MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9, #234 p.16

[joraemi]

I admit that my ideas of how to handle MIL have changed as I have read over the pages of the thread.

I started off with:
1.  Stop giving her gifts.  FIL can still have his, she just gets none.

Then on to...

2. Give her the chocolate back on the very next gift giving occasion. No other gift required.  When she asks you about it you can say, "Oh - someone gave it to me as a gift last year, but I can't eat chocolate because I'm allergic, but I know you like it so I thought I'd give it to you."

Then on to...

3. Back to #1

Then on to

4. OP unwraps chocolatey gift...concern spreads across her face.."MIL, thank you.  Although, I have to say I'm becoming quite concerned that perhaps you are beginning to show signs of dementia - I know we have repeatedly discussed that I am allergic to chocolate, but you keep forgetting and giving it to me anyway.  Have you seen your physician?"  (Then I realized that there is *NO* pill for being a selfish, lazy beotch...)

Then on to

5.  Back to #1.  She would get nothing form me or she would get the chocolate back and FIL would get a stunning gift chosen with love as he always does.

[Sophia]

I held off posting this story, but the OP has her plan in place now. 

A friend met a girl from Germany.  She lived in America, and her folks lived in Germany.  My friend was in the process of learning German when he met her folks.  He presented them with a box of chocolates along with a little speech.  He forgot the German word for "gift" and substituted English word.  As a PP mentioned, it means poison.  That chocolate was never eaten. 

[AlwaysQuizzical]

Wow!!! I think I'll be laughing about that for quite a while!!!!

[Bijou]

Some people who have nut allergies shouldn't even handle nuts or products containing nuts, and this is exactly what you are doing when she gives such gifts. I suggest that for her next gift she be given a book on the dangers of nut allergies. 
I would not even want to accept a gift from her. 

[Bijou]

My first thought on reading was to not say a word, open the box, pull out the chocolate, and throw it into the garbage unwrapped (so it couldn't be retrieved).  I was concerned that it was a bit overdramatic, but if so, at least I'm not the only dramatic person.

I'd put it down the sink disposal. Let's see MiL get it now! 

It could cause airborne particles, which can be cause a reaction (seriously)..

[VorFemme]

Hand it to SIL - that way MIL doesn't get it back and someone who can eat it gets it.  Comment about MIL not taking her memory pills and forgetting that you are deathly allergic optional................but it MIGHT get through to her (she looks dumb)when nothing else does.............

Seriously - sometimes you've got to embarress some people for them to realize that they LOOK stupider giving you what THEY want to give you than listening to your comments about allergies, etc.  Because you can't look like you gave the most awesome present ever if it will KILL them, send them to the emergency room, or they tell you that they gave it to you...........five years ago*...................

*I just wish she'd had pictures..............

[Winterlight]

4. OP unwraps chocolatey gift...concern spreads across her face.."MIL, thank you.  Although, I have to say I'm becoming quite concerned that perhaps you are beginning to show signs of dementia - I know we have repeatedly discussed that I am allergic to chocolate, but you keep forgetting and giving it to me anyway.  Have you seen your physician?"  (Then I realized that there is *NO* pill for being a selfish, lazy beotch...)

This one's tempting...

[christmascarol]

He presented them with a box of chocolates along with a little speech.  He forgot the German word for "gift" and substituted English word.  As a PP mentioned, it means poison.  That chocolate was never eaten. 

Lol    Before my first visit to Germany, our teacher pointed out a few words to be careful with, that one was top of the list    Another one I remember was nutter, I don't know if that's used outside the UK.  Someone who's nuts/a twit/twerp.  In Germany it's a prostitute      One woman in the class went bright red and finely understood the funny looks she'd had when she called someone that in Germany 

DH and I have decided the next stage is to return her chocolate to her when we go next month.  Hubby would like this to be done nicely, if at all possible.  I'm happy about that, I want to emphasise that she's not going to get her own way with it.  And if she tries giving me it again, she can't pretend she's forgotten.  She'll sulk too much for that!

We are careful about cross-contamination.  When she used the handcream I couldn't breathe with, DH wouldn't even let her touch anything before she washed her hands.  As that was in her own home, she wasn't best pleased but maybe that's the answer.  Make doing the right thing less effort than doing the wrong thing 

Seriously - sometimes you've got to embarress some people for them to realize that they LOOK stupider giving you what THEY want to give you than listening to your comments about allergies, etc. 

I really agree with this.

I love the book idea 

[Giggity]

Hubby would like this to be done nicely, if at all possible.

Why? At what point does her bad behavior earn her his displeasure? When does he plan to stand up for you in a meaningful way?

[Bethalize]

I want to change my suggestion. When she says "I have a present for you" I would look at her and say: "It's not chocolate is it? You know that will make me sick." If she says it is say "I don't want it then, thanks all the same."

[Petticoats]

Hubby would like this to be done nicely, if at all possible.

Why? At what point does her bad behavior earn her his displeasure? When does he plan to stand up for you in a meaningful way?

I too am taken aback that MIL's persistent disregard for your safety still rates being discussed "nicely." I'd like him to ask her, "So, are you trying to kill my wife, or just drive her away?"

[Bijou]

Hubby would like this to be done nicely, if at all possible.

Why? At what point does her bad behavior earn her his displeasure? When does he plan to stand up for you in a meaningful way?

I too am taken aback that MIL's persistent disregard for your safety still rates being discussed "nicely." I'd like him to ask her, "So, are you trying to kill my wife, or just drive her away?"

"So, are you trying to kill my wife, or just drive her us away?"  That would be my concern.  Obviously she is not trying to kill his wife, but she may well unintentionally drive both of them away, with her behavior.  What a shame that someone would not think beyond the moment at what they may eventually reap.

[Sophia]

...
 "So, are you trying to kill my wife, or just drive her us away?"  That would be my concern.  Obviously she is not trying to kill his wife, but she may well unintentionally drive both of them away, with her behavior.  What a shame that someone would not think beyond the moment at what they may eventually reap.

particularly since it wouldn't be the first time for her. 

[Shoo]

Hubby would like this to be done nicely, if at all possible.

Why? At what point does her bad behavior earn her his displeasure? When does he plan to stand up for you in a meaningful way?

This is what I'd like to know as well.  At what point will your husband actually stand up for you, OP?   I would think that giving you gifts repeatedly that jeopardize your health would be at least CLOSE to that point.  What would it take for him to stand up to her?  And why don't you insist on it?

[Iris]

Hubby would like this to be done nicely, if at all possible.

Why? At what point does her bad behavior earn her his displeasure? When does he plan to stand up for you in a meaningful way?

This is what I'd like to know as well.  At what point will your husband actually stand up for you, OP?   I would think that giving you gifts repeatedly that jeopardize your health would be at least CLOSE to that point.  What would it take for him to stand up to her?  And why don't you insist on it?

In fairness, Christmascarol's DH has stood up for her in the past. It was mentioned earlier. "Handling it nicely" in MY family would be code for "I know she's a total nutter, but we don't often all get together so let's just ignore HER and focus on the good parts of the family getting together".

I don't know if that's the case here, but I don't think we can completely condemn the OP's DH over this.