Etiquette Hell

A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. Guests, register for forum membership to see all the boards. => Humor Me! => Topic started by: Slartibartfast on December 08, 2010, 01:30:34 PM

Title: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 08, 2010, 01:30:34 PM
I'm sure we've had a thread like this in the past, but I couldn't find it (with a cursory search  :P) so I'm starting a new one!

The inaugural story: Babybartfast is 2 1/2 and talking up a storm now.  Our dog Kiki was lying on her back on the floor and Babybartfast looked up while petting her:

"Mommy!  Daddy has nipples.  And mommy has nipples.  And [Babybartfast] has nipples.  And Kiki has LOTS of nipples!"

I had to work really hard at not laughing, or she'd go around for the next week telling every stranger she met about their nipples  :P

So what have your kids surprised you with?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ferrets on December 08, 2010, 02:16:20 PM
I had to work really hard at not laughing, or she'd go around for the next week telling every stranger she met about their nipples  :P

Hah! Well done you. The whole "sudden epiphany" tone of Babybartfast is hilarious. :D

That reminded me of our family Story of the Cricket Club Cat: not so much a "kids say...", but my father indulging in a Calvin's Dad moment.

Sister and I are aged around seven and eight. We're travelling home from watching Dad play in a cricket match, and debating whether the cricket club's cat - which Sister and I had been fussing over, and whose name we don't know - is a male or female.

Dad thinks the cat's a tom. Sister is convinced that the cat must be a female, because it "has nipples". I point out that all cats have nipples. Mum confirms this, helpfully adding that only females can breastfeed.

Sister [thoughtfully]: "So why do male cats have nipples?"

Dad: "For piercing."

Mum [appalled]: "TIM!"

Dad: >:D

Mum: ::)

Sister and I: ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: jayhawk on December 08, 2010, 03:47:23 PM
I remember a comedian from the 80's (I think) saying the reason men have nipples is so they can find their cigarettes in their shirt pocket when they're drunk.  Martin Mull, is that right?

ETA - sorry for the highjack - keep the kid quotes coming!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on December 08, 2010, 03:53:01 PM
We like to hang out on our bed upstairs for a little while after the baby goes to bed.  Sometimes we watch a show, other times we just watch Grace go nuts now that her sister is put away.  The other night, as she tumbled hyperactively around the bed, I was suddenly struck by how enormous she is (for her age), but how tiny and helpless she still really is (I know that doesn't make much sense):

Me to my husband: She's so small and so huge at the same ti--

Grace, while somewhere between a headstand and a somersault: And so cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: whatsanenigma on December 08, 2010, 04:09:38 PM
My niece was about four years old when this took place.

We'd all three been out running errands (me, my sister, and my niece) and we stopped at my apartment. We were about to go up the stairs when I noticed an abandoned, half-empty beer bottle still sitting out on the (shared) balcony. I had no idea who it belonged to, but I kind of nudged my sister and right away, took stock of where my niece was so she wouldn't pick it up or something. And just as my sister got my signal and we were about to distract my niece  away from the bottle, she suddenly stops and points and says

"Somebody's been sitting here drinking!"

and then just walks past it and waits for us to open the door.

We cracked up.

Because, well, she was absolutely correct. Someone had been sitting there drinking.  She just had no way of knowing her remark was true in more ways than one.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on December 08, 2010, 08:42:37 PM
Just today, my preschooler, LittlePenguin, was spinning around and around.  Finally she collapsed onto her back in a laundry basket.  As she stared woozily at the ceiling, she said with a sigh, "I'll just lie here for a minute.  My brain is still spinning around and around."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: JonGirl on December 09, 2010, 05:20:31 AM


The other day ds, who is 6 said: I'm going to listen to XX Top on my ipod.
XX, instead of ZZ, me and dh just about died laughing.  :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on December 09, 2010, 09:02:14 AM
This happened when my nephew was about 4 1/2 years old. He loves dogs and has a dog of his own.

We had just gotten our dog. She'd had a litter of puppies before coming to us so her belly looks different that what nephew is used to. He points at her rather prominent nipples and asks me, "What are those??" I wasn't sure how much he knew about body parts or what level of education his parents were comfortable with, so I decided to be matter-of-fact and not make a big deal out of his questions. I said, "Those are her nipples. You have nipples, too," and I lifted up his shirt to show him. He replied, "No, those are my boobies."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on December 09, 2010, 09:10:53 AM
At Thanksgiving, I was having a beer with dinner and when it was getting low, my 2 1/2 y/o nephew said, "Neenee have another beer!" I guess he thinks Neenee is more fun when she's got a couple drinks in her.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 09, 2010, 07:53:55 PM
Some good friends of mine are both nerdy engineers, but their three-year-old daughter is the girliest girly girl ever.  She is also very, very tall, and tends to get a lot of people commenting about how she'll probably play basketball when she grows up.

So yet another person yesterday asked their daughter if she was into sports:

Adult: I bet you'll be good at sports, honey!
Daughter (to my friend): Mommy, I want to play a sport!
My friend: Which one?
Daughter: The pink one!

My friend tried to explain that sports aren't categorized by color, and her daughter sighed and said "Okay, the purple one then."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: siamesecat2965 on December 09, 2010, 08:41:57 PM
My former hairdresser told me these, both involving his very precocious grandson.  I think he was around 3 or so when both of these occurred.

First one - my HD was very good at DIY stuff around the house, and was doing something to the railing on the stairs, sanding, staining, not sure exactly what.  He told me his grandson came over, looked very carefully at his work, and said with a straight face "you're doing a good job Pop"

The second one was when he took his grandson to the store, and it was kind of quiet.  Grandson suddenly asks him "Pop, did you (f-word for passing gas)?"  Pop said no, grandson very matter of factly announces "well I did!"  and every one around them started to laugh!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: JonGirl on December 09, 2010, 11:56:06 PM
My former hairdresser told me these, both involving his very precocious grandson.  I think he was around 3 or so when both of these occurred.

First one - my HD was very good at DIY stuff around the house, and was doing something to the railing on the stairs, sanding, staining, not sure exactly what.  He told me his grandson came over, looked very carefully at his work, and said with a straight face "you're doing a good job Pop"

The second one was when he took his grandson to the store, and it was kind of quiet.  Grandson suddenly asks him "Pop, did you (f-word for passing gas)?"  Pop said no, grandson very matter of factly announces "well I did!"  and every one around them started to laugh!


 ;D  ;D  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Lashley on December 10, 2010, 01:50:20 AM
When my fiancé, K, was about 3, he was riding with his mom to his brother's cub scout meeting. His brother is 5 years older, and his mom was the cub scout leader. She was running late (apparently this wasn't unusual.)

She was pulled over by a police officer. When he leaned in and said "ma'am, you were speeding by over 10 miles an hour over the speed limit", K leans over and yells: MOMMY DOES THAT!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilihob on December 10, 2010, 05:28:17 AM
 My two girls have lots, now my eldest dd is a teen, (oh noes, when did my baba get as tall as me!), she hates us saying
" ouch I've got pens and pencils"(pins and needles),
cos obviously she was never little, but just sprang to life aged 13 going on 30 >:D
but we won't stop.
And flattering, but highly unrealistically, youngest dd, is convinced that every strange man is just waiting to whisk me away,
so spends much of her time glowering, and coming up with such gems as
"my mummy is married to my daddy"
"I have a big sister, a guinea pig , two cats, and a daddy who loves my mummy"
"my daddy is bigger than you"
in response to questions like "how are you?" , and general introductions.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on December 10, 2010, 10:17:58 AM
When my fiancé, K, was about 3, he was riding with his mom to his brother's cub scout meeting. His brother is 5 years older, and his mom was the cub scout leader. She was running late (apparently this wasn't unusual.)

She was pulled over by a police officer. When he leaned in and said "ma'am, you were speeding by over 10 miles an hour over the speed limit", K leans over and yells: MOMMY DOES THAT!!!

Oh, OUCH!  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Lashley on December 10, 2010, 10:27:24 AM
When my fiancé, K, was about 3, he was riding with his mom to his brother's cub scout meeting. His brother is 5 years older, and his mom was the cub scout leader. She was running late (apparently this wasn't unusual.)

She was pulled over by a police officer. When he leaned in and said "ma'am, you were speeding by over 10 miles an hour over the speed limit", K leans over and yells: MOMMY DOES THAT!!!

Oh, OUCH!  ;D

Yep...she definitely got that ticket!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Clara Bow on December 10, 2010, 11:35:39 AM
Last night at supper Little Man lifted his leg up in my husband's direction and said "Hey Dad, I just aimed a small fart at you!"

Farting on Daddy has been Little Man's thing since birth.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Marisol on December 10, 2010, 11:38:24 AM
Some good friends of mine are both nerdy engineers, but their three-year-old daughter is the girliest girly girl ever.  She is also very, very tall, and tends to get a lot of people commenting about how she'll probably play basketball when she grows up.

So yet another person yesterday asked their daughter if she was into sports:

Adult: I bet you'll be good at sports, honey!
Daughter (to my friend): Mommy, I want to play a sport!
My friend: Which one?
Daughter: The pink one!

My friend tried to explain that sports aren't categorized by color, and her daughter sighed and said "Okay, the purple one then."

I want to play the pink sport too!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sirius on December 10, 2010, 02:28:08 PM
I don't have kids, so this is a story told about my oldest nephew.  He was the child who'd come in after playing and ask his mother, "Mom, what does @#$%&*@#$% #@$%#@@# mean?"  Sis said he asked matter-of-factly, and she realized that he was just curious as to the meaning.  She said she gave him an abridged definition, then asked calmly, "Where did you hear that?"  From one of his friends.  Nephew and friend were around 7 at the time.

A later one that I was an eyewitness to:  Same nephew as above.  He walked into their home with a friend, and they were apparently talking about what they wanted to do when they grew up.  Nephew said, "When I get really, really old like my dad - you know, 29 - I want to build things."  I looked over at BIL, who had the newspaper in front of his face, but the newspaper was shaking.  He was laughing his head off back there.  The kids went back outside, and we all laughed our heads off.

Different nephew, brother to the nephew mentioned above:  I was talking to Sis on the phone, when I heard, "I want some bologna!" in the background.  This was repeated several times, until Sis said, "Just a minute," to me and said to her son, "I have already told you twice and your father has told you once - we don't have any bologna!  Now go away!"  It was a few minutes before Aunt Sirius stopped laughing.

Both of the above nephews are now adults.  The bologna-nagger is a teacher, and he told me back when he was in college that he had had too much to drink one night, but his mother made him get up and go to school.  It was in the middle of summer in Texas, so we're talking hot weather, plus the air conditioning in the building where his classes were had broken down.  Then there was a bomb threat at the same time as a power failure, and he had to traipse down six flights of stairs with a raging hangover in the heat.  He told me, "I was sick as a dog, but I learned my lesson.  I haven't had a drink since then." 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: esteban on December 10, 2010, 02:44:38 PM
This just happened last night.  DS is 12, and had a band concert (he plays the trumpet), he shares a music stand with a girl, and we could see them talking all concert.  THis alone is sufficent for me to spend the evening teasing him about girls :)

They played a part of the Journey song "Don't Stop Believen'"  so Mrs. Deadbody and I had been humming and singing it a bit.

As he was going to bed the Mrs. and I were talking and I busted out a "Don't Stop Believen'"

He shot back in perfect time "Why don't you be quiet" perfectly inflected to match the song.

I had to sit down I was laughing so hard.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: magiccat26 on December 10, 2010, 02:58:51 PM
The other day we were out shopping and DD(8) tells me she's hungry.  I inform her that we will run through MickyD's once we run one more errand.  Kitten throws herself dramatically back into her seat and says, "Mom, I'm STARVING and McDonald's is the only antidote!"  *sigh*
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: bookworm317 on December 10, 2010, 04:29:13 PM
Some good friends of mine are both nerdy engineers, but their three-year-old daughter is the girliest girly girl ever.  She is also very, very tall, and tends to get a lot of people commenting about how she'll probably play basketball when she grows up.

So yet another person yesterday asked their daughter if she was into sports:

Adult: I bet you'll be good at sports, honey!
Daughter (to my friend): Mommy, I want to play a sport!
My friend: Which one?
Daughter: The pink one!

My friend tried to explain that sports aren't categorized by color, and her daughter sighed and said "Okay, the purple one then."

I want to play the pink sport too!

What IS the pink sport, anyway?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: geordicat on December 10, 2010, 05:00:13 PM
When geordicat jr was about 2 1/2, maybe 3, we were at grandma's house visiting.  He managed to pull grandma's yellow dishwashing gloves off the sink.   He put them on his feet, then looked at his feet.  He looked at us and were were all trying not to laugh, then he looked back at his feet and said "I'm a chicken.  BOCK BOCK BOCK!" and walked around the house.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on December 10, 2010, 05:04:21 PM
When geordicat jr was about 2 1/2, maybe 3, we were at grandma's house visiting.  He managed to pull grandma's yellow dishwashing gloves off the sink.   He put them on his feet, then looked at his feet.  He looked at us and were were all trying not to laugh, then he looked back at his feet and said "I'm a chicken.  BOCK BOCK BOCK!" and walked around the house.

That's hilarious!

Which reminds me of something else.  My daughter was maybe 18 months when this happened.  She was in an especially picky phase (all of her phases since 12 months have been picky, but this one was REALLY bad).  I was finishing getting dinner out to the table and yelled to my husband from the kitchen, "Maybe the reason she won't eat chicken is that we keep seeing chickens in all her books, and she knows they're living animals."  All I heard from the dining room was gales of laughter.  I walk in and say, "What?  It's not that crazy."  He said, "Hon?  Do you know what she just did?  She just crammed five pieces of chicken into her mouth while yelling, 'Chicken!  BOK BOK BOK!'"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: geordicat on December 10, 2010, 05:30:06 PM
When geordicat jr was about 2 1/2, maybe 3, we were at grandma's house visiting.  He managed to pull grandma's yellow dishwashing gloves off the sink.   He put them on his feet, then looked at his feet.  He looked at us and were were all trying not to laugh, then he looked back at his feet and said "I'm a chicken.  BOCK BOCK BOCK!" and walked around the house.

That's hilarious!

Which reminds me of something else.  My daughter was maybe 18 months when this happened.  She was in an especially picky phase (all of her phases since 12 months have been picky, but this one was REALLY bad).  I was finishing getting dinner out to the table and yelled to my husband from the kitchen, "Maybe the reason she won't eat chicken is that we keep seeing chickens in all her books, and she knows they're living animals."  All I heard from the dining room was gales of laughter.  I walk in and say, "What?  It's not that crazy."  He said, "Hon?  Do you know what she just did?  She just crammed five pieces of chicken into her mouth while yelling, 'Chicken!  BOK BOK BOK!'"

:D:D  Chicken!  BOK BOK BOK!

guess what's for dinner here?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 10, 2010, 05:46:51 PM
When geordicat jr was about 2 1/2, maybe 3, we were at grandma's house visiting.  He managed to pull grandma's yellow dishwashing gloves off the sink.   He put them on his feet, then looked at his feet.  He looked at us and were were all trying not to laugh, then he looked back at his feet and said "I'm a chicken.  BOCK BOCK BOCK!" and walked around the house.

That's hilarious!

Which reminds me of something else.  My daughter was maybe 18 months when this happened.  She was in an especially picky phase (all of her phases since 12 months have been picky, but this one was REALLY bad).  I was finishing getting dinner out to the table and yelled to my husband from the kitchen, "Maybe the reason she won't eat chicken is that we keep seeing chickens in all her books, and she knows they're living animals."  All I heard from the dining room was gales of laughter.  I walk in and say, "What?  It's not that crazy."  He said, "Hon?  Do you know what she just did?  She just crammed five pieces of chicken into her mouth while yelling, 'Chicken!  BOK BOK BOK!'"

Ha!  Babybartfast is having a hard time sorting out "baby birds come from eggs" and "mommy cooks eggs for breakfast."  She keeps requesting eggs then not eating them, and it took a few times before DH and I figured out she was expecting to see little baby birds sitting happily in the frying pan.

Then FIL explained that the splatter on his windshield was because a bird pooped on it, and that birds poop while flying, so every time we see a bird flying we get to hear all about how it is pooping on cars  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on December 10, 2010, 06:14:43 PM
These are great...........
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dman on December 10, 2010, 07:10:27 PM
This happened when dd2 was around 3-4 yrs old.  She had been constipated for a few days.  One day she walked out of the bathroom (without flushing) with a very very concerned look on her face.  She then asked me very seriously, "Mom, can you poop out your bones?"  I had to hold back the laughter while I explained that, no it was just a very hard poop.  She goes back in the bathroom, calls me in & says "Are you sure?  Because I think that is some skin in there."  There was some tissue in the toilet bowl as well as the "bones"  It was all I could do to hold back but she was so concerned!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MightyMouse on December 10, 2010, 07:25:59 PM
When geordicat jr was about 2 1/2, maybe 3, we were at grandma's house visiting.  He managed to pull grandma's yellow dishwashing gloves off the sink.   He put them on his feet, then looked at his feet.  He looked at us and were were all trying not to laugh, then he looked back at his feet and said "I'm a chicken.  BOCK BOCK BOCK!" and walked around the house.

That's hilarious!

Which reminds me of something else.  My daughter was maybe 18 months when this happened.  She was in an especially picky phase (all of her phases since 12 months have been picky, but this one was REALLY bad).  I was finishing getting dinner out to the table and yelled to my husband from the kitchen, "Maybe the reason she won't eat chicken is that we keep seeing chickens in all her books, and she knows they're living animals."  All I heard from the dining room was gales of laughter.  I walk in and say, "What?  It's not that crazy."  He said, "Hon?  Do you know what she just did?  She just crammed five pieces of chicken into her mouth while yelling, 'Chicken!  BOK BOK BOK!'"

That is the cutest and funniest thing I've ever heard!   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 12, 2010, 08:29:52 PM
New one!  It's snowing outside (which is extremely unusual for our area), and DH took Babybartfast outside to look.  She informed him that snow falls from the clouds because it has no wings.  (Which I guess is technically true . . .)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on December 13, 2010, 08:37:15 AM
That's hilarious!

Which reminds me of something else.  My daughter was maybe 18 months when this happened.  She was in an especially picky phase (all of her phases since 12 months have been picky, but this one was REALLY bad).  I was finishing getting dinner out to the table and yelled to my husband from the kitchen, "Maybe the reason she won't eat chicken is that we keep seeing chickens in all her books, and she knows they're living animals."  All I heard from the dining room was gales of laughter.  I walk in and say, "What?  It's not that crazy."  He said, "Hon?  Do you know what she just did?  She just crammed five pieces of chicken into her mouth while yelling, 'Chicken!  BOK BOK BOK!'"

Ha!  Babybartfast is having a hard time sorting out "baby birds come from eggs" and "mommy cooks eggs for breakfast."  She keeps requesting eggs then not eating them, and it took a few times before DH and I figured out she was expecting to see little baby birds sitting happily in the frying pan.

Then FIL explained that the splatter on his windshield was because a bird pooped on it, and that birds poop while flying, so every time we see a bird flying we get to hear all about how it is pooping on cars  ::)

Hehe, this reminded me of something that happened last weekend. My cousin, Tilly, has just turned 2. She is obsessed with the cartoon Peppa Pig. Absolutely crazy about it. Well, our grandmother cooks a roast dinner every week for the whole family, and that week we were having pork. Our cousin May had been teaching Tilly about animals and food (like the eggs thing and the chicken thing).

So, Tilly asked what the meat was, and May said it was pig meat. All Tilly could do was point at her plate and go "Peppa? Peppa? Peppa!!!" over and over again! Poor little thing - she was utterly distraught.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on December 13, 2010, 11:51:56 AM
So, Tilly asked what the meat was, and May said it was pig meat. All Tilly could do was point at her plate and go "Peppa? Peppa? Peppa!!!" over and over again! Poor little thing - she was utterly distraught.

Peeeeeeppa PIG! Oink!  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on December 16, 2010, 12:26:29 AM
The animals/meat stories remind me of when my dad told my toddler, "There's a large frozen dead bird on the counter!"  (Turkey thawing.)   Way to go, Dad.  She won't be trying any Thanksgiving turkey now!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on December 16, 2010, 12:41:27 PM
Grandson #3, shortly before his sixth birthday last summer, told me that because he was still 5, he was full of fiveness.   After  his birthday, he would be full of sixness.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on December 16, 2010, 01:01:14 PM
Grandson #3, shortly before his sixth birthday last summer, told me that because he was still 5, he was full of fiveness.   After  his birthday, he would be full of sixness.

He sounds awesome! ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 16, 2010, 01:30:31 PM
Grandson #3, shortly before his sixth birthday last summer, told me that because he was still 5, he was full of fiveness.   After  his birthday, he would be full of sixness.

He sounds awesome! ;D

On my nephew's 10th birthday, he came into the kitchen, picked up a new jar of jam and said "I wonder if I have my 10-year-old strength yet?"

He opened the jar with a little effort and said "I do! I DO have my 10-year-old strength!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: geordicat on December 16, 2010, 04:39:34 PM


He sounds awesome! ;D
[/quote]

On my nephew's 10th birthday, he came into the kitchen, picked up a new jar of jam and said "I wonder if I have my 10-year-old strength yet?"

He opened the jar with a little effort and said "I do! I DO have my 10-year-old strength!
"
[/quote]

That made me giggle.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ms_Cellany on December 16, 2010, 05:26:02 PM
Quote


He sounds awesome! ;D

On my nephew's 10th birthday, he came into the kitchen, picked up a new jar of jam and said "I wonder if I have my 10-year-old strength yet?"

He opened the jar with a little effort and said "I do! I DO have my 10-year-old strength![/b]"

That made me giggle.  :)

He's 21 now. It might be time to embarrass him with this story.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Marisol on December 27, 2010, 06:45:54 PM
Quote


He sounds awesome! ;D

On my nephew's 10th birthday, he came into the kitchen, picked up a new jar of jam and said "I wonder if I have my 10-year-old strength yet?"

He opened the jar with a little effort and said "I do! I DO have my 10-year-old strength![/b]"

That made me giggle.  :)

He's 21 now. It might be time to embarrass him with this story.

Ask him to use his 21 year old strength for something.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: snowfire on December 27, 2010, 06:58:47 PM
Send him to me!  I have a large, VERY heavy computer rack that has to go downstairs.  I'm sure I can think of other things that could use some 21 year old strength.

(Sigh, my knees have a nasty habit of reminding me, in no uncertain terms, that I'm not 21 any more....)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on December 27, 2010, 07:19:46 PM
Regarding the first couple of posts, you guys would absolutely, positively not believe how many adults think their dog or cat must be a girl because it has nipples. Then when you point out as non-crudely as you can that male humans have nipples, their brains almost melt as they try to process this.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on December 27, 2010, 07:23:37 PM
One of my 7 year old DD's regular chores is to help me with the mopping.

The way I started out doing it was that I would do the foyer, dining room around the edges of the rug, and back hallway, and she would do the kitchen. I soon realized that the kitchen was a little too hard for her, because of the chairs, under the lip of the cabinets and so forth. So I switched with her.

The first time she did the other areas, she said, "Mom, that was a lot easier!"

"Yes, it was, wasn't it?"

She stopped, pursed her lips and tilted her head, and said thoughtfully, "Huh. So, all this time I've been doing the hard part and you've been doing the easy part. How...awkward."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 28, 2010, 02:19:08 PM
I have a ton, but here are a few.

When my cousin was little, her father jumped out and scared her. Her response? "Dad, you scared me half to death! You almost scared me whole to death!"

Apparently once when I was about 3, I opened a Christmas present and said, "What the he!! is this?" In front of my grandmother.

My friend was in the car with her 2 kids listing what they were having for dinner. One thing was corn. Son: "I don't like corn." Mom: "Yes you do. You love corn." Son: "No, I don't." Mom: "Why not?" Son: "I don't know; I guess that's just the way God made me." Daughter: "God made me beautiful."

Just last night, my best friend said her husband called their 5-year-old son over, to which he responded, "Dad, call me Batman."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: whatsanenigma on December 29, 2010, 06:55:34 PM
Here's one from a while back...

My SIL was in the kitchen doing something and my brother was on the couch watching TV.

His son, who was about 4 at the time, walked up to him and said, "Watcha watching, Daddy?"

And my brother said the name of the show he was watching. "Who's The Boss?"

And my nephew said, "Mommy is. Watcha watching?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on January 03, 2011, 11:52:28 AM
     Though I often find much of what is posted on E-Hell quite funny, this thread has been the first to make me LOL --- please someone, keep posting!  I would if I could...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on January 03, 2011, 10:47:09 PM
All those foot races and golf tournaments and such to benefit breast cancer research -- those are the pink sports!

My friends' daughter "Nina" was about 2 1/2 when she had this conversation with her mama, who had just told her they needed to go buy some honey, because the weather was turning cold and they'd be drinking more tea. Nina proceeded to list all the people she knew who liked tea, including Friend X, Friend Y, Grandma and Nana ... then she got to Gramps.

"Gramps likes tea!"

Mama: "Well, Gramps drinks tea *sometimes,* but mostly he likes coffee."

Nina: "And BEER!"

(Her Gramps is my friend, too, and he definitely likes beer! But Nina's parents were surprised to discover that she already knew that.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MizB on January 03, 2011, 11:10:30 PM
When Mr. O moved to Colorado and I was still living in Illinois my 7 year old niece was distraught. She's only met him a handful of times, but she thinks he is fantastic.

One day she walked up to me and told me, "I hope things work out for you and Mr. O, because you are the perfect couple."

It was a handful of aww, hilarious (how would she know this?) and heartbreaking because I had no idea what the future was going to bring.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on January 04, 2011, 06:52:16 AM
     Maybe I do have one after all...

     My little brother was about 4 at the time and had been very sick all week.  He was starting to get better and was playing again, etc., but he still had to stick to a schedule of medicine doses.

     I remember my sis and I were at the kitchen table playing something when my mom called my little brother in to get his due dose of medicine.

     Little brother bops in, moving in a very mechanical and rigid way... he stops in front of my mom and turns his face up towards hers and says quite seriously, and in his best robot voice "I don't need medicine.  I'm a robot"  and then procedes to turn and bop away doing his robot walk.

     We all cracked up, including my mom, who was so taken aback in the moment that she hadn't responded to him at all... and now had to go track him down and get him to take the medicine, robot or not.   :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on January 04, 2011, 08:13:37 PM
All those foot races and golf tournaments and such to benefit breast cancer research -- those are the pink sports!

My friends' daughter "Nina" was about 2 1/2 when she had this conversation with her mama, who had just told her they needed to go buy some honey, because the weather was turning cold and they'd be drinking more tea. Nina proceeded to list all the people she knew who liked tea, including Friend X, Friend Y, Grandma and Nana ... then she got to Gramps.

"Gramps likes tea!"

Mama: "Well, Gramps drinks tea *sometimes,* but mostly he likes coffee."

Nina: "And BEER!"

(Her Gramps is my friend, too, and he definitely likes beer! But Nina's parents were surprised to discover that she already knew that.)

DS announced loudly in the grocery store line...I think he was 4..."Mommy's buying WINE! Wine is for grownups!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Silversurfer on January 04, 2011, 08:27:31 PM
Quote
DS announced loudly in the grocery store line...I think he was 4..."Mommy's buying WINE! Wine is for grownups!"

BWAHAHAHHAHAH
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Wonderflonium on January 05, 2011, 07:32:00 AM
A friend of mine got pulled over for speeding. She was trying to talk her way out of the ticket. She apologized and said that normally, she never speeds. From the back seat, her daughter piped up with, "Yes she does!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: NestHolder on January 05, 2011, 08:21:33 AM
I was in the car with my sister and her children, going to visit our grandmother.  On the way up the motorway, her son spotted a Burger King sign at the motorway services, and piped up:

"I want to go there!  I want to go there!"

"Well, that's just tough," said I.

"I want to go to Tough!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: jassou on January 05, 2011, 08:49:41 AM
During christmas dinner this year, with parents in law, BIL, SIL and their three kids, husband and me, we're discussing what is your favourite flavour ice cream.

Me: "I love mocca ice cream!"
4-year old nephew: "Oh that's just STUPID!"

(cue BIL and SIL saying that's not very nice, other people have different opinions, etc. The talk over flavours continues...)

Me: "And what about strawberry cheesecake flavour?"
4-year old nephew: "That's St- ... not something I really like."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on January 05, 2011, 09:16:02 AM
I have a speeding ticket story. My mom was going about 10 miles over the limit, and she got pulled over for speeding. My two little brothers and I were with her. They were 2 and 4 years old at the time. When mom was waiting for the cop to walk up to the car, LB4 asked, "Is he going to shoot Momma?" and LB2 said, "Go, Momma!"  ;D

They are 23 and 21 years old now, and those comments turned out to be a prediction for their future personalities. LB4 is steady, responsible, etc. while LB2 is a little more "out there".  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 05, 2011, 09:18:13 AM
I was grilling and eating on the back porch once, when one of the neighbor kids came over (with permission - they were all very polite). He asked for a taste of my homemade gazpacho.

He smacked his lips, looked very thoughtful, and politely said: "I think I hate it a little bit."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Xallanthia on January 05, 2011, 09:38:09 AM
It's funny to hear all the toddlers who are distraught to learn the source of their meat products, because the last one I've dealt with--my DH's cousin--is exactly the opposite.  Not only does she LOVE meat (she begs for turkey the instant it comes out of the oven), she's excited to learn where it came from.  She's adopted from China and we're pretty sure she was fostered at a farm, so that could be part of it.

The cutest thing to me though was at our wedding.  She saw us all dressed up and declared that we were "Princess Xal" and "Prince Charming."  At Thanksgiving later that month, I got to keep my title but DH went back to being DH. 

Her older sister was 7-8 when DH and I got married, and was greatly amused that she and I very nearly share a name (it has the same root but a different ending--like Laura and Lauren).  She immediately decided that she would call me her name and I would call her mine.  This lasted about a day before she gave me these very big, worried eyes and said, "Can I go back to being *hername* now?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on January 06, 2011, 12:31:09 PM
My ODD(5) tends to run warm, so she often takes off her pj pants when she's sleeping.  One night, we were settling in for story time and she said, "Mom, I'm going to take off my pants now.  Because that's what I do."

I wish I could convey the tone but it was so matter of fact and as if she were relaying a message of great importance.   ;D

Another day, we were having a Wardrobe Battle.  Now, I try to avoid Wardrobe Battles by getting her involved in the selection process the night before.  It was picture day and we'd picked out an outfit the night before.  However, the next day she changed her mind and insisted on wearing a really grubby, holey pair of pants.  I told her she was not going to wear those pants to school.

"Well, YOU'RE not wearing THOSE pants to work!  How do you like THAT?"

It was very sassy and naughty but I had a *really* hard time keeping a straight face with that one.  (We ended up finding a pair of pants we could both live with and had a chat about how I'm her mother.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on January 06, 2011, 12:44:41 PM
My parents had my youngest nephew to themselves for a day or two before my brother, SIL and oldest nephew came down.  It was lunchtime and my SIL poured milk for both boys.  Youngest one says, 'Grandpa gives me chocolate milk!'

Busted!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: katiescarlett on January 22, 2011, 03:43:59 AM
My niece is 5 and my nephew is 2, so they come up with some funny stuff.

My nephew is not a big talker, we call him the one word man.  However, at this past Christmas, he crawled under my grandma's coffee table, waited until he thought everyone was looking at him, then started yelling, help help I tuck, I tuck! (stuck)

My niece at age 3, when asked what she wanted to drink, informed me that she wanted apple juice because it would make her heart happy.

She told me shortly after losing her first two teeth in a week (this past November) that the reason she had been so good lately was because now that she was losing her teeth, she was growing up.

I think my favorite things recently though, were when my nephew had his woody doll from toy story and the hat kept falling off.  He would look up at me with this sad little face, and say "Uh-oh, Woowy"!  And my niece is forever drawing pictures for us as a surprise, so she wants you to close your eyes and hold out your hands.  Only she says close your eyes and hand out your hands!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: IDriveADodgeStratus on January 22, 2011, 08:29:37 AM
I told my DD when she was about three that she was so cute I could eat her up. Her reply was straight out of Sponge Bob:  "Sorry, Mommy, I'm not on the menu!"

She once exclaimed of some lemonade "This sure is spicy, but it sure is good!"

My 18 month old doesn't say much, but the other day when we drove up to the barn where I board my horse, he pointed out the window at all the horses in the pasture and yelled "deee-ah!" (deer)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sirius on January 23, 2011, 12:53:14 PM
When my youngest nephew was about 2 years old he wasn't much of a talker, but he was a very happy kid.  One day I had stopped to visit with his mother, and when I was leaving he accompanied us to the door.  I said, "Bye bye, Nephew."  He said "Bye bye!" and slammed the door in my face.  My sister opened the door.  She was laughing and she said, "He figures that when you say 'bye bye' you're out of here!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on January 23, 2011, 02:59:32 PM
When I was about 6, I had been learning all about where foods come from.  My family was at the fair looking at all the animals and I was commentating "This is a cow, they make beef, like hamburgers.  Oh, and milk.  This is a chicken, it lays eggs."  My brother was about 3 at the time, and was paying rapt attention.  He looks up at my dad and says "So, dad, what animal does corn come from?"  When dad told him it grew from the ground, Chris stomped his foot and say "Don't be silly! Food comes from AMnimals.  It's...MEAT!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on January 23, 2011, 10:54:14 PM
My husband jokes that the girls are penguins and they have "stinky penguin feet."

Also, at dinner, the girls don't have to eat all of their meal, but they must try a "no, thank you" bite of each item.

So it shouldn't have been a surprise when DH was having a tickle/tummy-eating fight with LittlePenguin, and she told him to eat her "stinky penguin feet."  He said, "Ew!" and made gagging noises.  So she told him, "You have to try a no thank-you bite of stinky penguin feet!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MizB on January 24, 2011, 12:46:10 AM
That is hilarious!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on January 25, 2011, 02:36:24 PM
Oldest DD was about 4 I we were trying to teach her the joke "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
She looked genuinely puzzled and said "But...chickens are food!"
That has become an iconic family phrase.  :)

DS - at the end of a long car trip, where we've seen many sights, lots of livestock etc.
He suddenly sat up, pointed out the window and exclaimed, in a truely shocked tone "Oh No! Cows!"
To this day, we don't know why the cows were so alarming, but it was funnier than all get out!

Driving through a residential neighbourhood, a wild rabbit darts across the road.
DS, at ear-shattering-make-mom-swerve-the-car-volume shrieks "Bunny on the loose!"
Gah!  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: magiccat26 on January 25, 2011, 02:47:21 PM
Driving through a residential neighbourhood, a wild rabbit darts across the road.
DS, at ear-shattering-make-mom-swerve-the-car-volume shrieks "Bunny on the loose!"
Gah!  ;D

LOL!  Kitten always screams, "BUNNY BUTT!!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on January 26, 2011, 06:49:37 AM
     Ahhhh... I love this stuff....  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on January 26, 2011, 04:22:53 PM
I am so outing myself on this one.

I guess I was about 2 1/2-3.  I believe we were at a church BBQ.  One woman compliments another lady's hairdo...and I scream as loud as I can, "IT'S A WIG!"...someone clamped a hand over my mouth before anything else was belted out.

The week before her wig fell off and I freaked out because her head was coming off...so she showed me how a wig worked.  I guess I wanted to share the info  ???...at least she thought is was really funny.  My parents were mortified.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Enigmatism on February 01, 2011, 11:06:05 AM
At Christmas dinner DH decided that we were all going to tell each other what we really thought of each other  ::) The rules were nothing mean, constructive criticism and nice things. What could possibly go wrong.

DS started with DH
DS: Well you're going bald, you're really lazy in the morning
DH:  :'(
DS: (trying to be nice)You have a long w!lly
Me and DD:  ;D ;D ;D ;D
DH:  :-[

We stopped after that!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PurpleFrog on February 01, 2011, 01:24:56 PM
Frogmans youngest niece (5) is a goldmine for these.

A,conversation from when she had just turned 4:

MIL: What do you want to be when you grow up?

YN: A Doctor

MIL: And what do doctors do, YN?

YN: Fight Darleks (sp)


A couple of weeks ago YN was playing when she turned to SIL out of the blue and said:
'Mummy when you die I'll always remember you'.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on February 01, 2011, 01:35:52 PM
Frogmans youngest niece (5) is a goldmine for these.

A,conversation from when she had just turned 4:

MIL: What do you want to be when you grow up?

YN: A Doctor

MIL: And what do doctors do, YN?

YN: Fight Darleks (sp)

(Daleks)

That is a little girl who will grow up to do great things! You should be very proud of her.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on February 01, 2011, 02:04:15 PM
My daughter got a Raggedy Ann doll for Christmas.  She calls it Mami.  No idea why.  I'm "Mama," and she almost never hears the word "mommy," so I prefer to think she's secretly learning Spanish.  She's been dragging it around the apartment, imitation all the things I do with both the kids.  It makes for hours of hysterical laughter for us.  But my favorite was when she was "changing" the doll, peeked into the imaginary diaper, and whispered exactly the way I do when confronted with a horrible diaper, "Ah mah gash Mami."  It was my white-knuckled whisper of absolute control over extreme horror, and she nailed it.  I think she will be a great mimic one day.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on February 01, 2011, 03:18:08 PM
Last night, Peanut (who's 2 1/2) had a time out because she wasn't listening to DH.  DH gave her the "you have to listen to Mommy and Daddy" lecture.

A few minutes later, I asked DH to put away a pot that he should have put away when he dried the dishes the night before.  It was now in my way, and I wanted it put away.  Five or ten minutes later, when I really, really needed the space and the pot was still there, I asked DH why he hadn't put it away yet.

Peanut pointed her finger at DH and said, "You need to listen to Mommy!  You need to go to timeout!"  He tried to walk away from her and she grabbed his hand and walked him to the timeout steps and told him, "You need to go to timeout!  Sit down!  I am so mad at you!"

She got the kitchen timer, asked me to set it, and then left it over by the timeout steps.  She grabbed my hand, pointed at DH again, and told him, "Stay there!  Don't move!  We'll be back!"  Then she walked me into the kitchen.

Before DH could get up from his timeout, he was given another lecture on why he had to listen to Mommy and how he made her so mad.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Xallanthia on February 01, 2011, 03:30:02 PM
Last night, Peanut (who's 2 1/2) had a time out because she wasn't listening to DH.  DH gave her the "you have to listen to Mommy and Daddy" lecture.

A few minutes later, I asked DH to put away a pot that he should have put away when he dried the dishes the night before.  It was now in my way, and I wanted it put away.  Five or ten minutes later, when I really, really needed the space and the pot was still there, I asked DH why he hadn't put it away yet.

Peanut pointed her finger at DH and said, "You need to listen to Mommy!  You need to go to timeout!"  He tried to walk away from her and she grabbed his hand and walked him to the timeout steps and told him, "You need to go to timeout!  Sit down!  I am so mad at you!"

She got the kitchen timer, asked me to set it, and then left it over by the timeout steps.  She grabbed my hand, pointed at DH again, and told him, "Stay there!  Don't move!  We'll be back!"  Then she walked me into the kitchen.

Before DH could get up from his timeout, he was given another lecture on why he had to listen to Mommy and how he made her so mad.

Is it terrible that I hope a future child of mine tries this on DH someday?  He is very easily distracted and could use some review... :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on February 01, 2011, 03:34:22 PM
My friends have a 2.5 year old son.  Erica called me the other night, in hysterical tears (due to laughing so hard) to tell me that in the few seconds she left her son alone, he'd moved the toaster onto the "Time Out" chair in the kitchen.  She came in to find him standing in front of it, hands on hips, glaring at it.  Coming a little closer, she sees that his Woody (from Toy Store) action figure is sticking up out of one of the sides.

Casey looks up at her, still glaring, and goes "Well, after all that bread, it finally got hungry."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on February 01, 2011, 07:48:26 PM
When DD was that age, I went in the kitchen one day and saw her favorite doll sitting facing the corner.

"Honey? Why is Kay-Kay in time out?"

Very firmly, "She was bad. She hit Bear."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on February 01, 2011, 07:51:43 PM
And one from a much older kid, my 11 year old DS whose verbal quirks enrich my life beyond measure. During the latter part of the week-long Atlanta snow, he and I took the dog for a walk. The ice had evaporated from a lot of the sidewalk, but for some reason DS was walking on the solid sheet of ice next to it. I asked him how that was going, and he said gravely, "I'm trying to convince the ice I'm as light as a feather. It's not working out so well."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Xallanthia on February 02, 2011, 11:38:34 AM
And one from a much older kid, my 11 year old DS whose verbal quirks enrich my life beyond measure. During the latter part of the week-long Atlanta snow, he and I took the dog for a walk. The ice had evaporated from a lot of the sidewalk, but for some reason DS was walking on the solid sheet of ice next to it. I asked him how that was going, and he said gravely, "I'm trying to convince the ice I'm as light as a feather. It's not working out so well."

hah!  I remember being around that age and we came home from a tropical vacation to find it had snowed a foot and my parents had not made arrangements to get plowed if it snowed.  Here it is important to know that my parents' driveway is 300 feet long.  The snow was powdery but had a solid crust on it--it was about a day old so had melted and re-frozen; at ages 10, 8, and 5, we could sort of walk on it.  We spent the whole walk up to the house going, "I'm as light as a feather, I'm as light as a feather!" to stay up and "I'm as heavy as a rock :(" if we fell in.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Micah on February 05, 2011, 07:47:15 PM
This happened this morning. The child wanted chips for breakfast, which of course wasn't happening. He stood looking at me for a while wearing his supremely cute grumpy face.

Me (trying not to laugh): "I love you."
Child: "NO!"
Me: "I do love you."
Child: "Well me don't love you!"
Me (biting my tongue not to laugh): "That makes Mummy very sad." I kept working on the computer for a bit. After a couple of minutes he came and sat beside me.
Child: "Mummy?"
Me: "Mmmm?"
He reached up and grabbed my face, turning it so I was looking at him.
Child: "Me do love you Mummy. You just need to do as you told."
I cracked up and gave him a hug.

When he does something naughty I always try to make sure I clarify that it's his behaviour I don't love, not him. I never expected it to be turned around on me!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 05, 2011, 08:05:29 PM
I don't have any kids myself, but I do have some funny stories about my sisters and I when we were little.

4-year-old me once approached a heavily made-up lady in the church bathroom and asked her, "Are you a clown?" Annoyed, she replied "No, do I look like I clown?" I responded "Yes." My mother, who was in a stall and unable to do anything, was naturally mortified (yet highly amused!).

Little Sis was born in January, so when she saw snow the following winter she didn't remember it at all. She was looking out the back door one day when it started snowing. She gazed up at the sky and whispered "Crumbs..."

My family was at an art museum. Baby Sis, who I believe was about 6 at the time, saw a woman gazing motionlessly at a painting. "Mommy," Baby Sis whispered, "is that lady a statue?" "I don't know," responded our mom, "why don't you go ask her?" So she did! And the lady apparently said nothing, which convinced Baby Sis that she was indeed just a piece of artwork...

Whenever Baby Sis didn't want to do something she was asked to do, she responded "I can't. I have 10 broken legs."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on February 05, 2011, 08:28:54 PM
This happened this morning. The child wanted chips for breakfast, which of course wasn't happening. He stood looking at me for a while wearing his supremely cute grumpy face.

Me (trying not to laugh): "I love you."
Child: "NO!"
Me: "I do love you."
Child: "Well me don't love you!"
Me (biting my tongue not to laugh): "That makes Mummy very sad." I kept working on the computer for a bit. After a couple of minutes he came and sat beside me.
Child: "Mummy?"
Me: "Mmmm?"
He reached up and grabbed my face, turning it so I was looking at him.
Child: "Me do love you Mummy. You just need to do as you told."
I cracked up and gave him a hug.

When he does something naughty I always try to make sure I clarify that it's his behaviour I don't love, not him. I never expected it to be turned around on me!

We seem to be raising the same child! Mine told me today he DID love me, but my reluctance to feed him chocolate for breakfast was cramping his style.  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on February 05, 2011, 09:04:43 PM
I was visiting a friend whose husband had been very ill with the flu for a couple of days and this was his first day back to work.  When he walked in, he waved Hi! to all of us and proceeded to start up the stairs to change out of his work clothes.

Immediately their two year old's face lit up and he yelled, "Mommy! Mommy!  Can I go upstairs and watch Daddy throw up?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Íkorna on February 05, 2011, 09:52:30 PM
Tonight I babysat two girls. At one point me and the younger girl were calling each other by the names of other people we know. After running out of names, she paused to think for a bit, and finally came up with 'Home Depot'. It stuck.

Later I read them a bedtime story, 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. Near the end of the book, when the Whos' are all singing, the older girl wondered aloud what would have happened if the Grinch had cut off everyone's legs instead of stealing their presents. It was asked so seriously and solemnly that I completely fell apart laughing. Because really, what would have happened?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: magiccat26 on February 07, 2011, 08:59:08 AM
Yesterday my 8 year old DD and I were at a Girl Scout event.  At one point the girls in our troop were all sitting together, so I pulled out the camera and asked the girls to smile.   ;D

After taking the picture, I realized that while the other girls had smiled at the camera, my DD had a cheeseball clenched between her teeth and had crossed her eyes.   ::)

So, I just looked at Kitten and said evilly  >:D, "Well, that's a picture I can trot out when you are older and use to embarrass you over and over again."  Kitten's eyes got wide and she looked worried.

So later when we are driving home, I mentioned putting up all the pictures where the other GS parents could see them.  Kitten says, "Except for the one with the cheeseball, right.  That would be embarrassing."

Being the evil Mother that I am, I said, "Sorry, that's going to be the album cover."

Imagine the most dramatic/sad voice you can coming from the backseat, "My life is RUINED."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on February 07, 2011, 09:03:53 AM
My mom told one on me. I was 6 and we were visiting Snow White's Palace in Disneyland. I turned to my mom nervously and said, "It's a good thing I'm not wearing my best dress." My mom asked why and I answered, "Because then I would be the most beautiful and the evil queen would come after me."

I wish I still had that kind of confidence.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Marisol on February 07, 2011, 11:17:18 AM
Once when my hair was about waist length I was wearing a black velvet skirt with a deep plum colored top and a black long sleeved over shirt.  My hair was worn loose down my back.  I thought I looked good! 

A kid nearby turned to her mom, pointed at me, and exclaimed excitedly, "Look mom!  She's a witch!!!"

I don't know how to take that.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Wonderflonium on February 07, 2011, 11:32:00 AM
When my uncle was little, my great grandfather was watching him while my grandparents were at work. It was getting close to when my grandmother would be home, so Pap told my uncle to clean up his toys. He didn't. Pap warned him. He didn't do it. Finally, Pap tapped him with a fly swatter. My uncle looked up at him and said matter-of-factly, "I'm not gonna do it until you hit me hard!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 07, 2011, 12:26:55 PM
I used to babysit for two little girls. I arrived one evening while their parents were getting ready to go out. The husband came downstairs, looking nice in a suit and tie, and his older daughter (4) exclaimed "Daddy! Are you really going out in THAT?!" Gee, I wonder where she heard that from...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Lashley on February 07, 2011, 10:17:55 PM
I got one from the now-4 year old I used to babysit! His mom was trying to get him ready for school, and she called "time to get dressed!" to his room from the kitchen (very close). He yells back "I'm not here right now, leave a message after the beep!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on February 08, 2011, 11:21:05 AM
     I was waiting in line for a teller to open up at the bank and overheard a little boy (couldn't be more than 4-5) trying to get his mother's attention while they sat across from a loan officer in a nearby office.  It caught my attention because he was SO excited and desperately trying to get her to listen to him.

     The mom finaly turned and said "What?!?!" And he pointed at the little beta fish tank on the loan officer's desk and yells "Look she's got a SEAL!!!"    :D :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 08, 2011, 05:03:31 PM
I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people. ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on February 09, 2011, 07:56:22 AM
I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people. ;D

     Are you dating my little brother?  He's in the Air Force, stationed in Albuqueque, NM... His first word was Clock!!!!  I think that's amazing... I hope you two are very happy together  :D  He's a great guy  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Serendipity0723 on February 09, 2011, 08:01:23 AM
I don't generally post here, but I have to add that my 2.5 year old son's first word was also "clock," and he had the same pronunciation issues!  He also liked to run around in public shouting it!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MizB on February 09, 2011, 08:18:13 AM
[B/G] It wasn't my first word, but it was one of my favorite things as a child. [B/G]

When I was little, for a few months (at most a year) I had a problem saying the letters TR together. Instead of a cute TW sound they came out as the letter F. I have no idea why.

However, during this period I also thought my dad's truck was the greatest vehicle ever and would shout about how we rode somewhere in the truck or we came in the truck or something to that effect.

I am sure you see where this is going. Yeah at like two years old I was screaming that word in the grocery store, much to my obliviousness lol.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on February 09, 2011, 08:20:38 AM
LOL, I can't believe how many kids said "clock" as their first word! It wasn't my DD's very first word (that was "cat," which she used to refer to pretty much everything in addition to actual cats), but it was one of them. (Yes, same pronunciation issue.) Maybe something about the hard consonants makes it easy for them to understand/say.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on February 09, 2011, 08:26:37 AM
[B/G] It wasn't my first word, but it was one of my favorite things as a child. [B/G]

When I was little, for a few months (at most a year) I had a problem saying the letters TR together. Instead of a cute TW sound they came out as the letter F. I have no idea why.


My nephew had the same issue with the word "frog," which I didn't know until we were playing animal sounds and I asked him what a frog says. My sister said to me, "Oh no, do not get him started on frogs!" I asked why, and she replied, "J, what do you know about frogs?" and he replied, in his innocent little voice, "F***?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Poirot on February 09, 2011, 08:34:15 AM
On funny first words...my eldest DD's first words were "eat" and "chokate". I guess she takes after her Mom.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on February 09, 2011, 08:57:50 AM
I remember once reading a story about a Mom whose little 2-year-old boy heard the f-word when her husband hurt himself or something.  So she's at the grocery store or something, and he, testing out his new word, exclaims loudly, "F***!"  Cue stares by the other customers.  Mom, thinking fast, says loudly to the little boy, "No, sweetie, it's *truck*.  Can you say truck?"

The fish tank thing reminded me of something last night.  I took the girls with me to LittlePenguin's dance class.  As we were leaving, they just had to stop at the fish tank and look happily at the fish in the aquarium.  So you know, this is a regular aquarium, maybe 40 gallons or so, with a wide variety of small-ish freshwater fish.

LittlePenguin looks eagerly through the fish.  "Mommy, are there any sharks?"

Me, laughing: "No, no sharks."

She looks disappointed, then presses up against the glass so that she can look into the little pretend wrecked ship (like the one in Little Mermaid where a shark appears).  "I think I see one in here!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on February 09, 2011, 09:16:18 AM
     Just a quick note about "Clock" as my little brother's first word - we have (and always have had) a big ornate carved German clock on the wall that plays a long musical chime every hour... actually, it plays a small piece of the chime at quarter after, and adds a piece every 15 minutes until it progresses to the total long muscial chime on the hour.  Sounds like it could be annoying, but we were so used to it, and it was kinda nice, except you'd have to pause your conversation when it started up, haha...  But anyway, I think that was probably why his first word was "Clock"... it had such a presence in our home, it was like one of the family, haha
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Xallanthia on February 09, 2011, 09:48:35 AM
When I first learned to talk, I couldn't say "s" alone.  It always came out "sh."

My mother remembers vividly the time I was very tired in the mall and started yelling at her that I wanted to sit down.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 09, 2011, 12:14:27 PM
I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people. ;D

     Are you dating my little brother?  He's in the Air Force, stationed in Albuqueque, NM... His first word was Clock!!!!  I think that's amazing... I hope you two are very happy together  :D  He's a great guy  ;D

LOL, I'm afraid not - BF is an engineering student in Canada! :) I can't believe how many babies said "clock" as their first word, I never would have guessed!

My first word was "kitty." Ever-so-slightly disappointed, my mother made sure the next baby's first word was "mama." >:D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 09, 2011, 12:25:29 PM
When I first learned to talk, I couldn't say "s" alone.  It always came out "sh."

My mother remembers vividly the time I was very tired in the mall and started yelling at her that I wanted to sit down.

The online multiplayer game "World of Warcraft" had an issue with this - when your character drinks alcohol in the game, your screen goes fuzzy and anything you type goes through a filter which adds *hic* in the middle of your sentences and chances any "s" to an "sh."

They had to fix an issue where players could get drunk and threaten to sit on people, and get past the profanity filter :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on February 09, 2011, 01:34:47 PM
[B/G] It wasn't my first word, but it was one of my favorite things as a child. [B/G]

When I was little, for a few months (at most a year) I had a problem saying the letters TR together. Instead of a cute TW sound they came out as the letter F. I have no idea why.

However, during this period I also thought my dad's truck was the greatest vehicle ever and would shout about how we rode somewhere in the truck or we came in the truck or something to that effect.

I am sure you see where this is going. Yeah at like two years old I was screaming that word in the grocery store, much to my obliviousness lol.

My SIL is a speech language pathologist.  She has had more than one parent tell her, 'If nothing else, please teach my child to say truck properly.'
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Xallanthia on February 09, 2011, 01:43:52 PM
When I first learned to talk, I couldn't say "s" alone.  It always came out "sh."

My mother remembers vividly the time I was very tired in the mall and started yelling at her that I wanted to sit down.

The online multiplayer game "World of Warcraft" had an issue with this - when your character drinks alcohol in the game, your screen goes fuzzy and anything you type goes through a filter which adds *hic* in the middle of your sentences and chances any "s" to an "sh."

They had to fix an issue where players could get drunk and threaten to sit on people, and get past the profanity filter :P

I play WoW.  I very rarely get my character drunk because the screen effect makes me dizzy (even if you turn off the blur, though that's better), but every time I do I end up having to explain something technical, passionately argue a point of gameplay, or perform officer duties (mild discipline, answering questions, etc) in guild chat.  It's hard to sound official and smart when every second sentence comes out like, "Make shure you're shtanding behind the ranged to get the mosht benefit from Light of Dawn ...hic!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on February 09, 2011, 02:36:55 PM
     Just a quick note about "Clock" as my little brother's first word - we have (and always have had) a big ornate carved German clock on the wall that plays a long musical chime every hour... actually, it plays a small piece of the chime at quarter after, and adds a piece every 15 minutes until it progresses to the total long muscial chime on the hour.  Sounds like it could be annoying, but we were so used to it, and it was kinda nice, except you'd have to pause your conversation when it started up, haha...  But anyway, I think that was probably why his first word was "Clock"... it had such a presence in our home, it was like one of the family, haha

We did too, with the addition of the little birdie that pops out to chirp the hour.  And it hung right over my playpen.  Thus, one of my first words was "Cuckoo"!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ferrets on February 09, 2011, 02:59:56 PM
It's hard to sound official and smart when every second sentence comes out like, "Make shure you're shtanding behind the ranged to get the mosht benefit from Light of Dawn ...hic!"

WoW: Sean Connery Edition? ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Lashley on February 09, 2011, 04:13:17 PM
The same child from my answering machine story had major trouble with the hard "k" sound, and replaced it with "t"- so my sister, Kara, became "Tara." but it was super embarrassing when I took him to a pet store and started yelling "I want to hold those kitties!" except yeah...he stuck a "t" on the word instead...I hightailed it out of there!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Thipu1 on February 11, 2011, 06:09:06 PM
I had the problem with saying 'truck' too.  The 'tr' combination always came out as an 'f'.  I was also a vocal child who enjoyed saying what I could.  It was very embarrassing for my mother when we were riding a town bus.

I also remember another thing that may be a bit touching.

I was about 7 years old and playing with paper dolls (does anyone remember those?) at the house of a friend from school.  Her younger sibling was all over us.  He was very annoying and finally, she gave him a light slap.

The boy put out the kind of eyes that you see from Puss-in-Boots in the Shreck films and asked, "Why you so mean to me?  I'm the only little brother you got?" 

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Micah on February 12, 2011, 05:13:19 AM
The kid and I were having a shower this evening. As I was getting out I accidentally kicked him and scratched his leg with my toenail. He dropped to the floor in a very dramatic fashion, wailing, "Mine leg, mine leg!" I bent down and rubbed it gently, but he yanked it away saying, "Stop it! You just making it worse! Me not very happy!" I moved back a bit and said I was sorry for making it worse. He sighed and shook his head, muttering, "Bloody oath." under his breath. Then he patted me on the leg and said, "That's okay, Mum."  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on February 12, 2011, 09:54:00 AM
Not really a funny phrase, but when my sister was 2 or 3 she didn't quite have a grasp on verbs.  Our favorite was when my brother and I would be teasing her and she'd put her little hands on her hips, stomp her foot and say "NO! I IMN'T DAT!"   ;D  I'm not sure how Imn't would be spelt, but it was pronouced with the "im" as in "him" and then "innt."  I was so sad when she stopped saying imn't, though it would be much less cute from a 17 year old lol.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Animala on February 12, 2011, 11:21:23 AM
When geordicat jr was about 2 1/2, maybe 3, we were at grandma's house visiting.  He managed to pull grandma's yellow dishwashing gloves off the sink.   He put them on his feet, then looked at his feet.  He looked at us and were were all trying not to laugh, then he looked back at his feet and said "I'm a chicken.  BOCK BOCK BOCK!" and walked around the house.

My son, he'd just turned 11 going on 5 I think, at the chiropractor's office.  He was not a chicken though.  I'm not sure I ever figured it out, but he was certainly pleased with himself.

(http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2091/226/7/539800600/n539800600_5777067_8541.jpg)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on February 12, 2011, 01:32:33 PM
We went through a head-scratching phase with the eldest DD's, trying to figure out what "clug-lug" was.

We finally realized it wasn't some random twin-speak but rather a toddler version of "catalog".

The "Please don't repeat that!" phase was during bathtime, when the girls would yell out something that sounded extremely rude.
Eventually we realized that no, it wasn't them telling someone off (which I don't think they'd ever heard) but a distorted version of "face-cloth", with the first word garbled and the "th" in cloth sounding like an "f".

We corrected their pronounciation of that word pronto!  :o :o
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MizB on February 12, 2011, 06:28:03 PM
When my niece was younger shed couldn't say hospital correctly. It was the cutest thing I had ever heard and I laughed when I first heard her say it much to her displeasure. Here she was a worried three year old and I was laughing because she called hospital "hostible"

I was so sad the day I found out she could say it properly.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Information_queen on February 12, 2011, 06:58:34 PM
I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people. ;D

     Are you dating my little brother?  He's in the Air Force, stationed in Albuqueque, NM... His first word was Clock!!!!  I think that's amazing... I hope you two are very happy together  :D  He's a great guy  ;D

LOL, I'm afraid not - BF is an engineering student in Canada! :) I can't believe how many babies said "clock" as their first word, I never would have guessed!

My first word was "kitty." Ever-so-slightly disappointed, my mother made sure the next baby's first word was "mama." >:D

My first word was 'ruff ruff.' There was a dog in the mobile home next to ours and I would stand at the back door barking at it, apparently. I'm still weird.


My friend's kid (he's 4) had one today. I was over at her house and she invited my dog, too, since my husband is working this evening. We pulled a pillow into the kitchen and he laid there next to my friend for a while.

Her son came in and demonstrated how he could cross his fingers, index and middle, and ring finger and pinky. So we did it too, and then he asked Mudkips if he could do it, too. Sorry sweetie but puppy paws can't do that.

Then he said, "Love you Mudkip. Want to go watch a movie with me?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on February 12, 2011, 07:07:14 PM
I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people. ;D

     Are you dating my little brother?  He's in the Air Force, stationed in Albuqueque, NM... His first word was Clock!!!!  I think that's amazing... I hope you two are very happy together  :D  He's a great guy  ;D

LOL, I'm afraid not - BF is an engineering student in Canada! :) I can't believe how many babies said "clock" as their first word, I never would have guessed!

My first word was "kitty." Ever-so-slightly disappointed, my mother made sure the next baby's first word was "mama." >:D

My first word was 'ruff ruff.' There was a dog in the mobile home next to ours and I would stand at the back door barking at it, apparently. I'm still weird.


My friend's kid (he's 4) had one today. I was over at her house and she invited my dog, too, since my husband is working this evening. We pulled a pillow into the kitchen and he laid there next to my friend for a while.

Her son came in and demonstrated how he could cross his fingers, index and middle, and ring finger and pinky. So we did it too, and then he asked Mudkips if he could do it, too. Sorry sweetie but puppy paws can't do that.

Then he said, "Love you Mudkip. Want to go watch a movie with me?"

You ever watch the show Raising Hope? There was an episode where she was barking on there LOL.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on February 12, 2011, 09:19:57 PM
Oh.  First words.  My first daughter dutifully made "mama" one of her first words.  I don't think it was her very first word, but it was close.

Second daughter:  No words until 11.5 months.  Then, out of nowhere, while being carried around by her father, "Jump!"  The next word?  "Poop."  Then "cheese," "dis?" (this), and now, we think, "Grace."  That's her sister's name.

I think "mama" and "daddy" may come shortly after "chopped liver."  If we're lucky.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Xallanthia on February 14, 2011, 09:59:18 AM
When my niece was younger shed couldn't say hospital correctly. It was the cutest thing I had ever heard and I laughed when I first heard her say it much to her displeasure. Here she was a worried three year old and I was laughing because she called hospital "hostible"

I was so sad the day I found out she could say it properly.

For my little sister it was "Basketti" (Spaghetti) and "Ploce-mate" (Placemat).
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on February 14, 2011, 11:34:30 AM
Up until DD#2 was about 10, she called potholders 'hotpolders'. Because they were those things that you use to remove hot things from the oven!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Information_queen on February 14, 2011, 09:23:48 PM
My friend and her son were over here again today, and we had our own unique Valentine's dinner since my husband was working.

While we were eating, we all started saying "happy valentine's day."

Me: Happy Valentine's Day, Matty!
Matty: You're welcome!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Lashley on February 14, 2011, 09:33:51 PM
When my sister was around 3-4 she loved tacos, but wanted a soft tortilla with meat only which she called it a "squeezer," I guess because of the way she could hold it. It was maddening for babysitters - my grandmother called my mom freaking out because sis was screaming "I WANT A SQUEEZER!" and she had no idea what she was talking about!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Samantha on February 14, 2011, 11:03:30 PM
When my sister was around 3-4 she loved tacos, but wanted a soft tortilla with meat only which she called it a "squeezer," I guess because of the way she could hold it. It was maddening for babysitters - my grandmother called my mom freaking out because sis was screaming "I WANT A SQUEEZER!" and she had no idea what she was talking about!

Sounds like me, when I was a kid... Grandma was making me eggs for breakfast, and asked me how I wanted them (big mistake to ask a 2 year old how they want their eggs!). I didn't know the NAME for how Mom made them, I just knew what they looked like. So I cupped my hands together, and said "Like dis!" Which, I'm sure you guessed, did Grandma absolutely NO good whatsoever. Grandma went through a dozen eggs that morning, trying to get them right... She made them every way she knew how. Almost. I ended up eating cereal that morning.

When Mom came home from work that night, Grandma asked her how she makes eggs... Mom scrambles them! Me cupping my hands together was the fluffy clumps! It was the only way that Grandma had NOT tried making them. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 14, 2011, 11:24:10 PM
When I went to get Babybartfast up this morning, she gave me a LONG monologue about how DH needed to put new batteries in her seahorse (stuffed seahorse which lights up and plays music - she sleeps with it) and he would take out the old batteries and put in the new batteries and then the seahorse could play louder and and and . . .

Me: "What is daddy going to do with the batteries?"
Her: "Put them inside Seahorse!"
Me: "Do you have batteries inside you?"
Her: "No, I have GAS!"

I should mention we've been working on potty training and she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MizB on February 15, 2011, 12:23:16 AM
When my niece was little she liked egg "with cheese in them" Naturally, we thought she meant either an omlette or scrambled. Nope she meant hard boiled with "cheese" being the yolk.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on February 15, 2011, 06:13:53 AM
     I was making breakfast for my little cousin once and she said she wanted "what happens when you dip bread in eggs"  So I made up an awesome batch of french toast with cinnamon and vanilla - she wouldn't touch it.  She didn't even know what it was.  I said, but this is what you asked for! And she said "No... I want the bread you dip in eggs"...

     My fault I guess.. she literally wanted to dip bread in eggs (ala toast and eggs sunny side up?)  I had never encountered a 5 year old that would eat eggs that way... nor that would refuse delicious smelling french toast with butter and syrup... go figure!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: magiccat26 on February 15, 2011, 08:41:37 AM
The egg stories reminded me of this one...

When Kitten was around 5 she went to spend the night at my Mom's house.  The next morning, my Mom offered to make Kitten eggs but Kitten didn't know how she liked her eggs.

GMa:  Kitten I'm making eggs this morning.  Do you like them fried, scrambled or over easy.
Kitten:  I don't know
GMa tries to describe eggs
Kitten:  I'm not sure
GMa:  Well, why don't I call Mommy and see how she makes them for you.
Kitten:  No, you better call Daddy, you know Mommy doesn't cook!

My Mother was laughing so hard when she called I almost couldn't understand her. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on February 15, 2011, 10:01:31 AM
. . .  she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever  ::)

LOL!  So do I.

It's much better when it happens "there" than when it happens in the aisle at the grocery store!!!   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 15, 2011, 12:50:04 PM
. . .  she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever  ::)

LOL!  So do I.

It's much better when it happens "there" than when it happens in the aisle at the grocery store!!!   ;D

She's just figured out what "invisible" means, so she's convinced that gas is invisible poop.  I'm not really sure how to explain that one.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ms_Shell on February 15, 2011, 12:59:32 PM
. . .  she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever  ::)

LOL!  So do I.

It's much better when it happens "there" than when it happens in the aisle at the grocery store!!!   ;D

She's just figured out what "invisible" means, so she's convinced that gas is invisible poop.  I'm not really sure how to explain that one.

My inner five-year-old is rolling on the floor right now.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Lexophile on February 15, 2011, 02:15:22 PM
Story 1: My DD sometimes has a hard time waking up from naps. If she sleeps longer than usual, she's a bit out of sync when I pull her out of her crib.

