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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Good news, Adult section
« Last post by Ginger G on Today at 11:16:00 AM »
My father had heart surgery in August, and it has been one complication after another.  We really didn't think he was going to make it for awhile but he gets to come home from the hospital today!
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Holidays / Re: Why say happy holidays? From a non-Christian
« Last post by MindsEye on Today at 11:14:48 AM »
Quote
That is one thing (among many) that is annoying about this issue--people feel perfectly (arrogantly) justified in haranguing a clerk in a store simply for saying an innocuous phrase!

I got this in retail several times. As I said before, the only people who complained about what holiday phrase I used on them were Christians yelling at me for "discriminating" against them. I mean, I was working 2 retail jobs one season, which sometimes meant 14 hours of customer service, getting yelled at by some old lady for taking a desperately-needed bathroom break, peeling kids off shelves, getting yelled at on the average of 5x/hour for not having "that Oprah book" in stock, standing at a register for 5 straight hours... and you're going to show me the true meaning of the season by yelling at me for smiling at you and saying "Hope you enjoy the holidays"? There's a special place in eHell for people with that attitude.

Mmm... yes.  Especially the bolded. 

Last night I was out for drinks with some friends and friends-of-friends.  As we were getting ready to leave I wished one of them "Happy Holidays" ... and her response was to very aggressively get up in my face about "I think you mean Merry CHRISTmas, right?!?"

No, actually, I didn't mean merry christmas.  If I had meant merry christmas, then I would have said so in the first place.   :-\

People with that attitude... I wonder if it even occurs to them to consider how they look to other people?  Because I am not thinking "Oh that poor persecuted and misunderstood person", I am thinking "what an amazing jerk". 

It's pretty sad, actually...
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: What.....wait, .....WHAT?
« Last post by Luci on Today at 11:14:23 AM »
This one is a tame compared to others. 

When my father died, everything he owned, either by himself or with my mother, was transfered to mother, as per his will and their marriage contract.

One BIL (he became an ex-BIL years later) was shocked, SHOCKED, that mom inherited everything.  BIL was supposed to be the one to inherit. He wanted the car, house and retirement savings.

When mother gave me dad's rocking chair when I got pregnant, ex-BIL kept hounding me to give it to him, because I really didn't need it. Yeah, right... the chair is now in my future grand-child's room.

I don't find that tame. It seems worse than the parents who just didn't ever get around telling their children some things about the past.

I wonder how he thought he could possibly be entitled to things that mom and dad had worked together for and he should get anything before the born children. We treat our sonIL and DIL the same as we treat DD and Dson for most things, but when it comes to family stuff that we got before they married, I think not. Uh-oh. We've had threads on that, too.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Our decorations are different
« Last post by Ginger G on Today at 11:14:16 AM »
I have an 11 year old cat who long ago lot interest in the Christmas tree, and two four year old cats who messed with it the first couple of years.  Last year the tree was blissfully left alone, other than them taking turns sleeping under it.  Now we have a kitten (5 months old), so every day when I go home from work I have to redecorate the bottom layer.  I also keep finding ornaments along with other cat toys in the bed.  I'm really wondering if it was worth the trouble to put it up.  If I wasn't hosting Christmas day, I probably wouldn't have bothered.
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Holidays / Re: It doesn't feel like Christmas in some cities.
« Last post by MrTango on Today at 11:13:01 AM »
I drove down Mainstreet (actual street name, there's no space) in the town I lived in up until a year and a half ago, and all their decorations were up.

My house is the only one in my neighborhood that has any lights up, which is kind of sad.

I just looked outside, and it's snowing here: big, fat flakes.
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Holidays / Re: Why say happy holidays? From a non-Christian
« Last post by Yvaine on Today at 11:11:37 AM »
I love the bolded in particular. Saying "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings" is not "pretending Christmas doesn't exist." It's acknowledging that other holidays do exist at this time of year, which is very nice for those of us who celebrate some of those other holidays.

This. Christmas is one of the holidays we're mentioning when we say that, or part of the season we're mentioning. Nobody's saying "Happy holidays...except for that Christmas one."  ;D
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Family and Children / Re: Declining a gift
« Last post by EllenS on Today at 11:10:54 AM »
I just can't find any resaon to be offended here.

I'm another who is really surprised by this. If the OP hadn't been home when the landscaper arrived, she could have come home later on to find half her front garden torn up without her and her husband's permission. I'm curious as to how that isn't a reason to be offended.

From a personal point of view, I have the graves of a number of much loved cats in my front garden. If someone came onto my property and dug up one (or more) of those graves in the name of landscaping, I honestly don't like to think what my reaction might be. I would be livid.


Well, the OP was pretty clear--there isn't any garden; there's dirt.

Doesn't change the intrusiveness. She'd come home to crushed gravel where she doesn't want it, etc.

