Etiquette Hell

Etiquette School is in session! => "I'm afraid that won't be possible." => Topic started by: Cuddlepie on July 10, 2011, 10:13:38 PM

Title: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Cuddlepie on July 10, 2011, 10:13:38 PM
A couple of weeks ago my ex-husband sent a SMS asking if he could pop in for a cuppa and stay while his printer was repaired.  I replied that it was not convenient.  Firstly my dad had passed the day before, so entertaining my ex for 2 to 3 hours was not a priority, especially as he only lives 20 minutes drive away.  Secondly, we have not had contact for a long time.

So, this past Saturday, ex phones asking if he could visit.  Ex tries to arrange a convenient time and is not put off with me saying I was busy and unsure when I would be free.  He replied that he would keep texting over the week-end til we found a mutually convenient time to meet.

Then I realise that he actually wants something of me/from me.  After I enquire why he is so insistent he admits that he wants to ask a favour.  I tell him to go ahead and ask, but no, he doesnít want to ask over the phone but only in person.

I hear you all thinking ĎMLMí.  Me too... so again I politely fob him off.  I hung up feeling very pleased for not caving in. But he didnít cave either and turned up at my front door 7.30pm on Sunday evening telling me that he wouldnít stay long.

Now the favour.  Wait for it...... he wants to use my house as security to enable him to get a mortgage.  Add the e-hell phrase of your preference here but I was so taken-aback that I could only shake my head in disbelief, hoping I had just misunderstood what he was asking.  When further discussion did not favourably sway my opinion, he decided to leave it with me to think over and that he would call in a couple of days.
 
What do I say to get it through his thick head that I will not consider his request and that I find it totally unacceptable that he would even ask me?  At the moment my reply is not e-hell approved  :'( and I am still shaking.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: wyozozo on July 10, 2011, 10:16:21 PM
Not sure that request deserves an ehell approved response!  >:D
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Spoder on July 10, 2011, 10:21:10 PM
Send him a letter that has to be signed for on delivery, saying that you are not going to do this, now or ever, and that you do not want him to contact you again until/unless you contact him first (if you want to add that last bit).

Then do not answer any more communications from him.

He is way over the line and is showing a complete disregard for *your* needs and preferences. Stop accommodating him in any way.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: MadMadge43 on July 10, 2011, 10:23:59 PM
LOL! I hope this is the best "worst" story you ever have to tell.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: shhh its me on July 10, 2011, 10:35:29 PM
  Hey it wasn't a MLM ;)

   I would normally say "why would I want to do that?"  but I think he will spend hours , days perhaps weeks telling you why.

I don't think you have to say anything but.............. NO no a thousand times no. Tomorrow the answer will be no , next week still no. IF I win the lottery still no.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Amalthea on July 10, 2011, 10:38:54 PM
I don't think you have to say anything but.............. NO no a thousand times no. Tomorrow the answer will be no , next week still no. IF I win the lottery still no.

I think you need to add "a world of no" in there somewhere too.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Coruscation on July 10, 2011, 10:59:09 PM
Peals of hysterical laughter?

You should have used them at the time but I don't think its too late.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Shoo on July 10, 2011, 11:02:59 PM
Wait.  He can't get a mortgage on his own so he wants to use YOUR house as collateral?

I'd just say something like, "Putting my house up as collateral on a mortgage for someone else would be about the stupidest financial decision I, or anyone really, could make.  So not only is the answer no, it's HELL no."

Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: greencat on July 10, 2011, 11:05:18 PM
How about: "We're divorced.  I want to stay that way.  I do not want to be entangled with you in any way, personal or financial."
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: JadeAngel on July 10, 2011, 11:20:57 PM
I'm sorry, I think my brain just fell out of my head and landed on the floor while it was trying to wrap around that concept...

As someone said above, he doesn't have the collateral to get a loan on his own, so he wants you to mortgage your house, and effectively bet your financial security on his ability to keep up with the repayments...

I think this is going to be the 'NO' heard around the world.

Personally my first stop would be to consult a lawyer or other knowledgeable person to make sure that there is no legal recourse he can take to make you mortgage the property (no legal advice intended, just remembering a friend of mine who had an ex lodge a caveat against her for a house which he had neither lived in nor paid for and she ended up having to pay)

Once it has been established that there is no legal claim then 'No' is a complete sentence, because obviously your ex is hoping that if he keeps pushing at you long enough you'll give in. It's No now and it will continue to be no until the end of time... end of conversation.

