopy due to a family history of cancer and SIL has had two children whose births lasted 30 and 8 hours respectively. Hubby.. well he was in the waiting room while his ex had a caesarian.

It's really embarrassing when the resident blowhard looks more intelligent than your husband.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: twiggy on August 06, 2011, 03:37:23 AM
I have a friend who is quite the CKIA. Last Christmas, she and I were chatting about holiday shopping and she mentioned that it was so hard to shop for her DH on a budget. I kind of laughed and made a comment about him having expensive hobbies. She countered that ALL hobbies are expensive, and I named a couple that were inexpensive or had inexpensive elements. The one we got stuck on was hunting. A bit of BG, she does not camp, or hunt or even fish. Her parents do not and have not done any of the above either. In fact, the closest relative she has who has EVER been hunting is her great-uncle who was a sportsman who hired a guide to track down an animal then send for him to shoot it. I, on the other hand, grew up camping 4-6 times per year, and I was fishing literally from the time I was in diapers. My parents both hunt, usually several hunts per year. Once we didn't have beef for 15months because of all the game in the freezer, and 4 years in a row either Mom, Dad or Little Bro shot the Thanksgiving Turkey. Instead of perfume, my mom got "elk scent" for Christmas one year. Basically elk pee in a spray bottle, retail price under $10. I've spent years in archery stores, sports warehouse stores, big box sporting goods, specialty shops, etc. I can dress a quail, or turkey, skin a deer, catch-clean-cook a fish, etc.
She maintained that I didn't know what I was talking about, and hunting was very expensive. Especially archery. Since you have to have a couple dozen  :o, high end arrows fletched with angle feathers by blind virgins. And they cost $xxx each. I pointed out that my dad never spent over $xx for arrows.
Her--"That's for EACH arrow, so a dozen would be $xxx"
Me--Um, no. That's for a full dozen.
"well, that must be for his target practice arrows"
--he uses the same arrows for practice and hunting.
"No one does that. Good arrows are waaaay to expensive to waste on target shooting."
--But if he used different arrows for practice vs. hunting, his shots would be off.
"Look, I guarantee you dad spends at LEAST $xxx on his arrows. Maybe he just told you he paid $xx so it would seem like he got a good deal"

At that point I got a bit fed up and said she must be right. After all, my father routinely lied to me. I just couldn't figure out how he got the sales associate to go along with the charade when he and I were shopping last week.
She still thinks I'm wrong. After all, she worked at Big Box Sporting Goods Store for 3 whole years....in the athletic apparel section. ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: mlkind1789 on August 06, 2011, 10:02:33 AM
My FIL is one such person.  You cannot talk about anything with him sharing his knowledge about the subject.  For instance, we just had parent-teacher conferences.  The schools here rely heavily on standardized testing to assess how the student is doing.  DD is in kindergarten and had a rough start, so she didn't do great on the first round of tests (she did much better on the second round and we'll see how she does this next month).  But her low score was obviously because the whole thing is a popularity contest.  In spite of the glowing report her teacher gave to us about DD's general demeanor and class seat work.   ::)

Also, I went to Notre Dame.  Even though I didn't.   ::)  ::)  ::)

Did you actually go to St. Mary's?
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: MommyPenguin on August 06, 2011, 01:29:30 PM
My hubby and his sister are both slightly CKIA. He is usually saved by actually knowing a lot.
Ha.  My husband is the same way.  Sometimes it drives me crazy, because it doesn't seem like any normal non-expert could know so much about everything (and be right!).  He knows next to nothing about sports, but anything related to science, technology, building construction, etc., it seems like he knows.  Maybe because he spends his free time reading about how to make biodiesel or how to install heated tilework in your bathroom instead of the etiquette boards, like me.  :)
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on August 06, 2011, 02:42:38 PM
My hubby and his sister are both slightly CKIA. He is usually saved by actually knowing a lot.

On one memorable occasion he did get carried away and argue with his sister about which was more painful, a colonoscopy or natural childbirth. They'd both recently had a colonoscopy due to a family history of cancer and SIL has had two children whose births lasted 30 and 8 hours respectively. Hubby.. well he was in the waiting room while his ex had a caesarian.

It's really embarrassing when the resident blowhard looks more intelligent than your husband.
::)  Having had both, I can tell you without reservation, it is the childbirth.  The saccharine in the stuff they make you drink gave me a migraine, but that's nothing to trying to squash a softball through a garden hose!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Coruscation on August 06, 2011, 04:10:28 PM
SIL was rather stuck on the 3 minutes vs 30 hours part actually. She was of the opinion that after 30 of unmedicated childbirth, a colonoscopy was a walk in the park. Hubby was sure she was wrong, it was the most excruciating thing ever.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on August 06, 2011, 04:11:58 PM
Tell him to get back to you when he passes a kidney stone the size of a golf ball.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Redsoil on August 06, 2011, 07:32:38 PM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 

I had one a couple of years ago, and apart from the cleasning formula you drink (which clears you out like an errupting volcano clears a village), the actual colonoscopy was easier than a pap smear!  Hospital, twilight sedation, wake up to lots of farting but feeling absolutely fine, and really remembering nothing.  And that's the usual experience around here - I've spoken to quite a few who've had them.

