News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • January 20, 2017, 12:24:15 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Recent Posts

Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 8 9 10
31
All In A Day's Work / Re: Coworker Hides to Avoid Work
« Last post by FauxFoodist on Yesterday at 06:08:58 PM »
Seriously, I hope the boss is watching all this. And is getting the paperwork ready to either fire Nina or sit her down and have a serious talk about her work ethic, or lack thereof...

The thing is that Nina is a temp.  All that really has to be done is to terminate her contract and/or ask the agency to send them someone else.  Nothing actually has to be said to Nina -- not that I'd recommend that (having worked as a temp, it sucks to be treated like not an actual person).  However, Nina won't work so I don't really see the point in having a conversation about the fact she won't work.
32
Life...in general / Re: Apologies
« Last post by Psychopoesie on Yesterday at 06:05:04 PM »
Agree with Alicia, focus on what you're genuine sorry for and avoid justifying/explaining yourself (and pointing out whatever Rebecca did that was wrong in your eyes) or redefending the point you made at the party. Based on posts so far, not sure whether there is anything OP regrets about how she responded which makes an apology really tricky.

And it's really understandable for debates on hot topics to go pear shaped, even with no alcohol involved.

It may help to focus on Rebecca's perspective. It sounds like OP loves a good argument; Rebecca doesn't. Maybe she dislikes conflict (can relate to that). Maybe OP's passion about the subject seemed like an attack to her. Maybe this particular topic is a hot one for personal reasons. Maybe she doesn't think well on her feet. Maybe she felt trapped after making what she thought was a casual comment about a news item that she didn't expect to have to defend to this level of detail. Maybe she was embarrassed because she was the host and was being called her out in front of all her guests at her own party. Or some combination of all of the above. Lots of maybes since I don't know Rebecca or the people attending. Apologies that might come out of this, "I'm really sorry I upset you." "I'm really sorry I put you on the spot."

Or you could consider how you would have preferred to behave. Would it have been better to leave it at "I know that guy/case. Those allegations are totally unfounded. We'll have to agree to disagree" and changed the topic? If so, you could say, "I apologise for the way I handled our disagreement. I realise that debating it at length upset you. I wish I had simply stated my view and let the subject go."

Not saying those are the apologies OP should give, just some possibilities that may help focus on what needs to be repaired and made good, especially since it sounds like the quick on the spot apology and hug (which was a really good thing to do) didn't resolve this.

I also like jpchers idea (she posted as I typed) to ask her about what upset her about the debate on the night (if she's still upset). 
33
In the case of the jam being cross-contaminated by a buttered knife, I think this is where those little individual packets of butter and jams that restaurants have would come in very handy. 

I'm sure caterers already have access to these.
34
It's not the end of the world if there isn't a meal option provided for someone in every instance. I can think of many events I attended where I simply thought the food was bad and didn't eat it, even though it consisted of foods I normally love and eat. I've gone to weddings where I only had  soup and bread bc the main wasn't bad or professional gatherings where I ate a salad bc entree wasn't up to my taste standard. I get that certain people have medical issues where they need to eat at certain times but those folks should travel with snacks if illness is a possibility or eat before/after.

I've also gone to weddings where I end up stopping for fast food on the way back.  In my personal experience, plated meals are usually the worst because they don't take individual tastes in mind (I  realize this is difficult for caterers but small changes like asking if we want gravy would go a long way).  However, the couple/company/charity are paying a steep price for your meal (a higher markup than a restaurant) and the least you can get in return is a decent meal.  Many cases, the cost of the meal is being passed onto you through ticket prices or a cover your plate wedding gift culture.  But if I'm already paying $200 (random number) to go to an event, I shouldn't have to stop at McDonald's because I left hungry.
35
Quote
A baby was kidnapped from the hospital nursery after her mother gave birth in 1998.

The child has been found, age 18, and the woman who took her has been charged with kidnapping.