And if he comes around to your house again, don't open the door.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Animala on July 10, 2011, 11:52:41 PM
I'm going to go out on a limb and assume the house is in only your name.

Just no is fine.  Don't offer excuses because they will just be points for him to argue.  Tell him no and to not as you again, ever.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Cuddlepie on July 11, 2011, 06:48:25 PM
Thank you all for your replies.   RL friends said that I should have said ďEx youíre so funnyĒ then laughed till I peed   ;D.  If I wasnít so surprised and confused by the exís request I am sure I would have laughed at his ludicrous request.  Poor man is delusional to think Iíd risk everything, although his argument is that there is no risk to me at all. 

Rather than pretending that I was still thinking it over, I sent Ex an SMS advising that I was not and never would consider signing the forms and that the matter was closed.  About 30 seconds later my home phone rings, but guessing it was the Ex I didnít answer.  He left a message to the effect that I was a stupid selfish lady dog and that he had given me the chance to do the right thing without it costing me and now it will.

The house is in my name, so I know he has reacted with a hollow bluff.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: kherbert05 on July 11, 2011, 06:54:49 PM
If there is a way you can put some type of fraud alert on your house, I would. He might try to use your house anyway in some type of fraud.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Animala on July 11, 2011, 07:09:12 PM
Just in case, keep the message.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Ms_Shell on July 11, 2011, 07:14:18 PM
OP, I can see why he's an ex.  ::)
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: P-p-p-penguin on July 11, 2011, 07:19:27 PM
He left a message to the effect that I was a stupid selfish lady dog and that he had given me the chance to do the right thing without it costing me and now it will.


How, exactly, does he think that you aren't doing the right thing by risking your house for him?!  I am absolutely mind-boggled at his request, but even more so at his response!

This is one of these times where the request is so outrageous it's actually humorous.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: BeagleMommy on July 11, 2011, 09:17:03 PM
Wow!  He's a bit presumptive isn't he?  Just keep repeating no.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: SamiHami on July 11, 2011, 09:34:21 PM
Please, please contact the credit reporting agencies and have your credit locked down so that you get an alert any time there is any activity whatsoever. Better yet, sign on with Lifelock or a similar agency to protect yourself. It's much easier to prevent credit fraud than it is to fix it. And if he continues to contact you, I only have two words for you: protective order.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Lynda_34 on July 11, 2011, 09:56:09 PM
Consult a lawyer, make sure he has no claim.

When I was divorcing I made sure he signed everything over to me free and clear. 

There are agreements where the ex wife/mother of the children can live in the house (and pay all the bills until the youngest child turns 18) and then the ex dad can force a sale and get half of the equity.  Protect yourself.

Good luck.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: EMuir on July 11, 2011, 09:59:42 PM
Yeah I'd double check your credit and ask a lawyer how to make sure he can't use your home in any way. 

What an idiot he is!  And a bully by the sounds of it.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Ms_Shell on July 11, 2011, 10:05:45 PM
Yeah I'd double check your credit and ask a lawyer how to make sure he can't use your home in any way. 

What an idiot he is!  And a bully by the sounds of it.

I think that might be a good idea, just to make sure that there aren't any crazy loopholes that he can exploit.  It couldn't hurt just to check. 
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: HorseFreak on July 11, 2011, 10:23:30 PM
Please, please contact the credit reporting agencies and have your credit locked down so that you get an alert any time there is any activity whatsoever. Better yet, sign on with Lifelock or a similar agency to protect yourself. It's much easier to prevent credit fraud than it is to fix it. And if he continues to contact you, I only have two words for you: protective order.

Clark Howard has some great advice about freezing your credit- it's free and better than Lifelock.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Cuddlepie on July 11, 2011, 10:25:53 PM
I appreciate the practical advice as there is sometimes some aspect to a situation that one canít predict and other people sharing from experience can help avoid a problem.  So thank you again everyone.  Must mention though that I do not live in the USA.

