News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • February 11, 2016, 01:07:11 AM

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41
Reading all these replies is but entertaining and worrisome.  :-\

I work in HR at a college and I have a few to add:

-Making a copy of your degree you received at graduation doesn't count as an official transcript

-Yes you do have to fill out tax paperwork if you want to get paid.
 
-The pretty certificate the hospital gave your parents is not an official birth certificate for use as identification on your Form I9 that is required by every employer in the US

-Neither the passport that expired 4 years ago.

And it's people that hold masters degrees and doctorates that I have to explain this to the most.

FYI - at my work, an expired passport can be used for proof of citizenship. They may make you have something else to establish your identity.
42
All In A Day's Work / Re: Give a "heads up" or not?
« Last post by rose red on Yesterday at 07:02:27 PM »
Looks like the director's already got their number so I'd leave it alone. Who knows what will happen if you warn them? It may do more harm than good.
43
All In A Day's Work / Re: Give a "heads up" or not?
« Last post by DavidH on Yesterday at 06:58:08 PM »
In many ways my answer would depend on your role vs. theirs and whether or not you have a good working relationship with them in general.  If I had a good relationship, I'd probably in person mention that Director has schedule a meeting with you to discuss the project after not hearing back from them and you wanted to give them a heads up.  There is no real reason not to, and by doing so it is clear you are not trying to throw them under the bus.
44
All In A Day's Work / Re: Give a "heads up" or not?
« Last post by Bert on Yesterday at 06:55:21 PM »
I'd say nothing of it as well.  You risk your relationship with the supervisor for throwing a kink into a plan that she has already decided on.

Also, the most likely outcome of you tipping the other two off is that they then make some small apology/effort to correct the issue, then in another few weeks, will revert right back to their old behavior.  That or they will see this as a reprimand, and correct their behavior just enough to get their name on the final project, which you will feel worse about.  The quicker that they are off the team for doing no work, the quicker you can go forward with a new plan.
45
Life...in general / Re: Cancelling one event, then going to another
« Last post by miranova on Yesterday at 06:53:57 PM »

I kind of feel like Alice thought, "I have this unexpected free time--yippee, I can do anything I want!" *I* wouldn't feel like I could do "anything I wanted" with that time. I would feel like I needed to do something that helped alleviate the problem, that caused me to have free time in the first place. I mean, let's say the evening commitment called me and cancelled--we don't need you tonight. That's what I would perceive as "yippee, I can do anything I want" time.



Think about this way:  All of Alice's time is Alice's time to do with as she pleases.  Her commitments to gainful employment or volunteerism is between her and them. 

It's a volunteer commitment--presumably if she wanted to be "yippee" all the time, she could just resign from doing it.

Why anyone else would think that any of this is their business is beyond me.



Yeah seriously. 
46
All In A Day's Work / Re: Give a "heads up" or not?
« Last post by SamiHami on Yesterday at 06:40:41 PM »
This sounds like professional darwinism to me. I'd keep out of it. These are educated adults who know what their responsibilities are and are choosing to ignore them. I would let them face the natural consequences of their (in)actions.

As you said-bed,made,lie.
47
Life...in general / Re: Cancelling one event, then going to another
« Last post by Lynn2000 on Yesterday at 06:35:03 PM »
I'm just thinking aloud here, trying to get at why it bothers me, and why I feel I would act differently. I often react to something with feelings, and then I want to nail that down and figure out what the rationale behind those feelings is, and see if it really makes sense or not.

Beth and Alice are good friends, they're just different, and Beth likes to run stuff past me and see if I think it seems reasonable or not. This one incident, I thought would be interesting to pose here, and it has been, for me anyway. I added the second one just now, because it occurred to me it might also be about perception, which is another subject I find interesting, because it's so hard to be aware, accurately, of how you're perceived by others. It's hard to see a pattern of behavior when you're too close to it--whether it's your own behavior, or someone else's.

