Author Topic: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?  (Read 3247 times)

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Miss March

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #15 on: August 23, 2011, 06:01:06 PM »
If it makes you feel better in some way, perhaps light a candle, say a prayer, or do some private gesture sending thoughts and wishes for his health to him.

But I certainly wouldn't contact him.
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying good bye so hard.-- Winnie the Poo

nonesuch4

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #16 on: August 23, 2011, 06:32:46 PM »
I agree with Miss March.  I one heard someone opine that "Love your enemy" does not mean "bind him to your soul with hoops of steel."

I don't wish anyone any bad luck.  I might quietly hope someone finds his or her way out of a difficult situation without actually contacting him.

TychaBrahe

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #17 on: August 23, 2011, 06:40:27 PM »
I happen to know someone who is dreadfully ill right now.  Do you want to send her well wishes?  I mean, really, she is no one to you.  She is one of the faceless billions of people who walk this planet without interacting with you.  Why should you care one whit about her?  Not to say that you would trip her up if you saw her hobbling down the street.  But you don't know her, so you shouldn't bother about her illness.

And honestly, you don't know Steve anymore.  He is no more part of your life right now than my friend.  Don't give him another thought.

"Brownies and kindness for all!"  High Dudgeon

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #18 on: August 23, 2011, 06:47:52 PM »
You made the right decision not to contact this person. he is not part of your life anymore.

Sebastienne

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #19 on: August 23, 2011, 08:02:25 PM »
Until the end of your post where you lay out your actual dilemma, I could have actually written it; virtually identical relationship (with an engagement tossed in), identical friendship aftermaths, identical mixed feelings.  It's unfortunate that he's not well, undoubtedly, but your responsibilities to him ended a long time ago.  He's not part of your life now, you don't want him as part of your life now, and, as many previous posters have said, opening the can of worms probably wouldn't be worth the brief contact.

Ligeia

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #20 on: August 23, 2011, 08:32:20 PM »
I agree with everyone else. But I'm also confused: you cut friends out of your life for not telling you about the affair, but you wanted to remain friends with the guy who actually cheated on you? Why? I don't understand that at all!  It's not a criticism, OP, I've just never encountered that line of thinking. 

It is possible to remain friends with exes if the breakup was amicable. If the ex publicly humiliated you, then took advantage of you, then was vicious toward you, it makes no sense at all. Do you really care about what's going on in his life now?  Or do you just feel that expressing sympathy for him is the nice thing to do?

Not contacting him now doesn't mean you're glad that he's suffering. It's okay if you feel a twinge of pity.  But don't show a guy who treated you *extremely* badly that you'll forgive him anything (which is how a lot of people might take the expression of sympathy you're thinking of sending).

gramma dishes

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #21 on: August 23, 2011, 08:54:42 PM »

Then another part says, "Are you kidding? This guy was horrible and ended your relationship in a very cruel and disrespectful manner. The result of his actions is that you ended contact. Don't feel guilty, he doesn't deserve to ever speak to you again under any circumstances."


The "another part" of you has nailed it.  These are your own words and they're wise indeed.  Listen to them.


aiki

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #22 on: August 23, 2011, 09:08:49 PM »
"Nice" is relative.

In this case, "nice" is refraining from saying
"How interesting. Perhaps I should ask for the $$$ he owes me now in case he doesn't make it."
 
"A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude."  - Oscar Wilde

sadiemae

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Re: Oh Ehellions, save me now; do I wish him well or no?
« Reply #23 on: August 23, 2011, 10:10:11 PM »
I am so glad I posted this! Reading your responses has allowed me to feel confident in my decision.

I absolutely appreciate each of your thoughts on this. I am sure that I will be rereading this thread when those self-doubts inevitably creep up and make me blame myself for not being able to fix these situations.

Some of these posts made me laugh, others made me question what I sought from sending him any sort of message and all gave me the backup I needed.

Really, I cannot thank you enough.