News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • January 19, 2017, 04:16:23 PM

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71
Maybe the others in the group, including the parents, knew about this altered arrangement before the trip and assumed that the OP knew too.
72
Family and Children / Re: Sort of joint birthday thank you cards
« Last post by mandycorn on Today at 10:08:17 AM »
Something you might want to consider in the future is an immediate family celebration just for the birthday person (possibly plus friends) and then do a joint extended family birthday party for all the birthday people that month. That frees you up to choose a weekend that's separate from any of their birthdays (and puts some distance between it and Christmas) and in my experience joint family parties usually generate fewer gifts, since nobody really wants to buy three+ presents for a single party.
73
Family and Children / Re: Please take care of these things
« Last post by VorFemme on Today at 10:01:08 AM »
Snarky is sputtering, trying to come up with something to say. 

Evil is dressed in a Yoda costume and saying "wise proverb" type things with a twist, like "Younglings teach now and will not depart from teachings when old" and "Apple close to tree remains" with a very wise and serious mien.  While wearing green ears...that say "made in Japan" very clearly on the back.

74
I'll share. I'm part Choctaw and work for an Indian tribe (different tribe than mine) in Oklahoma. As I'm in Oklahoma, it's different. We don't have reservations here, so I have no experience with that. I was also not raised culturally part of my own tribe, which is important to know. I have heard tribal members here refer to themselves both as Indians and as Native Americans, so honestly, I would probably use the term Native American just to be on the safe side, or even better, American Indian.

Really, though, just treat them as you would anyone else, as any other American. Definitely show respect for elders (will you have much contact with their elders?). Even working for the tribe, I don't have a lot of contact with tribal elders. The not answering phones thing - I imagine that office is just busy, not that they are not answering their phones for a purpose. We are a huge tribe here and always busy-however, we are expected to answer our phones. They may be a smaller tribe, with less resources, though, and that could be a factor. Coffee and chocolate would probably be an excellent gift! It certainly would not be expected here, and would be a very nice thing to do. It would certainly be welcome in my department!

I also agree with nutrax. Rather than worrying about using American Indian, Native American, or Indian, just use the tribal name, if you have to refer to anything at all. Most likely, you don't need to stress about that, as you will just use the name of the person you are dealing with.

Basically, though, here's the thing. I think you are getting stressed out over nothing. Just go on this trip, and treat it like any other business trip. I guarantee you, the people in the department you need to speak to will treat it that way. I think it's great that you want to be respectful, truly I do, but really, don't worry! It'll be fine, they will be just like anyone else, and you might really enjoy getting to see the reservation! I think you will enjoy the trip. I also think you are a wonderful person for wanting to be respectful of and honor their culture and traditions.
75
I believe that if a person has allergies that are life threatening, and which can be triggered by cross-contamination, it is on them to provide their own food that they know to be safe. To expect someone else who does not understand your specific issues (nor is there any reason why they would) to keep you safe is dangerous, I think. A person could do their absolute best and believe they are providing a "safe" meal and inadvertently still miss the mark. Why risk it?
76
Family and Children / Re: Please take care of these things
« Last post by Chez Miriam on Today at 09:56:35 AM »
If I had a jaw-drop smiley, that would be all I would have to say.

Wow!
77
Gifts, Registries and Money / Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Last post by TurtleDove on Today at 09:51:38 AM »
I think this is a "know your audience" situation. I would assume that the people invited to the wedding care for the bride and groom and are not looking for ways to criticize them. For the "registry" page I would just say where the couple is registered and that they are looking forward to their honeymoon in X location. I would assume those invited would know the bride and groom well enough to give money if that is what they wish to give.
78
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by LadyDyani on Today at 09:48:44 AM »
This woman sounds like a nightmare - https://uk.news.yahoo.com/residents-reveal-parking-war-with-selfish-mum-who-blocks-roads-with-4x4-134437513.html

Hopefully some authority will stop her - short version: She drops her kids at school and parks wherever she wants, frequently blocking peoples laneways for up to 45 minutes.

