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  • May 24, 2015, 05:32:25 PM

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81
I've done all 3 at one point or another.   One time, too much.  One time, just right. One time, not enough but I've done so.  I hope on my next international trip this fall, I will strike a happy medium!
82
Life...in general / Re: Finances and roommate situation
« Last post by Psychopoesie on Today at 08:07:32 AM »
Agree with Blarg314's advice - nicely put. Ask yourselves what you and your family want (and what you can afford). Put yourselves first in making this decision.

Not clear on what the other sharehouse issues are aside from the money owed. But if there's no progress being made towards paying you back, then that is not a good basis to move forward to a new place with that housemate. Something is obviously making you hesitate - it's a good time to listen to that now, while there's plenty of time to give your housemate reasonable notice that she needs to take over the current place/find another when the lease runs out.

Have to question one thing YummyMummy66 said, "you are not using that much more utilities than she is, so I can see paying a bit more than everyone else, but not a substantial amount".  If utilities are energy and water, two adults and one kid are going to use way more than one single person, generally speaking. How much that difference costs is going to depend a bit on individual circumstances and where you live. I live in Oz A lot of the bill here is from hot water (electric) - which adds up with more people in the house. Also heating/cooling. There can be a big difference if one or more people tend to be home all the time using the heating/cooling while others work/study outside. No way I'd be sharing with a family of 3 (soon to be 4) who said we should pay close to the same amount. Something to consider for working out a fair split with your sister.


83
I tend to get it just right or a slight underpack.  I absolutely despise schlepping stuff.  A month long trip needs 2 pants, one skirt, 1 yoga pant and T-shirt for sleep, two or three tops, one windbreaker, one pashmina, four sets socks/underwear, two pairs of shoes and my trusty Tiley hat.  Of course, there is a small bag for meds, toothbrush and other sundry supplies.  Since there are stores everywhere, I buy shampoo, soap, sun lotion when I get to my destination. That leaves lots of room for souvenirs, which I will send by postal service if the overall volume of stuff gets too large.
84
All In A Day's Work / Re: S/O Food thief-food never leaves
« Last post by Stricken_Halo on Today at 07:43:40 AM »
I agree, you don't want to become the "refrigerator fairy." One such self-appointed person that I knew stirred up quite a bit of anger when she announced everything would go into the garbage on Friday. Then she threw out people's Friday lunches, brought to work that day.

It sounds as if your company has a plan in place for regular clean-outs (with provision for labeling things people want to keep) but may not be following through. Other people must be bothered by the smell and the clutter, too, so maybe you all should take turns talking to whoever originally made the cleanup plan. Or you could place a note on the refrigerator door a few days before clean-out day, reminding people to label anything they want to keep or risk losing it.

ETA: I notice that wonderfullyanonymous made much the same point about the posted notice.
85
Life...in general / Re: Finances and roommate situation
« Last post by YummyMummy66 on Today at 07:43:18 AM »
The way we split up the rent was what we agreed on since we are sharing the same amount of "personal" space - she has one bedroom and all three (will be 4 in the fall) of us have the other and we have a shared common space. We do split the utility bills to where we pay more since we use more electricity, water, etc. I let her be the one to decide all of this. I am the type of person who is deathly afraid to step on anyone's toes, so I pretty much let her call the shots on how everything was going to go.

To clarify what I meant about my parents, I meant that more people will be affected than just us, and my parents will not put up with it as we have.

Oh my.   This is a recipe for disaster.   

Your parents still have no say whatsoever.   Just because they are paying for sis's share, their name is not on the lease.  And I am sure roommate knows this.  Mom and dad can say all they want to, does not mean roommate has to listen or will listen.

You are having a baby.  Time to stop going to or expecting mom and dad to take care of your problems.  (although, I am a parent and I help my children as much as I am able to do so, but in a case like this, they make their bed, their choice, they must learn to deal with the consequences of their actions or in actions).

You need to buck up and step on toes.  Where is your dh in all of this?  He can not say anything?   IF roommate owes you money now, and cannot afford to pay you now, she is not going to be able to at a new place.

My advice, look for a new place for your family and sister, (because I don't think you could stay at this one if you have no spine to tell roommate she will have to find a new place) and tell roommate that she will have to find her own place.  Rooming together has not worked and you don't see it working in the future at a new place either.  Your family cannot continue to support her.  And I think you will probably have to count any money she owes you as a loss.   

You don't say how she is working on repaying what she owes you?  Is she giving you extra?  Is she giving you anything at all towards repayment?   Or is she just letting things slide?    If she is honestly trying to repay what she owes and making current payments, then I might consider finding a new place with her, if she can pay her fair share without borrowing anything else to move into new place.   

And no way would I live in current place with a family and a sister in one bedroom.  Need to find a new place, (if including roommate) with three bedrooms.   And you are not using that much more utilities than she is, so I can see paying a bit more than everyone else, but not a substantial amount.     

86
All In A Day's Work / Re: S/O Food thief-food never leaves
« Last post by wonderfullyanonymous on Today at 07:37:07 AM »
We have notes on our fridges at work, that have the clean-out rules, so to speak. Once a week, maintenance does the cleaning. She mostly follows the rules she herself set, unless she is mad about something. Then she just throws everything out.
87
Family and Children / Re: Saying No
« Last post by YummyMummy66 on Today at 07:25:15 AM »
Who initiates these get gatherings?  You or friend?     If at your home, I would expect to host, but it does not have to be expensive.  If she is over for whatever reason and the reason is not for a meal, and it comes to meal time, if she asks, you say, that would be great, this is what I can contribute, what will be your contribution?   If she says, I thought you would get it, "oh, sorry, that will not be possible, sorry, we will have to make it another time then, I will see you to the door now".   But, but...."Sally, sorry, but it is not in my budget to subsidize your share.  No worries.  WE will just plan a meal for another time when you are able to do so". 

If it comes up about going out to eat, "Sure, that would be great, but just to let you know, I cannot pay for your share.  Do you still want to go?  Sure!....ok.  Then ask for separate checks right off the bat.   Check comes, you pay your share with tip directly to waiter."  (I would also make sure Sally or whatever name we are using, that she has her wallet/purse with her before you leave or enter restaurant.

If she balks or says something, "Sally, while I have supported you in many ways since the loss of your husband, I am sorry, but I am not your husband.  It is not my job nor my responsibility to continue to support a lifestyle you choose for yourself.  if you cannot afford to do something, I completely understand, there are many things we can do to continue our friendship that does not have to cost anything.  We can talk on the phone, we can hang for a bit, go for a walk, just get a cup of coffee.  If you are looking for more in financial ways, sorry, but that is not going to work for me any longer".   
88
What are the chances that MIL accepted this invite, thinking that you would change the party to Sunday?

I agree with the others as well. You gave her a verbal save the date, and she scheduled on her own, this is not your fault.
89
Family and Children / Re: Saying No
« Last post by wonderfullyanonymous on Today at 07:09:58 AM »
When she asks if you want to go to lunch, tell her, sure, but you will pay your own way, this time.

When you get to said restaurant, tell the server, right away, separate checks.

Order what you want, you know what you can afford. Let her order hers.

At the end of the meal, when the checks come, pay yours right away, put the tip, for your check, with your payment.

If she sits there looking at you, waiting for you to offer to pay for hers, make some excuse for cutting lunch short.

She was given early enough warning that checks would be separate, if she over spent, that is on her. If she asks if she can borrow, tell her, sorry, that's not possible today.
90
Someone talking about tickets and queues would confuse me completely - It took me a few readings to work out what you meant, that noone is able to fix it till Tuesday and the person will be rung then.
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