General Etiquette > Family and Children

Kids b-days and adult issues

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Felica:
Ok, I'm swimming way out into unknown territory on this one so I need suggestions.

Son #2 has two best buddies. One buddy's parents I know. The other buddy, we'll call him Jake, his mom and dad are divorced. Dad has him during the week, mom every weekend. As a result, we know his mom a little, but not his dad. We've spoken just briefly at ball games and school events, but that's it. BUT, my DH knows Jakes grandfather, and they don't particularly like each other. (long story for another day)

Son #2 was talking to Jake on the phone and got upset. He said Jake told him that he wasn't allowed to invite him to his b-day party because his (jake's) dad said my DH was 'crazy and stupid'. ??????

We've talked to Son #2 and he's not as upset about it, but it still obviously bothers him, as it does me. Since these kids have been best friends for about three years now, I'm wondering if I or my DH ought to give Jake's dad a call and try to clear this up or leave it alone? I'd hate for this to affect Son #2 and Jake's friendship. Son #2 has a b-day comming up and I know he's going to want Jake there.

There are so many things that bug me about this. First, why would you tell a child this when you know children are apt to repeat things? Second, why even take your issues with DH out on his 8 year old child? Third, what the heck is the issue anyway?

I thought about calling this man and asking these questions but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do or if calling would be too confrontational?

So, let it go, or say something? And if the answer is say something, how?

Tabris:
I would allow Jake to play with my son only in places and areas where he was never left alone with Jake's dad.

If the boys are okay with the friendship continuing, let it go. It sounds as if Jake was upset that his family is playing these games, so it might well be that your family is one of the only stable influences in Jake's life.

I would *NOT* call the parents and get involved. You already know there are issues between your husband and this kid's grandfather. Just continue to be polite to the family when you see them. Over time, Jake will see that you and your family are neither crazy  nor stupid, and at the same time will realize his own father is petty and vindictive. When that happens, he may well turn to you guys as his rock.

Felica:
I guess I'm just wanted to make this man squirm by asking how hurting an 8 year old's feeling could possibly make him feel any better....but your right, it would probably just make it worse. I guess pinching his head off at the neck is out of the question too, huh?

Alida:

--- Quote from: Foxxyfox on December 30, 2006, 09:53:13 AM ---I guess I'm just wanted to make this man squirm by asking how hurting an 8 year old's feeling could possibly make him feel any better....but your right, it would probably just make it worse. I guess pinching his head off at the neck is out of the question too, huh?

--- End quote ---

Unfortunately so!

Jake's father has a lot of growing up to do if he's holding HIS father's dislike of your DH again your son! 

Clara Bow:
I love it when adults take their problems out on children. I would not allow my son to be anywhere alone with Jake's dad and I would keep being nice in public. I don't know if I could resist calling him up and asking why he said that in front of Jake....I would, but it would be hard.
Something else to consider, it's possible that Jake's dad didn't say that in front of Jake but that Jake overheard him talking to someone else. I hope that's the case anyway...

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