I agree. And it isn't so much the zucchini bread or the bags for Halloween. It's the reciprocation of 'thought' between the neighbors. There are not many people who can truly always be the 'givers' (in an adult relationship) without getting something (anything) in return, even if it's just a verbal thanks. And when you always give and give and give, and find out that some people can reciprocate....but just not to YOU....well, that stings. And when that happens, it demands a reevaluation of the relationship.
Exactly! The underpants "Thank you" was my favorite thank you. Ever.And that brings up another point. There doesn't seem to BE a relationship, at least not any more than some random person. You seem to have tried, but relationships are two way streets. You don't have to be petty or to be 'keeping score' to notice when the street never seems to run in your direction. So save yourself the effort.
And just for the record, I don't think it IS being petty. OP puts effort in and it doesn't appear to be reciprocated at all, let alone even appreciated. Sure, it was just something she did, and I can believe that she never really noticed it until her DH said something. Lightbulb moment. But it does require some reevaluation, I think.
Thanks. DH is trying to backpedal from triggering that lightbulb moment. He's been advocating not to "punish the kids." It has always just been something I did, and enjoy doing. I didn't have expectations, but the obvious one-sidedness irked me. I will be re-evaluating.It won't work. It's one of those plans we've all tried at one point or another, mistakenly thinking "If I suddenly don't do xyz, my friend Suzy will magically get the subtext, deduce the exact thing that's bothering me and think of a fantastic way to make it right with me!" The relationship with your neighbor obviously meant more to your family than it did to her's. If you want to stop giving treats to her family, that's fine. But it's not reasonable to expect she'll read anything from it besides "Oops, our neighbor forgot this year / she thinks our kids are too old for goody bags now."
You know, I don't care if she notices or wonders and I have no expectations. It does sting that I'm putting effort into something so one sided.
FWIW, everyone gets a "warning" before they age out of the system. They're empty warnings, though. The last kiddo warned started college this semester.