Hubby and I both have alrger families, and have a packed full christmas eve and christmas day. We alwaays do his families stuff on the eve, as it's been that way since before we were together, and my families on the day of, with the morning stuff for just us and the kids. Middleson, who is two, has PDD, and we are still learning what triggers meltdowns in him, apparently, the get togethers are a little much. We had to argue with our families, both on christmas eve and day to be able to leave early, so as to get him somewhere he feels safe. Both moms (My mom and my MIL) called since then to express displeasure at our hasty retreat, they felt it was rude for us to leave immediately after presents were opened. I spoke with my mom, and Hubby spoke with MIL, we told them the same thing-Middleson has an earlier bedtime, we cannot just push it back or adjust his naps, as he needs the routine, he is high-functioning autistic, but needs routine none-the-less. We would be happy to stay later if dinner could be earlier, and we would be more than happy to host at our house, so he has a 'safe place'. We will stay at any family function as long as is good FOR HIM, it would ruin everyones time if he melts down, and we cannot make him 'better' in a large group of people or at a forign home.
Since these conversations we ahve been dressed down for being rude, trying to 'steal' the holiday, and being bossy. We feel we are doing what is best for our kids, are offering to host at our house, and that some if it is quite frankly beyond our control. Middleson's diagnoses is fairly new, and many people are still adjusting to it, denying it, or ingoring it, which is frustrating as well.
Are they right that we were rude? Was it selfish of us to leave, or selfish of us to offer to host? Am I missing something due to my emotional involvement?