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  • February 19, 2017, 06:54:03 AM

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Lil Sis and her first husband saved a lot of money so that they could retire early (fifties). 

About the time they hit their 20th anniversary, he "admitted" that he'd lost it all in bad investments then turned around and asked for a divorce...

After the divorce, he built a new house about 2 to3 times the size of the last one that they'd bought together...and bought all new furniture, since she'd gotten the furniture in the divorce decree  (he set the value and she knows that he claimed that it cost more than they actually spent - but - between threats and being too sick to stand up & fight for herself, she picked herself up and went on with her life).  Found a new place to live where all the furniture from their last house together looked like it was bought for that place instead of the one they'd sold as part of the divorce, dated, fell in love, remarried, and so forth....

And at the graduation dinner for "their" niece & nephew (his sister's kids - but they grew up with Lil Sis being their aunt & weren't about to let her go when his new wife was still a near-stranger and had never played board games with them, bought them books, read to them, or otherwise spent time getting to know them....).

Her ex- came up to her and stood & complained about not being able to retire, ever, because his new wife is such a spendthrift who is always buying new clothes, shoes, and handbags at the *expensive* stores (where he griped if Lil Sis shopped clearance sales at the same stores - but wanted her to be wearing the same "designer names" as the wives of the male bosses or the female coworkers wore).  Lil Sis just sat there and tried to figure out what on Earth was going on it his head...but it made a good story to pass along to me.

If ever there was a man who wanted to have his cake and eat it, too - it was Phil Anderer (not his real name, not his real initials, but very close to why they ended up divorced & a least part of why he was missing tens of thousands of dollars from their retirement/investment accounts).  Lil Sis got credit card statements showing the purchase of jewelry that she knew was not in her at least some of the missing money ended up in other people's jewelry boxes...or something like that.

It drove her up the wall for a while - but she's slowly getting to the point where she sees that he has the life that he always told her that he wanted - he just isn't enjoying it nearly as much as he thought he would.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Do you have any 'trash' treasures?
« Last post by gmatoy on Yesterday at 05:01:30 PM »
I have a strange obsession with residential garbage. In the past few years, I've found a weird 9-square shelf thing that I repainted and repurposed into a shoe rack, kiddie pools that I use for raised beds, a turtle sandbox for Little Man, a bouncy turtle for him, a bouncy truck for him, a car with a handle that I can push him around in on walks, a 30's Era RCA speaker cabinet (it was originally sold with a theremin, apparently), a bedframe that I repurposed to mark the boundaries of my garden, a standalone wooden kitchen cabinet with a formica top that fits perfectly in the space between our fridge and stove. It just needed a good cleaning and sanitizing and now we have more counter space. I've also found some old chairs that work great as flowerpot holders, and a ladder to use as a trellis. I've found a metal electric chandelier, which I unwired, spray painted, and hung on the porch. I've found flowerpots. One year I found a rattan chair. Oh, and recently I found a Batman Imaginex play set (minus the figures) and a Gotham City jail that Little Man will grow into. I do a lot of curbside shopping. I love repurposing things and keeping them out of the landfills. There's probably more, our home décor is a mix of thrift shop, stuff that's worth spending decent money on, and things I find. LOL

I think that I'd love to visit your home; it sounds so warm and cozy. (And I used to do some of that repurposing, but our house won't enlarge...why is that? Doesn't it know that I need more space??)
Family and Children / Re: Information diet and the people who aren't on it
« Last post by rose red on Yesterday at 05:00:09 PM »
I have to agree with posters that it's not fair to put others in the middle. They now have to watch what they say or have to frantically scramble with what to do/say if your mom ask about you, etc.

If your mom calls to rant about normal innocent everyday things like you/DD meeting new people, it's up to you to deal with her. Hang up if you have to (my recommendation).
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflakes Redux - play nice!
« Last post by gmatoy on Yesterday at 04:58:15 PM »
Yarnspinner, Have these people never held a job?! I can not imagine having a job and not having to let my bosses know when I needed time off.

And I'm putting on my sunglasses because your spine is so shiny!!
Family and Children / Re: Information diet and the people who aren't on it
« Last post by Oh Joy on Yesterday at 04:34:32 PM »
I have complete sympathy for you, and respect that you have a difficult mother that you need to pull back from to protect yourself.

However, creating these secret tiers of information and then expecting others to roll along with it, will cause confusion and discomfort for not only you and your mother but also everyone else in between...without making your problems with your mother go away. 

There are wise posters on this forum.  I do hope you find another way.
As a reformed spender due to necessity, I can say that it is very hard to get into the saving habit, unless you start at a very early age, and other than my piggy bank, I was never encouraged to save money.

Now? I agonize over spending on things that aren't necessities and it is reflected in my bank account.
when someone says, "it must be nice."

Usually it's said when someone says their going on vacation and the other person says, "it must be nice."

Drives me up the wall. Maybe they scrimped and saved and sacrificed some things in order to do that.

Also can't stand when people on Facebook complain about how they can't afford to buy this or do that but yet in the next post they say they are out drinking/partying. Priorities...

Yes, this is a huge pet peeve of mine. I think it particularly irritates me because it seems that people will say it for only certain non-essential expenditures. For example, my husband and I are very, very frugal and we save our money for experiences because that is what makes us happy. We also both have immediate family that live abroad so there is an expectation that we will travel to see them. I notice that people who may not be very frugal (which is fine, it is their money to spend) will make "it must be nice" comments when we go on trips. If I were to say "it must be nice" when those same people are constantly ordering expensive lunches everyday and going on shopping sprees multiple times per month, it would be considered highly inappropriate; but to make comments on a person's travels has become an acceptable type of to-your-face comment.
I also recognize that some people truly cannot afford to do some of the things that I can save to do, but it seems like I only encounter rude/judgmental comments from people who could afford it but prioritize money differently than me.

I'm not above making PA comments. If it were me, I'd smile and say "Yes, it is nice. It's amazing how much I save since I don't eat out everyday or go on shopping sprees. Those small savings sure add up."

Good rebuttal!
48 general / Re: Is it rude to wipe off the sauce?
« Last post by Semperviren on Yesterday at 04:03:29 PM »
As long as you aren't drawing attention to yourself, I don't think what you're talking about is rude at all.

I agree. Remove the sauce discreetly. You're doing nothing wrong.

I'm of the opinion that it's unseemly and rude to take excessive notice of what's going on on someone else's plate.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflakes Redux - play nice!
« Last post by Mel the Redcap on Yesterday at 03:42:29 PM »
How dare you prioritise your own life and needs above catering to their whims and financing their lifestyle, Yarnspinner? ::) Good grief, what a couple of self-centred, selfish brats! Many congratulations on your shiny spine!
Etiquette of the Rich and Famous / Etiquette of hosting world leaders?
« Last post by checkitnice on Yesterday at 03:37:21 PM »
I'm going to preface this by saying I don't care which way any of you are leaning politically.

That being said ... what are the possible etiquette pitfalls of hosting world leaders at Mar-a-Lago? Sure, it's owned by the President. But it's also open to hundreds of other people. When the Japanese Prime Minister was there, they ate in the dining area with other guests and there was even a wedding being hosted at the same location. (If that was my wedding, I don't know how I would feel about that part either.)

Any thoughts?
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