Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => Complete Silence => Topic started by: Micah on January 28, 2011, 06:42:10 AM

Title: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Micah on January 28, 2011, 06:42:10 AM
BG: I'm part of the executive committee of my local pony club. There is a general committee member that we have had a fair few issues with in the past, I'll call her D. She is extremely opinionated and can be very, very negative depending on her mood on the day. She actually left the club for good for a few years. When she rejoined we allowed her to be a member of the general committee again because at first glance she appeared to have changed her ways a little and we have a policy that our club is open to everyone. It's just part of what makes us awesome :P :End BG

We had a committee meeting at our club rooms the other day to prepare for our camp which is next week. D attended and it was immediately clear that she hadn't changed one bit. Right from the outset she was negative and rude. Everything we were planning was either stupid, not necessary or too costly. The clincher, however, was when the meeting was finished and we were packing up. I'd brought my son along to the meeting (I often do this, no one else minds). He'd gotten a little bored during the meeting and had gone into the kitchen and brought out all the egg rings, which he had arranged on the floor and played with. When I started picking the rings up, D marched over. The conversation went like this:
D: "Don't you dare pick them up! He brought them out, he needs to put them back!"
Me: "He's three, he has the attention span of a flea. I just want to get home, it's no big deal if I do it."
D: "You and I are going to have a talk about that kid. You're a lot harder on your horses than you are him!"

I stood up very slowly from picking up the rings and stared at her, completely blank faced. After nearly a minute or so, she muttered something and moved away. I kept picking up the rings  8)

Seriously though I have no idea what prompted the comment. She's barely seen my son before.  When she has seen him he's never been rude, or badly behaved  ??? And I'm not hard on my horses either.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Ms_Shell on January 28, 2011, 06:48:01 AM
D: "Don't you dare pick them up! He brought them out, he needs to put them back!"
Me: "He's three, he has the attention span of a flea. I just want to get home, it's no big deal if I do it."
D: "You and I are going to have a talk about that kid. You're a lot harder on your horses than you are him!"

Wow.  Usually I follow the "it takes a village to raise a child" mindset, but the bolded takes some big brass ones to actually say.  I think I would have done the same thing as you.   
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: petal on January 28, 2011, 07:48:44 AM
i think you did very well against a rude bully.  yes its good to get kids to put things away themself   but a three year old can be mighty mighty slow when you just want to get things done.

is there anyway to get this woman off the committee?  she has nothign to add yet puts everything and everyone down.  not on in my book.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: wonderfullyanonymous on January 28, 2011, 10:40:45 AM
He's 3, if I were there,I would have been tickled that he had the maturity to find something to do by himself instead of repeating mom over and over, or crying because he was bored.

I might have said, "hey bud, help me pick up," but I certainly wouldn't have done what she did.

Wow, just wow.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Minmom3 on January 28, 2011, 03:49:20 PM
Can we assume that your look was the Icy Glare of Death?  Because it sure sounds like it must have been to penetrate her hide.......  Good job!   8)
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Micah on January 28, 2011, 04:01:52 PM
is there anyway to get this woman off the committee?  she has nothign to add yet puts everything and everyone down.  not on in my book.

Not really, or at least  not until the end of the financial year and the next committee nominations. According to our constitution someone has to do something fairly heinous to be removed from the committee or the club. The only time it's happened in our ten year history is when we discovered one of our members was abusing her animals. (We banded together as a club and got her convicted. She has a lifelong ban on ever being a member again).

He's 3, if I were there,I would have been tickled that he had the maturity to find something to do by himself instead of repeating mom over and over, or crying because he was bored.

I might have said, "hey bud, help me pick up," but I certainly wouldn't have done what she did.

Wow, just wow.

He is very good at finding things to do by himself. He has an amzing imagination for a three year old. The other day he wanted me to attach a spatula to his head so he could be a Dalek.

I'm going to do my best to completely ignore D at the camp (which my son will also be at for most of the days). I won't be rude of course, but I'll politely find a reason to be elsewhere.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: hobish on January 28, 2011, 05:19:13 PM
D: "Don't you dare pick them up! He brought them out, he needs to put them back!"
Me: "He's three, he has the attention span of a flea. I just want to get home, it's no big deal if I do it."
D: "You and I are going to have a talk about that kid. You're a lot harder on your horses than you are him!"

Wow.  Usually I follow the "it takes a village to raise a child" mindset, but the bolded takes some big brass ones to actually say.  I think I would have done the same thing as you.   

For me it would have been the “We need to have a talk about this…” Do what now? I don’t think so. Silence was an awesome answer. I dread to think what might have come out of my mouth.

...and that is cool that your group allows everyone. Where i live Pony Club is pretty rare; we see a lot more 4-H. The ones i ran into were quite snooty (although, so were some of our 4-Hers to be fair).
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Kaymyth on January 28, 2011, 05:24:37 PM
is there anyway to get this woman off the committee?  she has nothign to add yet puts everything and everyone down.  not on in my book.