The other day, she was whining and generally in a bad mood when I put her down to change her diaper after her nap. She suddenly stopped, looked up at me, and said, "Why I so cranky?"

Story 2: When I lay her down for naps, she sometimes lies there and talks, sings, or rolls around aimlessly in her crib, which interferes with her getting her rest that she needs. So I started telling her. "It's quiet time. That means no talking, no singing, and no kicking." I make her repeat it back to me so I know she gets it, and she usually has a great nap.

So yesterday I was getting her ready for day care and told her it was Valentine's Day. I asked her, "Do you know what that means?" She got a very solemn look on her face and said, "Yes. No talking, no singing, and no kicking."

Story 3: I got her up today and a small amount of gas had built up in her tummy. She burped and immediately giggled, yelling, "I tooted in my mouth!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: yankeefan2017 on February 15, 2011, 02:47:11 PM
I have one from the other day. It was mortifying. LOL

My YDD (6) has a bit of trouble pronouncing certain words. Like Toilet Paper is Paper Toilet.

Well, we were walking into Home Depot and talking about going to visit Grandma. I asked YDD if she knew where Grandma lived and she looks at me like I'm dumb and says (loudly) "of course, she lives in Poosy Lucy. My mother lives in Port St Lucie

So yeah, the looks from the mostly male filled store were priceless.  :-[
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Martienne on February 15, 2011, 04:07:15 PM
I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people. ;D

That's really interesting! My oldest daughter's first word was also 'clock' (same pronunciation issue), but unlike some of the other posters, there was no specific unusual clock that spurred this. She spent about a week every day pointing at things and grunting a general 'what's that'-type inquiring noise, and 'clock' is just the first word out of all those she heard that week that she decided to attempt. And she loved to point them out, too.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on February 15, 2011, 07:54:46 PM
I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people. ;D

That's really interesting! My oldest daughter's first word was also 'clock' (same pronunciation issue), but unlike some of the other posters, there was no specific unusual clock that spurred this. She spent about a week every day pointing at things and grunting a general 'what's that'-type inquiring noise, and 'clock' is just the first word out of all those she heard that week that she decided to attempt. And she loved to point them out, too.

I'm just astounded at the number of people who know someone whose first word was "clock." It must just be one of those words that parents say to their babies a lot because it's a common household item, and babies must repeat it because it's pretty easy to say. I don't think BF or Sis had a specific clock in mind either.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on February 15, 2011, 08:09:49 PM
When my DS was little he called lightning bugs "buggling lights."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on February 15, 2011, 08:14:37 PM
When my DS was little he called lightning bugs "buggling lights."

And you know what?  His term is actually more scientifically accurate than "lightning bugs".   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on February 16, 2011, 09:26:36 AM
Last week I was out all evening running errands with my 5YO DD. It was getting late, so I ordered pizza. When we drove up to the pizza place to pick up our order, she asked me, "Are we going to eat in the restroom?" (restaurant)  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: magiccat26 on February 16, 2011, 12:35:06 PM
Last night DH was uploading some old High School pictures to his FaceBook account.  Kitten wanders into the office to see what Daddy is doing and DH points himself out in the pictures.

After a moment of silence, Kitten (dead serious) says, "Wow Daddy, I didn't know they had color pictures way back then!"

(DH graduated in 1989  ;))
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: hobish on February 16, 2011, 12:43:44 PM
. . .  she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever  ::)

LOL!  So do I.

It's much better when it happens "there" than when it happens in the aisle at the grocery store!!!   ;D

She's just figured out what "invisible" means, so she's convinced that gas is invisible poop.  I'm not really sure how to explain that one.

This has been giving me the giggles since yesterday when i first read it.  :)

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on February 16, 2011, 04:28:06 PM
My brother always teased my sister on her pronunciation of burger. It comes out a combination of booger and burger. Not as much "oo" but also not enough "ur".

When we'd go to McDonald's she'd want a cheeseburger, but after my brother's incessant teasing, she started eating Big Macs.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on February 18, 2011, 07:29:22 PM
My brother always teased my sister on her pronunciation of burger. It comes out a combination of booger and burger. Not as much "oo" but also not enough "ur".

When we'd go to McDonald's she'd want a cheeseburger, but after my brother's incessant teasing, she started eating Big Macs.



My daughter's long "o" sounds are a bit like an "oo" sound. She always talks about "oopening" doors.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Eisa on February 19, 2011, 01:06:01 PM
This is a story of something I said.  :-[ My mom delights in telling even complete strangers this, so I might as well tell it now! :P

When I was 2, my mom said something like "come here, my little baby." Something along those lines.

I stamped my foot and said, "I'm not a baby! I'm a woman!"

 :-[  :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Marisol on February 21, 2011, 08:17:18 AM
My friend's son:  When I grow up I am going to have lots of weed!
Us: ...
His dad:  What?  Weed?
My friend's son:  Yes, because then I can make my own bread!
His dad:  Oh!  You mean "wheat".  Bread is made of wheat!  You want to have lots of wheat.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on February 21, 2011, 08:22:56 AM
When a friend of mine was potty training her daughter, the child discovered boys could go standing up....so she wanted to and was very disappointed that she couldn't. 

She walked around for weeks saying "I want a p*nis!" at very bad times and very loudly.  The best part it when she used a slinky to demonstate though.   ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on February 24, 2011, 10:16:34 AM
When a friend of mine was potty training her daughter, the child discovered boys could go standing up....so she wanted to and was very disappointed that she couldn't. 

She walked around for weeks saying "I want a p*nis!" at very bad times and very loudly.  The best part it when she used a slinky to demonstate though.   ;)

Thank you, I just snorted Dr. Pepper after reading that!  ;D

I was rocking my DS last night, and my DD was dancing around the living room. It was distracting DS, so I asked her to stop. (She's 5.) She looked at me and said, "But I NEED to dance!"  :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: jayhawk on February 24, 2011, 02:23:20 PM
"Gotta dance, gotta dance!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: portugo on February 24, 2011, 05:27:42 PM
When I was little, I came across the word "prostitute" while reading the synopsis of Les Miserables.  I asked my mom what it meant, and she sat me down for a little life lesson and carefully explained it.  I replied, "Oh, you mean you a hooker?"  That's when she decided I'd watched too much Night Court.   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on February 24, 2011, 06:00:46 PM
 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Íkorna on February 24, 2011, 07:35:51 PM
I'm pretty sure I haven't shared this one... When I was younger, the nurse at my dentist's office was named Sylvia. Every time I was there and I said hello to her my mom had to correct me-- "No, honey, it's Sylvia, not Saliva." Luckily, Sylvia had a great sense of humor about it!  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: JonGirl on February 25, 2011, 12:24:23 AM

Someone I know died last year and "Ring of fire" was played at the funeral.
Yesterday out of the blue my son, 6, asks, "do you remember when we went to Johnny Cash's funeral"?
Me and dh looked at each other with a  :-X expression and then burst out laughing.
We said no, mate, not Johnny Cash's but he still insists.  :-[
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: JoW on February 27, 2011, 12:12:01 PM
I heard this one from the Grandmother of the little boy ---

A 4-year old boy accidentally walked in the bathroom while his 8-month pregnant mother was showering.  A few days later, out of the blue, the little boy tells his dad "I know what color the baby's hair is going to be", then announced the color.  Later that day the mother and father were discussing it.  The color the boy named was the color of the hair he saw when his mother was in the shower.  Yes, that hair. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gmama on February 27, 2011, 03:16:09 PM
My 2yr old twins adore Thomas the Tank Engine.  There's a segment in the show where they show a jumbled puzzle and you're supposed to guess which train it's showing as the pieces slowly shift into place.  When the puzzle is solved the narrator says loudly "It's Thomas!!!" (or whatever the character's name is).  One day the narrator said "It's Percy!!". 

My very vocal twin can't pronounce the s in 'it's' and his Percy sounds more like p*ssy.  So we were treated to his constantly yelling "eat p*ssy!!"  ALL. WEEK. LONG.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on February 27, 2011, 07:58:56 PM
I heard this one from the Grandmother of the little boy ---

A 4-year old boy accidentally walked in the bathroom while his 8-month pregnant mother was showering.  A few days later, out of the blue, the little boy tells his dad "I know what color the baby's hair is going to be", then announced the color.  Later that day the mother and father were discussing it.  The color the boy named was the color of the hair he saw when his mother was in the shower.  Yes, that hair. 

This reminds me of a story my ex-BF told on himself from when he was young. He and his mother were in the shower together (and I suspect this may have been the end of that practice, lol), when he asked her where her p*nis was. She told him she did not have one. But he didn't buy it, he put his little hands on his little hips, looked her in the eye and said, "You can't fool me, I know you have one tucked up there somewhere in all that fur!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sharnita on February 27, 2011, 08:15:01 PM
A friend who teaches math got back a test where there was a question that had two triangles and asked the kids "are these two figures similar?  Why or why not?"  One of the kids answered "No - one is a smaller virgin"  We are assuming the student meant "version"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 27, 2011, 10:20:58 PM
I've had long (really long) hair since forever, but this week I cut it short.  Really short.  Almost-shaved short.  I've also got pretty fair skin, but one dark mole on the side of my neck.

Babybartfast loves my new haircut, because apparently now she can see I have a second mole on the back of my neck.  Except she has decided it's not a "mole," it's a "nipple."

Any time I pick her up, she has to poke my neck and tell me all about how I have two nipples  :-[
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: NutMeg on February 28, 2011, 01:47:21 AM
When I was just a baby, my mum was bathing me and my older brother together. He would have been roughly 18 months old. He was splashing around delightedly, and then looked at me. His eyes got wide. He looked at my mum in horror, pointed at my crotch, and said "Big owie."

I laugh every time I think about that. Poor kid.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on February 28, 2011, 10:18:33 AM
We had a couple of funny incidents this weekend. Yesterday morning I brought my DS (2) next door to help my dad feed the cows. We were standing in the barn looking over they hayrack and DS said "Them cows ALL have tails on them booties." Then he patted his own behind and said, "I have a booty." My dad said, "Yes, but you don't have a tail!"

My niece (4) was playing with her mom's iphone, and she wanted to go jump on the trampoline, so I told her to give me the phone. She handed it to me and said, "When we drop it, we say Good God it has an otter box!"  ;D I told my SIL and she said that she had dropped the phone the day before and said, Thank God we have an otter box.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on February 28, 2011, 11:03:59 AM
Otter box?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on February 28, 2011, 11:05:15 AM
Otter box?

Me too.  I had to Google it.  It's apparently a protective case for the iphone.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: magiccat26 on February 28, 2011, 11:06:49 AM
Another one from my 8 year old this weekend.

For some reason, girls want to date rock stars like Justin Beiber.  But, if a boy approaches me, I'll be all like "Hi-yah!" until he's on the ground.  Then I'll yell "Man down!  I didn't do it!"

Yes, Kitten is a strange blend of Ms. Piggy and Bart Simpson  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: bookworm317 on February 28, 2011, 11:17:20 AM
Another one from my 8 year old this weekend.

For some reason, girls want to date rock stars like Justin Beiber.  But, if a boy approaches me, I'll be all like "Hi-yah!" until he's on the ground.  Then I'll yell "Man down!  I didn't do it!"

Yes, Kitten is a strange blend of Ms. Piggy and Bart Simpson  ;)

Magiccat, I love your daughter! ;D That's just awesome!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on February 28, 2011, 03:50:49 PM
That's hilarious! I love it!  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Enigmatism on March 03, 2011, 06:39:28 AM
Another one from my 8 year old this weekend.

For some reason, girls want to date rock stars like Justin Beiber.  But, if a boy approaches me, I'll be all like "Hi-yah!" until he's on the ground.  Then I'll yell "Man down!  I didn't do it!"

Yes, Kitten is a strange blend of Ms. Piggy and Bart Simpson  ;)

If your DD and mine ever go out 'looking for love' together... I feel sorry for any victim boy victim they happen upon!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Enigmatism on March 03, 2011, 06:43:43 AM
My DD was telling me how she split up with her boyfriend! (Boyfriend! She's 9. :o)

Apparently she sat him down and broke it to him gently. 'We have to break up. It's not me, it's you.'
I asked if that shouldn't be the other way round. She replied 'But it is his fault. He's a jerk. He doesn't understand the offside rule and thinks rugby is rubbish.'

I'm glad she has such high standards (I think)! ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: bookworm317 on March 03, 2011, 09:27:06 AM
My DD was telling me how she split up with her boyfriend! (Boyfriend! She's 9. :o)

Apparently she sat him down and broke it to him gently. 'We have to break up. It's not me, it's you.'
I asked if that shouldn't be the other way round. She replied 'But it is his fault. He's a jerk. He doesn't understand the offside rule and thinks rugby is rubbish.'

I'm glad she has such high standards (I think)! ;D

Yeah, he's obviously not good enough for your daughter.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on March 03, 2011, 11:22:35 AM
She sounds like she's got her priorities right in order!! You've obviously raised her well, Enigmatism!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on March 03, 2011, 11:24:09 AM
"It's not me, it's you"...

Best 9 y/o EVER!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Information_queen on March 12, 2011, 03:58:35 AM
A little funny from this evening....

My BIL and SIL were visiting this evening with my 2yo nephew. They're very much into identifying colors and numbers and stuff right now, so my BIL was playing with my nephew and dog and asking him what the dog's name was.

BIL: What's his name, Aiden?
Aiden: Mu-ki (Mudkips)
BIL: MUD-KIPS
Aiden: Mu-ki
BIL: MUD-KIPS
Aiden: Mu-Ki
BIL: No, MUD-KIPS, say it, Aiden, MUD-KIPS
Aiden: Dog

We giggled for bit. It's one to get around that troublesome pronunciation ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 12, 2011, 08:02:49 AM
I remember having a *very* entertaining Passover dinner with my relatives once when LittlePenguin was about 2.  We would ask her to pronounce things like "matzoh" and "Manishevitz" (sp?) and "gefilte fish."  She got really into it and would shout the words happily when we asked her to.

ToddlerPenguin is just too sophisticated.  She won't pronounce *anything* you ask her to, or even repeat words when you tell her what something is.  She'll say things in her own good time, and that's it.  Bah.

At least BabyPenguin still squeaks on command.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 12, 2011, 11:39:18 AM
"Daddy, want to eat lots and lots and go round and round and round very fast and go *bleah* [include hand motion and great sound effect here] and have vomit come out of mouth and go all over floor and mommy clean it up?"

(I think this is a result of Babybartfast wanting DH to twirl her around right after dinner and DH trying to explain it will make them both sick if he tries . . .)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: whiterose on March 13, 2011, 09:51:21 AM
When I was 4 years old, there was this TV show that had a special episode in Acapulco.

My grandparents owned a condo at a local beach.

One day I said: "This Sunday, I do not want to go to Anvil Beach. I want to go to Acapulco!".

And then my folks enlightened me that Acapulco was in Mexico!!!

And I have yet to go to Acapulco- only Cozumel, Playa del Carmen, and Tulum in Mexico.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on March 15, 2011, 09:10:52 AM
Last night my 2YO was sitting on my lap, and he stuck his hand down my shirt and said, "I got you boobs!" I told him to stop it, and he grabbed my shirt and said, "Gimme those boobs!" and started killing himself laughing. I can see where this might be a problem when he gets older.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: esteban on March 15, 2011, 10:39:30 AM
My wife worked in an after school facility for a little while and had a child of about 9 do that a couple times.  He'd touch her and then say "I touched your boob."  She talked to the parents and all that stuff.

After she told me that sotry I still have to do it every once in a while.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on March 15, 2011, 11:18:48 AM
My DD was telling me how she split up with her boyfriend! (Boyfriend! She's 9. :o)

Apparently she sat him down and broke it to him gently. 'We have to break up. It's not me, it's you.'
I asked if that shouldn't be the other way round. She replied 'But it is his fault. He's a jerk. He doesn't understand the offside rule and thinks rugby is rubbish.'

I'm glad she has such high standards (I think)! ;D

Yeah, he's obviously not good enough for your daughter.

I, for one, find her breakup style refreshingly straightforward. She could give lessons.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Enigmatism on March 17, 2011, 10:59:39 AM
DD's teacher had them all write out a nice thing that they liked about each other (anonymously).

Her classmates said some lovely things about DD.
'You have beautiful hair'
'You are funny'
'You play with me and make me feel not left out' etc  ;D

Two gems:
'You have many times brung the happiness'
and
'You can burp ABC'  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on March 17, 2011, 01:52:56 PM
We were having a dinner meal one night of a style we like to call "FFY" - or "fend for yourself".
A wide assortment of leftovers were on the counter.

DS walked up to the leftovers, raised his hands a-la Moses and boomed out "Make me..a sandwich!"

Yeah. Didn't work.
He still had to make his own supper. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on March 17, 2011, 03:14:06 PM
One of my cousins started calling the disposal garberator (garbage eater)

Sis it snowed in Houston I was 5 or 6 so she was 3 -Mommy this nasty stuff keeps falling out of the sky on my coat.

 I'm driving with both Loren and Brett in back. This idiot decides he is going to slide across a very crowded I10. I have to slam on the brakes to avoid him hitting me. Me are you all ok. Loren Yes he's a bad driver. Brett Daddy should have driven Dad drives fast. (yes he drives very fast)

Me seatbelts was beltseats

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 17, 2011, 04:43:45 PM
The natural place for a farmer to store his hay is in a halo, right?  (I didn't get "halo" and "silo" straight for a very long time - and I lived in a rural enough part of the country that I saw a LOT of "halos" on a regular basis.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bijou on March 23, 2011, 10:26:54 AM
My young son watching me fix the baby's bottle of formula:
Son, looking puzzled:  What's that?
Me:  Formula
Son, brightening: For ME la?
Me:  No. Form U la.
Son hopefully:  For ME la? 
Me:  No.  Form U la.
I forget how long this went on, but I'm sure I let it go on and on because it was so funny.

I was in the kitchen and asked someone to close the window above the sink, because, "There's a draft coming in".  My three year old daughter literally climbed up me and clung to my neck crying hysterically because she thought I said 'graiffe', not 'draft'.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on March 23, 2011, 12:28:25 PM
I was in the kitchen and asked someone to close the window above the sink, because, "There's a draft coming in".  My three year old daughter literally climbed up me and clung to my neck crying hysterically because she thought I said 'graiffe', not 'draft'.

That is so cute! :)LOL
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on March 24, 2011, 06:40:51 AM
I was in the kitchen and asked someone to close the window above the sink, because, "There's a draft coming in".  My three year old daughter literally climbed up me and clung to my neck crying hysterically because she thought I said 'graiffe', not 'draft'.

That is so cute! :)LOL

     I'd be psyched if a giraffe was coming in!  :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ms_Cellany on March 24, 2011, 11:28:26 AM
I was in the kitchen and asked someone to close the window above the sink, because, "There's a draft coming in".  My three year old daughter literally climbed up me and clung to my neck crying hysterically because she thought I said 'graiffe', not 'draft'.

That is so cute! :)LOL

     I'd be psyched if a giraffe was coming in!  :D

We live right by a zoo - our bedroom window overlooks the back grounds, and we see giraffes every time we go over a bridge to get home. We've hand-fed them Romaine lettuce (the keeper gave it to us with permission), so we have a great fondness for them.

And a second-story window they're welcome to stick their heads in should they ever want to visit.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on March 24, 2011, 12:19:02 PM
Re "giraffe"/"draft": My friends' son, 14 at the time, was trying to tell that joke about the different animals in the refrigerator ... I can't remember how it really goes.

Kid: "What do you do if there's a giraffe in your refrigerator?"

Kid's dad and me, in unison: "Go to Canada!"

(We'd both misheard "giraffe" as "draft." And we're both old enough to remember the Vietnam-era military draft in the U.S. -- many young men went to Canada back then to avoid being drafted.)

I told this story to my fellow morris dancers, who all responded: "Draft in the fridge? Drink it!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ponytail_Palm on March 24, 2011, 12:55:20 PM
These stories about kids mishearing stuff remind me of something my little sister said when she was much younger.

One day she was having a conversation with our mom in which she assured Mom that she was going to do something. "I promise on my beaver," she solemnly stated. "What?! Where did you hear that?" Mom asked, shocked. "It's just an expression," Sis responded (one of her favorite phrases at the time). Mom, utterly confused (and hoping she'd forget it), let it go. Some time later, Sis came back. "I made a mistake," she said. "It's not 'I promise on my beaver.' It's 'I promise on my otter.'"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Poirot on March 24, 2011, 01:09:29 PM
Okay, I'm telling on myself here, but this story is a classic in my family.

I have always had very dry skin prone to cracking and bleeding, especially at pressure points.

One day when I was around 4 I was having trouble with the skin at the backs of my knees. When we were sitting around the table for dinner, DSD asked me how I was that day. I apparently announced to the whole table:

"I'm bleeding from between my legs"  :-[

My brothers teased me about this for most of my childhood and teen years. My surviving brother still brings it up occasionally.  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 03, 2011, 09:04:47 PM
Babybartfast was fussy and asking for "mommy" in the church nursery today, so the nursery lady came to get me.  Nothing actually wrong, she was just grumpy about something.  Anyway, Babybartfast stopped fussing when I picked her up.

Me: "Babybartfast, do you want to stay here and play, or do you want to come sit quietly in the service with me?"
Her: (thinking for a minute) "I want to come sit in the circus with you, mommy!"
Me: "Service, not circus.  You have to be very quiet."
Her: "Oh."  (ponders some more)  "I want to see the service."

I don't know what she was expecting - circus or church service - but she was very quiet for the ten minutes or so we had left  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on April 03, 2011, 09:19:31 PM
Hey, I'd be grumpy if I thought mommy was at the circus, and stuck me here in the nursery!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Rohanna on April 03, 2011, 10:22:19 PM
We were driving back from a long weekend out (about an 8 hour drive) - and we gave DS (2 1/2) a cheese string to nibble on. After about 5 minutes we hear...

DS: "MummyDaddy I put cheese in my socks"


Us: "Ummmm....Why???"

DS: "Because then you can't see it!"

Oooooookay then, that makes sense I guess?

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: WolfWay on April 04, 2011, 04:50:12 AM
When I was about 4 my parents took me along to a cricket match. It was a fairly low key one at a ground without seating, so everyone was sitting on blankets and basically picnicking around the outer edges of the pitch while watching the match. Someone's dog was walking around sniffing everything, and I've always been very nervous about big dogs. Apparently I nervously eyed the dog as it drifted closer to us, until it reached the edge of our blanket, at which point I stood up, pointed imperiously at the dog and bellowed at the top of my lungs "<Expletive> OFF, DOG!"

I was awarded with a spontaneous round of laughter and some applause from the more drunken cricket fans around us.  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 14, 2011, 08:11:41 AM
This morning I was getting dressed to take the boys to school early, or rather one of them because he had a field trip and while the school usually opens at 8:30, they had to be there at 7:30, no later than 8 to be able to go.

I'm 3 months along now and not really showing much other than a small bump that could just be mistaken for an extra bit of belly fat but since I'm not trying to call attention to it I was asking the boys if my outfit showed my bump.

Pirateboy 1 (nearly 10) says "Just a little" and Pirateboy 2 (8 ) said "No, I don't think so. Your baby fatness isn't showing yet."  Then as I'm giggling at "Baby fatness" he says "But I think your boobs are getting bigger!" 

Child, I don't think you should be assessing the size of your mother's chesticles.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on April 14, 2011, 04:38:24 PM

Child, I don't think you should be assessing the size of your mother's chesticles.

Ha! Chesticles!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: sassydeej on April 15, 2011, 12:32:39 PM
Last Sunday my DH, DD age 7, and I were getting back home from running a couple of errands.  DD commented on how nice it was that day and that we should go for a walk.....to the liquor store.   :o ::)  Both DH and I just looked at each other and shook our heads.  I think when she hits the teen years we will be kept on our toes.  The odd thing is we have only taken her with us to the liquor store down the block twice when we went to get a lottery ticket. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 15, 2011, 03:09:36 PM
Babybartfast is at that "I want to do it - no, you do it - no, I want to do it waaaah!" phase right now  ::)  We're also mid-potty training, so that's a constant battle.  I overheard her conversation with DH last night while he was trying to get her to go:

(after much back and forth)
DH: Okay, now pull down your pants and I'll lift you onto the potty!  [We've really been working with her to get to the point she can do all the steps herself]
Babybartfast: No, you do it!
DH: You're a big girl!  You can do it!
Babybartfast: You're a big boy!  You do it!

DH had to duck out of the room so she didn't see him snickering  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MonteCristo on April 20, 2011, 02:15:20 PM
My 4yo brother has a hard time pronouncing toilet...it  comes out two-it, which cracks us all up.  Last year my Dad was in the Phillipines visiting his fiance and had called the kids up on Skype the day before he was suppose to come home...as soon as DB4 saw Dad he announced "you better come home tomorrow or I will flush myself down the two-it!"  And he was so serious.  Now it is a family catchphrase!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on April 20, 2011, 03:30:50 PM
We've been teaching DD some very simple sign language to help with mealtimes - signs for eat/food, milk, more, and all done.  She's good at the signs when she does them, though sometimes she only does them when prompted.

A few days ago I was feeding her dinner, which involves me cutting up various foods and putting them on her high chair tray, while also preparing dinner for DH and myself.  Every once in a while she'll squawk to indicate she has an empty tray and (sometimes) sign "more".  After about 10 minutes I notice she's getting increasingly agitated and still has food left on the tray, so I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out something else she might like to eat.  She's staring at me intently the whole time, and finally it dawns on me that she's been furiously signing "Milk" for a while now.

Her expressions just killed me - if looks were words, it would have been "Hello  :) I'm thirsty, milk please.  Hey Mom?  Milk?  :P Seriously, no more cheddar, I'd like some milk.  :-\ Milk.  Please.  ??? Really?  Are you really not getting this   ::)  ??"

I told her it's hard to find good help these days.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 20, 2011, 11:24:30 PM
That's really cute!  I can just see her getting increasingly frustrated.  "You taught me these signs, Mommy, and then you don't even notice that I'm making them?  What good are they?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on April 21, 2011, 06:20:40 AM
We had the same problem with signing. DD started signing "milk" around 8 or 9 months, but we didn't realize she was doing it even though we'd tried to teach it to her. We just thought she was waving in kind of a funny way.  ::) After several days of this, her daycare provider said something about how great it was that she was signing "milk" and we were like, "oh...yeah..." Of course, it didn't help that DD was so excited about being able to communicate that she signed "milk" pretty much constantly and we still basically had to guess when she was actually hungry.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on April 21, 2011, 08:48:41 AM
Yesterday we stopped by my grandparents' home (they both passed away in 2009) so my oldest DD could pick some berries. As I was waiting in the car, I started crying. My 5YO DD asked me what was wrong, and I said, "My heart is broken." She said, "I'm gonna pray for you." She placed her hand over my heart, and said:

"Thank you God, for this food, and Mommy's heart."

 :D It was too sweet. Of course, I started laughing, so it did make me feel a lot better.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 21, 2011, 10:10:30 AM
Aww!!! That's so sweet!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Moonie on April 21, 2011, 10:46:46 AM
When my daughter was about 2, we were working on potty training and she had gotten some "big girl" panties.  She was overjoyed with them as well as the new ability to pull them down and up on a whim.  We were watching tv and she kept pulling them down...then up....then down...etc.  I told her several times to stop, but to no avail.  As she did it again, I told her to stop or I'd swat her on her bare butt.  She turned to me, and as seriously as she could said, "I not a bear". 

My nephew's son was riding in the car with him....he was around 2....and my nephew spotted a police officer in hiding waiting for speeders.  "Sneaky cop" said my nephew.  "Yeah, stinky cop!" said his son :)

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: yankeefan2017 on April 21, 2011, 12:55:11 PM
I drive in the car pool lane with both DD's in the back seat. The way my car is you couldn't really see them in the back seat (although now you can)

I would always get state troopers pull out behind me during rush hour because they thought I was traveling alone. So I started having the kids raise their arms when I saw one. One day YDD (Who was about 4 at the time asked me why I had them do that. So I explained it to her and thought no more of it.

We don't really do it anymore unless it's just YDD in the car because she is still to small to see.

Fast forward to walking through the mall a few months ago. There is a police officer standing in front of a store we are walking into. My now 6 year old yells "it's the police, hands in the air" she then stops and puts both hands in the air while staring at the cop.

I turned bright red and he just laughed as I tried to explain that I am not a criminal.  :-\
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on April 21, 2011, 01:08:44 PM
yankeefan, that had me laughing.  Thanks!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on April 21, 2011, 01:57:58 PM
Starting when my daughter Peanut was about a year old, if she'd start to cry if I said no, I'd sing the Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" to her.  Sometimes I just sing it to emphasize that I really mean no.

The other day, we were playing with her Duplo (she'll turn 3 in less than three months).  She was directing me how to build something, and she told me to put a flower on top.  I did, and then I found another flower and put it on top, too.

Peanut was none too pleased.  She looked at my creation and said, "No, mommy!  Not two flowers!"  Then she pulled off the second flower, tossed it aside, and started singing "You Can't Always Get What You Want."

I laughed so hard I almost cried.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 21, 2011, 07:43:05 PM
Starting when my daughter Peanut was about a year old, if she'd start to cry if I said no, I'd sing the Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" to her.  Sometimes I just sing it to emphasize that I really mean no.

The other day, we were playing with her Duplo (she'll turn 3 in less than three months).  She was directing me how to build something, and she told me to put a flower on top.  I did, and then I found another flower and put it on top, too.

Peanut was none too pleased.  She looked at my creation and said, "No, mommy!  Not two flowers!"  Then she pulled off the second flower, tossed it aside, and started singing "You Can't Always Get What You Want."

I laughed so hard I almost cried.

Oh I love that! I think we'd get along very well, because I do that too with my boys, sing "You Can't Always Get What You Want" when they whine about wanting things they've been told "No" about many times. 

I had to laugh when one was whining and the other one said "Remember the song, Eddie! You can't always get what you want!" and hummed it. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on April 22, 2011, 09:04:56 AM
My Dad would always sing "Take it Easy" when my brother got wound up. He just wound up getting mad at Dad.  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on April 23, 2011, 11:29:29 AM
That's really cute!  I can just see her getting increasingly frustrated.  "You taught me these signs, Mommy, and then you don't even notice that I'm making them?  What good are they?"

Several years ago, not quiet speaking Loren was obviously getting frustrated with Sis and making the same motion with her hands over and over again.

Sis took a video and sent it to me. When I was in HS a friend tried to teach her disabled brother sign. He didn't understand, but friend and I got pretty good with basic sign. Sure enough it looked like the sign for more.

Sis talked to the school it turned out one of the teachers had a family member who used sign to communicate, and had been using sign with the kids not really thinking about it. The school ended up giving the parents a pamphlet that showed the signs, reducing the frustration of the children.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: aka on April 23, 2011, 12:46:23 PM
Starting when my daughter Peanut was about a year old, if she'd start to cry if I said no, I'd sing the Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" to her.  Sometimes I just sing it to emphasize that I really mean no.

Mom, is that you??

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on April 23, 2011, 05:13:35 PM
Starting when my daughter Peanut was about a year old, if she'd start to cry if I said no, I'd sing the Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" to her.  Sometimes I just sing it to emphasize that I really mean no.

Mom, is that you??



If that's the criterion, I might be your mother as well!  ;)

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on April 24, 2011, 07:49:30 PM
     At Easter this afternoon, cousins 5yo boy and I were coloring buddies :-D Meanwhile, my BF proceeded to sit in the rocker and fake snore, pretending to sleep.  I say:  Oh look! BF fell asleep!  5yo whispers w all seriousness: Lets be quiet so we dont wake him up!  I say:  Well thats very considerate!  5yo:  Yeah, lets consider it.  :-)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on April 24, 2011, 07:55:39 PM
     Also from this afternoon, 5yo loves BFs Yogi bear impression :) BF told him he could be Boo Boo. 5yo says to me:  Hey, do I sound like Boo Boo? (says a Boo Boo phrase).  I say, yeah, a little bit.  5yo says with a touch of sadness:  Oh.... Wouldnt it be great if I sounded A LOT like him?  My heart breaking, I say:  Hmm.. Say (Boo Boo phrase) again... So he did and I assured him he sounded JUST like Boo Boo, much to his delight (and visible relief). lol... Love that kid!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on April 24, 2011, 09:46:28 PM
DD left this note for DH once when she was 5: "Dear Dad you anoy me. Love, E."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 26, 2011, 09:50:59 AM
I was watching Titanic on Easter, a movie DH will clear the room for but the boys like to watch it because they're interested in the ship and what happened to it.  Mind you I usually kick them out of the room for the portrait scene and the car scene but the other day they were at a friend's during those parts so it wasn't an issue.

But they did come back home just about the time I usually start tearing up, right before the band starts to play "Nearer My God To Thee" which usually gets me bawling, especially when they show the mother telling her little ones about Tir na Nog and the elderly couple holding each other on the bed.  

Pirate Boy 2 sits on the couch and starts asking questions "Why isn't the Captain getting into the boat? He's the Captain!" I explain Captains are expected to go down with a sinking ship.  "Ohhhh...but isn't he scared? I would be scared!"  I say "Well honey everyone on that ship is scared cause they weren't expecting this to happen and there aren't enough lifeboats for everyone on board."    

Then we see the Irish mother and two little ones.  "Why aren't they trying to get to the boats? Don't they want to live?" (he's 8 ) I explain gently that they have given up on getting into a boat because again, there aren't enough and from the looks of their bunks, they were in steerage, many people in steerage did not survive, so the mother accepted that they likely wouldn't make it.  Then "What's she telling them?"  So I explain that Tir na nog is the land of eternal youth and beauty or in other words heaven, and she's telling her children about it so they won't be scared.

He got choked up and moved over to sit next to me, putting his arm around me and his head on my shoulder and says "Ohhh that's so SAD!" I ask if he wants a tissue too and he said  firmly "I'm NOT CRYING, Mom!! I'm just really sad for those poor people!" *sniffle*

It's not easy to properly experience a tearjerker when your kid's being so darn cute.  :)

ETA: And I do think that this boy will turn out to be quite the romantic, because as we watched the very last scene of the movie, he was saying "Awwwwww! They're back together again and everyone is happy for them!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on April 26, 2011, 09:54:55 AM
This morning DD (22 months) saw me stub my toe and yell "ow ow ow, my toe!" She immediately ran up to DH and started crying, holding out her foot and saying, "toe! toe!" I don't know whether to be pleased that she's showing empathy or miffed that she's making my pain all about her.  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on April 26, 2011, 05:56:58 PM
Found myself singing "Du kan ikke alltid få det du ønsker deg" (had to mangle it on the fly) on the bus today. Kid wanted pancakes for dinner. Wasn't happening.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Amber on April 26, 2011, 06:18:24 PM
I am six months pregnant right now.  My four year old told me that I need to lose some pounds. I just giggled and told her that when the baby is born I will lose some weight. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: #1aunt on May 20, 2011, 09:45:17 AM
A couple of years ago my BF was talking to my then-4-year-old niece at her brother's birthday party.

BF: I heard you have a birthday coming up soon.
Niece: Yep.
BF:  When is your birthday?
Niece: Umm...When I turn 5.
BF: And when do you 5?
Niece: On my birthday!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on May 23, 2011, 08:47:43 AM
Last night my mom was telling the kids a story about a boa constrictor (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/boa-constrictor/). It goes, "Oh no, it's up to my toe, Oh my, it's up to my thigh, etc.

My 4YO niece, Sarah, says, "I know a story about a bear. Oh my, he's riding by bike. Oh no, he's eating my family."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Maujer on May 23, 2011, 09:36:08 AM
Last night my mom was telling the kids a story about a boa constrictor (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/boa-constrictor/). It goes, "Oh no, it's up to my toe, Oh my, it's up to my thigh, etc.

My 4YO niece, Sarah, says, "I know a story about a bear. Oh my, he's riding by bike. Oh no, he's eating my family."

This made me laugh out loud at work. Amazing.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on May 23, 2011, 09:46:00 AM
Just remembered one!

I was baby-sitting my cousins (Tilly - 2 and Tabby - 5) a few weeks ago. It was a couple of days after the Royal Wedding (Prince William and Kate Middleton). Tabby is at primary school, and they had had a big party to celebrate.

Tabby found a white lacy table-cloth, and was parading round the living-room with it over her head (veil-style), forcing Tilly to hold the other end.

"I'm a bride," she said. "Like the princess."

I asked her who she was marrying.

She tipped her head to one side, considered the question for a long while, and then said, "Anyone who'll have me."

I had to leave the room before I totally cracked up!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Íkorna on May 23, 2011, 11:23:28 AM
Last night my mom was telling the kids a story about a boa constrictor (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/boa-constrictor/). It goes, "Oh no, it's up to my toe, Oh my, it's up to my thigh, etc.

My 4YO niece, Sarah, says, "I know a story about a bear. Oh my, he's riding by bike. Oh no, he's eating my family."

This made me laugh out loud at work. Amazing.

I laughed out loud as well! That's hilarious.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on May 23, 2011, 01:32:06 PM
8 year old daughter was playing with the compass app on DH's phone, spinning it rapidly around and around.

DH: "Ellen! Stop! You'll mess up the polarity of the earth!"

Ellen, dead serious: "Oh, sorry."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on May 27, 2011, 12:28:13 PM
DBF's 10 y.o. son and I were at the beach the other day when a wedding took place. This apparently puts kiddo in the frame of mind of thinking of weddings and wedding-related matters, because he suddenly ponders, "You know where the perfect place to propose would be?" Then he stops, tells me, "I'm not going to tell you Norrina!" and proceeds to go whisper in his dad's ear.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: bookworm317 on May 27, 2011, 02:05:25 PM
DBF's 10 y.o. son and I were at the beach the other day when a wedding took place. This apparently puts kiddo in the frame of mind of thinking of weddings and wedding-related matters, because he suddenly ponders, "You know where the perfect place to propose would be?" Then he stops, tells me, "I'm not going to tell you Norrina!" and proceeds to go whisper in his dad's ear.

Get your DBF to spill the beans. We, your fellow e-hellions, MUST know!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on May 29, 2011, 10:40:31 AM
DBF's 10 y.o. son and I were at the beach the other day when a wedding took place. This apparently puts kiddo in the frame of mind of thinking of weddings and wedding-related matters, because he suddenly ponders, "You know where the perfect place to propose would be?" Then he stops, tells me, "I'm not going to tell you Norrina!" and proceeds to go whisper in his dad's ear.

Get your DBF to spill the beans. We, your fellow e-hellions, MUST know!

I have an idea that if kiddo's perfect proposal location is feasible DBF will actually use the idea when the time comes. So my guess is he isn't going to tell me. ;-)

Edit/Update: I went ahead and asked DBF just in case he would say. The perfect proposal in the mind of a 10 y.o. boy occurs whilst descending during a skydive. If DBF could convince me to go skydiving with him in the first place, I'm pretty sure I would be too preoccupied with trying not to soil myself to register a marriage proposal, let alone respond to it.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MizB on May 29, 2011, 07:44:26 PM
Thats too funny Norrina.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on May 31, 2011, 10:49:48 AM
Another one from my niece: she walked into our yard holding candy. My DD asked, "Are you got three of them?" (to share) and Niece replied, "DO you got three of them!"  ;D

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Animala on May 31, 2011, 11:53:18 PM
Today my son, 13, informed me that he needs a Twitter account so he can twit.  He was completely serious.  I think I deserve extra good mommy points for not laugh and no he isn't going to be on Twitter.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: AfleetAlex on June 01, 2011, 07:12:32 PM
My brother used to say sgabetti instead of spaghetti, and callapitter. So when I'm talking about caterpillars and butterflies, I have to stop and think about the correct pronunciation.

His son, who is now around 20 months, calls both parents "Mama." Despite my brother's and my mom's best efforts, Bro is still Mama, just like SIL.

My niece had some hearing issues when she was little and as such her speech is still adjusting. Her K's come out like T's, so when she says "Kitty Cat" I have to make sure to keep a straight face.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on June 01, 2011, 07:30:26 PM
My daughter called all adult female caretakers "Mama" for a while.  At the church nursery, they were all "Mama."  My husband goes by "Papa," but she hears other kids call their fathers "Daddy," and so she's been playing around with that now.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: 4x4filly on June 01, 2011, 11:21:53 PM
My adorable nephew, when he was around 2 years old (he's 11 now) came running up to me very excited to show me his toy truck one day.  His big, yellow dump truck.  He was so excited, he kept yelling as loud as he could 'dump truck!  dump truck!' 

Which one wouldn't think would be so hysterical...

And it wouldn't have been, if he had pronounced the 'p' in 'dump', and if at that point in his life, 'tr' was prounounced 'f'

Why yes, we were in a crowded park....*sigh*
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on June 05, 2011, 09:44:39 PM
The sun here is a LOT more direct (or feels it, at least), so I just put sunscreen on the kids in the morning as part of our routine, on the off chance that we spend more than ten seconds outside.  So my daughters are becoming familiar with it for the first time (in their memories).  My daughter's name for sunscreen?  "Sun scream."

I do not correct her.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on June 06, 2011, 01:07:45 AM
The sun here is a LOT more direct (or feels it, at least), so I just put sunscreen on the kids in the morning as part of our routine, on the off chance that we spend more than ten seconds outside.  So my daughters are becoming familiar with it for the first time (in their memories).  My daughter's name for sunscreen?  "Sun scream."

I do not correct her.

My son in very ticklish, and my daughter is insanely so. They both used to call it "sunscream." There was plenty of screaming when they put it on.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on June 06, 2011, 08:56:54 AM
Today was Babybartfast's first day of school  :'( :'( :'(  (Starting her preschool with the summer session.)  I'm being kind of silly about it, so as I was getting her up this morning I was explaining again about how she'd go to school today and I gave her a big hug.

Me: "You're getting so BIG!"
BB: "I not big.  I little.  *long thoughtful pause.*  I can't reach very far yet."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on June 17, 2011, 07:19:01 PM
We had some friends visiting a few weeks ago, with a daughter age 7 and son age 5.  The four adults and two kids were playing a word game, and the little boy asked his mom what "chubby" meant.  She said, it's when you're a little overweight but not really fat.  He immediately turned to me and said "Hi, chubby!"

I'm a size 4.  His mom is a size 0.  All I could think was "Um, relatively?"  <sigh>
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Wavicle on June 17, 2011, 09:09:30 PM
Fiance and I was spending the night at his mom, Gloria's, house. Gloria is a bit hairy. She lives with a family with several kids, and their youngest girl tends to glomb onto me as soon as I walk in the door. When I went to brush my teeth at night, she followed me into the bathroom and watched me brush since I am apparently just that interesting.

Right after I finished, the little girl said enthusiastically "Are you going to shave now? Gloria always shaves now!"

I got to enjoy that one twice when I finally remembered to tell Gloria about it months later  >:D She got a kick out of it.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on June 19, 2011, 05:59:53 PM
The sun here is a LOT more direct (or feels it, at least), so I just put sunscreen on the kids in the morning as part of our routine, on the off chance that we spend more than ten seconds outside.  So my daughters are becoming familiar with it for the first time (in their memories).  My daughter's name for sunscreen?  "Sun scream."

I do not correct her.

My son in very ticklish, and my daughter is insanely so. They both used to call it "sunscream." There was plenty of screaming when they put it on.
Somewhat off-topic, but I've been getting that sunblock that comes with a tube of a sort of wax sunblock, almost like a chapstick or gluestick, that you rub on their faces.  So it started with my telling them that I was putting on their zebra stripes (because I would stroke it back and forth across foreheads, cheeks, etc.).  Then ToddlerPenguin didn't want to be a zebra, so she was a giraffe (I put it on by rubbing it in circles like a giraffe's spots).  Then she wanted to be a lion, so I rubbed it outwards like a mane, and across her nose and cheeks like whiskers.  It's amazing the difference it has made in getting the stuff on, choosing an animal and letting them pretend I was making them into that animal, in terms of them accepting it.

This isn't a *super* funny thing, but ToddlerPenguin has picked up from somewhere the habit of putting a hand on each of BabyPenguin's cheeks and saying, "Chubby cheeks!"  She loves it so much that she does it to everybody.  To LittlePenguin, to toys, to me.  :)  The other day, she was chortling and putting both hands on each part of my face.  On the ears: "Chubby ears!"  On the nose: "Chubby nose!"  I'm sure she has no idea what chubby means.  I should probably train her out of it before she insults somebody, but it's so charming.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on July 20, 2011, 03:54:47 PM
New one today!  Babybartfast is in preschool now, and today they played with clay in their art class.  I went to pick her up and saw all the kids' creations - mostly snakes, worms, and other simply-shaped animals - sitting neatly on little pieces of paper with their name on them.  And then I saw Babybartfast's, which was a bunch of yellow lumps on her paper.

Me: "Oh, wow, is this one yours?  Tell me about it!"

Babybartfast: "It's mustard!"

Yes, my child modeled mustard in school today.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on July 20, 2011, 04:00:25 PM
That's cute!   ;D

She thinks outside the box.  Sounds very creative to me! 

And, by the way, you should be proud that she didn't just mimic what "the others" were doing.  It's good to see a girl who thinks for herself! 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on July 20, 2011, 04:04:41 PM
I'm constantly grumbling about people who don't pick up after their dogs at our apartment complex. They have little stations with bags and special garbage cans just about every ten feet. You have to be extraordinarily lazy not to pick up after your dog around here. And almost everywhere in our complex, the grass is just about perfectly clear of dog poop. Except around the back of ours; we're at one end, and the grass behind our apartment seems to go unnoticed because of its positioning. So people feel free to let their dogs just poo freely back there. It's fantastic. And yes, I do have a right to be mad about this because I've had dogs almost my whole life, and have always picked up after them when I've taken them out for walks.

So every time we go outside, and I see a new deposit, I start grumbling about it, but I never realized how much until my two-year-old looked out the window at breakfast yesterday, saw some people walking their dog, and said, "Oh my gosh. Seriously, people. Seriously." She even nailed the note of disgust I normally have in my voice. I think I'll have to dial it back, or she's just going to think I hate dogs, period.

New one today!  Babybartfast is in preschool now, and today they played with clay in their art class.  I went to pick her up and saw all the kids' creations - mostly snakes, worms, and other simply-shaped animals - sitting neatly on little pieces of paper with their name on them.  And then I saw Babybartfast's, which was a bunch of yellow lumps on her paper.

Me: "Oh, wow, is this one yours?  Tell me about it!"

Babybartfast: "It's mustard!"

Yes, my child modeled mustard in school today.

I actually laughed out loud at this one. That's awesome.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on July 20, 2011, 04:23:10 PM
I'll tell on myself:

When I was in kindergarten, I was a big crybaby. One time, a sub teacher told me I shouldn't cry, because it would mess up my pretty green eyes. I made the most injured pose I could and said, "They're NOT green! They're HAH - ZEL! (mispronounced hazel)" I still get told that story 15 years later.  ::)

Then, when I was watching Ben - Hur, and we were at the point when SPOILERS Judah, Esther, Miriam and Tirzah all realize Jesus has been taken to Pilate. I cried out when I saw that: "Aw, dang! They MISSED him!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mbenedict on July 20, 2011, 09:20:10 PM
My 3 year old daughter said it to Bishop Zubik: "I like your hat, it makes you look like a king."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Tierrainney on July 23, 2011, 11:02:23 PM
Does it count if they write it?

I found a packing list that 9 year old must have been making to help Daddy. It included "photo disk" except she replaced the S in disk with a C.  That would be a really interesting way to store photos.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on July 24, 2011, 12:11:05 AM
My husband was in a minor car accident the other day.  Our 4 year old came home and told him "It's okay Daddy.  I had an accident at school today too". 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on July 24, 2011, 11:58:41 AM
From a friend's child:

The little girl has been learning how to dress herself, like her big sister does.  She's not quite that coordinated yet, so it wasn't that big of a surprise that she manged to fall down while trying to put on a pair of jeans.  She sits there, looking down at her legs (only one of which is inside the pants) and then looks up at her mom and says "Wow.  This is pretty dangerous, huh?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on July 28, 2011, 03:13:11 PM
My YDDs preschool does a concert every spring.  Each class does their own songs.

For weeks, we were trying to get YDD to tell us which songs she was doing with her class and she treated it like top secret information.

A few days before the show, she was at the table coloring.  I said, "YDD, can you show us the songs you're singing at your show?"

YDD said, in a very matter-of-fact tone, "You can see it on Friday." and went back to coloring.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on July 28, 2011, 04:55:36 PM
DBF's 10 year old son just told his father, who has just started playing one of DSS' video games, that he had some "criticisive compliments" for him.

He was offering constructive criticism.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on September 01, 2011, 11:57:21 AM
When my girls were little, we got a load of horse manure for the garden.  Besides being rather squicked out that Mommy was putting poop on the garden, they had never heard the term 'manure'. So they called the substance "horst maneuver". ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MightyMouse on September 01, 2011, 05:52:41 PM
I'm gonna tell on myself here.  My parents took me to the Wild Animal Park when I was about 18 months or so old.  We were in front of the cheetahs, and my mom asked me, "What are those, sweetie?"  I respond with "Kitty!"  My mom then asked me what the kitty says.  I replied with "WOOF!"  In my defense, our cats at the time were not very vocal.   :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: jayhawk on September 02, 2011, 02:10:54 PM
One year, our family went to the local Temple for the annual Blintze Brunch - we're not Jewish.  My brother, then about probably 6, looked at the lox and asked for some of that ham.  The serving lady was not amused.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: *new*mommyagain36 on September 02, 2011, 02:48:46 PM
My absolutely princess-obsessed niece came parading out into the livingroom fully dressed in her dress up clothes, crown, etc.  She placed a crown on her Daddy's head and proclaimed he was "Queen Daddy!"   ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on September 02, 2011, 06:12:17 PM
My absolutely princess-obsessed niece came parading out into the livingroom fully dressed in her dress up clothes, crown, etc.  She placed a crown on her Daddy's head and proclaimed he was "Queen Daddy!"   ;)

My niece is the same way - princess obsessed. She was assigning everyone royalty ranks: "Grandma, you're a Queen. Grandpa's a King. Aunt Seraphia's a Queen. I'm a Princess. Sissie's a Princess." "What's Daddy?" Pause.

"Daddy's a Queeeeeeeeen!" Grandpa obviously outranks Daddy.  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on September 03, 2011, 07:10:32 AM
My DD (2) doesn't quite understand the difference between "grandma" and "grandpa." She calls both my parents "gaga." Last time we were leaving their house I told her to say good-bye to grandma and grandpa and she said, "bye-bye, gagas!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Carnation on September 03, 2011, 09:09:27 AM
Oh.  First words.  My first daughter dutifully made "mama" one of her first words.  I don't think it was her very first word, but it was close.

Second daughter:  No words until 11.5 months.  Then, out of nowhere, while being carried around by her father, "Jump!"  The next word?  "Poop."  Then "cheese," "dis?" (this), and now, we think, "Grace."  That's her sister's name.

I think "mama" and "daddy" may come shortly after "chopped liver."  If we're lucky.

My son's first word, appropriately enough, was "Hi!"

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: *new*mommyagain36 on September 03, 2011, 03:07:21 PM
When my cousin was little my Mom would babysit him.  She told him he was a cutie-pie to which he roared " I AM NOT A PIE!" at the top of his little lungs.  He's 20 years old now but we like to remind him of that exchange.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: katiescarlett on September 04, 2011, 12:15:02 AM
When I told Niece (6 years) that we were going to have do to something different from what we had originally planned, she informed me "You know, that really just does not work for me.  I am totally not feeling it."  What is she, 6 going on 26?

Or, the other day, I asked her if she wanted me to take her to the park when the extreme heat dies down.  She replied that she was "down" with that.  This kid thinks she's a teenager!

With Nephew (2), I have been teaching him sign language.  He is doing really good, knows the signs for mama, daddy, cookie, turtle, please, thank you, butterfly, airplane, bird, and milk.  We have been working on I love you, but apparently I put too much empasis on the you, because now when I start saying and signing I love you, I will say ok Nephew, I and before I can say and sign love, he points to me and shouts yoouuuuuu, dragging out the word you and saying it in a very high-pitched voice.  He won't say I or love, but he loves saying YOOOOOUUUUUUUU.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on September 10, 2011, 06:50:59 AM
Last time we visited my sister, Babybartfast had a blast playing with my sister's Roman gladiator action figures.  (Yes, we're both nerds).  My sister and I were just sitting and talking when Babybartfast brought one of the gladiators to us, newly disassembled (the armor was removable).  Babybartfast noted the "skirt" part of the armor and announced, "He's a princess!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on September 11, 2011, 01:19:30 AM

*snip

This isn't a *super* funny thing, but ToddlerPenguin has picked up from somewhere the habit of putting a hand on each of BabyPenguin's cheeks and saying, "Chubby cheeks!"  She loves it so much that she does it to everybody.  To LittlePenguin, to toys, to me.  :)  The other day, she was chortling and putting both hands on each part of my face.  On the ears: "Chubby ears!"  On the nose: "Chubby nose!"  I'm sure she has no idea what chubby means.  I should probably train her out of it before she insults somebody, but it's so charming.

DS does the same exact thing to DD and to me. Daddy never has chubby cheeks though.

At the beginning of the year, shortly before DD was born, I did NOT feel like cooking very often. I also craved Dr. Pepper even more than usual. One morning, while I was getting DS (2yo) dressed, he looked at me and said, in the most serious, matter-of-fact tone possible "Mommy, we go Coo-TEE for lish-ess drink  (QT, a gas station/convenience store that has vanilla flavor on tap) an then the donalds (McDonalds) an we get chickens.  Ok Mom?"

About a week after DD was born, MIL spent a couple weeks with us and DS informed her that "Mommy not have a penis, but her a good Mommy."

A few weeks ago I got pulled over going a little fast. We were on our way to QT (I love that place), and DS piped up and told the officer "I use up all mommy's patience. Now Mommy needs a drink"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on September 16, 2011, 01:52:40 PM
This one requires a bit of background. Today, the "Tour of Britain" bike race came through the teeny city where I work. The route went right up the high street past the entrance to my shop, so my boss and I were hanging around the door watching.

The street was lined with people, and there was a loudspeaker playing really annoying music for a couple of hours before the cyclists were due to get there. There was a dad and his little boy (4, 5 at the most) stood right up against the railing, outside our door, for absolutely ages - at least 90mins, if not more.

The cyclists came past, and were gone. It took maybe... 20 seconds? Not much more. Bit of an anti-climax, to be honest. They were mostly all in one big pack, so it was like a mexican wave of cheers along the street.

The dad lifted the little boy down from the railing.

Dad: Come on, time to go.
Boy: It's over?
Dad: Yup.
Boy: Daddy, you promised that would be fun...

I can't describe how pitiful and betrayed that little boy sounded! It was heartbreaking!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MayHug on September 16, 2011, 02:03:36 PM
Recently we were visiting my daughter and family in Southern California.

We had a day planned at Disneyland and she invited her 4 yr. old godson along. She wanted it to be a surprise so we were teasing him with different destinations such as doctors office, dentist office. He got a bit exasperated and said to us. "Where are we going? The drs. office and dentists are not available options"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on September 16, 2011, 02:51:19 PM
I used to babysit two little boys. The elder of the two was 4 yrs and the youngest was an infant. 

The baby was asleep and the older child was playing in his room. His mum had just come home from being in town and we wer sitting having a chat. Suddenly, we heard a bang, followed by the older child's scream of "Mummy!!!! I've just hurted myself!!!" His mum didn't say anything, just stayed where she was.  A moment later, the kid comes haring into the front room and says "Mummy, when I fall over and hurt myself, I expect you to come and help me!!"

A friend of mine has a little girl, aged 5.  The little girl's grandma (father's side) visited.  When my friend was out of the room, apparently her little girl asked her Grandma, "How does it feel to live in Fairyland?" Her Grandmother, confused, asked what she meant.  The kid replied "My Mum and Dad were talking and they said you're away with the fairies..." Wow. My friend said she had a lot of explaining to do!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on September 16, 2011, 03:01:33 PM
I used to babysit two little boys. The elder of the two was 4 yrs and the youngest was an infant. 

The baby was asleep and the older child was playing in his room. His mum had just come home from being in town and we wer sitting having a chat. Suddenly, we heard a bang, followed by the older child's scream of "Mummy!!!! I've just hurted myself!!!" His mum didn't say anything, just stayed where she was.  A moment later, the kid comes haring into the front room and says "Mummy, when I fall over and hurt myself, I expect you to come and help me!!"

A friend of mine has a little girl, aged 5.  The little girl's grandma (father's side) visited.  When my friend was out of the room, apparently her little girl asked her Grandma, "How does it feel to live in Fairyland?" Her Grandmother, confused, asked what she meant.  The kid replied "My Mum and Dad were talking and they said you're away with the fairies..." Wow. My friend said she had a lot of explaining to do!!

What did your friends mean by that? Or did the little girl misinterpret?  It sounds like something a small girl might make up, anyway.  I think it's cute, keeping with the thread, but I don't understand how it would result in a lot of explaining.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on September 16, 2011, 03:12:33 PM
What did your friends mean by that? Or did the little girl misinterpret?  It sounds like something a small girl might make up, anyway.  I think it's cute, keeping with the thread, but I don't understand how it would result in a lot of explaining.

 I also need an interpreter for this one.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on September 16, 2011, 03:27:26 PM
"Away with the fairies" means a bit crazy, a little bit senile.

Oops!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on September 16, 2011, 03:38:59 PM
"Away with the fairies" means a bit crazy, a little bit senile.

Oops!

That!! Sorry, my laptop kind of switched itself off suddenly.

Sorry about the misunderstanding there. :) It's quite a well-known phrase from my parts...usually meant affectionately, to describe someone who's erm, "not all there", a little bit eccentric. I thought it was quite cute. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on September 16, 2011, 04:02:40 PM
"Away with the fairies" means a bit crazy, a little bit senile.

Oops!

That!! Sorry, my laptop kind of switched itself off suddenly.

Sorry about the misunderstanding there. :) It's quite a well-known phrase from my parts...usually meant affectionately, to describe someone who's erm, "not all there", a little bit eccentric. I thought it was quite cute. :)

Oh! Gotcha! I'd never heard that one.  We just have the "Few ____ short of a _____" phrases, like "He's a few bricks short of a dozen," or "She's a few cards short of a full deck" types of saying around here.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on September 19, 2011, 09:37:03 AM
(Warning:  This is about nursing babies and may be a little TMI)

I was cleaning out a closet over the weekend and found my old breast pump.  My ODD (6) asked me what it was.  I explained that when she and YDD were babies, I nursed them but when I went back to work, I couldn't feed them directly and had to use the pump to put milk into a bottle.

*beat*

"YOU make MILK?????" (said in pretty much the same tone one would use to say "YOU can FLY?")

I thought she knew that, LOL.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on September 19, 2011, 01:14:36 PM
We had to pick up Grandson #3 at school this morning because his parents were unavailable.  He had a "tummy ache" -- one of those mysterious pains that render a child incapable of remaining in class but don't prevent him from bopping all over the car on the way home and chattering like a magpie. 

I explained the Sick Kid Rules at Grandma's House: sick kids are too sick to watch cartoons or play with Legos, puzzles, or computer games. Sick kids can only lie down and do quiet things like read or do homework.   >:D

He protested "But it really, really hurts, and it's getting worse by the hour!"

Oddly enough, this dreadful pronouncement didn't work with Grandma, or a bit later with his mommy.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on September 22, 2011, 08:14:21 AM
I was walking by the paint aisle in Wal-Mart, where a family was picking out color chips. Mom, Dad, little girl, all browsing. Just as I was leaving earshot, I heard:

"Mommy? Is 'sexy' a *really* bad word?"

Splorfle! I can only imagine the rest of that conversation.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Wonderflonium on September 22, 2011, 08:18:28 AM
I was playing with my neighbor's son, and he showed me one of his toys.

B: "This is ice bird. I snoweded him."
Me: "You snoweded him?"
B: (very seriously) "Yes, I snoweded him."

I still have no idea what he meant, but I decided to just take my dragon and prepare for battle.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on September 22, 2011, 10:15:48 PM
My daughter had croup with the barking cough.  Once she was better she went back to daycare and told them all about her Doggy Cough.  She's almost 10 now and we still call it that.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on September 23, 2011, 03:41:29 PM
On the bus, there was a little girl, I would say 4ish? Unsure, as I didn't see her. She could certainly talk though!

Girl: Mummy, where are we going?
Mum: We're going shopping (named some UK shops)
Girl: That's so boring, Mummy.  Epic fail.

I hate that expression, but the way she said it made me laugh!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ellasaunt on September 24, 2011, 05:55:36 PM
I have a few...

About 15 years ago, I worked as a nanny, and cared for four of the most delightful children I have ever met. On Fridays, we always made jello. I was at work with the younger two - the older ones were at school. The youngest, Lucy (3), was forever putting her fingers in the jello. I told her again not to put her fingers in it just as the phone rang. I answered the phone, when I heard from Heidi (4) "Lucy's got her toe in the jello" When I asked Lucy why she put her toe in the jello, she looked at me with utmost seriousness and said "Well you told me not to put my finger in it" ::)

My DS is nearly 4. I came out of the bathroom the other day, and he was standing there, deep in thought. He looked at me and said "I am a boy. You are a girl. I have a p*nis and you don't. P*nises are cool!" He then thrust his hips, and ran away.  :-\

DS also makes up words. Keep in mind that the boy can use the word compromise in the appropriate way, and understands its meaning. However, we cannot convince him that "aren'tin" and 'don'tin' are not words. As in "I am a clever boy, aren'tin I" or "we have that book, don'tin we?

Last one, BabyDS is 9 months old. I breastfed BabyDS. DS(3) was fascinated by the whole process. He was going to bed one night with his bear. He lifted up his PJ's and said "Bear is hungry. I feed him now" and proceeded to 'feed' bear. Only he used his belly button, as apparently, this is where boys' 'babymilk' comes from. Might have to do a little bit more explaining I think..... :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on September 24, 2011, 07:45:27 PM
Only he used his belly button, as apparently, this is where boys' 'babymilk' comes from.

It could be worse.   8)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: RingTailedLemur on September 25, 2011, 07:17:19 AM
My brother once came out of the bathroom with his leg wet to the knee, he was about two.  Mum asked him what happened, and he explained he wanted to see how deep the water in the loo was, so he put his foot in it!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on September 25, 2011, 03:38:27 PM
DS3 is learning his ABC's. He was singing, "a b c d eat up g..."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: glacio on September 26, 2011, 03:25:48 AM
DS3 is learning his ABC's. He was singing, "a b c d eat up g..."

...This is what I'm going to be hearing from now on. It makes way too much sense.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on October 02, 2011, 09:05:35 PM
Ok, this just happened about 5 minutes ago. I have a practically 3 year old (2 weeks away) boy and an 8 month old baby girl. Here's a recap of out conversation:

DS (about baby sister): and when her is a big boy, her can play with me.
Me: Honey, she's going to grow up to be a big girl
DS: Her is a baby girl? When I was baby (DS's name), I was a girl?
Me: No honey, you were a baby boy. And now you're a big boy. Baby sister is a girl, and when she gets bigger she will be a big girl.
DS (thinking): Her is a girl, and her don't have a penis. Boys have penis, girls have privates. (after a few more moments) Mom, Baby Sister don't have teeth, right?
Me (Not thinking): That's right honey, Sissy doesn't have any teeth yet.
DS: Mommy, you have teeth......Mommy, do you have a penis?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on October 02, 2011, 09:11:40 PM
He is now upset with me because I'm on the computer instead of taking him out to the garage. He found his birthday present the other day, and knows I was hiding it in the garage.

So, he is whining about going to the garage and getting his toy, and it's his birthday RIGHT NOW. I am ignoring the whining, but couldn't help cracking up when he climbed into my lap, grabbed my face in both hands and begged "Mommy, I need to go in the garage. I don't have much time. You have to Mommy"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on October 02, 2011, 11:05:17 PM
We had an old record of Mr. Rogers when I was growing up, and the one thing I remember from it was him explaining that little girls can grow up to be mommies, and little boys grow up to be daddies.  No little girl can be a daddy, and no little boy can be a mommy.  I (age 3-4 or so) thought that was horribly unfair - it would be SO much cooler to be a daddy!  Daddies got to go to work every day, didn't have to clean the house, and got to do cool stuff like fishing and building things.  Mommies just got to clean and do grocery shopping.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on October 02, 2011, 11:14:57 PM
DH and I painted the kitchen today.  DS came down after his nap and saw the fridge and other stuff moved around. 
DS: Who did this to my house?
me: Daddy & I did, we're painting the kitchen.
DS: Ooh!  Pink and Purple
Me: No, green.
DS: Green and Blue?
Me: No, just green. 
DS: (disappointed) Okay
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Wonderflonium on October 03, 2011, 07:05:43 AM
My grandmother used to send her younger sister hand-me-downs for her and her daughter. When my grandmother was pregnant with my aunt (who is younger than my mom), mom's cousin asked, "If Aunt Mary is having a new baby, does that mean we get the old one?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on October 03, 2011, 08:36:28 AM
Ok, this just happened about 5 minutes ago. I have a practically 3 year old (2 weeks away) boy and an 8 month old baby girl. Here's a recap of out conversation:

DS (about baby sister): and when her is a big boy, her can play with me.
Me: Honey, she's going to grow up to be a big girl
DS: Her is a baby girl? When I was baby (DS's name), I was a girl?
Me: No honey, you were a baby boy. And now you're a big boy. Baby sister is a girl, and when she gets bigger she will be a big girl.
DS (thinking): Her is a girl, and her don't have a penis. Boys have penis, girls have privates. (after a few more moments) Mom, Baby Sister don't have teeth, right?
Me (Not thinking): That's right honey, Sissy doesn't have any teeth yet.
DS: Mommy, you have teeth......Mommy, do you have a penis?

Haha, I love it! Kids' logic amazes me. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Giraffe, Esq on October 03, 2011, 12:10:49 PM
My grandmother used to send her younger sister hand-me-downs for her and her daughter. When my grandmother was pregnant with my aunt (who is younger than my mom), mom's cousin asked, "If Aunt Mary is having a new baby, does that mean we get the old one?"

