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  • February 27, 2015, 07:18:30 AM

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81
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Instant justice stories
« Last post by jedikaiti on Yesterday at 09:37:45 PM »
Maybe her foot slipped for some reason?
82
Attire / Re: Guests wearing red to a wedding
« Last post by jedikaiti on Yesterday at 09:36:51 PM »
Really, I think the only hard & fast rule of what not to wear is to try to not blend in with the wedding party - if bride's in white and the bridesmaids are in red, then it's probably best to avoid both colors, or dif at least go with a shade/style combo that is very obviously different.
83
Family and Children / Hosting a relative with an intellectual disability
« Last post by LifeOnPluto on Yesterday at 09:31:11 PM »
I have a relative (let’s call her “Cousin Sally”). Cousin Sally is 45 years old, but has an intellectual disability – her mental capacity is probably that of an 8 or 9 year old child. Cousin Sally has a job, and lives independently during the week in an apartment. Until recently, she spent weekends with her parents or older sister (“Cousin Cora”). However, her parents are now elderly and frail, and recently moved to an old person’s home. So Cousin Sally is unable to stay with them on weekends. Cousin Cora is also occupied these days – her eldest daughter has a new baby, and her youngest daughter has depression, so Cousin Cora is busy helping her own family.

So, Cousin Sally has taken to asking other relatives in the extended family whether she could come and stay with them during weekends. Most relatives have been willing to step up and take turns hosting Cousin Sally on weekends, but many – including my own parents – have found it challenging. The main problem is that Cousin Sally has become very talkative. She literally babbles non-stop, about her TV shows, movies, pop stars, etc. (Owing to her mental age, these are all geared towards “tweens”). Additionally, she has a very loud voice, so it’s constant noise, all weekend. My parents have reported that they have headaches and frazzled nerves by the end of Cousin Sally’s visits.

Another challenge is that Cousin Sally has become rather demanding. For example, rather than ask “May I have a cup of coffee?” she’ll say “I want my coffee now.”

Several of the relatives who have stepped up to host Cousin Sally have now quietly “stepped down” because they find it too hard. It’s now falling to an increasingly smaller circle of relatives to look after Cousin Sally on weekends – including my parents. It’s reached the point where Cousin Sally has been asking my parents if she can come and stay every third or fourth weekend. For the most part, they are agreeing out of politeness and because they acknowledge that Cousin Sally is lonely and doesn’t have much support right now from her immediate family. But it’s getting too much for them also. They do care about Cousin Sally, but it’s reaching the point where they are not looking forward to her visits.

They have also been listening politely when she talks incessantly – they don’t feel it’s polite or appropriate for them to tell her “Cousin Sally, please stop talking and give us some peace!” Nor do they correct her manners, as she is an adult, and not their child, etc.

I live on the other side of the country, so unfortunately, cannot take a turn at hosting Cousin Sally. But I hear all about her from my parents. So on their behalf, I wonder if anyone has a polite and kind solution for how my parents should handle Cousin Sally? In particular, is there a polite script they could use to ask her to stop talking non-stop 24/7? Or is there a polite way to raise this with Cousin Sally’s immediate family?
84
I vote rude, too.  If I'd said something like that, my parents would have been appalled.  I would have been taken aside and told, "You don't do things like that."  And if I was the one who received the gift and then was asked to share it, I'd feel guilty if I said no.  Not a good position to put a person in!
85
Guests / Re: So-called "B list". Tacky or useful?
« Last post by LifeOnPluto on Yesterday at 09:26:10 PM »
it is really hard to invite someone as a b lister without implying that the only reason you want them here now is because other people who you would rather have had there declined and now you either are going to waste money on food that was already purchased or will have empty tables. So it feels less like you are a wanted guest and more like a means for them to not waste money. And it never feels good to realize that you feel closer to people then they feel to you.

