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41
Family and Children / Re: How rude is it to be annoyed by a call home?
« Last post by Arrynne on Today at 02:23:09 AM »
It would be incredibly passive aggressive to do it. Your wife should have let you know she was busy and asked to call back at a later time.
42
Family and Children / Re: Upcoming funeral
« Last post by Pen^2 on Today at 02:22:09 AM »
Quote from: Jocelyn on Yesterday at 07:03:14 PM
I'm going with the minority response. While good manners would dictate that a daughter-in-law should attend, you are talking about people who are lacking in good manners, and, quite possibly, good sense. You mention that the cops might have to be called. That sound to me like there's a real risk that someone will be assaulted. The funeral is not going to be a dignified, respectful affair, in that case.
I heartily recommend that you contact the funeral director so that you and your wife can have a private goodbye. You can read eulogies, poems, sing songs, whatever will make the ceremony meaningful for you, and will make you feel that you honored your father. Then don't put yourselves through the hooplah. You can stay away, or attend by yourself, whatever feels right to you. You can host a reception on your own for those relatives that aren't judging you, so that they understand that your wife's (and, possibly, your) staying away had nothing to do with a lack of respect, but that you wanted to diminish the drama.
Somehow, I think that your father will understand.

I agree with this.

You should be doing and thinking of what is best for your father at this time. If your choices are only 1: go to the funeral together and end up with a huge row involving police and upsetting everyone there, or 2: don't go and feel understandably left out due to not being able to go to your own father's funeral, then which would your father prefer? Would he rather you and your wife are upset (and you can always pay respects to him yourselves privately in your own way), or that his entire funeral became a toxic shambles?

Try to spend as much time with him as possible now, as I am sure you are, especially when other toxic people aren't going to be around (such as during working hours). Let him know how much you and your wife love him. Once he has passed, do what is most respectful to him, even if it may be not what you personally want and is frankly unfair. A funeral is absolutely not the place to be insisting that toxic people suddenly learn to behave and go along with what is right.
43
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Last post by ica171 on Today at 02:20:04 AM »
Quote from: Lady Snowdon on Yesterday at 08:23:10 PM
I ran into a guy at work last week who apparently believes that computers confer magical powers upon one.  I work at an insurance company, doing disability claims.  As such, I don't have access to any information except what is relevant to disability.  The "gentleman" I was talking to did not believe me in the slightest.  He called in, I answered a few questions for him and then said, at what I thought would be the end of the call, "Is there anything else I can help you with?".  He said, "yeah, I need help getting some orthotics.  Supposedly it's covered by my insurance.  What do I need to do?".  Since his disability was not related to his feet in any way, I didn't have any information on if it was covered, or who he would need to contact about that, and told him so.  "Wait!" he says, in total disbelief, "You don't have access?  Isn't this *MyCompany*?"  "Yes, it is, and I work in disability, so I would need to transfer you to...".  He cut me off and continued, "And you are sitting at a computer, right?  Just look it up and tell me, for Deity's sake!". 

I must have explained to him seven different times that I had no access to the information he was looking for.  Not that I don't want to access it, but that I can't access it, and would he like me to transfer him to the people who have more information on this sort of thing.  No, he didn't want to be transferred, he wanted me to look it up, and obviously I could look it up since I had a computer sitting in front of me.  He got really snotty with me, and very unhappy that I had a computer, but couldn't do what he wanted.  At the end of the call, I said thank you for calling.  He nastily said, "Aren't you going to ask me if there's anything else that you can help me with?".   >:(  So I said, "is there anything else regarding your disability claim that I can help you with, sir?"  He hung up on me. 

So yeah, apparently just the act of having a computer at work gives me access to all sorts of privileged and private information.  Who knew?  ::)

Ah, magical computers. I remember having to call my pediatrician's office for some information on one of my kids. I told the receptionist what I needed and she said, very tentatively "Well...I don't have access to that information. Can I get a nurse to call you back?" Which was, of course, fine. It had actually never occurred to me that the receptionists wouldn't have access to that information, but it makes perfect sense; you don't need access to medical records to schedule appointments or pass messages on to the nurses. But the way she said it made me think that she's probably been yelled at more than once about it.
44
Life...in general / Re: S/O No changing tables: what is or isn't appropriate?
« Last post by Pen^2 on Today at 02:11:54 AM »
It is up to the parent to be prepared and choose where to go and for how long based on the fact that they have a baby. After all, if your lifestyle or needs change, you adjust your actions accordingly. It is not the responsibility of everyone else to supply them with a place to change in. If a restaurant has a baby change area or parents room, then great! But it's not at all their responsibility to provide it, and is really just a very considerate gesture.

I know a woman who has this lap-bench thing, kind of like those folding, portable, laptop ones you get at Ikea. She takes it with her (it folds up small enough to fit into her handbag) and can use it and a change mat together in a single bathroom stall to do the job quite easily. As long as a place has a public restroom, she's fine.

But otherwise, I think the parent needs to ensure they have a backup plan in case where they are going has no facilities. Clearing the junk off the backseat of the car and doing it there can work for those with cars, as can a change mat directly on the floor of a tiny toilet cubicle (change mat is sterilised or replaced soon after--hey, this is an emergency situation we're talking about). It's not appropriate to be changing a baby in the middle of a restaurant or cafe, though, for basic sanitary reasons: my nephew, for one, perfected learning how to urinate just as his nappy was coming off, and often aimed several meters away. Not something that anyone should risk happening in any place where foods or drinks are.

