Author Topic: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9, #234 p.16  (Read 38147 times)

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YummyMummy66

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #135 on: April 02, 2013, 07:09:45 AM »
Honestly, at this point, if my MIL ever game me chocolate again, I think I would look at her, "I have asked you not to get me chocolate over and over and yet you still do it knowing that I cannot have it and it can kill me.  I guess I know how you really feel about me now, don't I?   Well, I will make it real easy for you, you will never have to see me again" and I would take that chocolate and stomp on it and smash it to bits and get my things and leave.

Roe

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #136 on: April 02, 2013, 07:48:34 AM »
If she ever gives you chocolate again, I'd simply just give her the death stare and leave.  Be prepared to just walk out and leave.  No words necessary. And do that every single time. 

Jones

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #137 on: April 02, 2013, 08:02:38 AM »
Shellfish allergy here. The last time someone tried to force me to eat that stuff, I asked her if she wouldn't mind eating "Just a little" meth, or maybe some arsenic. Seriously, "just a little" couldn't hurt, and if it was "cooked right" it wasn't going to injure her, right?
 (yes I was using her words against her. Unfortunately the conversation went downhill from there.)

Some people just don't get the seriousness of allergies and the strict rules we put in place to avoid them. I'm sorry that your MIL had a good 2-year track record and had to foul it up this weekend by giving everyone "the same thing". I offer you (((hugs))) and a virtual white chocolate chick.

Luci

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #138 on: April 02, 2013, 08:41:21 AM »
I did not know people with chocolate allergies can eat cocoa butter! That opens up a whole new world to me!

MindsEye

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #139 on: April 02, 2013, 09:05:02 AM »
Say "You know that I cannot eat this, so why do you keep getting it for me?"
Then, throw the chocolate away.  Right in front of her.

OR, save all of the chocolate that she gives you, and re-gift it right back to her on the next gift-giving occasion. 

Twik

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #140 on: April 02, 2013, 09:28:04 AM »
Say "You know that I cannot eat this, so why do you keep getting it for me?"
Then, throw the chocolate away.  Right in front of her.

Well, it sounds like the OP did the next best thing, by giving it to her FIL. At which MIL got very angry - why, I wonder? She says she *knows* the OP cannot eat it. Her argument that she has to make her presents "all the same" holds very little water, when that means something like "5 people are happy, and the 6th is left staring at something that is, to her, rank poison."

There's something very passive-aggressive going on her, and I'm not sure what. This is a power struggle, that "OP will TAKE the chocolate, and she will LIKE it!" I'd love to know what she really meant by "it didn't go how she'd expected." The OP would have taken a bite, and discovered that she really *could* eat chocolate, if she just tried it?

Anyway, cheers for DH in standing up to MIL for it.

Quote
OR, save all of the chocolate that she gives you, and re-gift it right back to her on the next gift-giving occasion.

Honestly? I think this is the best option. Maybe it will sink in when it all comes back to her.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2013, 09:30:23 AM by Twik »
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wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #141 on: April 02, 2013, 09:36:29 AM »
If she gives it to you, give it right back. I know there are rules about being grateful for which you have received, but I think, in this case, safety trumps etiquette and give it right back with, "You know I can't have this, you can have it back."

Missy2U

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #142 on: April 02, 2013, 10:45:45 AM »
I'm of the camp that would give her a glare, give it right back, then turn around and leave.  I wouldn't say anything - I'd just hand to it her, pick up my things, and leave.

25wishes

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #143 on: April 02, 2013, 11:04:58 AM »
While I have not read the whole thread, I think I would subscribe to Hanlon's Razor, "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

 Just smile, say " thanks, I wish I could eat that - I will pass it on the food shelf/food pantry, some child will love it!!" Adjust to the fact that you may have to do this forever.

Smashing it on the floor and stomping out in a huff?? This is your family you are talking about here, you may have to deal with them a LONG time.

artk2002

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #144 on: April 02, 2013, 11:10:20 AM »
If she gives it to you, give it right back. I know there are rules about being grateful for which you have received, but I think, in this case, safety trumps etiquette and give it right back with, "You know I can't have this, you can have it back."

I agree with this. It's one thing to accept unwanted gifts graciously, but it's another to accept a bottle of strychnine graciously. I think the "grateful" rule stops when someone is trying to poison you.

While I have not read the whole thread, I think I would subscribe to Hanlon's Razor, "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

 Just smile, say " thanks, I wish I could eat that - I will pass it on the food shelf/food pantry, some child will love it!!" Adjust to the fact that you may have to do this forever.

Smashing it on the floor and stomping out in a huff?? This is your family you are talking about here, you may have to deal with them a LONG time.

Barb, please read the whole thread. The MIL is very aware that the OP cannot eat chocolate. Even a couple of posts above she admits that she knows that but had to give the chocolate anyway "to keep the gifts even." This is one case where it goes beyond stupidity and heads straight towards malice. As I said earlier in this post, you're not required to accept poison graciously, when you and the giver both know that it's poison.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Twik

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #145 on: April 02, 2013, 12:27:08 PM »
While I have not read the whole thread, I think I would subscribe to Hanlon's Razor, "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

It appears that on the last occasion, the OP reminded her MIL that chocolate could kill her, and her MIL replied, basically, "Yes, but I have so many of them." Then, she got upset when the OP gave the chocolate to her FIL, who *can* eat chocolate.

This takes it beyond stupidity. "This will kill me." "Yes, BUT, I'm giving it to you anyway. AND, I'll get mad if you give it to someone else." This is like handing someone a decaying rat carcass, and expecting them to show gratitude for the "gift".

As Art says, one is not expected to show gratitude for something that both the giver and the recipient know would kill the recipient if used.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

BeagleMommy

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #146 on: April 02, 2013, 12:42:45 PM »
POD to all those who've said every time she gives you chocolate as a gift give it back to her.  You may even want to throw in a stern, but polite "Thanks, but you know I can't eat this.".

Elisabunny

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #147 on: April 02, 2013, 12:55:22 PM »
POD to all those who've said every time she gives you chocolate as a gift give it back to her.  You may even want to throw in a stern, but polite "NO thanks, but you know I can't eat this.".

Fixed that for you.
You must remember this: a ghoti is still a fish...

TootsNYC

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #148 on: April 02, 2013, 12:59:06 PM »
Your MIL sounds really, really unimaginative, if she feels that she *has* to give you chocolate "to make it even." She's got ideas stuck in her head, and she can't dismiss them.

Maybe you'd get further if you *reassured* her that it's completely OK for her to not give you something just because others are getting something for Easter. 

Browyn

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Re: MIL and the chocolate presents - updated #134, p.9
« Reply #149 on: April 02, 2013, 01:14:49 PM »
Is she so unimaginative that if she can't get you a chocolate bunny she could substitute a bag of jelly beans? (assuming you can have them)

If my family can manage to remember who prefers white chocolate vs milk chocolate vs dark chocolate it can't be so hard to remember "no chocolate".