News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • January 17, 2017, 03:34:40 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Recent Posts

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 6 7 ... 10
11
Family and Children / Re: Ask or let it go?
« Last post by TurtleDove on Today at 02:22:30 PM »
Much of your post is beyond etiquette, but to answer your question about the gifts: I would only give her gifts in person.
12
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by Darcy on Today at 02:18:41 PM »
This woman sounds like a nightmare - https://uk.news.yahoo.com/residents-reveal-parking-war-with-selfish-mum-who-blocks-roads-with-4x4-134437513.html

Hopefully some authority will stop her - short version: She drops her kids at school and parks wherever she wants, frequently blocking peoples laneways for up to 45 minutes.

It would be so tempting to buy a wrecker car, and "ooops, did I just hit your car?  Let me move. "Ooopss, wrong gear, sorry to hit you again." Not that I would do it, but one can daydream.

I do believe there was a Judge Judy episode like that, where a woman parked on a narrow street or alley and prevented other drivers from leaving. Well, one resident literally pushed the car out of the way with theirs, resulting in damages. Judy told the offender (who was suing for the damage) too bad, so sad.
13
Life...in general / Re: Picky Eaters when you're hosting people
« Last post by SianMcClay on Today at 02:16:37 PM »
We have some friends who have a teenage son who is a picky eater.  We will occasionally visit each others' houses for events, like big games on TV.  We had them over a while ago and I made lasagna (normal, no weird veggies or anything) and the son just picked at it and left most of it on his plate.

I would've been much happier if he'd just taken a small piece if he's not sure that he'd like it, so a large piece doesn't go to waste; my kids DO like it and are always willing to warm up leftovers for subsequent meals, so having extras is nice. 

Our relationship with these friends is kind of informal.  They were supposed to come over today for a big game but ended up not coming so the point is moot for now.  But tell me....for future events, when I make a big meal, would it be okay to say to the son, "Hey, take a taste to see if you like it.  If you don't, no biggie....here's X and Y that you can eat instead.  If you do like it, take as much as you want!"

I would just hate to see something wasted just because it's not to his taste but he feels like he HAS to take a big helping.  I wouldn't be offended if decides he doesn't like it and doesn't want it.  Is there a way of conveying that without sounding overly micromanaging?

I have done a lot of bolding, but I found an update by the OP to be a bit confusing, by adding a second issue.

But for the first "the son just picked at it and left most of it on his plate"  "I would've been much happier if he'd just taken a small piece if he's not sure that he'd like it, so a large piece doesn't go to waste"

Food waste is a problem.  He picked at it and left most of it on his plate.  I'm back with my defense of picky eaters.  Re the bolded starting with "would it be okay..."Since we have now established that there is no problem with speaking directly to the son, I think a couple of things need to be said.  One, "I have back up hot dogs if you don't like this main course" and two "In order to save food waste, please just take a small sampling to see if you like it, maybe two bite fulls." And follow that up with what I emphasized in the quote above in red." "I won't be offended if you decide you don't like it."

That all seems straightforward, and after reading the posts and seeing the OP get a bit miffed at some responses, I'm not quite sure what the real question is.

Re additional bolded "hate to see something wasted" "but he feels he HAS to take a big helping". Starting with the second, are you sure he feels as though he must take a big helping, or could it be a habit, or could it be that cutting out a small helping of lasagna or a few other things may be awkward? Or that he may be going through an awkward growth stage as boys do at that age.  Girls typically go through a growth spurt right before puberty, with boys it often happens between 14 and 18 and I swear they wake up with an extra six inches or arm and leg over night.  Some of them are just a bit awkward.

But if you think its a thing where "Son must have a big helping" just serve him yourself, when everyone is lined up just grab a plate put a small amount on it and hand it to him with, "come up for more when you've finished that." 

For the first part of the additional bolded: O.k.  we get that OP dislikes food waste.  I don't think any of us do like it, but maybe some of us find it inevitable, or some of us may have grown up in a situation where it is not a thing.  Cultural differences don't necessarily mean poorly brought up children, for those of you who are so adamant that teaching your kids to have a small serving to start is what every child should be taught.

When I was growing up, I was a child of English parents in various Eastern countries.  My mother hated cooking, there were only four of us and we didn't have any additional family members living near by.  We had plated meals.  A pork/lamb chop and a scoop of beans.  That's it.  You want more?  Well, there isn't any, have a biscuit before bed.  You don't want your pork/lamb chop? It's going in the fridge to be fried up with your breakfast.  Spaghettio's on toast.  What's on your plate is what you get.  So there's no being told about portion control or having other options if you don't like what's in front of you. 

But, when I visited houses of the people who lived in these countries full time, they often had large families in one house with the addition of families in surrounding areas and there was never a time when there wasn't rice, some sort of meat, and always fruit available at all times.  There is no talk of waste, because left over rice is served for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  If someone doesn't eat whats on their plate, it's going in to the left overs anyway, so don't worry about it.  Often you eat with your hands from one big dish that eight other people are eating from.  I don't think I or the people I've used as an example from a different culture had ever even discussed food waste.  In both cases, it wasn't even considered.

So if food waste is an issue you can't correct by sending the lasagna home with the family (maybe the father won't mind eating it)or by saying straight out what you want, as above...then maybe stick to nibbles and save the meals for family time? 
14

 

I don't understand why cheese is a mandatory ingredient in fast-food breakfast sandwiches.  I don't like cheese with eggs or sausage, but it is hard to find a cheese-free version.  Asking to skip the cheese seems to confuse the cooks, and the sandwich ends up with cheese anyhow.  On the bright side, I'm never tempted to stop at a fast food place for breakfast.