LOL!  That's great!  Reminds me of something that happened when I was born.

My brother is the oldest cousin.  My cousin Jenny is 15 months younger than he is and 5 months older than I am.  To help prep my brother for having a baby sibling around, my mom would babysit Jenny before I was born.  My brother loved it. 

When I finally arrived, he was thrilled -- and then suddenly, sad.  He asked, "Is Aunt Jenny'sMom going to take her away, too?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: WolfWay on October 04, 2011, 02:23:15 AM
From a friend:

Friend (to 12 year old son): Stop doing that, it's bad for you.
Son: At least I die happy.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on October 04, 2011, 04:36:36 AM
This was a couple of years ago J was 4, Loren 3, and B 2. My Aunt tends to be a bit formal with introductions was introducing them to someone.


This is my gandson J, my Great-niece Loren, and great-grandson B. Cue J crying and wanting to know why Honey was mad at him. Poor little thing. Nothing could convince him that she wasn't mad at him.


Now she says thing like this is my Daugher CC's son J, my Brother's grandaughter and grandson Loren and Brett, and my granddaughter C's sons B and C.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on October 04, 2011, 01:24:51 PM
My DD (almost 2) got up at 5:45 AM the other day and came in to our room to get Daddy (stood near our bed and said "Hi!").  He gets the morning shift while I try to get more sleep, but unfortunately she was being noisy out in the kitchen so it was impossible. By the time I finally got up and ready to go, she and DH were in the office looking at pictures on the computer (she loves that).  So I walk in and she starts pointing at me, frowning and saying "Go bed!  Go sleep!"  Well, I would, kid, but you woke me up!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on October 05, 2011, 11:18:02 AM
My friend is white; her four-year-old (adopted) son is very dark.  Four years old is about when most kids start noticing race, so she had been prepared for this question:

Son: Mommy, do you like my skin?
Friend: Of course I do!  Do you like my skin?
Son: [thinks for a few moments . . .] No, mommy!  You are too light and you have too many spots!
Friend: Spots?
Son: Here, and here, and here!  [Pokes the moles on her arms]
Friend: But you have spots too!  Here, and here!  [Points out his own moles]  You have chocolate spots!
Son: But I like chocolate!

Luckily that was the end of it, but she's expecting the "Why don't I look like you and dad?" conversation any day now  :-\
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on October 05, 2011, 01:51:28 PM
For reasons I don't fully understand, my husband thinks that Brahms's Lullaby is a depressing song.  My daughter Peanut (who's 3) has a stuffed elephant that plays it when you tug on its tail.

The other day, Peanut was playing with the elephant, and playing its song.

Husband:  Can you not play that?  The song makes me sad.
Peanut:  Daddy, it's not a sad song, it's a nighttime song.
Husband:  But it makes me sad.
Peanut:  Don't let your heart be sad.  Your heart should be happy.
(Pause)
Peanut:  Daddy, is your heart happy now?
Husband (laughing a little):  Yes, Peanut.
Peanut:  Okay.
Then she tugged the elephant's tail again and played the song again.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sahara on October 12, 2011, 05:42:39 PM
"I am a boy. You are a girl. I have a p*nis and you don't. P*nises are cool!"

I read that last bit in the Doctor Who "bowties are cool" voice, and it totally cracked me up.  ;D

Here's a story from when my sister was little, maybe 3 or 4. My dad was sauteing some garlic and onions in preparation for dinner and she wandered into the kitchen and said, "Mmmmmmmmm....it's music to my nose!!"

And I work at a preschool, so I'm sure I've got a million more, too!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Where's the Quiet? on October 14, 2011, 10:18:23 PM
I made cookies yesterday and when my 9 year old son took a bite, he said, "These cookies are delicious! They taste almost like the cookie dough!"

I'm not sure what he was expecting them to taste like if not the cookie dough.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on October 15, 2011, 02:14:43 PM
I have a friend from high school on my Facebook list. She has a 12 year old daughter who has a personality that just will not quit. A lot of my friend's posts start with "Amy Quote of the Day." The most recent one happened when she took her for a haircut. The place was empty when they came in, but while the stylist was cutting her hair, several people came in. The stylist said, "Where did all these people come from?"

Amy said, "Oh, they're my fan club. They follow me everywhere I go."

My friend said she hoped Amy's haircut wasn't crooked, because the stylist was laughing so hard she almost couldn't hold the scissors.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on October 15, 2011, 06:07:13 PM
I have a friend from high school on my Facebook list. She has a 12 year old daughter who has a personality that just will not quit. A lot of my friend's posts start with "Amy Quote of the Day." The most recent one happened when she took her for a haircut. The place was empty when they came in, but while the stylist was cutting her hair, several people came in. The stylist said, "Where did all these people come from?"

Amy said, "Oh, they're my fan club. They follow me everywhere I go."

My friend said she hoped Amy's haircut wasn't crooked, because the stylist was laughing so hard she almost couldn't hold the scissors.

Lol. She certainly has confidence, doesn't she. :)  She reminds me of one of my co-worker's daughters. Aggie is six or so, and has a personality twice as big is she is. Her dad coaches with my husband, and the two of them were putting equipment away. She's carrying in a small bag, but can't get through the door because DH is in the way. (He's 6'6" and broad-shouldered. He takes up a lot of space) She taps him on the back: "excuse me! You need to move, or I might have to punch you!"

Aggie is a personality waiting for her body to grow into it. She came home from her first day of school and exultingly told my co-worker: "Kindergarten was great! I've been waiting for it my whole life!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on October 15, 2011, 06:42:13 PM
I have a friend from high school on my Facebook list. She has a 12 year old daughter who has a personality that just will not quit. A lot of my friend's posts start with "Amy Quote of the Day." The most recent one happened when she took her for a haircut. The place was empty when they came in, but while the stylist was cutting her hair, several people came in. The stylist said, "Where did all these people come from?"

Amy said, "Oh, they're my fan club. They follow me everywhere I go."

My friend said she hoped Amy's haircut wasn't crooked, because the stylist was laughing so hard she almost couldn't hold the scissors.

That's priceless.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Rohanna on October 15, 2011, 06:46:25 PM
O told my 3 year old that he needed to be quiet and just snuggle in bed because it was time to sleep.

"But Mummy, my mouth WANTS to keep talking!".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on October 16, 2011, 01:00:40 PM
DH and Babybartfast (age 3) and I are visiting my parents this week, and last night we went to visit an old best friend of mine for dinner.  She and her husband have a very tolerant and friendly cat.

Well Babybartfast LOVED the cat - she's never really seen one up close before.  The cat started out being extremely friendly - kept running up to people and rolling over to have his belly rubbed.  Babybartfast kept playing (and "playing") with the cat in the way three-year-olds do until by the end of the evening, the poor cat was exhausted and really preferred to be on the other side of the room from her.  We were trying to keep a tight rein on her but three-year-olds can be a bit rough sometimes, KWIM?  Eventually we restricted Babybartfast to her seat at the table so the cat could get some rest.

Anyway, when we were ready to go, we told Babybartfast she could go pet the cat one last time and say goodbye.  So she sneaked over to where the cat was dozing under the couch and yelled GOODBYE CAT! right in the poor thing's ear.  He jumped up, banged his head on the underside of the sofa, and darted out of the room.

I felt bad for the cat, but we were all laughing so hard we had to restrain Babybartfast from going and doing it again  ::)  My friend and her DH said the poor cat was always complaining about never getting any attention, so hopefully he got enough attention to last him a while!  I doubt that twenty years from now Babybartfast will remember my friend, but I suspect she will always have vague memories of that cat.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: esteban on October 17, 2011, 01:02:02 PM
DH and Babybartfast (age 3) and I are visiting my parents this week, and last night we went to visit an old best friend of mine for dinner.  She and her husband have a very tolerant and friendly cat.

Well Babybartfast LOVED the cat - she's never really seen one up close before.  The cat started out being extremely friendly - kept running up to people and rolling over to have his belly rubbed.  Babybartfast kept playing (and "playing") with the cat in the way three-year-olds do until by the end of the evening, the poor cat was exhausted and really preferred to be on the other side of the room from her.  We were trying to keep a tight rein on her but three-year-olds can be a bit rough sometimes, KWIM?  Eventually we restricted Babybartfast to her seat at the table so the cat could get some rest.

Anyway, when we were ready to go, we told Babybartfast she could go pet the cat one last time and say goodbye.  So she sneaked over to where the cat was dozing under the couch and yelled GOODBYE CAT! right in the poor thing's ear.  He jumped up, banged his head on the underside of the sofa, and darted out of the room.

I felt bad for the cat, but we were all laughing so hard we had to restrain Babybartfast from going and doing it again  ::)  My friend and her DH said the poor cat was always complaining about never getting any attention, so hopefully he got enough attention to last him a while!  I doubt that twenty years from now Babybartfast will remember my friend, but I suspect she will always have vague memories of that cat.

The mental image of this has me laughing.  Especially the cat leaping up and hitting its head before sprinting out of the room. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: NutMeg on October 17, 2011, 03:29:17 PM
Ok, this just happened about 5 minutes ago. I have a practically 3 year old (2 weeks away) boy and an 8 month old baby girl. Here's a recap of out conversation:

DS (about baby sister): and when her is a big boy, her can play with me.
Me: Honey, she's going to grow up to be a big girl
DS: Her is a baby girl? When I was baby (DS's name), I was a girl?
Me: No honey, you were a baby boy. And now you're a big boy. Baby sister is a girl, and when she gets bigger she will be a big girl.
DS (thinking): Her is a girl, and her don't have a penis. Boys have penis, girls have privates. (after a few more moments) Mom, Baby Sister don't have teeth, right?
Me (Not thinking): That's right honey, Sissy doesn't have any teeth yet.
DS: Mommy, you have teeth......Mommy, do you have a penis?

Haha, I love it! Kids' logic amazes me. :)

Sounds like he's a smart kid, even if his logic misses the mark. I loved it, so funny. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on October 17, 2011, 04:33:52 PM
I don't know how many times I've posted on this thread, but I have a 3 year old who is hilarious. Actually, the last post quoted my last Twig Boy story. Anyway, for Christmas last year, I made play swords for Mr. Twiggy and Twig Boy out of pool noodles, and Mr. Twiggy loved them so much, he started fashioning a whole arsenal. One of the toys he made for himself is a foam battle ax with a handle that's a goo 5 1/2 feet tall and an ax head that's about 12"x18" and 4" thick. It's pretty heavy duty.

Today Twig Boy wants leftover birthday cake, and I told him that he could have some after he eats his lunch. A minute later, he comes up to me, wielding the huge ax, and he says to me "Mommy, I have a ax. You will get me cake now" And then he made his "angry face" that is so cute I can hardly keep from smiling. I would upload a pic, but he also has an aversion to clothing at the moment. My compromise is underwear at all times, pants if people are over, and fully dressed to go out. Come to think of it, I'm sure I have some pretty good funny quotes from him about clothes as well.......
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: esteban on October 17, 2011, 07:48:21 PM
I don't know how many times I've posted on this thread, but I have a 3 year old who is hilarious. Actually, the last post quoted my last Twig Boy story. Anyway, for Christmas last year, I made play swords for Mr. Twiggy and Twig Boy out of pool noodles, and Mr. Twiggy loved them so much, he started fashioning a whole arsenal. One of the toys he made for himself is a foam battle ax with a handle that's a goo 5 1/2 feet tall and an ax head that's about 12"x18" and 4" thick. It's pretty heavy duty.

Today Twig Boy wants leftover birthday cake, and I told him that he could have some after he eats his lunch. A minute later, he comes up to me, wielding the huge ax, and he says to me "Mommy, I have a ax. You will get me cake now" And then he made his "angry face" that is so cute I can hardly keep from smiling. I would upload a pic, but he also has an aversion to clothing at the moment. My compromise is underwear at all times, pants if people are over, and fully dressed to go out. Come to think of it, I'm sure I have some pretty good funny quotes from him about clothes as well.......

If all it took to get cake was to brandish an axe in your underwear.  Well,lets just say that I would be a happy cake eater.  grumblegrumblepeskyclothinglawsgettinginthewayofcakegrumbegrumble
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on October 18, 2011, 05:34:03 AM
Last night DH and I both had to work late, so my mom picked up DD (2) from daycare and I picked her up from my mom's house and took her home, quite against her will. Here is an excerpt from our conversation in the car on the way home.

DD: I want Grandma's house!
Me: We were just at Grandma's house, now we're going to our house.
DD: NO, I don't LIKE our house!
Me: What's wrong with our house?
DD: It's...it's...it's...BROKEN!
Me: It's not broken. We can see Daddy.
DD: NO, I don't LIKE Daddy!
Me: You don't like anything today, crankypants. What DO you like?
DD: Meat.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on October 18, 2011, 03:00:37 PM
From a friend wife's facebook. Said friend has a toddler daughter who was just learning to talk at this time.

Friend: Are you full?
Daughter: No.
Friend: What will you eat?
Daughter: Shoe.

Friend's daughter is a riot.  ;D Her first words were spoken to a thermometer. She was sick at the time and, because her temperature had to be taken so much, the thermometer was within reach. She was also scared of the thermometer, so Friend let her play with it. Daughter would push it until it beeped and then say, "Hi doggie!" It cracked up Friend and Friend's DW immensely that she didn't say Mommy or Daddy first, but she said doggie.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Maujer on October 18, 2011, 07:42:33 PM


Friend's daughter is a riot.  ;D Her first words were spoken to a thermometer. She was sick at the time and, because her temperature had to be taken so much, the thermometer was within reach. She was also scared of the thermometer, so Friend let her play with it. Daughter would push it until it beeped and then say, "Hi doggie!" It cracked up Friend and Friend's DW immensely that she didn't say Mommy or Daddy first, but she said doggie.

My first word was juice. Followed closely by MASH. As in the TV show. It took me quite a while to get around to Mama and Dada.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Xallanthia on October 20, 2011, 01:54:16 PM


Friend's daughter is a riot.  ;D Her first words were spoken to a thermometer. She was sick at the time and, because her temperature had to be taken so much, the thermometer was within reach. She was also scared of the thermometer, so Friend let her play with it. Daughter would push it until it beeped and then say, "Hi doggie!" It cracked up Friend and Friend's DW immensely that she didn't say Mommy or Daddy first, but she said doggie.

My first word was juice. Followed closely by MASH. As in the TV show. It took me quite a while to get around to Mama and Dada.

My best friend's almost-2-year-old has strong preferences for what kind of music he wants to listen to.  Most mornings it's "Hobbits!" ("Concerning Hobbits" from the LotR soundtrack on repeat), or "Bach!" (the soundtrack to the movie Master and Commander).
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Poirot on October 20, 2011, 02:22:12 PM
My oldest DD's first words were "eat" then "chockate" then "mickeyD's"!

It was months later before she said Mama or Dada. No wonder she was on the chubby side as a toddler!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on October 23, 2011, 04:25:27 PM
Oh, I definitely agree!  Like I said, we were trying to keep a short leash on her, but there's only so much you can do.  (If I had known she had a cat before we left, we probably would have suggested other arrangements - my mom and I are both allergic, as well.)

Today's gem, as DH was getting Babybartfast ready for church and left her alone with her breakfast: "Daddy, I gave the clock a bath with peanut butter and orange juice!"

*headdesk*

(And yes, her wall clock now has orange juice inside it.  At least the peanut butter came off.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on November 01, 2011, 09:26:42 PM
Let's just say that both my husband and I are perfectionists, so our now 11 y/o daughter comes by it honestly. I also have studied child development quite a bit, so I knew how to approach the language acquisition process (using proper grammar with her, but never correcting or trying to shame her). Yet, this was one of her first sentences - "Momma, I want do - no, that's not right, I need to start over - Momma, I want to go to the park."

Another time, walking by a leaky fire hydrant, "Look Daddy! The fire is leaking out!"

And another one... When she was learning her full name, and family names, she noticed that she, Daddy, and I all had the same last name, and so did Grandpa and Grandma. So, she started calling everybody by TheirFirstName HerMiddleName OurLastName. And I mean everybody.  So, if her name were Baby Girl Turtle, our neighbor became Mike Girl Turtle, our pastor was Phil Girl Turtle, and my husband was Daddy Girl Turtle. I still call my old boss by her assigned name for him.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on November 08, 2011, 06:21:26 PM
More about DS:

We were visiting an old friend of DH's and mine from High School. Our babies were playing well together, but 3yo DS was bored with them, and kept trying to get in on the board game the adults were playing. At one point he climbed into my lap, held my face between his two hands and said "Mom, you are excluding me". It was so funny to hear such a big word coming out of such a small and whiny boy.

Today, he is driving me up a wall. He's still on the clothing boycott and I've been after him for almost an hour to just put his dang underwear and pants back on. I snapped a bit and told him that he's driving me nuts and that "Mommy is ALL out of patience!" He immediately ran over, kissed my arm and said, "I will give you more patience mom" I finally threatened him with time out and losing his fishy friends (stickers on the window next to his car seat) if he doesn't get dressed. To which he replied "my fishy friends are still my friends when you put them in the closet"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Reader on November 09, 2011, 12:49:44 PM
I babysit for my friends two kids occasionally, son who is 6 and their daughter who is almost 2.  One time while snuggling with their son on the couch watching a movie he asked when I would be his age.  Not when he would grow up and be my age, but he had somehow got the idea in his head that I would reverse to his age.  Later found out from his Mom that he has a small crush on me and had asked me that so he could figure out when we could get married like his Mom and Dad.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Irk Splee on November 09, 2011, 01:35:59 PM
I've always been very close to my grandmother. My mother loves to tell this story about me when I was younger to prove just how close - she had just given me a present that I really enjoyed.

Mom: Who has the best mom in the world?
Me: *gives it a few seconds of thought* You do!

And one from my brother, when he was about 4. We had told him to do something - I don't remember what, but whatever it was, he didn't want to, and the fact that we wanted him to do it made him angry. How angry?

Brother: I'm as angry as a sock puppet!

The mystery of just where that came from is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Though when mom and I started playing bar trivia, "The Angry Sock Puppets" did make for an awesome team name.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Tigger on November 09, 2011, 02:43:00 PM

Quote
Anyway, when we were ready to go, we told Babybartfast she could go pet the cat one last time and say goodbye.  So she sneaked over to where the cat was dozing under the couch and yelled GOODBYE CAT! right in the poor thing's ear.  He jumped up, banged his head on the underside of the sofa, and darted out of the room



I nearly choked myslef with laughter when I read this!!  We have two cats and a DS who's almost 15 months.  I can totally see a child doing this!!  ;D
Quote
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pinky830 on November 12, 2011, 05:11:57 PM
I went into Bath and Body Works once with DS when he was 7 or 8. As we went through the doorway, he stopped and said, "Mom, can boys be in this store?"

"Well, yeah, honey. It's just candles and lotion and stuff."

"I don't know, Mom. I'm afraid I'm gonna catch a case of the girlies in here."

Your dad probably feels the same way, sweetie...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Little Jo on November 12, 2011, 05:43:43 PM
I went into Bath and Body Works once with DS when he was 7 or 8. As we went through the doorway, he stopped and said, "Mom, can boys be in this store?"

"Well, yeah, honey. It's just candles and lotion and stuff."

"I don't know, Mom. I'm afraid I'm gonna catch a case of the girlies in here."

Your dad probably feels the same way, sweetie...

Oh so funny!

This whole thread is so funny.

We had a reunion of cousins and cousins to the nth degree so it was a bit confusing as to who was who and what child belong to which parent but we were sitting close to the children's table and yes I eavesdropped because it was so funny.  they were  talking about endangered animal species and one about 12 or 13 says she read about an endangered bird that only breeds every 5 years. "How does it hold it's breath for that long ?" asked another child

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on November 12, 2011, 05:46:46 PM


they were  talking about endangered animal species and one about 12 or 13 says she read about an endangered bird that only breeds every 5 years. "How does it hold it's breath for that long ?" asked another child

Actually the second child may not be that far off track!  Think about it.  If we could only do it every five years, wouldn't we be holding our breath to make sure we didn't miss that one opportunity?  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Little Jo on November 12, 2011, 05:53:41 PM


they were  talking about endangered animal species and one about 12 or 13 says she read about an endangered bird that only breeds every 5 years. "How does it hold it's breath for that long ?" asked another child

Actually the second child may not be that far off track!  Think about it.  If we could only do it every five years, wouldn't we be holding our breath to make sure we didn't miss that one opportunity?  ;D
;D

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on November 12, 2011, 10:31:58 PM
I was at physical therapy on Thursday and a little boy about 8 or 9 came in for his session.  He was talking to his therapist: "Did you know that back in the 1900's they wouldn't let girls be scientists or doctors or stuff like that?  Why were they so stupid?  There's no reason girls can't be scientists!"

WE'RE WINNING! :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: esteban on November 14, 2011, 01:45:46 AM
I was at physical therapy on Thursday and a little boy about 8 or 9 came in for his session.  He was talking to his therapist: "Did you know that back in the 1900's they wouldn't let girls be scientists or doctors or stuff like that?  Why were they so stupid?  There's no reason girls can't be scientists!"

WE'RE WINNING! :D

A story my parents like to tell on occasion.  When I was about 3 I got hit in the face with a pipe, enough to leave a scar, however no stitches were needed.  I was taken to the ER, and refused to let the doctor look at me.  Despite all the promises from everyone that yes he was a doctor, I was sure he wasn't because the only doctor I knew was my parents female friend, so in my mind all doctors were women. 

I've since found that the majority of women doctors I see have far better bedside manner than the male doctors.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Miss Misery on November 29, 2011, 09:43:18 AM
This past Thanksgiving I went to my parents' house for the long weekend. Myself, my two sisters, my mother and my 8-year-old nephew were sitting at the dining room table and chatting away when Nephew suddenly asked my mother, "Did you adopt Aunt Misery?"

 ::)

My sisters and I don't look like each other so I think that's what prompted his question. I'm still chuckling over just how out-of-the-blue it was.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Wonderflonium on November 29, 2011, 10:03:53 AM
I stopped by my best friend's parents' house on Thanksgiving to visit. Her 6-year-old son was super excited to see me and I got lots of hugs. Then he shouted to his mother in another room, "Mom, your friend is here!" I don't know why, but it cracked me up. I gave him a look, and he followed it with, "It's Wonderflonium!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on December 01, 2011, 08:38:32 AM
From my friend's facebook page (she teaches kindergarten):

"Got a new Christmas CD for my little ones(it's actually one for kids lol) I knew it was time for me to play a new kid friendly one when one of my students said "Mrs. Jessica that song is scary" lol- I guess Johnny Cash Christmas CD is not for everyone!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kethria on December 01, 2011, 10:02:17 AM
Muffin is learning to talk and she has quite the sense of humor, which was a little surprising considering her age. So my mother and I asked her "Muffin are you Mommy's baby?" "No... giggle giggle" "Are you Moga's Baby?" "No... giggle" "whose baby are you?" "Dada"

"Muffin who do you love?" "Dada! Dog! Mama! Rock!" So I rank under the dog but above the rocks. Yay!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Wonderflonium on December 01, 2011, 10:12:09 AM
Muffin is learning to talk and she has quite the sense of humor, which was a little surprising considering her age. So my mother and I asked her "Muffin are you Mommy's baby?" "No... giggle giggle" "Are you Moga's Baby?" "No... giggle" "whose baby are you?" "Dada"

"Muffin who do you love?" "Dada! Dog! Mama! Rock!" So I rank under the dog but above the rocks. Yay!

*LMBO* That made my morning.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: esteban on December 01, 2011, 01:47:16 PM
Muffin is learning to talk and she has quite the sense of humor, which was a little surprising considering her age. So my mother and I asked her "Muffin are you Mommy's baby?" "No... giggle giggle" "Are you Moga's Baby?" "No... giggle" "whose baby are you?" "Dada"

"Muffin who do you love?" "Dada! Dog! Mama! Rock!" So I rank under the dog but above the rocks. Yay!

You're on the right side of the ground at least.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on December 11, 2011, 03:15:50 PM
This evening, I was at my grandparents' house with my cousins. Every year, a local charity does a thing where they have a Father Christmas on a float who comes round the streets, collecting money and handing out sweets to the kids.

I went outside to see it, with my cousins Amy (14), Tabby (5) and Tilly (3). While we were waiting, Tabby was bouncing around, talking about what she was going to ask for. Amy and I asked Tilly what she was going to ask for.

"Vanilla," she said. "With choco flake!"

She thought Father Christmas was the icecream man!!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on December 23, 2011, 02:56:57 PM
My nephew is 12 and we only get to see him about once a year.
Every time I see him, I'm reminded what a great dry wit he has.

Yesterday, we left home at 8:30 am to drive to visit my family.
We arrived at 11:30 pm (local), or 12:30 am for us.
We were...very tired.

In spite of all that, the family - and nephew who was visiting - were up to meet us. It was really nice.

As we got settled, my Dad asked us what our plans for the next day were. He knew we planned on a ski trip at some point in our stay and wanted to know just so that he could make sure breakfast was available if we were heading out early.

I looked at the time - now 1:30 am on my internal clock - and mentally shuddered at the prospect of getting up at 7am to go skiing.
I tried to tactfully say we weren't up to it and said "Well, we certainly could accomplish it if we needed to..."

And nephew chirped "But we just don't want to!"

Maybe it was just being really tired, but at the time, it was just really, really funny!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on December 29, 2011, 03:26:53 PM
Must share this story that Bagman told on his granddaughter (who is 20 months) when he visited over Christmas:

BG: This is the fourth time they have seen each other in person since her first birthday in April.

He arrives and says, "Hi, (GD's Name)! Do you remember me?"
GD: "Gramma!"
BM: "No, I'm GrandPA!" He says "Pa!" a couple more times, they make a little game of it (BM: "Pa!" GD: "Pa!"), and it appears she's finally nailed that he's Grandpa.

Next morning:

BM: "Hi, (GD's Name)! Remember who I am?"
GD: "Gramma!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on December 29, 2011, 10:14:42 PM
I was at physical therapy on Thursday and a little boy about 8 or 9 came in for his session.  He was talking to his therapist: "Did you know that back in the 1900's they wouldn't let girls be scientists or doctors or stuff like that?  Why were they so stupid?  There's no reason girls can't be scientists!"

WE'RE WINNING! :D

A story my parents like to tell on occasion.  When I was about 3 I got hit in the face with a pipe, enough to leave a scar, however no stitches were needed.  I was taken to the ER, and refused to let the doctor look at me.  Despite all the promises from everyone that yes he was a doctor, I was sure he wasn't because the only doctor I knew was my parents female friend, so in my mind all doctors were women. 

I've since found that the majority of women doctors I see have far better bedside manner than the male doctors.


Mom was a chemist involved in the first kidney transplants at Baylor College of Medicine Houston. I have a bunch of adopted aunts who are scientists.


 Apparently I regularly informed the misinformed that most scientists were women (All the ones I knew were), and they and the nurses bossed the doctors around. I explained to several teachers, the scientists figure out how to make people better then the doctors follow their instructions. When the doctors don't follow the instructions the nurses yell at them.


The teachers got the 1st part (that was kid logic and not understanding about PHds) , but were puzzled by the 2nd part. They asked Mom about it and Mom clicked on how many times an ER nurse had stopped the doctors from giving me a common OTC allergy med  that sends me into orbit around Pluto.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 30, 2011, 01:31:25 AM
I was at physical therapy on Thursday and a little boy about 8 or 9 came in for his session.  He was talking to his therapist: "Did you know that back in the 1900's they wouldn't let girls be scientists or doctors or stuff like that?  Why were they so stupid?  There's no reason girls can't be scientists!"

WE'RE WINNING! :D

A story my parents like to tell on occasion.  When I was about 3 I got hit in the face with a pipe, enough to leave a scar, however no stitches were needed.  I was taken to the ER, and refused to let the doctor look at me.  Despite all the promises from everyone that yes he was a doctor, I was sure he wasn't because the only doctor I knew was my parents female friend, so in my mind all doctors were women. 

I've since found that the majority of women doctors I see have far better bedside manner than the male doctors.


Mom was a chemist involved in the first kidney transplants at Baylor College of Medicine Houston. I have a bunch of adopted aunts who are scientists.


 Apparently I regularly informed the misinformed that most scientists were women (All the ones I knew were), and they and the nurses bossed the doctors around. I explained to several teachers, the scientists figure out how to make people better then the doctors follow their instructions. When the doctors don't follow the instructions the nurses yell at them.


The teachers got the 1st part (that was kid logic and not understanding about PHds) , but were puzzled by the 2nd part. They asked Mom about it and Mom clicked on how many times an ER nurse had stopped the doctors from giving me a common OTC allergy med  that sends me into orbit around Pluto.

A (female) friend of mine was in the military until very recently.  She also has two stepsons, mid-elementary age.  Apparently someone asked the younger one if he wanted to go into the army someday, and he told them "Ewwww!  The army is for GIRLS!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MummySweet on December 30, 2011, 05:31:17 AM
Two for you:

A few days before the holiday break my five year old stayed home from school sick.   She entertained herself by looking at photographs on our screen saver.  While looking at a picture of one of her brothers she asked who the other person in the picture was. When I replied that it was me, she responded, "But she looks so young! That can't be you."   :-\

Awhile back I asked my seven year old what he wanted on his sandwich.   He replied, "Jam, straight up."   I was left wondering who he has been hanging out with?    I guess I should be happy he didn't ask for a double!   ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Silversurfer on December 30, 2011, 05:44:21 AM
Bwahahaha! ' apple juice, on the rocks!'
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 30, 2011, 01:21:45 PM
Babybartfast got up WAY too early this morning, but DH and I didn't want to get up yet.  She tried to climb in bed with us, which would have been fine, but she couldn't hold still so DH removed her and told her to go play in the living room.  I was still pretty groggy at that point as she was climbing on me, so I didn't really pay attention until she suddenly appeared in the bedroom doorway and announced, "Mommy, I put a banana under your pillow!"

I reached one hand under there and - yep, sure enough, there were two bananas under my pillow and one under DH's!

"Babybartfast, why did you put a banana under my pillow?"

"I put a banana under your pillow so when the fairy comes she'll have something to eat!"

No idea where she's been hearing about the tooth fairy - she's only 3 1/2, nowhere near old enough to be losing teeth yet - but DH tried to give her a semi-coherent explanation about why bananas are not bedtime toys.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on December 31, 2011, 05:14:54 PM
DD is 17 and in Grade 12. As she approaches graduation, she's starting to plan for the future.
She is starting to think about what items she needs for college and what parts of her life will be left behind.
Today's conversation concerned her extensive - and still growing - collection of stuffed animals.

DD "I'll give most of them up -they're really just an indulgence."

Me - knowing how attached she is to them, and thinking to start things gently - "Why don't you start now? Just a half dozen or so?"

DD, in genuine horror "I can,t do that! They all have names and I can't break up couples! Rouge and Windrider are married and have a kid! I can't break up families!!"
  :D

Somehow, I think we still have a long way to go. ;D ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 31, 2011, 07:43:00 PM
This is what your parents' house is for - to store all the stuff you can't take with you to college, but you're not really ready to give away yet  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kethria on December 31, 2011, 09:47:22 PM
DD is 17 and in Grade 12. As she approaches graduation, she's starting to plan for the future.
She is starting to think about what items she needs for college and what parts of her life will be left behind.
Today's conversation concerned her extensive - and still growing - collection of stuffed animals.

DD "I'll give most of them up -they're really just an indulgence."

Me - knowing how attached she is to them, and thinking to start things gently - "Why don't you start now? Just a half dozen or so?"

DD, in genuine horror "I can,t do that! They all have names and I can't break up couples! Rouge and Windrider are married and have a kid! I can't break up families!!"
  :D

Somehow, I think we still have a long way to go. ;D ;D

Tell her they'll get over it. I kept Danny my panda bear but Pinkie his wife and their 6 kids had to go... Danny hasn't expressed that much sadness over the separation. I mean can  you imagine child support for 6 panda/pink baby teddy bears? He got off easy!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on January 01, 2012, 12:01:05 PM
I showed DD my post and your replies. She laughed.
I think maybe she's feeling more "normal" to know she's not the only one who has faced this!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 01, 2012, 01:38:02 PM
I got on a big "For Better Or For Worse" kick the summer before I left for college (~1000 miles away).  I'm sure part of it was just knowing everything would be changing soon, but I CRIED so hard at about half those comic strips.  Then my parents moved my freshman year, and a bunch of my stuff got lost in the move  :'(  I'm still a bit bitter about that, honestly - I wasn't ready for "my" room to not be mine anymore, you know?  My parents' new house does have a room "for me," but it's really the guest room - neutral tones, my parents' old bed instead of the one I grew up with, and just a shelf or two of my trophies and treasures on the wall.  It's way more tasteful and SO not me  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Shopaholic on January 01, 2012, 03:15:14 PM
I gave my five-year-old nephew some chocolate as a symbolic gift for the holiday.

His reply: "Shopaholic, next year try to get me something I really like."

He was in a mood today, shut himself in his room and a while later we heard him singing. His mom informed us that he likes to sing Wagner to himself when he's upset.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MonteCristo on January 02, 2012, 10:19:20 AM
My parent's have been divorced for almost two years, and mom brought her boyfriend to last Christmas at my grandparent's...however, when the kids got back home to Dad's after Christmas this year, my 6yo sister told Dad, "Mom has a boyfriend, so I guess she dumped you."  We all just about died laughing.  I guess it just didn't sink in for her earlier.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on January 02, 2012, 01:18:53 PM
I showed DD my post and your replies. She laughed.
I think maybe she's feeling more "normal" to know she's not the only one who has faced this!

Don't let her watch Toy Story 3.  I'm 26, have been through the Great Toy Purge, and I bawled at the idea of the kid out growing the poor toys.   :'(  It's a totally normal feeling to be sad to leave some behind.  She'll get through it though. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on January 02, 2012, 05:54:24 PM
Cabbage and I are putting most of our toys in storage for when we have kids. I realize that's not really possible for parents with young kids, but teens can do that with their much-beloved toys with which they cannot part.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Softly Spoken on January 02, 2012, 07:23:57 PM
I have a few from my friend's brother when he was younger:

1) He used to come into his parents room and say "Mom, are you awake?" He mother would reply "No, I'm asleep." His response? "Oh, okay." and he would leave! It took him a while to figure this one out... ::)

2) He was going through a picky food phase where he only wanted to eat peanut butter. Mom gives him fish for dinner. He says "No I want PB" Mom tells him "That is PB." He eats it and is very quiet after. Mom asks how he likes it and he says very seriously "Mom, don't ever make peanut butter like that again!"
 ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on January 09, 2012, 07:36:48 PM
I remembered a couple more, courtesy of my daughter:

When she was 4 or 5, we spent the day at the beach with some new friends. On the way home, we asked her if she had fun. Her reply? " not enough; we need to go back for more"

She got an ATM savings bank for Christmas the year she was 8. When it came time to give her her allowance, my husband made a big show of depositing her money into her bank. He then asked if she had seen how to do it. She answered, "no, Daddy, do it again"

And last month, I made a comment about how I am old (38). She reassured me, "you're not old, Momma; you're middle-aged!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on January 10, 2012, 02:11:21 PM
DD is two years old and is naturally getting into everything.  A few nights ago she discovered she can climb up on top of two stacked storage bins (and get at the bookshelf they are blocking).  I was in the room reading while she was playing, so caught her at it right away.  I told her to get down, and then physically had to go remove her.  When I went to sit back down, she followed me.  She came right over, stared at me hard, and said very clearly, "Read your book!"  And then immediately went back to try to climb up the storage bins.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on January 10, 2012, 11:46:45 PM
Emily just turned 5 today!  A few days ago:

Emily: "Jenny has pink eyelash disease."
Me: "Pink... eyelash disease?"
Emily: "Yes, her eyelashes are turning pink. And her eyebrows. And her eyes. And her whole face, really."
Me: "Wow, that's... dreadful."
Emily: "Yes, she must have a wolf bit."
Me: "A wolf bit?"
Emily: "I think she went into the woods and was bit by a wolf. On the face."
Me: "Ah."
Emily: "Wolves are carriers of the disease."


A few weeks ago, Emily and Jenny asked me to tell them a story, so I said we could all take turns.  My story was about a baby dragon who was pushed out of his nest high in a tree, failed to fly, but survived by landing in a pile of leaves.  He couldn't fly back up to his tree, so he went looking for help.  He wandered through the forest until he found a house.  He knocked on the door, which was opened by a little girl!  She felt sorry for the dragon and helped him learn how to fly by pushing him off successively higher ledges while he practiced spreading his wings, etc.

Emily's turn.  Emily told a story... about a baby dragon who fell out of his nest then went looking for help.  Sound familiar?  He went walking through the woods, found a house, the door was opened by a little girl who helped him learn how to fly.  Basically an abbreviated version of my story.

Next it was Jenny (age 3)'s turn.  She told a story... about a baby dragon who fell out of his nest then went looking for help.  He went walking through the woods, found a house, the door was opened by... a MONSTER!  AND IT ATE THE DRAGON!  The end.

She was also telling me the story of "The Boxcar Children" the other day.  They were eaten by a dragon, apparently.  Not sure the fate of the boxcar.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on January 12, 2012, 04:06:42 AM
I have a few from my friend's brother when he was younger:

1) He used to come into his parents room and say "Mom, are you awake?" He mother would reply "No, I'm asleep." His response? "Oh, okay." and he would leave! It took him a while to figure this one out... ::)
This could happen in my family - and the adult would be asleep. Sleep walking, talking, fighting runs in one branch of the family. I know of a few couples that had fights because married in spouse didn't realize they were having a conversation with sleeping person. (either the conversation was bizarre - or the sleeper promised to do something but had no memory of it)


I've had an apparently bizarre conversation about aliens chasing me with my BIL on the phone. He thought I was drunk or high - sis knew I was asleep. (Aliens and owls were frequent figures in my sleep walking/talking.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: amylouky on January 13, 2012, 10:02:34 AM
Older DS is 4, and he keeps me laughing all the time!

DS (in car): Mommy, can you turn up the radio?
Me: Not until you say the magic word!
DS: Abracadabra!


Me: DS, what do you want on your pizza?
DS: Sausage, sauce, cheese, and peanuts!


Me: DS, do you know why your brother is crying?
DS: Um.. he poked my finger with his eye.


He also told me the other day that his butt was hungry. I asked, "Do you mean your belly?" He said, "No.. my butt! It wants a sandwich!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 14, 2012, 09:51:19 AM
MIL took Babybartfast with her when she went to get blood drawn last week.  Since MIL doesn't do well with needles, she wasn't feeling up to chatting, but Babybartfast apparently decided the phlebotomist needed her whole life story:

"Hi!  My name is Babybartfast!  My last name is Smith.  I'm three years old!  I used to be a baby, when I was two years old, but then I had a birthday and now I'm three years old.  My daddy's name is Max.  Sometimes he likes to go to work and sometimes he likes to play with me.  My mommy's name is Slartibartfast.  She likes to sleep."

 ::)

My MIL will never let me forget this now, of course  ::)  (And I am napping a lot more now that I'm pregnant with #2, but still!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Cutenoob on January 15, 2012, 04:18:53 AM
Eggy said/did something really funny a few days ago. He's almost two now (holy cow!)
He and I were sitting in the car, playing and just talking; singing the ABC's, doing the Itsy Bitsy Spider song and some other really simple things.
We paused, and I asked him, "Do you want me to sing the Old Mac Donalds song?" He said "NO" very clearly. I started singing it anyway (I'm the adult here) and he points his finger at me.
Points it at me and starts blabbling in a very loud voice. He was yelling at me!!! In baby language!
What's next..*sigh*
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on January 15, 2012, 08:51:43 AM
Going to see Beauty and the Beast 3D (with the singing and dancing plates and silverware) last night reminded me.

When my girls were little, one of them couldn't remember what the dessert server was called.  You know, this thing:

(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31FOMBbAOfL._SL500_AA300_.jpg)

So now and forever in our family, that thing is a "pie shovel".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on January 15, 2012, 04:50:50 PM
My 4 year old decided we all would be super heroes. 
Kitty Mommy fought monsters using a sword.
Cowboy Daddy caught monsters using his rope.
Princess Big Sister used her powers to turn the monsters nice
and he was a superhero that used his vest to turn monsters into bacon!

There was a theme song!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Moray on January 16, 2012, 10:45:39 AM
Going to see Beauty and the Beast 3D (with the singing and dancing plates and silverware) last night reminded me.

When my girls were little, one of them couldn't remember what the dessert server was called.  You know, this thing:

(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31FOMBbAOfL._SL500_AA300_.jpg)

So now and forever in our family, that thing is a "pie shovel".

(http://mandolinslicer.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/mandolinslicer.jpg)

For similar reasons, my family calls these things "banjos"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Tierrainney on February 03, 2012, 04:01:21 PM
Got one from my 6 year old this week.

We had been making Valentines and I was adding googly eyes to pompoms to make her a "warm fuzzy". I guess no one had every told her about them before, and she was pretty excited.

Last night we went shopping at Target. They have a big Valentine display up, including a cutout of 3 very large pompoms with googly eyes. She looked at the sign with a gasp, "Look Mom! It's a fuzzy Warm!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kethria on February 06, 2012, 10:32:20 AM
This isn't speech so much as an action, but we were over at my MIL's and she and muffin were eating blueberries. A family friend was there "George" and he was kind of teasing muffin, asking her for a blueberry and she was wrinkling her nose and saying "no". (except that she says it all long and drawn out 'nooooooo' and it's hilarious). So nana and I told her she should share with Uncle George because sharing is nice. Darned if she didn't examine each and every blueberry until she found one that was squashed and there fore undesirable and "shared" that one with him. We were laughing so so hard it was ridiculous.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 06, 2012, 11:26:42 AM
Babybartfast was supposed to be taking her nap yesterday afternoon, but instead she went into my study and got out DH's chess set when we weren't looking.  Cue chess pieces all over the room.  Of course, when I found it, I made her clean it up, so she was very deliberately putting each piece back into its little styrofoam place in the package.  She pointed to one of the empty holes in the styrofoam where one of the pawns was supposed to fit and said "Mommy, I can't find this pawn!"  Then she paused and added, "But pawns don't do much anyway."

(Yes, she may be 3 1/2, but she loves to sit on DH's lap at his computer and play chess against the computer.  DH sets the computer to do random moves and he's trying to teach Babybartfast how each of the chess pieces move.  I guess she's been listening!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: *new*mommyagain36 on February 17, 2012, 09:57:17 AM
DD was very sick last week with one of those lovely viruses where you basically spew forth like the Exorcist every 15-20 minutes for hours.
It seemed like the vomitting had stopped so I decided to check her temp.  She is 14 months old so, yes, I still check rectally.
So, I proceed to explain to her  "this is how I need to check your temperature, isn't this silly?  I have to put the thermometer (forgive me) in your butt and we'll wait a few seconds and hang on, etc."
All of the sudden she blurts out "in da butt" at the top of her little lungs.
DH is my witness.
We both just disolved in laughter, tears streaming down our cheeks.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Cutenoob on February 17, 2012, 05:18:31 PM
Oh, DS made a remark the other day that just had me laughing (and trying to NOT laugh).
He's got animal sounds pretty good, he knows that kitties make MEOW sounds, doggies do WOOF WOOF, birds do CHEEP CHEEP.
He hasn't really read or heard about pigs. So I asked him "What sound does a piggy make?" After a blank stare, I said, "oink oink oink, piggies make that sound". He's REALLY good at retaining information, so a few hours later, I asked him, "What sound do piggies make?"
He answered "DADDDDYYYYYY"
I lost it.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on February 17, 2012, 05:37:22 PM
DS (5): Mom? Do you know what "kjærester" (lovers in Norwegian) are?

Me: Uh, no. What? (not my finest moment, but I was caught off guard)

DS: Well, it's like Grandma and Grandpa. They totally are kjærester!

Me: Oh really? Why?

DS: well they smoooooooch each other with their lips and their faces! *cackles madly*

Me: *dials* Mom? Yeah, hi. Hey, when you had Noah last weekend, what exactly happened?

 ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 17, 2012, 08:46:31 PM
Bwahahaha! ' apple juice, on the rocks!'

Can't remember if I've shared this or not but when MIL was dating FIL, DH was around 3 and it bears mentioning that FIL is from northern NJ and MIL's mother is something of a teetotaler and since MIL had been a single mother since DH was 7months, her mom took care of DH during the day.

One day Mamaw's making lunch for DH and says "DHsName, what would you like to have to drink with lunch?"  Dh thinks for a moment and replies "Mm, I'll have a beeah!" (beer)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on February 17, 2012, 09:16:19 PM
When I was about 3, I was at church with my parents and baby sister. Apparently we were very...energetic. My father finally picked up my sister muttering something about how she was a "little stinker." I proudly stood up on the pew and announced to the church that THAT meant I was a BIG STINKER.
*****
My DD is 6 and currently calls red velvet cake Red Riding Cake. She also says the stars in the sky are the teeth the tooth fairy has collected (I have reasonable suspicion someone may have told her that, but it's still cute).
*****
My DS is only 11 months, and not speaking much yet, but very expressionful with his noises. He tried to pick up the cat one day, making many melodramatic and loud GRUUUUUNTS while the cat looked at DH with a longsuffering expression. DS gave up, cat stood and stretched, then stalked away. DS apparently looked at the retreating feline and let out a long SIIIGH of his own while his shoulders slumped.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Thipu1 on February 18, 2012, 10:21:21 AM
The child of a friend was reading (sort of) at a very young age.  He called ice cubes 'ice cubbies'.  He's now in his 20s and the family still uses the term.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Shopaholic on February 18, 2012, 03:40:30 PM
<<slight gross out warning - snot>>


SIL to Nephew (age 5.5): "I'm so proud of you that you stopped wiping your nose on your sleeve!"
Nephew: "Yes, I just eat it now."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on February 20, 2012, 09:28:59 PM
DS had a great one tonight. After dinner, I put the kids in the tub because DS (3yo) loves baths and DD (12mo) basically gets a bath after every meal. Well, they were scrubbed and just playing with the bubbles when I noticed DD making her "poop face" and grunting. I got the kids out, yelled for DH to come get the baby and drained the tub. DS was really upset and kept telling me he wasn't done yet. I had a grand time trying to explain to him that there was poop in the water, and he didn't want a yucky poop bath, all while trying, unsuccessfully, to fish it out of the tub before it went down the drain and got all clogged up.

I finally got the tub drained, and got DS out of the bathroom by telling him to ask Daddy to help him call Grammy and Grampy to tell them good-night. I bleached the tub, rinsed it, got the towels and clothes off the floor and headed into the living room to hear my son cheerfully telling MIL "and then Mommy gave us a poop bath." He is now in bed, but during bedtime prayers he asked that Sissy be blessed to not make a yucky bath.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on February 21, 2012, 02:59:54 PM
Emily: "Mom, Jenny just ripped the box we were using to put dead people in.  Can we have a new one?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on February 21, 2012, 07:27:26 PM
Emily: "Mom, Jenny just ripped the box we were using to put dead people in.  Can we have a new one?"

Well, I certainly hope you gave her a plastic one for the replacement.  Can't have any kids running around with dead people falling helter skelter out of a torn box and bouncing off the floor.  That isn't very respectful!!  :-\
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on February 22, 2012, 01:01:56 PM
I discovered later that the "dead people" referred to Jenny, who was pretending to be a little girl who had died.  Note: if you figure it's perfectly fine to watch "Emma" when your kids are around, because, hey, Jane Austen movies are pretty kid-safe, remember that this particular version has a scene early on where Emma's mother is smiling down at her, then is transformed (cut scene) to an image of her dead face just before the lid of the casket is put on.  I'm pretty sure that's why they started playing "dead people."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on February 24, 2012, 04:01:20 PM
We went to something called the Safe Kids Fair today (bunch of booths inside an expo center with a lot of kid-related merchandise and safety stuff). There was a terrifying mascot there--a guy in a gigantic inflatable suit walking around. Not the best idea at a kids' fair, folks. Anyhow, my three year old flipped her lid over it, and I pretended not to. Mascots freak me out a bit, too.

We sat down to lunch about ten minutes after our first sighting of this thing. She took a few contemplative bits, looked at me very seriously (but calmly) and said, "Muskrats are horrifying."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on February 25, 2012, 11:24:15 PM
While at Target the other day, my 4 year old DS wasn't listening to me, so I made him ride in the cart.  He got really mad and first told me I was no longer invited to his birthday party, then he decided to take away my favorite color and give me a new one.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on February 25, 2012, 11:47:57 PM
Oh no! Not your favorite color! ;D That's too cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: purplemuse on February 26, 2012, 02:35:12 PM
While at Target the other day, my 4 year old DS wasn't listening to me, so I made him ride in the cart.  He got really mad and first told me I was no longer invited to his birthday party, then he decided to take away my favorite color and give me a new one.

And if I had been you, I would then have sat him down and seriously (I don't mean sternly or angrily, but just that I wouldn't be joking) explained why you can't take a person's favorite color away.

Colors are important to me; maybe more than to normal people...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on March 01, 2012, 02:35:24 AM
DH was on the phone with his brother this evening. When he finished his conversation, he was chuckling in a "wow, our lives are really different" kind of way. We were getting ready for bed, and BIL had just woken up and started his day around 8:30. DS heard that BIL had just woken up and asked "Is Uncle nocturnal?"
DH was surprised that DS knows what nocturnal means, so he asked why DS thought Uncle was nocturnal. DS looked at his daddy as if he were a bit slow and told him "Like a Fennec Fox. Them sleep when the sun is up. Then them waked up at night time."

At that point I was giggling and I pointed out to DH that our frequent zoo trips are NOT a waste of time. In addition to being extremely fun, DS is learning things as well!

DS has also told DH that he (DS) is an "obnibore" because he eats chicken and fruitsandvegetables (it's one word when he says it  :))

Oh, and about a month ago I wasn't feeling well, so I was trying to take a nap. DS climbed onto my bed and made a nest from every pillow on my bed, and the one from his as well. When he was done, he told me that he made me a night house.

***Ok, DH might have a point, we do go to the zoo an awful lot. I definitely get my money's worth from the annual membership  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 01, 2012, 09:51:56 PM
The babe was hilarious tonight, talking and talking non stop until he realized I was filming him.  Actually I managed to get him with my digital cam once and then decided to play it back to him.   Oh he was transfixed, just staring at the baby on the camera's screen in awe like "This guy is speaking my language!  I agree completely!! Wow!! It's like he knows just what I'm saying!  Freebird!"

Then I started getting tired and it was getting close to 10 so I take him up to his room where I changed him into his pj's, rubbed the lavender lotion all over him as he's babbling and giggling, and I'm talking back just a bit to say things like "Ooh really?" "You don't say!"  "Well I sure hope you told him what's for!"

Finally I decided we'd talked enough and put him in his crib and turned the mobile on. He's gotten to the point where he just is not a fan of the binky (pacifier) so anytime I put it in he talked around it till it fell out or he grabbed the little handle and pulled it out and stuck his fingers in as he was conversing with the monkey that hangs in the middle of the mobile.  (We named the monkey Jack-hey it's a nautical themed mobile, it works)

Then the babe decides it's time to really get into the debate and I'm trying to settle him down by not talking too much, just rubbing his belly and giving him his blanky, and from the sound of quiet it sounds like he did stop talking but lordy, it was like he was giving the State of the Union address tonight!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 02, 2012, 07:40:00 PM
I remember reading a blog where a mother was talking about hearing her young toddler in her crib right when she woke up in the morning.  She said it was like the little girl was practicing all her words for the day.  "Lawnmower apple carrot bug ate no potty play chair doll ball hop shoes coat out leaf sit bye-bye now all gone..."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Micah on March 04, 2012, 03:48:03 PM
My four year old son and I still have a shower together. A little while ago, this exchange happened.
Son: "Mum, do you have a woodle?" (His name for a p*nis. A friend's mother taught it to him and I can't get him out of it)
Me: "No, darlin' I don't."
Son: (In tones of deep sadness and regret) "Ohhhh, did it fall off?"
Me: Hysterical laughter...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on March 04, 2012, 11:06:43 PM
DD wanted me to sit by her bed the other night when she was a bit upset. Just before she completely settled down for sleep she turned to me and dismissed me by telling me to go back to my own bed  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: AfleetAlex on March 05, 2012, 11:58:47 AM
Thanks to E-Hellions, I was able to keep my cool during Thanksgiving dinner when my two-year-old nephew began announcing how much he liked his trucks and repeating the word over and over again - and of course sounding like he was cussing up a blue streak. (It was very difficult not to laugh though, especially as I was sitting next to him.)

My 89-year-old grandmother was laughing and saying "TRRRR-uck. TRRR-uck." Nephew didn't notice, even as the rest of the family started to crack up.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 05, 2012, 12:03:54 PM
My SIL is a speech language pathologist.  She has had many a parent come in with their child and say:  If nothing else, please teach my child how to say TRUCK!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on March 05, 2012, 06:49:11 PM
My niece did exactly the opposite when she was little. She learned a few....colorful words from Daddy and Grampa when they were watching basketball. I was sitting next to her as she colored, and as she colored, she sang: "truck, truck, truck, truck, truck", except, of course, she wasn't singing that exact word.

My head may have come close to exploding from suppressed laughter.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 05, 2012, 10:17:36 PM
I always thought it was funny when my little brother was a toddler and would say "Thinger and fumb".  It wasn't a matter of not being able to say "th" or "f", he'd just get them mixed up.

My 10 and 9 year old STILL say "Emeny" for "Enemy".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on March 05, 2012, 10:39:53 PM
My SIL is a speech language pathologist.  She has had many a parent come in with their child and say:  If nothing else, please teach my child how to say TRUCK!

My cousin had this problem so she taught her daughter to call them lorries :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: AfleetAlex on March 06, 2012, 01:38:17 PM
I always thought it was funny when my little brother was a toddler and would say "Thinger and fumb".  It wasn't a matter of not being able to say "th" or "f", he'd just get them mixed up.

My 10 and 9 year old STILL say "Emeny" for "Enemy".

I love it! That's so cute. My brother used to say 'callapitter' instead of 'caterpillar' and I still have to think about how to say that right sometimes. 'Sgabetti' for 'spaghetti' was also popular.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 06, 2012, 02:40:11 PM
My SIL is a speech language pathologist.  She has had many a parent come in with their child and say:  If nothing else, please teach my child how to say TRUCK!

My cousin had this problem so she taught her daughter to call them lorries :)

Good idea!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 09, 2012, 10:18:32 AM
Emily was chattering at me in the car the other day.  "Papa calls us kiddos.  I think that's like spaghettios.  <ponder>  Maybe that's why he likes to eat us so much."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 09, 2012, 10:40:15 AM
Babybartfast was trying to explain to us yesterday that she wasn't REALLY hungry, but one corner of her stomach was empty so she was a LITTLE hungry.  I told her stomachs don't have corners, and she assured me that her stomach was a square so it had corners.  Then she told me "But you're a grown-up, so your stomach is bigger.  It's an octagon."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 09, 2012, 10:50:28 AM
lol, that's hilarious, Slartibartfast!  I used to insist that my belly button was a little hole, just big enough for some ice cream or something.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: 2littlemonkeys on March 09, 2012, 11:39:56 AM
LOL!  When we're eating, my kids will declare themselves stuffed after eating just a tiny bit of dinner.  Oh, and hey, they're ready for dessert whenever.

We don't make them eat everything on their plates but they must eat enough to satisfy my desire for them to actually receive nutrition.  So I'll say, "Well, if you're so full to eat more than one bite of anything, you're too full for dessert.  Why don't you go have a lie down and maybe, after you've had a little more dinner, you can have dessert later.

ODD likes to say, "But mom, I have a tiny bit of room right here for ice cream." and she points to her tummy.

I try SO HARD to curb my language around the kids and I do a fine job with the Really Bad Ones.  However, I need to watch the "Words You Don't Want Your 4-Year Old Tossing About."  I was driving YDD to preschool this morning when she dropped her cup of cereal on the floor.  She said, oh so casually,

"Aw, d--n it!"

I almost drove off the road but less from shock and more from trying not to laugh out loud.  We need to have a chat about words only grownups use.

And speaking of such, I got a little worried when ODD started talking about the "C word" and how bad it is.  Now, there's only one "C word" I know and I never, ever use it.  So I was a little concerned about how a 1st grader might have come into contact with it.  So I tentatively asked her what the "C word" was.  She whispered "Cooties." 

 ;D

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on March 09, 2012, 12:03:54 PM
I got a little worried when ODD started talking about the "C word" and how bad it is.  Now, there's only one "C word" I know and I never, ever use it.  So I was a little concerned about how a 1st grader might have come into contact with it.  So I tentatively asked her what the "C word" was.  She whispered "Cooties." 

 ;D

Aren't you glad you didn't start a discussion with her about the "c" word you had in mind?  How awkward THAT might have become!   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 09, 2012, 01:03:30 PM
I stubbed my toe yesterday and inadvertently taught Babybartfast some new words.  One of them might have been "schadenfreude."  (She repeated it to DH later - not close enough for him to recognize it, but I knew where she got "shafride!" from . . .)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: DynoMite on March 11, 2012, 11:38:09 AM
Haven't finished the thread yet, but [bg] DynoBoy2 has a squeaky little chipmunk type voice that is so cute. [/bg]

Yesterday he was rolling all over the microfiber couch, and when he stood up his hair was very staticky, and he looked at me in surprise and said "I've got couch in my hair!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on March 11, 2012, 07:41:03 PM
I stubbed my toe yesterday and inadvertently taught Babybartfast some new words.  One of them might have been "schadenfreude."  (She repeated it to DH later - not close enough for him to recognize it, but I knew where she got "shafride!" from . . .)

Hey Slartibartfast, I looked up the word and all i could get on it from a definition is "a malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others". I am guessing this is not what you meant and there is some other meaning. Am I correct?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 11, 2012, 10:12:53 PM
I stubbed my toe yesterday and inadvertently taught Babybartfast some new words.  One of them might have been "schadenfreude."  (She repeated it to DH later - not close enough for him to recognize it, but I knew where she got "shafride!" from . . .)

Hey Slartibartfast, I looked up the word and all i could get on it from a definition is "a malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others". I am guessing this is not what you meant and there is some other meaning. Am I correct?

Avenue Q has the best explanation of it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvcRQiOraGE), but that's more or less right - happiness at the misfortune of others.  I stubbed my toe and was jumping around and grumping, and she laughed at me, so I stared singing the Avenue Q song  :P  It's a really useful word!

ETA: I should mention that the song has a few not-approved-for-eHell words in it.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on March 11, 2012, 10:43:36 PM
I stubbed my toe yesterday and inadvertently taught Babybartfast some new words.  One of them might have been "schadenfreude."  (She repeated it to DH later - not close enough for him to recognize it, but I knew where she got "shafride!" from . . .)

Hey Slartibartfast, I looked up the word and all i could get on it from a definition is "a malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others". I am guessing this is not what you meant and there is some other meaning. Am I correct?

Avenue Q has the best explanation of it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvcRQiOraGE), but that's more or less right - happiness at the misfortune of others.  I stubbed my toe and was jumping around and grumping, and she laughed at me, so I stared singing the Avenue Q song  :P  It's a really useful word!

Heh. Now i am going to be singing that song.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jules1980 on March 12, 2012, 03:56:23 AM
BabyJ told me today that she knew how to tie shoes.  She said, "I saw it on the Dish-Knee channel.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 12, 2012, 01:17:33 PM
Not something he said, but today the Piratebabe had his 4 month shots which he handled like a pro with minimal crying.  We came home, he got a bottle, took a short nap and when he woke up he was all grins.

And then he stuck two tiny li'l index fingers in the corner of his mouth, and with a merry li'l twinkle in his eyes, stuck his tongue out at me between those two fingers.   I howled with laughter. 

Guess that's what I get, huh? This one's going to be a handful, I'm afraid!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on March 12, 2012, 01:52:21 PM
My Baby Bear was in the front yard yesterday (fenced) when a woman on a bike rode by. He cried out "He-ey" and she called "Hello!" over her shoulder.

11 months old and flirting with athletic women. Yeesh.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 12, 2012, 01:56:22 PM
My Baby Bear was in the front yard yesterday (fenced) when a woman on a bike rode by. He cried out "He-ey" and she called "Hello!" over her shoulder.

11 months old and flirting with athletic women. Yeesh.  :)

LOL!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: purplemuse on March 12, 2012, 03:36:17 PM
Overheard a little boy talking to his adult at the grocery, speaking in the most fascinated and excited tone:

"Did you know that we're made of meat? So when sharks eat people, it's because they like to eat meat too..."

They moved out of earshot after that, which is kind of unfortunate, as I would have liked to hear the rest.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on March 14, 2012, 10:15:03 AM
My DS (age 3) has come up with a new way to ask for stuff. He says that his back hurts, with a very serious and concerned tone. He's just letting me know for my benefit, you see.  ;)

"Mom, I want some coke. When your back hurts, you need coke."

"Mom, I want this cereal. When your back hurts, you need cereal."

"Mom, I want some more ice cream. When your back hurts, you need more ice cream."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: shadowfox79 on March 14, 2012, 11:45:26 AM
My DS (age 3) has come up with a new way to ask for stuff. He says that his back hurts, with a very serious and concerned tone. He's just letting me know for my benefit, you see.  ;)

"Mom, I want some coke. When your back hurts, you need coke."

"Mom, I want this cereal. When your back hurts, you need cereal."

"Mom, I want some more ice cream. When your back hurts, you need more ice cream."

I have chronic back pain. I might see if that works on DH. "Honey, when your back hurts, you need a Mojito..."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 14, 2012, 02:51:51 PM
Oh well by all means I'll join in on that one! 

When you trip and scrape your shin on your front porch, you're going to need a Diet Coke with Kraken rum.

And when you drink that Diet Coke with Kraken Rum, you're going to need something to go with it.

When you need something to go with it, you get lots of crackers, dip and dark chocolate M&M's.

When you eat and drink all that and talk to your best friend, you're going to get very silly and giggle and moon over Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow.

Get very silly and giggle and moon over Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow.  (cause it makes you forget the scraped shin and it's better than reenacting scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 14, 2012, 02:54:15 PM
And no, haven't started drinking *yet*, am just in a very silly mood! :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on March 14, 2012, 05:21:01 PM
My DS (age 3) has come up with a new way to ask for stuff. He says that his back hurts, with a very serious and concerned tone. He's just letting me know for my benefit, you see.  ;)

"Mom, I want some coke. When your back hurts, you need coke."

"Mom, I want this cereal. When your back hurts, you need cereal."

"Mom, I want some more ice cream. When your back hurts, you need more ice cream."

Last year, I brought my daughter (who had just turned 3) to the office for Take Your Kids to Work Day.  The day before, she had fallen at school and had a huge scrape across her knee, and a matching one on her elbow.

We went to visit my boss in his office, and she was being shy.  So he offered her a jelly bean, and told her it would make her knee feel better.

My daughter ate it.  When my boss asked her if she felt better, she said yes, but her elbow still hurt.

My boss can be a giant softie, so of course she got a second jelly bean.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Julia Mercer on March 15, 2012, 02:41:42 AM
DSis told DF and I this cute story about our 4 year old niece Faith. Marie (sister) woke up around 3 in the morning to EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, turns out that Faith had gotten sick all over her bed in her sleep, and woke up to it, and didn't realize what had happened. Marie had to explain what happened, as Faith was freaking out over being surrounded by puke.  What's funnier was her sister Laura, who's 9, shaking her head. Just the visual cracks me up, would be a perfect video for America's Funniest Home Videos.

Jules
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nora on March 15, 2012, 05:11:19 AM
Oh well by all means I'll join in on that one! 

When you trip and scrape your shin on your front porch, you're going to need a Diet Coke with Kraken rum.

And when you drink that Diet Coke with Kraken Rum, you're going to need something to go with it.

When you need something to go with it, you get lots of crackers, dip and dark chocolate M&M's.

When you eat and drink all that and talk to your best friend, you're going to get very silly and giggle and moon over Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow.

Get very silly and giggle and moon over Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow.  (cause it makes you forget the scraped shin and it's better than reenacting scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen)

I've had the worst day, and it's not even noon. I think the above is the way to fix it, will try tonight!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 15, 2012, 10:59:50 AM
"Mommy, I'm helping you get out of bed because you're a little bit old."

Thanks, kid, but I'm pregnant, not old  :P  (Although I guess anything over 25 is "old" to a three-year-old.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on March 15, 2012, 04:07:35 PM
Another from DD (2):

I put a blanket over the seat in front of her carseat, so her shoes don't get the back of the seat muddy.  Lately she's been using that blanket to pull over her legs and any toys she's carrying, as if she's going to nap.  A few days ago, she's back there babbling away and when I heard her voice get sharper, I started to tune in:
"NO, leg, you go to sleep now, it night-night time!  Okay, I love you, good night!"

(She was pulling the blanket over her legs and it was catching on one of her shoes, leaving one leg uncovered.  So she was scolding it for not being ready to go to bed.)

She also complained about a shoe that was big and kept slipping off: "My shoe not listening!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 15, 2012, 06:07:19 PM
Another from DD (2):

I put a blanket over the seat in front of her carseat, so her shoes don't get the back of the seat muddy.  Lately she's been using that blanket to pull over her legs and any toys she's carrying, as if she's going to nap.  A few days ago, she's back there babbling away and when I heard her voice get sharper, I started to tune in:
"NO, leg, you go to sleep now, it night-night time!  Okay, I love you, good night!"

(She was pulling the blanket over her legs and it was catching on one of her shoes, leaving one leg uncovered.  So she was scolding it for not being ready to go to bed.)

She also complained about a shoe that was big and kept slipping off: "My shoe not listening!"

