Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "What an interesting assumption." => Topic started by: Piratelvr1121 on May 21, 2011, 05:08:54 PM

Title: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 21, 2011, 05:08:54 PM
So last night I was sitting in line waiting to be allowed into the theater to see Pirates 4 (Wonderful, BTW!) and was the first in line since I got there good and early.  A couple and their great nephew (I know cause the man was quite talkative and told me as much) sat down on the floor next to me and at one point he nodded towards a young woman with a baby on her hip and said "She looks like a teenager. Man, so many babies having babies these days!" (He looked to be in his 50's or maybe 60's-I'm a terrible judge of age based on looks)

I looked at the young woman who admittedly DID look like a teen and while I didn't say "That's an interesting assumption", I said "Hm, I think I probably looked about her age when I had my first child 10 years ago."  He gave me a surprised look and asked "YOU have KIDS?" (I was alone and in a Jack Sparrow sweatshirt and jeans I probably didn't look particularly motherly. LOL) I nodded and said "Yep, two boys, 10 and 8.  I was 22 when I had my first..."

He blinked at me and then looked at the young woman with the baby and said "Oh...well, that's a good age..." 

As someone who is frequently mistaken for being younger (and I'm not complaining! LOL!) I guess I tend to be less likely to assume that just because a girl who LOOKS like a teen and is holding a baby on her hip that she's a teen mother.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Eisa on May 21, 2011, 05:23:42 PM
While I don't have children, I totally understand about looking younger! :D I'm 23, and the oldest someone has thought I am is 18 or 19. I've even been mistaken for as young as 12 before. It's...frustrating.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: kherbert05 on May 21, 2011, 05:43:45 PM
Why does the person holding the child have to be a parent. It can be a cousins, aunt, or older siblings. I was lectured a couple of times for being a teen mom - the children in question are 1st cousins once removed.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Lisbeth on May 21, 2011, 05:47:08 PM
When I was a kid, I once mistook a woman holding a small child and singing to her as the child's mother.  She told me she was the child's grandmother.  I thought she looked young enough to be the child's mother-I couldn't have been more than six myself.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 21, 2011, 06:15:03 PM
Why does the person holding the child have to be a parent. It can be a cousins, aunt, or older siblings. I was lectured a couple of times for being a teen mom - the children in question are 1st cousins once removed.

I thought of that too.  I'm the oldest of 16 grandkids so there were times when holding a cousin I could have been mistaken for a teen mother.  And my brother was mistaken a few times in the past for being the boy's father when he was out alone with them and a teenager.   (He was 15 when Pirateboy 1 was born)
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Firecat on May 21, 2011, 11:39:09 PM
My younger sister is over a decade younger than I am. I got a lot of glares when she was a baby and I was carrying her - even if we were with my mom. But no one ever commented and I didn't particularly care what they thought. Besides, if anyone had said anything and Mom was around...they would have regretted saying anything very shortly afterwards, and I was perfectly aware of that.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: ddawn23 on May 22, 2011, 04:15:03 AM
Why does the person holding the child have to be a parent. It can be a cousins, aunt, or older siblings. I was lectured a couple of times for being a teen mom - the children in question are 1st cousins once removed.

Ann Landers published stories like yours with alarming regularity.  The LWs were typically big sisters babysitting their younger siblings.  They described completely innocuous activities, like going for a walk in the park, and complete strangers would come up to them and tear into them about irresponsibility and how ashamed they should feel for being a teenaged mother and having a child out of wedlock.  Ann Landers usually recommended that they wear a t-shirt that said things like "big sis" and "I'm the babysitter."
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: WestAussieGirl on May 22, 2011, 04:42:44 AM
It's better than the other way around.  :)  A girlfriend of mine was recently shopping with her young daughter.  The shop assistant asked her if the little one was her granddaughter.  Friend is in her late 30s and her DD is 3.  Certainly mathematically possible, but as an assumption???

Think friend went and booked a holiday.    ;D
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on May 22, 2011, 07:23:23 AM
It's better than the other way around.  :)  A girlfriend of mine was recently shopping with her young daughter.  The shop assistant asked her if the little one was her granddaughter.  Friend is in her late 30s and her DD is 3.  Certainly mathematically possible, but as an assumption???
Think friend went and booked a holiday.    ;D

I was born 10 days shy of my mother's 41st birthday. I was her first baby. People were constantly talking to my parents about "your grandchild". My mother would get annoyed and say, "She's my child!" But my father would just smile and say, "Thank you" or whatever. My mother used to dress me in T-shirts and shorts from a young age and kept my hair short as it was easier. People would come up to her and say, "Oh, cute. What's his name?" Mom, "HER name is Marina!!!"  ;D

When I was 18 my youngest cousin was born. I used to take her places on purpose just to see the shocked looks everyone gave me (I looked younger than my age).  >:D
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Sharnita on May 22, 2011, 02:38:54 PM
My sister had her prom pictures taken in a public park and in some of the pics she was holding our baby niece.  I kinda thought bypassers who didn't know the family would think she was taking her baby to prom.  Ironically, ten years later she went with her husband to chaperone prom at the school where he teachers.  This time she had prom pictures taken with her new baby.

