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71
Family and Children / Re: Rude to pick at food?
« Last post by SoCalVal on Today at 12:50:55 PM »
Well, I don't see it so much as caring far too much about cupcakes as someone diminishing/devaluing the care/effort I expended doing something that I did out of love (a little like the poster in another thread whose DH, upon being presented with a robe lovingly crafted overnight by the poster for his birthday said, "Well, it's not a real present because it's homemade").  Oopsie didn't just pick up generic cupcakes at the grocery store, she made them, and she didn't just make them, she took the time to figure out a cute design, get the supplies, execute them and then bring them to the gathering.  BIL and DH diminished all that with BIL's antics and DH brushing off what he did (I had to explain this to my own DH when he just couldn't understand why I want nothing to do with his so-called friend).

They weren't just cupcakes; to me, they were a representation of Oopsie's love (unless Oopsie made them for money, which Oopsie did not indicate she did).

Also, would it change the issue if Oopsie had spent even more money for a bakery to make them just for BIL to ruin them, which is what he did.  They were decorated to look like baskets, and he ruined the effect by picking off the handles.
72
Life...in general / Re: A somewhat different funeral
« Last post by SamiHami on Today at 12:49:31 PM »
Wow! That is such a terrible idea. Some people don't cope with death well, some people don't agree with cremation, some think that the body should always be together and not distributed about like that...just so many ways to offend and/or upset others here.

Offering is one thing, but pushing it on people like that is horrible.
73
Family and Children / Re: "Stealing" a Baby Name
« Last post by Allyson on Today at 12:47:11 PM »
Today I think there's more variation, and much more concern about giving the kid a name that's not too popular.


SO has a cousin who recently had a baby boy, they wanted something not too popular, they unknowingly choose one that is turning into the top 5 for this year.

It's funny how often that happens! I have heard that happen to *so* many people, I wonder if a name somehow subconsciously enters the public consciousness and then starts spreading before people are aware ofit.
74
Life...in general / Re: Friend's wife is a bit strange
« Last post by SamiHami on Today at 12:44:04 PM »
Yes, she has told me that. And she has talked about growing up there numerous times.  When she goes "home" to visit, she is going there to visit her parents, who raised her there. The fact of her being born and raised there is not in question. She has never been shy about talking about where she is from before, so her denying that she is from there was truly baffling.

OK, then I got nuthin'.

Yeah, I can't explain Mrs. Donny.

But I still think your brother was really rude. And I'm a little surprised that you didn't direct your comments to her, as in "Did I misunderstand you? I thought your parents live there."

I still think your brother was out of line to go straight to the "did you lie to me?" and that it was weird for you to talk about her as if she wasn't there.

There's always the possibility that she completely misheard you when you said, "Mrs. Donny was born and raised in XYZ," and thought you said SYZ, or something. I thin it would be more graceful conversation to let her clarify herself, instead of suddenly making this whole exchange be between you and your brother.

Well, it was awkward but it wasn't quite the scene that you describe, either. It was a table full of people with other animated conversations going on. As for DB, I give him a pass because he wasn't trying to be rude, he was just surprised that I told him that and that she denied it. He was more confused than accusing. He's a kind hearted person who always thinks the best of others, so it wouldn't be his nature to be accusing or angry. If anything, he probably thought I was setting him up for some sort of joke.

And perhaps I should have said something like what you suggested to Mrs. Donny, but again, I was caught off guard. I didn't expect her to pop out with a lie, so I simply reacted to what DB said. As soon as I answered him the subect was dropped and the meal went on pleasantly. But I didn't try to directly engage Mrs. Donny again.
75
Life...in general / Re: A somewhat different funeral
« Last post by NyaChan on Today at 12:43:23 PM »
 
I was looking for a Miss Manners quote and stumbled across this letter. At This Funeral, a True Memento Mori. The Gentle Reader wanted to know what on earth to do with a "gift" received at a funeral.

Quote
During the service, silver trays were passed with small silk bags on them, and each guest was encouraged to take one. ... Later in the service, it was announced that the bags contained the cremains of the dearly departed, who could now remain for all eternity with friends and loved ones.

 :o  Oh yikes.  I would be really upset to have the responsibilities for another human being's remains forced upon me without notice.  If you want to offer that to people as a comfort, fine.  But let them make the choice for themselves.
76
Life...in general / Re: Friend's wife is a bit strange
« Last post by NyaChan on Today at 12:40:40 PM »
As I consider this further, I don't think whether or not any of you were lying is the deciding factor in the interaction here.  Who disrupted the ease of the conversation?  The brother.  OP added some to it, though in the moment, I think many of us would be flustered to be called a liar for saying something we were certain about.  All the wife did was say "No, I'm not from there."  I don't see any mention that she was confrontational or angry in her tone.  There were plenty of polite ways to respond to that statement which would gloss over the moment, but no one took them. 

Would it bug me that someone was lying about something like this for reasons I can't fathom (I mean seriously, what's up with that?) - absolutely.  But if I called them out publicly about it - like the brother did - it would be me who was making everyone uncomfortable, not the liar.  Its like when someone disagrees about a fact in conversation.  I may know I'm right, I may know I can google it on my phone and prove I'm right, but I don't because it is more polite to just change the subject or move on.
77
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Catholic First Communion
« Last post by TootsNYC on Today at 12:33:56 PM »

I had never heard of giving money; where I live it is always a gift. People who are more distant to the first communicant usually just send cards. Religious gifts may not immediately thrill the recipient, but can become important treasures later.



This is sort of what I think. I wish there were fewer gifts, actually, and a greater emphasis on communication.

But I'll also say that just signing and giving/sending a card is a cheap-out move, in my own opinion. Write a note, and I mean more than just, "wishing you well" or something.
78
Life...in general / A somewhat different funeral
« Last post by nutraxfornerves on Today at 12:33:25 PM »
I was looking for a Miss Manners quote and stumbled across this letter. At This Funeral, a True Memento Mori. The Gentle Reader wanted to know what on earth to do with a "gift" received at a funeral.

Quote
During the service, silver trays were passed with small silk bags on them, and each guest was encouraged to take one. ... Later in the service, it was announced that the bags contained the cremains of the dearly departed, who could now remain for all eternity with friends and loved ones.

79
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: DECLUTTERING
« Last post by POF on Today at 12:33:08 PM »
What  I do is when I put anything away I straighten and purge the area.  if I keep up with this, then i never get a big build up ... ( except for DH's "areas").  He has some hoarder tendencies. 

At firdt this takes a lot more time, but as I do it more and more, everything gets addressed.
80
Life...in general / Re: Friend's wife is a bit strange
« Last post by TootsNYC on Today at 12:30:41 PM »
Yes, she has told me that. And she has talked about growing up there numerous times.  When she goes "home" to visit, she is going there to visit her parents, who raised her there. The fact of her being born and raised there is not in question. She has never been shy about talking about where she is from before, so her denying that she is from there was truly baffling.

OK, then I got nuthin'.

Yeah, I can't explain Mrs. Donny.

But I still think your brother was really rude. And I'm a little surprised that you didn't direct your comments to her, as in "Did I misunderstand you? I thought your parents live there."

I still think your brother was out of line to go straight to the "did you lie to me?" and that it was weird for you to talk about her as if she wasn't there.

There's always the possibility that she completely misheard you when you said, "Mrs. Donny was born and raised in XYZ," and thought you said SYZ, or something. I thin it would be more graceful conversation to let her clarify herself, instead of suddenly making this whole exchange be between you and your brother.
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