Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "Why would I want to do that?" => Topic started by: fnygrl on March 13, 2011, 09:32:49 PM

Title: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: fnygrl on March 13, 2011, 09:32:49 PM
Good evening everyone~

Just wanted to put this recent interaction out here on the forum (hope I'm putting it under the proper topic).  Forgive me, in advance, for this being a bit of a long read.

I have an acquaintance who I worked with many years ago (just over ten years, I think) but we have been in touch over facebook for maybe the last five years or so.  In recent years, she and her husband are constantly paying to join some type of new "from home" business (like the selling jewelry, woven baskets, housewares, etc).  Her husband recently began selling some type of work-out dvds and is always posting about it on facebook.  She sells for some type of company where she's always trying to get you or someone you know to host a party.  She is often asking me to be a part of it (whether selling or hosting) and I politely decline.

In recent weeks, both she and her husband have sent me and my husband several personal messages over facebook to switch to this new business venture of their's that offers "green electricity".  Again, we declined.  Apparently, we didn't decline the correct way because she came after me again today.



She writes: "Hey, I just noticed your post about the recycled flip/flops. It seems like you are very conscious about environmentally friendly products. Did you not get my message to you about switching your electric to a GREEN energy supplier? The company I recently gotten involved with is wonderful and has a higher purpose to allow people to make a difference WHILE saving us some money on our electric bill. If you didn't get it please let me know and I'll resend the details. They are very legit and have made such a difference in helping the environment already. It costs you NOTHING and is very simple to do! Please let me know and I can send you more info. Thanks! S.



My response: "Hi S~ Thanks for the electricity offer regarding (name of company). My husband and I looked into it, and we're not wanting to make the switch.

We found that their price structure has no limitations as to how high the rate can go and they only offer a variable rate. There is really no limit to how high a variable electric rate can go up in any given month, and history shows that eventually the rates will increase drastically.
They advertise that they have no contracts, but when it comes to buying electricity, we think it's good to have a contract and/or fixed rate - you don't have to worry about market fluctuations.

Wed rather be locked into a rate for 12 months instead of chancing it. Locking in a low fixed rate allows us to save more and provides price protection as opposed to a variable rate that provides no price protection.  Thanks again~ L"



She responded saying:  "Actually it's just the opposite! Variable rates float under the whole sale prices which guarantee a built in savings! you just need to learn about that. watch 1 min of this news clip i'm attaching. no 3rd party provider can charge unlimited amounts because it's regulated by the government. (name of company) has not be above (another electric company) ever and can't charge customers more each year because how the hell would they stay in business? LOL they are looking to SAVE customers and help the environment. they have saved their customers almost $7m in 2 yrs and reduced the carbon emissions by 47million lbs! and they are so confident that you won't be disappointed that they don't lock you in. my mom is a great example... she locked into a rate last summer with another supplier but there have been SEVERAL months where the prices went below causing her to pay more. she couldn't get out because they would charge her a fee! she totally regrets doing that! if you're uncomfortable that's fine but i thought you might like to have more info. it's nice to learn stuff we don't realize to make an informed decision!"
 

I couldn't help but respond, because I was so bothered that she said both, "you just need to learn about that" and "it's nice to learn stuff we don't realize to make an informed decision".  I found her to be so condescending and insulting.



My response was:  "Hi S~  Thank you, but still not interested. My husband and I do feel that we have made an informed decision about (name of company's) supposed energy savings, and even the company itself.  And it appears they can currently stay in business because it's a MLM - something we want no part of.  Best of luck in your endeavors~  L."


Her final response was:  "That's fine and I'm not trying to change your mind. It's obvious we see things differently. But I will tell you from PERSONAL experience that you are misinformed about MLM's. They are NOT illegal. Pyramid schemes however are. If I had listened to people "warn" me off (the other sell from home company she works for) 4 1/2 years ago because it was a "MLM" I wouldn't have made over $30k to help my family working P/T! They are still around and going strong! Pyramid schemes offer no products but pay people to sign up others... (The other company she works for) me and (the green energy company) DO NOT do that!! They stay in business because they offer a product to people! Do you go to church? It's a pyramid, girl scout's is a pyramid and so is ANY company we've ever worked for including (the company we used to work for years ago)!!! LOL I'm so sorry but I get very passionate about this especially when people don't understand it's a misconception since I've proved this myself! BTW - Donald Trump, Bill Gates and any other successful rich person has been part of network marketing. I don't know about you but I want to be successful like them! I will have continued success and continue to prove people wrong! I will never work for an hourly wage again! LOL"