I do have students who have babies incredibly young - junior high in some cases.  I have seen kids with little ones I assumed were brothers and sisters only to find out that it is the student's child.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: MrsJWine on May 22, 2011, 02:43:24 PM
This makes me so crazy I can't even stand it.  I had my first at 26, after being married for seven years.  We owned a house and a car and had a cat--you know, all the hallmarks of adulthood, according to some people.  But I still get nasty looks when I venture out with my kids.  Even when I'm wearing my wedding ring.  The best was when I was pregnant and carrying around a toddler (very late walker).

And I do find it very interesting that people will assume not only the age of the person with the baby, but also that she's the mother.  Have they never heard of babysitters, or nannies?  And how often do young-looking men get nasty looks and comments when they're carrying around children?
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: mechtilde on May 23, 2011, 03:24:12 AM
Even if the mother in question had had the child at fourteen, why on earth would anyone think it was OK to treat a vulnerable child, with the huge responsibility of looking after another, even more vulnerable child, with anything other than kindness and compassion?

Her childhood is over. She has 18+ years of massive responsibilities ahead of her. The baby's father is probably about much use as a chocolate fireguard, and then she has to listen to snarky comments from mean spirited adults.

Wrong on so many levels.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Ferrets on May 23, 2011, 03:32:46 AM
Even if the mother in question had had the child at fourteen, why on earth would anyone think it was OK to treat a vulnerable child, with the huge responsibility of looking after another, even more vulnerable child, with anything other than kindness and compassion?

I was going to say pretty much this.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: aventurine on May 23, 2011, 03:37:10 AM
The baby's father is probably about much use as a chocolate fireguard

*files brilliant quote away in personal lexicon*

Caty is a wonderful volunteer who had her child when she was 20.  She looks pretty much her stated age of 22.  We have another volunteer, old enough to be Caty's grandmother, who never misses an opportunity to snark about Caty's having her child "so young!" and - gasping and hiding behind hand, "not married!"   :o   ::)

She hasn't said it to me (a couple of people have vented to me about it, which is how I know) and AFAIAA, she hasn't said it to Caty, but Caty's painfully aware of her opinion.  I'm ready with a couple of eHell-standard phrases if she ever steps to me with it.  Other people's family planning, or lack thereof, is at the top of the Not Your Business list.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: mechtilde on May 23, 2011, 04:14:01 AM
The baby's father is probably about much use as a chocolate fireguard

*files brilliant quote away in personal lexicon*


Quote shamelessly stolen from a friend of mine who had her first child at seventeen. Her son is now a fine young man, and an absolute credit to her. He has never met his father, who denied paternity, never paid a penny towards his upkeep, never bothered to have anything to do with him and is still frittering his life away doing weed (last any of us heard)
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Sharnita on May 23, 2011, 05:03:03 AM
I don't think anybody ddid make a comment to the "mother", did they?  OP, can you clarify?
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on May 23, 2011, 08:15:48 AM
Nope, no one said anything to the mother directly.  If it was indeed the mother, that is, and I'm pretty sure (at least hoping) that she was too far away to hear what the guy said, since he wasn't very loud about it. 

If she did hear, she gave no indication that she did.  She was standing and looking up at the signs that tell you which movie was in which theater for that hallway.  (there are two major hallways for this complex, one on either side of the concession stand) and we were in line near the start of the hallway, maybe 10 feet from her(? I'm a terrible judge of distance.) waiting to be admitted into the theater.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: girlysprite on May 23, 2011, 08:25:45 AM
What does age have to do with responsibility and maturity anyways? I know a teen mom who got a kid at the age of 18 (got pregnant at 17). Wonderful mom, wonderful kid. She had another one by choice. Same father, who has a solid job. They have a house, a good life, etc. I also know a guy who got his third child when he was over 30. He was sulking and making snippy comments because it wasn't a girl, accused his (third) wife of cheat, starting cheating on her himself, divorced and doesn't want to see his latest child anymore.

(ps: yes I know that several marriages aren't always a sign of immaturity, but in his case it very much was)

Hey, I even know a couple of 19 (both) who already had a job and decided to marry and have a kid. They were just ready for it.

The comment of that man just piled assumption on assumption: the mom being a teenage, the mom being immature, the mom having an accidental baby, thats three!
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: StarDrifter on May 23, 2011, 09:23:21 AM

-snip!-

  And how often do young-looking men get nasty looks and comments when they're carrying around children?

My younger brother, when he was about seventeen, got shreds torn off him by an old biddy at the supermarket, carrying our then-two-year-old cousin about with him. Bro was about 6'4" and in his (Catholic!) school uniform, and had Cousin in his arms because I (nineteen years old) was wrangling Older Cousin (then five) away from the candy bars. Technically I was babysitting all three of them but really it was Bro helping me wrangle two small people.

This woman came up to him and told him that he should be ashamed of himself- parading around carrying *his* child in public while still in his school uniform - he was bringing disrepute to the school and ought to be reported to the school.

The following Monday we found out that she HAD called the school to tell them that it was 'an abomination' that they let an 'unwed father parade his son about in public while in his uniform'.

Mum and Dad got a good giggle out of that one, thankfully none of the teachers too the complaint seriously at all, in fact, later that week I had both kids with me when I picked my brother up from school and one of the nuns came out to ask if this was the 'abomination of a son' that my brother had been 'parading about'.

