Recent Posts

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10
1
Family and Children / Re: What do you all think of this?
« Last post by Jones on Today at 04:51:42 PM »

The answer has already been given by the OP. GF did take steps to mitigate her pain, but sometimes these reactions can't be predicted in advance. See here below. I don't see how his parents could be confused by her actions, when BF's mom was completely aware of her disability (she answered all her questions, and then some).

I didn't see where the GF communicated what she was doing to the BF's parents, or even really to the BF.  Since I myself am confused by the GF's actions and the nature of her disability and how pain is caused and addressed (because to me it seemed to be exacerbated by being still but then she needed to be still to recuperate) I can absolutely see the BF's parents not understanding.
I thought that back pain due to sitting was a well known phenomenon. Several people in my extended family suffer if they sit too long, and I'm starting to suffer low back pain at then end of a workday myself, no disability involved. Laying down takes a lot off pressure off an otherwise painful spine.

I also think it's not anyone else's business how she tries to manage her disability unless she needs their assistance. So stating "I'm going to stand up and walk every 15 minutes and take a dose of XYZ every 2 hours" would not only be too much information that GF doesn't want to share, but would probably be taken as an attempt to manipulate sympathy from everyone. When she did need help that affected others, namely couldn't get out of bed for a day and requested to stay over another day, she asked for it.
2
Family and Children / Re: What do you all think of this?
« Last post by bah12 on Today at 04:50:30 PM »

The answer has already been given by the OP. GF did take steps to mitigate her pain, but sometimes these reactions can't be predicted in advance. See here below. I don't see how his parents could be confused by her actions, when BF's mom was completely aware of her disability (she answered all her questions, and then some).

I didn't see where the GF communicated what she was doing to the BF's parents, or even really to the BF.  Since I myself am confused by the GF's actions and the nature of her disability and how pain is caused and addressed (because to me it seemed to be exacerbated by being still but then she needed to be still to recuperate) I can absolutely see the BF's parents not understanding.

She shouldn't have to explain what she was doing!  I'm sorry - but you don't have to be given a play by play of how a person's disability affects them to be able to empathize with them.

You also don't maintain radio silence when it comes to it either.  Whether or not anyone likes to admit it, the disabillity does cause issues for those around them.  I don't need to know every little thing about someone's disability, but if I invite you into my home to do activity X and activity X has the potential to cause you so much distress that I then have to allow you to stay additional days or need to care for you in some special way (or you have a condition where you don't even know what will cause the pain and activity X is a new activity), then it's only polite to say something.  I shouldn't have to ask...I wouldn't even know to ask. 

Again, I cannot wrap my head around the sentiment that it would be none of my business to know about something that has the potential to affect me in a big way.  And I'm pretty laid back when it comes to my hospitality.  From reading these boards, I've learned that hosting for some people is a huge deal, so if you have some ailment that is going to affect the hospitality offered, then yeah, you do need to say something.
3
This just happened.  A clerk came to me today.  She had an employee from a dealership presenting deals to be processed.  We have to see xerox copies of customer's licenses to compare signatures.  (Photos aren't important, but there has been a sharp increase in fraud lately, and we have to compare signatures).

The xerox of the license was so bad that it was near impossible to make out the signature.  She also told me that she had a DMV Investigator on the phone (had been inspecting paperwork at the dealer for legal compliance), who was verifying the signature was good.  I said, Okay, process, but record the Investigator's name with the paperwork as verifying it.

We just got a call from DMV Investigations about an unrelated issue.  On the phone, the clerk said, "Wow, this is my day for talking with Investigators!  I was talking with Investigator Richard Johnson earlier."

"Who is Richard Johnson?  We have no one by that name."

It turns out that Richard Johnson is the office manager at the dealership, and they are currently under investigation for various infractions, including forging customers' signatures on documents.

