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21
Life...in general / Re: Where's MY zucchini bread?
« Last post by NFPwife on Today at 01:23:10 AM »

I agree.  And it isn't so much the zucchini bread or the bags for Halloween.  It's the reciprocation of 'thought' between the neighbors.  There are not many people who can truly always be the 'givers' (in an adult relationship) without getting something (anything) in return, even if it's just a verbal thanks.  And when you always give and give and give, and find out that some people can reciprocate....but just not to YOU....well, that stings.  And when that happens, it demands a reevaluation of the relationship.

Exactly! The underpants "Thank you" was my favorite thank you. Ever.

And that brings up another point.  There doesn't seem to BE a relationship, at least not any more than some random person.  You seem to have tried, but relationships are two way streets.  You don't have to be petty or to be 'keeping score' to notice when the street never seems to run in your direction.  So save yourself the effort.

And just for the record, I don't think it IS being petty.  OP puts effort in and it doesn't appear to be reciprocated at all, let alone even appreciated.  Sure, it was just something she did, and I can believe that she never really noticed it until her DH said something.  Lightbulb moment. But it does require some reevaluation, I think.

Thanks. DH is trying to backpedal from triggering that lightbulb moment. He's been advocating not to "punish the kids." It has always just been something I did, and enjoy doing. I didn't have expectations, but the obvious one-sidedness irked me. I will be re-evaluating.

It won't work. It's one of those plans we've all tried at one point or another, mistakenly thinking "If I suddenly don't do xyz, my friend Suzy will magically get the subtext, deduce the exact thing that's bothering me and think of a fantastic way to make it right with me!" The relationship with your neighbor obviously meant more to your family than it did to her's. If you want to stop giving treats to her family, that's fine. But it's not reasonable to expect she'll read anything from it besides "Oops, our neighbor forgot this year / she thinks our kids are too old for goody bags now."

You know, I don't care if she notices or wonders and I have no expectations. It does sting that I'm putting effort into something so one sided. 

FWIW, everyone gets a "warning" before they age out of the system. They're empty warnings, though. The last kiddo warned started college this semester. :D
22
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Other web sites
« Last post by kajunchick on Today at 01:04:06 AM »
I like cakewrecks and Epbot. Both blogs are written by Jen Yates and Epbot has some great crafty stuff.
23
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Talk to Me About Your Bedroom
« Last post by magician5 on Today at 12:58:30 AM »
Medium room, but absolutely stuffed with wife's Agatha Christie and similar "little old lady mysteries". Decorated? Ha ha ha! ... pardon me while I finish laughing. The same tacky wood paneling that came with the place from a 1970s condo conversion. Also a legacy from that conversion is the awful "popcorn" ceiling.

Leftover pictures from our early past crowd what little wall is left, after you subtract bookshelves, books not on shelves, huge sewing shelf, curtained eight-foot auxiliary closet I built her back when I could build things, her dresser piled high with jewelry she makes, my dresser piled high with clean clothes I would put away except I'll be wearing them in a few days. I bought her the coordinated dressers/nightstands/extra drawer set from Pier 1 as a special present.

Queen bed with the mattress/spring from Ikea that Consumer Reports rated as best (even better than expensive name brands), and we love it and it was shockingly cheap. For years I insisted on a futon against her objections, but I now see the folly of my ways. Sheets ... always flannel (we both believe in "cozy" as an eternal virtue). For some reason she usually buys blue sheets, but no matter what they cost and no matter how many times they're washed my gray hair winds up being blue after a night or two ... I've come to like my blue hair. She has decorative pillows on her side, I tell her that real men don't use decorative pillows. However, stuffed onto my edge is my teddy bear given to me long ago by my first girlfriend, which my wife dug out of storage and knitted a bear-sized sweater that says "Mr. Bear". My best Christmas present ever, so for revenge I make her say "good night Mister Bear" every night I'm not up late working. Table lamps can also be described as "assorted" and if you ask me to describe them further, I can add that "they work".

There is a television I don't know how to work, on which she sometimes repeat-plays the Gerard Depardieu "Count of Monte Cristo" or else BBC nature documentaries, also there's a small CD player which nightly lulls us into dreamland with a CD of ocean sounds mixed with Tibetan bowl-bells. And to wake up, both of our alarm clocks play nature sounds.