Don't tell me you have them done without sedation, in the doctor's surgery, with a nurse sitting on you to prevent you flying through the wall or something?
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 06, 2011, 08:15:08 PM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 

I had one a couple of years ago, and apart from the cleasning formula you drink (which clears you out like an errupting volcano clears a village), the actual colonoscopy was easier than a pap smear!  Hospital, twilight sedation, wake up to lots of farting but feeling absolutely fine, and really remembering nothing.  And that's the usual experience around here - I've spoken to quite a few who've had them.

Don't tell me you have them done without sedation, in the doctor's surgery, with a nurse sitting on you to prevent you flying through the wall or something?

I've never had kids, but I've had two colonoscopies and I'm only 45.  The procedure itself?   I was out, so no pain.  The prep?  Vile tasting, as yes, volcanic-cleaning...but not painful.  For my first one, the only pain I had was, ahem, from the constant use of tp, due to my constant going.  I likened it to having your backside rubbed with sandpaper and then having vinegar poured over it.  But compared to childbirth?  Um no, even having never gone through it, I can safely say its worse.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Redsoil on August 06, 2011, 08:39:30 PM
siamesecat - oh my wordy, yes indeedy!!!  The paper feels as though it has been impregnated with hydrochloric acid, once you get to a certain level in the cleansing procedure.  (And I will admit the cramps are extremely painful, at least for me, given that I have very nasty adhesions which exacerbate the situation.)  Hint for young players - get some very soft toilet paper, and also a pack of those wet wipes for use when things are raw.

Still don't think it can compare to birth, though I've not had children either.  (I will say that a torsion of the bowel probably comes close, though!)
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Suze on August 06, 2011, 08:57:49 PM
I got to take pills for the "clean out" and probably drank more water in one day than I have ever before....

(after the first no food day even the cats dinner was looking pretty good)

never had a baby - but as far as the colonoscopy went it was a breeze (could have done without the nurse coming in every time I passed gas, rubbing my arm and telling me "goood girl" though)
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on August 06, 2011, 09:19:15 PM
I am due for a colonscopy next Monday.  I was scheduled for one earlier but flunked the prep.  I am diabetic, and as soon as I started drinking the liquid, my blood sugar tanked and I could NOT maintain a safe level.  I had to give up and eat.

If anybody has any ideas about how a diabetic can survive the prep, or can direct me to a good website, feel free to PM me.

Thanks!!!

PS.  I am totally terrified of the prep after the previous experience. 

Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Redsoil on August 06, 2011, 09:39:08 PM
Can you phone your doctor's office for advice, BB-VA?  I wonder if there is any sort of liquid you can have when prep has reached redzone which will help stabilise your BSL?  Actual food is out, but liquids (if not cloudy or red or all the other stuff) might be okay.  Even just honey, perhaps?  Not medical advice, but things to ponder on before asking your GP.  The actual procedure is a breeze!  Try not to worry (yes, I know) and good luck!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on August 06, 2011, 10:20:25 PM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 

I had one a couple of years ago, and apart from the cleasning formula you drink (which clears you out like an errupting volcano clears a village), the actual colonoscopy was easier than a pap smear!  Hospital, twilight sedation, wake up to lots of farting but feeling absolutely fine, and really remembering nothing.  And that's the usual experience around here - I've spoken to quite a few who've had them.

Don't tell me you have them done without sedation, in the doctor's surgery, with a nurse sitting on you to prevent you flying through the wall or something?
Darned if I know how they did CKIA in the OP -- I had an IV, got on the table, took a nice little nap, woke up feeling as if I'd just had a BM (them removing the apparatus, I think.)  No problemo.

I have had a sigmoidoscopy in the doctor's surgery without the twilight sleep, which only looks at the lower portion of the bowel.  Same cleanout procedure, but I don't know if the apparatus is the same thing.  It wasn't comfortable (feels like you need to go) but in no way was it painful.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Dazi on August 06, 2011, 11:17:53 PM
Cw asked me if i knew how to get to xxx location.  I tell her, it's really easy to find.  I gave her really easy directions and drew her a quick map.

She starts arguing how i don't know anything, how i am giving her completely wrong directions and how she'll just call Millie for directions.

Millie Kirkpatrick? 

Yes.

I chuckle to myself when Millie tells her just to follow me home...as she lives directly across the street from me.

So, yeah...i don't know how to get home.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on August 07, 2011, 08:16:58 AM
Can you phone your doctor's office for advice, BB-VA?  I wonder if there is any sort of liquid you can have when prep has reached redzone which will help stabilise your BSL?  Actual food is out, but liquids (if not cloudy or red or all the other stuff) might be okay.  Even just honey, perhaps?  Not medical advice, but things to ponder on before asking your GP.  The actual procedure is a breeze!  Try not to worry (yes, I know) and good luck!

I did try Gatorade - it was VERY short term help.   I could feel the blood sugar drop almost between drinks.

Each doctor refers me to the other one - the PSP refers me to the gastro guy, and back again.   

One thing I have noticed in websearching is that there are several ways to do the liquid/pills prep.  As much as I hate to say it, I may be doing more online research. 

The procedure doesn't worry me at all but the prep - yikes!
 
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 07, 2011, 09:11:31 AM
siamesecat - oh my wordy, yes indeedy!!!  The paper feels as though it has been impregnated with hydrochloric acid, once you get to a certain level in the cleansing procedure.  (And I will admit the cramps are extremely painful, at least for me, given that I have very nasty adhesions which exacerbate the situation.)  Hint for young players - get some very soft toilet paper, and also a pack of those wet wipes for use when things are raw.

