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61


Before, a lot of stuff fell on you to figure out. Now, you're more of a team. I think that's the way a lot of people would prefer it to be, actually. But if you're used to relying mainly on yourself it can be tough to adjust. Maybe it would help to think, not in terms of "What do I need to accomplish this week?" but rather, "What do we/does the household need to accomplish this week?" Then it's not, "*I* need to be home Tuesday to receive a package," it's "Someone needs to be home Tuesday to receive a package." Or "Someone needs to do the laundry," not "*I* need to do the laundry."

This all depends on what the OP's Dh is able to do  and not do.  I don't want to pry into the level of his disability, but it might be that OP still has to do all of the household chores, so she needs some set days at home to do them.   Or it could be that her Dh can do some of these things but only some of the time, when he is up to it.  If I were the OP and was in the situation that I never knew when I would get any help, it would be extremely hard for me mentally.  Yeah, I already know it wouldn't rattle some people, but it would rattle me.  I wouldn't know if I needed to do 4 loads of laundry after work on Monday because my Dh won't be up to it tomorrow, or whether I can relax with the family because he will be up to it tomorrow.  It would be very difficult to manage a household that way.  This is no one's fault and is frustrating for both people, I'm sure. The OP has already indicated that income has decreased so hiring a housekeeper is probably not an option.  This is a complicated situation.  I think the only thing to do is for OP to do is ask her Dh to please throw a load of laundry in or do a load of dishes whenever he possibly can.  That way on those days, OP can relax with the family more when she gets home.  If he can't, he can't, but I do think that if he is able, this would help contribute by taking some real chores off the OP's plate instead of him doing something that actually makes the OP rearrange her entire week.

POD, especially to the bolded. In some ways it's a weird hybrid between "DH can help" and "DH cannot help," if you never know when exactly the help will come or what he'll be able to do--it can be really difficult to let go of the feeling that you have to take care of everything, because he can't be relied upon to always take care of something for you. No one's fault, but I can see how it would be really frustrating.

Maybe there are small things that could be done, to take the pressure off specific chores. Like, if doing laundry is high priority because you have a limited number of X clothing item so they need to get washed twice a week, perhaps investing in more of that clothing, so you can be more flexible about when the laundry gets done, would be good. Or, depending on DH's disability, maybe it would be easier for him to carry the laundry to the washer in a small drawstring backpack, than tote a full laundry basket in front of him, which would make the chore easier to do. Or if you got another couple of laundry hampers and separated the clothing as you discarded it, so he wouldn't have to bend over sorting things. I don't know why I'm obsessed with the laundry, sorry. :)

Also, although getting the seat belt in the truck fixed and looking into a parking placard/sticker for the truck are good ideas in general, they may not really help that much with the issue of taking DD to school. I think you'd need to check into the applicable laws for whether DD could ride in the truck even with the car seat, for example. And I've heard that with some brands of car seats, it's not a good idea safety-wise to move them from vehicle to vehicle repeatedly, in case they get installed incorrectly. My friend got a car seat with two bases, one to keep in her car and one for her DH's, so that they were only popping the chair part with the kid in and out (that's what it was designed for). But when their child got older, the bigger car seats didn't have that feature, so they decided to install it only in her car, which reduced the flexibility they had to transport the child. I don't know if any of that would apply here, but it's something to look into.
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I hate characters with highly exquisite outfits. I can make an exception if they are royal or equivalent, but it really bugs me when a normal character is walking around in something like this all day:

 

Hm, I probably have more, but what about the rest of ya?
63
Would it be possible that on the days your DH wants to take your daughter to school that you ride along and he drops you off at work? Then when he picks up your DD, he can pick you up from the office as well?

It's still 2 round trips in 1 day rather than just 1 (if you drove your DD and yourself), but then he can still be "helpful" without it disrupting your routine.
64


Before, a lot of stuff fell on you to figure out. Now, you're more of a team. I think that's the way a lot of people would prefer it to be, actually. But if you're used to relying mainly on yourself it can be tough to adjust. Maybe it would help to think, not in terms of "What do I need to accomplish this week?" but rather, "What do we/does the household need to accomplish this week?" Then it's not, "*I* need to be home Tuesday to receive a package," it's "Someone needs to be home Tuesday to receive a package." Or "Someone needs to do the laundry," not "*I* need to do the laundry."

This all depends on what the OP's Dh is able to do  and not do.  I don't want to pry into the level of his disability, but it might be that OP still has to do all of the household chores, so she needs some set days at home to do them.   Or it could be that her Dh can do some of these things but only some of the time, when he is up to it.  If I were the OP and was in the situation that I never knew when I would get any help, it would be extremely hard for me mentally.  Yeah, I already know it wouldn't rattle some people, but it would rattle me.  I wouldn't know if I needed to do 4 loads of laundry after work on Monday because my Dh won't be up to it tomorrow, or whether I can relax with the family because he will be up to it tomorrow.  It would be very difficult to manage a household that way.  This is no one's fault and is frustrating for both people, I'm sure. The OP has already indicated that income has decreased so hiring a housekeeper is probably not an option.  This is a complicated situation.  I think the only thing to do is for OP to do is ask her Dh to please throw a load of laundry in or do a load of dishes whenever he possibly can.  That way on those days, OP can relax with the family more when she gets home.  If he can't, he can't, but I do think that if he is able, this would help contribute by taking some real chores off the OP's plate instead of him doing something that actually makes the OP rearrange her entire week.
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Family and Children / Re: Bringing an univited guest to a party
« Last post by P12663 on Today at 03:53:35 PM »
I gather that you're worried that if you offend Bil/Sil you'll lose access to nephew and nieces and would like some way of defending your boundaries without offending them.  Good luck with that.

However, some of the perpetually offended group see no reason why being offended should keep them from a good party, a nice dinner, a fun excursion.  So they show up and do their best to let you know that they are still offended (expecting that you will attempt to placate them) and otherwise enjoy themselves.  What you do in that case is acknowledge their presence, ignore the pout, and enjoy yourself.
66
All In A Day's Work / Re: How can you say "Your kid smells"?
« Last post by Alicia on Today at 03:49:46 PM »
Is there a kiddy book age appropriate about taking baths. Could you recommend a handful of books including the one on hygiene to the parent as books cute kid might like to read?

Without knowing one single detail about these people or their lives, this would be very insulting.
I don't think so. It depends how it is done.
Mixing say Sandra Boytons "Bath Time" along with her Blue Hat Green Hat and maybe some Eric Carle "Brown Bear"  and a few Mo Williems books as suggested kids reading. It may not even be noticed at all.
The kid and parent may or may not change but the gentle hint has been made.

Not the person who said child protective services is mean but this is a librarian who deals with teh kid regularly. Book suggestions are part of what good library staff does.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Cat people, help needed!
« Last post by HiverFleur on Today at 03:47:41 PM »
She needs to go to the vet now.
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Cat people, help needed!
« Last post by Jobiska on Today at 03:45:16 PM »
Also, she'll just keep going where she can smell she's gone before unless you use a cleaner dedicated for this use (I use Nature's Miracle; have heard great things about Anti Icky Poo).  Even if you can't smell it, they can, and they'll go there again because of it.

(But yes, check with the vet concurrently to this.  Poor baby if she's in pain!)
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Cat people, help needed!
« Last post by lkdrymom on Today at 03:44:37 PM »
How many boxes do you have out?  Are they cleaned regularly?  I had an older cat that suddenly decided to poop outside the box and it was a nightmare. Does she go in the same spot...just not in the box...try moving the box to the spot she seems to favor. Use unscented litter.
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I agree. That would bother me as well.
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