Author Topic: How to ask,"One room or two?"  (Read 6783 times)

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nonesuch4

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How to ask,"One room or two?"
« on: September 05, 2011, 04:53:34 PM »
I have had four or so dates over the summer with a heck of a nice man.  We are widowed, and middle-aged.  He has asked me to Event A some distance from his house and mine. I wondered how the logistics would work on this and I received this email today:

"Hi,

I've wanted to get up there for years but really have no idea about the quality of the activities; however it is probably a nice time of year to be in the area......[generic comment about the climate]

As I will be going down to the [Somewhere else] over the following weekend for an annual get together, the opening day (Sunday) would be best for both of us.

I'd envision going up Saturday and being there by early afternoon and enjoying the varied [Generic Small City] area sights & sounds. Saturday night my favorite musicians up there are playing at the [Redacted]  and I always try to make it. You'd enjoy them and the pub - their specialties are [food and drink I like] - very casual - paper plates and plastic folks.

We would stay over Saturday night in one of the B&B inns nearby.

So, if this sounds like a fun thing to do, make sure to pack your toothbrush and nightie (or not) but it's too early in the season for anti-freeze so don't worry about that...

Let me know fairly quickly so I can book a room before they are all gone..."

We have never even kissed.  I don't know how to ask, "One room, or two?"  Left on my own, that is exactly what I'd email back.  Should I offer to pay for my own room?  That feels better, when I think about it.

CrayonOutlines

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2011, 05:32:45 PM »
You could say some variation of, "Sounds good.  Let me know how much my room costs/what I need to budget for my room/what I owe for my room."

Sharnita

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2011, 05:36:24 PM »
You could say some variation of, "Sounds good.  Let me know how much my room costs/what I need to budget for my room/what I owe for my room."

Sounds good to me.

Judah

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2011, 05:40:19 PM »
So, if this sounds like a fun thing to do, make sure to pack your toothbrush and nightie (or not) but it's too early in the season for anti-freeze so don't worry about that...

Let me know fairly quickly so I can book a room before they are all gone..."

I think this part of his email makes it pretty clear he's expecting you to share a room. I think Courtney's wording is perfect.

You could say some variation of, "Sounds good.  Let me know how much my room costs/what I need to budget for my room/what I owe for my room."

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

-The Car Talk Guys

nonesuch4

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2011, 06:19:49 PM »
Oh, gosh, that sounds so much better!

It will be fun, eating with plastic folks, too.

Thank you!

Surianne

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2011, 06:48:53 PM »
Yep, it sounds from the nightie comment that he's expecting you to share a room -- or he's making a hopeful joke about it.

Either way if you're not comfortable with room-sharing yet (doesn't sound like you've reached that point in the relationship) I like Courtney's wording a lot.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2011, 07:11:14 PM »
You could say some variation of, "Sounds good.  Let me know how much my room costs/what I need to budget for my room/what I owe for my room."

I think this makes it sound liek she is offering to pay, and he can respond with "Dont worry about it." And then what - what does that mean? That he's only booking one room? That he'll pay for both?

I wouldnt leave it open to that much interpretation.  I also wouldnt be going on an overnight with a guy I'd never kissed, and leaving him to make travel and accommodation arrangements for me.

OP, I'd urge you to make your own arrangments.  Ask him for the name of the B&B.  Tell him that it sounds great, but you'd prefer to make your own arrangments, can he send along the name of the B&B? You'll book today, so he can book as well (or whatever line assures him that you'll in fact be attending). 

This is going to sound mother-ish, and I apologize in advance, but your post sounds like you havent reached a level of intimacy with him yet where you feel 100% comfortable.  And give that fact, I urge you to think about your transportation there and back, your accomodations, what you're willing to accept and what you arent, and spell it out clearly for him.

Edited because I re-read the OP, and not all of my post was applicable.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2011, 07:13:14 PM by DigitalPumpkin46 »
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Surianne

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #7 on: September 05, 2011, 07:50:09 PM »
Good point from DigitalPumpkin, so I change my response  ;D  I agree, it makes more sense to simply ask him for the name of the B&B so you can book a room on your own.  That makes things easier (you don't have to sort out payment) *and* gives you control over your own sleeping arrangements.  A win all around.

blarg314

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #8 on: September 05, 2011, 08:29:33 PM »

I think I'd ask him for the name so you can book your own room. That way you control both booking and paying, and there's no extra expectation or obligation.

Petticoats

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2011, 08:33:21 PM »
OP, if you do go the route of asking for the B&B info so you can book your own room, I think it's important to let him know that's what you're doing, so that he doesn't think that you're booking for *both* of you. It would be problematic if he didn't make a reservation for himself and y'all were to find on arriving that there were no more rooms available.


gramma dishes

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2011, 08:52:44 PM »


It will be fun, eating with plastic folks, too.



LOL!  I noticed this too.  You're faster.   ;D

ACBNYC

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2011, 09:09:16 PM »
OP, you never really stated what you want out of the overnight or what you are willing to have happen. I'm a fan of the straight shooter approach. If you want to spend the night with him, say "that's great, see you then." If not, say, "sounds fun and I would live to do this with you but I'd rather have my own room." :-)

PinkWildRose

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2011, 09:14:46 PM »
DigitalPumpkin's response is great, and how he responds to that will be a good indicator of how things will continue.  If he's belligerent about you not being willing to share a room, it's probably a good time to run, run, run.  If he's cool with it, you've likely found a catch!

nonesuch4

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2011, 10:55:56 PM »
I had thought about taking my own car. I think whatever his hopes were/are, he will roll with the punches.  I've only been single a year and a half.  I told him I'm not getting entangled in a serious relationship anytime soon.  The first email that mentioned going to Event, Before the B & B was mentioned, he wrote: "saw your new ad on C/L.  You night want to correct these typos..." and listed them.  He was an English major. He was making a joke.  So, I think he knows we occupy different places on the single person bell curve..  .

I'm trying, in my old age, not to be so very blunt. I thought answering,"one room or two, pal," needed work.

Raintree

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Re: How to ask,"One room or two?"
« Reply #14 on: September 06, 2011, 01:15:37 AM »
He said "a" room so you could be honest without being TOO blunt: "Sounds like a great weekend. I'd like to get my own room as we haven't known each other all that long. Let me know how much it is and I'll pay for my room. I'm looking forward to the sights and sounds, and the musicians sound great."

Then he can either say, "Don't worry, I'd already planned on two rooms" (to which you could say, "OK, sounds good, I just wanted clarification") or, "What? I was hoping we could share!" But at least you'd know the plan.

The "nightie (or not)" comment implies to me that he's hoping there could be the tiniest chance you'd sleep with him naked. Possibly testing the waters to see if you're open to the idea. But I suppose if you weren't remotely interested in the idea, ever, you'd probably decline a weekend trip. But I agree, jumping from "haven't kissed yet" to "sharing a room" with nothing in between is a bit sudden.