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/local/baby-kamiyah-kidnapped-hours-after-birth-in-jacksonville-found-alive-18-years-later/385810257

I can't imagine the heartbreak the child must be going through, to know that the person she loves as her mother did this horrific act.
36
Life...in general / Re: Apologies
« Last post by jpcher on Yesterday at 05:51:38 PM »
I'm confused.  You say you owe her an apology but meant every word you said, so what exactly is the apology for? Are you apologising for having your own opinion, or the way you expressed it? Is she not equally at fault?

I'm with Mustard -- why, exactly, do you feel the need to apologize?

You said in your OP

Anyway, I handled myself really well until one point where I just completely lost it. 

(snip)

By the way,  I did apologize before we left that night, and we left with hugs. But it wasn't anywhere near being able to repair the damage.

Then in your next post:

It is confusing, Mustard.  I did mean every word, I said.  And the weird thing is, although my heart was beating and my voice was shaking at the height of this, I did not poorly or aggressively express myself. 

The bolds above . . . the point where you completely lost it but you did not poorly or aggressively express yourself, and you apologized along with leaving with hugs.

What damage was done? That wasn't resolved with a hug and apology when you left?



I believe that apologies are never too late. 

(snip)

Your friend still cares about you if she sent you a Christmas card.  If you love your friend and wish to maintain this relationship you should figure out what you are specifically sorry about and apologize.  If it was your delivery, you demeanor, your words.  Maybe in your anger you dealt her a low blow and regret that.

I agree with Easter Hat . . . even though it sounds like (to me) that you have nothing further to apologize for it is obvious that you still think an additional apology is necessary.

Is she giving you the cold shoulder? I suggest that (after you've figured out what you're specifically sorry about) you give her a phone call to discuss the weather or whatnot. If she's open and friendly then I suggest that it's all under the bridge and forget about it.

If she feels cold to you then you can bring up "Are you still mad at me about that night?" and ask her "Why?" Listen to her thoughts before you reply.


A letter is one-sided. A phone call/real life conversation (invite her out for lunch?) is more personal.


Just my thoughts.




Alicia posted while I was typing.
37
Quote
I suspect I'm going to be looking for a polite way of saying "your lack of preparation is not my emergency." This is already a short turnaround deal, and they aren't paying me anywhere near enough for me to lose sleep in order to get it in on time.

Since they're paying you less than you usually would charge, is this a job you can afford to pass on?  Perhaps you need a way to let them know that if you don't get the work in a timely manner you won't be able to hold all night free waiting on them so you can start working on it. If so, I'd send them an email something like this, sent in such a way that you can tell if they received and read it:
Per our discussion earlier this month, I want to remind you again that it will take me a minimum of X hours to do the editing you need. If I get the work before 6pm today, I'll be able to have it completed by 3pm tomorrow.  After 6pm tonight it won't be possible for me to work on your project before 9am tomorrow, in which case it won't be ready until 6pm tomorrow. Or something like this. 
38
My hard drive died today. Completely. No life whatsoever. Thankfully there was nothing too vital on it...

My backup computer also won't run. No graphics. I think the connection to the motherboard rusted.

Now I'm stuck on the slowest laptop in tarnation. >:(
39
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by KB on Yesterday at 05:28:40 PM »
I just got a new one.  It was a local number so I answered. 
Me: "Hello?"
Moment of silence
Me: "Hello??"
Other end: "Hello? Oh, hi there!  Sorry, I was just having an issue with my headset.  I am calling because you recently stayed at one of our resorts"
Me: "Hello?"
Other end: continues on spiel
Me: end call.

So, they have recorded the machine to sound even more like a real person.  How annoying!

Next time just say 'hello' once and wait. The machine is waiting for an answering machine to click in, and by giving the gap before you say 'hello' again, you are triggering the system to continue. Wait and if it's a machine, it will disconnect the call within a few seconds, thinking you are an answering machine.
40
Life...in general / Re: Apologies
« Last post by Alicia on Yesterday at 05:24:28 PM »
It seems to me you should apologize for what you are sorry for. You are sorry for how vehemently,loudly and at what length ypu argued with her in public at the party.You are sorry that you were not diplomatic nor gracious. I would say these things while avoiding saying sorry for the content.
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 8 9 10