Author Topic: Nasty Obituary  (Read 13731 times)

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sparksals

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Nasty Obituary
« on: August 20, 2011, 01:13:20 PM »
My dad died a year ago today and after purchasing the permanent guest book from his obituary online, I went searching for memorial verses to post something on it.  After googling the topic, I came to a website and this is the first 'memorial' I found.  It starts like this:  'We're happy he's gone'.  It goes on to say what a vile and abusive person he was. 

I remember an obit a few years ago that was similar that we discussed here.  I thought it was one of a kind, but I guess not. 

What possesses people to do something like this?  I'm sure he was a horrible man, but to post it for the world to see on a memorial site?  Just a tad rude, if you ask me.  I was looking for something uplifting to post about my dad and came across that instead.  While they must have taken great pleasure in writing something like that, perhaps they didn't think of the other grieving people who would read it.  I don't know... it seems wrong to me.
http://www.valleyoflife.com/?relative/index/&1711

magician5

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2011, 01:48:45 PM »
Reminds me of an old line from ventriloquist Wayland Flowers and his puppet Madame:

"They say you should never say anything but good about the dead. Well, he's dead ... good!"

Unkind as the obituary in question is, do you think anyone would give it a second thought? The writer could have told all about the deceased being a green-skinned space alien and former Queen of England ... anything! It's the darned internet, the new wild west!

If the information isn't true, shame on the writer. If it is true ... sorry, you don't get a pass for a cruel life just because you're dead meat ... the guy earned it. I know most of you will disagree with me, certainly my opinion is harsh. I don't usually quote Bible verses, but (Luke 12:3) "Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops."
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

sparksals

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2011, 01:51:31 PM »
It sounds like he definitely deserved it!  I just wouldn't have the bawls to do it. 

Angel B.

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2011, 02:04:31 PM »
I wonder if this is a joke?

Either way, it sounds like this person was VERY nasty, but I certainly wouldn't have put something up like that about them.   :-\

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WillyNilly

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2011, 02:08:56 PM »
I'm glad my grandmother is dead, and if there is an afterlife I'm certain she's burning.

She was a mean an abusive mother to my mother and cruel to me and my brother.

But to her other kids and grandkids she was a good/normal mother & grandmother (there's a history there that while in no way excuses her in a sick way explains why mother, from the womb was so hated). When she died, my much younger cousin, who didn't fully understand the wrath I saw and endured, asked me to attend the wake. I declined and even in doing that it took all my patience to hold back my joy of her passing. She was a good grandma to my cousin, who in turn is a good young woman -there was no need to clue her in on the darkside of her grandmother. But whoo-boy did I write, privately, a scathing obit just to release my own demons.

That obit read like there was no one to protect from the truth, and writing it probably helped to heal the man's survivors.

sparksals

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2011, 02:16:40 PM »
Sounds very similar to my mom, WN.  Everyone thinks she is such a nice, kind woman, but she has always been horribly mean and abusive to me.   When she goes, I will be very relieved, but don't know how I will cope with all the people offering condolences and saying what a wonderful woman she was when I know it to be very different.

Anastasia

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2011, 02:43:15 PM »
The last line of the large paragraph caught my attention:

Quote
She's happy he's not on this planet to spoil anyone else's life and spread his cancer of hate and cruelty.

Whoever wrote this clearly feels that they are doing a good deed for the ex-wife, by publicly absolving her of feeling the need to grieve over him. What I'm saying is, by the way the obit is worded, this was not done to be mean and nasty and hurt people (except for the deceased), the writer actually thought this would be good and cathartic for his family to read. This, of course, was an interesting assumption on the writer's part, because it clearly did not have a good and cathartic effect on you, it upset you, even if you do acknowledge that your father was not a nice man.

I'm sorry you had to read it.
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DottyG

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2011, 03:31:59 PM »
Oh I'm so relieved. For some reason, I read this as someone had posted that about the OP's father. I thought it was cruel - but even more so the comments posted here. I kept thinking that it was mean of y'all to say those things about her father.

I get it now. :)

(And Sparks, I'm sorry for your loss and hope this anniversary isn't too painful for you. Take care.)


Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2011, 03:34:54 PM »
I'm confused - was the person in the referenced obituary *your* father?  And the obituary was written by/for the benefit of his ex-wife and of stepsisters you had no knowledge of/contact with? 

If that is the case, then I can appreciate your hurt and frustration.

On the other hand, I can also appreciate their need to lash out - you got only his good side, which would exacerbate their pain, frustration and anger at the way he treated them.

The person who wrote that was rude, yes.  I acknowledge their pain and anger, but that obituary does serve as a slap in the face for one who might be truly grieving the loss.

I can understand the need to share that much anger and hate, but I am sorry you had to see it.

Something like that, if it had to be posted on the Internet at all, should really have gone only on a personal, restricted-access page, and it might have been better to just write the words on paper, then burn the letter.


Edited to add:  Dotty's comment has me really confused. If the person mentioned in the linked obituary is not your father, then what business is that obituary of yours?  If that person is not your father, how are you harmed by the anger and hate there?

Not everybody leaves a positive mark on their wake. Their are many notorious people about whom wretched things could be written on the occasion of their death.

If you choose to read obituaries about other people, who were no part of *your* life, how is what is written there rude to you? 

If it was written in the reasonable expectation that no grieving family would read it, then it may have been ill-considered, but to whom is it rude?  Random strangers reading? 
« Last Edit: August 20, 2011, 03:45:56 PM by Blue Falcon »
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gramma dishes

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2011, 03:36:02 PM »
When she goes, I will be very relieved, but don't know how I will cope with all the people offering condolences and saying what a wonderful woman she was ...

You take their hand in yours, nod and smile warmly and say "I know she meant a lot to you." and then drop their hand like a hot potato and move on!   ;)

magician5

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2011, 03:36:18 PM »
If the writer was writing it to help someone else (the wife?) with their feelings, the wife might better have been spoken to privately and encouraged to do the actual psychological work herself, to truly achieve "closure" (I hate that word).

If someone was writing it to work out their own feelings, then despite what I said above, there's something to be said for the idea of putting it all on paper (a letter or whatever) and then burning it, or tearing it up and casting it to the winds, or something like that.
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

gramma dishes

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2011, 03:40:47 PM »
I've never seen an obituary like that, so it's kind of startling.  But if the guy was really that bad, I kind of see why his family would do this.  Especially if he was one of those people who treated his "loved ones" horribly, but presented a much different persona to everyone else. 

I'm not that much against the idea as long as the facts stated there are true.  Disrespectful, yes.  But some people chose to live their lives in such a way that they don't really deserve respect.

sparksals

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2011, 04:09:42 PM »
Anastasia - you misunderstood. My dad was a wonderful man. I was looking for verses to honour him.

sparksals

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2011, 04:14:16 PM »
Oh no!  Sorry for the confusion! I was looking for verses and came across someone else's obit. I posted it bc I was so shocked ppl would do something like that and I just happened upon it while looking to post in tribute to my dad who died a year ago today. 

Sorry. I must be a bit fuzzy. So many memories and emotions today.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2011, 04:15:07 PM »
Methinks that his ex-wife, Eva, wrote this, and he had it coming. 

Still rude, though, but I'm not going to judge her harshly for it.  That obit should be a lesson for all sobs and women who think that love will change a sob.