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  • May 22, 2015, 12:05:16 PM

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41
No,i meant I should I have known better.It was a typo
42
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Favorite spooky websites?
« Last post by Specky on Today at 11:09:49 AM »
There was a series (still available online, but not currently written) called Creepy Things That Seem Real but Aren't.  Lots of good ones there.
43
You claim she should have known better.  About what?  That you're a horribly insensitive person?  The fact that you are laying any blame on your co-worker makes her entirely justified in giving you the cold shoulder.
44
Paper Trail / Re: Am I crazy for sending the invitations early?
« Last post by Harriet Jones on Today at 11:04:18 AM »
Our engagement was 15 months long, mostly because of the date we wanted, not that we needed that whole time to plan it.
45
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by gingerzing on Today at 11:02:21 AM »
The SS that ignore the Dead End sign at the bottom of my street.  Then they drive ALL the way up the hill to the end of the road and have to turn around  in our drive. 
My street is only about a block long.  You can see all 10 houses (4 on one side/6 on the other side) along our street.  For heaven's sake, you can see the big house -and the big mass of trees and brush closer to the actual street - at the top of the hill that makes this street dead end. 
Nope these folks have to drive ALL the way up, just in case they can get through.  If I am looking out of my windows, I can see that they are clearly confused by the lack of street.
I wouldn't care so much, but about a quarter of the time as they back out of our drive, they drive over our lawn or back over the rail that my neighbor uses to keep people from going up into the grass of their lawn that comes to the bottom of the hill.
Oh, and the fact that it makes my dog crazy.
46
year ago I made a mistake of pointing out that this co worker had put on so much weight in front of other 2 workers while she had just came in for her day shift.We were about to finish our shifts since we work over nights.I had a foot-in-mouth moment while she should have known better

I didnít think much of it until she told me that she was very hurt by it. I apologized sincerely  and she seemed fine around me afterwards but she wasnít as friendly and warm before the incident .She will respond whenever I say hi to her but she didnt come out of her way to say hi and talk to me like before

Now months later,i say hi to her whenever I see her in the parking lot  or when she comes in on the floor before our shift ends, but she now ignores me and doesnt say anyuthing .She wont even look in my direction or make eye contact. I have been wondering if she feels resentful because of my comment that i now truly regret.she is friendly and chatty towards everyone else.Its been a while since the inicident why go cold all the sudden?Its making a uncomfortable work place environment

Some of the pronouns are weird at the beginning--who should have known better? I think -you- should have known better and dismissing it as a "foot in mouth moment" is a bit problematic to me.
It seems you're giving yourself a bigger "pass" than you are to someone else (who that someone is, is not clear to me).


Anyway--making a comment about someone else's weight gain is a big no-no. And I'd really distance myself from someone who did it.
   The woman you commented on may have been willing to keep it from completely destroying her ordinary regard for you at first--you say this coldness is sudden.

I'm wondering if there were subsequent things (judgmental comments about other people that she could overheard; a general attitude of meanness or pettiness; other negative impressions) that make her say, "This is not a safe person. I don't want to be in contact with her unless I have to, because I don't like the way she looks at the world." It doesn't have to be only about the way you treated her; she may have decided she doesn't like the way she saw you treat someone else.

Or, it may just be that she recently realized how much damage your comment did, and she's reacting protectively.
    Or, she's finally getting annoyed that you keep saying hi to her and aren't respecting the signals she's sending ("She will respond whenever I say hi to her but she didnt come out of her way to say hi").

I would say that etiquette (this is an etiquette site) requires -you- to respect the messages she's sending. Do not greet her in the parking lot; do not expect her to chat with you on the elevator. Nod when you are in close proximity, be civil, and do not push to create a social interaction with her.
   I think absolutely you should not continue to engage. Take a hint. Leave the poor woman alone.
47
Does her job require that she interact with you?  If not, then I don't think there's anything unprofessional about her refusing to engage you in conversation.

If her job requires her to interact with you, then professionalism would demand that she interact with you only so far as her job requires.  Anything beyond that is up to her.
48
Paper Trail / Re: Am I crazy for sending the invitations early?
« Last post by Hmmmmm on Today at 10:59:12 AM »
Definitely, you don't need to send save-the-dates. They're a -very- new invention. In the Olden Days, you would just telephone or write to the Very Most Important People in order to be sure the date will work for them, and to give them the final date. And you'd telephone or call the Next Most Important People to let them know the date, and you'd ask them to notify any people under them in the family tree who will be invited.

Nowadays, you could do a save-the-date by email, or evites, or by setting up a Facebook group even.

As for sending them this early--a few thoughts:

First, when you're rounding up addresses, there's no need to tell people that you are just about to send them an invitation, or anything, really.
   You're a grownup, and it's time for you to have a complete, filled-out address book w/ the addresses and proper name spellings of all the people who matter to you. Now's a great time to get it, well before you need or (or, shortly before, but nobody needs to know that). Just ask for addresses "for my address book."
    This is a case of "the more information you give people, the more they think they have a right to interfere with or comment on what you're doing."
 
