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His feelings are his feeling and he is entitled to them.

The thing to understand is if this is what it feels like it is--Does Miles truly not prioritize Ivan lower than some random chick his son knows?  Or is it his wife that prioritizes him that way and Ivan has to go along because, well, its his wife.

This is but one data point.  Are there others?

That's what I would look for.  How much can I count on this person to have my back and what extraneous circumstances affect that.
Ivan needs to buck up and spend the $20 to get a TV from a thrift store or something.  Yes, it's understandable to be disappointed that it's no longer available for his use, but it was never *his* so it's not worth being possessive over.
I believe that it is understandable that Ivan is upset over the prioritization.  It does appear that Miles is prioritizing a random hopeless crush of his son over his brother.
However, Miles probably sees it as prioritizing his wife over his brother.  The wife, though, is prioritizing a random hopeless crush of her son over her brother-in law.
All In A Day's Work / Re: Bring your family to work
« Last post by POF on Yesterday at 07:23:21 PM »
I think it depends on the place and the visitors.  We have two that I find problematic.

Professor A has a foster son who is home schooled.  She routinely prints lessons for the boy on our copier and sits him in the student lounge to work on them.  Each day she manages to get one of the students to sit with him and assist him with his school work.

Professor B is driven to work by her husband because she has a medical condition that will not allow her to drive.  They are what I call a "crunchy granola" couple.  Very hippie like.  While she teaches he sleeps in her office at her desk.  Now we have a lounge with couches and several places on campus he could wait (other lounges, coffee shop, cafeteria, library), but he sleeps in her office.  A student once reported that there was a homeless man using the restroom in the lounge.  Yep, Professor B's husband.  The cleaning crew unlocked her office and found him sleeping.  His response?  "Do you clean at this time every day?"

I wish they would both be told this is inappropriate, but not my circus; not my monkeys.

I am stealing this line.  I typically use the phrased demented circus monkey ... but this is wonderful !
85 general / Re: Help Drafting a Letter
« Last post by wheeitsme on Yesterday at 07:21:46 PM »
I think what you are doing is thoughtfull.
I also think you also need to be prepared for her to be upset that you have her email address.  And she might tell you to give it -back- to her. 

Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: This little piggy . . . and other rhymes
« Last post by Psychopoesie on Yesterday at 07:21:04 PM »
I learned the eeny-meeny rhyme with the original wording in the early 70s. Maybe at school or from one of the older cousins. I didn't know what the n-word meant until much later (not in common usage here IME - have certainly heard racist slurs but different words). Used tiger as substitute later on.

Pretty sure I read Agatha Christie at school under the original title too.
Rather a long post, as tends to be my wont – sorry !

I reckon this not an etiquette issue as such, since in my understanding a person cannot be faulted as regards etiquette, for doing what they want to do with their own property -- if there is no actual breaking of promises which have been made. I am thus posting it in “Time For a Coffee Break” – would be interested in people’s reactions to the situation / deeds and / or thoughts of those involved.

[Background]: I have two brothers, whom I will call Miles and Ivan. Of us three, I’m the eldest, Miles second, Ivan third.  Ivan is in the process of moving from one to another part of the country; during the recent months over which this move has been taking place, he has been staying with me at my house; we also envisage him spending intermittent shortish spells of time in the future, here with me. Miles and his family live in the same city as me, a short distance from my place.  Miles and his wife Ekaterin have one offspring: their son Alex, aged 17.  Miles and Ekaterin seem essentially devoted to each other; but she is very definitely “the one who wears the trousers” in that household. Ivan and Ekaterin are outwardly cordial toward each other, but basically don’t hit it off and don’t like each other all that much. [/Background]

I have virtually no interest in watching television, and do not have a television set. Ivan is a fairly keen telly-watcher. His own television set has gone off to his new place, nearly 200 miles away, to await his full moving-in there.  Since its taking that journey, Ivan had been using in my house, a small portable television which he had borrowed from Miles and family, who had long had little or no use for it for themselves. Ivan had more or less taken it for granted that  – with Miles’s approval and in-principle agreement, or so he had thought (I don’t think Miles had made any firm, explicit promise) – he would be able to keep the small portable, stationed at my house: and that he’d be able to watch it on future stays of his at my place (and that I could use it on any rare occasion when there might be something that I’d like to watch). Miles and family had, as stated, no use for the set for themselves; and in Ivan’s perception, Miles had seemed happy enough to let Ivan effectively “inherit” it.