A little BG:   <There was a legal agreement at the time of our divorce that this house would be mine (ex had title to another property) but that the bank loan and title would remain in both our names until such time as I could obtain a new loan in my name only.  (At the time of divorce I was not earning enough to qualify for a loan, although I paid the repayments by scrimping and saving like you would not believe.)  I obtained a small mortgage and had my husbandís name removed from the title about 7 or 8 years ago.  Exís signed all the appropriate forms that were required. >   End BG

Unfortunately, Ex has tried a couple of other silly stunts.  Fortunately, they did not succeed either.  He is good for a belly laugh, if nothing els! >:D    I am taking the advice to speak to my lawyer and have recorded the phone message to leave with my lawyer for safe keeping Ė just in case.

(Reading your responses have certainly lightened my mood Ė itís nice to have support from all around the world)  Hugs to you all.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Curly Wurly Doggie Breath on July 11, 2011, 10:29:38 PM
Ok, this just begs another question, what happened to his other property and why can't he use that for collateral ??
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Cuddlepie on July 11, 2011, 10:34:16 PM
( OP here)   Oooops!  Sorry.  Other house was sold because he could not keep up the repayments. 
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Curly Wurly Doggie Breath on July 11, 2011, 10:38:18 PM
Will wonders never cease. I was thinking that may be the case.

[thinking something mighty sarcastic about your EX right now, about just how good his word is................. after all - He wont do it to YOU- Your house is guaranteed ...... He will make all the payments.... Yeh right ]
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: gingerzing on July 12, 2011, 12:54:49 PM
Well, charming as he is.  I would have also gone with the other phrase "And why would I want to do that?"  Well, it would take a while since I would be laughing so hard to begin with. 
Another bit would be "After discussing it with my lawyer,  which he advised me <insert lawyer sounding stuff of "what a stupid idea">, so no."
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Curly Wurly Doggie Breath on July 12, 2011, 01:08:49 PM
And hey, Condolences on the Loss of your Dad <<<Hugs>>>
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: wolfie on July 12, 2011, 01:10:44 PM
Wait? You have been divorced over 8 years and he thinks that you should be helping him out? I figured that maybe you were divorced a year or less so he might think to lean on you since he is used to that but 8 years later?? Shouldn't he be at the part where he doesn't contact you for anything anymore?
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: That Anime Chick on July 12, 2011, 05:03:46 PM
That's about as insane as my ex wanting me to help him pay for his flight to another country so he could meet his new future wife. I laughed so hard I cried and wet my pants. When I was done I gave him some unehell like advice and don't talk to him ever. Heck, I didn't even tell him that I'd put our cat down a few years ago (well, mine in the divorce). I don't talk to him unless it's absolutely necessary. He's one chapter in my life I don't care to revisit.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: shiksagoddess on July 13, 2011, 03:56:46 PM
Persistent little jerk, isn't he?
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Shoo on July 13, 2011, 04:25:46 PM
Persistent little jerk, isn't he?

PLJ, for short.  :)
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: rain on July 15, 2011, 08:32:01 PM
 (forshadowing)  Earlier today I told DH about the OPs ex's requests.  My DH could not believe it - his response was "Who does that!?" 



My DS has been at my ex's for two weeks & I went to pick him up this evening (we meet half between our homes).  Ex & DS were at inexpensive sit down restaurant.  I get there and am supprised to see that they're not waiting for me in the parkinglot.  I go inside & discover that ex's debit card has been declined & ex asks me (in front of DS) to cover it & he'll pay me back.  If DS hadn't been there I wouldn't have done it. 

I know, not as bad as the OP's ex; but ex used to do this type of stuff all the time...next time I'm leaving the credit cards home & saying "I'm afraid that won't be possible"
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Cuddlepie on July 20, 2011, 06:49:41 AM
Dear o dear !  My Ex, otherwise known as the Persistent Little Jerk  is living up to his Hell reputation.

Today I received a letter from his solicitors asking that I sign papers regarding Exís request as soon as possible.*     I gather from this letter that they are under the impression that the loan on my house and title are still in both mine and my exís names.

My dilemma is which way to mess with the ex  >:D

1.    Ignore the letter because it is never going to be *possible .   This will cost ex $ís as the solicitor will write another letter.
2.    Reply saying that I will not be signing anything.  This approach will probably cost him $ís too.
3.    Reply and include a copy of my loan and the papers that we signed when the house was put into my name only.  (I now think the ex has forgotten this little detail)
4.    Phone Ex and tell him the loan and title are in my name, so I can hear the disappointment in his voice when he realises that he is an idiot.