And, I do think 8 months early is somehow bad form. It's not the worst thing, definitely not.
 I think your biggest risk is that people won't be able to answer now, and they'll lose the invitations somewhere in the house, and you'll be chasing RSVPs (what Bexx27 said).

To me the biggest problem is "bad form" (which is an etiquette matter, actually--not rudeness the way we normally think of it, but "how it's done, and the subtle messages that sends").
    Logistics and vacation time aside--it somehow has the aura of "this is the most important thing in the next 8 months."
   I think it also highlights the modern-day weirdness of getting officially engaged and then waiting more than a half a year to actually -get- married. (I did it too--believe me, I know why people do this.) If you want to be married, why are you waiting so long? Well, because the party is so important, or because the logistics are so difficult--but if you really wanted to -be- married, those would be easily deal with, in most instances.
   So, while that delay is totally normal now, it does still feel weird for you to be so firmly planning--so very far in advance. That's another subtext, I think.

So yeah, I'd vote for waiting.

One other reason to wait: things can change on -your- end. Your venue could go out of business (and, may I suggest that with this long a timeframe, you really should investigate "event insurance," to protect your deposits for just this sort of thing?). Someone could get sick and you'd want to shift the date a little.
  You've already printed them--I wouldn't have suggested that you print them this far in advance.

Regarding the estimating of numbers: I've never been in love with any formulas.
Too many variables.
   If all your family is local, you might get a 100% attendance rate. I probably had a 50% attendance rate--maybe lower. Because my ILs' family was in NYC, and we were marrying in Iowa, and none of them came. But by golly, I invited them! I wasn't going to snub them; I wanted them to know they were welcome. If they'd decided to come, it would have put me over the moon. Plus, there was a reception later in NYC, and I felt it was important to invite them to the actual wedding, and not just to the party. (I realize now it would have been OK, etiquettewise, but I didn't think so--and I'd do it exactly the same way again.)
   Ditto friends--most were not near the wedding locale. But I'm glad I invited everyone I did, because a few of them made the big effort to be there--and it was incredibly wonderful.

But I think you can do your own customized estimate, and then build in some cushion. Don't let yourself get so tightly budgeted! That's very unwise.

I don't find this weird at all. I don't know much of anyone who had less than a year engagement. Besides the fact that most wedding venues are booked up a year in advance, getting engaged doesn't mean that one is ready to get married that day. Many couples still go through a process of "getting to know you" through the engagement period...or maybe it is better described as a deepening of the relationship, I don't know...but the engagement seems to me to be an important stage in the decision to entwine your life with someone else. I would never judge anyone for moving more quickly -- there can be a lot of reasons for wanting to get married quickly (whether, emotional, financial, related to insurance, green cards, deployments, etc), but I would not call an engagement of longer than 6 months weird in the least. Yes, people want to be married, but some also want to do it "properly" (whatever that means in their culture or social group or region or class) and planning a big wedding (which is important to many people and cultures, not just bridezillas) can easily take a year.

I don't find 18 month engagements odd at all either. And I don't see the reason for them as "that's how long it takes to plan a wedding". In my background, the engagement time was when the couple figured out how to move from individuals living and operating separately to figuring out how they would become a joint entity. Sure, some of it is done while in the dating stage but once the engagement is in place, it seems more real and your playing for keeps. Discussions around finances, kids, living arrangements, relationship with inlaws, religion and child upbringing are no longer hyperthetical. My nephew and his wife went through 8 months of premarital counseling, 3 hours a month. These both said it was the best time spent.
49
Especially Botox:

From what I understand, it's derived from Botulism (aka food poisoning) and people pay big bucks to have it injected into their faces in order to paralyze them to eliminate wrinkles. Even if it works, one has to go back a certain number of weeks later to have it done again. Plus, back in the day people would have Botox parties and have it injected in the oh-so-hygenic/sterile comfort of a residential kitchen/bathroom/bedroom.

Seriously?

Who thought that up?

Botox was invented by a doctor to treat problems with eye muscles. It has a number of medical uses, and has been life-changing for many severe migraine sufferers. So I would not sneer at it so decisively.
50
I'm pretty minimalist anyway -- only wear makeup on special occasions. I only wash, condition and color my hair (no blow dry or curling etc.) Shave only in warm weather etc.

I absolutely refuse and don't "get" tanning salons (pay money to get a treatment that can lead to skin cancer and/or make one turn an interesting color of orangy brown) or treatments such as Botox.

Especially Botox:

From what I understand, it's derived from Botulism (aka food poisoning) and people pay big bucks to have it injected into their faces in order to paralyze them to eliminate wrinkles. Even if it works, one has to go back a certain number of weeks later to have it done again. Plus, back in the day people would have Botox parties and have it injected in the oh-so-hygenic/sterile comfort of a residential kitchen/bathroom/bedroom.

Seriously?

Who thought that up?

Plenty of people have to give themselves injections at home...as long as the needle itself is clean, and the injection site has been cleaned, it's really not a problem.

I have never had botox, but my (younger!) sister gets it occasionally. It works wonders, and it lasts months, not weeks. If I weren't so lazy, and cared about wrinkles, I might do it. It's perfectly safe.
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