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  • March 23, 2017, 03:45:32 AM

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71
Life...in general / Re: Private Visitation for Funeral?
« Last post by Outdoor Girl on Yesterday at 12:51:13 PM »
I think that the criticism of the OP is a bit over the top.  She didn't yell at the spouse, she didn't complain to anyone there, she didn't say it had to "please her"...she asked here after the fact if this was normal, because it seemed weird to her.  I think that's a perfectly fine reason to ask E-Hell.


I completely agree.

Me, too.

Where I am, there are normally 1-3 visitation sessions with at least one of them in the evening or on a weekend, depending on how many visitors are expected.  We needed 3 for my Mom or it would have been a complete mob.  We'll need at least 3 for my Dad.  Then the service is generally the next day, with family being sequestered prior and either preceding or following the deceased into the service.  Then there is usually a luncheon or a tea after the service, depending on the time of day, and the family sets up kind of a receiving line on the way into that so everyone who wishes to can greet the family but also a way to bypass the line if you don't want to.

A friend's mother's funeral was a little different.  The visitation was done right in the church for the hour prior to the service and then everyone was seated and the service began.  There was a luncheon following the service.  Still had a bit of a receiving line, though.  Her Dad's funeral was more 'normal'.

OP, I think the only error, if you could even call it that, was bringing contributions for the memorial without being asked to do so.  If people do that for my Dad, I will be thrilled but not everyone feels that way.  But I'm baffled that anyone would consider your pieces 'inappropriate'.
72
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pokemon Go craze
« Last post by ladyknight1 on Yesterday at 12:42:17 PM »
73
When my parents were alive, I saw both of them every single day.  Mostly because we lived next door to them.  :)  My in-laws we saw weekly, as they lived 30 minutes away.  Now that all of the parents are gone, I see our oldest a couple of times a week (he lives half a mile away) and our youngest texts us every day and we talk to her about every other day. 

The sibling I am closest to lives half the country away and so we email a couple of times a month and talk for 4 to 5 hours every 4 months or so.  The sibling that lives in the same town I only see a couple of times a year.  We have never been particularly close and both of us have busy lives.  There is no animosity, just no interest on either of our parts in spending a ton of time together.
74
I may be wrong, but I think it might be against the rules to call it "cream" of mushroom soup if it doesn't actually contain cream.

In food naming convention "cream" can refer to either the specific ingredient or the texture of the food.  It's just one of those weird things.
75
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pokemon Go craze
« Last post by Carotte on Yesterday at 12:31:07 PM »
The often repeated demand has been answered and now we can expect an evolution object every 7 day pokestop streak.
There's also an 'aquatic' special event with more magicarps, squirtles and the second gen water starter until the 29!
76
Life...in general / Re: Private Visitation for Funeral?
« Last post by shabby on Yesterday at 12:24:55 PM »
I think that the criticism of the OP is a bit over the top.  She didn't yell at the spouse, she didn't complain to anyone there, she didn't say it had to "please her"...she asked here after the fact if this was normal, because it seemed weird to her.  I think that's a perfectly fine reason to ask E-Hell.


I completely agree.
77
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Obtaining a job - bad advice
« Last post by Kiwipinball on Yesterday at 12:23:48 PM »
workerbee: It's not a necessity in the sense that including your degrees are a necessity on a resume, but I don't believe considering whether to include your interests is ridiculous in all circumstances.

POD.

If you are applying to a firm that volunteers for many different projects, your interests may push you past a similarly qualified applicant (whether right or wrong).  Example: carpentry buff = possible leader for our Habitat Humanity building project.

 

Yep, I think interests can be useful (especially for younger job seekers), but you absolutely need to use discretion about what to include. Similarly, following up can be a good thing (if you got another job offer but would prefer to work for them, if it's past the time they said they'd get back to you or it's been a really long time) but not every day.
78
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Last post by Firecat on Yesterday at 12:21:47 PM »
Dear Gabrielle -

You were a very good girl last night. You sat and watched the bubbles in my glass of (slightly sparkling) wine in complete fascination, but you never tried to swat at the glass or to stick your nose into it. And I did need the amusement that watching you provided. You were also very tolerant of my giggling at you.

Love,

Mama
79
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Obtaining a job - bad advice
« Last post by nutraxfornerves on Yesterday at 12:08:33 PM »
Actually said to me by my then-boyfriend when I went back to school to get out of retail:

"I think you're stupid for going to college.  Just walk into any office and tell them you'll work for free for two weeks if they'll train you."

Perfect! I'm reading this while sitting in my dentist's waiting room. Think he'll take me on as a hygienist?
80
State:
  • The behaviour you want to change: e.g. "stop criticising my parenting decisions"
  • The consequences of her ignoring your request: "or I will hang up the phone/won't visit as often/(whatever)"
  • When she starts: "you're doing it again, I'm going now."
  • Then follow through: hang up/walk out the door/don't walk in the door in the first place, etc
  • Don't repeat yourself: become the grey rock [rocks don't speak, they don't visit, they don't answer the phone, they don't respond to texts, they don't seek approval - they just be a lump of non-responsiveness].

This is excellent advice.   Do not forget that you don't live there anymore, and you do NOT have to take any abuse ever again.

My own mother was the queen of picking fights, and she'd do it when I was visiting her.  I was in therapy at the time (never told her), and one of the hardest things I ever had to do, I learned from my therapist.
When my mother started the abuse, I said, 'I don't live here anymore! I don't have to take this!' - and I left.  Got up, picked up my purse, and walked out the door to my car.  My mother was screaming behind me, but I ignored her.
I was shaking like a leaf, but it felt OH SO GOOD. 

I only had to do that twice before she learned.  We had much more pleasant visits after that.

Kudos to that spine (however wobbly it may have felt at the time), LadyJaneinMD.  Your mum was a quick learner...

Shows even screamers can be redeemed; here's hoping for progress from your mum, Last-Dance.
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