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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by perpetua on Today at 11:36:02 AM »

Me too, mostly because I really don't think 'time flying away from you' is a good enough reason not to honour a commitment. If you're going to a dinner party or wherever and you say you'll bring xyz, then it really should be on the to-do-list that day as a priority and other things should be worked around it. I don't think it's optional once you've committed to doing it.

I am very glad that you never make mistakes or have a whoops moment. But I don't have that same ability. Last time I didn't bring something was because I didn't realize I didn't actually have it in the house and by the time I got to the store I realized I forgot my wallet at home. I was about 5 minutes from the party so i went there instead and the host told me not to worry about it and all was well. If I had been at the Op's party I would have gone home, gotten my wallet and then gone to the store - making me an hour late - because I would rather do that then have to listen to them scold me for what pretty much amounted to carelessness on my part.

The OP has clarified that this is a pattern with her friend. So i think that talking to him is a good idea, and so is not counting on him to bring stuff either.


That's not time running away with you though, is it - that's a sequence of unfortunate events that can't be helped and I don't think anyone could chastise you for that. Time running away is more something like... "oh, I know I was supposed to make a starter for this dinner party but I had to do xyz today and then I stopped on the way home and did abc and then my Mum phoned for an hour and time just ran away from me and now I don't have time to make it or I'm going to be late". That's what I'm referring to. If you make a commitment to take something, then I think you (you general) owe it to your hosts to arrange your day so it can be done, so you don't stop on the way home to do whatever and you tell your Mum when she phones "I can't talk now, I have to do this thing, but I'll call you tomorrow", not "I'll do it if time doesn't get away from me". That sort of thing. We've all known people who try to cram too much into their day then don't follow through on their commitments because of it; it's a case of priorities, really.
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Humor Me! / Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Last post by AfleetAlex on Today at 11:34:59 AM »
I tried to make popsicles from orange soda.  Take my advice:  Don't.  Not only did it make a big mess when it froze, it tasted like normal ice cubes.

Try orange juice with a little bit of vanilla ice cream at the bottom. A favorite of mine growing up.

Now...back to your thread.
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Life...in general / Re: Kids/no-kids on a party invitation
« Last post by Lynn2000 on Today at 11:30:50 AM »
I do think family-friendly but not kid-focused can be a difficult balance to achieve if you've never seen it, so one thing you might try is taking your kid-focused events and slowly cutting back on the "kid-ness" of them. So maybe provide a few less things for the kids to do, a few more grown-up food choices, and see what happens. Do you get chaos and complaints, or do people adjust? If it works you can cut back a little more and a little more, and find the hard limit for your group where the kids feel welcome, but not catered to or intrusive.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Quality Clothing
« Last post by siamesecat2965 on Today at 11:30:25 AM »
I quite like Talbots for quality clothing, and you can find great deals in their clearance section of their website. I love shopping online because I can order a couple of different sizes of things, then just take back what didn't work to the store at the mall. I tend to be an XL and 16/18 in pants/dress, and they don't usually carry those sizes at the store. But online they have misses up to 20 and a women's line as well, all easily returned at the store.

You can also order from the red line phone IN store, and get free shipping. The TB outlets are pretty good as well. I work there too :)

we carry up to 16 missy in store, and 18/20 online. But i've found the sizing has gotten bigger this year. I have lost 20 lbs, but used to be a 16, and even then some pants were tight. I bought a couple pairs of jeans this year in a 12.

Last time I was a true 12 was 25 years and 50+ lbs ago. So I suspect that 12 may now be closer to an 8.
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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: How Much is Too Much
« Last post by Lynn2000 on Today at 11:25:42 AM »
I think people who have atypical dietary needs or wants should recognize that they need to take charge of their own lifestyle. Sure, it is nice if a host tries to accommodate someone who must be gluten free, or who is bulking up for a weightlifting competition, or who is cutting weight for a wrestling match, or who needs to regulate blood sugar, or ______. But it isn't rude not to do so either, in my opinion, so long as you are clear about it. "Sam, I know you usually eat 10 chicken breasts and steamed veggies in the weeks pre-bodybuilding competition, but I cannot accommodate that. Do you want to bring your own?" Or, "Sally, I just don't know enough about your dietary restrictions to ensure I am accommodating you. Would you like to bring your own to ensure your needs are met?" And for someone who simply binges, for lack of a better word, I would provide "a lot" of food but certainly not feel bad if that person claimed to still be "hungry." They can bring their own additional food.

I agree. To me the key is communication. Rather than me trying to explain to someone what they can serve me, especially if multiple meals are involved, I would rather they assure me that I can bring my own food and eat it at the table with them without worrying I'll offend them. That would be a huge load off my mind, and give me more confidence to figure out what they can easily provide that I could eat, because I know I'll have a backup of my own food handy should something not work out.