So everyone, which option gets your vote?    (I know only one  is E-hell approved but....)



PS:  Thank you to those who have mentioned unreasonable requests from your ex's.  I am happy to know I am not alone, but sorry that others have to put up with stuff like this too.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: JadeAngel on July 20, 2011, 07:27:11 AM
Honestly I would go with option 3... as much fun as it would be to mess with the ex and cost him money, in the end its best for you that this matter is dropped as soon as possible so you (and the ex) can get on with your lives.

Not to mention that you're creating a paper trail which will be useful to you should the ex attempt any more shenanigans...
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: rashea on July 20, 2011, 07:58:57 AM
I'd go with three. No point in dragging this out further. If it helps, you'll probably still get a ranty phone message you can laugh at.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: HorseFreak on July 20, 2011, 10:45:29 AM
Personally, I would go with #1 or 2 and ignore the ridiculous. Why put yourself out for stupidity?
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Shoo on July 20, 2011, 10:49:04 AM
I would never give copies of my financial documents (#3) unless compelled to by a judge, so I would just ignore it unless and until I am legally forced to do something.  I might call the ex and let him know that.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: sisbam on July 20, 2011, 11:01:31 AM
I'd go with #4, whatever your country's version of a cease and desist letter from your lawyer, complete with flowery language stating "appropriate documents available upon request."
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: rashea on July 20, 2011, 11:04:10 AM
I would never give copies of my financial documents (#3) unless compelled to by a judge, so I would just ignore it unless and until I am legally forced to do something.  I might call the ex and let him know that.

That's a good point. I was thinking of just the paperwork showing he has no claim on the house. That I would release.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Ginya on July 20, 2011, 11:30:46 AM
Dear o dear !  My Ex, otherwise known as the Persistent Little Jerk  is living up to his Hell reputation.

Today I received a letter from his solicitors asking that I sign papers regarding Exís request as soon as possible.*     I gather from this letter that they are under the impression that the loan on my house and title are still in both mine and my exís names.

My dilemma is which way to mess with the ex  >:D

1.    Ignore the letter because it is never going to be *possible .   This will cost ex $ís as the solicitor will write another letter.
2.    Reply saying that I will not be signing anything.  This approach will probably cost him $ís too.
3.    Reply and include a copy of my loan and the papers that we signed when the house was put into my name only.  (I now think the ex has forgotten this little detail)
4.    Phone Ex and tell him the loan and title are in my name, so I can hear the disappointment in his voice when he realises that he is an idiot.

So everyone, which option gets your vote?    (I know only one  is E-hell approved but....)



PS:  Thank you to those who have mentioned unreasonable requests from your ex's.  I am happy to know I am not alone, but sorry that others have to put up with stuff like this too.

I'd go with a combination of #3 & 4. Contact the solicitors via written letter and if possible by phone to inform them he has no claim on your house/loan and you are not going to be signing or agreeing to any such thing. Also call your Ex and tell him the house/loan are in your name and his attempts are bordering on financial fraud and if he continues you'll have no choice but to take legal recourse. The other options drag the process out and could possible complicate things for the worse. If he somehow managed to get things processed without you it would be a legal nightmare, and could seriously hurt your financial credibility. My Aunt is currently going through something similar and it's destroyed her credit and the legal process is slow and costly.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: gramma dishes on July 20, 2011, 11:46:21 AM
I would write a letter to his 'solicitors' and let them know that your ex has no claim whatsoever to the house, that you have supporting documents proving that -- (but DON'T send copies of those) -- and that if you are further contacted you will be filing harassment charges, because that is exactly what is happening here.

Then I'd contact a lawyer.  (Or do that before you write the letter.)

I would not contact your ex at all.  You have no need for further conversation with him.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: gingerzing on July 20, 2011, 11:55:46 AM
I would write a letter to his 'solicitors' and let them know that your ex has no claim whatsoever to the house, that you have supporting documents proving that -- (but DON'T send copies of those) -- and that if you are further contacted you will be filing harassment charges, because that is exactly what is happening here.

Then I'd contact a lawyer.  (Or do that before you write the letter.)

I would not contact your ex at all.  You have no need for further conversation with him.