Still don't think it can compare to birth, though I've not had children either.  (I will say that a torsion of the bowel probably comes close, though!)

I also found getting in and out of a warm bath, between seatings on the throne helped.  As well as putting vasoline on the affected areas to act as a barrier...
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: RingTailedLemur on August 07, 2011, 09:23:34 AM
Can you phone your doctor's office for advice, BB-VA?  I wonder if there is any sort of liquid you can have when prep has reached redzone which will help stabilise your BSL?  Actual food is out, but liquids (if not cloudy or red or all the other stuff) might be okay.  Even just honey, perhaps?  Not medical advice, but things to ponder on before asking your GP.  The actual procedure is a breeze!  Try not to worry (yes, I know) and good luck!

I did try Gatorade - it was VERY short term help.   I could feel the blood sugar drop almost between drinks.

Each doctor refers me to the other one - the PSP refers me to the gastro guy, and back again.   

One thing I have noticed in websearching is that there are several ways to do the liquid/pills prep.  As much as I hate to say it, I may be doing more online research. 

The procedure doesn't worry me at all but the prep - yikes!

Hopefully the procedure means they will crack the case, and get to the bottom of things.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: General Jinjur on August 07, 2011, 10:16:31 AM
Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am monopolizing a class, but it seems that the professors routinely turn to me to answer questions on readings or explain topics or engage in discussion. I asked a couple professors about it in order to make sure I wasn't talking too much, but they assured me that they tend to turn to me because in the words of one "you always read the material when other students don't, so I can rely on you to have an answer and not just stare at me" and in the words of another "adult students usually have valuable insight." So I decided I don't care if I am the class know-it-all. My professors seem to appreciate it and darnit, I'm taking time out of my life to go back to school, so I am going to make the most of it.

Me too. I find myself waiting a beat, then another, then another, before finally giving up and raising my hand. Sometimes from behind me I'd hear this one girl sigh when I raised my hand, but I just mentally  ::) and kept on. I'm not here to impress you, chickadee.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Spoder on August 07, 2011, 10:22:15 AM
Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am monopolizing a class, but it seems that the professors routinely turn to me to answer questions on readings or explain topics or engage in discussion. I asked a couple professors about it in order to make sure I wasn't talking too much, but they assured me that they tend to turn to me because in the words of one "you always read the material when other students don't, so I can rely on you to have an answer and not just stare at me" and in the words of another "adult students usually have valuable insight." So I decided I don't care if I am the class know-it-all. My professors seem to appreciate it and darnit, I'm taking time out of my life to go back to school, so I am going to make the most of it.

Me too. I find myself waiting a beat, then another, then another, before finally giving up and raising my hand. Sometimes from behind me I'd hear this one girl sigh when I raised my hand, but I just mentally  ::) and kept on. I'm not here to impress you, chickadee.

When I decided to go back to uni at the ripe old age of 36, I sort of took it for granted that the younger students would scorn me. Mainly because I remember all the whining we used to do behind the backs of the 'mature agers' (i.e. anyone over the age of 25  ::)), back when I did my first degree. They were just old people who showed us up by actually doing the assigned reading and coming to tutorials ready to engage. Bunch of *mumble mumble* immature brats that we were, honestly.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Diane AKA Traska on August 07, 2011, 10:36:20 AM
Can you phone your doctor's office for advice, BB-VA?  I wonder if there is any sort of liquid you can have when prep has reached redzone which will help stabilise your BSL?  Actual food is out, but liquids (if not cloudy or red or all the other stuff) might be okay.  Even just honey, perhaps?  Not medical advice, but things to ponder on before asking your GP.  The actual procedure is a breeze!  Try not to worry (yes, I know) and good luck!

I did try Gatorade - it was VERY short term help.   I could feel the blood sugar drop almost between drinks.

Each doctor refers me to the other one - the PSP refers me to the gastro guy, and back again.   

One thing I have noticed in websearching is that there are several ways to do the liquid/pills prep.  As much as I hate to say it, I may be doing more online research. 

The procedure doesn't worry me at all but the prep - yikes!

Hopefully the procedure means they will crack the case, and get to the bottom of things.

It IS unfortunate when things of this nature rear their heads.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: RingTailedLemur on August 07, 2011, 10:42:22 AM
Can you phone your doctor's office for advice, BB-VA?  I wonder if there is any sort of liquid you can have when prep has reached redzone which will help stabilise your BSL?  Actual food is out, but liquids (if not cloudy or red or all the other stuff) might be okay.  Even just honey, perhaps?  Not medical advice, but things to ponder on before asking your GP.  The actual procedure is a breeze!  Try not to worry (yes, I know) and good luck!

I did try Gatorade - it was VERY short term help.   I could feel the blood sugar drop almost between drinks.

Each doctor refers me to the other one - the PSP refers me to the gastro guy, and back again.   

One thing I have noticed in websearching is that there are several ways to do the liquid/pills prep.  As much as I hate to say it, I may be doing more online research. 

The procedure doesn't worry me at all but the prep - yikes!

Hopefully the procedure means they will crack the case, and get to the bottom of things.

It IS unfortunate when things of this nature rear their heads.

