News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • September 30, 2016, 06:49:38 AM

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51
Life...in general / Re: How to deal with a wet blanket on vacation
« Last post by sammycat on Yesterday at 08:37:36 PM »
He himself drives very poorly and gets in fights with other drivers on the road -

Could you please clarify this? Does he get into physical altercations with other drivers? Stick his arm out the window and give other drivers the finger? Scream out the window? In any event, it sounds like he had road rage issues, and if he hasn't gotten physical yet, it sounds like it's only a matter of time before another driver also reacts/behaves badly and things get way out of control.

I would never, ever, get into a vehicle with a driver who has those tendencies. He can be a silent passenger as I drove, or he could stay home. No other options would be on the table.
52
The Ehell Guide to Never Behaving Badly / Re: Etiquette of singles
« Last post by CrochetFanatic on Yesterday at 08:33:59 PM »
Don't say "You'd understand if you were married" or "You'd understand if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend".  That may be true, but it can be pretty hurtful.  It's also very dismissive.  Also, what if the person being told that was married at one point?  Open mouth, insert foot!
53
Life...in general / Re: Is the term 'mansplaining' rude?
« Last post by Allyson on Yesterday at 08:33:45 PM »

As a mixed race female working and excelling in a male dominated (and even white dominated) career field, I am often an unwilling participant in these types of conversations.  I have experienced both racism and sexism.  I have witnessed it.  I have studied it.  I understand it.  But, I do strongly feel we are taking a huge step backwards as a society and honestly, I find it frustrating.  I do not believe that is possible to truly move to a place where we can accept that racism/sexism understood and dealt with, unless we are also willing to acknowledge that the historically 'privileged' groups are allowed to have a voice and are allowed to even say certain terms, stereotypes, accusations, etc are offensive.  It's ok to say "you know, you might not have purposely set out to hurt me, but what you said is offensive and here's why", but I also think in that conversation one has to be able to listen to a rebuttal that says "I see.  That was not my intention.  I'm coming from a different place.  And when you say X about me, that is also offensive to me." I haven't really seen the latter being offered up in any modern conversation about sexism (and when I hear "you can't know that because your 'group' is too privileged to understand", it does seem dismissive).  And like I said earlier, most of the accusations of sexism are not examples of sexism, but instead stereotypes and prejudices. 


This is a really common view that comes out of "nobody has the right to tell somebody else about their experiences" and I get that, I think it can have value. But, like a lot of things it can go too far to the point where basically the "privileged" person is always wrong. I get where it comes from, but I can't always agree.  I see both sides of this. It is very frustrating because there's a tendency for (for instance) men to respond to *any* woman discussing sexism *ever* by saying "nope, it's not sexism, can't be true! he's not creepy around women, it's just social awkwardness" and it is annoying because often it's part of an overall pattern rather than one, specific, example.

But this can go very far into the "every time a woman sees sexism somewhere and a man doesn't, the woman is right and the man is wrong" which tends to shut down conversation.

I don't know. I have made people angry on both "sides" when discussing it.
54
Life...in general / Re: Is the term 'mansplaining' rude?
« Last post by Bijou on Yesterday at 08:32:47 PM »
I have never heard that term.  It seems silly to me, since both genders can exhibit that annoying behavior. I prefer the term someone else mentioned..."Know It All'.
55

I think I'd move the whole thing an hour earlier, to fit with family variations in bedtime (and give a little more time for kids to get home and wind down).

Definitely serve dinner food. Hotdogs or pizza are fine.

What about having them decorate graham cracker 'gingerbread' houses to make their own haunted houses? You can make the structures ahead of time and let them dry, and use halloween themed candy.
56
Am I the only one wondering if the OP had said never said anything at all, the would-be recipient may never have picked up the treadmill?

I think that's pretty likely, honestly.

