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  • June 28, 2017, 09:20:45 AM

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41
Life...in general / Re: Sleeping at the airport
« Last post by meliboea on Yesterday at 11:54:11 PM »
I've napped on a bench on an airport before, maybe Hong Kong or Malaysia. It wasn't in a gate area, but in sort of a concourse/passageway area on the way to the gates, just a huge expanse of nothing streching on forever with lots of benches. I didn't feel bad. They were just areas for people to hang out and rest and I wasn't inconveniencing anyone.

A gate area is a little more complicated. It's not good to take multiple seats in area where seating is in demand. I'm always irked when I have to ask someone to remove their bag from a seat because there are no other available seats. I don't understand why people are so oblivious.

I'd be annoyed at being woken up so someone could sit next to their spouse though.
42
Life...in general / Re: "Friend Poaching"
« Last post by WolfWay on Yesterday at 11:40:16 PM »
If nothing else, what about meeting a potential date at a party? Would you ask the hostess to chaperone you? How skeevy!
I'm sorry for a quick off-topic question, I'm curious about what words mean. What does skeevy mean where you live? Where I live it means squalid or sleazy. I'm not sure either of those words would apply to this situation of chaperoning, unless I'm misunderstanding something. I was just wondering if there was another meaning to the word that was locale specific.

Where I'm from, skeevy doesn't really have the connotations of sleazy, so much as it just means something strange, off, or creepy.

Cool, thank you.  ;D

If nothing else, what about meeting a potential date at a party? Would you ask the hostess to chaperone you? How skeevy!
I'm sorry for a quick off-topic question, I'm curious about what words mean. What does skeevy mean where you live? Where I live it means squalid or sleazy. I'm not sure either of those words would apply to this situation of chaperoning, unless I'm misunderstanding something. I was just wondering if there was another meaning to the word that was locale specific.

Well, I was reacting more than thinking it through, but I meant it in the sense of a person or situation that makes you uncomfortable in such a way as to suspect ulterior motives. Similar to hinky.

I'd probably use "sketchy" to be closer to your definition, with a strong implication of risk or dishonesty. While "hinky" would be a vague feeling of discomfort and a perception of inappropriateness, perhaps without being able to put your finger on why.

So skeevy is sort of in between. Obviously inappropriate and bizarre enough to make you wonder what the person is up to.

But as I say, I didn't parse it at the time.
Cool, I was just worried I was the one using the word wrong. Where I live, we have some locale specific versions of words that can confuse other people when we use them they way we mean them. I was worried I was having the same problem with skeevy.  ;D
43
Life...in general / Re: What is a youtuber??
« Last post by WolfWay on Yesterday at 11:35:19 PM »
What Grocery Store Kid and his mom are missing is that, to be a successful You Tuber, you have to put up interesting content that a lot of people want to see, not just a series of 4th grade level potty jokes.  Sounds pretty  simple when you say it like that, but it's apparently a hard concept for many people to grasp.

Of course, he could be inspired by the horrible "parents" who made a ton of money from their equally horrible followers by posting videos of themselves playing incredibly mean "pranks" on their kids and then screaming at them till they cried.  Ha ha ha, funny!
The good news is that they were investigated by CPS and had two of their kids taken away from them (the last I heard).
44
Family and Children / Re: Ignoring Repeated Requests for Money
« Last post by Catalina10 on Yesterday at 10:56:19 PM »
OP here. Thanks for the advice. I finally gave in and called her back. Heard her pitch sob story about money woes. My only response, 'I have no money to borrow." She tried reducing the amount. I repeated the same. I didn't offer advice or recommendations, which she might have viewed as opening the door. Seems to have worked for now.
45
Life...in general / Re: Inconvenienced at the Convenience Store
« Last post by Raintree on Yesterday at 10:48:39 PM »
A lot of the line etiquette depends on the layout of the cash registers and the "culture" of the store.

But it bugs me when I'm expected to know the "culture" of the store when I've never been there before, or don't go very often. I've been on the receiving end of glares because I didn't know the culture of the store and went and stood in the wrong place or didn't intuitively know the lingo of their rather cryptic coffee names. Signage would help, as in "line up here for next available cashier." One widespread Canadian donut and coffee chain, which has a loyal customer base of regulars for some reason, that I myself don't go to often, is particularly bad for this. I went in and the place was pretty much empty, so I stood in the most obvious (to me) spot. The employee said something like, "Um, ok.....you're lining up there." Yes? Apparently the regulars usually line up over there. How am I to know? Signage, people. We aren't all regulars who just know. Sorry, rant over.....

Back to the OP, yes, that customer was being a royal pain in the rear. Anyone who has worked as a cashier has had their share of those. Go ahead, use coupons, but read them first. Don't stand there arguing because the coupon you are using says it's for 50 ml of the regular cream, and you are trying to buy 150 ml of the extra strength version. Don't make the cashier go to the back and check or call a manager because you didn't bother to read what the coupon was for, or it expired last year, or it says "one per customer" and you are trying to claim your newborn baby as an extra customer.

