News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • June 24, 2016, 07:32:24 PM

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Trans-Atlantic Knowledge Exchange / Re: Foreign Accent Syndrome.
« Last post by Peppergirl on Today at 07:14:08 PM »
Slight threadjack; I always thought Hugh Laurie's American accent as Dr House was pretty good, but I'm a Brit, so what would I know? What thinks you, Ehell?

Much better than, say, Charlie Hunnam in Sons of Anarchy, particularly in the final season *shudder* 

Good thing the boy is hot, is all I can say.   :o
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Life...in general / Re: I Don't Want Your Advice
« Last post by Peppergirl on Today at 07:11:23 PM »
I, too, read it as supportive - but I think we could cut the OP some slack on thinking otherwise.  It's a very difficult situation she's going through and may likely be causing some over-sensitivity. 

*hugs* to you, OP.  I can relate a bit and felt the sting as I read your post. 
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I worked at a small museum in West Texas. All employees and volunteers had to be trained to not accept donated artwork. People would walk in and try to donate either their own work or the treasure they found in their attic, at a garage sale. We would have to tell them, you have to fill out this paperwork and present it to the board. It has been nearly 20 years so I don't remember all the ins and outs but there were major legal reasons for this.


The other were some employees. It was when the first digital cameras were available to the general public. I had one of the sony ones that you put the floppy disk it. They asked me to bring it over because they needed to take a picture of art pieces recently acquired (we had just had a major juried competition and pieces were acquired so that was legit). I figured it was either for the data base or as a place holder for some publicity until the official photographer could take pictures and develop them.

I get over there (I was at the children's museum down the street) and no that wasn't it. While the director, curator, and official photographer were out, the other staff decided to make postcards of the new pieces and sell them in the gift shop as a surprise. I told them you can't do that we don't own the copyright*. They kept arguing. Knowing them I gave them the camera - went into an office and called the former curator.  She had left because of a family tragedy several years before, but still helped out sometimes. I told her what was going on. We agreed I would leave - had to because I had a field trip coming. She would drop by, discover what was happening, and explain copyright. If that didn't work she would contact Director, at his conference, so he could put a stop to it.  Fortunately they listened to former curator. We also had staff development on copyright law. 


*For some reason the Director had thought it was a good idea for a dyslexic to proof read some of the paper work. I pointed out this was a bad idea, but had gotten to the part were the artist specifically still owned the copyright and we had permission to use photographs for insurance, promotion of exhibits/the museum, and a catalog for loaning out items. We could not sell reproductions of the image.  I asked him about it and he said - The artist maintains ownership of the copyright of a piece of art unless specifically released to the buyer. The buyer owns the object the artist still owns the idea.
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Life...in general / Re: The ol' great 'no shoe policy' debate!
« Last post by EllenS on Today at 07:02:06 PM »
Okay, on second reading, I'm leaning in the direction of "overall look" and "not fitting in with group norms"

The comments you're sharing here from your friend actually sound less to me like some kind of irrational phobia, and more like someone who is struggling to articulate subtle, unspoken social norms in the face of demands for logical "rules" or a debate over whether those norms are right or wrong.

Add that to your comments about her insistence, and your questions about the acceptability of your feet, leads me to ask: is this friend a completely platonic friend, or is this a date or potential date?

Because if this was a date, introducing you to her group of friends, then feet and flip flops aren't the point at all. The important thing is her comment about looking like you didn't make much of an effort. If that's what's going on here, then stop arguing, because it's not an issue with an objectively right or wrong answer.

You may not give a flying flip-flop whether you fit in with her friends, but she does. You're not going to change your relative importance in her eyes by arguments, but by demonstrating that her opinion matters to you, and that you're willing to put some effort into cultivating the relationship and getting along with the people she cares about.

Now, if you're not interested in securing her good opinion of you, never mind. But whether she's a friend-friend or a date-friend, amassing "proof" that she's wrong, crazy, or weird is not going to take that friendship anywhere good.
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All In A Day's Work / Re: Minefield!
« Last post by shabby on Today at 06:42:40 PM »
Thanks guys, you are right. I think it helps to have someone say (or write) what you know to confirm it.


This is not a battle you can win. There are no magic words you can use.


I needed to hear that

Just remember, that just because you're in a niche market does not mean that your skills are only applicable to that niche market.  There are plenty of jobs for people who can teach.

I know, but I do love my job and I don't like change lol

...

