Please come to our party but there are some rules...

[Roe]

Would many agree that the #2 rule would only be rude if she had originally invited siblings and then excluded them? 

Or say she never invited siblings in the first place but found out that many parents were still planning to include the "entire" family and not just the team-child so the host then decided to place some phone calls so everyone is made aware that the party is "for the team players" only.  Would rule #2 still be rude in this instance?

I ask 'cause I'm not entirely positive that the host intended for the siblings to be included in the inital invitation after all, it's a "team" end of the year party.  (I'm guessing here so the OP needs to clear this up)   

[Shoo]

I think a lot depends on how old these kids are.

If we're talking about 6 year olds, then I would assume the parents are invited as well as the team members.  If the "kids" are 14 year olds, then I can see just dropping them off and picking them up later.

A ball team has a minimum of 10 players.  Once you start adding parents and siblings, the number of potential party attenders gets to be a huge number.  It could be 50 or 60 people if entire families attend.  It sounds like perhaps the host of the party realized (too late) that too many people were planning on attending this party, and she's attempting to do some crowd control in advance.

She can't allow siblings to attend the party and then NOT allow them to swim in the pool.  That is not going to go over well at all.

[nolechica]

I'm guessing that Rule #2 could be a couple things.  The team could be 25-30 kids, which in a backyard pool doesn't leave room for siblings, or there isn't enough money in the account to invite excess siblings.  Either way, she should have just stated that siblings weren't invited or that team member and 1 parent were.

Rule #3 could be to insure that the host isn't the only one watching the kids and that because siblings aren't allowed in the pool, chaperones aren't either. 

As for bathrooms, that shouldn't be an issue.  Having grown up in a hot climate, I went to plenty of pool parties where we weren't allowed in the house, except to use the bathroom.

[caranfin]

It depends on the team tradition, IMHO. If siblings are never invited to the team party, they shouldn't have assumed they were invited to this one, so she's a little less wrong to say "okay, you can come, but we don't have room for you in the pool." But if siblings always come, there's no reason they shouldn't have expected to come to this party.

[bopper]

I think if you had a softball team you would have 12-15 players.  That right there would fill up a pool.  Also, I don't know why the sibling would come anyway.

One time my daughter's Girl Scout leader had a end of the year pool party and I liked how she handled siblings.  "Siblings are welcome but a parent must stay with them for the party."

[beakiebean]

If this is a end of season party for the softball players and their families then saying only team members in the pool to me is rather mean. You wouldn't invite people over and then feed only half your guests steak and half mac and cheese. If they are invited to the party they shouldn't be excluded from portions of it.

However if siblings are normally invited and there's lots of tagging along because it's a pool party and everyone wants to swim I totally understand that she's probably freaking about how many people are coming and just didn't pick the most tactful way to do a little crowd control.

Becca

[Roe]

It depends on the team tradition, IMHO. If siblings are never invited to the team party, they shouldn't have assumed they were invited to this one, so she's a little less wrong to say "okay, you can come, but we don't have room for you in the pool." But if siblings always come, there's no reason they shouldn't have expected to come to this party.

Sometimes, no "tradition" is set as many players are only on a team for one or two seasons.  The team may have a different coach, team-mom, coordinator every season.  For this reason, parents should realize that a 'team' party is primarily for the 'team members'...unless told otherwise.   

[blarg314]

No booze and bring your own lawn chairs are totally reasonable requests for a pool party, as is not wanting everyone trooping through the house in soggy bathing suits.   Bringing a dish isn't too bad - providing a place to host the party for the team shouldn't obligate the host to also feed everyone. 

The sibling rule sounds like a badly thought out idea, though.   I can see being worried about pool safety, but if you can't handle the people invited to the event then you shouldn't offer to host it. Explaining to disappointed younger siblings that their brother gets to swim, but they have to sit at the edge and watch, is a disaster waiting to happen.

I also wouldn't advocate having the parents drop the kids off.  I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a kid at a pool party with an entire softball team and only the owners of the house and the coach in attendance - the more people watching the kids the better, given the level of hyperactivity that's likely.

[andrea007]

This all sounds like a very typical and reasonable pool party for a sports team.

It is up to the hostess (graciously offering her home and pool, free, for the party) to decide how many kids she wants peeing in her pool and running in and out of her house/yard etc. Siblings don't play ball on the team so why should they be entitled to attend the team's end of season party? My son doesnt WANT his sister at team parties and sister doesn't want her brother at soocer parties. So one parent goes to the team parties and one stays home with sibling.

