I have gotten myself into a tricky situation with the wife of my DF's best man.
We are having a very small intimate wedding in less than two weeks. We are foregoing many of the extra trappings of a formal wedding as this is a second for both of us. However, I have still planned to be slightly formal, even though it is in our home. It is an afternoon ceremony officiated by a minister in our living room, followed with a sit-down catered dinner.
During preparation and planning which began in February of this year, I have also been dealing with finding out suddenly just a month ago of my mother's deteriorating health and have been quite focused on caretaking with my mom's sudden extra health needs. Thus, I was not exactly up on my game when it came to not making judgment errors.
The wife of the best man, (given our age and the type of ceremony, he is in fact a witness and support mainly as opposed to the traditional best man with extra responsibilities) during all of this, spontaneously offered to make the cake. She does do cake baking as a side hobby - mainly the occasional children's birthday cake. I took her up on the offer.
Now, Houston, we have a problem. WOBM has been nothing but a nuisance ever since. To be clear, she is not a close friend. I would say she is a social acquaintance by way of DF. Nonetheless, I must tread carefully so as not to offend her and possibly cause a rift with my DF's best friend.
I provided her with the exact type of cake I would like, with some example recipes that I put much time and effort into sourcing. I gave her exact exterior design icing instructions. I provided her with the topping detail - fresh flowers that I would source and provide.
What I have to deal with:
Unending Combobulations, off-tangent questions, not reading clearly nor looking at what I sent, going "off-script" to "what about this's", not to mention completely irrelevant and nosy questions about the rest of the wedding including, "What caterer did you hire?" and "What's for dinner?"
These communications, and I use that term loosely, have all been via her Facebook messaging me, which is not my preferred method, while she is at work and quite obviously distracted.
The situation is as of this past Monday, at a stalemate when WOBM wrote, "Well, let me know what you decide!" after I had made it abundantly clear exactly what I wanted. How does one proceed with this level of incompetence? I do realize I got myself into this mess. If this were a professional, I could and would simply walk out of their door and go elsewhere.
I am stuck now. I am fed up and annoyed at having to deal with her. I also do not want to cause hurt feelings. On the other hand, I do care about having a quality cake present and accounted for at our wedding ceremony. Is there a way to salvage this fiasco?
My one option that I have come up with so far is to print out the cake recipe, the icing, and the full instructions as well as one single picture of the end result and clear instructions that I will provide the topper. I have already done this. My DF can go have a friend visit with best man and pass them on with a friendly "From the bride-to-be for your kind wife".
Would this be okay or seem passive-aggressive and cause more problems? At this point, I cannot bring myself to talk to her, as I am too annoyed.
Any other win-win solutions in keeping with etiquette would be gratefully appreciated.