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  • June 28, 2017, 09:33:05 AM

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61
Life...in general / Re: "Friend Poaching"
« Last post by Semperviren on Yesterday at 08:09:37 PM »
Also, A used the word "poach" almost humorously, as shorthand to describe a particular pattern of behavior. This is how we talk to each other.  I don't believe she meant it literally or that there's some Freudian thing I'm failing to see here.
62
Family and Children / Re: "Nephews Grab (Lots Of) The Grub"
« Last post by miranova on Yesterday at 08:08:40 PM »
If a group of adults allows the acceptable standard of behavior to differ along gender lines in a group of children, they are absolutely teaching gender roles, whether they intend to or not. I'm not saying the same scenario where all the kids are girls or all boys isn't possible...but in this scenario it does have something to do with gender because all the grabbers are boys and all those quietly doing without are girls. And often as a parent, my decision about the etiquette of shrugging and moving on or speaking up is directly tied to what my kids will likely take away from the situation as a lesson.

Yes, these things are pervasive and you have to think about what the child is seeing, not what was "meant." Children think concretely and the younger they are, the more likely they are to assume that whatever the adults are doing is the way it "should" be.



I was trying to think of a way to say this, but you said it very well so I will just POD.
63
All In A Day's Work / Re: Asking the Boss for reasons behind the action
« Last post by Zizi-K on Yesterday at 08:02:24 PM »
OP, have you considered finding another job? It sounds like you've been there a long time, and you've been pigeonholed as the "one who does admin work" and "the one who doesn't do the really awesome stuff." (from what you've written previously) However you got into this rut, I think it would be difficult to reinvent yourself with all of the players remaining the same. It would be hard to get out from under Sally's shadow unless you get a new boss or something. You would have a much better chance of satisfying work with a fresh start at a new place.
64
Life...in general / Re: "Friend Poaching"
« Last post by Semperviren on Yesterday at 07:59:36 PM »
Quote
"Heads up, I've seen her glom onto people, try to be besties right away, and then start acting really wierd, so just bear that in mind." I think that's a conversation good friends can have privately without disrespect, insecurity, or manipulation toward each other.

Yes, this is how I took it.

A doesn't hate B or think she's a bad person. She likes B, but has noted a pattern of behavior that bothers her and felt she should let me know of it, for a couple of reasoms. I am fine with that.

Personally...I do feel there's a kind of unspoken protocol that should be followed to make sure the "connector friend" does not feel immediately bypassed and left out. Others clearly don't feel that way, perhaps even feel it's silly or old-fashioned or immature, and that's fine. And apparently most people use FB more casually than I do, and that's fine too. I won't read too much into the FB request, since most people feel that's pretty normal.

I did like B and had a nice evening chatting with her and think it would be fun to hang out again; I'm thinking maybe I'll take the initiative and invite them both over for drinks (and maybe a few other people too).

It may be that lots of one-on-one time is more B's "style" of friendship and that she doesn't realize it can have the effect of monopolizing and excluding. I don't want to do that, to A or anyone else, so I'd prefer to be aware if it might come up.
65
Life...in general / Re: Please stop asking me to pray for you..
« Last post by miranova on Yesterday at 07:59:29 PM »
I would not bring up money at all if you respond.  She has the perfect answer to that, she never asked you for money.  And you can't really argue with that, because she didn't.

To take her literally (which I agree is absolutely how you handle PA people) you just assume from now until the end of time that "please pray for me" means literally "please pray for me" and nothing more.  You say "ok" or "will do" or you ignore because maybe you just never saw the message or whatever.  The last thing you do is reward her PA behavior by telling her that her hint has worked.  Don't respond to hints, only respond to what she said (or don't respond at all, as you see fit).

If you bring up money she can legitimately say she never asked for that, and it will create more drama.
66
Life...in general / Re: "Friend Poaching"
« Last post by Zizi-K on Yesterday at 07:58:39 PM »
This is probably just semantic, but the use of "poacher" to me is a little weird because it implies ownership or protection. Animals can be poached, but people cannot really be "poached" without their participation and acquiescence. I have my good friends in my life. I cannot be stolen away from them, someone else cannot decide for me that I should spend less time with them. Perhaps a better term would have been some non-romantic version of "serial monogamist." That term implies someone who flits from relationship to relationship and never builds anything deeper. Something like "serial BFF."
67
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pokemon Go craze
« Last post by diesel_darlin on Yesterday at 07:42:17 PM »
I'm glad the gyms are stops now too. I was at the actual gym last night and I was close enough to the Pokémon gym to spin it every 5 minutes or so.

I'm not too sure I'm going to mess with the raids and whatnot. I work 2nd shift so there's not a whole lot chances to be out with other people.

And I have the same problem logging in sometimes. I've even fired off a strongly worded email to niantic about it.
68
Life...in general / Re: Inconvenienced at the Convenience Store
« Last post by cicero on Yesterday at 07:29:30 PM »
It's hard to say what I would have done. In *my* supermarket or *my* drugstore(\in my smallish NJ town) I would have spoken up about the second and interaction and I would have defended the cashier. The first is annoying, and I probably would have gotten a manager. Having a lot of stuff and using coupons , while annoying, is not rude. But trying to get them to change the rules *and* holding up the line for so long, is rude.
69
Gifts, Registries and Money / Re: Blueprint Registry "group gift" feature
« Last post by Yvaine on Yesterday at 07:21:21 PM »
I saw this recently on a baby registry--I assumed people would use that feature after already agreeing to go in on a gift with a specific group of other people, and agreeing on how much to pool. I wouldn't think people would just blindly chuck money at it without knowing whether anyone else would also go in on it.

In any case, it comes from the stores/websites, not from the HC, as far as I can tell.
70
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Theater experiences
« Last post by Stricken_Halo on Yesterday at 07:02:58 PM »
Saw 'Dracula' with Martin Landau in the title role.

Saw 'Hairspray' at the 5th Avenue in Seattle before the play went to Broadway.  John Waters was there and had recommended to them that they add a rat to 'Good Morning, Baltimore'.  He was mobbed so I didn't get an autograph.

Oh, Martin Landau would be perfect as Dracula. He just has that look!
Indeed! He won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for playing the aged Bela Lugosi in Ed Wood, so his "look" was not lost on Hollywood!
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