So, Mr. Johnson, you are already under investigation, and you chose to lie to a state employee and represent yourself as a state employee with enforcement privileges?  That sound you hear is the real Investigation Unit on their way to you right now, to shut you down for good.

If you're going to lie, especially in a way that potentially breaks the law, why would you give your real name?!
4
Family and Children / Re: What do you all think of this?
« Last post by TurtleDove on Today at 04:50:08 PM »

The answer has already been given by the OP. GF did take steps to mitigate her pain, but sometimes these reactions can't be predicted in advance. See here below. I don't see how his parents could be confused by her actions, when BF's mom was completely aware of her disability (she answered all her questions, and then some).

I didn't see where the GF communicated what she was doing to the BF's parents, or even really to the BF.  Since I myself am confused by the GF's actions and the nature of her disability and how pain is caused and addressed (because to me it seemed to be exacerbated by being still but then she needed to be still to recuperate) I can absolutely see the BF's parents not understanding.

She shouldn't have to explain what she was doing!  I'm sorry - but you don't have to be given a play by play of how a person's disability affects them to be able to empathize with them.

I think that as a houseguest it would make sense to explain why I was choosing to spend an entire day in bed - I didn't see that this was explained to the parents.  I believe that the GF's pain is real and her chosen method of dealing with the pain valid, but I confess it seems strange to me that the previous days events (or non-events) would cause the level of pain it did for GF.  I would need this to be explained to me, or I would find it very strange for a houseguest who I was trying to get to know as my son's GF to choose to isolate.
5
Etiquette (according to Merriam Webster dictionary) is: "the rules indicating the proper and polite way to behave."  So does etiquette only apply to certain people?  If you think you're the exception does that give you a pass?  If everyone who has a reason gets a pass, why do we have etiquette at all?  Or is it too "judgemental" to ask people to hold to correct etiquette? 

When it comes to being married, etiquette is clear that you get one wedding per couple* unless there is a divorce in-between.  If you choose to be married due to health insurance, military service, citizenship status or same-sex, you are married.  That fact does not change just because you want to have a religious blessing or a BWW for whatever reason you want those things (for family harmony, gifts or being Princess for a Day).

If we keep making exceptions for everyone who "doesn't feel married" or wants a BWW after their courthouse wedding for the reasons stated above, where does it stop?  Is it only certain people that must hold to etiquette while others are exempt? 

I have no problem going to a reception to celebrate a marriage held earlier.  The problem with holding 2 weddings is that you are lying to your guests and lying to people isn't cool.  In answer to the OP, your friend should be encouraged to do exactly as you stated.  Tell people they are married and have the reception later.

All "yous" general
*I know this is different in Europe/outside the US.

See the bolded. In your asterisk you clarify that this is the etiquette according to current U.S. norms.  My observation is that this etiquette is perhaps in the process of changing in the U.S. - that there are guests ( myself included ) who are not concerned about the legal status of the happy couple. 

There are happy couples who cannot get legally married.  There are happy couples who must get legally married immediately or risk terrible repercussions.  Many happy couples are already sharing a life and a home, so a wedding is not the gateway to a whole new world in the way it used to be.   And of course many people just like to go to a big party!

All of this, I think, leads to an environment where a lot of people are less interested in dictating what a 'wedding' has to be.  If we like the couple, and they are having a wedding, then that's enough for us - we'll go and eat cake and drink champagne with them.

I know not everyone feels this way - of course.  But back to the OP I would be very careful about trying to 'convince' a friend not to have a non-legal wedding ceremony.   If my friend knows her family and knows her guests than she is better able than I to evaluate how concerned they are about whether or not they are witnessing a legal binding.
6
Family and Children / Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Last post by padua on Today at 04:46:39 PM »
I get the feeling that BIL can pick off the handles without touching any of the rest of the cupcakes.

