Etiquette Hell

General Etiquette => Etiquette of the Rich and Famous => Topic started by: Two Ravens on April 03, 2011, 12:12:32 PM

Title: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Two Ravens on April 03, 2011, 12:12:32 PM
I admit, I am not a follower of the Royal Wedding, but this was on the news while I was at the gym yesterday, so I was something of a captive audience.
According to various media publications, Prince William says he will not be wearing a wedding ring after the wedding. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/01/prince-william-wedding-ring_n_843451.html

This story was followed by a whole bunch of negative comments, including one charming women who stated, “When I got married my husband did not want to wear a ring, so being a reasonable person, I gave him a choice, either wear the ring or get a tattoo on his forehead that said, ‘I’m married’ – Ha, he has been wearing his ring for 15 years now!”  ::)

Personally, I don’t think this is a big deal.  He is Prince William – about 99% of the English speaking world will know he is married.  But I may be biased.  My father never wore a ring either.  What do you all think?
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: jimithing on April 03, 2011, 12:15:09 PM
I think this is up to the couple to decide. I do think there are more men than women who don't wear wedding rings, but as long as it's OK for *both* people in the relationship to not wear a ring, if they choose to, so be it.

I do know some married men who don't like to wear a ring, but would be very unhappy if their wives didn't wear her ring, and I just  ::) at that notion.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Cz. Burrito on April 03, 2011, 12:16:35 PM
I think this is completely between William and Kate. If she's okay with it, then I don't see a problem. (And if she's not okay with it, it's still between the two of them.)
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Judah on April 03, 2011, 12:18:49 PM
I think this is completely between William and Kate. If she's okay with it, then I don't see a problem. (And if she's not okay with it, it's still between the two of them.)

I agree completely.  It's nobody else's business and I don't see why anyone outside the couple would care one way or the other.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Aggiesque on April 03, 2011, 12:28:30 PM
Although I'd *like* to know why, it's really none of my business, and provided they are both ok with it, it's fine by me :)

I know more than a few men who don't wear rings due to their job (very hands-on), and several ladies who don't, including myself, because changing lab gloves frequently with rings is a pain.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Black Delphinium on April 03, 2011, 12:34:18 PM
I'd imagine it would be a work thing. Isn't he a search and rescue pilot?
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Sharnita on April 03, 2011, 01:41:34 PM
As long as she doesn't care I don't see why i should.  If he came out and said somethign like "real men don't wear wedding rings" then I could see people getting offended.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: shadowfox79 on April 03, 2011, 01:50:39 PM
I think I remember an article from a UK paper which quoted him as saying he wasn't "a ring person", rather than it was a work thing. That said, it's still entirely up to him.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: ydpubs on April 03, 2011, 01:54:23 PM
That is for each couple to decide. None of my business.

Also, I think most people in the world know he is married! LOL!!
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: camlan on April 03, 2011, 02:01:36 PM
I think it's traditional for the men in the royal family not to wear rings--there was some media coverage of this at Charles and Diana's wedding. Diana got a wedding ring, but if you watch the videos of the Charles/Diana wedding, there are no vows that involve her putting a wedding ring on Charles' finger. However, I have a very dim memory that Diana did quietly shove a wedding ring on Charles' hand at some point in the ceremony, but there was nothing said about it--and I could be completely wrong about this.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Kitty Hawk on April 03, 2011, 02:03:18 PM
I'm another one who doesn't see what difference it makes.  My father didn't wear a wedding ring for years.  I know several women who don't wear them -- say they just aren't comfortable with rings.

I had to take mine off when I was pregnant.  Even now (and my son is now 17) I will frequently take my rings off to clean or bake or put hand cream on or whatever, and forget to put them back on for several days.

Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: blue2000 on April 03, 2011, 02:32:36 PM
If he is doing things like search and rescue, where he might have to keep his ring off, I can see why. Not because it would be a pain, but to stave off the inevitable tabloid rumours. "He's not wearing his ring! Oh, my goodness - they must be divorcing!!!!" ::)
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 03, 2011, 03:33:19 PM
My feelings on the matter depend entirely on how he feels about whether or not his wife wears a ring.

If I were ever to get married I'd find a refusal to wear a ring to be a huge red flag and a double standard.  I'd worry that the husband wanted to continue presenting himself as single whilst claiming 'ownership' over his wife.  Of course, that's probably not an issue here, as a PP said, he can't really hide the fact that he's married!

I suppose I'm a little confused, he gave Kate an engagement ring (and one with a lot of sentimental value and history) so he seems to buy into the idea of the ring as a symbol of commitment/connection etc.  Why does he not feel that way about his wedding ring?
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: kareng57 on April 03, 2011, 03:41:44 PM
My feelings on the matter depend entirely on how he feels about whether or not his wife wears a ring.

If I were ever to get married I'd find a refusal to wear a ring to be a huge red flag and a double standard.  I'd worry that the husband wanted to continue presenting himself as single whilst claiming 'ownership' over his wife.  Of course, that's probably not an issue here, as a PP said, he can't really hide the fact that he's married!

I suppose I'm a little confused, he gave Kate an engagement ring (and one with a lot of sentimental value and history) so he seems to buy into the idea of the ring as a symbol of commitment/connection etc.  Why does he not feel that way about his wedding ring?


Historically, the concept of men wearing wedding rings is relatively recent.  I believe that double-ring ceremonies only became popular around WW II.

Some men (and some women, too) simply dislike wearing rings.  I got used to my Dh not wearing his ring often, but he did heavy mechanical work.  To me, it's a huge leap to conclude that a man who does not want to wear a ring is planning on cheating.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Maujer on April 03, 2011, 03:42:37 PM
Don't care. Honestly I'm somewhat surprised so many men wear wedding rings when you consider the fact that men rarely wear rings (or other jewelry) before they're married. I would understand if they thought it was uncomfortable and off putting. But my husband probably wears his ring more often than I wear mine (stupid freakishly small fingers that shrink in the winter).
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: ydpubs on April 03, 2011, 03:48:30 PM
My feelings on the matter depend entirely on how he feels about whether or not his wife wears a ring.

If I were ever to get married I'd find a refusal to wear a ring to be a huge red flag and a double standard.  I'd worry that the husband wanted to continue presenting himself as single whilst claiming 'ownership' over his wife.  Of course, that's probably not an issue here, as a PP said, he can't really hide the fact that he's married!

