Author Topic: S/O Aspergers - autistic student - UPDATE: I give up  (Read 29301 times)

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RegionMom

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #60 on: September 15, 2011, 04:05:24 PM »
Does Nazir drive?  Has he ever held a job? 
If he basically home-schooled his way to a college degree, then maybe he has not really dealt with the real world.  Now is the time for the training wheels to be loosened, and see if they could ever truly come off!

How would he handle a job interview?  Let alone, arranging said interview, and developing the skills needed to present oneself before a review board? 

Looking good on paper is only one part of getting a job. 

Again, document, document, document.  Grad students are adults, and should be treated as such.  Yes, make accommodations for special needs.  That does not mean treat like a pre-schooler. 

This could get interesting!
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Spoder

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #61 on: September 16, 2011, 01:21:00 AM »
Does Nazir drive?  Has he ever held a job? 
If he basically home-schooled his way to a college degree, then maybe he has not really dealt with the real world.  Now is the time for the training wheels to be loosened, and see if they could ever truly come off!

How would he handle a job interview?  Let alone, arranging said interview, and developing the skills needed to present oneself before a review board? 

Looking good on paper is only one part of getting a job. 
Again, document, document, document.  Grad students are adults, and should be treated as such.  Yes, make accommodations for special needs.  That does not mean treat like a pre-schooler. 

This could get interesting!

I'm seriously dubious whether his family ever expect Nazir to get an actual job. I'm betting they know he's low-functioning, but they want him to have some fancy bits of paper to prove he's an intelligent eccentric, or some such thing, for prestige reasons.

I'm doing an awful lot of assuming here, but I've taught in university settings and met similar families. Makes me sad/angry.

Winterlight

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #62 on: September 16, 2011, 09:28:51 AM »
Does Nazir drive?  Has he ever held a job? 
If he basically home-schooled his way to a college degree, then maybe he has not really dealt with the real world.  Now is the time for the training wheels to be loosened, and see if they could ever truly come off!

How would he handle a job interview?  Let alone, arranging said interview, and developing the skills needed to present oneself before a review board? 

Looking good on paper is only one part of getting a job. 
Again, document, document, document.  Grad students are adults, and should be treated as such.  Yes, make accommodations for special needs.  That does not mean treat like a pre-schooler. 

This could get interesting!

I'm seriously dubious whether his family ever expect Nazir to get an actual job. I'm betting they know he's low-functioning, but they want him to have some fancy bits of paper to prove he's an intelligent eccentric, or some such thing, for prestige reasons.

I'm doing an awful lot of assuming here, but I've taught in university settings and met similar families. Makes me sad/angry.

I was coming to the same conclusions. "Oh, Nazir has an MBA," with no mention of what he's doing careerwise. I feel kind of sorry for him- it sounds like they aren't willing to deal with the situation as it exists. 
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Twik

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #63 on: September 16, 2011, 09:42:53 AM »
I think Spoder is right. It sounds like this is very painful for them - if the rest of the family values education highly, they may feel that Nazir *has* to achieve something in the academic field, somehow. Perhaps they can keep him in classes long enough that they can say, "Oh, Nazir? No, he's not employed yet - he's a perpetual student, don't you know? But we're so proud of the degrees he's got."
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yokozbornak

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #64 on: September 16, 2011, 03:52:40 PM »
Do they have power of attorney over Nazir?  When I was in college, no one would have entertained my parents' questions about me and they certainly would not have discussed my grades and academic performance without me being there since I was legally an adult.  I find it bewildering that you and others are meeting and discussing a student with his mother and brother especially without him being present.  That seems like a huge confidentiality breach.
« Last Edit: September 16, 2011, 05:11:16 PM by yokozbornak »

Winterlight

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #65 on: September 16, 2011, 04:19:20 PM »
Do they have power of attorney over Nazir?  When I was in college, no one would have entertained my parents questions about me and they certainly would not have discussed my grades and academic performance without me being their since I was legally an adult.  I find it bewildering that you and others are meeting and discussing a student with his mother and brother especially without him being present.  That seems like a huge confidentiality breach.

I'm guessing they do- he doesn't really sound like he could live on his own.
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Balletmom

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #66 on: September 17, 2011, 12:26:00 AM »
Does Nazir drive?  Has he ever held a job? 
If he basically home-schooled his way to a college degree, then maybe he has not really dealt with the real world.  Now is the time for the training wheels to be loosened, and see if they could ever truly come off!

