News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • September 27, 2016, 03:42:51 PM

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Quote
Am I being mean if I say no?
No, you aren't.  This is your wedding, not your parents. You already have a long guest list, it is reasonable of you to not invite people you have no real connection to. I don't know why your parents want you to invite people that aren't likely to come, and with whom you have little connection.
Then there is the issue that if you do this for your parents, you could also be put in the position of having to do the same for your fiance's family.

The good thing about paying for your own wedding is that you have control of the decision making. Don't give up that control.

Simply tell your parents the truth, that the guest list is already 165 people. Perfectly reasonable.
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Our Chief Marketing Officer just sent me an e-mail where he said he was working with our "attorney's" to accomplish something.

This is the person who insists that his department *must* vett everything that goes out. And nit-picks us to death on things.
3
I "practice packed" my suitcase for my big trip, and even though I didn't have everything in there, it was still well under the 50 lb limit before I have to pay for overweight baggage!

Fun packing tip:

Stuff any empty spots with bubble wrap.  When the inevitable souvenirs and Christmas presents start filling the gaps, the bubble wrap can either be thrown away or used to wrap fragile items.

Oooh great tip, thank you! I don't know honestly if I'll be doing all that much shopping. I'm not one for souvenirs. but will def. keep that in mind!

I stick to one really nice item for a souvenir.  I also do my Christmas shopping, looking for locally made items.
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Par-Tay! / Re: Rehearsal Time Confusion
« Last post by Sophia on Today at 03:35:55 PM »
I think you made the right decision too.  The others can fill you in at the dinner, and otherwise just follow what everyone else is doing.   
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I'm guessing there will be mixed answers about this but here is my take:

I think that both of you are okay in your feelings. I do think that is is a bit of an etiquette violation if you never gave her a deadline to take the treadmill but treadmills are also expensive items so if your circumstances have changed, and she hasn't already scheduled/paid for someone to move it I think it is okay to rescind but she might still feel hurt.

I think that it would be worth talking to her about so she feels heard, but I think it is also okay that you changed your mind after all this time. It's been over three months at this point, however I'm also not clear if you gave her a deadline to get it moved out. I think it would be worth giving her an explanation. I recently had a family friend offer to let my DH and I stay in her timeshare and then when I tried to schedule a time to stay, she told me that I had "waited too long" to request it (about six weeks), but she had never mentioned when she gave the offer how soon I would have needed to request so I felt a bit irritated by her actions.

In my situation, I would have really appreciated an apology from her, or at least an acknowledgement that she had not made it clear that there was a deadline to request to stay at the timeshare. If would make the blow of not getting a treadmill lessen if you at least explained why you changed your mind and acknowledged that you understand why she is upset.
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Family and Children / Re: Please take care of these things
« Last post by Semperviren on Today at 03:28:05 PM »
I agree with the idea of "relative-proofing" the place as much as you can.

And, I think you're going to have to choose between silently allowing them to casually damage your stuff, or having a slight reputation as "the picky one". Yes, they will think it's ridiculous to be asked to use coasters and trivets and not put their feet up on things or tilt back in your dining room chairs. You'll get a few eyerolls here and there. Personally, I think it's worth it to not have your stuff carelessly damaged. You're not being at all rude to ask that reasonable care be taken not to wreck your stuff.
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Life...in general / Re: New neighbor... or but maybe not?
« Last post by RevMaxx on Today at 03:18:39 PM »
... I was in the backyard on Saturday and noticed her raising her blinds...

So what's everyone's input? Would you go meet the new neighbor?

Yes, introduce yourself when you are both outside in your backyards.
Though you couldn't help it, you were looking into her home when she raised her blinds.
That is not the time to get someone's attention, she may feel her privacy intruded upon.
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Several years ago, Wil Wheaton wrote an essay for Salon (titled something like "The War on Christmas") about arguing with his father over another controversial topic and how dismayed he was by his fathers' reaction and by his parents' seeming political beliefs. Unfortunately, the essay deeply hurt and embarrassed them when it came out, and put them out there in the internet-sphere for some very ugly commentary and criticism (people will say almost anything from behind the safety of their keyboard anonymity).

He subsequently wrote a second essay and published transcript of a very reasonable and respectful conversation he had with both parents, about their beliefs, and the incident that prompted the essay, and the fallout from it. It's worth a read, and a definite lesson about the repercussions of putting people you care about out there in your own opinion piece.

I understand why the author is upset. I think the way she's expressed herself on the matter is unlikely to change their minds. I think she's crossed a line by using personal communications as copy. And I think in her zeal to make them see,she's kind of thrown her sons to the Internet wolves; it's a little hard for me to understand how her motherly instincts didn't kick in ahead of that impulse.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Your own personal mysteries.
« Last post by Carotte on Today at 03:12:25 PM »
Where are all my sewing needles disappearing to? The few I bring around with me I almost never lose (and its not odd if I do), but the ones I keep in my room seem to always keep going on vacation and not returning.

Oh this one has sometimes an explanation! One you'd figure out eventually when you start working again but it still gets me every now and then.
Mine sometimes stick up along the edge of the scissors and wait there while I spend ages carefully looking all around my desk and on the floor and on my lap...
10
In June, I got together with friends and mentioned I was looking to give away my treadmill. It works fine, I wasn't using it.  Nobody wanted it.

A month later one of the friends there said she wanted it but had to arrange for it to be moved to her place and find room for it in her apartment. (The treadmill is  350+lb and needs to be moved from a basement to an apartment.)

In August she contacted me to say she was still interested and I said ok.

Since then I have looked around at my other exercise options once winter hits and realized why I bought a treadmill.  Two days ago I emailed her to say that I had decided I was going to give the treadmill another shot and wasn't giving it away.

Today the friend emailed back to say she "thought it had been settled" , that she was going to contact me about it this weekend, and that she was hurt that the offer was retracted before I asked her if she was still interested.

So now I wonder what the etiquette is on giving things away.  Did I violate it?
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