I find it so interesting the she originally tried to sell me on "green energy" and saving me money.  As if she was really trying to help me and the Earth or something.  But then, as it turns out in the end, she's just trying to get rich like Donald Trump.  And here I mention MLM (multi-level marketing) and she brings up pyramid scheme and illegal?  Who said anything about that?  But she basically admits that it really has nothing to do with saving me money or helping the Earth, she just wants to get rich and take my money and get her commissions.

Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: lady_disdain on March 13, 2011, 09:56:02 PM
Don
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: MrsJWine on March 13, 2011, 09:59:53 PM
Ignore, or say, "Thank, I'm not interested."  Over and over and over and over.  Giving her reasons tells her there's something to argue about.

ETA:  I really don't have a problem with her wanting to make money.  That's why people work.  I heard this a lot when I was a waitress:  "Oh, she just wants to make tips."  Well, yeah, but I also really loved my job, and I take pleasure in doing it well and talking to people.  It really bothered me.  So don't bring that up with her, either.  She may really be trying to help the environment, and she may really love the home business aspect of what she does.  That doesn't mean it's legit, but I do think her motivations are a moot point.  People have many different reasons for doing one thing.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: fnygrl on March 13, 2011, 10:05:46 PM
Thank you both lady_disdain and MrsJWine for your responses.  Forgive me, lady_disdain, but I'm unsure what Don means - but I love your etsy shop.  :)  I'm a huge etsy fan and love shopping there for one-of-a-kind jewelry for both my mother and mother-in-law.  I've marked you as a favorite and will shop with you in the near future for gift giving! 

MrsJWine ~ I couldn't agree with you more.  That was my original response to her and her husband.  But I got so fed up with the constant asking whether over private message or posting on my wall.  It just became too much, so I "snapped", in a way, and ended up responded with more than a, "No, thank you".  I'll try harder next time!  (Hopefully there won't be a next time!)  :)
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Animala on March 13, 2011, 10:41:46 PM
You don't mention any interaction with this couple other than their attempts to sell to you or get you to joining their latest MLM.  Is there a reason you would keep them as facebook friends after all these attempts?
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: fnygrl on March 13, 2011, 10:49:58 PM
You don't mention any interaction with this couple other than their attempts to sell to you or get you to joining their latest MLM.  Is there a reason you would keep them as facebook friends after all these attempts?

That's a very good question and I guess I've recently been asking myself the same thing.  We used to invite one another to baby showers and children's birthday parties, but that somehow, somewhere ended.  We send one another Christmas cards, but we no longer see one another in person.  We'll interact a bit on facebook, aside from their new business ventures - like commenting on photos and whatnot.  But I guess none of us has "severed the ties".  Perhaps that's the next step.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Twik on March 13, 2011, 11:43:49 PM
I think part of the problem is you're giving her reasons. "I'm sorry but we're not interested because of A, and B, and C..." gives her a chance to explain how wrong you are about A, and B, and C (and no doubt her MLM teachers have given her scripts "how to deal with customers who bring up unpleasant facts").

Try "I'm sorry, but we're not interested." Period. If she whines "But WHHHYYYY?" the answer is just "Because we're not". She can't argue against reasons she's not given.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: fnygrl on March 13, 2011, 11:56:59 PM
I think part of the problem is you're giving her reasons. "I'm sorry but we're not interested because of A, and B, and C..." gives her a chance to explain how wrong you are about A, and B, and C (and no doubt her MLM teachers have given her scripts "how to deal with customers who bring up unpleasant facts").

Try "I'm sorry, but we're not interested." Period. If she whines "But WHHHYYYY?" the answer is just "Because we're not". She can't argue against reasons she's not given.

Thank you for your response, Twik.  I think you're one-hundred percent right!  I tried that with earlier messages from her, but didn't stick to my guns and started giving reasons.  I will definitely try to stick with your plan!  :)
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Animala on March 14, 2011, 12:14:49 AM
I think part of the problem is you're giving her reasons. "I'm sorry but we're not interested because of A, and B, and C..." gives her a chance to explain how wrong you are about A, and B, and C (and no doubt her MLM teachers have given her scripts "how to deal with customers who bring up unpleasant facts").