This.  Write a letter to his solicitors (or have your solicitor write it) to let them know that your house is under your name only and that they are to contact your solicitor for the paperwork. 
And as much as it would be fun to hear the disappointment in his voice, I believe it falls under the "do not engage with crazy".
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: supernova on July 20, 2011, 01:27:44 PM
*You* don't need to do anything but call your solicitor/lawyer.  Give her or him a copy of the request from the other solicitors.  Let him or her figure out the proper response, and handle it.

Then you get to relax and don't worry about a thing.  This is what you pay your solicitor for.

In other words...  get proper legal advice before proceeding. :)

    - saphie
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: RingTailedLemur on July 20, 2011, 03:15:49 PM
I agree with PPs - tell his solicitor (by recorded delivery letter) why your ex has no claim on the property and make it clear you should not be contacted again.

Your ex appears to have control/boundary problems, so I would not speak to him at all - I honestly don't think he would back down in a verbal discussion.  Hopefully his solicitor can talk some sense into him.

I am still shaking my head at the sheer GALL!
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on July 20, 2011, 03:18:43 PM
Let the solicitors handle it, I agree.  Do not engage the entitled and presumptuous.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Kimblee on July 20, 2011, 03:24:35 PM
 :o

Wow... he's a bit special, ain't he?

Just posting to show my support OP. Hope this ends quickly and cleanly.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: shhh its me on July 20, 2011, 04:46:31 PM
I would write a letter to his 'solicitors' and let them know that your ex has no claim whatsoever to the house, that you have supporting documents proving that -- (but DON'T send copies of those) -- and that if you are further contacted you will be filing harassment charges, because that is exactly what is happening here.

Then I'd contact a lawyer.  (Or do that before you write the letter.)

I would not contact your ex at all.  You have no need for further conversation with him.

POD I would be nice and include the dates .  The divorce decree gives me full rights to the home(I might quote the subsection detailing this) and on XX ,XX papers where executed removing ex from the title and loan. then ask " What are you claiming the legal precdence  for this request?"
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Etta Kett on July 20, 2011, 05:50:13 PM
( OP here)   Oooops!  Sorry.  Other house was sold because he could not keep up the repayments.

And he wants you to risk your house on the fact he won't do that again???  :o (where is there a rofl smiley??)

Had it been my ex, I would have said, "Sweetie, if I trusted you that much, we'd still be married!"
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Etta Kett on July 20, 2011, 05:52:29 PM
Persistent little jerk, isn't he?

PLJ, for short.  :)

Save that acronym, it should prove useful...
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: strangetimes on July 20, 2011, 07:03:50 PM
:o

Wow... he's a bit special, ain't he?

Just posting to show my support OP. Hope this ends quickly and cleanly.

This, exactly.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Cuddlepie on July 23, 2011, 10:18:35 PM
OP here.

My ex actually sent a text checking to see if I had heard from his solicitors.  This is how it went.

Ex:   Heard from my lawyer yet?
Me:  Yes
Ex:   Have you replied?
Me:  No.  Please do not contact me again re this unless it is thru your solicitor.

There has not been any further contact from the 'PLJ'.  (Love this acronym)

So, after mulling over ALL the advice (RL and E-hell advice) I have asked my solicitor to reply to ex's solicitor.  Saying, my short & sweet version, that my name is on the house title, I am the sole mortgagee and proof is enclosed, so get lost!  Initially I did not wish to pay out for another solicitor's letter but went with the advice of the majority.

Thanks again for your input - both the practical and the light-hearted. 
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Miss March on July 23, 2011, 10:53:34 PM
It's truly a pain that you needed to pay a lawyer to handle this, but hopefully it's going to put an end to this and save you so many headaches down the road. Good luck!
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: CharlieBraun on July 25, 2011, 01:31:15 PM
Good for you.

I'm so sorry about your dad. 
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: weeblewobble on July 31, 2011, 08:33:53 AM
If nothing else, you should thank him for distracting you in the time of the loss of your dad.  I am sorry you're going through this. What a $#%&.

ETA: I forgot to add the antics of PLJ exes I know of:

(These are exes of friends and relatives.)

1) Former husband of friend called because he was getting re-married (three months after the divorce) and wanted to know if my friend still had the cake-cutting set, toasting glasses and unity candle holder they used in their wedding. He wanted to re-use them in his second wedding. He said, "Well, it's not like you're using them!"