I've never understood the "gossiping" thing. If people didn't discuss other people here, the website wouldn't exist.
48
Life...in general / Re: Cancelling one event, then going to another
« Last post by JoieGirl7 on Yesterday at 06:24:18 PM »

I kind of feel like Alice thought, "I have this unexpected free time--yippee, I can do anything I want!" *I* wouldn't feel like I could do "anything I wanted" with that time. I would feel like I needed to do something that helped alleviate the problem, that caused me to have free time in the first place. I mean, let's say the evening commitment called me and cancelled--we don't need you tonight. That's what I would perceive as "yippee, I can do anything I want" time.



Think about this way:  All of Alice's time is Alice's time to do with as she pleases.  Her commitments to gainful employment or volunteerism is between her and them. 

It's a volunteer commitment--presumably if she wanted to be "yippee" all the time, she could just resign from doing it.

Why anyone else would think that any of this is their business is beyond me.

And to gossip about it?

How are Alice and Beth even "friends" if Beth talks about her like that?
49
All In A Day's Work / Give a "heads up" or not?
« Last post by DollyPond on Yesterday at 06:21:22 PM »
Dear E-Hellions,

Background: I have been working since last August on a research project along with 2 medical fellows.  Technically, they are the ones most responsible for the project as publication of this work will significantly help their career/job prospects.  It will benefit me as well but my position is secure and I have over 30 publications already - so not career critical for me.

However, it seems like I'm the only one doing actual work on this project (in addition to my other clinical lab duties).  I have been compiling the data and performing experiments and posting the results to a commonly accessible computer file.  The fellows are supposed to be reviewing patient medical records and correlating outcomes with the experimental results.  They should be adding this information to the data tables but are not.

I have sent out monthly e-mails stating the current results and the fact that the data tables have been updated.  Only one of the fellows has acknowledged the updates and only once.  The other fellow is on radio silence. We have only actually had one face-to-face meeting since August (with Director attending). 

The current situation: After my last update, Director responded to all saying that we should have a meting to discuss data and progress of the project.  For a whole week there has been no response from the 2 fellows.  They are not out of town or similar.  One is currently working in our area for this month.

Director sent an e-mail to me saying "Let's schedule a meeting with just the 2 of us to discuss the project.  The others don't seem interested."  Knowing Director she has already decided to kick them off the project.

The dilemma: I am wavering between wanting to give the fellows a "heads up" about their impending doom so that they can fix it and just letting the train run off the cliff (i.e. bed, made, lie).

What say you?
50
Life...in general / Re: Waiting for a parking space
« Last post by sammycat on Yesterday at 05:56:27 PM »
If someone is following me as I'm walking, it would seem like the car is stalking me.  That would creep me out.  I don't want to be watched or followed by a stranger.  I can sort of understand it if space is at a premium in that garage, but that isn't the case here.  There's no need to follow someone to get a space.

It's not just you, OP. I hate dealing with parking vultures. I don't know if it actually qualifies as rude, as long as they're not holding up traffic (including leaving enough space for the current occupant to exit), but I also don't think the current occupant has any obligation to cooperate with this behavior. When someone has tried to stalk me as I walk to my car in a parking lot, I've gotten rid of them pretty easily by cutting through a row of parked cars to the next aisle where they can't follow me. When I've done that, the parking vulture would drive off and I could cut back through to the aisle I needed. If your parking garage setup allows for similar opportunities to "lose" a car following you, you might want to try that. Unfortunately, once they know what car you're getting into, I don't know of any easy way to get them to leave you alone.

I suppose it couldn't hurt to contact the garage management and let them know that this behavior is both regularly impeding traffic, provoking frequent honking (i.e., noise pollution coming from their garage), and making you uncomfortable as a customer. If they know it's a common problem, they might be motivated to explicitly post a rule against it and have at least some spot-check enforcement done, especially if the garage has some sort of attendants or security keeping an eye on things already. Or they might blow you off, but you'd still be no worse off than you are now.

Pod.
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