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  • February 21, 2017, 10:50:01 AM

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It's not asking much for your friends to spend thousands of dollars and up to a week's time on your wedding - *if* your social circle is the idle rich (think Kardashians).

Back in the world of the rest of us, thousands of dollars and time off work is hard to get. If you want people at your wedding, you have to make it convenient and economical to attend. If you don't, even family and good friends will drop out. Those are the hard facts. BM and his fiancée will have to learn this the hard way, I suppose.
The one thing I'm most grateful that DH and I wrote a three-word mission for our wedding, which we could check each decision against.

For us, we wanted the wedding to be "simple, joyous, and elegant."  Not every element had to hit all three, but it gave us pause before choosing something that would - for example - add elegance but take away from simplicity.

If you're helping her with planning, it may be especially helpful for you both if you have something from the HC to check against.

Best wishes.
All In A Day's Work / Re: Mock Jury - updated
« Last post by Redneck Gravy on Today at 09:31:07 AM »
That was an awesome experience, sharing thoughts and discussions with 23 other people and watching a genuine case unfold.  Debating with 11 others in my jury room, calmly. 

Unfortunately dealing with a couple of people that had absolutely no clue what was going on... And I am not saying seeing things my way, truly people who thought this was a case that had settled and we were reviewing the issues and a couple who thought the plaintiff and defendant were working together.     

Of course, everyone was required to sign a confidentiality agreement as this is a real case from another nearby community but going to trial (if it gets there) in my city.  They took our notes and we were not allowed to leave with anything but our cash.   

It was a heartbreaking, tragic story.  I saw many of the women and some of the men tear up as the story unfolded and photos shown.

I would do it again in a minute and recommend that anyone that gets the opportunity to participate in one of these do so as well.

As a lawyer, I have used mock juries for various cases. Generally speaking, mock juries are used in cases where significant money is at stake (multiple millions) and an actual jury would either award $0 (defense verdict) or $xxxxxx million (plaintiff's verdict). The lawyers want to get a sense of which arguments resonate with jurors, which don't, which facts are most important to the mock jurors, what types of exhibits hold the jury's attention, etc. There is no reason to prepare in any way. The lawyers simply want to know whether to gamble on a trial, or possibly settle, and at what amount, based on the reactions and feedback the mock jury provides.

This was exactly it.  We spoke with lawyers afterwards and they had questions about "buzzwords" that appealed and those that killed. 
All In A Day's Work / Re: Mock Jury - updated
« Last post by Lynnv on Today at 09:29:10 AM »
I did one while I was unemployed.  They paid $500 for 2 days (I actually got $600 as there were drawings each day for a supplemental $100 for everyone who showed up 15 min or more early.  They must have really wanted to make sure we were all there).

There were about 30 of us and we got split into 3 juries.  They were shelling out a lot of money for this, as they had 3 small "jury rooms" along with the larger conference room at a nice downtown hotel.  I have to think that the real lawsuit that precipitated this must have involved huge sums of money.

It was some sort of intellectual property case and I think, though I could be wrong, that they were working for the defense.  They really seemed surprised when they brought us all back together.  Each jury got different testimony (sometimes it was terrible actors on screen, but sometimes it was a written script of what would be said) but all three found for the plaintiff.  The only thing that changed was the award amount-it ranged from a mid-range 6-figure amount to a high 7-figure amount.  I was on the middle jury and we were in the low 7-figure range.

It was very interesting and, in our final group discussions, it was fascinating to see how the slightly changed emphasis changed the outcomes with the different juries. 

They did feed us lunch and snacks (I think they didn't want people to leave and not come back). 
OP here.  Thank you for your great suggestions so far; today is a little cold for open windows, but the next few days will be great.  And we'll try the vinegar trick. 
We've never had this problem to this extent; I'm kind of floored by the essential oils person myself (someone I'd never met before; a friend of DH).  I'm mostly hoping to have the room able to be slept in by Sunday night.

