News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • August 16, 2017, 07:15:29 PM

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61
There is someone who lives near us who is incapable of giving their correct address to take away drivers.

There are 2 sets of houses, one on either side of a large building.  Lets say they are North Road and South Road.  We live at 2 South Road.  Every 3 weeks or so, the doorbell rings late in the evening and it's someone delivering pizza or a Chinese or Indian takeaway, which we haven't ordered.  It's always for 2 North Road.  We get no other deliveries for them, just food.  I've told the poor delivery guys to explain to them that their directions are wrong, but it still happens on a regular basis.  A couple of times I've gone to their house to tell them what's happening, but they are never in. It maybe that they work shifts, which explains the odd meal times, and I have gone during the day.  I'm not going to leave a note for something this little and petty, but d*mnit it's annoying!

DH is threatening to say "If it's paid for we'll take it".

Are you sure that the delivery people aren't making the mistake?

And I'd leave the note.  If it's worth going to their house a few times to try talking to them, it's worth leaving a note.
62
Family and Children / Re: Ask Amy - Sister buys family beach house
« Last post by TracyXJ on Today at 10:18:56 AM »
I agree with LifeonPluto and with this. That said, in my opinion, "contributing financially" should not include subsidizing the cost of the beach house owned by the sister.

So, instead, she (the owner) is to be made to subsidize the cost of the family reunion?

You're the one who has made the argument that a vacation and a reunion are not the same thing.  If it's a "family" event, a joint effort, why is she (the owner) obligated to subsidize everyone's accommodations?

This isn't a week where she is free to entertain friends, only one of her siblings' family or only her parents, or her husband's family.  So, being it's a joint effort, why is she obligated to underwrite the cost?

Well, does the sister charge friends the rental rate? Her own children? Her husband? Her husband's family? I completely grasp and agree that the sister can do what she wants with her place. Perhaps as others have pointed out the sister simply is not into the family time. Which is fine, of course, but there will be a fallout.

Since the House Owning Sister's husband is probably helping pay for the house, then yes, she is charging him for the use of it.  Due to the nature of the letter, we can't know what happens with the husband's family.

I think that family reunion time needs to change a little.  Maybe the reunion can start rotating between the beach house and the other siblings house.  Everyone can contribute to food everywhere and then nobody has to charge "rent" since it will even out over the years. 
63
Family and Children / Re: Ask Amy - Sister buys family beach house
« Last post by TurtleDove on Today at 10:18:14 AM »
I do think that the sisters should actually talk to each other rather than write to advice columnists, but I think terminology is an issue here.

I personally would have no issues with the sister asking for the LW to pay for food, gas, even increased water usage, etc. Those costs are directly related to the stay.

What I do bristle at is being asked to pay "half of what a hotel would charge," which is not rationally related to the extra costs, even if the amount works out to be the same. This terminology comes across as the sister wanting to charge rent to her family members to stay at her beach home, and that just sounds icky to me. I especially think that the request for paying "half of what a hotel would charge" comes across as charging the LW for basic costs of the beach house because the sister also wants the LW to provide food and other things. It comes across, to me, as though the sister wants to come out ahead for having the family reunion at her beach house....not to break even.

I really think that rationally relating the money "charged" to the actual expenses would go a long way here.

64
I wish they'd stop chopping onions in here....
65
Family and Children / Re: Ask Amy - Sister buys family beach house
« Last post by lowspark on Today at 10:01:39 AM »
I think if someone took the Sister's POV the letter (and our thoughts) might read differently:

Dear Amy,

I recently bought my parent's beach house.  We had our family reunions there every summer and I was looking forward to my sibling's families joining us this summer for a week just like always. 

Wow, I don't know how my parents afforded to host everyone for a full week like they did! 

After calculating the additional utilities and laundry, boat gas and other supplies, even with everyone bringing food the costs are overwhelming.  I asked my sister and brother to pay about half of what a hotel would charge them for the week and suddenly I am "profiting" off of them.   

Instead of calling me to say she couldn't afford it and to see if we could work something out, my sister reached out to our Aunt Amy, who said it was time for Sis to make other plans for her vacation so now she might not be coming. What should I say to my Sister?

Sincerely,
Trying to be Fair


For us the readers it doesn't say what she paid for the house (market value or family discount), whether it was the parent's vacation property or primary home, why she chose to buy it, whether it is her primary residence or investment property, etc.  We are left to assume many things, that's the thing with these letters, we don't get all the information we need to make a completely informed decision (and neither does Amy) plus they may be edited with additional info left out that the columnist sees and readers don't. 

