Author Topic: I researched what to get you!...  (Read 4253 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Lady Snowdon

  • Super cool awesome title
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5956
I researched what to get you!...
« on: August 26, 2011, 08:59:21 PM »
I just didn't actually get it.

This is essentially what my DH told me regarding my anniversary present.  Our anniversary was yesterday, and I didn't get anything for it.  DH and I do have a tradition of getting each other fairly expensive gifts for holidays (as an example, I got him a new computer for our anniversary this year).  So to hear that he thought about getting me something, but didn't bother to get off his duff and get it, was very saddening for me.  We continued on with our plans (dinner, night at a hotel, then going to the State Fair today), but I really need to find a way to let him know that what he did is NOT a good thing in terms of gift giving.  Even if I get the bestest present in the world tomorrow, it still won't make up for how it was given to me.

Any ideas on how I can get the message across without descending into name-calling or fits of PA nastiness?

wyozozo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3232
  • Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2011, 09:04:23 PM »
"Did the research not include shipping options?"

Sorry, seems I only have PA suggestions. And I'm sorry he failed in the gift department.



Shores

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7668
  • F.O.E.
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2011, 09:05:53 PM »
What did he say in the moment? When you gave him his gift? I'm assuming he said more than just "I researched what to get you"... radio silence, right? Did he have an explanation?
Wherever you go.... there you are.

Lady Snowdon

  • Super cool awesome title
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5956
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2011, 09:15:05 PM »
Shores, he basically said that he'd had to work until 5:30 pm on Wed (instead of his normal 4 or 4:30) so he didn't have time to get me something.  I personally was not aware that gift shopping was limited to the day before, so I wasn't really happy with his "explanation".

Surianne

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10744
    • Prince ShimmerShine Moondream's Blogging Adventure
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2011, 09:27:57 PM »
Did he say he was going to pick it up for you the next day?  I'm a little lost on what's actually happening here.  If he did intend to get it but just couldn't for the actual day of the anniversary, I don't see a problem.  Stuff happens.  We have good intentions, and sometimes we mess up.  If he's been great in the past, I would try to let this go.

Or did he want to cancel gifts completely?  If so, he should have spoken to you long before the anniversary so that you would know not to get *him* anything either.

Shores

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7668
  • F.O.E.
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #5 on: August 26, 2011, 09:31:31 PM »
Shores, he basically said that he'd had to work until 5:30 pm on Wed (instead of his normal 4 or 4:30) so he didn't have time to get me something.  I personally was not aware that gift shopping was limited to the day before, so I wasn't really happy with his "explanation".
I've found that to be pretty common with the men I've dated. :S If he was apologetic, I'd personally let it go this time. Everyone's entitled to slip up once in a while. Who knows if you'll drop the ball some time in the future. :D
Wherever you go.... there you are.

Surianne

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10744
    • Prince ShimmerShine Moondream's Blogging Adventure
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #6 on: August 26, 2011, 09:55:57 PM »
Shores, he basically said that he'd had to work until 5:30 pm on Wed (instead of his normal 4 or 4:30) so he didn't have time to get me something.  I personally was not aware that gift shopping was limited to the day before, so I wasn't really happy with his "explanation".
I've found that to be pretty common with the men I've dated. :S If he was apologetic, I'd personally let it go this time. Everyone's entitled to slip up once in a while. Who knows if you'll drop the ball some time in the future. :D

I agree.

I also think it's important to realize that for some people, it really, really matters that you get your gift on The Day.  For others, it...doesn't at all.  I'm in the latter category, and it took me a long time to figure out that some people get really attached to a specific day.  If it really matters to you to get it on The Day, that's probably a good conversation to have with him.

(My sister and I are both slowpokes when it comes to gifts, and we'll often give a gift a month after each other's birthdays.  It's fine with us -- I love getting gifts after my birthday, it's an extra special surprise!  But it really upset our mom, who thinks a gift is only a gift if it's on The Day.  So we solved that by lying and telling her we always get each other gifts on The Day.  Works for us, and keeps her from freaking out.)

PaddedPaws

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 523
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2011, 10:20:24 PM »
Think of something that he loves from you. Something that makes him special and completely loved by you. Then explain to him that that is how you feel when he takes the time to get you a gift on special occasions. As hard as it is, it's important not to be angry when you have this conversation. (I'd say it's okay to be hurt, though.)

LadyClaire

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9866
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2011, 02:10:52 PM »
Shores, he basically said that he'd had to work until 5:30 pm on Wed (instead of his normal 4 or 4:30) so he didn't have time to get me something.  I personally was not aware that gift shopping was limited to the day before, so I wasn't really happy with his "explanation".
I've found that to be pretty common with the men I've dated. :S If he was apologetic, I'd personally let it go this time. Everyone's entitled to slip up once in a while. Who knows if you'll drop the ball some time in the future. :D

I agree.

