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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Silly Reasons You Dumped Someone
« Last post by SoCalVal on Today at 02:18:55 AM »
I thought of naming my oldest "Eddie" on his b.c. but decided against it, knowing how it is to grow up with a nickname as your given name and some people never accepting that fact.

DH is one of those individuals.  BIL and SIL were seriously considering naming DN a nickname as his first name, like Jake, instead of Jacob.  DH was dead-set against it and, a few times, told me how against it he was and really complained about it.  I finally told him that this is not *his* child, and he needs to learn to accept the name no matter what it ends up being (I really got tired of him complaining about the name -- DH didn't have an issue with the name itself, just that it's the nickname of another name).
12 general / Re: joining a group conversation at a party
« Last post by tabitha on Today at 02:08:46 AM »
To be more straight forward, these events are held by guys he went to art school with.
13 general / Re: joining a group conversation at a party
« Last post by tabitha on Today at 02:07:43 AM »
I see why you would think that they are networking events, but it's more that my boyfriend mostly socializes with people in his industry.  Actually that is inaccurate.  What he does is concept art so he works with tv, film, games, and also does commissions and he produces his own work.
What these other people do is comic book art, which is very different, and fan art.  So it's a bunch of artists, that get together and the idea is that it's a social event not a networking event because it's always the same people with the exception of about %15 of the crowd that differs depending on who's throwing it and where it is.  So if one comic book artist is throwing it, I won't  know most of the people there but it's all people he already knows. 
If it's another artist I might know 70% of people there because they are all people he knows. 
And the sad reason there are not too many women...they just don't often have partners! 
And, I've asked him because I often don't want to go...he likes to have me there.  I really just want to know about approaching a group at a party.  This type of thing would happen even at one of my brothers parties we go to occasionally. 
  I really find it rude that people are suggesting that Alice suck it up and eat what was available because her diet restrictions were not life-threatening. Some people used the term, non-medical but I would argue that people choosing to be vegan or choosing to not eat sugar or choosing to not eat junk food are doing so for health reasons, so isn't that the same?  And why should any one eat what they don't like?

My boyfriend has diabetes, I don't but my diet is far more restrictive than his.  And I'm allergic to tomatoes which is in everything, and I hate sushi and fish of all kinds.  So I guess I would offend a lot of people here.

But if I was Alice, I wouldn't have said a word.  I would have had some salad and when someone inevitably asked me why I wasn't having pizza, I'd answer "I'm great with this thanks."  and be done with it.   I most likely would have been super hungry later. But I'm an adult.  I know I'm not going to die of starvation.  One has to adapt.
Sounds like she was rude to me.

I also wouldn't have stopped for pizza after eating at someone else choice of restaurant.  It seems passive aggressive. 

So was Alice rude?  Sounds like it, but that's on Alice, not her eating habits. 
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: First World Annoyances
« Last post by JadeAngel on Today at 01:50:45 AM »
The office is cleaned top to bottom on Sunday
Today is Monday
It's raining.

One of the tenants is moving out of the office so we have had removalists through all day long and they have not wiped their feet on the provided mat, so there are muddy footprints all over the nice clean floor. And while it is the cleaners not me who will have to clean it up it still bugs the heck out of me every time I walk through the front office and see the muddy boot tracks going down the hall.  >:(
Family and Children / Re: The Gifts are coming (no they're not)
« Last post by SoCalVal on Today at 01:44:00 AM »
Has your mother always shown this type of blatant favoritism towards your sister or is it only in recent years since your sister sees her for Christmas and you don't?

If it's just in the past few years, then I'd say this is your mother's passive aggressive way of trying to manipulate you into seeing her for Christmas or to punish you for not traveling to see her.

But if she's always treated your sister like the golden child, then it sounds like there's no good re-lationship worth trying to preserve.

Either way, she knows what she's doing and is saying and doing all of it purposely to get a specific reaction out of you. I don't know what her end goal is (to coerce you to travel to her or just to hurt you). But no matter what, I don't think it's innocent or well-intended.

If you call her on it, it might reward her behavior because you're showing that you're hurt. But it might also show that you're onto her game and that might stop her from doing it in the future.

Ultimately, you have to decide what outcome you want.  I think I would try either just calling her out on the lie in the moment or just getting off the phone. But when she mentions your sister's gifts, that's plain mean and demeaning. I would definitely just end the phone call immediately when that happens.

Pod to this, as I was wondering about the obvious favoritism too. That's more concerning (to me) than the outright lies about the presents.

Until I was about 18-20 I was the one that she leaned on and counted on taking her side against Dad.  (Taking sides very big in our family).  When I finally moved out and realized exactly how dysfunctional my family was, I started pulling away.  So there was a long period there where she was trying to woo me back.  Very often my offering money, that she never came through with even if I accepted it.  Once I got married for the sake of my sanity, and the marriage, I started putting her problems back on her instead of trying to fix them for her.  So now I am evil and mean, making her lay in the bed she made. 

