Was I rude or Was He Clueless?

[MissBrit]

Background: About a week ago, I came home to find my neighbor, Jan, sitting outside her apartment with her friends Sandra and Eli. Jan had found out a few weeks ago that I was single and had told Eli about me. She said that he wanted to meet me. So we were introduced. He seemed like a nice enough guy. Jan was telling Eli about how I volunteer at our local, live outdoor theater. I told them about a new musical that was coming up and they said they were interested in going the following Friday.

Story: Tonight, Jan, Sandra, and Eli show up at the show while I'm taking tickets and Eli gives me his extra ticket and says that I should come sit with him. I thanked him and said that I wasn't sure that I could. There are a few problems with this: First, I am technically working, although I'm not being paid, I just can't abandon my job or my friends who I work for for a guy that I hardly know. Second, even if I did (the house manager is one of my best friends and she would have let me) his seats were in the third row of the center section (granted he gave me the aisle seat), which would have been too difficult for me to get up and out of the theater before everyone else to get to the concession stand to serve concessions, which I was assigned to do at intermission and to be down at the entrance seeing everyone out at the end of the show.

I ended up not sitting with Eli and he questioned me about it as he was leaving at the end of the show. I made noises about having been busy working and left it at that.

So, was I rude or was Eli clueless? Was there a better way to handle this?

[MariaE]

I vote clueless. He might have figured your duties were over once the show started.

[WestAussieGirl]

I don't think you were rude but I do think it was a sweet (if clueless) gesture on his part.

[Cuddlepie]

Eli purchasing a ticket for you without checking if you were able to join them .... a little presumptive on his/their part.  For all he (and your friends) knew you could have had plans to sit with someone else. 

(Hugs) you were certainly placed in an awkward spot.

[Fleur-de-Lis]

I think you were a little rude in not addressing his assumptions. If you need to sit elsewhere, you need to use your words.

"I really appreciate the thought; unfortunately my commitments mean that I need to be elsewhere when intermission starts and I don't want to be disruptive to everybody else in getting there, or keep people waiting."

If you want to spend time with him there, you can always add a variation of "I appreciate your spontaneity, and I would like to spend time watching a performance with you, but I need more advance notice so I can take care of getting my commitment covered.". Or propose a different venue, since you might feel jumpy even if you are not expected to work that night.

[sisbam]

I think it was a sweet gesture that fell flat because Eli didn't understand the extent of your duties. It's not like you left him hanging; you did say you weren't sure if you could join him when he offered and you did explain that you had to work once the show started.

If you do want to spend time with him, use some variation of BF's wording regarding your schedule or suggest a non-theatre related event.

[Allyson]

I think this is a case of his being clueless, but good-hearted, and you weren't rude but maybe expected him to know more about your situation than he did. I don't think this is uncommon--I have a friend who does similar volunteering, and she gets frustrated when people don't necessarily understand what her limitations would be because nearly everyone she's close to is also involved in theatre, so it's just intuitive to them, but not to everyone else.

[WillyNilly]

I think he was clueless and so long as you tol him when he handed you the ticket it wouldn't be possible or at least might not be possible, then you're fine. If you just left him wondering the whole performance, that's a bit off.

I would probably forgive the error in a guy of doing this, but I'd be wary of it being a pattern. Once in a while a surprize overture is sweet, but in general I think its better to be consulted on dates in advance.

[Celany]

Hmm. I vote rude, possibly, depending on how the "questioning" after the show was. If I were in his shoes, I'd feel horribly embarrassed once I realized that I was asking someone to avoid his volunteering job to go on a date with me. If he didn't understand that, I think I'd totally write him off for future dates.

If he just wanted clarification, and he seemed like someone you wanted to date, then I'd give him another chance.

[DavidH]

I'd vote kind of clueless.  Questioning comes in varying degrees.  In interrogation is rude, but a question or two to try to decide if you were avoiding him and or interested but busy seems reasonable to me. 

[RuthieCohen]

Plain and simple, you were working.  There's nothing rude about that.

Him?  I'd say he could have been clueless or rude depending on what he asked you and how he asked it.