Author Topic: If you don't have anything nice to say...  (Read 5959 times)

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bobsyouruncle

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If you don't have anything nice to say...
« on: September 26, 2011, 08:42:17 AM »
Hi I'd like some clarification please.  I was under the impression that it was considered bad etiquette to go into a thread specifically for the purpose of "dumping" on it or being negative?  I'm not talking about people having a discussion and disagreeing, but rather posters who specifically say that they haven't read/seen somthing but somehow *know* it is stupid and feel the need to tell everyone else about their opinion.  I personally think this is really rude and would serve to derail a thread but was wondering if there was an official policy?

Shores

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2011, 08:46:19 AM »
Hear hear! Would anyone appreciate if I went into every child-related thread just to say "I have seen children and I have no desire to have one. Ever."?
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PeasNCues

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2011, 08:52:58 AM »
I certainly think it displays a certain amount of hubris and lack of social skills.
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

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FoxPaws

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2011, 09:27:08 AM »
It's rude, negative, and mean spirited.

If a thread is titled, "Any Fans of Certain Author/Book/Movie/TV Show Here?!?!?!" that a person happens to think is utter crap, it's easy enough to avoid. So why not do that?

Report those posts to the moderators. They really aren't in keeping with the spirit of the board.

On the other hand, if it's, "So What Do You Think of Certain Author/Book/Movie/TV Show?" and the poster can give a specific, polite, negative review based on having actually read/seen the subject in question, I think that's fine.
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Judah

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2011, 05:56:43 PM »
On the other hand, if it's, "So What Do You Think of Certain Author/Book/Movie/TV Show?" and the poster can give a specific, polite, negative review based on having actually read/seen the subject in question, I think that's fine.

By the same token, if you post a question like, "Do you like your Hoover?" and people say "no" and give their reasons, it doesn't mean they don't know how to use their Hoover properly, or that they think you are dumb for liking your Hoover.  If you only want people who agree with you, change the title to "Hoover lovers post here" or something.
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Sandi Papaya

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2011, 08:19:00 PM »
That's not really the issue here, though. The issue at hand is that there are certain posters who always have something negative to say no matter what the subject of the post happens to be.

It defeats the purpose and the point of this board to go raining on everyone's parade just for the sake of being contrary. It's fine if you don't like Hoovers because you bought one once, and the salesman promised you it would do A, B and C, but you got it home and it did X, Y and Z and it left your house dirtier than before. That's fair enough; I could see why you'd never buy another one and go with an Electrolux or a Dyson instead.

It's quite another to go into the "Hoover lovers only" thread and say you've never used a Hoover, but you have no interest in ever using one anyway, because they suck (pun completely intentional) and no one in their right mind would use one, and that's your opinion and by deity you are going to express it if it is the last thing you do. And you do the same in the Beer Lovers Only thread, and the Sci-Fi Lovers Only thread, and the Star Wars Fans only thread...and every other thread that has something you hate, which is apparently everything up to and including puppies, rainbows and little fluffy clouds.

It's irritating, it's counterproductive, and no one really cares about your negative opinions if you have no reason to dislike something apart from your dislike of everything under the sun. Either find something of value to contribute or don't contribute at all, but raining on everyone's parade just for the sake of being contrary isn't very cool.

Judah

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2011, 08:28:06 PM »
Oh, I agree with you. But wwhat I'm saying is that unless your thread title spells out that you only want Hoover lovers, you are going to get dissenters. Asking "Do you love your Hoover?" Is very different than saying "Hoover lovefest here."
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

-The Car Talk Guys

little bird

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2011, 09:06:02 PM »
Oh, I agree with you. But wwhat I'm saying is that unless your thread title spells out that you only want Hoover lovers, you are going to get dissenters. Asking "Do you love your Hoover?" Is very different than saying "Hoover lovefest here."

I think though, that there are some forums where the title might not spell out "For Hoover Lovers Only", it's certainly implied that the thread is for those who have some working knowledge of the subject or for someone who wants to find out more about a subject.  I wouldn't go into a Twilight thread in the Entertainment section and say "Well, I've never read the books or watched the movies but I think they're stupid.  Additionally, I won't ever read the books or watch the movies.  The End."  I might, however, go in and say "I tried reading the first book but only got about halfway through due to this/this/this/this.  Are the later books so good that it's worth pushing through this?" or "A lot of my friends have gotten very into Twilight.  I haven't watched any of the movies or read the books as what I've heard/read about them has given me a negative impression of them.  I do, however, like similarly themed books and authors with a similar writing style.  Given this, do you think I should give them a chance?  And if so, should I read the books first, watch the movies first or does it not make a difference?"  To go into a thread for fans of something only to say something about the subject based on absolutely working knowledge seems socially awkward at best and somewhat mean-spirited at worst. 
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Judah

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2011, 09:38:32 PM »
Okay, you're talking specifics and I'm talking more generally.  I don't open those threads, so I'm out of that loop.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

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kareng57

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2011, 12:01:22 AM »
I think I have a rough idea as to where you're coming from.

