« Last post by jedikaiti on Yesterday at 09:37:45 PM »
Maybe her foot slipped for some reason?
it is really hard to invite someone as a b lister without implying that the only reason you want them here now is because other people who you would rather have had there declined and now you either are going to waste money on food that was already purchased or will have empty tables. So it feels less like you are a wanted guest and more like a means for them to not waste money. And it never feels good to realize that you feel closer to people then they feel to you.
Well, for example my situation (which I'm antagonizing well in advance) is, that I have quite a lot of relatives (compared to the possible wedding size we may have, which means that we can invite only couple of friends). All of whom I like and I am able to invite them all, and I hope they will be able to make it to our wedding. If, as I hope, they can make it, all is fine. Howevery. Reality of the thing is, that some of the older relatives have health issues. Which may or may not prevent them from traveling. Hopefully not, but everybody knows how it is with healt issues. But this means, thant I now even before I have invites planned am in a situation that I know there is large possibility that some of the people might not be able to come, even if I really hope they will. So, what I am thinking, is to order few extra invites and if somebody declines right out, I actually might invite few more friends. If they know only closer to the rsvp deadline, I probably will do nothing. That's just how it is then.
What I would like to have, is to be able to have as many as possible of our close people in our wedding, because we like them. But, we are not made of money, so we can afford to properly host around 60 peoples. Sure, we probably could skimp and offer sub-bar hospitality to people. But I think that's not nice thing to do. I think it's very fortunate if you have such situation that you would be able to properly host all those people who are dear to you, and any other people would be just extra gifts. Reality is, most people don't have such finances. So they try to find the balance between what they can afford and what not. Sure, there is always the "just suck it up, you just don't get the near and dear there".
Proper hosting doesn't cost as much as you seem to think it does. Cake and punch is sufficient as long as the reception isn't held around dinner time. You should only go bigger than that if you can afford to do so for all of the people you'd like to have at your wedding. Cutting the guest list just so that you can have steak or a band at your reception is appalling.
I can promise you that if you hosted a cake & punch reception in the town that I grew up in, you would be considered appalling. So, I don't think you should assume that your way is always the best way.
I agree - I would be appalled to be invited to travel any distance at all to be served cake and punch at a wedding reception.
Both have expressed to me their desire for a change in the wedding plans.