News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • August 25, 2016, 08:36:14 AM

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1
I had a similar/opposite problem on my high school color guard. Our coach one year (who was very demanding in many, many ways) asked us all to style our hair in "loose, cascading curls" for the first dress rehearsal show. We all had varying hair lengths and textures, which meant that we all had to spend time styling, as no one has natural "loose, cascading curls." We all showed up at performance time so frustrated and annoyed, and most of us with something other than "loose, cascading curls", that the coach changed her mind and advised us all to french braid from then on. Lesson learned.
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Life...in general / Re: dealing with unsolicited advice
« Last post by Semperviren on Today at 08:16:40 AM »
Quote from: JeanFromBNA

What about this?  My trainer was telling me that they were looking for a good used car for their daughter.  I suggested that they try the dealer that we buy from because we've bought about 20 vehicles from them over the years and find them to be fair and a good resource for the kinds of cars that they were looking at.  Is that unsolicited advice, and would it bother you? This happened right after this thread, and I thought of this, but went ahead anyway.

This sounds more like offering a suggestion. Personally, I think offering suggestions is different from giving unsolicited advice, and it's all about the delivery. "I have a great auto dealer, if you're interested", and "I had the same thing happen and XYZ is what worked for me" comes off very differently than multiple sentences beginning with assertive "You should".
3
Par-Tay! / Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Last post by Hmmmmm on Today at 08:13:46 AM »
Are you and your fiance hosting or one of your parents? Are you planning a formal affair? If parents (even if your helping pay and plan the whole thing)  and formal I'd go with something like:

Please join us at a reception
to celebrate the union of
Miss Jane Bride and Mr John Groom

Saturday, 1st of November 2016
at 7pm

11111 Main Street

RSVP XXXXXX
Dressy Casual Suggested

Jane and John will wed in an intimate ceremony on 15 Oct (smaller print and italicized)

Given with love by Mr & Mrs Bride Parents and Mr and Mrs Groom Parents

if the two of you are self hosting and plan a casual bbq I'd do:

John and Jane
Are Getting Married
It's an intimate ceremony
But we want to share our joy with friends and family

Please join us on for a BBQ Celebration
Saturday, 1 November 2017
at
1111 Main Street

RSVP xxxxxx
Casual Attire

The first one is perfect, but I think the second one is open to confusion to those who don't already know the plans.  Is the intimate ceremony earlier that day or some other time?  What does "share our joy" mean I'm being invited to?  And heaven knows what some people will visualize as an "intimate" ceremony!   :)

 ;D ;D ;DI'm reading that second one's wording in a completely different light now. Funny way to start the morning.
4
Techno-quette / Re: Dimes for Disneyland
« Last post by Hmmmmm on Today at 08:10:53 AM »
I wouldn't make a statement on FB or ask for my money back. But I might jokingly and in a good natured voice bring it up to my friend. "Wow, your sister did a great job in convincing me to donate to her vacation plan. I saw her FB post and assumed she was raising money for kids to go to DL. I didn't realize until later that she was raising funds for herself. Taught me to research EVERY request for donations. How much did she get you to contribute?"

And then I'd just let it go.
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I don't see the issue in running a hair straightener over it.  It either holds or it doesn't - but you tried.  Paying for chemical straightening - no way!

Honestly, I do have a problem with "just" that. I would have a problem with just wearing lifts to appear taller.  Or just binding breasts to appear less curvy.

It is a rejection of the genetic makeup that makes an individual - individual. I feel certain time and energy can be better spent in other ways to improve performance and group cohesion than by convincing kids their hair texture is wrong or needs fixing.