I agree that the nepotism at this particular place of business was the owners' choice and will probably be the reason their business folds as useful (non-family) people start bailing out, which it sounds like is happening.  The receptionist is someone people don't want to talk to and she cries when she's asked to read something?  The son flips out, takes his ball, and goes home unless he gets his way and he's middle-aged, not four years old?  Neither of those things are likely to improve with or without constructive feedback.

The most you might suggest is that granddaughter is "promoted" (to a position out of direct contact with students or other instructors) and a new "junior" receptionist is hired to take on all the grunt work that granddaughter shouldn't be bothered with anymore.


Money is tight so we won't be getting a replacement receptionist. I have had students ask "when are you hiring a real receptionist". It's a very interesting group of people. There are some genius/ridiculously smart members of the family but they live in another location and I don't see them as much.

I agree. Right now the business is a boat,  and the holes are very small.  You can still take water out of the boat and keep it afloat. Soon the boat might start sinking. Get out before it does. 

It feels like that. It feels like we are in a spiral dive and it's just getting tighter which makes me sad.

Thanks everyone. The past month I have been feeling that *ugh I need a new job* feeling and you guys have confirmed it. I thought maybe there were some other options. I guess I will train up, and try to leave fast and on a good note!
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All In A Day's Work / Re: Minefield!
« Last post by Nikko-chan on Today at 06:08:21 PM »
I agree. Right now the business is a boat,  and the holes are very small.  You can still take water out of the boat and keep it afloat. Soon the boat might start sinking. Get out before it does. 
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Life...in general / Re: I Don't Want Your Advice
« Last post by gramma dishes on Today at 05:42:34 PM »
I think Sara Crewe meant it in a supportive way. Like, that your desire for privacy isn't out of the norm, and that no one should make you feel like you're asking for something really exceptional and extraordinary.

I'm hoping OP just misread Sara's comment.  It seemed supportive to me, too.

Yes, I thought so too.  I'm a little puzzled by that response.
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Life...in general / Re: The ol' great 'no shoe policy' debate!
« Last post by C0mputerGeek on Today at 05:42:04 PM »
Like Dazi, I also have never heard of bringing "indoor footwear" to someone else's home. My mother has a lovely bag of socks next to the shoe rack. Guests that don't want to walk around in their own stockings or bare feet can use one of her socks.

I host casual dinner parties all the time. What you are wearing looks fine.  I have a shoes-on household; you can leave your shoe on or off as it suits you. Neither my mother nor I would bat an eye at you walking around in your bare feet.
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Life...in general / Re: I Don't Want Your Advice
« Last post by Hillia on Today at 05:39:43 PM »
Well first of all, I don't think you are overly private about your marriage. 

What an interesting assumption.

How did your friends find out about the separation if you are still living in the same house?

DH and I have a boat. We decided not to put the boat in the water this year due to our issues. That and we are doing separate activities. So naturally when we didn't put the boat in the water...friends started asking. So we told them. Also, people will say hey what about you and DH going to dinner with my DH and me? And my response is..how about me. It's been slowly getting out. And eventually everyone found out.

I think Sara Crewe meant it in a supportive way. Like, that your desire for privacy isn't out of the norm, and that no one should make you feel like you're asking for something really exceptional and extraordinary.

I'm hoping OP just misread Sara's comment.  It seemed supportive to me, too.

Pod.  Ultimately, a marriage is between the two parties, and no one else has any right to know what's going on (barring abuse and other circumstances not in play here).  The OP has no obligation to discuss/explain anything alt her marriage with anyone.
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All In A Day's Work / Re: Minefield!
« Last post by lilfox on Today at 05:39:36 PM »
Just remember, that just because you're in a niche market does not mean that your skills are only applicable to that niche market.  There are plenty of jobs for people who can teach.

Definitely.  Even if you're not quite ready to make that leap, I'd recommend looking around.  Your colleague (may have) found something else, you could too.  If the competition is starting to pull in more business, they may have opportunities for you.

I agree that the nepotism at this particular place of business was the owners' choice and will probably be the reason their business folds as useful (non-family) people start bailing out, which it sounds like is happening.  The receptionist is someone people don't want to talk to and she cries when she's asked to read something?  The son flips out, takes his ball, and goes home unless he gets his way and he's middle-aged, not four years old?  Neither of those things are likely to improve with or without constructive feedback.

The most you might suggest is that granddaughter is "promoted" (to a position out of direct contact with students or other instructors) and a new "junior" receptionist is hired to take on all the grunt work that granddaughter shouldn't be bothered with anymore.
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