Author Topic: Relentless Fund Raiding at Easter Dinner  (Read 6934 times)

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Redneck Gravy

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Re: Relentless Fund Raiding at Easter Dinner
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2013, 03:37:37 PM »
^^^  Remind him that now he will have taught her that that's what it takes to get him to contribute -- relentless badgering! 

I think it's a bad idea.  You already said "no" and he shouldn't override you without a very good reason.

Well - he loves his brother and wanted to donate. So he did. SIL is such a troll though.  I wouldn't have given a dime.

I am afraid at this point, unless it was a significant donation, SIL is still going to feel slighted and now the animosity will grow...   I feel your frustration but at this point I don't think YOU can win.   

YummyMummy66

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Re: Relentless Fund Raiding at Easter Dinner
« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2013, 04:26:45 PM »
Why didn't you just say, "Sorry, we will not be donating to this cause.  We hope you have great success though!"  and nip it in the bud to begin with, not state that you will look at their FB page.

And like another poster stated, if Sil would not let this go, I would definitly have brought up that you would be happy to donate the same as they did for your last cause.  What was that amount again?

POF

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Re: Relentless Fund Raiding at Easter Dinner
« Reply #17 on: April 05, 2013, 06:36:07 PM »
Why didn't you just say, "Sorry, we will not be donating to this cause.  We hope you have great success though!"  and nip it in the bud to begin with, not state that you will look at their FB page.

And like another poster stated, if Sil would not let this go, I would definitly have brought up that you would be happy to donate the same as they did for your last cause.  What was that amount again?

Because I thought it more polite to deflect than to confront her - especially when we were being hosted at someone elses house. If we were alone -  I would have set her straight. But DH's family is rather difficult and he wanted it to be a nice day.

Lynn2000

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Re: Relentless Fund Raiding at Easter Dinner
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2013, 12:23:11 PM »
IME anyway, deflecting actually works on a lot of people, because they understand it to mean "no" or "I'll have to think about it" or something like that, and they don't repeat their demand. So, one might assume/hope the conversation would go like, "Hey, I'll be doing this charity thing, do you want to donate?" "Oh, that's great! I'll take a look at your FB page for it later." "Okay, thanks." The end.

But if experience with this particular person/group shows that deflection only leads to more demands or expectations, saying "no thanks" at the outset might be the better way to go, from now on. Maybe in a very cheerful tone with some beandip, like, "No thanks, but it's great you're doing it! I hope you have a lot of success! What route will you be walking?" Of course some people will cause drama no matter what answer you give, if it isn't exactly the answer they want, so attempts to make "a nice day" might be futile if you're not willing to hand over the checkbook... :( Which wouldn't be your fault at all, but it can be hard to remember that.
~Lynn2000

lovepickles

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Re: Relentless Fund Raiding at Easter Dinner
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2013, 01:04:37 PM »
I think if someone is badgering you about anything it is fine to say that you no longer wish to discuss it. You don't need to give a yes or a no or make any sort of promise. All you need to do is say that the repeated discussion and requests are making you uncomfortable and to please stop. If they refuse to stop make all of your responses about how you feel. Something like:

I don't appreciate repeated requests to donate.
I would like it if you stopped asking me to donate.
It bothers me that you will not stop talking about donating money.
I am not enjoying this conversation.

That last one should signal the host to step in. Repeat yourself and do not engage. It is just a statement about how you feel and NOT an attack or even a confrontation.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Relentless Fund Raiding at Easter Dinner
« Reply #20 on: April 07, 2013, 01:08:58 PM »
Why didn't you just say, "Sorry, we will not be donating to this cause.  We hope you have great success though!"  and nip it in the bud to begin with, not state that you will look at their FB page.

And like another poster stated, if Sil would not let this go, I would definitly have brought up that you would be happy to donate the same as they did for your last cause.  What was that amount again?

Because I thought it more polite to deflect than to confront her - especially when we were being hosted at someone elses house. If we were alone -  I would have set her straight. But DH's family is rather difficult and he wanted it to be a nice day.

I bet she counted on that.

bopper

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Re: Relentless Fund Raiding at Easter Dinner
« Reply #21 on: April 09, 2013, 03:34:18 PM »
We have a couple of those in our office.    They want to raise money by running a marathon at an exotic location, and they sure do not take "no thank you" very well.

The cause itself is okay - but like OP, it is not one I personally support.    But what irks me is that the person raising the money gets their training, transportation, hotel and race entry fees "for free" if they raise a total of $3,500.   So no wonder they are so pushy.  From my calculations, at least half of that goes to cover the participant's expenses.     I don't know how others think of it, but it rubs me the wrong way.   I mean, what exactly does running an exotic marathon have to do with donating to a charity?   I just don't understand why people whom I hardly even know think it is appropriate to ask me to help pay for their exotic vacation, under the guise of "fund raising".

Well, clearly this method works because most charities use it!  The charities have found that they have to give some incentive to the fund raisers to get more of them to participate and to try to raise more.  So I can get $100 or I can get $3500...if I give the fund raiser an incentive (free entry fees) to raise more they will probably try to!  Also they must have found that "give me a dollar a mile" works because the fund raiser has to personally put some effort into it and works better than "give me a dollar".