News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • June 25, 2016, 04:44:51 PM

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51
All In A Day's Work / Re: Minefield!
« Last post by Runningstar on Today at 05:11:26 AM »
I'd jump ship and apply to the competition too, and if you love this niche - start to think about opening a company yourself someday.  You have already seen how not to do it, go find out how to do it better. 
52
Family and Children / Re: Can I have this when you die?
« Last post by m2kbug on Today at 04:42:17 AM »
When I was some 30 years younger, I saw a very special & pricey spice rack for sale at a store - by the time I talked VorGuy into letting me get it - they had sold every single one that they had.  I obsessed over the spice rack - it had a spice chart on it and room for a lot more spices than most of those I'd seen (I have over thirty-five spice jars - I needed a larger spice rack...).  But, boo, hoo, they were all gone.

The next time we went to see VorGuy's mother - she had one on her wall. 

Remember, it was about 30 years ago and I was a much younger & less conscientious VorFemme...I exclaimed about how much I had wanted that spice rack and that the store in my area had run out of them before I could buy one - turned out that their local store had run out of them, too, but not until after she bought hers...

I got lucky, she "forgave" me for coveting her spice rack and ended up giving it to me a few years later when she redecorated the kitchen (she does this every few years - but I wasn't sure what she'd do with it - pass it along, store it, or garage sale it).  I also hand stitched four spice themed small samplers for her kitchen while she still had the spice rack (they are still hanging in her kitchen today, some 25 years later).  I guess she liked them enough to keep them even though she was no longer cooking enough to need the very large spice rack...and she had one small stretch of wall in the kitchen that wasn't taken up by a window, the phone, or behind cabinets....which is why I think that the spice rack got dropped from the redecorated kitchen...no wall space!

But I learned very quickly that a closed mouth gathered no feet - especially when it came to various things belonging to other people  You could mention that it was lovely but other than asking if they remembered where they'd found it so you could see if there was another one in stock...you really were better off to keep your mouth shut in front of them.  Like I sais, I got lucky and she forgave me when I grew up a little more.  Grandkids helped....

I don't see this as a faux pas unless you came across NOT as someone who was lamenting on the spice rack woes and you were jealous (in good humor) she was able to get one, but rather hinting she was obligated to give you hers...that would would be rude.  And to say, "Can I have this when you die?" would be rude as well.  What you describe seems so normal in any conversation.  "Where did you get those shorts?  I love them."  When your response is, "I found them at Goodwill," well obviously this person can't run out and buy a pair, and it does not mean you are required to hand them over because she loves them so much.  You may give them to her if you no longer have a use for them, just because she loved them so much and you remembered.  Unless there was something sketchy in this conversation with MIL, as if you made it clear she had to hand it over or owed it to you, I see absolutely nothing wrong with talking about the whole fiasco over the spice wrack.  It makes a good story.  The end result, MIL knew how much you wanted it, couldn't get it, and thought of you when it was time to let hers go.  That's a nice thing.

People complement, people say they want that, people joke they're taking it home, and any number of good humor discussions.  If anyone takes that as that person demanding they give it to them, they are either highly paranoid and sensitive, or the person expressing how much they love/want that thing is coming across the wrong way (or maybe they seriously feel they are entitled), and a reasonable person who did not mean to express entitlement would question their delivery when they express how much they love something and change their behavior.

UW is clearly itching for MIL to die so she can get the spoils.  Talking about "when you die, can I have..." is so distasteful and cruel to me.  My mother has broached the subject, who is getting what, and with that, I have included "dibs," but I don't think it is in any way appropriate to lay claim on things, "when you die," unless it is the topic of discussion for that moment.  She sounds like a piece of work.  I think I would just be blunt with her with the many phrases other PPs have mentioned.  I think my favorite is when in her home, ask her, "When you die, can I have..."  I think that might really put into perspective what her actions are.  She'll learn from it or won't.  If I give her the benefit of the doubt, she simply may not realize just how hurtful her words are, but when the tables are turned, she'll have an ah-ha moment. 
53
Trans-Atlantic Knowledge Exchange / Re: Foreign Accent Syndrome.
« Last post by shadowfox79 on Today at 04:36:04 AM »

I didn't know he wasn't American until I read an article where he said doing the accent all the time was taking a toll. So yes, he was very credible.