LOL!!! Oh that is hysterical!!  Funny, I could see my aunt Mary overhearing a small child saying this and then saying "Oh, I'm so using that the next time I go to bed!" (She has Restless Leg Syndrome)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on March 21, 2012, 10:14:04 AM
I have two from a coworker:

She was shopping with her little ones - 2 yr old girl and 3 yr old boy.  Her DD pointed to the 'parent parking' sign (which shows a mother holding a child's hand) and was saying 'Mama, Mama, Mama'.  Coworker replied that yes, it was a mother with her baby.  Then DD points to the wheelchair sign for the disabled parking spot and says 'Daddy'.  Coworker was crying she was laughing so hard.  And she told her husband about it later.  He didn't find it at all amusing which just set her off even more.

She was playing a game with her DS where they were pretending to be different animals and she was saying 'Tweet, tweet, tweet'.  Her son asked why she was making that sound so she told him she was a bird.  He grabbed her b00bs and said, 'Because you have eggs!'
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 21, 2012, 12:51:12 PM
Oh that is hilarious!!!

I had to laugh a bit yesterday and this morning at my middle pirate.  Brigid (best friend) is currently visiting Ireland and as she gave me her itinerary I've been following along to figure out where she is and what she'll see, and have been making it kind of a fun geography/culture lesson for the older two of the crew.

Well yesterday we were looking on Google maps for St. Patrick's Cathedral which we saw was located on Patrick and Upper Kevin St.   Now, middle pirate's first and middle name is Kevin Fitzpatrick.  He blurted out "It's named after ME!!" (he's 9, by the way)

I laughed and said "Honey, St. Patrick's Cathedral's been around looooooong before even your Auntie Brigid was a twinkle in God's eye.  Those streets have been around not quite as long as the cathedral, I'm sure, but they're been there before I was born, I'm sure so they are not named after you."

This morning Brigid emails me to "Tell Kevin we're going to visit St. Kevin country today!"  So I did and told him that St. Kevin is the patron saint of Dublin. "So I'm the ruler of DUBLIN!"  I could almost see his head inflate till I said "Sorry, kiddo, saints don't rule lands."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Momsalwaysright! on March 22, 2012, 06:53:14 PM
When my kids were little, my mantra was "Because I am the mother, that's why."  I used it liberally.

One day, I was sitting in the living room with a huge basket of laundry to fold.  I suddenly realized that all four of my children, who were all perfectly capable of folding laundry, were also in the living room watching TV.  I said, "What's wrong with this picture?  Why am I the one doing all the work?"  DD#3 immediately responded, "Because you're the mother, that's why."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on March 22, 2012, 06:59:21 PM
Today in class one of my classmates mentioned how one of her sons was playing with her hair the other day.

He said. "Hey mom! You have blonde hair, and brown hair, and silver hair."

:D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: KimChi on March 22, 2012, 08:23:32 PM
When I was little, my grandparents used to love having me sing "Oh My Darlin'" to them. One day, we were out shopping, Grandma was pushing me in the cart, I'm around 2 or 3, and she tells me sing for her. So, I sing.  She says, "Sing louder!" so I sing louder. She says, "Sing louder!" I say, "I AM singing louder, d**n it!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 22, 2012, 08:34:55 PM
A coworker told me her grandbaby is frequently told she needs to focus and one day the little girl said "I AM focuna!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: shygirl on March 23, 2012, 11:36:46 AM
I'm sure I could post a lot of things in this thread, but so far my 1 year old son doesn't use words known in the English language.  He "talks" a lot though!  I have no idea what he's telling/asking me.

We've been teaching him sign language so he can communicate with us in a civilized manner, instead of just falling down and wailing.  He does a good job of picking up new signs, and somewhat of a good job of using them at appropriate times.

This week, it seems he taught himself a new sign.  He's started to point at his butt when he has a poopy diaper.  Half the time, he complains when I actually go to change his diaper, so I guess he just wanted me to know that there's poop in his diaper.  Not that he wants it to be changed.

I hope he starts actually talking soon, so I can post in this thread!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on March 27, 2012, 08:00:42 PM
That's funny. I know what you mean about talking a lot but not in any language we know ;D granddaughter (9 months) babbles all day but it's anybody's guess what she's saying. We have 'Ba!!' 'Uba!' 'Mba' that it's clear are different, but....???? 'Mba' appears to be a greeting ;D ;D ;D


Edited a typo.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on March 27, 2012, 08:34:51 PM
That's funny. I know what you mean about talking a lot but not in any language we know ;D granddaughter (9 months) babbles all day but it's anybody's guess what she's saying. We have 'Ba!!' 'Uba!' 'Mba' that it's clear are different, but....???? 'Mba' appears to be a greeting ;D ;D ;D


Edited a typo.
When Elfqueen was a toddler and babbled about her 'ba' she meant her special blanket.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Irishkitty on March 28, 2012, 03:57:24 AM
Woman on the train today with her toddler. The kid is just about talking and can be quite hard to understand.
EG: "enog baka" turned out to be "there's a big bird"  ;) You know when they're at that stage where parents are the only ones who can interpret and even then only sometimes

So the doors close and at the same time the engine grumbles and it sounds rather odd. Little girl turns to her mother "mama id ou fart?" This was the clearest thing she'd said the whole journey and her mother could not understand.

Mother: "We're on a dart?"
Child: "mama id ou fart?"
Mother "Is what fat?"
Child (increasingly irratated and getting louder each time): "id ou FART!"

I was trying not to laugh
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: oz diva on March 28, 2012, 04:54:59 AM
Today in class one of my classmates mentioned how one of her sons was playing with her hair the other day.

He said. "Hey mom! You have blonde hair, and brown hair, and silver hair."

:D

Reminds me of my dd2 telling me that everyone in the family had curly hair. Now my hair is extremely curly, but my DH is bald. So she says "I have curly hair, she has curly hair, her sister has curly hair and Dad has curly hair". I ask where that curly hair is, and she replies "on his chest" Phew dodged a bullet there.  :o
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 28, 2012, 01:35:25 PM
One night at dinner time my parents were talking about going to college and some of the interesting things that went on there during the early 70's.  There was one thing they made sure we knew that they never did, but witnessed plenty of.

The next day my kid brother (he's 8 years my junior) "Tarantula" (so named here because he once told the whole 1st grade class that was his middle name) goes in and has this conversation with his teacher.

Tarantula: Mrs. S, have you ever gone screeching?
Mrs. S.: I'm sorry, screeching? You mean yelling?
Tarantula: No, not that, I mean did you ever go screeching, like you know, running around naked in public!

Yes, my parents told us about streaking at the dinner table.  *facepalm* There was some justice though in that when it got back to them that he'd told his teacher about this, their faces turned beet red.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on March 30, 2012, 04:48:05 PM
 I had no idea that "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Little Bunny Foo-Foo" had such similar tunes until DD mashed them into "Itsy Bitsy Foo-foo."  For some reason, that phrase always makes me giggle.  Then she asks me to sing "Itsy Bitsy Foo-foo" and gets mad because I'm singing it 'wrong', but the "Spider" or "Little Bunny" versions are also 'wrong'.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on March 30, 2012, 08:32:03 PM
I like that!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on March 30, 2012, 09:16:53 PM
One night at dinner time my parents were talking about going to college and some of the interesting things that went on there during the early 70's.  There was one thing they made sure we knew that they never did, but witnessed plenty of.

The next day my kid brother (he's 8 years my junior) "Tarantula" (so named here because he once told the whole 1st grade class that was his middle name) goes in and has this conversation with his teacher.

Tarantula: Mrs. S, have you ever gone screeching?
Mrs. S.: I'm sorry, screeching? You mean yelling?
Tarantula: No, not that, I mean did you ever go screeching, like you know, running around naked in public!

Yes, my parents told us about streaking at the dinner table.  *facepalm* There was some justice though in that when it got back to them that he'd told his teacher about this, their faces turned beet red.

Wahaha!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: WolfWay on April 17, 2012, 07:06:10 AM
Friend to 3 year old daughter: What are you doing to that molehill?
3yr old: Digging for fish!

Separate conversation with same child:
3yr old: What are you doing Mommy?
Friend:  Working.
3yr old: Can you read me some of your work?
Friend: <reads paragraph out of report she's writing>
3yr old: <pats friend on leg> I'm sorry about your boring work, Mommy.


Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: blueyzca01 on April 17, 2012, 10:05:55 AM
I was in the grocery store with my sister and her 2 daughters, 11 and 7.  We were purchasing specific ingredients for a spinach salad, and my 11 year-old niece was explaining the differences between the types of cheeses that we could use. 

“After all, Aunt Blueyz, it’s all about presentation.  And I cannot presentate without fresh mozzarella!”
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on April 22, 2012, 12:20:25 AM
DD and Niece were playing on DD's bed. I heard Niece saying, "boop, boop, boop". DD smacked her on the leg and said "Okay, now it's my turn to set the alarm clock." :) I don't know where they come up with this stuff!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: pearls n purls on April 22, 2012, 01:48:44 AM
At the grocery store a father was explaining to his toddler, "No, the lady had BLONDE hair, not GREY hair.  There is a big difference.  BLONDE hair!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on April 23, 2012, 08:08:08 AM
At the store yesterday, a very little boy reached his hands up to my DH and said "DADDY!"

I've been teasing my hubby about the incident since  >:D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: PaintingPastelPrincess on April 23, 2012, 07:59:04 PM
My friend has two boys who are in early elementary school.  Since they were born, she's been working to clean up her vocabulary (often with interesting results) as she knew the point would come, sooner or later, when the boys imitated.

Well, I stopped over today one Josh was in the restroom.  I was talking to Meg in the entryway when we hear "Holy Poop-tickles!" from the bathroom, followed by a pause and then "Hey Mom? Mom! You said poop tickles but it doesn't tickle! It kinda hurts!"

I was laughing so hard I was crying and Meg was bright red.  She's now re-thinking the revised vocabulary idea.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 23, 2012, 10:50:55 PM
LMAO!! That's hilarious!

Last night I made chicken fajitas and Pirateboy2 came up to me when he was finished and said "Now I know why WOW flipped upside down spells Mom!"  :-* Charmer. :)

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 29, 2012, 06:02:41 PM
We walked past a truck with a chihuahua in it this afternoon.  The dog was yipping like crazy from inside the cab.

MIL: Look at that dog!

Babybartfast: Yeah!  That's a boy dog.

MIL: How can you tell?

Babybartfast: He has a penis.

 ::) :P ::) :P

MIL was expecting some sort of three-year-old logic about how the dog was brown, or barking really fast, or something.  Neither MIL nor I knew that Babybartfast knew terms for basic male anatomy.  (And there was no way to tell from where we stood whether the dog had that particular anatomy or not.)  Surprise!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on April 29, 2012, 07:04:27 PM
Slartibartfast that is too cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Browyn on April 29, 2012, 10:41:20 PM
An old one and a new one.  When DS was first starting to talk we did a lot of "this is a chair, this is a book" to encourage him.  At dinner I say "this is a fork" he looks at me and says "no sh$t"  We nearly died laughing.

The recent one, DS is now 7 and loosing his baby teeth.  One morning after the tooth fairy had been to our house he asks me "Mommy, is the tooth fairy real?  Or just some person who drives around in a car giving out money for teeth"

 ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on May 09, 2012, 05:50:30 PM
This is long but I hope worth the read!
BG:  DD is 2.5 yrs and she knows her colors very well.  She's also into the "say the opposite for comedic effect" stage.

Monday's drive home with DD, we were talking about various things that you could see out the window during our drive into the neighborhood.  I started telling her that soon we would see our house, and this happened:

Me:  So DD, what color is our house?
DD:  It's white!
Me:  No, sweetie, it's green.  We have a green house.
DD: No, it's white!  We have a white house!
<repeat several times, even as house comes into view>
Me:  See, DD, our house is green, you can see it.
DD: No, our house is WHITE!
<we are parked and walk up to the house, which is clearly green with a white door>
Me:  The door is white but the house is green, see?
DD: No, our house is WHITE!


Tuesday's drive home, DD is talking about an tiny rubber airplane toy that she has, which is pink.  She also has a blue airplane but she doesn't like it as much.
DD: <talks about the pink airplane>
Me:  DD, you also have a blue airplane, remember?
DD: No, I only have a pink airplane.
Me: Don't you remember, I got you a blue one too.  So you have a pink one and a blue one.
DD: NO, I ONLY have a PINK airplane!
Me: Okay, but you also have a blue one.

<couple more rounds of this, then I stop talking>
<30 seconds of silence>

DD: Mommy, can you tell me the colors again?
Me: The colors of the planes?
DD: Yes!
Me:  Well, you have a pink one and a blue one.
DD: NO, I ONLY have a PINK airplane!  Not a blue one!  Only a pink one!
Me: If you say so, but there is a blue one too.
DD: NO, only the pink one!  No blue one!
Me:  Okay dear.

<30 seconds of silence>

DD:  Can you say the colors again?
Me:  Okay honey.  You have a pink one and a blue one.
DD:  No, ONLY a pink one!  And the house is WHITE!

I told DH that and we just about died laughing.   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on May 09, 2012, 07:29:26 PM
This one just happened.
3yo DS has been having a lot of bathroom accidents as this pregnancy has progressed. This was our conversation when he walked into my room.
DS:"Mommy, you need to wash my pants"
Me: "why do I need to wash your pants?"
DS: "Because you wash my pants when I poop in them"
Me: " :-\ Did you poop in your pants?"
DS: "No."
Me: " :o Then why do I need to wash your pants?"
DS: "For tomorrow when I poop"
Me:  :o :o Wait, so you're planning to poop in your pants tomorrow? why?"
DS: "For you to wash my pants"
Me: "Honey, I will wash your pants even if you don't poop in them. Whenever your pants are dirty, I wash them."
DS: "like if they are just dirty from poop"
Me: "even if they're dirty from playing, or from mud, or after you wear them and they need to be washed. You do NOT need to poop in your pants. ALL poop goes in the toilet. Every time."
DS: *lightbulb goes off* "You can wash pants without poop in them?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on May 09, 2012, 08:22:48 PM
Emily was pretending to be a water fairy, like in the new Tinker Bell movies. 

Emily: "Jenny, what kind of fairy do you want to be?  You could be a water fairy, a garden fairy, an animal fairy..." 
Jenny: "Um..." 
Emily: "You could be a water fairy like me!  Do you like water?"
Jenny:  "I like juice!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on May 09, 2012, 09:07:35 PM
I took my 2.5 year old son to the playground today. He directed me to a little table with stools and told me to stay there while he got food for our snack. He returned shortly with a handful of dirt that he dumped on the table, and proudly announced, "I got us food!" Playing along, I asked what kind of food it was. He looked at me like I had two heads and answered, "It's dirt, Momma."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Redwing on May 10, 2012, 11:53:53 AM
My granddaughter is almost four and an avid Spiderman fan.  She and her dad were playing Spiderman with granddaughter’s  toys.  Peter and Harry were arguing saying "Mary Jane is MINE; No, she's MINE," etc.   My daughter got into the game, and g-daughter  told her to play the part of Peter (portrayed by Woody from Toy Story).  Daughter had Peter say, "I respect women's rights.  Mary Jane, you are your own unique person, and you belong to nobody except yourself."  So Son in law had Harry say, "So Mary Jane, who do you want to marry?"  And G-daughter had Mary Jane reply, "I just want to sit here and read a book."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: DynoMite on May 14, 2012, 10:54:26 PM
I took my 2.5 year old son to the playground today. He directed me to a little table with stools and told me to stay there while he got food for our snack. He returned shortly with a handful of dirt that he dumped on the table, and proudly announced, "I got us food!" Playing along, I asked what kind of food it was. He looked at me like I had two heads and answered, "It's dirt, Momma."

Well, of COURSE it's dirt. Isn't that a perfectly acceptable snack in all circumstances?

*rolling on the floor laughing*
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on May 14, 2012, 11:24:42 PM
11 y.o. DSS after asking how long my ex and I had dated, and the answer being 7 1/2 years, "That isn't dating, that's a permanent boyfriend!"

And today, when he "hey"ed me and I told him hay is for horses, "H-E-Y not H-A-Y. Use context clues!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on May 17, 2012, 08:47:25 AM
A character in a TV show was singing in front of others, and got stuck on a word.  "Twinkle, twinkle, little..."

"Diamond!" Jenny (3) helpfully supplied from the couch.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: stkatie00 on May 17, 2012, 09:04:02 AM
DD is 17 and in Grade 12. As she approaches graduation, she's starting to plan for the future.
She is starting to think about what items she needs for college and what parts of her life will be left behind.
Today's conversation concerned her extensive - and still growing - collection of stuffed animals.

DD "I'll give most of them up -they're really just an indulgence."

Me - knowing how attached she is to them, and thinking to start things gently - "Why don't you start now? Just a half dozen or so?"

DD, in genuine horror "I can,t do that! They all have names and I can't break up couples! Rouge and Windrider are married and have a kid! I can't break up families!!"
  :D

Somehow, I think we still have a long way to go. ;D ;D

I know this was awhile ago, but maybe it'll help her feel better. I'm 30, married, and a mother of 5 1/2 month old twins. When I got married and moved out of Mu parents house, a laundry bag full of stuffed animals came with me, and I still have them! They're in the spare bedroom closet for now, but I just couldn't part with them!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: purplemuse on May 17, 2012, 02:10:18 PM
DD is 17 and in Grade 12. As she approaches graduation, she's starting to plan for the future.
She is starting to think about what items she needs for college and what parts of her life will be left behind.
Today's conversation concerned her extensive - and still growing - collection of stuffed animals.

DD "I'll give most of them up -they're really just an indulgence."

Me - knowing how attached she is to them, and thinking to start things gently - "Why don't you start now? Just a half dozen or so?"

DD, in genuine horror "I can,t do that! They all have names and I can't break up couples! Rouge and Windrider are married and have a kid! I can't break up families!!"
  :D

Somehow, I think we still have a long way to go. ;D ;D

I know this was awhile ago, but maybe it'll help her feel better. I'm 30, married, and a mother of 5 1/2 month old twins. When I got married and moved out of Mu parents house, a laundry bag full of stuffed animals came with me, and I still have them! They're in the spare bedroom closet for now, but I just couldn't part with them!

I'm the same age as you and I also have a collection of stuffed animals. I do occasionally go through and donate some of them, but the rule is that once they hit the donation bin, Mr. Muse is not allowed to "make them talk" under pain of having an apartment taken over by stuffed animals-- because I'd feel bad about getting rid of them, and so, they'd have to stay.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on May 17, 2012, 04:01:32 PM
DD is 17 and in Grade 12. As she approaches graduation, she's starting to plan for the future.
She is starting to think about what items she needs for college and what parts of her life will be left behind.
Today's conversation concerned her extensive - and still growing - collection of stuffed animals.

DD "I'll give most of them up -they're really just an indulgence."

Me - knowing how attached she is to them, and thinking to start things gently - "Why don't you start now? Just a half dozen or so?"

DD, in genuine horror "I can,t do that! They all have names and I can't break up couples! Rouge and Windrider are married and have a kid! I can't break up families!!"
  :D

Somehow, I think we still have a long way to go. ;D ;D

I know this was awhile ago, but maybe it'll help her feel better. I'm 30, married, and a mother of 5 1/2 month old twins. When I got married and moved out of Mu parents house, a laundry bag full of stuffed animals came with me, and I still have them! They're in the spare bedroom closet for now, but I just couldn't part with them!

I'm the same age as you and I also have a collection of stuffed animals. I do occasionally go through and donate some of them, but the rule is that once they hit the donation bin, Mr. Muse is not allowed to "make them talk" under pain of having an apartment taken over by stuffed animals-- because I'd feel bad about getting rid of them, and so, they'd have to stay.

Well...the last time I was on holiday I brought her home another stuffie.
I suppose that if I am enabling her, I can't really complain too loudly now can I?  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Kimblee on May 17, 2012, 09:29:30 PM
My granddaughter is almost four and an avid Spiderman fan.  She and her dad were playing Spiderman with granddaughter’s  toys.  Peter and Harry were arguing saying "Mary Jane is MINE; No, she's MINE," etc.   My daughter got into the game, and g-daughter  told her to play the part of Peter (portrayed by Woody from Toy Story).  Daughter had Peter say, "I respect women's rights.  Mary Jane, you are your own unique person, and you belong to nobody except yourself."  So Son in law had Harry say, "So Mary Jane, who do you want to marry?"  And G-daughter had Mary Jane reply, "I just want to sit here and read a book."

I just laughed my way into an asthma attack. Too funny.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on May 18, 2012, 08:13:11 AM
I bought my oldest daughter an easy reader Bible and it arrived yesterday.  So last night, she took it to bed to read.  This morning, I was asking her how she'd liked it.  She was very excited and told me how much she loved it, and how, "And at the end of every story, it has fun games!"  I was surprised, as I hadn't noticed anything like that.  "Games?"  "Yeah!  It has this fun game where you try to answer questions!"  Ahhh.  Apparently she is a big fan of comprehension questions.  She's been following us around all morning asking us questions like she's a game show host.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on May 18, 2012, 10:28:49 AM
The other day I was washing dishes and I had to go downstairs to get a dishrag to dry them. I'm far enough along in my pregnancy to make stairs exhaustingly difficult, so I was sitting on the landing, taking a break when 3yo DS walked up to me. He sat right down next to me and said "Momma, let's have a chat." This is how it went:

Me: Ok, what would you like to chat about?
DS: I love playing in my ball pit, and you just love doing dishes.
Me:  ??? Why do you say that?
DS: *In an exasperated tone* Sigh, because everyday I play in my ball pit, and everyday you do dishes.


Then, last night when I was getting ready to go to the grocery store:
DS: Momma, where are you going?
Me: I'm going to go, go, go, go, on an adventure (Cat in the Hat theme song)
DS: Hey, come back here. You didn't do your chores.
Me: Excuse me? (Icy Mom voice)
DS: You just need to clean my room.
Me: I most certainly do not. I didn't get those toys out, I didn't pull your books off the shelf, and I didn't throw your blanket on the ground. Why on earth would I pick up your mess?
DS: *Sigh* because you just love me Mommy
Me: (trying not to smile) I do love you baby, but you need to clean your room.
DS: But Daddy doesn't clean his room.


Oh, and he will randomly walk up with a laundry basket on his head and say: "I am a robot dinosaur. Roar." in a robot voice. It's really cute, especially the roar, because he says the word roar in his robot voice as opposed to when he is a regular dinosaur and he just makes a roaring sound.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on May 18, 2012, 11:15:55 PM
"I don't like princesses anymore.  When I grow up I want to be a zombie."

(Why yes, Plants vs. Zombies is her favorite game right now; now did you guess?)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jaelle on May 28, 2012, 08:31:53 PM
My almost-4-year-old has been coming up with some doozies lately.

ME: "DS, stop pushing your brother!"

DS: "Mommy! I'm not pushing! It's HOCKEY."

Can you tell the NHL playoffs are required viewing in our household?  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on May 28, 2012, 08:49:41 PM
Before we went to a civil war reenactment recently, DH explained to our 4 year old son about the war.  DS asked "Which side were the vampires?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on May 28, 2012, 08:59:06 PM
We were driving to Chicago.  Jenny, my 3-year-old, asked, "Mommy, do they have potties in Chicago?"  I laughingly told her they did.  She said, "Good, because I'm going to have to go to the bathroom soon."  My husband then asked her, "Jenny, what would you do if they *didn't* have potties in Chicago?"  Jenny: "Starve!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Martienne on May 28, 2012, 11:04:34 PM
I got out the carseats (and the double snap-on stroller frame for them) for our expected twins last week and put it in the kitchen. My 5yo daughter, E, and 7yo son, M, got some stuffed toys to play house with and spent some time pretending they were taking their twins to the park, out to eat at McDonald's...basically all stuff they can do while walking around our neighborhood.

At one point they got into a little argument and I tuned in to what they were saying.

M: "You can't be 37 if I'm 35, don't you know the man is ALWAYS older?"
Me: "Hey Son, did you know my grandma was four years older than my grandpa?"
M: "How was that allowed?"
Me: "You can marry who you want, you know. It doesn't have to be someone of a certain age."
E: "What was your grandma's name?"
Me: "Grandma Maidenname."
E: "Okay, M, I'm going to be Grandma Maidenname and YOU be Grandpa Maidenname."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on June 04, 2012, 12:15:27 PM
Emily and I have this running joke where she has a bunch of baby elephants.  I'll ask her how they're doing, or whether she's fed them that day, stuff like that.  So, today while I was fixing lunch:

Me: "Emily, can I borrow one of your baby elephants so I can have an elephant burger for lunch?"
Emily: "Yes, but you can't chop him up or kill him."
Me: "Then how am I supposed to make an elephant burger?"
Her: "You just put a piece of bread on his head, then another piece on his butt, and you eat the bread and let the elephant go."
Me: "So, basically, you're just eating bread with elephant dirt on it."
Her: "Yep. And elephant poop."
Me: "Ewww."
Her: "People don't like it, but it's totally worth it."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on July 04, 2012, 07:58:33 PM
We were all in the car today when a collection of American folk songs came on the radio, including "On Top of Old Smokey."  DH and I were discussing how the only words for it we knew were the "On Top of Spaghetti!" version when Babybartfast1 piped up from the backseat:

BBF1: We sing that song!
Me: In school?
BBF1: Yeah!
Me: Which words do you sing?
BBF1: All of them!

(For the record, she's still in preschool so I highly doubt she actually knows the song!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on July 04, 2012, 09:56:53 PM
Today Baby and I came home from the hospital (yay! :D) It is very typical for ladies in our church to bring dinner to families who have new babies, and sure enough, someone brought us dinner for tonight. DH and I taught a children's Sunday school class, and she comes and visits with me most months, so she brought her daughter with her to drop off dinner and a small gift for the baby. I was very appreciative, and I thought the outfit was really cute. That's when her daughter (age 6/7) piped up:

Daughter: We got it at Goodwill
Mom: I usually wouldn't, but it looked new (looking slightly embarrassed)
Me:to daughter-- Oh, we love that store, DS calls it the "Treasure hunt store"
     to mom--That's so sweet of you, thank you......continuing conversation
Daughter: Mom, the shirt still has a tag on it
Mom: (looking embarrassed again) Oh, give me that
Me to daughter: wow, good job catching that. Hey, I like your new braces.
Daughter: Looking pleases with herself-- It was 50% off

I was trying not to laugh, as this poor woman sat on my couch looking mortified. So I ended up confessing that most of Baby's clothes are handed down from DS, or consignment, and started talking about a great semi-annual consignment event that I love.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on July 05, 2012, 02:18:49 AM
We were all in the car today when a collection of American folk songs came on the radio, including "On Top of Old Smokey."  DH and I were discussing how the only words for it we knew were the "On Top of Spaghetti!" version when Babybartfast1 piped up from the backseat:

BBF1: We sing that song!
Me: In school?
BBF1: Yeah!
Me: Which words do you sing?
BBF1: All of them!

(For the record, she's still in preschool so I highly doubt she actually knows the song!)

Teehee!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on July 05, 2012, 08:20:48 AM
My littler niece is in a phase where she tends to tell whoppers. She just seems to be unwilling to admit she doesn't know something, and her lies can get hilariously blatant.

We saw them the other day, and I put some youtube videos of women's gymnastics on for her and her sister. One of the videos was of the pan-Asian games, so the writing was all in Chinese. Bear in mind the extent of Chinese that these girls know is limited to the TV show Kai Lan and the menus at the buffet downtown.

BigNiece: "What does that say?"
Me: "I don't know. It's written in Chinese."
BN: "LittleNiece speaks Chinese!"
LittleNiece: "Yep!"
Me: "Oh really now?"
BN: "LittleNiece, what does it say? Tell me what it says!"
LN: "Ummm...Ummm..." She turns to me. "POKE! Hahahahaha! I poked you! Look BigNiece, I poked her."
Me: "Why did you do that?"
LN: "Ummm...ummm....I don't like this video. Let's watch that one!"

I couldn't help but laugh. At least she knows how to bean-dip.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 05, 2012, 09:48:12 AM
A friend of mine's daughter just turned 7 and was dismayed to discover that Mom and Dad don't get the summer off, like she does.  So she wrote a note to my friend's boss:

Dear Boss:

Please give Mommy 9 weeks of vacation so she can spend time with her kid.  Say yes or no.  Thank you.  [kid's name]

Friend gave the note to her boss; he's considering it.   ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on July 05, 2012, 02:07:43 PM
We took DD (2.5 yrs) to see our town's fireworks show last night.  We had found great seats in this nearby park, not too crowded, perfect view.  We were also close enough that the fireworks were very loud.

Two minutes into the show, DD is covering her eyes and saying she doesn't like fireworks.  She didn't get upset, she just covered her eyes and refused to look at them.  So, we got out of there and drove home.  On the way home, I started telling her that she was pretty brave to not get upset even if she was feeling scared.  She said the fireworks were bad, and angry, and eventually we figured out she thought the fireworks were mad at her because they were so loud.  Poor kid, I found myself saying that the fireworks aren't mad, they just don't know any better than to be loud.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nika on July 05, 2012, 02:14:15 PM
We were all in the car today when a collection of American folk songs came on the radio, including "On Top of Old Smokey."  DH and I were discussing how the only words for it we knew were the "On Top of Spaghetti!" version when Babybartfast1 piped up from the backseat:

BBF1: We sing that song!
Me: In school?
BBF1: Yeah!
Me: Which words do you sing?
BBF1: All of them!

(For the record, she's still in preschool so I highly doubt she actually knows the song!)

You mean... On Top of Spaghetti isn't the correct and only version...?  :o

 :-[
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on July 05, 2012, 03:38:27 PM
We were all in the car today when a collection of American folk songs came on the radio, including "On Top of Old Smokey."  DH and I were discussing how the only words for it we knew were the "On Top of Spaghetti!" version when Babybartfast1 piped up from the backseat:

BBF1: We sing that song!
Me: In school?
BBF1: Yeah!
Me: Which words do you sing?
BBF1: All of them!

(For the record, she's still in preschool so I highly doubt she actually knows the song!)

You mean... On Top of Spaghetti isn't the correct and only version...?  :o

 :-[

On top of Old Smokey,
All covered with snow,
I lost my true lover,
From a'courting too slow,
For courting's a pleasure
But partings are grief,
And a false - hearted lover
Is worse than a thief.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nika on July 05, 2012, 03:42:06 PM
We were all in the car today when a collection of American folk songs came on the radio, including "On Top of Old Smokey."  DH and I were discussing how the only words for it we knew were the "On Top of Spaghetti!" version when Babybartfast1 piped up from the backseat:

BBF1: We sing that song!
Me: In school?
BBF1: Yeah!
Me: Which words do you sing?
BBF1: All of them!

(For the record, she's still in preschool so I highly doubt she actually knows the song!)

You mean... On Top of Spaghetti isn't the correct and only version...?  :o

 :-[

On top of Old Smokey,
All covered with snow,
I lost my true lover,
From a'courting too slow,
For courting's a pleasure
But partings are grief,
And a false - hearted lover
Is worse than a thief.


Pfft. Bo-ooring~!  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: blueyzca01 on July 05, 2012, 04:48:50 PM
BG:  Niece has always grasped the concept of families and relatives and understood familial relationships.  For instance, my nephew was 8 before he realized that his mother’s mother and MY mother are the same person.  He never seemed to grasp that before.  But niece has always understood this stuff.  Niece is the daughter of my youngest sister.  /BG

When Niece was about 5 she sat me down at her kitchen table, looked deep into my eyes and said, “You look a lot like your little sister.  And I look a lot like my little sister.” 

(at this point I’m expecting some huge announcement of sisterhood or something equally impressive.)

The she continued:  “But I really don’t like your earrings.”
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on July 05, 2012, 06:12:49 PM
My son will be three in October. His verbal skills are exploding, but he still often just repeats words and phrases with little to no comprehension.

Yesterday, I was snuggling him, and leaned in to cup his face with my hands. He copied me, looked up and said in the sweetest voice, "Aww, sweet pups. You are just the best dog."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: blue2000 on July 05, 2012, 06:15:02 PM
BG:  Niece has always grasped the concept of families and relatives and understood familial relationships.  For instance, my nephew was 8 before he realized that his mother’s mother and MY mother are the same person.  He never seemed to grasp that before.  But niece has always understood this stuff.  Niece is the daughter of my youngest sister.  /BG

When Niece was about 5 she sat me down at her kitchen table, looked deep into my eyes and said, “You look a lot like your little sister.  And I look a lot like my little sister.” 

(at this point I’m expecting some huge announcement of sisterhood or something equally impressive.)

The she continued:  “But I really don’t like your earrings.”


<snort>

Sounds like she was trying to butter you up to soften the blow. She has a fine career in management ahead of her. ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Martienne on July 05, 2012, 06:58:16 PM
When my son was beginning to talk, he had trouble pronouncing his consonants and he often restricted himself to very short phrases because of the effort it took to talk. I actually didn't realize he could think in full sentences until one time when he was in my lap when I was at the computer and I wiped his nose. The trash can was behind me and I asked him to throw the tissue away. He dunked it over my shoulder and I thanked him. Very earnestly, he asked with perfect vowels and tone, "I' a 'oo' 'oy, are' I?" I understood perfectly what he had asked -- "I'm a good boy, aren't I?" It did make me laugh that he'd communicated perfectly without the use of consonants. Unfortunately he misunderstood why I was laughing and never did it again.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on July 05, 2012, 08:29:58 PM
DD loves asking you what your favourite colour is. Last night she asked the cat who answered with a meow. DD declared her favourite colour was green. Apparently DD can speak cat.

The other day I was really sick, snotty nosed, ashen faced, the works. DD took my face in her hands and told me I was gorgeous  :-* Then she asked me for chocolate.  ::) I think she was just buttering me up!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Cutenoob on July 05, 2012, 11:26:54 PM
DS and I were at the playground today, it was FULL. Sunny day and all that. I overheard a kid call out to another in the sandbox: "Did you want a Chicken McCoffee? " I had to chuckle.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on July 06, 2012, 12:23:33 PM
My daughter turns 4 today.  Yesterday she told her teacher, "I can't believe it!  Today is the last day that I'll be 3!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Editeer on July 06, 2012, 04:41:35 PM

Yesterday, I was snuggling him, and leaned in to cup his face with my hands. He copied me, looked up and said in the sweetest voice, "Aww, sweet pups. You are just the best dog."


<laughing till the tears come>
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Kimblee on July 09, 2012, 08:14:14 PM
DD loves asking you what your favourite colour is. Last night she asked the cat who answered with a meow. DD declared her favourite colour was green. Apparently DD can speak cat.

What a fine skill, it may prove useful in her adult years once she is oned by her on kitty overlords.

Seriously, this may be the cutest thing I read all week. >^.^<
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Shopaholic on July 09, 2012, 10:35:56 PM
The latest from my nephew, age 6:

Nephew: "Mom, I saw a shooting star!"
SIL: "Did you make a wish?"
N: "Yes!"
S: " Do you believe that ifyou tell a wish, it won't come true?"
N: "No. I know for a fact that if I do tell, it definitely comes true. If I don't tell, it will never come true."
S: "So do you want to tell me your wish?"
N: "No! I only tell Grandma."
S: "Why?"
N: "Because she's the one that buys me my wishes!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 09, 2012, 11:31:33 PM
I put this in "Things you should NOT laugh at" not realizing there was this thread (through which I have not yet read, unfortunately, but will be doing shortly).

We were at the zoo, all 11 or so of us, and in the ape enclosure.  We were looking at the orangutans, one of which had his arm straight up in the air while he scratched at his armpit with the other.

The little boy had to be at the most 3, but boy did his voice carry.  He threw up his hand into the air, scratched his armpit, and said, "Look, mom!  He scratches just like you do!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on July 10, 2012, 06:54:14 AM
Jenny told me excitedly this morning, "I stayed dry last night!"  Then she went to take off her pullup and realized it was wet after all.  She looked horrified.  "Who peed in my pullup?  I didn't!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on July 10, 2012, 07:36:38 PM
Jenny told me excitedly this morning, "I stayed dry last night!"  Then she went to take off her pullup and realized it was wet after all.  She looked horrified.  "Who peed in my pullup?  I didn't!"

Lol, that's awesome  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: pwv on July 10, 2012, 08:44:10 PM
When my niece was about 2 or 3 and I would visit her we would have this conversation:

DN:  Pwv do you want a cookie?
pwv:  yes
DN:  Mom!! Pwv wants a cookie!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: bopper on July 11, 2012, 12:12:09 PM
Not really a funny phrase, but when my sister was 2 or 3 she didn't quite have a grasp on verbs.  Our favorite was when my brother and I would be teasing her and she'd put her little hands on her hips, stomp her foot and say "NO! I IMN'T DAT!"   ;D  I'm not sure how Imn't would be spelt, but it was pronouced with the "im" as in "him" and then "innt."  I was so sad when she stopped saying imn't, though it would be much less cute from a 17 year old lol.

My daughter did a similar thing...they are trying to form a model of the language.

For example, one could say:
He isn't going
We aren't going


and she would say
I am'nt going
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Girlie on July 11, 2012, 03:26:00 PM
lol.
These remind me of a time when my nephew was a toddler and was misbehaving while in the grocery store with my sis. She gives him The Look and starts to warn him to stop whatever it was he was doing, and he starts screeching hysterically, "Mama, NO! Don't BEAT ME! PLEASE don't beat me! PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME!!!"
My nephew has never been beaten in his life, but by the time they left, sis was afraid CPS would be on them!

Same nephew, as a toddler, also took the "don't talk to strangers," and "don't tell strangers your name" advice waaaaaay too seriously. When he was with his parents and someone he didn't know would ask his name, he would tell them his name was Ben... and it isn't. And if his mom said his true name, he would correct them by arguing - "NO! My name is BEN. She doesn't know my name. She's just my mom." 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: emeraldsage85 on July 11, 2012, 03:33:34 PM
My parents live on a farm and my 2 year old nephew loves visiting them. One day my dad took him for a ride on the tractor. He warned nephew not to touch a certain pipe by saying, "HOT. Burn hand." Now my nephew tells everyone he meets, "Papa's tractor hot. Me burn hand." Then he shows them the imaginary "burn" on his hand. It's a different place every time.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on July 11, 2012, 06:12:41 PM
I just thought of one my youngest brother used to say when he was little (probably 3ish). Mom would get exasperated with him and say, "Joseph T. Doolittle, BE.HAVE!" and my little brother would look at her very solemnly and say, "But, I'm BEING have!"

And one of my daycare children (4 y.o.) told me once that a baby pig is an "oinkling".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CrochetFanatic on July 11, 2012, 06:21:25 PM
My dad tells a story about when he was a little kid, probably about three or four.  He was visiting his aunt's farm, and his aunt was milking a cow by hand.  I think they just had that one cow...I don't know all the details.  Anyway, for a joke, his aunt squirted a jet of milk at him.  My dad got annoyed, and said to my grandmother, "That wasn't very nice!  She 'delibally' made that cow wee-wee on me!"  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on July 11, 2012, 07:05:26 PM
My parents live on a farm and my 2 year old nephew loves visiting them. One day my dad took him for a ride on the tractor. He warned nephew not to touch a certain pipe by saying, "HOT. Burn hand." Now my nephew tells everyone he meets, "Papa's tractor hot. Me burn hand." Then he shows them the imaginary "burn" on his hand. It's a different place every time.  ;D
When Grandson #3 was a toddler, he decided that throwing himself on their sleeping Golden Retriever would be a fun thing to do.  The poor dog, who was clearly not expecting any such thing to disturb her nap, rared up and in doing so, managed to whack GS upside the head with her muzzle. It was a good thing I witnessed this, because he went howling to his mother "Goggie BITED me!!!"  He was adamant for several days that the dog "bited" him.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: purplebunny on July 11, 2012, 08:37:32 PM
lol.
These remind me of a time when my nephew was a toddler and was misbehaving while in the grocery store with my sis. She gives him The Look and starts to warn him to stop whatever it was he was doing, and he starts screeching hysterically, "Mama, NO! Don't BEAT ME! PLEASE don't beat me! PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME!!!"
My nephew has never been beaten in his life, but by the time they left, sis was afraid CPS would be on them!

Are we related? My Uncle D, back in his non-sober days, used to teach his nieces and nephews to say "Please don't beat me mommy!" while at the grocery store or other public place. I believe I performed in the middle of Safeway.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: bopper on July 12, 2012, 10:08:35 AM
Before we went to a civil war reenactment recently, DH explained to our 4 year old son about the war.  DS asked "Which side were the vampires?"

Well if you have seen "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer" you will know the answer to that question.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Girlie on July 12, 2012, 12:42:30 PM
Are we related? My Uncle D, back in his non-sober days, used to teach his nieces and nephews to say "Please don't beat me mommy!" while at the grocery store or other public place. I believe I performed in the middle of Safeway.

lol.

This same nephew (Allen) didn't have a lot of kids his age around when he was little, so he was mostly around adults. I think it's unfortunate that he didn't have more playmates, but he was so smart and so serious and so toddlerishly opinionated that he gave us lots of funny "I can't believe he said that!" moments.

One day, he was talking to one of my sister's co-workers who said something that was obviously meant to be funny. Allen was not in a humorous mood, apparently, because he gave her a stern look and said,
"There's no need to be acetious." (as in, "facetious," without the "f.")
Said co-worker turned to him in surprise and said, "Allen! Do you even know what FACETIOUS means?"
Allen responds, "It's ACETIOUS, and if you don't know what it means, you should look it up!"  ;D

He always was quite cheeky!

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on July 12, 2012, 08:55:26 PM
DH: "Babybartfast, there's a letter in the mail for you!"

BBF: "What is it?"

DH: "It's from our bank, telling you happy birthday, because your birthday is coming up soon!"

BBF: "Oh, is our bank coming to my birthday party?" [note: she's been inviting everyone she sees to her birthday party, including the mailman and the lawn guy and MIL's hairstylist.]

DH: "No, the bank is a company, not a person."

BBF: "NO, daddy, I mean all the people INSIDE the bank want to come to my party!"

(Even without the mailman and the 200+ employees of our credit union, this will still end up being a big party!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on July 12, 2012, 09:12:59 PM
Too cute!  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: magiccat26 on July 16, 2012, 12:23:44 PM
My DH, Kitten (9) and I were driving somewhere recently.  DH and I were in the front seat having a mock argument (it was silly and meant to be just teasing...I don't remember the topic) when this exchange occurred:

Kitten:  Yes, Mommy.  Daddy is right.
Magiccat:  WHAT?  You're taking Daddy's side!!??!!
Kitten:  Hey, I don't take sides, I just keep track of the data.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on July 16, 2012, 08:22:28 PM
My DH, Kitten (9) and I were driving somewhere recently.  DH and I were in the front seat having a mock argument (it was silly and meant to be just teasing...I don't remember the topic) when this exchange occurred:

Kitten:  Yes, Mommy.  Daddy is right.
Magiccat:  WHAT?  You're taking Daddy's side!!??!!
Kitten:  Hey, I don't take sides, I just keep track of the data.

LOL! Kitten is going to go far me thinks  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: SleepyKitty on July 16, 2012, 08:46:13 PM
My older niece was around five when she had to go to the doctor for what turned out to be a UTI, where she learned the clinical names for her girl parts. She always took showers/baths with her mother, never her father, so didn't really know what the actual difference between boys and girls was. The next day, she was kind of playing around, teasing everyone at the table. So she says:

"My sister's head is this big!" Cue holding her hands apart.
"My mommy's tummy is this big!"
"My daddy's vagina is this big!"  ??? :o

My younger niece attends the same school as ON, and ON was having a problem where some girls were being mean to her. It wasn't really bullying - my sister was very careful to speak with the school about the situation to see what exactly was going on - it was fairly normal conflicts between girls that age. ON, however, is very dramatic and had seen things about bullying on TV, and so insisted it was bullying and horrible and cruel and of course she didn't need to share her crayons. My sister and I were talking over some strategies for dealing with bullies with the two girls, when YN piped up:

YN: "Well, ON, you don't need to worry about bullies now that I am going to *their school*."
ON: *dramatic SNIFF* "Why?"
YN: "Well, I know how to deal with bullies."
ON: "How?"
YN: "I'll karate chop their heads off!" YN followed this up with a Bruce Lee shout, a poorly executed air-kick, a karate chop to the air, and then bolted from the room.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on July 19, 2012, 10:12:17 AM
Oldest niece (6) has been picking her careers out this week.

She wants to be a rock star, and after she quits the band, she's going to make jewels and rock star costumes. I think that's a fine plan, especially since the ballerina-fairy-princess career path is unlikely to work out.

Then she turned to me and added: "And when I get big, I'm going to wear shirts that show my tummy, like this!" *rolls up her tank top* Cue Auntie going. :o
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: emeraldsage85 on July 27, 2012, 12:09:14 PM
And one of my daycare children (4 y.o.) told me once that a baby pig is an "oinkling".

My brother is big on teaching on my nephew where his food comes from. He explained all the animals and which meats they're made into. Now nephew insists that all pigs are called ham.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Amava on July 27, 2012, 12:12:35 PM
And one of my daycare children (4 y.o.) told me once that a baby pig is an "oinkling".

My brother is big on teaching on my nephew where his food comes from. He explained all the animals and which meats they're made into. Now nephew insists that all pigs are called ham.

That is soooo incorrect, some are called bacon.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on July 27, 2012, 12:25:48 PM
And one of my daycare children (4 y.o.) told me once that a baby pig is an "oinkling".

My brother is big on teaching on my nephew where his food comes from. He explained all the animals and which meats they're made into. Now nephew insists that all pigs are called ham.

That is soooo incorrect, some are called bacon.  ;D


And some are called Pork Chops.  The fattest little piggies are called Stuffed Pork Chops!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on July 27, 2012, 02:03:28 PM
DH was showing Babybartfast her first episode of "Lassie" yesterday - she loves the movie, but the movie has nothing at all to do with the show other than having a dog  ::)  Anyway, he was explaining that the TV show was made a long time ago, when the cameras weren't able to take pictures in color, so that's why the show is in black and white.  Babybartfast mulled this over for a bit, then asked "Where's [MIL?]"  Yes, because my MIL is so old, she must be in any black-and-white TV production  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on July 28, 2012, 02:09:17 PM
We were on a multi-day road trip with 2 of my kids and 2 nieces.
On the long stretches, the kids preferred to take their shoes off as it was more comfortable.

As we approached a stopping point, I'd let them know to start finding and putting on their footwear.

So I called back "We'll be stopping in about 5 minutes! Time to put your feet back on!"
From the back seat, OldestNiece piped up with "I can't! I sold them to a questionable doctor in Venezuala!"
  ;D
We cracked up, and for the rest of the trip, that questionable doctor was blamed for pretty much everything!*

OldestNeice is staying with us for the summer, and let me tell you, "The Doctor" is alive and well in my house!

*The doctor was second only to 'General St. Jerome St. Jerome-St. Bernard', who apparently discovered Yellowstone and was the world's most hapless explorer!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on July 28, 2012, 02:56:08 PM
BG: DD#2 tried to call home from work yesterday, and failing to raise anyone, asked me to go over and make sure that everyone there is still alive.  Arrived to find the two little boys playing video games and 1 teenager still sleeping.  DD cannot answer her phone at work, although she can make calls from it and receive texts.  I texted her Children not eaten by orcses. "must have been asleep" when you called. 

J asked what I texted to her, and then said "Orcs wouldn't eat me -- I talk too much!"

Not to be outdone, R said "They wouldn't eat me, either!  I'm too quiet!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sanity Lost on July 28, 2012, 10:13:52 PM
Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses :D

My 7 month old DD got her eldest brother (10) yesterday. Both were lying on the floor and he looked at me and asked "Mom why are babies so dumb? They never do anything". Apparently DD took exception to this. She promptly rolled over, sqooshed her bum against his face, and then farted and filled her diaper.

Once I stopped laughing so hard, I told him that she had made her opinion known and now he gets to change her.

DS was not pleased. That's my girl.  >:D  ;D  8)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on July 29, 2012, 12:16:04 AM
Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses :D
They would be full-fed orcses picking hairs out of their teeth.  B is now almost as tall as his grandfather and is filling out across the shoulders.  He has a good start on a mustache and if he doesn't shave, muttonchop sideburns.  He's only 13. Heaven only knows how big he'll be before he stops growing.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on July 29, 2012, 12:38:40 AM
Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses :D
They would be full-fed orcses picking hairs out of their teeth.  B is now almost as tall as his grandfather and is filling out across the shoulders.  He has a good start on a mustache and if he doesn't shave, muttonchop sideburns.  He's only 13. Heaven only knows how big he'll be before he stops growing.

Luckily he's male...if he was me, he'd be 5'7" by the time he was 12 and stop there...Do you know how awkward it is being that tall at that age?  I was taller than some of my teachers and all of the boys, too...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Girlie on July 30, 2012, 03:36:08 PM
I am a teller at a small bank and today I was working the drivethru.

A gentleman comes up with his deposit and he has his two kids (a little girl, maybe 2 or so) and a little boy (maybe five or six) in the backseat.
Little girl sneezes. Snot goes all over her face. Just like kids will do, she started licking her lips. Big brother? He cries out very loudly, "EEEWWWWWW! She's EATING IT!!!!!" Maybe you had to be there, but this little guy's horror and disgust were adorable. lol.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Cutenoob on July 30, 2012, 06:10:47 PM
Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses :D
They would be full-fed orcses picking hairs out of their teeth.  B is now almost as tall as his grandfather and is filling out across the shoulders.  He has a good start on a mustache and if he doesn't shave, muttonchop sideburns.  He's only 13. Heaven only knows how big he'll be before he stops growing.
Are you at the point of buying 3 pizzas, and only having one for the family, two for him? I've heard the boys /teens doing this are pretty much INHALING calories. And of course, those 2 pizzas fed him for a couple of hours. "maaaaa I'm hungreeeeeee"
My little guy is 2. Only two. I'm afraid I'll have to get a 2nd fridge for him when he hits 10. And get a Costco card so I can buy food in bulk. Maybe just go to a butcher and get a side of beef..might hold me up for a month :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on July 30, 2012, 07:47:23 PM
Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses :D
They would be full-fed orcses picking hairs out of their teeth.  B is now almost as tall as his grandfather and is filling out across the shoulders.  He has a good start on a mustache and if he doesn't shave, muttonchop sideburns.  He's only 13. Heaven only knows how big he'll be before he stops growing.
Are you at the point of buying 3 pizzas, and only having one for the family, two for him? I've heard the boys /teens doing this are pretty much INHALING calories. And of course, those 2 pizzas fed him for a couple of hours. "maaaaa I'm hungreeeeeee"
My little guy is 2. Only two. I'm afraid I'll have to get a 2nd fridge for him when he hits 10. And get a Costco card so I can buy food in bulk. Maybe just go to a butcher and get a side of beef..might hold me up for a month :P
B is my grandson, so I don't feed him on a regular basis.  But yes, he eats everything in sight.  Take him to a buffet restaurant and he eats 3 plates of meat & potatoes, and then decimates the dessert bar.   Get both of the teenage grandsons in the same place, and it's like a swarm of locusts.

Can we mention things they write as well as say?  We are unpacking boxes of things that were packed up when we rehabbed the family room, including several boxes packed by the older grandsons.  Boxes filled with MOOVIES.  No, my videos are not all about cows!  (http://www3.telus.net/smile/images/laugh2.gif)   
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: DynoMite on July 31, 2012, 09:13:54 PM
DynoBoy2 found some poker chips the other day and wanted to play with them. Mommy explained that they were for poker and he doesn't know how to play. He screws up his little toddler face in thought, then comes over, pokes his finger into my arm and exclaims, "I playin' poker!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on July 31, 2012, 09:27:24 PM
I stopped in the liquor store yesterday to pick up some wine for dinner. As we walk in (and mind you, I have only taken my children once before, and it was to a different store), my daughter says, "This is my FAVORITE store!" The cashier was still laughing about it when I got to the register.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on August 01, 2012, 06:38:50 PM
Better "My favorite store!" than the one story I heard. (This is an OLD story, from the days when most women were homemakers.)  A woman was in the habit of giving her little son the pennies from her pocket change.  One day she got a call from her husband reminding her that the boss was coming for dinner, and he liked a particular wine.  Could she go to the liquor store and get some?

She went to the liquor store, popped her son in the child-seat of a grocery basket, and got the wine.  When she got up to the counter, she found that the total would be $20.09, and all she had was a $20 bill and some small change.  She gave the cashier the $20, and started to count out the change.  And a hideous shriek bursts from her son, in the piercing tones that only a toddler can make.  "NO, NO, MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T BUY WINE WITH MY PENNIES!  PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on August 02, 2012, 01:51:23 PM
That's hilarious, Elfmama!

Yesterday, my husband came down without a shirt.  I guess he doesn't go around shirtless very often or something, because my 3-year-old said accusingly, "Papa, why is your tummy naked?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Julia Mercer on August 03, 2012, 07:28:06 PM
DH and I were at DSIS's for her birthday last night, and DN2 who is 3 years old was sitting on DH's lap telling him what she wanted for her birthday, and after spouting off mostly Dora stuff, she mentioned she wanted strawberry cookies, and DH asked if she wanted new or old cookies, and what would happen if she got old ones, well, lucky the video camera was rolling, because all of a sudden, she throws her hands in the air and exclaims "they would be HOPELESS", needless to say all us adults were ROARING and just CRYING laughing! I told DBIL he should send that to America's Funniest Home Videos, it was that funny!

Here is the video to it from Facebook btw

http://www.facebook.com/cdncountrygaljules/posts/489634387731132?notif_t=like
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on August 04, 2012, 11:51:35 AM
Better "My favorite store!" than the one story I heard. (This is an OLD story, from the days when most women were homemakers.)  A woman was in the habit of giving her little son the pennies from her pocket change.  One day she got a call from her husband reminding her that the boss was coming for dinner, and he liked a particular wine.  Could she go to the liquor store and get some?

She went to the liquor store, popped her son in the child-seat of a grocery basket, and got the wine.  When she got up to the counter, she found that the total would be $20.09, and all she had was a $20 bill and some small change.  She gave the cashier the $20, and started to count out the change.  And a hideous shriek bursts from her son, in the piercing tones that only a toddler can make.  "NO, NO, MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T BUY WINE WITH MY PENNIES!  PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!"

Sounds like a country song!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Tierrainney on August 11, 2012, 03:19:51 PM
Last night my youngest daughter asked if we had any "Mexican bread".  Since she does not like tortillas, I was at a loss as to what she was asking for.

Her big sister asked, "Do you mean French Bread?"

"Yes," she replied, "Maybe we can go to the Chinese Restaurant and get some!"

In her defense, the local Chinese buffet has garlic toast on French Bread that she really likes to eat. I'm afraid Big Sister may be teasing about Mexican bread for a long time.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jaelle on August 13, 2012, 09:47:47 PM
The wine-with-pennies story made me think of this. :)

We stop pretty regularly at a local liquor store to get a bottle of wine on Friday nights. (What can I say ... it's a long work week. ;))  The boys would sometimes ask where we were stopping; DH would tell them "the wine store."

So, one night we were coming home from our usual Friday evening family excursion. I don't remember if we'd simply chosen not to get wine that week, or if we had some at home. But DS1 suddenly asked with a voice full of puzzlement: "What about the crying store?"

"Crying store?" What? We looked at each other, perplexed.

Then it clicked.

To DS, wine = whine = crying.

We laughed about that one for a long time. To this day, the liquor store is "the crying store," to our family. ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on August 25, 2012, 07:26:19 PM
Babybartfast, completely out of the blue: "A long long time ago, people didn't have computers."

Me: "It wasn't that long ago!  I didn't have a computer when I was your age [4]."

Babybartfast: "Then how did you look things up on the Internet?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on August 25, 2012, 07:29:57 PM
Another gem from my niece.

Niece: Grammy, where do babies come from?
Grandma: That's a question you need to ask Daddy.
Niece: (pauses for a sec to think about this) Oh....does he know?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jaelle on August 29, 2012, 07:54:18 PM
DS2, who is 4, got into trouble last night. Such trouble that he was marched home and sent to his room for the rest of the night. When I tucked him into bed and reassured him that I still loved him, ( ::) :)) I reiterated what he'd done wrong and what our expections were. He tearfully apologized.

This morning, he was such a sweetie. Kissing me, hugging me ... I told DH, "Someone's sucking up." :D  DS2 told me, very seriously, "I'm being good, Mommy."

Me: "That's good, DS2."

DS2: "I'm going to keep being good."

Me: "Excellent."

DS2: "I want to be good in the pax." (At least, that's what it sounded like.)

It took me a few repetitions before I realized he meant "in the past." Now, where the heck did a 4-year-old get that concept ... and where does he think he's going to acquire the time machine?  :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Rohanna on August 30, 2012, 01:06:58 AM
My 4 year old has been a bit of a "turkey" recently, mostly I'm sure due to the recent arrival of a sibling. We were on a road trip, and my husband was teaching him to hold his breath and make a wish under bridges. He solemnly announced after a particularly long tunnel that he had "wished he could be good". Sigh- cute and heartbreaking at the same time.....
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: stkatie00 on August 30, 2012, 04:48:37 AM
My 3 year old nephew calls my parents' (his grandparents) riding lawn mower "E-I-O," because he thinks it's a tractor like Old MacDonald would use on his farm!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on September 01, 2012, 05:43:56 PM
Sis's status on Facebook
Loren - Mommy where did my toys come from?
Brett (4.5 yo) China.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on September 01, 2012, 06:16:44 PM
When Elfqueen was a toddler, her favorite ice cream was Neopolitan.  But being a toddler, she couldn't quite say that.  So that ice cream that is vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry is forever known in our house as Nepolopitan.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on September 02, 2012, 12:57:03 AM
When Elfqueen was a toddler, her favorite ice cream was Neopolitan.  But being a toddler, she couldn't quite say that.  So that ice cream that is vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry is forever known in our house as Nepolopitan.

Toddler DM: It's a callapitter because all of his feet go pitter patter!  He's got so many feet!
(I have been told I said this a kajillion times)

I love the silly mispronunciations that abound with children; endless amusement!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: AfleetAlex on September 04, 2012, 02:35:21 PM
Apparently for a while I called it Napoleon ice cream, so I'm told.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: TurtleDove on September 04, 2012, 02:47:10 PM
My daughter (age 3.5) and I were watching Tinkerbell.  About halfway through she said, "Mama, you are just like Tinkerbell!.....except you need to wear a dress and it needs to be short and it needs to be green.....and you need to fly."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on September 04, 2012, 07:58:15 PM
I just told my 10 year old daughter that it was a good thing she's smart.  She replied: Yes it's a blessing and a curse.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MissRose on September 06, 2012, 06:11:06 PM
My niece apparently gets a bit gassy from time to time.  So when I smelled a certain odor, and noticed the window of my car in the back was opened, she told me proudly that she farted.  I said to her "NieceRose next time you need to do so in the car, please roll down the window some".  Her and her brother apparently think farting is funny but I can tell you their dogs' gas is far worse!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on September 06, 2012, 06:13:44 PM
Jean has taken to shortening the words "hand sanitizer" to "hannitizer". She proudly talks about hannitizing her hands before lunch and after using the bathroom. We've corrected her several times to no avail.

As the word "hannitize" means something in the USA per a particular political radio host, I am just waiting for the day she causes a political argument on accident.  :P  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on September 08, 2012, 09:44:53 PM
When Elfqueen was a toddler, her favorite ice cream was Neopolitan.  But being a toddler, she couldn't quite say that.  So that ice cream that is vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry is forever known in our house as Nepolopitan.

Toddler DM: It's a callapitter because all of his feet go pitter patter!  He's got so many feet!
(I have been told I said this a kajillion times)

I love the silly mispronunciations that abound with children; endless amusement!

This isn't a kid thing because the person in question (Bagman) is no kid; he's 63. But I discovered this past weekend, camping in the woods, 20 years into our relationship, that he calls them "caterpiggles." He has no idea why, but I think it's adorable. The fact that there were "caterpiggles" dropping out of the trees every time we turned around ... not so adorable.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on September 08, 2012, 09:57:17 PM
My aunt used to call umbrellas "umalellas."  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on September 09, 2012, 05:49:29 PM
My kids are not liking the water at my parents' house, where we're currently visiting.  At dinner, my 3-year-old was unhappy about the water she was given to drink.  My mother said, "When Grandpap and I visit you guys, we drink your water!"  Jenny: "Yes, but that's because our water is yummy!"  (The water is really awful, truly, truly terrible stuff.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on September 24, 2012, 07:25:43 PM
We went to the playground the the other day and Babybartfast (now 4) fell in with some other girls her age.  They were playing astronauts who were flying to Pluto.

Girl 1: But Pluto isn't there anymore!
Girl 2: It's still there, it's just not a planet anymore.  I think it lost its wings.

DH says it's the "fairy theory of the solar system."

(Can you tell I live in a NASA city full of aerospace engineers and their space-mad kids?   ;D)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on October 16, 2012, 04:14:00 PM
My son (3) is definitely a product of the video game generation. The other day, he was in the room when I climbed on the bathroom scale. He started clapping and announced, "Look, Momma! You got a high score!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: oz diva on October 16, 2012, 06:52:47 PM
My 10 yr old daughter said last night that the leader of the opposition party in Australia looked disturbing. She has such a wonderful turn of phrase.  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: parrot_girl on October 18, 2012, 05:55:37 AM
My 10 yr old daughter said last night that the leader of the opposition party in Australia looked disturbing. She has such a wonderful turn of phrase.  ;)

I like the way your daughter thinks! :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on October 18, 2012, 07:09:25 PM
From my 5yo niece: "The mosquitoes are badder at my house. I mean, they're worse."
Pause. "Badder isn't a word, except if you're talking about baseball."

:D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Martienne on October 21, 2012, 10:57:53 PM
From my 5yo niece: "The mosquitoes are badder at my house. I mean, they're worse."
Pause. "Badder isn't a word, except if you're talking about baseball."

:D
Or pancakes!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: RebeccainGA on October 22, 2012, 10:35:51 AM
My DD (19!) was helping us pack for our recent move. I noticed last night when I opened a box that it was labelled "Bungie chords". I know she's a musician, but...

My niece, 3, had to make her first big decision: what to name the dog - the shelter had given it a ridiculous name. She decided the dog's name is Mardi, because her mom told her Mardi Gras is Fat Tuesday, and the dog was fat. (not realizing that she really named the dog Tuesday, but that's OK - she's three!). She is still deciding on her Halloween costume. My mom took her to PetSmart to get some dog food, and they were looking at costumes for the dog. Mom sees a bee costume that's the right size and asks niece if she wants to get that one, because then niece could dress up like a flower and they would match. She told my mom that was "not good, Nonny - then the goggie will have to sit on my head, and he's too fat!".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on November 12, 2012, 06:06:57 PM
I got a marriage proposal tonight. My 4 year old son said in the sweetest voice, "Mom, when I get bigger and you get bigger, can we get married?" Totally made my day! :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: *new*mommyagain36 on November 14, 2012, 11:26:55 AM
My almost 2 year old likes to sing "Tinkle Tinkle.....(pause).... Star"  That's the one 3 words of the song she sings but she belts it out with gusto!

Jones - "hannitizer" - LOVE it!  Hilarious!   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Cutenoob on November 14, 2012, 04:06:54 PM
I think Picklehead was created because Baby Noob likes pickles. And I called him a Sillyhead, and a Picklehead. He said "no no no Mommy Picklehead". He then said "Me Milkhead! <his name> Milkhead!"
So I asked him, is my name Mommy Picklehead? He said "Yes, Mommy Picklehead"

A few days later Baby Noob's dad said, "I think I got my first insult from him. He called me a picklehead." I busted up laughing. But now I've taught Baby Noob that Daddy is a Metalhead. So our names are Mommy Picklehead, Babynoob Milkhead, Daddy Metalhead. And sometimes I tell Baby that "that person over there is being a picklehead"

I found this dog costume and busted up laughing.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/r7li8scwvzkdtvr/Pickledog.jpg
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on November 16, 2012, 06:59:37 PM
"I'm going to tell my Mommy on you"
Yesterday one of my students, screamed that because I wouldn't let her go to the bathroom. Her best friend had just left the room. They have been told  they aren't allowed to leave the room at the same time because they disappeared for 15 minutes and were hiding in the outside bathrooms. (School built in the 1960's around a garden)


Same child was "walking" in the line that never ends* , by dancing and gyrating instead you know just walking. This is a big deal - last year almost 100% of our discipline referrals came from pushing/shoving in line erupting into fights. We are working at teaching the kids personal space (We have kids that live in crowded
situations and they will line up so close to other kids they are mushed together). Another 2nd grade teacher told her to walk correctly - she said the same thing.


I called Mom who responded, "Oh No she Didn't. She knows better than that. I'll take care of her when she gets home tonight. You will see a different child, Monday morning". (I suspect the only reason Mom didn't show up at my door to handle the situation is school was out in 90 min. )


*[size=78%](When the front of the line is at the gym bathrooms - the back of the line is out the door, past 3rd grade pod, around the garden and out on the playground - another teacher timed us it took 3 minute for our line to pass)[/size]
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 20, 2012, 11:16:53 AM
Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses :D

My 7 month old DD got her eldest brother (10) yesterday. Both were lying on the floor and he looked at me and asked "Mom why are babies so dumb? They never do anything". Apparently DD took exception to this. She promptly rolled over, sqooshed her bum against his face, and then farted and filled her diaper.

Once I stopped laughing so hard, I told him that she had made her opinion known and now he gets to change her.

DS was not pleased. That's my girl.  >:D  ;D  8)

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my, that's hilarious!!!!!!!  MiddlePirate once made some sort of smart aleck remark once and DH told him "Well you can change PirateBabe the next time he needs one" So naturally it was a dirty one and DH called out "MiddlePirate'sName, Piratebabe made a present for you!" 

In comes MiddlePirate, who looks at the baby and says "PirateBabe, it's not my birthday!" (Middle Pirate is 10)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 20, 2012, 11:30:03 AM
On Saturday we were driving down to DH's work (at the moment it's almost a 2 hr drive, in a few weeks he'll get his own territory and start working in Northern Virginia) and on the way down we were listening to 106.9 The Eagle, a classic rock station.