Not really, or at least  not until the end of the financial year and the next committee nominations. According to our constitution someone has to do something fairly heinous to be removed from the committee or the club. The only time it's happened in our ten year history is when we discovered one of our members was abusing her animals. (We banded together as a club and got her convicted. She has a lifelong ban on ever being a member again).

He's 3, if I were there,I would have been tickled that he had the maturity to find something to do by himself instead of repeating mom over and over, or crying because he was bored.

I might have said, "hey bud, help me pick up," but I certainly wouldn't have done what she did.

Wow, just wow.

He is very good at finding things to do by himself. He has an amzing imagination for a three year old. The other day he wanted me to attach a spatula to his head so he could be a Dalek.

I'm going to do my best to completely ignore D at the camp (which my son will also be at for most of the days). I won't be rude of course, but I'll politely find a reason to be elsewhere.

Your son is awesome.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Micah on January 28, 2011, 05:39:38 PM
is there anyway to get this woman off the committee?  she has nothign to add yet puts everything and everyone down.  not on in my book.

Not really, or at least  not until the end of the financial year and the next committee nominations. According to our constitution someone has to do something fairly heinous to be removed from the committee or the club. The only time it's happened in our ten year history is when we discovered one of our members was abusing her animals. (We banded together as a club and got her convicted. She has a lifelong ban on ever being a member again).

He's 3, if I were there,I would have been tickled that he had the maturity to find something to do by himself instead of repeating mom over and over, or crying because he was bored.

I might have said, "hey bud, help me pick up," but I certainly wouldn't have done what she did.

Wow, just wow.

He is very good at finding things to do by himself. He has an amzing imagination for a three year old. The other day he wanted me to attach a spatula to his head so he could be a Dalek.

I'm going to do my best to completely ignore D at the camp (which my son will also be at for most of the days). I won't be rude of course, but I'll politely find a reason to be elsewhere.

Your son is awesome.

Thanks  ;D We think so too. It's actually quite hard to attach a spatula to someone's head. I ended up using an old headband and some duct tape.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: petal on January 28, 2011, 07:15:21 PM
is there anyway to get this woman off the committee?  she has nothign to add yet puts everything and everyone down.  not on in my book.

Not really, or at least  not until the end of the financial year and the next committee nominations. According to our constitution someone has to do something fairly heinous to be removed from the committee or the club. The only time it's happened in our ten year history is when we discovered one of our members was abusing her animals. (We banded together as a club and got her convicted. She has a lifelong ban on ever being a member again).

He's 3, if I were there,I would have been tickled that he had the maturity to find something to do by himself instead of repeating mom over and over, or crying because he was bored.

I might have said, "hey bud, help me pick up," but I certainly wouldn't have done what she did.

Wow, just wow.

He is very good at finding things to do by himself. He has an amzing imagination for a three year old. The other day he wanted me to attach a spatula to his head so he could be a Dalek.

I'm going to do my best to completely ignore D at the camp (which my son will also be at for most of the days). I won't be rude of course, but I'll politely find a reason to be elsewhere.

Your son is awesome.

Thanks  ;D We think so too. It's actually quite hard to attach a spatula to someone's head. I ended up using an old headband and some duct tape.



lol   now im stuck with the image of a 3 year old with a spatula on his head walking up to D and saying  "exteminate"  in a dalek voice

 ;D
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Suze on January 28, 2011, 07:33:15 PM
seee and you are the cool mom that makes the thing with the spatula on it so the child can play dalek

ignore this person
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Micah on January 28, 2011, 08:05:32 PM
http://www4.snapfish.com.au/snapfishau/slideshow/AlbumID=3260374018/PictureID=119235156018/a=4614443018_4614443018/otsc=SHR/otsi=SPIClink/

Couldn't resist  ;D The whole thing was a bit wonky by the time I took this. He'd been running around in it for a while.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: petal on January 28, 2011, 09:51:34 PM
http://www4.snapfish.com.au/snapfishau/slideshow/AlbumID=3260374018/PictureID=119235156018/a=4614443018_4614443018/otsc=SHR/otsi=SPIClink/

Couldn't resist  ;D The whole thing was a bit wonky by the time I took this. He'd been running around in it for a while.


brilliant !!!!!!


(and soooo cute)
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: irish1 on March 25, 2011, 12:03:25 PM
'You and I are going to have to have a talk about that kid' ????!!!?!??!!! Correct me if I'm wrong, but does she have ANYTHING TO DO with 'that kid'??
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: SamiHami on March 25, 2011, 12:15:25 PM
I think you showed astounding self-control.  Had it been me, I don't think I would have reacted as calmly as you did.  Very awesome!!!
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Lynda_34 on March 25, 2011, 01:58:50 PM
He is very good at finding things to do by himself. He has an amzing imagination for a three year old. The other day he wanted me to attach a spatula to his head so he could be a Dalek.

