Etiquette Hell

If you're extra sensitive about people getting offended (because it is true that most people feel that any party with a guest of honor *IS* a gift giving occasion, no matter what you call it), then don't name it anything.

Just invite people over--just say, "please come to a party at our house." They'll figure out that the baby will be home at the same time.

I have always found it very annoying when people go into a 5 minute diatribe about how busy they have been, usually to explain why they’ve been out of touch.

If I’m worried or concerned I’ll ask “Is everything okay?”  I don’t need to hear all the details about projects at work or family issues or how they’ve had to deal with the plumbing and the dogs, etc., etc., etc. and how they have been telling themselves “Oh, I must call/email veronaz!” 

I really hate that.  It's not necessary, and telling me all that it just an annoying waste of time.  I've talked to people about it, but they STILL keep doing it. 

By that I mean your intuition and gut feeling about people, which usually happens when you first meet and interact with them.  (In real life, not online.)

I read people very well.  They might smile and be oh-so-nice but sometimes I get a feeling “this person is trouble and I must never let my guard down when interacting with him/her”, and later it turns out I was right.  OTOH, I know of some folks who, when we first met, didn’t seem friendly or even came across as not having much of a personality or even basic social skills, but something about the person told me they were solid – the type of person I felt I could trust and wanted to get to know better or even become close friends with.  Rarely have I been wrong.

A friend and I were recently talking about this; she’s very intelligent yet admits her lack of people-reading skills has often been her downfall.  Her husband is like me – very perceptive with regard to seeing thru people.

Dr. Phil has a new book out called “Life Code” – I haven’t read it, but I’ve seen excerpts and heard him discuss it.  One thing he said is that people too often “give others the benefit of the doubt”.  That’s what we were taught, it’s the right thing to do, it’s the nice, Christian thing to do, the polite thing to do.  But, (his position is) the rules have changed.  In addition to gut feelings, there are certain things to watch out for (I don’t want to go into specifics because, like I said, I haven’t read the book).

I don’t think it’s a matter of looking for negative traits in others.  It’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s an intangible thing that almost sticks out and a little voice that says “tread carefully”.

How about you?

The (apparently) never ending request for my input/direction into other people's lives, over my specific requests to be left out of their decision making process, coupled with implications and/or direct statements that I am controlling.

To wit:
My mother would like to vacation with her grandchildren. She first brought this up months ago. Fine, no problem, we'd be happy to join them for some type of local trip. The kids are not ready for big travel. Let us know when and where. After much pestering I conceded that the children have asked to go to the beach at some point, so that would be a good possibility, and we'd like to avoid the littlest one's birthday. The sooner we know the better, so we can block off time at work. There are then weeks, nay months, of pestering - where? When? How?  Why did I not just answer these questions, you ask? Because I have three small children, a job and a husband, and they take up all the planning/management energy I have thankyouverymuch. I cannot plan other people's vacations for them. If you would like us to join you, that's fine, but then plan it and tell me the details. All of which I have said to my parents, slightly more gently then more emphatically. The result?  My father sent me 3 emails with possible places and called twice in the past week asking for my input, then booked the birthday week, which is short notice for my job and dh's job. So we will go for the couple of days we can make it work, and there will be moans about how little time they get. <insert eye rolling smiley here>

Second aggravation: DD has a special event coming up, which spans two days. I sent out a detailed email with times, costs, plans, et. We will be there both days so when others come doesn't matter to us and depend entirely on their schedule/preferences. I haven't heard back from most recipients, so I sent a reminder today (buying tickets tmw). The one reply I have gotten is "when do you want us to come?"

Argh!!! I am already running 4 lives here (DH is on his own).  Handle yourself!!!!

Country girl weighing in on the bull vs steer issue:  I cut people a little slack on that because I can remember when I didn't know the difference.  Of course, I was in elementary school then...

OTOH, the one that bugs me is the belief that only boy cows have horns.  Not true, both genders have horns (or the potential for them, unless they have been dehorned or are the polled breeds).  I have been in arguments with people about that.

Yes, I've met a few people who think only male African elephants have tusks.