Cheeky!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on August 07, 2011, 11:49:45 AM
Can you phone your doctor's office for advice, BB-VA?  I wonder if there is any sort of liquid you can have when prep has reached redzone which will help stabilise your BSL?  Actual food is out, but liquids (if not cloudy or red or all the other stuff) might be okay.  Even just honey, perhaps?  Not medical advice, but things to ponder on before asking your GP.  The actual procedure is a breeze!  Try not to worry (yes, I know) and good luck!

I did try Gatorade - it was VERY short term help.   I could feel the blood sugar drop almost between drinks.

Each doctor refers me to the other one - the PSP refers me to the gastro guy, and back again.   

One thing I have noticed in websearching is that there are several ways to do the liquid/pills prep.  As much as I hate to say it, I may be doing more online research. 

The procedure doesn't worry me at all but the prep - yikes!

Hopefully the procedure means they will crack the case, and get to the bottom of things.

It IS unfortunate when things of this nature rear their heads.

Cheeky!

I think the plan is to get to the top of the bottom.

Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Elfmama on August 07, 2011, 12:05:33 PM
Can you phone your doctor's office for advice, BB-VA?  I wonder if there is any sort of liquid you can have when prep has reached redzone which will help stabilise your BSL?  Actual food is out, but liquids (if not cloudy or red or all the other stuff) might be okay.  Even just honey, perhaps?  Not medical advice, but things to ponder on before asking your GP.  The actual procedure is a breeze!  Try not to worry (yes, I know) and good luck!

I did try Gatorade - it was VERY short term help.   I could feel the blood sugar drop almost between drinks.

Each doctor refers me to the other one - the PSP refers me to the gastro guy, and back again.   

One thing I have noticed in websearching is that there are several ways to do the liquid/pills prep.  As much as I hate to say it, I may be doing more online research. 

The procedure doesn't worry me at all but the prep - yikes!
I'm not medical personnel, so take this as not medical advice, but something to bring up to your doctors.  Maybe you could be set up with an IV to  regulate your blood glucose. 

Is this something that you NEED, or just routine screening?
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on August 07, 2011, 01:02:43 PM
Can you phone your doctor's office for advice, BB-VA?  I wonder if there is any sort of liquid you can have when prep has reached redzone which will help stabilise your BSL?  Actual food is out, but liquids (if not cloudy or red or all the other stuff) might be okay.  Even just honey, perhaps?  Not medical advice, but things to ponder on before asking your GP.  The actual procedure is a breeze!  Try not to worry (yes, I know) and good luck!

I did try Gatorade - it was VERY short term help.   I could feel the blood sugar drop almost between drinks.

Each doctor refers me to the other one - the PSP refers me to the gastro guy, and back again.   

One thing I have noticed in websearching is that there are several ways to do the liquid/pills prep.  As much as I hate to say it, I may be doing more online research. 

The procedure doesn't worry me at all but the prep - yikes!
I'm not medical personnel, so take this as not medical advice, but something to bring up to your doctors.  Maybe you could be set up with an IV to  regulate your blood glucose. 

Is this something that you NEED, or just routine screening?

It's kinda both.  PM sent.

The prep starts about 24 hours before the procedure.   If they would admit me during the prep, that would be great.

I am sure I can cope - just need to tinker with the insulin, and probably time the last meal accordingly.  Other people have - I am sure I can too!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: exitzero on August 07, 2011, 01:15:34 PM
Many years ago, I worked in a large office building that had a big cafeteria. They had set up several microwaves in the cafeteria for people who brought their own lunches to use.

One day I'm sitting there eating my lunch and woman comes up to me with a plate with food on it and says in a very demanding tone, "How long do I microwave this for?" No, "excuse me for interrupting", or "would you mind telling me" or anything like that just, just a snappish "How long do I microwave this for?"

The microwaves that they had were VERY high powered, so I told her, "About a minute, I think".

Her: (again with the tone) It will take longer than that.

Me: This microwaves are very powerful. Popcorn that takes 5 minutes at home only takes one minute here. Things burn quickly

Her: (with a look like I just crawled out from under a rock) That's RIDICULOUS! Of course it will take longer than that!

Me: *SHRUG*

So she put it on 5 minutes and then walked away to get in line to buy a drink and salad.

This may have been retaliatory rudeness on my part, but after about 2 minutes you could hear her lunch start to sizzle in a disconcerting way. If it had been anyone else, I would have opened the door to keep her lunch from burning up. Buy Ms. Know-it-all knew better than me, even though she had never used the microwave before and I had I used it everyday.

She came back to a charred mess of a lunch. She was NOT happy and did a little ranting and raving, but she didn't even so much as LOOK in my direction!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on August 07, 2011, 03:30:51 PM
As someone who has way too many conversations with way too many people about cooking/baking/broiling times: thank you so much for not stopping her lunch when it was microwaving to heck. It only makes for annoying conversations a la "it was doing fine until you stopped it! I guess I'll just have to eat it like this!" *flounces off*...
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Coruscation on August 07, 2011, 04:17:30 PM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 


He had twilight sedation. I suspect the difference is a variation of man flu. The way they do it to guys is just soooo much more painful than what women have to put up with. No exceptions.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on August 07, 2011, 04:33:11 PM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 


He had twilight sedation. I suspect the difference is a variation of man flu. The way they do it to guys is just soooo much more painful than what women have to put up with. No exceptions.

