« Last post by Celany on Today at 04:14:38 PM »
Thank you so much. Yes, I have tried to talk to him about it, but the truth of the matter is that he's home because he's dealing with a chronic physical impairment that makes every day different. He claims we can't commit to a schedule because he never knows until he wakes up how he's going to feel. This problem is very real - I don't think he's using that as an excuse.
He also gets really mad because he has no understanding at all of why this upsets me so much. When I try to explain it to him, he just gets angrier. You can explain all you want but for someone who doesn't want to understand?
I think I've just decided to check with him every morning before I shower. That way I know what dang clothes to put on when I get out. I really just wanted to make sure I wasn't going bonkers for feeling the way I do.
Maybe the anger is stemming from his frustration that, as much as he'd love to, he can't plan ahead? That would be really hard. I feel for you both.
Could you keep a calendar visible for him that notes the days you need to go in, the days you don't, and the days you could go either way? Then he can offer to take DD when it's definitely going to work for you, drop it on days you need to go in, and offer if he feels up to it when you can go either way?
Speaking as someone who has been dealing with a pinched nerve for 2 years, I can understand your husband's frustration. Because they can't figure out where the problem is, I just started going back to the gym after 6 months of no workouts, because they want me to deliberately aggravate it to see if that helps us to find the problem (before this injury, I worked out 3-5 times a week and I could leg press 200+ lbs, as well as do 8 unassisted pull-ups, just to give you an idea of how in-shape I was). I cried at the gym today, because it's so frustrating to be where I am now, compared to where I used to be. So I can completely understand his anger. It sucks. It really sucks. And that's not saying that he's *right* to be angry. It's just...sometimes it feels like that's all there is left.
Now, that said, much as it suck for him, it shouldn't impact your schedule the way that it does. In addition to asking him in the morning, before you shower, do you think you could work out an agreement where you play it by ear some days, but you do carve it in stone other days? If he's feeling resistant to talking about it at all, you could possibly say (the night before) "hey Hon, I'm going to have to go to work tomorrow because I have a meeting, so I'm definitely going to take DD in." And, if it helps, it could be followed up with a "but if you feel really good when you get up, could you do <XYZ chore(s) that it would be really helpful for him to do>". That way, if he does feel good, he still has a thing (or more) that it'd be great for him to do, but you'll have control over a day that you need to have control over.