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Techno-quette / Re: Meetup Organizers: Etiquette of Meetup
« Last post by betty on Today at 03:08:22 PM »
A lot of this will depend on the type of group you are organizing. I help organize a group for graphic and web designers which meets monthly.

-- Do people ask questions in the "Comments" section that demonstrate that they didn't read the notice?
Sometimes. For my group, we make sure the important info is very obvious, with "nice to know" info below. Descriptive event name, followed by Date. Time. Location. Then extra info.

-- Do your members expect you to post updates from the event site from your cell phone?
Not for my group. If the speaker for the meeting had notes to share, we'll post them to the group afterwards. If someone took photos, they might post them the next day.

-- Do you get a lot of no-shows?
One or two people will say yes and then not show up (or will change to no at the last minute). We also get people showing up who did not reply. The numbers would for both would be higher if we had a larger number of people at meetings. It's not a problem for my group but if it is for yours, you could charge people at the time of RSVP (if there is a charge) or you can make a policy that x number of no-shows will get your membership revoked. (But then you need to track the RSVPs and no shows for each event.)

We do not have specific rules or a set of etiquette. We've been lucky that everyone has followed social conventions. We do have a membership approval process (to be sure the member will be interested in the kinds of things we discuss).
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Family and Children / Re: Please reword this nicely
« Last post by Goosey on Today at 03:06:50 PM »
I also think there's "not letting people take advantage of you" and there's "digging in your heels unnecessarily to prove a point" (and sometimes that point is "I can be just a stubborn as you!"). You're the one who suggested the pot luck. You're the one who needs to put in the effort to organize it. It's not really fair to get mad that your SIL is not falling into line with what you want when you're putting the absolute minimum effort into getting in contact with her.

If you're not willing to make a phone call, you have some options. You can call off the potluck and order in as usual. You can bring enough food for everyone. You can make the food your mom wants so that she can eat it/reheat it later. You can text your brother and say you haven't heard anything, so this is your plan going forward. But, I wouldn't act like this is something they're obligated to take part in because you pitched the idea.
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Family and Children / Re: Please reword this nicely
« Last post by Mental Magpie on Today at 03:06:28 PM »
How about:
"Haven't heard anything back from SIL.  Can you make sure she got the message?  But anyway, Mom has been hinting around for X and Y dishes, so for our Boxing Day meal, I'll be bringing that for our family with some extra for her.  Not sure what you want to do, but if you could bring something for your family with extras for Mom, I'm sure she would LOVE the variety." 

I'm assuming that your brother knows what your Mom can and can't eat.

I get there's probably more history to the "I don't want to call her" thing than what could be conveyed in a post.  What I do when I don't want to actually call someone is replace the word "call" with "contact".  You did contact her.  And if anyone gives you any flak about it, you can just say that you went with what you thought would be the most benign form of communication after your SIL cut you off because you didn't want to rock the boat anymore.  Sometimes a phone call can be seen as putting someone on the spot, to answer right then and there, and you didn't want to do that.  You wanted to let her answer at her leisure.

Great advice.
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I've been working on that.

A non-rational part of me keeps thinking "what if she's right and everyone else is just too polite to say anything?"

She might be right to a certain definition of "right." There may be people who will think, "Hmmm, that's kind of chintzy, to not pay for a sit-down meal!" There may truly be (there is in my ILs' family) a set expectation or frequent way of doing things. Because almost everyone does it exactly the same way.
    If someone did it a little different, I think most of them would find it to be both refreshing and offputting, at the same time. It would be good for them! They need to shake it up a little bit.


Yeah, I'm sure there's that factor too. 

Though as I've pointed out to her--I've planned semi-large events before.  I've been to more formal gatherings in the past decade than she did in her entire adult life.  I know how hospitality works...I'm not completely out of touch!
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Life...in general / Re: Nephew out on bail
« Last post by TootsNYC on Today at 03:01:26 PM »
If you need to say something about it because someone else brings it up,  you can always say, "I wish the best for you." Because--don't you?