My boyfriend has had colitis for over a decade so has had quite a lot of colonoscopies.  He just finds them uncomfortable, not painful.  But then he's not a 'man-flu' type of guy, so perhaps that's why!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: hot_shaker on August 07, 2011, 04:49:22 PM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 


He had twilight sedation. I suspect the difference is a variation of man flu. The way they do it to guys is just soooo much more painful than what women have to put up with. No exceptions.

Oh, like how my boyfriend tried to garner sympathy for a routine prostate check?  I told him to get back to me when the procedure involved stirrups and a large metal instrument.  Hmmph.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: magician5 on August 07, 2011, 05:09:45 PM
Oh, like how my boyfriend tried to garner sympathy for a routine prostate check?  I told him to get back to me when the procedure involved stirrups and a large metal instrument.  Hmmph.

As a man, I sympathize - it seems every time women go to the doctor, even for the sniffles or the like, the doctor slides out the stirrups and says "open wide!" Is there ANYTHING a woman might suffer from that doesn't involve a spelunking expedition "down there"?

I'm often reminded of this when seeing a TV commercial for any of the dozens of products advertised or named for "a woman ... within".
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: littlebird on August 07, 2011, 05:16:48 PM
Oh, like how my boyfriend tried to garner sympathy for a routine prostate check?  I told him to get back to me when the procedure involved stirrups and a large metal instrument.  Hmmph.

As a man, I sympathize - it seems every time women go to the doctor, even for the sniffles or the like, the doctor slides out the stirrups and says "open wide!" Is there ANYTHING a woman might suffer from that doesn't involve a spelunking expedition "down there"?

I'm often reminded of this when seeing a TV commercial for any of the dozens of products advertised or named for "a woman ... within".

It doesn't seem to be as bad now, but in university/college any time I or my female friends went to Student Health for anything the first question was "Do you think you could be pregnant?"   I can understand some of the risk factors why a nurse would want to know (for example, when I broke a toe and they had to x-ray), but when I first walked in and said "Hi, I have a history of sinus and ear infections, my ear hurts like the blazes and I think it's infected," it was off-putting to be asked if maybe my ear hurt because I was pregnant. Um.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: General Jinjur on August 07, 2011, 05:27:16 PM
It doesn't seem to be as bad now, but in university/college any time I or my female friends went to Student Health for anything the first question was "Do you think you could be pregnant?"   I can understand some of the risk factors why a nurse would want to know (for example, when I broke a toe and they had to x-ray), but when I first walked in and said "Hi, I have a history of sinus and ear infections, my ear hurts like the blazes and I think it's infected," it was off-putting to be asked if maybe my ear hurt because I was pregnant. Um.

If the two things are connected, you're doing it wrong  >:D
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: kitty-cat on August 07, 2011, 05:32:06 PM
Oh, like how my boyfriend tried to garner sympathy for a routine prostate check?  I told him to get back to me when the procedure involved stirrups and a large metal instrument.  Hmmph.

As a man, I sympathize - it seems every time women go to the doctor, even for the sniffles or the like, the doctor slides out the stirrups and says "open wide!" Is there ANYTHING a woman might suffer from that doesn't involve a spelunking expedition "down there"?

I'm often reminded of this when seeing a TV commercial for any of the dozens of products advertised or named for "a woman ... within".

It doesn't seem to be as bad now, but in university/college any time I or my female friends went to Student Health for anything the first question was "Do you think you could be pregnant?"   I can understand some of the risk factors why a nurse would want to know (for example, when I broke a toe and they had to x-ray), but when I first walked in and said "Hi, I have a history of sinus and ear infections, my ear hurts like the blazes and I think it's infected," it was off-putting to be asked if maybe my ear hurt because I was pregnant. Um.

Even better when you are there for a weird leg rash. I just roll my eyes now- there a'int no way that a mini-me could be growing, but they have to ask...
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Redsoil on August 08, 2011, 08:21:25 AM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 


He had twilight sedation. I suspect the difference is a variation of man flu. The way they do it to guys is just soooo much more painful than what women have to put up with. No exceptions.


Ah, I see now!  Poor baby - obviously he has a much more "sensitive" nature than your run-of-the-mill woman!  Just as well he can't get pregnant and give birth - we'd hear the screams from here!

It's funny, isn't it?  There seem to be two types of men - the "It's a mere scratch! Come back and fight!" sort, and the others, where a paper cut means they need a week off work to recover!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: littlebird on August 08, 2011, 09:21:07 AM
It doesn't seem to be as bad now, but in university/college any time I or my female friends went to Student Health for anything the first question was "Do you think you could be pregnant?"   I can understand some of the risk factors why a nurse would want to know (for example, when I broke a toe and they had to x-ray), but when I first walked in and said "Hi, I have a history of sinus and ear infections, my ear hurts like the blazes and I think it's infected," it was off-putting to be asked if maybe my ear hurt because I was pregnant. Um.

If the two things are connected, you're doing it wrong  >:D

No kidding  ;)
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 08, 2011, 09:40:30 AM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 


He had twilight sedation. I suspect the difference is a variation of man flu. The way they do it to guys is just soooo much more painful than what women have to put up with. No exceptions.

It's just a flesh wound!

Anyone ever read Dave Barry's account of a colonoscopy? One of the funniest things I've ever read.  http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html


Ah, I see now!  Poor baby - obviously he has a much more "sensitive" nature than your run-of-the-mill woman!  Just as well he can't get pregnant and give birth - we'd hear the screams from here!

