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21
All In A Day's Work / Re: How to handle a language barrier?
« Last post by Cali.in.UK on Today at 06:47:04 AM »
It can be tough, especially if you are the only Telmar. I was in Narnia, but at my job there was always at least two other Telmar's around. I worked at two separate jobs in Narnia, and it really depended on the situation if people spoke Telmarine, or just stuck with their native Narnian. I think it's very polite for them to speak Telmarine for your (and in my past situation) benefit, because they definitely don't have to.
Do you enjoy these outings or are they tiresome? I remember one meeting in Narnia, which was 98% in Narnian and it was about 4 hours long and I was having the hardest time pretending to pay attention. Or maybe you could suggest activities outside of restaurants or bars or other loud places where it's easier to have one-on-one conversations, because from my experience I noticed that when we were all at a table together, people usually tended to converse in Narnian.
22
Family and Children / Re: What do you all think of this?
« Last post by 123Sandy on Today at 06:42:05 AM »
Boyfriend needs to find his own place. He's acting like a teenager, hiding away in his room and only coming out to eat. I'd find it annoying.
23
Techno-quette / Re: wearing earbuds or bluetooth at home
« Last post by camlan on Today at 06:40:04 AM »
I'll offer another perspective (I don't know that I agree with it, but I understood when my mom explained it to me).  She finds that it is contradictory to be in the communal area yet put off solitary vibes to the people who are there.  Putting in the headphones to her shuts out everyone else, which is fine if you are in public with strangers who have no expectation of communication or if you are in a separate room for alone time.  However, if you come and are sitting in the living room where people in the house gather, she feels bad when you then don't "gather" with the others who are there. 

It's like eating dinner as a family or at a dinner party - there's a social expectation that people will participate in conversation and carry their weight.  If you joined the dinner table and then expected to just eat your food while not interacting, it would put others off for sure.

There's also thE fact that you cannot share what you're doing with other people. They can't hear your music, or watch your TV show with you. Both of those things would help them learn more about you, create shared experience (which bring people together).

It's a very isolating thing. And inside the family, that's really awkward. And it's extra awkward if you're doing it in the shared space.

The same can be said for reading a book, writing, solving a puzzle, drawing, etc. There is a time for social interaction but there is also a time for more individual activities. Doing them in a shared space (as long as it is not disturbing) is a wy to make it less individual, not more.

Yes! I've had some lovely mellow evenings where my SO and I both sat and read or wrote, while snuggling on the couch and making occasional idle conversation. I really value that in a relationship, actually--the ability to sometimes do our own thing separately-but-together. Obviously this isn't every interaction, but sometimes.

Note that you can make the occasional idle remark. The trouble, for me, with ear buds or bluetooth, is that you really can't. In fact, as the OP says, you have to attract the other person's attention first, then talk. Not something I'd want to do every time I had something unimportant to say.

For me, the use of earbuds at home, as opposed to at work or on the subway, etc., signals that the person doesn't want to be interrupted. (I almost typed "bothered by other people," because that's how it seems to me.) It's one thing to send that signal at work, another thing completely to send that signal at home.

And it's to the point with the OP that she simply doesn't talk to her SIL much of the time, because of the need to check to see if he's occupied with a conversation or music or whatever he's listening to.

And that's a problem for people who share housing. The OP should be able to say, "Dinner will be at 6:30 tonight instead of 6:00," or "Please pick up some orange juice on the way home from work if you want some tomorrow," without having to spend time checking for earbuds, making eye contact, waving her hands in front of SIL's face. Getting his attention could take longer than delivering the short message she needs to give him. 

Because the habit of using bluetooth or earbuds is affecting the other members of the household, i.e. the OP, I think maybe having a talk about limiting the use of the devices, or restricting which rooms they can be used in, or some other compromise, might be in order.
24
Life...in general / Re: Creepy or just over zealous?
« Last post by 123Sandy on Today at 06:39:52 AM »
I'm going to say neither, it's probably part of his job. In the employees position I'd have found your reaction as "off".
25
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Horror movies - recommendations
« Last post by iridaceae on Today at 06:30:21 AM »
But shorter doesn't automatically make The Shining a good movie.
26
Techno-quette / Re: wearing earbuds or bluetooth at home
« Last post by Cali.in.UK on Today at 06:25:20 AM »
I live in a house of six and when I prepare dinner, I like to listen to storytelling podcasts (TAL, Moth, Risk), which is definitely not for everyone and sometimes the content is very...unexpected. I listen to my headphones because the kitchen can be loud and I never know if another housemate is going to come down and start using the kitchen at the same time as me.
I can definitely see it being frustrating if you need to talk to SIL but he might, like PPs have said, just be trying to be polite in his own way but not forcing you to listen to his music or podcasts.
You could lightheartedly mention that you never know when he's audibly occupied and ask for a signal or something when he's listening or not listening to something. Example: making eye contact when you enter a room or something like that.
27
Family and Children / Re: Dear Prudence: Ghost Wedding
« Last post by Dream on Today at 06:21:22 AM »
Struggling to get beyond why the words "stop now or we are done." have not been said and then followed through?
28
Life...in general / Re: Creepy or just over zealous?
« Last post by Luci45 on Today at 06:17:31 AM »
That is the way it was done in small towns in the 50s that I visited and lived in - southern Illinois and western North Carolina. I don't know about larger cities.

I probably would have thought it was nice after the first startled reaction.
29
Family and Children / Re: Is there a name for this?
« Last post by Cali.in.UK on Today at 06:11:13 AM »
"They are socially cordial" or "they are publicly cordial" ?
30
Family and Children / Re: What do you all think of this?
« Last post by Cali.in.UK on Today at 06:07:11 AM »
Thanks for the update, I was curious about one thing. the day when GF was in bed with pain, did she have any interaction with the parents? Did they come and check on her? Or was she only in the room and did not see them at all? I'm just trying to understand how the mom could know that GF was in so much pain that she was mostly bedridden and still force her out of the house. Was GF trying to downplay the pain and just say she was tired? If the parents were fully aware, they seem like not very nice people.
Also, Lynn, what happened to Jill? Did she stay with that guy?
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