Author Topic: Nasty Obituary  (Read 14630 times)

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Coruscation

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #60 on: August 23, 2011, 05:47:58 AM »
I wouldn't think that if he was a complete and total S.O.B. people would be willing to spend a dime trying to make a dead man look good. I don't know though.


You might be surprised. My mother's friend separated frmo her husband, although they continued to live in the same house because neither wanted to move out. They divided the house in half, two fridges, separate toilet paper even (that always cracks me up) and she used to tell Mum how much she hated him all the time. Until he died, at which point he was apparently sainted by proxy and she is saving up $10,000 for a headstone for him and tells everyone how much she loved him.

LadyClaire

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #61 on: August 23, 2011, 09:45:37 AM »
Sounds very similar to my mom, WN.  Everyone thinks she is such a nice, kind woman, but she has always been horribly mean and abusive to me.   When she goes, I will be very relieved, but don't know how I will cope with all the people offering condolences and saying what a wonderful woman she was when I know it to be very different.

Same here, with my Dad. When he dies, I swear the universe will breathe a sigh of relief that such a vile person is gone.

Cami

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #62 on: August 23, 2011, 10:46:08 AM »
Sounds very similar to my mom, WN.  Everyone thinks she is such a nice, kind woman, but she has always been horribly mean and abusive to me.   When she goes, I will be very relieved, but don't know how I will cope with all the people offering condolences and saying what a wonderful woman she was when I know it to be very different.
I had that problem when  my  >:D MIL died.   Aside from her general evil-doing, she excelled at getting people to do some truly amazing things FOR her and then talk smack about them behind their back, particularly if they were of a different race. It actually sickened me at her funeral when these lovely people would come to the receiving line, crying in their grief and patting my  hand, giving me condolences.

I am sure that I accured massive time off in purgatory because instead of telling them the truth, I patted their hand back and told them that, "I am sure your loss is as great, if not greater, than mine. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and your visit."
« Last Edit: August 23, 2011, 10:52:48 AM by CamiCar »

dawbs

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #63 on: August 23, 2011, 10:50:25 AM »
I do think some of the 'don't speak ill of the dead' goes back to 'or anyone else who isn't present to defend his/her self'.

I could write a truly nasty Obit about a few people in my life.  They'd deserve it.  But they also have their reasons and their defenses which, while I don't agree with, are theirs to present in their own defense.  Except, when they're dead, that nice 'other side' they have won't ever be told.

Oxymoroness

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #64 on: August 23, 2011, 11:18:43 AM »
I have to admit (and I actually hate to admit it) that there was at least one funeral I wanted to dance at, and another I'm actually looking forward to.

From the POV of my favored cousins and most of my aunts and uncles, Toxic Grandmom was a saint who could do no wrong. She was the kindest, most generous person who ever tread the earth and probably taught Jesus, Mohammad and Budda how to live right. The only thing that she ever did wrong was that she was a lousy cook (she was).

From my POV, she was PA, mean and showed horrible favoritism. She lied like a rug when it would make her look better and my relationships with my cousins, aunts and uncles are worlds better because she's finally gone.

I kept it to myself at the funeral though, because I didn't want them hurt.

However, were it up to me to write an obit they'd all still be offended because all I could write is "just the facts." I could not bring myself to speak of qualities that she never displayed to myself. I never knew her as a wonderful person because to me she wasn't.

I used a variation of granma dishes' response at the funeral.

I don't know how I feel about a negative obit. I have to admit, that a big part of me says bed.made.lie and if the only people I'd hurt were enablers (accessories to the crimes) then it wouldn't bother me one bit.

If I did write Toxic Grandma's obit it'd probably read, "[Name], [Birth]-[Death], gone and with any luck, soon forgotten."

sparksals

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #65 on: August 23, 2011, 11:58:25 AM »
Sounds very similar to my mom, WN.  Everyone thinks she is such a nice, kind woman, but she has always been horribly mean and abusive to me.   When she goes, I will be very relieved, but don't know how I will cope with all the people offering condolences and saying what a wonderful woman she was when I know it to be very different.
I had that problem when  my  >:D MIL died.   Aside from her general evil-doing, she excelled at getting people to do some truly amazing things FOR her and then talk smack about them behind their back, particularly if they were of a different race. It actually sickened me at her funeral when these lovely people would come to the receiving line, crying in their grief and patting my  hand, giving me condolences.

I am sure that I accured massive time off in purgatory because instead of telling them the truth, I patted their hand back and told them that, "I am sure your loss is as great, if not greater, than mine. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and your visit."


Ohhhhh - I love that!

sparksals

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #66 on: August 23, 2011, 11:59:47 AM »
I wonder if a newspaper would print that type of obit, though?  I'm sure they have criteria to avoid just this thing.  Perhaps that is why it is posted at a free site.

Anastasia

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #67 on: August 23, 2011, 12:51:07 PM »
I wonder if a newspaper would print that type of obit, though?  I'm sure they have criteria to avoid just this thing.  Perhaps that is why it is posted at a free site.