It's funny, isn't it?  There seem to be two types of men - the "It's a mere scratch! Come back and fight!" sort, and the others, where a paper cut means they need a week off work to recover!
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on August 08, 2011, 02:06:00 PM
How on earth do they DO colonoscopies over there?  Are they using a jackhammer to lodge it further up the tract or something? 


He had twilight sedation. I suspect the difference is a variation of man flu. The way they do it to guys is just soooo much more painful than what women have to put up with. No exceptions.


Ah, I see now!  Poor baby - obviously he has a much more "sensitive" nature than your run-of-the-mill woman!  Just as well he can't get pregnant and give birth - we'd hear the screams from here!

It's funny, isn't it?  There seem to be two types of men - the "It's a mere scratch! Come back and fight!" sort, and the others, where a paper cut means they need a week off work to recover!

DH is the "it's a mere scratch!" type. Of course, he seems to have mutant healing powers, so he recovers ultra fast. If I am sick, or have a cut, or any other health problem, though, he wants to take me to the hospital. If he is home when I'm not feeling well, and I set one toe off the couch he demands to know what I think I'm doing and insists on getting/doing things for me. I am only allowed to get up to use the bathroom.

It's very sweet, but also incredibly irritating sometimes.
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on August 08, 2011, 02:53:52 PM
My FIL is one such person.  You cannot talk about anything with him sharing his knowledge about the subject.  For instance, we just had parent-teacher conferences.  The schools here rely heavily on standardized testing to assess how the student is doing.  DD is in kindergarten and had a rough start, so she didn't do great on the first round of tests (she did much better on the second round and we'll see how she does this next month).  But her low score was obviously because the whole thing is a popularity contest.  In spite of the glowing report her teacher gave to us about DD's general demeanor and class seat work.   ::)

Also, I went to Notre Dame.  Even though I didn't.   ::)  ::)  ::)

Did you actually go to St. Mary's?

No, I went to a state school in Upper Michigan.  Which is no where NEAR ND.  Yet, he has somehow gotten it into his head that I did go to ND, so it must be true.  It usually only comes up during football season.  I learned that he thinks this one day when he kept going on and on about how ND won some game and my reaction was somewhere along the lines of "That's...nice?"  He insisted it was my alma mater and to this day keeps thinking that in spite of many reminders that I went to a school in an entirely different state.   I think I know where I went to college and it sure as heck wasn't Notre Dame. 
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: BB-VA on August 08, 2011, 06:43:11 PM
My FIL is one such person.  You cannot talk about anything with him sharing his knowledge about the subject.  For instance, we just had parent-teacher conferences.  The schools here rely heavily on standardized testing to assess how the student is doing.  DD is in kindergarten and had a rough start, so she didn't do great on the first round of tests (she did much better on the second round and we'll see how she does this next month).  But her low score was obviously because the whole thing is a popularity contest.  In spite of the glowing report her teacher gave to us about DD's general demeanor and class seat work.   ::)

Also, I went to Notre Dame.  Even though I didn't.   ::)  ::)  ::)

Did you actually go to St. Mary's?

No, I went to a state school in Upper Michigan.  Which is no where NEAR ND.  Yet, he has somehow gotten it into his head that I did go to ND, so it must be true.  It usually only comes up during football season.  I learned that he thinks this one day when he kept going on and on about how ND won some game and my reaction was somewhere along the lines of "That's...nice?"  He insisted it was my alma mater and to this day keeps thinking that in spite of many reminders that I went to a school in an entirely different state.   I think I know where I went to college and it sure as heck wasn't Notre Dame.

Of course it was.  Didn't the World's Greatest Authority (tm) say so?   ;)
Title: Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on August 09, 2011, 12:22:37 PM
Now that I am a non-traditional student in classes with a bunch of 20 year olds, this is one of my biggest worries. I always get nervous that I am monopolizing a class, but it seems that the professors routinely turn to me to answer questions on readings or explain topics or engage in discussion. I asked a couple professors about it in order to make sure I wasn't talking too much, but they assured me that they tend to turn to me because in the words of one "you always read the material when other students don't, so I can rely on you to have an answer and not just stare at me" and in the words of another "adult students usually have valuable insight." So I decided I don't care if I am the class know-it-all. My professors seem to appreciate it and darnit, I'm taking time out of my life to go back to school, so I am going to make the most of it.

Me too. I find myself waiting a beat, then another, then another, before finally giving up and raising my hand. Sometimes from behind me I'd hear this one girl sigh when I raised my hand, but I just mentally  ::) and kept on. I'm not here to impress you, chickadee.

When I decided to go back to uni at the ripe old age of 36, I sort of took it for granted that the younger students would scorn me. Mainly because I remember all the whining we used to do behind the backs of the 'mature agers' (i.e. anyone over the age of 25  ::)), back when I did my first degree. They were just old people who showed us up by actually doing the assigned reading and coming to tutorials ready to engage. Bunch of *mumble mumble* immature brats that we were, honestly.

I never minded the ones who gave good responses and didn't monopolize or waste time.  But there was one 50+ year old who thought she knew everything and would argue with the professor.  She also had a "real life example" for every single topic we were studying.  Add to that all the questions she had to ask during class which most of us already understood and didn't want to take up time going over again.  It was very frustrating.  Had she been 20 I would have felt the same way about her.  She was a needy student.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Nora on August 09, 2011, 03:49:22 PM


DH is the "it's a mere scratch!" type. Of course, he seems to have mutant healing powers, so he recovers ultra fast. If I am sick, or have a cut, or any other health problem, though, he wants to take me to the hospital. If he is home when I'm not feeling well, and I set one toe off the couch he demands to know what I think I'm doing and insists on getting/doing things for me. I am only allowed to get up to use the bathroom.

