Author Topic: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers  (Read 13891 times)

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Elfqueen13

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #60 on: September 12, 2011, 05:18:19 PM »
My dealmakers:

Polite to waitstaff, clerks, etc.
Respectful to others, especially children and the elderly.
Loving, if not close, rel@tionship to family.
Must have similar views with regards to children (nice to borrow, don't want any) and pets (nice to have, don't want to borrow)
Must have similar views on marriage. (I don't want to get married. Mutual devotion is all I want.)
My cat must approve. She's never steered me wrong.
Bonus points if they're an animal or child magnet*

*My SO looks pretty gruff and scary. He's somewhere between a biker and an archetypal pirate, complete with bad teeth, Naval tattoos, single earring and a limp. (I'd say he needs a parrot, but he already trained our cat to perch on his shoulder and glower, so that's covered ;)) Bottom line, he looks mean. Kids LOVE him. Seriously. Somehow, they don't see any of the stuff on the outside and immediately know "This is a guy who will make T-Rex noises on command and teach us how to make bottle rockets! Tackle him!"

My husband is kind of like that - his teeth are ok but he shaves his head and he's 6'2".  Little kids and small animals absolutely love him.  He threatens to BBQ my nephews on a regular basis and they laugh and demand horsey rides.
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Delia DeLyons

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #61 on: September 13, 2011, 08:26:58 PM »
     Never, ever gets upset or impatient with me when I am being stubborn and completely unreasonable... Just calmly talks me down and asks me to explain my concerns to him clearly... And does the same himself.  Thanks to his calm, caring attitude at these times, I am actually curbing these (rare) tendencies I have and becoming more like that myself... Amazing to me!
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Ginger G

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #62 on: September 14, 2011, 09:54:26 AM »
There were many things I suppose, but the fact that he liked cats was the first thing I remember that made me really start to like him.  Not long before we met, I had broken up with another guy that told me I would have to get rid of my cats before we could get really serious.  That guy said it was "him or the cats", I immediately responded, "my cats of course!" 

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #63 on: September 14, 2011, 10:36:32 AM »
There were many things I suppose, but the fact that he liked cats was the first thing I remember that made me really start to like him.  Not long before we met, I had broken up with another guy that told me I would have to get rid of my cats before we could get really serious.  That guy said it was "him or the cats", I immediately responded, "my cats of course!"

Does anyone ever actually expect that to work?  Worse, does it ever actually work?

I couldn't imagine giving up a loving companion for a maybe.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #64 on: September 14, 2011, 10:40:41 AM »
A friend of mine caught back up with a male friend of her's a couple of years back.  They'd never managed to connect to date back in the day, mainly because she had cats and he was allergic.  When they met again, she didn't have cats and they started dating.

One day, he left the door to his house open because he was running in and out and a stray cat wandered in and took up residence.  She had a litter of 4 kittens.  He isn't allergic to her!  Friend took one of the kittens, they gave away the other three and stray got fixed and is happy to stick around.

Friend and guy are now married, with their two cats and have now added a dog.
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Hollymom1229

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #65 on: September 14, 2011, 12:58:00 PM »
I remember my dog liked him immediately.  So much so, that for the first time ever instead of trying to crawl up between me and a BF on the couch she crawled up on the far side of him to lay down on the couch. 

He thinks of me in a million little ways.  Brings me Coke slushees because he stopped for gas.  Surprises me with mini-trips, gifts, nights out, etc.  He has done this from the beginning of our relationship and still does 13 years later.. 

He gets me.  I am one of the most changeable, moody women alive and he rolls with it and always has.

His sense of humor, he makes me laugh like no one else can. 

His love of animals.  While he is especially a cat person, he loves all animals.

His genuine respect for people's feelings.  This includes kids, who love him because he doesn't talk down to them or pander to them.

I could come up with a million of these.  We were long distance for the first 2 years of our relationship and it lasted because everytime I saw him or we talked he impressed me in a new way.

jmarvellous

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #66 on: September 14, 2011, 01:38:37 PM »
He's genuine, all the time. Sometimes this results in hilarity, like when he asks almost everyone we meet if he can pet their puppies (um, he even got dog-phobic ME loving puppies), but usually it just means everyone likes him as much as I do.

He's usually very even and calm. It took me a couple of months to be able to read his subtle signs, but now I see that he's mostly full of joy and appreciation; even frustration doesn't pull him too far off track.

The things that make him mad are the things that make me mad, too -- the really big ones. Mistreatment of living things, to paint it with a broad brush. We're good at encouraging each other not to let the smaller stuff get in the way, and urging each other to do more than pay lip service to the things that really matter.

He and I have had really different paths. To put it simply, he has lived a (monastic) religious life; I've been a careerwoman. We're both in a period of change. And we're helping each other find balance.

We're both educated and avid learners;  we're both vegetarians; we have nearly identical politics and morals; we're both funny without being ridiculous; we like very similar stuff in most cultural fields; we like to do similar things in our free time.

