Author Topic: When To Share the Deal Breakers?  (Read 6604 times)

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LadyClaire

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Re: When To Share the Deal Breakers?
« Reply #30 on: November 07, 2011, 08:50:47 AM »
Well..with me, it was pretty easy to get the dealbreakers out in the open early on. I've known DH since I was 15 (we didn't date until we were in our 20s, though!). So we had a good idea already about what the other person wanted and what things were dealbreakers.

If I were still single, though, and dating, I would probably assess the smaller things on the first date (does he smoke? what are his religious beliefs?) and then lay out the bigger dealbreakers as the relationship headed towards a more serious level.

Spoder

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Re: When To Share the Deal Breakers?
« Reply #31 on: November 08, 2011, 02:26:25 AM »
My latest dealbreaker: men who make a point of bragging ( ???) about how responsibility-shy they are.

Like, a recent comment from a guy I dated: 'Oh, darn, I have to remember to feed my brother's dog while he's away. I don't think *I* could ever have a pet, I can't stand the responsibility!'

*crickets*................Ummm, dude, you're forty-six years old. (And yeah, I'm totally not missing the PA message you're putting across here, and it's just making you look pathetic).

DuBois

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Re: When To Share the Deal Breakers?
« Reply #32 on: November 08, 2011, 03:43:32 AM »
My latest dealbreaker: men who make a point of bragging ( ???) about how responsibility-shy they are.

Like, a recent comment from a guy I dated: 'Oh, darn, I have to remember to feed my brother's dog while he's away. I don't think *I* could ever have a pet, I can't stand the responsibility!'

*crickets*................Ummm, dude, you're forty-six years old. (And yeah, I'm totally not missing the PA message you're putting across here, and it's just making you look pathetic).

I don't want to talk you out of your impressions of your date, you were there, I wasn't. But is it possible he was genuinely nervous? I agree it looks pathetic on the face of it, but I am someone in an LTR who still wouldn't want a pet, because of the responsibility! I know it sounds odd, but animals are so dependent, and my life isn't really adapted to a pet. The message is all in the tone, though.

Spoder

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Re: When To Share the Deal Breakers?
« Reply #33 on: November 08, 2011, 08:39:40 AM »
My latest dealbreaker: men who make a point of bragging ( ???) about how responsibility-shy they are.

Like, a recent comment from a guy I dated: 'Oh, darn, I have to remember to feed my brother's dog while he's away. I don't think *I* could ever have a pet, I can't stand the responsibility!'

*crickets*................Ummm, dude, you're forty-six years old. (And yeah, I'm totally not missing the PA message you're putting across here, and it's just making you look pathetic).

I don't want to talk you out of your impressions of your date, you were there, I wasn't. But is it possible he was genuinely nervous? I agree it looks pathetic on the face of it, but I am someone in an LTR who still wouldn't want a pet, because of the responsibility! I know it sounds odd, but animals are so dependent, and my life isn't really adapted to a pet. The message is all in the tone, though.

That's actually a fair point. I don't have a pet myself at the moment - nominally because I rent, and the landlord made a huge drama about me wanting a dog, but I have to admit that in the (recent) past it has also been about the responsibility.

BUT the same guy was, like amaaaaazed that I took care of my baby nephews overnight, because he 'wouldn't know what to do with a baby' (dude, you must have friends with kids?). And he'd quit his job so that he could take a year to go travelling before he 'settled down'. Um, yeah. Again...forty-six?

(Unfortunately, they weren't the only warning bells, otherwise I'd cut him some more slack  ;))

DuBois

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Re: When To Share the Deal Breakers?
« Reply #34 on: November 08, 2011, 08:54:23 AM »
My latest dealbreaker: men who make a point of bragging ( ???) about how responsibility-shy they are.

Like, a recent comment from a guy I dated: 'Oh, darn, I have to remember to feed my brother's dog while he's away. I don't think *I* could ever have a pet, I can't stand the responsibility!'

*crickets*................Ummm, dude, you're forty-six years old. (And yeah, I'm totally not missing the PA message you're putting across here, and it's just making you look pathetic).

I don't want to talk you out of your impressions of your date, you were there, I wasn't. But is it possible he was genuinely nervous? I agree it looks pathetic on the face of it, but I am someone in an LTR who still wouldn't want a pet, because of the responsibility! I know it sounds odd, but animals are so dependent, and my life isn't really adapted to a pet. The message is all in the tone, though.

That's actually a fair point. I don't have a pet myself at the moment - nominally because I rent, and the landlord made a huge drama about me wanting a dog, but I have to admit that in the (recent) past it has also been about the responsibility.

BUT the same guy was, like amaaaaazed that I took care of my baby nephews overnight, because he 'wouldn't know what to do with a baby' (dude, you must have friends with kids?). And he'd quit his job so that he could take a year to go travelling before he 'settled down'. Um, yeah. Again...forty-six?

(Unfortunately, they weren't the only warning bells, otherwise I'd cut him some more slack  ;))



Oh, I guessed that that was probably the case! I don't doubt your judgement, not for a minute. And I agree that the whole 'go off and travel' thing is a bit off. I hoped it might have been just the pet thing, because I know that you were looking forward to your date :( That sucks!