Try "I'm sorry, but we're not interested." Period. If she whines "But WHHHYYYY?" the answer is just "Because we're not". She can't argue against reasons she's not given.

Twik is 110% right.  Don't engage because you already know she isn't going to listen. 
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: fnygrl on March 14, 2011, 12:20:55 AM
Twik is 110% right.  Don't engage because you already know she isn't going to listen. 

Yes!  She has proven that she isn't going to listen, so I'm unsure why I even wasted my time or energy.  I should have stuck with, "I'm sorry, we're not interested" and left it at that.

Thanks for your response!
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: lady_disdain on March 14, 2011, 09:10:31 AM
Thank you both lady_disdain and MrsJWine for your responses.  Forgive me, lady_disdain, but I'm unsure what Don means - but I love your etsy shop.  :)  I'm a huge etsy fan and love shopping there for one-of-a-kind jewelry for both my mother and mother-in-law.  I've marked you as a favorite and will shop with you in the near future for gift giving! 

MrsJWine ~ I couldn't agree with you more.  That was my original response to her and her husband.  But I got so fed up with the constant asking whether over private message or posting on my wall.  It just became too much, so I "snapped", in a way, and ended up responded with more than a, "No, thank you".  I'll try harder next time!  (Hopefully there won't be a next time!)  :)

Agh! The internet monster ate my reply. It was nice and thought out too, but boils down to don't give reasons, don't engage :D

I am glad you like my shop! Feel free to contact me at any time and I will do my best to help.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Giggity on March 14, 2011, 04:56:27 PM
I am a nasty-minded contrarian beotch, so any time anyone exhorts me to do something "for a higher purpose," I tend to dig in my heels automatically.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Miss March on March 14, 2011, 06:49:08 PM
I might not defriend them, but I would definitely block their posts. Who needs that sort of aggravation? If they email again, it's probably easier to just say "No, thanks" and not give them ammo for a rebuttal.

Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Lynda_34 on March 14, 2011, 08:14:05 PM
I don't thenk etiquette even requires an acknowledgement.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: boxy on March 14, 2011, 09:20:27 PM
I feel your pain. 

I got conned into an MLM and the woman who did it was able to overcome every objection I had.  She gets an A for being well versed.  Bottom line though, I lost a ton of money and later found out "part time" meant 60 hours a week and a lot of funny bookkeeping.

However, I learned an important lesson:  "No" is a complete sentence. 

Just a few days ago a woman approached me (I must look like a sucker) with how great I would be selling X.  I politely said, "no," but she persisted.  I said it again several more times, same tone, and finally she said, "well no means maybe and maybe means yes!"  I'm not sure why but I said, "is that what rapists think when their victims are shouting no?" 

She actually stopped talking and that was it.  No drama, no more high pressure, she just stopped. 
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: fnygrl on March 14, 2011, 10:46:14 PM
Thank you for all of your respones!  I have hopefully kept her at bay, for at least a while.  And if she and/or her husband come back trying to sell us or try to get us to join, I will just stick to my guns, not speak of reasons why, and then, if need be, ignore.  Thanks again!
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: fnygrl on March 14, 2011, 10:50:41 PM

I am glad you like my shop! Feel free to contact me at any time and I will do my best to help.

So many beautiful pieces!  I can't wait to save up and splurge!  :)
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Spoder on March 14, 2011, 10:59:22 PM
Uggghh, I have a friend who does this, too! As soon as I got to the part in your post where you sent her a nice, reasonable justification for not signing up to her business, I went 'NOOOOOO!!  ;D Don't do it!!!!!'

Yep, that was definitely your novice mistake, 'cause that's exactly where I went wrong. I have a close friend of many years who gets sucked in to just about every pyramid-scheme going  ::). She honestly thinks that she is going to get rich doing thing. Her latest is some telecommunications thing, and she bugged the LIFE out of me about it until I politely told her just plain "NO". But while I was engaging with her in any way by discussing why I didn't want to use 'her' company, she was like a dog with a bone.

