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  • August 21, 2017, 10:46:58 PM

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71
Life...in general / I didn't do this for you! (Compliment gone awry)
« Last post by NFPwife on Today at 11:59:10 AM »
I've traveled three weeks in a row and could start multiple threads from my adventures, but here's the most interesting thing that I've turned over the most and I'm wondering what eHellions think.

One woman had very striking hair, it was braided and seemed to be salt and pepper in color. The way the braids worked, the "salt" which was very white" was on the "top" of the braids. I remember admiring it and wondering if that's just that way it braided or if there'd been a specific strategy to get that effect. This was more than a passing thought for me, too. I was wondering if the white was bleached out because it was probably on the ends or if it naturally grew in one section of the woman's head and then was worked through, or if it was extension hair added in, blah, blah, blah.... I just say all that to say it was striking and unique and I'd noticed it as well as the woman who then complimented then woman with the braids.

Complimenting woman said something like, "I really like your hair, I like the pattern of the braids." (I don't remember the exact words, but it was definitely from an "I" perspective, "I like.")

Woman with braids said, "Well, I don't wear my hair for you or your approval." She wasn't harsh, she was level and even.

Complimenting woman was flustered, she stammered something. I quickly looked away and busied myself with something on a display. (We were all at an outdoor market that was very crowded and the crowd was moving slowly. I just side stepped to a vendor's display.)

I think the lady with braids was saying- "I don't need affirmed by you to be beautiful." I can support that sentiment, but the effect on the complimenting woman was harsh, even though it wasn't said that way, and I think the overall message was lost in what seemed like a rude response.

Personally, I try to never say, "I like" or "I think" when complimenting, although I'm sure I slip, and this reinforced my avoidance of that. I'm not sure how "Your hair is so striking, it's a great look on you," would have worked, but, after that, I wasn't about to try!

I'm wondering what you all think, was the lady with braids rude to not accept the compliment with "Thank you," or something similar? What should the complimenting woman have done differently?
72
I believe you are an artist when you pursue producing art, simply because you want to make art and you actively work at doing so.
73
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: At what point does one become an artist?
« Last post by mime on Today at 11:40:28 AM »
I've wondered the same thing.  I was a little "put out" when a friend commented "You're SO crafty!" after I showed her some of my Psanky and paintings (She hadm't been close enough proximity-wise to visit my home in many years). 

That got me wondering what the difference was between "Arts" and "Crafts" so I did some research. Basically, it's a craft if you're creating something to be used.  It's an art if you're creating something without function.

However,  I believe there are varying degrees of artistry in many crafts.  One person may craft a perfectly functional chair, while another may craft a chair that is both functional and beautiful. 

There is also a great deal of craftsmanship in art.  It comes from learning and refining the "craft".

I hadn't heard that distinction before, but it makes sense. I had considered craft to be something where technique and precision was needed. Like pysanky, calligraphy, carpentry, glassblowing... I thought of art as being less about such an exacting technique. I know there's plenty of overlap and that many practices include both elements of craft and art, but that's roughly how they were distinguished in my mind.

In that context, though, for me to refer to pysanky as a craft is actually higher praise than calling it art. I've tried it myself and am awed by the creations of some makers!

I understand your feeling "put out". Sadly, the term "crafty" is now associated with things that take elementary-school level skills and no more thought than choosing a color to use when you follow someone else's pattern. Such a far cry from classic "craftsmanship".


74
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pet peeves at work
« Last post by NFPwife on Today at 11:40:12 AM »
People who leave a long message on my answering machine filled with information I don't need, and finally end with "goodbye and ... oh, yeah, call me back at nineohfivefoursixtwoblarugdhsds." Or worse, don't leave a number at all.

Your telephone number is the single most important part of the message. I don't need to know anything else.

Do you not have caller ID?  (Note-- it has been 10 years since I worked in an office with a landline.  In my line of work, we either use our own cell phones or prepaid 'burner' phones). 

Not everyone's actual phone number shows up on Caller ID.

Yes! That's one of my pet peeves - everywhere, not just at work, someone calls from a large corporation/ organization and assumes that you have the number from Caller ID. Except, due to their system, it's a number that doesn't take incoming calls. I know this because I'll call and get a recording that says something like, "You've reached MegaCorp, if you have called this number from a Caller ID display, please contact the person you're attempting to call at our main line or through their direct number." Then it either loops again or disconnects.
75
Dating / Re: Sharing cost of date
« Last post by DaDancingPsych on Today at 11:31:00 AM »
I think that the text is fine. It is certainly much better than the example listed within the link shared. That puts the other person on the spot when you simply announce that the bill will be shared at the restaurant. I think that there is nothing wrong with splitting things, but it would avoid some confusion if it was announced at the time of invitation.