If I were to reply to this I'd probably go overboard and say something like "There are free treadmills on Craigslist if having one is what this is about -- if it's about you feeling hurt because you see me as having reneged on the deal, all I can do is give you an apology and an explanation, as I have." But, you know, other things are probably better actual replies. I just hate being guilted.
57
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Silly things that have made you happy recently
« Last post by Bijou on Yesterday at 08:25:34 PM »
Thread jack -
Quote
Stuff any empty spots with bubble wrap.  When the inevitable souvenirs and Christmas presents start filling the gaps, the bubble wrap can either be thrown away or used to wrap fragile items.

Great idea!  I have a friend who told me that when she goes on a trip she takes only her oldest, rattiest undies and throws them away each day and has room going home for souvenirs.

I was sitting at my desk near sunset yesterday and out of the corner of my eye saw what seemed like an enormous bird flying outside my window.  It was a Great Blue Heron, with about a 6' wing span, which landed on my neighbor's roof and sat there for a few minutes while I had time to rush outside and get a good look at it. Magnificent!
They are magnificent.  We often see them, standing tall and still in a field or meadow, but the other day we saw one walk across a street near a field when we drove by.  Found this picture on the internet and couldn't resist posting for those who haven't seen one. 
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d0_N7iYau-w/UGmhojI_2wI/AAAAAAAAGFo/tbyfliISfTo/s1600/great+blue+heron-103.jpg 
58
A consumer has repeatedly contacted our bank for a refund. Her account was in the negative and her payroll check was direct deposited today. Due to her account being in the negative, majority of her paycheck went towards the over-drafted charges. For example, her paycheck was $1000 her account was negative $800. Therefore she is left with $200 in available funds.

Her argument is she never authorized our bank to use her paycheck to cover the negative charges. She has called our office 12 times today. Sent 6 emails to the general email address listed on the website and went to two of our local branches.

Several employees have tried to explain how direct deposit works but she just does not get it.

As a fellow banker, I can relate. Also, please accept my sympathies.

I may have mentioned it on here before, but I once had a customer who just would not understand that just because he had paper checks left in his wallet didn't mean that he also had money in his account! He was already negative the maximum amount that we allow, and he just wouldn't listen when we tried to explain that there was nothing more we could do for him.

As another banker, what about trying to explain that just because you see money in there, you still have to remember the checks you already wrote but the other guys haven't cashed yet. Some people just don't understand if they take cash out, they will get overdrawn when the gas company cash their check.

"But I had money in there! Why did you let me take it out?!" Ugh. Like we know what checks you wrote before they are presented to us.
59
Gellchom, I know you said upthread that everyone is different, and communities do things differently but I'm surprised that you invited your cousin to your son's wedding on her own wedding day unless I've read that wrongly.  People indeed do things differently!
Well, actually, more the other way around -- he had that date before she was even engaged. 
I wrote about it here.
http://www.weddinghellsbells.com/smf/index.php?topic=89624.0

She had known about my son's date and then months later scheduled her own wedding for the same day (which we found out when she asked my mother to help her pay for a big wedding).  I assume she just forgot or got mixed up about the dates, and she did apologize.  Of course no one owns a date, and though we weren't thrilled, we weren't angry; my problem for which I turned to ehell was just how to make it easier for all the other relatives who were placed in the awkward position of literally having to choose between their relatives.   And it all worked out fine, I'm glad to say. 

Anyway, both couples sent each other invitations, for exactly the reason I said above: "even though we know you can't come, we wish you could."  (Sending each other save the date cards seemed funny to me, though!)

I think people have asked the question here on ehell whether you should send invitations to people you know can't come. Most people say yes, if you would have otherwise, I believe.  But I think that's another thing to decide case by case.
60

... I have a friend who told me that when she goes on a trip she takes only her oldest, rattiest undies and throws them away each day and has room going home for souvenirs.

I was sitting at my desk near sunset yesterday and out of the corner of my eye saw what seemed like an enormous bird flying outside my window.  It was a Great Blue Heron, with about a 6' wing span, which landed on my neighbor's roof and sat there for a few minutes while I had time to rush outside and get a good look at it. Magnificent!

When I first began reading the last paragraph I thought you were going to say the Great Blue Heron was flying toward its nest with a pair of panties as a building component for said nest and you wondered if it was your friend's.   ;D
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