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31
Life...in general / Re: I can't imagine how I would respond to this...
« Last post by TootsNYC on Today at 10:49:52 AM »
I'm with LifeOnPluto and Bijou.

(But I also think their reaction, however it was motivated, was bad form.)
32
Family and Children / Re: Doesn't Qualify As Family, Update Post 71
« Last post by LeveeWoman on Today at 10:47:55 AM »
Quote from: miranova on Today at 10:38:25 AM
Quote from: LeveeWoman on Today at 10:36:26 AM
Quote from: miranova on Today at 10:34:32 AM
I do not agree at all with the double standard they are portraying.  At all.  However, I do know people who sincerely feel that they are doing people a favor by not inviting them to certain events.  Some people feel bad when others take time off and travel for their events so they limit the guest list so that they aren't "asking too much" of certain people.  I don't really agree with this line of thinking but I do know people who sincerely believe it and actually aren't trying to snub people when they do it.  They feel bad about others going out of their way for their event.

So I actually think it's possible that they didn't want to burden her with the travel for their event.  Short sighted, clueless, yes but I'm not ready to say that they were deliberately snubbing her and hurting her feelings intentionally.  They have now extended an invitation, which everyone is now saying should be turned down.  I guess there was no way they could win here.


They didn't mind putting her out to help host the shower, nor are they minding putting her out to be the MC at the future reception.

Yes I saw that, but those don't involve travel or taking time off work since they are local to her.  I am not saying I agree, I am just saying that it's not necessarily an intentional snub or some kind of message they are sending about marriage vs. living together.


I don't think it is at all acceptable to refuse to host someone whom you've had host you and have requested to work at another event you'll host.
33
Life...in general / Re: Not so friendly jibes becoming tiresome
« Last post by sunnygirl on Today at 10:47:44 AM »
I don't think there is an objective standard for how much talking is 'too much.' Everyone has a different level. Some people don't talk that much and are happy to be with someone who will to talk a lot and carry the bulk of the conversation. Others love to hear the sound of their own voice  and so prefer to talk to people who will act as more of an audience. When you have two people who are both very talkative, sometimes they can get competitive.

It sounds like both women are pretty talkative. Possibly the friend prefers to do the bulk of the talking in conversations, but finds she isn't able to talk as much as she'd like to/what feels natural for her, because of the OP's dd also being talkative. It doesn't mean the OP's dd talks too much, or that anyone else has a problem with her. But that the friend is frustrated that she isn't able to talk as much as she would like when with the OP's dd, and doesn't know how to articulate her feelings about that well.

Otoh the OP said she felt the friend might be scapegoating, and often the traits we most dislike in others are the ones we ourselves suffer from. So it might well be that.

If the dd wants to preserve the friendship, it might be worthwhile sitting down with the friend for a serious chat and saying flat out, "Do you feel like you don't get to talk enough when we have conversations, because you keep making comments that I find hurtful and I'd like to know why and how we can resolve this."

34
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by gramma dishes on Today at 10:45:18 AM »
^^^   "Not really!  I was able to pay him with the money I saved on food!"   ;D
35
Life...in general / Re: Not so friendly jibes becoming tiresome
« Last post by TootsNYC on Today at 10:42:48 AM »
As an extrovert, I love when there are other extroverts, because I get a chance to listen, and there's some "counterpressure" to keep *me* from monopolizing the conversation.

So "talkative" isn't automatically a bad thing!!
36
Family and Children / Re: Doesn't Qualify As Family, Update Post 71
« Last post by miranova on Today at 10:38:25 AM »
Quote from: LeveeWoman on Today at 10:36:26 AM
Quote from: miranova on Today at 10:34:32 AM
I do not agree at all with the double standard they are portraying.  At all.  However, I do know people who sincerely feel that they are doing people a favor by not inviting them to certain events.  Some people feel bad when others take time off and travel for their events so they limit the guest list so that they aren't "asking too much" of certain people.  I don't really agree with this line of thinking but I do know people who sincerely believe it and actually aren't trying to snub people when they do it.  They feel bad about others going out of their way for their event.

So I actually think it's possible that they didn't want to burden her with the travel for their event.  Short sighted, clueless, yes but I'm not ready to say that they were deliberately snubbing her and hurting her feelings intentionally.  They have now extended an invitation, which everyone is now saying should be turned down.  I guess there was no way they could win here.


They didn't mind putting her out to help host the shower, nor are they minding putting her out to be the MC at the future reception.

Yes I saw that, but those don't involve travel or taking time off work since they are local to her.  I am not saying I agree, I am just saying that it's not necessarily an intentional snub or some kind of message they are sending about marriage vs. living together.
37
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: An Adult Should Really Know This - Silly Things You've Had to Tell People
« Last post by lady_disdain on Today at 10:38:19 AM »
I had to enlighten a class mate (final year computer engineering student) what the initial IT meant on a job listing.
38
Family and Children / Re: Doesn't Qualify As Family, Update Post 71
« Last post by LeveeWoman on Today at 10:36:26 AM »
Quote from: miranova on Today at 10:34:32 AM
I do not agree at all with the double standard they are portraying.  At all.  However, I do know people who sincerely feel that they are doing people a favor by not inviting them to certain events.  Some people feel bad when others take time off and travel for their events so they limit the guest list so that they aren't "asking too much" of certain people.  I don't really agree with this line of thinking but I do know people who sincerely believe it and actually aren't trying to snub people when they do it.  They feel bad about others going out of their way for their event.

So I actually think it's possible that they didn't want to burden her with the travel for their event.  Short sighted, clueless, yes but I'm not ready to say that they were deliberately snubbing her and hurting her feelings intentionally.  They have now extended an invitation, which everyone is now saying should be turned down.  I guess there was no way they could win here.


They didn't mind putting her out to help host the shower, nor are they minding putting her out to be the MC at the future reception.
39
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: An Adult Should Really Know This - Silly Things You've Had to Tell People
« Last post by veronaz on Today at 10:36:02 AM »
I've been amazed at the number of people who think:
Africa is a country
Apartheid just meant it was separate from the US
Cuba is part of Mexico
 ???

40
Family and Children / Re: Doesn't Qualify As Family, Update Post 71
« Last post by miranova on Today at 10:34:32 AM »
I do not agree at all with the double standard they are portraying.  At all.  However, I do know people who sincerely feel that they are doing people a favor by not inviting them to certain events.  Some people feel bad when others take time off and travel for their events so they limit the guest list so that they aren't "asking too much" of certain people.  I don't really agree with this line of thinking but I do know people who sincerely believe it and actually aren't trying to snub people when they do it.  They feel bad about others going out of their way for their event.

So I actually think it's possible that they didn't want to burden her with the travel for their event.  Short sighted, clueless, yes but I'm not ready to say that they were deliberately snubbing her and hurting her feelings intentionally.  They have now extended an invitation, which everyone is now saying should be turned down.  I guess there was no way they could win here.
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