I suppose I'm a little confused, he gave Kate an engagement ring (and one with a lot of sentimental value and history) so he seems to buy into the idea of the ring as a symbol of commitment/connection etc.  Why does he not feel that way about his wedding ring?


Historically, the concept of men wearing wedding rings is relatively recent.  I believe that double-ring ceremonies only became popular around WW II.

Some men (and some women, too) simply dislike wearing rings.  I got used to my Dh not wearing his ring often, but he did heavy mechanical work.  To me, it's a huge leap to conclude that a man who does not want to wear a ring is planning on cheating.

Exactly. My father never wore a ring (he was born 1923.) And I agree absolutely with the bolded.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 03, 2011, 03:51:49 PM
My feelings on the matter depend entirely on how he feels about whether or not his wife wears a ring.

If I were ever to get married I'd find a refusal to wear a ring to be a huge red flag and a double standard.  I'd worry that the husband wanted to continue presenting himself as single whilst claiming 'ownership' over his wife.  Of course, that's probably not an issue here, as a PP said, he can't really hide the fact that he's married!

I suppose I'm a little confused, he gave Kate an engagement ring (and one with a lot of sentimental value and history) so he seems to buy into the idea of the ring as a symbol of commitment/connection etc.  Why does he not feel that way about his wedding ring?


Historically, the concept of men wearing wedding rings is relatively recent.  I believe that double-ring ceremonies only became popular around WW II.

Some men (and some women, too) simply dislike wearing rings.  I got used to my Dh not wearing his ring often, but he did heavy mechanical work.  To me, it's a huge leap to conclude that a man who does not want to wear a ring is planning on cheating.

Historically doesn't really come into it for me, its only relatively recently that women were considered equals in a marriage!

If the man who doesn't like to wear rings is fine with his wife not wearing one, and she is also ok with it, then there's no problem.  For me, it would be. 

One of the main reasons I really don't like engagement rings is that they are one-sided, men rarely wear them or any other symbol that they are unavailable. 
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Judah on April 03, 2011, 04:05:51 PM
Maybe she likes rings, but he doesn't.  I really don't care if my DH wears a ring or not, he rarely does.  I wear mine, or at least some kind of ring,  everyday because I like to.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: kitty_ev on April 03, 2011, 04:11:50 PM
I love the fact my husband wears a ring (two actually- an engagement ring and a wedding ring), but he's a ring person, so he loves wearing it. How many rings he wears or doesn't wear as a symbol of our marriage is entirely our business though- I'm always rather unimpressed at the raised eyebrows that usually follow when someone realises that he wears an engagement as well as a wedding ring. I think if Kate's happy for her soon-to-be husband not to wear a wedding ring, then it's really no one else's business. As several PPs have pointed out- this is going to be one of the most widely televised weddings of all time and he's an easily recognisable chap, so it's hardly going to be a secret that he's married.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: mechtilde on April 03, 2011, 04:42:08 PM
Most English men didn't wear rings until relatively recently, and many still don't. My father doesn't wear one, and my Grandad only started wearing one after Granny died, and he starting wearing her wedding ring. DH stopped wearing his because he was afraid of losing it at work- he was doing a very physical job at the time, and never got into the habit afterwards.

So it really isn't a big deal here, and even if it was, it would still be a matter for the couple.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 03, 2011, 04:55:40 PM
Most English men didn't wear rings until relatively recently, and many still don't. My father doesn't wear one, and my Grandad only started wearing one after Granny died, and he starting wearing her wedding ring. DH stopped wearing his because he was afraid of losing it at work- he was doing a very physical job at the time, and never got into the habit afterwards.

So it really isn't a big deal here, and even if it was, it would still be a matter for the couple.

I'm English.  My dad literally never takes his off, his skin is a completely different colour under his ring!  My grandfather has always worn his too, for 50 years now.  I'd say most of the married men I know wear a ring, its the one piece of jewellery allowed in my workplace, a groom at a recent wedding could be seen showing his off to his ushers just after the ceremony with a proud look on his face, it was very sweet really!
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: LEMon on April 03, 2011, 07:03:50 PM
Regarding her ring, can you imagine the noise that would have been made if they had chosen to get engaged, and she never had and never planned to wear an engagement ring?  Ho boy, I can imagine the headlines now - all accusing him of being all sorts of things.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 03, 2011, 07:11:18 PM
Regarding her ring, can you imagine the noise that would have been made if they had chosen to get engaged, and she never had and never planned to wear an engagement ring?  Ho boy, I can imagine the headlines now - all accusing him of being all sorts of things.

Huh?  I don't get it!  If a woman doesn't wear an engagement ring what does her fiance get accused of?  ???

Did you mean accusing her?  I can see that!
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: kareng57 on April 03, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
Most English men didn't wear rings until relatively recently, and many still don't. My father doesn't wear one, and my Grandad only started wearing one after Granny died, and he starting wearing her wedding ring. DH stopped wearing his because he was afraid of losing it at work- he was doing a very physical job at the time, and never got into the habit afterwards.

So it really isn't a big deal here, and even if it was, it would still be a matter for the couple.

I'm English.  My dad literally never takes his off, his skin is a completely different colour under his ring!  My grandfather has always worn his too, for 50 years now.  I'd say most of the married men I know wear a ring, its the one piece of jewellery allowed in my workplace, a groom at a recent wedding could be seen showing his off to his ushers just after the ceremony with a proud look on his face, it was very sweet really!



And that's fine.

But some people simply don't like wearing rings.  I'd wager there are more men than women in this category, generally because lots of women are given simple rings (such as birthstones) as children and are more accustomed to wearing them.  Even for those who do like to wear rings, I don't think there's anything terribly noble about never taking it off.  Sometimes even wedding rings need repair, such as a loose stone (happened to me), a cleaning, or an insurance appraisal.

If you don't like engagement rings, that too is fine.  I have never heard that there is any sort of etiquette-rule that an engaged woman must have a ring.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Wonderflonium on April 03, 2011, 07:25:12 PM
I think this is completely between William and Kate. If she's okay with it, then I don't see a problem. (And if she's not okay with it, it's still between the two of them.)

Pod.

I read an article that said historically, men in the royal family didn't wear wedding rings, and so Wills is following tradition. Either way, I don't much care. Like I said, I'm guessing most people are aware that he's getting married.

