News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • January 19, 2017, 08:41:53 PM

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61
All In A Day's Work / Re: An Office Food Scavenger
« Last post by Peppergirl on Today at 02:18:53 PM »
What is it about free food that makes otherwise normal, gracious people completely lose their minds?  ???

I've always wondered.
62
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pokemon Go craze
« Last post by Roodabega on Today at 02:18:11 PM »
The app is down. If you go on Down Detector, it shows it has been down since 1:49 PM EST.  :-\
http://downdetector.com/status/pokemon-go

Cool.  Didn't know that existed.  Still finding out new stuff.  Thanks. :)
63
Life...in general / Re: Should She Have Bought the Bracelet?
« Last post by Two Ravens on Today at 02:16:31 PM »
I don't think it was rude. If G wanted to buy the bracelet she should have. Would it been rude if another customer picked up the bracelet and bought it before G decided what she wanted to do?

That's different, the other customer wouldn't know about G's interest.

I don't know if I'd call N rude exactly, but certainly inconsiderate, she should have let G come to a final decision first. That's what friends do.

If another customer had watched the interaction G had, perhaps whIle browsing something else, then bought the bracelet when she walked away, would that be rude?

Is it just N and G's friendship thst makes it not cool?

Yep, I think that's it. I think we all work under the assumption that a friend will be more considerate of us than a total stranger would.

There's no way I'd do this without at least a "If you're not gonna buy that, I will."

(ETA: And I'm only saying that because it's a one-of-a-kind item. I don't think there's really anything wrong with getting an identical item while still leaving the option open for your friend to also get one.)

Yvaine that was what I thought too.  I wouldn't have just bought the item without saying, Well if you don't want it, I do.

I wonder, if the friend had said, "Well, I'm going to buy it if you don't." And stood there expectantly, would that be rude? The other friend might  feel pressured to make a decision right then. Is that okay?
64
Gena246, this sounds like an awful situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. Your flying monkeys, well intentioned or not, are making it worse.
Your cousin had no standing to make that promise to you because it put her in a position to break her word to either you or your DD. She chose to break her promise to you. I'd be hurt, if I were in your shoes. And I'd tell her so. I'd explain that this kept happening over and over for years. I'd tell her that she broke her promise to me, and didn't have the courage to tell me that was what she was doing.
Worse it feels like everyone is choosing sides without even telling you they are doing it or why they are doing it.
'I know I said I would tell you the big secret, but I gave my word that I wouldn't. I'm sorry, I never should have promised you what I did,' is not that hard to say.
Her lack of explanation or communication about all of this is separate from the issue with your daughter, in my opinion. She volunteered to find out and tell you, that she had your back and you could count on her, and then left you hanging. That isn't a conversation I would avoid or let go. It seems like everyone is counting on you to be understanding about stuff like this, because the whole situation is so complex. I would be careful to explain that this isn't about your daughter, it isn't about the big secret, it's about a friend that broke a promise and your trust. She never should have promised what she did, and you should have told her no. Telling her how you feel about HER actions will keep it from festering, and let her see some of what you've been feeling for years, without dragging all the rest of the DD stuff into it. Apologizing and taking responsibility for letting her make the promise and helping her get into a horrible position is the right thing to do. I think staying close with your cousin means having this conversation and agreeing that the whole DD cut direct situation is strictly off limits.
I think if she asks, you should flat out lie and tell her her you don't know the big secret. And if she tries to tell you, stop her. Anyone knowing you found out about the pregnancy just adds to the drama. It does not help the situation in any way.
And I agree with the other posters, tell the flying monkeys that at this point it's best to wait for your daughter to reach out to you directly, full stop. Worrying about what other people might say about that or how they will use it to their advantage won't help. They can always tell your daughter anything they want, because they know she isn't communicating with you. There is nothing you can do about that, so let that worry go.
Again, sorry about all this and I hope things start to work our to improve your relationship with your daughter.
65
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pokemon Go craze
« Last post by ladyknight1 on Today at 02:04:56 PM »
The app is down. If you go on Down Detector, it shows it has been down since 1:49 PM EST.  :-\
http://downdetector.com/status/pokemon-go
66
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by soonerangel on Today at 02:04:41 PM »
I just got a new one.  It was a local number so I answered. 
Me: "Hello?"
Moment of silence
Me: "Hello??"
Other end: "Hello? Oh, hi there!  Sorry, I was just having an issue with my headset.  I am calling because you recently stayed at one of our resorts"
Me: "Hello?"
Other end: continues on spiel
Me: end call.

