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  • March 26, 2017, 06:33:12 AM

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91
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Can one love without liking?
« Last post by Psychopoesie on March 24, 2017, 07:03:57 PM »
I think what everyone is saying is that you can love someone and yet not like various things about them.  Isn't that what we all do?  According to what I've read in the past, loving unconditionally generally means that you are viewing that person "through rose colored glasses" and don't see, or else dismiss, their faults.  I don't believe one can love someone but not like anything about them.  To me that would be just fooling yourself.

Please don't speak for me.

Especially when you seem to be saying that my hard won understanding of how I feel about my father and our difficult relationship is "fooling myself".

People on this thread are being honest about difficult and often painful relationships. This seems like such a disrespectful response to that.

I certainly can't speak for others but to clarify, I didn't just dislike *things* about my dad, like his political views; I did not like *him*.

Can I find something positive to say about him/his behaviour sometimes? Sure. He tried to be a good husband to my stepmum and a good father to my brother. He gave me some of my nanna's lovely embroidery. I even have some good memories from when I was a kid - fishing with dad, flying kites, playing games, him doing magic tricks. He was not some two dimensional villain; he was a complicated human being.

Those positive things weren't why I loved my dad. There was no reason. I just did. I certainly saw his flaws very very clearly, starting fairly young.

Love is what made my relationship with my dad so painful. That is what kept me away for a long time and also what brought me back.

In contrast, I love my mum and also like her. She still does things that annoy me, like talking with her mouth full (gross). There are things she did and does that are extremely hurtful. I am angry about the way she has criticised me my whole life and just can't see it, even now. She made a lot of comments when I was younger that were unhelpful in terms of body image. I'm far from oblivious to her flaws. I don't dismiss them either. These things are present; part and parcel of who my mother is and our shared history. We don't always have an easy relationship. Somehow I've managed to come out of this liking her though.

92
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Silly things that have made you happy recently
« Last post by GardenGal on March 24, 2017, 07:02:29 PM »
I got an out-of-the-blue refund of $260 for some apparent over payment in registering our auto.  It almost paid the unexpected refrigerator repair bill that we had a few days later.  ;D
93
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pokemon Go craze
« Last post by Mel the Redcap on March 24, 2017, 06:58:57 PM »
Thanks to reddit I found out that the magikarp hat is free right now.

Guess what my character is rocking.

Thanks to this thread, guess what my character is rocking. ;D

Mine, too!

Ditto! XD
94
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Last post by judecat on March 24, 2017, 06:45:24 PM »
I wonder if ladies of a certain age are considered to be people who'd fall for that "you should discuss it with your husband" ploy.  I had a bank employee try that one on me last year.    I'm 52, though - I wouldn't have thought I looked like it would work on me.  (It didn't.)


I keep thinking of which generation of women that would have had the best chance of working with,  and I really think that there may be a few women in their 80's or 90's who that line work work on,  but thinking about my mother's friends,  who would all be over 100 years old,  and my great Aunts,  who were already over 60 in the 1960's,  it was more likely the husband's would have to talk it over with the wife if they wanted to spend any significant amount of money.   
95
Par-Tay! / Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Last post by Outdoor Girl on March 24, 2017, 06:38:16 PM »
That poor bride!  And her poor friends and family, who probably have no idea the fSIL was pushing her own agenda entirely with no input from the bride.

If someone wants to give me a Pampered Chef shower I'm in!  LOL

If someone threw me a Scentsy shower without my knowledge, I'd walk in, take one little sniff and have to turn around and walk right back out.  No gathering is worth the migraines and nausea I'd have if I sat there for the duration of the shower.

I think I politely managed to head my fSIL off at the pass with this one...  She started a Scentsy business and invited me to her launch party.  I declined, letting her know that while I would have liked to come*, I was extremely scent sensitive and would have to take a pass.  She thanked me for letting her know.

