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  • February 09, 2016, 05:16:30 PM

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I'm not sure whether all the bridesmaids were involved in deciding the date of the hen party, or if it was just the bride and OP; I'd be miffed at being left out of this discussion, especially if I'd known the bride her whole life (sister) or since I was a small child (friend). I wouldn't want to do the assault rifle/archery thing either, so pretty sure I'd be busy too!

I'm not sure what you can do, but confronting them isn't the answer.
Family and Children / Re: Ask Amy 2/7/16
« Last post by menley on Today at 04:07:20 PM »
It's not the LW's grandfather, though, and she may not have known his 90th was coming up. TBH, I don't know exact ages for most of my husband's older relatives.  I might know when their birthday is, but I don't know their birth year.

Yeah, I know the birth year for exactly one of my relatives - my sister. Parents? Nope. Grandparents? Well, they're all dead, but when they were living, no idea. Same for cousins, aunts, etc. and that's MY family. I've no idea what the dates are for my husband's relatives are, and he doesn't either.

Also, while 90 is quite old, it's not a traditional milestone like 50, 75, etc so I don't imagine people were making a big deal of it in advance.
As I read the OP, I thought the other bridesmaids had agreed on the date and then backed out.
Snickering and smiling here. At least she has left me alone the rest of the day, but really?
No, confronting them can't force them to care. I don't know that anything positive could possibly come of it.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but I do think your expectations are too high. As a bridesmaid, I wouldn't expect to have to work on invitations or go wedding dress shopping (though I might volunteer to help if I wanted to), especially if I were only an obligatory 'oldest friend' or family bridesmaid.

If you wanted them to attend the hen party, you should have scheduled it with them, not told them after the fact. There's no way on earth I'd go to an assault rifle-shooting party -- and I wouldn't want to explain that to a bride who really wanted to do it; I'd just decline. And I wouldn't cancel a vacation with my partner for a single day out that I wasn't consulted about, either.

I'm not saying that's what's up here, just that I can relate to them. Not everyone prioritizes being a bridesmaid. For many, it's just about the day of the wedding, not all the other trimmings.
Personally, I'd just drop it, and not expect anything from either of them regarding the wedding.  I doubt that talking to either of them will get them to change their behavior.
27 general / Re: Cancelling one event, then going to another
« Last post by Lynn2000 on Today at 03:50:23 PM »
OP here. I was just curious for some different takes on the matter.

I guess, in Alice's shoes, my first thought would be--I felt awful enough to cancel out on my volunteer commitment tonight, I'd better not do anything taxing, even though I feel better at the moment. I would be worried that my illness/whatever my recur at dinner, or the next day because I'd been out instead of resting, or possibly that it was contagious and I would infect the person I'm with. (I don't know why Alice was feeling poorly, she may have known it wasn't contagious, like PMS.)

But, it's funny the people who said that going out to dinner was probably less taxing than the volunteer work, because personally I find going out to dinner rather taxing! (Probably less so than the volunteer work, yes, but I don't volunteer for things.) If I didn't feel well, or hadn't recently, going home would be the best thing for me--I wouldn't have to expend effort to cook dinner, I could get drive thru/pick-up, have something delivered, or just eat cereal.

But, this was where I wondered if personality differences might come into play, as I'm extremely introverted/anti-social, and Alice is someone who really likes being around people and doesn't like going home to an empty house. So it may well have been that "going out to dinner with a friend" was what Alice considered "taking it easy in an enjoyable way," whereas I would have gone home alone and binge-watched something on the couch with my cereal, and felt just as happy.

Also, I admit I would definitely feel guilty, cancelling on a commitment and then going out and doing something fun with someone else. I agree it's fine to cancel sometimes, even if you can't at any point say you feel ill, but I think one should be responsible about it--give several days' notice for a pre-planned "vacation" night, for example.

I agree it seems to be more of an issue with the perception of being irresponsible, rather than actually being irresponsible.
I am glad that acupuncture works for you. Ridiculing me and others because we don't want to try it makes you look foolish.

When you persisted, I replied that my auto-immune disorder would create an overreaction to the procedure that would rend me incapable of work or any type of normal life for days.

(The following is to be read with wide-eyed innocence and the sense of entitlement because "I know what is good for you".)

But, but, but.. the thing that worked so incredibly well for me *must* work just as well for you.  There can be no doubts about the health benefits of the thing that worked for me.  It's truly amazing because I tried all the other things before and none of them worked. 

I'm *sure* your ailment would get much better if you just tried my recommendations once.  Your pesky auto-immune thing wouldn't cause any problems at all... in fact my fabulous cure will probably help the problem.  There's nothing it can't do... it even juliennes fries!
29 general / Re: Thank you...not my size. Again.
« Last post by lowspark on Today at 03:44:49 PM »
I think you should quit telling her why you don't want the clothes. Don't bring up size or style or anything else. Just say, "Thanks but it turns out neither my sister nor I can use these." Period. And then don't take them.
This is more Hen Party related than strictly Wedding Party, but I'm asking for a bit of help and advice, if my lovely fellow eHellions are able.

I'm a bridesmaid and sort of MOH for my best friend in the world (let's call her Bride). We haven't been friends all that long, I met her about 3 and a half years ago, but we clicked immediately. Very similar interests and outlooks.

There are two other bridesmaids.

The first is her sister (let's call her Sister) is well, tempestuous. A spoiled child grown into a spoiled adult. She's 24 but acts about 12 most of the time. She is a bridesmaid because, to be fair, it was going to be more stressful for Bride to refuse to have her in the wedding party. Family drama and all that. She's very self-centred, and doesn't like compromising.

The other is her long-time friend, (let's call her Friend). They've known eachother since they were little kids, still quite close, but quite different people now. She's very shy, very introverted, and a notorious flake.

You can probably already see where my issues are, but let me spell them out a bit.

For a start, neither of them seem to care much about the wedding. Neither of them have shown any interest in helping with the invitations or any other wedding-related things. They were both entirely unavailable to go dress shopping with the Bride for her dress (we ended up going alone). Bridesmaids' dress shopping had to be rescheduled several times due to one or the other of them having issues (Friend had to switch her day off, Sister had a really bad hangover, etc.)

To be fair, we are planning this in "advance". The wedding is in September. Perhaps they will get more excited as the date draws closer, but it's really getting to Bride, and I don't know how to help other than just being there for her.

I suppose it's really come to a head because of the hen party.

Given that we are all busy people, and the fact that the activity Bride and I came up with (archery and assault rifle shooting at a place near Bride's home) does need to be booked in advance, I started trying to get a date about a month ago. We finally all settled on September 3rd, about 2 weeks before the wedding. Perfect. I booked the activity, and sent actual invitations to all the people involved.

Friend messages the group saying she thinks she'll have to work that weekend. Never mind that it's seven months away and she hasn't even attempted to get the day off. She says she can't come. Don't worry about switching the date. She'll see if she might possibly be able to come have drinks in the evening.

Then Sister (same day), says that the following day is her boyfriend's brother's birthday, so she'll be down at their family home (other side of the UK) all weekend. Won't be available at all. Can we switch the dates?

Well, no. Since we decided on the date, other plans have been made, and now it really is the only day that Bride can do. And there's not much point doing it without her.  >:D

Bride is annoyed and upset that Sister would rather spend time with her boyfriend's family than go to her hen party, and that Friend has dropped out without even a token attempt at getting the day off. Even more as it's another in a string of let downs.

Apologies for the long post. So, any advice? Is it worth confronting them myself, letting them know how much it's hurting their sister/friend, or should I leave it up to the bride?
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