I think anybody who's stayed here before isn't a problem hosting again without saying something, but maybe it's necessary to give advance warning to people we don't know as well. 
Luckily, scents don't make either of us ill, just a bit uncomfortable and sometimes headachy. 
Why can't brands that sell things of color keep a consistency between said colors?
To make it simple paint brand has 4 lines: water, oil, stain and silk, not all colors are available in every line but when one has a "royal blue - 12", why does in the oil line n°12 is mohogany?

And why is it so hard to find a color chart? Your business is selling color and you don't have a site full of it?

Or that one's computer doesn't always show the same colors as the color chart in the ad or catalogue for the product.
All In A Day's Work / Re: Mock Jury
« Last post by Writer of Wrongs on Today at 09:08:46 AM »
I have no advice but I'm SOOOO jealous. I love going to trials, have never been called for jury duty and would adore the chance to do this! Have fun!
Do you have a clothesline outside?  Or a deck with a railing?  I'd drape the bedding over the line or railing on a sunny day and let it air out.  Unscented Febreeze still has a scent to me but it isn't as bad as essential oil smell and might help.

As to the nurses coming in and out, I would make a request of the service that any personnel attending your home need to refrain from wearing perfume/cologne and from smoking immediately prior to entering your home.  It isn't an unreasonable request at all.  I don't think it would be reasonable for you to ask them to use entirely unscented personal care products, though, as those can be quite expensive.  And if the personnel don't comply, complain every time.  If you need to have the nurse come in, I doubt turning them away at the door would work well for you.   :-\

For house guests, I would consider having a basket of unscented products in the bathroom the guests will be using and if their own products bother you, ask them to use the unscented ones provided because of your scent sensitivity.
I think there can be two approaches, if the offender is someone fairly close.

In the moment, for any of the examples listed, one could quietly say, "Hey, Susan, lighten up. He's doing his best/they're actually doing a great job/that's beyond their control."
The goal here isn't to cause a scene or embarrass the complainer; it's to call their own attention to their behavior. Sometimes people get carried away and don't realize they're behaving badly, and saying something like the above can bring them up short. (E.g., once my mother was complaining privately to me about my SIL. When it started getting harsh, I said, "Wow, Mom, you're sounding very like a mother-in-law." She stopped, said, "You're right. I didn't mean to do that," and refocused on the real issue, whatever it was.)

After the fact, one could have a private conversation with the offender. "Susan, when we were at Le Chic Restaurant, you seemed very unhappy with the wait staff. I felt they were doing a great job. It made me very uncomfortable to hear you snapping at them. Could you tell me what was bothering you?"
I've noticed that sometimes people take their emotion out on strangers when they're actually upset about something completely unrelated to the apparent topic. Maybe Susan is worried about something at work and thinking that she's going to be in trouble, or have to reprimand an employee, and she projects that frustration onto the server/photographer/etc. That doesn't excuse it, of course.

If the offender is not someone close enough to talk to, I think it's best to completely ignore the bad behavior, even pretending the offender doesn't exist in that moment. In the case of a server, etc., I might thank/praise the person extra and increase my own tip to compensate for their having to tolerate the bad member of my party. (We've actually tipped extra-generously because a nearby table of strangers was being absolutely atrocious, to sort of thank the server for keeping his/her cool and maintaining excellent service in spite of boors.)
This might seem obvious, but it's done mme a world of good.

Use a spreadsheet or something like Quicken to keep track of quotes and what's actually getting paid out to a vendor.  Most are on the up and up, but every so often there's  someone who starts padding things.

My DH put together a google doc for our wedding in which we put in our allocations for each item, and then with the equations he put in, we could see how the prices changed based on number of attendees. We've sent that to her for her to work with, but I'll suggest a separate document with the quotes!

The reason why I brought up the quotes was that when mom hhad her second wedding the caterer kept asking for more and more money. So that prompted  her to add it all up and realized that they paid almost double the contract. Something similar happened to a friend with her florist. I've heard similar over the years with different events, so figured it couldn't hurt to bring up. A wedding is expensive  enough as it is. :)
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