News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • April 30, 2016, 04:23:44 PM

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41
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by atirial on Today at 08:17:20 AM »
Dear Major General, now you only want my help smuggling out $1.2M in drug money under the UN's nose, and you'll give me 30%? Your last email offered me 50% of $400M if I gave you my SSN. Unfortunately as I don't possess one I could not respond. Is this why your offer has suddenly declined?

*sniff* I feel hurt... discarded even... do you think I'm cheap? How dare you, sir!

(Seriously, how do people fall for these? Yes, the last two used the same fake name and the most recent one was quite blunt that the imaginary funds were drug money - probably to make sure anyone who did fall for it wouldn't report it.)
42
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by EllenS on Today at 08:04:33 AM »
If these guys call when I'm grumpy, I enjoy messing with them. I once strung an "IRS" guy along for a while, asking what regional office he was from, in a very "I am guilty but don't want to admit anything" kind of way.

Same thing with the "Microsoft" guy. I acted like I totally believed him, and was trying to find out which of the IP addresses on my imaginary multiple server banks had the problem.

It drves them mad, because they think they've struck gold.
43
Family and Children / Re: MIL and her "request"
« Last post by Susiqzer on Today at 07:49:58 AM »
I personally found it very freeing when I realized that my analysis of my mother's "requests" need not include any analysis of whether the request was "reasonable." Some of her requests are FAR from reasonable in an objective sense, some are quite reasonable in an objective sense...and that reasonable quotient is in no way related to our choice of how to handle the request. We simply have to decide if the request is one we are happy to give her, one we could be happy to give her with some adjustments, or one we are not happy to give her. If we aren't willing to give it, it doesn't change anything that it is something others think we should give or that the average person would be willing to give.

POD! One of the things I've learned about my MIL is she is queen of the "foot in the door" technique. She starts with small requests that would be reasonable if we didn't know her history and quickly escalates from there. So if that initial, small request feels hinky to LordL and I, we just say no and redirect. It might make us look harsh to an uniformed observer but we've prevented boundary trampling this way for a few years now. On the other hand, I posted here about my BIL who ok'd a visit by MIL and FIL only to have the invite list grow from 2 to 7 without his consent in under one hour. Part of the process for us was to trust our instincts and not compare the actions of a dysfunctional person with what a "normal" or ideal parent would do.


I just had another run-in with my MIL and fell for her expert use of this technique. What started as a seemingly simple request for DD to participate in a ceremony at her church turned into a weekend long commitment plus a weeknight event beforehand. (And I think there might be a parade in a few weeks... details are fuzzy, despite the questions I've asked.)

All she did was reinforce my boundaries... That'll be the last ceremony DD participates in, no matter how important it is to MIL.

My "punishment" for pointing out that the event had changed significantly from the one we'd agreed to? She didn't tell us that she was going to Old Country for two weeks.  Hahahahaha!
44
The mention of minimum pricing did make me wonder if he assumed the OP could not afford their services? I'm thinking one of those things where famous singer wears jeans to car dealership and gets attitude. Or that scene from Pretty Woman....

This was one of my first thoughts too.

My thought too. Why else mention minimum cost
45
Is there a reason that cheques are the preferred method? I've been in practice for nearly 30 years and have never known anything but electronic transfers.

It seems to have something to do with the transaction size. My last job was at a fairly large law firm that did a good bit of commercial real estate. Those multi-million $$ deals were always by wire transfer.

Residential is generally much smaller, and certified check is more common. Perhaps the processing costs make it less desirable for tbe banks? IIRC, wire fees are charged as a % of the total, but certified checks are a flat fee. There's got to be a break-even point there.
46
Life...in general / Re: late arrivals at restaurant dinner
« Last post by rose red on Today at 07:27:13 AM »
I'm giving Mary a pass since the OP said it was apparent that Mary didn't know they were waiting for her. The fault lies almost entirely on the organizer. Yes, the others didn't have to follow, but I can understand about not wanting to make waves.
47
I was having a lovely early-morning read with the kids on the couch. Then dd 7yo started working her loose tooth (which she totally should).

The scraping and cracking! Gaaah! I got the shudders and had to leave. Now I am sad for the lost cuddle.
48
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by eltf177 on Today at 07:04:05 AM »
I broke up with him some months after that. That was years ago, but I imagine his sister still hasn't gotten her act together. And why would she?

Agreed, if the gravy train is running this well with a spineless conductor (your ex) and a clueless CEO (the father) don't rock the boat! ::)
49
"I'm sorry you're hurting."

Oh, I like this. Because ultimately Mary's hurt is real, but it's not about OP at all. She reacted to the photos that way because she was hurting already.

Also, as gellcom pointed out, it takes the focus off guilt/innocence and puts it on the friendship.
50
Life...in general / Re: late arrivals at restaurant dinner
« Last post by tabitha on Today at 06:35:29 AM »
I understand that her being at a religious service means she can't call.  But it should not sway others to accept that they shouldn't be eating and drinking, while they wait.

What's the logic in that? Is the table symbolically enacting a religious service that they are not at? Are they abstaining from food out of respect that someone they know is at a religious service?

Mary couldn't make it to the dinner.  She and the organizer should have sent regrets and said, the reservation is there, please go ahead.  It's absurd that Mary was at a service, which I'm going to assume was an unexpected event, that was so important and meaningful that she could not simply say she had other arrangements. But was not enough of an event which may 1) understandably hold her up because she was needed; or 2)would cause her to send regrets to the group dinner.  But it was a significant enough of an event that a group of dinners at a different location would agree to abstain from eating until Mary's inconvenient late arrival.

Granted, the dinners did not verbally agree but OP is suggesting that the service Mary was at may have influenced their participation in the absurd.

For me, the update makes it less understandable and more confusing.
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