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  • May 06, 2015, 09:41:01 PM

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Jaelle, my husband does a lot of housework and cooking and my MIL doesn't like it either but for her I think it's jealousy.  My FIL will stand around in the kitchen hungry until someone hands him a plate.
A junior IT staff member. He will not speak to anyone until after 10 AM, even though he works 8-5 Monday through Friday. See, he's not awake enough to speak to people. The people he supports. Yeah, that isn't going to last long.

Nope.  This is why IT people are almost universally coffee/cola addicts. 
Family and Children / Re: Carolyn Hax today: MIL oversteps her boundaries
« Last post by Jaelle on Today at 06:24:07 PM »
"For my husband's birthday (my son's father), she kindly offered to watch their sixteen month old son for the long weekend while they went on a special father-son hike."

So DIL "offered" to take care of her own child for a three day weekend? How generous of her.

That might just be some very awkward wording, but it sure sounds a lot like something my own MIL would have said. (Right before she reminded me that I wasn't capable of taking care of my own child while DH and FIL were gone for a week every year.) I burst into tears at least once every year during that week myself.
I seriously think that is sort of generous. Not as generous as if the boy were 16 days or 16 weeks, but no trifle either.  A parent is a parent, after all.

Why is taking care of her own child "generous"?

She is being generous to her husband by taking care of their child by herself that weekend so he can go hiking.

I wonder if there's been some friction about the DIL expecting her husband to be an equal partner in taking care of the child, and the MIL has been unhappy with that? I know that sounds like a stretch, but we ran into some of that early in our marriage and parenthood.

DH is a very involved dad, changed half the diapers, got up half the nights, etc. For a stretch at one point, he was a stay-at-home dad. (And loved it.) I had made it clear before marriage that this was the sort of partnership I wanted, and it was what he wanted, too.

MIL ... was not so sure about that. She had been a housewife since the day she was married and then stay-at-home mom when the kids were born. She didn't like that DH was expected to carry half the load (and did so happily); I think in a way, she considered it criticism of the more "traditional" way she and DH's late father raised their children. And when DH declined to immediately go do errands for her because we were doing family stuff ... Well! Wasn't it my job to handle child-rearing and not his?

(Fortunately, we moved past this, thanks in large part to DH having none of it. But I wasn't at all the type of DIL she wanted or expected.)

Anyway, I wondered about that wording. It almost struck me as a possible tone of sarcasm, if she has the same point of view my MIL did.

I'm probably reaching. :) But it struck me that the type of MIL who would do this might have that point of view.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Baby Names - You're kidding Right???
« Last post by Airelenaren on Today at 06:24:04 PM »
To me, the a in "mash" is more like the a in "carry", not an ah sound like in "car".
Meanwhile, I know a few Nataschas who are all pronounced with a shurt a, the same sound like the u in "cut".  ;D
So neither "tosh" nor "tahsh".
Guests / Re: Massive guest list dilemma
« Last post by Winterlight on Today at 06:23:45 PM »
A good rule for inviting people is, "If I am turning into a Ball O' Stress at the thought of them coming, then the reality of them coming is too stressful."
The Wedding Party / Re: Is this forgivable or completely awful?
« Last post by Winterlight on Today at 06:16:49 PM »
I don't think we should jump the gun and be too critical of this couple for asking the husband as a groomsman for the numbers. Some people think you're "supposed to" have even sides. I know that can sound silly but I often see questions here like that about what you're "supposed to" do as if there is some kind of "wedding police" (or whatever) who are going to fine you if you don't follow some arbitrary rule. It's not that out of the ordinary to blindly follow some perceived norm without actually thinking it through.

In addition, it could easily be the HC's intent to make the husband feel more welcome or more part of the inner circle. After all, his wife is going to be in the wedding and under normal circumstances, he would be sitting without her during the ceremony, and possibly during the reception as well.

My point is that yes, the HC could be the stomp-your-foot-everything-has-to-be-just-so types, but there could also be lots of other reasons why they asked him to even out their numbers. So until the OP's DD approaches them with the situation, there's no telling how they will react.

As I said above, I'd be prepared for at least a somewhat bad reaction just because they are going to be taken by surprise and this is their wedding so a very important day for them. But given time to recover, I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt here and predict that they will understand and deal with it.

I agree with this. We don't yet know if the HC is a reasonable pair who were simply given bad advice or if they are going to be horrible.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O PD Student Darwinism
« Last post by Jocelyn on Today at 06:14:00 PM »
Student: I have not finished the Major Paper.
Me: Yes, I noticed. (it was due April 28)
Student: Can I have extra time?
Me: You can have until close of business day on Friday. (it has been posted in the online class management system for 2 weeks now that I will not accept any work after CBD on the last day of classes.)
Student: Can I turn it in Monday?
58 general / Re: Changing Plans (long, sorry)
« Last post by Jaelle on Today at 06:07:45 PM »
Then a week later, Sarah is calling me saying that Will has thought about it and really would prefer the other location because of a certain activity that, of the four of us, he is the only one that does...and she goes on to tell me that she wants to support him and have him enjoy himself because he's having a rough time at work and is hoping that DH and I would see value in changing plans.

This changes some things for me. Before this update, I thought I'd be irritated. Now, I'd be mad. And it's making me mad on your behalf.

I'd tell your friend that you were really looking forward to the original plans and that you're not interested in the new ones. As others said, "Maybe some other time." And I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it with a tone of disappointment. She should know you're disappointed!

It sounds to me like Will has convinced your friend she's selfish whenever plans don't line up with everything he wants. :/
Normally first communion is at 7 years old...if Brian was really 10 or 11 I have to wonder why that was. For example was he at all developmentally delayed?

But in that case I would have figured out when the formal wear was needed, e.g., "I would like you to take some pictures at the beginning of the reception with mom, Dad and the grandparents" and then figure out what is minimally necessary "Then you can change shoes and take off the jacket for lunch."

You missed the comment midstream saying that in Brian's community, 10 or 11 *is* the normal age for First Communion.

I think this family has way bigger problems than the clothes their kid/s wear.  I've plenty of experience with 10-11 year olds, and hiding under a table at a public/formal event at this age is so far beyond the norm I can't even imagine it.

POD. Hiding under a table is what you do when you're a toddler trying to avoid Aunt PinchYourCheeks. Not at all the type of behavior expected from a 10- or 11-year-old unless there are other issues.
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