« Last post by Nemesis on Today at 03:15:50 PM »
Yes. I think the obligation to communicate before deciding to check out of the hotel was on Ivy. Announcing it as a fait accompli was high-handed, unsympathetic and unnecessary.
I get why Ivy would be surprised and disappointed. I understand how Adam and Rifka's shutdown/shutout is technically rude.
But if you have a close and loving relationship with someone who is in a vulnerable state, isn't it incumbent on the higher-functioning person to give the benefit of the doubt, be the more understanding and less-sensitive party, and try to put their feelings in the moment to one side and act in the long-term best interest of the relationship?
This story just keeps bringing me back to the Circle Theory. Kindness is supposed to flow inward to the people who need it most. relationships are a 2-way street over time, but sometimes the love flows one-way for a little while before it comes back around.
Why should Ivy have communicated with Adam before checking out of her hotel?
So that he would know she was leaving? So that maybe he would get a clue that she was upset? So that he could maybe say "why are you leaving mom" and an actual normal, healthy, adult interaction could occur? Honestly I see why Ivy was upset, I do! But I just don't have any sympathy for people who pull a martyr card before trying to work it out. Like I said earlier, if she had called or expressed any sadness before leaving and the new parents were like "oh well, see ya later" then I'd totally be on Ivy's side. But they got no chance. Maybe they all could have worked it out. Hard to work it out when you are already 60 miles away before you talk.
To what purpose would Ivy have called Adam before checking out of her hotel? If Ivy was not able to stay with Adam and Rifka and couldn't afford to stay in the hotel, what other options did she have? *I am assuming that Ivy didn't have the means (or desire) to stay several days in a hotel, perhaps an interesting assumption on my part.*
Adam asking her why she was "upset" still wouldn't have modified the situation unless he and Rifka were then willing for Ivy to stay with them. There is an old saying, "Least said, soonest mended". What was there to talk about at this point? Just because Ivy left after dropping off the gifts doesn't mean she is angry or playing the martyr. She may have been doing the most practical thing for her (getting out of Dodge before a major snowstorm) and Grandpa took it upon himself to make an angry post about the situation.
I don't think it needs to be before she checked out specifically but I absolutely feel that a conversation would have been wise and valuable here. We will just have to agree to disagree if you don't think that people in close family relationships should talk to each other or let each other know when they are leaving town way ahead of schedule. I think that NOT doing so created way more drama later.
I agree with miranova. Sure, it is not rude not to inform them that she is checking out. But if you (general) cannot even have an hinest conversation like this wuth your son, why are you surprised that rhey don't want you to stay with them, especially when they have a newborn baby?