And the looks I would get at eighteen when strapping an infant and a four-year-old into my car at the supermarket or the mall... when the car had 'P' plates (in certain states in Australia you get 'P' plates when you first get your license, it identifies a 'young' driver, usually...) I think I had enough confidence when dealing with the kids that nobody was silly enough to try and say anything to me.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: magdalena on May 23, 2011, 10:15:08 AM
My nieces and nephew are constantly being mistaken for my kids. I was 16 when the eldest was born, and there were lots of rumors flying...
When I was away in uni and my second oldest niece came over for a visit (I was babysitting her for a day), again, rumors started flying about me and my then-BF-now-DH having a child after all (I wonder what they thought I'd done with her the previous 2 years... she was a toddler and I'd been to classes morning to night and never, had had her with me  ;))...
My oldest niece is 17 now, and people always, always think her youngest sister (3) is hers. I'm sure she'll be my baby's mom, too, once the baby's there.
(serves her right, I tell her, after all, I was her mom, too).

My cousin and his wife were very young when their first daughter was born. They're fabulous parents, and the girls (they had another early this year) are absolutely adorable.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Vesper on May 23, 2011, 11:39:30 AM
Oh I've had this happen to me before.

When I was 15 years old, I was babysitting our neighbors 5 year old Little Girl. My best friend (male) had to go to the store and I decided to come along with him, with LG in tow! We were having fun, talking and what not, looking for whatever it was he needed while LG was busily joining in on our conversation. All of a sudden we're stopped by this ridiculous older woman who absolutely berates our 'horrible choices' informing us how 'ashamed' we should be etc. etc. At the time, we were so taken back that we just started at her open mouthed. When LG started crying, BFF and I high tailed it out of there! Later we had a good laugh, especially when telling LG's mother.

I'd have had to have been 9 years old to get pregnant and have been 10 years old to have had her... CRIVINS! was this woman thinking?!  :o
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: T'Mar of Vulcan on May 23, 2011, 01:05:21 PM
I'd have had to have been 9 years old to get pregnant and have been 10 years old to have had her... CRIVINS! was this woman thinking?!  :o

That reminds me... When I was in my teens I would take my friend Thandi places. (She's the daughter of a friend of my mom's and her sister actually now works as our housekeeper. Suffice to say we've known this family for over 40 years.) Anyway, I was 9 when she was born and we were very close. I would take her on bus trips to the movies, to the shops, I made us identical outfits, etc.

And quite a few times when I was about 16 or so and she was 7, we'd be out and people would ask us if I was her mother. Really?? I'd have had to have had her when I was 9. I am really pale (British extraction) and she is 100% Zulu. So how on earth people thought we could be related I don't know!
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: ArizonaGirl77 on May 23, 2011, 01:18:12 PM
I got this All.The.Time! I had my first at 23, my 2nd at 24 and my last at 27. I STILL get dirty looks when out with them sometimes and I'm now 33 years old (almost 34).

Due to this - I never assume anything about a woman (or man's for that matter) relationship with a child! For all I know that 70 year old woman is a 30 year old woman battling a terminal illness all while caring for a young child! I'm not about to say anything to her about her "grandchild".

People need to keep their durn mouths SHUT! Period! Unless you hear teh child say "Mommy" and the Mother reply with "Yes, I'm your X age Mother" or something Do.Not.Assume!
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Eisa on May 23, 2011, 01:31:14 PM
I am suddenly getting the urge to babysit my 2-year-old nephew and take him out everywhere, just to see if I get any glares. :D >:D Since I'm frequently mistaken for a teenager, I'm sure people will jump to the interesting conclusion that I'm his mommy and tell me how sinful I am. :P

[My sister--who is actually almost 2 years younger than me, but looks older somehow ??? --actually has gotten that reaction before, with glares and sniffs. She just ignores them. :P ]
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Nurvingiel on May 23, 2011, 01:33:02 PM
This assumption enrages me because a) mind your own business b) you could be wrong and most importantly c) if this person really is a teen parent, you have no right to judge them.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Sharnita on May 23, 2011, 01:40:23 PM
This assumption enrages me because a) mind your own business b) you could be wrong and most importantly c) if this person really is a teen parent, you have no right to judge them.

I don't know that it is a judgement in the way you mena, at least not all the time.  When I have a 14 year old with a one year old baby my reaction isn't that he or she is a bad kid but I honestly don't think it is an ideal situation for any of them.  Now that is judgement in one sense but I ams concenred for the people involved, not angry/disgusted/etc. 
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Nurvingiel on May 23, 2011, 01:43:48 PM
This assumption enrages me because a) mind your own business b) you could be wrong and most importantly c) if this person really is a teen parent, you have no right to judge them.

