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Author Topic: Displaying "rude" items in your own home Updates: pgs 1,2,5,12  (Read 78757 times)

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Calypso

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #30 on: August 11, 2011, 09:11:57 PM »
It might behoove your DH to stick to that issue when he gets to the confab, and refuse to get drawn into a religious discussion. "Sis, Mom, Dad, do you really think that kind of behavior is acceptable in someone's home? If I'm offended by that painting you have on the wall, am I justified in screaming at you, ripping it down, and throwing it away?"

And when they try to get to the religious talk (and they will), repeat "I can't even address that until Sis apologizes to Fidgets for her unacceptably rude behavior. I think we can all agree no one has the right, no matter what they believe, to act like that in someone's home."

Good luck to you and DH, and please keep us updated! Unless DH's parents are so far out in left field they're not visible, I don't think they can condone what SIL did.

Master_Edward

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #31 on: August 11, 2011, 09:19:09 PM »
If you have something displayed in your house that offends guests they are always free to leave, and never come back. That's what I would do. And I might tell someone who tried to order me what I can and can't have in my own home to get out and never come back in some very impolite terms. I won't put up with people telling me what I can and can't do in my own home, period.

Ed.

Knitterly

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #32 on: August 11, 2011, 09:20:09 PM »
Regardless of the issue and her feelings on the issue, she came into your home and threw away YOUR PROPERTY in your home.

Even if it was a picture of Flying Penguins eating babies, that's still crosses every boundary of etiquette.  No one has the right to destroy your property in your own home. 

ettiquit

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #33 on: August 11, 2011, 09:24:29 PM »
I feel like a lot of posters are missing the main point here and getting sidetracked in a discussion of "is X insulting or not insulting"?

The main issue, as I see it, is that fidgets had this item in her own home. If I wear a "all people who disagree with me are idiots" shirt outside my front door, you can certainly make a case for my being rude. If I fly a Nazi flag outside my home, I am being horribly offensive.

But darned if I consider it rude to have anything I choose to have within My Own Home! Yes, if it's likely that people who might come over might see something they wouldn't like, I'd probably warn them and let them decide for themselves what they want to do about it, but IN MY HOME, (and let's stipulate you can't see the whatever-it-is from the street), I am not rude if I want to have  non-flying Penguin billboards that light up, 12-foot long paintings of unclothed cats, graffiti on the wall describing how to build a thermonuclear device, "paste eaters will rule the world" propaganda, or whatever. It's MY HOME!!!

POD times a million

I actually don't care if your magnet said "death to all flying-penguin believers!".  It's your house, and she destroyed your property.  You aren't even on the rude spectrum.

DoubleTrouble

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #34 on: August 11, 2011, 10:05:24 PM »
Just to say I am totally 100% on your side but this ...

... she was so loud, she had the house-rabbit (who was in the living room) thumping as he attempted to warn the warren of danger.

... had me in tears I was laughing so hard imagining it (mostly as some form of rabbit Morse code which I'm sure it is). But the poor little bunny, I hope he recovered!

amandaelizabeth

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #35 on: August 11, 2011, 10:44:51 PM »
Just thought I ought to tell you.  A couple of weeks ago an emperor penguin washed up on one of our beaches.  After some TLC there was talk about him flying back to Antartica  - courtesy of the air force (giggle and run)

Chinchillazilla

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #36 on: August 11, 2011, 11:25:46 PM »
Regardless of the issue and her feelings on the issue, she came into your home and threw away YOUR PROPERTY in your home.

Even if it was a picture of Flying Penguins eating babies, that's still crosses every boundary of etiquette.  No one has the right to destroy your property in your own home.

Yes. If she finds your things so offensive, she's free to leave, not trash them. Crazy!
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smidget23

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #37 on: August 11, 2011, 11:50:05 PM »
um, she threw a tantrum in your house, and has since involved a whole bunch of other people in it, and you're the rude one?   okay.... ??? ::) :-\

POD
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Shoo

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #38 on: August 11, 2011, 11:57:11 PM »
Gotcha, Wavicle.  No, I don't display or wear anything that would be considered rude.  Well, I suppose if someone was really anti-alcohol, they might hate my "Clan Inebriated" sweatshirt/t-shirts, but really that's as "rude" as I get.  I honestly don't want to argue with people--some believe in flying penguins, and some in flying pink unicorns or hippos in tutus or whatever and I support their right to do that 110%.  Just allow me *not* to and we can get along fine.  I'm really good at bean-dip, mostly, but I didn't have time to even open it up--she was so loud, she had the house-rabbit (who was in the living room) thumping as he attempted to warn the warren of danger.  So...it's a combo of being mad Bean got scared for no good reason, being yelled at in my own home, the attempt to throw away something that belongs to me and being told what an awful, horrid person I am.  Really?  We've gotten along fine for 13 years (married to DH for 11) and you thought I was okay and now I'm yucky?  And you attempted to throw away my belongings?  In my own home?