My dad can't even find his wedding ring. It wouldn't fit now anyway, and even if it did, he rather likes his fingers attached to his hand. He and mom are celebrating 39 years this year, so the missing ring doesn't seem to have caused a problem.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Sharnita on April 03, 2011, 07:43:16 PM
I think this is completely between William and Kate. If she's okay with it, then I don't see a problem. (And if she's not okay with it, it's still between the two of them.)

Pod.

I read an article that said historically, men in the royal family didn't wear wedding rings, and so Wills is following tradition. Either way, I don't much care. Like I said, I'm guessing most people are aware that he's getting married.

My dad can't even find his wedding ring. It wouldn't fit now anyway, and even if it did, he rather likes his fingers attached to his hand. He and mom are celebrating 39 years this year, so the missing ring doesn't seem to have caused a problem.

If Kate is OK with it that is her business but if I were marrying into that family the last thing that would pacify me would be the explanation that he was followprevious marital standards set by the men in his fmaily.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: BB-VA on April 03, 2011, 09:54:28 PM
No big deal.  I have a wedding ring, and it was up to me.  My husband did not insist.  He doesn't wear a ring - he doesn't like them.  Again, no big deal.  I didn't get the ring at our wedding ceremony, but shortly afterwards. 

Neither of my parents in law wore wedding rings - in fact, when they got engaged, she got an engagement watch.  It was the norm in their religious community - only USEFUL jewelry was allowed.  Rings are not useful, by their standards.

It's all just shiny rocks anyway - it only means what the owner puts into it, IMO.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: CakeBeret on April 03, 2011, 10:21:35 PM
I love rings (and all sorts of pretty jewelry!) so I wear my wedding/engagement ring all the time.

DH is a mechanic and cannot wear his ring to work at all. Since he can be pretty forgetful, it's safest for him to leave his ring in a safe spot and only put it on for special occasions. If he took it on and off every day, I guarantee he would lose it within a week. :P Honestly he's gone months without wearing it and it doesn't bother me at all. He and I are both aware of the commitment we have to each other, and neither one of us feels that the other 'has' to wear a ring. I wear mine because I want to. He doesn't wear his because it's impractical.

I actually don't think it's fair that women get engagement rings and men get nothing, so when we got engaged I bought DH an engagement watch. I got his input on styles that he liked, but picked it out myself. The night he proposed, I knew it was coming, so I brought the watch with me and gave it to him after he proposed and gave me my ring.

I don't think it's a big deal that William isn't going to wear a ring. It's not anybody else's business.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: MaggieB on April 03, 2011, 10:32:42 PM
Regarding her ring, can you imagine the noise that would have been made if they had chosen to get engaged, and she never had and never planned to wear an engagement ring?  Ho boy, I can imagine the headlines now - all accusing him of being all sorts of things.

Huh?  I don't get it!  If a woman doesn't wear an engagement ring what does her fiance get accused of?  ???

Did you mean accusing her?  I can see that!


I'm not LEMon, but I'd imagine headlines insinuating that either William is too cheap/doesn't care enough to buy a ring or that the family doesn't trust a commoner with family jewels, etc.

As far as the issue here, I agree it's completely between them.  I will admit that I love the idea of a wedding ring on my (hypothetical) husband, and I'd be disappointed if he didn't want one at all ever...but that's my thing and I'm sure there'd be some middle ground that made us both happy if I end up wearing a guy who doesn't like rings.  If Kate's cool with it, that's all that matters.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Shopaholic on April 04, 2011, 12:46:27 AM
My dad wore his wedding ring for maybe a month after my parents' wedding, and I have never, ever seen him with one.
Maybe for this reason, to this day, it seems weird to me to see a man with a wedding ring.
My husband toyed with the idea of getting a ring, and I honestly didn't care one way or another. Other people sometimes ask why he doesn't have one, and we say I gave him a pass.
Honestly, if Kate doesn't care - why should anyone else?
I was really surprised this was on the news.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Clara Bow on April 04, 2011, 09:16:07 AM
I think it's a non-issue. I stopped wearing my wedding rings when I got pregnant nine years ago and never picked the habit back up. In my current job wedding rings are a giant bacteria trap anyway. My marriage is not in my ring....it's in my life with my husband and how I treat him is more important than wearing a piece of jewelry.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Kendo_Bunny on April 04, 2011, 01:13:51 PM
I suppose I'm a little confused, he gave Kate an engagement ring (and one with a lot of sentimental value and history) so he seems to buy into the idea of the ring as a symbol of commitment/connection etc.  Why does he not feel that way about his wedding ring?

Personally, I hate wearing rings. I can manage it for a few hours for a costume, but they make me crazy. I fiddle with them, my skin itches under them, they fall off when it's cold and squeeze when it's hot, and I don't like the way they look on my fingers. I wore two rings my ex gave me for two years, until we broke up, but even doing that for him, I still hated wearing them. Rings can be a symbol of commitment and connection, but to people who hate wearing them, they are just a flat-out nuisance. I've said to every guy I've been serious with that I never, ever want an engagement ring.

So if Kate is wearing her ring, and will wear her wedding ring, she probably doesn't hate rings. If she had, I'm sure he would have tried to find an alternative that pleased her, but I don't think it's a giant red flag if a partner doesn't want wear something that makes them crazy.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Dindrane on April 04, 2011, 01:32:41 PM
Ultimately, whether or not either a man or a woman wears a wedding ring is only the business of their spouse.

Personally, I dislike the tradition of single-ring ceremonies.  I dislike it pretty intensely, actually.  So when I got married, I flat-out insisted that my husband needed to have a ring.  I have not (and will not) insist that he wear it.  But it's important to me that he has one.

As it happens, his ring is just a smidge too small, and we haven't gotten around to resizing it yet.  So we've been married over a month and he hasn't really worn it at all. :P  When it fits him (and thus is comfortable), I am hoping that he will at least give wearing it a shot, but if he really dislikes it, I wouldn't push the issue.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 04, 2011, 05:39:31 PM
I think its highly likely that nearly all men who wear wedding rings take a while to adjust to them though, most young men don't wear rings and most men never wear any ring except their wedding ring.  Some choose to keep at it until they get used to it and some don't.

I understand this is a personal thing and down to each individual couple, but if I ever get married, I'm going to expect my hypothetical husband to suck it up and at least take some time to try and get used to wearing a ring everyday.

