Change in policy?

[Alboury]

I have been a bit anxious about the issue, too. Simply because it's eating into what I have always perceived to be the fundamental idea of the forum (please do correct me if I'm wrong): to give people a platform on which to ponder the proper etiquette in various situations, find out whether they - according to the feedback on the forum - acted in an acceptable manner. What I especially used to love was that people could disagree politely, and give polite, well-meant suggestions on how to handle possible similar events in the future. I guess grown-up people know everybody makes mistakes, nobody should be ranted, naturally. But not doing anything about one's mistakes once they have been pointed it out is far less adult. The removal of certain posts recently is strictly against this. Naturally, downright trolling, provocation and discrimination must be handled appropriately, but the recent action has not been all about that. I hope this will be corrected, so the forum could be used as a tool for developing oneself, and helping others do so.

"All is lost! I have not yet met anyone who, upon seeing their faults, would have condemned them in their soul!" -Confucius

[AngelicGamer]

But useful advice/criticism should never be mod-smacked outside of the INH section.

Just because a lot of people say, "Poor thing, *pat, pat*" doesn't mean that the subsequent readers are supposed to ignore the intent of the forum.

If people are strictly looking for sympathy, the discussion areas are not the place for it.

Yes, but one can be polite without attacking the OP in the same breath.  Or that being the undercurrent of the post where someone is disagreeing. 

For example, in the MIL giving chocolate to the poster who has a nut allergy, there has been a lot of polite questions asking why the OP keeps on giving presents and other things.  However, there was another thread where the OP's mother was annoying her and she was 2 weeks away from being due.  There were other posters, somewhat openly, thinking that the OP was lying/BSing because she would come back with a lot of new situations that she was just realizing about.  So, I guess what I'm saying is that there needs to be a check on a poster's tone when they're disagreeing and trying to be polite about it.  People can want sympathy and help in the same thread but it doesn't work if other posters are just going to be rude.

[Diane AKA Traska]

But useful advice/criticism should never be mod-smacked outside of the INH section.

Just because a lot of people say, "Poor thing, *pat, pat*" doesn't mean that the subsequent readers are supposed to ignore the intent of the forum.

If people are strictly looking for sympathy, the discussion areas are not the place for it.

Yes, but one can be polite without attacking the OP in the same breath.  Or that being the undercurrent of the post where someone is disagreeing. 

For example, in the MIL giving chocolate to the poster who has a nut allergy, there has been a lot of polite questions asking why the OP keeps on giving presents and other things.  However, there was another thread where the OP's mother was annoying her and she was 2 weeks away from being due.  There were other posters, somewhat openly, thinking that the OP was lying/BSing because she would come back with a lot of new situations that she was just realizing about.  So, I guess what I'm saying is that there needs to be a check on a poster's tone when they're disagreeing and trying to be polite about it.  People can want sympathy and help in the same thread but it doesn't work if other posters are just going to be rude.

I think the overall point here is, don't be rude for any reason on an etiquette board.  (Truly, we could stop after the word "reason", but the irony must needs be pointed out.)

[PeasNCues]

It's those threads where the OP has posted about the same issues ad nosium without acting on any advice and still coming back with the same thing over and over again that frustrates people, I think.

I'm not sure what your second post is refering to - if it's the one I'm thinking of, I don't remember any of the posters being rude. I DO remember other posters coming back and saying, "Stop critisizing the OP, she obviously has a lot going on" and some back and forth about the appropriateness of the OP's postings. I don't consider that rude, it's discussion. In the discussion section, as appropriate.

Again, not sure if you're referring to the same one I'm thinking of. 

[PeasNCues]

I think the overall point here is, don't be rude for any reason on an etiquette board.  (Truly, we could stop after the word "reason", but the irony must needs be pointed out.)

Yes, this indeed.

But, being critical =/= being rude.

[AngelicGamer]

I think the overall point here is, don't be rude for any reason on an etiquette board.  (Truly, we could stop after the word "reason", but the irony must needs be pointed out.)

Yes, this indeed.

But, being critical =/= being rude.

Which is why we should double check our posts for tone but I'm starting to get circular so I'll stop now. 

Peas - I might have been more thinking of the back and forth that went on rather than anything to the OP.  I do admit that my mind goes fuzzy at times, so I could be remembering wrong.

[PeasNCues]

We might not be even thinking of the same thread 

I agree with you about tone, but it is also extremely important to remember the internet does not allow for tone inflections - so they way General You may be reading it may not be the way the poster intended.

Also, if a poster's position is challenged, I think it's their right to defend it (politely, of course) so while some posters decry that as a type of "dogpiling", I call it active discussion. YMMV.

