News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • May 01, 2016, 08:45:56 AM

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31
Life...in general / Re: Food complaints
« Last post by Raintree on Today at 12:57:14 AM »
Oh my, no!! I would never complain about a meal that someone else was treating me to!!! If they brought out the wrong thing (ie I ordered the steak and they brought me the chicken) I would let them know my order was incorrect, or if the chicken was undercooked and therefore unsafe to eat, I would say something, but "the portions are too small"? No!!! (I'd make a quiet mental note that the portions are small at this restaurant and choose not to eat there in future).

I think even if the steak was overcooked when I'd specified medium-rare, I would not say anything either, if someone else was treating, but that's just me. I think maybe it's ok to do that, but I would personally say nothing at all.

I've been taken to restaurants that I didn't think were good, in general (nothing specific but maybe overall not good food, and poor service) but I will still say, "thank you for the meal" and not complain. I think FIL was very rude.

32
Life...in general / Re: What Would You Have Done?
« Last post by SleepIsabella on Today at 12:45:44 AM »
All churches are run differently.  The one I went to as a child would be the opposite of how the I went to as a teen was run.  The one I went to during middle school was more relaxed and had a more casual dress code that encouraged rowdiness.

If the church is not to your liking just don't go there again.
33
For the record, I did an overnight upgrade on my Windows 7 system. It worked flawlessly the next day, and has for months. Just saying that it isn't a dumpster fire every time. ;D

I'm with you, Diane. DH did an upgrade on Windows 7, I did one on Windows 8.1. Both worked flawlessly, wthout any need to reinstall anything. All programs, files, folders, settings etc. stayed exactly as they'd been.
34
Life...in general / Re: At my wit's end with a neighbor and his loud hobby
« Last post by Raintree on Yesterday at 11:59:32 PM »
He has it idling for hours? I can't even think what that's doing to the air quality. We have laws stating that vehicles can't be idling for more than X minutes (I forgot how many - only a few minutes) and it wouldn't matter if he was there with it. That is ridiculous.
35
Life...in general / What Would You Have Done?
« Last post by LadyStormwing on Yesterday at 11:50:04 PM »
This afternoon, I went to a different religious service than the one I usually attend. I admit that I've been slacking the last month or so and haven't gone very often at all, as I've been ill, but I'm having minor-yet-complicated surgery next week and wanted to have all my bases covered, just in case. Anyway.

I arrived about 45 minutes before the service in order to pray and gather my thoughts, and a few other people had already arrived. Within fifteen minutes, another twenty or so came in and it went from a nice, meditative silence to an atomosphere akin to a Saturday afternoon ballgame, with people yelling to each other across the pews (and I mean yelling), cell phones going off (and being answered), loud conversation, and such a general disrespect for anyone else in the congregation. I don't know about anyone else who was there, but I promptly lost any ability to concentrate.

The sad part was, these were adults, middle-age and older. The children that were in attendance were very well behaved. I would like to say their behavior improved once the service started, but it didn't. I have been a member of this same faith since childhood, and any adult I know would have grounded me for life if I ever acted like that while even in the building, let alone during a service.

I didn't say anything to anyone, besides a few incredulous glares, but I won't be attending services at that location again.
What would you have done?
36
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Baby Names - You're kidding Right???
« Last post by starry diadem on Yesterday at 11:37:03 PM »
Cylestt  ::)

Celeste? Not a common enough name to require unique spelling, one would have thought....

I keep misreading it as a variant on 'cyclist'. My brain insists on the extra 'c'.
37
You have more of a boss problem than a student problem. I would certainly go to the resources available for supervisors to get advice. You've got two people to try to manage here.

That is pretty true.

How long can she stay in the program if she produces nothing? Is there some procedure for her not being allowed to stay past a certain point if she has shown no evidence of work (such as a thesis outline, research outline, steps already carried out, participation in publications, etc.)?

