News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • August 21, 2017, 08:58:50 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Recent Posts

Pages: 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 8 9 10
41
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I have nice thick, long hair and pay dearly to have it be a pretty color.

I get compliments on it from strangers at least once a month. It would never occur to me to be offended or respond with anything besides a thank you.  I actually enjoy the compliments.  Even if I'd had a bad day, I think I could at least muster up at least a cursory "thanks" to the person.   

The only time I'd be (and have been) offended is if it's a guy who comments on it inappropriately or with a leer.
42
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: 2017 Eclipse - Viewing, Camping, other
« Last post by lowspark on Today at 02:43:39 PM »
Partial eclipse here in Houston was fun to watch. Lots of folks in my office went outside to see the peak and people were passing glasses around so everyone got to see. I took a couple pix with my iPhone (using the glasses over the lens) and they came out ok!

Also got to see those cool crescent shaped shadows... Well the shadows themselves were not crescent shaped but the light filtering through the leaves were.

Very cool day!

(Here's a related article about the shadows: http://www.dailynews.com/science/20170821/shadows-ended-up-being-the-most-delightful-thing-about-the-solar-eclipse )
43
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: 2017 Eclipse - Viewing, Camping, other
« Last post by HoneyBee42 on Today at 02:43:19 PM »
My daughter suggested going down to a town 20 miles south, so we went to the drive-in restaurant (like a Sonic, except local, non-chain) and stuck around until the eclipse.  We were just in the northern edge of the totality.

Traffic wasn't *too* crazy, because nearly everyone was going to Carbondale instead.  Skies were mostly clear, so we had a good view.
44
I think braided hair lady was very rude.

POD. Would it have really killed her to just say Thank you and move on?
I've complimented strangers and had strangers compliment me. It's always been taken in the spirit it was intended. I think that braided hair lady is not a nice person.
45
Pretty hair and ugly attitude.
46
Life...in general / Re: I didn't do this for you! (Compliment gone awry)
« Last post by bah12 on Today at 02:25:42 PM »
I don't know what "Traditional" etiquette is, I guess, but in modern etiquette a compliment is a compliment when it's sincere, specific and doesn't come with strings or expectations of reciprocation.  It's a great way to acknowledge someone else (even a stranger) and to extend kindness.  The only appropriate response, IMO, is "Thank you."  No dressing down, disagreeing or harshness is necessary.  For most reasonable people a sincere compliment makes both the receiver and the giver feel good.

I can't possibly see how a random compliment from one woman to another can be seen as intrusive.  It would be one thing if she went on and on about her hair asking for specifics or whether or not the color was natural, but another totally to simply say "I like the pattern of the braids".  Frankly, I think some just put too much effort into looking for offense or establishing unreasonable and unrealistic boundaries for themselves.  Whether they are naturally unpleasant people to begin with or became that way because modern society has given us the ability to overanalyze 'issues' to the point that nothing is allowed, I don't know.  But honestly, we need to just stop the craziness before we get to the point where any interactions with someone else becomes taboo.
47
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflakes Redux - play nice!
« Last post by Twik on Today at 02:12:16 PM »



I really don't understand any of this.   I was not involved in my childs college, other than paying for it.   However, if I had wanted to check on something or see her grades, I would have simply told her to provide me with what I wanted.   End of story.   If she refused, then a lawyer would be involved for an entirely different reason.

Exactly! While I wasn't required to show my parents my grades etc. as they were paying for my education, i was most certainly required by them to do so! And had I not? well, let's just say I would have not been returning.

Yep.  I needed to give my parents enrollment confirmations at the start of the semester and a grade report at the end of the semester.

There was no need for any contract or lawyer-generated forms.  If I didn't prove these documents to my parents, I'd be dropped from their health insurance and their car insurance.

I worked for a university for a while and had this issue all the time. You would not believe the number of parents who would insist that because they were paying they should get to know the grades. The weirder thing was they would call back next semester too. My thought was that if your kid wouldn't show you the grades, don't pay for the next semester.

I wonder if they even bothered to ask the child before demanding the university send it directly to them. Possibly accepting that the child receives the grade report, then passes the information on to the parents, sounds too much to them like the child is growing up and starting to be seen as an adult by the rest of the world.
48
We've had plenty of threads in the past where posters have stated that they don't appreciate compliments from strangers, and that they find it intrusive.

Here is just one example: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139714.0

Most etiquette rules are based on societal norms and acceptance. At this point in our society giving a sincere and appropriate compliment is still socially acceptable. If a person does not appreciate compliments, that's fine. But they don't have to be rude to others. How hard is it to just smile in response, say thank you, or I'm glad you liked it.

If you must make a more negative response then say "I don't like compliments from strangers" not "I didn't do it for you".


That word "appropriate" is important.

In fact, Traditional Etiquette would say that complimenting a stranger's appearance is not polite. One doesn't make personal comments to people one doesn't know well.

I think that if you don't know someone, it's not cool to comment on their appearance. To make it sound like you are personally approving of them can hit really wrong.
   And people are competely within the rules of Etiquette (either Traditional or Modern) to send a "you've overstepped" message; we aren't required to "make nice" with boundary violators.

However, I think BraidedHairLady's response was to aggressive of a response to a well-meaning etiquette violation and boundary violation.

A clipped and uninvolved "thanks" or maybe even and level "I'm glad you approve" might send the same "you've overstepped" message.
49
Dating / Re: Sharing cost of date
« Last post by bah12 on Today at 01:46:21 PM »
He sounds like a really nice guy and I hope they have a nice time.

I would encourage her not to feel bad or look for ways to 'make this up' to him.  It doesn't have to be a source of anxiety...she should just go and enjoy getting to know this gentleman. I would guess that he might be a little 'old-fashioned' and maybe not that comfortable with being hosted by a woman he's dating...at least not early in the relationship.   Maybe, if there's a particular wine he seems to like at the dinner, she can buy him a bottle, or if he has a birthday or something in the near future, she can host a dinner for him then (assuming they are dating).  But my overall advice to her would be to just go with the flow and see how things progress.
50
Dating / Re: Sharing cost of date
« Last post by Hmmmmm on Today at 01:35:00 PM »
Thanks.

She sent her text to him. His response was along the lines of "Great idea but I'd like you to come as my guest" and he bought the tickets. She's happy he wants to go but feels a little bad about him paying. But if the dinner goes well she can plan something else and host that.
Pages: 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 8 9 10