Do you play Match Maker? Update OP

[McCutieBelle]

If you don't, what is the nicest way to say no.

I am currently single.. and I have single friends, which is fantastic. All of them are very beautiful and a bit more successful then I am right now and I know some single men who for whatever reason we have not dated...

So basically I have found I am always the odd one out when it comes to my single friends.I am the catalyst to them meeting guys, and I end up home alone watching TV while they are out falling in love with my guy friends..

I have one guy friend in particular that I am highly fond of, and my friend is a model who is looking for a photographer... and she is the type my guy friend goes for... and she asked me to give him her contact information if he ever needed a model for a job. Part of me wants to help since I know what it's like to try to get work. I would want help as well, then there is the insecure part of me that thinks "no, not going to happen, if they are meant to meet they will meet and not through me"

Is there a nice way to NOT play match maker without seeming mean?

*edited to change the fact that ALL of my friends are beautiful, in their own way and unique. I hate saying that my friends are not wonderful and lovely... it seems rude.



Update-Made the professional connection and will see why this is going so slow with us... the dating is not official, we have not had that conversation and I DO like him, but you are right I should not let my silly insecurities get in the way of helping my friends with work etc....

[jimithing]

She is asking for a work contact, not a dating contact, correct? I do think it would be rather petty, and sort of mean spirited, to not give out her information for a gig, because you are worried they could be a love match and leave you off in the sunset.

I know it sucks to watch everyone else around you meet someone they are compatible with. But in this case, I think you need to treat it as a networking opportunity, rather than a matchmaking one. And maybe Karma will come back around and pay you in kind.

[Spoder]

I'm with jimithing.

FWIW, I am also single, and kind of un-set-uppable, I am beginning to think.  . I have been single *by far* the longest of any of my friends, and though none of us have an extra head, they're not model material any more than I am.

That's all to say - I know it can be hard. The little tiny mean-ish part of yourself thinks, 'Why should *I* facilitate everyone being set up, while I end up the last single person in the solar system?'. Ignore mean self and be the bigger self that you know you are. Do everything you can to nudge along your friends' chance at happiness. There's not a finite amount of joy in the world that's all going to get used up, KWIM? 

[MissKoreanna]

It sounds like you have a crush on your guy friend. 

As written, you said your model friend is looking for work, yes?  So it doesn't sound like she is trying to meet someone to date, just work opportunities. It sounds as though you are thinking that if they meet because of work they will date.  It's not a guarantee that it will happen or not.  She might not be interested in him, and he might not be interested in her. 

I guess I don't understand why you think you would be playing matchmaker if you give her info to him for work related purposes.  It's not being a matchmaker if the intent is not to have them date, but to help one of the people find work. 

If you don't want to give him her information, tell her that the "look" of the models he typically uses doesn't match hers.  Some models are more commercial, some are more edgy/high fashion.

And whose to say you aren't just as beautiful and successful as your single friends?  I bet you totally are!!

[Raintree]

Any possibility you would like this guy friend of yours to become more than that?

If so, go for it. (Easier said than done, I know). And maybe I'm mean, but I probably wouldn't introduce him to my model friend either, if I were interested in a guy and thought she'd be a threat.

[Perfect Circle]

You know how hard it is to break into this business. I don't understand why you wouldn't want to help someone else - all these contacts may become very handy at a later date. If they hit it off on a non-professional level, well, there isn't much you can do about it unless you tell the guy how you feel and see where he is in terms of your relationship.

Nice to see you back on the forum too.

[missmolly]

If you don't, what is the nicest way to say no.

I am currently single.. and I have single friends, which is fantastic. All of them are very beautiful and a bit more successful then I am right now and I know some single men who for whatever reason we have not dated...

So basically I have found I am always the odd one out when it comes to my single friends.I am the catalyst to them meeting guys, and I end up home alone watching TV while they are out falling in love with my guy friends..

