News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • May 30, 2016, 11:18:44 PM

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91
Ulta is my biggest splurge location at this time, I always try to go with my mom so she's there to keep me in line  :P
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All In A Day's Work / Re: How to take a step back
« Last post by flyersandunicorns on Today at 04:14:29 PM »
Unless she has something to talk about that's business related, find a way to be "busy" when she wants to talk.

This is probably about all you can do about Viola, though I would temper it by saying things like you need to concentrate so you don't end up on the boss' bad side again.  Make your need to focus on work sound like the only reason you can't chat now, so that Viola doesn't think you're freezing her out socially (if there's a risk she'll gossip to boss about it).

However, is there a chance that Viola was just a captive audience when the boss vented to her?  Ideally V would have bean dipped, professionally, but maybe boss would have continued talking over any objection or redirect effort.  I guess my point is, since you know that boss just has no filter for what is appropriate to tell subordinates about others even after being reprimanded over it, is it more likely that Viola was just the hapless listener this time, or that Viola might use that tendency to her advantage?

The way it reads to me, though, is that boss is still the main problem and perhaps the big boss needs to be made aware (as often as it happens) that boss is still having inappropriate conversations about subordinates.

I would be careful of the part I bolded. Viola may indeed be a frenemy and might twist anything you say about boss to put you in a bad light.
POD

Given the OP's mention that Viola constantly ping pongs between hating and liking the boss, I feel it's a "fishing" mechanism to get OP to start spewing her own "venting", if only to use it to get further into the bosses good grace, since Boss loves to talk about others. That and the whole "wants to get ahead" comment earlier as well. Don't trust anyone who ping pongs with any sensitive information that can be twisted!
93
Life...in general / Re: Rude to not let people cut in front of us?
« Last post by shortstuff on Today at 04:08:42 PM »
I vote not rude at all.  In fact, many amusement parks ban that form of line cutting, and the signs say that line cutters can be ejected from the park with no refund.  I've had groups of kids do that to me, and I sometimes cynically wonder if there ever is someone "just up ahead."
94
Life...in general / Re: Rude to not let people cut in front of us?
« Last post by bloo on Today at 04:06:37 PM »
Since their behavior is grounds for being ejected at many parks, I'd say you were not rude. I've made it my personal mission to stop line-cutters at Cedar Point (it affects me, after all) and have never had anything but gratitude from others that would be affected.

Your friend's mom is a doormat?
95
Life...in general / Re: Rude to not let people cut in front of us?
« Last post by RainyDays on Today at 04:04:23 PM »
You were totally fine. In my teenaged youth, I was one of those girls who attempted to cut the line to be with by friends. A group of us did, actually. We were successful at a handful of rides before someone actually said something to us. That was the epiphany moment -- even though we suspected we were taking advantage, it felt ok since we weren't the only offenders by a long shot. But just one person saying something had all of us thinking twice (of course we were affecting other people!) and we didn't try it again. Good for you for saying something.
96
What...someone thinks you're rude for not letting brats cut in front of you at an amusement park? They were pushing and shoving trying to get through, that's unacceptable. It's one thing to say "Excuse me, would you mind if I cut in front of you to be with my friends up there?", then it's up to you if you want to grant them the favor or not. It doesn't make you rude to say no even in that circumstance, it doesn't make them rude for asking nicely either. In this situation, I would have reacted the same way with a lecture about asking nicely included in the spiel since I'm a hot head like that. They're lucky they just got told that you prefer that they not shove ahead of you and your group.
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Life...in general / Re: Another "Am I being rude" question
« Last post by flyersandunicorns on Today at 03:56:51 PM »
I'm so happy to hear that she came over and initiated the conversation as well, it's easy to see that he was being grouchy for his own personal reasons and you were in the line of fire! That makes everything so much better when both parties can just acknowledge that kind of thing. I bet he feels bad about it too because I know I've gotten crabby with quite a few people and had to apologize for it >_<
98
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: The person below me...
« Last post by happygrrl on Today at 03:44:48 PM »
True! And grateful for it!

TPBM is FB friends with someone they met on here (and on this thread actually---lovely lady ::))

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Life...in general / Re: Miss Manners - when the GOH is a no-show
« Last post by DanaJ on Today at 03:38:54 PM »
It sounds like there's more going on than just an issue with parties (whether just disliking them or crippling social anxiety or somewhere in between). The daughter is also refusing to write any thank you notes and was rude to her grandparents. The money should be returned, especially if she isn't willing to thank people for the money.

I agree. She should write some thoughtful thank you notes. I'd be curious to see the other side of the story though. "Rude to the grandparents" could also be "too mortified to face them after she fled". A pretty lousy reaction and totally unfair to the grandparents though.

But without the other side of the story all we can do is speculate. Like imagine the follow-up letter being: "My parents orchestrated a cash-grab, gimmy-pig event. They had my grandparents buy plane tickets, so it's not like I could say 'no.' But when I found out that 30 people were coming, I just couldn't bear looking complicit in this cash-grab."

We have no idea what the other side of the story is and I'm still kind of skeptical of the LW's perspective. Planning a 30-guest party for someone they know really hates parties is not coming from a place that's kind to the intended GoH.
100
Life...in general / Re: Miss Manners - when the GOH is a no-show
« Last post by TabathasGran on Today at 03:38:28 PM »
It sounds like there's more going on than just an issue with parties (whether just disliking them or crippling social anxiety or somewhere in between). The daughter is also refusing to write any thank you notes and was rude to her grandparents. The money should be returned, especially if she isn't willing to thank people for the money.

I agree that there is more going on. I am not sure if they should return the gifts though. That could be perceived as a very big slap in the face.

I suspect she didn't just suddenly turn into a jerk, but that she has been this way for a long time and thus throwing that party, where people would feel compelled to give gifts was a supremely bad idea.
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