General Etiquette > Family and Children

MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9, #234 p.16

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christmascarol:
How can I stop my MIL giving me chocolate?  I adore it but I have a serious nut allergy and there is no chocolate here, (Germany), that's nut-free.   I've told her how much I love liquorice but she "Can't be bothered remembering".

She's stopped giving me it for Christmas because hubby and SIL told her off the last time.  The non-apology was impressive but at least she now gets me an ornament instead.

She still got me a chocolate Lindt bunny at Easter, knowing I couldn't eat it.  She actually said she knew I couldn't eat it. Those things are mouthwateringly yummy and it HURT not being able to eat it!

Two weeks ago I turned 50 and she gave me more chocolate.  The family had asked for a wish list and I'd included my allergies to make things easier for them.  Chocolate was top of my list!  She saw the list!

At first this just upset me but I'm getting angry now.  I can see an explosion on the horizon.  She's not the type to put other people's needs first but this is getting ridiculous.  At first I told myself she's got me secretly insured and is hoping I'll weaken and then kick the bucket.  It just doesn't feel funny any more  :'(

atirial:
I don't think there is anything you can say that will change her ways. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt, it seems she has the idea of you and chocolate firmly fixed in her mind. Does she give everyone chocolate or is it just you?

All I can suggest is that your DH contacts her before these events, and reminds her not to buy chocolate. That way she loses the excuse of not being told, and gets a reminder if she really is clueless.

bonyk:
How are presents distributed?  Does she hand them to you?  If so, I would just not take the item from her, say, "No thank you," and turn your attention to something else. 

cicero:

--- Quote from: christmascarol on September 12, 2011, 05:18:23 AM ---

She still got me a chocolate Lindt bunny at Easter, knowing I couldn't eat it.  She actually said she knew I couldn't eat it. Those things are mouthwateringly yummy and it HURT not being able to eat it!
.....

At first this just upset me but I'm getting angry now.  I can see an explosion on the horizon.  She's not the type to put other people's needs first but this is getting ridiculous.  At first I told myself she's got me secretly insured and is hoping I'll weaken and then kick the bucket.  It just doesn't feel funny any more  :'(

--- End quote ---

wait a minute = she bought it *on purpose*? it wasnt' a case of "i buy chocolate for everyone and i'm so sorry i forgot about your allergy"? sheesh. it's *isn't* funny. it never *was* funny. it's very mean and rude on her part.

sigh...

I'm not sure what etiquette would dictate at this point - the "proper" thing would be to say thank you and put it aside (I'm guessing). but since she is actively doing this on purpose (why? is there a back story?) I would hand it back and say "I can't eat this" and bean dip...

Iris:
I think it is up to your DH to let her know that it is NOT ok for her to keep upsetting you this way. I would suggest he call her before each event and remind her that she is NOT to buy you chocolate until she gets the message.

It sounds like your MIL is very rude. She "can't be bothered remembering" your gift preferences? EvilIris wouldn't be bothered to remember when she has made plans to exchange gifts with you.

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