MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9, #234 p.16

[Spoder]

Are these public occasions?  Before you go the extreme route of throwing it out the window (that would probably get you cut permanently in my family) why not try killing her with kindness?  When you get the candy just act all sad and say that you can't eat it because of the allergies, then brighten up and ask her to take it so that someone can enjoy it.  Be really sweet about it, but make it clear that you can't possible eat it.  If she won't take it, offer it around to everyone else "because you don't want MIL's lovely choclate to go to waste".  If she has any sense at all she will be ashamed, but you will be giving her the opportuntity to save face.  You just have to make sure you do this carefully...any bit of snark will ruin the whole affect and make you look obnoxious.

If someone in your family consistently insisted on giving a thoughtless and dangerous item to one member, despite YEARS of being told not to, you would cut them out permanently if they finally pitched it out a window?

I can't speak for MonteCristo, but personally - I wouldn't cut them, but if that person was an adult, I would think they were rude and childish.

[Dragonflymom]

I can be bribed to embroider something if mailed sufficient quantities of dark chocolate....   

[Doll Fiend]

An international chocolate exchange. Now that sounds like fun!

[MariaE]

An international chocolate exchange. Now that sounds like fun!

I'm part of a mailing list where we discuss the works of Lucy Maud Montgomery. We've done international chocolate exchanges twice - it's been GREAT fun! (Besides, any excuse to eat chocolate is always a good thing in my books )

[TootsNYC]

Chocolate and perfume are a blind spot.  They mean her making an effort she can't be bothered to make. Her life motto is `I can't be bothered´, she says it all the time.  But she's used to everybody else bothering and expects it and is shocked when there's consequences.  She never sees them coming.  I think, thanks a lot to ehell, I'm going to adopt `I can't be bothered´ towards her in future.  It's not my nature and I'm hopeless at bearing a grudge, but... 

I'm going to be proactive - I'm going to tell her before each occasion not to get me chocolate. 

I suggest you be even MORE proactive. Find an alternative easy-to-buy gift that doesn't feel as hurtful. One that feels simply "lazy" instead of "damaging." Fancy hand lotion, or snazzy olive oil. Something that's as easy to "walk past in the store and pick up" as chocolate would be.

And then get your DH and your SIL to stress this as a good alternative.



The other option: stop caring. Mentally, think: "chocolate: check."

[christmascarol]

The second best would be to send your lovely German chocolate to one of us

  Lol!

When we were on holiday in New England we went to a Lindt shop and it was SO much cheaper than over here - still don't understand that.  I couldn't get DH out.  We don't have them over here.  AND they gave out samples      He thought he'd died and gone to heaven.

TootsNYC: You can't get easier than liquorice, it's in every supermarket, and that was too much effort for her.  I like the other option best - stop caring! 

Five pages of people saying MIL is in the wrong has done me the world of good.  She always acts like it's me and you say it isn't!  It's wonderful 

[Petticoats]

The second best would be to send your lovely German chocolate to one of us

  Lol!

When we were on holiday in New England we went to a Lindt shop and it was SO much cheaper than over here - still don't understand that.  I couldn't get DH out.  We don't have them over here.  AND they gave out samples      He thought he'd died and gone to heaven.

TootsNYC: You can't get easier than liquorice, it's in every supermarket, and that was too much effort for her.  I like the other option best - stop caring! 

Five pages of people saying MIL is in the wrong has done me the world of good.  She always acts like it's me and you say it isn't!  It's wonderful 

Wow. That makes her persistent fail all the more spectacular (and really, it was off the charts already).

I do like the idea of buying licorice for her and then sweetly proposing a swap.

EvilPetticoats does have a lovely mental image of you unwrapping chocolates from her and drawing in your breath in a horrified gasp, dropping the box as if it had burned you, and going to the kitchen to fetch oven gloves and a set of tongs with which to pick up the box and offer it to others--"I don't dare! As you know, I'm terribly allergic!" ...but EvilPetticoats has a rather sensationalistic tendency.

[ellebelle]

does anyone else see the irony that MIL buys the OP chocolate that she (MIL) loves and no one else. My first thought was the MIL is hoping that the OP will give her (MIL) the chocolate to enjoy. It's a win win for the MIL she gives a gift and gets something she loves in addition to the gift from the OP.

