News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • September 25, 2016, 04:09:47 PM

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Family and Children / Re: 'There's no picture of ME!'
« Last post by Maria16 on Today at 04:00:23 PM »
Expressing hurts hurt feelings to the person that hurt you is a good thing.  The fact that the daughter expressed this to dad shows they share a loving relationship.

No, not always.  For example, ToxicSis insisted on trying to "express hurt/offended feelings" to me (which was actually her attempt to lay into me disguised as such), claiming she couldn't be in my wedding otherwise (I actually only included her since Mom and YoungerSis were included; she would've been the only one left out).  Knowing her SS-ness, I refused to play so she tried to go through DH (then-DF).  There is no way possible that this showed any type of loving relationship.  What it proved is ToxicSis is the epitome of a Female Dog (after years of toxic behavior).  ToxicSis wasn't trying to fix anything.  The only "fixing" with ToxicSis is you listen to her viewpoint and agree with her, period; she's never wrong (in her mind).  That's definitely not a loving relationship.

Whoa, I'm sorry you have had that unpleasantness but this thread is about a private convo we are not privy to and moreover, that the stepmom annoyed by it was not privy to. Even the stepmom has not said there were any threats or emotional blackmail.  Nor did stepmom even indicate any demand whatsoever. Your situation, while sad, is not analagous at all. 
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Put out a bowl of 'eyeballs' (peeled grapes).  Scary looking, tasty, and have nutritional value.
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All In A Day's Work / Re: Hi...That's my desk.
« Last post by GardenGal on Today at 03:15:21 PM »
It sounds like no one should have been at your desk before 9:30am, and that the other employee ignored that rule. I would have been annoyed to find him working at my desk at 8am, and it really doesn't matter if you were out the day before or not.

How's this for something to say if this happens again: Good morning! I'm CakeBeret, and I'm sorry to disturb you. This is my permanently assigned desk, which is only available by reservation if I'm not here by 9:30, so I'll need you to move to one of the unassigned desks. Thanks!

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Techno-quette / Re: Coworkers' and Supervisors' Social Media Profiles
« Last post by Peppergirl on Today at 03:12:33 PM »
If I came across a public profile of someone I work with on a da-ting site, whether it be a superior or not, I'd probably just scroll on by.

Not that there's even the slightest thing wrong with reading it (IMO) since it's public, but it's just something I, personally, wouldn't want to do.

Now profiles on Twitter, Instagram, etc?   If they were open and seemed interesting, I'd probably at least skim them, but only if I truly found them interesting.  In other words, I wouldn't peruse a profile just on the basis that they're a coworker.  I'd have to have something grab my attention or interest in order to keep scrolling/reading. 
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Another reason we tend to end up with leftovers is we have a couple of vegetarians in the family so we always make a couple of extra dishes they can eat, as the rest of us are omnivores.  So we start out with more variety of food, we end up with more leftovers. 

The times I've been at a party or gathering where the food ran out, I figured the hosts either didn't know how to plan for the amount of guests, or they wanted to save money by buying the least amount they thought they could get away with.
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I'm confused about why the actual article is being kept a secret. It's hard to know what to say when it's all vague and abstract.
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Life...in general / Re: "YOU don't seem that bothered!"
« Last post by Peppergirl on Today at 02:50:03 PM »
As someone who had an incredibly difficult time finding a decent colorist (my hair is extremely difficult) since I've moved to NewState 3+ years ago, I can certainly understand your desire to not make a switch if you can avoid it.

I'd advise her as nonchalantly as possible that it's something your mother, and the rest of you, have found ways to deal with and that your mom doesn't feel sorry for herself, so no one else needs to either.  Then beandip.   It's direct enough to get the point across and also doesn't invite further commentary on the topic, which is what you're likely going for.   

Hopefully it was just a momentary lapse and won't become a habit. 
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I don't see anything relating to etiquette here. I find it odd that despite you knowing her from work and liked her enough to spend time with her, she never showed any sign of being a tad bizarre. She must have hid it well.

Thread locked.
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I'm curious about the article in question now too. Could somebody PM me a link?
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All In A Day's Work / Re: Hi...That's my desk.
« Last post by Onyx_TKD on Today at 02:24:21 PM »
I'm pretty sure I handled it awkwardly, though. I approached the guy and said "Hey, good morning, um, this is my desk...are you going to be here all day?" He said yes, looked around, pointed out a free desk a couple rows over, and said "Looks like that one's free." I said something like "Oh, um, okay, I guess I can reserve that one," before he asked if I would rather him move to the other desk. I said yes, if he didn't mind, and he packed up his kit (I offered to help) and moved to the other desk.

It was very awkward for me because I wasn't sure how firm or flexible to be. If I ever run into the situation again, what would be the best way of approaching it?

I agree with PPs that asking if he'd be there all day was not ideal, but I understand why you were floundering and landed on that. It feels "nicer" than just asking him to move without giving him a chance to do the right thing, right? One possible substitution would be: "Good morning. This is my desk...are you almost finished?" Then, instead of implying that staying in this spot all day is an option, you start on the assumption that he obviously will be vacating it and it's just a question of whether he has a natural stopping point soon enough that you'd be willing to wait briefly (i.e., a couple of minutes) to let him finish, as a favor (because you're nice like that  ;))

However, even if you ask "are you going to be here all day?" that doesn't mean you have to relinquish your desk. When he implied you should move to a free desk, an appropriate response would be "Sorry, perhaps I wasn't clear. This is my permanently assigned desk. You'll need to move to one of the unassigned desks--this one is only available on days I'm out." If he seems confused by that distinction, you could then explain how to reserve a free desk...preferably after he starts gathering his stuff to vacate yours (as a reasonable person would do once he realized he's in your assigned spot).
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