And I get it, that maliciousness would make this worse. But it's bad enough that they went -this- far out of sheer cluelessness. And even with the most loving intentions, this is such a huge boundary breach that it really needs to be deal with and not just excused. It doesn't have to be dealt with as though it's a direct and deliberate insult. But it's an insult nonetheless, and it is way over the line.
    It's completely appropriate for the OP to object--in fact, I think her ultimate response was very measured and generous to the ILs.

But objecting is especially important because the OP minds so much. And her DH minds as well.
     So they need to make a clear enough statement that these "I'll just do it for you, because I want you to do it" parents get the message about where the lines are.
   For the sake of future harmony.

Agree.
I also think it's significant that FIL was under the impression OP and DH had been consulted. Whether for the sake of a "surprise" or whatever, MIL was being deliberately sneaky. She cared more about her goal, or her "effect", than about whether it would really please OP and DH. That may not be malice, but it is very very selfish.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: What.....wait, .....WHAT?
« Last post by Coralreef on Today at 11:06:28 AM »
This one is a tame compared to others. 

When my father died, everything he owned, either by himself or with my mother, was transfered to mother, as per his will and their marriage contract.

One BIL (he became an ex-BIL years later) was shocked, SHOCKED, that mom inherited everything.  BIL was supposed to be the one to inherit. He wanted the car, house and retirement savings.

When mother gave me dad's rocking chair when I got pregnant, ex-BIL kept hounding me to give it to him, because I really didn't need it. Yeah, right... the chair is now in my future grand-child's room.
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Holidays / Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Last post by Luci on Today at 11:04:08 AM »
My brother was allergic to pine, so Mom bought one of those with the color wheel. I managed to cut myself on the thing the second year we put it up. No fond memories there!
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Holidays / Re: Why say happy holidays? From a non-Christian
« Last post by Firecat on Today at 11:02:24 AM »
I think a lot of the feeling of struggle, inclusive/exclusive, etc comes from trying to make a "policy" about something that is actually very particular and relational.

We are not governments or business, we are people, greeting/relating to other people. It's not just okay to change your greeting/tone/words from one person to another, depending on how well you know them - that's the right thing to do!

One of the things that puts my back up about either "HH" or "MC" greetings is when I can tell the person is just doing it on principle, or to make a point, not as a real-world good wish.

And I don't think anyone, really, wants to make a policy about what a private citizen can say to a private citizen on their own time. All the policies that have become controversial were either enacted in government settings (where there's a desire to avoid the appearance of favoring one religion over others) or in business settings (where owners might change policies as they evaluate what sells more or less merchandise). It doesn't matter one bit to me how you greet the people in your own life, and I'm pretty sure most people feel the same way.


Exactly. Again, no one is being told they can or can't celebrate something. But in certain settings I know I'm not the only one who has had co-workers argue with me or others about "Remember the Reason for the Season!" which verges on proselytizing in the workplace. There are places--work, school, government property, taxpayer-funded environs, etc.--where "separation of church and state" is essential. There are other places, like stores, where it just makes good business sense to kindly acknowledge ALL of your customers, not just the ones celebrating Christmas. (Remember how annoyed some of us get on Mother's Day, when it's assumed that because we are women of a certain age, we certainly must be moms? Yeah. It's like that.)

But this has absolutely become a thing in the media, which is dominated by a specific political viewpoint, in the US. Frankly, I love living outside the US now, where you just don't see this "ugh, 'PC!'" debate. The idea that there is a "war" on Christmas originated in a place that generated a whole lot of manufactured outrage, and increased a ton of revenue for the news programs and people on said programs, not only for their shows, but for the books and "It's CHRISTMAS, not 'Holidays'!" merch they've put out.

I love the bolded in particular. Saying "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings" is not "pretending Christmas doesn't exist." It's acknowledging that other holidays do exist at this time of year, which is very nice for those of us who celebrate some of those other holidays.

I don't get bent out of shape if someone says "Merry Christmas" to me (I suppose if someone was saying it in a "making a point" kind of way, I might take it up with them, but mostly I accept it in spirit of someone trying to be nice). Mostly I'll just smile and say "Thanks, you too!" or something similar.

For what it's worth, on another subject, I think the Cracked article referenced earlier in the thread is a bit too fixated on exact dates. Calendars have changed in the intervening centuries, for one thing (in fact, England used a slightly different calendar than the rest of Europe for a number of years - Gregorian vs. Julian, if I remember correctly, but I'd have to look it up to be sure).

Also, if I remember my reading correctly (and it's been a number of years since I read up on the subject), when Christians were being persecuted by the Romans, some would participate in the Saturnalia celebrations, and then celebrate Christmas more quietly either a couple of days after or right at the end, in an attempt to stay under the radar. So the premise seems a bit, hmm...maybe "oversimplified" is the right word?
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