I also think it's important to realize that for some people, it really, really matters that you get your gift on The Day.  For others, it...doesn't at all.  I'm in the latter category, and it took me a long time to figure out that some people get really attached to a specific day.  If it really matters to you to get it on The Day, that's probably a good conversation to have with him.

I think for a lot of people, getting it on The Day confirms that the gift giver put planning and thought into it. Receiving a gift after The Day can feel like "Oh, well, I forgot..but..here's this gift I got for you as an after thought only after I realized you were upset".

Now, I have no issue if someone ordered something well ahead of time and it showed up later than anticipated. That happened to me with a gift for my Mom. I ordered her a set of prayer beads from Turkey. I ordered them four months before her birthday, figuring they might take a while to get to me. They arrived three months after her birthday...so in total it was 7 months from the time I ordered to the time that I got them. It wasn't a shipping issue. The company had run out of the particular beads I'd ordered and it took them a long time to get them back in. Once the beads shipped, I got them within 3 weeks.

hobish

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18186
  • Release the gelfling!
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2011, 03:36:00 PM »
A gift is just that - a gift. It's not something you are entitled to or owed. I can't think of a way to complain about the lack (or lateness) of one without being rude.
 :-\ Sorry.

Also - all of post 6.

ETA: I think that is true for any gift, but for an anniversary gift in particular. I can't imagine getting an anniversary gift for anyone other than my SO, so i am biased there.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2011, 03:38:17 PM by hobish »
It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
~Gaslight Anthem

Reason

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 774
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2011, 12:59:37 PM »
seems the proper answer is:

"And I really thought about giving you a mind-blowing night at the hotel, to thank you for your awesome present." >:D

StressedGroom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1701
  • Mr. Goblue2539
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2011, 01:08:46 PM »
I just didn't actually get it.

This is essentially what my DH told me regarding my anniversary present.  Our anniversary was yesterday, and I didn't get anything for it.  DH and I do have a tradition of getting each other fairly expensive gifts for holidays (as an example, I got him a new computer for our anniversary this year).  So to hear that he thought about getting me something, but didn't bother to get off his duff and get it, was very saddening for me.  We continued on with our plans (dinner, night at a hotel, then going to the State Fair today), but I really need to find a way to let him know that what he did is NOT a good thing in terms of gift giving.  Even if I get the bestest present in the world tomorrow, it still won't make up for how it was given to me.

Any ideas on how I can get the message across without descending into name-calling or fits of PA nastiness?

Wait, it isn't the thought that counts?

Did he tell you what it was, could it be that there is something coming it just didn't make it?  You may want to ask him to expand on what exactly he meant."

567Kate

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 954
  • Nothing could possibly go wrong with this idea.
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2011, 01:19:01 PM »
Wait, it isn't the thought that counts?

Did he tell you what it was, could it be that there is something coming it just didn't make it?  You may want to ask him to expand on what exactly he meant."

It is the thought that counts. And he didn't think about it enough to get the gift in time.

It would be fine if he ordered it in plenty of time and it was back-ordered or something. But you don't get points for "Well, I thought about giving you something."

I think it's best to just be direct. "I was really hurt that you didn't have a gift for me on our anniversary."

hobish

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18186
  • Release the gelfling!
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2011, 02:49:56 PM »
A gift is just that - a gift. It's not something you are entitled to or owed. I can't think of a way to complain about the lack (or lateness) of one without being rude.
 :-\ Sorry.

Also - all of post 6.

ETA: I think that is true for any gift, but for an anniversary gift in particular. I can't imagine getting an anniversary gift for anyone other than my SO, so i am biased there.

Sorry to quote myself here - i completely misread the post. For some reason i read DH as DF ... as if you were upset your Dad thought of getting you something for your anniversary and it didn't work out. Not the same. If Gish said he found me something really awesome and then ... and then... and nothing, i'd be dissapointed, too. It's different between SO's.

No advice, as i just realized my mistake. Apologies!

It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
~Gaslight Anthem

RuthieCohen

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 69
Re: I researched what to get you!...
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2011, 02:51:12 PM »
It would be fine if he ordered it in plenty of time and it was back-ordered or something. But you don't get points for "Well, I thought about giving you something."

Agree.  It's like presenting a torn page from a catalog, pointing to it and saying, "this is what I thought about giving you for our anniversary, but the phone rang and then . . . . ."

If you have a history of giving gifts to each other, then there is no excuse for him not you getting one.  Unless his finances weren't up to it and he was too embarassed to tell you so.  But even then, a hand-crafted do-dad or a lovely self-written poem or even flowers and music at dinner can go a long way.