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  • November 28, 2015, 02:49:49 PM

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1 general / Re: Asking for gift cards
« Last post by Tea Drinker on Today at 02:39:25 PM »
To me, it feels like there's a difference between a gift card to your favorite bookstore, or for a manicure or massage or other specific experience, and "here's $x you can spend at Amazon." Something like an Amazon or Visa gift card has the emotional disadvantage of giving someone cash (rather than letting me think "I am giving him some books" or "I am giving her a relaxing afternoon") without the practical flexibility of giving money directly. We buy quite a bit from Amazon, but that doesn't mean I want to be limited to spending money there rather than at the University Bookstore or Varsano's Chocolate or a random local boutique or hardware store.

(Yes, if you want an X grocery giftcard I can do that, but I'd rather you have the flexibility to spend the money at Y Supermarket if you'd rather.)
I would leave out the comment that he is sensitive about it and just correct the spelling. Saying he is sensitive seems to subtly make it a bigger deal.
The last few weddings I've attended, the brides each listed my name + plus one even though it was highly unlikely I'd bring a date.  Even my sister did that for both of her weddings.  I would not complained if the invite simply said "MissRose" only on it at all.  I would say couples in committed long term relationships/partnerships/married should be invited together as a couple no matter if they are both same gender or male/female couples.   Those who would complain I would consider rude.
4 general / Re: Asking for gift cards
« Last post by mimi_cat on Today at 02:14:53 PM »
I think it's fine.  And there's nothing wrong with saying you'd like cash as a gift.  I just asked my 18 year old niece what she wants and she said she's saving for a new laptop and would like money towards that.  I'm totally free to get her something else - and will probably get her a couple of little things, but give her money towards something I know she'll use. 

As far as it taking the fun out of gift buying - well, maybe, but that's my problem, not hers.  Her gift request is about what she'd really like, not about making sure I have fun buying it.  The recipient isn't obligated to make sure you have the gift buying experience you want to have.

I've also given gift cards to family members who I know are struggling - I'd rather get them a gift card to Target and be able to say 'get yourself something you want' but also knowing that if they need to use it for necessities, they can. 

DH and I always appreciate gift cards - we have everything we need but a gift card for dinner or movie passes is always appreciated.  My MIL feels gift cards are impersonal and refuses to give them - which is totally fine - but then we end up with stuff we don't really need or want. 
Holidays / Re: At Least my Doghouse Has a Copy of Miss Manners
« Last post by Elisabunny on Today at 02:06:30 PM »
Thank you all for the replies.  I especially liked Toots' and Arts' wording.  I'll try that next year, for sure.  Unfortunately,  she won't know.  She never knows until the last minute.  And while I'd adore having her and her DH (and FIL and his DW--those few folks would fit in our house), MIL will invite the county.  She's a "more, the merrier! Everything will work out! Oh! Hey! I found an 8-year-old Costco lasagne in the freezer, so we'll have enough food!" kind of person and I'm a planner/are we sure we have 3 times as much food as we really need kind of person.  ;D

Christmas Eve will be....interesting.  We've gone to her house every year since we started dating, so we're expected, no invitation needed.  Last year, she had 27 people crammed in the house and I can't handle that.  The walking pneumonia I'm dealing with was from catching a cold at a family joint-birthday party/dinner I was pressured into.  I know better now.   :-\  DH will likely be attending alone, I'll stay home with the pet and watch musicals. :D

ETA: And thank you all so much!  I really do hate to be rude, so I'm feeling better now.  Next time, no JADEing and we'll make our own plans if no plans are forthcoming.  T-Day was great!  We had all of both of our favorite foods, I got a lot of it done the day before so no stress and no massive clean-up the day of and we ate mid-afternoon so no going to bed feeling like bloated warthogs. :D

Do you have a supply of the green, super-filtering masks?  I know they're really uncomfortable (DD complained constantly about air flow), but if you haven't been already, I suggest you wear one at every single event hosted by MIL.  Like a previous poster said, if she's ok with you coming with pneumonia, who knows what else she would expose you to.
My employer once hired a well-known customer service consultant to train all staff. One of her mantras was "the customer is not always right, but the customer is always the customer." Which amounts to the same thing: you don't have to give into unreasonable demands, but it is possible to be firm without also being an [epithet]. You never know, the customer may actually come back.

I've actually seen that happen more than once. Someone who finally took "no" for an answer later came back because "even if they couldn't help me, they were polite about it."
Holidays / Re: At Least my Doghouse Has a Copy of Miss Manners
« Last post by TootsNYC on Today at 01:38:39 PM »
I don't get people like your MIL - because how can you claim someone as family implying you love them and endanger their life.

Yeah, you'd think, right?

But here it is: The OP and her DH are not "people that MIL loves." They are "people that belong to MIL." It's about ownership and control, not about love.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: This is why (death mentioned)
« Last post by thunderroad on Today at 01:38:00 PM »
Jaelle, first let me offer my deep condolences for your loss.  I am so very sorry.

But also, what a beautiful and heartfelt post.  It is so filled with love, and with the deep knowledge both of your mother in law and of your own personality. 

Family can indeed be hard, but you have shown why we persevere. Thank you for that. 
Family and Children / Re: How can I not sound like a special snowflake?
« Last post by TootsNYC on Today at 01:34:17 PM »
Actually, the risks of salmonella from undercooking the stuffing have been known for decades. My grandmother knew about them (she'd be a great-grandma now, twice over).
Other people have given good phrasings; I would make sure to say something like "Stuart with a u" or "Steven with a V" rather than just "his name is spelled Steven," because the "with a V" helps slow the reader down so they'll notice what you're saying: "Steven" and "Stephen" are pronounced the same, but "with a V" and "with a P H" aren't.

Also, emphasize how it is spelled, not how it isn't, because if you tell someone "not Thing" that puts the Thing into their mind: if it was "Sean," I would say "Sean with an E," not "spells his name without an H." (This is the same reason that safety advice is "keep your hands inside the car" rather than "don't put your hand out the window.")
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