Thank you! I don't either! I don't mind cheese when I can choose the type, but not when its one size fits all and nothing else. This is why I love Sheetz; there's one about 3 hours into my former drive to my mom's, and you make your own food. My fave, disgusting and unhealthy as it is, was egg, bacon or sausage, hash brown and swiss on a pretzel roll. Mmmm. But i only had it maybe twice a yaer.

15
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Ski Resort - Never been help
« Last post by Happy2BCF on Today at 02:14:57 PM »


DRINK lots of WATER. 

Be aware of altitude sickness.  Give yourself time to adjust


Oh, chapstick will be your friend!  :)


I just wanted to second the drinking lots (and lots) of water.  I live in Colorado & the altitude will dehydrate you faster than you think.  Also, if you are coming from the flatlands avoid alcohol the first day or two.  One, it will hit you much harder than you are used to and two, if you do have a touch of altitude sickness it will make it worse.  Please research the symptoms of altitude sickness - it can kill you.

I agree, chapstick (along with a good body lotion) is your friend!
16
Techno-quette / Re: Uber Etiquette
« Last post by Esther_bunny on Today at 02:14:36 PM »
We were told not to tip the NYC Uber drivers, I guess b/c they make good money. We learned this after having tipped them all week, no one refused.
17
Techno-quette / Re: Pyramid Scheme "Exchanges" on Facebook
« Last post by Esther_bunny on Today at 02:12:28 PM »
I ignore them all except I did an art one. You just sent one handmade item and only one was sent to you. It was neat, I got a knitted pear full of cedar and I sent a small painting. It was fun.

The book thing: a simple goodle search will reveal that it's a scam.
18
Family and Children / Re: How to get relatives to back off
« Last post by MaryR on Today at 02:08:04 PM »
Reading the OP's updates with eyes that have witnessed several relatives suffer through dementia, I find myself wondering if Grandma is in the early stages.

Sufferers don't just lose their memories, they also often fixate on one subject to the exclusion of all others.

Personally, I would have to be really careful to not say something like "No, I'm not dating, but I am pregnant." That would be a Very Bad Thing to do, but it would be interesting to see her reaction.

Seriously? I'd go, knowing that she is going to ask and being fully prepared to remind myself often that women her age were only complete and happy when they married. She loves me and wants me to be happy and complete. She doesn't understand that women can be happy and complete without having a man, which is very sad but which is also nothing I can change.
19
Family and Children / Re: No, really. Put in your hearing aids.
« Last post by VorFemme on Today at 02:07:38 PM »
DH has hearing aids and even when he is wearing them, he has a lot of problems hearing in crowd situations.

He has to pay attention to single out 1 voice and if everyone is talking at once, it all becomes background noise. There are times when its easier on everyone if he takes them out and relies on me to translate for him*. He has mentioned that family gatherings are harder on him because family members tend to sound more similar than strangers do.

This could be a part of the reason Aunt doesn't wear her hearing aids around family.

*Not really translate, he just needs to only have to pick out 1 voice instead of trying to hear voices in different directions. Perhaps someone could do that for Aunt?

I did this whenever we visited my maternal grandfather for the last few years of his life.  For some reason (military service or just the pitch of my voice), he could hear my voice clearly with only a slight increase in volume - other women in the family would be speaking louder and it would still blend into the background.

20
Family and Children / Ask or let it go?
« Last post by Esther_bunny on Today at 02:06:18 PM »
For several years now when I mail my mom a present she doesn't acknowledge it, at all. I always get tracking to make sure it got to her but not once has she said thanks or even let me know she received the item. I know that if I don't get her something for her birthday or Christmas she'll be upset but when it's not acknowledged *I* get upset.

In person, if given a gift by me, she does thank me which is why I'm baffled.

Once or twice I came out and asked her if she received the item as I was afraid it was lost by the USPS, that wasn't good etiquette but once it was a check and I was genuinely concerned.
I think she may not like what I pick for her but not sure. I also got her a gift certificate for a painting and wine evening the next time she visits town but now she always finds a reason to not visit.

She says she doesn't have favorites but I have a gut feeling that my brother is her favorite. Every time he visits there are parties and pictures and I just get to accompany her to work (she works in a salon, as do I, so it's not boring for me) or run errands.

We get along great, laugh a lot and have good talks but her actions make me wonder whether I should try anymore.

Should I ask if she's received the presents I send (nothing pricey, things like locally made cool earrings, etc) or just let it go and hope she has and just didn't say anything?

She talks to my brother daily but I think she'd rather have her teeth pulled than call me. It hurts but I understand if he's the favorite, I was Dad's favorite even though it was never said.

Should I stop sending her presents on holidays & birthdays?

(This is the mother that bemoans the fact that she won't be a grandma after I've told her several times I can't have children and constantly bugs me to go to church, but not my brother. She has accepted that he's an alcoholic and has spend thousands on his legal bills while I make do on my own and never ask for money b/c hey, I'm an adult.)

I know there are more issues at play just by rereading this post but my main question is what do I do about mailing presents?

(it's not always feasible to give them in person as she lives 3 hours away and we both work odd schedules)
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 6 7 ... 10