*This is true - if it was a party for something I do or would use, I'd be happy to go and buy a little something to support her new business.  Like Pampered Chef or Norwex or Tupperware or Enjo.  Kitchen/housewares?  No problem.  Jewellery or smelly stuff?  Thanks, but I'll pass.
96
OP - excellent update!  Glad your mom had good things to say, even if you anticipate less positive comments in the future.  You were wise to send the extra favor home with her.
97
Par-Tay! / Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Last post by LemonZen on March 24, 2017, 06:25:58 PM »
Wow that's awful. I've heard of MLM bridal showers before (and been invited to several) but as far as I know they were all with the permission and support of the bride. This just sounds like a money grab by the FSIL.

I wonder how awkward that was for all the guests to be forced to buy things from her as their gifts? I know I have declined MLM showers because I don't like the implication that I can only buy products from the MLM as my gift. (A registry is one thing, but handing me a catalogue at the party itself and telling me to buy one of the overpriced items as a "gift" is just too much for me.) I wonder if any of the guests declined to purchase from FSIL?

And without even asking if the bride likes any of that product line?? Plus the bride can't really return any of the items without serious tension with FSIL I'm guessing. Ugh. I'd probably feel like apologizing to all my friends and family who attended and letting them know none of that was my idea.
98
Holidays / Re: Your holiday hill to die on.
« Last post by JacklynHyde on March 24, 2017, 06:24:18 PM »
My mother once tried vegan matzo balls for my (then) vegetarian brother's (still) vegan best friend.  She used some kind of plum base as a binder.  The balls were, indeed, PURPLE.  According to my brother, they were also pretty disgusting.  Last time we had Seder with my brother, he was once again an omnivore and all was right in the world.  Matzo balls were delicious, gefilte fish was still smelly.  ::)

I've cut back contact with the fussy soup friend.  Small doses are fine, but she tends to dominate a conversation to the point I need a safe word to utter so my husband can rescue me at parties.
99
Life...in general / Re: Did I ask for an invitation? and other problems.
« Last post by jpcher on March 24, 2017, 06:23:17 PM »
(snip)

All the sneakiness sounds like a pain and could possibly have negative consequences for your daughter.  I'd bow out of attending both.

Yeah, it is a pain for DD#2. She told me today that I "gotta go to lunch!" just so that I can support her. If I didn't show up she'd get the "What, your mom doesn't like me any more?" attitude.

(snip)

Would BFBob be offended if you said you don't want to go? Because he is the only one who knows that you're free that day isn't he? So if he doesn't mind then maybe you could just tell his mum that you have prior plans for lunch and that you can only attend the ceremony.

Bold above is important. I don't think BFbob would be offended, taking my non-attendance as an insult . . . I think he would be hurt a bit. He really wants a blended family but knows and understands DD#2 (and my) feelings. BFbob is truly great on this.


I think that it was all an accident in the end and I'm certain your daughter doesn't find it rude. I think the best way to have handled it would have been to ask your DD if she'd pass along your gift to BFsis but in the scheme of things it's a very small thing all around.

I wouldn't change anything because it's already in motion and with DramaMama over there, she's going to then be all "Oh she's backing out now? Hissssssy fiiiiiiit." That's how those people react. They need something to be upset about one way or another, at least this way you get to show your support, which is what you wanted to do all along.

Thank you for that. It is true.

That's why I will be going to both the ceremony and lunch . . . just to support my DD#2 and her BFbob. I don't want to be the cause of contention.

I will give DD#2 cash to cover our meals for her to pass on to BFbob (because I can afford it better that she can) and enjoy the day celebrating BFsis! (without drama).


Thank you all for your inputs. Every post gave me great food for thought . . . I hope I made the right decision. I'll let you know in a follow-up. ;D


100
Par-Tay! / Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Last post by Mikayla on March 24, 2017, 06:22:21 PM »
What always surprises me with this stuff is how many people comply.  I got an MLM shower invite once for my cuz, and I called her to ask where she was registered.  She hadn't seen the invites and had no idea this was happening, since she'd given her registry info to the hostess. 

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