Well the dj who was starting his show around 10 plays a recording of his son saying "You wlistening to 106.9 Pwastic (classic) rock!" It was rather cute. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on November 20, 2012, 01:25:51 PM
Years ago, there was a local radio station who had some local artists playing and singing Christmas carols that were recorded and replayed on the radio.  This one particular artist brought his 3 yr old son with them and they were singing 'Frosty the Snowman'.  You could very clearly hear, 'Frumpity Frump Frump' from the 3 yr old.  It was hysterical.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elisabunny on November 20, 2012, 07:14:00 PM
My 6-year-old DD has been playing Stupid Zombies on the Kindle.  So now she's squealing, "The dead bats are SOOOO cute!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 20, 2012, 09:00:07 PM
While searching for something non-mind-numbing to watch with Babybartfast (age 4) today, I stumbled across the Avengers cartoon on Netflix.  She's watching quietly, absorbing the story, then announces "Look mom!  He [Iron Man] has BREASTS!"

Yeah, his costume in the cartoon does have pretty clearly defined pectorals, but everything Babybartfast knows about breasts she learned from me feeding Bittybartfast, so . . .
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on November 20, 2012, 09:48:27 PM
While searching for something non-mind-numbing to watch with Babybartfast (age 4) today, I stumbled across the Avengers cartoon on Netflix.  She's watching quietly, absorbing the story, then announces "Look mom!  He [Iron Man] has BREASTS!"

Yeah, his costume in the cartoon does have pretty clearly defined pectorals, but everything Babybartfast knows about breasts she learned from me feeding Bittybartfast, so . . .

DD got to milk a cow when we were visiting a farm recently and was a bit reluctant until she was told the udder was the cow's boobies. Now she tells everyone she got to milk the cow's boobies  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on November 21, 2012, 01:19:54 PM
Last night my SIL and I were visiting and my DS4 walks up with a laser gun and starts "shooting" us. My SIL said, "DS4, you don't shoot people, you shoot birds. Or deer."

Without missing a beat, he turns to me and says, "Momma, pretend you a deer."

 ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: hobish on November 21, 2012, 01:45:49 PM
My 6-year-old DD has been playing Stupid Zombies on the Kindle.  So now she's squealing, "The dead bats are SOOOO cute!"

I love that game.

While searching for something non-mind-numbing to watch with Babybartfast (age 4) today, I stumbled across the Avengers cartoon on Netflix.  She's watching quietly, absorbing the story, then announces "Look mom!  He [Iron Man] has BREASTS!"

Yeah, his costume in the cartoon does have pretty clearly defined pectorals, but everything Babybartfast knows about breasts she learned from me feeding Bittybartfast, so . . .

DD got to milk a cow when we were visiting a farm recently and was a bit reluctant until she was told the udder was the cow's boobies. Now she tells everyone she got to milk the cow's boobies  ;D

I used to work at a 4H camp way back when. Some of the inner city kids really never put together that's where milk comes from. Watching them freak out over cow boobies remains one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. I can't help but smile just thinking about it.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 27, 2012, 10:15:59 AM
I love watching Ellen, and even DVR it, and as a result my kids and DH love her show too, but the two oldest have been after me for weeks "Mom record this funny thing we're doing and maybe we'll get to be on Ellen!"  "Send this joke to Ellen for Classic Joke Tuesday!" "I just saw a sign, send it to Ellen!" "Tell Ellen I want to meet her, and Sophia Grace and Rosie, too!"

After they were taught to play spades and allowed to join in on the traditional holiday game on Thanksgiving, Pirateboy1 has been obsessed with playing spades...and then he found out Ellen has playing cards in her store.  Guess what he wants now?

Funny thing is, Pirateboy2 has started teasing him for having a crush on Ellen by singing the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" song.  I said "Um, you remember Ellen is married right? To a woman? Not to mention she's in her 50's, even if she doesn't look it." "Pirateboy1 and Ellen, sitting in a tree! H-U-G-G-I-N-G!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 28, 2012, 10:20:22 PM
Relayed to me by my MIL today:

She and Babybartfast were playing at her house with Babybartfast's little plastic cash register, pretending to shop for groceries for Babybartfast's baby doll.  MIL put a toy milk carton in the basket, but Babybartfast corrected her: "No, Grandma, babies can't have milk!  They can only have milk from breasts!  [pause]  You can pretend you have breasts if you want, though."

(MIL is about my height but I have 20 pounds and about three cup sizes on her . . .)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CrochetFanatic on December 01, 2012, 12:45:44 AM
I just remembered a cute story my dad told us last year.  He's really tall, a little on the heavy side, and has a beard with a lot more salt than pepper.  In retrospect, it was oh-so-obvious...

Anyway, for whatever reason, we had an extra turkey last year, and he was dropping it off at a friend's house just days before Thanksgiving.  As he was leaving, one of the neighbor's little girls, who must have been about four years old, started grinning and waving to him.  "Santa?!  Hi, Santa!  Hi, Santa!"  My dad grinned and waved back before getting into his car and driving off.  He loves to tell that story.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeEater on December 05, 2012, 03:57:54 PM
I just remembered a cute story my dad told us last year.  He's really tall, a little on the heavy side, and has a beard with a lot more salt than pepper.  In retrospect, it was oh-so-obvious...

Anyway, for whatever reason, we had an extra turkey last year, and he was dropping it off at a friend's house just days before Thanksgiving.  As he was leaving, one of the neighbor's little girls, who must have been about four years old, started grinning and waving to him.  "Santa?!  Hi, Santa!  Hi, Santa!"  My dad grinned and waved back before getting into his car and driving off.  He loves to tell that story.  ;D

Super cute!

My little one was sitting in church  this week, and must have noticed the enormous cross hanging from the ceiling at the front. She gestures with her finger and says, "Down and across - it's a 't'!"

She hasn't quite grasped all the particulars of our religion, yet.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: pwv on December 05, 2012, 05:22:06 PM
The kid was only 7 months old and not talking yet so she didn't actually *say* anything, but...

I was holding my niece and had to sneeze, so I turned away and sneezed rather loudly several times.  When I turned back to her, she was staring at me with a startled wide-eyed deer-in-headlights expression on her face, as if she was saying  "What the e-hell was that?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 05, 2012, 06:16:28 PM
That reminds me of a really cute video on youtube where a baby boy gets a very startled look on his face when his mama blows her nose, then he giggles.  You can tell she's doing it for fun after the first time but it's hysterical to see the boy "jump" back (he's in his walker) and then giggle.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: blue2000 on December 05, 2012, 11:56:10 PM
Aww. Reminds me of when I was little, and one of my uncles used to blow his nose to entertain the kids (he made quite an impressive honking noise!).
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on December 06, 2012, 03:08:37 PM
My son Boo refuses to speak. Occasionally I get a word, but he gets mad if we try to make him talk. Everyone said Just give him time.
Recently Boo had to have minor surgery  He woke up after, slow and groggy. A bright young orderly was chattering away to him. He looked her in the eye and said "Who you?" She gave her name, which is the same as a family member's, and Boo shook his head with a "No." It was awesome to see him speak like that!
He's gone back to his mostly nonspeaking self. Guess it was the drugs talking  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on December 06, 2012, 10:48:47 PM
That reminds me of a really cute video on youtube where a baby boy gets a very startled look on his face when his mama blows her nose, then he giggles.  You can tell she's doing it for fun after the first time but it's hysterical to see the boy "jump" back (he's in his walker) and then giggle.

LOL!  My almost 4-month-old was on her tummy on the floor the other day, while the cat was facing her a few feet away.  The cat started sneezing repeatedly, while DD just stared at him with an entranced grin on her face.  Apparently cat sneezes are the most entertaining thing on the planet.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 08, 2012, 07:41:30 PM
The babe used to giggle at us when we'd sneeze so we'd fake sneeze to entice more out of him. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: WolfWay on December 13, 2012, 02:22:56 AM
Not exactly what the kids said, but in reponse to a child's actions...

Friend said she heard her husband loudly scolding their children from the kitchen while he was feeding them "Don't wipe your face on the cat!!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: JonGirl on December 13, 2012, 05:38:48 AM



We walked past a house on the way to school today that had an old busted christmas tree on the front lawn.
DS says "look, a free christmas tree for sale!"  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeEater on December 13, 2012, 05:45:38 AM
DD is going through a stage where she's naming all the beginning letters of words. B is for ball, F is for fish, etc. Today she looked into the office and said, P is for 'puter.  Obviously some pronunciation issues we need to work on there.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: JonGirl on December 13, 2012, 05:51:14 AM
DD is going through a stage where she's naming all the beginning letters of words. B is for ball, F is for fish, etc. Today she looked into the office and said, P is for 'puter.  Obviously some pronunciation issues we need to work on there.


Hey, even I call it that sometimes!  :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on December 13, 2012, 01:00:23 PM
I have a kind of twisted sense of humor. My four year old is starting to understand some kinds of jokes, but today I was so proud when, before breakfast, she looked at me with Crazy Eyes and goes, "I'm so hungry, I could just eat a BAYBEEEE."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: amylouky on December 13, 2012, 01:23:55 PM
DS3 farted this morning, loudly. DS5 was sitting on the couch next to him and scooted away saying, "Eww.. you farted!"
DS3: "Nuh uh.. my butt blew you a kiss!"

I'm thinking staying home with Daddy is having some undesired effects..
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on December 13, 2012, 01:39:44 PM
DS3: "Nuh uh.. my butt blew you a kiss!"

Is it bad that this made me laugh?   :D  I'd have had a really hard time keeping a straight face if I'd been in the room for that one.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: JonGirl on December 14, 2012, 04:36:28 AM
DS3 farted this morning, loudly. DS5 was sitting on the couch next to him and scooted away saying, "Eww.. you farted!"
DS3: "Nuh uh.. my butt blew you a kiss!"

I'm thinking staying home with Daddy is having some undesired effects..

Is dead from laughter!
 ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 14, 2012, 07:44:24 AM
Thanks, I'll have to remember that, as my house full of males (well without me but at times I have the mind of a 12 year old) will crack up!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on December 14, 2012, 05:43:11 PM
I love it!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on December 14, 2012, 07:26:39 PM
I have a kind of twisted sense of humor. My four year old is starting to understand some kinds of jokes, but today I was so proud when, before breakfast, she looked at me with Crazy Eyes and goes, "I'm so hungry, I could just eat a BAYBEEEE."

That is hysterical.


And on another note...holy cow, she's four now?  It seems like yesterday we were being shown baby pictures.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on December 14, 2012, 11:26:50 PM
I have a kind of twisted sense of humor. My four year old is starting to understand some kinds of jokes, but today I was so proud when, before breakfast, she looked at me with Crazy Eyes and goes, "I'm so hungry, I could just eat a BAYBEEEE."

That is hysterical.


And on another note...holy cow, she's four now?  It seems like yesterday we were being shown baby pictures.

Hahah, four going on thirteen. In both good and bad ways. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Charliebug on December 20, 2012, 01:50:02 PM
When my brother and I were little, our Dad used to update us on Santa's progress on Christmas Eve e.g. "I just heard on the radio that Santa has just left England and is now heading over to New York". We would get so excited anticipating his arrival...it would make our night! A couple of years ago I was visiting my brother and my niece (5) for Christmas and I thought I would carry on the tradition of keeping her updated on Santa's impending arrival. She tolerated it the first couple of times but when I told her she better get to bed soon as I heard Santa was in Saskatchewan (we are in BC) she turned to me and said "Santa won't be coming here if MY DAD has anything to do with it" meaning her Dad was on the naughty list. My brother was stunned she said that and I was killing myself laughing.....she knows her Dad well ha ha ha!!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: stkatie00 on December 20, 2012, 02:02:23 PM
I was dropping off a crock pot and coffee maker for the Christmas party my friends were throwing. As we were chatting in the kitchen, their almost 4 year old son had the following conversation:
Him: Miss Katie? Did you bring the twins with you?
Me: No, I didn't.
Him: Oh. Then who's watching over them?
As his parents and I try not to crack up, me: Their daddy is.

We all just thought his wording was so cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on December 20, 2012, 03:38:42 PM
Our local shopping center has a huge holiday train display set up. My three year old son loves it, so I've taken him a few times. A few days go, he was watching the trains, anticipating them coming out of the tunnels, seeing the intersection flashing lights signal the approaching train, and just having fun. All of a sudden, his face changed and he looked ready to cry. I asked what was wrong; he sighed and answered in the most dejected voice imaginable, "We don't have any bacon."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Charliebug on December 20, 2012, 07:07:25 PM
Our local shopping center has a huge holiday train display set up. My three year old son loves it, so I've taken him a few times. A few days go, he was watching the trains, anticipating them coming out of the tunnels, seeing the intersection flashing lights signal the approaching train, and just having fun. All of a sudden, his face changed and he looked ready to cry. I asked what was wrong; he sighed and answered in the most dejected voice imaginable, "We don't have any bacon."

I love this kid lol!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 21, 2012, 01:34:19 PM
LMAO!!!!!!!!! I absolutely love those non-sequiters kids come up with. I think I shared it earlier in the thread, but there was a time my dad was lecturing my brother on something and as Dad has a tendency to be VERY long winded (ask him about how trains move and he'll give you not only the workings of a steam engine, but the history of them and coal mining.) my brother's mind had plenty of time to wander.

At the end of the lecture, my brother, who was maybe 5, asks "Dad, who invented cement?" To his credit, instead of getting angry, our father started to laugh.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: blueyzca01 on December 21, 2012, 03:12:12 PM
Not exactly what the kids said, but in reponse to a child's actions...

Friend said she heard her husband loudly scolding their children from the kitchen while he was feeding them "Don't wipe your face on the cat!!"

This reminded me of something I witnessed many many moons ago. 

My young neighbor, Jordan, was having words with his dad in front of our apartment building.  I will never forget his dad grabbing him by the arm and pulling him toward their front door while exclaiming, "You do NOT call daddy a spongehead!!!"

After Steve dropped him off inside the door, he walked back outside and saw DH and me standing there with our hands over our mouths trying desperately not to laugh.
Steve said, "Did you hear that?!?!  My kid is creative genius!!"   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on December 21, 2012, 03:18:16 PM
This is going to be a little complicated, because my daughter "Jenny's" name is not really Jenny.  So trust me when I said that I like to call her, "Jenny-hopper," it makes a lot more sense (sound-wise) with the diminutive of her actual name.  So, for some reason, when Jenny was a baby, I started calling her "Jenny-hopper."  This led to "Jenny-hoppy" and sometimes "Hopper" or "Hoppy."  So she seriously goes by "Hopper" or "Hoppy" half the time, and it's really cute.

The other day, we were driving back home from somewhere, and she started talking in a serious tone.  "Mommy, now that I am 4, I think I don't want to be Hoppy anymore."

Me: "Oh, yeah?  So you want us to call you Jenny from now on?"

<thoughtful silence>  "No.  I want you to call me "Hop.""

Ah, those little Hoppies.  They grow up so fast.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on December 21, 2012, 03:31:03 PM
This is going to be a little complicated, because my daughter "Jenny's" name is not really Jenny.  So trust me when I said that I like to call her, "Jenny-hopper," it makes a lot more sense (sound-wise) with the diminutive of her actual name.  So, for some reason, when Jenny was a baby, I started calling her "Jenny-hopper."  This led to "Jenny-hoppy" and sometimes "Hopper" or "Hoppy."  So she seriously goes by "Hopper" or "Hoppy" half the time, and it's really cute.

The other day, we were driving back home from somewhere, and she started talking in a serious tone.  "Mommy, now that I am 4, I think I don't want to be Hoppy anymore."

Me: "Oh, yeah?  So you want us to call you Jenny from now on?"

<thoughtful silence>  "No.  I want you to call me "Hop.""

Ah, those little Hoppies.  They grow up so fast.
Mine was "Roo" for about a year.  "Jenny" = Jen = Jenneroo = Roo.   

I know a Jonathan who is not Johnny, but Jona, his own choice since he was about 5.  He will correct you most vehemently if you call him Johnny.   (Odd circumstances there.  Dad wanted him named John to honor his late father, Mom had a nasty breakup with a previous fiance named John, so that was the last thing she wanted to name her son.  Jonathan was their compromise.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on December 21, 2012, 07:53:05 PM
Jenny wanted Emily to play doctor with her. "Doctor, my skin and bones all fell off and my brains fell out, too!"  Emily immediately rushed into action, bandaging Jenny's leg and setting her up on a wheelchair (ride-on toy).  After a while, though, Emily got bored of being the doctor and wanted to be the patient, so she tried to remove Jenny's bandage. 

 Jenny: "No, you can't take that off! I have no skin! Or bones! Or brains!"   
Emily: "All right, sweetheart, I'll go get you some new skin."   
Jenny called after her, "And brains!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Cutenoob on December 22, 2012, 02:56:19 AM
My little guy was in a toy store and playing with the train setup. So, doot de doot, he's having a good time. I hear him yelp, and see him on his butt on the floor. He looked at me and said, "Mommy, fell on [bad word for butt]". He just looked at me calmly. I almost busted up laughing.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on December 23, 2012, 09:14:20 AM
YDS was Boogerman or Boogie or sometimes just Boogs, he acquired this nickname because he was h*ll on wheels, and that was more politically correct than other options. Anyway, I called him Boogerman one day, and he corrected me

"Mom, I'm Boogs."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on December 23, 2012, 03:12:45 PM
When I addressed one of my grandsons as "Boychild" he said "Grandma, <other grandson> is Boychild.  *I* am Boychild...um...Thingamabobber Guy!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: btperson on December 26, 2012, 08:24:52 PM
On the way to school one morning, my kindergarten son was telling me that his teacher was back at school after being out sick.  I commented casually, Oh, I wonder what was wrong.  He said, I don't know but I think she is allergic to metal.   That piqued my curiosity!  So I asked why he thought she was allergic to metal.   He said, because she has to use a round cushion on chairs now.  I was actually kind of proud of his "reasoning". LOL

One son felt sorry for his infant brother because he had no teeth to eat food with.   He said, "I know what we can do!  When my baby teeth come out, I can give them to him to eat with, because I'll be growing new ones!" 

And the oldest son, when about 8 years old, while we were cooking in the kitchen, I said, Where is that cheese grater?.....   Son said,  probably somewhere in the Greater Houston Area.

(background:  We lived in Houston, which is a big city made of many smaller cities and the telephone book was titled The Greater Houston Area.)

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on December 26, 2012, 09:00:08 PM
Too funny! I especially love the offer of tooth donation!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on December 26, 2012, 10:14:36 PM
Too funny! I especially love the offer of tooth donation!
Yeah. :) Especially when you consider that this is a kid giving up the possibility of tooth fairy money!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on December 26, 2012, 10:26:20 PM
Right! I hadn't thought of that angle. What a sweetheart.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Shopaholic on December 26, 2012, 11:59:00 PM
My 6-year-old nephew recently told me that he doesn't believe in the tooth fairy because "it's not possible because of the numbers".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on December 27, 2012, 12:21:30 AM
LOL!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on December 27, 2012, 06:14:01 AM
My sister and her husband bought a Blu-Ray player as a family Christmas gift. The kids got some movies on Blu-Ray. My 4 y/o nephew was very excited about watching his new movie (one he's seen before). When it was done, he turned to his mom with a disappointed voice, "but that was exactly like the DVD!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 30, 2012, 12:33:12 AM
Had a hard time explaining to Babybartfast (4 1/2) what the cable jack in the wall was for today.  I tried to explain about how you hook the wire to the TV and the TV company sends your shows through the wire, and I thought she got it, but her next question was "How do they know which show you want to watch?"

*sigh* We've only ever had Netflix since before she was born, so she's never known a world where you couldn't call up any show you wanted at any time you wanted.  She got mad at YouTube because it inserted a commercial before a clip we wanted to watch - she had no idea what a commercial was, or why we couldn't just skip past it like we do on a DVD.

I feel old now.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on December 30, 2012, 07:02:36 AM
It's so strange to think how different our children's TV-watching experience is/will be, isn't it?  We don't have Netflix or TiVo, but we mostly watch things on DVD only (which means that the only commercials are usually just for other movies/TV shows).  So on Thanksgiving, when we were visiting my in-laws and they turned on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, my husband had to explain to the kids what commercials were.  They all then had a great time trying to figure out what that ad was selling and how it was trying to convince you to buy it (it will solve all your problems, everybody else has one, an authority figure says they're great, etc.).
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on December 30, 2012, 10:00:19 AM
Haha...speaking of Netflix, I have the kids watching an assortment of favorites this morning while their dad sleeps in (he had a late night playing cards at his grandmother's house with various relatives). A few minutes ago my daughter came to me and asked if I could "please send in some appetizers before breakfast." All I could do to not laugh at that...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on December 30, 2012, 04:22:54 PM
DD is almost 2yo, and she's cracking me up lately. She finally understands that the baby only drinks special Mommy milk, and that the milk only comes from Mommy. though I have to admit it was really funny when she was trying to get DH to nurse the baby  :D

The other day Baby was in his crib, and he woke up, crying. DD ran into the living room and started shouting at me "NeeNee wake. Mom, NeeNee wake!" She then climbed into my lap and started poking me in the chest saying "NeeNee eat." (translation: Baby woke up, Mom. Baby is hungry, and needs to eat)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 31, 2012, 09:47:35 AM
That is so cute! :)

The piratebabe has started saying "Wow!"  Which means we're hearing a lot of "WOW! Oh WOW!!" recently. (he's closing in on 14 months) course he doesn't really know what it means so he is just saying it to hear himself talk. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Browyn on December 31, 2012, 10:16:31 AM
The TV is on and a commercial for a phone company is talking about how you always have your memories.  DS (age 8) pipes up "You can never get rid of memories, unless you forget them"

okay, I need more coffee...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on December 31, 2012, 11:16:26 AM
DH was cuddling with our son, so I jokingly said that DS was mine and DH responded that DS was his.  DS let out a huge sigh and said- when are you guys ever going to learn to share.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: oz diva on December 31, 2012, 05:45:29 PM
Last Tuesday dd1 said, "this doesn't feel like a Tuesday, it feels like a Saturday with a twist of Tuesday".

Dd2 also said "Why do they call him Santa, they should call him Dave?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: parrot_girl on January 02, 2013, 05:07:59 AM
My DD (she's 5) was at the top of the playground tower when she turned to me and said "Five year olds are super! I am super! I am a five year old SUPER WOOPER!!!" and then she leapt off the tower into the tanbark and ran around the playground with an imaginary cape streaming behind her, yelling "YAAAYYY!!!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Shopaholic on January 02, 2013, 07:29:40 AM
I'm pregnant. When asked what I have in my belly, my 2-year old nephew will say "baby" (in English, which isn't his first language).
On Friday I let him feel the baby, but he wanted to see her as well, so he tried looking down my blouse and lifting it up as well.

Yesterday I spoke to him and my mom on the phone, and mom asked him "where is Auntie Shop's baby?" He replied "At work".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 02, 2013, 08:17:38 AM
Yesterday at my best froend's wedding, it was time to cut the cake. Somebody said, "Go ahead and cut the cake," to which the bride and groom's ten year old daughter replied," You can cut the cake just don't cut the cheese."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeEater on January 02, 2013, 04:52:39 PM
My DD (she's 5) was at the top of the playground tower when she turned to me and said "Five year olds are super! I am super! I am a five year old SUPER WOOPER!!!" and then she leapt off the tower into the tanbark and ran around the playground with an imaginary cape streaming behind her, yelling "YAAAYYY!!!"

That's so much how I feel like behaving some days.  ;D

I like to have the TV on in the background when I'm home, for a bit of adult noise in the house. Apparently, DD thinks it's on a bit too much. Yesterday morning she said, "Daddy's at work.......Mummy television."

Is that a hint?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 02, 2013, 05:17:07 PM
Babybartfast is incredibly proud of herself for knowing the entire first verse of Silent Night.  Someday I'll explain what a Roundjun Burgeon is.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: parrot_girl on January 02, 2013, 08:44:45 PM
Babybartfast is incredibly proud of herself for knowing the entire first verse of Silent Night.  Someday I'll explain what a Roundjun Burgeon is.

I don't know quite why, but that made me snort with laughter. Thank you! :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 02, 2013, 09:13:51 PM
Me too, that is so cute! 

My brother, when the Counting Crows song "Mr. Jones and Me" came out he used to sing "Mr. Chocolatey!" I can't hear that song anymore without singing it that way.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on January 02, 2013, 09:14:54 PM
Quote
Someday I'll explain what a Roundjun Burgeon is.

 Too funny!  Christmas carols seem to be especially tricky. I still remember my sister asking 'What color is Parson Brown?'
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 02, 2013, 09:21:40 PM
Okay I did a search to see if I've shared this anecdote already but it doesn't seem I have.

My brother and I are 8 years apart in age, and when he was nearly 5 and I was nearly 13, our family went to Disney World, his first time in the Magic Kingdom and we went on the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride or whatever they were calling the submarine ride in Tomorrowland in '91. 

Well we got on the ride and sat down and for anyone who hasn't been on the ride, you sit down with several other people in these little submarine like vehicles that run along a track, with two rows of seats back to back and you look out the porthole in front of you.   

Okay, so we're going along now and he sees the octopus reaching out to our sub and DB blurts out, "IS HE GOING TO WRAP HIS TESTICLES AROUND US?" I turned beet red but laughed, as did everyone else in the sub as either mom or dad gently informed him that the word is "teNTicles, not teSTicles."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on January 02, 2013, 09:28:57 PM
DH and I were discussing a recent family event where Cousin's Husband made an odd remark. He said that we have "cookie cutter kids" meaning that they all look like each other. I had never heard that expression before and DH and I were talking about it, and which kid looks like who. DH thinks that 4yo DS looks like him and that DD and Baby look like me. 

4yo DS had been playing quietly on the floor, but he stood up, put his hands on his hips and said in a scandalized voice "I do NOT look like Daddy! Daddy doesn't have hair!!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on January 03, 2013, 11:17:25 PM
I needed to run over to the library the other day to return some books.  I left the kids behind (with their father) so that it could be a 5-minute errand and not a 1-hour one.  As I was going out the door, my 5-year-old said, in a sad voice, "Libraries are like orphanages for books that don't have mommies or papas."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: WolfWay on January 04, 2013, 02:30:38 AM
I don't know if anyone has posted this to the thread before, but I spotted a FB status from a woman babysitting her niece that went something like:

"I probably shouldn't be allowed to babysit, I just heard my four year old niece telling her pumpkin she was carving 'This is what we do to snitches!'"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 04, 2013, 03:08:30 PM
LOL!!!!!!!

Okay, my older two have never gone through the "girls are gross" stage.  As far as they're concerned, cooties don't exist, never did.  My oldest had a girlfriend from June-October and now tells me he has two girls texting him (thank heaven we have unlimited texting) constantly and he has a crush on a third. 

Now my middle son comes home yesterday and says a girl he had a crush on admitted she likes him too (4th grade) but he says "We're too young to be boyfriend and girlfriend, so we'll just be more than best friends."

And the baby? Whenever I take him out in public, to the grocery store or what have you, if he sees a pretty female of any age, he does the head tilt, bats his big ol' blue eyes and flashes the dimples and ups the adorable factor.  And he will do contortions to try and see her if she passes by me or goes ahead of the cart.   He's 14 months.

So today when my middle son was telling me about this girl he likes and apparently likes him, I turn to Piratebabe and jokingly point a finger at him saying "Okay, that's it! No girls for you for a while! Mama can only take so much!"

Cue crumpled face and big ol' tears as he lets out a big "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  :'(
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 07, 2013, 02:33:14 PM
Driving past a cemetery:

Babybartfast: Sure are a lot of dead people over there!
Me: Uhh . . . yeah?
Babybartfast: I can tell because there are lots and lots of flowers!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on January 07, 2013, 05:06:37 PM
Sunday was the playoff game between the Seahawks and Redskins.  My parents and brother are from the east coast and were just visiting last week, so there was some rivalry about teaching DD about which team to root for.  So Sunday, DH was talking to DD (3) and said, "DD, the Seahawks is Daddy's team, but the Redskins are Cool Uncle Mike's team, who do you want to win?"

DD says, "The princesses!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on January 16, 2013, 11:56:20 AM
Direct quote from my 4-year-old cousin, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up:

"I want to live with Uncle Dan & Uncle Rob, for ever & ever! And I am going to make them sandwiches."

(Dan is his mother's brother, and Rob is Dan's husband. SO CUTE. :D)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: RebeccainGA on January 16, 2013, 12:28:13 PM
Direct quote from my 4-year-old cousin, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up:

"I want to live with Uncle Dan & Uncle Rob, for ever & ever! And I am going to make them sandwiches."

(Dan is his mother's brother, and Rob is Dan's husband. SO CUTE. :D)

Funny, our niece says the same thing about us - except she wants to play dinosaurs in our backyard. I love it when kids decide who they like best - and it's not always their parents. Shows those little minds are working!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 16, 2013, 01:25:52 PM
Years ago when I got the whole series of 21 Jump Street on DVD and was watching it, my older two used to like to play cops and I'd always laugh to hear them say "You're under the rest!" (Under arrest)

One of our friends heard it and joked "Under the rest of what?"

Yesterday Middle Pirate informed me that his baby brother got ALL his stubborn nature from me.  "Pirateboy1 and I got it evenly from you and Dad, but Piratebabe got it ALL from YOU!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 16, 2013, 04:24:10 PM
Babybartfast brought her little toy purse full of junk to DH yesterday and told him "Daddy, look in my inventory!"

(Yeah, she's been playing a lot of Minecraft!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Charliebug on January 17, 2013, 01:12:47 AM
My niece (7 yrs old) informed her Stepgrandma that when she turns 18 she is going to move in  with her and Grampa and live there for free and Stepgrandma can make her French toast every day. 

I wish I had thought up a plan like that at her age....could have saved myself years of hard work  >:D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 18, 2013, 02:32:58 AM
I couln't find the DVD remote today, so Babybartfast had to sit through the previews for a movie for the first time ever.  She still sees televised advertisements as a bit of a novelty, since we just have Netflix and she never sees any  :P  Anyway, when the previews ended and I went to turn on the movie, she very solmenly told me "I just watched all those commercials and They didn't even make me buy anything!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 18, 2013, 08:31:21 PM
Oh man! I am laughing so hard over here. All of you have the most adorable children ever!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on January 20, 2013, 07:25:42 PM
My three year old came to me very excitedly this morning and proclaimed, "the ceiling outside changed paint!" I repeated that back as a question to him, and he answered, "yes, the ceiling outside changed paint! That means the sun came up!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kckgirl on January 20, 2013, 07:37:30 PM
Driving past a cemetery:

Babybartfast: Sure are a lot of dead people over there!
Me: Uhh . . . yeah?
Babybartfast: I can tell because there are lots and lots of flowers!

We were in a restaurant across the street from an old church when my then 4-year-old grandson pointed out that the "rocks" in the church yard were where the dead people live.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: RingTailedLemur on January 23, 2013, 03:29:38 PM
Nephew age 8: Mummy, there's a song that doesn't make sense.  It says "Daddy, I've fallen for a lobster".

SIL: No, sweetie, it's "monster".

Nephew: Oh.  [pause]  Stupid song.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on January 23, 2013, 08:36:03 PM
Today at the daycare, one of the teachers asked another what time it was, and the response was "about 4:10". Very shortly thereafter a (recently turned) 2 year old started insisting it was time to go in (we were on the playground) for snack. He was right, it was our normal snack time, but today we were still waiting for snack to be ready, so we told him we would go in for snack soon. The conversation went around in circles a few times,
Child: It snack time. Go in for snack now.
Teacher: Almost. We'll go in for snack soon.
Child: We go in for snack now.
Teacher: I know you want to have snack. Snack isn't ready just yet. We will go in for snack soon. ...

Finally, the child apparently had enough of being put off, and very emphatically informed us that, "It 4:10! It snack time!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jape on January 24, 2013, 06:23:47 AM
When my youngest DS was 4 he wanted to own a chocolate factory like Willy Wonka when he grew up.

DS: "When I'm grown up I'm going to have 2 wives so my kids can have a mother and a negative mother (I think he meant step-mother) in case one gets tired.
Me: "Really?  How many children are you going to have?"
DS: Well, I was going to have 10, but now I'm just going to have 2.
Me: "Why is that?"
DS: *looking at me like the answer was obvious* "Well, I wouldn't want to confuse the Oompa Loompas!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on January 27, 2013, 10:41:32 AM
My SIL just posted on Facebook that for breakfast this morning my 4 y.o. niece asked for milk, eggs, toast with butter, and a hot toddy.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on January 27, 2013, 12:06:20 PM
My kids think I've completely lost my mind because of how hard I'm laughing.  I don't know why I haven't read this thread before now!

Here's a recent one from my 13yo:

We were driving back from Islamorada, which is a bit south of Key Largo.  There are numerous "Crocodile Crossing" signs on US1 throughout the Keys.  As we passed one of them, DS pipes up and says "Crocodiles: Nature's Speed Bumps". 

Ummm, yup, you could say that.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on January 27, 2013, 01:49:50 PM
Me: Guys, what do you want for lunch? Sandwich or a quesadilla?
Grace: Sandwich!
Emmy: Cake!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 27, 2013, 01:56:19 PM
Another mother at church told me this one.  Her 2 1/2 year old was just recently baptized and since they weren't in church last week, this week was his first time taking communion.  She told me on the way back to the pew the little guy said in what she thought was a loud voice, "Boy, that tasted GOOD!"  (we have bland wafers and wine and we can either take them separately or dip the wafer in the wine)

I told her the first time my boys had communion at this church the first thing one of them said was "That was some good wine!"  :-[
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on January 27, 2013, 06:08:07 PM
Me: Guys, what do you want for lunch? Sandwich or a quesadilla?
Grace: Sandwich!
Emmy: Cake!

I'll have what Emmy's having, please.  ;D

DD can't talk yet (5 months old), but she laughs frequently.  The most hilarious thing in the house is apparently the cat; she'll crack up just watching him clean his paw.  I think his pride has been injured, though--he always leaves the room when she starts giggling.  Poor guy.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 27, 2013, 06:42:09 PM
Piratebabe is the same way with my cat (DH's cat is a little chicken and spends most of the day under a couch and only comes out once the kids are in bed or if she's hungry or needs the litter box then darts back under the couch)

He sees her and squeals and babbles at her as he follows her around the room playing peek-a-boo.  She sometimes will let him pet her, as he can do it gently, and he loves when she rubs against him.  But he thinks it's absolutely hilarious when either I pet her or she licks me. 

Oh and this isn't cat related but doing yoga around this kid is a challenge.  I'll be bent over in the sun salutation pose (similar to touching one's toes) and he'll come up behind me and grab my legs and with me having short legs combined with his height it means his face is even with my butt. 

Another day I was doing the tree pose and he came up behind me, one arm around my left leg, and the other hand went through the triangle my right leg was forming and pushed down.  Yeah, adds a whole new level of trying to balance! LOL!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on January 27, 2013, 07:44:52 PM
LOL!  The other day I was doing some Wii Fit while DD played next to me on the floor, and I took my body test (measures weight and balance).  I had to take it three times, though, because the balance board kept getting mad at me for "fidgeting."  Well, yeah, it's hard to stay perfectly still when there's a tiny hand plucking at my pant legs.  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on January 27, 2013, 08:27:33 PM
Me: Guys, what do you want for lunch? Sandwich or a quesadilla?
Grace: Sandwich!
Emmy: Cake!

I'll have what Emmy's having, please.  ;D

Heh. I think we'd all like what Emmy's having. She's on her own planet about 85% of the time. It's especially hilarious because she's so chubby-cheeked and clumsy. It's like observing a drunk squirrel.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 27, 2013, 09:00:21 PM
Heehee! Reminds me of what Johnny Depp once said about toddlers, that it's like having a miniature drunk around because they drool, stumble and bump into things.

Speaking of squirrels. the babe has this giggle he gets when he sees something he wants where he sounds like a chattering squirrel or chipmunk.

This is unrelated but it made me laugh when MIL first told me about it.  For background, FIL is not DH's biological father, but adopted him after marrying MIL.  I think DH was maybe 3 when they got married but they were dating for a year or so before that.   

Well FIL is good with little kids and he would play hide and seek with Dh, who would take FIL by the hand and hide him, then go away, count and "find" him.  Well as MIL tells the story, she once found FIL wedged between the wall of the kitchen and the fridge and had the following conversation.

MIL: What are you doing there?
FIL: Playing hide and go seek with K. He put me here.
MIL: How long ago?
FIL: Oh about a half hour ago.
MIL: *laughing* He's been watching tv for the last 20 minutes!

Bless FIL's heart, that just tickled me that he would stand there for half an hour, playing the game even after DH had stopped.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on January 28, 2013, 10:16:01 AM
Ha!  That is both funny and sweet.  Although I thought usually it went the other way around--the parent tells the child to go hide, then enjoys a few minutes of blissful peace and quiet.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on January 28, 2013, 10:38:40 AM


...    FIL is not DH's biological father, but adopted him after marrying MIL.  I think DH was maybe 3 when they got married but they were dating for a year or so before that.   

Well FIL is good with little kids and he would play hide and seek with Dh, who would take FIL by the hand and hide him, then go away, count and "find" him.  Well as MIL tells the story, she once found FIL wedged between the wall of the kitchen and the fridge and had the following conversation.

MIL: What are you doing there?
FIL: Playing hide and go seek with K. He put me here.
MIL: How long ago?
FIL: Oh about a half hour ago.
MIL: *laughing* He's been watching tv for the last 20 minutes!

Bless FIL's heart, that just tickled me that he would stand there for half an hour, playing the game even after DH had stopped.

I think I can see why your MIL married your FIL.  Such a sweet story!!   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 28, 2013, 10:48:14 AM
Heehee! I know, and he's good with our boys as well. Anytime we visit them he takes each of them in turn on a walk or plays with them one on one.  We didn't even have the babe's coat off at Christmas when FIL said "Hey, you wanna go see the chickens?" (their neighbors have a coop)   

Another funny thing the babe's started doing that is just odd and makes me laugh.  He'll get on his hands and knees, put his forehead on the floor and just scoot around on the floor like that.  I have no idea why other than maybe he just likes it but it's funny to watch.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on January 28, 2013, 03:58:55 PM
My son did that too! I could never figure it out. He used to have rug burns on his nose. :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on January 28, 2013, 06:42:01 PM
DF and I watched a comedian last night by the name of Jo Koy. He was talking about his 5 y/o son, and how much he likes to play with his penis, but not in a scrabble way, but in a "this is the coolest toy on the planet" kind of way. His son also calls it a "te-te". He relayed a story, from when he was in Australia and he called home to see how all was going.

His wife says, "do you know what your son did?"

"No, what did he do?"

"He colored his te-te green, with a permanent marker."

"Did you take a picture?"

"That's not the funny part, he drew eyes on his testicles."

I was rolling, as I have 2 boys, and could almost picture them doing the very same thing at that age.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on January 28, 2013, 11:49:03 PM
That is the funniest thing I've heard or read all day.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on January 30, 2013, 04:46:39 PM
DS and I were playing school yesterday. I had to quit doing my 'scissor work' (cutting out random shapes/squiggles DS drew for me) to feed the baby, and I never came back to it. I told DS that I was done, and put my scissors away. He responded by drawing an elaborate picture and telling me "this is a artwork, but it's just for your husband (his dad). It's not for you because you didn't do your scissor work, so it's a punishment."

Then he drew a picture of our family, but gave me a tail.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on January 30, 2013, 06:15:01 PM
Quote
but gave me a tail

Because you're in the doghouse? He's too funny!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on February 01, 2013, 12:39:10 PM
My daughter (she's 4 1/2) wants a cat.  I want one, too.  My husband is reluctant.

Today, as I drove my daughter to school, we saw a cat sitting under a tree.

    Daughter:  Mommy, go get that cat.

    Me:  Baby, Daddy would be mad if we just brought home a cat.

    Daughter:  We won't tell Daddy.

    Me:  Don't you think Daddy would notice a cat in the house?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it's a stuffed animal.

    Me:  What about when it meows?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it was me.

    Me:  How are we going to feed the cat without Daddy noticing?

    Daughter:  We can put food under Daddy's chair at dinner.  And then Daddy won't see the cat under his chair.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on February 01, 2013, 01:17:28 PM
My daughter (she's 4 1/2) wants a cat.  I want one, too.  My husband is reluctant.

Today, as I drove my daughter to school, we saw a cat sitting under a tree.

    Daughter:  Mommy, go get that cat.

    Me:  Baby, Daddy would be mad if we just brought home a cat.

    Daughter:  We won't tell Daddy.

    Me:  Don't you think Daddy would notice a cat in the house?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it's a stuffed animal.

    Me:  What about when it meows?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it was me.

    Me:  How are we going to feed the cat without Daddy noticing?

    Daughter:  We can put food under Daddy's chair at dinner.  And then Daddy won't see the cat under his chair.

She's very clever. You'll have to watch out when she's a teenager.  ;)

I left DD (3.5) at my parents' house for a few hours last weekend. She was resisting washing her hands after spending some time outside, so my mom said, "your mommy will be mad at me if I don't make sure you wash your hands and then you get sick." DD replied, "we could lie." My mom related the conversation to me and warned me to "watch out for this one."

Sure enough, this morning she was playing in her room with the door closed. I tried to open it and she pushed back so I couldn't. I told her to let me in because I was about to leave for work and wanted to kiss her good-bye. She stopped pushing and I entered to see that she had taken a long strand of Mardi Gras beads, hooked one end around her footstool, twisted it in the middle, and looped the other end around the cat's neck.*  :o I scolded DD and told her to never, ever put anything around the cat's neck because it could choke her. She protested, "but she was pulling my sleigh! I closed the door so you wouldn't find out!" I think we'll be insisting on open doors from now on...

*The cat was not in any danger. The loop was very wide and the cat could have backed out of it. She was being amazingly tolerant.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: blue2000 on February 01, 2013, 02:48:56 PM
My daughter (she's 4 1/2) wants a cat.  I want one, too.  My husband is reluctant.

Today, as I drove my daughter to school, we saw a cat sitting under a tree.

    Daughter:  Mommy, go get that cat.

    Me:  Baby, Daddy would be mad if we just brought home a cat.

    Daughter:  We won't tell Daddy.

    Me:  Don't you think Daddy would notice a cat in the house?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it's a stuffed animal.

    Me:  What about when it meows?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it was me.

    Me:  How are we going to feed the cat without Daddy noticing?

    Daughter:  We can put food under Daddy's chair at dinner.  And then Daddy won't see the cat under his chair.


That reminds me of my mother's favourite book to read when I was a kid, called "Mommy, Buy Me A China Doll".

"Mommy, buy me a china doll. Do, Mommy do!
But what shall we buy it with Eliza Lou?
Trade our Daddy's feather bed. Do, Mommy do!
Trade our daddy's feather bed, then where would our daddy sleep, Eliza Lou?
He could sleep in the horsie's bed. Do, Mommy do!"

(Spoiler - Eliza Lou does not get the doll. But it has a sweet ending just the same.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 03, 2013, 07:34:00 PM
*CRASH*

Me: "Babybartfast, stop throwing your toys down the stairs!"

Her: "Well they weren't my toys . . ."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on February 03, 2013, 07:53:26 PM
*CRASH*

Me: "Babybartfast, stop throwing your toys down the stairs!"

Her: "Well they weren't my toys . . ."

DD does that! Sometimes they are too smart for their own good  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on February 04, 2013, 11:19:34 AM
A conversation between me and my 13yo son...

Me:  Why do we have no water?  Do you know if Granddad turned off the water?
DS: I don't think so, I'll go find him and ask.
Me:  Okay.
About 30 seconds later

DS: Hey mom, is there a difference between these two levers?
Me: Um, one's the pump for the pool and one's the main water shut off valve for the house.
DS: Oh.  Ooops.

Yup, DS tried to top off the water level in the pool but shut the water to the house instead.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on February 04, 2013, 01:30:57 PM
Potty-training is not going well at our house. My son knows all the mechanics, but nothing is working to get him to keep his pants dry. After changing yet another pair of dirty pants today, I asked him, "what is it going to take to get you to keep your underpants dry?"

He looked at me solemnly and answered, "a long time."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 06, 2013, 11:48:27 AM
Another funny thing.  I was doing yoga earlier and when I got into what I think is called cobra pose (upper half of body propped up on elbows with head up) the babe crawled on my back right before the instructor on the DVD said "Now up on all fours, go into downward dog, then bring your knees to your chest and go into sun salutation pose!" Ummm...yeah, that's going to be a bit tricky, here without bucking the toddler off my back. 

He thought it was hilarious though as mama tried to get up on all fours without dismounting him in a way that would hurt him.  And he's got a very infectious giggle so I couldn't help but laugh and well hey, laughter's a good exercise for the abdomen, right? ;)

Earlier this morning the middle child put the edge of the sippy cup lid in his mouth, on his fours like a dog and shook the cup before throwing it to the side.  Piratebabe lost his mind, laughing till he could barely breathe.  Pirateboy2 kept doing it until I guess Piratebabe couldn't take it anymore and took the cup away while shaking his head.   

Then two minutes later he brought the cup back and pressed it against his brother's lips.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on February 06, 2013, 05:34:30 PM
Piratelvr, I love hearing stories about your kids. They sound hysterical, sweet and just all around awesome!

Last night I was at the store and overheard this interaction between a little girl and her mom "but I wasn't running, I was skipping
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on February 06, 2013, 05:39:07 PM
Youngest DS has several metal plates and screws in multiple joints.  His doctors are discussing two additional procedures which will require additional metal implants. He was discussing this with my youngest brother.

Brother: You're the bionic boy!
DS:  If I get any more metal implants, I'm going to be a Borg.

Ummm, yeah.  Nobody in this house is a Star Trek fan.  Nope, not at all.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 06, 2013, 07:07:54 PM
Youngest DS has several metal plates and screws in multiple joints.  His doctors are discussing two additional procedures which will require additional metal implants. He was discussing this with my youngest brother.

Brother: You're the bionic boy!
DS:  If I get any more metal implants, I'm going to be a Borg.

Ummm, yeah.  Nobody in this house is a Star Trek fan.  Nope, not at all.

LOL!! Not at all.  He's cute and sounds like he has a good attitude about it. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on February 06, 2013, 07:12:36 PM
Youngest DS has several metal plates and screws in multiple joints.  His doctors are discussing two additional procedures which will require additional metal implants. He was discussing this with my youngest brother.

Brother: You're the bionic boy!
DS:  If I get any more metal implants, I'm going to be a Borg.

Ummm, yeah.  Nobody in this house is a Star Trek fan.  Nope, not at all.

LOL!! Not at all.  He's cute and sounds like he has a good attitude about it. :)

Most of the time :)  Of course, like any kid who has to deal with stuff like this, he does have his moments, but for the most part, he tries to have a sense of humor about it.  I should tell you about the time he was trying to see if he could get magnets to stick to his hip...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Kimblee on February 07, 2013, 11:17:47 AM
Youngest DS has several metal plates and screws in multiple joints.  His doctors are discussing two additional procedures which will require additional metal implants. He was discussing this with my youngest brother.

Brother: You're the bionic boy!
DS:  If I get any more metal implants, I'm going to be a Borg.

Ummm, yeah.  Nobody in this house is a Star Trek fan.  Nope, not at all.

LOL!! Not at all.  He's cute and sounds like he has a good attitude about it. :)

Most of the time :)  Of course, like any kid who has to deal with stuff like this, he does have his moments, but for the most part, he tries to have a sense of humor about it.  I should tell you about the time he was trying to see if he could get magnets to stick to his hip...

My uncle got a plate on his skull somehow. We used to sneak up on him with the fridge magnets and try to put them on his plate.

He didn't tell me until i was grown that half the time we were on the wrong side
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on February 07, 2013, 06:25:36 PM
We were at a book signing for Mo Willems, and my daughter had drawn a picture to give to him.

The Kid:  I drew a picture for you.  [She hands him the picture.]  It's a girl pigeon.
Mo [pointing at a drawing of his pigeon]:  How do you know this isn't a girl pigeon?
The Kid [with an "oh, you silly adult" tone, pointing at her drawing]:  This one has eyelashes.

Mo laughed.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on February 07, 2013, 06:53:07 PM
My dad and my little brother, we'll call him Brian, approx. age 3 at the time


Dad: Brian, stop dropping those screws! I need them.
Brian: No drop, they run away. (pause) Why they run away Daddy? Don't they like Brian?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 07, 2013, 08:35:52 PM
We were at a book signing for Mo Willems, and my daughter had drawn a picture to give to him.

The Kid:  I drew a picture for you.  [She hands him the picture.]  It's a girl pigeon.
Mo [pointing at a drawing of his pigeon]:  How do you know this isn't a girl pigeon?
The Kid [with an "oh, you silly adult" tone, pointing at her drawing]:  This one has eyelashes.

Mo laughed.

Ohhhh I love those books!!  I sometimes can't even read them aloud to the kids for laughing so hard myself.  I haven't read them all but we have "The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: shygirl on February 07, 2013, 09:01:38 PM
We were at a book signing for Mo Willems, and my daughter had drawn a picture to give to him.

The Kid:  I drew a picture for you.  [She hands him the picture.]  It's a girl pigeon.
Mo [pointing at a drawing of his pigeon]:  How do you know this isn't a girl pigeon?
The Kid [with an "oh, you silly adult" tone, pointing at her drawing]:  This one has eyelashes.

Mo laughed.

That's so cute and I'm so jealous!  Mo Willems is the current favorite author in our household.  I read "Knuffle Bunny" about 15 times a day, and "Naked Mole Rat Gets Dressed" another 10 times a day.  I think my 2-yo son actually has the book memorized by now.

I think Mo Willems lives in MA, and I was considering stalking him. 

But, maybe I'll just try to find out if there will be book signing close to where we live instead.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CrochetFanatic on February 10, 2013, 02:41:13 PM
An exchange between myself and my almost-three-year-old cousin last night.

Cousin: I dropped my bink. *asked to repeat herself* I dropped my bink!  :(
Me: You dropped your bink?
Cousin: Yeah.  :( Where's my bink?
Me: *glances around* Hm...I don't know where your bink is.
Cousin: *with exaggerated patience* Well, you have to FIND it.
Me: *stifles laughter* I have to FIND it?
Cousin: Yes.  :)

She's hilarious.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 11, 2013, 02:01:17 PM
Last night Piratebabe had me cracking up because he was remind me of Matt Foley the motivational speaker. I wish I could have caught it on video.  Pirateboy2 didn't get it, having never seen the skit before.

But the little guy was wearing a button down blue shirt he'd worn to church and jeans and was standing in front of the couch with his legs apart, facing us with his hands together as though he was holding an invisible ball.

Piratebabe:  Ah-dadadadaDA!!! EEEEK!!! *giggled, put his hands down by his side and brought them back together again as though holding a ball and moved them up and down.*
Me: Oh really?
Piratebabe: *nodding and doing his chattery chipmunk giggle* Ah nananana!! Ah gagaBANOBA!! *doing the hand thing again and bouncing*
Me: Really? Living in a van down by the river?
Piratebabe: *chipmunk giggle*

This is what the chipmunk giggle sounds like.  Never, ever fails to make me laugh, so between this and the unintentional Chris Farley impersonation, it was hysterical.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktrLHbAh12Y
Or sometimes it sounds like this too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93kuCabV4jQ
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on February 11, 2013, 03:02:21 PM
That laugh alone would have had me losing it!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 12, 2013, 03:42:04 AM
Babybartfast helpfully explained metamorphosis to me today.  Caterpillars go in cocoons and change into butterflies, then the butterflies go to Sunday School and turn into fairies and their wings become visible (???).  This was accompanied by much jumping around, "flying" with her invisible butterfly wings, and waving her fairy wand.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 12, 2013, 07:42:03 AM
Heehee! How old is she again, Slarti? I used to love talking to my young cousins because the conversations were just like that and it always amused me!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 12, 2013, 11:03:23 AM
She'll be five this summer - I can't believe we're having to scout out kindergartens already!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on February 12, 2013, 03:06:52 PM
Too cute. That reminds me of when my youngest, at three years old explained that rained because god was washing the dirty clouds with a garden hose.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 12, 2013, 04:00:27 PM
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/9d03ccc1cde879405dd90a29401cc3e4/tumblr_mhxfoh3K3m1qznl3qo2_400.jpg)

"I have THREE BABY SISTERS!  But only one is real."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on February 12, 2013, 04:21:20 PM
Such cute babies!!! (Especially the real one ;))

My DS is about the same age, he'll be 5 in the fall.
He knows that I am allergic to cats, and that he can't have a kitty, even though his cousin has one. So, the other day, the Baby was crawling around and making little noises that sounded like a cat mewling. DS had been jumping around, like a loon, when he suddenly stopped. He walked toward me, very calmly and seriously and told me "Mom, just don't freak out, but I think that something you are allergic to broke into the house. You wait here and I will find the cat and get it out of here. Ok?" He was patting my arm, and being very reassuring. He did conduct a very thorough search for the 'cat' even though I tried to explain it was his little brother
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 14, 2013, 06:10:54 AM
LOL!!! That is hilarious! And very sweet!

And Slarti, your girls are beautiful! :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: esteban on February 14, 2013, 08:14:50 AM
My ODD (7) had a minor ear infection this weekend, and spent Monday home from school.  Tuesday she got home, opene the door and walked in.  She looked up at us looking a bit worse for wear (I don't think she was feeling 100% yet) and said "I need a drink" in a way that sounded exactly like a middle aged woman home from a hard day of work.

Mrs. Deadbody and I cracked up, and she looked at us like we were crazy.  "My throat is sore and I need some water" she explained unprompted.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: RebeccainGA on February 14, 2013, 02:15:59 PM
My niece is with us for a day or so, and she arrived chatting like a magpie. She was telling us about something to do with an (imaginary, I assume, since no one has mentioned any new pets) new kitten, and out of the blue announces "I want to go to a Japanese steak house for dinner so they can cook in front of us!" As far as anyone (mom, grandparents, etc. - basically the three adults that are her combined 100% caregivers) can say, she's never been to one, and never seen one on TV.

The child scares us all sometimes.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on February 16, 2013, 10:28:03 PM
My 13yo, in the tone of a mad, evil scientist bent on taking over the world, while the small dogs were following him around the house...

"Come, my army of tiny dogs!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elisabunny on February 17, 2013, 05:45:01 PM
A few years ago, we were transferring some dry grass to the barn to suppliment the goats' feed.  YS (probably about 10 at the time) while carrying his pitchfork said, "Look!  I'm an angry mob!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on February 17, 2013, 05:54:31 PM
From DD today: "When I grow up I'm gonna be a fireman, a policeman, a alligator, or a mommy."

It's good to have goals.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on February 17, 2013, 06:17:00 PM
A few years ago, we were transferring some dry grass to the barn to suppliment the goats' feed.  YS (probably about 10 at the time) while carrying his pitchfork said, "Look!  I'm an angry mob!"

Haha! How clever!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on February 17, 2013, 06:17:43 PM
Potty-training is not going well at our house. My son knows all the mechanics, but nothing is working to get him to keep his pants dry. After changing yet another pair of dirty pants today, I asked him, "what is it going to take to get you to keep your underpants dry?"

He looked at me solemnly and answered, "a long time."
For my nephew 3 at the time it was skiing lessons. He wanted to ski with his sister and cousins - but no ski lessons if you aren't potty trained.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Tashigi on February 18, 2013, 02:04:36 AM
*Names changed for politeness

I was over at a classmate's house when an evening's cocktail hour was winding down and it was bedtime for his four children. I have to note that I'm not well-acquainted with his children and I'm not very, er, comfortable around children, period. Two other people who were regular guests at the house were still around and we were nursing one last call night caps and chatting about random things.

Then, from the top of the stairs, I hear his oldest daughter say to her siblings, "Tashigi is the one who isn't Mike or Stella. Tashigi's the other one."

I couldn't help it. I cackled hysterically and it took me a good few moments to collect myself.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 18, 2013, 11:32:42 AM
LOL!

That reminds me of the first time my bff stayed with us.  I should note that while she never had kids of her own (on purpose) she definitely has a way with them, a bit like either Mary Poppins, Nanny McPhee or Supernanny.  She's very good at making herself heard and getting kids to listen to her, sometimes just with the right tone of voice.  She can be loud too.   My older two liked her and honestly listened to her more than they tended to listen to me at the time.

Anyway, one night we sent them up to bed at their usual bed time and tucked them in but we could hear the second child still running his mouth and playing around, clearly NOT in his bed.  DH barked up the stairs "Pirateboy2, GO TO BED!!!" Cue scurrying of feet and the sound of him getting in bed. I went up to make sure he was in bed and he said "Mom, was that dad or Auntie?" LOL!

I told DH and bff that when I came down and they both laughed.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on February 18, 2013, 02:06:27 PM
Ten year old niece about my dogs, "They're just so cute I can't stand it!"  Note, this is about the millionth time she's seen them.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on February 18, 2013, 02:24:35 PM
DS (almost 3) and I were out and about when he spotted a heavily bearded man. Cue an excited shout of, "Mommy! Is that JESUS?!" I hastily shushed him while trying not to bust out laughing.

He also likes to use the phrase "Oh my gracious", except that he can't pronounce gracious. It always comes out "Squay-shussss" and it cracks me up when he uses it.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on February 18, 2013, 03:22:50 PM
My 10 year old son and my 10 year  old brother, talking about who would be what Angry Birds character if everybody in their lives were Angry Birds:

<Older Brother> would have to be king pig because he's just mean.

It really was everything I could do to keep from laughing.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: booklover03 on February 18, 2013, 07:31:29 PM
My 13yo, in the tone of a mad, evil scientist bent on taking over the world, while the small dogs were following him around the house...

"Come, my army of tiny dogs!"


Hahahaha! I just love this! I needed a laugh and this really did it, lol.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: AfleetAlex on February 22, 2013, 01:12:27 PM
A few years ago, we were transferring some dry grass to the barn to suppliment the goats' feed.  YS (probably about 10 at the time) while carrying his pitchfork said, "Look!  I'm an angry mob!"

I'm practically in tears laughing at my desk! Thanks, I needed that on a snowy Friday.  :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on February 22, 2013, 05:59:45 PM
Today was errands day, and as I was unloading the kids at Target, DS told his sister to leave her baby in the car, because we don't bring toys into the store. I was chatting with him and asked how did he get so smart.

DS: Well, you just teached me lots of things. And church teached me stuff, and Steve (from preschool) teached me too.
Me: Oh yeah, what did Steve teach you?
DS: Um, that boogers are yucky.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: parrot_girl on February 22, 2013, 08:11:43 PM
One from my DD, a few years ago when she was two.
She found an old phone, not connected or anything, and held it to her ear and had the following conversation::
"Meow? Oh, meow! Meow meow meow. Meeeow, meow... oh, meow."
Then she looked at us and said "I talkin to da pussytat" and turned her back and wandered off, still saying "Meow. Meow meow meooow..."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on February 22, 2013, 11:23:33 PM
My husband loves to play this game with the kids where he pretends he's going to take a nap, and he needs a pillow and a blanket (or both).  If the kids don't run away quickly enough, he snags them to stuff under his head for a pillow or to drape across him as a blanket.  If they *do* run away quickly enough, they usually come back and stand close enough to be caught, because they love this game.  So, today, he started this when only my oldest, Emily, was around.  He lay down on the couch and said he was sleepy and was going to take a nap, and he needed a pillow.  So Emily immediately came running over and climbed on him, draping herself over him like a blanket.  He said, "I don't need a blanket, I need a pillow!"  And Emily said, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"  This is apparently a phrase that the kids hear a *lot* in a program they go to, because they're always saying it but didn't get it from us.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on February 23, 2013, 12:54:44 AM
My husband loves to play this game with the kids where he pretends he's going to take a nap, and he needs a pillow and a blanket (or both).  If the kids don't run away quickly enough, he snags them to stuff under his head for a pillow or to drape across him as a blanket.  If they *do* run away quickly enough, they usually come back and stand close enough to be caught, because they love this game.  So, today, he started this when only my oldest, Emily, was around.  He lay down on the couch and said he was sleepy and was going to take a nap, and he needed a pillow.  So Emily immediately came running over and climbed on him, draping herself over him like a blanket.  He said, "I don't need a blanket, I need a pillow!"  And Emily said, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"  This is apparently a phrase that the kids hear a *lot* in a program they go to, because they're always saying it but didn't get it from us.

Hahah! My four year old says this all the time. I don't think she got it from us, either.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 27, 2013, 12:30:22 PM
Babybartfast (age 4 1/2) was at a new play center recently.  When I picked her up she proudly announced to me "I made a new friend and he's a BOY and we played doctor!"

I froze for a second before asking "Oh, how did you play that?"

Turns out "playing doctor" means they argued about who had to be sick and who got to fly the helicopter  8)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: RebeccainGA on February 27, 2013, 12:33:33 PM
Babybartfast (age 4 1/2) was at a new play center recently.  When I picked her up she proudly announced to me "I made a new friend and he's a BOY and we played doctor!"

I froze for a second before asking "Oh, how did you play that?"

Turns out "playing doctor" means they argued about who had to be sick and who got to fly the helicopter  8)
Now my cube neighbors wonder why I'm choking - it's the effects of diet coke through the nose. LOL!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 27, 2013, 12:44:18 PM
LOL!!! That would give me pause too, Slarti!

Last night I had a basket of laundry (it's a big round orange tub with rope handles that we originally got to hold Halloween candy) sitting in the living room that I'd folded but not yet distributed to the proper rooms.  The pirate babe (almost 16 months) likes to drag that around or push it around.  Last night he was pulling it across the room when I said "Where are you taking it now, buddy?"

He stopped, looked down into it and said "Ummmm..." That just cracked me up the way he said that, like he hadn't even thought of where he was taking it and now had to think of an answer.

A few minutes earlier I asked my middle child if he had checked the babe's diaper when he got him out of his crib.  He said no and the babe gave a gasping "OHHHH!!" Like how kids will do in a class when called out by a teacher. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on February 27, 2013, 12:49:38 PM
Babybartfast (age 4 1/2) was at a new play center recently.  When I picked her up she proudly announced to me "I made a new friend and he's a BOY and we played doctor!"

I froze for a second before asking "Oh, how did you play that?"

Turns out "playing doctor" means they argued about who had to be sick and who got to fly the helicopter  8)

I don't know if you keep a baby book (or some other kind of journal) for your child, but if you do PLEASE go right now and add this to it before you forget.  This is one of the cutest and funniest things I've ever heard.  She doesn't see the humor in it at 4 1/2, but when she's 24 1/2 she'll love knowing about this conversation.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on February 27, 2013, 01:40:18 PM
Babybartfast (age 4 1/2) was at a new play center recently.  When I picked her up she proudly announced to me "I made a new friend and he's a BOY and we played doctor!"

I froze for a second before asking "Oh, how did you play that?"

Turns out "playing doctor" means they argued about who had to be sick and who got to fly the helicopter  8)

I don't know if you keep a baby book (or some other kind of journal) for your child, but if you do PLEASE go right now and add this to it before you forget.  This is one of the cutest and funniest things I've ever heard.  She doesn't see the humor in it at 4 1/2, but when she's 24 1/2 she'll love knowing about this conversation.

This thread pretty much IS my baby book of cute sayings, honestly  :P  It spans back three years, to when Babybartfast was 1 1/2 and just starting to say/do really cute stuff, so every once in a while I do a search for my posts on this thread and have a laugh as I say "Ooh yeah, I forgot that one!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on February 27, 2013, 02:41:29 PM
Babybartfast (age 4 1/2) was at a new play center recently.  When I picked her up she proudly announced to me "I made a new friend and he's a BOY and we played doctor!"

I froze for a second before asking "Oh, how did you play that?"

Turns out "playing doctor" means they argued about who had to be sick and who got to fly the helicopter  8)

I don't know if you keep a baby book (or some other kind of journal) for your child, but if you do PLEASE go right now and add this to it before you forget.  This is one of the cutest and funniest things I've ever heard.  She doesn't see the humor in it at 4 1/2, but when she's 24 1/2 she'll love knowing about this conversation.

This thread pretty much IS my baby book of cute sayings, honestly  :P  It spans back three years, to when Babybartfast was 1 1/2 and just starting to say/do really cute stuff, so every once in a while I do a search for my posts on this thread and have a laugh as I say "Ooh yeah, I forgot that one!"

Me too :)

Today I got a text from Sis asking if I could watch Niece for her. So I told DS that we didn't have time to color silly masks because we have to go pick up his Cousin. He ran through the house whopping and making all kinds of commotion. Then he ran into his sister's room and yelled, "Cousin needs us. Cousin needs us. You have to get up, didn't you hear? Cousin NEEDS us!" Then he tore out of there and ran downstairs to get his socks/shoes on chanting "Quick! To the Super Van!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on February 28, 2013, 06:40:02 PM
I just reread through this entire thread because I needed some cheering up! It worked.

A couple from my youngest nephew, from when he was about 2.

Someone (presumably our other brother?) taught him to answer the question, "What kind of golfer is Daddy?" with "Hacker."

At about the same time he was learning about penises, and when my brother told him no, Mommy doesn't have a penis, he asked, "Man took it?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on February 28, 2013, 07:27:58 PM
On the topic of "playing doctor", my daughter, niece, and son (ages 7, 6, and 4) are obsessed with babies since we have a few family members expecting.

One day they were playing baby-in-the-belly (their word) running around with stuffed animals in their shirts. My mom noticed that DD's baby was wriggling. Turns out she had our cat in there! I don't know how she managed that, but he looked pretty comfy.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on February 28, 2013, 07:52:35 PM
Youngest DS is currently confined to a wheelchair.  Oldest DS was being a bit of a jerk and standing far enough into the yard that the little one couldn't get to him.  The little one finally gets frustrated and says "If you don't stop I'm going to put this thing in four wheel drive and beat you up!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Rohanna on March 03, 2013, 08:16:06 AM
My younger son currently has burn dressings from a restaurant coffee incident (thank you, waiter, for putting boiling coffee in front of a baby....).

