Author Topic: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts  (Read 31194 times)

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dks64

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Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« on: September 16, 2011, 02:37:03 AM »
I hope this is in the right folder, I'm still new to navigating here.

Background: My boyfriend's coworkers and stepdad keep giving him "old man" shirts. I think they're hideous and the shirts paired with his receding hair line make him look 40 instead of 26. The problem? He can't think of a polite way to say no, so I'm hoping you guys and girls can help come up with a line like "I'm afraid that won't be possible." Any suggestions? Oh, and he won't donate or throw them out, tried that. Thanks!

MariaE

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2011, 02:53:58 AM »
I don't think there's any polite way of refusing gifts that aren't inappropriate or toxic, sorry.
 
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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2011, 03:08:23 AM »
  coworkers plural? and are these hand me downs or gifts (like secret Santa's) Hand me downs are easier to deal  with " thanks Bob but I still have the 5 shirts you gave me last month my closet if full, you should pass these on to someone who needs them"  IF they are actual gifts then there is nothing you can say except " thank you" , he can try to hint before the gift occasion. 

Does he wear the ones he has already been given?  He might have become "old man shirt" guy.  If you wear a sparkly unicorn sweater to work twice a week , you may get sparkle unicorns for EVER from coworkers for EVERY occasion........Mary, I went to Hawaii I got everyone a lei  except you sparkly unicorn for you , Hi all I'm back from Sweden chocolates for all Mary I had to look in 301 stores but here is a Swedish unicorn for you , have a baby Unicorn oneies ,  have surgery unicorn flower arrangement.  If he has become "old man shirt "guy then he best thing to do is never were a "old man " shirt to work again, it will take time for people to stop but they will eventually (especially if he replaces old man shirts with some other distinctive thing) 

Oh , you are not clear does he like the shirts? then it's likely a bad idea to try to change what he wears day to day.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2011, 03:10:37 AM »
Weird question: Why are his co-workers buying him shirts ?  ???

As for the stepdad, the best bet is probably tap dancing around it with "Oh, Wayne, btw, thanks for the shirt you gave me for my birthday. And guess what my girlfriend bought me ? A ton of new shirts! lol I won't be needing new shirts for quite a while, I'll tell you that. Now our dresser and closet are packed, between the shirts you gave me and the ones she gave me  :D I told her 'honey, I love you, but no more shirts' "

Iris

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2011, 03:22:15 AM »
Another weird question: What's an "old man" shirt?

Possibility 1: I have to say that if his coworkers keep giving him shirts of a certain type then my suspicion is that they don't feel that he is dressing appropriately for work and are trying to give him a hint. If that is the case he needs to find a look that combines his preferences with what work considers appropriate and then the gifts should dry up.

Possibility 2: Perhaps he is wearing previously given old man shirts to work and so they think that is his preference. If that's the case then he needs to stop wearing them to work and then their gifts may fall in line with his preferences.

Possibility 3: Your boyfriend actually likes these kinds of shirts and is trying to be 'cool' to impress you. Then there's nothing to be done.

In any case MariaE was right, there is no polite way to refuse a gift directly, all you can do is hint as suggested above.
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Spoder

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2011, 03:26:22 AM »
  for EVER from coworkers for EVERY occasion........Mary, I went to Hawaii I got everyone a lei  except you sparkly unicorn for you , Hi all I'm back from Sweden chocolates for all Mary I had to look in 301 stores but here is a Swedish unicorn for you , have a baby Unicorn oneies ,  have surgery unicorn flower arrangement.  

Seriously, I have to stop reading Merry Mrs Martin's posts whilst drinking hot coffee. Something about this image just about *killed* me.  ;D

(Oh, and I agree with her post, too).

QueenofAllThings

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2011, 07:04:14 AM »
OP, is it just that YOU don't like the shirts, or does he dislike them too?

If it's just you - well, women have been trying to upgrade their men's wardrobes for eternity. If it's him as well, you could try EBay or the Red Cross (why won't he donate them?)

It sounds like he likes them  ;)

Yvaine

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2011, 07:46:11 AM »

Another weird question: What's an "old man" shirt?

Possibility 1: I have to say that if his coworkers keep giving him shirts of a certain type then my suspicion is that they don't feel that he is dressing appropriately for work and are trying to give him a hint. If that is the case he needs to find a look that combines his preferences with what work considers appropriate and then the gifts should dry up.



Yeah, I'm not sure what an old man shirt is either-- if it's just a stuffy style or if they're "Over the Hill" gag shirts. But if he's 26, he seems too young to be getting the latter.

