Author Topic: Do you play Match Maker? Update OP  (Read 8027 times)

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PeasNCues

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #15 on: August 31, 2011, 10:43:52 AM »
You are jumping to conclusions, in more than one way.

Even if they were to start going out, who's to say that they wouldn't do extremely well together?

I don't think in this case or in general that you can politely refuse an introduction because you feel it may cause you inconvinience sometime in the future.

Even if they did break up, all you would have to do is stay out of it.
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Peggy Gus

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #16 on: August 31, 2011, 10:48:45 AM »
I didn't change the  story, she is looking for both. I just had a feeling that there would be drama if there was a set up. It is a vibe I get. Nothing jealous or petty,just a vibe that there would be drama that I would be in the middle of.

That example is nothing like this situation, and a bit underhanded....

The only way there will be drama is if you create it, and I don't see how you would be in the middle.

McCutieBelle

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #17 on: August 31, 2011, 10:51:24 AM »
I am jumping to conclusions it is true.

However say you really liked a man, and you were in the process of seeing if you could be in a relationship together. Then a single friend mentions "oh I see you know Bobby, he seems fantastic and we are both single, can you give him my number"

Why is it against etiquette to say "friend, I really like Bobby, and we are seeing where this is going to go, I hope you understand.My friend Mitch mentioned that he thought you had a lovely laugh and he's a doctor... would you like us all to go for drinks"  I think that's fine to do, but I could be against etiquette there. I don't know.
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Spoder

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #18 on: August 31, 2011, 10:54:16 AM »
I am jumping to conclusions it is true.

However say you really liked a man, and you were in the process of seeing if you could be in a relationship together. Then a single friend mentions "oh I see you know Bobby, he seems fantastic and we are both single, can you give him my number"

Why is it against etiquette to say "friend, I really like Bobby, and we are seeing where this is going to go, I hope you understand.My friend Mitch mentioned that he thought you had a lovely laugh and he's a doctor... would you like us all to go for drinks"  I think that's fine to do, but I could be against etiquette there. I don't know.

Well, I think you could say that if you were already dating the guy yourself, even tentatively - or were in some way involved romantically with him. But I thought you weren't? (Confused).

PeasNCues

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #19 on: August 31, 2011, 10:58:22 AM »
I guess it depends on whether you've actually done anything to indicate your interest. To me, unless you are actively pursuing a relationship with someone - with BOTH of you understanding that that is the purpose of your going out together - you can't "lay claim" to that person and prevent any other person from dating him.

If you are simply crushing on someone without anticipating taking any action in the near future, it's kind of strange to me that you would purposefully deny other woman access to him - even those looking for a business contact.
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

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jimithing

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #20 on: August 31, 2011, 10:59:08 AM »
I am jumping to conclusions it is true.

However say you really liked a man, and you were in the process of seeing if you could be in a relationship together. Then a single friend mentions "oh I see you know Bobby, he seems fantastic and we are both single, can you give him my number"

Why is it against etiquette to say "friend, I really like Bobby, and we are seeing where this is going to go, I hope you understand.My friend Mitch mentioned that he thought you had a lovely laugh and he's a doctor... would you like us all to go for drinks"  I think that's fine to do, but I could be against etiquette there. I don't know.

In general, if you don't want to play matchmaker, I would say that you've been in the middle of situations like that before, and there was some negative fallout which you don't want to be a part of again. Just say you don't really feel comfortable with being in the middle of a relationship where you could lose a friendship.

But I don't think we can lose sight of the specific example you provided in the OP. If you like the guy, I would just say that you were interested in him. Also, you said you don't understand why he hasn't asked you out yet. Have you done anything to pursue him? Let him know you are interested in him?

I don't think it would be all that fair to sit by, waiting for him to make the moves, while you do nothing to pursue it, but also don't allow any of your other girlfriends to pursue it either.

But in any case, she hasn't even indicated she wants to date him. It's a business contact.

jimithing

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #21 on: August 31, 2011, 10:59:47 AM »
I see P&C are on the exact same wavelength. "Lay claim" is a good way of putting it.

ilrag

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #22 on: August 31, 2011, 10:59:56 AM »
If you've known this guy for a while and he hasn't asked you out he's probably not going to.

Either he's not into you, he's dating some one you don't know about, or he doesn't want to mix up your professional relationship (which is how you know him, correct?) with romance. It doesn't really matter why, it just matters that he's not asking you out.

Now if your friend asked to be set up romantically with him you could tell her that your feelings are involved and you'd rather not.

What happened is that she asked for his contact information for non romantic reasons.  How are you going to tell her no for that one?

Shiraz_Much?

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #23 on: August 31, 2011, 11:00:08 AM »
I am jumping to conclusions it is true.

However say you really liked a man, and you were in the process of seeing if you could be in a relationship together. Then a single friend mentions "oh I see you know Bobby, he seems fantastic and we are both single, can you give him my number"

Why is it against etiquette to say "friend, I really like Bobby, and we are seeing where this is going to go, I hope you understand.My friend Mitch mentioned that he thought you had a lovely laugh and he's a doctor... would you like us all to go for drinks"  I think that's fine to do, but I could be against etiquette there. I don't know.
Bolding is mine.