I got my 4 year old to help me change him this morning by holding his hands up so he didn't get any poop on his dressings. After 10 seconds or so I get "Mummy, I'm only doing this cause I love Brother, cause HE STINKS".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on March 03, 2013, 08:38:23 AM
Brett told Sis they needed to move some things in the backyard to make room for a tiger and lion cage. His cousin wants a falcon and grappling hook. We can't wait to see what the two of them get up to next time we are all at the farm together. (They do know they aren't allowed to try and catch the alligators and to leave the Bald Eagle pair and their nest alone.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on March 03, 2013, 10:16:51 AM
10 year old brother to 10 year old son:  "You need brake lights and turn signals on that thing!"

Said as son made a sudden stop and turn which made brother trip and fall into son's wheelchair.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: rose red on March 03, 2013, 11:03:50 AM
3 year old almost finish the entire long stick of hard candy.  Put the last bite down and said "I don't like it."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Sheila Take a Bow on March 03, 2013, 01:29:00 PM
My 4-year-old daughter: "All this growing up is keeping me from doing the things that I like."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Softly Spoken on March 03, 2013, 08:37:36 PM
My 4-year-old daughter: "All this growing up is keeping me from doing the things that I like."

I think we all find ourselves saying this, if only to ourselves, at least once a year...every year of our lives. ::)

Sheila your daughter is wise. ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on March 03, 2013, 09:25:55 PM
My 2.5-year-old is going through a stage that all of my kids have gone through, so far, in which she gets freaked out at any little bits of dirt or fuzz in the bathtub.  Like the lint that sometimes gets stuck to their toes when they take their socks off.  So she was upset and crying, telling me, "There's a bug in the bath!"

Me: "It's not a bug.  It's just fuzz.  Like from your socks."

Charlotte: "There's a sock in the bath!"

Me: <sigh>
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MonteCristo on March 04, 2013, 11:04:40 AM
My baby sister got one of those little kiddie computers as a present when she was about 5 years old.  Now, she had been playing on a regular computer since she was an infant, so she's pretty familiar with it.  She came running up to me with the little computer and said, "look at this ridiculous computer, they didn't even put the keys in the right place." I tried to explain to her that they put them in alphabetical order, but she insisted that the person who made the computer must not have ever seen a computer in his life or he would know the proper way to put the keys.  She complained for about a week that nobody could write anything on it with the keys all mixed up.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on March 04, 2013, 06:05:26 PM
My 4 year old just hollered from the bathroom: " I found two dollars!"
I shouted back that those are my dollars, and leave them alone.
 He singsonged back "finder keepers, losers sleepers"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 04, 2013, 06:18:07 PM
The 3 boys were outside and the littlest one tripped and got a minor scratch on his forehead, which led to Pirateboy2 starting to fuss over him. 

PB2: I think I saw a crater!!
Me: There's no crater, tis but a scratch!
PB2: But what if all the things that's happened to him (minor typical toddler bonks on the noggin from tripping) he ends up...you know!
Me: Let me put it this way.  You had just as many bonks on the noggin at his age and look at you now!
PB2: Oh no, poor Piratebabe!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on March 04, 2013, 08:11:41 PM
My father took all the boys and went way out in the back part of the property for a campfire tonight.  I hiked out there to check on them and make sure Dad didn't need anything.  I asked how things were going and Dad told me they were doing one of those chain stories and were having quite the good time.  My 10 year old brother pipes up, "but he won't let us use nuclear weapons!".

Oh, dear.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 04, 2013, 10:32:29 PM
Don't think I've shared this one before. BG: Late great-uncle was a Catholic priest and so at times he would say mass in my grandparent's living room.   In the Catholic church, children do not take the Eucharist until they've had their first communion, usually at age 8 (2nd grade)

Well once when my youngest uncle was about 3 or 4, Uncle W was giving out the Eucharist and Uncle Bud kept following him around, tugging on his cassock saying "Uncle W, Uncle W, you forgot me!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 05, 2013, 07:03:56 PM
Today for lunch I made a tasty tuna and cheese sandwich from a recipe I found on Pinterest that, instead of using mayo, uses Greek yogurt with a bit of Worcestershire sauce.  VERY good.

Well the Pirate babe had finished his lunch but since apparently he has a bottomless stomach, he came over to the trunk we use as a coffee table and leaned on his elbows, his chin resting on his little fist and big blue eyes fixed on my sandwich.  He straightened up and giggled (he knows he's cute) then bent over again and this time rested his chin on both fists, smiling at my sandwich. 

He kept doing that until I finally let him have a bit of it.  He loved it, to judge by he was devouring it but when I asked him "Do you like it?" he was shaking his head.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on March 05, 2013, 10:36:49 PM
Today for lunch I made a tasty tuna and cheese sandwich from a recipe I found on Pinterest that, instead of using mayo, uses Greek yogurt with a bit of Worcestershire sauce.  VERY good.

Well the Pirate babe had finished his lunch but since apparently he has a bottomless stomach, he came over to the trunk we use as a coffee table and leaned on his elbows, his chin resting on his little fist and big blue eyes fixed on my sandwich.  He straightened up and giggled (he knows he's cute) then bent over again and this time rested his chin on both fists, smiling at my sandwich. 

He kept doing that until I finally let him have a bit of it.  He loved it, to judge by he was devouring it but when I asked him "Do you like it?" he was shaking his head.

Such a charmer!  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: pwv on March 18, 2013, 02:14:11 PM
My niece's husband had to go out of town last week and she asked me to spend the week with her (I live several hours away) and take her kids to preschool and pick them up.  In between I could do whatever.  Her DH came home Thursday evening and after dinner I had the following conversation with her 4yo.

DD - pwv are you going to grandma's house now?
me - no, I'm going tomorrow
DD - well, daddy's home now, so you can go tonight, we don't need you anymore.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on March 18, 2013, 02:49:15 PM
I took my son out for his birthday yesterday. He turned 3 and I wanted to do something special just the two of us. Unfortunately he was in a really odd mood and was not really pleased with anything. The restaurant gave him a free ice cream sundae, at which point he told me "I don't want it to be my birthday because I don't want ice cream."

Well, dang. What kid not only does not want it to be their birthday, but does not want ice cream either?

(He also later told me he was not having fun and did not want a birthday surprise. I really do not understand small children. At all.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on March 18, 2013, 03:51:21 PM
Some people just don't like ice cream.  My middle child once pouted because ice cream was the dessert of choice for birthdays when what he really wanted was strawberry cheesecake.  I can't remember if that was his 5th or 6th birthday, but I do know we wound up going to the Cheesecake Factory that night.

I hope your son is in a better mood today, and happy late birthday to him!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on March 18, 2013, 05:45:37 PM
DD (3) was fascinated at Thanksgiving and again at Christmas with all the toasts at dinner.  So she wanted to learn how to give a toast (after we explained that it's called that and sometimes bread is called that, but you don't propose "bread").  We told her first you lift your glass and say "I propose a toast" and then something complimentary, something you like or appreciate.  Then clink and drink.

Here is a typical DD toast:

DD (lifting her cup): I propose a toast!
DH and I lift our cups and wait...
DD (thinking hard and scanning the table):  I like ... carrots!

We usually cut her off at three toasts, or we'd never get to eat.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MrsJWine on March 18, 2013, 05:59:53 PM
Hahah! I actually just laughed out loud.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 18, 2013, 07:26:13 PM
I made chocolate chocolate chip cookies today with Irish cream creamer.  Offered one to middle child who says "I don't like chocolate cookies." Guess what he ate when we came home from choir practice? The Tagalongs someone sent home with us.  Yeah, chocolate cookies with peanut butter filling.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on March 18, 2013, 07:32:00 PM

My niece's husband had to go out of town last week and she asked me to spend the week with her (I live several hours away) and take her kids to preschool and pick them up.  In between I could do whatever.  Her DH came home Thursday evening and after dinner I had the following conversation with her 4yo.

DD - pwv are you going to grandma's house now?
me - no, I'm going tomorrow
DD - well, daddy's home now, so you can go tonight, we don't need you anymore.

My grandmother used to love to tell on one of my cousins, who would greet her when she visited with a big, bright, "HI, Grammie! When you goin' home?"

Of course, what she meant was "How long are we going to have the pleasure of your company?" Her version was just more efficient syllable-wise -- if less tactful.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on March 19, 2013, 02:34:18 PM
I made chocolate chocolate chip cookies today with Irish cream creamer.  Offered one to middle child who says "I don't like chocolate cookies." Guess what he ate when we came home from choir practice? The Tagalongs someone sent home with us.  Yeah, chocolate cookies with peanut butter filling.

I hope he grows out of it or he may wind up engaged to a woman who is driven nuts by that behavior.  I seriously don't know whether the Eagle likes mac and cheese or not, as it changes depending on his mood.  I have started to call him out on it, though, and it's helping.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on March 19, 2013, 03:14:10 PM
Babybartfast's swim lesson was canceled yesterday due to a thunderstorm.  Since we were the only ones who showed up, her teacher pulled out some safety equipment (inflatable raft, life jackets, etc.) and did a little indoor class on water safety.  She was explaining about always wearing life jackets, not going out on the water in thunderstorms, not running when around bodies of water, etc.  After a nice little talk about how to be safe on a boat and leading up to "stay near your adult," she asked Babybartfast "Can you think of anything else that's dangerous?"  Babybartfast thought for a moment and answered "Dinosaurs!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 19, 2013, 03:21:40 PM
I made chocolate chocolate chip cookies today with Irish cream creamer.  Offered one to middle child who says "I don't like chocolate cookies." Guess what he ate when we came home from choir practice? The Tagalongs someone sent home with us.  Yeah, chocolate cookies with peanut butter filling.

I hope he grows out of it or he may wind up engaged to a woman who is driven nuts by that behavior.  I seriously don't know whether the Eagle likes mac and cheese or not, as it changes depending on his mood.  I have started to call him out on it, though, and it's helping.

Me too. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dr. F. on March 19, 2013, 09:01:06 PM
Babybartfast's swim lesson was canceled yesterday due to a thunderstorm.  Since we were the only ones who showed up, her teacher pulled out some safety equipment (inflatable raft, life jackets, etc.) and did a little indoor class on water safety.  She was explaining about always wearing life jackets, not going out on the water in thunderstorms, not running when around bodies of water, etc.  After a nice little talk about how to be safe on a boat and leading up to "stay near your adult," she asked Babybartfast "Can you think of anything else that's dangerous?"  Babybartfast thought for a moment and answered "Dinosaurs!"

*dies of cuteness!*
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on March 20, 2013, 05:32:16 PM
Babybartfast's swim lesson was canceled yesterday due to a thunderstorm.  Since we were the only ones who showed up, her teacher pulled out some safety equipment (inflatable raft, life jackets, etc.) and did a little indoor class on water safety.  She was explaining about always wearing life jackets, not going out on the water in thunderstorms, not running when around bodies of water, etc.  After a nice little talk about how to be safe on a boat and leading up to "stay near your adult," she asked Babybartfast "Can you think of anything else that's dangerous?"  Babybartfast thought for a moment and answered "Dinosaurs!"

*dies of cuteness!*

In her defense, there were some pretty ferocious aquatic dinosaurs.
And crocodiles are often compared to dinosaurs, and they are most definitely dangerous!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dr. F. on March 20, 2013, 06:16:09 PM
A third-hand story, from work when we were trying to get the teleconferencing system working (and thus, sitting around joking while IT worked...).

One of the people in the meeting told a story of a friend of theirs showing flashcards with numbers on them to their small child.

They got up to eleven. When dad asked kid what that card said, the child responded, very firmly, "Pause!".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on March 20, 2013, 08:34:24 PM
A third-hand story, from work when we were trying to get the teleconferencing system working (and thus, sitting around joking while IT worked...).

One of the people in the meeting told a story of a friend of theirs showing flashcards with numbers on them to their small child.

They got up to eleven. When dad asked kid what that card said, the child responded, very firmly, "Pause!".

Haha!

That reminds me of something I did as a child if which I am constantly reminded. I, while learning to read, always referred to Ohio as O-H-10 because of how it was written on road signs in all caps.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on March 20, 2013, 09:10:49 PM
I can't decide if this belongs here or in "things you shouldn't laugh at", but since my kid said it...

Oldest DS was in a morphine haze last night.  Suddenly, at about 2am, he bolted upright and got really upset because he "forgot to give the turtle a bath".  We don't have, and have never had, a pet turtle.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 20, 2013, 09:15:17 PM
One of my cousins, when he was very little but old enough to speak (2, I think) called McDonalds E-I-E-I.

Once, when out to lunch in a restaurant, a waitress was being charmed by Pirateboy1 who was about 20-21 months old.  She said "OH you're so cute, can I take you home with me?"  Jokingly, of course.  He looked up at her, held up his hand and shook his head and said "No."  I guess you had to be there but it was pretty cute. :) 

Another time he was maybe a year old and we were at an Outback with some friends and every single time the manager passed by our table, this child gave her a huge dimpled grin, batted his blue eyes and just turned on every ounce of charm.  As we were paying the check and she came by, he held his arms out to her for a hug.   The child actually had an almost frightening lack of fear when it came to strangers.   My middle son as a toddler was also quite a charmer and friendly but as he got older he got a bit more shy. 

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on March 20, 2013, 09:15:41 PM
I can't decide if this belongs here or in "things you shouldn't laugh at", but since my kid said it...

Oldest DS was in a morphine haze last night.  Suddenly, at about 2am, he bolted upright and got really upset because he "forgot to give the turtle a bath".  We don't have, and have never had, a pet turtle.

The Turtle You Never Had is a lucky turtle indeed!  I've been told by reliable sources that they're not fond of nice sudsy baths!   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on March 20, 2013, 10:25:50 PM
One of my cousins, when he was very little but old enough to speak (2, I think) called McDonalds E-I-E-I.

My friend Roger had a nephew (cousin?) about that age. When his mother would tell him "Roger's coming over," he'd respond, "Turn TV on!" He heard Roger and thought "Mister Rogers."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on March 21, 2013, 07:53:22 PM
My 18 month old granddaughter was doing something I didn't want her to be doing. I gave her an angry face and said "Ava, you need to stop that right now."

he looks at me for a second, and then you could see that she was thinking on how to get out of this trouble. Her eyes got a teeny gleam in them and she gives me the cutest and biggest smile.

It was all I could do to not laugh.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 22, 2013, 08:15:42 AM
LOL!!! They know they're cute, don't they?

I remembered one just now that's funny.   My father has a twin brother who married a woman who is very similar in looks to my mother but they are not related other than being SILs.  When my cousin was about 5 and figuring out what it meant to be twins, he said "Mommy, daddy and uncle are twins, right, and that means they came out of Grandma's tummy at the same time."  My aunt confirmed this and he thought for a moment.

Then he said "Well then whose tummy did you and aunt come out of?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jules1980 on March 23, 2013, 09:54:05 PM
When BabyB was just a few days old, BabyJ was having a very bad day that finally culminated in a meltdown.  We had to call in grandma for re-enforcement.  Finally, after she was somewhat calmed down, she turned to her Grandma and said, "I'm really upset that BabyB didn't come out a four years old.  I really wanted him to be able to play."  Then back into meltdown mode.  This probably wouldn't have been so funny if not for the fact that everyone had been telling her for months that he wasn't going to come ready to play.  She just thought if she believed it hard enough, we would be wrong.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: blueyzca01 on March 26, 2013, 12:34:45 PM


My grandmother used to love to tell on one of my cousins, who would greet her when she visited with a big, bright, "HI, Grammie! When you goin' home?"

Of course, what she meant was "How long are we going to have the pleasure of your company?" Her version was just more efficient syllable-wise -- if less tactful.  :)
[/quote]

Wow, I did the same thing!  My standard greeting for my mom's sisters (she has 7) was, "Hi Aunt whoever!!  I'm so happy to see you.  Now, when are you leaving?"

Thank diety a couple of them finally told Mom what I was saying...they were getting their feelings hurt.  Fortunately, Mom was able to explain that I was just mentally mapping out and planning the time I had left with each one.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on March 26, 2013, 04:15:12 PM
I remember asking my grandparents when they were leaving, but was hoping it wouldn't be for a while, as I adored them. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on March 29, 2013, 06:34:55 PM
When my husband was small, he visited his grandparents very often. When he was 5, he was staying with them for an extended period and his grandfather was making lunch. DH saw his grandpa take a can out of the cabinet, then use the can opener to open it.

DH could smell fish, and he told his grandpa, "Can't eat cat food, grandpa, gotta eat meat!"

DH is in his 40's and that is still a favorite reminder his aunts and uncles love to tease him with.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Coralreef on April 02, 2013, 01:16:05 PM
DS was about 3 at the time.  My brother's name is Donald.  I was talking to brother on the phone and he asked to speak to DS.  I hand the phone over and there is a short conversation, but my son was elated. He just talked to Mr.McDonald, of fast food chain fame. 

DD was about 4.  She wanted to go to a favourite restaurant of ours, but couldn't remember the name.  She described it as "the chicken with the red hair", as per their logo.  Clear enough and the name stuck, this is what the whole family calls that restaurant for the last 20 years.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Doll Fiend on April 02, 2013, 02:18:39 PM
Don't have any children but have had many laughs from this thread! Thank you all for sharing!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CrochetFanatic on April 02, 2013, 03:02:41 PM
Picture it: a family with two children under the age of three, and four very gassy dogs.  One of the last times we visited, my mom waved a hand in front of her nose and said, "Man, those dogs stink..."  The two-year-old got a wicked grin on her face, and said, "Gotcha!  It wasn't the dogs!~"  Which was followed by her turning her back and wiggling her butt.  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Tierrainney on April 04, 2013, 04:30:31 PM
My youngest just announced after rolling a ball past the cat:

"and the cat was like, done that, been there."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: pwv on April 12, 2013, 05:46:17 PM
This happened a number of years ago when my oldest niece was about 4 years old.

When I got to their house for Easter dinner, she ran in and gave me a hug, then ran into the dining room, returning with an Easter basket.  She sat down with me and showed me the egg she had decorated for me.  She showed me the jelly beans that were under the grass and pointed out that I had *two* chocolate marshmallow bunnies.  She then looked at me and said "Now remember pwv, you have to share."

From the other room I heard her mother say "no DD, pwv does not have to share."  She had apparently eaten both her bunnies and tried to get to her younger sister's bunnies as well;  but she just knew that I would let her have mine.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on April 12, 2013, 07:24:43 PM
You reminded me of my niece when we went out to buy chocolate. There was a shop a couple of towns over that my mother liked, so we all piled in the car and went. B bought dark chocolate turtles with her allowance, and I bought all milk chocolate. B thinks everyone should love dark chocolate (my buying milk prompted a 'But, why?'). As we were sampling our treats, she said , Aunty, would you like to try my dark chocolate? You should!' 'Well ok, then...' 'Okay, then, here, lick these fingers!'  :D :D :D I thought my Dad would drive up a tree!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on April 15, 2013, 12:45:53 AM
A good friend of mine just had a baby girl a few weeks ago. Her next youngest is 6, and she was talking to him about the new baby and where the new baby will sleep, and how the baby was in her stomach, but she would go to the hospital and Baby would be born, then come home. After several such conversations, her 6yo had an epiphany and one day exclaimed: "you mean the Baby is going to come out NAKED!" Totally scandalized :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 15, 2013, 09:37:44 AM
Twiggy, your story reminded me of a funny new baby story.

I have difficult pregnancies and early deliveries.  When my oldest was 2, I had my second child, who spent several weeks in NICU.  The following year I had my youngest, who spent 6 months in the NICU.  Finally, the wonderful day came and I was able to bring my third child home.  I was sitting on the couch with the baby and the older two were trying to compete for who got to "hold" the baby.  Oldest son pushed middle son out of the way and said "This is MY baby.  If you want one, mom will have to go to the hospital and get you another one!"

I'm assuming because I didn't have normal pregnancies and was back and forth to the hospital before I delivered (hospitalized bedrest) and then had to go back and forth after they were born to visit in NICU, oldest didn't realize the whole "baby in mommy's tummy" thing and thought a hospital was a place where you could go shop for babies.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Redwing on April 15, 2013, 10:39:48 AM
My husband, daughter, and I were watching Househunters the other night and they were in Miami.  My granddaughter was playing nearby and my husband made a comment about living in Miami. My granddaughter said to me, "Grandma, do you want to live in Grandpa's Ami?"

It took a minute.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 15, 2013, 11:04:49 AM
Not so much something one of my children said, just something the oldest child did that made me and middle pirate laugh.

We live about 3 blocks from the city park, which is a really nice park and is absolutely filled with people on nice days.  There are two playgrounds, a man-made lake with tons of water fowl and large koi. 

Well last week when it was especially warm here, the three of us went up there and on the way home we were walking between the two playgrounds and these two girls who appeared to be pre-teens, 11 or 12, walked past us.  My eldest, as he was walking, started to turn so as to watch them walk past, then looked at myself and his brother laughing at him.

"What?" he asked and blushed when we told him, as apparently he didn't realize he wasn't exactly subtle about it.  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 15, 2013, 12:17:26 PM
Not so much something one of my children said, just something the oldest child did that made me and middle pirate laugh.

We live about 3 blocks from the city park, which is a really nice park and is absolutely filled with people on nice days.  There are two playgrounds, a man-made lake with tons of water fowl and large koi. 

Well last week when it was especially warm here, the three of us went up there and on the way home we were walking between the two playgrounds and these two girls who appeared to be pre-teens, 11 or 12, walked past us.  My eldest, as he was walking, started to turn so as to watch them walk past, then looked at myself and his brother laughing at him.

"What?" he asked and blushed when we told him, as apparently he didn't realize he wasn't exactly subtle about it.  ;)

My little brother just had one of those moments a few weeks ago.  We'd gone to the doughnut shop after church and the adults were having coffee while the kids had their doughnuts and milk.  We were chatting about random stuff and in walks this group of teenage girls dressed like they were headed to the beach.  Little bro just sat there, jaw open, doughnut crumbs falling out of his mouth and stared at the girls as they walked by.  All the adults in the group busted out laughing.  Poor little brother.  He was so embarrassed and tried to pull of the "girls are icky" act.  It didn't work.  Little brother just turned 10 in December, btw.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 15, 2013, 12:25:44 PM
That's hilarious.  My boys have never even tried to pull of the "girls are yucky" act and I don't think they ever actually felt that way.   From the time they were able to notice a pretty female face, they were turning on the charm. 

They also both had "girlfriends" in preschool.  My oldest actually has a girlfriend now, his second official one.  Middle pirate likes girls but is quite shy and socially awkward so has a hard time with appropriately letting his feelings be known. 

Youngest seems to be the same way.  I had him in Target earlier today and there was a young 20 something woman behind us in the checkout and he was leaning over in the cart to see past me to her and gave her a big dimpled grin.  He also does this thing where he cups his chin in his hands, grins, and bats his big blue eyes. 

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 17, 2013, 04:39:34 PM
I always get such a kick out of watching toddlers pretend to talk on the phone, as it's just funny to see them imitate how the adults around them talk on the phone. 

Piratebabe will hold things up to his ear or side of his head and walk around, his free hand waving as he babbles, or he'll lean against things as he talks, shake his head and laugh or say "Ahhhhh" like he suddenly understands what the "other person" has said.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 17, 2013, 05:25:12 PM
I was looking through pictures of the Boston Marathon earlier today. I was specifically looking at the pictures from earlier in the day.  There were a few pictures of the wheelchair racers.  Youngest DS looked at them and got all wide-eyed and said "You mean I can run a marathon one day?  I need to start training now!"  My heart just melted.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 17, 2013, 05:27:36 PM
I was looking through pictures of the Boston Marathon earlier today. I was specifically looking at the pictures from earlier in the day.  There were a few pictures of the wheelchair racers.  Youngest DS looked at them and got all wide-eyed and said "You mean I can run a marathon one day?  I need to start training now!"  My heart just melted.

Awww, now mine's all gooey too! :) Absolutely mmswm's son, go for it! :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 17, 2013, 05:30:31 PM
I was looking through pictures of the Boston Marathon earlier today. I was specifically looking at the pictures from earlier in the day.  There were a few pictures of the wheelchair racers.  Youngest DS looked at them and got all wide-eyed and said "You mean I can run a marathon one day?  I need to start training now!"  My heart just melted.

Awww, now mine's all gooey too! :) Absolutely mmswm's son, go for it! :D

Well, mommy needs to figure out where to get money for a different chair.  His current one was purchased used and isn't in the greatest of shapes.  I'm pretty sure I'll figure out how to get  a chair that's more suitable for racing. There are a couple places that might stock a chair that's suitable for every day use but would stand up to the demands of racing.  Tax refunds are coming....
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 17, 2013, 05:48:24 PM
I was looking through pictures of the Boston Marathon earlier today. I was specifically looking at the pictures from earlier in the day.  There were a few pictures of the wheelchair racers.  Youngest DS looked at them and got all wide-eyed and said "You mean I can run a marathon one day?  I need to start training now!"  My heart just melted.

Awww, now mine's all gooey too! :) Absolutely mmswm's son, go for it! :D

Well, mommy needs to figure out where to get money for a different chair.  His current one was purchased used and isn't in the greatest of shapes.  I'm pretty sure I'll figure out how to get  a chair that's more suitable for racing. There are a couple places that might stock a chair that's suitable for every day use but would stand up to the demands of racing.  Tax refunds are coming....

Go for it!  He can even learn to play basketball, among other sports!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on April 17, 2013, 06:03:17 PM
I always get such a kick out of watching toddlers pretend to talk on the phone, as it's just funny to see them imitate how the adults around them talk on the phone. 

Piratebabe will hold things up to his ear or side of his head and walk around, his free hand waving as he babbles, or he'll lean against things as he talks, shake his head and laugh or say "Ahhhhh" like he suddenly understands what the "other person" has said.

That's so cute (especially the hand waving!). My kids don't have a land line, but they do have what looks like a slimline phone on their wall with a monitor that they use to answer when someone punches in their condo number on the keypad in the lobby. When my granddaughter comes to our house, she runs right to our phone and starts to play with it, answering the door. 'Papa okaeri' (welcome home Papa) 'Mama okaeri' . What cracks me up is when she 'answers' someone making a delivery 'Hai.....hai....sou ne....hai, hai,' (Yes...yes...I see....yes...yes...).
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 17, 2013, 06:18:07 PM
Heehee! How old is she?

My MIL gets such a kick out of watching Piratebabe's mannerisms.  Because our older two were born and lived in California until the youngest was 18 months, she didn't get to see them much when they were as young as this one is. 

She cracked up to see the way he gestures because apparently he makes the same gestures as DH did as a toddler. 

And oh, another thing that cracked me up recently.  I had music on, playing one of my Pandora channels and then I catch the babe doing a Moonwalk, or the closest thing a 17 month old can do as he was walking backwards and bobbing his head.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 17, 2013, 06:31:44 PM
Oh, my goodness, baby moonwalk had to be hysterical!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 17, 2013, 06:36:07 PM
The funniest thing is I have no idea where he picked it up! He's never seen a Michael Jackson video, we don't typically do the dance around the house and he doesn't go to daycare. 

I have got to get it on video.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 17, 2013, 06:59:10 PM
If you do, I'd love to see a link to youtube!  You'd probably have a viral video on your hands!

(And now I'm internet shopping for sport chairs.  I think I need guidance from the physical therapist on what kind of chair would be best for him.  I thought I had it all figured out.  I was wrong.  I didn't realize there were so many options!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on April 17, 2013, 10:44:17 PM
Heehee! How old is she?

My MIL gets such a kick out of watching Piratebabe's mannerisms.  Because our older two were born and lived in California until the youngest was 18 months, she didn't get to see them much when they were as young as this one is. 

She cracked up to see the way he gestures because apparently he makes the same gestures as DH did as a toddler. 

And oh, another thing that cracked me up recently.  I had music on, playing one of my Pandora channels and then I catch the babe doing a Moonwalk, or the closest thing a 17 month old can do as he was walking backwards and bobbing his head.

She was 18 months when she was here at Christmas time playing with the phone. I took video, it was so funny. That, and her dancing around to Mambo #5. Little ones are so much fun, aren't they?  I hope you get video of the moonwalk one day!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 17, 2013, 10:54:23 PM
Emily, age 6: "Mommy, I was reading this book about ancient China, and now I know how to make silk! Can we make silk some day? I could see if we have the right supplies in our craft kit."

Me: "Uh... I guess we can see."

Emily: "Okay, first, we need silk worms."

****

Jenny brought in a flower from outside. She said, "I gave my baby flower a drink, then I put it in the sunshine!" Then she said to the flower, "I'm sorry you lost your hands."

****

Charlotte, age 2: "Mommy! Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy!"

 Me: "Yes, Charlotte?"

Charlotte: "What?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: GreenEyedHawk on April 17, 2013, 11:40:46 PM
Posted on FB by my cousin:

"My sister was babysitting Colin today, and he said to her, "Me want some water!"  Sister replied, "No, we say, *I* want some water."  Colin: "Me want some water!" Sister, "No, we say *I* want some water."  Colin: "No, YOU need some coffee!"

Ahaha kids!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on April 18, 2013, 12:22:59 AM
 :D :D :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Carotte on April 18, 2013, 02:52:07 PM
I watched a todler on the bus the other day, just charming away, he got a young lady to play peak-a-boo with him, it was so cute :)

(And now I'm internet shopping for sport chairs.  I think I need guidance from the physical therapist on what kind of chair would be best for him.  I thought I had it all figured out.  I was wrong.  I didn't realize there were so many options!)

You could try to see if there is any kind of handy-sport club where you live, you son could meet people who play different sport in wheel-chairs and probably know where and how you can get a good chair (there might even be some kind of grant or club discount or something. My dad works for a company that is big on handy-sport support even if they have nothing to do with sport, and I think they have some kind of grant for things like that)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 19, 2013, 08:05:31 PM
My 2-year-old was on the potty today, and I was waiting for her to finish because I was putting her down for her nap.  So I decided to be all cute and affectionate.

I whispered, "Hey, Charlotte, wanna hear a secret?"

"Yes!" she whispered.

So I leaned in really close and whispered, "I love you!"

And she whispered back, "POOP!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on April 19, 2013, 08:09:28 PM
Lol!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on April 19, 2013, 08:10:16 PM
Bahahahahahaha!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 19, 2013, 08:33:36 PM
Two years is my all time favorite age for just this reason. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 19, 2013, 09:20:35 PM
I have a cousin, well two really, who were adopted from Mexico, a brother and sister (different biological parents that is, but adopted into the same family).

One day when he was 5 I believe, and understood that he was adopted, he asked my aunt why his mother put him up for adoption. Aunt told him "Well your mother loved you very much, but she couldn't afford to take care of you so she took you to the orphanage so you could be adopted by someone who could take care of you."   

Well cousin thought a moment and said "Well, can we go to Mexico, find her and give her money so she won't be poor anymore?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on April 19, 2013, 09:25:48 PM
What a sweetheart. Not funny, just sweet. I want to give him a big hug.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 19, 2013, 09:28:25 PM
What a sweetheart. Not funny, just sweet. I want to give him a big hug.

Yeah, it is more sweet than funny.  He wanted to give money to his sister's mother as well but the orphanage didn't know who her mother was, as she was brought by someone else.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Spring Water on Sundays on April 22, 2013, 09:49:43 AM
What a sweetheart. Not funny, just sweet. I want to give him a big hug.

Yeah, it is more sweet than funny.  He wanted to give money to his sister's mother as well but the orphanage didn't know who her mother was, as she was brought by someone else.

What a sweet, thoughtful kid! His parents must be so proud :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 22, 2013, 09:55:14 AM
What a sweetheart. Not funny, just sweet. I want to give him a big hug.

Yeah, it is more sweet than funny.  He wanted to give money to his sister's mother as well but the orphanage didn't know who her mother was, as she was brought by someone else.

What a sweet, thoughtful kid! His parents must be so proud :)

They are.  :) It's hard to believe he's almost 26!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: OSUJillyBean on April 22, 2013, 03:19:48 PM
I am female.  I don't (yet) have little Beans of my own yet but I do have nieces and nephews through my husband's family.

When one of my Nephews was about 3 or 4, he only had Uncles in town (daddy had two brothers).  Once DH and I were married, he continued to call me "Uncle OSUJillyBean" for weeks.  Only he was still working on the "ck" noise and it came out "Untle OSUJillyBean".

Cute cute cute.  ^_^
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 22, 2013, 05:26:59 PM
I homeschool my children.  Right now we're doing some music appreciation studies where I play a minute or two of a famous orchestral work and they're supposed to name the piece and tell me as much as they can about it.  My youngest, who's a month shy of 11, just came out singing this:

This the symphony,
That Schubert wrote and never finished.
This is, it's theme in G,
That's played by violins and cellos,
A mellow instrument.

(All this was sung precisely to the aforementioned "theme in G")

That sounds awfully familiar to a similar tune we used to sing in HS (I went to a boarding school for the performing arts), but I never shared that with the kids, so I'm assuming he found it on youtube or something.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on April 22, 2013, 07:44:56 PM
My DS is very close to my sister and brother in law. About age 8, he started calling them Uncle Amy and Aunt Mark. It has stuck.  ;)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 22, 2013, 08:05:24 PM
My friend shared this one with me earlier this evening.  She works in retail and as her place of employment doesn't require uniforms and are fine with business casual, my friend was wearing a long black skirt with brightly colored sequins and her hair in a bun.  My friend is also 57 and considers herself to be plain. 

This little girl, about three, walks in with her father, spots my friend and squeals "DADDY!!! A PRINCESS!!!!" My friend says "Thank you, do you like princesses?" The child just was so awed by my friends skirt she couldn't speak and then the child's father drew her away for a bit and my friend went up to the front of the store.  The girl spotted her again, ran to her and threw her arms around my friend's legs, hugging her with all her might and said "Oh princess, I want to be just like you! DADDY!! I want to be a princess like her!!" 

The girl's dad was embarrassed, but my friend said to the little girl "You would make a beautiful princess, and I'd be proud to give you princess points too!"   The dad picked up his little girl and thanked my friend for being a good sport, and as they left the child points to my friend saying "Daddy, I want to be a princess just like her!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: reflection5 on April 22, 2013, 08:54:23 PM
When I was about 6 - 7 yrs old, I wanted to be a ballerina so bad I almost couldn’t stand it.  (I never even took dance lessons, but wanted to.  We couldn’t afford it so I practiced on my own and in the mirror.)

One day I was playing with a jar and somehow got my entire hand stuck in the jar.  People tried and could not get it out.  There was also a danger of badly cutting my hand.  I cried REALLY hard and said “ :'( Now I can’t be a ballerina!!  :'(”  (After all, who would want to watch a ballerina dance with her hand stuck in a jar?)

Eventually, a neighbor down the street got my hand unstuck and life went on.  But, the ballerina dream never happened.  And my family teased me for years about the jar incident.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: RebeccainGA on April 23, 2013, 07:54:09 AM
My DS is very close to my sister and brother in law. About age 8, he started calling them Uncle Amy and Aunt Mark. It has stuck.  ;)
We had a pair of relatives we did that to, too - Aunt Junior and Uncle Jean! Outgrew it at about 8, when Junior got touchy about it, but it was done by all of the kids in the family.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: OSUJillyBean on April 23, 2013, 08:50:09 AM
my friend said to the little girl "You would make a beautiful princess, and I'd be proud to give you princess points too!"   The dad picked up his little girl and thanked my friend for being a good sport, and as they left the child points to my friend saying "Daddy, I want to be a princess just like her!"

Now THAT is just cute, sweet, and 100% unfiltered adorable!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on April 23, 2013, 09:28:18 AM
On my sister's Facebook this morning:

As we were heading to school this morning, we saw some of the wild turkeys that reside our neighborhood. They had their plumage fanned out and were so cool. Amy (6) piped up, "Wow! Those look really good to shoot and eat." And then Clint (4) chimed in, "Yeah, the animal turkeys walk around with the food turkeys."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: exitzero on April 23, 2013, 09:35:43 AM
My friend's brother called her 5 year old "Little Girl" one day, which prompted a hands-on-hips, complete diva response of, "I am NOT a little girl, I am a FULL GROWN KID!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 23, 2013, 09:44:12 AM
That reminds me of calling my 2-year-old, the other day, "Pretty."  She said, "I not pretty, I CUTE!"  Oops.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 23, 2013, 09:49:45 AM
my friend said to the little girl "You would make a beautiful princess, and I'd be proud to give you princess points too!"   The dad picked up his little girl and thanked my friend for being a good sport, and as they left the child points to my friend saying "Daddy, I want to be a princess just like her!"

Now THAT is just cute, sweet, and 100% unfiltered adorable!

I agree and when I told the story to DH he about died he was laughing so hard.  The funniest thing about the princess story is that my friend is decidedly NOT the princess type.  She delights in all things witchy.  It tickled her that I had the theme of the Wicked Witch of the West set as her ringtone for a while (now it's Ron's Howler) and the sound of a cackling witch for when she texts me.   

So that this little girl dubbed her a princess and she went along with it tickles me to death.


The corrections of kids reminds me of something one of my aunts was telling me.  She went with her sister and their kids to the beach and when talking to the youngest of the 3 said "Look, it's a bird!" while pointing to the seagull.   My cousin was maybe 2 or 3, looked at aunt and said "Seagull."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: DaisyG on April 23, 2013, 09:54:34 AM
That reminds me of calling my 2-year-old, the other day, "Pretty."  She said, "I not pretty, I CUTE!"  Oops.  :)

That's like when DH was playing with his niece who was 4 at the time. He asked her if she was pretty. She said "no, mummy hasn't done my hair yet".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mal on April 23, 2013, 10:13:42 AM
When I was a wee little Melle - about 5 or 6 years old - my mom often greeted other people with "Hi, how are the kids?".
So there was a moment of stunned silence, followed by a lot of laughter, when we visited friends of hers - a childless couple by choice - and I used just that line to greet them.
Incidentally, nobody ever told me why I was being laughed at and I felt very very uncomfortable :/
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: exitzero on April 23, 2013, 10:21:47 AM
When I was a wee little Melle - about 5 or 6 years old - my mom often greeted other people with "Hi, how are the kids?".
So there was a moment of stunned silence, followed by a lot of laughter, when we visited friends of hers - a childless couple by choice - and I used just that line to greet them.
Incidentally, nobody ever told me why I was being laughed at and I felt very very uncomfortable :/

I remember hearing a story about an African tribe...can't remember which one...where the greeting for everyone is "How are the children?" even if the person you are meeting doesn't have children. It's meant to convey the importance of ALL children to the tribe. Asking how the children are is asking about the general well being of the entire tribe.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Snooks on April 23, 2013, 12:03:14 PM
I was at a museum exhibition about The Titanic and ahead of me were three kids and two adults.  I think the kids might have been cousins because they were all very excited and chatting and getting louder and dashing between exhibits.  One of the adults said to one of the kids "Inside voice please" and she very solemnly turned to one of the other children and said "Of course The Titanic was a dreadful thing".

It made me smile because of the thought process of "Oh no, I'm in trouble, how can I minimise this?  I know act interested in where we are".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on April 23, 2013, 12:38:34 PM
When I'm cooking, the rule is that kids stay out of the kitchen unless they've been invited to help. Of course this rule is largely ignored, so I spend a lot of time shooing them away.  ::)

Apparently I do this a bit too much. I just heard my 2yo DD scolding her baby doll. DD had been playing with a bowl and spoon, mixing and serving food, when she turned to Baby and started waving the spoon yelling "You! Out my kitchen" in her most threatening, high pitched little girl voice. I just about fell over laughing.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on April 23, 2013, 01:04:41 PM
Okay, as mentioned I have 3 boys.  One about to turn 12 on Saturday, one 10.5, the youngest approaching 18m.  Now I can't even tell you how many times I've told the cabin boys to put stuff away they don't want the powder monkey getting into. 

So this morning after they went off to school, powder monkey had his breakfast while I vacuum the living room, let him get down and play.  I hear the sound of paper shaking and "Ohhhhhhh..." like he's just seen something amazing, like the Grand Canyon, a very soft reverent sound.  Then the sound of paper shaking again. I look over and Cabin Boy1's social studies papers are ALL OVER the floor.  They were all graded and nothing damaged, but the look on the Powder Monkey's face was hilarious as he stood there with the red folder in his hand, blue eyes wide and lips pursed while he pointed to this 9th wonder of the world (to him) and says "Whoa!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: guihong on April 23, 2013, 03:59:19 PM
My son's answer on a worksheet for Social Studies: "Martin Luther King came from a long line of pastures".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on April 23, 2013, 04:31:54 PM
I've been working on homework, and keeping half an eye/ear on the kiddos while they play in the room, directly behind me. I heard lots of giggling so I figured all is well. Then I heard the distinctive sound of a velcro diaper tab being pulled off. My naked 4 year old was taking the diaper off his 9mo baby brother while my naked 2yo danced around in a circle. As I spluttered "wha...why?..where are your clothes?" DS looked at me like I'm an idiot and said "we're having naked fun." Then he proceeded to do ninja kicks while DD continued to dance.

Naked fun.....what am I going to do with this child?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on April 23, 2013, 04:33:35 PM
I've been working on homework, and keeping half an eye/ear on the kiddos while they play in the room, directly behind me. I heard lots of giggling so I figured all is well. Then I heard the distinctive sound of a velcro diaper tab being pulled off. My naked 4 year old was taking the diaper off his 9mo baby brother while my naked 2yo danced around in a circle. As I spluttered "wha...why?..where are your clothes?" DS looked at me like I'm an idiot and said "we're having naked fun." Then he proceeded to do ninja kicks while DD continued to dance.

Naked fun.....what am I going to do with this child?

Welcome to the 3 boys club. :D

(Wait, I think your 2yo is a boy, right?)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on April 23, 2013, 04:44:56 PM
I've been working on homework, and keeping half an eye/ear on the kiddos while they play in the room, directly behind me. I heard lots of giggling so I figured all is well. Then I heard the distinctive sound of a velcro diaper tab being pulled off. My naked 4 year old was taking the diaper off his 9mo baby brother while my naked 2yo danced around in a circle. As I spluttered "wha...why?..where are your clothes?" DS looked at me like I'm an idiot and said "we're having naked fun." Then he proceeded to do ninja kicks while DD continued to dance.

Naked fun.....what am I going to do with this child?

Welcome to the 3 boys club. :D

(Wait, I think your 2yo is a boy, right?)

No, 2yo is a girl. But she idolizes her big brother and follows him, doing pretty much every naughty thing he does  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on April 24, 2013, 03:38:02 AM
My son's answer on a worksheet for Social Studies: "Martin Luther King came from a long line of pastures".

My niece, in first or second grade, was going to do a paper on Madame Curie. I promised to listen to her practice, and was treated to a very earnest description of the life of Madame Puree.  :D :D :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on April 24, 2013, 10:07:30 AM
We had a handyman come fix the back door last week.  Babybartfast - ever helpful - earnestly told him if he was hungry he could eat some of the cheerios Bittybartfast had left sitting on the floor - mommy (me) said they're from today so they're okay to eat!

He at least had the grace to turn her down politely  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on April 24, 2013, 10:59:46 AM
We had a handyman come fix the back door last week.  Babybartfast - ever helpful - earnestly told him if he was hungry he could eat some of the cheerios Bittybartfast had left sitting on the floor - mommy (me) said they're from today so they're okay to eat!

He at least had the grace to turn her down politely  :P

Ah, I see she ascribes to the "24 hour rule" of Cheerio-eating.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeEater on May 08, 2013, 05:32:12 PM
I've been working on homework, and keeping half an eye/ear on the kiddos while they play in the room, directly behind me. I heard lots of giggling so I figured all is well. Then I heard the distinctive sound of a velcro diaper tab being pulled off. My naked 4 year old was taking the diaper off his 9mo baby brother while my naked 2yo danced around in a circle. As I spluttered "wha...why?..where are your clothes?" DS looked at me like I'm an idiot and said "we're having naked fun." Then he proceeded to do ninja kicks while DD continued to dance.

Naked fun.....what am I going to do with this child?

So cute. There's nothing more gleeful than a toddler who has escaped from their pants! My two year old has taken to running off as soon as he's dry from the bath and running around the house yelling, 'Nudie nudie!'

His favourite book at the moment is a nativity story book. So I wrapped the towel over his head and around his shoulders the other day and he saw himself in the mirror and said, 'Pretty Mary'. That's a good story to remember for his 21st, right?  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 08, 2013, 05:39:22 PM
And his engagement party!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on May 15, 2013, 05:09:18 PM
4yo DS just came up to me with a BIG PROBLEMtm. Here is our comversation:

DS: Mom, sister keeps coming into my nest.
Me: Your..nest?
DS: yeah, it's a special place I made just for me.
Me:oh
DS: it's in the playroom and it's made of a sleeping towel, and balls, and stuffed animals and everything. And no one is allowed in unless they say my secret code. But it's a lot of words and sister can't say it.
Me: Well, why don't you make an easier code?
DS: but then Sister will come into my nest!
Me: Ok, well, Sister is playing in the living room right now, so I don't think you have to worry about it.
DS: But Mom, I have a problem. I hate to tell you this, but my nest isn't very comfortable and it's unsanitary. I don't want to sleep there, but it's my choice and I just have to do it.
Me:  ??? um, well you don't have to sleep in your nest. How is it unsanitary?
DS: it's just a disaster.
Me: well, I can probably help you reorganize after dinner tonight.
DS: But I love my nest. You can't do it. It will be a disaster.
Me: what do you want here buddy?
DS: ummmm, a popsicle
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: jayhawk on May 15, 2013, 09:22:08 PM
4yo DS just came up to me with a BIG PROBLEMtm. Here is our comversation:

DS: Mom, sister keeps coming into my nest.
Me: Your..nest?
DS: yeah, it's a special place I made just for me.
Me:oh
DS: it's in the playroom and it's made of a sleeping towel, and balls, and stuffed animals and everything. And no one is allowed in unless they say my secret code. But it's a lot of words and sister can't say it.
Me: Well, why don't you make an easier code?
DS: but then Sister will come into my nest!
Me: Ok, well, Sister is playing in the living room right now, so I don't think you have to worry about it.
DS: But Mom, I have a problem. I hate to tell you this, but my nest isn't very comfortable and it's unsanitary. I don't want to sleep there, but it's my choice and I just have to do it.
Me:  ??? um, well you don't have to sleep in your nest. How is it unsanitary?
DS: it's just a disaster.
Me: well, I can probably help you reorganize after dinner tonight.
DS: But I love my nest. You can't do it. It will be a disaster.
Me: what do you want here buddy?
DS: ummmm, a popsicle

This is awesome on about 6 different levels!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeEater on May 16, 2013, 05:25:47 AM
4yo DS just came up to me with a BIG PROBLEMtm. Here is our comversation:

DS: Mom, sister keeps coming into my nest.
Me: Your..nest?
DS: yeah, it's a special place I made just for me.
Me:oh
DS: it's in the playroom and it's made of a sleeping towel, and balls, and stuffed animals and everything. And no one is allowed in unless they say my secret code. But it's a lot of words and sister can't say it.
Me: Well, why don't you make an easier code?
DS: but then Sister will come into my nest!
Me: Ok, well, Sister is playing in the living room right now, so I don't think you have to worry about it.
DS: But Mom, I have a problem. I hate to tell you this, but my nest isn't very comfortable and it's unsanitary. I don't want to sleep there, but it's my choice and I just have to do it.
Me:  ??? um, well you don't have to sleep in your nest. How is it unsanitary?
DS: it's just a disaster.
Me: well, I can probably help you reorganize after dinner tonight.
DS: But I love my nest. You can't do it. It will be a disaster.
Me: what do you want here buddy?
DS: ummmm, a popsicle

Fantastic! It's just a disaster. I'm picturing him saying that kind of regretfully and shaking his head.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on May 16, 2013, 07:22:05 AM
I love his use of the word "unsanitary."  Was that actually what he meant?  My first thought would be freaking out that he'd peed in his nest, or something.  :)

My 6-year-old, Emily, was complaining about how hot it was outside. Me: "You know, (the place we're moving to) will probably tend to be a little warmer, too." Emily: "Warmer??? If it's 100 degrees hotter than here, I'll just die!" Me, laughing: "I didn't say it was going to be 100 degrees hotter!" Her: "I know, I was just exasperating." I love it when little kids try to use big words and get them just a bit wrong. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on May 16, 2013, 09:29:18 AM
My niece, the Sproglet, is right at 18 months. She's getting decent at a few words at a time, but also has her own words. "My" doesn't mean something is hers, it means she wants to watch My Little Ponies, which we watch on Netflix on the PS3. Sproglet also knows what the PS3 controller does (controls the TV). Also, one of her first words was Batman, and she can reliably point out Batman on the DVD shelf.

A few weeks ago my sister was in her room, minding her own business, when Sproglet walked in with the PS3 controller. She handed it to her mom and said "My, mommy. Batman, mommy. Ta-ka (Thank you)." And then walked out to the living room to await the shows to come on.

She's sits really well in the car and is generally in a good mood for car rides.

Sproglet: Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama! (sis didn't hear her the first few times.)
Sis: Yes, my dear?
Sproglet: Cookie, mama?
Sis: (hands her an animal cracker) Here you go.
Sis goes back to singing along with the radio.
Sproglet: Mama. Mama. Mama. MAMA!
Sis: Yes, my dear?
Sproglet: Ta-ka!

She just HAD to get her mama's attention to say thanks.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 18, 2013, 08:21:39 AM
So our vacation officially ended yesterday when I took my friend back to the station and in the week she was here we taught the littlest pirate some new words.  Her first night here we bought some Greek food from a little drive through place and as we sat around the dinner table, we taught him to say "OPA!", complete with throwing his arms up in the air.   He caught on quickly and for the next week he'd just say it whenever he was happy.  At first it sounded like "DADA!!!"  but now it's sounding more like "BABA!!!!!!"

I got a video of him saying it at an Irish restaurant/bar on the boardwalk, Shenanigans. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8YlTi2qn6E
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on May 18, 2013, 12:02:46 PM
He's sure a cute little guy, Pirate!  That's a really fun age. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 18, 2013, 02:40:15 PM
Thanks! :) He is fun and was a wonderful little camper! :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on May 18, 2013, 05:02:41 PM
He's adorable!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: katiescarlett on May 22, 2013, 12:36:51 PM
My nephew, Wade, who is 4, loves watching storm chasers on tv.  His favorite movie is Twister.  Apparently, when he wants to watch actual storm chasers on tv, he differentiates between that and the movie by telling my sister that he wants to watch "toraigos (his pronunciation of tornado, sounds like diego) in the morning."

Suellen (my sis, note the theme here lol?) said he got that because one morning they were watching storm chasers live.

I the little turkey was in seventh heaven watching the tornado coverage for Moore on Monday.  We only live an hour south of Moore, so were glued to the weather stations in case we got anything here.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on May 22, 2013, 02:28:45 PM
My 3 y/o son found a hat my 13 y/o daughter left in the living room, and put it on. He turned to me with a big grin and said,

"I just look so cute in a hat! Now, who's going to take a picture of me?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: norrina on May 22, 2013, 06:03:44 PM
As a little background, I'm a small gal. 5 feet tall exactly. Today I was substitute teaching in a Montessori 3-6 y.o. classroom and one of the 5-6 year olds asked me if I was older than she was. I responded that I was. So she looked me up and down and finally said, "But I don't think you're much older than me, because I'm almost as tall as you."

This was followed by one of the 4 year olds asking me, "You're a grown up?" And when I confirmed that she hugged me around my legs, lay he head against my stomach, and said, "But I'm 4, and I'm up to here on you."

Part of the reason I've always with with pre-k and elementary instead of middle school is because middle schoolers are bigger than me!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on May 22, 2013, 06:31:02 PM
2 yo DD will not sit still to let me brush/fix her beautiful, curly hair.She will, however, sit for up to half an hour and let Daddy comb her hair. She loves wearing hairbows and headbands and admiring her "cute" reflection  :P

This afternoon, about an hour before DH is expected home from work, DD stomped up to me and started griping "where Daddy? Where he go. Daddy sit right here!"
So, I told her that Daddy is still at work, and he'll be home later. At which point DD had a diva level tantrum (divan tantrum as opposed to toddler tantrum) She started talking in a scoldy voice, not screaming/shrieking, but very stern and upset. She said, "Daddy sit here. He do mah hair. Mah coot, coot hair. Where Daddy go?" Then she melted down into a little puddle of despair and I heard a whisper "I want be cooot"

Of course, she still won't let me near her cute, cute hair  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on May 22, 2013, 06:56:37 PM
As a little background, I'm a small gal. 5 feet tall exactly. Today I was substitute teaching in a Montessori 3-6 y.o. classroom and one of the 5-6 year olds asked me if I was older than she was. I responded that I was. So she looked me up and down and finally said, "But I don't think you're much older than me, because I'm almost as tall as you."

This was followed by one of the 4 year olds asking me, "You're a grown up?" And when I confirmed that she hugged me around my legs, lay he head against my stomach, and said, "But I'm 4, and I'm up to here on you."

Part of the reason I've always with with pre-k and elementary instead of middle school is because middle schoolers are bigger than me!

I've always wanted to see a graph of teacher height versus grade taught to see whether it's true that preschool/kindergarten/first grade teachers are, on average, shorter than middle school teachers  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on May 22, 2013, 07:11:26 PM
As a little background, I'm a small gal. 5 feet tall exactly. Today I was substitute teaching in a Montessori 3-6 y.o. classroom and one of the 5-6 year olds asked me if I was older than she was. I responded that I was. So she looked me up and down and finally said, "But I don't think you're much older than me, because I'm almost as tall as you."

This was followed by one of the 4 year olds asking me, "You're a grown up?" And when I confirmed that she hugged me around my legs, lay he head against my stomach, and said, "But I'm 4, and I'm up to here on you."

Part of the reason I've always with with pre-k and elementary instead of middle school is because middle schoolers are bigger than me!

I've always wanted to see a graph of teacher height versus grade taught to see whether it's true that preschool/kindergarten/first grade teachers are, on average, shorter than middle school teachers  :P

Guess I'll be teaching Pre-K then... I'm actually shorter than norrina!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeEater on May 22, 2013, 09:50:49 PM
Gosh, I'm 6 feet tall, so I'd better head to a university!

I think I'll stick with year sevens.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on May 22, 2013, 09:58:38 PM
It isn't just littles that say funny things.  Grandson #2 wanted me to listen to some of his music, and give him a "really honest opinion" about it.  I listened for a short time and then said, "My really, honest opinion?  It sounds like someone is screaming because the pot-and-pan factory just blew up."

And the teenager that I thought would holler "Grandma, it does not!" laughed and said "Good!  It's supposed to sound like that to old people."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: dietcokeofevil on May 22, 2013, 10:17:34 PM
Said by my 5 year old DS at a civil war reenactment: That's Abraham Lincoln!  I thought he was dead.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: katiescarlett on May 22, 2013, 11:38:57 PM
So our vacation officially ended yesterday when I took my friend back to the station and in the week she was here we taught the littlest pirate some new words.  Her first night here we bought some Greek food from a little drive through place and as we sat around the dinner table, we taught him to say "OPA!", complete with throwing his arms up in the air.   He caught on quickly and for the next week he'd just say it whenever he was happy.  At first it sounded like "DADA!!!"  but now it's sounding more like "BABA!!!!!!"

I got a video of him saying it at an Irish restaurant/bar on the boardwalk, Shenanigans. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8YlTi2qn6E

He is absolutely adorable!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 23, 2013, 05:41:12 AM
Thank you!!  He is a cute li'l stinker and I think he knows it.  :) It tickled us that he was saying "OPA" in an Irish restaurant but no one minded! :) I think I need to teach him to say "Slainte" too! :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on May 23, 2013, 10:46:17 AM
My DD is 9 months old, so I don't have any "say" stories, but I do have a funny story about her.

I do Wii Fit at home because it's a good way to get up and moving without leaving the house.  When it doesn't overlap with her naptime, I let DD play around me while I exercise, and she usually has fun watching me dance for her amusement.

One of the things I do is the hula, where--as you might expect--I stand in place and swivel my hips like I'm using a hula hoop.  DD's favorite thing to do now is to grab my pant leg, pull her self up, and giggle like mad while holding on to me while I hula.  (I slow down a bit when she does this, of course.)  I've taken to calling it the baby rodeo.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on May 23, 2013, 06:59:53 PM
That's funny! Have you seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPJQME400TE
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on May 23, 2013, 09:22:29 PM
That's funny! Have you seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPJQME400TE

Adorable!  I could see DD doing that when she's a bit older.  :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 24, 2013, 09:47:15 AM
DS will be 15 on Sunday. I normally make his cakes, but I am booked with school and we have Disney World plans this weekend, so I asked him if he wanted me to order him a cake from a wonderful deli & bakery here (TooJays).

DS: I guess the layer cake
Me: Chocolate Layer (official name)?
DS: Yes, the one with the mouse in between the layers.
Me: Mousse?
DS: No Mom, we say it as mouse!

So I am ordering the cake, and I am also going to find a chocolate mouse to put on the top. He also calls magnolia trees Mongolia trees and mincing is pronounced my-ncing. He is a trip, but the love of my life.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on May 24, 2013, 10:12:43 AM
2 yo DD will not sit still to let me brush/fix her beautiful, curly hair.She will, however, sit for up to half an hour and let Daddy comb her hair. She loves wearing hairbows and headbands and admiring her "cute" reflection  :P

This afternoon, about an hour before DH is expected home from work, DD stomped up to me and started griping "where Daddy? Where he go. Daddy sit right here!"
So, I told her that Daddy is still at work, and he'll be home later. At which point DD had a diva level tantrum (divan tantrum as opposed to toddler tantrum) She started talking in a scoldy voice, not screaming/shrieking, but very stern and upset. She said, "Daddy sit here. He do mah hair. Mah coot, coot hair. Where Daddy go?" Then she melted down into a little puddle of despair and I heard a whisper "I want be cooot"

Of course, she still won't let me near her cute, cute hair  ::)

Aww, that is hilariously adorable.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on May 25, 2013, 04:30:01 AM
tonight DD got into some very bright, neon food coloring. She is highlighter yellow and bright magenta. It's all over her face, arms and leg. When I came into the room and noticed what was going on, DD immediately threw the food coloring as far away from herself as her little 2yo arms could throw. Her faux innocence didn't convince me, so she was forced to take drastic measures. She ran up to Daddy and threw her little arms around him crying "Daddy, I pink! I no be pink. I want be cooot. You brush mah hair. Pweeese?" After her bath, she is still vibrantly pink. She got really upset and scolded Daddy (who got to bathe her since he was supposed to be watching her when she made the mess) "Hey. I pink! *sigh* Need soap Daddy."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on May 26, 2013, 05:30:35 PM
Babybartfast and I were at a birthday party for one of her preschool classmates today - seven girls.  Babybartfast was the only one who wasn't decked out to the nines in a princess outfit (it's something about that age . . .) and the birthday party was at the butterfly house at the local botanical gardens.

So the girls finish eating and a whole group of them hid under the table.  I wandered over and pretended to be surprised when I saw them under there  :P  Babybartfast grumped at me, though: "Mom!  You're not supposed to look under here!  We're being Jedi!"

One of the dads looked at her, looked at me, and gave me a big thumbs-up.  "Is that one yours?  You're an awesome parent!"

(And yes, the girls did play princess-Jedi-butterflies under the table for a while!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Cutenoob on May 26, 2013, 05:56:37 PM
Baby Noob (who's now three!) and I were in the car last week, doing some errands. He was saying something along the lines of "I want to go there and do that and those and this". I said, "No, we have to do this first. That's tough."
Next thing I heard was a sniffle and saw a pouty lip in the rear view mirror. Noob then said, "Mommy you hurt my feewings." It was hard to not chuckle.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 26, 2013, 06:47:44 PM
While on vacation my bff started singing "Strangers in the Night" to the babe and when she got to the "Doo be doo be doo" part, he sang "Doo dooo dododoooooooo!"  Then she started singing "My Way"  and as she sang "I did it my waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!" He sang "Waaaaaaaaaaay!!"

We joked that we're going to get this kid hooked on the Rat Pack.   Even now if someone sings "Doo be doo be dooo" he'll say "Doodeedoodeedoooooo!!!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on May 26, 2013, 07:43:31 PM
For accidental skin dyeing, you can use a little nail polish remover. I would recommend staying away from delicate skin and rinsing after use. YMMV

I dye myself all the time when I am tinting frosting for cake decorating.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on May 29, 2013, 06:17:11 PM
I'm 14 weeks pregnant and already showing, so we explained to DD a little while ago about the new baby growing inside me.  I wasn't even sure she'd get it but oh boy, she's very keen on the idea.  She keeps asking if the baby likes this or that item, food, sound, whatever.  It's cute... to a point.

At dinner a few days ago I decided to have a root beer.
DD: "Mama, what are you drinking? Can I try some?"
Me: "It's root beer, but you wouldn't like it, it's fizzy."
DD: "Ew.  The baby doesn't like it either.  You shouldn't drink it, the baby won't like it."

I'm guessing she'll be a very protective older sister.  And that I'm in for a lot of lectures...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on May 30, 2013, 03:56:25 PM
I'm 14 weeks pregnant and already showing, so we explained to DD a little while ago about the new baby growing inside me.  I wasn't even sure she'd get it but oh boy, she's very keen on the idea.  She keeps asking if the baby likes this or that item, food, sound, whatever.  It's cute... to a point.

At dinner a few days ago I decided to have a root beer.
DD: "Mama, what are you drinking? Can I try some?"
Me: "It's root beer, but you wouldn't like it, it's fizzy."
DD: "Ew.  The baby doesn't like it either.  You shouldn't drink it, the baby won't like it."

I'm guessing she'll be a very protective older sister.  And that I'm in for a lot of lectures...
She may think that because the baby is "in your tummy" that the food you eat just drops into the baby's mouth.   I know my older daughter said she thought that as a preschooler.  Don't remember if I was still pregnant when I explained to her that the baby grows in a "special kind of pocket called a uterus", not your actual stomach.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on May 30, 2013, 05:02:56 PM
My "baby" turned 11 on Saturday. We had his party, including a cake on Friday.  Saturday morning he starts angling to have another birthday cake that night, since it was the actual day of his birthday.  I reminded him he had that the day before and he said that this year he deserved two cakes because 11 was a very special age.  I asked him why and he explained that 11 was a prime number comprised of repeating digits, and that it was the only age to meet that definition that a human was likely to be alive for, as the next number to meet it was 111 and most humans don't live that long.

He got a second birthday cake for sheer pluck.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on May 30, 2013, 05:18:07 PM
Because I learned how to use the video feature on the camera, I present my daughter's extra-dorky giggle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVgN76-RAhc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVgN76-RAhc)

It's not always that dorky.  Sometimes she snorts at the end.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on May 30, 2013, 07:58:29 PM
^^^  OH!  She's adorable.  Nothing is sweeter or cuter than a baby's laughter!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on May 30, 2013, 09:02:40 PM
I'm 14 weeks pregnant and already showing, so we explained to DD a little while ago about the new baby growing inside me.  I wasn't even sure she'd get it but oh boy, she's very keen on the idea.  She keeps asking if the baby likes this or that item, food, sound, whatever.  It's cute... to a point.

At dinner a few days ago I decided to have a root beer.
DD: "Mama, what are you drinking? Can I try some?"
Me: "It's root beer, but you wouldn't like it, it's fizzy."
DD: "Ew.  The baby doesn't like it either.  You shouldn't drink it, the baby won't like it."

I'm guessing she'll be a very protective older sister.  And that I'm in for a lot of lectures...
She may think that because the baby is "in your tummy" that the food you eat just drops into the baby's mouth.   I know my older daughter said she thought that as a preschooler.  Don't remember if I was still pregnant when I explained to her that the baby grows in a "special kind of pocket called a uterus", not your actual stomach.

Yes! I bet that's what she thinks. My mother said I yelled at her for eating part of a sub, I told her not to eat big things because they'd hit the baby on the head (my little brother).
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: RebeccainGA on May 31, 2013, 07:40:12 AM
My "baby" turned 11 on Saturday. We had his party, including a cake on Friday.  Saturday morning he starts angling to have another birthday cake that night, since it was the actual day of his birthday.  I reminded him he had that the day before and he said that this year he deserved two cakes because 11 was a very special age.  I asked him why and he explained that 11 was a prime number comprised of repeating digits, and that it was the only age to meet that definition that a human was likely to be alive for, as the next number to meet it was 111 and most humans don't live that long.

He got a second birthday cake for sheer pluck.

That kid is going to be trouble for someone some day. Sounds just like my DD! :-)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: shygirl on May 31, 2013, 11:43:52 AM
I recently potty-trained my son, who will be 3 in July.  Whenever he goes in his potty, he'll say "Hooray for pee-pee" or "Hooray for poo-poo" depending on what he did that time.  He also throws his arms up in the arm while cheering for pee-pee or poo-poo!  I find it hilarious.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on May 31, 2013, 11:52:06 AM
We recently decided to practice homeschooling, as summer break just began this seems a great time to try out the fit for our family. Math, history and reading are my realm, DH gets science, geography, phys Ed and anything involving handicrafts. Anyway, apparently our history lesson was a success, because yesterday DD age 7 was telling her auntie about how women suffragists got the vote. When asked what they did to earn it, she confidently replied "They burned down a church!"
I had to leave the room to laugh...all the stories we've read and the one that jumps to her mind is the church burning.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MayHug on May 31, 2013, 05:10:01 PM
My grandson 2 1/2 was playing with a toy car. He opened one door and said "mommy's seat" and the next was "daddy's seat". He then pointed to the back and said "baby's seat". Mommy then said to him " Where's Sam's seat?" He gave her a funny looked turned around and pointed to his bottom! :-)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on June 01, 2013, 10:13:56 AM
My two grandsons, ages 7 and 8, have just recently gotten into archery.  Now they're arguing over who was the best archer of all time, Robin Hood or Apollo.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on June 03, 2013, 12:19:55 PM
4yo DS came up with a new game. He walked up to me and handed me a dollar. "Now you pay me Mom." So I gave it back. "No, you give me another dollar"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on June 03, 2013, 02:50:48 PM
Little entrepreneur there, isn't he?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on June 05, 2013, 02:57:52 PM
2yo DD has a non-standard pronunciation of the word pants. Today she was chasing Baby down the hall. He thought it was a fun game and was giggling like a loon. DD was scandalized and yelling "Baby, this you panties. You get you panties" as she waved his swim shorts around.

