« Last post by Psychopoesie on March 24, 2017, 07:03:57 PM »
I think what everyone is saying is that you can love someone and yet not like various things about them. Isn't that what we all do? According to what I've read in the past, loving unconditionally generally means that you are viewing that person "through rose colored glasses" and don't see, or else dismiss, their faults. I don't believe one can love someone but not like anything about them. To me that would be just fooling yourself.
Please don't speak for me.
Especially when you seem to be saying that my hard won understanding of how I feel about my father and our difficult relationship is "fooling myself".
People on this thread are being honest about difficult and often painful relationships. This seems like such a disrespectful response to that.
I certainly can't speak for others but to clarify, I didn't just dislike *things* about my dad, like his political views; I did not like *him*.
Can I find something positive to say about him/his behaviour sometimes? Sure. He tried to be a good husband to my stepmum and a good father to my brother. He gave me some of my nanna's lovely embroidery. I even have some good memories from when I was a kid - fishing with dad, flying kites, playing games, him doing magic tricks. He was not some two dimensional villain; he was a complicated human being.
Those positive things weren't why I loved my dad. There was no reason. I just did. I certainly saw his flaws very very clearly, starting fairly young.
Love is what made my relationship with my dad so painful. That is what kept me away for a long time and also what brought me back.
In contrast, I love my mum and also like her. She still does things that annoy me, like talking with her mouth full (gross). There are things she did and does that are extremely hurtful. I am angry about the way she has criticised me my whole life and just can't see it, even now. She made a lot of comments when I was younger that were unhelpful in terms of body image. I'm far from oblivious to her flaws. I don't dismiss them either. These things are present; part and parcel of who my mother is and our shared history. We don't always have an easy relationship. Somehow I've managed to come out of this liking her though.