News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • May 25, 2016, 02:29:13 AM

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What strikes me most from reading this, in no particular order:

1) Just because your husband wants to be friends with Adam and see him regularly doesn't mean you have to. Ask your husband to avoid inviting Adam to your home more often than you want to see him, and just have other plans when your husband goes to Adam's house or meets him out somewhere. You and your husband are a social unit, but that doesn't mean you have to attend everything as a couple just because you both know the people involved.

2) If you refuse to answer a specific question from Adam because you feel it's too personal, don't explicitly direct him to your husband. It's not worth trying to control every little thing your husband talks about with Adam when you're not there, but actually telling him to ask your husband when he asks you things you don't want to answer does not communicate that you aren't willing to discuss a particular subject. It just communicates that he should ask your husband.

3) As others have said, don't be afraid of being more blunt than you have been. It is possible to be very direct and to the point without being rude. If Adam asks you a question and you don't want to answer, and then persists after you've told him it's too personal, there is nothing at all rude about saying, "Adam, I already told you that's too personal. I'm not going to discuss it." And then don't discuss it, or discuss how you're not going to discuss it. Be silent. It will make Adam uncomfortable, but he should be uncomfortable when he won't listen to your clearly stated answer.

4) If you haven't talked about this with your husband already, I think it's worth having a conversation about what you need your husband to do in response to you saying you're not up for something. With the miscarriage, it really doesn't matter in the slightest if he shared your feelings about it at that time, or even if he understood them. You made it clear that you weren't up for company, and he should have taken you at your word, not tried to negotiate (or allowed anyone else to negotiate) with your clearly stated wishes. At the same time, if you aren't already making sure that you clearly state what you need from him when you're upset, you should promise your husband that you will. He needs to trust that you will tell him what you need from him even when you aren't showing the full extent of your emotions, and that you will only ask to have your needs put first when they really are needs, and you need to trust that he will do as you ask even if he doesn't quite understand why you're asking for it.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by WolfWay on Yesterday at 11:19:37 PM »
Got another unsolicited call and I'm really not sure how/why it went downhill.

First, there's the usual 5 or so second delay after I pick up for the autodialer to connect someone; that's usually my cue that this is a solicitor.

Me: Yes?
He: Hi. Can I speak to Mrs.k2002?
Me: She's not available and you just broke the law -- we're on the National Do Not Call List
He: (getting aggressive) No I didn't. I'm not selling anything. I'm from the city and we're shutting down [my street name]
Me: Really? That's a private road.
He: Are you saying I don't know what I'm...
Me: *click*

The city, when they do call, usually use a recorded message system. Their people don't get aggressive. Also, we would have heard from our HOA if there was a major shutdown happening. Not to mention the fact that it's my name first on the deed so why would he ask for my wife?

If the city does shut down [my street name], I'll come back and eat some crow. But somehow I doubt it. I think he just got pissy because I wasn't going to fall for his spiel.
I'm curious as to where he was going to go from there. How does "we're going to shut down your street" turns into a scam? What is that a starting entry into? ???
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Trans-Atlantic Knowledge Exchange / Re: S/0 Shared laundry facility
« Last post by EllenS on Yesterday at 11:14:15 PM »
I own my home and have a washer and dryer.  I still occasionally use a laundromat because they have huge over-size washers.  The last time I used it was when a cat had digestive issues on a couple of bed pillows.  Before that was when a different cat managed to foul the 53" (1.3 meter) diameter dog bed.  I've seen other people in there washing sleeping bags. 

They also have standard-size washers which a home owner might use while their washer is broken or if there is an extended power failure. 


I'm surprised no one here has mentioned the "Wash Pub".  There's one in Omaha and I think in other US cities.  Its exactly what it sounds like - a bar connected to a laundromat.  You can have a sandwich and drink a few beers while doing your laundry.  I've never been in one but the one here looks nice from the outside.

Yes, there's one down the hill that I've used when my home machine is broken, or a couple of times when various medical incidents required that *all* the bedding be washed *now*.

