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71
Thank you so much. Yes, I have tried to talk to him about it, but the truth of the matter is that he's home because he's dealing with a chronic physical impairment that makes every day different. He claims we can't commit to a schedule because he never knows until he wakes up how he's going to feel. This problem is very real - I don't think he's using that as an excuse.

He also gets really mad because he has no understanding at all of why this upsets me so much. When I try to explain it to him, he just gets angrier. You can explain all you want but for someone who doesn't want to understand?

I think I've just decided to check with him every morning before I shower. That way I know what dang clothes to put on when I get out. I really just wanted to make sure I wasn't going bonkers for feeling the way I do.

Maybe the anger is stemming from his frustration that, as much as he'd love to, he can't plan ahead? That would be really hard. I feel for you both.

Could you keep a calendar visible for him that notes the days you need to go in, the days you don't, and the days you could go either way? Then he can offer to take DD when it's definitely going to work for you, drop it on days you need to go in, and offer if he feels up to it when you can go either way?

Speaking as someone who has been dealing with a pinched nerve for 2 years, I can understand your husband's frustration. Because they can't figure out where the problem is, I just started going back to the gym after 6 months of no workouts, because they want me to deliberately aggravate it to see if that helps us to find the problem (before this injury, I worked out 3-5 times a week and I could leg press 200+ lbs, as well as do 8 unassisted pull-ups, just to give you an idea of how in-shape I was). I cried at the gym today, because it's so frustrating to be where I am now, compared to where I used to be. So I can completely understand his anger. It sucks. It really sucks. And that's not saying that he's *right* to be angry. It's just...sometimes it feels like that's all there is left.

Now, that said, much as it suck for him, it shouldn't impact your schedule the way that it does. In addition to asking him in the morning, before you shower, do you think you could work out an agreement where you play it by ear some days, but you do carve it in stone other days? If he's feeling resistant to talking about it at all, you could possibly say (the night before) "hey Hon, I'm going to have to go to work tomorrow because I have a meeting, so I'm definitely going to take DD in." And, if it helps, it could be followed up with a "but if you feel really good when you get up, could you do <XYZ chore(s) that it would be really helpful for him to do>". That way, if he does feel good, he still has a thing (or more) that it'd be great for him to do, but you'll have control over a day that you need to have control over.
72
I'm sure your Dh is frustrated about his physical limitations but I don't think that gives him a free pass to always change your schedule.  It's not fair to you.  The situation stinks but it isn't anyone's fault and I don't think that you always have to be nice and change your schedule last minute.  It would be perfectly ok to say "no, I just can't change my schedule today, I already made promises to other people". 

Also, I have to add that he doesn't come across as if his actual motivation is to help you. It sounds like he just enjoys getting out of the house and taking DD to school. There is nothing wrong with enjoying that, but he doesn't get to frame it as "helping" you if it isn't helping.
73
If his goal is to 'help out' more, are there things he can do that don't affect your schedule?  On his good days, can he take over meal planning/prep, or running errands, or any other task that would make life easier but don't require coordination with you?
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Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Costume Ideas.
« Last post by Onyx_TKD on Today at 04:09:19 PM »
Cat burglar. Black pants and turtleneck, black gloves and stocking cap, black drawstring bag with stuffed cats peeking out of the top. Easy, comfortable, and a big hit at the costume party I went to. Unfortunately, someone spilled a drink on my kitties  >:(, but it washed out.

Witch with flying monkey was also a huge hit. (Not the Wicked Witch of the West specifically, just a generic witch with a flying monkey.) I had a homemade black witch's hat, and made little batwings for a stuffed monkey who lay over my shoulder. The batwings consisted of a frame made out of two wire coat hangers bent into a batwing shape and covered with black knee-high tights. They were fastened to the monkey with a dark ribbon as a makeshift harness. The stuffed monkey was big, floppy, and cute, which I think just made him more of a hit as a bat-winged minion. I decided not to do a classic witch costume for the rest of the outfit--I went for a "modern witch" look with a nice top and black slacks, accessorized with a couple of cat pins.

Also, it wasn't my costume, but I met a guy at a party with a very memorable soldier/commando costume. Most of it was fairly generic--black clothes, costume gun and holsters, some ammunition bandoliers. The memorable parts were his homemade "night-vision goggles" worn on top of his head and made out of stuff like empty film canisters and, even more memorable, the fact that his bandoliers were filled with rolls of mint Lifesaver candies;D Apparently he wanted the bandoliers to complete the look, but didn't think it was wise to fill them with something that closely resembled real ammunition. At some point he realized that rolls of Lifesavers fit perfectly. He was sharing them with anyone who wanted a mint during the party, too. It was adorable and much more interesting than a generic commando costume.
75
I was licking envelopes to close them. Now I have a paper cut on my tongue, the one place I can't bandage! Argh!
76
Life...in general / Re: Who´s in charge of the reservation?
« Last post by miranova on Today at 04:07:17 PM »
I would not ask for the money to attend...yeah I know they should give it but if I have to keep asking after they already bailed out of the first date, the gift is kind of ruined for me.
77
I'm a big fan of proper spelling and grammar, but a lot of what I see on Facebook and elsewhere just smacks of snobbery. I can't stand it when people feel the need to rant constantly about others' mistakes. Some people make typos, even when they know better. I do it all the time. I have a very intelligent, educated friend who is severely dyslexic. Some people didn't have the privilege of growing up in a household where proper spelling and grammar were reinforced. I'm not saying to give them jobs in an editing field, but I think a lot of people take it much too far.
78
DH is not being fair to you.  If he cannot commit to a schedule, then just explain to him that sometimes his failure to plan will mean he does not get to do what he wants because it affects *your* schedule.  Let him know what your plans are, and stick to them.  Don't allow this to drive a wedge between you - if it were me I would strongly resent his failure to recognize that you have a schedule and needs here too.
79
Thank you so much. Yes, I have tried to talk to him about it, but the truth of the matter is that he's home because he's dealing with a chronic physical impairment that makes every day different. He claims we can't commit to a schedule because he never knows until he wakes up how he's going to feel. This problem is very real - I don't think he's using that as an excuse.

He also gets really mad because he has no understanding at all of why this upsets me so much. When I try to explain it to him, he just gets angrier. You can explain all you want but for someone who doesn't want to understand?

I think I've just decided to check with him every morning before I shower. That way I know what dang clothes to put on when I get out. I really just wanted to make sure I wasn't going bonkers for feeling the way I do.

Maybe the anger is stemming from his frustration that, as much as he'd love to, he can't plan ahead? That would be really hard. I feel for you both.

Could you keep a calendar visible for him that notes the days you need to go in, the days you don't, and the days you could go either way? Then he can offer to take DD when it's definitely going to work for you, drop it on days you need to go in, and offer if he feels up to it when you can go either way?
80
Thank you so much. Yes, I have tried to talk to him about it, but the truth of the matter is that he's home because he's dealing with a chronic physical impairment that makes every day different. He claims we can't commit to a schedule because he never knows until he wakes up how he's going to feel. This problem is very real - I don't think he's using that as an excuse.

He also gets really mad because he has no understanding at all of why this upsets me so much. When I try to explain it to him, he just gets angrier. You can explain all you want but for someone who doesn't want to understand?

I think I've just decided to check with him every morning before I shower. That way I know what dang clothes to put on when I get out. I really just wanted to make sure I wasn't going bonkers for feeling the way I do.

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