I don't know that it is a judgement in the way you mena, at least not all the time.  When I have a 14 year old with a one year old baby my reaction isn't that he or she is a bad kid but I honestly don't think it is an ideal situation for any of them.  Now that is judgement in one sense but I ams concenred for the people involved, not angry/disgusted/etc. 
As long as the person with the kid doesn't hear then it doesn't really matter (as in the OP's example as well) but I do think that even kindly meant concern should be kept to oneself, not expressed to the teen.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Ginya on May 23, 2011, 02:36:52 PM
Oh.... this topic is one I constantly get steamed over. I am 22 soon to be 23 and am regularly mistaken for a teen but I don't have any kids. I have only two experiences in this area. The first my now DH youngest brother he was 10? and I was 19 some woman asked how old my son was while we were walking in the mall. She was nice enough to apologize for her assumption. The second I was holding a friends little boy while we were out at the park and she ran to the car for his bag. An older woman came up to me and started saying how I should be ashamed of myself. I gave her a cool glare and said "Excuse me?" She then went about her way with her nose in the air.  ::) I don't know what possess people to think its ok to do this.

I have several friends that were teen mom's and they're wonderful parents, some aren't but I know plenty of older married couples that had just as much of a success rate at being good parents as they did. It just ruffles my feathers when people jump to conclusions like that, even if they are a teen parent who says that makes them a bad person?
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Sterling on May 23, 2011, 04:38:21 PM
My sister got this alot when I was little.  She was 15 almost 16 when I was born.  She also babysat for me a lot so people really thought she was my mom when she would be doing the family's grocery shopping while carting me around.  It embarrassed her because in the deep south in the early 80s it was not common for teens to be parents.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: SiotehCat on May 23, 2011, 04:43:53 PM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Micah on May 23, 2011, 04:53:50 PM
I'm in a young Mum's group in my area. My town is the poorest in my state. We're very isolated and have the highest rate of unemployment and one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy. Technically the group is only for mothers under 25. I'm now 28, but I was 25 when I was pregnant, so they let me stay  ;D . We have mothers who were as young as fifteen when they fell pregnant. Every single one of them is a devoted, caring parent. All of them have some story about being treated with contempt and disgust because of their age. Sometimes it has been medical professionals treating them this way!

 
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Asharah on May 23, 2011, 07:00:01 PM
I wonder if I should buy Tshirts for younger niece and her kids. "I'm The Big Sister" for the 12-year-old, "I'm The Little Sister" for the 3-year-old, and maybe "Yup, They're Both Mine" for their mom. Might spare them from being verbally attacked by some demented little-old-lady because big sis is pushing little sis on the swing while mom runs to the bathroom.  ::)
Although if they happen to have other niece's boys with them, the older boy (13) might need a shirt saying, "I'm the cousin, not the baby daddy."

By the way, I have brothers 16, 14, and 8 years older than me, and sisters 12 & 10 years older than me, and the ones I've asked say they never had problems like this if they took me out.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Sharnita on May 23, 2011, 07:05:32 PM
my brother is 12 years older than my youngest sister and when she was a kid some of her friends did ask if he was her brother.  one day he went to school to pick her up when she got sick and realized when he got there that he wasn't on the emergency form.  The secretary didn't know him but as soon as he explained who he was she let him take my sister because of the obvious fmaily resemblance.  I'm sure some people out in public saw them and assumed he was her dad.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Brentwood on May 28, 2011, 01:59:59 PM
Why does the person holding the child have to be a parent. It can be a cousins, aunt, or older siblings. I was lectured a couple of times for being a teen mom - the children in question are 1st cousins once removed.

That's what I say. My daughter was 12 when #2 was born and 14 when #3 was born. There were many times when she was "a teenager with a baby on her hip", but she's their sister, not their mother!
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Brentwood on May 28, 2011, 02:02:11 PM
It's better than the other way around.  :)  A girlfriend of mine was recently shopping with her young daughter.  The shop assistant asked her if the little one was her granddaughter.  Friend is in her late 30s and her DD is 3.  Certainly mathematically possible, but as an assumption???

Think friend went and booked a holiday.    ;D

Yeah. When I was 40 and my son was 5, I brought him with me to vote. The woman at the polling place asked my son if he was "helping Grandma today."

I was tired, sure, but I was quite positive I didn't look old enough to be the grandmother of a 5-year-old.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: BeagleMommy on May 28, 2011, 03:55:32 PM
I got this once while babysitting a friend's younger sister.  Friend was 15 when her youngest sister was born and we were walking her around a street fair when two little busybodies came up and said "Whichever of you she belongs to should be ashamed to be seen in public".  We were both wearing our high school cheerleading jackets.  Friend had the best reaction:

"I'll be sure to tell her mother when we take her home"
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Brentwood on May 28, 2011, 04:12:09 PM
I got this once while babysitting a friend's younger sister.  Friend was 15 when her youngest sister was born and we were walking her around a street fair when two little busybodies came up and said "Whichever of you she belongs to should be ashamed to be seen in public".  We were both wearing our high school cheerleading jackets.  Friend had the best reaction:

"I'll be sure to tell her mother when we take her home"

Perfect!

Frankly, I think the people who go around telling others how ashamed they should be are truly the ones who should be ashamed.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Minmom3 on May 28, 2011, 11:29:26 PM
Perfect!

Frankly, I think the people who go around telling others how ashamed they should be are truly the ones who should be ashamed.