But the best was when we were all out to eat. DD spilled her drink in DH's lap and exclaimed, "oh no! Daddy, you panties messy." Then she looked at him sternly and said "you clean you panties this minit" which, of course, occurred at the exact moment the server came by to check on us.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on June 05, 2013, 03:47:20 PM
Dd has been signed up for a summertime gymnastics course. Last night was her first class. When I picked her up after, she said she was sore, she planned to be sore for 3 days, she had fallen on her bum and could I PLEASE shut the radio off now. We drove home in radio silence and she's no longer sore today.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on June 06, 2013, 11:45:56 AM
My "baby" turned 11 on Saturday. We had his party, including a cake on Friday.  Saturday morning he starts angling to have another birthday cake that night, since it was the actual day of his birthday.  I reminded him he had that the day before and he said that this year he deserved two cakes because 11 was a very special age.  I asked him why and he explained that 11 was a prime number comprised of repeating digits, and that it was the only age to meet that definition that a human was likely to be alive for, as the next number to meet it was 111 and most humans don't live that long.

He got a second birthday cake for sheer pluck.

As well he should have, what an excellent kid :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on June 06, 2013, 11:53:13 AM
My DS is 3, but his favorite number is five. He also aspires to be five years old, because he's certain that he will achieve all his dreams at that age. He wants to be an astronaut when he's five, and has also asked if he needs to be "more five" for certain activities.

Also, we live a block away from an elementary school. Every day when we pass it, he asks if he can go to school there, and I tell him maybe when he's older.

The other day we were driving home and he says to me, "Mom, Grandma says I can go to school when I'm five." in this smug little tone. As though I had been trying to discourage him from going to school but Grandma was going to let him. LOL.


Another funny. I tend to be a bit forgetful. DS and I were in the car and reached the stop sign at the end of our street. I realized I had forgotten something, so I sighed to myself and turned around without saying anything. My DS pipes up in this bored little tone, "What did you forget, Mommy?" Apparently I do that a lot.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on June 06, 2013, 02:42:47 PM
Babybartfast (almost 5 now): "Mommy, I have a superpower!  I can talk through my nose!  [long pause]  Sometimes people don't understand me, though."

She's obsessed with superheroes and superpowers at the moment, so her "superpower" tends to change depending on the day and whatever's in front of her at the time, but this is one of the funnier ones  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on June 06, 2013, 04:01:52 PM
Babybartfast (almost 5 now): "Mommy, I have a superpower!  I can talk through my nose!  [long pause]  Sometimes people don't understand me, though."

She's obsessed with superheroes and superpowers at the moment, so her "superpower" tends to change depending on the day and whatever's in front of her at the time, but this is one of the funnier ones  :P

LOL @ Babybartfast! DS is about the same age, and his big thing is "skills" which encompasses everything from gymnastics/acrobatics to swim lessons to kicks/punches and everything else he can think of. Which is why he shouldn't get in trouble for jumping on the couch. He's not really jumping on the couch, which is against the rules. He's actually just doing his skills, which is not against the rules  ;)

We're watching Beauty and the Beast right now. The library scene just came up and he's asking "are they in love yet? When do they fall in love? After they fall in love, can we watch Batman?"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: TurtleDove on June 06, 2013, 04:24:37 PM
Watching Lion King for the 547th time, I mentioned that Simba and Nahla were falling in love and would get married and then would make their own baby lion to complete the Circle of Life.  BabyDove (age 4.75) was indignant: "They do not make a baby lion.  The monkey brings the baby lion."  Fast forward about half an hour to the final scene where, sure enough, the baby lion is presented by "the monkey."  BabyDove turns to me triumphantly: "SEE????  THE MONKEY BRINGS THE BABY LION."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on June 06, 2013, 07:28:45 PM
This one is a heart breaking - death involved




When we walk in from recess you can see the top of the flag pole. We walked in from our last recess Tuesday and one of my student looks up at the flag pole.


Ms. Herbert, do you think people will stop killing people so Mr. Principal can raise the flag up to the top again, when we are in 3rd grade.


I'm not sure if our flag has flown at full staff, since Sandy Hook happened. We have also had the West explosion, tornadoes in OK, and 4 firefighters killed in Houston.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on June 06, 2013, 07:48:56 PM
My two grandsons, ages 7 and 8, have just recently gotten into archery.  Now they're arguing over who was the best archer of all time, Robin Hood or Apollo.  ;D
I'm impressed most of my students only have the dimmest idea who Robin Hood is and wouldn't know Apollo at all
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on June 07, 2013, 05:47:01 PM
Watching Lion King for the 547th time, I mentioned that Simba and Nahla were falling in love and would get married and then would make their own baby lion to complete the Circle of Life.  BabyDove (age 4.75) was indignant: "They do not make a baby lion.  The monkey brings the baby lion."  Fast forward about half an hour to the final scene where, sure enough, the baby lion is presented by "the monkey."  BabyDove turns to me triumphantly: "SEE? ???  THE MONKEY BRINGS THE BABY LION."
Well, of course!  There aren't any doctors, so the monkey HAS to bring the baby lion! 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on June 07, 2013, 05:56:17 PM
My two grandsons, ages 7 and 8, have just recently gotten into archery.  Now they're arguing over who was the best archer of all time, Robin Hood or Apollo.  ;D
I'm impressed most of my students only have the dimmest idea who Robin Hood is and wouldn't know Apollo at all
Hee!  There's a number of reasons.  We're all members of the SCA (http://www.sca.org); DH does archery, and hosts the barony's weekly archery meet, so Robin Hood is really familiar to them.  Apollo is less so, but there may be two factors here.  1)We're more-or-less a pagan family*, although the Greek pantheon is not our path.  More likely, 2) they've been listening to the audiobook  of Rick Riordan's The Lightning Thief (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lightning_Thief).   I'm assuming that Apollo is one of the characters.

*with the exception of DH, who is Roman Catholic.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on June 08, 2013, 12:11:52 AM
Babybartfast finished a week-long summer class today.  She's in a phase where she tells everyone "I love you!" when she's saying goodbye - and she was saying it to everyone.  Her teacher, her new friends, the lady who runs the program, etc.

Me: "You sure love a lot of people!"

Her: "I love everybody!"

Me: "Oh?"

Her: (with the best reflective look a not-quite-five-year-old can muster) "I guess that means I'm a lot like God."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on June 08, 2013, 03:57:46 AM
Oh my goodness Slartibartfast that is so cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 09, 2013, 12:12:48 PM
So piratebabe was baptized about a month ago, which in our church means he can take communion, something he's already very into from having watched the rest of us take part in for a while.  (he's 19 months now).  Okay so how it's done in our church is we go up to the communion rail and wait until the priest either places the host on your tongue or palm, whichever you prefer.  Then someone comes by with the chalice of wine and you can either sip it or dip the wafer in it. 

Today when we went up, middle pirate knelt at my right side, piratebabe was in front of me and oldest pirate on my left.  So in order there was middle pirate's hand, mine and babe's but since babe's hand was over mine in his eagerness to get the host, our priest gave him the host first.  But then it was as though he realized he took his out of order because he put the host in my hand and then reached out his hand for his own. 

Our priest kind of chuckled, shrugged and moved back to the other side of the rail, since we were at the end. 

So not so much something he said but it did make me chuckle that he seemed to realize on his own he'd gotten his out of turn (though at his age it's not really a big deal) and fixed it by giving me his and then taking another for himself.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on June 09, 2013, 07:01:23 PM
Too cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on June 18, 2013, 11:49:53 AM
DH and 4yo DS were reading Scripture stories last night. More specifically, about Joseph, his coat of many colors, and how his brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt. They were discussing things as they went and when they were done, DH asked DS what he learned.

DS: "well, if it's a famine, there's no food. But if there was no food, then why didn't they just go to the grocery store?"
     "It wasn't very nice to sell Joseph. I wouldn't sell Baby, I would just take it away if I wanted his things."
     "If someone selled me, I would just not give them food. I would kick him instead and say 'oh no. Now you have no food. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm just kidding. You can have some yucky food""
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elisabunny on June 19, 2013, 12:22:57 PM
Youngest DD (almost 7) had her eye appointment yesterday.  Because of family history, I was pretty sure she would need glasses.

So, while we were waiting, I took her back to look at frames.  The whole time she complained that she didn't want glasses. Until she saw the pink frames with butterflies on the temple pieces. ;D

Then when I was paying, she said, "I always wanted to wear glasses!"  ::) 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on June 19, 2013, 02:49:35 PM
I love these stories!

The other day, Emily (6) and Jenny (4) were talking.  Jenny said, with this dramatic sigh, "I wish I lived in Bible times!"
Emily: "Oh, no, you don't.  There weren't any cars!  Or baths!  Or books to read!  Or <rattles off a whole list of things, MOST of which weren't available back then>!"
Jenny: "Oh.  Okay.  I guess I'll just go to Disneyworld, then."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on June 24, 2013, 02:20:43 PM
I was working the self checks on Saturday, when I had a mom and adorable little boy he was 3ish or so come through. Little boy, being a little boy, mortified his mom, but all I could do was laugh.

LB to me: Do you have a baby in your tummy?

Mom: LB you  can't say things like that they aren't nice
        then to me "I'm really sorry"

Me: No baby, I'm just round. It's okay mom, no harm done.

LB takes his umbrella and points to my chest: What is that?

Me: It's a" then to mom: are technical terms okay?
 
Mom: Yes"  then to LB "you can't ask people things like that"

Me again: It's called a breast.

Mom was little, and I am the exact opposite of little, plus mom has a friend who is pregnant, so I guess I resembled her friend. Mom was apologetic. I told her not to worry about it, and thanked her for being so open with him. I told her it would make his questions easier to answer as he got older.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on June 24, 2013, 02:24:40 PM
Sis brought Niece to my workplace today for reasons. Sis and mom and Sproglet and I all went out to lunch. Mom dropped the rest of us off at the front door (she parks around back). I was getting Sproglet out of the car, and we were trying to get her to tell mom bye bye. She used to be really good at it, now, not so much. So as soon as I had her out of the carseat and closed the door to the car, she turned and said "Bye bye gwamma."

Apparently she's associated bye bye with leaving, so now she says it to people only AFTER they leave.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 24, 2013, 02:34:50 PM
So the 4 of us went on an errand to Target this morning to get some cleaning supplies as Mondays are our cleaning days.  On the way home the song "War" came on the radio, the one that goes "War! Huh! What is it good for, absolutely nothing!"

Well since the Piratebabe's just barely 20 months old, his carseat's still facing backwards and I started hearing hysterical laughter from my older two and had to ask what was so funny.  Apparently the babe was lip syncing to the song perfectly for never having heard it before. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on June 26, 2013, 10:27:17 PM
Okay here's one my youngest one actually said rather than just did.

BG: My middle son is very bad about interrupting people.  We're working on trying to break him of this habit, but it's slow going.  He's 10, by the way, and also quite a know it all.   Also very impatient and he does have ADD but we don't really even talk about it very much in our house because we don't want him to learn to use it as an excuse for his behavior.

Anyway, so today I was telling them that they couldn't go to the pool with a friend today because they had not done their chores without constant reminders and middle son especially I had to get after to stop playing and every time I told him to do some work, he'd whine.  I'd warned them at the start of the summer that if they show disrespect they're not going to the pool that week.

So this conversation ensues.
Me: Now, if you want a chance to go to the pool, I might offer you the chance-
Pirate2: What if we clean up the house now, can we go?
Me: If you hadn't interrupted you would have heard me say I'd offer you the chance to go later this week, but-
Pirate2: So we can go?
Me: No, and if you would stop being rude and interrupting me, you'd hear what I was going to say!!

That is when Piratebabe started to lose his temper and yelled at his big brother.  We couldn't understand much of what he was saying other than "NONONONO!!  Stop it!!"  He went over to the old fashioned trunk we use as a coffee table and pounded on it with his little fists while saying to his brother "WUDE! WUDE! WUDE!!!!!!!!!" with each fist pound.   Then there was more yelling with fists at his sides, more fist pounding, and he even got mad at me because I wasn't doing a very good job at hiding my giggling, I admit.

But then he calmed down and gave both his brother and I hugs at the end of his tantrum. 

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on June 26, 2013, 11:06:02 PM
I recently potty-trained my son, who will be 3 in July.  Whenever he goes in his potty, he'll say "Hooray for pee-pee" or "Hooray for poo-poo" depending on what he did that time.  He also throws his arms up in the arm while cheering for pee-pee or poo-poo!  I find it hilarious.

DD demands high 5s when on the toilet. And not just one, you have to do the whole high five, on the side, up high, down low' routine.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MayHug on June 27, 2013, 08:42:12 AM
My sister was recently at an auction. As she was looking through things she came across an old style dial up house phone. There was a girl next to her who was around 10-11 yrs old. My sister was explaining to her what it was and how to use it. The girl got a very puzzled expression on her face and said " But how do you text on it?" :-)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on June 27, 2013, 11:03:10 AM
New one from the Sproglet. Sis is trying to teach her body parts. She can reliably identify nose, ears, teeth, toes, and eyes. We're working on knees and elbows.

Sis grabbed her hand yesterday and said "Sproglet, what's this called?"
Sproglet, in appropriate Sproglet fashion, "High five!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on June 27, 2013, 02:21:28 PM
Well, I just wrote yesterday in the "it's not like it's work" thread that no one demands I craft for them when this happened:

I had a very late night last night and intended to sleep in, but heard my DD start wailing about something as DH was getting her ready for preschool.  So, I got out of bed to see what was happening.  It was minor (she's going through a sensitive stage), and as they were about to head out, I mentioned I'd be going back to bed.  Immediately, DD says, "No, you can't!  You woke up so you have to start your day.". I said I still needed to sleep and she said "no, you should stay awake and paint me something!"

Sure kid, I'll get right on that.   :P.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on June 30, 2013, 01:08:33 AM
Tonight 4yo DS was saying his prayers, which are typically adorable all by themselves. Tonight's prayer was a bit worrying for me though. He said "and thank you God that Mommy can have a new little baby"

Ummm, I sure hope he doesn't know something I don't!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on June 30, 2013, 08:06:18 AM
Tonight 4yo DS was saying his prayers, which are typically adorable all by themselves. Tonight's prayer was a bit worrying for me though. He said "and thank you God that Mommy can have a new little baby"

Ummm, I sure hope he doesn't know something I don't!

Babybartfast made a craft project in VBS - a clay heart on a paper plate.  She was supposed to say something she loved on there, so in the teacher's neat (and squished) handwriting underneath it was "I love God and mommy and [Bittybartfast] and that people can make more babies."

Me: "That's beautiful, Babybartfast!  What about daddy, though?"
BBF: "Oh, I wanted to put daddy on there, but the teacher said she didn't have any more room."
Me:  ::) :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on June 30, 2013, 09:36:04 AM
This was a hilarious set of phone calls I had to make at the end of the year.


3 boys good friends all mixed race backgrounds 2 look African American the other is a towhead with fair skin and blue eyes.  In complete innocence they started calling themselves the Oreo triplets. I called their parents - who all burst out laughing but agreed that because of the racist way the term Oreo is used especially in the apartments were 2 of them live that they had to be gently told not use that term. Thankfully they took to the Three Musketeers right off. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on June 30, 2013, 12:19:04 PM
The previous story reminded me of a story a coworker told me about her own sons.

Her husband was in the service, I don't remember which branch, so they moved a lot when the kids were young. This happened mid 70's I believe. Her kids had befriended a young man who was around their age, and African American. This particular day, my coworker and the AA boys mom were visiting each other. The 3 boys ran into the house and into the bathroom. The moms followed them, because 3 boys in the bathroom at the same time can only be disasterous.

What they saw was all the boys scrubbing the arms of the one with darker skin. My CW asks what they are doing.

Her sons say they are trying to scrub the darker skinned boy so he is lighter. My CW was mortified, but the AA mother started laughing, which helped the situation a whole lot.

There was then a discussion, involving all 3 boys about the differences of people.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on July 03, 2013, 10:45:20 AM
Sproglet didn't SAY anything funny today, but that kid is too smart for her own good.

18 months old and she knows the PS3 controller controls the TV. We usually let her watch My Little Ponies or Justice League on Netflix. She knows when the screen asks if you're still watching the show to bring the controller to an adult so they can get it going again.

Today the screen went to that, and it was that way for a bit while she played. I was getting her ready to go to the park, and then checking on sis (who has a stomach bug, ick) and when I came back out to get Sproglet's shoes on, Avengers was on. Kid had taken the controller and found it on Netflix. I couldn't even be mad, because that's one of sis's favorite movies. I didn't even know it was on Netflix yet.

Yeah, Sproglet is my hero now.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on July 03, 2013, 10:55:24 AM
Yesterday I was at my mom's house, and Son, age 3, was home with his dad.

My mom's phone rang and she answered it. It was Son, who immediately launched into a litany of "I can't find my journey! Where's my journey, Gramma? I need my journey."

After she stopped laughing, Mom handed the phone to me, telling me that she had no idea what Son was asking for. I talked to Son and he kept going on about finding his journey.

Finally I got him to put Mr Cake on the line, who laughingly explained that son is looking for his soccer jersey.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on July 03, 2013, 02:07:09 PM
My dad was explaining Locks of Love to my girls for some reason, and Jenny, the 4-year-old, asked him if he was going to donate his hair.  While he was trying to think of an answer (he's gray and very balding), Emily, the 6-year-old, said, "It looks like you already donated yours, Grandpap!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on July 15, 2013, 12:16:44 AM
Bagman loves to tell this story on his younger daughter (now 28). She used to wear a pacifier on a ribbon. One day at daycare, a new teacher commented, "Oh, I see you have your binky with you!"

She: "It's NOT a binky. It's. A. Pacifier!"

Flash forward to today. Bagman's granddaughter (older daughter's child, age 3) got her hands on my pennywhistle. A friend of ours who also plays one refers to her pennywhistle as a "squeaky stick."

Me: "Oh, I see you've found my squeaky stick!"
Granddaughter: "It's not a squeaky stick. It's a whistle!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on July 18, 2013, 11:49:21 AM
I have to share a cute story from my son. He's out of town and I miss him terribly :)

Sometimes Son comes in to sleep with DH and I at night. One night, he was asleep in our bed when he woke up and said he had to go get Fred, his favorite lovie. He came back with an armful of stuffed animals. As he climbed into bed, he handed me one and said, "Here Mama, I brought Bunny for you." I then hear him shake my husband awake saying, "Here Daddy, I brought you a bear." He then curled up with Fred and fell right back asleep. I almost died right there from cuteness overload.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on July 19, 2013, 05:55:25 AM
Random grocery store event:

A little boy, probably in the area of 3 or 4, walked up to me and announced my breasts were larger than his mommy's and I was pretty, turned and walked back to his grandmother.  Poor woman looked mortified, apologised and told me that he was at that age were he was fascinated by body parts.


I kind of thought it was hysterical.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on July 19, 2013, 08:49:02 AM
I was playing school with my younger niece (5) yesterday, and we were discussing what classes the school could have. I suggested science class. Niece looked at me, thinking hard, then said, in all seriousness: "But scientists aren't real!"

 :o ;D

After I stifled my laughter, I did tell her that there are, in fact, lots of scientists, including a bunch of my girlfriends, and we talked about their jobs.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 19, 2013, 09:23:14 AM
Random grocery store event:

A little boy, probably in the area of 3 or 4, walked up to me and announced my breasts were larger than his mommy's and I was pretty, turned and walked back to his grandmother.  Poor woman looked mortified, apologised and told me that he was at that age were he was fascinated by body parts.


I kind of thought it was hysterical.

What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on July 19, 2013, 09:55:29 AM
Random grocery store event:

A little boy, probably in the area of 3 or 4, walked up to me and announced my breasts were larger than his mommy's and I was pretty, turned and walked back to his grandmother.  Poor woman looked mortified, apologised and told me that he was at that age were he was fascinated by body parts.


I kind of thought it was hysterical.


What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   ;D

I have a nice rack, and I am also round, and working in a grocery store, I get this occasioinally, but nothing will mortify a parent more than if a child asks a "round" lady if she is going to have a baby.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on July 19, 2013, 07:08:36 PM
Random grocery store event:

A little boy, probably in the area of 3 or 4, walked up to me and announced my breasts were larger than his mommy's and I was pretty, turned and walked back to his grandmother.  Poor woman looked mortified, apologised and told me that he was at that age were he was fascinated by body parts.


I kind of thought it was hysterical.


What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   ;D

I have a nice rack, and I am also round, and working in a grocery store, I get this occasioinally, but nothing will mortify a parent more than if a child asks a "round" lady if she is going to have a baby.

I've had that happen too, but not in a good ten years or so.  Little kids I sort of expect not to have a very good mouth filter.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on July 19, 2013, 07:52:57 PM


What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   ;D

And so much better being told that by a 3 or 4 year old than by a lecherous old coot!!    ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on July 19, 2013, 08:00:01 PM


What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   ;D

And so much better being told that by a 3 or 4 year old than by a lecherous old coot!!    ;D
;D
That is not a point I had considered, but definitely true.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ser Lucien Liliane on July 19, 2013, 11:14:10 PM
I have a couple from my niece...

When she was just a wee little bub, old enough to talk and eat some solids but still young enough to have her bum plunked into a high chair, she happened to have some yogurt for lunch one day. Mom and I were just doing our own thing, when abruptly niece looks up from her lunch and announces in a very solemn tone, "It's bwoo-bewwy."

It took us a good long while to stop laughing, and the kid was just looking at us like we were crazy...  ;D

Next one: niece was walking by this time. I'm an unapologetic drinker of lots of Pepsi, and I'd just come downstairs to get something for a sinus headache. Niece contemplated me, then walked over to my open pack of Pepsi, fished out a can and handed it to me, proclaiming "Here!" Niece got a fit of giggles and a nice squeezy hug for that one, the silly little thing.

And the last one: this is from...just a couple months ago, actually. Family and I had gathered in my grandfather's city for his funeral when he died, and my dear aunt insisted on taking us out to dinner almost every night as thanks for helping her with planning and whatnot. So we were on the way back to the hotel from dinner - we've got a Kia Sorento right now, so front seats, one middle row and two fold-down jumper seats in the back cargo area. (This is important, I swear.) Dad was driving, sister was up front, Mom and I in the middle and niece in one of the seats in the back, and I was entertaining niece as I was sitting right in front of her. Things got a bit loud, as things are wont to do when kids are involved, and to quiet us down, Mom sternly asked "Who's the six year old here?"

At which point niece raised her hand and shouted, "Ooh! Me! The six year old in the trunk!"

We didn't stop laughing until we were back at the hotel. :)

(That kid's had so many other good quotes...she's a riot!)

ETA: And here's one from when I was wee. My parents knew a rather...exasperating man, the type who thought he knew it all and wasn't afraid to tell you so, and just generally grated on people's nerves. His name was Andy, and his last name was something you really wouldn't expect a very young child to be able to say properly, so when he met little me for the first time, he asked me "Can you say 'hi, Uncle Andy'?"

Cheeky little me looked him right in the eye and replied, "Hi, Mr. (lastname)."

I hear he was very embarrassed that a baby showed him up. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 20, 2013, 02:40:43 PM
Our church had their vacation bible school this past week and there was a group of 3-4 year olds who were mostly potty trained or wearing pull ups.  At the end of each night we'd all gather in the sanctuary for closing prayer and to sing a song.  So the adults looking after the little ones were coming up in the elevator.  Someone spilled a cup of water and it happened to be under one child.  The teacher thought someone had made a mess.

Teacher (K) said "Uh-oh, who peed?"  One of the little boys said "That be me!"  Little boy's parents were teaching too, outside and hadn't come in just yet. But apparently on the way down there it became clear that the child had peed...in his pull up.   

So when K said "Who peed?", since R had peed, he admitted to it, not realizing she'd meant "who peed on the floor." :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on July 20, 2013, 11:36:28 PM
Apparently DS needs more fiber in his diet. He told me the other day, "Mom, I have poop in my butt. Do you know how to get it out? First I have to be really strong, then I sit on the toilet and go *insert grunting noises* and then I'm all done."

Thank you Son, I needed that laugh.

Also earlier this week: DS is allowed to go in the backyard and play on his own for short periods during the day. On this particular day, he came inside asking me to help him put his helmet on. That was weird because his bike and scooter are usually front yard toys, but I confirmed that he was headed to the back yard, and went about my business. He came in about 10 minutes later. Later that evening I was feeding the dog and noticed something that almost made my heart stop. DS's scooter was on the trampoline! I immediately called for him and asked what the scooter was doing there, and his answer was a perfect example of "kid logic"

DS: "Well, I wanted to jump on my scooter, but I can't do it on the porch. So I put my scooter on the trampoline. But that's the most dangerous thing ever. So I got my helmet for safety."
Me: looking dumbfounded and horrified
DS: "It's ok Mom. Sissy was inside, so she didn't see me being such a crazy example."
Me: *sputtering* "Sweetie, that's DANGEROUS. I don't ever want to see toys on the trampoline. You could get hurt."
DS: "but Mooooom, I didn't get hurt. And I weared my helmet"

We had a long talk about trampoline safety, but DS still feels that his precautions of 1. Wearing a helmet, and 2. Not letting his sister see him, were more than adequate.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on July 21, 2013, 12:21:51 AM
Too funny! In kindergarten on of my son's classmates rode a scooter down the slide. Why? "Because I can't possibly go that fast just pushing with my foot." Makes perfect sense, right?  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on July 21, 2013, 12:36:10 AM
he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( :o) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural ::) Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on July 21, 2013, 01:54:53 AM
He's hilarious! Never a dull moment, I bet!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on July 21, 2013, 02:37:03 AM
Too funny! In kindergarten on of my son's classmates rode a scooter down the slide. Why? "Because I can't possibly go that fast just pushing with my foot." Makes perfect sense, right?  ;D
I've had 2 (5th graders) students ride skateboards off porch roofs (Climbed out 2nd floor windows to get to the roof). A third, a second grader, got caught, by the cops, trying to get his bike up on the roof of a 2 story apartment building.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 21, 2013, 07:20:01 AM
Twiggy, your boy reminds me of a 3 year old at our church.  From what I've been told, this kid managed to ride a trike down the 4 stairs of the hall's stage and remain relatively unscathed, painted walls with shampoo, among other things.

It's a good thing his mom has a wonderful sense of humor!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 21, 2013, 09:13:18 AM
My brother rode the vacuum cleaner down the stairs.  Fortunately, it was a split level house so it was only a half flight, but still.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on July 21, 2013, 09:32:48 AM
After reading these:

My brother rode the vacuum cleaner down the stairs.  Fortunately, it was a split level house so it was only a half flight, but still.

Twiggy, your boy reminds me of a 3 year old at our church.  From what I've been told, this kid managed to ride a trike down the 4 stairs of the hall's stage and remain relatively unscathed, painted walls with shampoo, among other things.

It's a good thing his mom has a wonderful sense of humor!

he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( :o) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural ::) Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

I realize that they did NOT break the mold after my youngest was born, and they probably should have.


Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on July 21, 2013, 11:49:24 AM
he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( :o) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural ::) Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

Are you sure we're not related?  I could tell dozens of similar stories about my middle son.  The other two are pretty typical boys, but the middle one is just flat out crazy.  He'll try anything once.  Sometimes more than once.  He's the one I had to rescue off the roof of the house when he was 2.  It just got worse from there.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 21, 2013, 02:07:33 PM
Oh, no.  They only get older.  A guy I used to work with was quite the partier.  He and his wife threw a housewarming party and they all got into the sauce.  He and his buddies ended up riding the ironing board down the basement stairs, with 3 or 4 of them on it, like a bobsled!

In the sober light of day, his wife wasn't amused.  It got worse when one of his buddies came over with a new ironing board.  Nice to replace what they damaged, right?  Yeah, except for the handlebars he attached to the thing.

'You're not helping, man.'
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on July 21, 2013, 02:18:23 PM
he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( :o) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural ::) Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

Are you sure we're not related?  I could tell dozens of similar stories about my middle son.  The other two are pretty typical boys, but the middle one is just flat out crazy.  He'll try anything once.  Sometimes more than once.  He's the one I had to rescue off the roof of the house when he was 2.  It just got worse from there.

My dad at age 3 believed that a blanket tied around his neck made him Mighty Mouse, and that he could actually fly off the roof. Imagine his great surprise when he fell all the way down the sloped driveway.  :o He was lucky he was only bruised and scraped badly.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on July 21, 2013, 03:29:01 PM
After reading these:

My brother rode the vacuum cleaner down the stairs.  Fortunately, it was a split level house so it was only a half flight, but still.

Twiggy, your boy reminds me of a 3 year old at our church.  From what I've been told, this kid managed to ride a trike down the 4 stairs of the hall's stage and remain relatively unscathed, painted walls with shampoo, among other things.

It's a good thing his mom has a wonderful sense of humor!

he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( :o) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural ::) Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

I realize that they did NOT break the mold after my youngest was born, and they probably should have.

They tried!  Unfortunately, like the kids themselves, it was indestructible.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on July 21, 2013, 05:48:50 PM
he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( :o) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural ::) Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

Are you sure we're not related?  I could tell dozens of similar stories about my middle son.  The other two are pretty typical boys, but the middle one is just flat out crazy.  He'll try anything once.  Sometimes more than once.  He's the one I had to rescue off the roof of the house when he was 2.  It just got worse from there.

My mother gave my son a Pipeworks set when he was 3. It's interlocking plastic pipes with straight pieces, joints etc. When T's kindergarten teacher came to our house for her home visit, he made a ladder, climbed up, and greeted her from the low roof over our front door.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 21, 2013, 09:26:07 PM
I remember when I was a kid having Thanksgiving dinners at Grandma and Grandpa's, there were rides on mattresses down the stairs.  It was a blast! :D :D

My husband's cousin ran face first into a tree.  Just was running along, looking everywhere but where he was going and only turned his head when it was too late to change course.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on July 22, 2013, 05:38:25 AM
I have to say I've been giggling off and on all day about the ironing board with handlebars... :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on July 22, 2013, 06:11:55 AM
he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( :o) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural ::) Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

Are you sure we're not related?  I could tell dozens of similar stories about my middle son.  The other two are pretty typical boys, but the middle one is just flat out crazy.  He'll try anything once.  Sometimes more than once.  He's the one I had to rescue off the roof of the house when he was 2.  It just got worse from there.

My dad at age 3 believed that a blanket tied around his neck made him Mighty Mouse, and that he could actually fly off the roof. Imagine his great surprise when he fell all the way down the sloped driveway.  :o He was lucky he was only bruised and scraped badly.

An old friend of mine did something similar, but he thought he was Superman, jumped off a balcony and landed in a rose bush.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Outdoor Girl on July 28, 2013, 02:13:58 PM
The other day on the radio, they had parents phoning in, telling about things their children had said that embarrassed them.

I live in an area that is not very ethnically diverse.  Those in the area of other than European descent are few and far between.

One lady phoned in and was talking about her son when he was about 6.  She had taught him that people are people and that it doesn't matter what they look like.  So one day, he saw a black woman and walked up to her and said, 'You have a great tan!'.  The woman calling in said she was just about ready to fall through the floor when the other woman smiled and said, 'Thanks!  You have a good tan, too.'
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on July 30, 2013, 03:55:42 PM
Ha. Mine has literally just started talking and already cracks us up laughing.


My knees crack when I kneel. It sounds alarming but not painful. DS last night pointed as I knelt and my knees let out a huge CRAAACK. He said "ow!" His little eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. I said "Yes, that's Mummy's knees." He said "Knees. Ow!" I asked him where his knees are. He pointed, knelt and said "Knees. No ow." He actually looked disappointed with the fact his knees don't sound like a machine gun fire every time he sits, kneels or stands.


What was mortifying was that this afternoon when we went to the shop he said "Mumma's knee. Ow!"


So now everyone knows my knees crack. Great!!  ;D 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 30, 2013, 06:39:16 PM
I grilled up some chicken tonight with some sun dried tomato dressing marinade and my middle child told me "You sent my tastebuds on an adventure!" :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on July 31, 2013, 10:43:36 AM
I grilled up some chicken tonight with some sun dried tomato dressing marinade and my middle child told me "You sent my tastebuds on an adventure!" :)

A good or bad one?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Kimblee on July 31, 2013, 11:10:03 AM


What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   ;D

And so much better being told that by a 3 or 4 year old than by a lecherous old coot!!    ;D

That happened to me Friday. One of my residents at work seems to *really* like my chest and butt. And isn't shy about telling me it either.   :o

Cute kid story:

A little boy in a batman cape was at my workplace yesterday (I think he is a resident's grandson?) He was racing around with his cape but would come to a slow creep every time he came close to an elderly person. One of the ladies asked him to sit her lap and started talking to him. they had this exchange:

Lady: Oh what a cute cape, are you Superman?
Him: I'm Batman ma'am... Superman wishes he was me.
Lady: Oh, i see! Well who am I?
Him: Well you've got lots of make up, so you can be the joker i guess.

She wasn't offended, thankfully. Even after having it explained. She does say there are "so many comics" these days and when her kids were young she would've KNOWN these things.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 31, 2013, 11:27:05 AM
I grilled up some chicken tonight with some sun dried tomato dressing marinade and my middle child told me "You sent my tastebuds on an adventure!" :)

A good or bad one?

A good one.  They told me I'm a good with the grill. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on July 31, 2013, 12:22:26 PM
A few days ago I picked up DD from daycare/summer camp.  Her teacher came up to me and said that earlier she had asked DD what her mommy's name was (since I'm usually known just as "DD's mom").  DD puts her hand on her hip and says nonchalantly, "It's 'Peaches'."   :o   :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 02, 2013, 04:54:57 PM
Our tomcat, Sherlock, is sitting next to me on the couch and the little one was touching (not pulling) his tail.  I patted Sherly on his hip and said "Nice kitty!"  He did the same, saying "Nice kitty, nice kitty, nice kitty!"

But then he realized I'd stopped petting the nice kitty so he stopped, pointed at me and then pointed at the cat.  Getting the message, I gave Sherly a few more strokes saying "nice kitty!" then stopped so Piratebabe could pet the kitty there. 

So we get more "nice kitty! Nice kitty, Nice kitty!" and then he does it again.   Thankfully Sherlock's a very patient boy and it wasn't till the middle child barged in the house that he moved.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: shygirl on August 19, 2013, 07:13:53 AM
I was out for a walk yesterday with my 3yo son, and we heard some crickets.  My son said "Oh, crickets!"

I've never talked about crickets with him before, so I was surprised he recognized the sound.  I asked "Oh, where did you learn about crickets?"

He said solemnly to me "We don't eat crickets"

Ummm, okay?  Lol, I never did figure out where he learned about crickets.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on August 22, 2013, 10:01:47 AM
One of Sproglet's favorite times of EVER is bathtime/showertime.

Tuesday I was over at Sis's apartment for dinner with her and Sproglet. And about 8 times in a row, the kid said she didn't want bath. It was weird.

"Sproglet, do you want bath?"
"Baff....NO!"
"Do you want...a pony?"
"No."
"Do you want a million dollars?"
"NYEOOOO!"
"Do you want a castle?"
"Caffl...yeah!"
"Do you want Batman?"
"Manaman yeah."
"Okay, let's go get Batman."


Also, she's getting half decent at counting. She knows her numbers, she knows what order they go in, she just doesn't always do it on her own. So Tuesday Sis was counting from the kitchen and Sproglet was counting with her from the other room.
"One"   "One"
"Two"   "Two"
"Three"   "Free"
"Four"   "Two"
"Five"  "Two"
"Six"   "Two"
"Seven"   "Two"
"Eight"   "NIIIIINE!"
"Nine"   (silence)
"Ten"   "TEN!"

Later we were asking her what came after certain numbers.

"What comes after eight?"
"Nine."
"What comes after nine?"
"Nine two."

We both lost it laughing so hard.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ms_Cellany on August 22, 2013, 10:05:04 AM
My nephew was the World's Most Literal Kid.  When he was about 5, he was in the back seat while my sister & I were up front. She and I were counting:
Sister: "One."
Me: "Two."
"Three"
"Seven"
"Five"
"Thirty-nine"
"Seven"
"Four"

This little voice piped up from the back: "Aunt [name], I think you better stop. You're not very good at this."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elisabunny on August 24, 2013, 01:56:51 AM
My seven-year-old informed us that planets are made of rocks, dirt, and gas.  "Except for fake planets.  They're made of cardboard."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 24, 2013, 06:43:36 AM
This one delights my DH, as it's because of his influence that the little guy picked it up from hearing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLTZctTG6cE and DH doing it himself.

So now and then when he's happy he inhales and then very softly says "Yay!" DH crows he's turned all 3 of our boys into Bronies but the little guy also likes pirates. :)

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on August 30, 2013, 08:42:41 PM
Heehee..another one to add.  We love Finding Nemo in this house (Dh has been calling Piratebabe "Squirt" since his birth) and since the wee one has been able to give high fives we've been working on teaching him the "Fin, Noggin', duuuude" bit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhAJzVkygv4

Up till recently he had the "Fin" and "Noggin" part down.  We'd say "Give me some fin" and he'd give us five, "noggin" we'd do a head bump, but today he started saying "Duuuuude!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on August 30, 2013, 08:58:48 PM
Cast of Characters:
B-my 10 year old brother
DS3-my 11 year old son (youngest)
DS1-my 14 year old son (oldest..I have a 12 year old as well that wasn't present)

The boys were watching one of the TV programs about truck drivers.  The term "super trucker" was used.

B-What's a super trucker?
DS3-I don't know.  A trucker driver with super powers?
DS1-Yeah, and wears a 53 foot cape.

For those who don't know, the standard length of a regular "box" type semi trailer is 53 feet.  You see other lengths (older trailers, pup trailers, trailers for doubles/triples, etc), but these days that's the standard length.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mel the Redcap on September 03, 2013, 04:15:54 AM
When my third niece was very small, she had the following conversation with the Good Ethnic Boy (then my boyfriend, now my husband :-*):

Niece: "Uncle GEB, I love you!
GEB: "I love you too, hon."
Niece: "And when I grow up, I'm going to marry you."
GEB: "Uh, what about Auntie Mel?"
Niece: *snaps fingers* "Sucks to Auntie Mel!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pen^2 on September 03, 2013, 05:54:10 AM
I teach, among other things, a class of 4-5 year olds. They are adorable, and the things they say are hilarious.

4 year old girl: My mummy went to the 'quarium! She saw a shark and a fish and a stingray and a octopus!
Me: Wow, that's fantastic! And 'stingray' is a big word, do you know what it means?
4 year old girl: Yep! A stingray is a shark that got squashed flat! *smacks her hands together* Bam! Like that!

There was also a 5 year old boy who was convinced that dinosaurs still exist. According to him, they live in India. Their natural enemies are tigers, of course, and they do battle daily. Nothing I could say could convince him otherwise, and frankly, I'm partially glad because his world view is so much cooler than the real world.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on September 03, 2013, 09:35:02 PM
I've been gone for most of the last week.  I went to pick Babybartfast up from kindergarten today and opted to go in instead of wait in the car line so I could get a hug  :)  So the following exchange took place in front of the principal:

Me: Babybartfast!  I missed you!  How was your day!

Her: Mama!  I love you!  *big hug*  Did you know that all the animals in Minecraft have DNA?  It's true!!!!!

Principal: *snort*

(Babybartfast's current obsession is playing the computer game Minecraft. When she can't do that, she wants to watch videos of other people playing it on YouTube.  Many of the videos are demonstrating "mods," or extra bits people write to add to the game.  Apparently there's a mod out there that lets you draw DNA from the animals in the game and create your own hybrid monsters - at least, what's what I can understand from what she was describing.)

Anyway, so this led to a good discussion in the car about what DNA is.  DH works at a genetics lab, which does a lot of gene sequencing, so I thought it would be neat for Babybartfast to understand a bit more about it.  I explained how all living things have DNA, how most of our DNA tells our bodies how to be human, and how a little bit of our DNA makes us all different from each other and no two people have the same DNA.  She interrupted me: "I know two people who do!  Jasmine and a girl in my class have the same ponytail!  And they have the same skin [Jasmine is a friend who is mixed race] and they both sometimes wear pigtails!  Isn't that cool?"

So yeah, in her world, your DNA determines whether you can wear pigtails  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 04, 2013, 09:52:34 AM
This is in the Addams family type of humor vein. DS (15) is not really planning to off me.

Last evening, while waiting for our turns, we were each doing homework and checking our planners. DS shows me his planner, but held it out like he wanted me to take it from him. I go to take it, and he tells me no, that he isn't sure anything is written in it. He then asks me for the dates for the cruise, so he can write those in his planner.

He writes this: 10/24 - school holiday
10/25 - school holiday & leave on cruise
10/26 - throw mother off the starboard bow - wave at her
10/27 - mourn mother
10/28 - call Nana and Papa (my parents) and tell them "neener didn't like it" - (What I used to say as a toddler.)

I admire his plan and am grateful he inherited my sense of humor.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: violinp on September 04, 2013, 10:47:58 AM
This is in the Addams family type of humor vein. DS (15) is not really planning to off me.

Last evening, while waiting for our turns, we were each doing homework and checking our planners. DS shows me his planner, but held it out like he wanted me to take it from him. I go to take it, and he tells me no, that he isn't sure anything is written in it. He then asks me for the dates for the cruise, so he can write those in his planner.

He writes this: 10/24 - school holiday
10/25 - school holiday & leave on cruise
10/26 - throw mother off the starboard bow - wave at her
10/27 - mourn mother
10/28 - call Nana and Papa (my parents) and tell them "neener didn't like it" - (What I used to say as a toddler.)

I admire his plan and am grateful he inherited my sense of humor.  ;D

(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing001.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

Last week, I was tearing tickets at work, and this group of kids came in. After I tore their tickets, one of the little boys kept asking me all of these questions about "how the box works" (I have a box I put the stubs in), and what my job was, and so on. His friend hissed, "You don't talk to strangers! Stranger danger!"

The little boy loudly proclaimed, "Well, I wanna talk to this stranger!" I had tears in my eyes from trying not to laugh.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: ladyknight1 on September 04, 2013, 11:29:57 AM
^ I would have been laughing too!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on September 12, 2013, 07:06:59 AM
I took my DS to Build a Bear for his fifth birthday. He made a stuffed dog and named it "Josh Awkward".

He has trouble pronouncing the fr sound, and last night he asked my mom if he could have some "schrute juice". My 15 yr old daughter looked up from her phone and said, "Does it taste like beets?" They crack me up!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on September 12, 2013, 03:58:12 PM
Sis has regular date nights with her boyfriend. He comes over, they cook dinner, and spend the evening with Sproglet. Apparently one night recently, SBF was joking around by tossing a paperback at Sis. Sproglet pointed at him and screamed "NO! 'SPECT BOOKS!"

You see, when she's throwing a tantrum and wanting to throw books or when she's wanting to draw on them, her mommy comes over and gently reprimands her, "No, honey, we respect books."

I am not allowed to mention this story in front of SBF. Apparently it's a bit embarassing to be reprimanded by a toddler for something so basic.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mel the Redcap on September 12, 2013, 04:40:37 PM
Sis has regular date nights with her boyfriend. He comes over, they cook dinner, and spend the evening with Sproglet. Apparently one night recently, SBF was joking around by tossing a paperback at Sis. Sproglet pointed at him and screamed "NO! 'SPECT BOOKS!"

You see, when she's throwing a tantrum and wanting to throw books or when she's wanting to draw on them, her mommy comes over and gently reprimands her, "No, honey, we respect books."

I am not allowed to mention this story in front of SBF. Apparently it's a bit embarassing to be reprimanded by a toddler for something so basic.

*falls over laughing*

Oh, that is MAGNIFICENT. ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on September 13, 2013, 02:53:57 AM
Sis has regular date nights with her boyfriend. He comes over, they cook dinner, and spend the evening with Sproglet. Apparently one night recently, SBF was joking around by tossing a paperback at Sis. Sproglet pointed at him and screamed "NO! 'SPECT BOOKS!"

You see, when she's throwing a tantrum and wanting to throw books or when she's wanting to draw on them, her mommy comes over and gently reprimands her, "No, honey, we respect books."

I am not allowed to mention this story in front of SBF. Apparently it's a bit embarassing to be reprimanded by a toddler for something so basic.

I love it!

I also have a fun toddler story. 2yo DD is toilet training and is not always successful in her endeavors. This morning I took DD into the bathroom and discovered she had already had an accident. She looked down in shock and exclaimed "Mom! BabyBrother put poop in my panties!" I was trying not to laugh as I explained that it wasn't Baby, it was her. She got the most serious expression on her little face and said, "No Mommy. My potty go in da toilet. All the times."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on September 24, 2013, 06:01:32 PM
So our male cat has rather foul smelling emissions.  Granted the girls don't smell like roses but his are pretty bad.

Today after Sherlock used the litter box I was covering my nose and said out loud "Cat, I don't know what crawled up your butt, but I will find it, and I will kill it."

My almost 11 year old said "I think someone already did..." 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: White Dragon on September 24, 2013, 06:54:33 PM
My friend's 10 year old was studying the repr*ductive system and his mom was supervising his homework.

The assignment was to "write the appropriate word in the blank".

The youngster read the instruction and declared "I can't do that! None of these words are appropriate!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on September 27, 2013, 11:14:59 AM
Was just calling mom finalizing plans for this weekend. She's watching Sproglet. So she put me on speakerphone.

Me: Hi sproglet.
Sprog: [CWM!] (she has a weird nickname for me)
Me: Are you being good?
Sprog: Yeah.
Me: Good. Give mama kiss for me, okay?
Sprog: Kiss.
Mom: She kissed the phone.
Me: Okay, bye bye.
Sprog: Buh bye!

I just think it's sweet, she's starting to learn what the phone is actually for and how to use it, and she gives it a nice little kiss.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on September 27, 2013, 12:20:57 PM
I was tucking my son in bed last night. He likes to have "eyes" (press our eyes together), "nosies" (rub noses), kisses and hugs. He gave me a hug and a kiss, and said very seriously, "Now let me think about nosies." He thought a moment and finally decided nosies would be acceptable. He then said, in the same serious tone, "Let me think about eyes." After a moment of reflection he declared "I suppose we can have eyes." It killed me!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on September 29, 2013, 07:53:53 PM
At church, our drummer sits to the side, and he's not visible behind the piano. This morning my DS asked me who was making the "glitter" (he was talking about the cymbals).
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on October 05, 2013, 12:21:32 PM
"Mommy, when I grow up, I want to be just like you!"

"Aw, thanks!  How so?"

"I'll sleep a lot!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Tierrainney on October 05, 2013, 10:19:54 PM
Today youngest child (8 year old) was asking me about babies. Then she asked if I would ever have another baby. On being told, no, she replied "Aw!, Now I'll never have anyone to boss around."

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on October 06, 2013, 07:39:21 AM
We've been teaching DD (going on 14 months) sign language, and she's really starting to figure it out these days.  Yesterday she figured out that making the "milk" sign gets her milk at meals and snacktime.  At dinner last night, she asked for her milk and drank the last bit, so DH went to refill the cup.  She made the sign again while he was doing that, so I said, "Just one minute and you can have your milk back," knowing she probably didn't understand what I was saying.  To my surprise, she stopped making the sign and just looked calmly at me.

Then she started frantically making the sign with both hands.  Either she didn't understand after all, or she did but didn't care because MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK!  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Julia Mercer on October 07, 2013, 04:44:58 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsS4uCRrN_Y

This video fits this category to a t!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on October 09, 2013, 09:08:16 AM
My son and two of his friends were playing at the park yesterday, kicking around a ball. The ball rolled under a tree (a single, lone, ornamental tree that didn't obscure our view of the ball at all). One of the boys came to me, saying "oh no! The ball rolled into the woods!" Cue the next boy chiming in, "That's not the woods, silly. It's the forest."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: *new*mommyagain36 on October 09, 2013, 01:47:59 PM
DD is almost 3 and loves small dolls, figurines, etc.  She loves grouping them as Daddy, Mommy, Baby.  She has a 4 inch tall dinosaur and a 4 inch tall mini Barbie (Happy Meal Toy) who are "Husband and Wife"
Last night she was rummageing through the toy box and found the dinosaur:
DD:  Hey!  Where's your Wife!

As an aside, the happy couple have a "son" a large plastic egg that has a dinosaur head bobbing out of it, looks like it's hatching.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on October 09, 2013, 09:06:38 PM
DD is almost 3 and loves small dolls, figurines, etc.  She loves grouping them as Daddy, Mommy, Baby.  She has a 4 inch tall dinosaur and a 4 inch tall mini Barbie (Happy Meal Toy) who are "Husband and Wife"
Last night she was rummageing through the toy box and found the dinosaur:
DD:  Hey!  Where's your Wife!

As an aside, the happy couple have a "son" a large plastic egg that has a dinosaur head bobbing out of it, looks like it's hatching.

That's just too cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on October 09, 2013, 09:55:48 PM
Overheard at soccer practice:
Dad to daughter, who is on playground: "You need to tuck your shirt in if you're going to hang upside down."
Boy: "But *I* don't have to do that, right, Dad?"
Dad: "Yes, you do, too."
 Boy: "But why?"
Dad: "Because nobody wants to see your belly button!"
Boy: "I do! I want to see my belly button!"
Dad: "Then you can look at it tonight for 15 minutes while you're in the shower. Other than that, keep it covered."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on October 09, 2013, 09:59:19 PM
Overheard at soccer practice:
Dad to daughter, who is on playground: "You need to tuck your shirt in if you're going to hang upside down."
Boy: "But *I* don't have to do that, right, Dad?"
Dad: "Yes, you do, too."
 Boy: "But why?"
Dad: "Because nobody wants to see your belly button!"
Boy: "I do! I want to see my belly button!"
Dad: "Then you can look at it tonight for 15 minutes while you're in the shower. Other than that, keep it covered."
Good for Dad!  I was always very resentful that Brother got to run around without a shirt in the summer, but *I* always had to wear a shirt.  Geez, when you're 6 years old it's not like there's anything there to show off!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on October 11, 2013, 08:15:45 AM
Overheard at soccer practice:
Dad to daughter, who is on playground: "You need to tuck your shirt in if you're going to hang upside down."
Boy: "But *I* don't have to do that, right, Dad?"
Dad: "Yes, you do, too."
 Boy: "But why?"
Dad: "Because nobody wants to see your belly button!"
Boy: "I do! I want to see my belly button!"
Dad: "Then you can look at it tonight for 15 minutes while you're in the shower. Other than that, keep it covered."

Bahaha!  Brilliant!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeBeret on October 13, 2013, 07:21:01 PM
Yesterday, my 3yo began asking about the birds and the bees :O I was not quite prepared for that line of questioning, but tried to give him the facts in an age-appropriate manner. When I finished my explanation, he said casually, "That sounds shady. Can I have some peanut butter?"

Also, today he was playing with our silkie chickens. I went outside to find that he had put one chicken in the baby swing and was pushing the swing. He then moved the chicken to the teeter-totter, where the bird considered staying but hopped down and ran away instead.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on October 14, 2013, 08:00:15 PM
6 year old from the back seat: What the hell, daddy?!
Me: That's a bad word, don't say that.
Her:  Oh.  What's the other one, then?  The one up there?
Me: Heaven?
Her: What the heaven, daddy?!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on October 15, 2013, 07:05:45 PM
*phone rings, it's sis's ringtone*
Me: Hi!
Sproglet: YIA YIA!
Me: Sproglet!
Sprog: Hi yia yia!
Sis: Sprog, what do you want to say to yia yia?
Sprog: Umm...yia yia!
Sis: Do you love yia yia?
Sprog: I love you, yia yia!

Apparently she heard someone get out of a car at the apartment complex and was convinced it was me. When sis told her it wasn't me, she wanted to call me on the phone to tell me she loved me.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 15, 2013, 07:21:44 PM
My older two were just now reacting the street performance from Mr. Bean's Holiday, including the opera. Thought I was going to die laughing.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on October 18, 2013, 08:52:53 AM
A friend of mine has the cutest kids.  Her oldest (6) is biracial, while she and the younger two (4 and 2) are white.  The 4yo came to her last night in a big huff.

"Mommy, when do I get to turn brown?  I've been waiting and waiting!  [OldestSon] gets to be brown, and it's not fair!"

My friend had to explain that people are not like cookies - OldestSon came that way, and it wasn't something that happened when he turned four  :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Enigmatism on October 18, 2013, 10:20:55 AM
My older two were just now reacting the street performance from Mr. Bean's Holiday, including the opera. Thought I was going to die laughing.

If they liked that try this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwzjlmBLfrQ

It's Mr Bean at the London Olympics Opening Ceremony.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: padua on October 18, 2013, 01:53:47 PM
apparently to my toddler, winnie the pooh is 'ninny the poop' and he comes out of your bottom.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on October 21, 2013, 10:30:08 AM
Mom's new dog is named Gilbert. The first time Sproglet tried to say it, it got all mangled. Before Sis came to pick up Sproglet from mom, mom had to call her and let her know that Sprog wasn't saying "F*** it."

It now sounds more like "bucket" when she's not paying attention closely, but when she thinks about it, she can say "Bilgert".

Fulton, our other dog, is "Pulton puppy."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on October 21, 2013, 11:14:56 AM
I've been sorting baby clothes lately trying to decide if I want to keep storing several boxes of tiny baby clothes (DH and I are starting to think we may be done) and I came across 5yo DS's baby blanket. I was really excited and called him downstairs to come see it. I pulled him into my lap and explained that I had made the blanket for him before her was born and when we were at the hospital and he was born, that was the first blanket he was wrapped up in, and he used to snuggle in it when he was a tiny baby.

DS looked up at me and said, with disgust, "I came downstairs for that? Mom, that's not exciting. It's a blanket"

Then he ran back upstairs and warned his little sister "Mom's looking at baby stuff again. Better hide before she starts crying."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on October 21, 2013, 11:33:38 AM
I've been sorting baby clothes lately trying to decide if I want to keep storing several boxes of tiny baby clothes (DH and I are starting to think we may be done) and I came across 5yo DS's baby blanket. I was really excited and called him downstairs to come see it. I pulled him into my lap and explained that I had made the blanket for him before her was born and when we were at the hospital and he was born, that was the first blanket he was wrapped up in, and he used to snuggle in it when he was a tiny baby.

DS looked up at me and said, with disgust, "I came downstairs for that? Mom, that's not exciting. It's a blanket"

Then he ran back upstairs and warned his little sister "Mom's looking at baby stuff again. Better hide before she starts crying."

Oh my goodness, this cracks me up! So funny!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on October 22, 2013, 04:36:27 PM
2yo DD is currently potty training, with mixed success. Today she came up to me, visibly upset, and informed me that "Aurora got poopy all over" meaning that she soiled her Sleeping Beauty panties.

She also feels the need to run into the bathroom to cheer me on, and tells me how proud she is of me. Today she burst in on me, but I'm at the tail end of my period. She was about to congratulate me when she saw the pad in my underwear. She put her little hands on her hips and told me "Mommy, that's disgusting. Poopy goes in the potty! You a big girl Mommy, you don't need diapers"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on October 22, 2013, 04:44:12 PM
haha that is too funny twiggy!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Tashigi on October 22, 2013, 08:33:03 PM
A friend of mine has the cutest kids.  Her oldest (6) is biracial, while she and the younger two (4 and 2) are white.  The 4yo came to her last night in a big huff.

"Mommy, when do I get to turn brown?  I've been waiting and waiting!  [OldestSon] gets to be brown, and it's not fair!"

My friend had to explain that people are not like cookies - OldestSon came that way, and it wasn't something that happened when he turned four  :P

Thank you so much for the laugh - I completely lost it at that line.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 23, 2013, 06:47:13 AM
Last night as I was getting my youngest to bed, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and then took my hand in his and made me wipe the kiss off my own cheek.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pen^2 on October 24, 2013, 11:53:24 AM
Today I had a 5 year old kid whose pencil lead broke off. It just needed to be sharpened a bit to be usable again. He had a sharpener next to him, but at home (I found out later) his parents always do it for him. So he called for me and held out the broken-off bit of lead and the blunt pencil.

Him: "What should I do?"
Me: "We can throw it away, and then I'll sharpen the pencil so you can use it again. Then it'll be all fixed!"
I got the little class dustbin and held it out for him to discard the lead. Instead, he threw the pencil out, and kept hold of the lead. Looking at it, he then asked:
Him: "Now what should I do?"

Working with kids gives everyday reminders that no matter how clear an instruction is, they will always be able to come up with bizarre and unpredictable ways of misinterpreting it. You just can't prepare in advance for everything. It's like trying to make something fool-proof. It isn't possible, because fools are often too ingenious in their foolishness to ever be fully taken into account in advance.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: guihong on October 25, 2013, 12:00:45 AM
My DS13 and his friend were playing a computer game, when DS shouted, "Friend, when you tell me something, you have to be pacific!"  Then, "Mom, he's not being pacific!"

A lot of folks have trouble with being specific, too  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on October 25, 2013, 11:05:32 PM
I'm sorry, I kind of feel like I'm spamming this post, but my kids keep cracking me up. I promise I'll take a break after I share these 2 zoo stories  >:D

2yo DD is potty training at the moment, and I usually put her in a diaper when we go to the zoo because there are long stretches between bathrooms. Today she stayed dry all day! We also saw lots of fun animals, had snacks, played at the playground, and petted goats at the petting zoo. Towards the end of the day, we were chatting with one of the keepers who asked DD what her favorite part of the day was. She answered, "I go poopy in the toilet, and Mommy maked it go way. And I say 'bye bye yucky poop.'"

5yo DS really enjoyed seeing the zebras today. There are a daddy zebra, 2 mommy zebras, and 2 baby zebras at our zoo. One of the baby zebras is quite obviously a boy zebra. I made a general comment about the boy zebra, and mentioned that he was a he. DS said, very loudly (of course. They're never quiet when they say things like this ::)) "Mommy, I know he's a boy because I can see his big, black p*nis. How come he's just a baby but he has such a big p*nis?" I'll let you imagine the conversation that followed between him and the little girl who was shocked and outraged at DS's use of a "naughty word" and DS's firm protestations that it's the right word, and not naughty, and he should know because he has one and she doesn't...Suffice it to say, we hurried off to see the flamingos
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on October 25, 2013, 11:09:37 PM
I'm sorry, I kind of feel like I'm spamming this post, but my kids keep cracking me up. I promise I'll take a break after I share these 2 zoo stories  >:D

2yo DD is potty training at the moment, and I usually put her in a diaper when we go to the zoo because there are long stretches between bathrooms. Today she stayed dry all day! We also saw lots of fun animals, had snacks, played at the playground, and petted goats at the petting zoo. Towards the end of the day, we were chatting with one of the keepers who asked DD what her favorite part of the day was. She answered, "I go poopy in the toilet, and Mommy maked it go way. And I say 'bye bye yucky poop.'"

5yo DS really enjoyed seeing the zebras today. There are a daddy zebra, 2 mommy zebras, and 2 baby zebras at our zoo. One of the baby zebras is quite obviously a boy zebra. I made a general comment about the boy zebra, and mentioned that he was a he. DS said, very loudly (of course. They're never quiet when they say things like this ::)) "Mommy, I know he's a boy because I can see his big, black p*nis. How come he's just a baby but he has such a big p*nis?" I'll let you imagine the conversation that followed between him and the little girl who was shocked and outraged at DS's use of a "naughty word" and DS's firm protestations that it's the right word, and not naughty, and he should know because he has one and she doesn't...Suffice it to say, we hurried off to see the flamingos



*cough gasp wheeze* Can't breathe.... laughing too hard.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on October 26, 2013, 03:09:50 PM
BAHAHAHAHA Twiggy, I love your kids!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on October 28, 2013, 12:11:06 AM
I was cleaning up something in the upstairs guest room while my DD (almost 4 yrs old) played in the main play area.  When i was just out done, she came in and out of nowhere said, "I'm sorry I locked Pasha [our cat] in the trampoline.". I thought I misheard her so I had her repeat it, and then I had to go see for myself.  Yep, she had somehow lifted the 14 lb cat into the indoor, enclosed trampoline and zipped the netting closed.  The cat was just sitting there patient as anything, so mellow I had to reach in and pull her out when she didn't feel like getting out by herself.

When I told DH, he laughed and said that the other day he caught DD playing "wheelbarrow" with this cat - as in, holding the cat's back paws up off the ground while scooching her forward on her front paws down the hallway.   :o. World's most tolerant cat, I swear.  (DD is very clear now that both these activities are not to be repeated!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: parrot_girl on October 28, 2013, 05:22:50 AM
What a tolerant cat! :D

I was shopping with the 2 year old Baby Budgie the other day, him sitting in the seat of the trolley while I piled the groceries in behind him. We'd just about done and I was checking my list to make sure I'd gotten everything on it.
Me: "Hmmm... cheese, yes, bread, yes, yogurt, yes, milk, yes..."
Him: "NO! No sheez! No bed! No nogut! No muk!"
Me: "... how do you feel about strawberries?"
Him: "No bobbobewwies!"
Me: "Tomatoes?"
Him: "NO MAKAKOES!! NO!"

I got them anyway.
(It'll be a sad day when he can pronounce 'tomatoes' and 'strawberries' correctly.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on October 28, 2013, 06:52:24 AM
My MIL came up to visit a week ago and we were reminiscing about my middle child and how he used to pronounce "Nemo" as Momo.

Us: It's Nemo, hon, say Nemo!
PB2: Momo!
Us: Ne...
PB2: Ne...
Us: mo...
PB2: mo..
Us: Nemo!
PB2: Momo!!

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Stormtreader on October 28, 2013, 06:58:08 AM
My MIL came up to visit a week ago and we were reminiscing about my middle child and how he used to pronounce "Nemo" as Momo.

Us: It's Nemo, hon, say Nemo!
PB2: Momo!
Us: Ne...
PB2: Ne...
Us: mo...
PB2: mo..
Us: Nemo!
PB2: Momo!!

This reminds me of a story my mum tells of when I was little, for some reason I couldnt say two words that both started with the same letter, so Polly Parrot became Polly Carrot.

She was trying to get me to say it properly, doing the same "Say P", "Say Arrot" method until I eventually wailed
"But mum, I cant SAY Polly Parrot!" :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on October 28, 2013, 07:49:13 AM
When I told DH, he laughed and said that the other day he caught DD playing "wheelbarrow" with this cat - as in, holding the cat's back paws up off the ground while scooching her forward on her front paws down the hallway.   :o. World's most tolerant cat, I swear.  (DD is very clear now that both these activities are not to be repeated!)

My kids try to do this with the baby, too.  Like your cat, she is a very tolerant baby.  :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on October 28, 2013, 01:04:16 PM
I was cleaning up something in the upstairs guest room while my DD (almost 4 yrs old) played in the main play area.  When i was just out done, she came in and out of nowhere said, "I'm sorry I locked Pasha [our cat] in the trampoline.". I thought I misheard her so I had her repeat it, and then I had to go see for myself.  Yep, she had somehow lifted the 14 lb cat into the indoor, enclosed trampoline and zipped the netting closed.  The cat was just sitting there patient as anything, so mellow I had to reach in and pull her out when she didn't feel like getting out by herself.

When I told DH, he laughed and said that the other day he caught DD playing "wheelbarrow" with this cat - as in, holding the cat's back paws up off the ground while scooching her forward on her front paws down the hallway.   :o. World's most tolerant cat, I swear.  (DD is very clear now that both these activities are not to be repeated!)

The cat my friend had growing up had was the most laid back thing ever. He tolerated being dressed up like a baby doll and paraded around in a stroller. She actually used him to sweep the floor, he'd just lay there and she'd push him around to get all the dust picked up. When we were in middle school, just on a whim, she decided to see if he still fit into the baby clothes she'd had as a kid. He did. So two middle schoolers took a cat dressed up like a baby for a walk in the stroller around the neighborhood. He had a leash on under the dress, and it was safely secured to the side of the stroller with enough slack for him to land on the ground, but he didn't even move.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on October 28, 2013, 07:48:04 PM
We were out to dinner two or three weeks ago and the six year old was sitting next to me.  I don't remember what we were talking about, but she asked me what a secret handshake was.  I told her it was a handshake done in secret, so she offered me her hand under the table and stared at her dad to make sure he couldn't see.  We shook hands.

Every now and then she'll whisper "Secret handshake!" and slowly shake my hand while she stares at her dad to see if he's watching.  The one time he turned to look she squealed, tore her hand away, and went tearing into her bedroom.  He and I laughed ourselves to tears.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: OSUJillyBean on November 01, 2013, 09:30:06 AM
Read this one this morning:  http://notalwaysrelated.com/learning-colorful-language/28281

Learning Colorful Language
BUTCHER SHOP | VA, USA | CHILDREN, FRIENDS, SONS & DAUGHTERS
(I’m about two years old. My father works in a butcher’s shop with a young black man. He greets me the same way every time I see him, with a fist-bump, and then he says:)

Father’s Coworker: “Yo, lil’ [n-word], sup?”

My Mom: “Could you please not teach her that word?”

Father’s Coworker: “It’s cool, Mrs. J. She’s too young to understand what I’m saying anyway.”

(We come into the shop another day, and I see my father’s coworker working behind the counter. I begin bouncing in my seat to go see him. My mother ignores me, until I furiously point my fist in his direction and begin indignantly shouting:)

Me: “[N-word]! [N-word]! [N-word]! [N-word]!”

(The entire shop glares at my very red-faced mother!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on November 01, 2013, 04:40:20 PM
2.5yo DD really, really, reeaaaaaallllllly wants a baby sister. She started by asking me, and then DH, and then she brought out the big guns and started praying for a baby sister. It's really cute, and kind of funny. She finally started to ease off on the Baby Sister talk, and I thought she was done with it, until today. It was naptime and she was saying her prayers, with help from me.

