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  • August 19, 2017, 09:23:44 PM

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91 general / Re: Biking etiquette
« Last post by Hmmmmm on Yesterday at 02:46:12 PM »
I'd say if people are repeatedly telling you that riding side-by-side isn't good, that's probably the rule (written or unwritten) on those paths.

This is what I'm wondering. We have a similar trail by me - over 100 miles of mostly flat trail with very good visibility. I bike on it frequently, and my friends and I the same thing you do - side by side, until you encounter somebody, and then you drop to single file with plenty of time to pass. I've never had anybody say anything, and I've seen plenty of other cyclists who do the same thing.

Is there any chance that you're dropping to single file slower than they would prefer? I'm wondering if perhaps the cyclists making the comments are particularly fast and are having to slow down slightly because they're not sure whether you'll drop to single file in time. If it were one comment, I would say to ignore it. But if three people have made the same comment, perhaps you're unintentionally impeding them by not going single file quickly enough. (Or they're just grumpy know-it-alls - who knows!)

That's my assessment of the situation. You're getting to single file, but not with the speed and urgency that they expect. As someone who uses trails frequently, I'll tell you that for every one person who has said something, I'd estimate that there are two-three who haven't. Because the bolded scenario happens to me all the time, I've shifted to single file with my DH and I have to apply a little brake, or back off on pedaling because I'm approaching side by side riders who haven't gone single file fast enough. I never say anything. So, if you're getting feedback, you need to tweak your process. Have a distinct plan between you and your other rider for who will go in front and who will go behind and as soon as you have a visual on someone, the "behind" rider should brake slightly (or at least stop pedaling) and the the front rider should need 2-3 hard, fast pumps to get in front expeditiously. Don't finish your sentence or wait until you think the other riders are closer. You might not be judging their speed accurately and if people are out on the trail for exercise and recreation, you're impeding their training a bit. (A minute bit, but still enough that they don't appreciate it and you've become "that biker.")

They could also be informing you that may be impeding the riders coming up behind you.  So their comments may have less to do with your impact on them than other cyclist. Yes, cyclists behind you can shout "on your left" and you can move to single file. But by the time they are close enough to shout, and you move, they've had to slow down their progress.

It's actually easier, IMO, coming on these things from behind because people get single file pretty quickly when you call out "On your left," and I can gauge when I call out based on my speed. It might just be me, but I feel like I have more control in that situation. Although a wrist/ helmet/ handlebar mirror would be a good idea for the OP.

Maybe it's just the trail I normally use, but I often come across people who don't realize that voice or bell coming from behind them that sounds far away is actually going 15mph and will be on them in a few seconds. I'm frequently slowing down for walkers or other riders and I know sometimes it's because they are deep in conversation and not as aware of what is behind. But with approaching traffic I can at least tell if they are looking at me and acknowledge I'm approaching.

Yeah, I'll have the odd clueless group, but I feel like I slow down for side by side drivers I'm riding towards more often. Now, I'll be keeping a tally :D

The thing that really annoys me is when the trail is wide in spots and people coming towards me don't go single file and DH and I have. I don't play chicken, but I'm not shifting to a crumbly shoulder when they should be single file. I've gotten a look or two that implies that someone thought I should have shifted over a bit. Um, no.

And that's where you yell "Single File!" to them. >:D
92 general / Re: Unannounced Birthday Guests (Long Post)
« Last post by pierrotlunaire0 on Yesterday at 02:45:53 PM »
I, for one, was impressed with your finesse and poise.
93 general / Re: Unannounced Birthday Guests (Long Post)
« Last post by GardenGal on Yesterday at 02:40:02 PM »
If they keep asking when the next dinner party is, you and your husband could answer with "whenever you decide to host it at your house." Give the awkward back to the people who created it.
^^^This is good, but would you really want to go to their home at this point?

You've had great advice above, and you've already blocked them from social media, so unless they show up at your house again you're unlikely to see them.  And if they do have the gall to show up at your home I'd either ignore the doorbell or, if it can't be avoided (because they're parked in your driveway when you get home), I'd be honest and tell them to stop contacting you - "Because you have never once done anything to reciprocate our hosting generosity we're no longer interested in seeing you. We already told you we can't host your children, yet you showed up with them unannounced on DH's birthday and expected us to feed you.  Don't contact us again."  I don't think anything short of bluntness will stop these folks if they continue to harass you after the birthday incident.  Good luck and keep up your shiny spines!
94 general / Re: Unannounced Birthday Guests (Long Post)
« Last post by TootsNYC on Yesterday at 02:37:03 PM »
It is so phenomenally rude for them to ask you to invite them to your home.

I have no qualms about saying that I think they are doing that because they want you to pay for their food.

There was a lady who came to our church gatherings like that; she'd ended up on a mailing list, and every time the newsletter said something about a lunch gathering after church, she showed up. She was friendly and tried to participate (bringing a badly made toilet-paper cover from the thrift store as a present to a baby shower), but we really didn't see her otherwise.
   I didn't realize until the congregation president made a comment.

We knew she was very likely to be food-insecure (some mental problems, probably not working, an expensive city), so we figured it was a way we could serve. Plus, it was always a potluck--she wasn't mooching invitations to other people's homes.

But that's what these people sound like.

And if they call you about a lack of invitation, I think I would say one of these:
"We're just so busy with our family and friends."  (implication: you aren't)

or "Our families have just drifted apart, and we save our socializing for those we're closer to."

