News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • February 12, 2016, 04:36:41 PM

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31
Awesome Paralegal did admit she and certain others may be forcing themselves to consciously NOT hum a particular celebratory song that appears in the Wizard of Oz shortly after Dorothy's arrival in Munchkinland, albeit with adjustments to the lyrics  >:D

Aww, but "Ding, dong, the Queen is gone!" actually rhymes BETTER than the original lyrics!
32
Techno-quette / Re: FB and the dearly departed....
« Last post by Winterlight on Today at 02:49:30 PM »
I would be very upset if a family member passed away and someone not related took it upon themselves to memorialize their page. For some people, that may be a step in the grieving process that they need to work up to, or it might be that the deceased wanted it to remain active. It's incredibly presumptuous in my opinion to take that away from the family members.

I lost a friend in college. When his birthday came around that year and Facebook reminded me, it was a shock, but it never would have occurred to me to have the page memorialized of my own volition. That choice was left to those mourning his loss far more deeply than I was.

ITA. When a dear friend died, his wife did not choose to memorialize his page for nearly a year. If anyone else had tried, she would have been deeply hurt. Not my page, not my job.
33
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by ladyknight1 on Today at 02:36:58 PM »
A former executive (FE) employee is now contacting my departmental IT staff to request they repair her personal computer.

FE has been gone for two months.
FE lives a few hours away now.
FE is being pushy in her email and phone requests.

Staff has declined to help her, citing policy. FE called to say she lost her password to the device and can't do anything. She was referred to her local Microsoft store.
34
Life...in general / Re: Waiting for a parking space
« Last post by DanaJ on Today at 02:33:29 PM »
But you actually have let a stranger influence you here. Instead of just getting in your car and leaving when you intended to, you went back in the store on a fictitious errand. How does that help you? Doesn't it unnecessarily increase the time it takes you to do your own errands?

I understand being irritated by honking, that would totally make me want to take longer. But it would be retaliatory rudeness, IMO.

I think part of it stems from the unintentional "sense of menacing" that the stalkers project as described upthread. Follow me in a parking lot? No, sorry. That's creepy. Especially if there are plenty of other spaces available a little farther along. You could be looking for a spot or you could be planning on mugging me.

You're following me, I don't know you, and I'm carrying a bag with the Apple logo. I'm going back to the store or cutitng through a line of cars to get away from you. That's not retaliatory rudeness, that's "getting away from the creep who's following me."

Edit: Plus, you're already being creepy, so how do I know that you won't turn into a road-raging Donkey when you feel that I'm taking to long to organize my stuff, check my phone, and actually pull out. The 60 seconds it takes me to adjust course so you go away, is well worth not feeling rushed or "menaced."
35
Life...in general / Re: Cancelling one event, then going to another
« Last post by tabitha on Today at 02:31:55 PM »
It only comes naturally to be suspicious if one is the contact person Alice called to say she is sick.  Otherwise, I think the natural thing would be to give the situation no thought. Unless one is the investigative, suspicious type who is always thinking something negative if another doesn't behave the way that the investigative person would.

If that's the case, one is always going to find something.

But again, it must be cultural. Alice must live somewhere where everyone's individual actions are pieced together and assessed and judged without her being asked. 


Or, it could be like it is in this case, where Alice tells her friend what she did and some perspective is sought on how others would handle or perceive the same situation.  If I didn't know Alice had a volunteer commitment that she called in sick to, when I saw her out to eat, then obviously I wouldn't give it a second thought, but thinking about something that you know of, does not make one an investigative busy-body digging for dirt on others.

It does, if after telling you she called in sick, but is feeling better and that's why she wanted to have dinner with you...you become suspicious that something is up...but don't ask her directly.  Instead you just smile through the dinner and then later call a third party to say "she told me she was feeling better but I think it is an obvious lie, what do you think"

But I am confused. Did Alice call Beth, ask her for dinner and then they ate dinner? And at a later date Beth asked Alice to go out for dinner again next Thursday and Alice said I can't, I volunteer on Thursdays? Or did Beth ask Alice at the end of the dinner if Alice could come next Thursday, and Alice said "I cant I have a commitment" and Beth didn't ask Alice to confirm the details, but instead called OP to ask what her opinion of what the details could possibly be?

Either way, it's way over the top. And if Beth thought Alice was playing hooky and disapproved, she should just tell Alice that.  Again, having dinner with a friend is not a sign of being a liar, an irresponsible or a thoughtless person in this incident. Unless all these things are already known about Alice.
36
Gifts, Registries and Money / Re: Department Store Registry Woes
« Last post by camlan on Today at 02:31:47 PM »
Because the best outcome in all of this is that you take the cash equivalent of what people had tried to spend at the department store, find your dinner set somewhere else, and buy similar pieces yourself. If you can't get actual cash from the department store, but you would have spent an amount equivalent to the gift vouchers there eventually, then you can just use your own money and all is well. But if you wouldn't otherwise have spent that amount of money at the department store, then gift vouchers are rather useless to you and you might consider pressing the store for an alternative solution to this problem.