The sneeze, by this point I'd have really wanted to say something less than polite to her. After enduring these types of people during my cashier years, and having to be nice to them then, now that I'm just another customer who would suffer no repercussions from saying what I really think, I'd probably have wanted to say, "Get real, lady...there were germs all over this counter long before the cashier sneezed, plus you had receivers in the back and shelf stockers of unknown health status touching EVERYTHING you just purchased long before you came in, and you also have no way of knowing if anyone in the chain of that product from manufacturing to shipping to warehouse to receiving to store shelves, washed their hands at all since they got up that morning. So get over it and let the rest of us ring our purchases through, please."

The line-jumper: I think it's the height of rudeness for the people at the back of the line to race over when the cashier has said, "I'll help the next person in line." This happened to me at Starbucks, and the woman behind me raced over to the employee whose counter was kind of kitty corner to the one we were waiting at. So I just got behind her and said right over her head to the cashier, "Yes, can I have a venti dark roast with room for cream?" I was next in line, right? So that means the cashier was talking to me. The line-jumper didn't say anything as she had to have known she jumped the line.

Though if I'm next and I've already put my stuff down or it looks like the transaction in front of me is wrapping up anyway, I just tell the people behind me to go ahead to the other cashier.
46
Life...in general / Re: Please stop asking me to pray for you..
« Last post by PastryGoddess on Yesterday at 10:18:35 PM »
You can't stop her from sending you messages.  But you can block her messages.  It won't unfriend you, you just won't see them. 

It's much easier to do on the computer than on your phone. 
Go to messenger
Hover over her name and a gear icon will appear.
Click on the gear icon and select block messages. 

This will prevent you from seeing her messages and you won't receive a notification.  They will go into the Unfiltered messages portion of Messenger, but you have to go in and actively look for them

I'd love to do that. But.. she does message me other times too, like to see if DS can get together and play with his BFF (her son). I wouldn't want to miss out on those messages, or make it obvious that I've got her blocked.

Ah I see. 

The only way to get her to stop is to tell her to stop.  The next time she sends one, I would respond with "Hi friend, I keep getting these messages from you and it seems that you are sending them to me on a regular basis.  It seems as though you are trying to ask me for money in a roundabout way and I'm not comfortable with that.  Please stop. Our sons enjoy their friendship and I would hate for anything to get in the way of that."

But I know not everyone is comfortable with that. Right now you're feeling uncomfortable because of her actions.  Turning it around on her and saying, hey, I don't like this and I'd like you to stop isn't mean.  It's simply making her aware of how her actions make you feel.  Hopefully, it'll make her think before messaging you again.   To me sending her information on food pantries, and social organizations is way too much investment of time for me.  Especially when I can say stop it please.

Yes, that would be the nicest. But I was working on the assumption that being direct would cue an escalation of drama, or arguing that she wasn't asking for money, how could you think that, etc.

I prefer being direct, but when people are being deeply PA and I'm not personally invested in improving the relationship, I think sidestepping or ignoring can save agita.

Well their boys are best friends and it seems that this is something that bothers the OP.  Obviously not enough to end the friendship between the boys, but enough that she felt the need to post about it. I think that the fear of what might happen and the reality of what actually tends to happen are two different things.  Not doing something because of potential bad side effects is not the way to live your life IMO. This is actually pretty low stakes in the scheme of things.  OP doesn't have to make a "Grand Statement" but just address it in the moment. 

And if the friend says that she wasn't asking for money, that's even better, because now friend knows how the OP perceives her messages. Other posters may have better wording, but the underlying message I was trying to go for is "This message makes me uncomfortable and I want you to stop" Because it's not about the friend, it's about the OP and her own boundaries. 
47
Life...in general / Re: Master bath and guests
« Last post by NutellaNut on Yesterday at 09:54:18 PM »
(Hope I got the quote tree right, sorry if I didn't)


No. But I was deliberately parallelling OP's situation.

She has every right to set whatever boundaries make her happy and comfortable in her own home. But she also communicated a whole series of cues to her guests (giving tours, leaving the door open) that signalled it was ok, as you put it.

In my family, and amongst most of my friends, a closed bathroom door means specifically that the bathroom is in use.  I know that some families keep their doors always closed, and just knock to see if someone is in there, but that is not how it has ever worked at my house.  Interestingly, at this friend's house, they shut the bathroom door always, because of a dog who likes garbage, so a shut door isn't actually a good cue about anything.

The touring happened at a large party, when I also had a sign saying to use the upstairs two bathrooms.

And previous cues (from years of knowing this friend) were that guests used the mid-level bathroom, and never used the master bedroom bathroom (unless pressed by emergency, and only after asking). So I had thought it would be a natural extrapolation that the new MBath wasn't open (but obviously it wasn't so clear).