I think it's good for the host to look into accommodating guests, because it might be something quite simple like just having a little extra X and Y available, or serving Z with the sauce on the side. But I think a host should also be able to say, "You know, I checked out the restrictions you gave me, and I just am not sure I can do a good job with that. Is there something I can pick up from a store or restaurant that you know is okay? Would you like to bring your own food to eat with us?" Rather than going through contortions to change the way they cook, or blowing their budget on tons of extra food, and becoming resentful about it.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Things nobody tells you about parenting
« Last post by Shalamar on Today at 11:23:26 AM »
Kids will think that you're stupid.  Case in point:

Me:  Oh my goodness, where did these blue stains on the carpet come from?  *Goes downstairs to the old fridge in our laundry room, which occasionally leaks water*  Argh!  There's a huge blue puddle by the fridge!
Daughter:  It's not my fault!  Sure, I spilled some blue dye by the fridge, and I didn't mop it up, and maybe the fridge leaked on it and made a puddle, and maybe our cats walked in the blue puddle and then tracked blue all over the carpet, but it's still not my fault!
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by Dindrane on Today at 11:22:48 AM »
First, I think that whatever anyone thinks about appropriate hosting, it's flaky and a little bit special to break a promise to a friend because you didn't feel like fulfilling it. It's rude to do that and then not even let them know.

That's not the same thing as an otherwise reliable person messing up occasionally (since that describes every reliable person ever). That's also not the same thing as realizing you over committed yourself and need to back out (since backing out requires actually telling your friend, "I over committed myself and won't be able to make the wings after all"). It's also not the same thing as even just saying when you arrive, "I'm sorry, things got away from me and I wasn't able to bring the wings after all."

All of those acknowledge in some way that you know you should have done things differently, as well as acknowledging that you didn't. What Shalamar's friend did showed he had no understanding that he had even done something remotely wrong. When that type of thing becomes a pattern, most friends will say something at some point, because that type of self-unawareness can be a friendship ender if not addressed.

In this case specifically, it sounds like Shalamar addressed it in a friendship-appropriate way. So wolfie, if Shalamar were friends with you, she likely would have addressed it differently because she'd probably know you wouldn't respond well to how she addressed it with her friend. Just because you wouldn't personally appreciate or understand that way of being called on a pattern of frustrating behavior doesn't mean that it wouldn't be appropriate to point out a similar pattern of frustrating behavior in any way, nor does it mean that occasionally flubbing a promise means someone would call you out on it.

There's a difference between the occasional genuine mistake, and a pattern of not caring how your actions (or inactions) affect others.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by Mental Magpie on Today at 11:22:35 AM »
There is a difference between a series of mistakes/mishaps and admitted laziness.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by bloo on Today at 11:21:45 AM »
I am very glad that you never make mistakes or have a whoops moment. But I don't have that same ability. Last time I didn't bring something was because I didn't realize I didn't actually have it in the house and by the time I got to the store I realized I forgot my wallet at home. I was about 5 minutes from the party so i went there instead and the host told me not to worry about it and all was well. If I had been at the Op's party I would have gone home, gotten my wallet and then gone to the store - making me an hour late - because I would rather do that then have to listen to them scold me for what pretty much amounted to carelessness on my part.

The OP has clarified that this is a pattern with her friend. So i think that talking to him is a good idea, and so is not counting on him to bring stuff either.

I think everyone has their 'whoops' moments. But I imagine the reason you've been given passes is the same reason I've been given passes on the rare occasion it happens: my hosts generally know I will try like heck to do what I say I'm going to do. And if I had a 'whoops' it's not because I'm lazy but because life got seriously in the way of what I needed to accomplish. But that's rare. Because I also try to plan for contingencies and 'what-ifs'. Or at least the ones that occur to me.
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Life...in general / Re: Thank you gift for hostesses?
« Last post by lowspark on Today at 11:19:15 AM »
You could try the standard bottle of wine. (I don't know if either of the hostesses are pregnant or not)
This time of year perhaps a veggie bouquet? (Around here it's where you give out extra produce from your garden to friends as thank yous and well wishes)

When I posted this thread I hoped there was something really obvious I was forgetting, and this is it!   Definitely both wine drinkers, for sure.   I know one has a very specific preference so I'll just have to try to remember if it's dry or sweet.... but definitely would be a welcome gift and not seem OTT.     

Only thing is, I feel weird bringing it on the day.   If it was an evening event then yes, but showing up at 10am with a bottle of wine feels a little odd.   I will definitely see them again in the next couple of weeks so perhaps I just plan to do it then?  But then I'll feel silly on the day if the other girl has brought them flowers and I'm empty-handed.

I wouldn't feel weird about bringing wine to a morning event, but I might feel weird about bringing wine for one specific person, to an event with multiple people. The flowers are something everyone can enjoy looking at, but I would be worried the hostess might feel pressured to open the wine and serve it to others right then. Though I think you said this was a very, very small event, so maybe not. Perhaps you could bring it in one of those tall, narrow gift bags, and kind of discreetly tuck it aside until you can give it to the hostess.

I wouldn't feel weird either. Especially since you intend it to be a gift for later. You can just say, as you hand her the gift bag, "This is for you, for later, as a thank you for this generous party" or something like that. In other words, just make it clear it's not meant to be opened and drunk now.
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