News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • April 24, 2017, 04:42:15 AM

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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by Cor on Yesterday at 05:58:40 PM »
I answered a call from a local number.  It was Veronica, the recorded robot telling me I could lower my mortgage rate.  I usually listen all the way through because they often give a number to push so you can be removed from the list.  But this time the baby started screaming in my lap right at that moment.  The call immediately disconnected.  Who knew?  Robots don't like to be screamed at!
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I think texting with James is fine, he initiated. I don't think it's appropriate to text Anne condolences. What you did do is perfectly lovely and will be appreciated.I know I would be touched.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Prom season
« Last post by rose red on Yesterday at 05:33:57 PM »
^ I grew up in the 80's too. Our school offered advanced fashion classes and those were the girls who made their own. By their junior and senior year, they were very creative and professional. Funny how I still remember their designs. No puffy "80's" designs ;)
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Googling vs. posting questions here
« Last post by FauxFoodist on Yesterday at 05:33:32 PM »
I'm curious as to your thoughts about this. I remember some threads being locked (very few) with the reason being "you can do your own google on this subject" (not verbatim) and I always wondered if it was the subject matter or what? I mean there are a whole lot of topics that one can easily google but posting here brings a wealth of knowledge from, what I consider, trusted friends. Personal viewpoints and links to things that I probably would never find if I did my own google.

I don't know which ones you saw, but of the ones I've seen locked, I think it was largely that a person was effectively asking the board to do their research/answer their questions for them rather than trying to start a mutually interesting and useful discussion. Specifically, there were a few of the form:
"I'm a [profession], and I need [XYZ] with [ABC specifications] for my job. Can someone find [XYZ] for me?" (XYZ being some information or media that could be found online.)
To me, that's the kind of question for either Google or the poster's (paid) assistant--it's asking the board to do their work for them. The ones I saw also gave no indication that the poster had attempted any research whatsoever before asking the board, despite the implicit assumption that [XYZ] would be findable by random board members not in the poster's field. In addition, that kind of request seems (to me, at least) to have very limited potential for generating general-use or general-interest discussion that would be beneficial to the board community.

By contrast, imagine the same poster saying:
"Does anyone have advice for how to locate [XYZ-type] resources? I'm trying to find [XYZ] with [ABC specifications] for my job, but so far I'm hitting a brick wall. If I Google [very specific search terms], I just get the same 3 hits, but [less specific search terms] gives me millions of results that aren't related at all. The local library only has general [XYZ] information, and nothing on more specific niches. Any ideas?"
Same original motivation for the post, but A) the poster has already tried the obvious avenues, B) they aren't asking to be handed the search results, but rather for advice on how to search effectively, and C) the topic of "how to effectively search for stuff" is one that is both widely useful and has no one answer--something ripe for discussion.

Similarly, there's a big difference between "What temperature do I need to cook chicken to?" (Googleable, without much discussion scope) and "What's the best marinade for grilling chicken?" (opinion-based and scope for discussion).

I think the same basic concept applies even to on-topic stuff:
A post that asks "I'm going to a fancy wedding reception next week. Is it rude to pick my nose at the dinner table?" and gets answered with "Yes" really doesn't add anything to the board. It's not a nuanced or ambiguous question that needs to be discussed--it's something that could simply be Googled for the answer. OTOH, a question like "My nephew picks his nose at the dinner table. We'll be sitting at the same table at a wedding reception next week. Is there a way to prevent him from grossing out the other guests without overstepping since he's not my kid?" is suited for a discussion board--not only does it have no one answer, so discussion is needed, but the general topic of "how do I politely correct the manners of someone who isn't my minor child" is useful to a much broader swath of people than just the OP.

In general . . . What do you think about someone posting questions here instead of doing their own google search?

Depends on the type of questions and the frequency of them. Questions that involve opinions (like the marinade example) I don't mind because it can develop discussions and you can often get some good ideas. Questions like cooking times/temperatures or paint quantity calculations or how to heat soup in a microwave really only have one answer and in the amount of time it took to post, it could have easily been googled. And especially if you're frequently asking these easily google-able questions? Rightly or wrongly, I personally start to question your (general) ability to function as a productive adult if you're continually relying on an internet forum to supply your answer rather than researching it yourself.

I think the posts above hit the nail on the head, especially Mary Lennox's stating here:
Quote
Rightly or wrongly, I personally start to question your (general) ability to function as a productive adult if you're continually relying on an internet forum to supply your answer rather than researching it yourself.

I was the one who directed you to Google for proper, government-entity stated thaw times because I feel the best way to help someone who doesn't seem to know/want to know how to find info him/herself is to direct that person to the method that will give him/her the answer, not provide that answer myself by doing the research for him/her.  I think as an adult who's internet-savvy, you should already know the difference between what inquiries foster discussion ("Is my DD a failure to launch?") vs. what is something you can certainly look up yourself and get a qualified response much faster than asking an internet forum ("How long will it take to thaw a frozen ten-pound roast?").  I do think if you are continually (and rather frequently) relying on an internet forum to supply you with the answers to the latter type of questions, then, yes, I wonder how you are able to function normally in life if you can't/won't get these answers on your own and wonder if you are your own "failure to launch" (mind you, I'm one of the posters on that thread who feel your DD's on the right track and definitely not a failure to launch per the info you provided).  If you were to post on your "failure to launch" thread, "Hey, my 20-something DD is always asking me how long to cook a ten-pound roast or how long will it take to thaw a ten-pound roast rather than look it up herself and seeing me look it up for her then give her the info," I'm sure a lot of us (me included) would've said you're enabling her rather than teaching her to do the work researching the answers on her own.

