Firstly I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place, I wasn't sure where, if anywhere, it belonged! I've been a long time lurker and I know there is a wealth of knowledge and advice on this board and I would really appreciate the benefit of some of it!
BG: When I was pregnant with DS my now ExH left me to be with someone else. During the last 4 months of my pregnancy he was living with her; when DS was born he decided to come back and I, a mess of hormones, agreed. You can probably guess where this is going - 6 months later he went back to her. During the time when we were back together I received hundreds of abusive texts from her, all of which I ignored. They had a baby about 5 years ago. I live with DS, new partner and our DS2. BF is so much a father to DS that I sometimes forget that he actually isn't. DS1 and 2 adore one another - DS, who is now 8, goes to visit Ex every other weekend and although he doesn't really mind going he would rather be home with us most of the time and complains about his step brother who he finds annoying. FTR I never
badmouth ex or partner in front of DS and am always very upbeat and 'did you have a lovely weekend with Daddy?' when he comes back. End BG
I don't really know how to explain all this without going into lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng detail, but basically my ex is a bit useless with arrangements etc. We got into the habit of texting to arrange things, but after a while it became apparent to me that it was his partner (I'm going to use the abbreviation CF for Control Freak, for want of a better one!) that was texting me. Nothing bad, but just every change of arrangement etc would come from her. This is where I needed to grow a spine but I just thought hey, let bygones be bygones and just get on with it. I finally snapped recently and told Ex that I didn't think it was appropriate for all these arrangements to be made through CF (whom I have never really met) and that we should really communicate between ourselves. I realised that I didn't actually have a current email address or mobile number for the father of my child, just CF's mobile number.
Since this discussion I've still had the odd text from her which would indicate to me that Ex hasn't passed on my wishes which is really no surprise. I've told him that I will delete these texts from now on without reading them, so if there is any information in them regarding the arrangements for DS then it won't get to me. He has my number, he can contact me. Still, I get texts from CF confirming meeting times etc.
I can't even begin to explain how much I hate this woman, and I presume, how much she hates me. There is an undercurrent of 'oneupmanship' in the texts which I just don't get and they are, for me, fraught with tension and send me off into a really bad place. I really want to be able to respond in a non ehell approved way but I know that the best thing to do is not to engage the crazy
This has all been sparked off today as DS went off to Ex - Ex told me he would be bringing him back at 3pm. Got a text at 2pm from CF saying that they were running late and that they would be back by 3pm if that's ok? I replied saying that Ex and I had already agreed that they were coming back at 3pm (I wanted to add - so there's no need for you to stick your oar in - but I didn't). Reply; 'no problem, we had arranged 2pm but he's having such fun with his brother'. Firstly, YOU may have arranged 2pm but Ex and I arranged 3pm and secondly the dig about having fun with his brother really got me.
I suppose my questions are: am I wrong to think it was inappropriate that ALL communication about DS arrangements was taking place through CF, and to want this to change so that Ex takes on the responsibility? Do I reply to texts from CF or do I just ignore? It's so hard for me and a difficult situation to try and sum up in this one post.
I would hate to come across as a bitter ex - I just want to clarify that I am very happy with BF and have absolutely no desire to be back with ex, however his actions left me scarred and ruined what should have been the happiest time of my life and for this I find it difficult to forgive him, or her. This is probably colouring my judgement but I can't help the way I feel. There is obviously a LOT of background to this which I'm happy to expand on if anyone is interested in anything specific.
So again - ignore? Or try to clear the air? If so, how?