Author Topic: Who is in the wrong?  (Read 18639 times)

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General Jinjur

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Who is in the wrong?
« on: October 01, 2011, 09:51:52 PM »
BG: We are moving on Monday to a new house. It's bigger overall than our place now, but the layout is such that we are going to have to store some stuff in the basement, either because there is insufficient wall space, or because the furniture isn't Nom friendly. One of those items is DH's 29-gallon fishtank. Since keeping it in storage isn't an option, he decided to sell it. /BG

Everyone who has expressed interest in the fishtank has either flaked out or offered an insultingly low price. Now that we are down to the wire and moving in just over a day, DH is expressing resentment over having to give up his fishtank. He wants to put it in the front room. Which, yeah, it would fit, but I really need the front room to be pretty well Nom-proof. And he is, of course, magnetically attracted to the swirling fish, and tries to climb on in. Naturally my pulling him off and saying NO just makes him want it more, and after half an hour of "No." "No." "No. "NO." I am pulling my hair out. I was really looking forward to that part of my life being over. With the front room set up the way we planned, I will still have to supervise, but the obvious hazards (fishtank, antique wobbly glass-fronted cabinets) will be gone.

DH does not get this. He said that pulling him off of stuff is part of having a toddler - which is true, but he's not the one trying to keep him from hurting himself all day long. The easier that is, the fewer bald spots for me. And there is literally nowhere else for it to go. The basement is a play area for the Nom as well as storage, our bedroom is in the attic with walls so sharp nothing can go against them, and the one other bedroom is so small the aquarium would occupy most of the room. I have tried explaining this to him, and saying I am open to taking it if he can figure out where it can go safely, but since the one and only place it will fit is in the front room, we seem to be at an impasse.

I'm super frustrated because he's framing this like "I can't believe you're MAKING me get rid of my fishtank!" because, come on, I didn't build the house. I'm willing to compromise but I am absolutely not OK with it being in the front room. So, am I being unreasonable, or is he?

Wonderflonium

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2011, 09:55:05 PM »
I'd say he is. Nom's safety >>>>>> fish tank.
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Shoo

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2011, 09:57:53 PM »
I would suggest you get a fence to put around the fish tank until your little one better understands the word "no" and its consequences.  I've seen people who put fences around TV's, stereos, etc. when they don't want little hands to have access.  As a temporary measure, it might allow your husband to have his fish tank and keep your child safe too.

HorseFreak

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2011, 09:59:16 PM »
Could you compromise with a sturdier stand like this: http://www.petworldshop.com/top-fin/gallon-ready-assemble-aquarium-stands.php ? You could even bolt the whole contraption to the wall.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2011, 10:05:00 PM »
It's possible that in his mind, this is more than a fish tank.  It may represent a freedom that he no longer has because he has a child now.
 
Frame the situation as a temporary one.  Getting rid of the fish tank now doesn't mean he can never again have a fish tank.  Later on when this isn't an issue anymore getting a new fish tank and fish could be a great fun project for daddy and "little bit older nom" to do together.

Twik

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #5 on: October 02, 2011, 12:50:53 AM »
It's possible that in his mind, this is more than a fish tank.  It may represent a freedom that he no longer has because he has a child now.
 
Frame the situation as a temporary one.  Getting rid of the fish tank now doesn't mean he can never again have a fish tank.  Later on when this isn't an issue anymore getting a new fish tank and fish could be a great fun project for daddy and "little bit older nom" to do together.

This.

I honestly don't think having the fishtank is safe for the time being. In a couple of years, Nom will not want to go swimming with the fishies, and it can be brought out again. The OP is not "making" her husband sell the fishtank - he has *chosen* not to put it in storage, which was a perfectly viable option.
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Talley

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #6 on: October 02, 2011, 07:15:18 AM »
We had a toddler and a fireplace - and for a good while we had some sort of cage around the fireplace (although I have to admit that I sometimes would have liked to put the cage around the toddler...  :P). But in some rooms there might not be enough space to put a cage/fence around a toddler-dangerous object in such a way that the toddler really can't reach the dangerous object while it is still possible to walk around the room.