So, they have recorded the machine to sound even more like a real person.  How annoying!
67
Life...in general / Re: Should She Have Bought the Bracelet?
« Last post by NFPwife on Today at 02:04:09 PM »
I want to leave the "copycat" idea out of it because a lot of people are defending this as a motive.  But the question isn't "Is it rude to purchase the same thing a friend has or is going to buy?" Which most of us agree is not rude.
The question is, if a friend shows you and item at a shop, and says they really like it, but are not sure if they can justify it financially, and then tells you they will browse around while they think about it, would it be rude of you to just pick it up and purchase it for yourself, knowing full well your friend might return ready to buy it?"

I agree with those who side with rude.  But I don't agree with inconsiderate.  I believe the situation at hand was considered immediately which led to the purchase of the bracelet, not as a gift for the friend considering it (which would have been lovely, I'll remember this post and wait for a chance to surprise a friend in this way), but as a deliberate and malicious jab. 

I know many will come to her defense, "just because friend 1 outright told friend 2 that she wanted the bracelet, friend 2 had no way of knowing that if would be hurtful to friend 1 to completely disregarded"  I'm just not buying that argument. 

And if she has to copy other peoples styles, (I have no sense of style, I know what that's like, although I never outright have similar hair and make-up and clothes as one singular person I know, I just pick up bits and pieces) then she has to copy other peoples styles.  Buying one object, knowing the other wants to buy it but needs time to consider if she can afford it, is not copying.  It has nothing to do with copying.

I agree that the tendency to "copy" is secondary and think you nailed the main question - is it rude for a friend to buy a one-of-a-kind item she knows you're considering and haven't arrived at a final decision on? I say yes.

To those who say, "What if it was a stranger?" If I'd had that interaction with a stranger, chatting about bracelets at the display, and I wanted to consider whether I was going to buy this one, I would have taken it with me. I could see myself leaving it there with a "friend," though.

I've been shopping with friends were I saw a top first and a friend wanted to buy it too. She asked if I cared and I said, "Of course not!" We've never worn them at the same time, either. I'll occasionally see someone wear something I admire and I'll ask if it's a recent purchase, if it is, and it's someone I see frequently I specifically ask if they mind if I buy it. This thread reminded me that I once called a co-worker I saw about four times a year (we were at different worksites) and asked if she minded if I bought the same purse she had. I was in a store, it was on sale, and I'd always admired hers. She was pleasantly surprised that I'd called and "granted permission."

Personally, I care far more about having good relationships with people than the material goods, so if anyone said, or ever says, "No," I wouldn't buy the item.
68
Life...in general / Re: Friend invited to come along ruins plans
« Last post by mime on Today at 02:03:27 PM »
I totally agree with SianMcClay. Offer an apology to Chrissy because it serves as an expression of sympathy.

Tina was rude in trying to take over an invitation. I hope you and Chrissy follow through on the original plans and have a good time.
69
Life...in general / Re: Speaking of shared trips
« Last post by Hmmmmm on Today at 02:01:09 PM »
That's terrible.
70
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pokemon Go craze
« Last post by Roodabega on Today at 01:58:58 PM »
Anyone had an issue with "Not able to authenticate"?   It's been so long ago that I created this that I can't remember.  I thought I had done it with my Google account, but that doesn't connect.   I know the issue could be something at their servers, but I'm not sure how to recover an account.   Mostly just doing it now to see how much of the pokedex I can fill in.
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