I think people's opinions on this are influenced by their parents/families.  I've always loved the fact that my dad is so committed to wearing his wedding ring, its very sweet.  My mum is actually a bit flaky with hers and has lost a few over the years!
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Alida on April 04, 2011, 05:46:00 PM
My father doesn't wear his wedding ring. He's a contractor who also likes having a full set of fingers on each hand. He and Mom just celebrated their 43rd anniversary.

My ex wore his every single day, even while he was cheating on me.

The ring is a physical symbol, nothing more. If both parties are fine with the prince not wearing his ring, that's all that matters (to them, the rest of us can still wonder ;) ).
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 04, 2011, 05:48:26 PM
My father doesn't wear his wedding ring. He's a contractor who also likes having a full set of fingers on each hand. He and Mom just celebrated their 43rd anniversary.

My ex wore his every single day, even while he was cheating on me.

The ring is a physical symbol, nothing more. If both parties are fine with the prince not wearing his ring, that's all that matters (to them, the rest of us can still wonder ;) ).

I don't think its fair to dismiss it though, its really important to some people.  ???

Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Alida on April 04, 2011, 05:52:13 PM
Oh, I'm not dismissing it at all. It was very important to me. But a symbol is not the total of the commitment. That's something even more.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: TamJamB on April 04, 2011, 06:49:39 PM
Just out of curiosity -- do those of you who feel that a woman ought to be able to veto her husband's choice not to wear a wedding ring also think that a man ought to be able to veto his wife's choice to keep her birth name after marriage? 

Personally I think that both these decisions should rest in the end with the person who wears the ring or bears the name; even if their partner would prefer the opposite choice.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: blue2000 on April 04, 2011, 07:05:31 PM
I think if it is a dealbreaker for you, it is something you discuss before the wedding. If someone insists their husband needs to wear a ring, and the husband is adamant that he won't, it is going to end badly, no matter who wins.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: TeamBhakta on April 04, 2011, 07:07:45 PM
I don't wear rings. I'm not a big jewelry person. I can't stand having something on my fingers constantly. Plus, the few times I tried wearing rings, I'd leave them at home, wash my hands in a public bathroom and suddenly go "OH NO, I LOST MY RINGS, I LOST MY -- you dope, you put them away for safe keeping at home."  ::) My boyfriend is under instructions not to buy me rings. If he was going to cheat on me, a ring certainly wouldn't prevent that. I trust him and know he can say "No, thank you, I'm with someone" without a chunk of gold from Zales to prompt him.  

*ETA: He does messy construction work anyway. So I wouldn't expect him to wear a ring for that reason, too.

Regarding her ring, can you imagine the noise that would have been made if they had chosen to get engaged, and she never had and never planned to wear an engagement ring?  Ho boy, I can imagine the headlines now - all accusing him of being all sorts of things.

Huh?  I don't get it!  If a woman doesn't wear an engagement ring what does her fiance get accused of?  ???

Did you mean accusing her?  I can see that!


I'm not LEMon, but I'd imagine headlines insinuating that either William is too cheap/doesn't care enough to buy a ring or that the family doesn't trust a commoner with family jewels, etc.

As far as the issue here, I agree it's completely between them.  I will admit that I love the idea of a wedding ring on my (hypothetical) husband, and I'd be disappointed if he didn't want one at all ever...but that's my thing and I'm sure there'd be some middle ground that made us both happy if I end up wearing a guy who doesn't like rings.  If Kate's cool with it, that's all that matters.

What exactly is the middle ground, though ? (aside from "it's on my finger" or "it won't be on my finger") I don't mean that in a snarky way, I'm genuinely curious
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 04, 2011, 07:20:58 PM
Just as an aside, all these married men working in construction who don't like the feel of a ring aren't making life any easier for us single girls!

First thing I do if I meet or see a guy I like?  Check for a wedding ring.  I wonder how much time I've wasted trying to be understatedly charming to married men...
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Dindrane on April 04, 2011, 07:23:11 PM
I think one reasonable "middle ground" is the compromise I reached with my husband (who has never been much of a jewelry wearer, and isn't all that enthused at the idea of wearing a ring).  He has a wedding ring.  He has agreed, because it matters to me, to try wearing it for a little while.  I have agreed, because I love him, that if he finds it too uncomfortable he is more than free to stop wearing it and just keep it somewhere safe.

In the end, it's his finger, and I really ought not to try to make him wear a ring.  But having the ring (even if he doesn't wear it) satisfies a pretty significant chunk of what I find important surrounding wedding rings (i.e. symbol of our committments to each other -- specifically, for his ring, mine to him).
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: MaggieB on April 04, 2011, 07:40:03 PM
Again, this is all hypothetical for me at this point because I'm not planning to marry anyone at this point.  But when I wrote that I was thinking along the same lines as Dindrane.  I'd want him to have a ring for the ceremony at least.  And maybe break it out for special occasions.  But if my future husband really doesn't like rings and doesn't want to wear one every day,that would not be a huge deal to me.  I'd just like one to exist and to be worn on the occasions he's OK with even if they're very rare.  If that makes sense.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: DoubleTrouble on April 05, 2011, 12:49:12 PM
I agree, if Kate doesn't mind then who cares? Neither of my parents wear a ring & I'll be honest I've only seen my Mom's wedding ring once or twice in my life (she developed an allergy to the metal). DH wears his ring all the time but I rarely do anymore with two toddlers to chase after, I rather keep my antique ring in one piece!

Don't care. Honestly I'm somewhat surprised so many men wear wedding rings when you consider the fact that men rarely wear rings (or other jewelry) before they're married. I would understand if they thought it was uncomfortable and off putting. But my husband probably wears his ring more often than I wear mine (stupid freakishly small fingers that shrink in the winter).

Me too! And then in summer they swell, one time I seriously freaked out because I could not get the rings off, even with some grease. Took me holding ice over my finger & rings & tons of extra grease to get the suckers off. Not a fun day I'll tell you.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 05, 2011, 12:56:29 PM
Just out of curiosity -- do those of you who feel that a woman ought to be able to veto her husband's choice not to wear a wedding ring also think that a man ought to be able to veto his wife's choice to keep her birth name after marriage? 

Personally I think that both these decisions should rest in the end with the person who wears the ring or bears the name; even if their partner would prefer the opposite choice.

