News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • May 29, 2016, 12:48:42 PM

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81
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Reading/Book Pet Peeves
« Last post by Kiara on Yesterday at 09:06:20 PM »
I'm sorry, when the original creators were Jewish, and you make Cap a Nazi, that's for shock value.  Whoever at Marvel thought this was a good idea should be smacked.  I hope the boycott succeeds.

(And Spencer has said it's not going to be retconned later.)
82
Family and Children / Re: Problems with SIL and our family unit
« Last post by Runningstar on Yesterday at 09:04:10 PM »

  Can't kick her out because its not our house.

That is what I think might be most of SIL's issue, you are living in her mother's house.  Does SIL value the caretaking you have done?  Can other siblings move back in also?  I give you credit for doing this for MIL, it doesn't sound like it is easy. 

But as far as the housekeeping goes, if you have to pay more for cleaning because SIL is there, then that is one thing - but if the cost is the same I would just pay it as usual.  You might be able to use that as a "goodwill" gesture, and maybe DH could convince her to do her dishes in a timely manner. 



83
Life...in general / Re: You blocked me on Facebook but this is real life
« Last post by rose red on Yesterday at 08:53:21 PM »
I'm a bit confused. Did you try to contact/friend her though your personal FB account or the Club Members FB account (I'm not sure how FB works)?

Either way, treat her as you any other person since you don't know the real reason she ignored you.
84
Life...in general / Re: You blocked me on Facebook but this is real life
« Last post by m2kbug on Yesterday at 08:49:44 PM »
I would go with normal-friendly in all aspects of interaction with her, and just let the water roll off the duck's back as far as getting fully blocked.  You state she is inept in the land of social media, so it's reasonable to think she's freaking out that these strangers are hitting her newsfeed and commenting on her posts, with no idea she actually agreed to include the club on her FB.  She might have extremely narrow boundaries.  My mother is insanely freakish and paranoid in this regard, and it has been an impossible task trying to explain how it works to her regarding FB. 

I say drop the issue and go on about being welcoming and friendly during your responsibilities, and be warm and friendly when when you interact socially, but don't go to any extra lengths.  If she laments at some point that she is not receiving invitations, you, or someone else in the group, can let her know her settings on FB are far too restrictive.
85
Thank you guys for your advise. I got through the rehearsal dinner mostly unscathed. It's actually mid reception now, but this is the part where I had to leave for a little bit. They are serving food that is unsafe for me to be around. There is actually a safe zone for me but there were some issues that caused my dinner to inadvertently not be there. Oh well. I'm went to a restaurant that is safe for me and will return when I'm done eating.


I have to tell you what happened, though my food just arrived , so I will do so tomorrow. This woman flat out hates me, it seems.
86
Family and Children / Re: Is it ok to ask?
« Last post by menley on Yesterday at 08:44:53 PM »
I agree with Tea Drinker. If he's been living with his girlfriend for two years (and possibly out of your household for longer?), it's well past time for him to receive his own invitations at his own residence or to be contacted on his own. I'd provide their contact information and then stay out of it from there.
87
Family and Children / Re: Problems with SIL and our family unit
« Last post by EllenS on Yesterday at 08:30:42 PM »
I think you deal with Sis like a sloppy roommate. Ask her what she thinks is reasonable, and tell her what you think is reasonable.

It is not reasonable for her to use dishes and never wash them. It is not reasonable for her to use a bathroom and other rooms and never take responsibility for keeping them clean. If she is willing to chip in but doesn't think 1/3 of the total is fair, I'd think about what % of the house each "unit" uses. You mentioned kids at one point. I don't think a single individual should have to pay as much for cleaning as a family of 4 or 5. If the kids don't live with you, then I think splitting the cleaning costs by individuals is reasonable.

Ask her whether she would rather pitch in on a regular rotation of kp and the housekeeping costs, or keep her housekeeping separate.

If she doesn't want to participate in the rotation, then the cleaner can skip her rooms. If she doesn't want to take turns with everybody's dishes, then she can stack and keep hers separate, and wash them on her own time.

There's no reason why she has to do things your way, but there's also no reason why you have to clean up after, or pay for, her.

Her opinions about birthdays and Christmas are just that-her opinions. You can simply ignore them.
88
Life...in general / Re: You blocked me on Facebook but this is real life
« Last post by Runningstar on Yesterday at 08:26:56 PM »
I would smile and give a general greeting.  If she were to bring this up with you, then you might be able to get back on track with her.  I'd be a bit hurt myself, although I'm guessing that she didn't mean any offense to you and for whatever reason didn't want to be in touch.
89
Life...in general / Re: You blocked me on Facebook but this is real life
« Last post by MrTango on Yesterday at 08:22:13 PM »
I would be just as warm and friendly toward her as you are with everyone else.  If she's uncomfortable with that, she'll keep her distance.

I occasionally block people on Facebook with whom I have a great real-life relationship, not because I don't want to deal with them, but because I don't want to deal with them outside of a given activity or outside of work.
90
Family and Children / Re: Problems with SIL and our family unit
« Last post by #borecore on Yesterday at 08:18:38 PM »
I personally think it's fair for you to pay 1/2 of the cleaning bills.  Family units don't create messes, individuals do.

But jealousy room craziness or whatever are separate issues. I don't have an answer for how to handle that because I don't have a real understanding from your post what her issue actually is, or if it's just that you don't like her.
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