The bolded isn't always true. Often, the HC are obliged to invite relatives and/or parents' friends for reasons of family harmony (or because their parents are paying and want some say over the guest list, etc), not because they prefer to invite them over their own friends. In those cases, it might be ok to explain the situation to the " B Listers" (but again, this is probably a case of "know your audience").

Well, for example my situation (which I'm antagonizing well in advance) is, that I have quite a lot of relatives (compared to the possible wedding size we may have, which means that we can invite only couple of friends). All of whom I like and I am able to invite them all, and I hope they will be able to make it to our wedding. If, as I hope, they can make it, all is fine.  Howevery. Reality of the thing is, that some of the older relatives have health issues. Which may or may not prevent them from traveling. Hopefully not, but everybody knows how it is with healt issues. But this means, thant I now even before I have invites planned am in a situation that I know there is large possibility that some of the people might not be able to come, even if I really hope they will. So, what I am thinking, is to order few extra invites and if somebody declines right out, I actually might invite few more friends. If they know only closer to the rsvp deadline, I probably will do nothing. That's just how it is then.

What I would like to have, is to be able to have as many as possible of our close people in our wedding, because we like them. But, we are not made of money, so we can afford to properly host around 60 peoples. Sure, we probably could skimp and offer sub-bar hospitality to people. But I think that's not nice thing to do. I think it's very fortunate if you have such situation that you would be able to properly host all those people who are dear to you, and any other people would be just extra gifts. Reality is, most people don't have such finances. So they try to find the balance between what they can afford and what not. Sure, there is always the "just suck it up, you just don't get the near and dear there".

Proper hosting doesn't cost as much as you seem to think it does. Cake and punch is sufficient as long as the reception isn't held around dinner time. You should only go bigger than that if you can afford to do so for all of the people you'd like to have at your wedding. Cutting the guest list just so that you can have steak or a band at your reception is appalling.


Powers  &8^]

I can promise you that if you hosted a cake & punch reception in the town that I grew up in, you would be considered appalling. So, I don't think you should assume that your way is always the best way.

I agree - I would be appalled to be invited to travel any distance at all to be served cake and punch at a wedding reception.

I once travelled from Australia to Las Vegas for a wedding, and received a $17 per head buffet lunch. And even then, the Bride stated that "We could have just bought everyone a round of drinks and left it at that!". But that's another thread.  ;)
86
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: What's for Dinner?
« Last post by ladyknight1 on Yesterday at 09:24:02 PM »
DH made a pot of rice, and a linguica mixture with corn, tomatoes and onions. A Boston Lager for my beverage.
87
Attire / Re: Guests wearing red to a wedding
« Last post by sammycat on Yesterday at 09:18:26 PM »
I've seen all colours of the rainbow worn to weddings, including black, white and red (and one dress that was made up of all three colours).  It's never detracted from the bride or bridal party, nor would I assign negative motives to anyone I did see wearing any of those colours. In fact, I've never given any thought to a person's wedding attire other than thinking 'she looks nice/lovely/awful'. The colour was irrelevant in those cases.

It's the style that matters to me, not the colour. I'd much rather see someone wearing an appropriately styled dress in red/black/white than a lady turning up in a skimpy dress that doesn't hide anything, or replica of the wedding dress, but in an "acceptable" colour, eg. blue.
88
All In A Day's Work / Re: Do I say something?
« Last post by ezbliss on Yesterday at 09:16:50 PM »
Quote
Both have expressed to me their desire for a change in the wedding plans.

Tell Betty to talk to Veronica, and tell Veronica to talk to Betty.  Then stay out of it.  This is not your issue.
89
Family and Children / Re: "This is for you! ... But can my child have some?"
« Last post by MrsVandy on Yesterday at 09:16:30 PM »
I vote rude of the parent to ask. I was always taught to not ask for things at peoples homes, and that if someone wants they will offer to share. It really puts the person receiving the gift in an awkward position.
90
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: How has the world changed in your lifetime?
« Last post by ezbliss on Yesterday at 09:13:41 PM »
Remember wind-up bedside clocks?  tick-tick-tick
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