News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • September 29, 2016, 08:52:41 AM

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Humor Me! / Re: Word Association Game
« Last post by Marga on Today at 02:24:59 AM »
Pipe
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I think by offering a valuable item to your friend for free, that's a favor. In return for that favor, it was her responsibility to pick up the item in a timely manner. She dropped her end of it. So that sort of voids the favor, or at least gives you the option of voiding it.


Yes, I think covers it. She said she was interested in it but needed to make arrangements in July. It's now almost October, and she hadn't made those arrangements. I think that's past the statute of limitations for free stuff.

When I sell or give stuff away, it goes to the first person who shows up with a way of transporting it. I will only hold it for a cash deposit, with a definite date of pickup. It's too easy for someone to say that they want it, then not follow through.
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Family and Children / Re: They Did It Again! (How's My Spine?)
« Last post by FauxFoodist on Yesterday at 11:56:36 PM »
FF, while I agree with you, I wouldn't be holding my breath for them to see this, or agree with it.  Ever.

Yeah, but since the money is coming from Yarnspinner, it's her option to deduct it from what she gives them...in a perfect world.  However, yes, I don't see them agreeing to it or, even, suggesting it.  In fact, during those periods that her father stays with her, *they* should be paying *her* for his care, not just Yarnspinner not giving them the money for that timeframe.
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I don't feel bad, not to worry! Actually I had a second friend who wanted it if this one never did come for it, and I told her I was going to keep it and use it and she said "Good for you."
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There is one more thing you could do, if you want to risk the wrath of EH -- you wait until after the RSVPs come in and if you have room, invite those guests later.  We had several guests we couldn't invite because we didn't have the room (I have a lot of extended family, even with excluding most of my adult cousins and their families).  I realized after the declinations started coming in that we then had the room so I told DH if he still wanted to invite this person and that person, he could (those guests didn't care their invitations came later as they really really *really* wanted to attend our wedding).  We never intentionally b-listed anyone because we never planned on inviting those other guests to begin with once we finalized the guest list.  It did make a few individuals extremely happy to, ultimately, be invited after all.  I will forever feel bad about not inviting one couple at DH's insistence.  They were a wealthy couple from our parish and friendly enough with DH that they were considered for our guest list.  However, DH felt really uncomfortable with the idea of inviting them because they are so wealthy (so he thought it would look funny to invite them), despite me pointing out that he'd socialized with them enough it should be fine.  I tried really hard to let him know it would be okay to invite them, but he preferred we didn't so I gave in.  They ended up buying us a very generous wedding present off our registry ($$$ dollars), even though they weren't invited to our wedding.  There's no graceful way for him to ever tell them he didn't want to invite them because he didn't want to seem greedy due to their wealth so we will just always feel guilty about how generous and kind they were with us.

I only suggest this, despite it being considered officially poor etiquette, because your parents want to add 20 guests to your guest list (so as a last resort to appease them if they won't take no for an answer).  However, if you already have actual friends you'd rather invite if you just had the room, then I would just go with a really firm no to your parents and that the guest list has already been finalized.
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Be sure to report back if those dishes get done. Because I may have the same issue. ;D
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This reminds me of DH's aunt who I'm not so fond of anymore after a road trip with her last year.  Since I knew she and DH would be talking a lot, I figured I'd make things easier by having her sit in the front seat next to him while I sat in the back seat.  First, she kept trying to talk us into taking her car instead, under the guise that she didn't want us to adding to the wear-and-tear of our car on her account (we would've been taking the car anyway without her around).  She offered this when we told her we'd take her with us (DH relaying the offer to me), and I said we were better off taking our car because we'd be free to make a mess and not have to worry about dirtying up her car (she's a bit tightly wound; almost everything about her is "hospital corners" proper).  She still tried to talk us into taking her car when we picked her up so I told her honestly that we'd rather take our car and not have to worry about being too messy.  She then tried to insist I not "give up" the front seat, claiming that it was the seat of honor (or something like that) and that I, DH's wife, should be seated next to him.  I told her it was fine and that she could have the front seat.  She kept insisting.  I ignored her and heard her voice go up in a sharp, no-longer-pleasant tone and demand when I headed for the back seat.  I still ignored her and sat in the back seat (the last thing I wanted to have to worry about was DH being able to hear her talk from the back seat, plus I don't talk very much so it was better that she sit in the front).  The trip kinda went downhill from there (I think because her daughter, DH's cousin, cut her off, so she "needed" someone to berate as her surrogate offspring; according to DH, she usually did this to him, even when her daughter was still speaking to her).  After the way she treated me on this trip, I no longer thought the "Oh, don't be so generous on my account" routine was always on the up-and-up.  It's a shame because I was pretty fond of her until last year; she treated me that badly on that trip.  I now have my guard up whenever I see her because I'm going to be ready to fight back should she pick on me again as I don't trust her motives behind her "nice" tone anymore.
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Years ago I was shopping with my cousin. We both had young children and her son was trying to get out of their cart. I happened to notice just in time to grab him by his shirt and keep him from face planting. Some woman saw me and said to me: "You should never touch anyone else's child! They might think you were kidnapping him!"

My cousin said, "We are together. She would never let any child get hurt! How can you think it would be better for him to fall on his face than to catch him!"

Woman: "Well, I'll just be watching for her to be arrested because you are letting her think that was okay!"

Another woman: "Hell, lady, I'll go to court and testify for her! She put the child first!"

By that time my DD, who hated raised voices was crying, so I asked my cousin for her car keys and went to the car. When cousin and son came out to the car, the first woman was still haranguing her! We left and we never went back to that store, we would go to a different store in the chain, but not that one!

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I really appreciate all the advice.

I'm going to apologize for disappointing her and let her more details about why I decided to keep it.

Sounds good -- just don't let her make you feel bad about deciding to keep it (a polite friend, as others have pointed out, would apologize for making you wait all this time and back off the point that she is no longer getting the treadmill; I'd lose my patience and point out that if she'd really wanted it, she wouldn't have waited multiple months to get it and, even just before telling her it was no longer available, never scheduled an actual date to pick it up).
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Par-Tay! / Re: Rehearsal Time Confusion. Update 26
« Last post by FauxFoodist on Yesterday at 11:09:17 PM »
Why doesn't BTB just push the rehearsal time to 6pm since she had the option of choosing the time?
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