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  • February 26, 2017, 11:32:35 AM

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71
Life...in general / Re: Keep your eyes on your own plate
« Last post by Elisabunny on Yesterday at 02:14:15 PM »
You need to get the others to agree to an ultimatum: knock it off or she won't be invited next time.
72
Life...in general / Re: Where did the GoFundMe go? s/o Presumptuous much?
« Last post by VorFemme on Yesterday at 02:13:41 PM »
One thing that Nutraxfornerves left out -- a bit of trivia: Jackie Coogan is better known to us older folks as Uncle Fester from the Addams Family TV Series.

Another thing left out is that the law doesn't always work. Gary Coleman (from DIFFERENT STROKES) sued his parents as most of his money seemed to have disappeared by the time he turned 21.

And I am 100% against letting family members be their kids agents. The dad of Tina Youthers (from FAMILY TIES) did this and totally mismanaged her career, not to mention causing huge family rifts. Macauley Culkin's parents fought over him, not because they loved him but because they wanted to manage his career and pocket as much of his paycheck as they could. And too often a lot of the child's money seems to be unaccounted for when the time comes...

Patty Duke made the same accusations against her manager & his wife (legal guardians - read her autobiography for more details, if you want them).

Danny Bonaduce (Partridge Family) apparently had most of his money set aside for him (not the problem with his trust fund) - but he was not taught to manage his expenses so that he blew threw it and had to find work when the trust fund emptied...he didn't do a lot of of acting after puberty hit.  I forget how old he said he was (I saw part of an interview some ten or fifteen years ago).
73
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Cheapskate stories
« Last post by Mustard on Yesterday at 02:12:59 PM »
... and her children are embarrassed by her behaviour so unlikely to follow her lead as adults.
74
Life...in general / Keep your eyes on your own plate
« Last post by CaffeineKatie on Yesterday at 02:11:25 PM »
I meet once a week for breakfast with a group of friends.  We have been doing this for decades.  One of the main "rules" of this group is "no comments on anyone else's food choices."  Other than "my, that looks so good I think I will try it next time"...no comments, zippo, nada! End of background.

I LOATH runny eggs--I only eat ones that are well done to the point of solid rubberiness.  I never comment on other group members who like sunny side up eggs so they can dip their toast; I just look at my own and ignore theirs.  EXCEPT for the past year or so, one member has decided it is hilarious to yell my name and wave around her runny eggs and make a big deal, saying very loudly "Ohhhhhhhhhhh look, aren't you just gagging?!?!?"

I've tried a feeble chuckle response--"ha ha, yes, yours certainly are different"--all the way to completely ignoring her.  She keeps yelling until I look (and I do mean yelling).  Other group members have said "Cut it out!" and "What is wrong with you?!?!" and she just laughs and continues.  Even if it had been funny the first time, nothing would still be a joke after more than 60 episodes.

She does tend to repeat stories and jokes over and over, so this isn't new behavior.  It is annoying to me, other members and other restaurant patrons, but ignoring it doesn't seem to work.

Any suggestions?
75
Sometimes, people may be traveling and not have a good way to store the leftovers or anything to reheat it in.  Most leftovers are packaged in foam plastic that has warnings on it not to use in the microwave.  We've had more than one fridge or microwave in a hotel room that didn't work.  And even if there is a working fridge & microwave in the hotel room - we didn't have any plain glass or paper plates in our luggage to use to reheat & no plastic tableware to eat with.  We split one meal at lunch or dinner for the rest of that trip...to avoid having leftovers.  If we didn't get quite as much food as we wanted, we ordered dessert or bought a snack later.
76
Seriously oversized restaurant portions.  I'm looking right now at the giant crustacean.

Early this evening during CrustaceanCelebration I ordered the Maine Lob**** Bake and when it was served I saw that it had been revised from last year.  Last year it was 3 split tails, a handful of baby potatoes, and half an ear of roasted corn in a sauce of olive oil, white wine, chopped tomatoes, and garlic.  Perfect.

Now the potatoes and corn have been subbed with enough linguini for four people.  I couldn't finish the linguini.

This is so wasteful.

Why didn't you bring the leftovers home?

I was going to ask the same thing. Most people like big portions so they think they are getting their money's worth and have lunch the next day.

If they serve "right size" I'm sure there will be people complaining about the "small" serving. I think restaurants just can't win.