Absolutely.  There is NO benevolent reason to say such a thing, and people do not need to go around being nasty just because their mouth opens and words fall out!
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: figleaf on June 03, 2011, 07:28:15 PM
I had this happen to me when I was out with DD1.  It was my 27th (27th!!!) birthday that night, and my sis and I were at a chain restaurant, and I had DD1, then about 8 months old, bouncing on my lap.  A woman across the aisle had the most superior, sucked a lemon look on her face, when she said something like "I can't believe you have a baby!  You're so YOUNG!!!"  She was clearly judging me.  I had so much fun turning it right back on her.  I said "Wow, thanks for the complement!  I'm 27!  I'm glad to know I look so young!" The woman was completely gobsmacked, and paid her bill and huffed off a minute or two later without making any further comment.  DSis thought it was hilarious.  I'd like to think it taught that snotty lady to keep her unwanted opinions to herself, but sadly, I doubt it.  She probably blamed me for having the audacity to look young.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Elfmama on June 03, 2011, 09:27:52 PM
It's better than the other way around.  :)  A girlfriend of mine was recently shopping with her young daughter.  The shop assistant asked her if the little one was her granddaughter.  Friend is in her late 30s and her DD is 3.  Certainly mathematically possible, but as an assumption???

Think friend went and booked a holiday.    ;D

Yeah. When I was 40 and my son was 5, I brought him with me to vote. The woman at the polling place asked my son if he was "helping Grandma today."

I was tired, sure, but I was quite positive I didn't look old enough to be the grandmother of a 5-year-old.
It's not impossible to be a grandparent before one hits 30.  All it takes is two generations of early-teen pregnancy.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Brentwood on June 03, 2011, 11:01:00 PM
It's better than the other way around.  :)  A girlfriend of mine was recently shopping with her young daughter.  The shop assistant asked her if the little one was her granddaughter.  Friend is in her late 30s and her DD is 3.  Certainly mathematically possible, but as an assumption???

Think friend went and booked a holiday.    ;D

Yeah. When I was 40 and my son was 5, I brought him with me to vote. The woman at the polling place asked my son if he was "helping Grandma today."

I was tired, sure, but I was quite positive I didn't look old enough to be the grandmother of a 5-year-old.
It's not impossible to be a grandparent before one hits 30.  All it takes is two generations of early-teen pregnancy.

Yes. I know.

I still think it's a bit off to assume a 40yo is the grandparent of a 5yo, and give voice to that assumption. She was clearly not assuming I was a woman in my 30s who'd been made an early grandparent.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Elfmama on June 04, 2011, 09:31:35 PM
It's better than the other way around.  :)  A girlfriend of mine was recently shopping with her young daughter.  The shop assistant asked her if the little one was her granddaughter.  Friend is in her late 30s and her DD is 3.  Certainly mathematically possible, but as an assumption???

Think friend went and booked a holiday.    ;D

Yeah. When I was 40 and my son was 5, I brought him with me to vote. The woman at the polling place asked my son if he was "helping Grandma today."

I was tired, sure, but I was quite positive I didn't look old enough to be the grandmother of a 5-year-old.
It's not impossible to be a grandparent before one hits 30.  All it takes is two generations of early-teen pregnancy.

Yes. I know.

I still think it's a bit off to assume a 40yo is the grandparent of a 5yo, and give voice to that assumption. She was clearly not assuming I was a woman in my 30s who'd been made an early grandparent.
True. Considering modern fertility options, that woman in her 60's might be the 5yo's mother instead of her grandmother.  (I personally would not want to be chasing a toddler now, in my 50's, but whatever floats some people's boats....)
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: TomatoBunny on June 05, 2011, 04:24:37 AM
A couple and their great nephew (I know cause the man was quite talkative and told me as much) sat down on the floor next to me and at one point he nodded towards a young woman with a baby on her hip and said "She looks like a teenager. Man, so many babies having babies these days!" (He looked to be in his 50's or maybe 60's-I'm a terrible judge of age based on looks)

Is it just me or does anyone see the irony that the man in question is out with his great nephew and he's making assumptions about the young woman's relation to the child in her care.  ::)
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Steve on June 05, 2011, 05:58:49 AM
While I was in highschool I had a friend that was quite a bit older than me (23 or so). I did a lot of babysitting for her at the time. She had 2 kids from different fathers and this was clearly noticable.
At some point she was waiting for me outside the school and some of the kids in my class approached her and asked her which kid was mine.... she kept a straight face and just pointed one out.

Al though my highschool people thought I had a 2 year old at home. I only found this out at my last reunion, when people were asking about my kid and I did not have any yet.... :) 
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Hollanda on June 05, 2011, 06:12:50 AM
When I was a kid, I did a lot of babysitting, mainly for 2 little half Spanish lads. When I started looking after them, they were 3 and newborn.  As my confidence grew with the kids, I started taking them into town. On one occasion, I had a man (30-ish?) approach me and say "Are these yours?" I was so horrified. The eldest boy (5 at the time) said, "No, she's our babysitter, she's only 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You have to hand it to children, they tell the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just smiled and walked away with the children.

In addition, I had boys I was going to school with at the time, making stupid comments ("Quick work, Holl!"). I would just roll my eyes and ignore such comments. 

Some people ought to just think before they pass judgement.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Redsoil on June 05, 2011, 06:40:24 AM
I wonder why there is such venom behind these remarks?  Is it because of some type of moralistic superiority, believing that anyone who has sex young is damned?  Is it because people assume they are financially supporting teen mothers through their taxes?  (Often the complaint here in Aus. as there is a "baby bonus" paid of $5000 up front, then ongoing pension support until the child is grown, in addition to family income supplements and tax breaks.)  Is the general assumption of these sorts of people that anyone who is young is unable to bring up a child "properly"? 