Our students are on probation for the first year, and are only confirmed after reaching several milestones (submitting a plan, giving seminar to faculty). After that there is an annual report every year where her head supevisor has to state whether her performance is satisfactory. If he doesn't tick that box, she is immediately suspended. Boss is too much of a softie to do that though - he outright admitted he shouldn't have ticked satisfactory for her.

She gave her official seminar this week (nearly half a year late, and she shouldn't have come off probation without it). It was a total trainwreck. It's supposed to be where she presents her research plan, but given she's so far in, she decided to present some initial data. The problem is that, with only one exception, none of the data was generated by her. She wasn't even involved, but she was passing it off as her own without any acknowledgements or citations. It wasn't until the Q&A after that she admitted that some work was done by an interstate collaborator, but only because she couldn't answer the broadest of questions about it.

She promoted hypotheses that have been conclusively disproven some years ago (so she's not familiar with the literature), showed she wasn't aware of current theories (again literature), and just generally waffled and BSd her way through the entire thing. She also agreed to peform some additional experimental work (very time consuming stuff) after a discussion with someone in the Q&A session because she couldn't defend her plan well enough. It's not work she needs to do, and all I could think was "and who do you plan to outsource that to?". If she had done some basic work I suggested weeks ago, she would have been able to explain why it wasn't necessary. The thing that made it even more excrutiating, is that her presentation was in the same session as another student from our lab, and they were flawless.

I briefly discussed with boss the issue of her misrepresenting work as her own and he agreed it was not OK. I'm very much leaning towards giving her some feedback on the talk (with a followup email) because it's my job, but otherwise taking boss at his word about dealing with her.

I'm really unsure about whether boss will deal with her. Ordinarily I would say you had more chance being run down by a glacier, but the move to a new lab might force the issue. In the new lab there are two student areas - one that is very private and enclosed, and the second which is sandwiched between boss's office and the post-doc office, which are essentially two glass boxes. Despite being the second most junior student, my student has announced she will a) sit next to her best friend in the office and b) sit in the private area. I have told her that all seating arrangements are up to boss, and that she will sit where she is told. She has already tried to go to another post-doc and demand that she be guaranteed her place of choice, but was told no.

I've told boss that it's best she's firmly under our gaze, and that it's a good opportunity to show her she's not top dog. Boss actually agreed, but we'll see if he follows through. Student is determined to get her way, so she'll try and scoop the desk she wants regardless of what she's told.
38
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Last post by Minmom3 on Yesterday at 11:20:45 PM »
See, you're assuming the teacher thought.  I have my doubts about that!
39
Family and Children / Re: MIL and her "request"
« Last post by MommyPenguin on Yesterday at 10:36:25 PM »
I think this year OP should be taking not only Mother's day and Christmas off the table, but also  Thanksgiving. And birthdays.

Push back a little ;) remind Mil just how generous you folks have already been.

This is actually something I do with my kids.  If they start complaining too much about the chores I ask them to do, then I add an additional chore.  If they complain about that, then they have another.  The idea is to show them that all over the world, children have *hard* chores and they spend most of the day on them.  They don't have all that many chores.  But if they come to think that they shouldn't have *any* chores, then they will have to be reminded of how hard they *could* have to work so they'll appreciate what they have.  It works fairly well.

Reminds me of the folktale about the man who complained to his rabbi that his house is too small with his children and in-laws all living there. The rabbi told him the solution is to bring all his livestock into the house. A week later, the man told the rabbi it didn't work; his house is still cramped, noisy, and smelly. The rabbi then told him to take all the animals back outside. A few days later, the man was joyfully saying the house is now so roomy, quiet, and clean.

They made a picture book of this!  :)  http://smile.amazon.com/Could-Always-Be-Worse-Yiddish/dp/0374436363/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462073746&sr=8-1&keywords=it+could+always+be+worse
40
In stories like this, I think it often comes up that you are not the only person annoyed by the noise.

I would actually chat with the neighbours to see how they feel. But if it is that loud, they will likely feel the same way.

Could be that they're not home during the day, though.  It's pretty common for neighborhoods to be fairly empty during the daytime hours while most people work.
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