Along those lines I've been enjoying Jesse Spencer in Chicago Fire for several years and was shocked when I watched my first episode of House a couple weeks ago and heard his (I'm assuming) native Australian accent!

Oh yes. I had a huge crush on Jesse Spencer when he was in Neighbours. I used to love Australian soap actors.

Having listened to the Texan woman again, I notice she says she's pronouncing "kidding" as "kitten". That definitely tells me it's British-in-her-mind rather than real British. I've never heard a British person transpose a D to a T.
54
Family and Children / Re: Can I have this when you die?
« Last post by scotcat60 on Today at 04:19:50 AM »
I've left it all to the local cat's home.
55
A thought just popped up, because I guess I can understand the parents being a little upset that he doesn't talk to them about what's going on in their lives.  Taking a trip to Hawaii seems like something people would discuss just in conversation.  Your brother (and now you) didn't/haven't said anything about your plans, and the question is why?  Would the parents give him flack about it, whether he's choosing the wrong hotel, the wrong activities, he shouldn't be spending money that way, frivolous, etc.?  In general, are they prone to judge and criticize, so the easiest thing for Bro to do is just avoid any "controversial" topics all together?  I do find it a little odd that if he talks to the parents regularly (not sure he does), this trip was never mentioned, but obviously if he is going to be met with unhappy consequence of telling them, of course he's going to keep a tight lip.  I certainly avoid certain topics because I simply don't need the hassle and do not wish to have to defend myself. 
56
Life...in general / Re: The ol' great 'no shoe policy' debate!
« Last post by Addy on Today at 03:53:46 AM »
Ay yi yi, yes, your friend is way out of line and totally bonkers.

I'm totally familiar with "no shoes in the house" policies -- I grew up and still live in the midwest.  We get rain, snow, mud, etc, so a lot of people (including me) have a no-shoes policy.  (My sister in CA also has one, where it's a bit more rare -- and so she's got a cute little sign "blaming" it on her toddlers, something about about little hands on the floor so leave your shoes at the door.)

When I have long term guests visit, I offer them my extra slippers, but that has more to do with concern over cold feet than aesthetics.  If someone brought their own slippers, I would not be offended.

Male feet aren't inherently more gross or uglier then female feet.  (BTW, obviously she doesn't know any dancers...our feet get nasty.  Of course, we're then proud of them and show off the blisters, calluses, and bunions.  >:D)

As for your attire overall, I think a lot depends on local culture and what is meant by "dinner party."  When I hear "dinner party," it does make me think more formal -- but the party itself is more formal, too, not just the dress code.  I rarely get invited to/host/attend those at people's homes.  Usually it's just that someone having people over and dinner is part of / most of the plan. 

I kind of suspect you were at something closer to the latter than the former.  Plus it sounds like your clothes were in a similar range to the rest of the guests.

As for the socks question, no, I don't think socks would've made your outfit "better."  I don't think it makes a difference either way.  When you say you were the only guy barefoot -- I'm assuming that means all the other guys had shoes off, but had been wearing socks so kept those on?  Meh.  Whatever.  Carrying a pair of socks when you're wearing no-sock-shoes (sandals, flip-flops, ballet flats for women) is not a requirement for any situation I know other than if you're planning to go bowling and rent shoes.   :P

So all in all, you're right, you were fine, your friend is bonkers, feel free to ignore her and roll your eyes internally a lot.   ;)

Oh, and no, I would not contact the hostess.  She didn't complain about the bare feet; her only requirement was that you take off shoes.  Which you obeyed.  Just let it go.


yes to all this. and to most of what everyone else is saying. this friend is nuts. i've seen plenty of women with ugly feet, it's stupid to assume women's feet are inherently more pleasant to look at.

I'm kinda friendly with the hostess, and I thought maybe I'd bring it up in a joking way just to see, you know? but probably not worth it.

none of you guys have gone to no shoes houses with sandals or flip flops before? what did you guys do in this scenario?