What message does it send to the kids if liquor is served at the team party? Ecch. Do parents expect to drink at kid birthday parties?
(maybe I don't want to know)

Of course she wants you to bring lawn chairs- how many lawn chairs do you think the average family has? And of course everyone will be outside- it is a POOL Party.  Why would adults be in the house if their kids are outside swimming? Who is supposed to watch their kids in the pool if the parents are in the house?

Honestly! The things some people find "mean" and unreasonable! Hey- if someone who is displeased can do a better job, THEY can host the team party! Or rent a pool and handle the arrangements themselves. Anyone who is ticked-off at these "mean" hostess rules and declines as a result- will probably not be missed at the party... but their kids will miss out on a nice sports team swimming party.

[twinkletoes]

With regard to "no one is allowed into the house" rule:  I hope no one needs to use the bathroom, and I REALLY hope it doesn't rain!

Alcohol rule: If this is an all-family event, I think it's fair if she makes whatever rules she wants, for whatever reason.  If she doesn't want alcohol on the premises, it's fair to make that rule. 

Money:  Actually, this bothered me more than the other rules.  Are the "leftover" funds normally left for the end-of-the-year party? If it's something she decided to do "just because," that's not cool. 

She should have just invited the team for the party.  It will already have about 15 kids, plus however many coaches.  That could be about 20 people, give or take a few.  That can be an awful lot of people!

[Sibby]

You know I bet there is a difference between "no hanging out in the house" and "no one may enter for any reason, pee in the bushes".  I mean come on people lets use common sense!  She was almost definately simply meaning to imply - "don't expect to sit at the kitchen table or on the sofa - if you won't be happy outdoors for a few hours you might want to reconsider coming."
Yard parties take place outdoors.  Yes you can go in to use the restroom or to get a glass of water if the cooler has no more, but let it be known it's a yard party.  And yes people do need to be told this, because plenty of adults assume kids = outside but A-OK for adults to sit inside.  And presumably the hosts will be outside (what with kids in the pool and all) and are not outrageous to not be comfortable with a crowd of people in their home unsupervised.

[kingsrings]

Sounds to me like the hostess just would like to limit the guest list to the players/parents, which is a perfectly reasonable request. I can see some parents objecting to that, thinking that the siblings of the players might feel left out and want to go to the pool party too, but sorry, they're going to have to learn that they're just not automatically invited to every event their sibling goes to, there are boundaries! But I think that the hostess could of worded this better and just flat out said that instead of speaking in semantics. She could of worded it something like, "This party is a private celebration for the players only", or something like that.

[Roe]

This all sounds like a very typical and reasonable pool party for a sports team.

It is up to the hostess (graciously offering her home and pool, free, for the party) to decide how many kids she wants peeing in her pool and running in and out of her house/yard etc. Siblings don't play ball on the team so why should they be entitled to attend the team's end of season party? My son doesnt WANT his sister at team parties and sister doesn't want her brother at soocer parties. So one parent goes to the team parties and one stays home with sibling.

What message does it send to the kids if liquor is served at the team party? Ecch. Do parents expect to drink at kid birthday parties?
(maybe I don't want to know)

Of course she wants you to bring lawn chairs- how many lawn chairs do you think the average family has? And of course everyone will be outside- it is a POOL Party.  Why would adults be in the house if their kids are outside swimming? Who is supposed to watch their kids in the pool if the parents are in the house?

Honestly! The things some people find "mean" and unreasonable! Hey- if someone who is displeased can do a better job, THEY can host the team party! Or rent a pool and handle the arrangements themselves. Anyone who is ticked-off at these "mean" hostess rules and declines as a result- will probably not be missed at the party... but their kids will miss out on a nice sports team swimming party.

Yes!  ITA.

[blarg314]

I think people with pools learn really quickly to set limits on their guests, otherwise it can quickly turn into masses of people showing up with booze, expecting to be fed and have their children watched while they swim, and wandering through the house in dripping bathing suits.

I have seen outdoor pools with washroom facilities that can be accessed wtihout entering the rest of the house.

[MrsP81]

Rule #2 is the only one that I think is rude.

Alcohol - Completely understandable. As a host you are responsible for people at your party. If someone gets drunk and drives home, it is the hosts responsibility. If I were having a lot of people over who I didn't know well I would be tempted to enforce this rule as well. If you really need to drink, go to a bar.

Lawn chairs - Don't see the problem here either. Most people don't have enough lawn chairs to accommodate that many people so asking them to bring their own isn't unreasonable. And I think it's fine to have people outside - that is where the party is being held and there is no reason why she should let people have full run of her house.