I do not mind paying, even on a first date. However, if you invite me out to dinner and then anticipate me sharing (without the warning), I would be rather unimpressed. I will make a show of paying and its fine to accept. And I may even be a bit more forceful with something like "You paid for dinner last time; I've got this one." However, being TOLD at the time the bill arrives is where I think it's a bit off (unless an agreement was made beforehand.) It would not be a deal breaker to the next date, just something that I would take into consideration.


76
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pet peeves at work
« Last post by PastryGoddess on Today at 11:22:24 AM »
People who leave a long message on my answering machine filled with information I don't need, and finally end with "goodbye and ... oh, yeah, call me back at nineohfivefoursixtwoblarugdhsds." Or worse, don't leave a number at all.

Your telephone number is the single most important part of the message. I don't need to know anything else.

Do you not have caller ID?  (Note-- it has been 10 years since I worked in an office with a landline.  In my line of work, we either use our own cell phones or prepaid 'burner' phones). 

Not everyone's actual phone number shows up on Caller ID.
77
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Special Snowflakes Redux - play nice!
« Last post by rashea on Today at 10:57:14 AM »



I really don't understand any of this.   I was not involved in my childs college, other than paying for it.   However, if I had wanted to check on something or see her grades, I would have simply told her to provide me with what I wanted.   End of story.   If she refused, then a lawyer would be involved for an entirely different reason.

Exactly! While I wasn't required to show my parents my grades etc. as they were paying for my education, i was most certainly required by them to do so! And had I not? well, let's just say I would have not been returning.

Yep.  I needed to give my parents enrollment confirmations at the start of the semester and a grade report at the end of the semester.

There was no need for any contract or lawyer-generated forms.  If I didn't prove these documents to my parents, I'd be dropped from their health insurance and their car insurance.

I worked for a university for a while and had this issue all the time. You would not believe the number of parents who would insist that because they were paying they should get to know the grades. The weirder thing was they would call back next semester too. My thought was that if your kid wouldn't show you the grades, don't pay for the next semester.
78
All In A Day's Work / Re: Lottery Pool Etiquette
« Last post by bah12 on Today at 10:53:52 AM »
Thanks for your replies.

As MurPl1 pointed out from the Texas story, and Toots commented, big wins can and do change people.
In our area we prefer to keep the pool to our department only.  We don't want "outsiders" because of the chance that  if we won, if we let even one person from another dept join then we open up the possibility of other staff being upset they were not allowed to join.  Money changes people and can make them do crazy things.    In last week's case there was an upper manager here from a related department who got wind of the pool and gave money to join in.  It was awkward because he's a 'boss' so the pool person didn't want to tell him no. But some of us were upset because he was not part of our group and if we don't let others join in we shouldn't have made an exception for him.  It's not an official "pool" we were only playing because the jackpot is big, so these rules are unwritten and the coordinator was not the usual person who does the pool.

Obviously we didn't win so it's a moot issue, but my coworker and I were curious about what others might think of the "our department only" rule.  Some here think the more the merrier (and more $ to play tickets). But as we are a very large company I do tend to think worst case scenario and want to protect us if possible.

With the understanding that money changes people...this is exactly why I think lottery pools and especially pools in the workplace are a bad idea.  I do agree that a firm set of rules helps...especially in a big win, but at the end of the day, there is nothing that can be done to prevent people who are bent on complaining/causing problems from doing so (even a firm set of rules that will only potentially help you legally).  If problems in the workplace are a concern, then leave the lottery pools out. Otherwise, set your rules, stick to them consistently, and accept that in the chance there is a big win, someone may act up.
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All In A Day's Work / Re: Lottery Pool Etiquette
« Last post by bah12 on Today at 10:45:22 AM »
Rose Red, you are correct.  But just because they shouldn't doesn't mean it won't happen.  And I am absolutely certain that if a big boss were to be in a major winning pool there would be those questioning why a rich guy should have been allowed to go in an get even richer.  Not everyone but if be surprised if there wasn't at least one.

I don't think crabby people looking for a reason to be offended should be taken into consideration when deciding whether or not someone should be included or excluded from a lottery pool.  Where it's fine to draw a line at "department only", I don't think people should have to submit their pay stub before being allowed to buy in.  And when it comes to someone deciding to be ridiculous after a lottery pool win, I seriously doubt it matters, at all, what rules were in place beforehand.  Those kind of personalities will always find a way...
80
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pet peeves at work
« Last post by Shalamar on Today at 10:37:03 AM »
Re customers not leaving phone numbers:  I used to do data entry for a company.  Customers would phone the answering machine and leave messages with their orders.  I can't tell you the number of times I got "Yeah, here's my order ... blah blah blah" with nothing identifying who was calling.  I'd be thinking "Please leave your number at the end, please leave your number at the end" - and they wouldn't.   

Bonus points if they called during office hours the next day to raise holy heck about not getting their order.
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