I also was thinking Possibility 1. Co-workers usually don't give each other clothes, so I think there's a distinct possibility that he's supposed to dress a certain way for work, hasn't been dressing that way, and the co-workers are trying to help him out by giving him something that fits the dress code.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2011, 08:34:32 AM »
I was wondering that, too -- are they the "standard" men's dress shirts like you might wear with a tie or is it like a polo shirt or even a guayabera (stereotypical Florida retiree shirt  ;))

Twik

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2011, 12:21:44 PM »
There is no way to say "No," to well-intentioned (and non-dangerous) gifts. At best, with harmless items such as shirts, you say "Thank you! That's so nice of you!" (although without any effusive gushing, which convinces the giver that you really, REALLY like it). Then, don't wear the shirts.
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Betelnut

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2011, 12:52:59 PM »
I'm envisioning plaid, button-down collared shirts, sort of lightweight?  Those look sort of cool and retro on some men...
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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2011, 01:05:51 PM »
Weird question: Why are his co-workers buying him shirts ?  ???As for the stepdad, the best bet is probably tap dancing around it with "Oh, Wayne, btw, thanks for the shirt you gave me for my birthday. And guess what my girlfriend bought me ? A ton of new shirts! lol I won't be needing new shirts for quite a while, I'll tell you that. Now our dresser and closet are packed, between the shirts you gave me and the ones she gave me  :D I told her 'honey, I love you, but no more shirts' "

Not a weird question , I asked my husband "under what circumstances would you give a coworker a shirt?" he answer was "none" and well maybe if his shirt was ripped or something.Once told the entire question He suggested .....BF likes these shirts and is buying them for himself and saying the shirts are gifts so he can keep them/not admit he likes them.

So I'm changing my answer to he may be making it up or he has not been metting the dress coded and coworkers are trying to help him.

dks64

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #12 on: September 16, 2011, 01:18:30 PM »
OP here.

The worst part is some of them are USED shirts that the person can't wear anymore. I believe the coworker gets them as gifts, they don't fit or he doesn't like them anymore, and passes them over.

They're either Hawaiian shirts or ones with flames (in my area, there's a name for guys who wear these type of shirts, but I won't repeat it  :P). The problem is, he wears them so he doesn't hurt their feelings and while he thinks they're okay, he would even rather not get them anymore. He usually only wears these shirts when he absolutely nothing left clean in his closet, they're "last resort" shirts. To help with that problem, we went out and got 4 new collars shirts. He has plenty of shirts, that's not really an issue. With his Stepdad, it's easier to say no than a coworker, so I don't know why he can't just say it. Or donate the shirts. They're never purchased just for him, the flame shirt he got because it was too small for his stepdad and his last shirt... I don't know, it was definitely used. It's not like people are buying him shirts, wrapping them up, and giving them as gifts. It's not that kind of gift.

dks64

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2011, 01:22:23 PM »
Possibility 1: I have to say that if his coworkers keep giving him shirts of a certain type then my suspicion is that they don't feel that he is dressing appropriately for work and are trying to give him a hint. If that is the case he needs to find a look that combines his preferences with what work considers appropriate and then the gifts should dry up.

No, it's not like that. He works for Home Depot and any collared shirt is fine. The ones he wears are a million times nicer than the ugly Hawaiian/Flame shirts.

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Possibility 2: Perhaps he is wearing previously given old man shirts to work and so they think that is his preference. If that's the case then he needs to stop wearing them to work and then their gifts may fall in line with his preferences.

That's one of the problems, he wears them to be nice, even though he admits they're not the nicest shirts in his wardrobe and they're "everything else is dirty" shirts.

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Possibility 3: Your boyfriend actually likes these kinds of shirts and is trying to be 'cool' to impress you. Then there's nothing to be done.

He says he really doesn't. What's worse... I thought one of the Hawaiian shirts belonged to his Mom because it looked like a woman's shirt. I was horrified  :P I'm not even a person big on fashion, but these shirts... my gosh, horrible.

dks64

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Re: Need Response For Unwanted Gifts
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2011, 01:24:03 PM »
I'm envisioning plaid, button-down collared shirts, sort of lightweight?  Those look sort of cool and retro on some men...

I was wondering that, too -- are they the "standard" men's dress shirts like you might wear with a tie or is it like a polo shirt or even a guayabera (stereotypical Florida retiree shirt  ;))


I would much rather they bring him these :P The 2 coworkers at work are bringing him their old shirts, they're easily in their 50's.