It's very sweet, but also incredibly irritating sometimes.

We are totally married to the same guy. I get yelled at if I try to tie my own shoes these days. Can't wait til the results of the MRI are in, I hope they will prove I'm not actually dying as he seems to think.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on August 29, 2011, 09:48:23 AM
Here's a good one, courtesy of my FIL

For those of you unlucky enough to lose a tree during Hurricane Irene, you can sleep easier knowing the whole reason a tree was uprooted was because whomever planted it didn't plant it deep enough.

There you have it folks.  It has nothing to do with sustained winds of 75 mph or over-saturation of the soil. Nope.  It's all the fault of the nimrod who can't plant a tree the right way.

 ::)
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Marisol on August 29, 2011, 10:34:56 AM
Here's a good one, courtesy of my FIL

For those of you unlucky enough to lose a tree during Hurricane Irene, you can sleep easier knowing the whole reason a tree was uprooted was because whomever planted it didn't plant it deep enough.

There you have it folks.  It has nothing to do with sustained winds of 75 mph or over-saturation of the soil. Nope.  It's all the fault of the nimrod who can't plant a tree the right way.

 ::)

I'm sure it has nothing to do with the type of tree either.  Or the average water table level of the soil it has spent its life growing in. 
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on August 29, 2011, 10:36:04 AM
Of course not! Don't be silly.  :P
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: hermanne on August 29, 2011, 12:13:29 PM
So, the hickery in my front yard that snapped in half (about 20 feet up) wasn't planted properly? And here I thought the tree was just rotten and the wind took care of the rest.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: LadyClaire on August 29, 2011, 12:52:00 PM
So, the hickery in my front yard that snapped in half (about 20 feet up) wasn't planted properly? And here I thought the tree was just rotten and the wind took care of the rest.

Bah! Had the tree been planted deep enough, it wouldn't have rotted in the first place!  ;)
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: LeeLee88 on August 29, 2011, 12:56:03 PM
So, the hickery in my front yard that snapped in half (about 20 feet up) wasn't planted properly? And here I thought the tree was just rotten and the wind took care of the rest.

Bah! Had the tree been planted deep enough, it wouldn't have rotted in the first place!  ;)

True story!  ;)
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: booklover03 on August 29, 2011, 01:35:29 PM
I had a friend who was kind of a know it all when it came to parenting. I was terrified that if I ever had a child that she would think I was a bad parent if my kid wasn't on a schedule and sleeping through the night at a month old like her dd was. If a friend didn't "take" to parenting as easily as she thinks she did (we had a friend who had a hard time getting into the groove of being a first time parent) they were "horrible" parents. Not having any kids I didn't really feel like I could tell her to back off, but it definitely cooled my relationship with her.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: General Jinjur on August 29, 2011, 02:01:00 PM
I had a friend who was kind of a know it all when it came to parenting. I was terrified that if I ever had a child that she would think I was a bad parent if my kid wasn't on a schedule and sleeping through the night at a month old like her dd was. If a friend didn't "take" to parenting as easily as she thinks she did (we had a friend who had a hard time getting into the groove of being a first time parent) they were "horrible" parents. Not having any kids I didn't really feel like I could tell her to back off, but it definitely cooled my relationship with her.

I have a friend like that, and I do have a kid, so I have been spending less and less time with her. Well, it didn't get really annoying until she got pregnant, now she has Expert Opinions. "We're going to be sending our kid to Megabucks Private School from preschool on. Oh, you can't afford it? Of course you can, it's all about priorities. If you cared about the Nom succeeding you'd do it. We're not going to use plastic anything, plastic is bad, not that we're going to need bottles because I'm going to be exclusively breast-feeding. And working full time. We're going to be hiring a nanny with a PhD in child development so our child will get the best care. We'll feed the baby nothing but homegrown food, I know YOU feed baby food, but we don't want to give our kid crap...."

AND SO ON. Part of me (the small, hardened, pit of evil part) really hopes the kid provides a rude awakening (really, how they could afford Megabucks AND a nanny on about $60k a year is beyond me). But then, I wouldn't be surprised if she somehow made the universe bend to her will just so she could be insufferably smug.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: booklover03 on August 29, 2011, 02:06:11 PM
I had a friend who was kind of a know it all when it came to parenting. I was terrified that if I ever had a child that she would think I was a bad parent if my kid wasn't on a schedule and sleeping through the night at a month old like her dd was. If a friend didn't "take" to parenting as easily as she thinks she did (we had a friend who had a hard time getting into the groove of being a first time parent) they were "horrible" parents. Not having any kids I didn't really feel like I could tell her to back off, but it definitely cooled my relationship with her.

I have a friend like that, and I do have a kid, so I have been spending less and less time with her. Well, it didn't get really annoying until she got pregnant, now she has Expert Opinions. "We're going to be sending our kid to Megabucks Private School from preschool on. Oh, you can't afford it? Of course you can, it's all about priorities. If you cared about the Nom succeeding you'd do it. We're not going to use plastic anything, plastic is bad, not that we're going to need bottles because I'm going to be exclusively breast-feeding. And working full time. We're going to be hiring a nanny with a PhD in child development so our child will get the best care. We'll feed the baby nothing but homegrown food, I know YOU feed baby food, but we don't want to give our kid crap...."

