• March 20, 2018, 10:26:37 PM

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I think you avoided a "no good deed goes unpunished" situation...because of the agitation. Would you feel relaxed or stressed not knowing what she would do?
Techno-quette / Re: Kind and polite way to stop the contact
« Last post by Easter Hat on Today at 12:43:48 PM »
You owe him nothing.

The above cannot be overemphasized.  The OP owes this guy nothing.

I disagree. I believe I owe most people basic, human kindness. Even people who annoy me. That is the reason I asked for a kind way to disengage.

I do acknowledge there are some people who do not deserve any kindness from me.

I agree with your disagree. 

It's one thing to see a "blast from the past" on line or in a grocery store and choose to not engage.  You don't "owe" anyone that effort if you aren't in the mood to go out of your way to say hello.  Now if that person sees you first and says hello, I feel you do "owe" them the basic courtesy of saying hello back and exchanging a pleasantry.  You are within your right to politely cut out or end the conversation gracefully. 

Recently I tried to get together with someone I enjoy.  The first time she was friendly and I was led to believe I should try again.  So I did.  For the second time she politely and charmingly turned me down.  She's clearly not interested in a friendship or is just too busy to really take on a new person in her life.  That is fine. I get it.  The ball is in her court.

She doesn't "owe" me anything.  Maybe I'm over-estimating her sweetness towards me.  Maybe she doesn't even like me at all.  But I sure appreciate her kindness.  When I see her in the future we'll be able to happily chat and move on.  But if she took the approach of "I owe you nothing" and said, "Look, I like seeing you at XYZ events but I really have no time for you. Plus we really don't have that much in common.  So I'm sorry, I'll talk to you if I see you, but please don't ask me to lunch again." Well, that would be the truth but also embarrassing and hurtful.

Social media is a bit different and it's easier to disengage.  But I feel the same basic rules of courtesy should apply.  It's an actual human on the other side of that social media wall.
We are friends with a couple.  He is an extrovert and she is an introvert.  For her 33 1/3 birthday he threw a big party where we all brought a record album (33 1/3).  For him, she had a small gathering of close friends at a restaurant.   They each threw the kind of party they liked, not what the other one would like.
I'm getting the feeling that people think the OP is somehow ungrateful or upset about the outcome. 

I feel like the OP is relieved that the big party hadn't happened and if anything just slightly sad to learn that her family was willing to plan a huge party "in her honor" but in the end, not willing to spend a quieter night with her to actually , you know, honor her 40th birthday.

The family says, "hey we want to spend a bunch of money and invite a bunch of people to your big birthday."   

The guest of honor says, "actually I am free that night but a scaled down party for only a few of us would suit me better."

The family gets annoyed and decides to do nothing even though they clearly have the time, the money and the approval of the guest of honor to do something that will take less money, less effort and less time.

That's pretty shabby treatment and if the OP is bummed about that - I don't blame her.  It doesn't matter how many outings she plans for these family member or how birthdays are culturally celebrated for their family.  The fact remains, they just wanted a big party and only wanted to us OP as an excuse. 

OP I think you made the right decision in shutting down the big party.  It sounds like you were expecting this outcome and your instincts proved correct.  You should be able to count on family to actually listen to you and do what you expressed would make you happiest on your birthday.  They failed to deliver on your simplest request and that stinks.

I'm glad you stated in your first post that you are happier than you ever been.  You've obviously been taking responsibility for your own happiness and been rewarded with good friends who you'll get to enjoy camping with the weekend of your birthday.  I hope your 40th is special to you and one you'll remember.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: S/O: House Hunting Horrors!
« Last post by Outdoor Girl on Today at 12:02:09 PM »
Yes, the Michigan house.
76 general / Re: Gift-giving: students to teacher
« Last post by lowspark on Today at 12:00:36 PM »
not all the members are contributing, so the portion is pretty high for each who is,

This is the part that bothers me. The correct way to do a group gift is to have everyone who is interested in contributing give the amount they feel is appropriate. Then you decide on a gift based on the amount collected. Not the other way around.

Who is spearheading this?
I still remember living on a dead end residential road (well, there were two roads in the neighborhood - one cul de sac with a roundabout at the end that hooked onto the spur of road that dead ended in a stand of trees - but with just a hint of a curve and a bit of a climb, then a drop - so drivers apparently assumed that the road went around the stand of trees.  It didn't.

I still remember a speeding car that came through one evening and raced down to the stand of trees, someone stopped in a scream of brakes, backed up in a hurry, and turned around to go speeding up the spur & turned up the cul de sac...I lost sight of them, but heard them speeding around the flat round grass & flower bed area, and then they came speeding back downhill to make another turn out the entry to the neighborhood (signs on both streets indicated "dead end road/no exit").  And away they sped...up a hill to a T intersection where they could got left or right into another residential area with a low speed limit.  I always wondered what the heck they were thinking.
Cilantro tastes like soap to me and, according to an article I read, 10% of Americans taste it the way I do. The article also said that most of us are of European descent. I can usually get by with some in salsa, but not in anything that has sat for any length of time. I once got Pho (soup) and it was fine. I took the leftovers home and the next day, I had to throw it out! I also don't like licorice.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Wrong Ideas About How Things Are Done
« Last post by rose red on Today at 11:44:25 AM »
I remember thinking I can get rid of bangs by cutting them away. Sounded logical to me. ;D
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Microsoft Horror Stories
« Last post by VorFemme on Today at 11:42:12 AM »
Due to *something* (probably third party software?) on my office computer eating the CPU alive (starting anything spikes usage to 100% and it never goes much below 60%) I am doing a clean install of Windows 7 to test CPU usage.  If it stays "good", I'm cloning that hard drive to one that I'll be running the computer third party software that I can avoid (well, I have to have the cloning software installed) but Microsoft's Security Essentials will work for a computer rarely used for anything but printing crossword puzzles from the newspaper & reading email.

If that doesn't work - I'll try a clean install of Windows 10 (hah, hah, hah) - this computer is not going to be used much for the next two months, as I will be out of town spending time with other family members or VorGuy & I will be traveling together on vacation (he's now retired).   It shouldn't be seeing a lot of use...but it does need to be available, "just in case".
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