« Last post by blue2000 on Yesterday at 08:41:49 PM »
We had to take off our hats in one class, because the teacher had caught people writing things on the inside. If there is a way to cheat, someone will find it.
Let's look at it from the son's perspective. He and his wife have established a pattern that works for them. They have a church they like. Son doesn't often go to services, maybe because he works all week and likes to sleep in on Sunday, but he considers himself a member. They tithe. They get networking at their church. They get a tax deduction. They're doing well, at least in their own opinion.
Then Dad descends on them. He says he wants to give them money. That's nice. But then Dad starts grumbling that they're not using the money the way he wants. He wants them to stop tithing, even though it's spiritually important to the wife, and the son agrees with it. If they don't, he threatens, he'll stop giving them the money that they never asked for in the first place. Because, Dad implies, he knows much more about finances than Son.
This is not only overstepping things as a giver, it's got the potential to cause major problems in the son's marriage. Can any of the married people here say they would stop giving to causes they support because their in-laws disapprove? Can the son stop his wife from tithing, without getting into a nasty fight about how the money he earns is really "his" money (as his father seems to feel), not "theirs," and he's only letting her have some as his own version of charity? That her job looking after the house and children is not a real contribution to the family?
If Dad is truly concerned about Son's retirement, he can certainly see about setting up a trust; in fact, it might be a good idea to do it for all his children. But possibly, he might see his own public boast to "die broke" as being in the same vein as his son's statement that he "doesn't intend to live that long".
We have discussed a few times what steps could be taken to limit her orders, but other than imposing a dollar limit, we don't know a polite way to tell her that it does affect how she is viewed by her coworkers.