A bad date and how people can be clueless me included Update post #50

[TychaBrahe]

There are also medical reasons to not drive - epilepsy, insufficient depth perception, etc.

OT, and I'm sorry for derailing, but I was smacked down in another thread for suggesting that people with epilepsy could/should not drive.  I have only known three people (to my knowledge) who have that condition, and two of the three were legally barred from maintaining a driver's license; the third did not drive but I did not know her well enough to know whether that was her choice or not.  Are there people with epilepsy who are allowed to drive (in the U.S.)?  And if so, how is that determination made?  In the case of one of the people I know, it was only after an accident caused by a seizure that the license was revoked in the first place.

The law varies from state to state in the US, but generally if the seizures were mild and are controlled by medication to the point where the patient has been seizure free for a certain amount of time (usually in years) then the person can get a license.

[Reader]

OP here.  The only reason I said that I had to drive should have been a red flag was based upon everything after.  I have driven before on other dates in years prior with other men and it wasn't an issue.  The theater we went to was out of the way, but I am pretty sure the bus does run there.  I also think my words were colored by my reactions to the date itself and his lack of being prepared.  If he had planned better we could have had dinner by the theater as there were several less pricey places to eat instead of having to run back to his house and then on to the resturant. 

[Marguette]

And no one has even mentioned the teeth-picking display!

[WillyNilly]

You know what bugs me the most about this guy?  That he ordered a pitcher of mojitos - a rather strong drink - while OP was driving.  That says to me he wasn't really intent on sharing much or he has little regard for the OP's safety (both physical and legal).

[RingTailedLemur]

There are also medical reasons to not drive - epilepsy, insufficient depth perception, etc.

OT, and I'm sorry for derailing, but I was smacked down in another thread for suggesting that people with epilepsy could/should not drive.  I have only known three people (to my knowledge) who have that condition, and two of the three were legally barred from maintaining a driver's license; the third did not drive but I did not know her well enough to know whether that was her choice or not.  Are there people with epilepsy who are allowed to drive (in the U.S.)?  And if so, how is that determination made?  In the case of one of the people I know, it was only after an accident caused by a seizure that the license was revoked in the first place.

I don't know about the US, but in the UK you have to be seizure-free for a year.

http://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/driving/agencies-licence-categories#standards

[audhs]

There are also medical reasons to not drive - epilepsy, insufficient depth perception, etc.

OT, and I'm sorry for derailing, but I was smacked down in another thread for suggesting that people with epilepsy could/should not drive.  I have only known three people (to my knowledge) who have that condition, and two of the three were legally barred from maintaining a driver's license; the third did not drive but I did not know her well enough to know whether that was her choice or not.  Are there people with epilepsy who are allowed to drive (in the U.S.)?  And if so, how is that determination made?  In the case of one of the people I know, it was only after an accident caused by a seizure that the license was revoked in the first place.

I don't know about the US but in canada my sister hwo has epilepsy is can drive but only if her condition is under control.  You have to be seizure free for one year and cleared by a doctor before you can drive.

[virgo]

I'm just wondering - what if you didn't have a car either?  Would the date not have happened?  Does this guy only date women who have cars?

[Twik]

You know what bugs me the most about this guy?  That he ordered a pitcher of mojitos - a rather strong drink - while OP was driving.  That says to me he wasn't really intent on sharing much or he has little regard for the OP's safety (both physical and legal).

Well, that plus the fact that he chose an expensive restaurant knowing he couldn't actually pay for most of the meal, indicates that he was out for whatever, financially, he could score off the OP.

[auntiem]

You know what bugs me the most about this guy?  That he ordered a pitcher of mojitos - a rather strong drink - while OP was driving.  That says to me he wasn't really intent on sharing much or he has little regard for the OP's safety (both physical and legal).

This bugged me too - he spend 67% of the amount he brought on a beverage the OP can only have a little of. Not to mention $60 doesn't go very far at a tapas restaurant (+ tip) if they ordered food only. Was she supposed to share one little tapa with him and watch him drink? Not a fun date in my book.

[cheyne]

I would gladly pay for my half of a dinner date.  But there is no way in Ehell that I would pay $20. for a pitcher of Mojitos that I couldn't drink (due to driving, not liking alcohol, being on medication etc).  Sounds like Dateboy ordered the pitcher without consulting OP.  That means the booze is all on him.

Kudos to OP for going back and giving the server the tip.

[miranova]

Based on my experience dating men, it sounds like he might have been "testing" you.  It's one test I was always happy to fail, since I wouldn't want to date someone who would do such a thing.  I encountered several men who would claim to be broke or "forget" their wallet or otherwise do something that would make it necessary for me to pay.  If I balked, was visibly not happy about it, or did anything other than cheerfully fork over the cash, I was labeled a "golddigger" and that was the end.  A few men actually told me that's what they'd done at the end of the date, as if I should have been embarrassed by *my* behavior and was losing out on something because of it.

 

I think I would be thrilled to fail that test as well.

Funny, I've treated plenty of people to dinner in my life and never accused a single one of them of being a golddigger.  Men who would use that term to describe a woman who graciously accepts an offer of dinner are shooting themselves in the foot.

[Hawkwatcher]

Based on my experience dating men, it sounds like he might have been "testing" you.  It's one test I was always happy to fail, since I wouldn't want to date someone who would do such a thing.  I encountered several men who would claim to be broke or "forget" their wallet or otherwise do something that would make it necessary for me to pay.  If I balked, was visibly not happy about it, or did anything other than cheerfully fork over the cash, I was labeled a "golddigger" and that was the end.  A few men actually told me that's what they'd done at the end of the date, as if I should have been embarrassed by *my* behavior and was losing out on something because of it.

 

I think I would be thrilled to fail that test as well.

Funny, I've treated plenty of people to dinner in my life and never accused a single one of them of being a golddigger.  Men who would use that term to describe a woman who graciously accepts an offer of dinner are shooting themselves in the foot.

The "golddigger" accusation is especially dangerous if the woman drove them to the restaurant.  She might decide that her date can arrange his own transportation home.

[cruise07]

I don't care where you live, man provides for the transportation, pays for the date, and doesn't drink too much.  Common sense imo.

He would have paid for everything, I would have walked out otherwise.  Some women on here need to raise the bar imo.

[Fleur-de-Lis]

I don't care where you live, man provides for the transportation, pays for the date, and doesn't drink too much.  Common sense imo.

He would have paid for everything, I would have walked out otherwise.  Some women on here need to raise the bar imo.

Actually, I very much disagree with the first part of this.  I admit I have trust issues, but no way am I getting into a strange guy's car on a first or second date.  I have enough trouble taking taxis!  I won't drink, and I will drive myself.   

[Diane AKA Traska]

I don't care where you live, man provides for the transportation, pays for the date, and doesn't drink too much.  Common sense imo.

He would have paid for everything, I would have walked out otherwise.  Some women on here need to raise the bar imo.

Replace "man" with "whoever did the inviting, unless other arrangements are agreed upon beforehand", and I agree.