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  • May 28, 2015, 06:40:20 AM

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71
Family and Children / Re: I Quit - Someone Else Needs to Help
« Last post by cass2591 on Yesterday at 08:10:05 PM »
Perhaps the other helpers are well aware of your animosity toward them and are reacting to that. I'm not saying it's right for them to do so, but instead of proclaiming here how wrong I am, take an inventory of your behavior when they don't do what you want them to do.

My suggestion is that you send out an email to all involved, saying since you have the most experience at this then you are taking charge and set up a schedule. If they balk, they balk, so be it and resign. I would, however, recommend that you don't even hint that they are stupid or slackers or lack common sense and work ethics. IOW, no insults, even veiled ones.

Frankly, and you will not like hearing this, but you come off as a martyr. If you don't want to help anymore, don't.

72
Family and Children / Re: I Quit - Someone Else Needs to Help
« Last post by EllenS on Yesterday at 08:07:26 PM »
How recent was the death and relocation of the surviving spouse? How closely related are you and the other people to the deceased?

People process grief in really different ways.  Some people want all the practical loose ends tied up ASAP, so they can deal with the emotional stuff separately.  Others use the practical steps (especially something as monumental as clearing a house) as a way of processing their feelings hands-on.

Some people shut down and become fragile, distracted, and move in slow-motion when they are depressed or grieving.  Some people become angry, impatient and turbo-charged to get things done, because getting the task done feels like a "light at the end of the tunnel."

One is not better than the other. But they are really incompatable.

If there is no practical "ticking clock" on getting the house cleaned out, leave it.  Let the less-capable/less-motivated do it their way.  You can "write off" your uneven contribution as a memorial gift to the deceased, or a nice thing you did for the surviving spouse.  Take the irritating people out of the mental equation, and don't expect recognition. It's very possible that they find your pace overwhelming and aren't giving you accolades because they don't see it as a good thing.

Take some time for yourself to deal with your own loss, so it's not always tainted by house-related frustration.
73
Family and Children / Re: I Quit - Someone Else Needs to Help
« Last post by cross_patch on Yesterday at 08:07:13 PM »
Whoever these people are, it is clear that you very much dislike them.  Which I understand, but I think it may be coloring your judgment just a bit.  I would have no idea what all needs to be done in that situation, and I don't consider myself stupid.   I've just never done it.  If you know what to do, then delegate.  Don't just sit around and wonder why no one has common sense.

Absolutely. Your post is dripping with contempt for them. I wouldn't know what to do in this situation, and I'd be really angry if someone decided because of that I was stupid and had no work ethic. You've also mentioned that you have the most free time -  is possible that the reason they haven't been able to help as much is because they don't have as much free time? Just because it suits your schedule doesn't mean it suits theirs.
74
Family and Children / Re: I Quit - Someone Else Needs to Help
« Last post by GreenEyedHawk on Yesterday at 08:00:58 PM »
I would say delegate.  Make a schedule for everyone and hand out tasks.  If they can't organise themselves, organise them.  If they still won't do anything, that's on them.
75
I hope this doesn't come off as a brag, but I saw someone in a tough spot today and I wanted to help so I did.

There was a young guy in front of me at the grocery today, he was buying just a few basics...eggs, milk, bread, a couple cans of soup, a package of chicken and a package of ground beef.  When the cashier told him his total, he started worriedly counting out change and asking the cashier to remove this item or that one.  I could see the stress and embarrassment in his face.  I've been that person; my heart went out to him.  I waved my hand to get the cashier's attention and said, "Put it back on the bill.  All of it.  I'll get it."

The young guy looked shocked and grateful and tried to offer to pay me what he could while I picked up the tab for the rest, but I wouldn't have it.  It wasn't that much and while I'm not always able to afford to help out, today I could.  So I did. 
76
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: To neener or not to neener?
« Last post by GreenEyedHawk on Yesterday at 07:41:32 PM »
Back when I was working at Pet Planet, a customer came in and asked about the free bones we were giving away.  Free bones?  I hadn't heard of any such promotion.  The woman insisted, "Yes, free beef bones!  With a coupon!"  I checked our system for promotions and found none, so I asked for the coupon on question.  Smirking, she thrust it out at me and said with a huff, "HOW long have you worked here?? I can't believe you don't know the sales going on in your teensy little store!  You really should know.  I should complain that staff here need better training..." (ad nauseum).  I looked at her coupon, smiled and said, "Three years, actually.  And this is a coupon for Pet Land, not Pet Planet."

She sputtered and left.  I really wanted to loudly neener as she was on her way out the  door.  I do not miss customer service even a little.
77
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Silly things that have made you happy recently
« Last post by andi on Yesterday at 07:37:13 PM »
DH and I got our first tattoos today!!
78
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Last post by alkira6 on Yesterday at 07:30:03 PM »
BG: I cannot use my driveway because it doesn’t work with my car design…the car is too low in front and the underside of the front scrapes BIG TIME on the driveway.  I am only able to park in front of my house.  The curb area in front is big enough for 2 large automobiles, so I have no problem with someone else parking there as long as there’s also room for me.  And all my neighbors know my this./BG

Since you don't use the actual driveway, can you just park in front of it? I don't know if your local laws allow it or you live with others who use it, but it's an idea.

That wouldn't work either, because I get home before my husband who can park in the driveway.  We'd be back to tandem parking and that was one of the many reason why DH wanted to move out of our apartment building.  The man loathes tandem parking with the fury of a thousand suns.
If you own your home, you might want to invest a couple of hundred dollars in getting the end of your driveway leveled.  My neigbors down the street had it done so that their car didn't scrape the drive wehn pulling in.  There were gouges in the concrete from it before they had it leveled.
79
All In A Day's Work / Re: Confronting colleagues
« Last post by LEMon on Yesterday at 07:28:14 PM »
Also bear in mind that separating yourself professionally right now is a good thing. If they have gotten themselves a reputation, better that everyone sees that you are not part of that.

Odd to think that people telling other employees that 'you are mean' is a good thing but it sounds like it is. Much better than them boasting that you bent/broke the rules for them.
80
Family and Children / Re: I Quit - Someone Else Needs to Help
« Last post by miranova on Yesterday at 07:20:24 PM »
Whoever these people are, it is clear that you very much dislike them.  Which I understand, but I think it may be coloring your judgment just a bit.  I would have no idea what all needs to be done in that situation, and I don't consider myself stupid.   I've just never done it.  If you know what to do, then delegate.  Don't just sit around and wonder why no one has common sense.
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