I don't think anybody should be vetoing anything, if that was aimed at me then I'm not sure where the word veto came from!

I believe these are things that need to be discussed and agreed upon before a marriage takes place.

A man who isn't completely onboard with my decision to keep my name after marriage and agrees with my reasoning as to why isn't one I'd be marrying. 

Equally, I expect that long before an actual wedding day my hypothetical future husband and I would have had several conversations about the symbolism and cultural weight of various rings and come to an agreement.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: General Jinjur on April 05, 2011, 01:15:10 PM
My dad is very attached to his ring, so I grew up thinking that was the norm. In the 46 years my parents have been married, he's never been without it. And that's even though he's a mechanic and really should go ringless to work. (And the fact that my mom finds that idiotic instead of sweet says tons about their relationship, I think!)

DH always wears his ring, which I like. I haven't had mine on in a year - my hands swelled too much while I was pregnant, and they have yet to shrink. I kind of like the feeling of finger freedom, though.

Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Ceiling Fan on April 05, 2011, 01:26:48 PM
My father doesn't wear his wedding ring. He's a contractor who also likes having a full set of fingers on each hand. He and Mom just celebrated their 43rd anniversary.

My ex wore his every single day, even while he was cheating on me.

The ring is a physical symbol, nothing more. If both parties are fine with the prince not wearing his ring, that's all that matters (to them, the rest of us can still wonder ;) ).

I don't think its fair to dismiss it though, its really important to some people.  ???

But if it's not important to the person wearing (or not wearing) the ring, how is that anyone's concern?

I think one reasonable "middle ground" is the compromise I reached with my husband (who has never been much of a jewelry wearer, and isn't all that enthused at the idea of wearing a ring).  He has a wedding ring.  He has agreed, because it matters to me, to try wearing it for a little while.  I have agreed, because I love him, that if he finds it too uncomfortable he is more than free to stop wearing it and just keep it somewhere safe.

In the end, it's his finger, and I really ought not to try to make him wear a ring.  But having the ring (even if he doesn't wear it) satisfies a pretty significant chunk of what I find important surrounding wedding rings (i.e. symbol of our committments to each other -- specifically, for his ring, mine to him).

I think 'the middle ground' would be to have the ring, but only wear it on formal occasions. So I don't really expect Kate to wear that big honking ring when she's doing dishes or grocery shopping, but as she accepted it, she should wear it to state or wedding-related events.

I don't know what CofE marriage ceremonies are like, but if rings are part of the ceremony, then he has 'formally' accepted the ring, and should wear it while attending other ceremonies or events of similar formality.

If he never wants to wear a ring, ever, then it shouldn't be part of the mariage ceremony, IMO.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Everlee on April 05, 2011, 02:02:43 PM
My parents never wore their wedding rings so it was never a big deal for me.  I wore mine for a few years until I had DD2 and lost so much weight that it slid around.  I took it off and never put it back on.  Husband wore his until it got lost at work and was broke.  He found it a while later cut in half and in a straight line!

I think it's no big deal if you don't wear a ring and it's really nobody's business but theirs.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Dindrane on April 05, 2011, 02:03:21 PM
I imagine the Church of England wedding ceremony is similar to the Episcopalian one in the US.  The language my husband and I used when we got married was, "[Name], I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of God."

It is entirely possible, and not at all inconsistent (in my opinion) for my husband's ring to be a symbol of my vows to him, even if he chooses not to wear it.

I don't really understand why an occasion of formality means that someone must wear any wedding-related jewelry, or why an unwillingness to wear a wedding ring at such an event means he/she shouldn't have said ring at all.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: TeamBhakta on April 05, 2011, 02:11:34 PM
I imagine the Church of England wedding ceremony is similar to the Episcopalian one in the US.  The language my husband and I used when we got married was, "[Name], I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of God."

It is entirely possible, and not at all inconsistent (in my opinion) for my husband's ring to be a symbol of my vows to him, even if he chooses not to wear it.

I don't really understand why an occasion of formality means that someone must wear any wedding-related jewelry, or why an unwillingness to wear a wedding ring at such an event means he/she shouldn't have said ring at all.

I don't get it either. Unless there's some sort of Let's Make A Deal game at these formal occasions I'm not aware of. ("I'll give $100 to the first person with a Jane Seymour designed wedding ring in the audience.")

My parents haven't worn wedding rings for several decades. They're just tucked away in a safe place. Mom's fingers swelled up after her pregnancies and Dad does work where jewelry is a safety hazard.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: TamJamB on April 05, 2011, 03:39:25 PM
Quote from: Larrabee
I don't think anybody should be vetoing anything, if that was aimed at me then I'm not sure where the word veto came from!
It wasn't aimed at anyone in particular.  This is a topic that has come up a number of times, with comments such as 'dealkiller' and 'he'll just need to suck it up,' frequently arising.

Quote
I believe these are things that need to be discussed and agreed upon before a marriage takes place.
Agreed.  But I also realize that compromise isn’t always possible.  A compromise mentioned here (having a double-ring ceremony, with the groom only wearing his ring for special occasions) still wouldn’t have worked for my father.  My parents were married 53 years ago in a single-ring ceremony.  My dad was a welder and chose not to wear a ring for safety reasons.  And he didn’t want to have a double-ring ceremony because – to him – accepting a ring he had no intention of ever wearing would have felt like an empty gesture – not quite a lie, but still not something he wanted to do during his wedding vows.  As it happened, my mother didn’t care either way (and in 1957, single-ring ceremonies were as common as double-ring); but if she had cared, no real compromise would have been possible – one of them would have had to prevail and the other would have had to give in… This happens sometimes.  And, in my opinion, when compromise is not possible, then the person most affected should be the one to prevail.  And, in the case of jewelry, the person who has to wear the jewelry is the one most affected.