I'm also curious how many people tried to purchase things off your registry, and how close to you or your fiance they are. And also if the department store would be willing to issue refunds to the original purchasers. Because if a close friend or relative came to me and explained a similar situation, but told me that the store would issue me a refund and they were registering for the same dinner set at a different store, I'd absolutely take that refund and go buy something from the dinner set at the other store. My goal as the gift giver would be to give the bride/groom what they actually wanted, and as long as it wouldn't require lots of convoluted steps for me to get my money back and buy the thing from the other store, I'd be more than happy to do that.

I wouldn't personally be comfortable asking anyone but a close friend or relative to take a refund and use it somewhere else, and I think how I'd react to that as a gift giver would sort of depend on the circumstances. But if there aren't many people who have tried to buy off the original registry, and they're all close enough to you that you talk to them on a regular basis, you might ask the department store if they'll issue refunds to the purchasers if they refuse to issue an actual refund (in money, not gift vouchers) to you.

This part of Dindrane's post got me thinking.  I'm from the US, so I'm not sure what is common practice in the UK, but the store practices seem shady to me.  In the case of ordered merch not being available, shouldn't the default scenario be to refund the person who spent money to order the merch? 

In any case, i like the suggestions of the  grapevine, but I'd maybe escalate this issue to department store corporate, if possible.

The reason the store isn't just refunding the purchasers, which I agree it should, is that it has the money they spent and it wants to keep the money they spent. Simple as that.

Refunding the original purchasers means they lose the money. Giving cash instead of a store voucher to the OP means they lose the money.

If the UK store is anything like the US store where I used to work, salespeople are tracking on how much they sell. The bride consultant is tracked on how many registries are opened, the dollar/pound value of the things on the registry, etc.

Losing the sale by refunding the money and/or losing the registry by having the OP close it hurts their sales figures, so they try to make that not happen.

I do not know if refunds are a possibility at this store, but the OP should pressure them a bit to see if it can be done. They aren't going to volunteer that option, but they may admit it's a possibility if asked directly.

And the staff in the store probably didn't know that the dinnerware was about to be discontinued. I worked in the home department of a large US department store chain, and while someone in the corporate offices would know what was being discontinued, we did not. We learned when a "closeout" sale sign went up, or we went to order something for a customer and found that we couldn't anymore.
37
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by magicdomino on Today at 02:31:43 PM »
Here's a special snowflake who is lucky to be alive...

I was waiting at home for an appliance delivery, when I got a call from the delivery driver. It seems that someone couldn't wait long enough for them to get through an intersection, and the driver of a small vehicle pulled out in front of them. They slammed on the brakes, but they hit the car so hard that the truck couldn't even be started afterwards to get it out of the way. It had to be unloaded into another truck, then towed. The guy sounded pretty shaken, and he said he just couldn't believe that no one was hurt based on the amount of damage to the truck and car.

I asked the 2nd set of delivery people later if they saw the truck, and the one guy's eyes got wide, and he just nodded and said the front was baaaaadddd... Luckily, nothing got damaged, as everything was tied down pretty well. I was surprised that they were still able to get to me that day, just 6 hours later than planned (they had to do all of their deliveries first, then play catch-up).

I just wonder what was going through that girl's head when she thought she could beat a truck?


"Trucks are sooo slow. I can beat him, no problem."   ::)
38
Life...in general / Re: What are you doing at this time?
« Last post by BlendedFamily on Today at 02:23:43 PM »
I used to get asked this on a regular basis by friends and in laws. At first I was excited, "I'm not doing anything, why?" Thinking they'd invite me out to girls night or coffee or dinner etc. It was always followed up with "great, I need a sitter, I'm going out with so and so". But there was no way to back out because Ive already told them that im not doing anything.  I got really Leary after that and started answering with "oh I have to X y and z. Why?" Then if it was actually dinner/coffee/girls night, I could gladly agree to drop X y and z for their fun event. The dinner/coffee/girls night has never happened so my stock answer has remained that I'm busy. Now I have a daughter of babysitting age, so no one asks me any longer.

You definitely need to set up a departure time. "Sure I'd love to meet you at 9 for coffee, but I need to be out of there by 10". I definitely think when y'all had agreed to leave then mom found someone to chat with, you could have ended your entrapment there.
39
Life...in general / Re: Cancelling one event, then going to another
« Last post by Zizi-K on Today at 02:22:32 PM »
Jumping in late here, but did Beth ever find out why exactly it was that Alice felt unwell? I know some people speculated a cold or a flare-up of some chronic condition, but my mind went first to upset tummy/diarrhea. That's exactly the kind of thing that would prompt one to cancel a commitment, but then could resolve itself so that a person would feel up for dinner.

It is rude to knowingly expose someone to germs, but unless Alice is really careless or self-absorbed, that probably wasn't the case. And if it was a cold, wouldn't Beth be able to tell sitting across a table from Alice for two hours?
40
Between this, his attitude towards the less fortunate, and the online rudeness I am pretty well convinced that arms length acquaintance is the way to go here.

Your new information makes me raise my eyebrow even higher. I think you are wise to go this route. I have read your posts on here for some time... you can make better friends, no problem!   ;)
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