AND SO ON. Part of me (the small, hardened, pit of evil part) really hopes the kid provides a rude awakening (really, how they could afford Megabucks AND a nanny on about $60k a year is beyond me). But then, I wouldn't be surprised if she somehow made the universe bend to her will just so she could be insufferably smug.


My friend got like this, too. She and her dh never go anywhere, and I mean anywhere without their daughter. She thinks that parents shouldn't go out at all without their kids. Her husband would show up at the army balls by himself because she couldn't bring their daughter. I mean, if that works for them, that's fine, you can do whatever you want, but telling someone they're bad parents for doing things differently than you do is out of line IMO.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Lynn2000 on August 29, 2011, 03:57:19 PM
My boss is totally Captain Know-It-All.  :P About everything. She was just expounding on the foolishness of Facebook and blogs, to a group that's 90% people who are highly technologically active. And not expounding in an insightful way--she doesn't know anything about it, doesn't use it herself, and thus thinks it's silly and possibly even dangerous, without any evidence to base this on. But she's the boss, so we can't really say much...

She's also nosy about people's medical issues and whenever she gets someone to tell her what their doctor said about something, she comes up with a different, usually much more dire, diagnosis.  ::) If there's a paperwork snafu or an experiment doesn't turn out right, she speculates endlessly about what the reason could be, without actually having any evidence or even ASKING the appropriate people for more information. And usually she decides that what happened was that some specific person, who was not her, made a foolish mistake.

And should she be shown to be wrong about something, she either doesn't really believe it, or she never mentions that particular issue again but doesn't change her overall behavior.  ::)

Yeah, it's kind of irritating sometimes... She does have other good qualities, though.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: siamesecat2965 on August 29, 2011, 04:14:28 PM
My boss is totally Captain Know-It-All.  :P About everything. She was just expounding on the foolishness of Facebook and blogs, to a group that's 90% people who are highly technologically active. And not expounding in an insightful way--she doesn't know anything about it, doesn't use it herself, and thus thinks it's silly and possibly even dangerous, without any evidence to base this on. But she's the boss, so we can't really say much...

She's also nosy about people's medical issues and whenever she gets someone to tell her what their doctor said about something, she comes up with a different, usually much more dire, diagnosis.  ::) If there's a paperwork snafu or an experiment doesn't turn out right, she speculates endlessly about what the reason could be, without actually having any evidence or even ASKING the appropriate people for more information. And usually she decides that what happened was that some specific person, who was not her, made a foolish mistake.

And should she be shown to be wrong about something, she either doesn't really believe it, or she never mentions that particular issue again but doesn't change her overall behavior.  ::)

Yeah, it's kind of irritating sometimes... She does have other good qualities, though.

I think your boss may be related to mine; 'cause she does the very same things!  She knows all about everything, and her way is the ONLY way...blah, blah, blah.  It's really annoying, and it's coupled with the "I won't take no for an answer, ever" attitude.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Daffydilly on August 29, 2011, 04:29:16 PM
For all the Captain-Know-It-Alls of parenting, I'm a Captain-Knows-Less-Every-Day. I have one child and as soon as I think I have a handle on things, she shakes it up. If I have the perfect setup of toys, she learns to wiggleworm on her back off the blanket. If I have the perfect food setup, she learns to grab what I give her with one hand and then snatch the spoon I'm using with the other hand. If I lay down to take a nap, she will immediately wake up screaming.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Luci on August 29, 2011, 10:26:53 PM
My favorites are still the medical ones. When my back started acting up 20 years ago, yoga was the sure cure. (worst possible thing I could have dove, as it turns out.) My doctor sent me to a specialist in P'town, but of course I should go to the center in R'town, even after surgery was scheduled. My brother has exactly the same problem, but mine was obviously caused by an accident when I was seven. My recovery is progressing about twice as quickly as expected (because I faithfully do my home exercises) but I still should go to the therapists in R'town.

Anyone want a family member for inaccurate medical advice? I've got one for you - free of charge. 
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Iris on August 30, 2011, 05:09:21 PM
For all the Captain-Know-It-Alls of parenting, I'm a Captain-Knows-Less-Every-Day. I have one child and as soon as I think I have a handle on things, she shakes it up. If I have the perfect setup of toys, she learns to wiggleworm on her back off the blanket. If I have the perfect food setup, she learns to grab what I give her with one hand and then snatch the spoon I'm using with the other hand. If I lay down to take a nap, she will immediately wake up screaming.

That's because you have two little things called self awareness and humility. These know-it-all parents are really in for a shock. NO-one has a perfect child from the cradle to adulthood.
Title: Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
Post by: Kaymyth on August 31, 2011, 07:30:43 PM
I had a friend who was kind of a know it all when it came to parenting. I was terrified that if I ever had a child that she would think I was a bad parent if my kid wasn't on a schedule and sleeping through the night at a month old like her dd was. If a friend didn't "take" to parenting as easily as she thinks she did (we had a friend who had a hard time getting into the groove of being a first time parent) they were "horrible" parents. Not having any kids I didn't really feel like I could tell her to back off, but it definite