Last weekend, Miles rather abruptly asked Ivan immediately to return the portable television to him and his family. (Miles is basically good-hearted, but not the most socially smooth of people – “abrupt” is his standard procedure – and he tends to be somewhat ungenerous.) It turned out that the reason was as follows: young Alex has (they met a few months ago) an as-it-were “non-girlfriend”, Elli. She is several years older than him, and at university – Alex is not yet at that stage in life. I gather that he would wish to have a rel*tionship with her, but recognises that that is unlikely to happen, and settles for their enjoying each other’s company and doing much hanging out together. (Elli already has a steady boyfriend, her own age or older, who is however in the military, and thus often not on the scene.)  Elli shares a house with several fellow-students, and it had emerged that they had a lack of, and a wish to have, a portable television of the kind which Miles and family own, and Ivan has been using.  Miles’s taking back of the appliance, was in order to give it to Elli and housemates.  Ivan was rather taken aback, and his response to Miles was along the lines of, “Dude, what the heck?”.  Miles’s rejoinder was, approximately, a rueful “orders from the wife”. (Ekaterin does utterly dote on Alex, and is usually super-eager to give him anything that he does, or might, want.)

The television was duly handed back to Miles and family – there being really no alternative.  All quite peaceable, and far short of angry scenes or threatened wrecking of fraternal relations.  Ivan, though – while seeing intellectually, that Miles & Co. have the right to do whatever they want, with an item that belongs to them – admits to feeling a bit sore at Miles’s having seemingly, under wifely coercion, prioritised over his own brother: some random girl (plus her housemates, whom Miles has not even met) on whom his son happens to have a hopeless younger-guy crush.  Ivan has been wondering: is it wrong and special-snowflaky of him to feel this way about the situation (other than in the privacy of his own skull, giving no sign of his annoyance to anyone else); or are his sentiments understandable, and many people in his position would be likely to feel as he does?
88 general / Re: Help Drafting a Letter
« Last post by PippaGrae on Yesterday at 07:12:51 PM »
You could try Googling her (aka your!) name and perhaps adding the city or street name from her physical address. Various combinations of this info may pull up information about her somewhere online that might include an email address, a website she owns, etc. You could then try contacting her via that method, or forwarding the emails you get with an explanation,  etc.

I think your letter is just fine but if the concern is a reluctance to snail mail, this may help provide an alternative method. It could also solve the mystery if you found her email and were able to see if or how it was really structured.

If nothing else,  Google search would inform you a bit about who you are dealing with which might make your next action more comfortable even if you follow through with your original (totally acceptable) snail mail idea.

 Edited to add: a Google search for the version of the email address in question with the period included could also give you some insight; if she's using it online somewhere it may show up, depending on where. This may or may not change your approach but I tend to appreciate a bit of informational heads-up myself when dealing with the unknown like this and what you find, if anything, may help you adjust your method as you proceed.
89 general / Re: Help Drafting a Letter
« Last post by TootsNYC on Yesterday at 07:04:52 PM »
That email is going to generate this response:


It's WAY too wordy.

Say the same thing, only *much* shorter.

"Hi!  Your emails are coming to me. Some of them are important and private. And I'm sure you'd rather get all of yours.
   You will need to change your email name, bcs the computers don't pay attention to the dot in emails. And since I've had firstname.lastname for a long time, your new email address won't work; the computers think it should come to me, even if it doesn't have a dot.

You'll need to pick a new name (maybe add a number, or a middle initial?) and alert everyone.

Also, if you let me know what it is, I'll forward any stray emails to you. (I promise never to send you any Pampered Chef ads or other spam, scout's honor.)

Good luck, sorry I got here first (but nice to meet another Firstname Lastname), and happy to help."
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: This little piggy . . . and other rhymes
« Last post by figee on Yesterday at 07:04:01 PM »

Do you know the "Ten Little Indians" rhyme?  An Agatha Christie book ("And Then There Were None") references the "Ten Little Indians," and in one version of the book it uses a much more racist word (that refers to blacks, not Indians) instead.  I assumed that the "Ten Little N***" was the original and that "Ten Little Indians" was supposed to be a slightly less racist updated version of the rhyme, but I'm not sure if that's the case or not.

At school, we read the book with the original title.   :o :( 

This was followed the next year with 'To Kill A Mockingbird' which made for an odd curriculum juxtaposition. 
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