Again, I would have urged LW to call Sis and discuss it before jumping up and ripping off a letter for all the world to see and interpret.     

I'm sure someone else could take the Sister's POV better than I did.    
 


Here's how I envision the letter:
Dear Amy,

I recently bought my parent's beach house.  We had our family reunions there every summer and I was looking forward to my sibling's families joining us this summer for a week just like always. 

Wow, I don't know how my parents afforded to host everyone for a full week like they did!  The understanding was that my siblings and I would pitch in to clean and fix whatever we could as a kind of payment for staying there but in practice, this never really happened and my parents ended up doing all the work or hiring it out anyway. So the additional costs my parents incurred during that week were never really supplemented by savings on clean up and fix up of the property.

After calculating the additional utilities and laundry, boat gas and other supplies, even with everyone bringing food the costs are overwhelming.  I asked my sister and brother to pay about half of what a hotel would charge them for the week and suddenly I am "profiting" off of them.   

Instead of calling me to say she couldn't afford it and to see if we could work something out, my sister reached out to our Aunt Amy, who said it was time for Sis to make other plans for her vacation so now she might not be coming. What should I say to my Sister?

Sincerely,
Trying to be Fair


The bolded that I added is my assumption based on how owner sister worded her statement that things would be “a little different” this year... which led me to believe that things weren't satisfactory in previous years.
66
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Last post by KimberlyM on Today at 09:59:44 AM »
My caller id on my landline showed a missed call yesterday from:

      Breast Scam

I don't even know what to say about that.  Glad I missed it I guess.

I've been getting caller ID's saying scam, which I love, so I know not to answer, but I think I might have answered breast scam just out of curiosity!
67
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Vacation Hills to Die On - What's yours?
« Last post by Shalamar on Today at 09:41:07 AM »
That reminds me of that scene in The Sure Thing when John Cusack and Daphne Zuniga are stranded.  They're trying desperately to break in to a barn so that they'll have somewhere to sleep for the night.  Daphne roots through her belongings, trying to find something to use on the lock.

Daphne:  Wait ... I have a credit card!
John:  A credit card's no good - it'll break off in the lock.
Daphne:  No, you don't understand ... I have a credit card!

Cut to the two of them happily ensconced in a beautiful hotel room, gorging themselves on room service.
68
Life...in general / Re: Who pays for it? aka How to politely approach.
« Last post by rose red on Today at 09:24:22 AM »
I agree with the above.

You can ask them to clear the stuff and even offer to do it for them, but they are not responsible for labor or payment to do a favor for you (unless they had already planned on home improvement projects anyway). What junk and weeds they have on their own property is their own business as long as it's legal.

If I were LL, of course I would give permission for workers to be on my property, but there's no way *I'm* paying for work I didn't want/need.
69
I seem to have some bad allergies today...
70
Family and Children / Re: Ask Amy - Sister buys family beach house
« Last post by Redneck Gravy on Today at 09:04:44 AM »
I think if someone took the Sister's POV the letter (and our thoughts) might read differently:

Dear Amy,

I recently bought my parent's beach house.  We had our family reunions there every summer and I was looking forward to my sibling's families joining us this summer for a week just like always. 

Wow, I don't know how my parents afforded to host everyone for a full week like they did! 

After calculating the additional utilities and laundry, boat gas and other supplies, even with everyone bringing food the costs are overwhelming.  I asked my sister and brother to pay about half of what a hotel would charge them for the week and suddenly I am "profiting" off of them.   

Instead of calling me to say she couldn't afford it and to see if we could work something out, my sister reached out to our Aunt Amy, who said it was time for Sis to make other plans for her vacation so now she might not be coming. What should I say to my Sister?

Sincerely,
Trying to be Fair


For us the readers it doesn't say what she paid for the house (market value or family discount), whether it was the parent's vacation property or primary home, why she chose to buy it, whether it is her primary residence or investment property, etc.  We are left to assume many things, that's the thing with these letters, we don't get all the information we need to make a completely informed decision (and neither does Amy) plus they may be edited with additional info left out that the columnist sees and readers don't. 

Again, I would have urged LW to call Sis and discuss it before jumping up and ripping off a letter for all the world to see and interpret.     

I'm sure someone else could take the Sister's POV better than I did.    
 
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