Everyone - please understand that I am being completely hypothetical, this is nothing from my own experience.  I'm just trying to illustrate a point.

Poster A:  I am helping to plan B's coming-of-age ceremony for her daughter.  We are wondering whether a registry is appropriate in this case?  It will be a large party with about 120 guests.

Responder B:  Yes, it this is appropriate in your circle, as long as it is discreet.  The info must only be available to guests who inquire.

Responder C:  definitely not.  Having a registry is always inappropriate, it creates an expectation for gifts, and is incredibly rude.


Overall - I think it's incorrect for poster to give an always/never answer when the particular etiquette might indeed be dependent on regional/ethnic circles.

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #10 on: September 27, 2011, 12:11:14 AM »
Meh, Hoovers suck.



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Spoder

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #11 on: September 27, 2011, 12:21:06 AM »
I think I have a rough idea as to where you're coming from.

Everyone - please understand that I am being completely hypothetical, this is nothing from my own experience.  I'm just trying to illustrate a point.

Poster A:  I am helping to plan B's coming-of-age ceremony for her daughter.  We are wondering whether a registry is appropriate in this case?  It will be a large party with about 120 guests.

Responder B:  Yes, it this is appropriate in your circle, as long as it is discreet.  The info must only be available to guests who inquire.

Responder C:  definitely not.  Having a registry is always inappropriate, it creates an expectation for gifts, and is incredibly rude.


Overall - I think it's incorrect for poster to give an always/never answer when the particular etiquette might indeed be dependent on regional/ethnic circles.

But then, can't other posters just jump in and politely disagree with Responder C by pointing that out?

I guess I don't see the problem. It's a forum for discussing etiquette, not mathematical theorems or biological facts. There are tons of grey areas, as well as practices that are specific to particular regions/cultures. If someone is giving an always/never answer that you (general) think is incorrect, say so. Isn't that what leads to interesting discussions?

PeasNCues

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #12 on: September 27, 2011, 07:46:00 AM »
I think it's the posts that are unnecessarily negative, leave no room for discussion, and add nothing to the conversation.

For example, going into a thread specifically for discussing a TV show - all posts are talking about episodes, the TV show overall, etc.

And a poster comes in and says, "I've never seen this, but I've watched a preview. It looks stupid. I'll never, ever watch it!" And then that poster is unwilling to discuss their stance. "It's just my opinion!"

Um, thanks for your input? How magnanimous of you to deign to post in a thread about a TV show you have never and will never watch?

What was the point other than to spread negativity?
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

http://inanitiesofanidlemind.blogspot.com/

Venus193

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #13 on: September 27, 2011, 07:57:16 AM »
I'm active on a major entertainment site and this is a constant problem there.

Since I always wonder why someone is wasting their time posting to a board for a program or film they hate, I don't waste my time responding to them.

iridaceae

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Re: If you don't have anything nice to say...
« Reply #14 on: September 27, 2011, 08:02:03 AM »
I guess I don't see the problem. It's a forum for discussing etiquette, not mathematical theorems or biological facts. There are tons of grey areas, as well as practices that are specific to particular regions/cultures. If someone is giving an always/never answer that you (general) think is incorrect, say so. Isn't that what leads to interesting discussions?

Because it's very...deadening to have someone who never contributes.  There are (or were; some may well have retired) some movie reviewers, for example, who hate all science fiction movies. They think they all are terrible and the review is basically bashing the genre.  If I read a review of that same movie by, say, Roger Ebert, and he hates it, I at least know why: bad acting, cheesy storyline and the ending was beyond ludicrous. 

The first is not adding to or starting a discussion; it's an opinion piece disguised as a review and they don't want to start a discussion. You can discuss why you think Roger's right or wrong.

Someone stomping into a Twilight thread and saying "Bella's stupid, Edward's a drip and I hate all vampire books!" isn't doing anything that can be discussed, either.