I think it would be quite interesting to ask anyone who comments in a nasty fashion about a young mother to her face, if they were virgins when they married?  If not, then it's a case of "there but for the grace of God go they".  (And I'll bet a few of them would lie!)

Plus, I really dislike the judgement made of the young women, when the guys get off with no judgement or consequences at all.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Brentwood on June 05, 2011, 01:13:39 PM
When I was a kid, I did a lot of babysitting, mainly for 2 little half Spanish lads. When I started looking after them, they were 3 and newborn.  As my confidence grew with the kids, I started taking them into town. On one occasion, I had a man (30-ish?) approach me and say "Are these yours?" I was so horrified. The eldest boy (5 at the time) said, "No, she's our babysitter, she's only 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You have to hand it to children, they tell the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just smiled and walked away with the children.

In addition, I had boys I was going to school with at the time, making stupid comments ("Quick work, Holl!"). I would just roll my eyes and ignore such comments. 

Some people ought to just think before they pass judgement.

I agree with your last sentence, but would like to add that people don't need to pass judgment on young mothers (and fathers) at all, even if their assumptions are correct.  There's no point tsk-tsking them after the fact and making them feel bad.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Hollanda on June 05, 2011, 01:26:59 PM
I think it is human nature to come to conclusions, even if they are wrong.  What is rude is voicing these assumptions and making a negative connotation with the person concerned. For example, young girl holding child is a teen mother and therefore living proof of a society gone bad. It would be great if everyone could learn to just hold their tongues and say nothing at all in that situation but unfortunately some people are just incapable of doing that.

If said people could read EHell once in a while, maybe they would realise that they are being heinously rude and offensive whenever they choose to voice their (unwanted) opinions.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: weeblewobble on June 16, 2011, 10:11:04 PM
When I was 12, I accompanied my aunt and uncle to a conference to take care of my cousins, ages two and six.   I was walking them through the hotel to meet their parents, when two ladies behind us loudly observed what a shame it was for "someone like me" to be out in public, how kids today had no morals, and it would be best if society went back to shunning unmarried mothers. It took me a minute to figure out they were talking about me!  But then we got in an elevator and it became more and more obvious they wanted me to know how much they disapproved of me.

It finally dawned on me that I was the "immoral youth" that they were talking about.  I blurted out "Wait, are you talking about ME?" (Hey, I was 12, and pre-ehell.) They sniffed and rolled their eyes.

Now, granted, I was very tall for my age, and always looked a little older. But come on! I spluttered, "I'm 12!  You think I had a baby when I was 6?  You know that's not possible, right?"

I steered my cousins out of the elevator before they could respond. Unfortunately, they were wives of some executives with my uncle's conference, so seeing them throughout the weekend was super-awkward.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Minmom3 on June 16, 2011, 10:40:47 PM
You kinda have to wonder (the generic you) if they felt anywhere near as awkward at seeing you all weekend.  Finding out that you had spoken the truth about being 12; that you were there to help out family; and that they'd been judgmental hags who got caught being judgmental hags...  Who knows, maybe you were a learning experience for them, just like they were a horrible example of how not to behave for you!
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Brentwood on June 16, 2011, 11:57:14 PM
When I was 12, I accompanied my aunt and uncle to a conference to take care of my cousins, ages two and six.   I was walking them through the hotel to meet their parents, when two ladies behind us loudly observed what a shame it was for "someone like me" to be out in public, how kids today had no morals, and it would be best if society went back to shunning unmarried mothers. It took me a minute to figure out they were talking about me!  But then we got in an elevator and it became more and more obvious they wanted me to know how much they disapproved of me.



Regarding the bold part: whether you really were a young single mother, a young married mother, or a preteen girl taking care of her cousins, that was a horrible, awful thing for those women to say.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: weeblewobble on June 17, 2011, 06:14:09 AM
it would be best if society went back to shunning unmarried mothers.


Regarding the bold part: whether you really were a young single mother, a young married mother, or a preteen girl taking care of her cousins, that was a horrible, awful thing for those women to say.

Oh, yes, they waxed poetic about their days in high school, when pregnant teens were sent away from home to have their babies, and how much better that was. It went right over my head, because, again, I didn't realize they were talking about me. So I didn't have time to be hurt. :)
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: judecat on June 30, 2011, 03:12:28 PM
My nephew's wife used to get that when she used to babysit me in public.   She was 21 and I was 7,  so she was 13 when I was born.   (Yes, my nephew -- I'm 20 to 25 years younger than my siblings, half siblings and step siblings,  and one of the steps second wife is something like 20 years older than him.)
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: kareng57 on July 02, 2011, 08:22:49 PM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.


I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: SiotehCat on July 02, 2011, 09:27:02 PM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.


I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: kareng57 on July 02, 2011, 09:55:11 PM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.


I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.


However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: SiotehCat on July 02, 2011, 10:00:22 PM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.


I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.


However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Mel on July 02, 2011, 10:12:04 PM
My own mother looked at the photograph of me holding my daughter right after she was born and said I looked like a 'baby with a baby'.  Sure, I was 17 when I had her (got pregnant at 16), but it still made me feel very little.