DD ""an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "bless us to have a good day"
DD: "an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "bless Courtney to have a good nap"
DD: "an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "in the name of Jesus, Christ...."
DD: "an we need baby! 'men"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on November 01, 2013, 07:40:48 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsS4uCRrN_Y (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsS4uCRrN_Y)

This video fits this category to a t!
]


Who was shooting the video? Mom wasn't and It looked like Dad had both hands on the wheel.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on November 01, 2013, 08:00:20 PM
I'm sorry, I kind of feel like I'm spamming this post, but my kids keep cracking me up. I promise I'll take a break after I share these 2 zoo stories  >:D

2yo DD is potty training at the moment, and I usually put her in a diaper when we go to the zoo because there are long stretches between bathrooms. Today she stayed dry all day! We also saw lots of fun animals, had snacks, played at the playground, and petted goats at the petting zoo. Towards the end of the day, we were chatting with one of the keepers who asked DD what her favorite part of the day was. She answered, "I go poopy in the toilet, and Mommy maked it go way. And I say 'bye bye yucky poop.'"

5yo DS really enjoyed seeing the zebras today. There are a daddy zebra, 2 mommy zebras, and 2 baby zebras at our zoo. One of the baby zebras is quite obviously a boy zebra. I made a general comment about the boy zebra, and mentioned that he was a he. DS said, very loudly (of course. They're never quiet when they say things like this ::) ) "Mommy, I know he's a boy because I can see his big, black p*nis. How come he's just a baby but he has such a big p*nis?" I'll let you imagine the conversation that followed between him and the little girl who was shocked and outraged at DS's use of a "naughty word" and DS's firm protestations that it's the right word, and not naughty, and he should know because he has one and she doesn't...Suffice it to say, we hurried off to see the flamingos


Sis has run into correct info/names is naughty or in one case evil.


Oldest Niece 8 or 9 and group of kid having a conversation. Babies come up. Boy being raised in a very fundamentalists home - God makes a man fall in love with a woman, they get married, and God gives them a baby.


ON - NO! My parents were never married.


Boy No they have to be married or god won't give them a baby. (Boy thinks sis is ON mother ON corrects him on that)


Couple more rounds. Niece what are you 5 they Played scrabble and had me.


Boy's Mom wanted ON, Sis, and BIL excluded from group some people are friends from Pre-K guess who got excluded. (Not Sis and BIL)




A couple of other times. Loren or Brett have used correct terms - and an Adult scolded them and told Sis or BIL they had used naughty terms. The adult is coolly informed that using correct terms means they can accurately describe any illness or injury.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on November 02, 2013, 07:04:14 PM
2.5yo DD really, really, reeaaaaaallllllly wants a baby sister. She started by asking me, and then DH, and then she brought out the big guns and started praying for a baby sister. It's really cute, and kind of funny. She finally started to ease off on the Baby Sister talk, and I thought she was done with it, until today. It was naptime and she was saying her prayers, with help from me.

DD ""an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "bless us to have a good day"
DD: "an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "bless Courtney to have a good nap"
DD: "an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "in the name of Jesus, Christ...."
DD: "an we need baby! 'men"


Hahahahahaaha! Just precious!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: CakeEater on November 03, 2013, 04:07:18 AM
What a tolerant cat! :D

I was shopping with the 2 year old Baby Budgie the other day, him sitting in the seat of the trolley while I piled the groceries in behind him. We'd just about done and I was checking my list to make sure I'd gotten everything on it.
Me: "Hmmm... cheese, yes, bread, yes, yogurt, yes, milk, yes..."
Him: "NO! No sheez! No bed! No nogut! No muk!"
Me: "... how do you feel about strawberries?"
Him: "No bobbobewwies!"
Me: "Tomatoes?"
Him: "NO MAKAKOES!! NO!"

I got them anyway.
(It'll be a sad day when he can pronounce 'tomatoes' and 'strawberries' correctly.)

My DD has some speech issues, so it was important that I pronounce things correctly for her. But it was really, really hard to not repeat her cute ways of saying things incorrectly.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 03, 2013, 06:11:31 AM
Piratebabe turns 2 on the 7th but as my brother and his girlfriend were visiting yesterday we had a small celebration of it beforehand.  My middle child (11) had made cupcakes (and did a fine job of it) so we'd stuck a "2" candle in one of them and started singing "Happy Birthday' which he started singing along with. 

Then it comes time to blow out the candles and bless him, he tried but instead of blowing down onto the candle he was blowing up and just ruffling his hair in the process.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on November 03, 2013, 06:26:15 AM
That's so cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: 123sandy on November 03, 2013, 08:17:32 AM
A couple of years ago, my youngest was about 10 at the time, I was having a lot of stomach problems and had diagnosed myself as lactose intolerant.

I was telling my kids I couldn't eat certain things anymore because of lactose intolerance, and when asked what it was just said things with milk in them.

A little while later the youngest asks if that means I can't eat beef anymore. Confused, I asked why he thought that. "Well" came the reply "cows have milk in them"...  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 03, 2013, 02:36:49 PM
A couple of years ago, my youngest was about 10 at the time, I was having a lot of stomach problems and had diagnosed myself as lactose intolerant.

I was telling my kids I couldn't eat certain things anymore because of lactose intolerance, and when asked what it was just said things with milk in them.

A little while later the youngest asks if that means I can't eat beef anymore. Confused, I asked why he thought that. "Well" came the reply "cows have milk in them"...  ;D

Where's the "like" button?   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on November 03, 2013, 06:32:03 PM
When she was 2 Loren kept telling people that mommy was pregnant with a brother. Sis kept telling her no Aunt D (father's side) was pregnant with a boy. This went on for a couple of weeks, with an embarrassed sis telling people she wasn't expecting. Then you guessed it - she had to tell people surprise she was expecting.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on November 03, 2013, 07:33:19 PM
My kids will have these adorable little conversations in front of me, where they'll discuss how they'd really love to have a new little baby sibling, and wouldn't it be nice to be a family with 5 kids, and maybe this time it could be a boy so he could be the prince, or the father when they play house?  And how they'll share the LEGOs...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 03, 2013, 08:15:14 PM
My kids will have these adorable little conversations in front of me, where they'll discuss how they'd really love to have a new little baby sibling, and wouldn't it be nice to be a family with 5 kids, and maybe this time it could be a boy so he could be the prince, or the father when they play house?  And how they'll share the LEGOs...

Last night it was rather funny, and I don't quite remember what the older two boys were arguing about but for that it was one of those times that either they were both wrong or both right, but arguing because they were sure their way was better.

Anyway, the funny part was that the almost 2 year old was in his port-a-crib doing a face palm and head shake like he was thinking "Really? They're acting like that and I'm the one in time-out?"

And today...well, I know I'm biased but all 3 of our boys are pretty good looking kids and as toddlers the older two had no problem turning on the charm with females of all ages.  The youngest is definitely following in their footsteps and as one woman at our church joked "Well, we know which side of the plate he swings from!"  He was going around giving hugs and kisses to girls of all ages who were giving him attention, from the 3 year old having a snack with him in the hall to the high school girls. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: shygirl on November 04, 2013, 06:54:40 AM
What a tolerant cat! :D

I was shopping with the 2 year old Baby Budgie the other day, him sitting in the seat of the trolley while I piled the groceries in behind him. We'd just about done and I was checking my list to make sure I'd gotten everything on it.
Me: "Hmmm... cheese, yes, bread, yes, yogurt, yes, milk, yes..."
Him: "NO! No sheez! No bed! No nogut! No muk!"
Me: "... how do you feel about strawberries?"
Him: "No bobbobewwies!"
Me: "Tomatoes?"
Him: "NO MAKAKOES!! NO!"

I got them anyway.
(It'll be a sad day when he can pronounce 'tomatoes' and 'strawberries' correctly.)

My DD has some speech issues, so it was important that I pronounce things correctly for her. But it was really, really hard to not repeat her cute ways of saying things incorrectly.

I also think it's important to pronounce things correctly to model it for my son.  But, I just can't get over how cute it is when he tries to say "elephant".  He says "efelant" instead. 

So, that's the one word I haven't yet told him the correct pronounciation.  As far as I'm concerned, those huge grey animals are efelants.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on November 04, 2013, 07:03:11 AM
What a tolerant cat! :D

I was shopping with the 2 year old Baby Budgie the other day, him sitting in the seat of the trolley while I piled the groceries in behind him. We'd just about done and I was checking my list to make sure I'd gotten everything on it.
Me: "Hmmm... cheese, yes, bread, yes, yogurt, yes, milk, yes..."
Him: "NO! No sheez! No bed! No nogut! No muk!"
Me: "... how do you feel about strawberries?"
Him: "No bobbobewwies!"
Me: "Tomatoes?"
Him: "NO MAKAKOES!! NO!"

I got them anyway.
(It'll be a sad day when he can pronounce 'tomatoes' and 'strawberries' correctly.)

My DD has some speech issues, so it was important that I pronounce things correctly for her. But it was really, really hard to not repeat her cute ways of saying things incorrectly.

I also think it's important to pronounce things correctly to model it for my son.  But, I just can't get over how cute it is when he tries to say "elephant".  He says "efelant" instead. 

So, that's the one word I haven't yet told him the correct pronounciation.  As far as I'm concerned, those huge grey animals are efelants.

My oldest (6) was learning the books of the Bible for an activity called AWANA.  I found this really catchy song we had on a CD that teaches the books.  It really is catchy.  So catchy that my 5-year-old knows them now, and the 3-year-old knows... well, most of them.  If you haven't heard a 3-year-old attempt to pronounce words like "Thessalonians," you haven't lived.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on November 04, 2013, 07:09:41 AM
What a tolerant cat! :D

I was shopping with the 2 year old Baby Budgie the other day, him sitting in the seat of the trolley while I piled the groceries in behind him. We'd just about done and I was checking my list to make sure I'd gotten everything on it.
Me: "Hmmm... cheese, yes, bread, yes, yogurt, yes, milk, yes..."
Him: "NO! No sheez! No bed! No nogut! No muk!"
Me: "... how do you feel about strawberries?"
Him: "No bobbobewwies!"
Me: "Tomatoes?"
Him: "NO MAKAKOES!! NO!"

I got them anyway.
(It'll be a sad day when he can pronounce 'tomatoes' and 'strawberries' correctly.)

My DD has some speech issues, so it was important that I pronounce things correctly for her. But it was really, really hard to not repeat her cute ways of saying things incorrectly.

I also think it's important to pronounce things correctly to model it for my son.  But, I just can't get over how cute it is when he tries to say "elephant".  He says "efelant" instead. 

So, that's the one word I haven't yet told him the correct pronounciation.  As far as I'm concerned, those huge grey animals are efelants.

My oldest (6) was learning the books of the Bible for an activity called AWANA.  I found this really catchy song we had on a CD that teaches the books.  It really is catchy.  So catchy that my 5-year-old knows them now, and the 3-year-old knows... well, most of them.  If you haven't heard a 3-year-old attempt to pronounce words like "Thessalonians," you haven't lived.

Awww! Cuuute! Also MommyPenguin I noticed that three of your little cartoon things say that your Children all have birthdays today. That's adorable that they were all born on the same day, and happy birthday to them!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on November 04, 2013, 07:14:20 AM
So funny that you say that, because somebody else just pointed that out to me the other day and I was just working on fixing that as you typed.  They don't actually have birthdays all on the same day, just within 2 months (two of them are a few weeks apart) and lilypie doesn't automatically switch kids to the next year's timeline, you have to do it yourself.  I just hadn't gotten around to fixing the two that already happened, and now we just finished with one kid's party yesterday!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 15, 2013, 08:22:32 PM
My 2 year old likes to play up "injuries" by saying "Owww!" in the most pitiable of tones.  I know he's putting it on, but all the same I offer to kiss his booboos when he tells me where they are.

Yesterday he held his wrist in his hand and said "Owww!" so I say "Aww, you poor thing, want mama to kiss it?" He thought about it and then shook his head, saying "Ewwwww!" LOL!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on November 15, 2013, 10:04:49 PM
We were walking out of the library the other day, and since Jenny had picked out a book about a moose, the girls were jokingly saying, "I see a moose!" and pointing at various non-moose objects.  Then Jenny pointed to our blue minivan and said, "I see a blue moose!"  I added, "And we're going to ride the blue moose home!"  Emily, I should mention, rides in the back of the minivan and enters through the tailgate.  So as we approached, she wrinkled her nose.  "You mean I have to climb up the moose's butt???"

Charlotte was using a "boo-boo bear" (a soft-covered ice pack) and handed it back to me. "Mommy, can you put this away? I'm all done freezing."

Emily: "Mommy, how much money would I have if I were a librarian?" Me: "You might make about $40,000 a year." Her: "Wow, that's like $39,999 more dollars than I have."

Jenny, watching me make mac and cheese: "Mommy, do you know how Jesus makes macaroni and cheese?" Me: "How?" Jenny: "He says, "Let there be macaroni and cheese... and there is!"

Emily had a language arts assignment that required looking at a picture and then writing a sentence about the picture.  For example, for a picture of a girl diving and looking at a fish, she wrote, "Can I catch the fish?"  Well, the last picture was of 4 kids in a grocery cart, 3 of them misbehaving in some way and the last looking disgusted.  Emily's sentence?  "I have waaaay too many kids."  Yes, sometimes I feel that way, too.  :)  (But not very often.)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Delia DeLyons on November 15, 2013, 10:17:57 PM
Ohhhhhhhh, MommyPenguin... Thank you for those gems.... Love!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elisabunny on November 16, 2013, 11:12:00 AM
7-year-old DD is recovering from her bone marrow transplant (doing very well :) ) which comes with massive diarrhea.  So, pull-ups.  She's awake enough now that I suggested switching to underwear during the day.  "No, mama.  I'm a baby goat and this *points to her pullup* is my straw."   ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on November 16, 2013, 12:03:18 PM
That's hilarious, Elisabunny!  What a great way for her to see the humor in what otherwise could be a pretty uncomfortable/difficult situation.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Cutenoob on November 16, 2013, 09:14:25 PM
My little guy is potty training right now, and hasn't figured out the poop control part. He messed his underwear, and apologized to them,  "Sorry undies!". Any time he does that, he apologizes to his underwear.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on November 18, 2013, 03:53:47 PM
Me: "Okay, kiddo, two hours until dinner.  Do you want to play first, or do homework first?"

Babybartfast: "HOMEWORK!"

Me: *cue double-take*

(Okay, kindergarten homework is mostly writing letters and doing connect the dots, but still!)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Jones on November 18, 2013, 04:03:08 PM
It came out this weekend that DD thought fresh eggs are brown, and as they get older, or "ripen" they turn white.

I wish I could recall a more precise wording, it was both sweet and funny. And makes a bit of sense, as I always buy brown eggs at the farmer's market and white eggs at the store during "off season".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: JeanFromBNA on November 18, 2013, 09:24:27 PM
We were on the Walt Disney World monorail.  One of the stops is at the Ticket and Transportation Center.  I overheard a young man of, about 8 or 9 years old say to his mother, " I do too know where we're parked.  We're at the Ticket and Constipation Center."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on November 20, 2013, 10:01:49 AM
DD (age 4): What do butterflies eat?
Me: They eat nectar from flowers.
DD: No, they eat PERSONS!
Me: They eat people? Oh no, I hope a butterfly doesn't eat me!
DD: Sorry, it's happening.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on November 20, 2013, 01:25:25 PM
My 4 year old normally has clear speech patterns, but there are still a few words he uses his own creative pronunciations for. Today's conversation at lunch:

Son: Daddy, watch this vid-yoo.
Husband: what video?
Son: this vid-yoo. Oh, I mean vid-yohhhh.
Hiuband to me: speaking of odd pronunciations, I had to sit through a meeting, and the speaker kept talking about may-surements, and how do we may-sure this.
Son: what word is that? I don't know that word. Stop diffusing me.
Me: wait, diffusing, or confusing?
Son: Diffusing. And if you keep saying words I don't know, I'm going to have to do this! (face palms himself)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on November 20, 2013, 11:15:35 PM
Bexx, that's hilarious!

Turtle, my kids have some odd ones, too.  :)  I can't think of any at the moment, but confusing "confuse" with "diffuse" sounds about right.  :)  It's almost sad when they stop doing that.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on November 22, 2013, 12:46:42 AM
I had an odd one with my 5yo today. We were heading to the zoo, and talking about the snacks I had packed. He was upset that I had blackberries, not strawberries and decided that he was going to eat...ears. Um, ears of corn? Nope. People ears. When I asked why he would eat ears, he got a manic gleam in his eye and said "because they're made of MEAT!" and then he gave his maniacal laugh.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on November 22, 2013, 07:03:56 AM
I may have posted this already, but speaking of mispronpuncing things, my 3-4 y/o daughter said hopgrassers and flybutters. I corrected flybutters, but we started using hopgrassers.

My daughter's cat's name is Liger. Her daughter calls him Ligoo. We've started calling him Ligoo.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on November 22, 2013, 07:17:23 AM
I may have posted this already, but speaking of mispronpuncing things, my 3-4 y/o daughter said hopgrassers and flybutters. I corrected flybutters, but we started using hopgrassers.

My daughter's cat's name is Liger. Her daughter calls him Ligoo. We've started calling him Ligoo.

According to Toddler Magpie, it was callapitters because all of their feet went pitter patter.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on November 22, 2013, 08:52:57 AM
I may have posted this already, but speaking of mispronpuncing things, my 3-4 y/o daughter said hopgrassers and flybutters. I corrected flybutters, but we started using hopgrassers.

My daughter's cat's name is Liger. Her daughter calls him Ligoo. We've started calling him Ligoo.

My dog's name is Fulton and my mom's is Gilbert. Sproglet has taken to calling them a-Pulton and Buggit. That has become their de facto names. Actually, my sweet idiot answers more to a-Pulton than she does to her own name. Buggit's still a baby, so it's half and half if he comes when called in any case.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 22, 2013, 11:54:20 AM
My best friend shares a name with female detective from a long running books series.  My youngest calls her Nana Nanie and MIL once said "Well he'll be able to pronounce the C soon enough."  Well sure he will but I hope he still keeps calling her Nanie. It's cute. :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: stkatie00 on November 22, 2013, 12:29:41 PM
My twins turn two on the 26th, and are finally starting to really take off on talking (they're in speech therapy), which is great, because I finally have some gems to post! :) Their toothbrushes have Elmo on them, and the first time they saw them, they went "Elbo! Elbo!" So, Elmo is now Elbo in our house.

Also, my son's favorite word is "cookie." He says it incredibly clearly, and while it usually mean he does want a cookie, it sometimes mean bagel. So, it'll go like this:
Son: Cookie! Cookie! (Points to refrigerator, which isn't where we have any cookies)
Me: Do you want a bagel?
Son: (nods head) Ba-el (or something that approximates bagel)!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on November 22, 2013, 01:51:58 PM
With all the young ones I've known recently, I've seen Elmo as:
Emmo
Melmo
Mamo
Ellow
Ella-mow-man (this was pronounced very carefully)

There's also Sproglet, who loves Batman and Superman. Sis lets her watch Justice League Unlimited and any of the Batman animated series. So when she wants to watch Batman, she asks for "Mana-man" and when she wants Superman and Batman (Justice League), it turns into "Superman-man-mat-man-man". Well, at least we know what she's asking for.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Seraphia on November 22, 2013, 01:58:37 PM
All the Elmo stories reminded me!

My mom has video of this, which is the only reason I remember it so clearly:

Bro and I are jumping on the bed, and mom is filming.
Mom: "So, what are we going to do this weekend?"
Me: "Goooooooo CAMPING!"
Mom: "And who's going with us?"
Bro and I: "..."
Mom: "Grover? Elmo?"
Bro:(in a tone of utter exasperation) "Those two things are MONSTERS!"
Mom: "So? Don't they go camping too?"
Bro: "Nooooooo! They live in the television and they don't come out!"
Me: (falls over laughing)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on November 22, 2013, 05:20:22 PM
My poor mother let us name the dog. We still lived in Boston, so I was about 4 and Sis was 2 1/2 I'd guess (we moved when I was almost 6). We named him Nibbles. The day my sister chased the dog around the yard yelling 'Nipples! Nipples!' was the day the dog's name got changed very quickly.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on November 22, 2013, 09:38:06 PM
A parent never realized their mental age hangs at 15 y/o boys until they've followed their son into the toy aisle and he shouts very clearly that he wants a Woody. You will also come across other parents snickering because they just suffered through the same thing. Toy Story is not just for kids.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on November 23, 2013, 01:57:56 AM
My poor mother let us name the dog. We still lived in Boston, so I was about 4 and Sis was 2 1/2 I'd guess (we moved when I was almost 6). We named him Nibbles. The day my sister chased the dog around the yard yelling 'Nipples! Nipples!' was the day the dog's name got changed very quickly.

But the important question is what did it get changed to?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on November 23, 2013, 02:33:50 AM
Oh dear......well Mum thought we should still get to name it and we voted on....Taxi, which got my mother yelled at by a taxi driver for yelling "Taxi!!" when the dog ran away once. She couldn't win  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on November 23, 2013, 04:44:41 AM
Oh dear......well Mum thought we should still get to name it and we voted on....Taxi, which got my mother yelled at by a taxi driver for yelling "Taxi!!" when the dog ran away once. She couldn't win  ;D

That's funny
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on November 23, 2013, 06:23:02 AM
A parent never realized their mental age hangs at 15 y/o boys until they've followed their son into the toy aisle and he shouts very clearly that he wants a Woody. You will also come across other parents snickering because they just suffered through the same thing. Toy Story is not just for kids.

*Snicker* A former neighbor told me she and her hubby were in the Disney store at the mall, shopping and she picked up a small stuffed Woody and blurted to her husband without thinking "Oh look, a little Woody!" then she blushed and they both laughed.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on November 23, 2013, 10:50:17 AM
Yesterday I decided that everybody needed a break from real life and drove down to Key West.  I have a friend that lives down there, and the night before the kids asked if we'd be meeting up with him while we were there.  I told them that assuming he got off work early enough, we'd meet for dinner before it was time to head home. Now, for a little background, this friend is rather good with slight of hand card tricks, and the last time he was here, he entertained the kids for a while with various card tricks, and of course, the "pull a card from behind somebody's ear" trick is a must.

So, on the way down there yesterday, my 11 year old says "I just want you to know that I washed my hair really, really well so <friend> won't be able to find ANY cards this time!"

For the record, half a deck of cards were found behind the child's ear. :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on November 23, 2013, 05:05:11 PM
I went to see Catching Fire.

Near the end, there is a statement made by Gayle to Katniss...a Little girl in the audience exclaimed "NO WAY!".  I'm pretty sure everyone laughed.  The timing was just that great.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on November 28, 2013, 03:41:33 PM
DD wanted to share something she learned at school recently: "Before the earth had any people, volcanoes!"

I asked her to explain a drawing she had made: a small red circle inside a larger yellow circle surrounded by blue with some red lines in it.  The red circle is a volcano, yellow is the island, blue is the earth with no cracks in it (definitely not water, as I naively assumed), and the red lines are lava snakes, trying to get to their food, the hot lava.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Twik on November 29, 2013, 11:11:14 AM
Lava snakes, huh?  8)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Carotte on November 29, 2013, 12:03:21 PM
Lava snakes, huh?  8)

Probably the plot of a next Doctor Who episode :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on November 30, 2013, 06:03:45 PM
Lava snakes, huh?  8)

Probably the plot of a next Doctor Who episode :)

Greeeat. As if the Weeping Angels weren't enough... now I have to be afraid of lava snakes too!? No fair!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on December 13, 2013, 10:44:04 AM
DS (5yo): Hey Sister, do you know how you can tell that Mom loves us?
DD (2yo): Mommy love me, Mommy love you, Mommy love Baby, Mommy love *this went on for a while*
DS: Yeah, yeah, Mom loves lots of people. But do you know how I could tell that Mom loves me and you and Baby? Because she puts cheese in our scrambled eggs.
DD: I love cheese! Tank you Mommy for making me cheese. An tank you Jesus for the cheese. Amen
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on December 13, 2013, 12:54:28 PM
Last night was Sproglet's 2nd birthday party. Once she got used to the crowd, she was an absolute ham for everything. Sis's boyfriend was bouncing her all around on the floor and playing with her when my grandma was getting ready to go.

My mom: Sproglet, say goodbye to GramB. (That's what she calls my grandma.)
Sproglet: (Points to the door) Door!

We all just about died laughing. Sis argued that she was being the perfect hostess, literally showing her guests the door as they left.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on December 16, 2013, 06:37:43 PM
My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 16, 2013, 07:25:45 PM
My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Oooh, I'm going to have to remember that one.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: saffron on December 17, 2013, 12:28:06 AM
My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My daughter has been taking off her pj's and diaper for weeks now and peeing in her bed- at 3 a.m. I tried duct tape. It didn't work.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pen^2 on December 17, 2013, 04:58:30 PM
I was trying to convince some of my students (5-6 years old) that I have a pet dinosaur. It made sense in the context of the lesson, just go with it. Anyway, they all kept saying that I couldn't possibly have a dinosaur for a pet, to which I would respond in a bewildered way, "But why not?"

Eventually one little girl cried out, "Don't be silly, Teacher! Dinosaurs aren't alive! They only live at Universal Studios, and they're made of robots!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on December 17, 2013, 05:46:26 PM
My dog Tasha died when my older grandsons were about 4.  They knew that we buried her in the back yard.   2 years later I was talking to Grandson #2 about dinosaurs, and when he started to get a bit scared, I tried to reassure him that the dinosaurs were all dead and buried in the earth.  "But that means that Tasha is in danger, Grandma!  Go get her and bring her into the house, so the dinosaurs won't get her!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elisabunny on December 17, 2013, 06:47:25 PM
My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Yep, I've done that.  Listening to a frustrated toddler probably should be filed under "Things You Shouldn't Laugh At."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on December 17, 2013, 08:45:13 PM
My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My daughter has been taking off her pj's and diaper for weeks now and peeing in her bed- at 3 a.m. I tried duct tape. It didn't work.


There is a very small space where the zipper pull and zipper meet. The diaper pin fits in perfectly. Just make sure you use a diaper pin, because they lock, so to speak, and the little one can't get it off.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on December 17, 2013, 08:57:50 PM
I was trying to convince some of my students (5-6 years old) that I have a pet dinosaur. It made sense in the context of the lesson, just go with it. Anyway, they all kept saying that I couldn't possibly have a dinosaur for a pet, to which I would respond in a bewildered way, "But why not?"

Eventually one little girl cried out, "Don't be silly, Teacher! Dinosaurs aren't alive! They only live at Universal Studios, and they're made of robots!"
Last week it was cold and wet each day - so no recess especially because most of our kids winter jackets are just cotton hoodies (subtropics so heavier coats are needed maybe 10 days out of the year - and our parents are struggling to put food on the table and a roof over their heads)

I had lunch duty so my partner teacher had the kids for indoor recess and showed them the nutcracker cartoon. The kids asked me what I was going to do for the weekend. I told them I was going to watch Loren be a soldier in her dance schools Nutcracker Tea. They informed me she can't be in the nutcracker she's real and the nutcracker is a cartoon. Reminds me to show them the video tomorrow.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 18, 2013, 06:04:00 AM
My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Yep, I've done that.  Listening to a frustrated toddler probably should be filed under "Things You Shouldn't Laugh At."

Agreed, along with a toddler stamping their feet.  I don't know why, but it just strikes me as funny when my little guy stomps his foot.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on December 18, 2013, 10:18:57 AM
My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Yep, I've done that.  Listening to a frustrated toddler probably should be filed under "Things You Shouldn't Laugh At."

Agreed, along with a toddler stamping their feet.  I don't know why, but it just strikes me as funny when my little guy stomps his foot.

Or a toddler with the "This-is-the-absolute-worst-thing-in-the-world-how-could-you-do-this-to-me" face. Especially when it comes on slowly.

You know the one. The kid is sitting there happy, then something happens. The corners of the mouth start to twitch down. The nose scrunches, and the face turns into a look of abject brokenheartedness. Tiny hands come up to cover the face, and the whole tiny little body slumps to the floor as the wailing begins. The whole scene takes about five seconds.

All because you said that the apples were all gone.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on December 18, 2013, 01:45:54 PM
Mine hasn't gotten to the foot-stamping yet; she just melts into a puddle on the floor and just lies there.  Sometimes she does this while wailing at the injustice of the world in general and parents in particular, and other times she's completely quiet as she sinks to the ground, as if trying to convince us that she is now dead from no-fair-itis.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on December 19, 2013, 01:52:15 PM
My daughter asked a while ago if she could call her grandparents.  I told her that would be okay.  I heard her leaving a message, but I didn't hear the contents.  She came over about ten minutes after that and asked if there had been any phone calls for her.   ;D  Just now, my dad called back.  He said that he got a message from her, and she said, "Hi, this is Emily.  Will you please call me back at... <pause> 1:00.  Thank you."  He was amused, and so he looked up the time the message was left: 12:56.  So apparently he was supposed to get and return the message within 4 minutes.  I'm guessing that's why she came to see if we'd gotten any calls... he was late!  So when he called back, I handed the phone to Emily.  I could hear her telling him, "Grandpap, it has been 1 hour and 40 minutes!"  Heh.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: jayhawk on December 19, 2013, 03:52:19 PM
Not sure if this has been mentioned on this thread, if so, i apologize, but I hope you all follow Reasons My Son is Crying on Facebook.

http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com (http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com)/
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on December 19, 2013, 06:23:04 PM
My granddaughter is now 2 1/2, and her baby brother was born on November 10th. She is ecstatic about having a brother. DIL and the baby came home after about 4 days...they like to establish breastfeeding as much as possible so the hospital stay is a bit longer than in some other countries.


The first evening the baby was in the house, Granddaughter was dancing in front of the mirror, and she looked over at the baby, made a hand gesture and said, "C'mon over here, let's dance together!'. We explained that Baby can't dance yet...look of surprise.....she picks up a couple of toys, goes over to him and says, 'Ok then, sit up and I'll give you these!'
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 19, 2013, 07:56:23 PM
Or when they go boneless.  It would be funny if it wasn't so inconvenient, really.  One minute they're walking along but as soon as you touch them to redirect them away from something off limits or towards something they're supposed to be doing, it's like every last bone melts and they can no longer move...until you let them lay on the ground and then they bound up...thinking they've won..
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: OSUJillyBean on December 20, 2013, 11:27:54 AM
Not sure if this has been mentioned on this thread, if so, i apologize, but I hope you all follow Reasons My Son is Crying on Facebook.

http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com (http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com)/

I love this and will be buying the book if/when Husband and I get preggo.  Hysterical!!   ;D ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Pen^2 on December 20, 2013, 01:19:26 PM
Not sure if this has been mentioned on this thread, if so, i apologize, but I hope you all follow Reasons My Son is Crying on Facebook.

http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com (http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com)/

Oh my goodness this is fantastic! My husband can't work out why I'm laughing so much.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 20, 2013, 03:31:45 PM
Awww! I love the little one who thought he'd turn into the Hulk if he painted himself green!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on December 20, 2013, 08:01:47 PM
I was half-tempted to take a picture of my baby/toddler today.  I was trying to change her shirt, and had to take the little toys out of her hands so I could get her hands through sleeves.  It was comical how she'd be happy, I'd take the toy and she'd cry, I'd get her hand through her sleeve and hand her back the toy, then I'd take the toy from her other hand, she'd cry, I'd get that hand through the sleeve, happy... I didn't feel like going off to get the camera in the middle of the clothing change, though, considering how fast she is.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 20, 2013, 08:33:16 PM
Two weeks ago my 2 year old started to kind of sing a tune.  We'd been out and he just started singing "Doo doo dee doo doo doo doo..." and I recognized the melody rather quickly...he was trying to sing the Harry Potter theme and doing a fair job of it too, for a two year old.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on December 23, 2013, 12:07:46 PM
I was half-tempted to take a picture of my baby/toddler today.  I was trying to change her shirt, and had to take the little toys out of her hands so I could get her hands through sleeves.  It was comical how she'd be happy, I'd take the toy and she'd cry, I'd get her hand through her sleeve and hand her back the toy, then I'd take the toy from her other hand, she'd cry, I'd get that hand through the sleeve, happy... I didn't feel like going off to get the camera in the middle of the clothing change, though, considering how fast she is.

Luckily one of the first things Sproglet learned was switch hands. She knows when it's time to get dressed she can have one toy but has to set the second one down, and she has to switch hands when told so we can get her all the way dressed/undressed. But she's good enough that she does it without prompting now, too.

As a follow-up from the "Door" story from a few weeks ago, last week my mom was over with Sis and Sproglet. She was getting ready to go home and said "Okay, Sproglet, say bye bye to grandma."

Sproglet looked at her, pointed at the door, and said "You go home now, grandma." She went back to her playing and refused to actually say bye bye or blow kisses.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: turtleIScream on December 23, 2013, 09:54:42 PM
When my son was really little (1-2), he wore those very form fitting PJs that have cuffs the size of my wedding ring. Invariably, he would spread his fingers into jazz hands every time I tried to out those darn PJs on him, and get his poor little fingers caught. But, when I tried to put gloves on him, he would ball his hands into fists. Basically, his hands would do the exact opposite action I needed him to do to get dressed easily. So, I started saying "pajama hands!" and making exaggerated jazz hands any time I needed to get gloves on him. Even though he wears loose fitting PJs now, we still say "pajama hands!" when getting dressed to go outside.

My son is now 4. Yesterday, we were playing "name that emotion". I would make a face or gesture, and he would have to identify what emotion I was feeling. So, smile means happy, furrowed brow means confused, etc. For this turn, I smiled broadly, opened my eyes wide, and threw my hands in the air (excited), and he yelled out "pajama hands!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 24, 2013, 07:38:21 AM
Our church hall is set up with a tree on a table in one corner and a sturdy wooden nativity on the table.  No actual stable, just the main characters and they're carved kind of in the Willow Tree style in that you can tell who they're supposed to be despite the lack of faces.

Well we were up at the church yesterday since the oldest pirate had choir rehearsal and my little guy was intrigued by the animals in the nativity and no matter how much another mother and I kept trying to tell him that sheep say "Ba-a-a-a-a" he kept saying "Mooooo!" for both the cow and the sheep so we gave up. :)

 He had a good deal of energy last night and was running all over the place, including into the foyer and onto the stage, then out into the hall, into the kitchen, foyer and hall again.   S asked him, while laughing "L, what ARE you doing?" He paused for a moment, looked around and then shrugged, saying "I nono!" (I don't know!") then took off again.

Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on December 24, 2013, 08:55:36 AM
Well we were up at the church yesterday since the oldest pirate had choir rehearsal and my little guy was intrigued by the animals in the nativity and no matter how much another mother and I kept trying to tell him that sheep say "Ba-a-a-a-a" he kept saying "Mooooo!" for both the cow and the sheep so we gave up. :)

What is it about "Moo"?  My daughter is learning animal sounds, too, and while she's pretty good on some of them, whenever we ask her one she's not sure of she defaults to "Moo!"  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on December 24, 2013, 10:28:16 AM
Well we were up at the church yesterday since the oldest pirate had choir rehearsal and my little guy was intrigued by the animals in the nativity and no matter how much another mother and I kept trying to tell him that sheep say "Ba-a-a-a-a" he kept saying "Mooooo!" for both the cow and the sheep so we gave up. :)

What is it about "Moo"?  My daughter is learning animal sounds, too, and while she's pretty good on some of them, whenever we ask her one she's not sure of she defaults to "Moo!"  ;D

So does my niece!

Actually, it's funny, the new books we got her have a goat and a sheep. She can't tell the difference, and they both make the same noise (according to mommy), so when we show her a picture, she'll say "Goeep" and mash the two together.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 25, 2013, 08:18:14 PM
Last night the church had their Christmas Eve nativity pageant starring only children which of course is going to make for some interesting moments when they involve children of all ages. 

My youngest was a shepherd again this year and as we were getting everyone ready he was busy playing with the Little People nativity set one woman had brought to keep the youngest cast members occupied.  Piratebabe became very fascinated with the baby Jesus from this set.  He kept holding it out and telling everyone "Baby! Baby! Wlook, baby!" 

He got even more excited during the actual pageant.  He went right to the little wooden cradle with the baby doll representing Baby Jesus, looked in and started saying "BABY!! BABY!! IT DA BABY!! BABY BABY BABY!!!" 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mediancat on December 29, 2013, 12:54:38 PM
One on me, when I was 3 or so (my mother told me this when I was older.)

We'd walked to the grocery store and Mom was putting the cart away when I saw a word and wanted to impress on her how well I could read. So I chose the first word I saw on the wall and said, loudly, "Look, Mommy! F U [worst possible two letters to follow FU]! That spells [Bad word]!"

Mom told me she tried to decide whether she could just say, "Not my kid," and walk off, but figured it would be too much trouble.

Rob
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mediancat on December 29, 2013, 03:13:32 PM
I also, at one point, bought my niece Miss Margaret a stuffed opossum. She misidentified it as a lobster, and every time we said "opossum" she said "Lobster!"

My sister eventually informed me that they'd come to the compromise that the opossum was named "Lobster." Which struck everyone as fair.

Rob
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 29, 2013, 03:23:26 PM
BBF: "Mom, will you help me make pony soup?" [said while waving her stuffed unicorn in my face]

Me: "Sure, honey!  What do ponies eat?"

BBF: "No, it's soup MADE of ponies!" *runs to retrieve her Halloween cauldron-shaped candy bucket, which is filled with all her and her sister's other horse-shaped stuffed animals*

Me: *side-eye*

DH: *trying not to laugh out loud*
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Dazi on December 29, 2013, 08:08:47 PM
BBF: "Mom, will you help me make pony soup?" [said while waving her stuffed unicorn in my face]

Me: "Sure, honey!  What do ponies eat?"

BBF: "No, it's soup MADE of ponies!" *runs to retrieve her Halloween cauldron-shaped candy bucket, which is filled with all her and her sister's other horse-shaped stuffed animals*

Me: *side-eye*

DH: *trying not to laugh out loud*

I think you may to get her this, so she can make herself some unicorn soup 

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/e5a7/?itm=unicorn_meat&rkgid=279985516&cpg=ogty1&source=google_toys&creative=7871625645&adpos=1t1&device=t&network=g&matchtype=b&gclid=CPWA_LDu1rsCFSdp7Aod4h4A1w
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cwm on December 30, 2013, 11:51:47 AM
One on me, when I was 3 or so (my mother told me this when I was older.)

We'd walked to the grocery store and Mom was putting the cart away when I saw a word and wanted to impress on her how well I could read. So I chose the first word I saw on the wall and said, loudly, "Look, Mommy! F U [worst possible two letters to follow FU]! That spells [Bad word]!"

Mom told me she tried to decide whether she could just say, "Not my kid," and walk off, but figured it would be too much trouble.

Rob

That was the first word I learned how to read on my own, it was carved into the equipment at the daycare I went to. Luckily mom just acted all proud of me and told me that the word I'd learned was a word even grownups don't say (the liar...) and we'd just have to learn some new ones before we told Daddy and grandma.

Also, when I was about the same age (2-3 ish?), I had a set of blocks that I played with. I was in my bedroom minding my own business, and the door was cracked. Mom snuck up behind me and opened the door and said "Boo!" I turned to her and with my best angry voice, said "Mommy, don't do that! You scared the h*ll out of me!"

I did grow up the daughter of an auto worker, and after that incident, my mom had some words with my dad about appropriate language in front of the children.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: cattlekid on December 30, 2013, 12:04:46 PM
My dad uses the word "contrarian" to describe my 4-year-old niece because she will take the opposing side against you about anything just because she can. 

She was a little stubborn at the dining room table this Thanksgiving and my dad said "You are being a contrarian, aren't you?"

Niece (with perfect timing):  "No, I'm not."

*cue cattlekid dropping her fork in gales of laughter*
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on December 30, 2013, 07:04:32 PM
2yo DD loves Ariel. The Little Mermaid is her favorite movie (though her 5yo brother collapses into a puddle on the living room floor and wails "Noooooo, I can't watch this. I think I'm going to throw up")

DD just about lost her ever lovin mind when we went to Disneyland last week and she got to meet Ariel. It was pretty much the high point of her life.

Today was really funny though, she woke me up by asking for "Ariel kisses" which are apparently kisses on the nose. She then spent the whole morning giving Ariel kisses to her Daddy and brothers, going so far as tackling 5yo DS and sitting on him to give him his kisses. Then, to add insult to injury, she started singing the 'Ariel song,' that vocalization that Ariel does when Ursula takes her voice.

So, with his sister sitting on him, singing, DS started wailing, "I can't take it. I feel sick. No more singing." DD stopped, looked down at him and, in her most innocent voice she said, "Oh no. You sick? I make you better." Then she gave him another Ariel kiss and sang louder. When I finally pulled her off him, DD cackled and said "I get you wif Ariel. I Super Ariel. ha ha ha ha ha!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: mmswm on December 30, 2013, 07:24:45 PM
My 11 year old had a morphine pump put in yesterday.  He was listening to it beep and whir and says to me "I told you I'm turning into a robot!  See, I beep now!"

I about died from laughter. As much as it pains me that he needs a morphine pump, I'm glad he's got such a good attitude about it.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on December 30, 2013, 07:34:11 PM
My 11 year old had a morphine pump put in yesterday.  He was listening to it beep and whir and says to me "I told you I'm turning into a robot!  See, I beep now!"

I about died from laughter. As much as it pains me that he needs a morphine pump, I'm glad he's got such a good attitude about it.

Sounds like he's a good sport! :)

Reminds me of when my little one was in the ER with croup. We'd just recently watched "Meaning of Life" by Monty Python and I couldn't help but giggle when we had a machine that went "ping" in the room.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on December 31, 2013, 06:31:27 PM
It's New Year's Eve, so I'm starting to see 2014 posts from people in time zones further east than we are.  Babybartfast (5) was reading my Twitter stream over my shoulder, so I ended up trying to explain time zones to her.  She was really excited to hear that some people were already in the future!!!  She hit on the great idea of finding someone who was in the future and asking them what the weather was going to be tomorrow, so we'd know whether we had to wear real shoes or whether we could wear sandals to school.   :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on December 31, 2013, 08:25:14 PM
Too cute!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: faithlessone on January 02, 2014, 05:38:11 AM
From a friend on Twitter:

The toddler is referring to anything he has to wait for as 'downloading'.

"Where tea?"
"Not ready yet."
"Is downloading?"
"YES."

What a sign of the times! ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 02, 2014, 08:30:09 AM
I got the feeling I've been quoting George Takei a good bit when I was looking at pictures online with the Piratebabe in my lap and he says "Oh myyy"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bexx27 on January 02, 2014, 09:12:06 AM
From a friend on Twitter:

The toddler is referring to anything he has to wait for as 'downloading'.

"Where tea?"
"Not ready yet."
"Is downloading?"
"YES."

What a sign of the times! ;D

Very cute.  :) Mine seems to think that everything in life has a pause button.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 02, 2014, 02:00:45 PM
From a friend on Twitter:

The toddler is referring to anything he has to wait for as 'downloading'.

"Where tea?"
"Not ready yet."
"Is downloading?"
"YES."

What a sign of the times! ;D

Very cute.  :) Mine seems to think that everything in life has a pause button.

When Babybartfast does any sort of play fighting (either the jumping-around-the-house kind or the "I'm drawing a new superhero with cool magic weapons!" kind), she always gives damage values in hit points.  "Okay, my imaginary laser arrows hit your arm, so that's two hit points.  And your electric sword WOULD have hit me for six hit points, but you missed . . ."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on January 02, 2014, 02:19:35 PM
The boyo has been given more chores lately. Nothing too crazy, but he can unload the cups from the dishwasher and clean most of the living room by himself. This morning he spent about 20 minutes tidying the living room just to have Baby come crashing through, Godzilla style. I had to fight not to laugh at Boyo scolding Baby "I just cleaned this room. Can't we have a nice room for 5 minutes?" then, muttering under his breath, "these kids are driving me crazy"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on January 02, 2014, 02:31:25 PM
The boyo has been given more chores lately. Nothing too crazy, but he can unload the cups from the dishwasher and clean most of the living room by himself. This morning he spent about 20 minutes tidying the living room just to have Baby come crashing through, Godzilla style. I had to fight not to laugh at Boyo scolding Baby "I just cleaned this room. Can't we have a nice room for 5 minutes?" then, muttering under his breath, "these kids are driving me crazy"

I have a friend with 6 kids (I think the oldest is about 10 now?).  Her technique is to have each kid have their own "area" that they're responsible for.  She said there's nothing quite like giving her 8-year-old son charge of the living room, because he not only can clean it *fast*, having done so daily for 2 years, but he's also fiercely protective of it.  They all are, of their own area.  The 10-year-old girl has the kitchen, so she's militant about reminding her siblings to put their dishes in the sink/dishwasher.  And the 6-year-old has the hallway, so she makes sure that everybody remembers to wipe their feet and put their shoes in the cabinet when they come in.  Spreads the nagging out so that it's not all the mom doing it.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Softly Spoken on January 02, 2014, 05:04:20 PM
The boyo has been given more chores lately. Nothing too crazy, but he can unload the cups from the dishwasher and clean most of the living room by himself. This morning he spent about 20 minutes tidying the living room just to have Baby come crashing through, Godzilla style. I had to fight not to laugh at Boyo scolding Baby "I just cleaned this room. Can't we have a nice room for 5 minutes?" then, muttering under his breath, "these kids are driving me crazy"

I have a friend with 6 kids (I think the oldest is about 10 now?).  Her technique is to have each kid have their own "area" that they're responsible for.  She said there's nothing quite like giving her 8-year-old son charge of the living room, because he not only can clean it *fast*, having done so daily for 2 years, but he's also fiercely protective of it.  They all are, of their own area.  The 10-year-old girl has the kitchen, so she's militant about reminding her siblings to put their dishes in the sink/dishwasher.  And the 6-year-old has the hallway, so she makes sure that everybody remembers to wipe their feet and put their shoes in the cabinet when they come in.  Spreads the nagging out so that it's not all the mom doing it.

Oh my gosh!

This. is. GENIUS! ;D

Almost makes me want to have lots of kids just so I can have fun delegating. :P
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 02, 2014, 05:14:02 PM
Hmmm...that is quite clever!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on January 03, 2014, 09:59:32 AM
The boyo has been given more chores lately. Nothing too crazy, but he can unload the cups from the dishwasher and clean most of the living room by himself. This morning he spent about 20 minutes tidying the living room just to have Baby come crashing through, Godzilla style. I had to fight not to laugh at Boyo scolding Baby "I just cleaned this room. Can't we have a nice room for 5 minutes?" then, muttering under his breath, "these kids are driving me crazy"

I have a friend with 6 kids (I think the oldest is about 10 now?).  Her technique is to have each kid have their own "area" that they're responsible for.  She said there's nothing quite like giving her 8-year-old son charge of the living room, because he not only can clean it *fast*, having done so daily for 2 years, but he's also fiercely protective of it.  They all are, of their own area.  The 10-year-old girl has the kitchen, so she's militant about reminding her siblings to put their dishes in the sink/dishwasher.  And the 6-year-old has the hallway, so she makes sure that everybody remembers to wipe their feet and put their shoes in the cabinet when they come in.  Spreads the nagging out so that it's not all the mom doing it.

Oh my gosh!

This. is. GENIUS! ;D

Almost makes me want to have lots of kids just so I can have fun delegating. :P

I've been trying it myself, but I'm still working out the kinks.  :)  My kids are still young enough that they don't seem to get the concept that if they make a mess, they will have to clean it up later.  Also, we're in the stage of trying to keep things out of the reach of the locksmith/ninja/mountain climber 1-year-old, which means that all surfaces she can't reach tend to become catch-alls for all the things she desperately wants.  She recently discovered how to open candy canes on her own.  And how to climb from the preschool table to her big sister's high desk.  The world may never been the same.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 06, 2014, 05:10:04 PM
My heart melted...and then I laughed myself silly.

The 6 year old went back to school today; her teacher sent her home with a wrapped gift with a big red bow on it.

She got tape for the bow so she could wear it, so I made a tape donut and put it on her chest.  She took it off and put it on my chest near my shoulder.

Her: I'm going to put it here because you're a gift to me.
Me (melting): Aw, thank you.  You're very precious to me and I love you very much.
Her: You're a present, but I'm not going to unwrap you, because then you'd be naked and...and...(scrunches up her face) only dada wants to see that.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on January 06, 2014, 06:13:24 PM
DD1 came to chat to me in the bathroom this morning after I had my shower. She was poking my tummy and told me it was like an octopus because it was wobbly and squishy. Thanks kiddo.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 06, 2014, 08:48:49 PM
My heart melted...and then I laughed myself silly.

The 6 year old went back to school today; her teacher sent her home with a wrapped gift with a big red bow on it.

She got tape for the bow so she could wear it, so I made a tape donut and put it on her chest.  She took it off and put it on my chest near my shoulder.

Her: I'm going to put it here because you're a gift to me.
Me (melting): Aw, thank you.  You're very precious to me and I love you very much.
Her: You're a present, but I'm not going to unwrap you, because then you'd be naked and...and...(scrunches up her face) only dada wants to see that.

LOL! That's so cute! :)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kajunchick on January 07, 2014, 04:13:22 PM
My oldest was visiting her dad this weekend. She was talking with her little sisters (ages 9 and 5) and their little friend, Dave. Dave said, "Do you like me?" DD said "I like all of you."

5yo sis patted Dave on the arm and said, "She likes us a little bit more than you."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: bopper on January 08, 2014, 09:23:15 AM

Or a toddler with the "This-is-the-absolute-worst-thing-in-the-world-how-could-you-do-this-to-me" face. Especially when it comes on slowly.

You know the one. The kid is sitting there happy, then something happens. The corners of the mouth start to twitch down. The nose scrunches, and the face turns into a look of abject brokenheartedness. Tiny hands come up to cover the face, and the whole tiny little body slumps to the floor as the wailing begins. The whole scene takes about five seconds.

All because you said that the apples were all gone.

If you like that, check out : "Reasons My Son Is Crying"   at http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com/


Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 08, 2014, 12:40:34 PM
I had to run an errand with my littlest one (2) and he was all dressed but for shoes. Now, as anyone with a toddler, or has ever had a toddler knows, it's like living with a little leprechaun.  You might put something away but it doesn't always stay there.

In looking for his shoes, I found one and put it on the couch while I went to look for the other in another room.  I came back and found a shoe in the hammock of the cat tree.  Thinking I'd successfully found two of the pair I looked at the couch.

Me: Piratebabe, is this the same shoe Mama found earlier?
Piratebabe: *giving me a not so innocent look* Maybe...
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: *new*mommyagain36 on January 10, 2014, 11:47:29 AM
DD has new favorite cookie currently in rotation:  Lorna Dooms.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: esteban on January 10, 2014, 03:16:35 PM
So it wasn't really a cute kid thing since Deadson is 15, but we spent Christmas at a waterpark and themepark.  He drove the go-kart ride, when he got off he came and found me at the exit (Mrs. Deadbody was taking one of the Deaddaughters as well) and said

"Dad, I used to wonder why you swore so much when driving.  Now I understand, these people drive like idiots."

Not sure I am ready for him to drive yet :)  But he understands how to do it now, so that is a start.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 11, 2014, 05:51:21 AM
I pretty much said the same thing to my mom when I was a kid, deadbody.


Yesterday was my birthday. I was talking to the 6 year old about it and asked her if she remembered how old I was turning. She brightly said, "26!" I replied, "Kind of old, huh?" Her response? "Yeah, but not old, old like daddy." He is 28.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 11, 2014, 07:20:32 AM
A few years ago, on a very rainy day I was driving my boys to school and they were asking me how old I was.  I told them 32.  They asked how  old my best friend was, already knowing she was a bit older than me. 

I told them "Oh she's 55." Middle pirate blurted out "And she's still ALIVE?"  Then he blushed and said "Please don't tell her I said that!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: crella on January 11, 2014, 06:41:47 PM
That's too funny!  :D :D :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on January 11, 2014, 07:48:02 PM
DD1 was playing with her fairy wand this morning.

DD1: what do you wish for?
Me: 2 sleeping babies. (Both twins were aware and cranky at the time)
DD1: I can't do that.

DH thought she was hilarious! Most fairies aren't so honest apparently. In the end the only thing I was allowed to wish for was a kitten.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on January 11, 2014, 10:26:31 PM
I've got the "fixer upper" song from Frozen stuck in my head, and I was dancing around the living room, singing it. Alas, I could not tempt my sweet True Love away from his task of putting up the board game. So I said he had frozen my heart. 5yo DS piped up, "now you gotta kiss her." DH smiled a bit, then rolled his eyes and shook his head. I, somewhat dramatically, fell to my knees with my hand to my forehead. DS sighed and said, "Oh. Well, I guess I'll kiss her then," and he kissed my cheek. Afterwards, he walked off muttering, "great, I guess I'm just the guy who has to kiss people around here."
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Frog24 on January 15, 2014, 06:17:15 PM
My little girl is 3.5 years old, and as she's growing, her speech becomes mumbly and garbled when she's in a growth spurt.  The other week she said:

"Mommy?"
"Yes, dear?" I looked at her expectantly.
She turned away from me, and said: "*mumble* *mumble* *mummmmble*"
"I'm sorry, honey, I couldn't understand you, can you look at me and ask me again?"
She stopped her twirly dance and said clear as a bell: "That's because I'm speaking French."

We are, at this point, an English-only household. The only other language she hears often is Spanish when watching "Dora".
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Layla Miller on January 15, 2014, 06:26:42 PM
DD (17 months) is starting to learn to talk, and we've been encouraging her as much as we can with a Mr. Rogers-esque "Can you say ___?"  She's pretty good at parroting things back, and she's making connections pretty well.  The only problem is that she learned animal noises right away (cow says "moo," pig says "oink," etc.), and whenever we say "Can you say cow?" or "Can you say pig?" she insists on saying "Moo!" or "Oink!"

And whenever we point at the cat (whom she adores) and say, "What is that?" she cries out "Meow!  Meow!  Meow!"

The cat, if he knew how, would be rolling his eyes.  ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on January 16, 2014, 08:01:06 AM
It's snacktime in our household. Typically, this consists of juice and toast, this is what DS is used to and we encourage him to "use his words" and tell us what he wants.  He is 2 years and 3 months and has had a mixed bag of results:
 
Me: What do you want to eat, DS?
DS: Toast.
Me: Ok. (Goes off to get his toast)
DS: Mumma? (yelled)
Me: Yes darling?
DS: Toast and poo.
 
Now look.  I know what he meant. I actually knew he meant toast and Marmite.  Don't ask me how, but my mind was certainly wired to his right at that second.
 
Me: Toast and Marmite?
DS: (looks simultaneously astounded and amazed that I translated that so quickly): YES!!! Not toast and jam. It toast and poo.
 
Now, every time either me or DH fancy toast and Marmite, we refer to it as toast and poo.  :D 
 
Sorry if that's put anyone off Marmite!!!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Nikko-chan on January 16, 2014, 09:02:01 AM
Well if it didn't before Hollanda it does now! ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on January 16, 2014, 09:18:17 AM
Well if it didn't before Hollanda it does now! ;D

Sorry  :-[ :D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: MommyPenguin on January 16, 2014, 09:19:25 AM
My little girl is 3.5 years old, and as she's growing, her speech becomes mumbly and garbled when she's in a growth spurt.  The other week she said:

"Mommy?"
"Yes, dear?" I looked at her expectantly.
She turned away from me, and said: "*mumble* *mumble* *mummmmble*"
"I'm sorry, honey, I couldn't understand you, can you look at me and ask me again?"
She stopped her twirly dance and said clear as a bell: "That's because I'm speaking French."

We are, at this point, an English-only household. The only other language she hears often is Spanish when watching "Dora".

I remember a similar conversation with my oldest when she was about 2-3.  I asked her the name of a toy (I think a duck), and she said, "Asewee Dudah."  I repeated, "Asewee Dudah?"  She nodded.  "Yes, it's French."  I love how "it's French" is code for gobbledygook for little kids.  :)

The other day, I was putting out some chicken scraps to feed to the chickens.  Emily (7) shook her head sadly as she watched.  "Poor chicks.  They don't know they're eating their own people!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on January 16, 2014, 12:51:53 PM

"I'm sorry, honey, I couldn't understand you, can you look at me and ask me again?"
She stopped her twirly dance and said clear as a bell: "That's because I'm speaking French."
I repeated, "Asewee Dudah?"  She nodded.  "Yes, it's French."  I love how "it's French" is code for gobbledygook for little kids.  :)
It's perfectly understandable.  Someone on TV says something that they don't understand, another TV character says "It's French."  Therefore any word that one does not understand = French, which of course leads one to the corollary that any word one makes up ALSO = French.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Carotte on January 16, 2014, 01:14:08 PM

I remember a similar conversation with my oldest when she was about 2-3.  I asked her the name of a toy (I think a duck), and she said, "Asewee Dudah."  I repeated, "Asewee Dudah?"  She nodded.  "Yes, it's French."  I love how "it's French" is code for gobbledygook for little kids.  :)

Or she learned french with Joey Tribiani :)

When he was a litle kid (between 3 and 6 probably) my brother came running to my mother saying "mommy mommy, there's an elephant on the washing machine!".
Now, not really that weird from a kid, but that was blurted in english, we're french. Brother heard it on the tv, we often had english cartoons (but didn't really learn until our teens) and must have thought it sounded funny.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: gramma dishes on January 16, 2014, 01:33:20 PM
When I was a little kid and an adult would (accidentally, I presume) say swear words within our earshot, they would often say "Oh!  Pardon my French!"

It wasn't until years later that I realized French was actually a language -- and a quite beautiful one!!  I have wondered how such a flowing, exquisite language could ever have been highjacked to refer to 'bad words'!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Slartibartfast on January 16, 2014, 02:55:21 PM
When I was a little kid and an adult would (accidentally, I presume) say swear words within our earshot, they would often say "Oh!  Pardon my French!"

It wasn't until years later that I realized French was actually a language -- and a quite beautiful one!!  I have wondered how such a flowing, exquisite language could ever have been highjacked to refer to 'bad words'!

My French teacher used to have a retort for that.  (Teachers are required to have bad jokes, aren't they?)  If someone swore and said "Pardon my French," he'd always reassure them "Oh, don't worry; that wasn't French!"  ::)
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: magicdomino on January 16, 2014, 03:03:09 PM
When I was a little kid and an adult would (accidentally, I presume) say swear words within our earshot, they would often say "Oh!  Pardon my French!"

It wasn't until years later that I realized French was actually a language -- and a quite beautiful one!!  I have wondered how such a flowing, exquisite language could ever have been highjacked to refer to 'bad words'!

Especially since many of those bad words are from Anglo-Saxon and similar languages.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on January 16, 2014, 03:30:24 PM
When I was a little kid and an adult would (accidentally, I presume) say swear words within our earshot, they would often say "Oh!  Pardon my French!"

It wasn't until years later that I realized French was actually a language -- and a quite beautiful one!!  I have wondered how such a flowing, exquisite language could ever have been highjacked to refer to 'bad words'!

Especially since many of those bad words are from Anglo-Saxon and similar languages.


My Consultant used to say "ooh, I'm becoming rather Anglo-Saxon about things now!" Lol it made me giggle!
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: lilfox on January 17, 2014, 05:42:22 PM
DD's friend is having a birthday party next week.  I asked DD to find out what the birthday girl would like for a present.  She comes home and says, "friend wants diamonds!". I asked her if friend mentioned any other things she liked or wanted, and DD says "no, she said she only wants diamonds."

Friend is turning 5.

Fortunately DD has a collection of big rhinestones from various projects, which she collects because: shiny. She calls them "clues" though I don't know why, she knows the word jewel. She went and got a pink one in the shape of a heart to give to her friend.   :-*
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: kherbert05 on January 17, 2014, 06:26:13 PM
So it wasn't really a cute kid thing since Deadson is 15, but we spent Christmas at a waterpark and themepark.  He drove the go-kart ride, when he got off he came and found me at the exit (Mrs. Deadbody was taking one of the Deaddaughters as well) and said

"Dad, I used to wonder why you swore so much when driving.  Now I understand, these people drive like idiots."

Not sure I am ready for him to drive yet :)  But he understands how to do it now, so that is a start.
My cousin posted about her 4 or 5 yo son. They were driving down a curvy road. Cam told her to take her foot off the brake so they could zoom, she should also take her hands off the wheel because when you are going downhill the car does all the work.


Her current plan is to rig his driving test so he can't pass.


I asked when her DH and BIL were going to put in the zip line at the farm - before or after the liger pen (Both boys love anything and everything about large cats they can find). Apparently we are now getting a zip line along with my archery range.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Bluenomi on January 17, 2014, 09:07:24 PM

"I'm sorry, honey, I couldn't understand you, can you look at me and ask me again?"
She stopped her twirly dance and said clear as a bell: "That's because I'm speaking French."
I repeated, "Asewee Dudah?"  She nodded.  "Yes, it's French."  I love how "it's French" is code for gobbledygook for little kids.  :)
It's perfectly understandable.  Someone on TV says something that they don't understand, another TV character says "It's French."  Therefore any word that one does not understand = French, which of course leads one to the corollary that any word one makes up ALSO = French.

I've always wondered what language the French use as their made up language.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Softly Spoken on January 17, 2014, 09:21:03 PM

"I'm sorry, honey, I couldn't understand you, can you look at me and ask me again?"
She stopped her twirly dance and said clear as a bell: "That's because I'm speaking French."
I repeated, "Asewee Dudah?"  She nodded.  "Yes, it's French."  I love how "it's French" is code for gobbledygook for little kids.  :)
It's perfectly understandable.  Someone on TV says something that they don't understand, another TV character says "It's French."  Therefore any word that one does not understand = French, which of course leads one to the corollary that any word one makes up ALSO = French.

I've always wondered what language the French use as their made up language.

...or for that matter, what they say if they accidentally swear!  >:D
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: OSUJillyBean on January 22, 2014, 01:47:44 PM

"I'm sorry, honey, I couldn't understand you, can you look at me and ask me again?"
She stopped her twirly dance and said clear as a bell: "That's because I'm speaking French."
I repeated, "Asewee Dudah?"  She nodded.  "Yes, it's French."  I love how "it's French" is code for gobbledygook for little kids.  :)
It's perfectly understandable.  Someone on TV says something that they don't understand, another TV character says "It's French."  Therefore any word that one does not understand = French, which of course leads one to the corollary that any word one makes up ALSO = French.

I've always wondered what language the French use as their made up language.

...or for that matter, what they say if they accidentally swear!  >:D

I thought the stereotype of the French was that they were rude and wouldn't bother to apologize for offensive language?   ;D 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on January 22, 2014, 03:40:25 PM

"I'm sorry, honey, I couldn't understand you, can you look at me and ask me again?"
She stopped her twirly dance and said clear as a bell: "That's because I'm speaking French."
I repeated, "Asewee Dudah?"  She nodded.  "Yes, it's French."  I love how "it's French" is code for gobbledygook for little kids.  :)
It's perfectly understandable.  Someone on TV says something that they don't understand, another TV character says "It's French."  Therefore any word that one does not understand = French, which of course leads one to the corollary that any word one makes up ALSO = French.

I've always wondered what language the French use as their made up language.

...or for that matter, what they say if they accidentally swear!  >:D

I thought the stereotype of the French was that they were rude and wouldn't bother to apologize for offensive language?   ;D
I don't think so, not quite like that.  People tend to divide others into 'us' and 'them'.  You can then project your own worst qualities onto 'them.'  "Pardon my French," "Dutch courage," etc.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Ms_Cellany on January 22, 2014, 04:38:46 PM
I think "Pardon my French" comes from the English stereotype of the French as dirtyminded.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: baglady on January 22, 2014, 07:37:05 PM
I'm reminded of a scene in the Stephen King book "It." I don't know if it was in the movie, because I've never seen it.

Guy is in a cab, and the driver is using lots of profanity. After every sentence with a profanity in it, he'd say, "Pardon my French if you're a religious man."

At the end of the ride, cabbie asks, "By the way, are you a religious man?"

Fare: "As a matter of fact, I am." (I don't think he was; he just wanted to see what the cabbie would say.)

Cabbie: "Then get outta my cab and go to (expletive) church!"
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Hollanda on January 23, 2014, 07:21:04 AM
DS has discovered bodily functions. He knows what a "wee wee" is and what a "poo" is.
 
We were in a cafe having a cup of coffee.  I said to DH that I just needed to nip to the loo for a sec. Fine.
 
DS loudly shouts to the patrons of the cafe: "Mumma gone toilet. Mumma poo."  Thanks, darling.  Thanks so much.  :-[
 
 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Thipu1 on January 23, 2014, 12:29:03 PM
I think "Pardon my French" comes from the English stereotype of the French as dirtyminded.

In English, when we don't understand something we often say, 'It's Greek to me.'

I remember an ad in the Paris Metro for the Berlitz language school.  On that, the equivalent of 'Greek' was 'Chinese'. 
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Elfmama on January 23, 2014, 08:09:06 PM
I think "Pardon my French" comes from the English stereotype of the French as dirtyminded.

In English, when we don't understand something we often say, 'It's Greek to me.'

I remember an ad in the Paris Metro for the Berlitz language school.  On that, the equivalent of 'Greek' was 'Chinese'.
"It's Greek to me" is from Shakespeare.  Maybe the French version is 'Chinese' because the Chinese languages are very difficult for those who don't speak tonal languages?
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: twiggy on January 23, 2014, 09:59:41 PM
Today I took the kiddos to the park, and we walked by a doggie present left in the grass. As we walked by, DD stopped chattering mid-sentence and looked at me in disgust and surprise.

DD:Mom! Did you fart?
Me: No.
DD: I think you did. Just tell the truth. I not be mad.
Me: It wasn't me. Look, we just walked by some dog poop.
DD: *giving me a very doubtful look* Um, I don't tink so. That stinky was in you bottom.
Me: *laughing* it wasn't me honey.
DD: Look at my eye...just tell the truth.

I don't think she was ever fully convinced, but she did eventually drop the issue.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Mental Magpie on January 24, 2014, 08:15:24 AM
Speaking of stinky...

Six went to the bathroom just before DF got in the shower this morning. He comes back out and, laughing, says, "No more Taco Bell for you, child. How does something so stinky come out of something so little?!"

Six laughed, smiled, looked at me, and put her hand up for a high five.
Title: Re: Kids say the funniest things
Post by: Snooks on February 02, 2014, 03:26:54 PM