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Family and Children / Re: Am I rude not to accommodate ?
« Last post by Kiwipinball on Today at 12:34:17 PM »
I think it also makes a difference as to how last minute they notify you.  If you're not sure they're coming until they show up, I don't see how you can be expected to have accommodated them, at least not well.  Certainly, if you have juice, give it to them; if you have a non-chocolate dessert, offer it to them as an alternative.  If you have some notice (e.g. you had a plan but have not made anything), accommodating them somewhat, while not necessary, would be nice.   It sounds like the main meal isn't a problem, mostly the dessert, so make a delicious non-chocolate dessert (unless the birthday boy/girl really wants chocolate cake - then have an alternative).

And from what you've said, I don't think you're ever going to convince them that the problem with behavior is the lack of discipline, not milk and/or chocolate.  But at least if you did not provide it, you can't be found at fault.  I can certainly see your frustration (they're allergic?  But it's too much trouble to get a replacement food at school?  So why isn't it too much trouble for me?) but if you're making accommodations for others, it will send a message if you refuse to make them for your nieces (assuming you're given notice which is a whole different issue!)
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Just keep in mind that with physical infirmities comes a lot of emotional baggage. You're frustrated with last minute schedule changes. He may be frustrated because he feels you're taking away his way of feeling like a contributing member of the family for something that, to his mind, seems small.

I would ask him how he feels when you argue about him taking DD to school and build from there to compromise. Maybe at the beginning of the week, you tell him days where you'd be willing to stay home so he can drive DD to school if he feels up for it. But, tell him that he has to tell you when you get up in the morning.

t is extremely difficult for me not to take responsibility for his frustrations with his problem. I want to fix everything and please everyone. When he's hurting or chewing on a problem, I get super self-conscious because somehow I blame myself. THis is something I need to work on, I know.
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Oh, and they are Kings of Twenty (thousand) Questions.

This is how a morning might go as we're going to school:


Kid 1: Mom, why is the street wet?

Me: Oh, it must have rained a little last night

Kid 2:  Did it storm?

Me: I don't remember hearing anything.

Kid 1: It might have stormed?

Me: I don't know, I didn't hear anything.

Kid 2: But it COULD have, right?

Me: I suppose so.

Kid 1: Was there a tornado?

Me:  No, it's too cold here for tornadoes right now.  And I don't think there was a storm anyway.

Kid 2: So just a storm?

Me: (looking for a handy place to bang my head):  I don't think there was a storm either.  Just rain.

Kid 1: So it just rained?

Me:  Yes.

Kid 1: Oh.  Do worms drown in the rain...?

And on and on.  They didn't stop asking questions the whole way to school.  I love that they're inquisitive but it just never ends, LOL

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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Riddles? Jokes? Anybody want to play?
« Last post by lowspark on Today at 12:30:45 PM »
What does a man do standing up, a woman sitting down and a dog on three legs?

Shake hands.

LOL - in what century? I don't shake hands sitting down!  :o
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Humor Me! / Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Last post by White Dragon on Today at 12:29:39 PM »
I had surgery on my foot on Sept 8 and the stitches are (finally!) coming out tomorrow.

My foot went from "post op sore" to "feels great" and is now at "get these stitches out now, they are too tight!"

So, today's lesson:

If you have a toe that is very tender when flexed, it is good to baby it a bit and keep the stitches from bruising any further.

It is NOT good to trip over the dog and do a full on face plant on the tile floor.
Your knees will hurt.
Your elbows will hurt.
All the scratches you got doing yard work will wake up and sting. (Seriously, my arms look like I tried to baptize the cat.)
And your foot will object strenuously, making your toe feel like you have torn out all the stitches (even though you haven't.)

Now I am going to be sore and grumpy all day. Mrph.
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I really debated about asking this question, which I'm sure you and your husband have probably already discussed many times.  Are there any school options closer to home?  It doesn't go to your main question, but it would probably alleviate a lot of stress due to long commute.

We are looking into other options for next year. My DD is incredibly gifted and we have her at a private school that caters to gifted children in a very specific way. The private school options closer to home are not a good fit, but we do have a meeting on Friday to tour a public school that has an outstanding reputation for educating gifted kids. That one is literally blocks from the office location that close to my house.

This would alleviate a lot of stress for many reasons - not the least of which is that it's tuition-free. Really, I'm starting to think that the difficulty surrounding our communication problems is more a symptom than the real problem.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: What's for Dinner?
« Last post by gingerzing on Today at 12:28:24 PM »
Slow cooker recipe of Honey Garlic Chicken Thighs.  Served over rice and will have a side of broccoli.  Yum
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Just keep in mind that with physical infirmities comes a lot of emotional baggage. You're frustrated with last minute schedule changes. He may be frustrated because he feels you're taking away his way of feeling like a contributing member of the family for something that, to his mind, seems small.

I would ask him how he feels when you argue about him taking DD to school and build from there to compromise. Maybe at the beginning of the week, you tell him days where you'd be willing to stay home so he can drive DD to school if he feels up for it. But, tell him that he has to tell you when you get up in the morning.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Tell me of stick shifts and not panicking..
« Last post by ncgal on Today at 12:25:44 PM »
Years, Years ago, my daddy asked if I wanted to learn to drive a stick.  I said yes, thinking that it would be later.  He pulled over and had me get behind the wheel. No practice in a parking lot for me.  What he said to me when I was having problems getting going at stop signs and red lights has also stayed with me.....


"Take your time, don't worry about those behind you, they were all in your place once." 
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I have a couple of suggestions, as a fellow planner married to a go-with-the-flow guy:

(1) Attempt to discuss your schedule with him on Sunday, so he knows what you're anticipating. Let him know that you so appreciate his help, but you need a little time to readjust if anything changes on-the-fly

(2) Tell him that you need to know first thing in the morning if he wants to change the plan, so you don't lose time at work.

(3) Turn down his offer of help when it doesn't suit. If you're already dressed and headed to the office, well, that's what happens!

(4) Is it possible to get a second car, to give yourselves some extra flexibility there? Then if he drives her in the morning, it's not a big deal for you to pick up in the afternoon if something changes mid-stream.

You're not alone... this would drive me bonkers too!
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