Schenanigans?

[EMuir]

I would rather we all just assume people are telling the truth and discuss the relevant points of etiquette.  If you think someone is lying, leave the thread and it will die.

[Scuba_Dog]

I have to say that recent responses to posts I have made - and responses to other posts - have left me very wary of starting new threads on this board.   I am making it clear now that I felt quite intimidated with the "barging past" comments made by individuals, and I believe, looking back at my posts, that I made myself clear enough when asked for clarification the first time.  If people have an issue with me, fine, PM me if you need more information and I will happily clarify on the board. Constantly and publicly questioning anyone on the same issue is not helpful. 

I think we have clarified the issue of shenanigans on this board, things seem to be going round in circles now.

I read through your thread and I don't see where anyone accused you of making things up.  I see where there is a clarification issue, but a shenanigans one I'm not seeing.  Am I missing it?

[Hollanda]

I have to say that recent responses to posts I have made - and responses to other posts - have left me very wary of starting new threads on this board.   I am making it clear now that I felt quite intimidated with the "barging past" comments made by individuals, and I believe, looking back at my posts, that I made myself clear enough when asked for clarification the first time.  If people have an issue with me, fine, PM me if you need more information and I will happily clarify on the board. Constantly and publicly questioning anyone on the same issue is not helpful. 

I think we have clarified the issue of shenanigans on this board, things seem to be going round in circles now.

I read through your thread and I don't see where anyone accused you of making things up.  I see where there is a clarification issue, but a shenanigans one I'm not seeing.  Am I missing it?

That was the only conclusion I came to after being questioned so intensely...that I could somehoew be under scrutiny.

[Scuba_Dog]

I have to say that recent responses to posts I have made - and responses to other posts - have left me very wary of starting new threads on this board.   I am making it clear now that I felt quite intimidated with the "barging past" comments made by individuals, and I believe, looking back at my posts, that I made myself clear enough when asked for clarification the first time.  If people have an issue with me, fine, PM me if you need more information and I will happily clarify on the board. Constantly and publicly questioning anyone on the same issue is not helpful. 

I think we have clarified the issue of shenanigans on this board, things seem to be going round in circles now.

I read through your thread and I don't see where anyone accused you of making things up.  I see where there is a clarification issue, but a shenanigans one I'm not seeing.  Am I missing it?

That was the only conclusion I came to after being questioned so intensely...that I could somehoew be under scrutiny.

Hm, I didn't get that at all from the exchange.  It really just seemed like a clarification issue.

I'm sorry it made you feel that way though. 

[Ehelldame]

That was the only conclusion I came to after being questioned so intensely...that I could somehoew be under scrutiny.

The only scrutiny you should be concerned about are the moderators', particularly mine. 

[Erich L-ster]

I had a big post written out on the pregnancy issue, but I think we're really sidetracking Erich's thread. I'll start a spin-off.

I think my thread is moot now anyway. If one doesn't believe a story to begin with any explanations are probably not going to be believed anyway especially when taken in context with past information that doesn't jibe. The conclusion for me is I should probably just bite my (typing fingers?) tongue.

[Miss Understood]

Well...keeping things in perspective, maybe I was a little oversensitive, and maybe it was genuine misunderstanding. I just felt and still do, that when questioning fellow posters, a little bit of leeway should be used.  I have read something once and thought one thing, and then read it back later and thought "Hey, that could mean something totally different!!" Then I feel like a jerk So maybe that's what happened, it was all just misunderstanding!?!

Hollanda - there is also a very bad habit here of dogpiling ... so when one person chimes in A LOT more will echo that thought.

Yes, this. Sometimes someone chimes in with an opinion that is (IMO) on the extreme end, but then a bunch of people echo that sentiment, and it seems like it's the majority opinion. Often it's not - when this has happened in threads I've posted, I will often get a PM or two (or three sometimes) from people who strongly disagree with the dog pile but didn't want to get into it on the thread because they felt it had gotten one sided and a bit hostile. Sometimes, an equally strong opposite opinion will get posted, and the dogpile swings back in a different direction (this is usually around page 3 of the post).

IMO it's a combination of people feeling emboldened to support a poster who took a strong position, and the "opposition" to that opinion staying silent (until someone posts a strongly worded post about that view, and then the pendulum often swings back).

So it often looks like this:

OP: I was passing by the lost and found at my work on my way home, and saw what looked like my coworker's sweater sitting there. I wasn't sure if it was hers so I didn't claim it, and by the time I told her about it the next day the lost and found was closed for a few days. Was I rude?

Posts  1-3: Not rude
Post 4: Wow, I would feel really awful if I couldn't get my sweater back all week because a coworker couldn't take five minutes to bring me it or at least tell me they saw it. Whatever happened to looking out for each other? OP, I think you were very rude.
Posts 4-15: POD
Post 16: Hey wait a minute, the OP said she wasn't even sure if it was this person's sweater - so if she claimed it it could be stealing from the actual owner. And she was on her way home, we don't even know if her coworker was still around in the office. I don't think she was rude at all.
Posts 17-?? POD

The only thread I remember that looked anything like the above was the one where a coworker had left her purse in the ladies' bathroom.  That's quite different from a missing sweater, and yes, some posters criticized the OP for leaving the purse alone and not notifying security (and I think she clarified that to do so would be really difficult - the fact remains that if it had been feasible, in the case of a purse, not a sweater, all reasonable steps should be taken to reunite the item with its owner).

I don't see the point of changing the details of an example to such an extent that the example has no relevance.

[LifeOnPluto]

I just wanted to make it clear that my "This guy is unreal" comment on PWR's thread (which sparked the subsequent POD chain) was made in good faith. That is, I genuinely believed the story and thought the guy's behaviour was outrageous. I wasn't trying to coyly question the validity of PWR's story.