Live and learn, OP!  ;).
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Twik on March 15, 2011, 01:22:34 PM
The problem is that the people who start these schemes - not your friends and relatives, but the people who are actually profiting here - have figured out long ago how to fleece people, and they train their victims how to do it too. And they even convince them that they're *helping* others by forcing them into these things.

The weak point many people have is that they're working under normal social rules, and the other person is using high-pressure sales rules. Unless you stop being nice and gentle and reasonable, they'll steamroll right over you, because they will not react to normal cues that you want them to stop.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: araigne on March 20, 2011, 09:24:17 PM
There are actually some great companies (like Mary Kay Cosmetics) that follow the basic pyramid structure, but their focus is on offering a quality product FIRST and foremost. If I were you I would defriend them, or at least block their posts and ignore their messages. For heaven's sake, don't engage them any further!  ;)
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Sara Crewe on April 10, 2011, 10:29:24 AM
There are actually some great companies (like Mary Kay Cosmetics) that follow the basic pyramid structure, but their focus is on offering a quality product FIRST and foremost. If I were you I would defriend them, or at least block their posts and ignore their messages. For heaven's sake, don't engage them any further!  ;)

The trouble is that even the 'good' companies can have bad eggs in the upline - and a lot of people don't think Mary Kay is particularly good. 

A lot of the people further down the chain in all pyramid sellers genuinely believe they are doing you a favour because that is what they have been taught.  If you won't get involved, you are 'being negative' and should be either persuaded or cut from that person's life.  They are coached in what to say to overcome any negativity so there is no point in engaging as every argument will have a comeback.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Nebraska Jones on April 26, 2011, 11:39:37 PM
I do the same thing you did and explain my answer in a well thought out way assuming that surely the other person will get it.  If I am having to give an explanation of something I already declined that person usually doesn't really seem to care.  It's as if they must accomplish their goal of obtaining a certain answer no matter how they get there.

I am so frustrated with people putting me in the position to just say, "No thank you."  Ugh, I feel your pain and am sorry I offer nothing but sympathy.   :P
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: NotTheNarcissist on April 27, 2011, 04:59:04 PM
You don't mention any interaction with this couple other than their attempts to sell to you or get you to joining their latest MLM.  Is there a reason you would keep them as facebook friends after all these attempts?

It's time to cull your FB Friends and either a) lose her or b) stick her on a friends list that is highly restricted.

Further, if you can find a gracious way to explain you would prefer to not be contacted regarding business or purchasing transactions, although you'd like to keep the 'acquaintanceship' then by all means, I believe it is time to tell her so.

I've had a few people in my life like that. Very frustrating.

That's a very good question and I guess I've recently been asking myself the same thing.  We used to invite one another to baby showers and children's birthday parties, but that somehow, somewhere ended.  We send one another Christmas cards, but we no longer see one another in person.  We'll interact a bit on facebook, aside from their new business ventures - like commenting on photos and whatnot.  But I guess none of us has "severed the ties".  Perhaps that's the next step.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: shhh its me on April 27, 2011, 06:40:32 PM
  OP I didn't read the entire first post , because as a salesperson I didn't need to.  Objects are things to be overcome....... can't afford it , well product X will save you twice it's price in only 36 months.  Just say " I've looked at the information you sent. I'm not interested"

What didn't you like about wonder product

Friend I'm really not interested

But why Wonder product is great it will save the earth , feed homeless kittens , it balances you checkbook , cleans the windows while you sleep , etc etc etc .

Still not interested

repeat repeat

Don't you care about kittens, the earth , your checkbook and the filthy state of your windows?

NOPE , not buying it doesn't matter how many times you ask the answer will be no. (this is for a snotty sales person)
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Carnation on May 01, 2011, 08:47:50 AM
"Bill Gates"?
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Shoo on May 01, 2011, 09:42:13 AM
There are actually some great companies (like Mary Kay Cosmetics) that follow the basic pyramid structure, but their focus is on offering a quality product FIRST and foremost. If I were you I would defriend them, or at least block their posts and ignore their messages. For heaven's sake, don't engage them any further!  ;)

I have to disagree with you.  MK is no different than any other MLM.  That company nearly cost someone I know her home and her marriage.  It certainly cost her all of her life savings.  That is how MK is.  And this person I know is not atypical.