I'm going to do my best to completely ignore D at the camp (which my son will also be at for most of the days). I won't be rude of course, but I'll politely find a reason to be elsewhere.
[/quote]

Your son is awesome.
[/quote]

Thanks  ;D We think so too. It's actually quite hard to attach a spatula to someone's head. I ended up using an old headband and some duct tape.
[/quote]

And now we see where he gets his awesome imagination.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Animala on March 25, 2011, 02:24:53 PM
If your son will understand I would also talk to him about D and have him come to you if she starts telling him what to do.

And your son is adorable.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Yentush on March 28, 2011, 08:35:03 AM
I have a standard mantra for anyone who tries to correct me in front of my child.

"Do not interfere with how I raise my child."

Any  and all justifications are met with a repeat of the same line, together with a dead-pan look.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Ginya on March 29, 2011, 11:54:23 AM


I stood up very slowly from picking up the rings and stared at her, completely blank faced. After nearly a minute or so, she muttered something and moved away. I kept picking up the rings
  8)


 You deserve an award for keeping your cool like that. I don't have children, but if anyone addressed me in such a manner about anything there's no way I would have been this awesome. Great job! :D
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Ms_Shell on March 29, 2011, 12:14:51 PM
'You and I are going to have to have a talk about that kid' ????!!!?!??!!! Correct me if I'm wrong, but does she have ANYTHING TO DO with 'that kid'??

Right? :o This story still astounds me. 

OP, any updates?
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Micah on March 30, 2011, 06:59:17 AM
'You and I are going to have to have a talk about that kid' ????!!!?!??!!! Correct me if I'm wrong, but does she have ANYTHING TO DO with 'that kid'??

Right? :o This story still astounds me. 

OP, any updates?

Nope, you're not wrong. She has absolutely nothing to do with him. In fact she's only seen him a hand full of times since he was born. We used to be quite good friends, but that was quite a few years ago, before I discovered exactly what she was like.

The update is fairly anticlimactic. She was there, so was I along with my son, but I was so busy looking after him and doing other things that we barely crossed paths. Which is good. The only reason I didn't say anything to her the first time was because I was too astounded to formulate a response. I don't know that I could have been quite as restrained a second time  :-\
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Miss Misery on April 12, 2011, 12:40:35 PM
D: "Don't you dare pick them up! He brought them out, he needs to put them back!"
Me: "He's three, he has the attention span of a flea. I just want to get home, it's no big deal if I do it."
D: "You and I are going to have a talk about that kid. You're a lot harder on your horses than you are him!"

No, we are going to have a talk about who the h3ll do you think you are.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: leafeater on April 12, 2011, 05:42:37 PM

D: "Don't you dare pick them up! He brought them out, he needs to put them back!"
Me: "He's three, he has the attention span of a flea. I just want to get home, it's no big deal if I do it."
D: "You and I are going to have a talk about that kid. You're a lot harder on your horses than you are him!"


I actually had to go back at this point and reread to make sure this person wasn't your mother or something.  You can't just ANNOUNCE that you're going to have a talk with someone over whom you have no authority!

I would have just grinned and said, "No, we aren't."
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: kherbert05 on April 12, 2011, 06:27:01 PM
If your son will understand I would also talk to him about D and have him come to you if she starts telling him what to do.

And your son is adorable.

POD this but add the preemptive act of telling D -You are never to speak to my children.

There was a Mom who had a child both in my class and Sis's, who was a bully. After she kept ordering me to disobey my Mother's instructions, we were given instructions to ignore her and she was told flat out she was never to speak to us.

Basically we were instructed in how to give her the direct cut and all adults at our school were told she was NEVER to be alone with us.
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: illusionmajik on April 13, 2011, 02:56:31 PM
Mom =  Awesome. 
Kiddo  = Awesome

And I'm having my slightly mean mental movie of your awesome kiddo chasing that dunderhead of a woman around with a spatula taped to the head, zotting her with laser beams, yelling "exterminate" in a slightly robotic voice.

I must see if I can find the "Dalek knitted Hat" pattern now
*rummage rummage rummage*
Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: Micah on April 18, 2011, 04:12:49 PM
Mom =  Awesome. 
Kiddo  = Awesome

And I'm having my slightly mean mental movie of your awesome kiddo chasing that dunderhead of a woman around with a spatula taped to the head, zotting her with laser beams, yelling "exterminate" in a slightly robotic voice.

I must see if I can find the "Dalek knitted Hat" pattern now
*rummage rummage rummage*

You can make Dalek hats!!?? I'm just starting to learn how to knit. I'll have to see if I can find a pattern on the net. I was going to make a throw rug next, but maybe..... He'd be over the moon if he had one of those.

Title: Re: Used it with a comment about my parenting.
Post by: illusionmajik on April 19, 2011, 03:31:21 PM
Yeah!
And there are knitting patterns for more than just hats.  They have knitted plushie Daleks!  And if I recall correctly, they're free!
I stink at knitting in the round tho.  I can't ever keep it from laddering.

I'm such a sci fi geek.  I found a Firefly "Jayne Hat" pattern.  I just haven't found the right yarn to use.