I didn't get too many dirty looks raising my daughter (none that I remember anyway), but I have gotten a lot of remarks from my daughter's teachers over the years (I remember a few specific ones from when she was in the 4th grade), saying that I "look so young to have a child that age". *cue mental eye rolling*

She is almost 15 and starting high school in the fall. I graduated 14 years ago.  I wonder how many remarks I'll get from now on...  :P
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: LadyR on July 02, 2011, 11:27:38 PM
When I was 17, I was at the mall with my aunt and her two children (newborn and 2 1/2), my aunt had to run to the  with the 2 1/2 YO, leaving me in the food court with the baby. Some woman came over and started lecturing me on birth control and how I was ruining my life, leaving me staring at her, having no idea how to react. Thanfkully, my aunt came back, took her baby back and glared at the woman who issued a very insincere "sorry" and walked away. Seriously, even if it had been my baby, what would possess you to go yell at a stranger? And really, just because a young looking woman has a baby with her, it doesn't mean it's hers.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 03, 2011, 11:51:52 AM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.


I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.


However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

I think it's a rude statement even if the teenager in question actually IS the mother of the small child. I've also heard the statement used even if the parents are not teenagers, but are considered to be just as immature by the person saying this.

Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on July 03, 2011, 12:36:53 PM
Even if the busybodies who tell people off actually are saying it to the child's parent - what is the point in saying anything to them?  Seriously, it's not like the parent can do anything about it now!
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: kareng57 on July 03, 2011, 12:54:28 PM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.


I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.


However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

I think it's a rude statement even if the teenager in question actually IS the mother of the small child. I've also heard the statement used even if the parents are not teenagers, but are considered to be just as immature by the person saying this.


I already acknowledged, upthread, that it was not a polite thing to say.  However, there was no assumption.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: immadz on July 03, 2011, 03:02:30 PM
You know I think perhaps this comment could sometimes be taken as an " I'm getting old comment." My grandmother made it when my cousin (27 years) had her child. My grandmother knew my cousin was older, married, responsible etc. She said it because " Whats the world coming to, my babies, babies are having babies...."
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: SiotehCat on July 03, 2011, 03:04:59 PM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.


I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.


However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

I think it's a rude statement even if the teenager in question actually IS the mother of the small child. I've also heard the statement used even if the parents are not teenagers, but are considered to be just as immature by the person saying this.


I already acknowledged, upthread, that it was not a polite thing to say.  However, there was no assumption.

But I never said there was an assumption. Even if the other stories involved assumptions, I never said or suggested that mine did. I also didn't get the impression that only stories involving assumptions were welcome.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Ms_Shell on July 03, 2011, 07:38:02 PM
Well, it is posted in the "interesting assumption" folder, and the OP is about an interesting assumption, so I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that the discussion is about the assumption and not the reality. 
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Asharah on July 03, 2011, 09:27:53 PM
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.


I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.


However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

I think it's a rude statement even if the teenager in question actually IS the mother of the small child. I've also heard the statement used even if the parents are not teenagers, but are considered to be just as immature by the person saying this.


I already acknowledged, upthread, that it was not a polite thing to say.  However, there was no assumption.

But I never said there was an assumption. Even if the other stories involved assumptions, I never said or suggested that mine did. I also didn't get the impression that only stories involving assumptions were welcome.
I would say the nurse was making some assumptions even if SiotehCat was a teenager when she gave birth. Calling her a "baby having a baby" seems to make the implication that she's an irresponsible child who slept around without using protection and will no doubt become a burden to her parents and/or society since she's too young to properly raise the child. Or am I making an interesting assumption?
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: SiotehCat on July 03, 2011, 10:15:23 PM
Well, it is posted in the "interesting assumption" folder, and the OP is about an interesting assumption, so I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that the discussion is about the assumption and not the reality.

I didn't realize that all of our reponses had to be about interesting assumptions. I thought it meant that the original topic would be about an interesting assumption.

Do all of the responses have to be about interesting assumptions now too? I can delete my post if that is the case. I didn't know.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on July 03, 2011, 10:51:34 PM

I would say the nurse was making some assumptions even if SiotehCat was a teenager when she gave birth. Calling her a "baby having a baby" seems to make the implication that she's an irresponsible child who slept around without using protection and will no doubt become a burden to her parents and/or society since she's too young to properly raise the child. Or am I making an interesting assumption?

I agree.  It's just a judgmental thing to say, especially when you don't know the person at all, or the circumstances surrounding the baby's conception. 
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Yvaine on July 03, 2011, 10:57:29 PM
You know I think perhaps this comment could sometimes be taken as an " I'm getting old comment." My grandmother made it when my cousin (27 years) had her child. My grandmother knew my cousin was older, married, responsible etc. She said it because " Whats the world coming to, my babies, babies are having babies...."

This is true too--I know sometimes I forget how old I am and therefore how old other people are. For example, my youngest sister is ten years my junior and three years ago she got married, at 20. Young, but not scandalously so, kwim? But when I first got the news, my thought was "CRUD MONKEYS!!!! She can't be getting married, she's what, 13?"  :D Because in my head I'm always about 23.  ;)
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: toontownnutter on July 07, 2011, 05:37:51 AM
On Monday I mentioned to our school Chaplain I'd seen a child running across the road in front of a bunch of cars up at the high school while I was dropping my son off. She then proceed to remark on his behaviour and "issues" and then told me he's the oldest and there's a younger brother with really low self esteem. And there's two girls but they seem to be well adjusted.

