News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • April 29, 2016, 09:10:15 AM

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21
Life...in general / Re: Noisy Neighbors / Angry Neighbors
« Last post by cross_patch on Today at 01:10:30 AM »
I had to look up what fairy bread was.  I would have been all over that as a child.

As an adult I am all over it because it is legitimately the best.
22
I hope it is PD for a UPS driver, but I doubt it. 

My bank draft to close my house was guaranteed to arrive at my lawyer's office by noon today.  I called about 12:20 and it wasn't there.  So I got the tracking number from my bank and called UPS.  The driver apparently went there at 11:20 and said the package couldn't be delivered.  I call bull excrement on that one!  It's a law office - even at lunch time, there is always someone there.  I was pretty mad.  I got a call back that ended up going to vm without ringing and they said it would be delivered sometime today.  What?  If it didn't get there by 2:00, my house couldn't close.  So I'm calling them back, trying to find out where the driver is so I can go get the delivery myself and letting them know that if this deal didn't close today, I was expecting to be reimbursement for any extra charges from my movers and a call came through that the guy showed up.  At about 1:30.  Thanks, dude.   ::)

So glad I didn't have the movers come today; they'll be here at 9:00 in the morning.

I'm curious, is it standard practice for the purchase price to be paid by banker's draft? In the UK the money is always transferred electronically, and in England and Wales, where it's common to have a chain of sales and purchases completing on one day,  it may start from one firm of solicitors at 9am and move through several sets of client accounts during the course of the day.  I can just see our residential conveyancing team going spare if they had to wait for a banker's draft as part of the process.
23
Family and Children / Re: BIL and the family visit/invasion
« Last post by jedikaiti on Today at 12:05:01 AM »
Any updates from the OP?
24
I think this is one of those cases where "I'm sorry you feel that way" can be used as a genuine voice of sympathy (note, not an apology). If I were the OP I wouldn't want to come across as apologizing for it, or regretting what I'd done, because I wouldn't feel I'd done anything wrong. However, I would feel badly for my friend that she still is in such a bad headspace - and thus the word of sympathy.

Yes, this. I absolutely hate non-apologies, but in this case the message is that the OP has done nothing wrong but is sorry for the friend feeling the way she does. The message that the non-apology sends is the right message here.

Well, how about "I'm sorry it's uncomfortable for you" or "I'm sorry it hurts you"?  There's just something about "I'm sorry you feel that way" -- it always feels to me a little bit like it's criticizing the listener for feeling as she does. 

I certainly agree that the OP has done nothing wrong.  But I think that Mary's feelings, not the OP's innocence, need to be the main point of this sentence.  Communicating "I'm sorry that what I did hurt you" does not mean "I'm sorry I did what I did, and it was wrong of me to do it."  It just shows you care about the effects of your actions, even when you are completely justified in taking them and aren't sorry you did.  Like my analogy of accidentally, even unavoidably, breaking something -- you say "I'm sorry I broke it," not "I'm sorry it's broken."

If the OP decides that it is necessary to discuss that she plans to continue the relationship with George at all, I would put that in a separate sentence.

Either of your two first suggestions would work for me too :) They convey the same message to me. Not being a native English speaker, I might not have the same visceral reaction to "I'm sorry you feel that way" as others.

But I disagree with your analogy. "I'm sorry I broke it" absolutely indicates guilt and regret to me. The difference is that in that situation I'd be happy to express both guilt and regret, because I'd have done sonething wrong (even if it was unavoidable) - in the OP's situation I wouldn't have.
25

It can be hard to say what the actual situation was from one, highly biased, view.

It might be that George was stringing her along while actively searching for someone new, using her hope of them getting back together to get what he wanted, and then dropping her when he found someone better.

Or, it might be that George was actually pretty clear about breaking up, but Mary was pushing to keep being friends, and using that to campaign for getting back together, and he wasn't determined enough in pushing her away (or didn't recognize that she wanted to get back together, rather than actually being friends).

The problem is that from the point of view of the Mary in this situation, there's a good chance that she would describe both situations the same way, as her being treated badly by George.
26
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Last post by JadeAngel on Yesterday at 11:21:12 PM »
Job seeker - Wearing high wedge flip flops that make an enormous slapping sound with every step is not conducive to the professional position you are interviewing for.

I hate that sound!!  I used to sit in my office and listen to women slapping up and down the halls with flip flops/slides.  The sound is so distracting and unprofessional.

I went for a job interview once and as the interviewer was walking me up the stairs to take a tour of the office the strap on my sandal snapped. I did the entire tour trying to keep the shoe on and not limp and cringing every time my shoe made that slapping noise. I didn't get the job, no idea if the shoe contributed or not but it was one of the more mortifying experiences of my life...
27
Family and Children / Re: Family Wedding and guilt. Sigh.
« Last post by MinAvi on Yesterday at 10:58:31 PM »
Wow indeed! Your mum, aunts and grandmother went above and beyond the call of duty. Frankly, I wouldn't have even cooked the meat and vegies; just called the Bride's family over and told them to take care of it.

Does your uncle have any idea of how much his elderly mother and sisters did? Did he know that his new bride referred to his family as "trash"? And if he does know these things, how on earth does it not bother him? I can't wrap my head around the mentality of some people.

To be fair, she only referred to my sister and I as trash. We are the most successful people in the family (both financially and career wise) I am married, own property and pets and I frequent this forum (which should be proof enough of my high level of class! :P) The Bride is actually younger than I am and I think she is intimidated by both my sister and I.

The Groom knows what they did, but just laughed it off and treated it like it was no big deal. All Groom's family spends the wedding day cooking and cleaning and being disrespected by the Brides family, dontcha know?

The Groom is a strange personality. Friendliest guy you will ever meet, but the backbone of a wet noodle. Everyone should be happy and friendly all the time. No conflict, no negativity, everything is a joke. I am starting to think the pushover/obliviousness he portrays is actually all a bit of an act. He is much sharper than he lets on, but this way people just go 'yeah, well that's Bob for ya' and he goes on his merry way doing whatever he wants.

Personally, if it was me - I would have sat back and watched the train wreck as people got hungry and no food appeared, left early and got fast food on the way home. But my Mum and aunts love their brother and wanted the day to be perfect for him. Trash acts like that apparently.
28
Family and Children / Re: Family Wedding and guilt. Sigh.
« Last post by LifeOnPluto on Yesterday at 10:44:07 PM »
Wow indeed! Your mum, aunts and grandmother went above and beyond the call of duty. Frankly, I wouldn't have even cooked the meat and vegies; just called the Bride's family over and told them to take care of it.

Does your uncle have any idea of how much his elderly mother and sisters did? Did he know that his new bride referred to his family as "trash"? And if he does know these things, how on earth does it not bother him? I can't wrap my head around the mentality of some people. 
29
Family and Children / Re: MIL and her "request"
« Last post by darkprincess on Yesterday at 10:41:42 PM »
If there is no toxivity I think you should consider trying the restaurant idea or just a holiday meal for one year. It doesn't have to include future commitments.
If their is toxivity, or history of bad behaviour listen to your husbands wishes because it is his family, then think about it a lot and then feel free to maintain your current boundaries.
30
Family and Children / Re: Family Wedding and guilt. Sigh.
« Last post by sammycat on Yesterday at 10:40:12 PM »
:o

...the only ones that want to come out of my mouth are ones that would get me in trouble on this board. Wow.

Ditto!!  :o :o >:( >:( 

Good grief!
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