News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • September 21, 2017, 02:09:42 AM

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snip

In one indirect culture, the initial chit chat was indeed important. In one recoding, the people spent several minutes on "how's your family?" It wasn't until the person in need was leaving that she turned and said "Oh, by the way..." and asked about getting a college reference for her child. In the second one, in another culture, the person in need began with "Hi. How are you? I'd like to ask a favor. Can you provide Junior a reference?"

I don't think that needing to preface something with small talk is the same thing at all though. If you'll tell me what you mean, I honestly don't care if you get straight to the point or have a need to "warm me up" a bit. Whether small talk is appropriate or not, can vary from situation to situation but at least when the chat is over, you're telling me the truth and not expecting me to guess at your actual meaning. That's where the big difference is to me.

Agreed. Regarding the small talk, however, this "strategy" comes across as disingenuous and would make me not trust the person as much. I wouldn't want to think that a person expressed interest in me only because they were going to then ask me for a favor. It rings manipulative to me. I would much rather someone be forthcoming and clear.
It's not always a preface to asking for a favor, though.  When I've dealt with people from chit-chat cultures, it came at the beginning of any phone call or interaction.  I'd never even heard that this was considered polite in their culture; I figured that out from the fact that they always did it. 
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Going Braless!
« Last post by violinp on Yesterday at 10:28:11 PM »
Personally, there's no way in hell I'd go braless. I'm an H cup, and yes, you read that correct. My job is rather physical and not wearing a bra physical makes my breasts and back ache, not to mention, I'm likely to knock myself out and inadvertently flash everyone every time I bend over. Exercising requires a mega built underwire high-impact sports bra. When I'm just around the house, I typically wear a lounge bra, something like the Ahh Bra. Forget bralets, nothing is made even close to containing these babies.

I did have a supervisor that was braless, so I don't think it is inherently unprofessional. However, she was very small busted and also wore a fitted or shelf camisole under her blouses. Plus she always wore a jacket over that.

As a fellow H - cupper, what size do you get for the Ahh Bra, since it "technically" only goes up to DDD?

I have a smaller band size, typically a 32 or 34 depending on the style of the bra (there's one very specific bra made by another company that I wear a 36G in). I wear a Large, which what I typically wear in most T-shirts. If you are broader across the back and/or shoulders though, you may want to up it one size from whatever is the most common shirt size you wear. The are rather stretchy though, so you may be surprised to find that you're true to size t-shirt size will work. I originally was told to try the XL, but it was too large around my ribcage, so my breasts kept slipping down under it.

I'm pretty solidly a 36, so I'm thinking an XL would probably work for me. Thanks for the help!
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Going Braless!
« Last post by Wordgeek on Yesterday at 10:02:26 PM »
Actually, I wasn't referring to moderator reports.  Did I say I was?  No, I didn't.

The off-topic section is, yanno, off-topic.  This is well within the borders for an off-topic thread. 

As for how I'm "ridiculing" or "making fun" of anyone, well, sorry to have disappointed you.  The specific complaints (*not* moderator reports from this site) were that there was too much breast-centric detail for the complainers' tastes.  It seems to me that a person who dislikes reading about breasts would see a topic heading about breast containment devices and assume that the resulting discussion would include breasts.  So to complain that a discussion about a breast-related topic includes details about breasts seems somewhat disingenuous.

Your mileage may vary.  My mileage is based on my personal history and the ridiculous over-sexualized society which states that breasts should be entirely decorative and that a women without said decorative funbags is wanting in some way.  But that's me.  Admittedly a sore point, after two mastectomies and failed reconstructive surgery which came close to killing me.  And even after that, I still had a surgeon try to manipulate me into more reconstruction.  So, I get how I might be testy on the subject.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by JoW on Yesterday at 08:37:51 PM »
.......
I have been 2nd car shopping on Craigslist for a couple of weeks, I am looking for a beater, not expecting to get a Mercedes for a Ford price.  ......
Be extremely careful buying a used car in the US right now.  Thousands of cars were flooded by hurricanes Harvey and Irene.  Its easy to make one of those cars look good but impossible to find and fix all the hidden spots where there is water damage.  Cars that sat in water for days should be sold for scrap.  The scammers are making those cars look good and selling them to unwary buyers. 

 This according to tv and news paper reports over the last couple of weeks. 
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Complete Silence / Re: You're going to get fat if you eat that!
« Last post by Harriet Jones on Yesterday at 08:22:16 PM »

I don't mind small talk... but when I'm buying multiples of something and the cashier says something along the lines of "you must really like [item]"... it makes me feel conspicuous. My instinct (that I've never acted on) is to put some of it back because clearly, I've bought so much that I am now a curiosity. Talk about the SHIELD or Weird Al shirt I'm wearing, the weather, the traffic getting to the store... but please don't comment on my purchases! (I mean, I personally would rather not small talk, but I'm better with it than I used to be.)

Me too.  I don't mind most of the small talk like "Oh I like this" or "Have you tried X", but don't make comments about how much I'm buying. 

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Family and Children / Re: Inviting the Mean Girl
« Last post by PastryGoddess on Yesterday at 08:07:49 PM »
(Which kind of opens a whole 'nother can of worms, as I told her she could invite two kids to sleep over and that list of kids has reached 5, and if we're having 5 then we ought to invite all 7, and do I really want 8 kids in my house up until 3 am :P But anyway.)

I don't know if this is customary, but to me this sounds very divisive and not nice, "friends and better friends", where some get to stay and party while others need to leave. I'd invite all or none (or at most one definite bestie).

But maybe it's just something I'm not used to.

I agree with this. One BFF out of seven guests sounds OK to me, but 2 out of 7 seem hurtful. And it's definitely hurtful if it's 5 out of 7. But like the above poster, maybe it's fine and normal for your circle.

This was pretty normal growing up for me.  I had a party for a larger group of friends and family, but only 1 or 2 friends got to sleep over.  Sometimes they slept over and left with everyone else, and other times they stayed after the party and went home the next day. 

YMMV
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: You just might be a dog/cat owner if....
« Last post by HoneyBee42 on Yesterday at 07:53:47 PM »
If you've been tripped by a furry critter doing figure eights around your feet because it is just so excited to see you.
Or that it's close to time for the cat's dinner, except if they keep doing those figure 8s, someone might be badly hurt.

If every visitor has to be warned that the seat and lid must be down on the toilet (to prevent drinking/falling in/playing in the water).
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I get lots of juice cleanse advice from friends.


Is it the <Scottish accent> Garth Brooks' Weekly World News Juice Diet</Scottish accent>?   ;D

Ha!!  Love it!!
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Quote
Regarding the small talk, however, this "strategy" comes across as disingenuous and would make me not trust the person as much. I wouldn't want to think that a person expressed interest in me only because they were going to then ask me for a favor. It rings manipulative to me. I would much rather someone be forthcoming and clear.
The author of the paper I got that from said that in the chit-chat cultures, going straight into the request,  without doing the chit chat was seen as rude--you are only talking to someone because you want a favor, not because you have any genuine interest in them as a person. Minefields everywhere.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: You just might be a dog/cat owner if....
« Last post by sandisadie on Yesterday at 07:03:00 PM »
Forgot about this one!  You're scrolling down one of those Publishers Clearing House things and the cat jumps on the keyboard and - there you go!  you've bought something and have to call the company and beg them not to send it to you.  This actually happened to me several years ago.
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