Author Topic: I got stood up today...  (Read 7697 times)

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whiterose

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I got stood up today...
« on: September 04, 2011, 05:56:02 PM »
I am not upset. I was not all that interested in him- just a "worth giving it a shot" kind of thing. Just a tad annoyed since it was far away and gasoline is expensive.

But there was a communication breakdown. We had agreed to meet at a Panera at 3:30 today in between our two cities. This was stated as of yesterday in the morning.

Well, I arrive there today at 3:30. I wait and wait for him. Before going to Panera, I had come from my guitar lesson, then stopped to drop something off, then went to the restaurant. I waited like 15 minutes but did not see him. I check the Piscine site- well, around 12:45 today he had sent a message saying "Hey Whiterose...Can we make it 4:00 instead, it looks like i may not make it there by 3:30? Sorry for any inconvenience. :)"

I messaged him "aye- I am here". I walked to the Petco 5 doors down in the same shopping center and went back to Panera around 4, then stuck around for a few more minutes till like 4:15, bought an iced tea and some bread (for the mice), then left. Then I went to the JoAnn near my house to buy some costume supplies, and then I went home.

Well, I got this message from him on the Piscine site:

i just got back home and tried to get there as soon as i could. I was there before 4 and didn't see you there...i waited a little while and then figured you never received my message and that you got tired of waiting for me...so then i left. ugh. We may have to try this again...sorry for making things confusing

Now I am curious as to who was more at fault for the communication breakdown, if he or me.

We never traded phone numbers- he never asked, and I am not willing to give mine first or ask for his unless he gives out his first.

I do not have a Smartphone- but Panera did have WiFi, so I was able to check POF.

Did he make today's message about not making it at 3:30 too late? I was still at home- but was cleaning, and then took a shower, and then went to Petco to buy some doggie treats for my guitar instructor's Chihuahua, then went to the lesson, then dropped items off, then went to Panera. Should I have checked my email/Piscine messages more often? We had not friended each other on Facebook or anywhere else either. I looked through all of Panera and did not see him. Should he have given me his number? Should I have stayed there the whole time instead of walking to Petco (same shopping center) and returning at the time he said he would arrive there?

Who overall was more at fault? Him, or myself?

Also- I have lost interest in him, and honesty it was not that high originally. Should I just ignore his apology email? Should I respond with a polite "thanks, but no thanks"? Should I be more blunt and direct? Should I ask him to reimburse me the gasoline- J/K  ;D

I am not upset- just slightly annoyed, mainly about the waste of gasoline, since the Panera was out of the way for me, and the JoAnn/dropoff/guitar studio/other Petco were in the other side of town, way closer to where I live.
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MrsVandy

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2011, 06:05:29 PM »
I would say that he is more at fault since he was trying to change the meeting time with not much notice. If your no longer interested I would just send him a quick email stating that a new time to meet isn't nescessary and thanks but no thanks. Sorry you got stood up though!




LEMon

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2011, 07:00:48 PM »
I'm trying to figure out how you two missed each other.  You were back at the restaurant around 4 and left at 4:15.  When was he there?  If he'd assumed you got his message, he should have waited whatever his 'wait for a date' limit was past 4.

I'm not too impressed by him since it kind of looks like he looked in before 4, you weren't there, didn't wait all too long, and left.  So he assumed communication breakdown even before it happened since based on the timeline you two should have been in the same place at the same time.

Celany

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2011, 07:14:31 PM »
I think he was more at fault for changing plans at the last minute and if you were really there around 4, his explanation sounds...off. As in, I wonder if he was there at all.

Also, and this could just be me, but when someone changes plans like that, I expect a serious apology and an explanation. If you're driving super-far to meet someone, there better be a dang good reason to change plans a few hours before. And profuse apologizing, coupled with kind words expressing his delight at finally getting to meet you.
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hjaye

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2011, 07:16:22 PM »
I would say it was more on him.  I don't fault him for the short notice.  You had not traded phone numbers, which I can understand, so the only method he had of getting a hold of you was a message on POF.  If he didn't have access to check to see if you had read the message, he couldn't be sure you had read it.  However, since he was there before 4:00pm, and since he did not know if you had received his message, I think he should have waited until 4:15 at least just to make sure.

I once went on a date with someone from POF.  We were supposed to meet at a local restaurant.  I got there about five minutes early and waited outside.  I was there for almost fifty minutes and she had not shown up.  I had gone inside to check to see if she was at the bar but I did not see any single females sitting at the bar.  I had left her phone number at home, and I was reluctant to try and get home to retrieve it since I was afraid I would miss her.  She finally called me asking where I was.  I told her I was at the restaurant waiting outside.  She said she was at the restaurant inside.  She had been there the whole time.  She was in the bar area, but instead of sitting at the bar, or at least at a table where she could watch the door, she chose a table that was against the wall and hidden from view.  I had not bothered to walk down to the bar, since I could see the bar area from the front door.  It never dawned on me that someone who was waiting for someone would sit somewhere out of view. 