Honestly if I was a bystander here I would be rolling my eyes at the BIL for doing it, and also rolling my eyes and thinking the OP overreacted if she took all the cupcakes and threw them in the garbage. Probably more rolling for the OP then the BIL if that was the reaction. If he can pick the stuff off without touching the rest of the cupcakes then it wouldn't bother me that much - especially since I don't like licorice and would have tossed it anyway. I would think he was childish and immature but that would be that. So if the OP reacts in a grand way then I would start thinking of her as childish and immature too. I would say that a simple "don't do that" to the BIL and then dropping it would be much more effective for everyone else. Let's face it - you aren't going to change BIL - all you can do is make sure that people remember him badly and not "do you remember when OP blew up at easter that year?"

i'm going to agree with this and really go against the grain here. my family is equally bad with this sort of thing. my dad's way of thinking is 'we're all related anyway, so what's a few germs among family?' so he picks at food at family gatherings that he doesn't elsewhere. as a matter of fact, so does my brother. and my mom. my sister-in-law may have been weirded out by this, but then she's living with my brother. so while it may be rude and a bit gross, it also might just be family dynamics. i totally don't want to excuse this behavior (as i would have had my feelings hurt in a similar situation), but DH may be laughing because that's just what they do at family gatherings.
7
Life...in general / Re: Creepy or just over zealous?
« Last post by AngelicGamer on Today at 04:46:23 PM »
I don't think anyone's saying the service isn't nice.

IMO, the employee should speak to you before following you out to your car.

I POD this, Outdoor Girl, and everyone else who has said the same thing.  It is a nice service.  It's a nicer and less creepy/overzealous service when the employee uses their words.
8
Drivers on a 75mph interstate that drive under the speed limit when there are signs posted that there is no minimum speed.  In the state I live in laws have been enacted to actually ticket people who do this when you are on sections of the interstate that are only two lane to prevent road rage incidents.  Don't know if it does reduce it or not, but I do get miffed when stuck behind someone going 60 in a 75 zone.

It's not just to prevent road rage; people who drive very much slower than the norm on busy highways are actually a danger to everyone.

Okay, I do this when I'm driving to/from Home and Grad School (it's a very long drive along one interstate), but I have good reasons for doing so:
  • The MPH changes enough between 60-65-70 that it just makes much more sense to stay at 60 than kick it up, slow down, kick it up again, etc.
  • Often it's windy and curvy, so I feel a better handle on the car at 60.
  • At least in my state, unless it's posted, the understood minimum speed is 45 on the highway.
If I feel comfortable, I will go 70 MPH, but that also burns through gas faster, and I'd rather not use money I don't have to if I can make the whole trip on one tank of gas. However, unless it is absolutely necessary, I stay in the right lane, because it's made for the slower traffic.
9
Sometimes there are threads about how to approach this from the other side as well (there's one going on in this same section right now! http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=133305.0)

Maybe he was abrupt, but he could have been practicing a certain script all the way to work about it. As in the other thread, sometimes it's not about how it affects your objective job performance, sometimes it's how it affects your perceived job performance, or missed opportunities to improve/get good exposure.
10
Family and Children / Re: What do you all think of this?
« Last post by lisztchick on Today at 04:40:38 PM »
I'm curious about what was going on in the minds of the parents, who so vociferously wanted the GF OUT. If they didn't know how much pain she was in, or how difficult moving had become for her, then what did they imagine her reasons were for wanting to stay an extra day in that room? Did they think she didn't want to leave? They can't have thought that she was looking for a place to "crash"; they knew she had a home of her own to go to. Did they think she was just being lazy?

I have had houseguests who were unable to leave on their expected departure date due to everything from illness, natural disasters, and flight cancellations. It happens....and I wonder if the parents would have acted differently if GF's reluctance to leave would've been caused by a cancelled flight....or inclement weather. (Maybe not - judging by the blizzard story!!) In any event, sometimes houseguests, despite their best intentions, are unable to leave when one expects them to. I think the parents were very ungracious.

And I definitely think that the BF should move out!!
Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10