I would be so angry if after many years of explaining to her that I cannot have chocolate she cannot bother to change her ways because she is lazy and/or mean as H$!!!.

I love the idea someone else share about donating the chocolate and making sure she understands it's because you cannot eat it yet again. I would NEVER give the chocolate back to her because then she essentially is rewarded for buying it for the OP to begin with.

[christmascarol]

I would NEVER give the chocolate back to her because then she essentially is rewarded for buying it for the OP to begin with.

You would think so, wouldn't you?  I'm so pleased I posted here, you all share my logic.  But MIL doesn't see things the same way as ehell.  She's actually pleased if DH or someone else gets it.  MIL sees that as her being generous and giving someone an extra present. 

My best friend explains it like this - MIL and I are are from different planets.  BF and I are from the same planet.  Our planet is much nicer!    The dark chocolate was an exception.  It's usually something DH really likes and he doesn't like dark chocolate.

Ooh - you may be right!  She gave him these at Christmas http://www.ferrero.de/#/rond  apparently they were divine!  So she may have thought she'd get them back and it backfired.  I really like that idea   

[Calypso]

I wonder what would happen if you opened your next chocolate gift and enthusiastically exclaimed "oh, this is wonderful, MIL, thank you! I love it!" with great sincerity?? 

[Lisbeth]

Actually, with this MIL, what might work is for the OP to exclaim, "What a wonderful gift!  I can't wait to eat every piece of it!" with a huge smile on her face and taking it away without giving the MIL any impression that she doesn't like it.

The MIL picks this gift knowing that the OP can't eat it; I wonder how she'd react to an enthusiastic acceptance of it.

[Kimblee]

I can be bribed to embroider something if mailed sufficient quantities of dark chocolate....   

Same here.

Or crochet something even.

[Kimblee]

I would NEVER give the chocolate back to her because then she essentially is rewarded for buying it for the OP to begin with.

You would think so, wouldn't you?  I'm so pleased I posted here, you all share my logic.  But MIL doesn't see things the same way as ehell.  She's actually pleased if DH or someone else gets it.  MIL sees that as her being generous and giving someone an extra present. 

My best friend explains it like this - MIL and I are are from different planets.  BF and I are from the same planet.  Our planet is much nicer!    The dark chocolate was an exception.  It's usually something DH really likes and he doesn't like dark chocolate.

Ooh - you may be right!  She gave him these at Christmas http://www.ferrero.de/#/rond  apparently they were divine!  So she may have thought she'd get them back and it backfired.  I really like that idea 

Uh... those contain HAZELNUTS.

So she moved right past "food that OP might be allergic to" and on to "Food that DEFINATLY contains nuts, so Op is allergic to."

That's cold. Give MIL a box of tampons.

[wheeitsme]

Actually, with this MIL, what might work is for the OP to exclaim, "What a wonderful gift!  I can't wait to eat every piece of it!" with a huge smile on her face and taking it away without giving the MIL any impression that she doesn't like it.

The MIL picks this gift knowing that the OP can't eat it; I wonder how she'd react to an enthusiastic acceptance of it.

Or perhaps a "Oh my gosh!  Thank you.  You must have found some that didn't have anything that will make me sick!  I can't wait to eat some!"

...and see what she does/says.  If she keeps quiet, have your DH take it and throw it  away.  Later you or DH could mention that you had to throw it away because it turned out there were nuts in it that would make you sick.  Otherwise she will have to say that she gave you something that makes you sick.  And if she does that, you could say in a very sad voice "Oh.  Here DH, could you take care of this for me?"  And he could take it and throw it away.

[Elfmama]

Actually, with this MIL, what might work is for the OP to exclaim, "What a wonderful gift!  I can't wait to eat every piece of it!" with a huge smile on her face and taking it away without giving the MIL any impression that she doesn't like it.

The MIL picks this gift knowing that the OP can't eat it; I wonder how she'd react to an enthusiastic acceptance of it.

Or perhaps a "Oh my gosh!  Thank you.  You must have found some that won't kill me!  I can't wait to eat some!"

...and see what she does/says.  If she keeps quiet, have your DH take it and throw it  away.  Later you or DH could mention that you had to throw it away because it turned out there were nuts in it that would make you sick.  Otherwise she will have to say that she gave you something that makes you sick.  And if she does that, you could say in a very sad voice "Oh.  Here DH, could you take care of this for me?"  And he could take it and throw it away.