Middle sister is currently the one that she's leaning on.  And to an extent trying to use money to control middle sister.  I don't blame MS at all.  MS is in a bad situation and needs the help.  Mom is using MS, and it's not a good situation.

Meanwhile Youngest Sister is newly married and has very much been the golden child.  So Mom is trying to make sure she stays wooed.

It's really dysfunctional.  But like I said, my sisters and I are really close.  Common enemy and all that. 

She doesn't call me about birthday gifts.  She just flat out doesn't send them.  I do know, again because I talk with my sisters that they and MS's kids get birthday gifts.

Seriously, given your latest post, I'd not acknowledge she's said anything about presents.  Your mom sounds like the relatives in the thread with the family newsletter who seem to make it their mission to hurt the OP's DH.  Why give in to her at all?  She really sounds like she just wants to hurt you every year (and it's working).  What lovely Christmas spirit!
Family and Children / Re: "You never call me!"
« Last post by lakey on Today at 01:39:47 AM »
I'm not much for phone conversations either, so I understand how you feel. How about just telling the truth without trying to turn it into a joke. "I'm just not one to chat on the phone much."
18 general / Re: joining a group conversation at a party
« Last post by greencat on Today at 01:35:39 AM »
It sounds like you are going to industry networking events and expecting the rules of a social gathering to apply.  It sounds like very few significant others attend these events, and for good reason - they're a work function, not a purely social one.

I would be surprised by the presence of someone at a conference or professional networking event who had no knowledge of the industry, and I'd politely exit a purely social conversation with them in order to be able to talk to someone in the industry, as that would further my goals in attending the event.

I would suggest a talk with your boyfriend about why he is dragging you out to events where he should be attending by himself as an industry professional instead of with you as a social unit.  If he is bringing you to the events to introduce you to his industry friends, perhaps you can socialize with them outside of the industry-focused events.
Family and Children / Re: "You never call me!"
« Last post by GreenBird on Today at 01:29:18 AM »
Honestly, "Don't wait for me to call you.  You'll be waiting for a while." sounds very confrontational to me.  If I heard that from someone, I'd be thinking they didn't want any contact from me at all, phone or otherwise.  You might be better off to say something like, "I'm just not a phone person." 

I think AnnaJ's advice about choosing a few times to initiate a call yourself is really good.  This way you get to choose a time that works for you, and maybe your relatives won't feel like they always have to be the ones to initiate contact. 

Or you could just interpret "You never call us!" as their way of saying that they miss you. 
20 general / joining a group conversation at a party
« Last post by tabitha on Today at 01:06:43 AM »

I often go to events with my boyfriend where we are surrounded by people in his industry.  I have very little knowledge of industry related topics.
He is very popular at these events and is usually talking to 2 to 4 people at once.

Before being with him I would never attend events like this and have had difficulty socializing in the past, but when I go, I make sure to go around the room and say hi to all the people I have become familiar with.  We'll talk about their work, and my boyfriends work, I'll ask about their family and it usually ends there.  I've been to about a dozen of these events and no one ever asks what I do for a living or what I'm interested in, and I don't mind that, I just find it hard to continue a conversation that is either all about the person I'm talking about or all about my boyfriend who is not standing with me at the time.

I really do make an effort to socialize but the conversations are always short lived.  I don't know a lot about the industry, and frankly, besides what my boyfriend is working on, and he works by himself in his studio, even when collaborating with other studios (this is me telling you I'm not ignoring co-workers) I'm not so interested that I want to research stuff just to talk at these gatherings.  So when I'm done doing my rounds I really want to go back to where my boyfriend is so that I'm at least with someone, instead of just standing around or sitting off to the side playing with my phone. 

It is a male dominated industry and there are very few women there.  Actually, I've never seen a woman at these events that work in the industry and there is someone's wife I know but has small children so she is rarely attends.

Anyway, when I approach my boyfriend while he is in conversations with 2 or 3 other people, I don't speak because I don't want to interrupt.  First, I can't join the conversation because I don't really know what they are talking about and also, before I just throw in a question to try to find out.. I would feel more comfortable if my boyfriend just turned to me and said "Hi, we were just talking about this"
I feel very uncomfortable about interrupting, and I think it he should just greet me and then I can participate.

But then a co-worker complained about her husband doing this at a party, just walking up to her while she is talking to someone and just standing there.  She said he is pathetic for doing that and she was very annoyed.

I have just walked away once I noticed my boyfriend won't take the step to include me, when I explained to him later that I felt uncomfortable interrupting, he told me that that is what I have to do.

So my questions are these, is it rude to interrupt a conversation this way at a social gathering?  I should point out this is only when he's talking to people I don't already know.
Also, is it rude to approach and wait for someone to greet you?

How do you handle this type of situation?
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