I have one guy friend in particular that I am highly fond of, and my friend is a model who is looking for a photographer... and she is the type my guy friend goes for... and she asked me to give him her contact information if he ever needed a model for a job. Part of me wants to help since I know what it's like to try to get work. I would want help as well, then there is the insecure part of me that thinks "no, not going to happen, if they are meant to meet they will meet and not through me"

Is there a nice way to NOT play match maker without seeming mean?
*edited to change the fact that ALL of my friends are beautiful, in their own way and unique. I hate saying that my friends are not wonderful and lovely... it seems rude.

The fact is, your friend asked you for a work contact, not a blind date. If my friend withheld a promising work contact in a tough industry because she was afraid I might hit it off with him in the romantic sense, I have to tell you I wouldn't think of her as a friend.

[blarg314]

Yeah, I think this would be kind of petty, and pretty mean from a friendship perspective.

And realistically, if a guy is interested in you romantically, he'll generally make a move. If he's not interested and only sees you as a platonic friend, no amount of trying to block his access to attractive women is going to make him decide to ask you out instead.

[Schmoopie3928]

I seriously don't see the problem. If you have an opportunity to help a friend find work, and you dont because of your worries she will date him, I'm sorry but I find that petty and rude. My feelings would be really hurt if I found out about it.
If you have a crush on this guy, let her know. For all you know, she can help you guys get together. If not, and they fall in love and are truly happy, why would you want to prevent your friends' happiness??

[TychaBrahe]

You know, unless you become a big name person, like Catherine Zeta Jones or Karlie Kloss, a lot of your work is going to come from tips and good words.  You are denying someone an opportunity to earn money.  Who might be willing to do the same to you?

Karma is a Female Dog.

[McCutieBelle]

She IS looking for someone to date though as is he. I know both of them enough to know that he would probably pursue her romantically.. when you mix business and pleasure it can get volatile and I don't want to be in the middle of it. I want my friends to be happy, and if I can help them with work, great, but romance.... no, I don't want to be a facilitator of that anymore.

I don't think it makes me a bad person to not want to play Dolly Levi to all my friends and family members... why don't they reciprocate? Yes, I do like my friend a bit more then just out of friendship so I am remiss in pushing him into someone else's arms...

In general though,my question is about setting people up for dating.

Do you do it? If you don't want to, how do you say no?

[Visiting Crazy Town]

She IS looking for someone to date though as is he. I know both of them enough to know that he would probably pursue her romantically.. when you mix business and pleasure it can get volatile and I don't want to be in the middle of it. I want my friends to be happy, and if I can help them with work, great, but romance.... no, I don't want to be a facilitator of that.

I don't think it makes me a bad person to not want to play Dolly Levi to all my friends and family members... why don't they reciprocate?

In general though,my question is about setting people up for dating.

Do you do it? If you don't want to, how do you say no?

But she isn't asking you to hook her up with a boyfriend and he hasn't asked you to find him a girlfriend all she asked you about is a photographer  and there is no guarantee that they will date each other  or that she will be attracted to him or him to her  just because she is attractive doesn't mean that she is his type at all and it also don't mean that if he doesn't date her he will date you after all he has known you all this time and hasn't asked you out yet even though both of you are single

[McCutieBelle]

I understand that....

In general though, forgetting about the example...because I don't know why he hasn't asked me out, I have single guy friends that I wouldn't mesh well with in a relationship and that is fine.

What if someone DOES ask to be set up, do you do it? If you don't,what is a good way to say no?

[bobsyouruncle]

You are being a very bad friend and I can't help noticing you seem to have changed the story a bit when people didn't agree with you - first she's looking for a business contact & now she's looking for a boyfriend?

They say you should be nice to the people you meet on your way up because they are the same people you will see on your way down - how do you think your "friends" would feel to know you are withholding business opportunities because of some petty jealousy?

[McCutieBelle]

I didn't change the  story, she is looking for both. I just had a feeling that there would be drama if there was a set up. It is a vibe I get. Nothing jealous or petty,just a vibe that there would be drama that I would be in the middle of.

That example is nothing like this situation, and a bit underhanded....