Or, to his parents, "I wish you strength through this, and a good outcome."
   (In my mind, I'd be thinking, "a good outcome" = "a changed set of values, a chance to redeem himself.")
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Family and Children / Re: Please reword this nicely
« Last post by Goog on Today at 03:01:26 PM »
How about:
"Haven't heard anything back from SIL.  Can you make sure she got the message?  But anyway, Mom has been hinting around for X and Y dishes, so for our Boxing Day meal, I'll be bringing that for our family with some extra for her.  Not sure what you want to do, but if you could bring something for your family with extras for Mom, I'm sure she would LOVE the variety." 

I'm assuming that your brother knows what your Mom can and can't eat.

I get there's probably more history to the "I don't want to call her" thing than what could be conveyed in a post.  What I do when I don't want to actually call someone is replace the word "call" with "contact".  You did contact her.  And if anyone gives you any flak about it, you can just say that you went with what you thought would be the most benign form of communication after your SIL cut you off because you didn't want to rock the boat anymore.  Sometimes a phone call can be seen as putting someone on the spot, to answer right then and there, and you didn't want to do that.  You wanted to let her answer at her leisure.
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Oh, and maybe have a stock question: "Is this truly unfair to guests, Mom, or is it simply that you are used to it being done a different way?"

And then, "Exactly how is it unfair to guests?"
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Life...in general / Re: Nephew out on bail
« Last post by demarco on Today at 02:59:07 PM »
This is an interesting question. Do you think it is possible that no one will bring it up and just rely on family oriented small talk?  This would be the best case scenario, in my opinion. If no one else mentions it, you certainly don't have to. If someone does bring it up, you could just look at your shoes until the moment passes. If it becomes a group discussion of Junior's arrest, you still don't have to say anything or could say something like, "I'll be thinking of you."


 
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All In A Day's Work / Re: "Are you still teaching?"
« Last post by CrazyDaffodilLady on Today at 02:59:00 PM »
Don't look for offense where none is intended.

If I run into someone I haven't seen for a while, I may very well ask an "Are you still. . . " question.  I honestly don't feel this is rude. People move, change careers, get divorced, etc.  (I do not ask "Are you still married to Butthead?", even though I'd sometimes like to. ;D

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Life...in general / Re: Present for a teacher? Help please!
« Last post by darkprincess on Today at 02:57:57 PM »
We know we are going to gift each of my daughter's teachers, she is in a special reading class, so she has more than one. Because of this I have my daughter "spy" on the teacher and I "spy" during parent teacher conferences and throughout the year. We talk about what the teacher likes to do as a person (not at teacher), and what they eat, drink, etc. We have been able to give very personal gifts because of it. Because we look early we have done each of these under $10.
One teacher had Star Wars toys, in the package, on the wall behind his desk. We looked early and were able to find a vintage, in box, mint R2D2 figure.
Another teacher had framed Curious George books on the wall. We found a signed Curious George book as a gift.
One teacher was a fitness fanatic, ran marathons, and we were able to get a very nice jogger's water bottle with a carrying thingy to jog with.
My daughter noticed that one teacher drank loose leaf tea and not coffee or tea bags, so we got her a take along tea cup with a built-in tea infuser.
All of the teacher's have been very happily surprised that their gifts have been so personal. Daughter has learned to be observant and thoughtful of what she is giving to people.
I have to say that dd also writes each of her teachers a handmade card. We help her so she can say specific things to each teacher, and she rewrites the card so that the final draft is spelled correctly with correct punctuation.
I just found out that the teachers from last year went to her teachers' this year and asked about gifts because they were curious what DD would pick out. This year reading teacher got set of Gumby doll figures (she was amazed because she got one that she was missing from her collection) and the other teacher was gifted a pen in the shape of Gandalf's staff from the Hobbit (we were a little worried about this one until she had a substitute come into class so she could see the Hobbit on Opening Day.)

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