Quote
A man who isn't completely onboard with my decision to keep my name after marriage and agrees with my reasoning as to why isn't one I'd be marrying.
  Perhaps.  People are complicated, though.  Suppose you did fall in love with a man who was otherwise completely perfect for you but who had strong feelings about your taking his name.  Let’s say that, despite his being a 100% modern man otherwise, he just felt strongly about the symbolism of giving his name to his wife.  Theoretically, a compromise might be possible here -- you might be willing to take his name during the ceremony, say, but only use it socially thereafter.  Legally and for work-purposes, you would keep your maiden name…  But if this wouldn’t work for you, then there you’d be – with no compromise possible.  One of you would have to ‘win;’ and one of you would have to ‘lose.’ 
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 05, 2011, 04:17:13 PM

Quote
A man who isn't completely onboard with my decision to keep my name after marriage and agrees with my reasoning as to why isn't one I'd be marrying.
  Perhaps.  People are complicated, though.  Suppose you did fall in love with a man who was otherwise completely perfect for you but who had strong feelings about your taking his name.  Let’s say that, despite his being a 100% modern man otherwise, he just felt strongly about the symbolism of giving his name to his wife.  Theoretically, a compromise might be possible here -- you might be willing to take his name during the ceremony, say, but only use it socially thereafter.  Legally and for work-purposes, you would keep your maiden name…  But if this wouldn’t work for you, then there you’d be – with no compromise possible.  One of you would have to ‘win;’ and one of you would have to ‘lose.’ 


Nope, sorry!  For me, that one is an absolute must.  Its an indicator of shared values.  Keeping my name would be so so very important to me that any man I might marry would have to be the kind to fully understand my reasons and agree with them or we'd never have got as far as an engagement!

I'm not sure I agree with "in my opinion, when compromise is not possible, then the person most affected should be the one to prevail."  I think if compromise is definitely not possible but the issue is not a relationship-ender then the person who feels the most strongly and has the deepest held beliefs and values about the issue should be able to expect that their loving partner respect this and put that above their less strongly held beliefs.

Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: TamJamB on April 05, 2011, 05:44:04 PM
I agree when it's a situation where one party feels stronger about an issue than the other.  In that case, the person with the stroner feelings should prevail 

But what if both parties feel equally strongly?  I'll use my parent's as an example again: as I mentioned, my dad fels strongly that a double-ring ceremony when he had no intention of wearing a ring would dilute the veracity of his wedding vows.  Let's say that my mother had felt equally strongly, as some here do, that a single-ring ceremony was not as symbolically valid as a double-ring... It isn't a deal-breaker, they still want to marry, but one of them is going to have to bend. 
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 05, 2011, 05:53:15 PM
I agree when it's a situation where one party feels stronger about an issue than the other.  In that case, the person with the stroner feelings should prevail 

But what if both parties feel equally strongly?  I'll use my parent's as an example again: as I mentioned, my dad fels strongly that a double-ring ceremony when he had no intention of wearing a ring would dilute the veracity of his wedding vows.  Let's say that my mother had felt equally strongly, as some here do, that a single-ring ceremony was not as symbolically valid as a double-ring... It isn't a deal-breaker, they still want to marry, but one of them is going to have to bend. 

I'm on your mum's side there,  could they have juggled the words a bit so that his vows didn't seem so dependent on the ring?  Couldn't he look at it that ownership of the ring counts? 
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: afbluebelle on April 05, 2011, 05:57:04 PM
I am all for military pilots not wearing rings.... I hate FOD walks for when those punks lose it when they put it in their flight suit.

Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: TamJamB on April 05, 2011, 06:06:21 PM
Quote
I'm on your mum's side there,  could they have juggled the words a bit so that his vows didn't seem so dependent on the ring?  Couldn't he look at it that ownership of the ring counts? 
I'm afraid I'm not making my point well enough. It isn't a question of one of them being right and the other wrong -- there is no 'right' side here.  Just equally strongly felt opinions. 
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 05, 2011, 06:09:44 PM
Quote
I'm on your mum's side there,  could they have juggled the words a bit so that his vows didn't seem so dependent on the ring?  Couldn't he look at it that ownership of the ring counts? 
I'm afraid I'm not making my point well enough. It isn't a question of one of them being right and the other wrong -- there is no 'right' side here.  Just equally strongly felt opinions. 

What are you asking me then?  What I'd do in this position?
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Dindrane on April 05, 2011, 06:11:32 PM
I agree when it's a situation where one party feels stronger about an issue than the other.  In that case, the person with the stroner feelings should prevail 

But what if both parties feel equally strongly?  I'll use my parent's as an example again: as I mentioned, my dad fels strongly that a double-ring ceremony when he had no intention of wearing a ring would dilute the veracity of his wedding vows.  Let's say that my mother had felt equally strongly, as some here do, that a single-ring ceremony was not as symbolically valid as a double-ring... It isn't a deal-breaker, they still want to marry, but one of them is going to have to bend. 

I'm on your mum's side there,  could they have juggled the words a bit so that his vows didn't seem so dependent on the ring?  Couldn't he look at it that ownership of the ring counts? 

Larrabee, I think what TamJamB is saying is that it doesn't matter whose side you (or anyone else) is on.

What matters is that when two people have directly opposing, strongly-held beliefs, there are times when a compromise actually is impossible.  There is no compromise -- there is only one person (or both people) deciding to give in and "lose" something that is important to them.  Compromise implies that both parties can be happy with the solution.  Sometimes, that actually is not possible, even if both parties accept the ultimate solution.

To give a related but slightly different example: My husband was raised Catholic, I was raised Episcopalian.  He has no more desire to be Episcopalian (or practice it) than I have a desire to be Catholic.  On top of that, neither of us saw any utility or benefit in having a wedding ceremony that attempted to combine the two religious traditions -- for me, at least, it wouldn't have been any different than just getting married in a Catholic Church (and I think for my husband, having a Catholic priest participate in some way would not have changed anything unless the ceremony had been, essentially, a Catholic one).  So ultimately, there was no compromise possible, at all.  We either got married in my church or his, and there was no way to get married in both.

So as it happened, we got married in my church, because I am the only one of us who is actually really invested in religion.  It mattered far more to me than to him, so he gave in.  It wasn't a compromise, because I gave up nothing.  But neither of us is unhappy with the outcome, so it's not a dealbreaker issue, either.  It's just a point upon which we could not compromise, even though we were able to find a solution.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: TamJamB on April 05, 2011, 06:43:30 PM
Quote
Larrabee, I think what TamJamB is saying is that it doesn't matter whose side you (or anyone else) is on.

What matters is that when two people have directly opposing, strongly-held beliefs, there are times when a compromise actually is impossible.  There is no compromise -- there is only one person (or both people) deciding to give in and "lose" something that is important to them.  Compromise implies that both parties can be happy with the solution.  Sometimes, that actually is not possible, even if both parties accept the ultimate solution.