Okay...you hadn't made this clear before.  However, I still think that it is wrong to keep them apart business-wise because you are assuming that they will just fall into each other's arms in love.  Could it happen? Sure.  But nothing is definite and although I do understand the emotional part of this...it would be very wrong to not hook them up in a business sense.  Then, just step out of it.  You won't be in the middle of anything then.

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missmolly

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #24 on: August 31, 2011, 11:01:38 AM »
I am jumping to conclusions it is true.

However say you really liked a man, and you were in the process of seeing if you could be in a relationship together. Then a single friend mentions "oh I see you know Bobby, he seems fantastic and we are both single, can you give him my number"

Why is it against etiquette to say "friend, I really like Bobby, and we are seeing where this is going to go, I hope you understand.My friend Mitch mentioned that he thought you had a lovely laugh and he's a doctor... would you like us all to go for drinks"  I think that's fine to do, but I could be against etiquette there. I don't know.

In general, if you don't want to play matchmaker, I would say that you've been in the middle of situations like that before, and there was some negative fallout which you don't want to be a part of again. Just say you don't really feel comfortable with being in the middle of a relationship where you could lose a friendship.

But I don't think we can lose sight of the specific example you provided in the OP. If you like the guy, I would just say that you were interested in him. Also, you said you don't understand why he hasn't asked you out yet. Have you done anything to pursue him? Let him know you are interested in him?

I don't think it would be all that fair to sit by, waiting for him to make the moves, while you do nothing to pursue it, but also don't allow any of your other girlfriends to pursue it either.

But in any case, she hasn't even indicated she wants to date him. It's a business contact.

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Petticoats

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #25 on: August 31, 2011, 11:04:07 AM »
I am jumping to conclusions it is true.

However say you really liked a man, and you were in the process of seeing if you could be in a relationship together. Then a single friend mentions "oh I see you know Bobby, he seems fantastic and we are both single, can you give him my number"

Why is it against etiquette to say "friend, I really like Bobby, and we are seeing where this is going to go, I hope you understand.My friend Mitch mentioned that he thought you had a lovely laugh and he's a doctor... would you like us all to go for drinks"  I think that's fine to do, but I could be against etiquette there. I don't know.

I don't see that that's against etiquette. Be straightforward with your friend by all means. But don't expect her or anyone to cede ground forever where Bobby is concerned. If (hypothetical) you continue not to make any move toward asking him out, it's unkind and unrealistic to expect everyone to keep the field open for you.

McCutieBelle

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #26 on: August 31, 2011, 11:07:12 AM »
I don't sit around waiting, that would not be very nice, you are right. We are pursuing it, it is just going at a glacial pace. I guess my own insecurities are coming out. I think it is a good business contact but if my friend mentions she wants to pursue a romance I can tell her my feelings about him and let the chips fall where they may.

If someone does ask for a set up, I am happy to know it is fine to say no because of not wanting to be in the middle.If they meet on their own that is one thing... ;D
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IDriveADodgeStratus

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #27 on: August 31, 2011, 11:08:37 AM »
If he hasn't asked you out, and you won't ask him out, it seems a bit dog in the manger to not want anyone else to date him either.

To answer your question, would I introduce two friends of mine? Sure, but the "match maker" thing? Leave me out of it. I'm too old for drama. If they decide to hook up, it becomes officially None of My Business.

Peggy Gus

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #28 on: August 31, 2011, 11:17:14 AM »
I don't sit around waiting, that would not be very nice, you are right. We are pursuing it, it is just going at a glacial pace. I guess my own insecurities are coming out. I think it is a good business contact but if my friend mentions she wants to pursue a romance I can tell her my feelings about him and let the chips fall where they may.

If someone does ask for a set up, I am happy to know it is fine to say no because of not wanting to be in the middle.If they meet on their own that is one thing... ;D

You say you are pursuing a relationship, but yet you are afraid he will start dating your friend. To me it doesn't sound like a relationship is in the works here. If he is interested in you, he won't date your friend.

Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: Do you play Match Maker?
« Reply #29 on: August 31, 2011, 11:17:49 AM »
I don't sit around waiting, that would not be very nice, you are right. We are pursuing it, it is just going at a glacial pace. I guess my own insecurities are coming out. I think it is a good business contact but if my friend mentions she wants to pursue a romance I can tell her my feelings about him and let the chips fall where they may.

If someone does ask for a set up, I am happy to know it is fine to say no because of not wanting to be in the middle.If they meet on their own that is one thing... ;D

 Have you two even gone out on a single date together if not then you are not pursing a relationship together  you are just friend and if he has asked other girls out but he won't ask you out that meant that he probally isn't interested in you in the romance sense though you may be interested in him and stopping your friend from meeting him doesn't mean that he won't find someone else that he actual wants to date