[strangetimes]

For example, in the MIL giving chocolate to the poster who has a nut allergy, there has been a lot of polite questions asking why the OP keeps on giving presents and other things.  However, there was another thread where the OP's mother was annoying her and she was 2 weeks away from being due.  There were other posters, somewhat openly, thinking that the OP was lying/BSing because she would come back with a lot of new situations that she was just realizing about.

The difference with your second example (from my POV) was that each event/update really did nothing but add to the post count. I think almost everyone agreed within the first 4 pages that cutting the mother off would be okay. But the thread continued for 18 pages of "my mama done me wrong" and a mass group hug. And then when someone pointed out that perhaps the OP should change some of her own behaviour, they were smacked down and the thread was locked.

Except that the tone, in that case, was quite nasty. That may not have been the poster's intent, but the written word doesn't come across the same way as when we speak. Whether or not the OP could change her own behaviour, I think that it needs to be said nicely.

(besides- constructive criticism can be helpful, but very few people respond well to being insulted. If posters really want to help, they'll phrase it in such a way that it doesn't come across as an attack.)

[Fluffy Cat]

I would also like to know. 

I just wrote out a long post, explaining my position and my concerns, but on second thought, I'm just going delete it and PM a mod instead because I don't feel like dealing with being deleted again.

I let the first time that happened to me recently go without a word, but now I'm pretty frustrated.  I took a lot of classic ehell advice and wrote out a PM to the mod and didn't send it once I had cooled off, and now I think I will send it. 

[DuBois]

For example, in the MIL giving chocolate to the poster who has a nut allergy, there has been a lot of polite questions asking why the OP keeps on giving presents and other things.  However, there was another thread where the OP's mother was annoying her and she was 2 weeks away from being due.  There were other posters, somewhat openly, thinking that the OP was lying/BSing because she would come back with a lot of new situations that she was just realizing about.

The difference with your second example (from my POV) was that each event/update really did nothing but add to the post count. I think almost everyone agreed within the first 4 pages that cutting the mother off would be okay. But the thread continued for 18 pages of "my mama done me wrong" and a mass group hug. And then when someone pointed out that perhaps the OP should change some of her own behaviour, they were smacked down and the thread was locked.

Except that the tone, in that case, was quite nasty. That may not have been the poster's intent, but the written word doesn't come across the same way as when we speak. Whether or not the OP could change her own behaviour, I think that it needs to be said nicely.

(besides- constructive criticism can be helpful, but very few people respond well to being insulted. If posters really want to help, they'll phrase it in such a way that it doesn't come across as an attack.)

I agree with this totally. I know the thread we're talking about, and I thought that the 'naysaying' post came across as a cheap shot, not at all as constructive. What struck me as ironic was that the post in question accused the OP of attention seeking, but such a snarly post also draws great attention to itself, so it is a case of pot, kettle, black.

[PeasNCues]

Okay, but otherwise, this thread wasn't really about deconstructing threads with previous contention. I'm not sure we're even talking about the same one 

Besides with blatant rudeness, has there been a policy change?

[Eisa]

I agree with this. Other places I belong to also do the "edited by moderator" thing, and that at least acknowledges that yes, the post was there.

And it does seem like some posters can say whatever they want, no matter how rude or inflammatory, and nothing happens.  Of course, I don't know what happens behind the scenes, but still. 

[Lynn2000]

Are these threads primarily occurring in the "I Need a Hug" folder? I haven't noticed too much deletion going on, but to be honest, when the first time I spot a thread it's already five or six pages long, I usually don't start reading it because it's too much to catch up on before I can fairly comment. And it seems like controversial threads blow up fast, so maybe that's why I tend to miss them.

I guess no one can send me a link to a deleted thread, huh! 

I have noticed a few times when the mods have edited someone's post and written, "Edited for language--Mod" or something like that, which I think is helpful.

[PeasNCues]

I'm not usually in the INAH folder, so I can't say whether some occur in there. I know sometimes the OP requests the thread be removed in that folder.

[Ticia]

The situation is being discussed by the moderators. Action has been taken, even though it might not be apparent right now. I'm sorry that one person sabotaged a perfectly good discussion. The thread will be returned to the Entertainment folder when we get it all sorted. It might take a day or so to discuss it with the other moderators, but we aren't just ignoring the situation, I assure you.

Also, when a moderator deletes a message, they can still see it. You might not have proof of the bad conduct of a poster, but we still do. If we edit the post and delete what the poster said, but post something like "Message deleted by moderator" then the message *is* gone forever. That's why we delete the offending post, instead of editing it.