2) Another friend's fiance broke off engagement because he "wasn't ready" for marriage.  He said she could keep the ring, which she did. Six months later, it seemed, he was ready for marriage and wanted to propose to someone else. He called and asked for the ring back. Friend blurted out, "You're going to re-use the ring?" He acts all offended and says, "No! I'm just going to use the stone! You can have the setting back if it's that important to you."  She said no.  He threatened legal action, and didn't follow through. The other girl declined his proposal after hearing that she was going to get a recycled ring. Ex loudly blames Friend for "ruining his life" by being so unreasonable to anyone who will listen.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Sirius on August 01, 2011, 01:43:40 AM
All I can say is that the PLJs described in this thread are real pieces of work.

Fortunately, the closest I ever came to something like that was a POW (piece of work) who told me that since he'd given me a ride when my car had broken down, I had to let him move into my spare bedroom.  What I had to say about that wasn't E-hell approved, but the subject never came up again.  (I also never accepted a ride from this person again, either.)

OP, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this in your time of grief.  Which might be why it came up when it did - PLJ might have thought he'd hit you when you were down, but you showed that you're smarter than that.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Polly on August 02, 2011, 06:51:08 PM
wowee. What an ejit. I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said, but...wow.

Hugs to OP.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Kittymama on August 02, 2011, 08:32:36 PM
Any updates? I'm wondering if his lawyer got the forms you sent, and if he's found out it's not gonna happen, yet.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: rain on August 02, 2011, 10:19:02 PM
Any updates? I'm wondering if his lawyer got the forms you sent, and if he's found out it's not gonna happen, yet.


ditto
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Cuddlepie on August 03, 2011, 01:19:07 AM
OP here.

Yay my solicitor!  The Exís solicitor and my solicitor had a phone conversation (I was not charged $ís but I think ex was?)  Donít know how or why but apparently Ex forgot one small fact....the house and mortgage is legally mine and has been for a few years.  Both solicitors agree that ex has no claim and my house canít be used as collateral without my permission. That.will.not.happen !!!!

Whether the ex timed his request to coincide with my time of grief, I donít know.  His asking had more to do with him believing his name was still on the title and I would have to agree to his request whether or not I wanted to do so.  Ex phoned me, I still canít figure if it was an apology or not... his words were something along the lines of ďIím sorry our misunderstanding upset you and I understand that the house is yours.  Itís too bad that I canít buy another one.Ē

Thanks for the hugs and thank you for sharing tales about other PLJís and POWís.  Itís sad that they are not as rare a breed as one would hope.   :'(
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Curly Wurly Doggie Breath on August 03, 2011, 01:58:01 AM
I'm glad it's over. i wonder what his next trick will be  :-\
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: sisbam on August 03, 2011, 08:31:20 AM
 ::) at his "apology." One last dig to guilt you into using your house as collateral.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Kittymama on August 03, 2011, 03:54:43 PM
Your "misunderstanding," huh? *snort*  ;D

How does one "forget" that one does not, in fact, own a house? That's a pretty big thing to forget. It makes me suspicious that he actually thought he'd just be able to bully you into it, and wasn't expecting you to get your own lawyer involved.

Well played, Cuddlepie. Well played.  >:D
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Lorelei_Evil on August 03, 2011, 04:12:47 PM
Oh, I am not suspicious, I'm convinced.

Nicely done, Cuddlepie.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: gramma dishes on August 03, 2011, 04:54:55 PM
This is the ending we were all hoping for.  Good for you -- and your lawyer.

I think he thought you wouldn't have the nerve to call his bluff.    Surprise!!   ;D
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: AlwaysQuizzical on August 03, 2011, 04:59:18 PM
Sadly, he probably thought he could bully you into this specifically because you're grieving. This sounds similar to a distant relative coming round when a family member dies and talking you into giving them expensive heirlooms they can sell. I'd be careful around him in the future.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Aeris on August 03, 2011, 05:05:18 PM
Ugh. I thought my ex was bad when, 2 months after I kicked him out, he called expecting me to do legal research for him on landlord-tenant laws, in regards to his new apartment. I said something to the effect of "I think google is an excellent resource for that." He was furious, and I got an earful.