Quote
I'm just saying it's not bizarre, rude, or boundary-stomping for her guests to follow her cues, and it's not reasonable to expect people to know that one's real feelings are the exact opposite of one's behavior. Especially if you won't use words to tell them.

I had thought that having a sign at the first real gathering since the addition was in use *was* using words and being clear. 

And since it sounds from the update that closing the door has in fact solved the issue, it would appear that the "problem" guest may just be the sort of person who takes things at face value and acts accordingly.
[/quote]

Unfortunately, that isn't really the case here, which of course you couldn't know, not knowing my friend.  She is a lovely person in many aspects but not always conscious of certain things, and she does have a tendency to cross boundaries without thinking.


48
Life...in general / Re: Master bath and guests
« Last post by NutellaNut on Yesterday at 09:35:33 PM »
i don't get the bedroom taboo thing. I respect those who want their bedrooms to be off limits to guests, but in my world the master bedroom is where guests' coats are stored at parties. Ideally the host collects guests' coats at the door and takes them to the bedroom, but I've been to my share of parties where guests were directed to drop their coats in the master bedroom. (Kids' rooms tend to be not the best places for dropping coats.) At the end of the evening, even if the host hauled all the coats to the master bedroom, it is fairly common for guests to retrieve their own coats from there.

I realize this has nothing to do with master baths, but the idea of a master bedroom being off limits to guests is fairly foreign to me because I live in the northern U.S. and ... coats.

Well, in my case, I have no kids at home and so we have extra bedrooms to put the coats in.  But even if we didn't, in the case of a large party where I thought I'd need to use the MBR for that, I'd have prepped the master bedroom so I felt ok with guests seeing it.  For everyday visits I'd rather keep it private.
49
Life...in general / Re: Master bath and guests
« Last post by EllenS on Yesterday at 09:33:13 PM »
i don't get the bedroom taboo thing. I respect those who want their bedrooms to be off limits to guests, but in my world the master bedroom is where guests' coats are stored at parties. Ideally the host collects guests' coats at the door and takes them to the bedroom, but I've been to my share of parties where guests were directed to drop their coats in the master bedroom. (Kids' rooms tend to be not the best places for dropping coats.) At the end of the evening, even if the host hauled all the coats to the master bedroom, it is fairly common for guests to retrieve their own coats from there.

I realize this has nothing to do with master baths, but the idea of a master bedroom being off limits to guests is fairly foreign to me because I live in the northern U.S. and ... coats.

People in the northern US don't hold parties in the summer? ;)

I think the difference here is that you're being directed to the bedroom to put your coat.  Would you just automatically go to drop your coat in someone's BR if you weren't invited to do so?

If I'd been there before, been invited to tour the room before, and the door was standing open so I could see the pile of coats on the bed?

Yup, I probably would. Because I generally assume that all of those things put together mean the host is not super-private about their room.

You have several cues that it was ok.  Previously invited and/or a pile of coats.  Would you do this in someone's home that you hadn't previously been invited to (and there was no pile of coats on the bed)?

No. But I was deliberately parallelling OP's situation.

She has every right to set whatever boundaries make her happy and comfortable in her own home. But she also communicated a whole series of cues to her guests (giving tours, leaving the door open) that signalled it was ok, as you put it.

I'm just saying it's not bizarre, rude, or boundary-stomping for her guests to follow her cues, and it's not reasonable to expect people to know that one's real feelings are the exact opposite of one's behavior. Especially if you won't use words to tell them.

And since it sounds from the update that closing the door has in fact solved the issue, it would appear that the "problem" guest may just be the sort of person who takes things at face value and acts accordingly.
50
Life...in general / Re: Master bath and guests
« Last post by Harriet Jones on Yesterday at 09:20:13 PM »
i don't get the bedroom taboo thing. I respect those who want their bedrooms to be off limits to guests, but in my world the master bedroom is where guests' coats are stored at parties. Ideally the host collects guests' coats at the door and takes them to the bedroom, but I've been to my share of parties where guests were directed to drop their coats in the master bedroom. (Kids' rooms tend to be not the best places for dropping coats.) At the end of the evening, even if the host hauled all the coats to the master bedroom, it is fairly common for guests to retrieve their own coats from there.

I realize this has nothing to do with master baths, but the idea of a master bedroom being off limits to guests is fairly foreign to me because I live in the northern U.S. and ... coats.

People in the northern US don't hold parties in the summer? ;)

I think the difference here is that you're being directed to the bedroom to put your coat.  Would you just automatically go to drop your coat in someone's BR if you weren't invited to do so?

If I'd been there before, been invited to tour the room before, and the door was standing open so I could see the pile of coats on the bed?

Yup, I probably would. Because I generally assume that all of those things put together mean the host is not super-private about their room.

You have several cues that it was ok.  Previously invited and/or a pile of coats.  Would you do this in someone's home that you hadn't previously been invited to (and there was no pile of coats on the bed)?
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