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  • August 04, 2015, 03:13:11 PM

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In case anyone ever needs it, here's how to bypass that situation the next time:
"Oh, this recipe takes 2 hours of work, and we need to eat in half an hour.  I'll just pan fry this fish and saute the veggies for dinner tonight."

I love that -- that or, okay, we'll be fixing PB&Js for everyone for dinner so the kids could eat with us and go to bed right away (I love PB&Js so I'd be fine with it).  No fish pie.
Family and Children / Re: Wedding and Milestone Birthday Dilemma
« Last post by Ryuugan80 on Today at 02:06:30 PM »
Context and body language matters. For example, saying "Oh, you got X award? That's great!" sounds perfectly fine in text, but if that someone said it with a roll of the eyes or a shrug, or a hand wave, it comes across as clearly sarcastic and dismissive.

The fact that the OP said that it made her feel like an afterthought (combined with the pressure to spend the whole weekend on the wedding and drop already made plans), makes it seem like the in laws might be closer to the dismissive side in the way they made the suggestion.

It makes me wonder if the in laws believe that on the one hand, weddings >>  birthdays so OP should come of course, but on the other hand, would not have even considered moving the date to a weekend that held the date of one of their immediate family's birthdays (because Mom/brother/best friend/whatever LOVES their birthday! They'd have a big bash that I'd be invited to planned!).

As if, since the OP isn't having some huge party, they believe it must not be that important to her so why is she making a big deal out of it now?
You want me to cook you folks up a flat egg?

(That's what my family calls an omelet with nothing added -- most of my life I thought an omelet had stuff in it and when it didn't, it was a flat egg.)

Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: "Regrets Only" Follow-up
« Last post by Danika on Today at 02:02:44 PM »
Regrets Only means only contact me if you aren't coming.

It is apparent to me that most people of my generation (born in the 70s and 80s) in my suburban area in the US do not know what Regrets Only or RSVP mean. They just ignore an invitation if they don't plan to come.

So it's likely that if you used Regrets Only or RSVP on an invitation here, anyway, many people would not reply at all because they would not plan to come.
This is one of those letters on Dear Abby that seem so over the top with righteousness that it sounds more like the DIL wrote it than the MIL.

or it was written by my ex-MIL   :o

I tell my DD, listen to all the free advice you get and make your own decisions.  Don't let anyone convince you to do something you don't feel right about - including ME sugar.  These are your kids, yours.

Family and Children / Re: Wedding and Milestone Birthday Dilemma
« Last post by shortstuff on Today at 02:01:58 PM »
The point would be that the in-laws don't have to be villians because they view the wedding and the activities surrounding them as a more important event that the OP's group birthday party.  And the OP is not self absorbed because she views her milestone birthday, and previous plans, as something more important that her SIL's wedding. 

Etiquette says that we can think whatever we want, even if it's unpleasant, but that it turns into rudeness to actually voice those negative opinions, right?  For me, the ILs cross the line because according to the OP - and I'm taking her at her word because I see no reason not to - they have repeatedly voiced their unpleasant opinions so often and in such a way that the OP feels guilted and manipulated.  They can have their thoughts and their views, but to unkindly verbalize them directly to the OP is coming across as trivializing her, her birthday, and her prior plans. 

The problem for me, here, is not that she wants to celebrate her birthday as originally planned, but that she also wants her DH to choose her birthday.  Like her, he has a choice.  She doesn't have to like it, and he can do whatever he wants.  He has offered a compromise that should help his family stay off her back.  If her in-laws have to accept her choice, then I think she needs to accept her husband's and not villianize the inlaws because he made a reasonable choice she doesn't like.

I thought the thing that made the OP furious was that originally, throughout multiple steps of drama, the husband's initial choice was to celebrate the birthday with the wife.  He had plans to celebrate with OP, the wedding changed dates, and (I thought) he still planned to celebrate with OP.  It wasn't until after a few discussions of the wedding that husband changed his mind and decided to stay at the wedding.  I think from the OP's POV, she wouldn't have minded that, if it really was husband's choice.  I think it looks like husband caved to whoever was going to make his life more difficult.  To me, it reframes it: it's not husband's choice at all.  If it was, he would have made it without his family pressuring him.

Again, this was how I interpreted things.  I'm not sure exactly what, if any, pressure was exerted on DH. 
37 general / Re: Is this a fair deal?
« Last post by ladyknight1 on Today at 01:58:54 PM »
Also, if the cooking people want to bring the food to the cabin, they have to plan some sort of a menu, at least a listing of basics they plan to have.
That's exactly why all of us are so stunned. Because a bride always invites all her bridesmaids if she has a bachelorette party. And usually also invites additional friends.

I think this really depends on the reasons bridesmaids were chosen and the activities for the bachelorette party.
I was just downstairs @ work and ran into a neighbor who was filling me in on something that I suspect will result in PD.

The county just repaved the streets in my neighborhood. Good work, looks nice, was overdue. But apparently the crew boss is a bit of a jerk. Scratch that: A raging jerk.

One of my very sweet neighbors, "Joe," owns the vacant lot next to his house. He also owns a plumbing business. From time to time, he will bring the vans from the plumbing business to have them detailed/paint touched up, and park them on the vacant lot. There's plenty of room - it's a big lot and he only has 7 vans or so.

The county had been staging its paving equipment from that lot. I assumed that they had Joe's permission. Apparently not. Joe, being a nice and unassuming guy, didn't say anything until last week, when he needed to park the vans there. He asked them to keep a section of the lot clear so that he could get the vans in and have room to park. He wasn't even saying "keep your equipment off my lot," just that they were to leave a section of the lot free.

The crew boss went off on him. Said he'd park his equipment anywhere he *&*% pleased. That he had "right of way" (he does not) and ... oh, a bunch of other things (I didn't get the full details from my neighbor but apparently the conversation was extended, quite loud and markedly profane). Joe, who is normally mild-mannered, did give as good as he got. But he's got a little more left to give.

See, Joe is one of those guys who, come election time, has a yard full of candidate signs. He's on first-name basis with several local politicians. If the crew boss had been paying attention to the name on those vans, he would have realized that Joe was probably really connected and, well, not the kind of person to cross, particularly since Joe had been perfectly accommodating right up to the point where he needed to use a portion of his own property.

I, for one, am verrrry interested to see what's going to happen next.

That one sounds like it will be a lot of fun to see as a spectator, not so much if you're the raging jerk...
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Funny misunderstandings
« Last post by rose red on Today at 01:55:41 PM »
Why is it confusing that someone might know the term "root beer" and *not* know "ginger beer"?   The only reason I know ginger beer was due to reading some British fiction.  Pretty much every other beer in the US contains alcohol

Right. It's like root beer is a separate entity and you don't even hear the word "beer" anymore. I can totally see mistaking ginger beer for an alcoholic drink. I think explaining it as "it's like root beer" will make the light bulb go off.

We get so used to words and putting them in it's own boxes. For the longest time, I thought hard lemonade is an innocent drink. I never considered the word "hard." If I thought about it, I probably thought it meant super strong lemon flavor.
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