LOL  This is exactly what I meant.  Dindrane said in one paragraph what I wasn't able to get across in three lo-ong posts!  Good job!
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 05, 2011, 06:48:30 PM
Quote
Larrabee, I think what TamJamB is saying is that it doesn't matter whose side you (or anyone else) is on.

What matters is that when two people have directly opposing, strongly-held beliefs, there are times when a compromise actually is impossible.  There is no compromise -- there is only one person (or both people) deciding to give in and "lose" something that is important to them.  Compromise implies that both parties can be happy with the solution.  Sometimes, that actually is not possible, even if both parties accept the ultimate solution.

LOL  This is exactly what I meant.  Dindrane said in one paragraph what I wasn't able to get across in three lo-ong posts!  Good job!

Ok, well, then its not something I feel the need to get into, I've never mentioned compromise and I'm not quite sure how we've got here!  :D
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Winterlight on April 07, 2011, 11:23:27 AM
I am all for military pilots not wearing rings.... I hate FOD walks for when those punks lose it when they put it in their flight suit.

FOD walk? ???
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: afbluebelle on April 08, 2011, 09:57:24 AM
FOD = Foreign Object Damage (to planes)

Basically, Captain Dudeguy drops ring... Can't find it.  We all have to walk out to the flightline and walk reeeeeeaaaaallllly slow looking for the ring, then search the jet, then possible impound the jet.  All a giant pain in the neck.

You aren't supposed to wear jewelry while working on/operating aircraft for this reason.


Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Sharnita on April 08, 2011, 10:02:08 AM
I would imagine a loose ring (or anything else) flying around the cockpit at a crucial moment or getting into the engine or somethign could be very, very bad.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Winterlight on April 08, 2011, 10:03:30 AM
Ah, I see- yeah, that would put a hitch in the getalong.  :P
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: scotcat on April 09, 2011, 11:48:50 AM
I think it's traditional for the men in the royal family not to wear rings--there was some media coverage of this at Charles and Diana's wedding. Diana got a wedding ring, but if you watch the videos of the Charles/Diana wedding, there are no vows that involve her putting a wedding ring on Charles' finger. However, I have a very dim memory that Diana did quietly shove a wedding ring on Charles' hand at some point in the ceremony, but there was nothing said about it--and I could be completely wrong about this.

I'm sure you are right, I read that Charles wore a wedding ring above his signet ring. So did Prince Andrew. Traditionally, Royal men do not wear wedding rings, with the exception of Prince Michael of Kent. When this was noticed, there was a comment that he was the first to do so. However, there is a portrait of King Edward VII in Coronation regalia, and he is wearing a plain gold ring on his third finger left hand.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: MissRose on April 09, 2011, 01:44:04 PM
I have no issue with Prince William choosing not to get a wedding ring.  Then again in his military career, ring/jewelry wearing is probably discouraged.

I think its more common for women to wear a ring to show marital status.  I even sometimes wear certain styles of rings on certain fingers if I go out to a club/pub/bar, its a very good deterrent to most men.

My parents did have a double ring ceremony nearly 40 years ago.  My father does not wear his partly for years - for a long time, it was his factory work, and now that he is retired, he still won't put it on as he does stuff for my mother like fixing things, and a ring would be in the way.  My mother didn't wear hers for a short time as a part time job she had, the chemicals and her ring materials clashed, causing a rash so she didn't wear it, and now she that she isn't working, she has gone back to wearing both her engagement & wedding rings.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: kareng57 on April 09, 2011, 08:15:04 PM
Just as an aside, all these married men working in construction who don't like the feel of a ring aren't making life any easier for us single girls!

First thing I do if I meet or see a guy I like?  Check for a wedding ring.  I wonder how much time I've wasted trying to be understatedly charming to married men...


I don't agree with this post at all.  Many married men will be perfectly polite to a young woman who is trying to make pleasant conversation.  If they are not wearing a wedding ring, should their first reply be "just so you know, I'm married?"

You seem to want to have it both ways, here.  You must be allowed to keep your name (I don't disagree with that at all) but he must  be forced to at least try to wear a ring.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: LaciGirl007 on April 09, 2011, 08:41:36 PM
How is this an etiquette issue?
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: wendelenn on April 09, 2011, 08:48:01 PM
FOD = Foreign Object Damage (to planes)

Basically, Captain Dudeguy drops ring... Can't find it.  We all have to walk out to the flightline and walk reeeeeeaaaaallllly slow looking for the ring, then search the jet, then possible impound the jet.  All a giant pain in the neck.

You aren't supposed to wear jewelry while working on/operating aircraft for this reason.




My husband was working as an aircraft mechanic (civilian) and was suspended for three days for wearing his wedding ring, for this very reason.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: ydpubs on April 09, 2011, 10:23:43 PM
FOD = Foreign Object Damage (to planes)

Basically, Captain Dudeguy drops ring... Can't find it.  We all have to walk out to the flightline and walk reeeeeeaaaaallllly slow looking for the ring, then search the jet, then possible impound the jet.  All a giant pain in the neck.

You aren't supposed to wear jewelry while working on/operating aircraft for this reason.




My husband was working as an aircraft mechanic (civilian) and was suspended for three days for wearing his wedding ring, for this very reason.


Yep, my FIL was an aviator in the Navy and he didn't wear a wedding ring for this very reason. (He was not suspended, but they weren't supposed to wear any jewelry.)
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on April 10, 2011, 12:56:30 AM
Just as an aside, all these married men working in construction who don't like the feel of a ring aren't making life any easier for us single girls!

First thing I do if I meet or see a guy I like?  Check for a wedding ring.  I wonder how much time I've wasted trying to be understatedly charming to married men...


I don't agree with this post at all.  Many married men will be perfectly polite to a young woman who is trying to make pleasant conversation.  If they are not wearing a wedding ring, should their first reply be "just so you know, I'm married?"

You seem to want to have it both ways, here.  You must be allowed to keep your name (I don't disagree with that at all) but he must  be forced to at least try to wear a ring.

How is that both ways?  To me that seems quite consistent, I want equality within a relationship.

Note I didn't say anything about 'forced', but I would hope that any hypothetical future husband would understand that it was important to me and actually want to at least give it a try!