Anyway, this thread has been very instructive and illuminating. I do agree that notifying a mod is the best way to handle a suspected shenanigans.

[Hollanda]

That was the only conclusion I came to after being questioned so intensely...that I could somehoew be under scrutiny.

The only scrutiny you should be concerned about are the moderators', particularly mine.

Ok. Here's what I will do. From now on, I will not take anything so personally. Simples!

(Thank you Ehelldame!) xxx

[MariaE]

I just wanted to make it clear that my "This guy is unreal" comment on PWR's thread (which sparked the subsequent POD chain) was made in good faith. That is, I genuinely believed the story and thought the guy's behaviour was outrageous. I wasn't trying to coyly question the validity of PWR's story.

Anyway, this thread has been very instructive and illuminating. I do agree that notifying a mod is the best way to handle a suspected shenanigans.

FWIW, I never thought you were - and I fully believe some of the other "unreal" / "unbelievable" comments were meant in the same way. Other posters just hijacked your comment.

[missmolly]

I think that asking pertinent questions is a good way to do it, however, we should to keep in mind that some posters will intentionally change/withhold certain details about stories they've posted in order to avoid people IRL recognising the stories/posters.

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

I think that asking pertinent questions is a good way to do it, however, we should to keep in mind that some posters will intentionally change/withhold certain details about stories they've posted in order to avoid people IRL recognising the stories/posters.

yep, it's a family member I am complaining about not doing the job, in a thread. So, I don't want them to find me.

[Ehelldame]

I think that asking pertinent questions is a good way to do it, however, we should to keep in mind that some posters will intentionally change/withhold certain details about stories they've posted in order to avoid people IRL recognising the stories/posters.

Changing pertinent details is encouraged to avoid exposing too much personal information.  Every once in a  while someone requests that I delete every post in a thread they created because they realized, too late, that there are real life people that can find their comments.  I don't delete entire threads or have the time to pick through their posts to remove them. 

[LadyL]

So it often looks like this:

OP: I was passing by the lost and found at my work on my way home, and saw what looked like my coworker's sweater sitting there. I wasn't sure if it was hers so I didn't claim it, and by the time I told her about it the next day the lost and found was closed for a few days. Was I rude?

Posts  1-3: Not rude
Post 4: Wow, I would feel really awful if I couldn't get my sweater back all week because a coworker couldn't take five minutes to bring me it or at least tell me they saw it. Whatever happened to looking out for each other? OP, I think you were very rude.
Posts 4-15: POD
Post 16: Hey wait a minute, the OP said she wasn't even sure if it was this person's sweater - so if she claimed it it could be stealing from the actual owner. And she was on her way home, we don't even know if her coworker was still around in the office. I don't think she was rude at all.
Posts 17-?? POD

The only thread I remember that looked anything like the above was the one where a coworker had left her purse in the ladies' bathroom.  That's quite different from a missing sweater, and yes, some posters criticized the OP for leaving the purse alone and not notifying security (and I think she clarified that to do so would be really difficult - the fact remains that if it had been feasible, in the case of a purse, not a sweater, all reasonable steps should be taken to reunite the item with its owner).

I don't see the point of changing the details of an example to such an extent that the example has no relevance.

Yep, that was my thread, and the inspiration for this example. The opinion in bold was not unanimous, but some posters did feel very strongly that it was an ironclad rule that I broke and that there wasn't much room for interpretation or discussion.

However I can think of a handful of other threads that followed the same pattern where I PM'd back and forth with members about how it's weird that this particular pattern is so distinct. That's not to mention the dozens of times when it happened and I didn't say anything. I find that when a seemingly innocuous topic gets contentious it tends to be because of this pattern.

[Hollanda]

So it often looks like this:

OP: I was passing by the lost and found at my work on my way home, and saw what looked like my coworker's sweater sitting there. I wasn't sure if it was hers so I didn't claim it, and by the time I told her about it the next day the lost and found was closed for a few days. Was I rude?

Posts  1-3: Not rude
Post 4: Wow, I would feel really awful if I couldn't get my sweater back all week because a coworker couldn't take five minutes to bring me it or at least tell me they saw it. Whatever happened to looking out for each other? OP, I think you were very rude.
Posts 4-15: POD
Post 16: Hey wait a minute, the OP said she wasn't even sure if it was this person's sweater - so if she claimed it it could be stealing from the actual owner. And she was on her way home, we don't even know if her coworker was still around in the office. I don't think she was rude at all.
Posts 17-?? POD

The only thread I remember that looked anything like the above was the one where a coworker had left her purse in the ladies' bathroom.  That's quite different from a missing sweater, and yes, some posters criticized the OP for leaving the purse alone and not notifying security (and I think she clarified that to do so would be really difficult - the fact remains that if it had been feasible, in the case of a purse, not a sweater, all reasonable steps should be taken to reunite the item with its owner).

I don't see the point of changing the details of an example to such an extent that the example has no relevance.

Yep, that was my thread, and the inspiration for this example. The opinion in bold was not unanimous, but some posters did feel very strongly that it was an ironclad rule that I broke and that there wasn't much room for interpretation or discussion.

However I can think of a handful of other threads that followed the same pattern where I PM'd back and forth with members about how it's weird that this particular pattern is so distinct. That's not to mention the dozens of times when it happened and I didn't say anything. I find that when a seemingly innocuous topic gets contentious it tends to be because of this pattern.

ITA. Just read back a few posts and I can see where the misunderstandings lie - when one person puts forward the opposite view from the PPs, and then more climb out of the woodwork and agree. Then it goes back to the original POV and so on.  I don't think it is always intentionally malicious, but if one poster is particularly upset or annoyed about something, that's when tempers might flare! I guess Scritzy's coke rule might apply here.