The reason these kids have issues apparently? Their mother was a teenage mum. I bit my tongue, working on the complete silence thingo, so she felt the need to further expand on it "she was a teenager when she had them"

I'm 32, I was dropping my 14yo off at the highschool. I kept my mouth FIRMLY shut. I wonder how long it'll take her to work out I was a teenage mum.

And I know the family this child is from, the issues are more likely to be from the gene pool than they are the mother's age when birthing.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Hollanda on July 10, 2011, 04:34:21 AM
On Monday I mentioned to our school Chaplain I'd seen a child running across the road in front of a bunch of cars up at the high school while I was dropping my son off. She then proceed to remark on his behaviour and "issues" and then told me he's the oldest and there's a younger brother with really low self esteem. And there's two girls but they seem to be well adjusted.

The reason these kids have issues apparently? Their mother was a teenage mum. I bit my tongue, working on the complete silence thingo, so she felt the need to further expand on it "she was a teenager when she had them"

I'm 32, I was dropping my 14yo off at the highschool. I kept my mouth FIRMLY shut. I wonder how long it'll take her to work out I was a teenage mum.

And I know the family this child is from, the issues are more likely to be from the gene pool than they are the mother's age when birthing.

I love the complete silence thing. Sometimes the offender takes the hint and shuts up. But occasionally they continue digging themselves into the hole.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Portugal79 on January 02, 2012, 01:49:33 PM
this is happened to my sister, she is only 5 foot, was 25, married, with her first child on the way and as she was queuing in a store. some nasty woman said she was too young to be having a child. she doesn't look underage at all. but she took it as a compliment


as i was taking my (when he was born) nephew out i was only 15 and the looks i got, when i was pushing  his pram. i wondered why. then i realised. at the time i looked about 12 and everyone assumed i was his mother!
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: nuit93 on January 04, 2012, 10:46:03 PM
My eldest aunt got this all the time when out with her youngest sister (17 years age difference).  My youngest aunt was VERY vocal about stating "she's NOT my mom, she's my sister!" when people would comment.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: missmolly on January 05, 2012, 02:57:11 AM
I'm really appalled that so many e-hellions have stories about people publicly upbraiding real and imagined teen mothers.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Nellop on January 05, 2012, 04:57:30 AM
I had the same when I accompanied my younger brother on a nursery school trip.
He was 3 and I was 16, and I noticed fairly early on that none of the other mums were talking to me, but looking at me a lot - then talking quietly amongst themselves.

It wasn't until we all sat down for lunch, 3 hours later, that one of them finally asked me if I was the mother. When I said no, I was the sister, I was suddenly included in all the conversations and they didn't go quiet whenever I walked near to them. I had spent 3 hours being ostracised by a group of 15 older women who had made an assumption- and it was really intimidating!

It didn't occur to me until later that mum had never dropped my brother off - but that it was always my dad (45) that did, and so the women must have known him. What they must have thought about that... well, I don't like to think about it!

On the plus side, my mum - who was 41 when she had my brother - has never had any remarks about her being the grandmother, only ever the mother. Which is nice :)
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on January 05, 2012, 06:10:39 AM
One day at Walmart with the munchkin, I had taken him into the restroom to change him and there was a very young looking girl waiting for a toilet and when she saw Piratebabe, she said "Awww!" and rubbed her belly saying "I'm going to have a baby.  Everyone thinks I'm so young to be having a baby but I'm not!   

Thinking that, like me, she must be older than she looks, maybe early 20's and oft taken for a teen, I asked how old she was and she answered "Seventeen!" I looked at her and didn't say anything, thinking "How is that not young?"  Heck, people told me I was young to start having babies when I told them I was 22!

Though truly I could understand a 17 year old getting defensive to the point that she defends before anyone accuses.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Softly Spoken on February 01, 2012, 01:16:37 PM
My best friend Abbey was 15 years old when her little sister May was born. When May got a few years older and Abbey would take her out to play or run errands, she couldn't believe how many dirty looks and comments she got. She got totally fed up with people assuming (positively or negatively) she was May's mother! ::)
My parents also had me later in life. Consequently my half brother (who was grown and out of the house when I was born) became my assumed dad when he picked me up from school, and when I was little and out with my mom I'd be confused by strangers sweetly saying things to me like "and where are you and your grandmother going?"
Oy.
Don't ever assume any relationship between people. It just makes you look like an idiot.
Title: Re: "Babies having babies!"
Post by: Piratelvr1121 on February 01, 2012, 02:58:11 PM
My brother was 15 when my oldest was born and there were times when he and my parents would take the kids to a relative's that was a ways away, there were some areas where my parents were thought to be the boys' parents and places where people assumed my brother was the dad. 

I'm hoping for bff's sake that when we go to the beach this summer, no one says anything like "Oh your grandon's so cute!"  Granted Piratebabe is young enough to be her grandson, all 3 of my boys are since she's old enough to be my mother, but I'm sure she doesn't want to be reminded of it.