Some of my friends with larger, sporty kids will use the big machines for occasional cleanings of whatever underlayments the kids wear all season. (Hockey pads? I think?)  But I'd never shlep my stuff down there regularly, by choice.
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Life...in general / Re: Showing Appreciation
« Last post by EllenS on Yesterday at 11:10:09 PM »
I can think of a few situations where it's acceptable to give the boss a gift:

Everyone chips in a small amount to buy her flowers, balloons, lunch or some other token gift for her birthday or Boss' Day (which is October 16, BTW).

Someone is giving everyone in the office or department a gift. At my previous job, I had a co-worker who gave everyone a box of chocolates for Christmas -- colleagues and bosses included.

Boss is participating in an office- or department-wide gift exchange (e.g., Secret Santa or birthday club) with her underlings. At the aforementioned previous job, my department had a tradition where whoever had the last birthday brought in treats for the next birthday on the calendar. (This was usually breakfast stuff like bagels or muffins and juice, but occasionally someone would bring cupcakes or some other dessert item instead.)

Yes, I would normally give a Winter/New Year gift to my bosses along with my teammates (for some reason, 99% of the bosses I have ever had do not personally celebrate Christmas). But we're talking about home baked goods, or a small seasonal decor item. And everybody in the group got a similar thing.

Birthdays? Most of my bosses got a little creeped out if I even told them "Happy Birthday." (Like I didn't already have their Social Security number, credit card, and email password.)
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Silly things that have made you happy recently
« Last post by EllenS on Yesterday at 11:03:44 PM »
We were so bored on the car ride home Sunday, my DD9 started asking me about codes and coded messages (she's that age where spies and secrets, etc. are the coolest).

So I taught her the Playfair cipher as featured in Sayers' "Have His Carcase." She took to it like a duck to water, and worked up a code message for her BFF. (BFF has not been able to decrypt it yet.)

Now I'm debating whether she's old enough to read the book....
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Family and Children / Re: Holiday Expectations for extended family
« Last post by darkprincess on Yesterday at 11:00:44 PM »
There is one good reason, the host didn't decide to invite her.
While it is nice to defer to the GOHs wishes the GOH needs to make their wishes known-and we have no reason to believe that either GOH did this. Then the host needs to do decide if they are able and willing to accommodate the wishes. The host then can Accomodate the wish or not. The GOH can then decide whether to attend based on their wishes.
But my understanding is the uninvited guest, not the GOH said they wanted to be invited, and the host had reservations about being able to accomadate due to the size of her home. This is very reasonable.
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Having no home internet from Thursday last week until late Tuesday night, and intermittent data outages on the mobile phone over the same period.  Darn it all to heck, Mighty Telco, not happy!

Running out of gas (and therefore hot water) on the coldest morning of the year so far.  Minus 1 degree C.  Yeah, I know, not cold cold compared to some of our posters, but way too cold for a cold shower.  And definitely too cold to be running around outside on the icy deck in slippers and robe trying to find out why no hot water.   ::)

And while I'm grumbling, having to wear a hat all day to hide the 'combination bad hair day, bed head, need to shampoo' do I'm sporting today.
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Cat central always provides when needed!

Yup, and she's calling me right now.

You do realize that photos of this particular "silly" thing would make the rest of us very happy as well.   ;)

I've never done that before, but I will try to figure it out.  She really is a cutie. 

For some reason, she and our golden doodle of about 100 lbs or so seem to really like each other.  I've been watching very carefully of course. He is following her around, and she is chasing him and doing mock attacks.  I forgot to ask the vet, but her weight must be in the 1 lb range.
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<<Waving back to potential cousin Julian.>>

Isn't this whole DNA thing just a lot of fun?  We would never have known any of this stuff without modern science!
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Have you ever thought about using google translate, or one of the other computer translators for your questions.  You could type your concerns up, and direct them to the computer to read them.  I don't think that they'd be offended if you smiled and started with "Mi espaņol es terrible."

You are probably not the first person that they have had problems understanding.  It might break the ice if they feel that you are trying to meet them part way.  You could try to pronounce the Spanish sentences, and let them correct you. 
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