I agree with PPs that at the moment the fish tank is not safe for the Nom to be around, so either the fish tank has to be completely inaccessible for Nom, or there has to be no fish tank.

But things will change. Nom will grow and in a few short years a fish tank would be a great project for Dad and Nom to work on setting up and then to learn about living things, how they need food and care etc. So you are not making your DH give up his fish tank, you are just asking him not to have one for a little while...


Larrabee

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #7 on: October 02, 2011, 07:31:21 AM »
It's possible that in his mind, this is more than a fish tank.  It may represent a freedom that he no longer has because he has a child now.
 
Frame the situation as a temporary one.  Getting rid of the fish tank now doesn't mean he can never again have a fish tank.  Later on when this isn't an issue anymore getting a new fish tank and fish could be a great fun project for daddy and "little bit older nom" to do together.

This.

I honestly don't think having the fishtank is safe for the time being. In a couple of years, Nom will not want to go swimming with the fishies, and it can be brought out again. The OP is not "making" her husband sell the fishtank - he has *chosen* not to put it in storage, which was a perfectly viable option.

Well, it couldn't go in storage with fish still living in it, and I assume its the fish that he's actually bothered about rather than the tank itself!

Is there definitely no way it can go in the bedroom?  I'm not really sure what you mean by 'sharp' walls.  :-[

Wonderflonium

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #8 on: October 02, 2011, 09:45:17 AM »
I'm guessing the OP's bedroom doesn't have full-height walls. Something like this.

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QueenofAllThings

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #9 on: October 02, 2011, 10:02:11 AM »
Can you store it, unused, in the garage, basement, attic, shed, etc until such time that Nom is old enough to share in Dad's hobby?

Redsoil

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2011, 10:15:02 AM »
I'd make him watch the Nom for a full day, with the fish tank set up, with absolutely NO help from you or anyone else.  It might just drive the point home, rather than him dismissing your frustration at how difficult this situation is.
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Bijou

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2011, 10:41:41 AM »
I have one of those.  Not a fish tank, a DH who doesn't want to part with anything.
I would not be happy if someone wanted to get rid of my art stuff, so I kind of understand.  I don't understand wanting to keep something that is unsafe for the child out in the main living space, though.  Especially if someone else has to be on the originating end of the 'No-no-no-no-no".
If you are not using that second bedroom for anything, can you set it up there, provided the Nom has no access to the room?  Even if it takes most of the space, it is a compromise.
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Deetee

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2011, 11:11:37 AM »
After my kid started at daycare, I was standing in the daycare room one day chatting with the workers. Despite the fact there were 8 kids there it was very calm. I then finally noticed that every single thing in that room was OK to touch.

It was a light bulb moment. I went home and completely childproofed one room (the living room) in my house. It was kinda safe, but after that afternoon, I just got rid of everything child unfriendly. It was great. It was so nice to have a place where the kid could play and I didn't have to constantly check and worry and say "No".

The rest of the house still had plenty of things she wasn't allowed to touch, but having one space where the kid could just play was great. So I'm totally behind the awesomeness of a toddler safe area.




General Jinjur

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #13 on: October 02, 2011, 11:12:10 AM »
I'm guessing the OP's bedroom doesn't have full-height walls. Something like this.



That's it exactly, except for the bit where we have powder-blue carpet. Nothing taller than half a foot can go against the walls.

I have said I would like to keep some of the fish, in a much smaller tank. The only place we could really have it is on the kitchen counter, which would be a space sacrifice, but I'm willing to make a compromise. And it is both the fish and the tank - he isn't happy about keeping a few fish in a small tank, and he isn't happy about giving away the fish and storing the tank.

Steve

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Re: Who is in the wrong?
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2011, 12:28:31 PM »
Okay, I will take the opposite stance:
It seems to me that a toddler and a fishtank do not need to be a danger to eachother. You can safely put the tank on a stance tall enough so the Nom can not reach.

Also, if the Nom has the basement to play, why does the other room have to be able to support semi supervised play time?

If it were my tank, I would also hate to see it go, especially for these reasons. There are technical solutions available to keep kids out of fishtanks.