..except that the photos show at least 2 differnet vehicles, andthe police and parkin enforcement say tey can't take action, which sugests that the story is not entirely true.
While getting someone towed is not as easy here as it appears to be in the USA, if she is reguarly blocking driveways then the police do have powers they can exercise. My guess would be that it is not aleays the same person and that the majority of the incidents involve someone parking legally but in a way the reseidents don't like, and that's why the police are not interveneing.

Obviously if people are parking inconsiderately then that's a problem, but  suspect that this particualr story is exagarated for efect.

The photos are of two different cars, but it states that the other car was her old car, and they've been documenting it for 3 years. You can see in the pictures that driveways are blocked, at least partially.

The police won't do anything unless they catch her in the act, and if she's only blocking the lane for 30-45 minutes, she's probably gone by the time the police get there. With non-emergency calls it can take several hours before there's a response.
79

I've also seen it happen at a reunion where someone brought Grandma's old family recipe that some people had no idea how to make - so a few people who'd missed the dish ate like they'd never see it again and forgot to pick up the recipe card next to the dish.  Just in case anyone wanted to make it themselves later.


What's wrong with wanting to enjoy a dish at an event, but having no interest in making it yourself? There are plenty of dishes that I like that are too complicated for me to make so I don't bother with a recipe. I have never had anyone tell me that was wrong.

One or even two servings is one thing - 4 servings when there are still a lot of people behind you is another.  The cook hadn't prepared enough food to feed 40 or 60 people as the only thing that they ate that day, but at an estimated consumption of roughly one serving each (two or three trays of food were brought - not six trays for the size of servings that ended up on some of the plates that I saw).  The guys who were getting the biggest servings where the one's who had been son or grandson to the maker - not the great-grandsons or younger...so the younger people didn't get a chance to try the historical dish, as there wasn't much left by that point...


Still not sure what that has to do with not picking up a recipe card. 

If they wanted to get all they could eat of the dish - why didn't they pick up a copy of the recipe so that someone could make it for them, if they couldn't cook themselves?  Instead of serving themselves four servings in one glob on their plate?  When there were enough people there that not everyone was going to get a serving - they took so much that the dish ran out much earlier than planned...I picked up a recipe card, as there wasn't enough left of the dish to taste without a rubber spatula to scrape the pan clean.  I did make it and found out that VorGuy (not his family's recipe) didn't care for it.  I liked it - but not enough to eat a whole recipe worth before it turned from leftovers to science experiment.  The recipe is probably still hidden in my recipe file...unless it fell out in a move and got lost (happened to some recipe cards in a paper folder instead of a card file).

Not everyone has someone at home who is ready and willing to cook things for them. I live alone. If I can't cook it then I can't eat it. And I am a horrible cook so anything that is too complicated is just out of reach for me and I enjoy them when I am out or when other people make them. I really don't see a problem with people who enjoy a meal but have no interest in making it for themselves.
80
Family and Children / Re: Sort of joint birthday thank you cards
« Last post by Kiwipinball on Today at 09:39:55 AM »
My sister's and my birthdays are three days apart. We've always had joint family birthday parties (still do, but now we alternate hosting as we're adults). These were relatively small (grandparents mostly). We had separate friend parties once we were old enough (we're also three years apart, so no friends in common). We did alternate who got to get a cake from a bakery (didn't taste better but looked cool) and who got a homemade cake. I don't think it's at all unfair to have joint parties, especially for the family. That's not to say the kids will always be 100% okay with it (apparently when I was 4, the joint party was on my sister's actual birthday, which fell on the weekend that year. I walked around the house, with tears streaming down my face, singing "I'm not special" - I changed the words of a song we learned in preschool. Why yes, I do still hear this story 30 years later) but they'll survive.
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