Wives taking their husband's last name and only wives but not husbands wearing wedding rings both come from sexist traditions.  I love the symbolism and sentiment behind wedding rings, so it matters to me, but it only matters if both partners wear one, otherwise the symbolism is completely changed imo.

(I understand about not being able to wear one in some lines of work, but I think it would be nice to try and find a compromise.  Women aren't allowed to wear rings with stones in my job for safety reasons so a lot of the, have figured out ways to keep their engagement rings on their person without having them on their finger.)

*To your first point, if they were wearing a ring they wouldn't need to tell me they're married, I'd see it and wouldn't approach, saving us both time!  I can't think of any safety reasons why a man couldn't wear a ring to a bar, or party or other social situations!
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Shopaholic on April 10, 2011, 01:51:01 AM

I want equality within a relationship.

Actually, this is the reason my BIL wears a ring. He wanted his wife to wear one, and it only seemed fair that he wear one too!
(She didn't care, surprisingly - she's all about gender equality :))
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: LadyClaire on April 20, 2011, 07:56:01 AM

I want equality within a relationship.

Actually, this is the reason my BIL wears a ring. He wanted his wife to wear one, and it only seemed fair that he wear one too!
(She didn't care, surprisingly - she's all about gender equality :))

DH was iffy about wearing a wedding ring since he's not a jewelry person. But he wanted me to wear one (which I wanted to, so that wasn't an issue) and take his last name. I told him that if I have to take his last name and wear a wedding ring, then he has to wear a wedding ring, too. He thought about it for a minute, and then said "you're absolutely right". He wears a ring. The funny thing is that he likes his ring so much that after he got it, he asked if he had to wait until we were married before he started wearing it, and kept taking the ring to show it to his guy friends.  ::) ;D
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Moralia on May 02, 2011, 01:50:46 PM
I actually don't think it's fair that women get engagement rings and men get nothing, so when we got engaged I bought DH an engagement watch. I got his input on styles that he liked, but picked it out myself. The night he proposed, I knew it was coming, so I brought the watch with me and gave it to him after he proposed and gave me my ring.

That's so sweet, you made me cry!
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: pixel dust on May 02, 2011, 02:17:52 PM
Personally, I want my Fiance to wear a ring when we get married. That's my hill to die on. His is me taking his last name. Both of which we're fine with.

If the couple is in agreement with each other, I don't see how it's a big deal. My friend's husband doesn't wear a ring, instead my friend got him a really nice watch.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: HorseFreak on May 02, 2011, 02:52:54 PM
Just as an aside, all these married men working in construction who don't like the feel of a ring aren't making life any easier for us single girls!

First thing I do if I meet or see a guy I like?  Check for a wedding ring.  I wonder how much time I've wasted trying to be understatedly charming to married men...


I don't agree with this post at all.  Many married men will be perfectly polite to a young woman who is trying to make pleasant conversation.  If they are not wearing a wedding ring, should their first reply be "just so you know, I'm married?"

You seem to want to have it both ways, here.  You must be allowed to keep your name (I don't disagree with that at all) but he must  be forced to at least try to wear a ring.

How is that both ways?  To me that seems quite consistent, I want equality within a relationship.

Note I didn't say anything about 'forced', but I would hope that any hypothetical future husband would understand that it was important to me and actually want to at least give it a try!

Wives taking their husband's last name and only wives but not husbands wearing wedding rings both come from sexist traditions.  I love the symbolism and sentiment behind wedding rings, so it matters to me, but it only matters if both partners wear one, otherwise the symbolism is completely changed imo.

(I understand about not being able to wear one in some lines of work, but I think it would be nice to try and find a compromise.  Women aren't allowed to wear rings with stones in my job for safety reasons so a lot of the, have figured out ways to keep their engagement rings on their person without having them on their finger.)

*To your first point, if they were wearing a ring they wouldn't need to tell me they're married, I'd see it and wouldn't approach, saving us both time!  I can't think of any safety reasons why a man couldn't wear a ring to a bar, or party or other social situations!

Maybe I'm just playing devil's advocate, but what about men who just have a girlfriend or fiancee? They are going to be just as unavailable, but have no social expectations of wearing a physical symbol of it.
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: RubySlippers on May 11, 2011, 01:01:58 PM
My father never wore a ring.  He had seen a fellow jump from a truck during the war and leave his ring finger behind!  Never wore a ring after seeing that.
My husband also does not wear a ring.  He is a musician and very paranoid about his fingers. No problem from me either way.   I like him  unparanoid and complete with 10 fingers!
Title: Re: Prince William: No wedding ring
Post by: Larrabee on May 11, 2011, 02:21:15 PM
Just as an aside, all these married men working in construction who don't like the feel of a ring aren't making life any easier for us single girls!

First thing I do if I meet or see a guy I like?  Check for a wedding ring.  I wonder how much time I've wasted trying to be understatedly charming to married men...


I don't agree with this post at all.  Many married men will be perfectly polite to a young woman who is trying to make pleasant conversation.  If they are not wearing a wedding ring, should their first reply be "just so you know, I'm married?"

You seem to want to have it both ways, here.  You must be allowed to keep your name (I don't disagree with that at all) but he must  be forced to at least try to wear a ring.

How is that both ways?  To me that seems quite consistent, I want equality within a relationship.

Note I didn't say anything about 'forced', but I would hope that any hypothetical future husband would understand that it was important to me and actually want to at least give it a try!

Wives taking their husband's last name and only wives but not husbands wearing wedding rings both come from sexist traditions.  I love the symbolism and sentiment behind wedding rings, so it matters to me, but it only matters if both partners wear one, otherwise the symbolism is completely changed imo.

(I understand about not being able to wear one in some lines of work, but I think it would be nice to try and find a compromise.  Women aren't allowed to wear rings with stones in my job for safety reasons so a lot of the, have figured out ways to keep their engagement rings on their person without having them on their finger.)

*To your first point, if they were wearing a ring they wouldn't need to tell me they're married, I'd see it and wouldn't approach, saving us both time!  I can't think of any safety reasons why a man couldn't wear a ring to a bar, or party or other social situations!

Maybe I'm just playing devil's advocate, but what about men who just have a girlfriend or fiancee? They are going to be just as unavailable, but have no social expectations of wearing a physical symbol of it.

I actually think the tradition of engaged women wearing a 'taken' symbol but not engaged men is actually pretty sexist, I think the same as with wedding rings, if one's going to wear one then both should!