I agree. I get that they want some uniformity amongst the performers but that's what the uniform is for. I'll admit it's been many decades since I was in HS, but we did not subject ourselves to this level of adherence to conformity when I was in flag corp. We had a very mixed racial team. I can't imagine trying to impose similar hairstyles for even make up choices amongst that group of girls. It would have been silly to expect us all to march out onto a field looking at replicas of each other. You don't have to assimilate that much to be part of a team or performing group. And it judges require that level of conformity when judging, then it's time for some revisions in judging criteria. 
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I don't see the issue in running a hair straightener over it.  It either holds or it doesn't - but you tried.  Paying for chemical straightening - no way!

Honestly, I do have a problem with "just" that. I would have a problem with just wearing lifts to appear taller.  Or just binding breasts to appear less curvy.

It is a rejection of the genetic makeup that makes an individual - individual. I feel certain time and energy can be better spent in other ways to improve performance and group cohesion than by convincing kids their hair texture is wrong or needs fixing.
7
Techno-quette / Re: Dimes for Disneyland
« Last post by #borecore on Today at 07:46:18 AM »
I'm glad for you that this was a $10 lesson instead of a $100 one, but it's a lesson just the same to be careful about what you donate to. Best of luck going forward.
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Life...in general / Re: When the corrector is incorrect
« Last post by TracyXJ on Today at 07:11:41 AM »
I feel bad as I'm probably the one miss-pronouncing my own last name.  To be fair, it's my married name, so I didn't grow up saying it.  But I'm still not sure if the S in it is an "s" or a "z" sound.  And if the end is low or lou.   :-[
9
Par-Tay! / Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Last post by LifeOnPluto on Today at 06:33:23 AM »
I'm with the majority - don't have an engagement party beforehand in lieu of the reception after the ceremony.  Have a reception/party (days/weeks) after the ceremony where the majority of guests live. If I'm invited to an engagement party I expect a wedding invite will then be forthcoming in due course.

I live in Australia and did see a previous post about "large engagement parties, small weddings" being common/customary here. I have heard of couples doing similar - but I wouldn't say its the norm and I have always seen engagement parties as a prelude to the wedding. Although I have heard of many cases where people are invited to the ceremony and NOT the reception - which I think is potentially more awkward!

As another Australian, I can't say I've ever come across a large engagement part/small wedding situation.  Barring some very strenuous circumstances (eg. huge falling out between a guest and HC), the engagement party guest list is usually seen as a precursor to the wedding guest list.

I don't understand the inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception part. How does that work? Are they held on separate days? Either way, it sounds incredibly rude.  Dress up and come see us exchange vows, but get lost afterwards as we're not going to bother feeding you?

I think what's bothering me here is that (in my experience, anyway) "engagement parties" aren't given by the couple themselves, they are given by others for them.  So if the invitation comes from the HC themselves, there is a real risk that it will be seen as, if not a gift grab, then sort of wanting to have your cake and eat it, too.

That may depend on where (general) you live. Here in Australia it's the norm for the couple and/or their guardians to pay for/host the party. I certainly couldn't imagine expecting a friend or more distant relative to pay for it. That seems extremely entitled.

Yeah, it would be so weird here for a friend to throw an engagement party or brunch or whatever for a couple. You do it yourself (or your parents do, but more often you throw it I think).

I'm increasingly seeing engagement parties (and for that matter, bridal showers and baby showers too), where the entire event is actually organised / paid for by the guest(s) of honour*, and in many cases held at the GOH's house, but the invitations are "sent" by parents or friends (that is, the invitations state that the parents or friend is hosting, despite the fact that the invitee is then asked to RSVP directly to the GOH).

*Not just speculation, as several of my friends/acquaintances have openly admitted this.
10
Any time he does start up again, send both Bob and Bob's Boss an email.  Start putting your complaints in writing.  "Bob, we've spoken before about how distracting it is when you -meow at your desk/talk like a cartoon character/heave dramatic sighs all day-.  Please stop."

As a manager I would want to kick my staff in the shin* if they did this. That goes double for keeping a chart. That would tick me off more than the noisemaker.

Just tell him to knock it off and then tell your own manager about it if that doesn't work and it's truly a problem.

*not a good management technique.

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