News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 17, 2017, 07:10:29 PM

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51
Life...in general / Re: I'm NOT the Poster Child for THIS!!
« Last post by BeagleMommy on Today at 09:09:56 AM »
It almost reads to me that Jeanette is treating you more as a victim of DV, rather than a survivor. A victim may need someone to step in and assist in protecting them, whereas a survivor has the tools to set their own boundaries.

When I was a victim, I needed my friends to check my messages for me. I needed them to tell me to not go to the arranged meeting with my ex because it would only serve to make him feel better about what he did and would only hurt me.

Without that support network, like your friend Jeanette, I wouldn't have been able to survive. both literally and metaphorically. I was very concerned for my physical safety, but as a victim, I could not see how to protect myself.

When I made it through the woods and started seeing myself as a survivor, I was able to decide what boundaries I needed to set for myself and I didn't need my friends to protect me like that anymore.

From what you've described, January Girl, Jeanette is trying to protect you, but because of her help, you don't need her to do that anymore. It's going to be a bit awkward while you both re-write how you interact. I would recommend you have the conversation with her about the 'incident', but use it as an opportunity to politely let her know that you're capable of setting your own boundaries. Otherwise, these kinds of incidents are going to keep on happening-- it's weird when we re-write long established scripts with loved ones.

Jeanette can be offended on her own because she doesn't like people being flip about something she witnessed that was awful.

Jeanette does not get to be offended on your behalf.

OP, this is my read on the situation.  Jeanette is feeling protective of you.  I wonder if you said something like "Jeanette, you were my rock through some of the worst times in my life.  I appreciate this more than I can every say.  However, I am so much stronger now because of your support that I can hear things like what Abby said and not react to them.  Do they still offend me?  Yes, but I can choose my reactions and I choose not to let this type of thing define me.".
52
Life...in general / Re: Plane travel etiquette
« Last post by Emmy on Today at 08:58:49 AM »
Your friend's reaction was really rude and strange.  It seems like she has unreasonable flying rage and probably shouldn't fly if she feels everybody is out to get her on a plane.  It would be like if she accidentally rested her purse against a stranger at the DMV and the stranger shouted at her and threw her purse across the room because 'nobody does anything by accident' at the DMV and she was indeed the rude one.  I'm sure she would think that is unreasonable, but that seems to be her attitude on a plane.
53
Life...in general / Re: Babysitting rules
« Last post by rose red on Today at 08:54:33 AM »
If you want to be nice, I think you should sit down to really think about a schedule that works for you and your family. Better yet, discuss this with your family. Not knowing when they'll need you and full days on weekends would drive me nuts. I'm a planner.

I'm sorry, but when you have a child, you need to take responsibility for that child and research for daycare assistance. Sure there are emergencies (maybe even lasting several weeks/months), but this is not it. Do you really want to take care raise him until he hits high school? There's already a disruption in the household regarding her expecting your daughter to babysit and possibly your son having his phone play time taken away.

eta: like others, I'm also wondering what the dad's school schedule is that he can't either take his son to school in the mornings or be there for his son at night. Surely he's not in school from sun up to sun down and weekends.
54
My DD's class is doing a cooking project where each child brings in one component of the project.  She brought home the form with the item handwritten in by either the teacher or a parent volunteer (not DD's handwriting!):  "30 bowels"

We're pretty sure it's supposed to read "30 bowls" but it's quite clearly spelled out.

Prompted by this one, I cannot resist a much-loved UK "schoolkid's mistake" story.

It involves the historical episode of the Spanish Armada setting out against England; and the tradition that when said fleet was first sighted off England's south-western tip, Sir Francis Drake was playing a game of bowls with friends and colleagues on the area of land near the harbour of Plymouth in the English county of Devon, called Plymouth Hoe. In this situation, Drake purportedly made a remark to the effect that "There's plenty of time to finish the game, and then see these people off"; and that is indeed how things went. This is sometimes seen as a wondrous example of Sir Francis's nonchalance and general "cool" in desperate circumstances; but there's a more prosaic explanation, concerning weather conditions being such at that exact time, that it was for a while impossible for the fleet to set out and do anything to the enemy -- so the captains might just as well carry on with what they'd been doing.

Immortal sentence in child's history essay: "When the Armada arrived, Sir Francis Drake was playing with his bowels on Plymouth Hoe".
55
Costumers =/= Customers

(Unless, of course, your customers actually are costumers - but I feel that's an incredibly narrow target to hit!)
56
Life...in general / Re: Babysitting rules
« Last post by Lula on Today at 08:16:49 AM »
I think whatever solution you come up with should be whatever disrupts your and your kids' normal routine the least and creates the least burden for you. What you're doing for this neighbor is extremely generous as it is.

This woman can't pay you but has mentioned using your daughter to babysit? That would set me over the edge with the amount of entitlement there. Your daughter should never be put in a situation where another adult decides she is a go-to for their free babysitter! I am glad your daughter has said she's not comfortable watching both boys, she's a strong girl and that's something you should be proud of.

It's your house, do not punish your child by taking away a toy of his because the neighbor has made a "no phone" rule. I'd also not push the "you have to share your toys" rule with them either or the "you have to play together" rule. You can happily coexist and the neighbor child should come prepared with their own books or toys to play with while you're doing a massive favor for his family. It's not punishing him as long as you aren't waving the phone in his face and pointing out he can't play with it too.

I have had situations where my mom thought it was fair to enforce another person's rules on me for the sake of the other child. I truly resented it and was angry not only at my mom but at the other child.

This and this.  Your kids did not volunteer to be babysitting aides, nor is this a host-guest situation.  This is your kids' home, their space, their lives, their "me" time.  They shouldn't be obligated to entertain the other child; they shouldn't have to limit themselves to activities that include him.
57
Life...in general / Re: Should you wait for an update . . .
« Last post by Arrynne on Today at 08:15:30 AM »
Since it's his mobile, I would text back acknowledging the message, wishing them the best, and asking for info to send a get well card/flowers.  I would also reach out to your boss' boss to ensure she is aware of the situation.
59
Life...in general / Re: Babysitting rules
« Last post by Hmmmmm on Today at 08:13:02 AM »
I'm surprised that so many people say that if the mother was paying the OP, she would then have the right to dictate rules. Is that how it actually works in paid daycare?

I mean, aside from obvious things like allergies or physical limitations, can parents really dictate to daycare centers what toys their children are not allowed to play with or activities they want to prohibit?

No, but they can certainly dictate rules to a nanny, and this situation is closer to a nanny than a daycare center.

Yes, I expect any babysitter I hire to follow my rules. And yes, in daycares you can also indicate any activity that you don't want your child to participate in. It obviously needs to be within reason and if the day care is not comfortable with your request they can say no and you can then choose a different day care.
60
Life...in general / Re: Babysitting rules
« Last post by rashea on Today at 07:56:05 AM »
I'm surprised that so many people say that if the mother was paying the OP, she would then have the right to dictate rules. Is that how it actually works in paid daycare?

I mean, aside from obvious things like allergies or physical limitations, can parents really dictate to daycare centers what toys their children are not allowed to play with or activities they want to prohibit?

No, but they can certainly dictate rules to a nanny, and this situation is closer to a nanny than a daycare center.
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