That works great for things that can be successfully reheated, and I often have leftovers for lunch. It *does* drive me a little insane when it's something that you really can't reheat. Pasta is hit or miss. I seldom get my favorite pasta dish at a Thai place because the serving is ginormous and it doesn't reheat well, so I stick with curry, which does reheat. Chipotle is the same way. I love their burritos, but can't eat a whole one in one sitting, and there's really no good way to reheat something that has both sour cream and guacamole on it.

Yeah, and after thinking about it, I guess some people simply don't like leftovers either.

I am one who doesn't ever eat leftovers from restaurants. I just don't like it reheated, it's never the same.

Add to that the impression I must give of barely eating half of my meal -- no really, I did enjoy it! -- I really wish portions were smaller. Or at least not what seems like a double serving.
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I agree, I think since she texted you, you should've texted her back rather than calling, though I understand why you did call, because sometimes it can feel easier to have the conversation rather than a text back and forth, and I know that's often recommended. But, I think in this case since you did nothing wrong and didn't need to have a whole conversation, a quick "Sorry I couldn't invite you this time" would've been good.

*That said* I think that there probably wasn't any way to avoid her getting upset and possibly sending a bunch of emails anyway, and she was way more inappropriate than you.  I liked the framing that you couldn't meet her expectations so should part ways.  I think in general making these situations about the other person's faults is a bad choice, since then they want to argue.  Making it about what *you* can't do is harder to debate.
78

Recently, a group of other friends and I went to an event and photos were posted on FaceBook by someone in the group.  One of the friends  who lives nearby saw it and sent me a text stating that she was sorry that I did not invite her!  I let it simmer for a day and then called her to say that I thought she was being presumptuous in that I should have invited her.  She responded that she was hurt, crying and upset that I should have included her.  It went back and forth to the point that I raised my voice a bit and got angry.  I told her that I have felt increasingly uncomfortable with their company and needed some space.  Later she sent me an e-mail with more accusatory statements and preaching on friendship.  I responded saying that I could not meet her expectations and needs and that we should part ways and stop all contact.  I wished her well.   She responded with another e-mail going on and on.  I have not responded and will not do so.  I know this is difficult and I question if I could have handled this more gracefully. 

Your thoughts?

I don't know about "gracefully," but if your intent was to minimize drama with this woman, then I think calling her was where you went astray.  To the extent you wanted to respond to her text at all, you could have texted her back with "sorry, couldn't include you in this outing."  Texting is a really useful medium for this kind of message, because it is inherently short, to the point, and breezy in tone. 

Once you called her on the phone, there was no way to avoid a back-and-forth of "whyyyyyy didn't you invite me."  At that point, the situation could only escalate.
79
I've got a funny story about my mom.  She was at work one day after I had been married for a few years.  Her co-workers were sharing stories about horrible MILs.  My mom said, "If I'm ever a MIL I'm determined to be a good one."  Someone said, "Isn't your daughter married?"  "Oh my goodness, yes!," says mom.  She said she was very embarrassed.  She really was a terrific MIL, and my DH was very fond of her.
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I have friends who live nearby and have known them for about six years.  We are in our 50's to set the stage here.  At times, they have invited themselves over and I have either ignored their request or said that when I am ready to have them over, they will get an invitation.  They often include me in dinner out and I have done the same.  However, the dinners out can be two hours of negative talk, criticism of others or talk of the drama in their lives.  I have since declined invitations since I wanted to get some space from them and not spend every other weekend with them.  I have tried to be patient and compassionate.

Recently, a group of other friends and I went to an event and photos were posted on FaceBook by someone in the group.  One of the friends  who lives nearby saw it and sent me a text stating that she was sorry that I did not invite her!  I let it simmer for a day and then called her to say that I thought she was being presumptuous in that I should have invited her.  She responded that she was hurt, crying and upset that I should have included her.  It went back and forth to the point that I raised my voice a bit and got angry.  I told her that I have felt increasingly uncomfortable with their company and needed some space.  Later she sent me an e-mail with more accusatory statements and preaching on friendship.  I responded saying that I could not meet her expectations and needs and that we should part ways and stop all contact.  I wished her well.   She responded with another e-mail going on and on.  I have not responded and will not do so.  I know this is difficult and I question if I could have handled this more gracefully. 

Your thoughts?

It's possible that you could have responded more gracefully, but with this particular individual, I doubt she would have taken the hint. From the bolded, she sounds a little unhinged. Apparently, she never got the memo that not everyone is included in everything. I think it's good that you stopped all contact and the drama that goes with it.
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