Or when he came by to pick up a number of his things, and he expected me to lug 15-20 trips worth of heavy stuff from my 6th floor apartment, down to the curb outside my building, so that he wouldn't have to find parking. I was also called a selfish, lazy female dog for not being interested in that notion.

But your ex, he takes the cake. He makes mine look positively reasonable.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: JadeAngel on August 03, 2011, 09:00:41 PM
Ex phoned me, I still canít figure if it was an apology or not... his words were something along the lines of ďIím sorry our misunderstanding upset you and I understand that the house is yours.  Itís too bad that I canít buy another one.Ē

I would call that a non-apology with a little emotional blackmail mixed in for flavour, but that's just me.  >:D

Well handled OP, it must be a huge relief to have this mess off your plate.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Minmom3 on August 03, 2011, 11:26:33 PM
We could call it a Half Donkey Apology........   ;D  Because it certainly isn't a true apology! 
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Enkidu on August 06, 2011, 10:31:25 AM
Glad this all worked out for you, although I'm sorry you had to go through so much trouble. The good news is, there may be more PLJ's in the world than we like, but I bet this is the last one who tries to glom on to you.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Firecat on August 09, 2011, 09:12:51 AM
We could call it a Half Donkey Apology........   ;D  Because it certainly isn't a true apology!

And I think we all know which half of the donkey is involved  ;D

OP, I'm glad your solicitor came through, and hope your ex knows better than to try to bother you about this again.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Curly Wurly Doggie Breath on August 09, 2011, 09:33:23 AM
OP here  Ex phoned me, I still canít figure if it was an apology or not... his words were something along the lines of ďIím sorry our misunderstanding upset you and I understand that the house is yours. 

No, he is simply sorry that YOU remembered that his name was not on the deed.
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: Cuddlepie on August 09, 2011, 05:36:02 PM
Dragons 8 Cactus...... I do believe you have met my Ex !   ;D 
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: BarensMom on August 09, 2011, 08:28:10 PM
Cuddlepie:  My sympathy on your father's passing.  I POD everyone else that your ex is quite the donkey's hindquarter.

Aeris:  Rather than lugging things down six floors, you should have made it easy for your poor ex and dropped his things out your window. >:D >:D
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: gramma dishes on August 09, 2011, 08:58:30 PM

Aeris:  Rather than lugging things down six floors, you should have made it easy for your poor ex and dropped his things out your window. >:D >:D

 --  and onto the roof of his car!

"Oh gee golly whiz.    I was just trying to help you get the stuff in your car.  I plumb forgot you didn't have a convertible. Sorry about that smashed roof."

--  as another huge box bounces off  his head. 
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: General Jinjur on August 12, 2011, 07:11:12 AM
Ugh. I thought my ex was bad when, 2 months after I kicked him out, he called expecting me to do legal research for him on landlord-tenant laws, in regards to his new apartment. I said something to the effect of "I think google is an excellent resource for that." He was furious, and I got an earful.

Mine emailed me complaining that his eyes were bothering him, they were keeping him up at night and preventing him from working, if ONLY he could see a doctor! So I thought I'd be nice and googled him up a list of doctors and clinics in the area that provided free or low-cost care. He responded with a furious email ripping me apart for having the audacity, the gall to send him a list of charity clinics, when he could have been on my health insurance. I responded with a terse note reminding him that I had offered to sign him onto my insurance numerous times, but he always refused since he didn't want to cover the additional cost. Since I was the sole breadwinner and paid all bills out of my meager paycheck, that was not possible.

I think he ended up  going to a free clinic after all  >:D
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: bopper on September 01, 2011, 08:34:06 AM
Glad it worked out...

I might have said "Solicitors, I have no personal or financial involvement with ex at this time. The house and mortgage are solely in my name as per the divorce agreement.  If you would like to put up your house as collateral for someone you have no personal or financial involvement with but that the bank does not feel is creditworthy, be my guest, but I have no intention of doing so." >:D
Title: Re: Iím sorry....I think I misheard you?
Post by: aiki on September 20, 2011, 09:31:09 PM
Or when he came by to pick up a number of his things, and he expected me to lug 15-20 trips worth of heavy stuff from my 6th floor apartment, down to the curb outside my building, so that he wouldn't have to find parking. I was also called a selfish, lazy female dog for not being interested in that notion.

One might suggest that that is why windows were invented, but there's always the possibility of hitting an innocent bystander.