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91
Family and Children / Re: "can we stay at your house for your wedding?"
« Last post by SoCalVal on Today at 01:57:26 PM »
Sort of tangential, but I would be so uncomfortable trying to get ready to attend a wedding - whether an actual wedding or a celebration of one - from inside a tent!  How is this even possible, let alone something people would voluntarily do?  (Rhetorical, but this just sounds awful to me!)

For a friend of mine, not rhetorical at all!  Friend and DH had their wedding at one of the national parks where staying in the hotel is incredibly expensive.  I remembering looking at the other lodging options, one being a tent cabin.  We didn't end up going (too expensive a trip when DH and I were saving for our own wedding).  I don't think getting ready in a tent would be too bad, as long as bathroom facilities are readily and easily available.
92
Vacation compatibility is soooooo important.  I'm convinced that part of the reason Dh and I are together is because we took a trip 4 months into our relationship and wanted to do the exact same things the entire time.  I'd never experienced that with anyone and neither had he.  Travel is a big part of our relationship now! 

I've made the mistake of traveling with others who don't have the same energy level/desire to get up and go/willingness and ability to spend a bit of money etc. and it is always stressful.  I think the kids are a red herring.  The bottom line is your travel styles are different.  You prefer different activities and time schedules.  There is no reason you have to travel with anyone, so I would definitely not mention the kids at all.  Just say you get limited time off and you have already planned X for your next vacation. 
93
Dating / Re: Etiquette of defining exclusivity- a spinoff
« Last post by TurtleDove on Today at 01:55:27 PM »
I fall somewhere between "not at all" and "delivery failure."  I think Jenna is absolutely fine to expect exclusivity, and Ralph is absolutely fine to not want exclusivity.  I think it is not very wise to "expect" exclusivity without an express conversation about it, however.  So I don't know that Ralph did anything wrong in not saying, "I intend to date other people if I feel like it" since that, to me, is the default unless and until the conversation of "I want to date you and only you - do you agree?" happens.

94
Life...in general / Re: The address in your email signature
« Last post by Audrey Quest on Today at 01:53:09 PM »
Using a work email for personal correspondence is a bad idea - for many reasons.

I agree, but many people do.  In some places it is hard to access a personal account due to a fire wall.  My husband uses his work email all the time if needs to send me an email during the day.  Don't think we don't think very carefully about what we say or how we say it!  :)

I still can't absolve someone from changing a client's address on the basis of an email sig.  Address changes should only be done if the client deliberately requests it.
95
Humor Me! / Re: Signs that crack you up
« Last post by whiterose on Today at 01:48:55 PM »
A local restaurant is called "Pollo Rumbero".

It features a chicken playing the maracas.

Of course, their specialty is chicken.

Both my boyfriend and I cracked up- at both the sign and the name.
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Life...in general / Re: The address in your email signature
« Last post by veronaz on Today at 01:44:21 PM »
Using a work email for personal correspondence is a bad idea - for many reasons.
97
Family and Children / Re: Problem with FIL's girlfriend
« Last post by Ms_Cellany on Today at 01:43:14 PM »
The Sweetie and I have discussed this, and have made a deal that when one of us dies, the other will scream and withdraw and wallow as long as she feels like it, then go out and try to find someone else just as awesome to marry.
98
Dating / Etiquette of defining exclusivity- a spinoff
« Last post by whiterose on Today at 01:42:59 PM »
Expanding on a situation that I posted as part of another thread a while ago- copying and pasting from my own old post, with a few modifications.

Jenna and Ralph meet at an alumni event for the very large university they both attended. A couple months later, they run into each other at another alumni event and get to know each other better. They talk on the phone and go on 3 successful dates. They have kissed- but that's it physically.

