News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • July 25, 2016, 03:49:56 PM

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51
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O: House Hunting Horrors!
« Last post by #borecore on Today at 12:36:18 PM »
I grew up in a neighborhood where most of the houses were one of 5 or so layouts, all with open floorplans. I feel most at home in one. For example, our  downstairs was like a wheel with the half-bath as the spoke at the center. From the entry, you went into an open space with family room, eat-in dining area adjacent to kitchen, adjacent to large dining and living room space, then back to the entry. The laundry room and garage were off the family room but that was the only door in the whole floor, besides the bathroom and closets.

Great for running around in circles when chasing each other as kids! Lots of ways to lay out furniture over the years, too. And great for parties. Definitely not too echoey -- even though the living and family rooms were less than 50 feet apart, you weren't going to hear conversation in one from the other. And if you were in the kitchen, you could pretty much monitor the whole floor.

My new place has a more traditional "open" design: living room-dining room-kitchen in a row with single- or double-door-size doorless openings, and bedrooms and bathrooms off the kitchen at the back. I love the idea of entertaining in an open space!
52
Life...in general / Re: Was this safety trumps etiquette
« Last post by GardenGal on Today at 12:34:00 PM »
You were more than fine - you were excellent!  Shame on that dad.  It only takes a monent for a kid to get themselves in danger.
53
Yes, PA is my mother's normal state of being. I know that she doesn't mean specifically to cast blame on me...she just needs to get any possibility of blame away from herself ASAP to avoid any threat to her pure victim status.

I agree it wouldn't be rude to say "I ate too much and feel full." But "the portions were too big and too rich and I have been sick for 2 days from that restaurant," ad nauseum, is not quite the same. Especially since we also get "aren't we going out to celebrate X's birthday? I've been really wanting to go to [really expensive place with huge, rich meals]. Maybe we can do that!" I mean, she actually called my uncle (who has cognitive limitations and is overly eager to please) last August and asked him to pick her choice of restaurant for his birthday celebration rather than wait for October for her own turn.

I am well past believing that there is any hope that my mother will one day be polite in any meaningful way. I choose to maintain contact since none of her other family speaks to her and she has no friends. I choose to keep my dealings with her as polite as can be managed, both to uphold my own integrity and hopefully to teach my children by example. But since my mother is very much my jerk eating crackers as well as my husband's, I sometimes need outside confirmation that an individual irritating behavior of hers is truly rude and advice on dealing with it. Even though the oblivious rudeness on her part will continue overall.
54
Life...in general / Re: Polite words but rude tone
« Last post by mandycorn on Today at 12:27:30 PM »
What a terrible way to enjoy a nice evening out. The woman was very wrong.

I'd probably be sending a note to the venue to describing the encounter and asking why the ticket person refused to review the receipt.

I agree with contacting the venue. You can include compliments for the parts you did enjoy, to help make it more well-rounded email, but they need to know:
A. Their list was wrong and
B. Their ticket agent need some retraining
55
Life...in general / Re: Was this safety trumps etiquette
« Last post by Eden on Today at 12:24:28 PM »
In this case, especially given how young the child was, you were fine. And someone yelled to grab the baby. For all you knew at the time, it could have been her parent.

I have a pool and I vigilantly watch the kids in my pool even when their parents are present. I've had to fish out someone else's kid on multiple occasions because their parent wasn't paying attention or reacting quickly enough. That said, I've also had lots of worry warts at my pool who try to tell children what to do or not do even when that child's parent is right there actively watching them. Those people need to mind their own business. Again, OP, that was not the situation you were in. You were fine.
56
Life...in general / Re: Shoes off in store?
« Last post by Huh on Today at 12:24:01 PM »
Question: Do people just read the books and put them back or is it reading what you've bought? (Where I live, we've never had one of those big chain bookstores.)

Or buying what you're been reading!

The stores encourage people to sit in the store and read. A lot of times I've bought something because I read some of it in the store and liked it. Other times, I've put it back because I didn't like the bit I read. Still other times, I've gone to the cafe section, paid for drinks and snacks and the book all at once, and sat and read what I'd just bought.

Thanks, I was just wondering. Like I said, we don't have a big chain around here, just a little in-mall store that has no place to sit. I had a bit of anxiety thinking about people reading the books in the store, breaking the spines as they were doing it, and then putting them back!
57
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: non-cake ideas for birthday candles
« Last post by mandycorn on Today at 12:05:26 PM »
Maybe you could skip putting candles in something all together, and just gather an assortment of tea lights and tapers and gather them all together in the center of the table. (Just avoid multiple scents if any of them are scented)
58
Unless she's telling you that you shouldn't have chosen the restaurant, or is criticizing you directly, I would lean towards the notion that her complaints about being full, while annoying, has nothing to do with you or your hosting and isn't meant to be about you at all.

I don't think it's necessarily rude to tell someone, after they provided you a meal, that you ate too much and feel full.  It's not something I would go on and on about, but I've definitely had those moments when my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I stated just that. 

It does sound like your mother is whining and complaining too much and that is definitely annoying.  But I wouldn't automatically assume that she is purposely trying to be PA or cast blame on you.  You know her best...what is her normal personality?  Is she PA and critical?  Or is she just a complainer?  Or is this new?

Also, I wouldn't feel the need to police her while she's eating out and probably wouldn't try.  She's an adult.  But that doesn't mean you have to listen to her either.  "Mom, I'm sorry you don't feel well.  I'm not surprised given how much you ate, but I'm glad you liked the food. We enjoyed it too!" 
59
Life...in general / Re: Was this safety trumps etiquette
« Last post by vintagegal on Today at 11:49:28 AM »
"You're welcome."

Some people.....
60
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O: House Hunting Horrors!
« Last post by mandycorn on Today at 11:49:06 AM »
I love open kitchen/dining/living areas.  It's great for parties.  I can work in the kitchen, set someone to work on the other side of the peninsula counter, out of MY space  ;) and still be able to talk to people.  I've decided that it doesn't really bother me if people see my kitchen is messy; they're eating the fruits of my labours, after all.   ;D

Spiral staircases and loft ladders are not very useful, IMO.  I'm too clumsy; I'd probably end up with some serious injuries.

That's funny because I hate open kitchen/dining/living areas because they're so noisy at parties! The sound carries and echos and makes it hard for me to hear conversation.
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