The only time this has happened to me, my hostess had slippers for me to wear.  I really would have preferred to keep my flip flops on, as they give me a little more support than slippers.
I found it really odd, as she had no carpets, only laminate floors.
57
Life...in general / Re: The ol' great 'no shoe policy' debate!
« Last post by m2kbug on Today at 03:44:46 AM »
I think you're attire is fine and the flip-flops are fine for a casual party.  I think that for a casual party, I would choose nicer flip-flops or sandals, however, but I have certainly worn the more casual flip-flops as well, particularly when it comes to pool parties.  If the shoes are known to have to come off, it really doesn't matter one way or the other what's on your feet, unless you are conscientious about shoe gear matching outfits and if you had to do some shopping or errand or something other than going from your door to theirs and back home again.  I personally wouldn't have an issue wearing flip-flops with a nice dress or nice outfit if I had to stop by the store on my there or home.  The shoes aren't a necessary part of the outfit if they have to come off, so to me, it's really a non-issue.

I have only been to one household where it was insisted that shoes come off.  She even had the people moving her furniture remove their shoes.  That was a chore.  She had white carpet.  She also had a basket of footie socks by the door for people to use if desired.  I think if a household has a rule like that, it's something they should provide, TBH, as I think very few people carry house shoes or even socks just in case.  If it was known ahead of time, I could certainly pack some footies, but I would probably just go barefoot.  I'm perfectly comfortable that way.  You didn't have much choice but to go barefoot, and if the shoes have to come off and the host does not have socks or slippers available, this is pretty much what they're setting themselves up for. 

It's a bit odd that your friend won't let this go.  It makes me think of the paperclip fiasco being used to clip a bag of chips or something.  Just a bit on the bizarre side.  We don't really live in a culture (at least not my experience) where people travel about with different shoes for differing occasions.  My first thought was, "Who in the world uses house shoes and takes them with them??"  I'm sure there are lots of people who do wear house shoes, but I'm not entirely clear what those are.  Slippers?  Do people have lots of variety of house shoes to match their outfits, especially when going to other people's homes?  It seems a bit odd of a topic to focus on so heavily. :) 

I voted you were fine.  This is pretty much the norm for most casual gatherings in my experience. 
58
Life...in general / Re: The ol' great 'no shoe policy' debate!
« Last post by Layne on Today at 03:30:45 AM »
I wonder what would your friend think of me walking barefoot indoors. I'm a woman and I think I have ugly feet! I've some old scars on some of my toes due to excessive walking in poor shoe choices. Other than maintaining cleanliness, I never had a pedicure done, or bothered with toe nail polish ever. Besides, ugly feet is subjective, and they're not gender exclusive either.

She sounds very obnoxious and bias. Best to just blank her if she keeps harping on the same subject. Don't engage the crazy  :P
59
Life...in general / Re: I Don't Want Your Advice
« Last post by cicero on Today at 03:01:22 AM »


I don't want to lose friends over this. But if I have to, I do. I don't know what else to say without being rude and so harsh to say "I know you went through what I did, but I don't want to talk about it." I can't get any more clear than that. I am not directing my energy to talk about it over and over and over again.
I don't think this is rude at all.  Or "I appreciate your concern but I don't want to talk about it".
And then -  don't talk about it.

Hugs to you.  I've been there,  and it's not easy.  I remember feeling like a pressure cooker about to explode and every time someone said *anything * to me,  I would start to cry.  Thereeseems to be something about separated /divorcing couples that brings the  "we can fixits"  out of the woodwork. But this is *your* life,  *your* choice of who to talk to about it.

(FWIW,  I also read Sara crew's message as being supportive.)
60
Life...in general / Re: The ol' great 'no shoe policy' debate!
« Last post by Danika on Today at 02:34:19 AM »
Welcome to the forums, Mike!

In Australia during summer, your attire would be seen as perfectly acceptable for a casual dinner party. So I wouldn't worry on that account.

I also had the same thought as EllenS - that your friend is interested in your romantically, and that this was kind of a date. But the more I read (and noting you already have a girlfriend) I'm inclined to think she's just bossy and odd.

I'd stop responding to her texts about the issue. And if she brings it up again in person, I'd tell her "Friend, you've made your point repeatedly. I can't go back in time and do things differently. Let's agree to respect each other's different opinions on this topic, and let it drop."

And if that doesn't work, tell her you got a new job... as a foot model!!! That you get paid for photos of your feet. Have some fun with this, if she's not going to let up. >:D
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