They go on their 4th date. By now, over a month has passed since their first date (and even more since their first meeting). Jenna is hoping to define the relationship on that date. Ralph receives a call during the date while waiting to be seated at the restaurant. It is a very short and perfunctory call- so he takes it in front of Jenna (he had never taken a call in front of her before- and smartphones did not exist at the time, so Ralph had no way to know who it was ahead of time by a special ringtone or possibly even caller ID). She asks if everything is fine- Ralph says it was just Deborah (whom he had not mentioned before). Jenna asks casually if Deborah is his friend- Ralph says it was a woman he met. Jenna asks if he was interested in her- he said no, that they went out just once (one night he was not seeing Jenna- sometime between dates 2 and 3 with Jenna) and he could tell she was not a good match for him, and that she now was more of a business contact since they work in the same broad industry. Jenna does not bring it up on the rest of their dinner and movie date...

Until they are in the car on the way back to drop Jenna off at her place. Ralph asks Jenna if she has a problem with his dating other women. Jenna said yes. Ralph replied "I never said we were dating exclusively".  Jenna replied "true"...but she said that she was the kind of person who by 4 dates needed exclusivity and was hoping to discuss it. Ralph does not think he did anything wrong in wanting to date Jenna only casually. While Ralph has no plans on ever seeing Deborah again unless it is through their jobs (they both work at different units of the same very large hotel chain), he wanted to keep going out on dates with new women he met, and keep seeing Jenna too without making a commitment to her- but Jenna could not deal with that.  Ralph and Jenna part ways cordially that evening, but Jenna is still hurt because she really liked Ralph and she thought he liked her back and all.


Now my question is- other than taking Deborah's phone call in the middle of his 4th date with Jenna, did Ralph do anything wrong?

A) Not at all. Exclusivity should not be expected until it is explicitly discussed and mutually agreed upon.

B) Only delivery failure. He did nothing wrong in wanting to date casually- but he should have relayed his intentions way before the 4th date.

C) Only circumstantial. Had Ralph met Jenna and Deborah through an online dating site, casual dating multiple women would have been acceptable. But since he met both of them IRL and in platonic ways, it is not so appropriate to date more than one person at a time- especially so many dates with one of them.

D) Maybe. Kinda. Sorta. Perhaps. Possibly. Going on one date with Deborah between dates 2 and 3 with Jenna may have been okay for Ralph to do; but after 4 successful dates with Jenna, Ralph needs to either go steady with Jenna OR end things with her altogether.

E) Definitely. If Ralph likes Jenna that much to keep going out with her, he needs to focus on her and only her.


Also, add any other regional or cultural differences that could affect this. While I am using a male name for the one who wants to keep dating casually, and a female name for the one who wants a commitment- would there be a difference if the man wants a commitment and the woman wants casual dating? If the couple were same-sex, would there be a difference as well? Please do comment on this.
99
Time For a Coffee Break! / Re: Things never to say to....
« Last post by gingerzing on Today at 01:40:36 PM »
...an anosmiac:

"You're so lucky, you don't have to smell skunks or [excrement]" (Blind people are so lucky, they don't have to look at trash heaps or your face I also can't smell cookies or flowers or if my milk's gone off)
...

"Hey, smell this!" (For some reason, as soon as you mention your anosmia everybody starts with that... Went on in my house for seven years...)

I get it, nobody knows about us, but really people?  ???

Actually, I had a co-worker who had that.  She didn't call it by the name, just said she couldn't smell. 
Then one day she was talking about being stressed and without thinking I started telling her some different aroma therapies to try.  She blinked a few times and said, "Um, that is swell, but remember....no smelling." 
Oooof. I had forgotten.   (Though the difference is that I didn't push the matter, rather I apologized for forgetting.)

100
Family and Children / Re: Problem with FIL's girlfriend
« Last post by citadelle on Today at 01:40:12 PM »
It seems clear to me that how you view this situation depends a lot on who you ifentify with: FIL or OP.

If I put myself in either position, I can sympathize with how they feel. I guess that is what makes it challenging!

I would just ask that my family would try to put themselves in my shoes (whatever they may be) and be kind and gentle as they move forward with their life/greiving. No one has to be wrong, if everyone can be open to seeing another's position.
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