But you've been handling it wonderfully.
Guests / Re: Does the other sibling need to be invited?
« Last post by gellchom on Yesterday at 02:34:40 PM »
I understand why this is tricky, even though the etiquette answer is crystal clear.

It's really hard for any of us to assess how close any of the relationships are, what the norm is in the OP's friend's community is, how likely it is that Michael's presence would make a difference (does he always make a scene?) and a lot of other factors that enter into a decision like this.  As someone else mentioned, I'd want to know if there are other siblings, too.  That would make it much easier: inviting only one of several is different from inviting all but one.  Most important would be the two families' history and relationships.  Have both families always invited everyone to all major events?  It wouldn't mean they have to now, too, but that would inform how big a slight it would feel.  Plus, they probably want to avoid putting Simon and his parents in an awkward position.

If they were relatives, I'd be more inclined to advise them more toward "Oh, just invite them and hope for the best."  I think that's because weddings are family events, and also, when it's a matter of extended family, more people are affected, and any exclusions from the guest list are more likely to be in people's minds at the wedding.  It's just more common to invite relatives than friends by whole family, too -- look how often people include related children but don't invite all their friends to bring their kids. 

The OP's friend just asked the OP to check with ehell about the etiquette rule, and that's clear: they don't have to invite Simon and Michael at all, but if they do invite Simon, they must also invite Michael.  But they probably already know that.  Their real problem is something etiquette can't resolve, and it comes down to the relationships and feelings of people that we are only hearing about fourth hand.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pet peeves at work
« Last post by knitwicca on Yesterday at 02:29:57 PM »

The person who has personal calls on her phone all day, and wants you to know it, so she speaks louder.

Bonus points for the calls made to/about her significant other.

I worked with a woman who used to "go shopping" with her daughter via phone. Co-irker used the office line for talking about the items her daughter sent photos of.  Shoes, lipsticks, towels, even breakfast cereals. Her adult, married-with-children daughter who lived in another state.
97 general / Re: Unannounced Birthday Guests (Long Post)
« Last post by bloo on Yesterday at 02:28:57 PM »
From the OP:
The wife then tells me that the children just had to come by and bring my husband a present because they miss him so much (coffee from his favorite store).

Yeah, Redneck, she'd have to be more direct about the kid's behavior. If their older kid is that obnoxious, there's no way that it was the brainchild of the 10yo to stop and purchase the OP's hubby's fave coffee on his bday.

So they *know* the problem is the child's behavior and are trying to sweet talk OP to get back in their good graces. The OP used clear enough language for a reasonable person. These people are manipulative and are counting on OP not being direct.

If one of them calls you about their lack of an invitation then I guess I would be forced to tell them we do not wish to have your children in our home.

OP,  you handled this great. If you're in this unfortunate position again,  I'd be unsmilingly direct. I'd want them to know I. Am. Not. Pleased. I'd actually be glad to upset them. No guilt, whatsoever.  It's the only way manipulative people learn.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pet peeves at work
« Last post by TootsNYC on Yesterday at 02:26:38 PM »
Voice mail greetings that either (a) go on for way too long and/or (b) include the phrase "I am away from my desk or on the phone ..." If I hear the latter one more time I think I will scream.

I like conciseness and precision in my writing and my speaking. My voice mail message is as follows: You've reached L______ R______. Please leave a message.

Sometimes those longer phrases give people time to compose their message, if they were expecting to speak directly to someone.
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pet peeves at work
« Last post by Sirius on Yesterday at 02:25:30 PM »
Voice mail greetings that either (a) go on for way too long and/or (b) include the phrase "I am away from my desk or on the phone ..." If I hear the latter one more time I think I will scream.

I like conciseness and precision in my writing and my speaking. My voice mail message is as follows: You've reached L______ R______. Please leave a message.

I had to give instructions as to what to do after hours, like this:  "You have reached the Blahblah section.  Our office hours are (whatever).  If this is an emergency please call the contractor directly at (phone).  Otherwise, please leave a message and I will get back to you."  I had to do that because there was the possibility of stat work 24 hours a day, and our contractor was supposed to have someone available 24/7.  Did have people want to know why I wasn't there at midnight or 3 a.m. 
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Pet peeves at work
« Last post by Ginger G on Yesterday at 02:21:19 PM »
As part of my job, I sometimes plan seminars and conferences. Some are just hour-long lunch and learn type sessions, and every other year we do a two-day retirement planning seminar for those of a certain age and older. I'm just so tired of people responding "I can't attend because of whatever reason but can you please send me a copy of the materials?" Most of these conferences don't really have much in the way of "materials" except maybe a Power Point, so fine, I will send them that. But the retirement planning thing is a different story. The outside company we work with to host this provides actual text books and other materials that are customized to each participant. This is a very costly endeavor to the company, so I don't have just extra materials afterward that I can distribute.

I just got an email from one of the invitees to the retirement planning seminar saying she was going to be off work both days because it was her wedding anniversary and could she just get a copy of the materials? I explained that the materials are not just printed paper copies, but actual books and other customized reports and information that we will only pay for if she actually attends. She's mad at me now, and said "Well I guess I will just have to cancel my plans and attend." No on is forcing her to go, she still has a long way to go to retirement and we will have another one in two years. Oh and her plans were just going out to dinner on one of the nights, not leaving town or anything like that. The conference ends at 4:30 pm both days, so I'm not sure why she has to cancel her plans at all.
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