I'm with you.  Actually, I'm surprised anyone on an etiquette site can not be on your side--in what universe is it understandable to get so offended that you throw away personal property and scream at your hostess?  I've seen buttons like the one you're talking about, and no, they don't insult believers; it's a little joke about nonbelievers.

I'm not religious, but I have a relative who is.  I'm like you, OP--fine, believe what you want, it doesn't matter to me and I'll never say a word against it.  But quite frankly, some of his religious beliefs are offensive to me, and he indeed has personal items that display the beliefs that I personally disagree with. They belittle my core ethical beliefs. Would I therefore be within my rights to throw them away, scream, and run out?  I highly doubt it--so I say nothing, content to accept that we're all different, and that what others display in their homes is none of my business.

I know that pretty much everyone has agreed that the SIL was out of line, but I can't get behind the idea that because this is about the SIL's core beliefs, it's understandable.  My core beliefs are derided in some corners of society all the time, yet I know it's the height of rudeness to go into a screaming rage over what someone displays in their own home.  And again, the button the OP is talking about is making a joke about nonbelievers, not deriding those who do believe.

ETA:
I feel like a lot of posters are missing the main point here and getting sidetracked in a discussion of "is X insulting or not insulting"?

The main issue, as I see it, is that fidgets had this item in her own home. But darned if I consider it rude to have anything I choose to have within My Own Home!

I totally agree.

So do I.

I haven't read anywhere in this thread where someone agreed that the OP's SIL was right to throw the tantrum that she did.  I think it's pretty unanimous that she was out of line.  It is absolutely possible to agree that the SIL was wrong while still not siding with the OP completely.  Yes, this is an etiquette site, but we don't check our own opinions at the door when we enter it.  I happen to find it rude when someone states that it's hard to believe anyone could possibly think that way.  The horror!

People think all sorts of different ways, some you may agree with, some you may  not agree with.  Stating your amazement at those who disagree with you is a sure way to irritate people here.

Now, as for the topic of this thread, I think it may actually be helpful to know the real issue, instead of flying penguins or whatever the OP used as a substitute.  I assumed it was a religion thing, but after reading more posts, I'm not sure, and  so it's kind of hard to relate to.


Slartibartfast

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #39 on: August 12, 2011, 12:04:13 AM »
I would find it hard to believe that ANYONE has a house/apartment completely free of anything that might offend anybody.  Your house, your stuff, KWIM?  It's usually polite to relegate those types of things to the medicine cabinet, liquor cabinet, and/or nightstand drawer before you have company over whom you know would be offended, but it's not your problem if someone comes to your house, digs through your liquor cabinet, and then comes up angry that you drink alcohol.

I know this isn't quite the same situation - the magnet was on the fridge in a public place - but the burden should have been on her shoulders.  If she didn't like the sentiment, it was up to her to keep her mouth shut or *maybe* (if she was really offended) make a single comment at the time about "I don't know why you even have that up there; that's not funny!" and then drop the issue.  I mean, it's not like you left the Scrabble board out in the middle of the living room!

heronlady

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #40 on: August 12, 2011, 12:40:59 AM »
I don't really think items can be "rude."  Maybe offensive, but you can have a big nazi flag in your living room if you want.  It's your house.

I think if someone is offended then they can leave or ignore it (and if you had a big nazi flag in your living room I think most people would leave...).  IMO they have absolutely no right to dictate what you have in your house or to dispose of it because it offends them.

Minmom3

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #41 on: August 12, 2011, 01:12:46 AM »
*   *   *   

I am trying to find a teeny tiny top hat to class him up but my, alas, search is ongoing :)

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Sirius

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #42 on: August 12, 2011, 01:23:22 AM »
I think Sis was way out of line.  You don't throw out other people's possessions just because you don't like them.  And those people who are complaining that the OP's DH needs to get her in line are even farther out of line. 

Perfect Circle

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #43 on: August 12, 2011, 02:46:34 AM »
I think Sis was way out of line.  You don't throw out other people's possessions just because you don't like them.  And those people who are complaining that the OP's DH needs to get her in line are even farther out of line.

Exactly. All of this.

No one has the right to go throuhg life without being offended (someone wise said that here once, sorry I cannot attribute correctly right now), but you must be able to contain your feelings about issues like this.

To me differences in opinions and beliefs can make relationships richer, but you need to have mutual respect for each other's views to make it work.
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Iris

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Re: Displaying "rude" items in your own home
« Reply #44 on: August 12, 2011, 03:03:06 AM »
I have a wall plaque in my home with a picture of a husband and wife (very 1950s) that says "I'm sorry, you must be mistaking me for the maid we don't have". I suppose that could offend some people who believe in traditional male/female role models or the more modern "surrendered wife" idea. Everything offends someone, ime.

SIL was completely out of line, and if she sees you as the baddie here then she is delusional.
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