Author Topic: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers  (Read 14743 times)

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Stitch

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #30 on: August 29, 2011, 11:22:53 AM »
How he treats his pets. I'm very big on pets and pretty much baby mine so I needed to have a partner who is not only an animal lover but has a lot of respect for animals in general.

He already had a couple of cats when I started seeing him, but it was a story he told me which cinched it. He told me one day over dinner that he "used to have a snake, but when I went to Uni I couldn't look after it anymore" now I don't usually like these type of stories as for most people they always end with the poor animal meeting a sad fate, and the person in question usually sheds no tears over doing so.

His parents weren't able to take it, as they had lots of rabbits and a dog so were quite busy already.  So he and his parents took the snake to the local zoo and donated it to the children's area where the staff let children meet the animals and stroke them. The zoo itself is pretty good, so I don't doubt it got a lot of care and handling.

I was so happy, as that seemed like a highly responsible thing do.

There are lots of other little things he does/has done but thats the one I wanted to share.

Dragonflymom

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #31 on: August 29, 2011, 11:23:35 AM »
My husband and I met online, but when we first met up in person, it was at one of my band's gigs playing for a bellydance show and he cheerfully picked up my instruments afterwards and lugged them to my car in the pouring down rain.
When he met my daughter for the first time a month later, he kept an eye on her for me while I was playing at another gig and watched over her so conscientiously that everyone who didn't know me thought she was his.
He has never reproached me in any way for being unable to have children with him.  (this was after a previous marriage where my ex kept threatening to divorce me over my doctor recommending me to get my tubes tied after a bunch of stuff went wrong while I was pregnant with my daughter).
He shares my need for being held often, and has never treated me like I'm needy or clingy because of it.
He uncomplainingly puts up with going to kids' movies, state fairs and amusement parks for my daughter.
Within a couple months of my meeting him, he began sewing medieval garb for my daughter and I.
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Auntie Mame

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #32 on: August 29, 2011, 11:46:55 AM »
BF fell in love with me when I turned to him after he said something about spice and quoted "tell me about the waters of your homeworld Usul".  I fell in love with him when I asked him he wanted cake or death and he answered "errrrr, cake please".

Nerd love.

Big one for me: He likes his women outspoken and assertive (sick and tired of overly sensitive or overly macho guys who think women should be delicate and sweet).  Basically, we both like to be with people who will stand up to us when we cross a line.

The cat likes himas well, she has hated, hated, every man I ever brought home, except BF. 
« Last Edit: August 29, 2011, 12:34:08 PM by Littlepixie »
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WonderWoman

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #33 on: August 29, 2011, 11:58:56 AM »
For me, DH:
* Commented on his own about how sexist an advertisement was. Most guys either wouldn't notice things like that or would "fall" for it.
* Appreciated similar music to what I appreciate, but was open to listening to things I liked that he never heard before.
* Made me laugh out loud often.
* Has a similarly dysfunctional family of origin but also has worked to over come it and not repeat those same patterns. We both share those struggles and help each other.
* Respected me and treated me like I am intelligent.
* Has never been to and has never wanted to go to strip clubs.

We have been married almost 10 years and together almost 14. Good times even in hard times.

Edited to remove a statement that many found offensive. So sorry.
« Last Edit: August 30, 2011, 02:11:27 PM by WonderWoman »

heartmug

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #34 on: August 29, 2011, 01:59:08 PM »
He promised to ring me, and did (the next day).


My Dh too.  When he said "I will call Thursday" he did. I like a person who keeps their word.

We also had the same values and the same love of history books.
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Fluffy Cat

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #35 on: August 29, 2011, 11:05:25 PM »
* Has never been to and has never wanted to go to strip clubs. (He says that seeing women act out their childhood abuse issues is not s*xy to him.)

I also like that my DH does not enjoy strip clubs.  However, thats a really broad, and offensive brush your DH is applying in regards to strippers.