www.pinktruth.com
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: shhh its me on May 01, 2011, 01:56:07 PM
There are actually some great companies (like Mary Kay Cosmetics) that follow the basic pyramid structure, but their focus is on offering a quality product FIRST and foremost. If I were you I would defriend them, or at least block their posts and ignore their messages. For heaven's sake, don't engage them any further!  ;)

I have to disagree with you.  MK is no different than any other MLM.  That company nearly cost someone I know her home and her marriage.  It certainly cost her all of her life savings.  That is how MK is.  And this person I know is not atypical.

www.pinktruth.com

   I Judge MLM two ways ....

Do they have a product that I(or at least someone) would normally buy at the price if offered from a stranger?

Do they(anyone up chain or their spouses/parents/siblings) make a profit from training? and/or do they make more money selling the starer kits then selling to customers?

While I recommend just saying "I'm not intersted" it gets people off your back faster.  It is perfectly potlie to ask to see the books of any person trying to sell you an opportunity/business .  You can ask a person offering a restaurant for sale " what was your gross and net profits? On what item do you make the most profit?" and  lot of other questions.  You can ask the exact same questions of a person offering a MLM..............how many people have you signed up? how many are still with you after a year? how much do you make from sales ? how much do you make when a person attends a seminar? how much profit is in a sample kit, for you ? how many cold contact emails/phone calls do you make before you make a sale?how much time did that take?  how much do you spend on gas getting to display parties, how much is spent on refreshments? exactly what was your profit last year and exactly how much time did you and/or your spouse/child invest?"   These are rude questions to ask a FRIEND these are perfectly appropriate questions to ask someone SELLING you a business. I ran a business I could answer any of these or 100 other questions in 2 minutes.

 I do actually ask these questions when someone tries to involve me in a MLM I almost never get answers. I also never get asked twice. What I get is " there is unlimited potential".  The worst of these MLM exists in part because people are too "polite" to question their presenters , how much do you make?  is a legitmate question to anyone selling you a business and it should be answered with I make X  not Bob the founder makes Y or Mary whose 10 levels up makes Z 
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: norrina on May 01, 2011, 04:45:16 PM
<snip> OP I didn't read the entire first post , because as a salesperson I didn't need to.  Objects are things to be overcome....... can't afford it , well product X will save you twice it's price in only 36 months.  </snip>

EvilNorrina wants to respond, "oh, well, in that case, go ahead and give me product X now and I'll pay you for it in 18 months!"
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: Raintree on May 05, 2011, 10:48:23 PM
I've actually been to sales seminars where they tell you to always have an answer for "objections."

As in,

"Thanks, but I'm not interested because of X."
"Oh, but if you look at X this way, it's really a positive thing, because in comparison with Y, blah blah blah..."

Giving reasons just gives them more fodder to argue about it.

"No thank you" is enough.

For the record, I never adopted the corny, pushy sales tactics recommended in the seminar. It would irritate me to have them used on me so I wouldn't use them on someone else.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: kareng57 on May 05, 2011, 10:58:17 PM
I've actually been to sales seminars where they tell you to always have an answer for "objections."

As in,

"Thanks, but I'm not interested because of X."
"Oh, but if you look at X this way, it's really a positive thing, because in comparison with Y, blah blah blah..."

Giving reasons just gives them more fodder to argue about it.

"No thank you" is enough.

For the record, I never adopted the corny, pushy sales tactics recommended in the seminar. It would irritate me to have them used on me so I wouldn't use them on someone else.


Very true, but successful salespeople  would never get anywhere if they had no way of countering objections.

"That's too expensive" - they will tell you what you will actually save/gain profit in the long term.  "No one reads that publication" re media advertising - they will give you the figures as to how many people do in fact read it.

Of course, only a minority of people are cut out for heavy-duty sales.  But for those who are - they will generally not settle for a "sorry, not interested" the first time.  The second time - most polite salespeople will.
Title: Re: Acquaintance is always trying to sell me something
Post by: JoieGirl7 on May 06, 2011, 02:23:30 AM
I think a better reply to her would have been:

"You've only made "over $30K" working P/T for 4 and a half years?!!"   ???

She's not going to "get rich quick" making less than $10K a year with a P/T job...