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I would, but if you choose not to make sure your guests know in advance.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Silly Reasons You Dumped Someone
« Last post by poundcake on Today at 10:41:24 AM »
I posted that I dumped someone  over a name, both my father's and brother's names to be exact. However, there was also  Joe - Joe or maybe it was spelled JoJo. Any how, I couldn't get passed a grown man with that name. Sure, it's cute for a toddler, but not a twenty something year old. He refused to allow anyone to call him just Joe.

Was he from Tombstone, AZ? If so then he probably needed to get back to where he once belonged.

I love you.

Quote
Guy thought it was a silly reason but, as with many other things, he was wrong.

I was a single mom with one child in high school and one older. The younger one played on his school basketball team and was on a select soccer team, so practices and games filled most of my nights and weekends. Guy didn't want to come to son's soccer games unless there was going to be something exciting like blood and teeth being kicked out. Dumped him for good one night when he asked if I had to go to all of son's games. Yes. Yes, I do.

Guy very quickly found a childless woman to go out with, so I doubt he mourned me all that much.  ::)

This is a huge issue for me with a relative. He does not want children at all. He makes disparaging comments about single mothers looking for new "baby daddies." Yet he regularly dates women with children. And then gets mad that they prioritize their children over him. Sorry, that is absolutely out of line, fella. Of course, I also wonder about the women with children who continue to date the guy who busts out with the "I hate kids, I don't want anything to do with kids" on the first or second date, too. But he's the real jerk in the situation.
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Family and Children / Re: The Gifts are coming (no they're not)
« Last post by GreenHall on Today at 10:25:01 AM »
A bit snarky, but how about - "You could just get the same thing as last year - that was fine."  If it is really a mistake on her part, maybe thinking about what she (didn't) get you last year would open her eyes?
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by Kiwichick on Today at 10:24:42 AM »
I recently watched Robin Williams "Weapons of Self Destruction" and he suggested that if you have a relative with dementia, put them on the phone with a telemarketer. She'll think she's talking to a long lost relative and the telemarketer will never call you again. Win-win!

My mum has dementia, I can't imagine doing this to her.  I'm more than surprised to read something as cruel as this here.
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I think there is a large aspect in the reason why the person sharing the information is sharing.

In the case of the dating co-workers, I don't see it as gossip. The guy was talking about his life to his co-workers which also happened to involve another co-worker. He might be oversharing about their relationship and that is a valid reason to not want to date someone. But I don't see it as gossip.

In Lowspark example, that was pure gossip. The speaker was not sharing info about their own lives and was not sharing info to Lowspark that she needed.

However, let's say instead Nancy told Lowspark that Mary is involved in a pyramid marketing program and has in the past struck up friendships as only a way to try and get others involved in their program. If there's no interest Mary drops the person as a friend. In this case, Nancy is probably telling Lowspark something she wouldn't say in front of Mary. However her intent is to warn Lowspark so she can be alert to any signs of a false friendship. I have a hard time calling that gossip.

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Methinks you might want to distance yourself from coworker if she's this paranoid.

I think you handled it fine--it's her own problem if she doesn't believe you, after asking such a nosy question--and I also agree with the above. That kind of paranoia/nosiness/insecurity is a big turn-off for me.
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Family and Children / Re: The Gifts are coming (no they're not)
« Last post by Lynn2000 on Today at 10:18:27 AM »
Can you try the tactic of suggesting, "You know, let's not do gifts any more.  Let's just keep it simple and skip gifts from now on."  It does involve acting like the fictional gifts have actually been happening, but if the end result is that the fiction of gifts can now stop, it would be an improvement.  If she went along with it, then the promises would finally stop.  Also, if you're suggesting no gifts, then it's hard to accuse you of being materialistic.

I like this. I would say this once as an opening response. If she repeats in the same conversation that gifts will be coming later or says it again in later conversations, I'd respond every time with, "No, we'll skip gifts from now on." That could be your "cut-and-paste" or "Toots Special."

Because she also rubs salt in the wound by discussing what she's bought for others, that's probably the point when I'd end the conversation. When she starts talking about what she bought for so-and-so, I'd say, "Mom, sorry, I have to go." And hang up every time.

Both of these are more indirect ways of dealing with the problem. If she asks why you don't want to exchange gifts play along with the fictional gifts anymore, I like JenJay's wording.

A more direct way of handling it would be to respond directly with what JenJay suggests when she brings up sending gifts later. If she plays that off as if you're being gift-grabby, let that be her problem. She saves face by making you out to be gift-grabby. And that may be the place where there are no magic words to fix her perceptions. I wouldn't worry too much about her perceptions or defend myself against them. If she makes comments about how you're only in it for the gifts, a non-apology or similar statement might be appropriate: "I'm sorry you think that" or "It's too bad you think that." And then end the conversation.

POD to this. It sounds like some of the symptoms, at least, would be treated if she drops the fiction of sending you gifts and the description of what she gets for other people--even if this doesn't address the root cause.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by Harriet Jones on Today at 10:14:28 AM »

We got an email from our ISP telling us one of our computers was sending out junk and they were going to cut off our service until the offending computer was disinfected. So I called them and it turned out the email was legit. Our son had installed malware on his laptop. It was so bad he ended up having to get a new one.

That's happened to us, too.  Something like this should be verifiable by your ISP if (general) *you* call *them*
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Silly Reasons You Dumped Someone
« Last post by AfleetAlex on Today at 10:14:16 AM »
I dated a guy who went by Jimmy.  Never Jim. Always Jimmy.

That was bad enough but he also was shocked when I mentioned that I was no fan of Wings but had a crush on Paul McCartney when he was still with the Beatles.
His shock was at the fact that Paul McCartney was with a band before Wings.... 
The saddest part.... Jimmy was a rock musician by profession.
:o :o :o
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Years ago, when I was the payroll person, I worked for a company which employed sales reps (lots of bonuses) and service techs (Lots of overtime).  My IRS tax guide out lined several different ways to calculate withholding (treating the bonus as if a regular biweekly paycheck, combining bonus and regular paycheck together and taxing as if this were a biweekly paycheck, and so forth).

The bottom line: at the end of the year, the total annual withholding should be close (no more than 5% off, I think) to what it would have been had the employee been paid one large annual paycheck, and the IRS thoughtfully included an annual chart.

This requires careful monitoring on the part of the employer, but the IRS wants the end result to balance.  Also if the end result is way off (not enough or too much withheld from the variance allowed), the IRS holds the employer liable.
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