The point I was trying to make, is that I realized I did not have a way to contact her, and that all sorts of situations can come up that can make a person late, (traffic, flat tires, working late) So since I couldn't contact her, I waited.  I think he should have done the same thing.

whiterose

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2011, 07:20:37 PM »
I was at the restaurant. It was not big. I looked around. There was only one true entrance door- the other one was more of an exit. I did check around. I was back by 4PM- possibly earlier. I even ordered something. The message I sent him said- "aye- see you at 4". I was there a good 15 minutes before parting- and I even ordered something and waited for it before leaving. And I did walk to my car which was closer to the Petco and did look around just in case. I am disappointed, but not angry, since my interest was not that high to begin with.

Maybe I did wrong in walking to the Petco to look at the mice in order to kill time till he got there at 4. But he did ask if we could make it at 4. Darn my taking things too literally. Darn my having interests and not just sitting there waiting to meet someone.
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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2011, 07:34:15 PM »
I would have brought something with me so I could wait from 15 minutes before to 15 minutes after. 

Leaving and coming back is always an iffy proposition - if one person is looking the wrong way, or in the washroom, etc. it's easy to miss each other.

As for the poster who was bemused at the person he was waiting for not having taken a seat in a more prominent position - maybe that was the only spot available when she arrived? 
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Surianne

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2011, 08:06:43 PM »
To me this sounds like a situation where neither of you did anything wrong or rude, and life just happened to mess it up. 

He probably thought he gave you plenty of notice about the switch, and when you didn't get a chance to check your email, he then thought you'd be waiting there -- not realizing that in the meantime you *did* check your POF messages, and you went to look in a store to wait for him at 4.  It might have been better to wait for him in hindsight, but you were also reasonable to assume he wouldn't show up until 4, because that's what he said.  I know I always feel awkward waiting unless I have a book or something (good suggestion from Blue Falcon for next time) so I probably would have done the same.


whiterose

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2011, 08:17:53 PM »
Well, I did surf the internet while I waited. I checked my Facebook and all. I even checked my LiveJournal. I had my iPod Touch.

I wonder if he should have been more contrite in his apology. Was 3 hours too short of a notice for the time change?

I originally did suggest 3:30-4PM. He was the one who mentioned "around 3:30". I agreed, since it gave me enough time to get there from the guitar lesson.

I have not replied to his message yet. I do not know if to tell him how long I waited, or if "thanks, but no thanks" will suffice.
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Winterlight

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2011, 08:30:28 PM »
I think that it's more on him- not everyone has a smartphone or internet access and he couldn't be sure you'd get his message in the first place. I also think he should have hung around a little longer. If you're no longer interested, I'd send an email declining to meet up again and move on.
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whiterose

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2011, 08:43:22 AM »
I sent him a reply today saying:

"Thanks, but no thanks."


Wonder how that will come across.
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Judah

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2011, 10:39:13 AM »
To me this sounds like a situation where neither of you did anything wrong or rude, and life just happened to mess it up. 

I agree.  I don't see that anyone was necessarily at fault or why it's important to find someone at fault. It was just one of those things that happen sometimes.
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whiterose

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2011, 12:15:13 PM »
To me this sounds like a situation where neither of you did anything wrong or rude, and life just happened to mess it up. 

I agree.  I don't see that anyone was necessarily at fault or why it's important to find someone at fault. It was just one of those things that happen sometimes.

If I had been more interested in him, I would have accepted the apology and tried to reschedule. After all, communication breakdowns happen- even in today's age of cell phones and wi-fi.

But honestly, my interest was not tremendously high. It was a case of "worth giving it a chance- beats staying home watching reruns on YouTube". I will not report him to the Piscine administration or anything.
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stargazer

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2011, 01:07:05 PM »
I personally think he sounds like a flake and wasn't there.  Especially since you sent him a msg "aye - i will see you at 4" why is he acting like you must not have gotten his msg to meet at 4 in his last communication?   I personally wouldn't have left, but I will wait 15 min before to 15 min after.  It sounds like if he was there, he didn't wait at all.

BellyBionic

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Re: I got stood up today...
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2011, 03:28:22 PM »
I think you were both at fault.  You sent him a response that said you were there.  He arrived, you weren't there.  I would have assumed you'd got tired of waiting and left, too.