News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • September 29, 2016, 09:06:29 AM

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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Your own personal mysteries.
« Last post by Twik on Today at 08:37:18 AM »
Quote
A friend told me that sometimes we can look right at something & not see it....

This isn't a mystery, but my personal example at looking at something and not seeing it.  I left the house to drive to work one morning about 25 years ago, and the car was back a dozen feet or so from where I remembered parking it. Strange, but, okay, I know my memory isn't great.  I open the driver's side door and don't get into the car - I just stand there and look at it.  I can tell that something is very wrong, but for probably 15-20 seconds (maybe more) I can't figure out what the problem is. All of a sudden it is like a light bulb goes on in a dark room - someone has stolen both seats from the front of the car. It was like my brain couldn't interpret what it was seeing while I was staring right at it - total incomprehension on my part. The police wouldn't even come to take a report, as this was such a common theft at the time (San Diego in the late 1980s).  :(  They laughed when I asked about taking fingerprints. Fortunately, my insurance covered the cost, but it was a lesson in what the eye can't always "see."

I've had that exact reaction for even more obvious issues, like a smashed-in window. "Wait - the glass shouldn't be lying on the ground all around my car. Should it?"
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Life...in general / Re: Wake/Visiting Hours and a 6yo
« Last post by PennyandPleased on Today at 08:35:34 AM »
I am SO sorry to hear about this loss. They sound like a nice family.

Honestly, at the end of the day it's your call on if you think your son can handle this. When my grandmother died when I was 7 I was crushed, so my parents brought me to the wake/funeral because they thought it might help. I had no idea what the event would be. It was absolutely terrifying for me, I was out of my mind. I didn't eat for 3 days because I was also horribly grossed out by the whole situation. I remember it vividly 20+ years later. So with that said I personally think 6 is too young. I would not bring my 6 year old to these types of events.

You could have your son make his friend a nice card and write the child a nice letter, maybe send a small gift to his house and have it be from your son. There's a lot you could do to show the little boy that your son is thinking of him.

At the end of the day you know your son best. If you do bring him, fully prepare him for it and I also wouldn't force him to kneel or get too close if he's really worried or scared about it. Focus more on seeing his friend and telling his friend he loves him and cares about him.
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Life...in general / Re: Wake/Visiting Hours and a 6yo
« Last post by Hmmmmm on Today at 08:29:34 AM »
Yes, I would take my 6 year old. I think it's important for the classmate to see some friends if even briefly. If I were the widow I would also appreciate seeing a show of support for my child.

I would of course prepare my child with information on what to expect and suggestions of things he can say to his friend and his friend's mom.
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I struggled with this same issue when I was raising kids. It's really about deciding who's rights or preferences are put first.

If a parent wants their children to refer to non-family adults by Mr/Ms Lastname, should I really stop that just because I like to be called by my firstname?
or
If an adult prefers to be called by their firstname, should a parent have the right to instruct their children to use a different name?

I finally decided that I would rather support the decisions made by the parents over my personal preferences.
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Life...in general / Wake/Visiting Hours and a 6yo
« Last post by shygirl on Today at 08:22:33 AM »
I have a 6yo son who is in first grade.  Tragically, the dad of one his classmates has passed away.  I was planning to stop by when they have the Visiting Hours to pass my condolences to the family.  I wouldn't say we know each other well, however my son and his classmate have referred to each other as best friends.  They've been in the same class since pre-school, and draw pictures for each other.  My son has even written love letters to his friend, and her mom and dad always just thought it was funny and cute, not strange and creepy.  I've talked with them a couple times at school events and things like that.

Anyway, would it be appropriate to take my son?  Normally, I wouldn't.  I'm only considering it this time because he is good friends with the classmate.
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This thread made me ask my mom and dad last night if they were upset that I didn't invite their plethora of cousins and friends to my wedding (that dh and I paid for.) It honestly never occurred to me to invite them - I was keeping to a small guest list (that we could afford) and dh has a large family, so just inviting our immediate families and close extended families (aunts, uncles, cousins) and friends took up all the invites we could have. I like my parents' cousins, but they are people that I see maybe once a decade unless there's a funeral, so they really are not in the front of my mind for invitations to anything. Their friends even less so, unless it's the ones that I consider honorary "aunts and uncles" that I invite to things regularly - birthday parties, holidays, etc.

My parents' reaction? It's your wedding, invite the people that are important to you to be there. My mom said they'd tell the cousins when they do the Christmas cards.
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For the kayak, I would say that you aren't willing to sell it for him.  He has until X date to arrange for it's pick up or you will be placing it on the lawn with a 'Free' sign to get it out of your way.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Baby Names - You're kidding Right???
« Last post by ladyknight1 on Today at 08:01:50 AM »
I know at least three adult Garretts.
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Quote
I think it's a tenet of manners that we call people what they want to be called. Small children can learn this; they grasp Mommy and Aunt Sabine and Grandpa Franz are what we call different people, so this isn't exactly a difficult task. We don't force people to use certain titles if they're uncomfortable, but neither do we inflict titles on them that they don't want.

This . It strikes me as very rude and disrespectful for a parent to say, in effect, "Even though you have said you refer to be called Pepper, I am going to make my child call you Mrs LastName"

It is not confusing to a child to learn that you call someone what they tell you their name is. Most children can cope with this just fine, and can also manage the concept that they may need to have diferent names for the same person, depending on context.

(For instance, you might call someone 'Brown Owl' in Brownie meetings but 'Mrs Jones' in all other circumstances. Or 'auntie Jane' most of the time by 'Ms Smith' when they are on duty as a support worker in your classroom. )

I actually think it is helpful for children to come across this type of situation as it helps themto leanr that not everyone is the same and that it's appropriate to listen to what people tell you anout their own preferences.

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My brother and I grew up in the 80s. I had the Easy Bake Oven of Doom (TM);  my brother. . . had some contraption that would let you make model cars (Hot Wheels size) by melting wax and pouring it into silicon molds.  :o Who decided THAT was a good toy for an under 10 year old?

The same people that put out one toy where you'd melt down plastic pellets and push that into a mold to make all kind of themed stuff (like jewlery or animals?) I had one when I was probably 7 or 8 (so ~ 1995).
I think I kinda remember the same principle but with metal.
The part that got hot was "secured" but still, even the plastic was heated to at least 90/100C so you're still messing around with very hot stuff.
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