How would he handle a job interview?  Let alone, arranging said interview, and developing the skills needed to present oneself before a review board? 

Looking good on paper is only one part of getting a job. 

Again, document, document, document.  Grad students are adults, and should be treated as such.  Yes, make accommodations for special needs.  That does not mean treat like a pre-schooler. 

This could get interesting!

Yeah. The fact that Brother is so overly involved in making it everyone else's responsibility shows that the family is only interested in a diploma for pride's sake for Nazir. It's not about him. It's about the family reputation and sense of shame.

shadowfox79

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #67 on: September 17, 2011, 03:02:36 AM »
Do they have power of attorney over Nazir?  When I was in college, no one would have entertained my parents' questions about me and they certainly would not have discussed my grades and academic performance without me being there since I was legally an adult.  I find it bewildering that you and others are meeting and discussing a student with his mother and brother especially without him being present.  That seems like a huge confidentiality breach.

Since it's the Dean who's been handling most of this, I assume this was checked. Again, I suspect that when faced with a lawyer and a Board member nobody wanted to start quoting confidentiality laws at them, but I would guess the Dean knew what needed to be done.

But as Winterlight said, I very much doubt he could live on his own, and I expect they make all the decisions for him.

jackmanifesto

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #68 on: September 19, 2011, 09:36:44 AM »
You know, I've said it before and I'll say it again-

Some students DO. NOT. BELONG. IN. UNIVERSITY. How cruel is it for that student's family to push him through school and a) not ensure that he has the proper support when they KNOW that he needs it, and b) do so in favor of getting him into a program geared towards helping students like himself become more high functioning.

He can't use the voice mail on his phone and they want him to figure out assignments and an exam schedule??????? Something is wrong there, and it goes deep.

shadowfox79

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #69 on: September 19, 2011, 09:43:52 AM »
I agree.

His induction is on Wednesday. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't expect for a moment that he'll come alone.

shadowfox79

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #70 on: September 22, 2011, 02:54:21 AM »
Well, he did come alone after all. Frankly, it was a good thing I knew he was autistic, because he spent the entire induction with arms folded, head tossing and eyes rolling like a bored teenager. I don't think he took in a single word of it.

Gyburc

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #71 on: September 22, 2011, 06:36:39 AM »
Oh dear...

I am sticking to the (cynical) thoughts I expressed in my previous post.

Just keep documenting everything, including exactly what you told him at his induction...

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Stormtreader

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student
« Reply #72 on: September 22, 2011, 07:52:06 AM »
Im guessing that his family dont want him held to deadlines because sometimes Tariq is going to be too busy to do the work in time?
They really should just give the degree to Tariq...

shadowfox79

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student - UPDATE: Agh!
« Reply #73 on: November 22, 2011, 11:11:01 AM »
Nazir came to my office earlier with his support worker, who incidentally is a student himself - they employ volunteers.

I was on the phone at the time so it was my colleague Dinah he spoke to, and when I say "he", I mean the support worker, because Nazir refused to speak. They were trying to submit a mitigating circumstances form. Nazir has failed to submit some group work for a module (his group handed in without him) and hasn't finished some coursework for another module which was due in two weeks ago. The support worker made it clear that he had been doing a lot of the work for him and that even with the standard two week extension he didn't think Nazir would be able to get it finished.

The lawyerzilla brother may have some leverage here, sadly, because Nazir had to be evaluated before his support worker could be assigned, which meant for the first five weeks of the course he didn't have one. Apparently the diagnosis of dyslexia has been proven wrong (I don't think they're arguing about the autism) but they think he has other learning disabilities that they haven't pinpointed yet.

I've handed this one over to the course leader to manage. This is a disaster.

LEMon

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Re: S/O Aspergers - autistic student - UPDATE: Agh!
« Reply #74 on: November 22, 2011, 04:46:59 PM »
I feel sorry for the situation you are in, the college is in, the other students in his groups are in, yet I also feel sorry for him.

I wish someone could find out what he wants and be his advocate.  Wonder if he loves math or physics or ...   But a MBA is a prestigious degree, so the family wants that.  He could probably do so much more if he was actually interested.