ETA - its your DH's view, not necessarily yours, so edited to reflect that
« Last Edit: August 29, 2011, 11:12:13 PM by Fluffy Cat »
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Shores

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #36 on: August 29, 2011, 11:07:48 PM »
* Has never been to and has never wanted to go to strip clubs. (He says that seeing women act out their childhood abuse issues is not s*xy to him.)

I also like that my DH does not enjoy strip clubs.  However, thats a really broad, and offensive brush you're applying in regards to strippers.
ITA. Even if that's his personal opinion, it was worded quite offensively.
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kkl123

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #37 on: August 29, 2011, 11:21:28 PM »
We'd met online and pretty much by accident... he helped me design some lab equipment, and I think some of my teaching stories amused him.  By the time we met in person, we knew each other to be basically kind people, and I was pretty sure he was genuine -- nobody worries about his friends' kids when there's a divorce (and volunteers to baby sit during court dates) unless he's got a kind heart.

We wound up in a science museum early on; the major exhibit in the life sciences area was on bioethics, and there were a number of open ended questions like, if a person was a kidney donor in their 20s, and then needs a transplant in their 50s, should they get "bonus points" for that earlier donation?  Our responses to everything were remarkably alike.

Later, when my mom's health failed, she came to live with us... the one remark she ever made about our marriage (she was agin' it at first) was that she loved to hear us laughing together... 

We are very different people from very different life experiences, but we somehow manage to make it work very easily.

zyrs

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #38 on: August 29, 2011, 11:26:40 PM »
When she came to visit for the first time, my cat jumped into her lap after 16 minutes.  The cat took a year and a half to let my mother near it.


Elfqueen13

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #39 on: August 30, 2011, 09:55:50 AM »
When I told him that if all he was looking for was someone to perch on the back of his Harley and look cute, he should keep looking. He laughed.  Any other response and I would have been out of there.
Follow along on my house hunt!  http://ulfrslady.livejournal.com/

lady_disdain

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #40 on: August 30, 2011, 10:00:06 AM »
On our first date, we discussed Bach, mathematical puzzles and books. We both felt comfortable enough with each other, right off the bat, to joke around and be silly.

Shiraz_Much?

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #41 on: August 30, 2011, 10:39:31 AM »
* Has never been to and has never wanted to go to strip clubs. (He says that seeing women act out their childhood abuse issues is not s*xy to him.)

I also like that my DH does not enjoy strip clubs.  However, thats a really broad, and offensive brush you're applying in regards to strippers.
ITA. Even if that's his personal opinion, it was worded quite offensively.
I agree.  Not sure why he thinks that all strippers have childhood abuse issues.  That is a pretty judgmental statement to make.

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Bibliophile

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #42 on: August 30, 2011, 10:55:04 AM »
DH likes pickled herring.  How that comes up in conversation, I don't know, but it did when we first met.  And he says that he can never get upset no matter how much money I spend on books.  That's a good man :)

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.” ~ Groucho Marx

Cami

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #43 on: August 30, 2011, 11:33:52 AM »
Deal makers:

1. Treating others with respect and kindness without being a doormat or passive.
2. Genuinely being free of bigotry (as opposed to paying lip service to political correctedness) and generally not inclined to put people into boxes.
3. Having not only a good sense of humor, but one that matches my own.
4. Sticking up for me and drawing a line in the sand when his parents made it clear instantly upon meeting me that I was the  >:D
5. Being interested in travel and new experiences.
6. Being relatively neat (no dirty socks all over etc).

Auntie Mame

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #44 on: August 30, 2011, 12:14:38 PM »
* Has never been to and has never wanted to go to strip clubs. (He says that seeing women act out their childhood abuse issues is not s*xy to him.)

I also like that my DH does not enjoy strip clubs.  However, thats a really broad, and offensive brush you're applying in regards to strippers.
ITA. Even if that's his personal opinion, it was worded quite offensively.
I agree.  Not sure why he thinks that all strippers have childhood abuse issues.  That is a pretty judgmental statement to make.
Good, I'm not the only one was offended by that statement.  It's an interesting assumption and highly judgemental.
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