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My father had heart surgery in August, and it has been one complication after another. We really didn't think he was going to make it for awhile but he gets to come home from the hospital today!
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QuoteThat is one thing (among many) that is annoying about this issue--people feel perfectly (arrogantly) justified in haranguing a clerk in a store simply for saying an innocuous phrase!
I got this in retail several times. As I said before, the only people who complained about what holiday phrase I used on them were Christians yelling at me for "discriminating" against them. I mean, I was working 2 retail jobs one season, which sometimes meant 14 hours of customer service, getting yelled at by some old lady for taking a desperately-needed bathroom break, peeling kids off shelves, getting yelled at on the average of 5x/hour for not having "that Oprah book" in stock, standing at a register for 5 straight hours... and you're going to show me the true meaning of the season by yelling at me for smiling at you and saying "Hope you enjoy the holidays"? There's a special place in eHell for people with that attitude.
This one is a tame compared to others.
When my father died, everything he owned, either by himself or with my mother, was transfered to mother, as per his will and their marriage contract.
One BIL (he became an ex-BIL years later) was shocked, SHOCKED, that mom inherited everything. BIL was supposed to be the one to inherit. He wanted the car, house and retirement savings.
When mother gave me dad's rocking chair when I got pregnant, ex-BIL kept hounding me to give it to him, because I really didn't need it. Yeah, right... the chair is now in my future grand-child's room.
I love the bolded in particular. Saying "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings" is not "pretending Christmas doesn't exist." It's acknowledging that other holidays do exist at this time of year, which is very nice for those of us who celebrate some of those other holidays.
I just can't find any resaon to be offended here.
I'm another who is really surprised by this. If the OP hadn't been home when the landscaper arrived, she could have come home later on to find half her front garden torn up without her and her husband's permission. I'm curious as to how that isn't a reason to be offended.
From a personal point of view, I have the graves of a number of much loved cats in my front garden. If someone came onto my property and dug up one (or more) of those graves in the name of landscaping, I honestly don't like to think what my reaction might be. I would be livid.
Well, the OP was pretty clear--there isn't any garden; there's dirt.
Doesn't change the intrusiveness. She'd come home to crushed gravel where she doesn't want it, etc.
And I get it, that maliciousness would make this worse. But it's bad enough that they went -this- far out of sheer cluelessness. And even with the most loving intentions, this is such a huge boundary breach that it really needs to be deal with and not just excused. It doesn't have to be dealt with as though it's a direct and deliberate insult. But it's an insult nonetheless, and it is way over the line.
It's completely appropriate for the OP to object--in fact, I think her ultimate response was very measured and generous to the ILs.
But objecting is especially important because the OP minds so much. And her DH minds as well.
So they need to make a clear enough statement that these "I'll just do it for you, because I want you to do it" parents get the message about where the lines are.
For the sake of future harmony.
I think a lot of the feeling of struggle, inclusive/exclusive, etc comes from trying to make a "policy" about something that is actually very particular and relational.
We are not governments or business, we are people, greeting/relating to other people. It's not just okay to change your greeting/tone/words from one person to another, depending on how well you know them - that's the right thing to do!
One of the things that puts my back up about either "HH" or "MC" greetings is when I can tell the person is just doing it on principle, or to make a point, not as a real-world good wish.
And I don't think anyone, really, wants to make a policy about what a private citizen can say to a private citizen on their own time. All the policies that have become controversial were either enacted in government settings (where there's a desire to avoid the appearance of favoring one religion over others) or in business settings (where owners might change policies as they evaluate what sells more or less merchandise). It doesn't matter one bit to me how you greet the people in your own life, and I'm pretty sure most people feel the same way.
Exactly. Again, no one is being told they can or can't celebrate something. But in certain settings I know I'm not the only one who has had co-workers argue with me or others about "Remember the Reason for the Season!" which verges on proselytizing in the workplace. There are places--work, school, government property, taxpayer-funded environs, etc.--where "separation of church and state" is essential. There are other places, like stores, where it just makes good business sense to kindly acknowledge ALL of your customers, not just the ones celebrating Christmas. (Remember how annoyed some of us get on Mother's Day, when it's assumed that because we are women of a certain age, we certainly must be moms? Yeah. It's like that.)
But this has absolutely become a thing in the media, which is dominated by a specific political viewpoint, in the US. Frankly, I love living outside the US now, where you just don't see this "ugh, 'PC!'" debate. The idea that there is a "war" on Christmas originated in a place that generated a whole lot of manufactured outrage, and increased a ton of revenue for the news programs and people on said programs, not only for their shows, but for the books and "It's CHRISTMAS, not 'Holidays'!" merch they've put out.