Nope, they wouldn't. I used to work at a newspaper, in the classified section, no less. Printing those kind of obituaries would not only make the newspaper look realllllllllllly bad, it would open them up to legal action from family members of the deceased who were upset by the sentiments. That doesn't mean that people didn't call or fax or email and try to get us to print them, however. We used to get them on occasion; they went immediately into the trash, and people were told we would not print under any circumstances, no way no how.
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sparksals

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #68 on: August 23, 2011, 01:18:05 PM »
That explains why it was posted on a free site. 

baglady

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #69 on: August 23, 2011, 11:05:51 PM »
I worked at several different newspapers, and all obituaries absolutely, positively had to come from a funeral home. That was to prevent people from submitting fake obits for people who hadn't really died, as a scam or a joke.

At the papers I worked for at the time, obits were free of charge and very formulaic. I was out of the business by the time papers started charging for them and allowing people to customize them -- e.g., instead of "Mr. Jones died Thursday at home ... ." they could say "Mr. Jones passed away peacefully Thursday at his home, surrounded by his beloved family ... ."

Still, they would have to go through a funeral home, and most ethical funeral directors would dissuade a family from submitting a negative obit. If they couldn't say something positive, they'd be steered to a "just the facts" format.
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Anastasia

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #70 on: August 24, 2011, 12:50:58 AM »
I worked at several different newspapers, and all obituaries absolutely, positively had to come from a funeral home. That was to prevent people from submitting fake obits for people who hadn't really died, as a scam or a joke.

I did not know that! The newspaper I worked for was an itty bitty one in a very rural area (3 people in the classified dept, total) and it was common for ranchers and farmers to have their own little family cemeteries on their land. A lot of people didn't go through funeral homes, they'd build simple coffins, dig the grave, and hold the funeral in the front room. Hence we received a lot of obits from the families themselves. I don't recall anyone ever trying a joke obit on us, however.
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Mikayla

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #71 on: August 24, 2011, 01:30:47 AM »
I do wonder what the true story is.  After all, the "free" obituary originally posted shows this truly evil man.  The obit that would have cost money http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/lvrj/obituary.aspx?n=dennis-ray&pid=152661569  shows a rather different view of the same person.

I wouldn't think that if he was a complete and total S.O.B. people would be willing to spend a dime trying to make a dead man look good. I don't know though.

edited because I goofed!

Maybe this is a situation like WillyNilly described.  He was nice to some ppl, but not others.  Certainly paints a different pic, eh?

Ugh.  I'm sorry you ran into this, Sparksals.  I think it was completely tasteless.  Even if the writer thought it was true, there may have been people reading the obit who had a different experience with him.  Even his 2 daughters may not have been ready to see something like that.

What's interesting is the legacy link to the "other" obit.  I couldn't get to the guest book at all without leaving a comment, which is either a new policy of theirs or comments have been disabled.  I know I've read them in the past without leaving one of my own. 

Very strange.

Danika

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #72 on: August 24, 2011, 03:34:20 AM »
Sorry to hear about the passing of your father, sparksals. And especially to hear that your mother is so mean.

Even if I knew someone as horrid as this man must have been, I don't think I would have posted something like that online. But my motivation for not posting it would be because I wouldn't want to honor him enough to indicate that I wasted 1 minute of my time being angry or even remembering him.

If it was cathartic for whomever posted it (one of the children), then I say it's ok they did. He's gone. If it makes them feel better to get "the truth" out there, then I'm ok reading it. I'm glad that even my toxic family members aren't nearly as hideous as he sounds. I feel bad for his kids and exwife. And I am really glad that I'm not a fast food worker in Las Vegas.
« Last Edit: August 24, 2011, 03:50:09 AM by Danika »

Danika

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #73 on: September 11, 2013, 03:05:32 AM »
I read the following two obituaries just now and thought of this thread. It looks like some newspapers will print them if they have verified the death certificate, etc.

One

Two

poundcake

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Re: Nasty Obituary
« Reply #74 on: September 11, 2013, 07:03:34 AM »
I wouldn't think that if he was a complete and total S.O.B. people would be willing to spend a dime trying to make a dead man look good. I don't know though.


You might be surprised. My mother's friend separated frmo her husband, although they continued to live in the same house because neither wanted to move out. They divided the house in half, two fridges, separate toilet paper even (that always cracks me up) and she used to tell Mum how much she hated him all the time. Until he died, at which point he was apparently sainted by proxy and she is saving up $10,000 for a headstone for him and tells everyone how much she loved him.

People do a lot of revisionist history after someone dies, for a variety of reasons. I have a family member who was the third wife to a man who left her abruptly after 20 years of marriage. Apparently, they patched up some sort of "friendship" a few years later. When he died five years after, she wrote a detailed eulogy, leaving out his previous two marriages and children, saying that she was "the love of his life" and including a paragraph about their "best friendship." I'm sure it made her feel better after the fact to think that they had some sort of beautiful love story to remember, but everyone else knew it was b.s.  And really, since funerals and all that go with it are meant to be "for the ones left behind," I was okay with it, until another family member pointed out that obits are often used as ways to trace and verify information, and for her to leave out her ex's children was a potential historical problem. So maybe having the formulaic obituary has more merit than we thought.