Ms_Cellany

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #67 on: September 14, 2011, 01:44:14 PM »
Kids LOVE him. Seriously. Somehow, they don't see any of the stuff on the outside and immediately know "This is a guy who will make T-Rex noises on command and teach us how to make bottle rockets! Tackle him!"

I love this!
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TeamBhakta

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #68 on: September 14, 2011, 02:03:42 PM »
He's very reponsible about budgeting money and not spending what he doesn't have. He'll tell me "I need to pay the apartment rent, phone bill, etc this week. I can't spend money on xyz this week."

PaintingPastelPrincess

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #69 on: September 14, 2011, 04:15:05 PM »
Chris is also a kid magnet.  Last weekend, we were sitting behind two twin girls, probably about 6 months old, who were fussy.  Their parents each had one of the girls on their shoulders so they were facing us.  Chris was making faces, waving and silently interacting with them--and within 30 seconds the babies were all smiles, no fussiness at all.  It was amazing to watch.

Celany

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #70 on: September 14, 2011, 09:59:44 PM »
There were many things I suppose, but the fact that he liked cats was the first thing I remember that made me really start to like him.  Not long before we met, I had broken up with another guy that told me I would have to get rid of my cats before we could get really serious.  That guy said it was "him or the cats", I immediately responded, "my cats of course!"

Does anyone ever actually expect that to work?  Worse, does it ever actually work?

I couldn't imagine giving up a loving companion for a maybe.

Yeah, there was an ex of mine that was completely not a cat person. And had the brilliant idea that he would start telling me that I was not a cat person, I was actually a dog person. He did not understand how insulting that  was, and how it pretty much ensured that I'd never take the relationship seriously.

I thought of another deal-maker: knowing how to take care of me when I'm sick. Which isn't hard, but I'm amazed at the number of self-sustaining boyfriends who suddenly became unable to even heat up soup when I'm sick. My last SO actually came over with the raw ingredients to make me chinese-style chicken soup when I was sick, which is one of the things that I cherished about him. And he made enough to last several days. Sigh.

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

Mikayla

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #71 on: September 15, 2011, 01:08:32 AM »
DH and I met through work, and the first thing I noticed, which Vorpal Bunny mentioned, was his politeness, especially to waiters and waitresses.  I can't deal with rudeness "just because".  I got to know him better and loved the way he listened to me so attentively, and of course I loved the way he treated both my pets and his.  If you don't love animals, it's a no-go.

But the real clincher was we'd been officially dating only 3-4 months when my grandpa died.  I had to fly back to Chicago and he offered to come with me.  So he came and met the family, who loved him.  But my grandma - I couldn't believe what he did.  He came up to her at the pre-event (coffee and stuff before the funeral) and sort of bussed her on both cheeks in European fashion.  He's a tall guy and he bent way down, took both her hands in his, said something quietly to her, and then did the bussing thing. I was watching her eyes while this went on, and she looked so utterly charmed by it. 

It's kind of hard to explain how it came down and he almost sounds kind of pervy.  But it was very comfortable and I will never, ever forget the look on her face.  Somehow he penetrated her grief for a few minutes, and that's when *it* happened. 

fountainof

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #72 on: September 16, 2011, 11:54:39 AM »
Mine was I needed to be with/marry someone intelligent that liked to have good discussions.  I also wanted someone with life aspirations that involved their career what ever that may be.  I also like someone on cynical side who is sarcastic and a bit snarky.  Also someone who wouldn't just roll over and do as I say because I said it, he needed to be able to call me out if I was being over the top.

Giggity

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #73 on: September 16, 2011, 11:58:15 AM »
I never really doubted, but the evening I heard him up late and went downstairs to find him cradling my vile old cat Spot against his chest and murmuring soothing nothings to her, I was pretty sure.

And if I'm restless in my sleep, he sometimes gets up and brings me Bo. Apparently I sleep quieter when there's a malicious, obese ginger cat on my leg.
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Wonderflonium

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Re: Not the dealbreakers but the dealmakers
« Reply #74 on: September 16, 2011, 12:02:19 PM »
But the real clincher was we'd been officially dating only 3-4 months when my grandpa died.  I had to fly back to Chicago and he offered to come with me.  So he came and met the family, who loved him.  But my grandma - I couldn't believe what he did.  He came up to her at the pre-event (coffee and stuff before the funeral) and sort of bussed her on both cheeks in European fashion.  He's a tall guy and he bent way down, took both her hands in his, said something quietly to her, and then did the bussing thing. I was watching her eyes while this went on, and she looked so utterly charmed by it. 

It's kind of hard to explain how it came down and he almost sounds kind of pervy.  But it was very comfortable and I will never, ever forget the look on her face.  Somehow he penetrated her grief for a few minutes, and that's when *it* happened.

Actually, I think it sounds incredibly charming!
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