In the same way, though, I changed my nephew in a toilet cubicle many times (not a changing table, but actually in a cubicle, with lots of plastic sheeting laid down and so on). And all restaurants are supposed to provide toilets, are they not?
45
Family and Children / Re: How rude is it to be annoyed by a call home?
« Last post by delabela on Today at 02:03:57 AM »
It would be incredibly rude to pull a "see how that feels!" move 5 years after the fact, especially when the original offense was extremely minor.

I love my SO with all my heart, but I also look forward to the occasional time I have to myself.  I could see getting into the mind frame of getting some alone time and just settling in to veg out, and then being a bit annoyed by a phone call.  Particularly if my SO had only been gone less than a day. 

So, I think the best advice is to put it behind you.  If you want communication in your relationship to be different, that's certainly an area lots of couples have to work on (and it is work). 
46
Family and Children / Re: How rude is it to be annoyed by a call home?
« Last post by Yvaine on Today at 01:50:42 AM »
Yeah, I'm going to agree with previous posters. We all have moments of being distracted or in our own little world. It's been five years. Let it go.

(A few weeks ago my BF called during the ninth inning of a tense baseball game I was following. I was a little distracted. I sure hope he doesn't remember that five years from now. Little annoyances are just part of life during a long-term relationship.)
47
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Food That Isn't What People Think it Is.
« Last post by Pen^2 on Today at 01:48:13 AM »
Quote from: Library Dragon on Yesterday at 05:12:20 PM
Quote from: Jocelyn on Yesterday at 04:56:48 PM
Pen, I've not found turkey bacon or sausage that tasted just like pork. IMO, it's like veggieburgers- tasty enough if you think of it as a different product in its own right. Can you get any information about the brand name of this bacon delight?

YEs, please share. Most turkey bacon makes me want to scrape the taste off my tongue.

Haha... Well, I don't know if turkey bacon is the correct name for it, since turkey meat prepared in the same way as bacon but not as an imitation is actually a thing. Due to the many people restricted from eating some or all meats by religion here, though, there are a lot of vegetarian-meat products, and they do a much better job of making them taste good, because they've literally had thousands of years to work out how to do it, unlike in say the States where vegetarianism is a relatively recent thing, and a lot of the stuff tastes unlike meat. We've had tofu beef, as well, which tasted fine. We didn't realise it was tofu until reading about it afterwards. The texture and taste was just like a succulent beef burger. Oh, and the mock-duck was incredible.

I have no idea what the brand is--I'll ask next time we get anything with bacon in it. On the menu it was always just listed as 'bacon'. However, I know it's only a local thing. I think a good rule of thumb is to get vegetarian recipes and products from places where vegetarianism has been going on for at least a millennium, and it will actually taste like what it's supposed to be imitating, or better.
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Family and Children / Re: How rude is it to be annoyed by a call home?
« Last post by artk2002 on Today at 01:43:17 AM »
Retaliatory rudeness is wrong. It's even worse when it's 5 years after the fact. Don't act like a petulant 4yo. Frankly, your refusal to call home the rest of that week was extremely childish. It sounds like she didn't realize what she did. I've done that -- been distracted and then someone interrupts me and I come off very peeved. It's not intentional and I would be very, very hurt that someone held it against me for 5 years.

Yes, your wife was likely rude, or at least not as warm as you expected her to be. Your response to that is entirely out of proportion.

I know that when I've been on the road and I call my sons, sometimes they're annoyed at being interrupted and I've told them that I didn't appreciate it. I certainly wouldn't think of playing tit-for-tat five years later. To avoid problems like that, we have some set times to call. Do you have that with your wife?
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Life...in general / Re: Calling someone 'out of context'
« Last post by Ceallach on Today at 01:40:52 AM »
I always hate this myself!

We usually go with "Hi it's your Cousin Ceallach!", but it does feel a bit awkward.  Still I'd rather do that than have them think it's their friend Ceallach from dancing class or some other Ceallach that they see more frequently.    When my cousin Abby called to RSVP for my wedding she just said "Hi it's Abby".  I was stumped.   I am close to all 30 of my cousins, but not so close that we call each other - ever....  so it took me awhile to work out who it was.   I didn't want to ask as she sounded like she assumed I knew!   (And no, RSVP via phone was not an option on the invitation!  No idea why she decided to call me or in fact where she got my number!)
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Family and Children / Re: How rude is it to be annoyed by a call home?
« Last post by perpetua on Today at 01:40:06 AM »
Quote from: Audrey Quest on Today at 01:36:27 AM
I think the fact that you think it would be "so tempting" to exact revenge on a five year old slight by your spouse is distubing and rather scary.

While you claim that you would "rather" behave yourself in regard to calling your wife during her upcoming trip, you seem oblivious to a deeper problem which is that you have harbored a grudge for so long against someone you have an intimate and daily relationship with.

I don't think the OP is the one with the 'problem' - i think the spouse who considers something as ridiculously trivial as television to be more important than her husband's call home is the one with the 'problem'. And if he's still hurt by it he has every right to express that, if only to be able to move past it. Getting revenge probably isn't the way to do it, though.
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