As Onyx_TKD stated, it's also in how you word your inquiry.  You state you Google lots of things that you don't ask about in this forum but, then, why the need to ask here about basic cooking science questions (basically, not recipe suggestions)?  I looked at that thread Marga provided, and it mentions the microwave method of thawing.  If you had stated, "I'm not sure if I gave myself enough time to thaw the roast.  I saw online a thread giving directions for microwave thawing; does anyone have experience doing that and how did it turn out?", then I could see that fostering discussion (I would've recommended against it and why).  From that poster's response, it seems *she* did the research you certainly could've done yourself for how long to thaw a ten-pound roast in the refrigerator, gave you the info you were seeking then provided you the link where she got the info.  Gee, someone else did the research for you.  I don't do that.  You're an adult who knows how to use the internet; you can look it up yourself by Googling "thaw meat in the refrigerator" or something similar to that and get a response a lot faster than me looking it up, looking for the relevant info, calculating the length of time (if necessary) then returning to the forum, finding your thread and typing in the answer for you.
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Entertaining and Hospitality / Re: Etiquette-wise, is this a good plan?
« Last post by miranova on Yesterday at 05:08:09 PM »
If I were the host, and I wrote that other food and drink was available, then yes, I AM giving them a pass to supplement my hospitality.  Not because I feel ashamed of what I'm offering.  I think it's perfectly acceptable hosting to offer pizza, salad, and beer. That's nothing to be ashamed of.  But if something has a hankering for something else, it's not going to offend me if they order it and pay for it.  So, yes, I'm giving them permission.   Seems like this has the largest chance of the most people walking away happy.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Prom season
« Last post by FauxFoodist on Yesterday at 05:07:46 PM »
It was a pretty big deal back in my day. I guess it's because we don't get many opportunities for formal events up to that point of our lives.

I remember students getting hired to wear tux's to school and passing out business cards. Many girls made their own one-of-a-kind dresses in the home-ec classroom.

Prom was a pretty big deal when I was in K-12 (I went to mine in the 80s).  I went to a couple of different high schools in different counties, and prom was a big deal in both counties.  No one in my generation made their own dresses though (although several of us did have our dresses custom-made; one friend of mine, supposedly, designed his date's dress and had it made -- I say "supposedly" because I learned later what a huge liar he is so I'll never know if that were true).  I remember a few guys at both schools wearing tuxes to school; we all knew it meant they were doing advertising for the tux-rental shop in exchange for the cost of them renting a tux.

I wasn't dating anyone at the time of mine, but I was determined to go (although I did opt out of all the other senior events since I really didn't have any friends at my second school -- I transferred in for senior year).  Anyway, I remember a scene from "Pretty in Pink" where the character Fiona(?) talks about how Andie has to go to her prom because, otherwise, she'll feel incomplete the rest of her life.  It stuck with me.  It's a bit of an exaggeration, I realize, but I knew it was one of those things I'd regret later if I chose not to do it.  In the US, you grow up knowing one of the big things you get to do in HS is go to your prom, and I didn't want to opt out on that, even though I didn't have a BF (I asked a friend of mine from my old HS who was attending a college in my area and who's still a friend almost 30 years later; in fact, I just mailed back to him a few boxes of his stuff that ended up with me for the past 20 years and in one of those boxes were mementos from my prom so I asked him to send them back to me if he decides he doesn't want them as he went to *six!* proms during the course of his time in HS, including his own -- in perfect condition a napkin stamped with my HS prom info, matchbooks from the restaurant where we had dinner and the hotel where the prom was held, a prom booklet to note special prom memories, etc.).
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I'm w/ Green Bird--I wouldn't make a text be the ONLY expression of sympathy.

But I don't see anything wrong with a quick, "Just heard the news about your dad--we are thinking of you hard/ praying for you" if it's someone I might text anyway.

And there's NOTHING wrong with texting back to Jim and, among the other communiques, saying, "Give her our love. Tell her we are thinking of her."

I'd follow it up with something written, absolutely.

I might write to Anne back at her home, and write a separate letter to Anne's mother, perhaps asking the mother to extend sympathies to the son.
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Life...in general / Re: Waiting alone or waiting together - what do you think?
« Last post by Vall on Yesterday at 05:01:49 PM »
If my DH were to volunteer my time without my prior consent, I'd be irritated.  If he agreed to do something that he knew that he'd need me to help with (or just for me to be there) he had better ask me first and not spring it on me at the last minute.  That wouldn't go over very well.

At the point of receiving the e-mail from the parents that the time of arrival would be so late, before agreeing to it since I knew for me it would require someone else's time, I would clear it with him before agreeing to do it.  If I was considerate enough to ask first, my DH would agree to be with me but he'd be puzzled why (I'm not generally afraid to be alone at night anywhere).  If I agreed and then sprung it on him, he'd be very, very irritated.

In an emergency, it would be different but this was not an emergency.

I don't think the parents were rude to ask but they should have been able to accept an answer other than an immediate Yes.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: The 'I Accomplished Something Today!' Thread
« Last post by cicero on Yesterday at 04:44:16 PM »
Hiking today! Went to a really nice nature sanctuary. Home, showered  waiting for the clothes to finish drying.
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I think whether or not a text would be appropriate is very much a "know your audience" thing.  I think text has become much more mainstream as a form of communication and wouldn't necessarily be an inappropriate way to send sympathy these days. 

If someone I knew wasn't a big texter or didn't usually communicate that way, I would not go with a text in these circumstances.  But if that's the way you usually communicate with them, I think it would be fine.  It has the advantage of being as immediate as a phone call without potentially interrupting the person at a difficult time like a phone call could. 

I wouldn't make a text my only expression of sympathy - I would follow it up with a written note and/or phone call at a later time.  But I wouldn't think a text in itself was rude. 
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