I knew we were a weird pair, but after writing this description it seems that this room is where the full force of our oddness comes out.
24
Life...in general / Re: Kids at Fitness Classes
« Last post by TeamBhakta on Today at 12:50:20 AM »
Quote

If you want an adults-only class, then I think the onus is on you to seek that out. A child quietly sitting off on the sidelines or a well-behaved child participating alongside the adults doesn't make it a "mommy and me" class. Sure, the gym might find that it's easier to implement a blanket ban on children and that's their right, but I don't think it's reasonable for participants to expect this unless it's explicitly billed as an adults-only class.

I disagree. I don't see why someone paying for an adult fitness class should have to search for "this class is specifically adults only."  ??? I feel the onus is on the parents to seek out family fitness classes or a gym with babysitting. Having a child in an adult fitness class changes the atmosphere / tone of the class + the behaviors of everyone present, even if the kid quietly sits in the corner reading or playing a game. 
25
Life...in general / Re: Where's MY zucchini bread?
« Last post by Goog on Today at 12:43:16 AM »
I guess I'm going to have to be the voice of dissent here.  I don't see it as petty to have one incident occur that shows that a relationship has always been one-sided and decide that you don't want to put in the effort any more.  If I read it correctly, $12-15 x 3 comes out to $36-$45 dollars.  That's not an insignificant effort to go through.  You may very well not do something with expectation of immediate reciprocation but when there has never been any, it's certainly OK to rethink what you've been doing.

The bread in itself I don't see as the real issue.  However for those saying she wasn't "owed" anything in regards to the bread, neither are the kids "owed" anything.  It certainly must be OK to do for some whom you have a closer relationship without requiring you to do it for everyone in the neighborhood.

I agree.  And it isn't so much the zucchini bread or the bags for Halloween.  It's the reciprocation of 'thought' between the neighbors.  There are not many people who can truly always be the 'givers' (in an adult relationship) without getting something (anything) in return, even if it's just a verbal thanks.  And when you always give and give and give, and find out that some people can reciprocate....but just not to YOU....well, that stings.  And when that happens, it demands a reevaluation of the relationship.

And that brings up another point.  There doesn't seem to BE a relationship, at least not any more than some random person.  You seem to have tried, but relationships are two way streets.  You don't have to be petty or to be 'keeping score' to notice when the street never seems to run in your direction.  So save yourself the effort.

And just for the record, I don't think it IS being petty.  OP puts effort in and it doesn't appear to be reciprocated at all, let alone even appreciated.  Sure, it was just something she did, and I can believe that she never really noticed it until her DH said something.  Lightbulb moment.  But it does require some reevaluation, I think.
26
Life...in general / Re: Where's MY zucchini bread?
« Last post by TeamBhakta on Today at 12:34:11 AM »
It won't work. It's one of those plans we've all tried at one point or another, mistakenly thinking "If I suddenly don't do xyz, my friend Suzy will magically get the subtext, deduce the exact thing that's bothering me and think of a fantastic way to make it right with me!" The relationship with your neighbor obviously meant more to your family than it did to her's. If you want to stop giving treats to her family, that's fine. But it's not reasonable to expect she'll read anything from it besides "Oops, our neighbor forgot this year / she thinks our kids are too old for goody bags now."
27
I'm just going to say that having two meat dishes and one salad seems very unbalanced to me.  Most people enjoy a starch- bread, rice, or pasta along with their meat and veg. My DH would be very offended to be served only steak and salad. It's quite easy to whip up a vegetarian fried rice dish, and most restaurants will have that on the menu - or at least a pasta or potato salad to go alongside the leafy one.

I agree. I'm not a huge meat eater and I like having good sides. For my family of origin, I've started doing baked potato bars and some other sides when we go over.
28
This event is being catered, it not only easy, but likely less expensive, to have a nice vegetarian main dish.

The Costco ravioli could be good, if the hostesses have a nice sauce with it and serve a generous portion.

I would encourage the three vegetarians to bring something, because it's pretty clear the hostesses aren't taking their needs into consideration.

My guess is that this food issue is a detouring of conflict. These sides don't get on well and this is just another field on which to play out the drama. 
29
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Moving again!
« Last post by Deetee on Today at 12:18:36 AM »
It sounds like you have a lot of stuff. I'd start running trips to the charity of your choice now. Maybe there is one on your commute? Set up three boxes. Donate. Move. Garbage. Take everything you have and put it one of these boxes. Don't move stuff just because it's easier.
30
I'm just going to say that having two meat dishes and one salad seems very unbalanced to me.  Most people enjoy a starch- bread, rice, or pasta along with their meat and veg. My DH would be very offended to be served only steak and salad. It's quite easy to whip up a vegetarian fried rice dish, and most restaurants will have that on the menu - or at least a pasta or potato salad to go alongside the leafy one.
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