I have to admit (and I actually hate to admit it) that there was at least one funeral I wanted to dance at, and another I'm actually looking forward to.
From the POV of my favored cousins and most of my aunts and uncles, Toxic Grandmom was a saint who could do no wrong. She was the kindest, most generous person who ever tread the earth and probably taught Jesus, Mohammad and Budda how to live right. The only thing that she ever did wrong was that she was a lousy cook (she was).
From my POV, she was PA, mean and showed horrible favoritism. She lied like a rug when it would make her look better and my relationships with my cousins, aunts and uncles are worlds better because she's finally gone.
I kept it to myself at the funeral though, because I didn't want them hurt.
However, were it up to me to write an obit they'd all still be offended because all I could write is "just the facts." I could not bring myself to speak of qualities that she never displayed to myself. I never knew her as a wonderful person because to me she wasn't.
I used a variation of granma dishes' response at the funeral.
I don't know how I feel about a negative obit. I have to admit, that a big part of me says bed.made.lie and if the only people I'd hurt were enablers (accessories to the crimes) then it wouldn't bother me one bit.
If I did write Toxic Grandma's obit it'd probably read, "[Name], [Birth]-[Death], gone and with any luck, soon forgotten."